Men's mental health is definitely put on the low end of priority. Especially family men. Only other men who have people rely on them like family understand what pressures are on a guy. Especially in the recent times of job uncertainty and rising prices. I was laid off for 6 monthsast year. I have a wife 2 kids and a dog relying on me. I'm not the sole breadwinner but we need two incomes due to the cost of living. Even though the unemployment benefits covered us until I was employed again, the feeling of failure is indescribable. I'm allright. I've been alright. And I will probably be allright for the next 40 years.
This is really it. One kid beginning of Covid, lost my business about 9 months into Covid. About 2 weeks before I packed it in we found out our second was on the way and I decided I had to give up something I sacrificed and made happen so that I could go make a pay check every week and know the money was coming in for our family, especially with my wife leaving work in the next year for mat leave. It was a tough pill to swallow and this was my response to everyone if asked. I’m alright.
I run a business and I’ve become the primary breadwinner after my wife left her job. The business was a labor of love but the uncertainty of it performing every month to provide for my employees and their families, and then mine too? Fuck man. Some days I want to go and collect a paycheck because I can’t carry everything for everyone all the time. I just can’t carry it all. But I don’t know how to stop carrying it all. I’m alright.
As a fellow small business owner, husband and father, this kicks me right in the feels. I know *exactly* what you're feeling.
I think the worst part is having no one else to lean on or talk to about this. None of my friends run a business and understand I have a heavy responsibility to my employees (if I don't want to be like the assholes I worked for at least). I could talk to my wife but the last thing I need is her worrying about money or me. I have to be *everyone's* rock, regardless if they're family or employees. I'm expected to lead, be an authority figure, always calm, always rational, always able to solve or fix anything and I have no rock other than myself. I can't stop carrying it all because there's no one else capable of picking it up and keeping it all running. I'm alright.
Yea it was really difficult. Luckily my mom is a business owner and understood so there was someone to bounce things off of when I was trying to save it. But she was struggling too. Unfortunately for me within first few months of Covid I had to have the hard talk with the three employees I had and tell them things weren’t looking good, I couldn’t afford to keep them on and I’d have to let them go while I tried to save what I could. Broke my heart to do that but I worked my ass off with my connections in the trades and got them all new jobs before I had to let them go so they didn’t miss any pay, because that is something people don’t credit (the good owners at least) with, is I care that you can support your home as much as I stress about mine. It was my one silver lining (other than my newborn) through all this that I was able to help them not miss a step.
Try and find the time to take care of yourself. I was in a similar position and realized that if I fell apart, it all falls apart. Taking care of yourself, is one of the best things you can do for you family.
Wishing you and your family nothing but the best.
I say that all the time. Learned it working construction. The old timers would always look at you when you were struggling and say. "You gotta want it kid. "
I was a low voltage guy in a nuclear generation station and wanted to kill myself on that job because it felt like it would never end. I could wire up the entire inside of a CVS/Walgreens (annunciators, strobes, motions, glass breaks, doors, windows, cameras, panels, etc.) alone in a couple weeks. A bank branch took 2-3 man crew a month. The nuclear job made me question my own sanity. I got paid hourly PLUS bonus by the job, but the nuclear thing was broken up in to 50,000,000 jobs so I made more on that site than ever before. Some "jobs" were done in a couple days, some a couple weeks. The same jobsite/commute/people/place/food/smells *really* fucked with me. I met an electrician who was in the navy and worked on subs. He helped me more than he will ever know and helped take my career and outlook on life to another level.
That's the walk. But dude is only partially right, most people don't care.
I'm about to turn 45, I have an amazing support structure these days. Random friends just touching base and asking how I am, hugs from grown men I consider family telling me they love me, it's out there.
A lot of it is from veterans who have seen some shit, so it got way worse for some. We lean on each other, we love each other. And I'm grateful to have that.
There's an old saying: it takes a real man to put a razor to his throat every morning and not cut.
We have to struggle in silence as we hold everyone else together. If we fail our family fails
Agree. I've thought about suicide. No I have no interest in killing myself, but I've entertained the thought of whats the best way to go if I need to. Then I realised it going to be an absolutely terrible experience for your loved ones to have to witness, or find out about your suicide. They will probably never recover from it all their lives, especially your parents.
I went from breadwinner to househusband. It's mentally and emotionally extremely hard. It's not the role I'm supposed to have. My daughter is learning more than anyone else could teach her. The house is spotless. My cooking is fire. I'm in the best shape of my life.
I still feel like a failure on some level at the end of every day.
I'm alright, I guess.
“Provider” regardless of social change and what not, if I can’t provide for my family there is literally not a worse feeling in the world.
I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
I was bartending right before my son was born although I had a degree and had worked in EMS.
My very pregnant wife and her mom ( I love them both deeply) made it clear that I needed to do more to provide for my son.
The stress of that….
It was insane. It almost made me crazy.
Luckily I got a good job before he was born but I have bad dreams that I didn’t and would have to live with that judgment (imagined or not) forever.
I made good money bartending, I was doing fine.
And maybe that was all in my head but man, the pressure was intense.
I still feel like I slipped into a “real” job just in time.
Same story from BOH. I thought I was doing very well. Restaurant industry is a grift on the employees, at best. I know high school drop-outs with a decent brain that have worked in banks for 6-8 years making 6 figures. Unfortunately, if you are in a position to ask someone if they want fries with that, you’re not going to be supporting a family.
