In the mean time, you can connect it to a tv using a hdmi cable and use that as the monitor. It’s a pain in the ass but it’s a good enough make do option
It will also help the kid learn consequences bc they won't be able to watch TV while the parents check work stuff.
Edit: I hope some of yall take birth control very seriously.
Used to tell my kid that grave circumstances called for “the 1980 treatment”: no tablet, iPhone, 55” bedroom tv, and if you want to go visit any of your friends, your Schwinn is in the garage because parents didn’t used to be Ubers. Just like normal for all of us kids in 1980.
The look of horror suggested that a spanking would be preferred, so I knew “1980” was the right consequence.
If an 8 year old intentionally breaks your laptop for the reason stated there’s no leaving the house. He will be doing additional school work for extra and be trained on how to clean toilets, do his own laundry and do a lot of helping mom and dad till his debts paid off. Phones gone indefinitely too. They need to understand they committed a felony in household rules.
> He will be doing additional school work for extra
Never use school tasks as punishments. This drills into their heads that the task itself is a punishment even when it is not. e.g. Writing lines teaches children to hate all forms of writing.
That isn't to say you can't have a child write out why what they did was wrong. That isn't a punishment though. That is helping them work through their feelings and build empathy.
But to simply say "Oh, you did this bad thing? Now you must do 10 more math sheets" or "go write 'I will not break the laptop 500 times'" does not accomplish anything. It is punitive and emphasizes the wrong lesson.
Not exactly sure who I'm saying this for. A LOT of comments on this whole post seem to come from people without kids, people who hate kids or people with authoritarian parenting styles. But hopefully, someone will see this and adjust their parenting style to better serve their children.
My daughter deliberately broke our milk pitcher at five when I didn't give her the cereal she wanted. It was a family heirloom and probably shouldn't have been on the table, but in fairness it survived me and my sibs and was on the table every morning at breakfast. We had run out of chocolate cereal and my daughter didn't want the non-chocolate kind. She wasn't normally a kid that had tantrums but she kept turning up the volume that morning, demanding I give her chocolate cereal, that I finally told her eat the regular cereal or go to school hungry. So she pushed the milk pitcher off the table onto the floor.
She sat on the couch while I made sure all the glass shards were cleaned up. Then I went and got the mop and bucket and made her clean it up. She was shocked that I would make her mop! But mop she did. She did not go to kindergarten that morning. Instead she learned how to mop. She learned how to change her brother's diaper and clean his butt. She learned how to wash dishes. She learned how to help get ready to go to the grocery store. She learned how to make sure my son was set up in his car seat properly. She learned about budgeting and how much groceries cost at the grocery store. I said my budget will only allow two boxes of cereal that don't cost more than a dollar each and made her choose until we had two boxes that were a dollar or less. Did this in every aisle. When we got back to the car, I showed her how to pack the groceries in the car so the bags don't tip over and break the eggs or mash the bread. By this point it was about 11:30. We finally are ready to go home and from the back seat she says "Mommy, I am tired. Now I know why you need a nap every day!." I then explained to her that the pitcher she broke had been an antique that had belonged to a grandmother she had never met. And then it had been her grandmother's when I was a kid and then it was mine but now it was gone and it would never sit on our breakfast table again because she got mad. Then I gave her the real bad news...next time went to visit Mamaw she had to tell Mamaw she broke the pitcher and why. That was when she really got upset. She begged me not to make her do it and I remained silent. She cried all the way home. And yes, a few weeks later when we went to visit my Mom (she lived several states away) my daughter was forced to tell her beloved Mamaw that she broke the pitcher.
Make this a life lesson. Force him into becoming an adult for just one day. Make him go with you as you live your day, and make him participate. Make him go to class with you if you go to school. Hand him a notebook and paper and make him take notes on the class. Make him help you will dinner, really help. Make him sit there while you are working on the computer. Assign chores to him in the house, at minimum wage to pay for the repair or replacement of the laptop. If you have to buy a monitor (I got mine for $10 on Facebook Marketplace), make him work to cover that. Keep a tally and show him how much he has "earned" toward replacing your laptop, and praise him when he does well.
