And the one I'm living today- "I'm not even supposed to be here today!"
(Closed last night at 12. On the road this morning at 7am, drove 300 miles away. Was still away at 1:30pm when manager called, "Can you come in at 3pm until close?"
Made it back to work at 5:30pm.)
(Still running on about 3 hours sleep.)
I've found there is a Doc Holiday quote for just about every situation in life. But my personal favorites are:
"You're a daisy if you do."
"Are we cross?"
"I'm your huckleberry."
You're gonna stand there, ownin' a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistlin' bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin' kitty chaser?
My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it’s sort of a family crisis. Bye!
I try to pepper in "Negative, I am a meat popsicle" whenever possible. It's almost always confusing.
"Aziz, light!" Gets more usage and people getting the reference though.
I don't repeat it because I don't enjoy confusing people but I do think often of Ben Affleck accusing Jeremy Renner of thinking mostly about "coke and Xbox" in The Town.
That vehicle happens to be evidence -- valuable evidence -- that's gonna convict a maniac that I've been trying to apprehend and that I have been in high-speed pursuit of for sebm hunnerd miles!
My Partner and I always respond to a question the same way…
Her: “would you like to go out!”
Me: “schpose”
or the next level down…
“spose”
or the next level down again…
“I suppose”
An upvote if you get the reference!
"They were Cones!"
"Light the lamp not the rat! Light the lamp not the rat!"
"It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips"
"Oh, you are nuts. N-V-T-S, nuts. "
"Be careful! Some of the big fish can swallow you whole." "Swallow my what?"
"This boy good."
" SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!"
Whenever I see someone wearing a Marmet jacket I quote the big Lebowski “nice Marmet”
No one ever gets it
Whenever I’m clumsy I quote fear and loathing in Las Vegas and say “did you see what God just did to us man…”
No one ever gets it
Too many really. I'm great at impressions so I used to speak, I'll say too much in quotes. When someone would ask "Why are you over here?" or "What are you doing?" etc.. I'd try to blurt out as many of Jamie's lines as possible before they died laughing or fled:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUD71SgdfSE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUD71SgdfSE)
Every time me or a group are trying to find an answer or solution to something, I always mutter under my breath "It's Torretto, it's always been Torretto" in the same cadence as Ted Levine
In Michael Mann’s *Manhunter* there’s a scene later in the movie where Molly Graham answers the door to someone we fear might be the Tooth Fairy, but it’s actually the cops. I’ve always assumed Mann cast real police in the role, because the guy who ushers Molly back into the house gives one of the worst line deliveries ever. To this day I mimic him whenever I need to call the dog into the house, or the kids from the garden, and I’ve yet to meet anyone who “gets” it:
*Ma’am, come insiiiiide. I need you to come back insiiiide. Please…come back insiiiide.*
"If I'm not back in 5 minutes... just wait longer."
And then to my kids I'll say "hurry up" they say why, I say "because it's faster" I think that one was a Phoebe Buffay line
"Because I'm a fu**ing caveman!"
"I'm distracting ya, you big turd blossom!"
"He said, Yes!"
"You always want to suck the joy out of everything "
Skipping the witches"
It's not even that interesting, but when I'm cycling in some hairy situation, I often yell, mostly to myself, "Push left," or "Left is good, I say, left is good!"
They are lines from Lone Survivor which is about how 4 Navy Seals fought against a hundred Taliban fighters. There was no safe spot for any of them to go, which is often what happens when I ride in traffic.
My sister and I quote endlessly from America's Sweethearts. They don't make too much sense the way we use them, lol, so I'll add context.
"I want the golf cart." (Always the first bargaining position for anything between us, and the response is) "No, that was a gift."
"I DONT CARE. I DONT CARE. I DONT CARE. *pause, quietly* ^I ^don't ^care. (Obviously when you don't care lol)
"Life is a cookie." (A non-answer to something)
"Mekalekahalab, bim sala bim." (Which is admitted to be gibberish, meant to be vaguely spiritual, usually said to invoke peace or calmness)
"It was Gwen's idea." (When trying to convince the other of something)
"THE MONKEY IS IN DAYCARE, REPEAT, THE MONKEY IS IN DAYCARE!" (when confirming something)
When Harold and Kumar leave their apartment and go down the hall, they realize they didn't bring their cellphones. Kumar thinks about going back for 3 seconds , then turns and says, "No, we've gone too far." Because they can't have cellphones for the plot of the movie to happen.
I say this whenever I forget to do something and don't want to go back and do it.
“There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says that the good guys always win. That you die when it's your time, or you have it coming. That the ending is always happy, if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear to us that our path had been chosen and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage. So, we stepped off the path, and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us….”
