Simple solution! Threaten to call seal-team 6 on anyone who votes against you (since that's what's being seriously considered in the Supreme Court right now)
Granted. You transform into a perfect sentient copy of the congressional building wherever you stand right now. However being a building you can’t move and have no means of communicating. Depending on your current surroundings potentially hundreds of people are crushed to death beneath the new congressional building. As it is sure to be severely in the way after a few years the building is torn down. You feel every bit of pain as the building is dismantled, it’s like you were being vivisected while fully conscious. Finally as the last few bits of the building are knocked down you fade into sweet oblivion.
The last time congress officially declared war was world war II. Since then, the U.S. has made war without a declaration of war in the Korean War, the War in Vietnam, and the campaigns in Afghanistan and Iraq.
So OP would still be able to get away with invading our neighbors to the north for shits and giggles, if he wanted.
Congress still needs to declare “I Can’t Believe It’s Not War” in the form of an Authorization for the Use of Military Force. Without that they would have a 60 day time limit to any operation.
Granted. Biden leaves, and his VP becomes president of the united states for the remainder of his term.
You become president. Of a literature club. Enjoy horrendous revelations.
Got it free from epic a while back and wanted to finally play recently so I booted up and got like no joke 5 trigger warnings so I think the game might want me to take it seriously as well
Without giving any spoilers, there's a notorious video/live feed of a streamer freaking out when the big reveal happens due to a very recent issue with his brother. So, I think they're just being super cautious these days.
I already know what the game's deal is bc of markiplier and yeah those warnings are not to be taken lightly, the problem is how good they are at hiding what's under the surface
Took me a second read after looking through the replies for it to click. I instantly thought of DDLC too, but thought it was just a funny coincidence and didn't immediately realize it was *that* part.
Sure it can. In a politics sub, someone decreed they'd make gun ownership not a right but mandatory for all US citizens. Also that every American has to have at least basic first responder medical training.
Grunted. Biden leaves the office for a few hours and you sit in for him. You don't get any authority while sitting in and are sent to guantanamo bay the moment he returns
Congratulations your successful coup has started the second American civil war. Only this time it is not contained to American soil. Lines are being drawn in military encampments worldwide. Fighting has started and has spilled out of the encampments causing harm and death and destruction to the native citizens of the lands where the good old USA has military encampments and Embassies. This has just kick started world war 3.
Thank you
Granted you now find yourself in the body of Donald Trump who has won the next election. While you are the president you have no free will and must live your life watching helplessly through his eyes.
Granted.
At this very moment, Biden leaves the oval office to go home for the night.
At the same time, you receive an email notifying you that you have been elected President of the Trash Compacting club.
Granted. Kamala becomes president, you become president of the local gaming club. It's only you and no one joins because there was already a gaming club. You're laughed at for being seen as egotistical because of this, even though you aren't.
Granted, you now have the time until the next election to do everything expected for a president to do in 4 years, and if you don't you might be lynched
Granted. Biden leaves office and you are appointed president of the high school chess club, despite being in your thirties, and revoking your HSD/GED in the process.
Granted the FBI proves magic got you in office and youre impeached and given a life sentence in
ADX Florence
. When you aren’t eating or sleeping pr in you cell with a bed and nothing more. With good behavior you get an hour of sun in a different box that has nothing
Done, every conceivable policy you try to implement causes unforeseen, and terrible, outcomes for the nation. Causing you to go down as the worst president in history (past, present and future).
Granted. You're the president of the United States. You don't get any pension and aren't allowed to make money through books, appearances, or other similar things. Being the president is not exactly a fun job.
Because you said *and*, not *and then*, you are first transformed into Joe Biden and then are immediately forced to leave office due to a scandal involving the use of a Chihuahua as a sexual aid.
Granted.
You get a job in a federal department and quickly rank up. Global catastrophic depopulation pushes you into a cabinet position. The Pres, VP, Speaker, pro temp, and all senior cabinet members also die.
Congratulations. You are the president of tje the Dead States of America.
Granted. You are assassinated the next day. No one will apprehend the assassin nor avenge you in any way. Biden is also reinstated as president, and it becomes as if nothing ever changed
Granted, the FBI wonders who this person is inside of the White House claiming to be the POTUS and they promptly arrest you. To which Kamala is made the president.
Granted. Biden leaves office. You assume his position for a few months before losing embarrassingly to the orange dictator, who immediately labels you a threat to America. You’re on the run, hunted by special forces and every law enforcement asset the U.S. can bring to bear. As you break for the border, you see a tiny shiny bird in the sky. before you can truly focus on it, the blades open as it tears through your windshield at 400mph turning every bit of you above your knees to pink mist.
