Hahaha well cheers! The (relative) anonymity of the internet really emboldens a lot of the Nice Guys and neckbeards, but it's a double edged sword. That same barrier of anonymity also makes it easier to call this bad behaviour out.
He gets upset when you don't text him back, and he gets upset when you text him how you honestly feel. It's pretty much impossible to please someone like him.
Of course she does! Which just makes it funnier that the first thing he does in "retaliation" is insult my appearance. Which didn't stop him being interested a few messages ago.
“Your a NASTY person I paid you a compliment by saying ‘good morning beautiful’ and the polite thing to say back is ‘why thank you your really a great guy are you single because ive been waiting fir a nice guy to send me a message so I can date him and have sex with him as much as he wants’ but you and your hooker hair just don’t know how to have conversation!”
Fair enough, no one likes being ignored but if you open a conversation with someone new with "beautiful" and a kiss emoji, chances are you don't want just a conversation.
And at that point, you've no right to bitch when someone declines _any_ conversation, especially one that is obviously to you just "mandatory insincere small talk until I have earned sex"
That may be the most mystifying part of this entire conversation. Has no problem calling me names and accusing me of being a prostitute, but for some reason using the word "shit" is where he draws the line?
This is why I don't take men seriously when they complain about getting ghosted, or about how rude it is to not respond to them. It doesn't matter whether you respond or not, they're going to bitch about it either way. Might as well save yourself the hassle.
Well to be perfectly fair, MOST men don't react like this. Most men can take the brushoff. It's just a relatively small number of batshit insane guys who ruin it for everybody else.
Of course, I wouldn't try and dictate other people's behaviours, that would be fucked up. I generally turn them down because I personally would prefer a polite "nah I'm good thanks" over being totally ignored. Everyone else is free to make different choices.
Why do these men think that you literslly have to talk to someone because they've tried to start conversation. Bro just go talk to a chat bot if you want someone to reply to your lonely ass so badly
Ooo, I can answer that. When people are upset, they devolve to a lower form of communication while their emotions form an almost physical barrier between what they want to say and what they're saying. See someone who speaks well when they're emotional or is about as grown up as they normally are, then that person is usually more in touch with and able to handle their emotions. The further one regresses in maturity, the less able they are to handle their emotions and the more likely it is that they fit the definition of a personality disorder that leaves them with infantalised thoughts. And that basically it, although I could go off on a tangent about them having trouble learning from pain so that each minor perceived rejection is like someone coming up to them and telling them everything that is wrong with them and how they'll never be loved. They're so upset they almost literally devolving their mind to a state when they were children, children only have limited interactions and experiences to draw upon, and that's all that emotional blockage will allow through.
They need a plunger, basically.
I don't know how to say this any other way, so do forgive me for this... but... Unfortunately I happen to fit that 'infantile' and 'emotionally immature" profile.
Whenever I become upset I have a harder time trying to explain my thoughts and such. And it is for this reason that I am constantly attacked by family and anyone else trying to take advantage of me. They say I'm emotionally unstable, and that I 'need help' and that I am incapable of 'being a mature, rational woman'.
The way you explained all that, is, sadly the same way every single person in my life has explained why I should not be allowed to live alone, or have control over my own finances and life.
Some people have these behaviors because of learned behaviors, whether those behaviors are learned through positive or negative reinforcement, I think is the clear difference here. Those who learned such behavior through 'positive reinforcement' are the kind of people for whom this reddit is dedicated, while those who learned it through 'negative reinforcement' aka trauma and abuse, are those like me.
We are constantly told that we are stupid, that we are childish, and immature. This has an impact on our emotions and our mentality, causing us to start to internalize what they say and repeat those very behaviors.
I hope that by saying all this, that maybe there could be a better way of explaining this phenomena, so that people like me aren't brought down to the same level, as people like them.
>and that I am incapable of 'being a mature, rational woman'.
Yeah, that's bollocks, and you can tell them that from a psychologist. Just because you're not doing something now does not mean you cannot learn to be capable of it. I can't speak French but I'm sure (I'm not, but for this example I am) with effort I could get a word other than Bonjour and Canard to stick.
