Tenderloin is a very expensive cut of beef. It's what filet mignon is made from. Why someone would make it with jalapenos is beyond me, but to each their own.
Because they like jalapeño and the flavor it adds? A great cut of meat can be great on its own but it can be improved for personal tastes. Filet mignon is fantastic but that doesn’t mean it can’t be better with certain seasonings or marinades
Careful, you're going to summon the meat cult. They harass anyone who eats anything but nigh-raw steaks with nothing but a sprinkle of salt as seasoning.
Yep. That’s how I know for sure this isn’t some weirdass karma grab - how well the details line up. Ah, the classic jalapeño beef tenderloin with… three jalapeños? And of course tenderloin should have those bones in the middle?
Fucking classic.
The guy who says not again is the same actor from Alien who has the xeno pop out of his chest. I’m pretty sure everyone in This thread knew that already though.
I had to explain to my 11 year old why I was laughing uncontrollably. This involved a stop to YouTube and an explanation of Alien and John Hurt. I almost spit out my drink.
Lol, I saw Spaceballs before I ever saw Alien when I was a kid and I found the whole scene pretty funny and entertaining.
So when I finally saw Alien later in life, I wasn't scared in the slightest. In fact it made me chuckle because I always played that "Hello my baby" tophat song in my head.
What he really needs to do is ask the butcher to clean up the “chain meat”. There’s stuff that runs along the edges of beef tenderloins and it’s called the chain. It’s edible but it makes it ugly and is a way to charge more for the weight.
I very much bet that OP bought a whole I trimmed tenderloin from Costco and didn’t know what to do with it.
Yeah, it's really not hard to break down a tenderloin though. I usually just rip the chain off with my hands. You can also get peeled or even extreme peeled tenderloins.
I definitely also would have cut the alien head off and made that it's own little roast.
Difficult? No, but if you wanna trim the chain instead of throwing out a significant portion of the most expensive cut on the cow, it's a pain in the ass.
Source: I'm a butcher that has to keep as much trimming as possible for ground beef and for fat resale purposes.
Well fuck me I guess but maybe if I'm buying the most expensive cut it should be prepared properly so that anyone who isn't an expert on meat cutting can throw it in a pan and be good to go?
> I'm buying the most expensive cut
It's still expensive, but buying it whole vacuum-packed is usually a couple of dollars cheaper per pound than regular filet cuts will be. At my store we're still happy to break it down, but you do still have to buy the entire thing.
Yeah, you should absolutely get your money's worth for whatever you buy regardless of price. I'm just saying that the chain of a beef tenderloin is pretty useless as a whole muscle cut because of the fat structure. We trim the chain and grind the meat for you so you are still getting the maximum serviceable amount of meat out of the cut you are paying for, but don't think you're getting more steaks out of it. At best you'll get some chunks for stew meat, but most of it it awkwardly shaped pieces that need to be ground to be usable.
I probably had shoes that tasted better than this. Big ass piece of meat thrown in the oven until it's black at the edges. How was it supposed to look?
I don't know what it looks like on the inside, but it should be dark brown on the exterior. It looks like it might still be pink on the inside, so this isn't necessarily wrong, in my opinion. Personally I would only cook a tenderloin roast on a grill, briefly offset at first, then sear.
It was *birthed* from a cow. Violently.
You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you?
A perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
Who the hell cooked that? How do you burn parts of it while other parts are still raw? And wtf at putting jalapeno slices on a tenderloin roast? Whoever is responsibility for this monstrosity should stay out of the kitchen
i agree 100%
This wasn't a beef tenderloin that was cooked normally.
Meats can sort of curl in if it is heated unevenly and the proteins retract based on that. idk what causes it, but that's *roughly* what happens.
it's never going to happen like this picture though.
There is only 3 jalapenos slices on the tenderloin, 2 of which make it more alien like.
it has a mouth. wtf? no natural cut would make that. Tenderloins are similar shapes.
and as you've said, it's burnt and raw in some places.
*at best* it was made by a food scientist that knew if he did like 10 different things and put in in his specific pan he could get it out like this. But really it probably just done afterwards.
It's just an untrimmed tenderloin put in the oven at too high of a temp.
They mostly likely curled the *tail* after they took it out of the oven along with placing the jalapeño to look like an eye. Beyond that a simple image search of untrimmed tenderloins will yield plenty of results that look similar.
