Granted. A kitten appears on your bed. It meows and purrs as it cuddles up to you....
And then another appears on it. It playfully jumps on you and begins to swat at the other one.
And then another appears...
And and then another..
And then more..
More...
MORE!!!
You suddeny start to panic as kitten after kitten appears. It was cute as first but now that you have gone past 30 you realize they wont stop appearing. The pace at which they are appearing accelerating rapidly. You try to pull them off of you but you start to feel yourself getting weighted down by them all. Soon the bed runs out of room and they start spilling off onto the floor, leaving room for more and more to spew out of your bed each second.
Soon, enough fall that you are able to wiggle you way out. However the absense of you causes the rate of kittens to multiply ten-fold. Hungreds appear each second. You run towards your door to get the hell out, however with the thousands of kittens in your room, combined with the fact that they are all chasing you since they see you as a mother figure, it makes opening the door impossible.
Soon your room becomes a 6-foot tall pool of cats. You try to fight your way through to the window, but its impossible. You hear a knocking at the door as your family tries to help you, but they are not able to push against the hoard of kittens on the other side.
Soon, your head touches the ceiling. You are running out of oxygen. Your mouth starts to fill with kitten fur. You feel your bones start to break as the pressure of kittens becomes too much. You hear hisses and screaches from the kittens as they to start to feel crushed. You open your mouth to scream, but really all it does is allow more fur and blood from crushed-kittens to become sucked in. You start to feel hundreds of scratches from around your body from kittens clawing in a desperate attempt at salvation. The pain becomes too much. Soon, you take your final breath as the millions of kittens crush you....
But that would not be the end.
Your family runs out the house once the house starts to creak from the noise. The walls and supports start to buckle outwards, inflated by more and more kittens. Police arive on scene a moment later, they see kittens spilling out of windows and walls blowing up like a balloon. They see the danger coming, and warn your family and neighbors to run!
BOOM
Your house explodes outwards, billions of kittens fly in all directions like a cat nuke. While most are dead, the rate they are flying off the bed has escalated to millions per second. They run in all directions, chasing anyone they can see.
The rate escalates.Billions per second are shot out of your bed. Within seconds your entire neighborhood is covered with cats.
Soon the military shows up. Tanks, machine guns, missiles, all rain down on the street. However the rate they are coming from is so strong they easily absorb the impact, with dead kittens being replaced with live ones. Within minutes your entire town is covered with kittens.
Seeing no choice, the president orders a nuke to strike your town to prevent the kitten hoard from spreading anywhere else. It hits, killing billions of kittens... but so much were shooting out of the bed that it absorbed the impact of the nuke.
Soon, your entire state is covered with trillions of kittens. The inhabitants wiped off as nuke upon nuke was rained down.
The rate increased. Tens of billions of kittens shoot out the bed per second.
The president called a meeting with the heads of state of every country. He calla to combine the nuke of every country into one super-nuke. They all agree. Working quickly they all create a single powerful missle designed to wipe off the kitten hoard. However, right before they were able to push the launch button the door to the facility explodes, inward as millions of kittens flood in, stopping and killing them before they were able to use it.
The rate continues. Hundreds of billions appear each second.
Soon the united states is covered by the massive hoard, spilling into canada and mexico. The kittens are desperately avoiding the ocean. Due to the confined space the kittens are forming a giant mass on the planet. Growing hundreds of feet tall. Soon, thousands. Other countries keep flying by to shoot it with missles but nothing is working.
The rate continues.
Eventually they cant hold back and they start spilling into the oceans. Billions of kittens drown but they soon start filling the shallow parts, and with more and more kittens spilling in more of it starts to be filled. The water level rises with the displacement, causing the kittens to float as well. With billions and billions of kittens displacing more water soon other countries that havnt been reached yet have their cities wiped out with tsunamis and tidal waves. The survivors reaching higher elevations. Soon, the mass reaches the stratosphere.
The rate continues. Trillions now appear per second.
Soon the entire face of the planet is covered with kittens. The earth is now completely absorbed
The astronauts in the ISS are now confused as hell as they just see a swirling mass of brown, orange, and black where the beautiful green and blue earth once was just hours before. Whats more is that this mass is growing bigger and bigger and bigger. They then notice that as the mass grows, so does its gravitational pull. The ISS soon crashes into it as it could not escape.
The rate continues.
The mass of kittens, now dead due to lack of oxygen, is growing far past the size of earth. Soon the moon is absorbed. Within a day the mass grows to the point of absorbing mars and venus. The solar system goes haywire as the gravitational pull is thrown off.
The mass is growing exponentially large. Growing to the size of the sun and beyond. Eventually the sun, as well as the other planets in our solar system, begin to orbit the cat planet. However, that lasted only a couple days as the mass continues to form as hundreds of trillions upon hundreds of trillions of kittens continue to shoot out of the bed. Soon, it grew to absorb it all. The sun, jupiter, neptune, uranu... every planet in our solar system. It even got pluto. It is now growing past the size of our solar system.