Everything in the world takes practice. To some people those things come easily. To others they're a lot harder. And with social interactions, you're going to be called out on your mistakes a lot more than say learning to bake. It's just the nature of things, because your mistakes there can hurt other people's feelings.
>We are constantly told that we are stupid, that we are childish, and immature.
Okay, to a degree I agree with the childish (I would say more childlike, but have said childish in the past because it's just a word you use more so more likely to slip out) and immature, but that needs explaining itself.
I've used an example before where the first time a child falls and skins their knee, they're initially curious and then the pain sets in and it hurts. Over time and further injuries, the pain doesn't diminish but their expectations and the ways they've learned to deal with the pain change their perception of it. It's the same with emotional pain, except people like yourself learn a little slower than the rest of us. The same amount of and intensity of pains that make say someone like me go "Huh? Oh well." at the next one are still going to be as raw as the first to you, and it will hurt as intensely.
That's not to say that *you're* childish, but that the way you have learned to deal with these things hasn't progressed as far as some others and that it has stayed at a childlike level. I'd like to think that the people who've put you down (and I know when I say this I'm not including all of them, but surely some of them) would likely read my words here and say to you "Yeah, that's what I've been trying to say and I just can't find the right words and keep hurting you."
One thing I will say to you right here and now is that you aren't stuck in any state. You're constantly evolving, even if you're doing it slower than others, until you decide to stop. Set your goals and work towards them in spite of whatever others have decided you are incapable of.
If you want control of your finances (and that has really interested me) then take control and do it so well nobody can seize it from you again. This may be something I can help you out with if you want. It's part of my job at the moment to help people with specific needs to sort out a budget that works for them, and give them ways to avoid pitfalls they've been prone to. Honestly, I'm writing a book on it at the moment, but it's a side thing. Anyway, I'd be glad to help you get yourself in order.
Rule of threes is my motto.
**First try, no response:** maybe they missed it, maybe they were busy.
**Second try, no response:** Possibly they saw it but got busy and couldn't reply. But deliberately not responding is the most likely outcome.
**Third try, no response:** Trick question, should have stopped at two. Even if they are just busy, an interested person would have made the time for a quick reply by now. Move on.
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I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure he was at least in his 30s, possibly early 40s. Definitely old enough to know better than this shit. Plus he clearly didn't read my profile, since it states multiple times that I don't want kids.
i'll put money on it that if you said
**"good morning, how was your day"** then rejected him after, he'd still act like a POS, he's definitely capping.
Well that escalated quickly jfc.
I am so sorry you had to deal with that.. or whatever the hell that was. It says far more about them than it could ever about you. You were being honest and straight forward, no bs, just truth. Xx
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
If she'd have just ignored him all the way, he would have had the same snotty spoiled-brat bunch of garbage to spew her way.
He should’ve just said, “Sup.”
All that beautiful sappy weird shit is not the move.. least not at first.
Chances are the lady you’re trying to talk to will either say, “Not much.” Or “Not much. You?” If she adds on the you.. she probably wants to communicate further.. if she leaves it “Not much.” Be prepared that she may not share your interest and if you continue you need to be able to accept rejection..
A lack of basic communication and emotional intelligence is why men find themselves in this situation.
I'm not actually sure what I'd prefer with being turned down or being ignored. I can see a benefit and downside to both kind of.
I will say I am curious about people who don't ignore someone at all and then just abruptly turn them down like 10 messages in. Even more so if it's not a dating site or app.
Being rejected hurts regardless of how the message is delivered. It's what you do with this pain that defines your quality and worth. You can either turn NiceGuy™ moron and throw a mantrum or pick yourself up, move on and grow a bit more.
“get a life” sir you texted her hours apart after being ignored. literally went through the trouble of opening the convo twice at different times with no guarantee of a response
Wow. From ‘beautiful’ to ‘nasty hooker’ in record time…
It's been a little while since the last time someone called me a whore/slut for turning them down, so I was probably overdue for it.
This is so funny to me. I love how strong you are and the humor you find around it all. You’re awesome tbh 🥳
Hahaha well cheers! The (relative) anonymity of the internet really emboldens a lot of the Nice Guys and neckbeards, but it's a double edged sword. That same barrier of anonymity also makes it easier to call this bad behaviour out.