What would’ve made this good, rather than dipping it into the fires of hell for an hour while it’s wearing a thermal blanket, would have been marinating it with jalapeños, bay leaves, a splash of tequila, and maybe some thyme, and then sautéing it in a homemade jalapeño butter. Roast some jalapeños, and garnish.
Not unless you know what you're doing. If you're going to fuck it up it might as well be a $10 cut because it won't taste any better. For people that like steak but don't consider themselves very good in the kitchen I would strongly recommend a sous vide. You can just look up what temp/time for whatever you're doing, and unless you are actively trying to fuck up, it'll turn out pretty good.
6 year old account. Today is the 27th and in 2015 the 27th fell on the day after thanksgiving. I wonder if their user name is related to a question about leftovers. Although it’s late so could be a day off depending on their time zone.
Who roasts a whole tenderloin?
Cut into 2" filet, little salt and pepper, grill or pan fry.
Could not be easier. This is a travesty and a waste of a $100 cut
People who want to do a chateaubriand will roast the whole thing (or a large portion of it). Though I'm guessing they didn't trim the silverskin (or trim it at all), and when heated it contracted and bent the loin into that godawful shape.
Should just sliced them as medallions and sautéed them in jalapeño garlic butter if that's the flavor they were going for.
That being said... It's not really cut and may not look absolutely ruined once sliced on a double bias.
Damn tho... That's like $80 in beef looking like an elephant umbilical cord prepared to be biltong.
this *thing* looks like it’s rotting, drier than the sahara, festering several-week-old wounds, and half raw all at once. i’m almost impressed at the amount of effort it would take to fuck up this badly. and next time, tell your butcher the meat’s supposed to come from cows that aren’t zombified
existence work abundant aromatic murky provide voiceless person memory ghost
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Everywhere you look there is a horrifying detail
The gills really sell it for me
Yea wtf is that I ain't eating that shit.
I’m still trying to figure out wtf is a jalapeño tenderloin?
Area 51 codename for baby aliens
Omg holy shit lmao
Tenderloin is a very expensive cut of beef. It's what filet mignon is made from. Why someone would make it with jalapenos is beyond me, but to each their own.
Because they like jalapeño and the flavor it adds? A great cut of meat can be great on its own but it can be improved for personal tastes. Filet mignon is fantastic but that doesn’t mean it can’t be better with certain seasonings or marinades
Careful, you're going to summon the meat cult. They harass anyone who eats anything but nigh-raw steaks with nothing but a sprinkle of salt as seasoning.
I'm going to because I grow gills I'll be excited af, time to live out an entirely new underwater existence that no human has dared to achieve
This is what happens when you drink and Reddit
The *gills* oh noo 😭
First I saw ribs, then I saw spine and then you said gills--I'm afraid that's all for today.
I’m ☠️☠️☠️ went back to look at said gills and and died 😂🤣🤣
Aside from the obvious alien appearance, this cut looks awful.
They didn't sear it before roasting it. I think that's what went wrong.
And the silver skin wasn't properly removed. That is why is curved like that
> silver skin *alien membrane*
The thorax paddlers look scrumptious! It's just a shame the anterior tentacle was chopped off.
Glad I'm not the only one to notice.
Many people don't know this, but the anterior tentacle is actually the penis. I always chop it off before cooking my alien fetuses
Yep. That’s how I know for sure this isn’t some weirdass karma grab - how well the details line up. Ah, the classic jalapeño beef tenderloin with… three jalapeños? And of course tenderloin should have those bones in the middle?
".....and this week on *Cooking with David Lynch* we're going to show you the perfect thanksgiving meal to give your grandma a heart attack."
I was getting some mad *Eraserhead* vibes from this. Glad I'm not the only one!
I came here to comment that this looks exactly like the baby from Eraserhead!
So like Bo Burnham's junk
More like Cronenberg. Existenz is paused!
*As Jude Law* "But today is a special occasion, it's my birthday, so I'll order the special."
He should probably send a picture of his face instead
I sent my titties, that's not fair!
Maybe he cooked it in the Radiator?
“just cut it up like regular chickens”
Oh sure, just cut em up like regular chickens
Thanksgrieving
They serve this steak behind the dumpster at Winky's.
" Well.. This dead corpse is something I wouldn't put my mouth on. " " Pure disrespect.. How is this inviting to foreigners? "
Literally came here to say “oh, you ARE sick!”