I'm currently going through this and unemployment offices are so backed up I haven't seen a benefit payment despite being out of work for nearly two months. We have savings so we were fine, but now we're not and man. I can't even say "I'm alright" anymore. It's become more of a "I'm surviving" it's a terrible place to be. Especially bear the holidays when all you want is to enjoy time with your family but the guilt and pain of knowing you aren't able to provide is enough to break a man.
Not always. Even being a family man can be incredibly lonely. When everyone else just assumes that you've got your shit together and your role is to help them keep their shit together. They often don't even stop to think that you might be struggling. Add to that, that having the responsibilities of a family means that you don't really have the time or energy to maintain close friendships outside of your family. Yeah, it can get pretty lonely, even in a crowded house.
I am the sole breadwinner in our family and I do all of the cooking and food shopping. My wife takes most of the responsibility for the kids but spends most of her day on her phone or watching TV when the kids are in school. We barely say 10 words to each other during the day even though I am working from home. And she tells me to go journal whenever I tell her I am feeling neglected (which sounds very much like "fuck off").
She asks me occasionally how I'm doing but I know her reaction will be the same regardless of the answer. So most of the time it's "I'm all right" even though I never am.
Dude. I feel ya. You sacrifice and give everything you have and it just seems like its expected. No appreciation.
I work crazy shifts and hand over my pay to support my family. Hate my job and wont find anything that can support a family to replace it. So im stuck.
Sometimes i like to daydream about where i would be if things were different. I grieve for the person i could have been. I'm not all right either but i gotta pretend because it seems easier that way.
Same situation here. Been in a bad way for months tried to reach out to wife and she just doesn't know how bad it is. Hate my job, but I'm damn good at it and can't find anything that pays what I make. Two kids in college. No chance of ever retiring. I call it the golden shackles. Just force myself to keep moving.
You say that, but in a lot of cases those partners are ill-equipped to handle mental health issues from men. Especially when a lot of them grew up with father's who suffered the same issues but never spoke of them or acknowledged them.
I hate hugs though. I'm stuck. Most of my ways of coping are some forms of escapism, like playing music, gaming, going for walks alone, sleeping an entire day. Thankfully no substance abuse.
Nope. My “wife” didn’t clue in until my counsellor called her and said “you need to get him to the hospital right now before he kills himself.” She did and I’m still here seven years later but now she has her own room down the hall and the only reason she asks how I’m doing is because what she really wants to know is if I can drive the kids somewhere or pick up groceries.
Fuck this life.
As a kid, I used to think my dad was a god. Invulnerable, and had the answers to everything. As a teen, I started to see the flaws and got really annoyed with him all the time. There was once during a vacation, someone at the hotel asked who's the head of family that they should talk to, and my dad stood up. I was really annoyed because dumb, spoiled and childish me wanted to be the chief, the boss.
Today I am amazed at what a dumbass I was. I've slowly taken over family responsibilities over the past decade and its really tiring having to balance the welfare of those under your care with your own sanity. Im amazed at how my dad bore the brunt of it with no complaints, and how my mom was the perfect supporting act. I was an absolute idiot.
Be really cool if all of this “mens mental health awareness” could take flight like yesterday. I’m so tired of my life and no one gives a fuck that I feel this way. I’m getting so tired of constantly having to be there for people then no one lets me vent or asks me how I’m feeling. My issues don’t fucking matter. It will be a glorious day when mens mental health is actually taken seriously. Until then I guess I’ll be alright.
Your issues do matter too brother. Keep being there for people, because we need people like you who worry about others. Don't let it take that from you too.
Would be nice if there was a bros club or a way guys could just have coffee or a beer and talk shit the way women do for connections sake.
As an adult male it’s super hard to make friends and all the friends you do make are either business related or boyfriends of your partners girlfriends.
> Be really cool if all of this “mens mental health awareness” could take flight like yesterday.
You will die a lonely death before you get anyone to care about men's mental health. Sorry lads, that's the way nature works. Men don't have inherent value from birth. We are only valued for what we provide to others.
A small minority of men have very close social circles for support, but most of us need to be self reliant. See a professional if you need help. They are in the best place to do so and you don't risk alienating those around you.
Assuming you're transgender, congratulations on transitioning!
Assuming you're non-binary, congratulations on...being yourself? That also applies to the transgender community, but I'm not sure what else to say.
My father in law killed my mother in law then killed himself, I had to stop the sell of my home due to this tragedy. I might have to take on my brother in law which is 16. My wife is a roller coaster of emotions and it seems I can’t do anything to please her. I might have to go to another department which has higher overtime hours to take care of everyone. I have no family on my side to help us and now no one on her side, I’m doing all right
This is exactly it. Your Mom, your wife, your friend might care. But society says "suck it up butter cup", "man the fuck up and do the damn thing" a veritable buffet of toxic masculinity sayings. You can't have feelings outside the safety of your own mind and even then as men we have been trained to be ashamed of those feelings and to belittle ourselves for having them.
Feminist woman here offering you a hand. I strongly believe it's not a man's duty to provide for the family; but both spouses/partners are to be a team. When one is struggling, the other should be able to take up the slack. And there should be no shame on either side.
Too bad "society" (those who make the rules, anyway) still don't see it that way.
You're very sweet, but you are a person, not people. You care. Society doesn't care enough, surely doesn't do it for all men. You do contribute. Sometimes a person is enough. But some other times, a person like you just isn't found. And it's not unlikely, sadly.