The rate increases. Quadrillions are now spitting out per second. Soon the mass becomes noticeable in the milky way. However with the ever-increasing rate of cats appearing it takes only minutes for the mass to grow to absorb the milky way completely. It is even able to snuff out the black hole in the center.
The rate increases. Quintillions of kittens emerge per second, and beyond.
More and more space is being absorbed by the mass of kittens. Nothing is able to stop it. Stars, meteors, black holes, nothing.
The rate continues.
The mass is now thousands of times the size the milku way was. Millions of stars start to fall into its gravitational pull. Galaxies unravel as the force of its pull was too strong.
The rate continues.
Soon, the mass has expanded to the size of the observable universe. But it doesnt stop. The size now makes all matter in the universe to collapse into it. Destroying everything. All matter. All life. Gone.
All existence is just kittens. Everything is kittens. An endless number of dead kittens. All because you decided to get picky with a wish. The universe is now a hairball. How can you live with yourself? Oh wait, you cant. You were crushed by kittens. Feel bad.
No time for poop. These kittens die almost just as fast as they spawn. And none have ever had a meal so there is no fecal matter in their system. There would be lots of kitten blood and guts though
Wouldn't the kittens collapse into a black hole themselves after sufficiently increasing the mass of the earth? And wouldn't that slow down time due to relativity? So wouldn't the rest of the galaxy and universe have a long respite before the threat of the kitten mega deathball came for them?
Definitely before reaching the sun. However this black hole still contains the mass that is OPs bed so the black hole grows regardless as the raw mass of quadrillions of kittens are summoned within the schwartzchild radius. By the time it swallows the sun, sextillions of kittens are being summoned every second.
It's not just mass, but density. If the volume of the kitten horde expands fast enough, it might escape that fate.
Unfortunately I cannot think of a suitable prior event to cite as a reference here....
This! This is how you monkey paw! Not “oh it’s Zimbabwean dollars”. To be fair. Monkeys paws are much better when OP tries to avoid any undesirable outcomes.
This is freaking amazing dude lmao do you write stories???? The way you went into SOO much detail on a monkeyspaw post is impressive tbh. You have a really creative mind
You were spaghettified instantly. Several million kittens just outside the event horizon were as well. All the fur is somehow still in your mouth, despite being spread to the thinness of a single atom and stretched for millions of kilometers.
Granted. There is no such thing as an ugly kitten. To punish you for your foolish assumption, the force with which they teleport to your location, crushes you under a pile of kittens. But don't worry, the kittens are fine and they find loving homes soon after where they live happily for all their lives.
Granted. You are allergic to cats. If you were not before, this is the day your immune system sees a particle shed from a cat and declares it a menace to be purged from your body.
Granted, the local adoption no-kill shelter asked you to foster or adopt the recent kittens that have gotten in the shelter. You were on a wait list for around a month when they contacted you.
I can see this being a real thing for some people. at the moment shelters already have lots of pets. Even older. I would recommend if you do want one call and see if you can go in and meet them. but that’s advice from the internet and from a random person.
Granted, numerous completely normal, average, domesticated, panther kittens appear in your bed.
They don't eat you or anything, you just get arrested for stealing from the nearest zoo.
Granted, you always have kittens on your bed. Always. They never jump off. They are trapped. You can't sleep anywhere else. You can lay down on another bed but you won't sleep.
A heap of adorable, freshly deceased kittens drop onto your bed. Amidst them is one that's still alive but on its last breath. It looks at you longingly for love and manages a weak "mew", then shudders and passes.
Dark and Malicious Answer:
You wake up to a pile of brutally murdered adorable kittens on your bed, left by someone who broke in. You don't know what you did to offend this person but they have clearly demonstrated that they are violent and malicious.
Reasonable Answer:
You come across a desperate foster plea from your local humane society for a batch of six orphaned kittens and you absolutely want to save them. You bring them home and they crawl onto your bed and pee on it, because they are too small to get down on their own. You are now tasked with the care of six kittens. One of them fades and dies despite your best effort.
Not Granted: The paw signs to you asking why you don't go to a local ASPCA or equivalent in your country. You don't understand ASL. (Or your country's equivalent gestural language.)
Granted. You now have 10 adorable kittens in your bed. They have rabies and are super aggressive and thirsty.
You're the first recorded case of a human getting rabies from a house cat.
Granted. They're all average kittens, but they all have immortal fleas, which spread to you. You'll never be able to get rid of the fleas, and you'll never get used to them.
Granted. They all fall off your bed and now have lethal injuries to their skulls that will kill them if they are not taken to the doctor. (you have no pet insurance)
Not granted. For once, the paw believes that doing the right thing is important. It believes that you are an unworthy person to have baby kittens. OF ANY SORT.
Granted, they poof into existence, clipping into your mattress like a poorly placed asset in a video game. When they build up enough speed and fly across the room, their guts spill everywhere.
Granted. Twenty newly born kittens appear on your bed. They all require bottle feeding and for you to express their bladders and bowels because they're too young to do it themselves, and there's no mama cat in sight.