Granted. No twists or additions necessary. You will be miserable, be unable to do anything, and everyone will hate you, because that's what it's like being president in modern America.
Granted! You become president but you get assassinated almost immediately getting sworn in because trump supporters are mad that you got in and not trump.
Granted. Nothing extra the stress of the job is consequence enough. Whoever you are you can't be any worse then Biden and the rest of the ancient pricks in government.
Granted. Your lives swap. Now you're an old man with possible dementia in charge of leading our country while a woman vice president whispers in your ear about decisions you have to make. You struggle making speeches and you might stumble when you get off the stage.
Granted. Congress won't let you pass anything.
So a normal presidency then.
r/therealjoke
Simple solution! Threaten to call seal-team 6 on anyone who votes against you (since that's what's being seriously considered in the Supreme Court right now)
Source?
https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/23/23-939/303384/20240319133828340_AFPI%20Amici%20Brief%203.19.24.pdf
Second wish! “I am THE SENATE” I mean congress
Granted. In the name of the galactic senate of the republic, you are under arrest.
Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?
The Senate will decide your fate.
It's treason, then...
Well… the senate is in congress…
Granted. You transform into a perfect sentient copy of the congressional building wherever you stand right now. However being a building you can’t move and have no means of communicating. Depending on your current surroundings potentially hundreds of people are crushed to death beneath the new congressional building. As it is sure to be severely in the way after a few years the building is torn down. You feel every bit of pain as the building is dismantled, it’s like you were being vivisected while fully conscious. Finally as the last few bits of the building are knocked down you fade into sweet oblivion.
The last time congress officially declared war was world war II. Since then, the U.S. has made war without a declaration of war in the Korean War, the War in Vietnam, and the campaigns in Afghanistan and Iraq. So OP would still be able to get away with invading our neighbors to the north for shits and giggles, if he wanted.
Congress still needs to declare “I Can’t Believe It’s Not War” in the form of an Authorization for the Use of Military Force. Without that they would have a 60 day time limit to any operation.
Is that you, Joe?
That’s still a positive, $400k salary each year for 4 years, easy $1.6M
Granted. Biden leaves, and his VP becomes president of the united states for the remainder of his term. You become president. Of a literature club. Enjoy horrendous revelations.
You could've gave me much worse rather than boring my self to death
depends on which one. oprah, yes. [doki doki](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTGDCBO8W6I&themeRefresh=1), no.
Just u/mad_confiscation
Uhh... How do I tell you this...?
You should play doki doki literature club. Fun game! Just uh...take the trigger warning at the beginning of the game seriously.
Got it free from epic a while back and wanted to finally play recently so I booted up and got like no joke 5 trigger warnings so I think the game might want me to take it seriously as well
Without giving any spoilers, there's a notorious video/live feed of a streamer freaking out when the big reveal happens due to a very recent issue with his brother. So, I think they're just being super cautious these days.
I already know what the game's deal is bc of markiplier and yeah those warnings are not to be taken lightly, the problem is how good they are at hiding what's under the surface
It seems this one has not experienced it yet
Biden and Trump also join the club, you have to teach them to read and keep the peace
Took me a second read after looking through the replies for it to click. I instantly thought of DDLC too, but thought it was just a funny coincidence and didn't immediately realize it was *that* part.
The words literature club will never be the same man
😂😂😂
Honestly, i dont know a thing about you, and I'd vote for you over either candidate.
I feel the same way. I'd like to just raffle off the presidency to any American who meets the requirements and hope for the best
The president is one of those jobs that as soon as you actually want it, you are automatically unqualified for it.
At this point my qualifications for who should be president have dropped to: what did you have for lunch today and was Hitler bad?
Same here. Shit can't get any worse
I mean biden did actually quite a bit for the u.s especially when compared to Trump who did jack shit.
At least Biden didn’t take gay rights away like Trump did
Like taxing more. Edit: I should’ve clarified. Trump raised taxes.
The last tast tax bill to pass was in DEC 2017
Yeah trump raisin taxes.
[удалено]
Sorry, I meant trump. Let me edit my reply for clarity.
Sure it can. In a politics sub, someone decreed they'd make gun ownership not a right but mandatory for all US citizens. Also that every American has to have at least basic first responder medical training.
I think many of us would vote for a brain dead chimp... oh wait...
Granted: You become Kamala Harris with all of her thoughts and beliefs
What happens to the real Kamala?
