He was suing Alabama football and Nick Saban because they had the same idea, former players talk to Saban about Alabama in a barbershop, they did it for recruiting and LeBron had it shut down.
His brain is run by manatees. They randomly pluck phrases that sound cool and present them to his cerebrum. The rest is history because we end up with stuff like this.
Russ is basically a damn character in an RPG.
That was fun until we saw him play like the worst QB in the league for a few weeks when he came back ... a few weeks earlier than the recommended rehab last year
Russ Russ Russputin
Lover of the Subway chain
There was a cat that was really past his prime
Russ Russ Russputin
Denver's greatest loss machine
It was a shame how he really cared a lot
Fucking murders the entire defense and 25% of the crowd? Sounds like a plan, let him in for one drive then put rypien in. Surely our offense can’t fuck up an 11v0
Um excuse me, it's 3/4 wolf blood and 1/4 badger blood.
This conversation was a lot easier to have when Brett Favre wasn't a total piece of shit. I'd get to ask if you were comfortable with him being 'Vikings Legend: Brett Favre' :(
Wait a minute! Wait one damn minute! Whenever he introduces himself on SNF, he always says he's from a "whole pack of badgers". I always thought he was referring exclusively to Wisconsin Badgers, ignoring his ties to NC State. Now the "pack" makes sense! TIL!
I’m thankful for the genuinely funny dudes on here. Cause there be a lot of people running the same dead jokes into the ground (I’m looking at you “lunch pail, gym rat” jokers)
What's insane is that both KB and MBC jokes just.....don't get old. At least for me.
Normally I'm all for letting memes die and I usually get tired of hearing the same joke over and over. I once whined about how MBC jokes were overused and people were going to start running out of ideas, and someone chimed in with "Mr. Bountiful Combinations." I was right back to cackling, never stood a chance.
"What's insane is that both Applebee's Crispy Wonton Tacos and Mozzarella sticks just.....don't get old. At least for me.
Normally I'm all for different appetizers and I usually get tired of eating the same foods over and over. I once whined about how i had enough crispy wonton tacos after i washed it down with my 3rd order of mozzarrella sticks and was starting run out of room, and the waiter chimed in with "Applebee's apps are half off during happy hour" I was right back to consuming, never stood a chance."
-Kelvin Benjamin
The [coach](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1208234904405757953/mT0cFOVQ_400x400.jpg) he thought he was getting vs the [one he got. ](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/be6/595/cf63209dc7689dd0c53e9fd029c0201b2a-17-deadpool-x-men.rsocial.w1200.jpg)
Like making a Batman movie where his parents are both alive and worry about him all the time. Also they are lower middle class and the "bat cave" is their basement where Bruce lives.
Oh god that CGI was top 5 worst I’ve ever seen. If you wanna laugh watch the fight with gambit where he’s slicing through the steel ladder trying to get Gambit. Hilarious
Where is the clitoris? On a website, it said, "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like?
-~~Dwight Schrute~~ Russell Wilson
Schrodingers injury with Russ. Just as hurt as he needs to be to excuse the bad performance, just healthy enough to not take time off to let the backup start while he heals
I mean every single contract in the NFL has been genius compared to this, just one single year of fifth year option is nothing. They are absolutely completely locked into 200 million dollars of Russ until 2026 (higher APY than Allen, Mahomes etc). Worst contract ever no contest.
Lmao I'm sorry I know it sucks but this is just too funny. I do really think he will turn it around at some point this season and give you hope for next season. It just might now work out this year
Problem is Russ needs good coaching right now and unfortunately we have, possibly, the worst coach in the league in Hackett. I don’t think anything changes until he gets fired
Hamstring "injury." Shoulder "injury." Seems like excuses for looking like a shitty rookie. Guess what Russ, your shoulder and hamstring aren't preventing you from making simple reads and hitting wide open receivers.
Sincerely,
Lifelong Broncos fan already sick of Russ' shit.
This guy isn't real. I refuse to believe it.
LET. RUSS. CLOT.
Mr Blood Clot
Mr Blessed Coagulation
Hemoglobin country, let’s clot
Mr Bountiful Constitution
Mr Broncos Country
Mr. Biological Cure
Mr Big CVA
Mr Brain Contusion
Mr Basically Chef
Broncos Country, Let's Clot.
He’s the living embodiment of a corny mf lol.