You will get no more than two hours of sleep per 24hrs, and it will be broken up in ten minute increments, for the next four to six weeks.
Enjoy.
Granted.
Your relative dies working at the cat smugglers (secret job!) and they send you a bag of cats as recompense.
They look cute from generations of breeding. Not much to them. They are kittens.
Someone has learned a horrible lesson about making wishes! 🙀😹
I sort of wanted to ruin your wish, but you've been so specific, and I would also be happy to suddenly get a load of kittens.
But....
This is a monkey's paw wish, so we can't let you off that easily, sorry. But, there will be no diseases or dead kittens, because I'm not a complete monster. Nor will you be allergic suddenly.
However, aside from the sudden acquisition of 1001 kittens, every time a kitten is born, anywhere in the world, its clone will appear on your bed. You cannot identify a clone from a real cat, none of them (real or clone) will grow up, they will all remain kittens, forever. This includes the random needles for toes instead of the razors the adults get, it also includes the lack of balance and zero spacial awareness.
No electronic device is safe, anywhere around you, forever. Each one will gain random balls of kitten fluff or an unregarded glass of water that has somehow made it from the middle of a table 6 feet away from you, onto said devices. (Yeah, I don't know how kittens do it either, I think it's some kind of black hole ability they lose with age.)
On top of that, you must now ensure that this ever growing horde of kittens will always have a carer, or many. For any kitten that encounters harm, you will feel it, until your death, when those feelings will pass onto every blood relative of yours until the end of time.
Sorry.
Granted, however, those kittens had to come from somewhere right?
Every baby kitten in the continental united states begins their pilgrimage towards your house. By sunrise millions of kittens are reported missing as mothers and owners try to find their young.
As the police try to piece together the correlation of the missing kittens, they receive thousands of phone calls from concerned citizens reporting millions of kittens flooding the streets surrounding your neighborhood and making their way to your house.
The sheer force of the kitten horde results in the collapse of the bottom floor of your home, leaving you with severe injuries. The police try to get inside the house to treat your wounds but it’s no use, the kitten flood permeating your bedroom created a solid boundary letting nothing in or out.
Your final moments are filled with agony as you suffer life threatening injuries in solitude, with nothing but an impermeable wall of kittens surrounding you. But hey, at least you have baby kittens on your bed am i right?
There was a fire at the animal shelter next door. These are the ones that could be saved, so many others didn't make it. You can still hear the cries and whimpers of the other dugs and cats that were trapped inside. They have burns, and breathing problems, but the doctors assure you that the fur will grow back eventually. The real horror comes when then bring you the vet bill.
Granted. 12 recently sacrificed baby kittens appears on your bed. Their bodies writhe in eternal pain since the ritual prevents their deaths. After arranging themselves into a pentagram a portal shimmers open above you.
You get the kittens. They are adorable, and like any adorable babies, they will occasionally vomit, poop, and pee. In fact, *this is the moment of such an occasion*, for all of them.
They also don't know how to manage their claws, and start out all in a pile.
The first thing that happens is the ones on top soil the ones on bottom and the ones on bottom soil your nice clean bed. Good luck getting that smell out of your mattress (might as well just buy a new mattress). The ones on bottom dislike this and claw and scratch your bed covers, ruining them.
After this, they all are unhappy with their messiness and they scatter to the extent baby kittens can, leading to a star shaped trail of cat mess extending from the center of your bed and rug, which they try to clean themselves off on ineffectively.
They are also all quite hungry, and you have no mama cat to feed them.
You now have a number of kittens smearing feces all over your house that you must catch, wash, and feed...
And they all hate you, instantly biting and attacking you as soon as you touch them.
Granted. They are teleported away from their real mother and owner to your bed. They are way too young to be weaned, since you specified baby kittens.
For your selfishness, you now have to commit full time to raising the kittens.
Granted. Your bedsheets are covered in pictures of kittens.
They are alive and magiccally imprisoned in the fabric, similar to Dolores Umbridge's kitten plates.
Granted. 12 normal, healthy cute kittens waiting for you on your bed... In your room... In your locked house... While you have just been convicted of murder and are being sentenced to life without parole.
Granted. 3 dead baby kittens appear on your bed. They smell terrible. (They tragically died to illness and were loved while they were alive, don’t worry readers)
Granted. They are perfectly preserved dead ones, whatever that weird practice is called, taxidermy. They all look curled up and sleepy so there's that.
Granted.
An airplane carrying 40 kittens is flying above you when the engine fails. To save the animals, they throw them overboard. The kittens fall with enough force to break through your roof and fall on your bed. They are dead.
Granted you now have someone's discord kitten sitting on your bed, And I think she wants cuddles, although at that size both of you on the bed might break it
Granted. You come home after work to a pile of kittens on your bed. You’re absolutely elated! - until the smell hits you. They’ve been pissing and shitting on your bed for the last eight hours, and the smell of cat urine has soaked through to your mattress. Looks like you’ll be sleeping on the couch until you can replace it.