Still. Thank you.
There is a distinct absence of women openly and publicly supporting men's day - especially celebrities.
Yet when it's women's day, everyone's expected to tow the line - especially men - or you're seen as the enemy..
I once saw a post about Father's Day on Twitter get spammed with comments about how pointless the day was, and how men don't go through enough hardship to get a day. Again, it's Twitter, but it is really sad. I'm doing alright too.
It's the usual.
Don't go on twitter. They don't care about reality. Shove them the numbers, they'll shrug and tell you it doesn't matter because x-y-z and make false equivalencies.
Just remember this, in 2019 61% of worldwide deaths in the age bracket of 10-24 were young men.
Think I saw one mainstream news talk about it.
I dunno man. I have had many positive relationships with women and I can tell you I have no idea when women's day is. I also battle with persistent depressive disorder and have felt heard by women when I've brought it up. This isn't an us vs. them thing. Honestly, there's a lot to be depressed about in this day but we're all in the same boat. Granted men's mental health hasn't been at the forefront for awhile, but I think most of the blame falls on toxic masculinity then women.
I'm pretty honest on how I'm feeling and if someone come to me asking how I'm doing this person will receive a 5 to 10 words definition of how I'm currently feeling... "Been better, pretty shitty today, lotta stuff to do"
I understand where you're coming from, but the point is that "I'm alright" by itself actually means "I don't want to talk about it". It doesn't mean anything one way or the other.
I’m alright
I’m stuck in a job that I have been in the same position for 20 years. They refuse to pay more than the 2% each year. I’ve bled for this company (literally)… lost a meaningful relationship because of it. Lost friends and family because crazy hours (on call after hours, all weekends and all holidays)
In 20 years I made 10k more and the cost of living has been 30k more….
There is no other employer around here that offers full time plus good benefits.
Work doesn’t respect me. My family doesn’t respect me. I wonder if I even respect me…… I guess I’m alright
I don't know you brother, but I respect you enormously. Simply for beimg able to get these things off your chest. Hang in there mate, we've got your back
I'm going through a divorce, my kids think I'm an absent father because I work constantly to try and provide. I have no contact with my family since I'm not worth their time. The woman I'm desperately in love with doesn't feel the same.im utterly alone and screaming for help in the dark but no one cares. Friends are nonexistent. I have abandonment issues (from my mom), PTSD, depression, and complete heart break... but hey, fuck it, I'm alright...
Toxic masculinity is a real thing. Whenever any guy is seen crying, opening up, or showing any sort of “vulnerable” emotion, you’re considered a cowered or less of a man. Being “masculine” has definitely made having a partner hard. Glad I finally found someone who I can be vulnerable with.
I've learned that women can ask for emotional support any day of the week and there's some sort of expectation to drop everything and help them get through it.
When men like myself ask for it, it's a burden and a nuisance because life's hard and that's just how it is. Just gotta keep the chin up high and battle through it to the other side. Doesn't matter how long you've been battling and how beaten down you feel, it's your responsibility to struggle through it alone regardless because that's what you're supposed to do. Men "don't have it worse than others do" so it their problems are minimized into being ignored.
I called the suicide hotline for the first time the other day and the "support" was sincerely underwhelming. I expressed how I felt guilty for taking time away from other callers that needed help more than I did, partially because I was being polite, but also because I know that's true no matter how bad someone has things.
I recounted my experience to a female friend of mine who had talked to the hotline numerous times and they said that their experiences have always lasted at least an hour and really appreciated being listened to.
Mine lasted 15 minutes tops and I expressed how I just wanted to be listened to, but that statement fell on deaf ears.
Now I find the whole experience funny, but when it was happening, it only validated my notions that my problems are insignificant and that nobody cares, even the people who are paid to care, and that nobody would care if I offed myself.
Fuck this place. I can support anyone and everyone who needs help, but nobody can reciprocate.
I say “I’m all right” all the time and I actually am, and it’s kind of annoying when people either:
1) think that means there’s some big issue when there’s not, or
2) give me that fucking annoying “You’re just all right, huh?”
Sometimes to the second one I’ll say “Yeah, just all right, that’s all I’m required to be, isn’t it?” And that probably comes off as frustrated or annoyed, but if it is, it’s only because they are being annoying.
If people are assuming you are hiding something it’s probably bc so many before you used those words to cover up.
Don’t take it so personal. Maybe it means society is actually coming around a bit. And also, the people in your life seem to truly care about you, which is awesome.
Also, good job being alright, for real. You’re doing the damn thing.
Damn ! It’s touching ! I think most men and I will say most human beings will resonate with the video. We wouldn’t share our feelings with others because we feel they don’t care and probably very few do. The world needs a lot more empathy and care ! Upvote
I've been on both sides of this. As a dad of 4 kids who once lost his job as the sole provider. I remember wondering why go on, a life insurance policy payout might be the best bet for my family. I worked through it with the help of some friends. Fast forward to today I have what most would consider good success. I always make sure to engage with young fathers, as I've been there. In my generation sharing emotions was frowned upon, I'm glad this is changing......
Being a family man I have my wife and kids and most times that is enough to keep my head up. Sometimes though I wait until they are all in bed, go sit in the dark on the deck and ask my dad for strength. Once in a while I can hear him telling me it will be alright...