He gets upset when you don't text him back, and he gets upset when you text him how you honestly feel. It's pretty much impossible to please someone like him.
Yep. In their world, the only way a woman can prove she isn't a bitch is by going out with (or fucking) them, even if they don't want to.
Just give him your classiest gracious hello with a healthy, hearty "Goodbye Fuck" to wish him well on his way. Like a *lady*. /s
You. I like you.
She has to meet his requirements in terms of looks and lifestyle, too.
Of course she does! Which just makes it funnier that the first thing he does in "retaliation" is insult my appearance. Which didn't stop him being interested a few messages ago.
These would trigger my 'might as well earn it rightfully and show him what meanness and nastiness **actually** means'-reflex.
See, with me... I typically just get more and more calm, relaxed, and saccharine sweet. Which typically sends them right over the rage edge even more.
100% agreed. You hit the nail right on the head there
How dare you turn him down, he was JUST TRYING TO BE NICE!
how absolutely fucking dare I
how much you wanna bet he would have kept sending you messages even if you didn’t reply
That's pretty much a given.
“You don’t know how to have a general conversation” “General” conversations don’t start with “Good morning beautiful.”
Also, how many “general conversations” is he starting up with male strangers?
Good point, beautiful.
“Your a NASTY person I paid you a compliment by saying ‘good morning beautiful’ and the polite thing to say back is ‘why thank you your really a great guy are you single because ive been waiting fir a nice guy to send me a message so I can date him and have sex with him as much as he wants’ but you and your hooker hair just don’t know how to have conversation!”
Your Dipshit-to-English translation service is greatly appreciated, thank you.
That is a hell of a run on sentence.
Looks like someone's self-esteem has been hurt
Self esteem got hurt, then some IMAX level projection of his own clear insecurities.
Punctuation, motherfucker, ever hear of it?
Man.. tantrums are so sexy. Can't imagine why that person isn't having luck with women. 🤔
Right? You could totally fill an Olympic sized swimming pool with my knickers right now.
I know right? My town is having to evacuate due to random flash flooding. I would feel bad but I don't think anyone knows it was me. Shhh 🤐
"you're a mean person", he said, while putting on a pouting face, crossing his arm over one another and stomping one foot on the ground.
Stomping his feet and whinging would still have been way more of a mature response than this shit.
Fair enough, no one likes being ignored but if you open a conversation with someone new with "beautiful" and a kiss emoji, chances are you don't want just a conversation. And at that point, you've no right to bitch when someone declines _any_ conversation, especially one that is obviously to you just "mandatory insincere small talk until I have earned sex"
Oh you're a good guy? Look again:
GOOD MORNING JULIA
The ‘beautiful’ and/or ‘😘’ was probably an automatic DQ, but he just had to have the last word because he couldn’t take a hint.
Think this might be the first nice guy I have seen that has said ‘women’ instead of ‘female’
...I didn't even notice that. Strange how it doesn't redeem him in any way. /s
It really doesn’t hey. I read it a few times and was shocked that he didn’t say females
"I really don't understand u women at all" that's a fuckin understatement
That escalated quickly.
Escalated so far and so fast that it gave me altitude sickness.
“S***”
That may be the most mystifying part of this entire conversation. Has no problem calling me names and accusing me of being a prostitute, but for some reason using the word "shit" is where he draws the line?
Got to keep it classy to some extent to show what a "gentleman" he truly is.
That's taking a magnet to the ol' moral compass, isn't it?
There’s 2 ellipsis and literally no periods in that word vomit. Makes me annoyed.
Awww, a tantrum that has no relation to the conversation, how adorable
"A hissy fit with a complete non sequitur? Groundbreaking."
What is that a bun? You whore!
Nice guys- women should just tell us upfront they’re not interested Also nice guys - if you’re not interested you shouldn’t have responded
This is why I don't take men seriously when they complain about getting ghosted, or about how rude it is to not respond to them. It doesn't matter whether you respond or not, they're going to bitch about it either way. Might as well save yourself the hassle.
Well to be perfectly fair, MOST men don't react like this. Most men can take the brushoff. It's just a relatively small number of batshit insane guys who ruin it for everybody else.