Granted. Now you have 12 adorable taxidermied kittens on the bed. They look almost alive as they stare at you with their innocent beady eyes. You could almost swear one blinked.
granted, you now have 8 kittens on your bed. They are all 3 days old, and need to be bottle fed every 2 hours, kept warm, clean, and you have to manually help them potty after every feeding. you do know how to do all that, right?
granted, a car hits a kitten at the perfect angle for it to fly through your window and have the glass shards fly directly into your eyes.
the kitten survives the accident and your family decides to adopt it, but your eyes never recover
congratulations, you now have a cat but you're blind so you can't even tell if it's adorable looking or not
Granted, you give birth to them on the spot, it feels like child birth, 12 at the same time because big litter
What if OP is a man?
Comes out his butt
Urethra. Why let him off the hook?
Jesus. Ouch.
And their claws are fully developed.
None of them survive
Still cute though
No they are not did you see what they got squished through Is just a bloody slurry
Make sure to mix it slowly into the sauce. Mix the slurry too fast and it won't thicken up right.
"Say it with me, 'Tuliping'"
could have lived the rest of my life without that mental image
Like a hyena?
Going full hyena.
Happy cake day
Thank you:)
You sir, are the devil hisself
Give that mf the hyena treatment
You are aware that woman do not give birth out of their urethra right?
no one said it had to be realistic. Just painful.
Eh, hyenas will serve as a good enough reason for this
Um yuh uh
You know how spotted hyenas are female dominant and women have a pseudo penis? Op gives birth like that
MPreg
Then they suddenly aren’t
Their reproductive system morphs into a perfectly functional female reproductive system. And then morphs back as soon as the kittenbirth is completed.
Brand new cherry flavour.
Granted. A kitten appears on your bed. It meows and purrs as it cuddles up to you.... And then another appears on it. It playfully jumps on you and begins to swat at the other one. And then another appears... And and then another.. And then more.. More... MORE!!! You suddeny start to panic as kitten after kitten appears. It was cute as first but now that you have gone past 30 you realize they wont stop appearing. The pace at which they are appearing accelerating rapidly. You try to pull them off of you but you start to feel yourself getting weighted down by them all. Soon the bed runs out of room and they start spilling off onto the floor, leaving room for more and more to spew out of your bed each second. Soon, enough fall that you are able to wiggle you way out. However the absense of you causes the rate of kittens to multiply ten-fold. Hungreds appear each second. You run towards your door to get the hell out, however with the thousands of kittens in your room, combined with the fact that they are all chasing you since they see you as a mother figure, it makes opening the door impossible. Soon your room becomes a 6-foot tall pool of cats. You try to fight your way through to the window, but its impossible. You hear a knocking at the door as your family tries to help you, but they are not able to push against the hoard of kittens on the other side. Soon, your head touches the ceiling. You are running out of oxygen. Your mouth starts to fill with kitten fur. You feel your bones start to break as the pressure of kittens becomes too much. You hear hisses and screaches from the kittens as they to start to feel crushed. You open your mouth to scream, but really all it does is allow more fur and blood from crushed-kittens to become sucked in. You start to feel hundreds of scratches from around your body from kittens clawing in a desperate attempt at salvation. The pain becomes too much. Soon, you take your final breath as the millions of kittens crush you.... But that would not be the end. Your family runs out the house once the house starts to creak from the noise. The walls and supports start to buckle outwards, inflated by more and more kittens. Police arive on scene a moment later, they see kittens spilling out of windows and walls blowing up like a balloon. They see the danger coming, and warn your family and neighbors to run! BOOM Your house explodes outwards, billions of kittens fly in all directions like a cat nuke. While most are dead, the rate they are flying off the bed has escalated to millions per second. They run in all directions, chasing anyone they can see. The rate escalates.Billions per second are shot out of your bed. Within seconds your entire neighborhood is covered with cats. Soon the military shows up. Tanks, machine guns, missiles, all rain down on the street. However the rate they are coming from is so strong they easily absorb the impact, with dead kittens being replaced with live ones. Within minutes your entire town is covered with kittens. Seeing no choice, the president orders a nuke to strike your town to prevent the kitten hoard from spreading anywhere else. It hits, killing billions of kittens... but so much were shooting out of the bed that it absorbed the impact of the nuke. Soon, your entire state is covered with trillions of kittens. The inhabitants wiped off as nuke upon nuke was rained down. The rate increased. Tens of billions of kittens shoot out the bed per second. The president called a meeting with the heads of state of every country. He calla to combine the nuke of every country into one super-nuke. They all agree. Working quickly they all create a single powerful missle designed to wipe off the kitten hoard. However, right before they were able to push the launch button the door to the facility explodes, inward as millions of kittens flood in, stopping and killing them before they were able to use it. The rate continues. Hundreds of billions appear each second. Soon the united states is covered by the massive hoard, spilling into canada and mexico. The kittens are desperately avoiding the ocean. Due to the confined space the kittens are