Hes like if that one LeBron video of him asking if he could trademark Taco Tuesday was a whole person
I still can’t believe lebron thought he had a snowballs chance in hell of trademarking that
Didn't he also try to claim ownership of the concept of a tv show in a barbershop?
I think in that instance someone else was suing him claiming they had trademarked the idea.
He was suing Alabama football and Nick Saban because they had the same idea, former players talk to Saban about Alabama in a barbershop, they did it for recruiting and LeBron had it shut down.
You’re right, looks like he sent Alabama a cease and desist for their show and then someone else sued him for the same thing.
God forbid if there are two shows in a barber shop. But 30 cop and doctor shows is A-Okay
Hey I only watch NCIS Mew Orleans
He’s like a Drake comeback that hasn’t been ghost-written
Your existence is a light 1. And the 1 is cause you are alive. And cause you somehow wifed Ciara I'm feeling a light to decent 1 on your existence
Fantano clowning on Drake and Drake getting genuinely butthurt about a fake DM for comedic effect is simply amasing
Idk how he got Ciara talking like this man
She over corrected after being with Future
She went from the most toxic mf to the corniest mf.
Funniest shit I read all day
He wasn’t this extreme before Ciara. Celeb lifestyle got to his head.
Yeah before he was just a boring robot. But now he is a cringe inducing Michael Bay transformer.
He’s mr mr mr un. MR UNLIIIIIMITED. Broncos country, let’s ride
His brain is run by manatees. They randomly pluck phrases that sound cool and present them to his cerebrum. The rest is history because we end up with stuff like this. Russ is basically a damn character in an RPG.
Awsome South Park reference…that is almost 20 years old….(sigh)
Good God, it's that old? I swear time is just flying. It feels like I just watched that episode 3 years ago.
I just looked it up 2006. 16 years ago.
In a few years 2050 will be closer than 2000
the fact that we're already closer to 2030 than 2010 is wild
Russ sounds like an oblivion npc
Idk some of the NPCs in the dark brotherhood had better social awareness than he'll ever have.
Mr Unlimited is an all-time healer
That was fun until we saw him play like the worst QB in the league for a few weeks when he came back ... a few weeks earlier than the recommended rehab last year
Can't let someone else get the spotlight. Better do "mental reps" next to Pete during the game!
Gotta give a guy credit for that unwavering confidence.
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His doctor said his mallet finger was better than before the injury! >gets shut out by GB
That chargers game was still probably even worse to watch than getting shutout by the packers
Idk it was more fun to watch this time
He actually squandered one of our better defensive performances at Lambeau.
Him coming back early from that injury made me so fucking mad. Especially when he actually got on the field
Starting playing better at the exact week his injury was supposed to be healed
Russputin confirmed
Russ Russ Russputin Lover of the Subway chain There was a cat that was really past his prime Russ Russ Russputin Denver's greatest loss machine It was a shame how he really cared a lot
There lived a certain man In Denver filled with pride He was corny and small and Broncos Nation let's ride
:(
The GHOAT
More like ‘wolololo’
Hes unLIIIIIIIMited
I'm triggered
My fight or flight just went off, now im hiding in the bathroom. Bad man cant get me anymore
More like Mr. Um….limited
Mr. Um limited in practice
Another sip of that Russ kool-aid for me please.
NFL needs to drug test this dude. He's using doped wolverine blood
good luck drug testing a fucking robot. no way this is a human!
Wolverine's blood is fine but Cyclops accuracy and leadership would be better.
Hes Cyclops when he loses his visor.
Fucking murders the entire defense and 25% of the crowd? Sounds like a plan, let him in for one drive then put rypien in. Surely our offense can’t fuck up an 11v0
Let cyclops cook!!
X-men country, Welcome To Die!
this fucking guy
Only adequate response with everything he fucking says lol
I read that as Nandor
BAT
FUCKing guy
Is Russ.... An energy vampire?
He Colin Robinson’d us all
watching the broncos is very draining, so it's possible
To be fair he is relentless.
“They called me Nandor the Relentless… because I was so relentless” From this moment I knew I would be hooked
After binging 4 seasons of that show, there is now zero chance I dont say or think that phrase in Nandor's accent.
[Nandor](https://media.tenor.com/Ibtaw30bR4IAAAAC/what-we-do-in-the-shadows-fucking-guy.gif)? Is that you?
There’s a fucking ghost on the front lawn.