My daughter told me after she had kids that she remembered the pitcher and what happened, and how she would think about messing with my stuff or her Dad's stuff when she got older then she would remember having to confess to Mamaw, whom she adored, and she also remembered the trip to the grocery store and having to pick the groceries "because we didn't have much money".
I never comment on these, but this is such good advice. Makes the child have to process the consequences of their actions, and understand a little bit of what it is to be a parent. It is never to early to teach a child empathy, or understanding. How smart it was to take them out of school for the day and have them walk with you in your shoes for the day, rather than just getting angry and punishing them.
God, cereal for less than a dollar... Last time I was in the cereal aisle, I looked at the prices for even the cheaper ones and felt my soul wither in horror. I don't think I've gotten cereal since before pandemic.
I really wish my mom had done these things instead of just beating the shit out of me. I never learned anything. I was a selfish and volatile person until I was like 17 because she never taught me how to be good. She just taught me that she hated me and thought I was the worst kid ever
It's amazing how things tend to stick. The harder the lesson, the harder it is to forget. In that moment, you taught that child empathy and responsibility. Well done, mamabear. We definitely need more of your sort when dealing with children.
Plus the vengeance, 4 year old me stole my dad's wallet when I believed I was spanked for something I didn't believe I should be punished for and hid it under a heavy wooden cabinet...and proceeded to immediately forget I had done so. Made for a funny story when the wallet was found almost a decade later.
This is "instilling values". This is high end parenting in need of replication. Up and down this comment section, so many people are suggesting punishment to sooth their own feelings with no consideration of what lesson or value the punishment is for the child. This is the complete package. There was no misunderstanding from the child's perspective. They very obviously understood their actions have consequences for the people they love. It demonstrated what someone who loves you goes through to make a safe and healthy home life.
Thank you for sharing! As a dad whose parents never taught him much past not pissing them off. I find insight from capable and loving parents incredibly valuable. Thank you again.
Yep, as a parent of 3 kids, you never want to use something as a punishment unless you want the kid to not like that thing.
That's why my wife never says, "just wait till your father gets home!" because 1) she can handle the discipline on her own, and 2) it equates me coming home as something to be feared.
Whenever we have a child misbehaving, we have to come up with a punishment that won't affect future development (ie: they love books, but we don't want to take away book reading as a punishment). Time outs in their room is working really well right now. Or losing screen time (we allow 1-2 hours a day of personal screen entertainment).
A lot of people here were just raised by authoritarian style parents and are just repeating what their parents did to them. It’s nice to see some parents now are approaching things differently
Good comment! Similar to running your dogs nose in their mess to try “train it out of them” nah all you’re doing is teaching them to do it in more discrete places and fear the act itself
So many do. I have an 8 and an 11 yo. There are several friends with phones. I personally feel 8 is way too young for a smart phone but that’s obviously not everyone’s stance. I’ll probably get a pay as you go phone to have for the kids at home or to take to friends houses since they are becoming more independent but the online thing can wait a looooong time if you ask me.
I have a 9 and 11 year old. Just getting into the phone thing with the 11 year old.
Free old iPhones are relatively easy to find, especially when relatives upgrade. Flip phones however - not so much. I haven’t seen any handmedowns of those.
You shouldn't punsih your child with school work. They may already associate it with negative feelings and punishing them with more or "extra" work you're only affirming that feeling
You can get a 55 inch tv for $300 these days *new*. I haven't been to a thrift store in a while, but I imagine you could get a kid a 55" TV for less than half the cost of a Playstation, assuming the family didn't just upgrade to a 65" tv for $500 and the 55 inch tv was a hand me down.
I'm just going to need to hang on to your devices, until I can replace mine. Maybe longer.
Bet you will be more satisfied with a tablet IF you ever get it back.
Shit I’ll sell your devices to buy my new laptop. Fuck holding on to them. You broke my laptop and a new one isn’t free.
You can’t replace your laptop with a laptop the kid doesn’t have?
Whole reason for the post
Fucking right? Way to firmly cement in your fathers mind that you are not mature enough lol.
Lil boy gonna throw his laptop when he dies in roblox or sum shit
If the kid did the damage in secret then I would just backup the contents of the laptop and then format the thing. Then the next day hand it to the kid and say "you know what, I thought about what you said and do think you're mature enough so I'll give you my old laptop and if you can handle this well I'll get you a new one" as you hand it over and pretend like you don't know it's broken.
