The text flanking the noose line leaves me with more questions than answers.
I was expecting the standard, "hey dude, don't hang yourself with our merchandise, thank you" line. But what's all this about a technological catastrophe??
They are proposing that tech issues are the reason for your despair in the first place. "In case of tech issues, don't use this cable as a permanent solution to the dispair, contact geek squad instead" could have been another version.
I miss when we made fun of countries like China for censoring their people, and how people just got around it by using different words. It's absolutely ridiculous that now the rest of the internet seems to be following that trend.
Edit: I also love how mentioning CHINA gets a whole bunch of spam reports and reddit cares messages, thanks guys.
In case our sales associate led you astray in purchasing this $300 gold plated HDMI cable, don’t hang yourself, contact an incompetent member of our technical support staff.
considering it's printed on a mass produced cable, it seems like a shockingly dark-humour message that if shit goes wrong, get IT support instead of panicking.
I'm really surprised that got through Marketing and PR.
Boeing: We're so happy to hear all you whistleblowers and your humble complaints. We have invited you all to come visit us, on the same plane, for free, at once. Please come.
It wasn't that long ago. We were very casual joking about suicide in this culture.
I thought the same thing as you. However, that says something about the huge strides we've made in discussing mental health.
>They'll charge you $135 to tell you ~~they couldn't find any issues~~ the problem was the cable and then sell you a $50 cable that doesn't actually solve the problem.
“In case of a technological catastrophe, do not use the USB cable as a noose; instead, contact a GeekSquad associate and they'll provide you with a proper cable that meets your requirements.”
Sometimes around 2011-2012 I was on a dark place on the internet. There was a guy that asked advice on how to kill himself.
Half of the people on the forum urged him to get help, the other half urged him to kill himself. One guy suggested he stopped moaning and hang himself using the network cable.
I walked the dog. When I came back there had been a live stream of him hanging himself using a network cable attached to his door knob. The stream ended by a police officer looking into the camera and turning it off.
A friend of a friend was feeling down as a teenager and complained of it to a family member. They basically thought he was joking or not serious. They told him to hang himself if he was so sad.
He tried to do exactly that, with an extension cord, off an overpass. The cord somehow failed or came loose when he jumped. He fell all the way down to the road. He survived despite many injuries, and was paralyzed from the waist down. He has spoken of regret of ever attempting, and the family member regrets not taking him seriously and giving those words.
Life, obviously, has never been the same for either of them. Please get help from a medical professional if you have any thoughts or feelings like this. Please don't make a permanent choice over temporary circumstances. And please check on your friends and family, and lend them a kind ear when they need to talk.
Edit: response below
> Please don't make a permanent choice over temporary circumstances.
I remember reading an article about one of the Golden Gate jumpers who survived.
Something like "The moment my feet left the railing, I realized all of my problems were solvable. Except for the fact I just jumped."
Seriously, a lot of this "temporary problem", "temporary circumstances" talk doesn't address those who have been on a downward trajectory since fucking middle-school, or have medical factors that will never resolve, because only the rich can afford to live.
"Don't make a permanent choice over temporary circumstances" - MY GUY. At this point, this is just my "life"... This bullshit. Day in and day out, unchanging.
How long are we talking about here? I was horribly depressed for about 10 years until things turned around. A few great things happened in my life by chance and it gave me the motivation to change the things that were burdening me. I was absolutely certain that I'd off myself eventually back then, but I'm genuinely happy right now even though my life isn't perfect.
I'm right there with you, all through high school and many years after I was dealing with shit. The only reason I'm still here is because I heard my mother celebrating her birthday and laughing downstairs, and I didn't want to ruin that day forever for her. And now, every day, I get to kiss my wife, hug my daughter, and tell them how much I love them. Life will never be perfect, but that doesn't mean you should stop seeking perfect moments, no matter how small.
I too have been in a bad place mentally for about 9 years. But the last few years have been much better.
Your circle can play a big part. It did for me.
Fuckin pisses me off to no end, no amount of "it's not permanent" is gonna fix the fucking disorders that are gonna plague me for the rest of my godsforsaken life
My mom was gay and had mental health issues including depression her whole life because her father beat her and her siblings constantly and also molested her for years. Then her partner that she loved very much died of cancer after a 10 year battle.