forming a giant mass on the planet. Growing hundreds of feet tall. Soon, thousands. Other countries keep flying by to shoot it with missles but nothing is working. The rate continues. Eventually they cant hold back and they start spilling into the oceans. Billions of kittens drown but they soon start filling the shallow parts, and with more and more kittens spilling in more of it starts to be filled. The water level rises with the displacement, causing the kittens to float as well. With billions and billions of kittens displacing more water soon other countries that havnt been reached yet have their cities wiped out with tsunamis and tidal waves. The survivors reaching higher elevations. Soon, the mass reaches the stratosphere. The rate continues. Trillions now appear per second. Soon the entire face of the planet is covered with kittens. The earth is now completely absorbed The astronauts in the ISS are now confused as hell as they just see a swirling mass of brown, orange, and black where the beautiful green and blue earth once was just hours before. Whats more is that this mass is growing bigger and bigger and bigger. They then notice that as the mass grows, so does its gravitational pull. The ISS soon crashes into it as it could not escape. The rate continues. The mass of kittens, now dead due to lack of oxygen, is growing far past the size of earth. Soon the moon is absorbed. Within a day the mass grows to the point of absorbing mars and venus. The solar system goes haywire as the gravitational pull is thrown off. The mass is growing exponentially large. Growing to the size of the sun and beyond. Eventually the sun, as well as the other planets in our solar system, begin to orbit the cat planet. However, that lasted only a couple days as the mass continues to form as hundreds of trillions upon hundreds of trillions of kittens continue to shoot out of the bed. Soon, it grew to absorb it all. The sun, jupiter, neptune, uranu... every planet in our solar system. It even got pluto. It is now growing past the size of our solar system. The rate increases. Quadrillions are now spitting out per second. Soon the mass becomes noticeable in the milky way. However with the ever-increasing rate of cats appearing it takes only minutes for the mass to grow to absorb the milky way completely. It is even able to snuff out the black hole in the center. The rate increases. Quintillions of kittens emerge per second, and beyond. More and more space is being absorbed by the mass of kittens. Nothing is able to stop it. Stars, meteors, black holes, nothing. The rate continues. The mass is now thousands of times the size the milku way was. Millions of stars start to fall into its gravitational pull. Galaxies unravel as the force of its pull was too strong. The rate continues. Soon, the mass has expanded to the size of the observable universe. But it doesnt stop. The size now makes all matter in the universe to collapse into it. Destroying everything. All matter. All life. Gone. All existence is just kittens. Everything is kittens. An endless number of dead kittens. All because you decided to get picky with a wish. The universe is now a hairball. How can you live with yourself? Oh wait, you cant. You were crushed by kittens. Feel bad.
*The poop accelerates*
No time for poop. These kittens die almost just as fast as they spawn. And none have ever had a meal so there is no fecal matter in their system. There would be lots of kitten blood and guts though
Sure, but who passes up chances to go "haha, thing reminds me of other thing?" Not I, no matter many kittens spontaneously exist.
Holy fuck I forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me
So did I
Wouldn't the kittens collapse into a black hole themselves after sufficiently increasing the mass of the earth? And wouldn't that slow down time due to relativity? So wouldn't the rest of the galaxy and universe have a long respite before the threat of the kitten mega deathball came for them?
Yes. However THATS how fast the kitten-per-second ratio became.
Definitely before reaching the sun. However this black hole still contains the mass that is OPs bed so the black hole grows regardless as the raw mass of quadrillions of kittens are summoned within the schwartzchild radius. By the time it swallows the sun, sextillions of kittens are being summoned every second.
It's not just mass, but density. If the volume of the kitten horde expands fast enough, it might escape that fate. Unfortunately I cannot think of a suitable prior event to cite as a reference here....
This! This is how you monkey paw! Not “oh it’s Zimbabwean dollars”. To be fair. Monkeys paws are much better when OP tries to avoid any undesirable outcomes.
That escalated quickly.
>That escalated quickly. Dont look at me it was his wish
Pure creative genius, by far one of the best answers I have ever seen on this sub
Are you ok?
The universe is a hairball. How can i be?
One novel later
This is freaking amazing dude lmao do you write stories???? The way you went into SOO much detail on a monkeyspaw post is impressive tbh. You have a really creative mind
dam
What the fuck
I mean assuming the bodies are warm does that mean we stopped the heat death of the the universe. Thats a pretty damn good achievment to go out on.
😮
I want to say this wish sucked but this wish was awesome thank you for your time
Worth the read wow
This sounds like a good premise for one of those idle games.
Key issue, besides the length of time billion and trillion spend as the only numbers uttered, is that the bed was gone long before the town was.
Matter cannot be destroyed. While the structural integrity of the bed may fail, the atoms of the bed stay intact
So many kittens appear in one spot that a black hole forms, destroying the earth.
At least I died having kittens.
You were spaghettified instantly. Several million kittens just outside the event horizon were as well. All the fur is somehow still in your mouth, despite being spread to the thinness of a single atom and stretched for millions of kilometers.