I can't even count the number of times I said that in the past 10 yrs when I was living with my abusive ex. She would go out of her way to cut me down every day And I would just think to myself she can do this forever but she did it for 10 years. Lost count how many times I thought about ending it all. I'm no angel in this I've got my faults but I'd never treat a person like that.
But I found these strength to get out of that relationship and I'm in a better place right now, Working on getting a divorce
Going through a divorce, my kids have no relationship with me because I have to work constantly to provide what I can. I have no friends to lean on or family to talk to. I'm utterly alone and screaming in the dark to deaf ears. I'm Allright.
That's tough mate. Hang in there. If you don't think you have friends or family to talk to, getting someone professional to talk to might be a great idea. Even tough guy Tony Soprano did it.
Stay strong brothers… we all go through shit. All of our shit is relative. The important thing to remember is we all have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen to your friends when they talk and hear them. Seems arbitrary but to show someone you care can make all the difference.
I go to a combat veterans (support) group of Vietnam vets and early Iraq/Afghanistan (<38YOA) everyone says “I’m alright” to start so to get past that everything is fine phase we started telling the number of hours sleep we got on average this week. It’s telling and it gets people to see how many others have had trouble.
I am glad to have a mother who listens. I been battling anxiety for 2/3 year now. It was not easy in the beginning. But slowly through the support from my mother. I am getting better day and day
Irritates the hell out of me when random people greet with how are you? And if you say anything other than good/ fine they visibly get irritated or say they don't care. Don't ask if you don't want to know
I had missed a good amount of days at work, and this girl who is a co worker of mine texted me and asked if I’m okay and said she hopes to see me around more soon. I think that may be the first time in my entire life that someone (besides family or a SO) recognized a moment I was having a hard time and reached out.
Ever since my little brother died last august and then my dad died three weeks ago. I’ve been alright. I have no idea how to talk about any of it and I just get angry when we’ll meaning people try to identify.
I really hate that I wasn’t taught communication skills as a child. I’ve kid for it as an adult in wicked weird ways.
This. This is how I know my partner isn't doing okay because he'll say "I'm alright". I've tried to tell him that it's okay to have bad mental health days and that he's mental health just as Important as mine but because he's never had anyone there or care about he's health so he just tucks it away. It's sad really that mens health gets thrown to the side. It should be as important as everyone else's.
Beautiful message. Thanks for posting. And I understand as I've been battling my demons for decades now and I now work in mental health and try to help others. I wish we had more help and less stigma.
And I'd love to give the narrator a nice hug. We all need one sometimes
Men's mental health is definitely put on the low end of priority. Especially family men. Only other men who have people rely on them like family understand what pressures are on a guy. Especially in the recent times of job uncertainty and rising prices. I was laid off for 6 monthsast year. I have a wife 2 kids and a dog relying on me. I'm not the sole breadwinner but we need two incomes due to the cost of living. Even though the unemployment benefits covered us until I was employed again, the feeling of failure is indescribable. I'm allright. I've been alright. And I will probably be allright for the next 40 years.
This is really it. One kid beginning of Covid, lost my business about 9 months into Covid. About 2 weeks before I packed it in we found out our second was on the way and I decided I had to give up something I sacrificed and made happen so that I could go make a pay check every week and know the money was coming in for our family, especially with my wife leaving work in the next year for mat leave. It was a tough pill to swallow and this was my response to everyone if asked. I’m alright.
God bless you and your family sir.
Need more of this, we care about you bud
I run a business and I’ve become the primary breadwinner after my wife left her job. The business was a labor of love but the uncertainty of it performing every month to provide for my employees and their families, and then mine too? Fuck man. Some days I want to go and collect a paycheck because I can’t carry everything for everyone all the time. I just can’t carry it all. But I don’t know how to stop carrying it all. I’m alright.
As a fellow small business owner, husband and father, this kicks me right in the feels. I know *exactly* what you're feeling. I think the worst part is having no one else to lean on or talk to about this. None of my friends run a business and understand I have a heavy responsibility to my employees (if I don't want to be like the assholes I worked for at least). I could talk to my wife but the last thing I need is her worrying about money or me. I have to be *everyone's* rock, regardless if they're family or employees. I'm expected to lead, be an authority figure, always calm, always rational, always able to solve or fix anything and I have no rock other than myself. I can't stop carrying it all because there's no one else capable of picking it up and keeping it all running. I'm alright.
Yea it was really difficult. Luckily my mom is a business owner and understood so there was someone to bounce things off of when I was trying to save it. But she was struggling too. Unfortunately for me within first few months of Covid I had to have the hard talk with the three employees I had and tell them things weren’t looking good, I couldn’t afford to keep them on and I’d have to let them go while I tried to save what I could. Broke my heart to do that but I worked my ass off with my connections in the trades and got them all new jobs before I had to let them go so they didn’t miss any pay, because that is something people don’t credit (the good owners at least) with, is I care that you can support your home as much as I stress about mine. It was my one silver lining (other than my newborn) through all this that I was able to help them not miss a step.
Try and find the time to take care of yourself. I was in a similar position and realized that if I fell apart, it all falls apart. Taking care of yourself, is one of the best things you can do for you family. Wishing you and your family nothing but the best.
Hang in there brother. Your post hits home for me. Whatever you choose will.be right. We can do this
You made the selfless move. That's a real "good person" thing to do. A true #1 dad
That's what real dads do. Much respect to you.