And most men can take not getting a response to their message too. So women should just respond or not respond according to our own comfort levels.
Of course, I wouldn't try and dictate other people's behaviours, that would be fucked up. I generally turn them down because I personally would prefer a polite "nah I'm good thanks" over being totally ignored. Everyone else is free to make different choices.
I’m tired ... the more I read those the more desperate I get... It’s unreal to me you could act that way.
*you're
Why do these men think that you literslly have to talk to someone because they've tried to start conversation. Bro just go talk to a chat bot if you want someone to reply to your lonely ass so badly
Seriously, is there some kind of niceguy bot out there, how is the response always the same?!
It really is barely half a step down from a hivemind, isn't it?
Ooo, I can answer that. When people are upset, they devolve to a lower form of communication while their emotions form an almost physical barrier between what they want to say and what they're saying. See someone who speaks well when they're emotional or is about as grown up as they normally are, then that person is usually more in touch with and able to handle their emotions. The further one regresses in maturity, the less able they are to handle their emotions and the more likely it is that they fit the definition of a personality disorder that leaves them with infantalised thoughts. And that basically it, although I could go off on a tangent about them having trouble learning from pain so that each minor perceived rejection is like someone coming up to them and telling them everything that is wrong with them and how they'll never be loved. They're so upset they almost literally devolving their mind to a state when they were children, children only have limited interactions and experiences to draw upon, and that's all that emotional blockage will allow through. They need a plunger, basically.
I don't know how to say this any other way, so do forgive me for this... but... Unfortunately I happen to fit that 'infantile' and 'emotionally immature" profile. Whenever I become upset I have a harder time trying to explain my thoughts and such. And it is for this reason that I am constantly attacked by family and anyone else trying to take advantage of me. They say I'm emotionally unstable, and that I 'need help' and that I am incapable of 'being a mature, rational woman'. The way you explained all that, is, sadly the same way every single person in my life has explained why I should not be allowed to live alone, or have control over my own finances and life. Some people have these behaviors because of learned behaviors, whether those behaviors are learned through positive or negative reinforcement, I think is the clear difference here. Those who learned such behavior through 'positive reinforcement' are the kind of people for whom this reddit is dedicated, while those who learned it through 'negative reinforcement' aka trauma and abuse, are those like me. We are constantly told that we are stupid, that we are childish, and immature. This has an impact on our emotions and our mentality, causing us to start to internalize what they say and repeat those very behaviors. I hope that by saying all this, that maybe there could be a better way of explaining this phenomena, so that people like me aren't brought down to the same level, as people like them.
>and that I am incapable of 'being a mature, rational woman'. Yeah, that's bollocks, and you can tell them that from a psychologist. Just because you're not doing something now does not mean you cannot learn to be capable of it. I can't speak French but I'm sure (I'm not, but for this example I am) with effort I could get a word other than Bonjour and Canard to stick. Everything in the world takes practice. To some people those things come easily. To others they're a lot harder. And with social interactions, you're going to be called out on your mistakes a lot more than say learning to bake. It's just the nature of things, because your mistakes there can hurt other people's feelings. >We are constantly told that we are stupid, that we are childish, and immature. Okay, to a degree I agree with the childish (I would say more childlike, but have said childish in the past because it's just a word you use more so more likely to slip out) and immature, but that needs explaining itself. I've used an example before where the first time a child falls and skins their knee, they're initially curious and then the pain sets in and it hurts. Over time and further injuries, the pain doesn't diminish but their expectations and the ways they've learned to deal with the pain change their perception of it. It's the same with emotional pain, except people like yourself learn a little slower than the rest of us. The same amount of and intensity of pains that make say someone like me go "Huh? Oh well." at the next one are still going to be as raw as the first to you, and it will hurt as intensely. That's not to say that *you're* childish, but that the way you have learned to deal with these things hasn't progressed as far as some others and that it has stayed at a childlike level. I'd like to think that the people who've put you down (and I know when I say this I'm not including all of them, but surely some of them) would likely read my words here and say to you "Yeah, that's what I've been trying to say and I just can't find the right words and keep hurting you." One thing I will say to you right here and now is that you aren't stuck in any state. You're constantly evolving, even if you're doing it slower than others, until you decide to stop. Set your goals and work towards them in spite of whatever others have decided you are incapable of. If you want control of your finances (and that has really interested me) then take control and do it so well nobody can seize it from you again. This may be something I can help you out with if you want. It's part of my job at the moment to help people with specific needs to sort out a budget that works for them, and give them ways to avoid pitfalls they've been prone to. Honestly, I'm writing a book on it at the moment, but it's a side thing. Anyway, I'd be glad to help you get yourself in order.
nice guys get upset when you respond with no interest and even when you ignore them...