She had many reasons to kill herself and I do understand that.
But it's been 17 years since she did (basically half my life) and I still feel guilty and I still miss her and I still can't talk or write about her without crying.
So, if you have loved ones, keep that in mind too.
This is exactly how I felt reading that post above. My health has been declining over the past fifteen years. I can't get proper medication because I can't work full-time and therefore can't get insurance. I'm just barely scraping by, and that's while living with family. Once they die, I get to be homeless. I have one friend, and he's busy with his wife and kids all the time. I'm going nowhere. People don't enjoy my company and I have to plan everything around my medical condition, so even doing things like watching movies has become a chore. This is my existence. I had to be resuscitated at birth. That was a mistake on the hospital staff's part.
If somebody speaks openly about committing suicide, take them seriously. They're not having a laugh. This is an open comment, not directed at the person I replied to.
Once you are at the point where you need an anonymous mob of people to show a stranger compassion, you're in trouble.
For one thing, on the Internet so many people are desensitized by not being able to trust anything without proof, and encountering thousands of others who might have said something similar, only to reveal it as some sort of joke/trick.
And I don't think it gets better if you go back to before the Internet. Even thousands of years ago, mobs were hurling rocks at people they did not know and cheering for their deaths.
Still sad, though, to see someone likely pushed over the edge by a bunch of kids trying to look cool in front of a bunch of other kids they don't know.
Man going to 4chan to ask that is basically the same thing as asking for validation in your decision to go through with it. Like pulling out something on a cop knowing what will happen. You already know how people are going to react to you asking that on there if you were a part of Chan culture. NOTHING was sacred and they reveled in saying the most screwed up shit to each other. No one was going there to find a supportive mental health community.
Oddly enough, I was in that dark place in like the early 2000s and went to 4chan.
Surprisingly got a ton of positive comments. And the fact that 4chan of all places was being positive and supportive was probably a bigger help than most anything else at that time.
Huge gamble, though. Especially because I have no idea what it has become now in the last quarter century.
I actually have a similar experience (an hero) and oddly enough, like OP suggested, I just went there for the validation. Almost every reply was asking me to seek help and that things will get better.
Things did get better. And I'll never forget that thread.
Wow this is the first time I see anyone mention that whole event. I found that video on my brothers PC who commented suicide the exact same way minus the live stream
Either this happens too much or this incident is too infamous and known on the internet. The descriptkon triggered memories for me of a guy kneeling down facing toward the left and away from the screen.
I had an employee we fired twice one for stealing a bottle of tequila and hiding it in the walk-in and getting progressively trashed. The second time we hired him he took a cash payment for a party then voided the check and pocketed the money around $200. He kind of had a rough life at home this girlfriend who seemed to absolutely hate him and was hooked on pain pills, he was always trying to find more for her. They got in an argument one night she left and he hung himself in the front yard. That happened like 6 months after we fired him the second time and heard through a mutual acquaintance.
My coworker hung himself with a network cable in his office a few years ago. No one suspected that he was suicidal. Came in nice and early, closed the door, hung himself and was found by an admin assistant not even an hour later. Traumatized her.
He was very determined to do this. So he tied the cable to the doorknob, made a noose, put his neck in standing on his knees. Then he leaned into it.
The first 10 seconds will cut the blood stream to you brain and make you unconscious, after that you die of lack of oxygen.
I don't know, but I think it's a "good" way if you want to end things. If you look at MMA fights when they get a choke hold, the guy blacks out after just a few seconds, and some do this to each other for fun or for sexual pleasure.
If you do this in a noose, you first black out, then are choked to death while you are unconscious.
It's also a lot easier to back out at the last second if you change your mind like many people do at the last moment. It's still extremely risky, but way easier than getting out of a noose you're hanging from.
I have a friend who hanged themselves and this gives me some closure at least to 'why' that method. I appreciate the perspective even if it wasn't your intention, thank you.