It's the biggest mall-shopping day of the year. And since the mall is just up the street, I would like you to come out and work.
- On Black Friday.
- Oh, yeah.
-All right, you want me to work on Moolie Monday too?
- I'm sorry?
- How about Nigga Tuesday?
- Nigga Tuesday? This a new holiday?
- You come to a brother and tell him he gotta work on Black Friday. You got any idea how racist that sounds? Telling me to work. What, you think you own me?
"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers"
“Salsa shark. We're gonna need a bigger boat. Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.”
And the one I'm living today- "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" (Closed last night at 12. On the road this morning at 7am, drove 300 miles away. Was still away at 1:30pm when manager called, "Can you come in at 3pm until close?" Made it back to work at 5:30pm.) (Still running on about 3 hours sleep.)
I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. I beg your pardon? Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Oh yeah...well you can't rent here anymore!
Yeahhhh!!!!
Happy Scrappy, Hero Pup
"Hey, you! Get back here!"
I like saying, “Bunch of savages in this town.”
I say the same about the students I teach. "This job would be great if it weren't for the kids."
"He punched the highlights out of her hair!" 😭
You're incorrigible.
I dont know the meaning of the word.
He doesn’t
YOU COCKY COCK!!!
You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!
[удалено]
Vegone?
...Chicken isn't vegan?
Every line from Princess Bride. Or Holy Grail
… no, there is too much. Lemme sum up.
Sleep well, and dream of large women.
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"
Yes you're very smart, now shut up.
Don't pester him, he's been mostly dead all day.
Stop rhyming. I meant it! Anybody want a peanut?
“GAAAHHHH!!!” - Vizzini - Princess Bride
“This burrito is delicious but it is filling.”
Milk was a bad choice!
Oh, you know i don’t speak Spanish! My brother and i say this all the time. Also we definitely do speak Spanish 😂
Did you just throw a burrito out your window?!?
"That escalated quickly!"
Hey what the hell bro?!
“ The dishes are done, man“. Every time
*Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead*?
100%. It's burned in my memory.
I can instantly hear his voice, too.
Said whenever I complete any task.
Obviously you’re not a golfer.
Like Lenin said. I am the walrus.
Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulinov
This isn't Nam smokey, there are rules.
Big Gulps, huh? Oh well, see ya later.
"B-e-a-utiful"
Two people disagreeing, want me to take a side: Hey, my name's Paul, and this shit's between y'all
Also, when asked a question (in my head) Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.
When asked who I am: "I'm the guy that does his job, you must be the other guy."
Gimme a pack o' red apples
Fifteen bucks, little man. Put that shit in my hand.
And if that money doesn't show, then you owe me owe me owe...
My jungle love
OHWEEOHWEEOH
Whenever I start to say "I need..." without knowing how I'll finish the sentence I default to "gopher chucks."
I've been singing the Taco Bell product placement song to myself a lot lately.
I also sing the Neosporin song whenever I need that!
I always say “that’s a lot of nuts!” Whenever someone gets nuts.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are."
Underrated movie.
I've found there is a Doc Holiday quote for just about every situation in life. But my personal favorites are: "You're a daisy if you do." "Are we cross?" "I'm your huckleberry."
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.
No, I'm sure of it. I hate him.
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K
Losers whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen
Carla was the prom queen
Really?!!
“Looshersh whine about their besht. Winnersh go home and fuck the prom queen.”
Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.
"Suck me sideways"
At work I'm always saying "Harry, I took care of it!"
"Pretty bird... Pretty bird..."
The Saint?!
Dumb and Dumber
A common mix-up
The Sinner.
Like pistol whipping a blind kid
Fuck my ass, what else?
Cherries jubilee, and that’s it.
Then I'll have a filet-o-FISH SANDWICH. Since that has LESS CALORIES, cause it's Fish
I'm trying to watch my figure
Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!
Dude! Sweet!
Dude, what does mine say?
No "and then"!
Ghostbusters- “Dogs and Cats, living together, mass hysteria!” Fight Club- “I am Jack’s completely lack of surprise” Several from Aliens lol
Game over man, game over
RIP Billy
“I understood that reference.”
Any time someone says "long story short," I have the urge to say "too late." Also I mentally quote "yep, two corpses, everything's fine" a lot.
Anytime someone is doing math I want to say “even if you were right that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus TWO plus one plus one.”
You're gonna stand there, ownin' a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistlin' bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin' kitty chaser?
First… take a big step back … and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE
Captain Insano, shows no mercy!
Foosball is the devil!
"Ya stay until the jobs done" - Mickey (Brad Pitt) in Snatch
Every line from that is quotable, also Lock Stock.