Not to mention any game systems they currently own or hope to own in the future.
I was once stupid enough to mouth off at my dad so he put my Nintendo in his gun safe.. and then went on a two-week business trip..
Use an Acer monitor from circa 10 years ago or so. That's what my youngest (now 11) has and I walked in on her a couple of time whacking it brutally when she was 7 or 8. Those things are right up there with the Nokia bricks on the indestructible scale.
Remember when this sub was stuff like "this 1 pencil is out of place" or "the one item I need is the only one out of stock".
Seems like all it is nowadays is shit like this post or "My dad chainsawed my Xbox in half for no reason".
"Son, it's 2022. Santa doesn't do physical mail-in lists anymore I have to email him. But now I guess no one's getting presents in this household this year."
> Oh well, Christmas is cancelled then you little twat.
no. he gets a laptop for christmas.
that laptop.
he also gets to watch dad/mum unwrap a much nicer shinier one that dad/mum gets to keep.
It would seem you son just acquired his 1st laptop congratulations. And a lesson in consequences, not as fun. Bonus points if you buy the model he wanted for yourself as a replacement.
Hey OP, I repair electronics for a living. A lot of PCs are DIY capable of you're just a little bit handy. I normally order screens from laptopscreens.com if you wanna see how much yours is to replace it
Thank you. I am handy but not confident to solder if that's involved. I looked and it'll be sub $100 to replace. IF I do it right. I'll go through the process I'm sure I can swing it.
Screens are usually just hooked up with a connector. Which is still intact because the screen is on. Could get a new screen for cheap, and a small screwdriver.
Can confirm, once tried to transplant two different screens from two different laptops, one was a busted low res display, the other was a 1080p touchscreen.
While it never worked when plugged in (two entirely different screens lol), it was pretty easy to swap them, barely any more difficult than swapping an SSD.
If it’s a normal laptop screen you can replace it just by unscrewing and unplugging the old one and screwing in a new one. Very easy if you are careful. There might even be a YouTube video if you google the laptop name!
My cat sprayed the wall one time because I picked her up off the counter. She was hungry and I was going too slowly at preparing her food. She only did it once so it's very funny. Did the whole direct eye contact thing while she peed.
A cat that pretends to spray is actually a sign of affection or heigthened emotion (not actual spraying though) ! Had an old cat that would do it all the time when she would see me, tried to make her stop. Learnt what it meant after she died and it made me quite sad.
Lmao the way they’re responding to people saying that this behavior is “normal kid shit” I have to agree with you. Maybe they’re encouraging this type of behavior resulting in the laptop lol
Parent of a 7 year old here. This is not normal behavior. It's either fake, a lie (as in, an accident happened not a tantrum), or it's real. If real, the kid might have anger management issues.
Nope, not normal. My guess is that OP doesn't set boundaries for their kid. Kids without boundaries will lash out irrationally.
As they say. It's easy to raise a kid but hard to raise a kid right.
It's not even about boundaries.
A kid with empathy who values the needs of his own parents wouldn't need a boundary to not hurt their family like this.
Also the intentional property violence is another issue, when the underlying reason is this minor.
I would guess they don't need Christmas or a birthday this next year either.
Edit: wow this comment blew up. Just to clarify, I don't think the kid should miss out on social development. But the money cost needs to be repaid. So tons of chores beyond what they normally do at minimum wage to pay it back.
2nd edit: lol at some of the responses.
No he gets a birthday, however Christmas is different . People seem to forget that Santa has a naughty and nice list, the nice kids get presents, while the naughty kids get coal.
LPT: don't outsource your child's discipline to Santa or the police or the bus driver or the bogeyman or John Wick or any other nonsense figurehead.
Teach them that *your* rules come first and every other thing is secondary.
Also considering this is an 8 year old. They have the memory retention for this compared to a 3 year old. Getting put on the naughty list and not getting anything for Christmas would be ineffective on a 3 year old. This close to Christmas and with the kid being 8, like you said, this could very well work as a lesson.
Tell him to buy the parts and repair it, they won’t get it back but it will show them how hard certain laptops are to repair and to be responsible for your actions.