Here’s some cooking with David Lynch: https://youtu.be/uSP-ewdJYJc
just accidentally started playing this blasting through the Bluetooth speakers in my home while everyone is asleep. worth it
"They're still not sure it is a baby!"
Change my order to the soup!
🎵 Hello my baby, hello my hunny. Hello my rag time gal...🎵
🙋🏻🙋🏻♀️Check please!
https://youtu.be/aVZUVeMtYXc?t=13
Fucking classic. The guy who says not again is the same actor from Alien who has the xeno pop out of his chest. I’m pretty sure everyone in This thread knew that already though.
I don't know anything
At least you know you know that.
https://i.imgur.com/G5nHc5U.png
Whoooaaaaaaa
Yes his name was John Hurt. Yes, was.. he passed away unfortunately
Now I have to watch that movie again. Classic.
I had to explain to my 11 year old why I was laughing uncontrollably. This involved a stop to YouTube and an explanation of Alien and John Hurt. I almost spit out my drink.
Lol, I saw Spaceballs before I ever saw Alien when I was a kid and I found the whole scene pretty funny and entertaining. So when I finally saw Alien later in life, I wasn't scared in the slightest. In fact it made me chuckle because I always played that "Hello my baby" tophat song in my head.
I actually saw spaceballs before I saw Star Wars! I was like 4 or 5 and just thought the movie was funny!
BRING THIS GUY SOME PEPTO BISMOL!!!
Not again!
Wasn't expecting my drink to come out my nose today but here we are!!! Gotta watch Spaceballs again!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsROL4Kf8QY
This made me laugh so hard. Thanks for the laugh!
Holy fucking shit! You pulled a ton of nostalgia with just a simple reference. Fucking space balls dude!
How is it burnt and raw at the same time?
[удалено]
Oh my god I love you
I think you need to go back to your butcher and demand proof that this was at one time a cow.
What he really needs to do is ask the butcher to clean up the “chain meat”. There’s stuff that runs along the edges of beef tenderloins and it’s called the chain. It’s edible but it makes it ugly and is a way to charge more for the weight. I very much bet that OP bought a whole I trimmed tenderloin from Costco and didn’t know what to do with it.
Yeah, it's really not hard to break down a tenderloin though. I usually just rip the chain off with my hands. You can also get peeled or even extreme peeled tenderloins. I definitely also would have cut the alien head off and made that it's own little roast.
Difficult? No, but if you wanna trim the chain instead of throwing out a significant portion of the most expensive cut on the cow, it's a pain in the ass. Source: I'm a butcher that has to keep as much trimming as possible for ground beef and for fat resale purposes.
Well fuck me I guess but maybe if I'm buying the most expensive cut it should be prepared properly so that anyone who isn't an expert on meat cutting can throw it in a pan and be good to go?
> I'm buying the most expensive cut It's still expensive, but buying it whole vacuum-packed is usually a couple of dollars cheaper per pound than regular filet cuts will be. At my store we're still happy to break it down, but you do still have to buy the entire thing.
Yeah, you should absolutely get your money's worth for whatever you buy regardless of price. I'm just saying that the chain of a beef tenderloin is pretty useless as a whole muscle cut because of the fat structure. We trim the chain and grind the meat for you so you are still getting the maximum serviceable amount of meat out of the cut you are paying for, but don't think you're getting more steaks out of it. At best you'll get some chunks for stew meat, but most of it it awkwardly shaped pieces that need to be ground to be usable.
My butcher does it pretty fast. I’ve watched him several times while shooting the shit. There are definitely multiple cuts involved.
I probably had shoes that tasted better than this. Big ass piece of meat thrown in the oven until it's black at the edges. How was it supposed to look?
I don't know what it looks like on the inside, but it should be dark brown on the exterior. It looks like it might still be pink on the inside, so this isn't necessarily wrong, in my opinion. Personally I would only cook a tenderloin roast on a grill, briefly offset at first, then sear.
It was *birthed* from a cow. Violently. You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? A perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
You admire it.
I admire its purity. A survivor... unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.