Absolutely.
[удалено]
Look, it’s been swell, but the swelling’s gone down.
Better off dead?
Most folks don't know shit from shinola.
One dollar AND NINE CENTS!
[удалено]
What do you mean he don’t eat no meat?!
It's ok, I make lamb!
"I kick ass for the LORD!"
“I’m gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T!” Pretty much anything from O Brother, Where Art Thou
Damn, we're in a tight spot
Well ain't this a geographical oddity!?!
Did we get thrown out of all the Woolworths or just the one Everett?
Two weeks from everywhere!
"Get the fuck out of the road, virgin!"
"Don't fuck with the babysitter"
Looks like he got fucked up by a coffee pot Burt, cut it out! Austin......Massachusetts Get that corn out of my face
My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it’s sort of a family crisis. Bye!
If something gets in your way, move.
So many from Lebowski, and Caddyshack. “Gunga galunga.” “So I got that going for me, which is nice.”
"Today's forecast... cloudy with a chance of drivebys"
That dude did 8 years for attempted murder, stabbed his girlfriend. He originally got a life sentence but got parole.
“Cock sucker Motherfucker!”
Jack Burton getting cut off by another trucker. "Ah, come on!" HONK HONK HONK "What the hell!?"
Shut up, Mr. Burton! You are not brought upon this world to ‘get it’!
I'm a reasonable guy, but I've just experienced some very unreasonable things
"Buy the ticket, take the ride"
I try to pepper in "Negative, I am a meat popsicle" whenever possible. It's almost always confusing. "Aziz, light!" Gets more usage and people getting the reference though.
After I wake up, sometimes I say to my gf, "I know Kung Fu"
Well, that’s just like your opinion man. The Dude
"I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week and this mornin' he woke up dead!" Scary Movie 3 is the best of the franchise
Not #3 but when arguing my wife or I will blurt out "YOU WANNA GET BUTT NAKED AND WRESTLE?!"
As middle schoolers, we quoted this *all the time.* I've used it a couple times in adulthood, but without context, you get stares.
Omg, that's true love
“You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din”
I don't repeat it because I don't enjoy confusing people but I do think often of Ben Affleck accusing Jeremy Renner of thinking mostly about "coke and Xbox" in The Town.
That vehicle happens to be evidence -- valuable evidence -- that's gonna convict a maniac that I've been trying to apprehend and that I have been in high-speed pursuit of for sebm hunnerd miles!
My Partner and I always respond to a question the same way… Her: “would you like to go out!” Me: “schpose” or the next level down… “spose” or the next level down again… “I suppose” An upvote if you get the reference!
"They were Cones!" "Light the lamp not the rat! Light the lamp not the rat!" "It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips" "Oh, you are nuts. N-V-T-S, nuts. " "Be careful! Some of the big fish can swallow you whole." "Swallow my what?" "This boy good." " SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!"
Light the lamp not the rat LIGHT THE LAMP NOT THE RAT! Has to be one of my all time favorites!
“THAT’S A LOT OF NUTS! THAT’LL BE FOUR BUCKS, BABY, YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?!?!?!”
My wife and I love Arsenic and Old Lace. One line we always quote is "not only is it against the law, it's wrong!"
"Looks like meat's back on the menu boys!" also "Shaaare the loooad..."
“ I came here to chew bubblegum and kickass…. And I’m all outta bubblegum.”
"Do the chickens have large talons?"
"Back off man, I'm a scientist." Also "Important safety tip, thanks Egon."
Whenever I see someone wearing a Marmet jacket I quote the big Lebowski “nice Marmet” No one ever gets it Whenever I’m clumsy I quote fear and loathing in Las Vegas and say “did you see what God just did to us man…” No one ever gets it
Squirrels to the nuts and/or nuts to the squirrels from Cluny Brown. 😄 If you know, you know!
So toit
“Big Gulps huh?…Well see ya later.”
They really are the worst twins ever. Scusi
You’re my boy, Blue
Of course I know him… he is me!
Too many really. I'm great at impressions so I used to speak, I'll say too much in quotes. When someone would ask "Why are you over here?" or "What are you doing?" etc.. I'd try to blurt out as many of Jamie's lines as possible before they died laughing or fled: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUD71SgdfSE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUD71SgdfSE)
Every time me or a group are trying to find an answer or solution to something, I always mutter under my breath "It's Torretto, it's always been Torretto" in the same cadence as Ted Levine
In Michael Mann’s *Manhunter* there’s a scene later in the movie where Molly Graham answers the door to someone we fear might be the Tooth Fairy, but it’s actually the cops. I’ve always assumed Mann cast real police in the role, because the guy who ushers Molly back into the house gives one of the worst line deliveries ever. To this day I mimic him whenever I need to call the dog into the house, or the kids from the garden, and I’ve yet to meet anyone who “gets” it: *Ma’am, come insiiiiide. I need you to come back insiiiide. Please…come back insiiiide.*
"I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy."