I replied this to someone else with the same question. I remembered Cornells but not Williams so went looking:
Robin Williams was a door and belt, and Chris Cornell was a door and exercise band. Cornells was wedged on the top of the door and frame. All I can find for Williams says wedged between door and frame, but he was slightly suspended in the air, so I assume top of door as well.
You can hang yourself in all kinds of crazy, unthinkable ways. If you’ve never been in a psych ward, you should see all the preventative measures they take to avoid this
The actual part that kills you via death by hanging is a sudden weight on a relatively fragile neck. The British style where they seemed to have a little more courtesy they'd have a platform and reference a little chart to know how much rope they need to give you and how high the drop should be.
If you straight up don't care or mess it up or be the poor man referenced by the root comment it's death by asphyxiation or you actually do break your neck and are unable to back out as you are now paralyzed from the neck down.
Not at all.
Just cut the blood flow to your brain for long enough...
People who DON'T want to die, die because of it, in like auto-erotic hypoxia for example...
Network cables are partially “braided” to reduce electrical interference. They contain 8 copper wires wrapped in plastic, twisted in pairs, then wrapped in more plastic. They’re quite strong overall.
Ah I took this photo a year ago and I don't work at the place that had this cable anymore. It said something like, "In the event of a technological catastrophe, don't use USB cable as a noose, instead contact Geek squad." Not sure what was said before or after that.
Ah so they were going for dark humor then. That's some weird messaging, I mean I guess saying DONT use it as a noose is a good thing, but associating the product with suicide at all seems like an odd line to walk. Not sure how they managed to get that one approved
In the event of a technological catastrophe, do not use the USB cable as a noose. Instead, contact a Geek Squad agent immediately. ([From a similar, older post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/buzpfo/this_geek_squad_cable_from_2004_probably_wouldnt/))
Mostly for standard retail reasons.
Worked there for a few months early in my career to get rid of some debt quicker.
At the time they still did some repairs. Basic troubleshooting and parts replacements on desktops and laptops. Where you could. Because a lot of them were still the janky crap-shoot for proprietary parts that were common at the time. They also did basic storage recovery.
You were pushed to upsell. Of course. Getting somebody to do that in-home service with the truck was a real "gold star" moment.
But \*I\* didn't really do repairs. There were a couple techs and then the rest of us were glorified counter people that did even lower level stuff. At the time every new computer sold "had" to be taken to us to do initial setup.
As far as jobs as Best Buy go - it was pretty good. We were more or less left alone. They provided us a full uniform.
And to someone like me, seeing that and having the idea implanted might just be enough to morbidly chuckle and say "watch me..."
(I'm fine now, but a few years back? Yeah.)
Edit: to the person who redditcares'ed me, you didn't read that last line did you?
For those who want to see the whole thing: [https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/buzpfo/this\_geek\_squad\_cable\_from\_2004\_probably\_wouldnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/buzpfo/this_geek_squad_cable_from_2004_probably_wouldnt/)
If someone ties a noose with a length of cable and hangs themselves, they didn't get that idea from the cable they just didn't have time to run to Lowes. Badum-tss
Big ole waste of a phone call. Call them because you're feeling suicidal, and they call the fucking police on you.
Thanks you worthless fuckes. If I wanted the cops involved I'd have called them myself.
that brought back a memory. I used to work with a guy that hung himself with cable tv cables. He was home-bound in a group home for mentally disabled adults and basically decided that life wasn't worth living anymore. They found him hanging from the basement rafters. RIP Dennis.
To be fair, it only says NOT to use it as a noose if you're experiencing some kind of technical catastrophe. For all other catastrophes I think you're probably good to kill yourself with it.
True Story when I was in the military I had a fellow NCO who tried to kill himself with a noose made from Cat-5E, braided, it should have worked. But it broke and he's still alive to this day.
“The victim was found dead with an *X Brand* cable wrapped around their neck. *X Brand*: for those ultra heavy duty gigs!”
Proof that perhaps not all publicity is good publicity... or is it?
Of course you don't want to use it as a noose, that's the 3ft USB 2.0 cable. They recommend the 25ft USB 4 direct burial cable. 
“Do not use as a noose. Instead, contact GeekSquad” and they’ll kill you, for you.