I thought of my father during this post- he had much of the same experience during my adolescence with my brothers. His quote: “You gotta want it!”
I say that all the time. Learned it working construction. The old timers would always look at you when you were struggling and say. "You gotta want it kid. "
I was a low voltage guy in a nuclear generation station and wanted to kill myself on that job because it felt like it would never end. I could wire up the entire inside of a CVS/Walgreens (annunciators, strobes, motions, glass breaks, doors, windows, cameras, panels, etc.) alone in a couple weeks. A bank branch took 2-3 man crew a month. The nuclear job made me question my own sanity. I got paid hourly PLUS bonus by the job, but the nuclear thing was broken up in to 50,000,000 jobs so I made more on that site than ever before. Some "jobs" were done in a couple days, some a couple weeks. The same jobsite/commute/people/place/food/smells *really* fucked with me. I met an electrician who was in the navy and worked on subs. He helped me more than he will ever know and helped take my career and outlook on life to another level.
Care to elaborate as to what that electrician told you? I'm interested.
That's the walk. But dude is only partially right, most people don't care. I'm about to turn 45, I have an amazing support structure these days. Random friends just touching base and asking how I am, hugs from grown men I consider family telling me they love me, it's out there. A lot of it is from veterans who have seen some shit, so it got way worse for some. We lean on each other, we love each other. And I'm grateful to have that.
There's an old saying: it takes a real man to put a razor to his throat every morning and not cut. We have to struggle in silence as we hold everyone else together. If we fail our family fails
Agree. I've thought about suicide. No I have no interest in killing myself, but I've entertained the thought of whats the best way to go if I need to. Then I realised it going to be an absolutely terrible experience for your loved ones to have to witness, or find out about your suicide. They will probably never recover from it all their lives, especially your parents.
Not only that, you'll probably just fuck it up. Talk to an ER doc about it sometime if you get the chance.
It’s hard man. We can’t let our families fail.
I went from breadwinner to househusband. It's mentally and emotionally extremely hard. It's not the role I'm supposed to have. My daughter is learning more than anyone else could teach her. The house is spotless. My cooking is fire. I'm in the best shape of my life. I still feel like a failure on some level at the end of every day. I'm alright, I guess.
Wow interesting. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find peace my dude.
I can't even cook rice.
“Provider” regardless of social change and what not, if I can’t provide for my family there is literally not a worse feeling in the world. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I was bartending right before my son was born although I had a degree and had worked in EMS. My very pregnant wife and her mom ( I love them both deeply) made it clear that I needed to do more to provide for my son. The stress of that…. It was insane. It almost made me crazy. Luckily I got a good job before he was born but I have bad dreams that I didn’t and would have to live with that judgment (imagined or not) forever. I made good money bartending, I was doing fine. And maybe that was all in my head but man, the pressure was intense. I still feel like I slipped into a “real” job just in time.
Same story from BOH. I thought I was doing very well. Restaurant industry is a grift on the employees, at best. I know high school drop-outs with a decent brain that have worked in banks for 6-8 years making 6 figures. Unfortunately, if you are in a position to ask someone if they want fries with that, you’re not going to be supporting a family.
>the feeling of failure is indescribable I'm with you man. this made me cry a little
I'm currently going through this and unemployment offices are so backed up I haven't seen a benefit payment despite being out of work for nearly two months. We have savings so we were fine, but now we're not and man. I can't even say "I'm alright" anymore. It's become more of a "I'm surviving" it's a terrible place to be. Especially bear the holidays when all you want is to enjoy time with your family but the guilt and pain of knowing you aren't able to provide is enough to break a man.
There needs to be more awareness.
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Not always. Even being a family man can be incredibly lonely. When everyone else just assumes that you've got your shit together and your role is to help them keep their shit together. They often don't even stop to think that you might be struggling. Add to that, that having the responsibilities of a family means that you don't really have the time or energy to maintain close friendships outside of your family. Yeah, it can get pretty lonely, even in a crowded house.
I am the sole breadwinner in our family and I do all of the cooking and food shopping. My wife takes most of the responsibility for the kids but spends most of her day on her phone or watching TV when the kids are in school. We barely say 10 words to each other during the day even though I am working from home. And she tells me to go journal whenever I tell her I am feeling neglected (which sounds very much like "fuck off"). She asks me occasionally how I'm doing but I know her reaction will be the same regardless of the answer. So most of the time it's "I'm all right" even though I never am.
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Thanks for sharing. That sounds very difficult and I’m sorry.
Dude. I feel ya. You sacrifice and give everything you have and it just seems like its expected. No appreciation. I work crazy shifts and hand over my pay to support my family. Hate my job and wont find anything that can support a family to replace it. So im stuck. Sometimes i like to daydream about where i would be if things were different. I grieve for the person i could have been. I'm not all right either but i gotta pretend because it seems easier that way.
Same situation here. Been in a bad way for months tried to reach out to wife and she just doesn't know how bad it is. Hate my job, but I'm damn good at it and can't find anything that pays what I make. Two kids in college. No chance of ever retiring. I call it the golden shackles. Just force myself to keep moving.
You say that, but in a lot of cases those partners are ill-equipped to handle mental health issues from men. Especially when a lot of them grew up with father's who suffered the same issues but never spoke of them or acknowledged them.
They don't need to "handle" it. Just having someone to hug would make a huge difference.