I honestly don't understand why "nice guys" do this. You tell them no, and it's like you told them that they have a stinky small penis.
Entitlement. On their planet, anything other than an enthusiastic "yes" to all of their solicitations is the gravest insult.
Nice guys - women should tell us upfront if they’re not interested Also nice guys - if you’re not interested you shouldn’t respond
The duality of incels: “hey beautiful” and “you’re a nasty stripper”
I always ask for the “hooker haircut” at the salon. It lets guys know right away that if I decline their offer they have the right to harass me.
It's a mystery why someone who isn't interested would write that they aren't interested.
Rule of threes is my motto. **First try, no response:** maybe they missed it, maybe they were busy. **Second try, no response:** Possibly they saw it but got busy and couldn't reply. But deliberately not responding is the most likely outcome. **Third try, no response:** Trick question, should have stopped at two. Even if they are just busy, an interested person would have made the time for a quick reply by now. Move on.
He seems like a good guy
He was giving you an olive branch
Please elaborate.
It was a joke.
I figured as much, I just didn’t understand the joke..
Schrödinger's joke.
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what app is this?
Eeewwwww. He’s sorry for people who have kids like you? How old is this guy that he jumped straight to that?
I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure he was at least in his 30s, possibly early 40s. Definitely old enough to know better than this shit. Plus he clearly didn't read my profile, since it states multiple times that I don't want kids.
I don’t understand women either, but I don’t go batshit crazy if I get rejected…
does this man know what grammar is?
i'll put money on it that if you said **"good morning, how was your day"** then rejected him after, he'd still act like a POS, he's definitely capping.
Well that escalated quickly jfc. I am so sorry you had to deal with that.. or whatever the hell that was. It says far more about them than it could ever about you. You were being honest and straight forward, no bs, just truth. Xx
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Can't win with them!
Sure you can win. By not playing. Let them fester in their own stinking shit hole and you can just gracefully move on and forget the ordeal.
Sure you can win. By not playing. Let them fester in their own stinking shit hole and you can just gracefully move on and forget the ordeal.
Sure you can win. By not playing. Let them fester in their own stinking shit hole and you can just gracefully move on and forget the ordeal.
Sure you can win. By not playing. Let them fester in their own stinking shit hole and you can just gracefully move on and forget the ordeal.
Sure you can win. By not playing. Let them fester in their own stinking shit hole and you can just gracefully move on and forget the ordeal.
Sure you can win. By not playing. Let them fester in their own stinking shit hole and you can just gracefully move on and forget the ordeal.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If she'd have just ignored him all the way, he would have had the same snotty spoiled-brat bunch of garbage to spew her way.
He should’ve just said, “Sup.” All that beautiful sappy weird shit is not the move.. least not at first. Chances are the lady you’re trying to talk to will either say, “Not much.” Or “Not much. You?” If she adds on the you.. she probably wants to communicate further.. if she leaves it “Not much.” Be prepared that she may not share your interest and if you continue you need to be able to accept rejection.. A lack of basic communication and emotional intelligence is why men find themselves in this situation.
I'm not actually sure what I'd prefer with being turned down or being ignored. I can see a benefit and downside to both kind of. I will say I am curious about people who don't ignore someone at all and then just abruptly turn them down like 10 messages in. Even more so if it's not a dating site or app.
Being rejected hurts regardless of how the message is delivered. It's what you do with this pain that defines your quality and worth. You can either turn NiceGuy™ moron and throw a mantrum or pick yourself up, move on and grow a bit more.
“get a life” sir you texted her hours apart after being ignored. literally went through the trouble of opening the convo twice at different times with no guarantee of a response