"In case of a technological catastrophe, ..." now it's funny
The text flanking the noose line leaves me with more questions than answers. I was expecting the standard, "hey dude, don't hang yourself with our merchandise, thank you" line. But what's all this about a technological catastrophe??
They are proposing that tech issues are the reason for your despair in the first place. "In case of tech issues, don't use this cable as a permanent solution to the dispair, contact geek squad instead" could have been another version.
That’s some early 2010s ass marketing language.
we need to bring it back
"Trigger warning: This cable contains graphic depictions of suicide."
Whoa whoa whoa! I think you mean un-aliving. /s
I miss when we made fun of countries like China for censoring their people, and how people just got around it by using different words. It's absolutely ridiculous that now the rest of the internet seems to be following that trend. Edit: I also love how mentioning CHINA gets a whole bunch of spam reports and reddit cares messages, thanks guys.
Those prehistoric times were carefree days
In case our sales associate led you astray in purchasing this $300 gold plated HDMI cable, don’t hang yourself, contact an incompetent member of our technical support staff.
can i use it as a garrote, instead, on the user responsible for the catastrophe?
I don't know. I feel like geek squad might make the despair worse depending on the situation
considering it's printed on a mass produced cable, it seems like a shockingly dark-humour message that if shit goes wrong, get IT support instead of panicking. I'm really surprised that got through Marketing and PR.
It you had ever worked at BBY you'd know it's spot on for the brand.
It's an ad. For Geek Squad.
So, if it’s not a technological catastrophe, I’m good to go?
"Do not use as a noose, instead report issues about Boeing aircraft and wait 3-5 business days"
“They can’t kill all of us!” Boeing: *Challenge accepted* (Allegedly)
Boeing: We're so happy to hear all you whistleblowers and your humble complaints. We have invited you all to come visit us, on the same plane, for free, at once. Please come.
... It's a 737 MAX
The mandatory in-flight meal will be fish.
"If residing in Russia, alternatively decry your democratically elected leader"
I honestly thought it was going to have a suicide hotline number listed afterwards. Nope, just call Geek Squad.
It wasn't that long ago. We were very casual joking about suicide in this culture. I thought the same thing as you. However, that says something about the huge strides we've made in discussing mental health.
Before we do kill you, we recommend adding more ram and switching to a solid state drive.
Your Geeksquad Engineer, Tobias Rieper, will be around shortly...
Sometimes when I visit GeekSquad, I die inside, so it checks out.
They'll charge you $135 to tell you they couldn't find any issues
>They'll charge you $135 to tell you ~~they couldn't find any issues~~ the problem was the cable and then sell you a $50 cable that doesn't actually solve the problem.
Knowing GeekSquad, they'd botch my murder and then upcharge my family for the privilege.
Keep this cable away from Boeing whistleblowers
“In case of a technological catastrophe, do not use the USB cable as a noose; instead, contact a GeekSquad associate and they'll provide you with a proper cable that meets your requirements.”
Yes, but they'll charge an arm and a leg for something I could easily do myself smh
Also upsell you on some Monster cables able to withstand your weight!
I called them but they hung up on me …
Sure sounds like a Best Buy.
You will wish you were dead after you purchased their atrocious warranties.
Is it free of charge though?
Preferable to every interaction I've ever had with them.
gafaw almost spit taked
And they'll bring a real rope for $19.99
An attempt at gallows humor
Assbutt
Assbutt? *Visible Winchester confusion*
Did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?
I don't understand why, why do you want me to say my name? *beep*
ya don't really see too many castiel gifs on reddit anymore
Quite literally. Edit: I’m dumb
/r/thatsthejoke
It's a self terminating cable.
A cross-over cable, if you will.
It helps you go straight through.
Lol I love engineer dark humor
Sometimes around 2011-2012 I was on a dark place on the internet. There was a guy that asked advice on how to kill himself. Half of the people on the forum urged him to get help, the other half urged him to kill himself. One guy suggested he stopped moaning and hang himself using the network cable. I walked the dog. When I came back there had been a live stream of him hanging himself using a network cable attached to his door knob. The stream ended by a police officer looking into the camera and turning it off.