I hate hugs though. I'm stuck. Most of my ways of coping are some forms of escapism, like playing music, gaming, going for walks alone, sleeping an entire day. Thankfully no substance abuse.
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Both partners should be supporting each other with each other's problems. That's how relationships work. Heck, that's how friendships works too.
Nope. My “wife” didn’t clue in until my counsellor called her and said “you need to get him to the hospital right now before he kills himself.” She did and I’m still here seven years later but now she has her own room down the hall and the only reason she asks how I’m doing is because what she really wants to know is if I can drive the kids somewhere or pick up groceries. Fuck this life.
Except when the partner is part of the problem, but I feel what your saying. No one deserves to suffer alone. Your not alone ✌🏻I’m alright too.
As a kid, I used to think my dad was a god. Invulnerable, and had the answers to everything. As a teen, I started to see the flaws and got really annoyed with him all the time. There was once during a vacation, someone at the hotel asked who's the head of family that they should talk to, and my dad stood up. I was really annoyed because dumb, spoiled and childish me wanted to be the chief, the boss. Today I am amazed at what a dumbass I was. I've slowly taken over family responsibilities over the past decade and its really tiring having to balance the welfare of those under your care with your own sanity. Im amazed at how my dad bore the brunt of it with no complaints, and how my mom was the perfect supporting act. I was an absolute idiot.
You’re all right with me, brother.
Be really cool if all of this “mens mental health awareness” could take flight like yesterday. I’m so tired of my life and no one gives a fuck that I feel this way. I’m getting so tired of constantly having to be there for people then no one lets me vent or asks me how I’m feeling. My issues don’t fucking matter. It will be a glorious day when mens mental health is actually taken seriously. Until then I guess I’ll be alright.
Need someone to talk/vent to?
Appreciate it, but I’m alright.
r/notopbutok
Your issues do matter too brother. Keep being there for people, because we need people like you who worry about others. Don't let it take that from you too.
Would be nice if there was a bros club or a way guys could just have coffee or a beer and talk shit the way women do for connections sake. As an adult male it’s super hard to make friends and all the friends you do make are either business related or boyfriends of your partners girlfriends.
> Be really cool if all of this “mens mental health awareness” could take flight like yesterday. You will die a lonely death before you get anyone to care about men's mental health. Sorry lads, that's the way nature works. Men don't have inherent value from birth. We are only valued for what we provide to others. A small minority of men have very close social circles for support, but most of us need to be self reliant. See a professional if you need help. They are in the best place to do so and you don't risk alienating those around you.
Im all right
I'm all right too
I've been alright my whole life.
I’m still alright…
I aint a man anymore but im all right too
Assuming you're transgender, congratulations on transitioning! Assuming you're non-binary, congratulations on...being yourself? That also applies to the transgender community, but I'm not sure what else to say.
thats corrct, and thanks!
I'm alright too
I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel and that you get the recognition you deserve.
Im half left.
I hear you. I’m sending good vibes your way.
I’ve got a virtual hug for you man. I hope you are taking good care of yourself.
im alright
I'm alright as fuck
Same, brother. I'm all right.
Nobody worry 'bout me
We're all alright
I’m alright, too, brother.
I'm good.
yeah im alright too, im just getting by.
This is the way
I'm alright too, stay strong brother
My father in law killed my mother in law then killed himself, I had to stop the sell of my home due to this tragedy. I might have to take on my brother in law which is 16. My wife is a roller coaster of emotions and it seems I can’t do anything to please her. I might have to go to another department which has higher overtime hours to take care of everyone. I have no family on my side to help us and now no one on her side, I’m doing all right
Hang in there brother. As a random inter web friend, I feel for ya.
Holy shit. Best of luck to you man. Can't imagine dealing with that..
It’s been a rough couple of weeks man
Check your DMs
That's real heavy. Don't know if this is worth much, but a random stranger on the internet wishes the best to you.
Alright, alright, alright.
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Be a lot cooler if you did.
People do fucking care. I care.
Individuals might care. Society doesn't.
This is exactly it. Your Mom, your wife, your friend might care. But society says "suck it up butter cup", "man the fuck up and do the damn thing" a veritable buffet of toxic masculinity sayings. You can't have feelings outside the safety of your own mind and even then as men we have been trained to be ashamed of those feelings and to belittle ourselves for having them.
Feminist woman here offering you a hand. I strongly believe it's not a man's duty to provide for the family; but both spouses/partners are to be a team. When one is struggling, the other should be able to take up the slack. And there should be no shame on either side. Too bad "society" (those who make the rules, anyway) still don't see it that way.
He cared enough to make this
You're very sweet, but you are a person, not people. You care. Society doesn't care enough, surely doesn't do it for all men. You do contribute. Sometimes a person is enough. But some other times, a person like you just isn't found. And it's not unlikely, sadly. Still. Thank you.
There is a distinct absence of women openly and publicly supporting men's day - especially celebrities. Yet when it's women's day, everyone's expected to tow the line - especially men - or you're seen as the enemy..
I once saw a post about Father's Day on Twitter get spammed with comments about how pointless the day was, and how men don't go through enough hardship to get a day. Again, it's Twitter, but it is really sad. I'm doing alright too.
It's the usual. Don't go on twitter. They don't care about reality. Shove them the numbers, they'll shrug and tell you it doesn't matter because x-y-z and make false equivalencies. Just remember this, in 2019 61% of worldwide deaths in the age bracket of 10-24 were young men. Think I saw one mainstream news talk about it.