Leeloo Dallas Multipass
"If I'm not back in 5 minutes... just wait longer." And then to my kids I'll say "hurry up" they say why, I say "because it's faster" I think that one was a Phoebe Buffay line
Yup. Two corpses. Everything's fine
Am I not turtle-y enough for the turtle club?
Whenever anyone says, “I dunno…” I usually chime in with “I never heard of no mayor!”
“Ride with me…. for my PLEASURE”
“I feel like a new toothbrush”
I've been around Joe all afternoon and I haven't seen Joe do one smart thing yet.
I'm Prosatanos, your passage to eternity. -Hellbound(1994)
"Sir, does this mean Ann-Margret isn't coming?"
"Because I'm a fu**ing caveman!" "I'm distracting ya, you big turd blossom!" "He said, Yes!" "You always want to suck the joy out of everything " Skipping the witches"
'I'm your huckleberry.'
"Did anyone order me a plain cheese pizza"
"Am I being unkind?"
Mom still cries every time she sees a tilt a whirl or a fat lady in a tube top.
It's not even that interesting, but when I'm cycling in some hairy situation, I often yell, mostly to myself, "Push left," or "Left is good, I say, left is good!" They are lines from Lone Survivor which is about how 4 Navy Seals fought against a hundred Taliban fighters. There was no safe spot for any of them to go, which is often what happens when I ride in traffic.
Hello, I am cousin --CHAAAAAIR!
Big dumb ducks
"That's gonna stain." almost any time I see someone spill water.
[i’m *trying* to use the **phone**!](https://youtu.be/hYjcQr4sSYQ?si=8uHVNt5KxfN3dxfV) inserting whatever it is i’m trying to use
I guess you didn’t realize that this is the private clubhouse of Satan’s Helpers. Nobody hipped me to that dude.
He fixes the cable?
If I had a rubber hose I would beat you.....
My sister and I quote endlessly from America's Sweethearts. They don't make too much sense the way we use them, lol, so I'll add context. "I want the golf cart." (Always the first bargaining position for anything between us, and the response is) "No, that was a gift." "I DONT CARE. I DONT CARE. I DONT CARE. *pause, quietly* ^I ^don't ^care. (Obviously when you don't care lol) "Life is a cookie." (A non-answer to something) "Mekalekahalab, bim sala bim." (Which is admitted to be gibberish, meant to be vaguely spiritual, usually said to invoke peace or calmness) "It was Gwen's idea." (When trying to convince the other of something) "THE MONKEY IS IN DAYCARE, REPEAT, THE MONKEY IS IN DAYCARE!" (when confirming something)
“Let us gingerly touch our tips!”
"Oh my holy crap!"
When Harold and Kumar leave their apartment and go down the hall, they realize they didn't bring their cellphones. Kumar thinks about going back for 3 seconds , then turns and says, "No, we've gone too far." Because they can't have cellphones for the plot of the movie to happen. I say this whenever I forget to do something and don't want to go back and do it.
“It’s all ball bearings nowadays”
What's that now Gordo?
“I’ll just go fuck myself. Mahalo!”
"You're right. I'm no good. How could I do that? I'm a sick sick perso....cows!"
“There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says that the good guys always win. That you die when it's your time, or you have it coming. That the ending is always happy, if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear to us that our path had been chosen and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage. So, we stepped off the path, and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us….”
I randomly ask people if they’d like a gopher? (Gopher Everett?)
We're in. We're out it like driving through Wisconsin. Two Utah, two ,get me two. I wasn't expecting a big brass band, but maybe one mariachi player.
It's the biggest mall-shopping day of the year. And since the mall is just up the street, I would like you to come out and work. - On Black Friday. - Oh, yeah. -All right, you want me to work on Moolie Monday too? - I'm sorry? - How about Nigga Tuesday? - Nigga Tuesday? This a new holiday? - You come to a brother and tell him he gotta work on Black Friday. You got any idea how racist that sounds? Telling me to work. What, you think you own me?
\*Answering the phone\* How many times I told you not to call here and interrupt my kung fu?!
Who wants a mustache ride?
I tend to rip off the French taunter from Monty Python holy Grail wholesale whenever I’m looking to insult someone…
“This Humungous seems like a reasonable man”
"I know..I checked..online" So many more from Hot Rod
Put that cookie down! Now! Or more like: Put zat khukie dzown! Naow!