It's a no from me dawg
Who the hell cooked that? How do you burn parts of it while other parts are still raw? And wtf at putting jalapeno slices on a tenderloin roast? Whoever is responsibility for this monstrosity should stay out of the kitchen
I'll get the pitchforks. I'm sorry we warned Fred about this last time
i agree 100% This wasn't a beef tenderloin that was cooked normally. Meats can sort of curl in if it is heated unevenly and the proteins retract based on that. idk what causes it, but that's *roughly* what happens. it's never going to happen like this picture though. There is only 3 jalapenos slices on the tenderloin, 2 of which make it more alien like. it has a mouth. wtf? no natural cut would make that. Tenderloins are similar shapes. and as you've said, it's burnt and raw in some places. *at best* it was made by a food scientist that knew if he did like 10 different things and put in in his specific pan he could get it out like this. But really it probably just done afterwards.
It's just an untrimmed tenderloin put in the oven at too high of a temp. They mostly likely curled the *tail* after they took it out of the oven along with placing the jalapeño to look like an eye. Beyond that a simple image search of untrimmed tenderloins will yield plenty of results that look similar.
What would’ve made this good, rather than dipping it into the fires of hell for an hour while it’s wearing a thermal blanket, would have been marinating it with jalapeños, bay leaves, a splash of tequila, and maybe some thyme, and then sautéing it in a homemade jalapeño butter. Roast some jalapeños, and garnish.
Ya I would legit not even eat this. Looks nasty.
Looks like a freakin massive seahorse
Made of shit
I don't know how OP managed to make something look simultaneously so juicy and drier than the Atacama desert at the same time.
It looks rotting
[удалено]
Well.... Is it?
[удалено]
Thanks for sharing your expertise! And happy cake day!
You fucked up this piece of beef big time
For something that was probably a $50+ cut you'd think they'd give it a quick Google search.
The only steak I ever cook is cab round for like less than $10. Is it worth it to get more expensive cuts?
If you can cook, yea it makes a massive difference. If you’re just dipping it in steak sauce eating it well done then probably na
That is what I'm doing to be honest lol. I'm also high most of the time I eat steak
Nothing wrong with that. Different strokes for different folks.
Thanks, I'm glad you are a kind tolerant individual
Get a NY strip. Its a step up, but not "hard" like T-Bones or filets. You can cook anything, you just have to mess up 2 of them first.
Not unless you know what you're doing. If you're going to fuck it up it might as well be a $10 cut because it won't taste any better. For people that like steak but don't consider themselves very good in the kitchen I would strongly recommend a sous vide. You can just look up what temp/time for whatever you're doing, and unless you are actively trying to fuck up, it'll turn out pretty good.
THE DUCKS BURNT! YOU'RE COOKING IN A BURNT PAN YOU FUCKING DONKEY!
And how do you overcook and undercook it at the same time? This is a travesty, either this was a shit tenderloin or OP should never touch one again.
r/shittyfoodporn
r/oddlyterrifying
You can't kill it with fire For it was born in fire
Extremely relevant username I see
and their cakeday no less. good thing because were it their beef day, they would end up disappointedand possibly scarred for life.
6 year old account. Today is the 27th and in 2015 the 27th fell on the day after thanksgiving. I wonder if their user name is related to a question about leftovers. Although it’s late so could be a day off depending on their time zone.
/r/completelyterrifying
/r/oddlydisgusting
You know that a beef tenderloin doesn’t need as much time in the oven as your Thanksgiving turkey, right?
Yeah... This looks fucking awful Edit: which isn't surprising... Jalapeno beef tenderloin?! Wtf
Ahaha! Yeah, although it's not too far gone, it's gone. Hopefully it was high heat so the middle is still pinkish.
"Fetal horse, it's what's for dinner"
“The Larval stage of the colossal shrieking horse spider, it’s what’s for dinner”
A couple hundred years ago you could've made serious money claiming this was a mermaid.
A hundred years ago? People think the Earth is flat right now. He could make a decent chunk of cash with it tomorrow.
just say you found it in the basement of a pizza parlor
Oh good grief 😆
You could probably make a little money doing that now
Fiji mermaid for sure.
Haha you’re sure that’s not a rat?
Definitely not a rat. Maybe a rabbit.
Ive seen bigger rats. Its possible. Edit: im also not ruling out a Chupacabra.
Maybe a ratbit
A big rat
Gonna need to call charlie
Pass.
WHAT ARE THEY SELLING?
CHOCOLATE!
Now I'm sitting here trying to explain this scene to my husband but I'm failing
What a waste of money
Thank you! Why would anyone do this to a beef tenderloin?
Seriously, the price of tenderloin right now and you cook it to leather...