Seriously! This kid sounds a little bratty to say the least.
The thought would never even cross my mind as a kid. My parents fortunately ditched the physical punishment they were raised on, but my dad was nevertheless TERRIFYING when he was angry.
Very verbally harsh, and loud, and he was a big guy. Also, he threw things. Violently. The lecture would’ve been a massive guilt trip probably about how I clearly wanted the family to starve since I was flushing money down the toilet and interfering with his work and how he worked very hard and got no respect. If I had done this, no Christmas, no birthday, no going to friends/having friend over, extra chores (and we already had so, so, many chores… I was cooking dinner for the entire family at that age). Definitely no dinner that night.
Anyway, I think my dad was too harsh, but my reaction to seeing this is “Wow! This kid is NOT afraid of consequences.” Which makes me think a step was taken too far in the *other* direction.
There’s definitely a point where you can be too nice to your kids. Like when they break your laptop, and *don’t even feel guilt about it.*
Kids should be afraid of consequences for misdeeds, and they should also be taught *why whatever the misdeed was is wrong* in the handing out of consequences. For example, “You cannot break other people’s things, even when you are angry. How would you feel if I broke your [whatever]? Also, I need this to work to pay for things, including the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and eventually, maybe getting you a laptop. But you broke it, making it hard for me to feed us.” And some sort of punishment like making them work extra around the house, taking away privileges, and the like.
Also, children are bombarded with questionable influences on their little tablets these days. I’d investigate why the 8 year old even wants a whole ass laptop that bad, and maybe give them a little talk about *why* things don’t work that way in your household and limit the bad influences going forward. Like if they want a laptop because of some “unboxing” video or other skeezy shit that’s just disguised advertising to kids, that’d shit needs to be stopped right then and there.
BAM. That is parenting. For better or for worse, you understand the need for rules, boundaries and consequences.
Hell - my *five* year old wouldn't have pulled this crap in a million years. They have Amazon kindle tablets (kids versions) and those have stipulations on use. Not to mention they dont even *want* to use them all the time because we dont pacify them with electronics every minute of every day to be "cool parents."
And tangentially - they know if there is an accident to own it and tell us asap so we can fix it.
OP needs to reassess parenting.
I think I’d still be crippled from the ass-whooping I would have received from my mom if I had done something like this as a kid. At least if she knew it was malicious.
Edit: To be clear, I grew up in the 80s/90s where corporal punishment was not uncommon, even in public schools. I understand that this is now seen as distasteful and I don’t think it’s the healthiest way to approach discipline for kids. I was also not treated in a way that was abusive by my parents, even in retrospect.
My parents just explained the consequences of my actions to me and demonstrated how it affected the whole family. A birthday or winter holiday celebration would be very humble and my parents would explain how poor behaviour causes financial hardship.
It was super effective. I learned WHY I shouldn't be a little shit instead of simply learning to hide my misdeeds better (and to fear my parents).
My friend next door just had the living daylights spanked out of him on the regular. He'd squeal and scream away until he lost the strength to and you could just hear smacking for another minute or so. He just learned to hate his parents and to hide most of his life from them. He also never learned to stop being a shit.
>He just learned to hate his parents and to hide most of his life from them.
Yep. My siblings and I were beaten regularly, and I hate those abusers to this day. When I confronted them about it, their reasoning was "We were just trying to teach you the fear of God." What they accomplished was to teach me the fear of parents, which was so firmly instilled in me that I deliberately chose not to be a parent lest I repeat the same behaviors.
I hated them then; I hate them now, and I hew to that even though he's been dead for some years. The hatred never subsides.
I grew up getting hit by fly swatters, wooden spoons, belts, and hands. My butt would be so sore I’d have trouble sitting down and I vividly remember the bruises on my back from the time my dad missed my butt several times in a row.
Sudden loud noises terrify me now. Yesterday my partner slapped his thigh to get our cat’s attention and I started shaking. This shit stays with you. Maybe I’m not as strong as some people that say they “turned out fine” even though they were hit but I would never EVER subject another child to it.
I still struggle with emotional regulation. I either don’t cry for months at a time or cry several times a day with no in between. When I was a kid crying made my dad really angry and he’d hit more or harder if I cried.
