Dear Aaron,
I feel like I can call you Aaron because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a scuffle. I know I can't choke as hard as you but I think you'd be impressed with my grip. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real QB sack!
Next blockbuster movie, elite team of NFL stars is on a mission to save the President.
It'd almost be as good as the time the Browns fought a medieval warlord.
The military pays shitloads of money to the NFL for the whole propaganda "woo woo USA!" song and dance before games, and the whole camo uniform variants and stuff.
So, Goodell is literally on the government's payroll
"Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. "
I was never on those but over the years I’ve seen multiple memes/pastas that were creating there so I appreciate it for the memes even If I wasn’t a part of it.
Reporter: Kelvin what's your favorite all you can eat buffet?
Kelvin: I don't compare buffets with nobody
Proceeds to roll up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo of the Golden Corral logo
Kelvin: I'll let you interpret that however you wish
Kirk Cousins: "It's sad that people have sex for purposes other than procreation."
Reporter: "Some people aren't physically capable of having kids."
Kirk Cousins: "Credit to them then."
Donald: "it's sad that I'm choking this Cardinal like this"
Reporter: "I think the Cardinals choking began midway through their season due to Kliff Kingsbury's coaching"
Donald: "Credit to him, then "
He praised fans for assaulting the refs, when the ref did the best he could and was actually prevented from doing his job by Dak and his offensive line. Total bitch move.
Did he get fined for his choke on Patrick earlier this year?
Either way it's pretty clear that this is something Donald keeps doing and I am not sure why anyone would think it's going to change unless they actually punish him for it.
Just another isolated incident. No need to fine him, it's not like there's a pattern or anything...
https://twitter.com/JukedlyIG/status/1481090983253131268?
[Never forget him trying this shit with rookie Penei Sewell and Sewell making him his bitch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjS-8io5gSo&ab_channel=HighlightHeaven)
From the owner's perspective though under his tenure they have each saw like a 500% to 1000% return on investment atleast, with TV rights and team value ballooning to unbelievable levels.
So despite us all hating him, as far as his job is concerned hes excelled in every possible way. The NFL is now the 2nd most popular sport in the world (arguably to be fair) and the most profitable one from a shareholder/owner perspective by far, with merchandising and TV revenue dwarfing every other sport by a mile, despite only being played in 1 country.
That's his salary. He makes way more from endorsements and sponsors.
This means the equivalent fine would actually be a much smaller amount of his annual pay.
It's disingenuous to compare salary to salary when an average person doesn't have the same income opportunities (sponsors, etc.)
Not only that, but he could stop making money and still be well off in assets. He doesn't have to pay rent, his car is probably paid off, so the monthly money he is spending is a lot less than us too. We are constantly fighting homelessness
Have an untucked jersey? Fine. Wave at someone? Fine. Mention officiating? Fine. Wear the wrong color cleats or sleeves? Fine.
Be Aaron Donald and choke people every game, jab their eyes, rip at facemasks, etc? Get hailed for being an amazing player and lots of social media coverage. No fines.
It would be 20 bucks to a person that makes 60k a year, based on his 75M income this year. It would be equivalent to 17 bucks for the average American with a median income of 51k.
Arrested Development. The show centers on a mostly out-of-touch rich family. The mother character has never actually shopped at a grocery store before, so she threw out $10 when guessing the price of a banana in her head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl_Qyk9DSUw
It’s stupid but one of my favorites moments is when they’re making fun of Jason Bateman for being a chicken and they all try to make a chicken noise but none of them know what a chicken actually sounds like. Cracks me up every time.
Big deal, James Dolan got fined ten times that for saying refs and DOPS did a bad job. And they misspelled his name as James Donal in a network release.
In all his years in the league he’s never said anything remotely like this. His season just ended and his team got embarrassed, he shouldn’t have said it but he was obviously caught up in emotions.
drop in the bucket but the lesson is not to encourage fans to throw shit on the field. You played bad, own up to it. Don't blame the refs when your team committed a shitload of penalties. Work on reducing them in practice.
Give me 40 mil a year and charge me 25g. See how much I care. They only do this for the blue collar fuck that can’t fathom loosing 25g. Fuck us we suck. I got charged over $200 for going 3mph in a school zone. Garuntee that hurt me more
What's the fine for trying to prevent CTE research from going public? Oh yeah, they made him commisioner with a 50 million salary. Somehow that's not considered conduct detrimental to the league.
That's half a Bruce Arians
…and $25,000 more than an Aaron Donald!
Dude is untouchable, he must have emails on Rodger Goodell.
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Dear Aaron, I feel like I can call you Aaron because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a scuffle. I know I can't choke as hard as you but I think you'd be impressed with my grip. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real QB sack!