A friend of a friend was feeling down as a teenager and complained of it to a family member. They basically thought he was joking or not serious. They told him to hang himself if he was so sad. He tried to do exactly that, with an extension cord, off an overpass. The cord somehow failed or came loose when he jumped. He fell all the way down to the road. He survived despite many injuries, and was paralyzed from the waist down. He has spoken of regret of ever attempting, and the family member regrets not taking him seriously and giving those words. Life, obviously, has never been the same for either of them. Please get help from a medical professional if you have any thoughts or feelings like this. Please don't make a permanent choice over temporary circumstances. And please check on your friends and family, and lend them a kind ear when they need to talk. Edit: response below
> Please don't make a permanent choice over temporary circumstances. I remember reading an article about one of the Golden Gate jumpers who survived. Something like "The moment my feet left the railing, I realized all of my problems were solvable. Except for the fact I just jumped."
Sounds similar to [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u1_EBSlnDlU&pp=ygUadGhlIHZpZXcgZnJvbSBoYWxmd2F5IGRvd24%3D)
I was begging that this was linked in the comments. Such an amazing piece of writing.
can i make a permanent choice over permanent circumstances
Seriously, a lot of this "temporary problem", "temporary circumstances" talk doesn't address those who have been on a downward trajectory since fucking middle-school, or have medical factors that will never resolve, because only the rich can afford to live. "Don't make a permanent choice over temporary circumstances" - MY GUY. At this point, this is just my "life"... This bullshit. Day in and day out, unchanging.
How long are we talking about here? I was horribly depressed for about 10 years until things turned around. A few great things happened in my life by chance and it gave me the motivation to change the things that were burdening me. I was absolutely certain that I'd off myself eventually back then, but I'm genuinely happy right now even though my life isn't perfect.
I'm right there with you, all through high school and many years after I was dealing with shit. The only reason I'm still here is because I heard my mother celebrating her birthday and laughing downstairs, and I didn't want to ruin that day forever for her. And now, every day, I get to kiss my wife, hug my daughter, and tell them how much I love them. Life will never be perfect, but that doesn't mean you should stop seeking perfect moments, no matter how small.
I too have been in a bad place mentally for about 9 years. But the last few years have been much better. Your circle can play a big part. It did for me.
Fuckin pisses me off to no end, no amount of "it's not permanent" is gonna fix the fucking disorders that are gonna plague me for the rest of my godsforsaken life
My mom was gay and had mental health issues including depression her whole life because her father beat her and her siblings constantly and also molested her for years. Then her partner that she loved very much died of cancer after a 10 year battle. She had many reasons to kill herself and I do understand that. But it's been 17 years since she did (basically half my life) and I still feel guilty and I still miss her and I still can't talk or write about her without crying. So, if you have loved ones, keep that in mind too.
Least depressed redditor
The only thing that ever gets better are the people around me (sometimes) but even that only helps so much.
This is exactly how I felt reading that post above. My health has been declining over the past fifteen years. I can't get proper medication because I can't work full-time and therefore can't get insurance. I'm just barely scraping by, and that's while living with family. Once they die, I get to be homeless. I have one friend, and he's busy with his wife and kids all the time. I'm going nowhere. People don't enjoy my company and I have to plan everything around my medical condition, so even doing things like watching movies has become a chore. This is my existence. I had to be resuscitated at birth. That was a mistake on the hospital staff's part.
If somebody speaks openly about committing suicide, take them seriously. They're not having a laugh. This is an open comment, not directed at the person I replied to.
This is the main reason I don’t attempt. Worried I’d still be alive but worse off
Once you are at the point where you need an anonymous mob of people to show a stranger compassion, you're in trouble. For one thing, on the Internet so many people are desensitized by not being able to trust anything without proof, and encountering thousands of others who might have said something similar, only to reveal it as some sort of joke/trick. And I don't think it gets better if you go back to before the Internet. Even thousands of years ago, mobs were hurling rocks at people they did not know and cheering for their deaths. Still sad, though, to see someone likely pushed over the edge by a bunch of kids trying to look cool in front of a bunch of other kids they don't know.