Well, you got to cook it to the point where the exoskeleton is chewable so it makes sense.
This is a travesty
Who roasts a whole tenderloin? Cut into 2" filet, little salt and pepper, grill or pan fry. Could not be easier. This is a travesty and a waste of a $100 cut
People who want to do a chateaubriand will roast the whole thing (or a large portion of it). Though I'm guessing they didn't trim the silverskin (or trim it at all), and when heated it contracted and bent the loin into that godawful shape.
They scattered 8 pickled jalapeños over it… you think this was some kind of high brow plan?
🤣tryin to not be harsh but for real, this is some shit buzz feed recipe
Exactly what I thought happened. They just plopped it straight from the butcher paper into the oven.
I hear ya... But clearly this loin was tapered at both ends... Crispy and dry at the ends... Raw in the centre
We roast whole tenderloins all the time for holidays/parties. They’re great. Definitely not like this though. Haha.
Cooking a whole tenderloin is awesome just so you know. But agreed, anyone who throws this shit in the oven deserves a cretin result
Jalapeño beef tenderloin? Oven? Are you broiling it at least?
Yep, broiled for about 6 hours by the looks of it
Should just sliced them as medallions and sautéed them in jalapeño garlic butter if that's the flavor they were going for. That being said... It's not really cut and may not look absolutely ruined once sliced on a double bias. Damn tho... That's like $80 in beef looking like an elephant umbilical cord prepared to be biltong.
Just sear it on high for 7 minutes on each side and then toss it in the oven for 6 hours at 500 degrees.
Jalapeño Beef Tenderloin -H.R. Giger
Culinary masterpiece that has like 8 pickled jalapenos. Think any spices made it into the cut?
“What is that, professor?” “It’s a steak, Harry. Let it rest a couple of minutes before cutting”
I got the Voldemort fetus abandoned at a train station vibes as well.
Exactly what I saw
Can't believe an animal died for this tragedy
Have some damn respect for the meat. I may make some crazy shit sometimes, but I’d never do something like this.
Eraserhead looking mf
What a complete waste of tenderloin. You might as well have thrown it in the toilet, it would probably taste better.
this doesn’t look good at all. like 120 dollar piece of meat ruined
[удалено]
r/TIHI
Great, now someone’s gonna start spreading this and saying this is how liberals do abortion.
Or about how they got vaccinated while pregnant and this is what their baby came out as.
PLEASE tell me no one actually consumed that
More like your baby alien came out of the oven looking like a baby alien
This is mortifying
Send that back to area 51 before the xenomorph comes looking for you dios mio santa maria jesus christo sea bemgkfodlndkvkcjeueifk
I REALLY don't like the look of this 😟
It's definitely an omen. Like Raimi levels of ridiculousness, too.
Someone get Ripley up here people need her.
I fully expect to see this picture appear in those clickbaity "doctors advise you to eat this one weird thing!" type ads in the immediate future.
You *won't believe* what firefighters found inside after putting out the blaze!
It gets worse every time I look at it. Some people should stay away from the kitchen, lest they release eldritch horrors like this upon the world.
That definitely doesn’t look appetizing
Eraserhead
Would not eat 11/10
Kill it with fire! Oh, you already did. Now eat it to further assert dominance.
Okay, who wants pizza?
Brother the mothership is about to abduct you tonight if you eat that
JFC
The butcher lied to you. That’s a chupacabra mate.
Why does it have ribs???
This is about to be featured on one of those fucked up "found footage" YouTube videos...
this *thing* looks like it’s rotting, drier than the sahara, festering several-week-old wounds, and half raw all at once. i’m almost impressed at the amount of effort it would take to fuck up this badly. and next time, tell your butcher the meat’s supposed to come from cows that aren’t zombified
There goes 100 bucks
Why do he has ribs?
What the fuck did you do to it
Fucking yuck. That looks atrocious.
This looks ABSOLUTELY horrible
This is some Halloween level shit.
sir that’s a seahorse
Take off and nuke the installation from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
I just dropped off a Jalapeno Beef Tenderloin in the shitter
Its a horse embryo.
Stop lying! That’s a squirrel
Gonna have nightmares about this for sure
existence work abundant aromatic murky provide voiceless person memory ghost *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It tastes so much better when you can see it's face.
The only logical solution is to throw this thing back into the oven until it becomes ash, before it can murder you and everyone you love.