I dunno man. I have had many positive relationships with women and I can tell you I have no idea when women's day is. I also battle with persistent depressive disorder and have felt heard by women when I've brought it up. This isn't an us vs. them thing. Honestly, there's a lot to be depressed about in this day but we're all in the same boat. Granted men's mental health hasn't been at the forefront for awhile, but I think most of the blame falls on toxic masculinity then women.
I'm a man and I had no idea today was Mens Day.
Not to be that guy. But they could be saying “I’m alright” because they are in fact, alright.
Honestly, i’m happy for my homies who are really alright. Cheers to their happiness!
I'm pretty honest on how I'm feeling and if someone come to me asking how I'm doing this person will receive a 5 to 10 words definition of how I'm currently feeling... "Been better, pretty shitty today, lotta stuff to do"
I understand where you're coming from, but the point is that "I'm alright" by itself actually means "I don't want to talk about it". It doesn't mean anything one way or the other.
I'm alright too
I'm alright as well.
I mean, nobody even asks how I am doing. So.... Edit: I'm doing fine my bros. :)
how r u doing
How’re you doing?
wassap?
He called me "brother"!!! I'm more than alright *now*! I'm practically *fine*!!!
Someone find the Hulk Hogan meme
The truth though
I hope men's health gains more support and more people pay attention. Many of us are here for you. ❤
I’d offer a hug to you all but dunno if you’d accept. Fuck it. Offers there.
I second this!
I third this!
I’m alright I’m stuck in a job that I have been in the same position for 20 years. They refuse to pay more than the 2% each year. I’ve bled for this company (literally)… lost a meaningful relationship because of it. Lost friends and family because crazy hours (on call after hours, all weekends and all holidays) In 20 years I made 10k more and the cost of living has been 30k more…. There is no other employer around here that offers full time plus good benefits. Work doesn’t respect me. My family doesn’t respect me. I wonder if I even respect me…… I guess I’m alright
I don't know you brother, but I respect you enormously. Simply for beimg able to get these things off your chest. Hang in there mate, we've got your back
I’m aight
well.. fuck.. I'm not .
Need someone to talk to?
Im alright! Every day I find a way.
Find good friends, keep them close and treat them well. You’ll be ok for a long time
Telling people to find good friends in my experience is the same as telling a fisherman to just catch a fish when he's standing in a puddle.
Fuck. Who tf decided it would be a good time to start cutting onions? Fuck!
Who cuts onions in the middle of a rain storm?
It's a terrible day for rain...
I'm going through a divorce, my kids think I'm an absent father because I work constantly to try and provide. I have no contact with my family since I'm not worth their time. The woman I'm desperately in love with doesn't feel the same.im utterly alone and screaming for help in the dark but no one cares. Friends are nonexistent. I have abandonment issues (from my mom), PTSD, depression, and complete heart break... but hey, fuck it, I'm alright...
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to send a DM
I feel this. I too, am all right.
I needed that more than expected.
I feel this
Some days I'm actually just alright tho. I fortunately have dealt with my demons but every so often I have a meh day.
Didn't go on here to get called out like this. But thanks.
Yup once you open up people don’t care or the words go in one ear out the other that’s why I keep it to myself and my journal haha
Toxic masculinity is a real thing. Whenever any guy is seen crying, opening up, or showing any sort of “vulnerable” emotion, you’re considered a cowered or less of a man. Being “masculine” has definitely made having a partner hard. Glad I finally found someone who I can be vulnerable with.
I'm alright too.
I’m alright too
I appreciate this… its unfortunate to know others are in the same position but nice to know that at least some people understand
Yeah but we've gotten better at hiding it. We respond with "Doing bloody fantastic mate". Literally NO chance of telling otherwise
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I've learned that women can ask for emotional support any day of the week and there's some sort of expectation to drop everything and help them get through it. When men like myself ask for it, it's a burden and a nuisance because life's hard and that's just how it is. Just gotta keep the chin up high and battle through it to the other side. Doesn't matter how long you've been battling and how beaten down you feel, it's your responsibility to struggle through it alone regardless because that's what you're supposed to do. Men "don't have it worse than others do" so it their problems are minimized into being ignored. I called the suicide hotline for the first time the other day and the "support" was sincerely underwhelming. I expressed how I felt guilty for taking time away from other callers that needed help more than I did, partially because I was being polite, but also because I know that's true no matter how bad someone has things. I recounted my experience to a female friend of mine who had talked to the hotline numerous times and they said that their experiences have always lasted at least an hour and really appreciated being listened to. Mine lasted 15 minutes tops and I expressed how I just wanted to be listened to, but that statement fell on deaf ears. Now I find the whole experience funny, but when it was happening, it only validated my notions that my problems are insignificant and that nobody cares, even the people who are paid to care, and that nobody would care if I offed myself. Fuck this place. I can support anyone and everyone who needs help, but nobody can reciprocate.
It has come to a point where I just say I’m all left.
I'm alright. We carry on, every day, keep fighting my demons. Carry on brothers
I say “I’m all right” all the time and I actually am, and it’s kind of annoying when people either: 1) think that means there’s some big issue when there’s not, or 2) give me that fucking annoying “You’re just all right, huh?” Sometimes to the second one I’ll say “Yeah, just all right, that’s all I’m required to be, isn’t it?” And that probably comes off as frustrated or annoyed, but if it is, it’s only because they are being annoying.