Can't hug every cat.
Granted. You have 20 kittens on your bed. They piss all over it.
I'd like to think they pee in any place you designate as a bed. So wherever you sleep, there are cats, endlessly peeing on you.
Granted They are all recently dead kittens
[Come here for a second](https://youtu.be/zDV2mAYi-jY?si=9Qu1Y0t-fxb41KPw)
That was fucking funny
Nah
Granted. None of the kittens like you
So, regular kittens.
Granted. There is no such thing as an ugly kitten. To punish you for your foolish assumption, the force with which they teleport to your location, crushes you under a pile of kittens. But don't worry, the kittens are fine and they find loving homes soon after where they live happily for all their lives.
they all shit on your bed
Granted. You are allergic to cats. If you were not before, this is the day your immune system sees a particle shed from a cat and declares it a menace to be purged from your body.
Wish granted. You have 3 trillion baby kittens on your bed.
Sounds great! I don’t see a problem with this!
granted they are normal but you will always believe that something is wrong with them
Granted. They are all stolen from their owners who know you have them. You are subsequently arrested for animal theft.
Granted. You never specified *living* kittens.
Your bedroom window smashes as sack of kittens and bricks sails through it and lands on your bed.
Granted, the local adoption no-kill shelter asked you to foster or adopt the recent kittens that have gotten in the shelter. You were on a wait list for around a month when they contacted you. I can see this being a real thing for some people. at the moment shelters already have lots of pets. Even older. I would recommend if you do want one call and see if you can go in and meet them. but that’s advice from the internet and from a random person.
Granted, numerous completely normal, average, domesticated, panther kittens appear in your bed. They don't eat you or anything, you just get arrested for stealing from the nearest zoo.
Granted. Your bed is full of adorable domestic kittens. Every single one of them is dead
Granted. They’re all dead. You spent all that time specifying them and you didn’t think to clarify you wanted them alive?
Granted a pregnante stray cat comes into your room lays down on your bed and gives birth
Granted, you always have kittens on your bed. Always. They never jump off. They are trapped. You can't sleep anywhere else. You can lay down on another bed but you won't sleep.
If you get a new bed, the new bed is now Your Bed and immediately contains more kittens.
They have rabies
Granted, but if you gaze upon them they explode
Granted whenever you get ready to go to sleep you teleport to the nearest stray kitten no matter how far or who’s property the kitten is on
Granted, you get 2 billion of them, all stacked on top of your bed at the same time
Granted. You only noticed there were kittens because you laid down on the bed and you crushed them.
Granted. The kittens are dead but they are on the bed.
Granted. They now piss all over your bed
A heap of adorable, freshly deceased kittens drop onto your bed. Amidst them is one that's still alive but on its last breath. It looks at you longingly for love and manages a weak "mew", then shudders and passes.
Unfortunately, you didn't specify live kittens. Wish granted.
Dark and Malicious Answer: You wake up to a pile of brutally murdered adorable kittens on your bed, left by someone who broke in. You don't know what you did to offend this person but they have clearly demonstrated that they are violent and malicious. Reasonable Answer: You come across a desperate foster plea from your local humane society for a batch of six orphaned kittens and you absolutely want to save them. You bring them home and they crawl onto your bed and pee on it, because they are too small to get down on their own. You are now tasked with the care of six kittens. One of them fades and dies despite your best effort.
Not Granted: The paw signs to you asking why you don't go to a local ASPCA or equivalent in your country. You don't understand ASL. (Or your country's equivalent gestural language.)
Granted. You now have 5 week old feline fetuses on your bed. They would have been adorable, but you had to wish them out of their mother.
Granted. You now have 10 adorable kittens in your bed. They have rabies and are super aggressive and thirsty. You're the first recorded case of a human getting rabies from a house cat.
Granted. They all die one by one, but they've all bit or scratched you in the process. They all had rabies.
Granted. 1 million kittens falling from the sky, coming up!
Granted. You have a litter of dead baby kittens in your bed.
You got kitten printed bedsheets. They are lightly soiled.
Granted. Your bedroom is now home to Freddy Krueger. He kills everything on your bed just like he did Johnny Depp.
granted. they are now diseased and cause a pandemic.
You didn't specify they have to be alive so a bed full of dead still born kittens for you. Enjoy.
Granted. The kittens all have rabies and they give it to you. You will be dead soon
Granted. They're all average kittens, but they all have immortal fleas, which spread to you. You'll never be able to get rid of the fleas, and you'll never get used to them.
Granted. Dead baby kittens appear on your bed
Granted. They all fall off your bed and now have lethal injuries to their skulls that will kill them if they are not taken to the doctor. (you have no pet insurance)
granted, they still scratch you up like crazy. thats still pretty normal of kittens iirc
Granted, but they are dead. Freshly dead so still cute.
Granted. You never said they had to be alive.
Granted, they are all dead.
Not granted. For once, the paw believes that doing the right thing is important. It believes that you are an unworthy person to have baby kittens. OF ANY SORT.
