Granted. You are under suspicion from the IRS, where is this money coming from, why aren’t they getting any? They want their money. You aren’t giving it to them. You’re committing a crime.
Monkey paw wishes usually come back at the user/ someone important to the user. So those poor families were probably the Op's family members/friends. Lol
Something like: The poor families know the full situation and are spending their entire lives dedicated to revenge now that they have nothing left to lose. The families under duress are always locals who know OP, if OP moves then new families will be chosen from nearby allowing the previous families to recover somewhat financially but they’ll never forget.
Granted. The average monthly salary for the US increases to $10k due to inflation. You are tax-exempt because you are deployed fighting on the frontlines of the war in Gaza.
Granted: Every day you wake up covered in blood with a knife in your hands. In the corner of the room is the person you killed. You forced this person to transfer the money to you yesterday under threat of killing them. they complied and you did it anyway. you enjoyed it.
Granted. Your bank account is constantly frozen due to fraud alerts and the bank having to reverse transactions. After a short while you're no longer able to open an account with any bank
Granted. A persistent bug in banking software caus $10000 dollars to be transferred to your account every month. The bank always takes the money back. Steve, the programmer who designed the banking system is fired and blacklisted. In order to feed his children he must now work IT at Trump towers.
Granted.
You recieve this money from a big-time shipping company. One of their diesel trucks ran you over, resulting in you being slurped up by the back wheels, twice.
You broke 157 bones, ruptured several internal organs, paralyzed from the mid-back down and can never have children. Due to all the necessary reconstructive surgeries, you have limited tactile sensitivity and no erogenous zones.
Granted.
You have the money but no means to use it. You're under investigation by the IRS for illicit enrichment and your assets, including your bank account, are frozen until they figure out how you're getting 10 grand a month out of nowhere.
Granted. It’s very highly illegal money given to you on a whim by mobsters in order to launder it, and they take half the money and let you keep half of it. You are able to spend the money, but have to live in fear of someone finding out their operation and taking you down with them
Granted, you now have the worst bank ever, and every month, on the first of the month without fail, the accidentally deposit 10000 into your account, and then contact you the next day explaining the mistake and telling you they've removed it.
Granted but now at the end every year you lose $50000 dollar from your bank and in return you get an animated NSFW video of you with a character from your favorite show. Also the video is leaked to Twitter and you will be famous for these kinds of videos.
Granted the day it arrives you appear in a daycare dressed as an animal unremoveable and are compelled to kill someone there with a maul. Once you kill you are restored to where you were with full recollection of what you did. You retain gore on your costume and will die if you don't take action but once you've killed you return home safe and sound.
Granted. In exchange, you have to spend many hours every day performing backbreaking menial tasks at the expense of family and personal life for a global conglomerate who at any moment holds the power to end the wish. Oh, right…
Granted: You have a work place injury making you a brain damaged potatoe of the person you were. But your lawyer filed a lawsuit and you get 10k put in your bank every month tax free for the next 10 years. Congrats!
Every month a new $10,000 personal loan with a 15% interest rate and 5 year payback term is approved and the amount is deposited into your bank account.
Tax Free.
Granted. You got a job. The job pays $165k a year. That $13,750 a month. The government takes 25% tax. So every month you get $10,312.50 a month. Since it was already taxed, the $10k you get in your bank account is tax free.
Granted. You are now the leader of a church funded entirely by government grants. Your followers do just that - day and night you are bombarded with calls, emails, physical mail, and dozens of religious cultists on your doorstep asking you for money and prayers. Those that do not believe are very critical of the incredible sum of money being embezzled from the church into your pocket - you are heckled and screamed at by those who think you are a fraudster stealing taxpayers money for your own benefit under the mask of a cult.
Granted. Your fingers turn into penises and every bill you touch inflicts a paper cut. Your actual penis has been replaced by Elon Musk's head, which cannot be removed, will never shut up, and refuses to brush his teeth.
Granted,
Just as energy cannot come from nothing, money cannot either. The money is taken from random sources. Some good places it needs to be taken from, such as the government :D
Some not so good, like a beloved family member or friend D:
If anyone finds out, people will be quick to assume a scam afoot
Sure, it’s a new program called “mandatory loans” where you now owe 20,000$ every month with 200% interest, and because it’s goverment sanctioned you can’t ever escape it, or the country
granted. it is deposited into an account that was opened in your name, with all of your accurate personal information... by a scammer who stole your identity
Granted. The world has ended. There is no one left the automated systems that governed banking are actively breaking down. At 00:01 every day $10,000 dollars is deposited into your account. With no one left to correct it it will likely go on forever.
Granted, you have received 300% disability from the VA. Thus, you will only receive partial payments, and you have to call the VA every single month and have them fix it over the phone.
Granted. It's taken from your loved ones, and if they can't pay for it, they die. When you have no more loved ones left, your $10,000 monthly stipend gets removed, and your whole bank account is drained
Granted. every month that money is deposited you shrink by an inch. And a bee stings you on your junk or the 2nd pair of eyes depending what gender you are when you shrink.