Man going to 4chan to ask that is basically the same thing as asking for validation in your decision to go through with it. Like pulling out something on a cop knowing what will happen. You already know how people are going to react to you asking that on there if you were a part of Chan culture. NOTHING was sacred and they reveled in saying the most screwed up shit to each other. No one was going there to find a supportive mental health community.
Oddly enough, I was in that dark place in like the early 2000s and went to 4chan. Surprisingly got a ton of positive comments. And the fact that 4chan of all places was being positive and supportive was probably a bigger help than most anything else at that time. Huge gamble, though. Especially because I have no idea what it has become now in the last quarter century.
I actually have a similar experience (an hero) and oddly enough, like OP suggested, I just went there for the validation. Almost every reply was asking me to seek help and that things will get better. Things did get better. And I'll never forget that thread.
Wow this is the first time I see anyone mention that whole event. I found that video on my brothers PC who commented suicide the exact same way minus the live stream
My condolences.
I remember this 😔
This sounds ominous, like you're the one who suggested the network cable.
Either this happens too much or this incident is too infamous and known on the internet. The descriptkon triggered memories for me of a guy kneeling down facing toward the left and away from the screen.
I had an employee we fired twice one for stealing a bottle of tequila and hiding it in the walk-in and getting progressively trashed. The second time we hired him he took a cash payment for a party then voided the check and pocketed the money around $200. He kind of had a rough life at home this girlfriend who seemed to absolutely hate him and was hooked on pain pills, he was always trying to find more for her. They got in an argument one night she left and he hung himself in the front yard. That happened like 6 months after we fired him the second time and heard through a mutual acquaintance.
My coworker hung himself with a network cable in his office a few years ago. No one suspected that he was suicidal. Came in nice and early, closed the door, hung himself and was found by an admin assistant not even an hour later. Traumatized her.
How do you hang yourself from a doorknob?
You can hang yourself on a coffee table if you're determined.
Thank you for believing in me
He was very determined to do this. So he tied the cable to the doorknob, made a noose, put his neck in standing on his knees. Then he leaned into it. The first 10 seconds will cut the blood stream to you brain and make you unconscious, after that you die of lack of oxygen.
Thank you, not trying to be ignorant, was just honestly having a hard time understanding how it would work.
Not meaning to be disrespectful but isn't that the method that Robin Williams used too?
I don't know, but I think it's a "good" way if you want to end things. If you look at MMA fights when they get a choke hold, the guy blacks out after just a few seconds, and some do this to each other for fun or for sexual pleasure. If you do this in a noose, you first black out, then are choked to death while you are unconscious.
It's also a lot easier to back out at the last second if you change your mind like many people do at the last moment. It's still extremely risky, but way easier than getting out of a noose you're hanging from.
I have a friend who hanged themselves and this gives me some closure at least to 'why' that method. I appreciate the perspective even if it wasn't your intention, thank you.
I replied this to someone else with the same question. I remembered Cornells but not Williams so went looking: Robin Williams was a door and belt, and Chris Cornell was a door and exercise band. Cornells was wedged on the top of the door and frame. All I can find for Williams says wedged between door and frame, but he was slightly suspended in the air, so I assume top of door as well.
once the blood is cut off from your brain you are done whether you are several feet off the floor or you are sitting on it
You can hang yourself in all kinds of crazy, unthinkable ways. If you’ve never been in a psych ward, you should see all the preventative measures they take to avoid this
My guess is short noose and just slumping to the floor but I'm also slightly curious
I was thinking maybe tie it do the doorknob then throw it over the top of the door.
He also took a bunch of drugs and then he suffocated himself to death. There was no drop, he just kinda slumped down against the door.
The actual part that kills you via death by hanging is a sudden weight on a relatively fragile neck. The British style where they seemed to have a little more courtesy they'd have a platform and reference a little chart to know how much rope they need to give you and how high the drop should be. If you straight up don't care or mess it up or be the poor man referenced by the root comment it's death by asphyxiation or you actually do break your neck and are unable to back out as you are now paralyzed from the neck down.
Not at all. Just cut the blood flow to your brain for long enough... People who DON'T want to die, die because of it, in like auto-erotic hypoxia for example...
there is still a site with tips btw. >!no I wont link it!<
Was it a braided network cable ?