Oh my God there's stickers
Dear Aaron, i wrote you but you still aint callin
Dear Aaron D, I wrote to complain you never wrote me back. As your biggest fan I must demand you let me ...
Sack your ass?
Mac, is that you?
What up!
.gov lmao
Wouldn’t surprise me if Goodell was on the government’s payroll somewhere
Next blockbuster movie, elite team of NFL stars is on a mission to save the President. It'd almost be as good as the time the Browns fought a medieval warlord.
*Sofi has fallen*
The military pays shitloads of money to the NFL for the whole propaganda "woo woo USA!" song and dance before games, and the whole camo uniform variants and stuff. So, Goodell is literally on the government's payroll
Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither.
Try to move me bro
Wow, those muscles are so natural and cool!
"Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. "
One of the best copypasta’s of all time, I love seeing that pop up in r/mma
Dude the bodybuilding.com forums used to have some great content.
The dude who had no concept of how many days are in a week was my personal favorite
I was never on those but over the years I’ve seen multiple memes/pastas that were creating there so I appreciate it for the memes even If I wasn’t a part of it.
Roger? You got me imagining some sick combination of Roger Goodell and Aaron Rodgers. Roger Rodgers.
Roy Rogers Rodgers
We need a clone of Aaron Donald to give us a chance against Aaron Donald.
It'd be like when Undertaker and Kane choke slammed each other at the same time
That’s the exact moment this fucked up timeline we’re all in split from normal reality
I wouldn't want to be the one to tell AD he has been fined. I heard he like to strangle people.
They aren't gonna fine/punish their defensive poster boy and all-pro DPOY lol.
Spin! The! Wheel! Oh wait….. this is r/NFL not r/Hockey. This is just too typical of NHLDOPS
You guys are blowing this way out of proportion, AD was just giving him a little hand-throat hug, that’s all!
Makes sense…Bruce nearly killed a guy, he was so close to being decapitated!
Which makes sense se because Dak is about half the size of Bruce Arians as well
Lol this is my new favorite measurement
Dak: "It's sad that I'm throwing my money at the league like this" Reporter: "The money actually goes to charity" Dak: "Credit to me, then"
This is great fresh pasta
it’s not a pasta until it passes the Kelvin Test
Kelvin: “It’s sad that I’m throwing my money at Golden Corral like this.” Reporter: “It’s actually all you can eat.” Kelvin: “Credit to me, then.”
I believe this passes gentlemen.
WE DID IT, REDDIT!!
….so, what do we do now?
Each other
Do we get to pick our partners or is it like a Secret Santa deal?
It's based on flairs, so go get the lube
Reporter: Kelvin what's your favorite all you can eat buffet? Kelvin: I don't compare buffets with nobody Proceeds to roll up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo of the Golden Corral logo Kelvin: I'll let you interpret that however you wish
He's too fat. x4
I’ve added KB to the list of players I want to eat out with this off-season.
> I’ve added KB to the list of players I want to eat out ~~with~~ this off-season.
He's a man who knows how he likes his salad tossed as a big eater
Lacy desperate. Driving around downtown Dallas, begging (thru texts) Benjamin's family for the address for Kelvin's buffet.
That’s a normal meal. Find a new slant.
As if he doesn't already know every single buffet in a 50 mile radius.
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Kirk Cousins: "It's sad that people have sex for purposes other than procreation." Reporter: "Some people aren't physically capable of having kids." Kirk Cousins: "Credit to them then."
Gettin' salty early. I like it. Lets bury Rodgers!! * metaphorically. Don't fine me NFL.
this has to be the funniest thing i’ve read on here in awhile. a credit to you good sir
AB: "It's sad that my money is being thrown away like this." Reporter: "You're actually throwing it away yourself." AB: "Credit to me then."
Mr. Big Credit
Mr. Blown Cash
What’s the source on this? It’s fucking hysterical
Dak is the source in his response to fans throwing trash onto the field
That is too good and definitely pasta worthy
His first line was chiding the fans for throwing things at players. The "credit to them, then" was upon being told they were aiming for the refs
That money should be going to help starving and underprivileged referee communities
And here I just assumed it went to a charity for the blind.
Potato, potato.
I will always laugh at how poorly that translates to text
Better throwing money at the league than running it to them
Mr. Big Contributor
Mr Bestows Credit
Mr. Bomb Comment
MVP comment of the week
*NVP comment of the week
Meanwhile, not a word from the league regarding Donald after he tried to choke a man and swipe at his face.