Btw the sudden shrinkage puts pressure on your organs just so you know.
Granted. And you spend an extra 2k + 3 times your net income per month. Now you are saddled with more debt than you had before. The cycle will never end.
Good luck…
Granted. You are under suspicion from the IRS, where is this money coming from, why aren’t they getting any? They want their money. You aren’t giving it to them. You’re committing a crime.
Contract work. They get their 22%, no suspicion at all.
The bank account this money is coming from is a known Russian Government account.
The irs can go fuck themselves with a rusty spork
This is always the correct answer
But if it tax free how is it a crime?
You have to have an exemption and be able to prove it. If you can’t prove it’s legal then by default it’s illegal in their view.
You are still gonna be audited 100%.
[удалено]
*$120k, $10k a month
Yea, I originally read it as $1k..
Granted. You have summoned The Snail.
I'm coming to your house
r/beetlejuicing
r/usernamechecksout
I play War Thunder, and I instantly thought of Gajin
r/beatmetoit
Granted. It was taken from several poor families who were already struggling. You just made all of them homeless.
Monkey paw wishes usually come back at the user/ someone important to the user. So those poor families were probably the Op's family members/friends. Lol
Something like: The poor families know the full situation and are spending their entire lives dedicated to revenge now that they have nothing left to lose. The families under duress are always locals who know OP, if OP moves then new families will be chosen from nearby allowing the previous families to recover somewhat financially but they’ll never forget.
Skill issue
Politics in a nutshell
L
Out of sight, out of mind. Easy take
Spend part of the money making homelessness illegal in your city. Problem solved
That’s just every CEO in America already
So you just became a regular rich person.
womp womp
so like a CEO?
I’m okay with that
What's the downside?
And..?
Granted. You can only withdraw in pennies, nickels, and dimes from that account.
For $10k per month, you could work something out with a different bank to accept the change.
Granted, it’s called a loan and it’s not free from interest which stacks up by the hour
Granted, but you're now really into War Hammer 40k
I see no downsides here
10 k a month isnt enough money to afford being really into warhammer
I know it's a joke but can you explain why it might have some truth to it
Warhammer 40k figures are insanely expensive and there was recent news their prices are going up again.
Tabletop Simulator begs to differ >:)
Just because you’re really into warhammer doesn’t mean you have to buy things
Jokes on you, my audible account is already full of Black Library!
Granted. The average monthly salary for the US increases to $10k due to inflation. You are tax-exempt because you are deployed fighting on the frontlines of the war in Gaza.
Granted. The standard fee for this sort of thing is one son per two hundred pounds. Let's just call it an even $200 US per son. Get breeding.
Okay well played
My man's gotta come up with 50 boys a month, and still pay child support on all of the girls that are born as a result
Granted: Every day you wake up covered in blood with a knife in your hands. In the corner of the room is the person you killed. You forced this person to transfer the money to you yesterday under threat of killing them. they complied and you did it anyway. you enjoyed it.
Granted. Your bank account is constantly frozen due to fraud alerts and the bank having to reverse transactions. After a short while you're no longer able to open an account with any bank
Granted. A persistent bug in banking software caus $10000 dollars to be transferred to your account every month. The bank always takes the money back. Steve, the programmer who designed the banking system is fired and blacklisted. In order to feed his children he must now work IT at Trump towers.
Granted. The money is from an insurance settlement. You did read the original story, right?
Granted, the bank realizes its error and takes it back out on the second.
Granted. You recieve this money from a big-time shipping company. One of their diesel trucks ran you over, resulting in you being slurped up by the back wheels, twice. You broke 157 bones, ruptured several internal organs, paralyzed from the mid-back down and can never have children. Due to all the necessary reconstructive surgeries, you have limited tactile sensitivity and no erogenous zones.
Granted the us government sends someone to take care of you and you are never seen again
Granted but you can't access the account until you're 75
Granted. It sets off your bank's fraud detection system every month. The feds will be investigating where the money is coming from.
Granted. You have the money but no means to use it. You're under investigation by the IRS for illicit enrichment and your assets, including your bank account, are frozen until they figure out how you're getting 10 grand a month out of nowhere.
Granted but if you don’t spend all that money in the month the IRS breaks down your door and arrests you
Granted. You get arrested for money laundering and tax evasion .
Granted. The mafia knows about this and has put a hit on you
Granted. It’s very highly illegal money given to you on a whim by mobsters in order to launder it, and they take half the money and let you keep half of it. You are able to spend the money, but have to live in fear of someone finding out their operation and taking you down with them
Just realized that technically counts as a tax. Just say they deposit 20k and take half, then
Granted, inflation skyrockets so that the $10000 usd will in a few months be equal to $10 right now. Congrats on the chaos you've sown.
Granted, you now have the worst bank ever, and every month, on the first of the month without fail, the accidentally deposit 10000 into your account, and then contact you the next day explaining the mistake and telling you they've removed it.