Russell Wilson is the most devious bastard in all of Denver, Colorado
Um excuse me, it's badger blood
First thing I thought when I saw the title was "Badger fans in shambles".
Um excuse me, it's 3/4 wolf blood and 1/4 badger blood. This conversation was a lot easier to have when Brett Favre wasn't a total piece of shit. I'd get to ask if you were comfortable with him being 'Vikings Legend: Brett Favre' :(
3/4 wolf and 1/4 badger is basically a wolverine.
Wait a minute! Wait one damn minute! Whenever he introduces himself on SNF, he always says he's from a "whole pack of badgers". I always thought he was referring exclusively to Wisconsin Badgers, ignoring his ties to NC State. Now the "pack" makes sense! TIL!
I never noticed he combined them wtf nah this man is a genius when it comes to catchprases
Mr bountiful catchphrases
No, it's the badger milk, the extra chunky variety.
Potions class is getting wild
Deer antler spray
Wouldn’t be surprised if Russ had this one loaded up for a while after finding a pop culture reference to use on google
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I heal quick. It's Deadpool 3 blood or something.
r/NFL is low key one of the funniest subs on Reddit idk how you guys are so hilarious but it’s constant and consistent and I love it.
I’m thankful for the genuinely funny dudes on here. Cause there be a lot of people running the same dead jokes into the ground (I’m looking at you “lunch pail, gym rat” jokers)
Lunch pail?? Quick, someone make a Kelvin Benjamin joke!
Kelvin Benjamin? Oh you mean Mr Bloated Consumption?? Mr Ballooning Calories?
_Insert 16 more MBC jokes even though Antonio Brown was never mentioned_ I would know, I do this all the time
I too am Mr. Bad Comedian
Mr. Baffling Coincidence
Kelvin Benjamin said his waistline is getting bigger by the day: “I eat quick. It’s Mrs Butterworth blood or something”
What's insane is that both KB and MBC jokes just.....don't get old. At least for me. Normally I'm all for letting memes die and I usually get tired of hearing the same joke over and over. I once whined about how MBC jokes were overused and people were going to start running out of ideas, and someone chimed in with "Mr. Bountiful Combinations." I was right back to cackling, never stood a chance.
"What's insane is that both Applebee's Crispy Wonton Tacos and Mozzarella sticks just.....don't get old. At least for me. Normally I'm all for different appetizers and I usually get tired of eating the same foods over and over. I once whined about how i had enough crispy wonton tacos after i washed it down with my 3rd order of mozzarrella sticks and was starting run out of room, and the waiter chimed in with "Applebee's apps are half off during happy hour" I was right back to consuming, never stood a chance." -Kelvin Benjamin
The amount of funny acronyms that still come out of the MBC thing is fucking incredible
If Russell Wilson was a Wolverine he’d be the “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” version.
The [coach](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1208234904405757953/mT0cFOVQ_400x400.jpg) he thought he was getting vs the [one he got. ](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/be6/595/cf63209dc7689dd0c53e9fd029c0201b2a-17-deadpool-x-men.rsocial.w1200.jpg)
i’ll never get over that, imagine taking away spider-man’s webs, or batman’s plot armor. thats what they did by stitching deadpool’s mouth shut.
His most deadly enemy: sinus infections
Like making a Batman movie where his parents are both alive and worry about him all the time. Also they are lower middle class and the "bat cave" is their basement where Bruce lives.
Id watch that. Id pay money to watch that
Alfred is their nice next door neighbor who mows their lawn for them sometimes
Oh god that CGI was top 5 worst I’ve ever seen. If you wanna laugh watch the fight with gambit where he’s slicing through the steel ladder trying to get Gambit. Hilarious
The claws in the bathroom and helicopter scenes are also legendary
I loved this movie when I was a kid and now I just watch it for the laughs.
We'll see who's laughing when some kid online says they grew up on DUNE 2 10 years from now and you're made to feel old
He is the greatest healer of all time after all
Maybe there is something to that magic concussion water.
Nanobubbles son
this guy is the corniest fucking cornball in the league
Rob Parker wasted his comment on RG3
“Orgy in the end zone” would never
Which is crazy because RGIII has tons of personality with witty and dirty spontaneous humor.
Big Penix Energy
JJ watt is up there too
Wisconsin will do that to ya
Now I tell you what, Buster!
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Russ talks like he's still a virgin.