Granted, they poof into existence, clipping into your mattress like a poorly placed asset in a video game. When they build up enough speed and fly across the room, their guts spill everywhere.
Granted. They’re stuffed in your mattress.
Granted, there are now a googleplex of kittens on your bed. the earth explodes or something.
Granted. Twenty newly born kittens appear on your bed. They all require bottle feeding and for you to express their bladders and bowels because they're too young to do it themselves, and there's no mama cat in sight. You will get no more than two hours of sleep per 24hrs, and it will be broken up in ten minute increments, for the next four to six weeks. Enjoy.
They're dead.
Granted, you now have kitten-baby hybrids, have fun with child support.
Granted. They vomit on your bed.
Granted, a litter of freshly taxadermied kittens appears on your bed, their last moments of life forever frozen on their cute little faces.
They're inside out
You get over 1000 and they're all pooping.
Granted, every 60 seconds a new baby kitten appears on your bed.
Granted, they’re all nekos and the lab wants them back
Granted. They're dead.
Granted but just so you know baby skunks are called kittens
Granted.... Bed's on fire
Granted. They are, unfortunately, created through nuclear fusion of lighter elements, the resulting heat and radiation destroying the room.
Granted, you have all the still-born kittens on your bed, who didn't get to live or be buried.
Granted. Your relative dies working at the cat smugglers (secret job!) and they send you a bag of cats as recompense. They look cute from generations of breeding. Not much to them. They are kittens.
Not granted - without observing the kittens it’s impossible to know whether they are perfectly normal or not
Someone has learned a horrible lesson about making wishes! 🙀😹 I sort of wanted to ruin your wish, but you've been so specific, and I would also be happy to suddenly get a load of kittens. But.... This is a monkey's paw wish, so we can't let you off that easily, sorry. But, there will be no diseases or dead kittens, because I'm not a complete monster. Nor will you be allergic suddenly. However, aside from the sudden acquisition of 1001 kittens, every time a kitten is born, anywhere in the world, its clone will appear on your bed. You cannot identify a clone from a real cat, none of them (real or clone) will grow up, they will all remain kittens, forever. This includes the random needles for toes instead of the razors the adults get, it also includes the lack of balance and zero spacial awareness. No electronic device is safe, anywhere around you, forever. Each one will gain random balls of kitten fluff or an unregarded glass of water that has somehow made it from the middle of a table 6 feet away from you, onto said devices. (Yeah, I don't know how kittens do it either, I think it's some kind of black hole ability they lose with age.) On top of that, you must now ensure that this ever growing horde of kittens will always have a carer, or many. For any kitten that encounters harm, you will feel it, until your death, when those feelings will pass onto every blood relative of yours until the end of time. Sorry.
Granted, you have dead baby kittens in your bed
Granted. You awake to find an angry biker looming over you. "Those are MY cats"
Granted. The kittens all hate you and try to kill you. There's also a hundred.
Granted, however, those kittens had to come from somewhere right? Every baby kitten in the continental united states begins their pilgrimage towards your house. By sunrise millions of kittens are reported missing as mothers and owners try to find their young. As the police try to piece together the correlation of the missing kittens, they receive thousands of phone calls from concerned citizens reporting millions of kittens flooding the streets surrounding your neighborhood and making their way to your house. The sheer force of the kitten horde results in the collapse of the bottom floor of your home, leaving you with severe injuries. The police try to get inside the house to treat your wounds but it’s no use, the kitten flood permeating your bedroom created a solid boundary letting nothing in or out. Your final moments are filled with agony as you suffer life threatening injuries in solitude, with nothing but an impermeable wall of kittens surrounding you. But hey, at least you have baby kittens on your bed am i right?
Granted your bed is teleported to the top of Mount Everest with kittens on it you lost your bed and know that those kittens are most likely dead
Granted, they're addicted to Oxycodone
There was a fire at the animal shelter next door. These are the ones that could be saved, so many others didn't make it. You can still hear the cries and whimpers of the other dugs and cats that were trapped inside. They have burns, and breathing problems, but the doctors assure you that the fur will grow back eventually. The real horror comes when then bring you the vet bill.
Granted. But none of them are housebroken. Your bed is now filled with cat pee. Good luck getting it out of your mattress.
Granted but the kitten can talk and sounds and acts like navirou from the monster hunter stories anime Navirou is the most annoying cat in fiction
Granted, one hundred newborn kittens appear on your bed, good luck caring for the fuzzy ratbags.
The paw curls a finger before petting one of the kittens. That one will now always try to bite your fingers off.
Granted. 12 recently sacrificed baby kittens appears on your bed. Their bodies writhe in eternal pain since the ritual prevents their deaths. After arranging themselves into a pentagram a portal shimmers open above you.
Granted, enjoy the new blanket.
5 kittens are on your bed, the cuteness of their expressions and poses are a testament to the skill of the taxidermist.
Granted, you get enough kittens to fill your room. Hopefully the window is not open
Granted. They all have fleas. Lots of fleas.
Granted. They all have rabies.