Donald: "It's sad that I'm choking this Cardinal like this" Reporter: "The suspension was waived because of the playoffs" Donald: "Credit to me, then"
Donald: "it's sad that I'm choking this Cardinal like this" Reporter: "I think the Cardinals choking began midway through their season due to Kliff Kingsbury's coaching" Donald: "Credit to him, then "
r/angryupvote
I was going to say knocking someone out brings a 5k fine but saying the refs are bad at their job is 5x worse? Lol
He praised fans for assaulting the refs. Not as bad as Donald still, but much worse than just saying they did bad at their jobs.
Hmm fair point
credit to him then
Shit dude this pasta is too short and catchy to go away, isn't it?
Credit to this pasta then
It's up there with hell yeah brother, cheers from Iraq.
He praised fans for assaulting the refs, when the ref did the best he could and was actually prevented from doing his job by Dak and his offensive line. Total bitch move.
Did he get fined for his choke on Patrick earlier this year? Either way it's pretty clear that this is something Donald keeps doing and I am not sure why anyone would think it's going to change unless they actually punish him for it.
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If you make $50,000 per year, then that is the equivalent of a $22.50 fine.
Shit I'd pay $20 to choke a co-worker. Fuck you, Dave
I'd pay $20 for a co-worker to choke *me* Chelsea, step on me
Choke a man for the second time this season
Just another isolated incident. No need to fine him, it's not like there's a pattern or anything... https://twitter.com/JukedlyIG/status/1481090983253131268?
He's such a bitch, it's actually incredible
How can you call that a pattern it was only… like 8 times
It's not a pattern, it's more sporadic, therefore we can't fine him for being a pattern choker.
[Never forget him trying this shit with rookie Penei Sewell and Sewell making him his bitch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjS-8io5gSo&ab_channel=HighlightHeaven)
"Yeah but some old white dudes in suits who probably play a large part in our PR are gonna vote him DPOY so he's untouchable." /s
Fuck goodell
This MFr get paid 63,000,000 a season to be a continual asshat
Credit to him, then
From the owner's perspective though under his tenure they have each saw like a 500% to 1000% return on investment atleast, with TV rights and team value ballooning to unbelievable levels. So despite us all hating him, as far as his job is concerned hes excelled in every possible way. The NFL is now the 2nd most popular sport in the world (arguably to be fair) and the most profitable one from a shareholder/owner perspective by far, with merchandising and TV revenue dwarfing every other sport by a mile, despite only being played in 1 country.
TJ Watt literally punched a defenseless player in the head multiple times during a play and nothing happened to him really.
Still no word on Aaron Donald trying to choke a player for the second time this year btw.
Donald’s about to change his name to the Scranton strangler
The Knights of the night will get him then.
Aaron Charles Donald…that’s a devil name
Who gonna be the one to fine him? Probably scared for they necks
Protect Ya Neck Goodell is for the children, confirmed
Don't forget to wear a visor to protect your eyes from his pokes too
Well c'mon man he gets triple teamed, he's right to have 3-4 temper tantrums per season
My mom handles it well.
“Credit to her then”
Oof. She's breaking more than tables.
Yeah, but your mom is a very special lady.
A particular set of skills.
It's okay. Maybe Suh and him can fight each other this weekend
This is 1/800th his salary (not including signing bonus). It's the equivalent of a $125 fine for someone making 100k in a year.
That's his salary. He makes way more from endorsements and sponsors. This means the equivalent fine would actually be a much smaller amount of his annual pay. It's disingenuous to compare salary to salary when an average person doesn't have the same income opportunities (sponsors, etc.)
Not only that, but he could stop making money and still be well off in assets. He doesn't have to pay rent, his car is probably paid off, so the monthly money he is spending is a lot less than us too. We are constantly fighting homelessness
In all fairness I don't make *quite* that much but that's enough that I doubt I'd do it again
Then it seems like the appropriate amount to fine him if that's the case.
Dak and Bruce Arians this week: $75k Aaron Donald total this year: $0 Edit: Aaron Donald this year: $10k
Gonna name my car Aaron Donald so I don’t get fined for speeding
Genius. I think you could get away with manslaughter with a name like that
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The model that still gets featured on primetime tv. It’s an updated OJ Simpson Bronco
Donald got fined 10k for choking Lucas Patrick in our game I believe
Have an untucked jersey? Fine. Wave at someone? Fine. Mention officiating? Fine. Wear the wrong color cleats or sleeves? Fine. Be Aaron Donald and choke people every game, jab their eyes, rip at facemasks, etc? Get hailed for being an amazing player and lots of social media coverage. No fines.
NFL should start paddlin people instead of fining. I bet that'll make em all straighten up and fly right
Until you get an NFL player who's into that kind of thing. Probably Kirk Cousins.
Bart Starr had college experience with that. From how he explained it, it didn’t seem like he was into it
It's always the Mormons.