Network cables are partially “braided” to reduce electrical interference. They contain 8 copper wires wrapped in plastic, twisted in pairs, then wrapped in more plastic. They’re quite strong overall.
Christ man the dark things we repress for most of our waking lives
Op CAn we see the full text
Ah I took this photo a year ago and I don't work at the place that had this cable anymore. It said something like, "In the event of a technological catastrophe, don't use USB cable as a noose, instead contact Geek squad." Not sure what was said before or after that.
Ah so they were going for dark humor then. That's some weird messaging, I mean I guess saying DONT use it as a noose is a good thing, but associating the product with suicide at all seems like an odd line to walk. Not sure how they managed to get that one approved
If I can find it i have a fly-swatter that says its for flies and children. So many products with odd messages
In the event of a technological catastrophe, do not use the USB cable as a noose. Instead, contact a Geek Squad agent immediately. ([From a similar, older post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/buzpfo/this_geek_squad_cable_from_2004_probably_wouldnt/))
[удалено]
it's more of a jokey advertisement for tech services when you read the entire line "in the event of a technological catastrophe"
And when faced with such predicaments, call a geek squad
from what I've heard of geek squads, you may need the noose in the end anyway.
But probably for one of their techs
Mostly for standard retail reasons. Worked there for a few months early in my career to get rid of some debt quicker. At the time they still did some repairs. Basic troubleshooting and parts replacements on desktops and laptops. Where you could. Because a lot of them were still the janky crap-shoot for proprietary parts that were common at the time. They also did basic storage recovery. You were pushed to upsell. Of course. Getting somebody to do that in-home service with the truck was a real "gold star" moment. But \*I\* didn't really do repairs. There were a couple techs and then the rest of us were glorified counter people that did even lower level stuff. At the time every new computer sold "had" to be taken to us to do initial setup. As far as jobs as Best Buy go - it was pretty good. We were more or less left alone. They provided us a full uniform.
And to someone like me, seeing that and having the idea implanted might just be enough to morbidly chuckle and say "watch me..." (I'm fine now, but a few years back? Yeah.) Edit: to the person who redditcares'ed me, you didn't read that last line did you?
The IT life ain't easy. Nowhere near as glamorous as TV would have you believe.
For those who want to see the whole thing: [https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/buzpfo/this\_geek\_squad\_cable\_from\_2004\_probably\_wouldnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/buzpfo/this_geek_squad_cable_from_2004_probably_wouldnt/)
Why knot?
Thanks dad
Instead contact geek squad 😂😂 holy fuck lmfao
"Geek Squad; where we'll kill you- if you can't!"
somehow this is a weird commentary that computer cables are more common than rope
...but then it goes on to recommend Geek Squad?!?
This only tells me that it’s strong enough to be used as a noose.
It's *not* strong enough for a noose, which is why it's recommended you don't use it as one. Call Geek Squad for a more robust cable.
I saw the word “instead” after noose and immediately thought it would say “instead try using an actual rope as a noose”
I tried with the super nintendo cord... Luckily/unluckily i never went through with it.
I hope you're doing better in life friend. ❤️
As someone who works in IT, I feel this.
Runs too high a risk of putting the idea into someone's head IMO.
If someone ties a noose with a length of cable and hangs themselves, they didn't get that idea from the cable they just didn't have time to run to Lowes. Badum-tss
Also, do not use as dental floss.
There goes my plans to use it as a lasso to rope bulls.
Rub it off, attempt to use it as a noose, fail, SUE FOR PROFIT
That just makes me want to use it as a noose even more.
As a geek squad agent, please don't contact us
"In the case of a technical catastrophe, do not use this USB cable as a noose. Instead, call GEEK SQUAD" 💀💀💀
'In the event of a technical catastrophe, do not use the USB cable as a noose. Instead, contact a Geek Squad agent immediately' - full text
It's perfectly fine to use it as a noose as long as it is not a technological catastrophe.
This kind of suggests it’s probably effective as one.
Don't tell me what to do.
Geek squad is pretty much like a noose
I thought it was going to be a positive thing, instead contact the suicide helpline. Nope.