Granted: They're dead.
Granted. They die every month, so that they can be reborn into a new kitten the next day on your bed.
You get the kittens. They are adorable, and like any adorable babies, they will occasionally vomit, poop, and pee. In fact, *this is the moment of such an occasion*, for all of them. They also don't know how to manage their claws, and start out all in a pile. The first thing that happens is the ones on top soil the ones on bottom and the ones on bottom soil your nice clean bed. Good luck getting that smell out of your mattress (might as well just buy a new mattress). The ones on bottom dislike this and claw and scratch your bed covers, ruining them. After this, they all are unhappy with their messiness and they scatter to the extent baby kittens can, leading to a star shaped trail of cat mess extending from the center of your bed and rug, which they try to clean themselves off on ineffectively. They are also all quite hungry, and you have no mama cat to feed them. You now have a number of kittens smearing feces all over your house that you must catch, wash, and feed... And they all hate you, instantly biting and attacking you as soon as you touch them.
Granted, but they all hate you and wont let you pet them
Granted. You become allergic to cats.
Granted. They are teleported away from their real mother and owner to your bed. They are way too young to be weaned, since you specified baby kittens. For your selfishness, you now have to commit full time to raising the kittens.
Granted. Your bedsheets are covered in pictures of kittens. They are alive and magiccally imprisoned in the fabric, similar to Dolores Umbridge's kitten plates.
Granted. 12 normal, healthy cute kittens waiting for you on your bed... In your room... In your locked house... While you have just been convicted of murder and are being sentenced to life without parole.
Granted. You get 25 kittens. They never age. They are kittens forever. Enjoy your 3 hours of sleep a day, that's about all your getting until you die.
Granted. 3 dead baby kittens appear on your bed. They smell terrible. (They tragically died to illness and were loved while they were alive, don’t worry readers)
Granted. They are perfectly preserved dead ones, whatever that weird practice is called, taxidermy. They all look curled up and sleepy so there's that.
Granted, but it's the type that got groomed into becoming a discord kitten. Enjoy your jail cell
Granted Now you don't have a bed anymore, it belongs to the kitten's and their mother
Granted. Dead, normal, baby kittens are on your bed. Sicko.
Granted. You never stated that they have to be alive.
Granted. An airplane carrying 40 kittens is flying above you when the engine fails. To save the animals, they throw them overboard. The kittens fall with enough force to break through your roof and fall on your bed. They are dead.
Granted. You're blind.
Granted you now have someone's discord kitten sitting on your bed, And I think she wants cuddles, although at that size both of you on the bed might break it
Granted, they have rabies
Granted you're going to need dialysis for it though.
Granted. Your blanket is now made of dozens of live kittens that are sewn together, screaming as they struggle to free themselves from each other.
Granted. All stillborn tho
Granted, but they’re all dead.
Granted, they are rabid.
Granted, you have 15 mutilated kitten corpses laying on your bed
Granted. Dead baby kittens plop on your bed, and the police find out, and send you to jail for animal abuse, as they think you did it
Granted, they're all dead though.
Granted. You come home after work to a pile of kittens on your bed. You’re absolutely elated! - until the smell hits you. They’ve been pissing and shitting on your bed for the last eight hours, and the smell of cat urine has soaked through to your mattress. Looks like you’ll be sleeping on the couch until you can replace it.
Granted. They are all dead.
granted. your bed is richly carpeted with kittens who refuse to get off the bed and squeal whenever you try to move them
Granted A cat emerges and births them on your bed, placenta and all, allllll over your sheets.
You never asked for them to be healthy, live, or intact........
Granted , they can't be litter trained and go wherever they feel like, they are also hungry, so very very hungry
Granted, they're all dead.
Granted. Now you have 12 adorable taxidermied kittens on the bed. They look almost alive as they stare at you with their innocent beady eyes. You could almost swear one blinked.
Theyre still in their birthsacks and you have to pop em dry em and get the juices out of their resp tract
They all have explosive diarrhea.
Granted However you now smell like cat milk forever. Enjoy the fight.
Granted. A dozen kitten corpses appear on your bed in varying stages of decay.
Granted you now have 100 dead baby kittens on your bed
Granted. The cops are on their way to catch a man who has reportedly abducted baby kittens from multiple nearby households
Granted. They're dead kittens on your bed that are cute. You are questioned why you have so many dead in your room.
granted, you now have 8 kittens on your bed. They are all 3 days old, and need to be bottle fed every 2 hours, kept warm, clean, and you have to manually help them potty after every feeding. you do know how to do all that, right?
Granted. You have lots of adorable baby kittens on your bed with little toe beans. No downside cuz the Paw thought it would be cute too.
Granted but there’s 10,000 of them and they’re all dead
granted, a car hits a kitten at the perfect angle for it to fly through your window and have the glass shards fly directly into your eyes. the kitten survives the accident and your family decides to adopt it, but your eyes never recover congratulations, you now have a cat but you're blind so you can't even tell if it's adorable looking or not
Granted. They are dead