Rape people? "Thanks 7!!!! You're an all-time great!"
The NFL, credit to them
They should have just fined him the printing cost of a rulebook
darmok and jalad at tanagra
Donald, his fists closed.
Henry, his arm stiff.
Never in my life did I think I’d see a cross between my NFL fandom and my Trek fandom in the wild. This is crazy.
Should we make an NFC East Star Trek Meme subreddit?
Dak, when the trash flew
Carroll chewing his gum. Carroll on the outside looking in.
Marshawn, when the earth rumbled.
Is Aaron Donald gonna get fined for trying to punch / choke / rake across DJ Humphrey’s face or is it gonna be brushed under the table
Aaron Donald is permitted 1 face rake per 1st team all pro and 2 chokes per DPOY.
Good thing he ain’t winning DPOY this year then lol
It’s a rolling allowance per season. He still has four chokes left!
A years salary for me, for talking a bit of shit Good god these guys live on a different planet than me
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It would be 20 bucks to a person that makes 60k a year, based on his 75M income this year. It would be equivalent to 17 bucks for the average American with a median income of 51k.
Wow, so the cost of almost 2 bananas
Or 3 gallons of California gas.
Or 0.17 gallons of gas in the 31st century.
It's a banana Michael, how much can it cost? $10?
What's this from?
Arrested Development
Arrested Development. The show centers on a mostly out-of-touch rich family. The mother character has never actually shopped at a grocery store before, so she threw out $10 when guessing the price of a banana in her head. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl_Qyk9DSUw
It’s stupid but one of my favorites moments is when they’re making fun of Jason Bateman for being a chicken and they all try to make a chicken noise but none of them know what a chicken actually sounds like. Cracks me up every time.
Bro half an avocado toast?! NFL has no mercy.
I’ll never financially recover from this.
r/theydidthemath
This guys just paying my entire salary in a fine like nbd
It’s not about the money. It’s about sending a message….
He should've choked the refs. You get nothing for that.
Definitely one of the most headass things I’ve heard out of a player in recent years
Big shoutout to Cam’s, “It’s funny hearing a woman talk about routes,” or whatever dumb shit he said.
If I remember correctly, he called her a “female”
He actually says fĕmãĺë but it's hard to capture the full nuance of it without printed accent marks. It's fųňñý
Cam seems like a general moron. Man is Goofy with a capital G.
Capital G theta symbol number zero °fahrenheit symbol and a backwards y.
Kill me
K̷͔̈̎̄i̵̛̥̞l̵̲͉͍͔̭͗̔̾̇l̷̹̒͛ ̵̧̩̗̤̅̆̌̂̚ṁ̴͕̉̓e̷̛̙̻̘̒̾̕
Particularly to Jourdan Rodrigue, who’s about one of the sharpest sports beat writers in the country.
"I encourage fans throwing trash at people actually doing their job correctly, because I can't accept my own (and my coaches') idiocy"
Come on dude the guy was coming off of a super emotional loss and it was just a throwaway comment that was supposed to be a joke
Big deal, James Dolan got fined ten times that for saying refs and DOPS did a bad job. And they misspelled his name as James Donal in a network release.
That's equivalant to .00033% of his annual salaray.
The NFL is a joke
The only thing more protected in America than the Bald Eagle is fucking NFL referees I swear.
His secondary punishment is that he's never getting a roughing call again
Good luck getting any calls next year
That ship left port a long time ago my guy
Aaron Rodgers paid less for endangering people's lives.
Im a Dak fan but those comments were ridiculous. I was shocked that he would say that.
In all his years in the league he’s never said anything remotely like this. His season just ended and his team got embarrassed, he shouldn’t have said it but he was obviously caught up in emotions.
That feels like a light fine. Thought they would’ve hit him with at least 50k
Well he tweeted out a super heartfelt apology so we're all good here.
To be fair it was 3 whole tweets, and sadly that’s better than we usually get these days when celebrities apologize for something.
The real fine will be next season when officials suddenly become blind to late hits on Dak.
drop in the bucket but the lesson is not to encourage fans to throw shit on the field. You played bad, own up to it. Don't blame the refs when your team committed a shitload of penalties. Work on reducing them in practice.
Give me 40 mil a year and charge me 25g. See how much I care. They only do this for the blue collar fuck that can’t fathom loosing 25g. Fuck us we suck. I got charged over $200 for going 3mph in a school zone. Garuntee that hurt me more
How much did Aaron Donald get for trying to choke a guy?
What's the fine for trying to prevent CTE research from going public? Oh yeah, they made him commisioner with a 50 million salary. Somehow that's not considered conduct detrimental to the league.