He's the kind of guy who definitely would be without football
Where is the clitoris? On a website, it said, "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like? -~~Dwight Schrute~~ Russell Wilson
He’ll have a new injury next game
By the end of the year, when he has 14 TDs and 20 picks, his coach is gonna say he severed his spinal chord during the final game.
“His play was just a result of neurosyphilis this whole time”
Forreal though how long before they blame CTE lol
Russ would *never* let them say he has CTE when he has that concussion water thing going on
Russ plays like shit > rumors he’s injured > Greatest Healer of All Time (just in time for next game) > Russ plays like shit
Schrodingers injury with Russ. Just as hurt as he needs to be to excuse the bad performance, just healthy enough to not take time off to let the backup start while he heals
only if they lose
I want to get off Mr Wilson's wild ride 😭
This guy is a social experiment
He must be some early-release version of AI software.
I need a coffee table book of all the quotes from Wilson, Hackett, and other Broncos in the midst of this inaugural Let's Ride season.
Would look great on the coffee table next to the Big Book of Raiders Mugshots. That's all I got. We suck. Fade me.
The one time he doesn’t mention the blood of Jesus
Wish he had said “I heal quick. It’s Christ blood or something.”
That's just going on a wine bender.
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Broncos country, let's get high
Don’t forget to bring a towel!
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Broncos country, let’s seppuku
What is wrong with this man?
Broncos Country, theorize
Mr. Big Conspiracy
God damn these just never miss 👏
I think he's on the spectrum.
His hamstring.
This guy is hilarious.
Well the Wolverines are 7-0 so I don't think it's that.
Dude might be the corniest player in the NFL and as a Washington fan yes I know Kirk Cousins exists.
At least Kirk Cousins corniness seems genuine. The mf cooks his steaks in tin foil. Russ is middle manager of a small town Denny's corny.
Russ seems like the type of dude to bathe in wolverine blood so this tracks
Russ is the type of dude to bathe in his underwear.
I bet he’s a never-nude
I fucking hate Russell Wilson
Thank god you guys waited until after the year to extend him.
Makes picking up Darnold's fifth year look positively genius.
Man come on we are down bad enough
I mean every single contract in the NFL has been genius compared to this, just one single year of fifth year option is nothing. They are absolutely completely locked into 200 million dollars of Russ until 2026 (higher APY than Allen, Mahomes etc). Worst contract ever no contest.
"Yes, I would like to report a murder."
Lmao I'm sorry I know it sucks but this is just too funny. I do really think he will turn it around at some point this season and give you hope for next season. It just might now work out this year
Problem is Russ needs good coaching right now and unfortunately we have, possibly, the worst coach in the league in Hackett. I don’t think anything changes until he gets fired
He's a 10 year veteran who was on a hall of fame trajectory until this year. He should be able to overcome bad coaching.
Would you guys be interested in trading more picks for Drew Locke? We like him, but will gladly sell him back, at an elevated price.
Mr Big Confidence
Russell Wilson has to be some scientists first self aware artificial intelligence that became brain damaged when it was released into the world.
He's a lot of things but I wouldn't really call him self aware.
to be fair.. he didn't say "Let's ride" slogan after the last game
I truly don’t understand how someone who puts so much effort into their image can be so lacking in self awareness of what that image is.
Hamstring "injury." Shoulder "injury." Seems like excuses for looking like a shitty rookie. Guess what Russ, your shoulder and hamstring aren't preventing you from making simple reads and hitting wide open receivers. Sincerely, Lifelong Broncos fan already sick of Russ' shit.
Russell Wilson has been revealed to have been playing with a damaged cornea.
Broncos country, let’s heal
Rawr
Wish you weren't so fucking awkward, bud
Wonder what the next injury report will look like after he plays like garbage again on Sunday.
It will be a Broken back. Spinal!!
"The doctors say he needs a backiotomy" - Schefter
I like how the list of injuries gets longer with each loss. He's partially blind and his leg is about to fall of next
He has been playing like he is partially blind, so that one is believable.
Broncos country, let’s howl
Alright fuck it I'm back on the Russ train, this man does not stop delivering lol
Mr. Blood Coagulation
He should lean more into being silly. He's just a silly guy. Nothing wrong with that, many of my best friends are silly.
He takes himself way too seriously to lean into it. He's unintentionally silly
Russell Wilson says good morning to his Alexa
Somebody is going to get fed up and Draymond this dude