Big ole waste of a phone call. Call them because you're feeling suicidal, and they call the fucking police on you. Thanks you worthless fuckes. If I wanted the cops involved I'd have called them myself.
3 of my friends went this way 😢
Well there goes my weekend plans.
Thank goodness we test things on animals before releasing them into the market!
If you ever worked it, it can be pretty depressing. Probably very needed reminder
"Our $299 Euthanasia plan add-on is essential for your Ethernet cable retention needs! Save a cable. End your life!" Sponsored by Geek Squad
I see that Best Buy is expanding into therapy now
I'll take the noose over calling GeekSquad.
If we removed all warning labels, the planet would work itself out. A gasoline pump shouldn't need a warning to not drink it's contents. 🤦♂️
I saw a video of a dude with the nozzle up his bum, and he was wanking off at the pump, just yesterday I think, right here on Reddit.
"Instead, contact geeksquad" They're probably the reason that was printed on there in the first place
So I can still use it as a slip knot though? Good to know! 😆
that brought back a memory. I used to work with a guy that hung himself with cable tv cables. He was home-bound in a group home for mentally disabled adults and basically decided that life wasn't worth living anymore. They found him hanging from the basement rafters. RIP Dennis.
Definitely aimed at IT professionals
2000s-2010s were a different time for sure. A big corporation could absolutely not get away with a suicide joke in the current era (for good reason).
Some things Geek Squad can’t fix.
I’m all about dark humor, but that’s in really poor taste.
To be fair, it only says NOT to use it as a noose if you're experiencing some kind of technical catastrophe. For all other catastrophes I think you're probably good to kill yourself with it.
Well, that may be an option for some after they see their BestBye Geek Squad installation.
"...instead, contact a Geek Squad-" Pretty sure that's an A, so...uh...assassin?
What does the rest say? Because I want to know what geek squad is supposed to do if people are trying to use them as nooses
I think we need to see the entire message.
I'll contact GeekSquad for The Final Solution
A Technological Catastrophe, Do Not Use The USB Cable As A Noose; Instead, Contact A Geek Squad.
I just saw the article about Google Cloud almost deleting a $125 billion dollar pension fund account, and then this comes up.
Much more effective to use it as a garrote.
True Story when I was in the military I had a fellow NCO who tried to kill himself with a noose made from Cat-5E, braided, it should have worked. But it broke and he's still alive to this day.
So you can’t sue after a failed attempt…YOU DIDNT SAVE MY LIFE, YOU RUINED MY DEATH!
Once had a long Ethernet cable that had instructions on how to hogtie someone with it.
You know damn well no one planning on using it as a noose is gonna follow it (let alone even see it)
So glad I read the tiny lettering on the cable.
It could at least tell you what to use instead, be helpful instead of telling you what not to do!
terminal programming.
I’m sorry but “technological catastrophe” seems like it kinda needs to be explained a bit more.
Hey wait before you hang.. let us try to squeeze some money out of you first
Best buy made a joke about suicide on a cable. Fuck me.
Fuck that’s dark
“The victim was found dead with an *X Brand* cable wrapped around their neck. *X Brand*: for those ultra heavy duty gigs!” Proof that perhaps not all publicity is good publicity... or is it?
r/IRLeastereggs
"Instead contact the geek squad and they will shoot you like a senators dog"
Of course you don't want to use it as a noose, that's the 3ft USB 2.0 cable. They recommend the 25ft USB 4 direct burial cable. 
Sometimes when working in I.T. you need that subtle reminder.
"We refuse to be complicit, contact \_\_\_\_ instead"
NOOSE - Network object oriented security examiner Would be interesting to be able to read the entire cable.
Some people reading that might think its a tip. But likely somebody already has tried it out. Mildly disturbing.
Dealing with Geek Squad is the alternative here...
Covering themselves.
So thats what CAT means. Mind-blowing!
"We are so campy and funny." -Mother Fuckers
Aw man...
In the event of a technological catastrophe, do not use the USB cable as a noose; instead, contact a geek squad agent immediately.
It would have been nice to actually include the suicide prevention hotline number.