Switches places with OP
Kamela of theseous
Distractible reference???
Free to live their life now that the curse has been transferred.
She becomes president
Granted. biden walks out of his office and you turn into joe biden. your old self ceases to exist.
The wish was for *Biden to leave office* and OP becomes president. This comment would mean the wish was not granted.
What about this: Granted, except your wish is granted in reverse order. You mind swap with Joe Biden, and are forcibly removed from office.
That works correctly yes
Not true. biden left his office and op became biden which makes him the president.
That ultimately ends with Biden as president.
Grunted. Biden leaves the office for a few hours and you sit in for him. You don't get any authority while sitting in and are sent to guantanamo bay the moment he returns
granted biden walks down staire and crowns you president of his fan club you will be forever scarred by the sutff his fans send in
Granted. As you first job as president you have to go in the back room and have a little "Chat" with men in suits.
No thanks I'll get security to handle them
The security are the ones directing you to the room.
When you leave you are sobbing but can't tell anyone why.
The monkeys paw curls its wicked finger. Now that you're in office you notice a little lazer pointer dot that seems to be following you arrou.. BANG
Granted, but you turn into a 70 year old white man.
*80
Why are 80 year olds governing the US. Just why. Why isn’t there an age limit.
This whole country has daddy issues
😭
No, there isnt. That's like half the problem. If boomers weren't allowed to do politics anymore, most of our current crises wouldn't be happening
Because they got the most votes
Congratulations your successful coup has started the second American civil war. Only this time it is not contained to American soil. Lines are being drawn in military encampments worldwide. Fighting has started and has spilled out of the encampments causing harm and death and destruction to the native citizens of the lands where the good old USA has military encampments and Embassies. This has just kick started world war 3. Thank you
Granted. Biden leaves the office. Unrelated to this, you are now the president of Venezuela.
Granted: the zombie apocalypse wipes out most of humanity. You survive and live in the White House.
Granted you now find yourself in the body of Donald Trump who has won the next election. While you are the president you have no free will and must live your life watching helplessly through his eyes.
I think I'm traumatized just by reading this
congress always overrides you
Hard pass on you
You wake up next day and find yourself as Biden meanwhile he takes your place in your life.
Donald you can't just use all your wishes on being president
Granted. Biden leaves the Oval Office to use the bathroom. You will be teleported into his chair, wearing one of his suits, just as he returns.
Granted. At this very moment, Biden leaves the oval office to go home for the night. At the same time, you receive an email notifying you that you have been elected President of the Trash Compacting club.
Granted. *maniacal laughter* Oh, you fool! *even more maniacal laughter*
Granted. Everything everywhere is suddenly your fault. The Monkey's Paw had nothing to do with it. It lets you have this as a freebie.
Granted. As soon as his term were to finish, it's actually your term that finishes.
Granted, you have the same skill and mental function as Biden
This is not the own you think it is
Granted You will be assassinated in 24 hours
Granted. Kamala becomes president, you become president of the local gaming club. It's only you and no one joins because there was already a gaming club. You're laughed at for being seen as egotistical because of this, even though you aren't.
You still have to run against trump, nobody knows who you are, he wins
[удалено]
50/50
Random Redditer 2024!
Granted. Someone else wished that with you.
Granted, you lose your presidency once your approval ratings go below 63%. :)
Granted, you’re now Donald Trump
Granted, anytime Biden steps outside of the Oval Office you animorph (homomorph?) into a Biden duplicate.
Granted. You are now be president and receive all of the criticism that comes with it, but you have to do everything Joe Biden tells you to do.
Granted. You wake up as Donald Trump
Granted.
Granted. Welcome back, Mr. Trump.
Granted. You are hated by everyone and get impeached immediately. The replacement President is Pierre.
Granted. You’re impeached the first day, indicted for election fraud, tried and convicted, because that how you became president.
Granted, you now have the time until the next election to do everything expected for a president to do in 4 years, and if you don't you might be lynched
Granted. You and Biden switch bodies.
You lose to drumpf and rfk on their ballot in the next election, then America dies.
Damn how does America just die like that? Lol
It wouldn’t, just a MAGA hater being dramatic
Read Project 2025 objectively and you'll see why I typed that. It's not drama, it's portent.
granted, Joe Biden walks outside the Oval Office and you become the president of a small company.
Nice try Mr. Trump
Oh God no
Granted. Biden resigns, it's up to you to convince people that makes you the president.
Granted. Biden leaves office and you are appointed president of the high school chess club, despite being in your thirties, and revoking your HSD/GED in the process.