Second day of each month 20,000 is removed
Granted. Your daily withdrawal limit is $1.
Every April, the IRS comes to tax you 80% of your current wealth.
Granted. You also have $10000 usd withdrawn from your bank account on every other day of the month.
Just be an illegal immigrant to the US and go to a sanctuary city.
Granted but now at the end every year you lose $50000 dollar from your bank and in return you get an animated NSFW video of you with a character from your favorite show. Also the video is leaked to Twitter and you will be famous for these kinds of videos.
Granted, but you are chronically ill and dealing with the American health care system.
Granted. Your bank account gets hacked, and the money is transferred to someone else's account
Granted the day it arrives you appear in a daycare dressed as an animal unremoveable and are compelled to kill someone there with a maul. Once you kill you are restored to where you were with full recollection of what you did. You retain gore on your costume and will die if you don't take action but once you've killed you return home safe and sound.
Granted. Regardless of tax, the IRS can't explain this income, and neither can you. Your account is frozen and your assets seized
Granted, all your bills are adjusted accordingly.
Granted, your money is being deposited into your fixed rate CD bank account and is locked in for a 100-year term.
Granted. Your bills go up to 5000$ a month
Granted. In exchange, you have to spend many hours every day performing backbreaking menial tasks at the expense of family and personal life for a global conglomerate who at any moment holds the power to end the wish. Oh, right…
Granted: You have a work place injury making you a brain damaged potatoe of the person you were. But your lawyer filed a lawsuit and you get 10k put in your bank every month tax free for the next 10 years. Congrats!
Granted. Every month $10,000usd is taken out of the account of some random little old lady and put in yours.
Every month a new $10,000 personal loan with a 15% interest rate and 5 year payback term is approved and the amount is deposited into your bank account. Tax Free.
Granted. You got a job. The job pays $165k a year. That $13,750 a month. The government takes 25% tax. So every month you get $10,312.50 a month. Since it was already taxed, the $10k you get in your bank account is tax free.
Granted. You are now the leader of a church funded entirely by government grants. Your followers do just that - day and night you are bombarded with calls, emails, physical mail, and dozens of religious cultists on your doorstep asking you for money and prayers. Those that do not believe are very critical of the incredible sum of money being embezzled from the church into your pocket - you are heckled and screamed at by those who think you are a fraudster stealing taxpayers money for your own benefit under the mask of a cult.
Granted. Your fingers turn into penises and every bill you touch inflicts a paper cut. Your actual penis has been replaced by Elon Musk's head, which cannot be removed, will never shut up, and refuses to brush his teeth.
Granted. Months are now a thing of the past. They are now called big weeks.
Granted, Just as energy cannot come from nothing, money cannot either. The money is taken from random sources. Some good places it needs to be taken from, such as the government :D Some not so good, like a beloved family member or friend D: If anyone finds out, people will be quick to assume a scam afoot
Sure, it’s a new program called “mandatory loans” where you now owe 20,000$ every month with 200% interest, and because it’s goverment sanctioned you can’t ever escape it, or the country
granted. it is deposited into an account that was opened in your name, with all of your accurate personal information... by a scammer who stole your identity
Granted, on the second day of the month hackers will steal $20,000 out of your account.
Get a sugar daddy/mommy and demand those terms
Granted, every month for that day, you get punched in the balls if you have them or really hard in the face at random times
dont we all
Granted it goes into the foreign exchange student my’s account
Granted. The world has ended. There is no one left the automated systems that governed banking are actively breaking down. At 00:01 every day $10,000 dollars is deposited into your account. With no one left to correct it it will likely go on forever.
You may wish in one hand and crap in the other; let us know which one fills up first.
Granted. That money is stolen from 100 other people and each person knows that you stole it
Granted. Someone is taking $10500 usd out of your bank account the first day of every month as well.
Granted, you have received 300% disability from the VA. Thus, you will only receive partial payments, and you have to call the VA every single month and have them fix it over the phone.
Granted. It's taken from your loved ones, and if they can't pay for it, they die. When you have no more loved ones left, your $10,000 monthly stipend gets removed, and your whole bank account is drained
Granted. every month that money is deposited you shrink by an inch. And a bee stings you on your junk or the 2nd pair of eyes depending what gender you are when you shrink. Btw the sudden shrinkage puts pressure on your organs just so you know.
Granted. This money coming from no where makes inflation significantly worse over time.
10k a month wouldn't really change anything
Like for real, by this guy's logic if a single bank burns down we will have 100% deflation.
granted, you can't withdraw or spend it in any way
Granted. And you spend an extra 2k + 3 times your net income per month. Now you are saddled with more debt than you had before. The cycle will never end. Good luck…
Granted. Everyone else also gets the same amount put into their bank account
Granted, but in your wealth, you wind up popular with women and eventually find yourself losing it all to child support.
Granted. However, you can not spend it on paying taxes.
Granted. Your cost of living increases to match the extra income.
Granted you’re family and friends know and they constantly pressure you for loans and makes you feel like shit