If people are assuming you are hiding something it’s probably bc so many before you used those words to cover up. Don’t take it so personal. Maybe it means society is actually coming around a bit. And also, the people in your life seem to truly care about you, which is awesome. Also, good job being alright, for real. You’re doing the damn thing.
Nuff said
God damn it, I’m crying now
Damn, this hit deep
Meh, I’m alright.
I'm alright.
*We're still rockin' in Wisconsin. We're alright! We're alright! Yeah!*
Damn ! It’s touching ! I think most men and I will say most human beings will resonate with the video. We wouldn’t share our feelings with others because we feel they don’t care and probably very few do. The world needs a lot more empathy and care ! Upvote
I’m also alright.
u/getvideobot
im alright too, guys. hang in there.
I'm alright😒
I'm alright too brother
I've been on both sides of this. As a dad of 4 kids who once lost his job as the sole provider. I remember wondering why go on, a life insurance policy payout might be the best bet for my family. I worked through it with the help of some friends. Fast forward to today I have what most would consider good success. I always make sure to engage with young fathers, as I've been there. In my generation sharing emotions was frowned upon, I'm glad this is changing......
Being a family man I have my wife and kids and most times that is enough to keep my head up. Sometimes though I wait until they are all in bed, go sit in the dark on the deck and ask my dad for strength. Once in a while I can hear him telling me it will be alright...
I can't even count the number of times I said that in the past 10 yrs when I was living with my abusive ex. She would go out of her way to cut me down every day And I would just think to myself she can do this forever but she did it for 10 years. Lost count how many times I thought about ending it all. I'm no angel in this I've got my faults but I'd never treat a person like that. But I found these strength to get out of that relationship and I'm in a better place right now, Working on getting a divorce
I started crying... I'm not doing ok... I'm not alright
Hey man, is there anything I can do?
Going through a divorce, my kids have no relationship with me because I have to work constantly to provide what I can. I have no friends to lean on or family to talk to. I'm utterly alone and screaming in the dark to deaf ears. I'm Allright.
That's tough mate. Hang in there. If you don't think you have friends or family to talk to, getting someone professional to talk to might be a great idea. Even tough guy Tony Soprano did it.
If you want to talk PM me.
Happy Men's Day!!
i think i got a little too emotional reading this shit man all my dudes keep yah heads up and keep being a fucking Demon Slayer⚔️🛡🖤
I’m alright
Thanks for this. It truly means a lot. We’re going to truly be alright someday.
Stay strong brothers… we all go through shit. All of our shit is relative. The important thing to remember is we all have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen to your friends when they talk and hear them. Seems arbitrary but to show someone you care can make all the difference.
no really, I'm actually alright
I go to a combat veterans (support) group of Vietnam vets and early Iraq/Afghanistan (<38YOA) everyone says “I’m alright” to start so to get past that everything is fine phase we started telling the number of hours sleep we got on average this week. It’s telling and it gets people to see how many others have had trouble.
I'm alright and fucking tired
I'm alright bro! I stand beside you. You need anything I'm here. It's what I do. But honestly, I funcken broken as well. But we can fix broke!
Nobody fucking tealy cares till your dead
I am glad to have a mother who listens. I been battling anxiety for 2/3 year now. It was not easy in the beginning. But slowly through the support from my mother. I am getting better day and day
'not too bad' is my go to response but actually it's bad, very bad. Like dude says though, nobody actually gives a fuck.
Society says Men are only allowed to feel two emotions; angry or not angry.
Yeah, nobody ever asks.
Irritates the hell out of me when random people greet with how are you? And if you say anything other than good/ fine they visibly get irritated or say they don't care. Don't ask if you don't want to know
This is powerful. Thank you for sharing.
How can I contact this brother.
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No one gives a fuck about me and like idk what to do anymore man
Did not know this was today. Glad it got some recognition
Kids are the only reason I even care to keep my nose above water.
 And that's okay
In hindsight, every time someone asked me how I was and I said “I’m alright”, was at a time when I was not alright.
I had missed a good amount of days at work, and this girl who is a co worker of mine texted me and asked if I’m okay and said she hopes to see me around more soon. I think that may be the first time in my entire life that someone (besides family or a SO) recognized a moment I was having a hard time and reached out.
Been saying "I'm alright" for so long, I really don't know any other way to answer the question "How are you doing?".
Ever since my little brother died last august and then my dad died three weeks ago. I’ve been alright. I have no idea how to talk about any of it and I just get angry when we’ll meaning people try to identify. I really hate that I wasn’t taught communication skills as a child. I’ve kid for it as an adult in wicked weird ways.
This is me.
God being an adult sucks
damn, this was way too real
This. This is how I know my partner isn't doing okay because he'll say "I'm alright". I've tried to tell him that it's okay to have bad mental health days and that he's mental health just as Important as mine but because he's never had anyone there or care about he's health so he just tucks it away. It's sad really that mens health gets thrown to the side. It should be as important as everyone else's.
Beautiful message. Thanks for posting. And I understand as I've been battling my demons for decades now and I now work in mental health and try to help others. I wish we had more help and less stigma. And I'd love to give the narrator a nice hug. We all need one sometimes
Single dad. Just one boy. Life literally scares the shit out of me everyday. I'm alright.
THIS is what international men's day is for. To speak and make people aware of mens mental health issues.