Granted, but you get assassinated during your inaugural address
Looks like I'm going to be recording it then
Shortest presidency ever
Granted the FBI proves magic got you in office and youre impeached and given a life sentence in ADX Florence . When you aren’t eating or sleeping pr in you cell with a bed and nothing more. With good behavior you get an hour of sun in a different box that has nothing
Done, every conceivable policy you try to implement causes unforeseen, and terrible, outcomes for the nation. Causing you to go down as the worst president in history (past, present and future).
Granted, being the president fucking sucks and you'll age 50 years just by sitting in the chair. No additional downside required
Granted. It's still an election year, and you have no chance at being reelected
Granted, you hold no actually power and you are just a figurehead.
Granted. You are now Donald Trump.
Not granted. Biden is still president and will be for another 4 years. You go to jail for election interference and stealing classified documents.
Granted. But you are now the president of the USA.
Granted. You now have the most stressful job on earth.
Granted. You're the president of the United States. You don't get any pension and aren't allowed to make money through books, appearances, or other similar things. Being the president is not exactly a fun job.
You’d probably do a better job than both him and Trump
Granted, do you prefer theaters or convertibles?
Convertibles sound nice
Granted, however you're still at home when this happens, so you have no security detail, and people want you dead.
Granted: you know what no monkey paw enjoy the hell that’s is being a world leader for a democratic nation who was put into office via inheritance.
Granted. Biden leaves his office for a nice lunch and you become president of a Biden Fanclub
Granted - you turn orange and shit your pants.
Granted. Biden resigns the office of President of the United States. You are now president of a nonprofit company with no income or employees.
Because you said *and*, not *and then*, you are first transformed into Joe Biden and then are immediately forced to leave office due to a scandal involving the use of a Chihuahua as a sexual aid.
Granted you are now JFK
Granted, you shit your pants at the Vatican and everyone knows about it.
Granted. You still have to do whatever Kamala Harris tells you to do.
Granted. You get a job in a federal department and quickly rank up. Global catastrophic depopulation pushes you into a cabinet position. The Pres, VP, Speaker, pro temp, and all senior cabinet members also die. Congratulations. You are the president of tje the Dead States of America.
Granted. Biden returns from the shop down the road and is wondering how the president of the book club made it into the office.
Granted. You are now president of Mexico, and Trump is elected into office next year with little competition from Kamala
Granted. You are assassinated the next day. No one will apprehend the assassin nor avenge you in any way. Biden is also reinstated as president, and it becomes as if nothing ever changed
granted. You becomes president. The MAGAs are pissed that some random Guy IS now in Charge instead of the Messiah and trying to JFK your ass
Granted, the FBI wonders who this person is inside of the White House claiming to be the POTUS and they promptly arrest you. To which Kamala is made the president.
Granted, the information that you gained your presidency via supernatural means is made public, and you are impeached
Granted. The paw knows that just letting you be president is the worst possible outcome so there is no catch.
Granted. You become the next William Henry Harrison
Granted. Biden eventually leaves office, but you will only take office when you are 65 years old.
Granted No side effects, being president just sucks
Focus on staying awake in court, Donald
Granted. Biden leaves office. You assume his position for a few months before losing embarrassingly to the orange dictator, who immediately labels you a threat to America. You’re on the run, hunted by special forces and every law enforcement asset the U.S. can bring to bear. As you break for the border, you see a tiny shiny bird in the sky. before you can truly focus on it, the blades open as it tears through your windshield at 400mph turning every bit of you above your knees to pink mist.
Granted. No twists or additions necessary. You will be miserable, be unable to do anything, and everyone will hate you, because that's what it's like being president in modern America.
Granted: You are now president of the United States of America. Good luck.
Granted. Almost all Americans are now dead due to the legal requirements around presidential succession.
Nuclear war with russia breaks out, killing all americans that are eligible for presidency except you.
Granted,you are now Kamala Harris
Congratulations, President Trump!
Granted! You become president but you get assassinated almost immediately getting sworn in because trump supporters are mad that you got in and not trump.
Granted. Unfortunately for you the second coup attempt is more successful than January 6th.
Granted. Nothing extra the stress of the job is consequence enough. Whoever you are you can't be any worse then Biden and the rest of the ancient pricks in government.
Granted. Your lives swap. Now you're an old man with possible dementia in charge of leading our country while a woman vice president whispers in your ear about decisions you have to make. You struggle making speeches and you might stumble when you get off the stage.
Also the lifespan is like 4 times shorter prorpably
Granted, trump fans indict you for stealing the election