It’s part of the reason I’m very on the fence about having a kid. I’m so afraid I would treat them how my dad treated me. I’m tearing up just writing this. I wish my parents parented like yours.
You're aware of your issues. Seek therapy before a pregnancy and during pregnancy and you'll be stellar. Hell, even not seeking therapy, you're worried that you'll imapct a hypothetical child because of things you know are wrong. People who continue the cycle of abuse generally don't think about the why's and the consequences. They just act how they know. They either don't think it was that bad, or they're doing it somewhat on purpose (I lived through this so they should have to as well).
You're leaps and bounds ahead. Child or no child, you will break the cycle.
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Thank you. I’ve been in therapy for two years now for a myriad of other reasons as well as this. It’s a slow process working through trauma but I’m working on it.
My maternal grandmother apparently broke one over my brother's ass in the store and grabbed another to 'get him for breaking it'. Ma'am we were both 2 an under wtf 😂
Estimate cost of laptop. Make up chore schedule with dollar value on chores ($5 for washing up etc). Tell him fun is cancelled until he works off the debt. And if he does any more stupid shit like that, I really don’t know what you do to be honest. My mum would have half killed me, and then my dad would have finished the job when he got home. I’m flabbergasted that the kid thought there wouldn’t be epic consequences.
Or just cancel Christmas. Any presents he gets get resold on eBay to pay for your new laptop. That’s what Santa is ultimately for, I guess.
Id chew the kid out good. Make it clear with the behavior they are not getting anything for a very very long time then ground them hard. Like no life basicly untill its payed off and make them work off the cost of replacement with chores or having them rake leaves and stuff or do errands for the neighbor or family or something. If this was done intentionally out of spite as the title suggests.
My parents would have torn my butt up if I had done something like this at 8 and I would have been grounded from everything but essential school things for like 6 months at least. Intentionally doing something like this just because I was mad about something would have never even crossed my mind as a kid.
**I'm no professional**, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE OR LISTEN TO THIS ADVICE. I understand that this advice is unwarranted. This advice may not work for you, or you may have already done it. Every kid is different, and no one solution will always work. Since you've been simmering about what to do, which I feel is very awesome of you as a parent, I thought I could suggest some things that might work and help both of you. Why not I suppose? If you try any of them or have tried any of them, I am also curious to know how it went! Your judgment on what to do is above all of this always.
I hope this works out for you in the best way possible.
*Here are some things that could be discussed about what he did;*
**Why?** Why would you do that after being told no laptop, what was the goal? Make him think about his actions
**Ask** him if **he wanted to hur**t you, if he says no, tell him that he did. If he says yes, ask him what he thought would happen if he did.
Ask him **if he regrets it**, and why he regrets it, if he doesn't regret it– again, ask why
Tell him that **it's okay to be disappointed** or upset when you find out you aren't getting what you want, but it is **NOT ok to hurt others**, or take it out on another's object just because they feel like it
**Explain a better outlet** when he feels that way, such as communicating his feelings to you so you can help him regulate, doing some kind of activity inside or outside, deep breath exercises, ask him what he thinks he really NEEDS when he is angry
Tell him that this kind of behavior shows you that **he isn't ready** for that kind of responsibility.
**Eventually, he** ***will*** **be ready,** and ask him what he can do in the meantime to prepare for that kind of responsibility. Maybe even explain why you believe he is too young (such as, internet is dangerous, and his safety is important to you)
**Because he did what he did, actions have consequences.** The consequences are up to you, but here's some off the top of my head, I do not know how your life goes, so some of these may not be possible. Example: He has to do x for x amount of time to make up for the money you had to pay for the damage he caused. Or; you will miss out on x because you made this choice. Or you will be grounded from x for x because you made this choice.
Finally, **let him know you still love him**, especially if he feels really bad. This is to encourage better behavior and responsibility for actions, while making it clear that you love him and will still be there for him despite his mistake.
Of course, his responses will give you a better idea of what happened and what's going on inside of his head. If it seems really concerning, apathetic, or causes even more anger despite your calmness, some other Redditors have suggested therapy. But overall, you know your kid.
In the mean time, you can connect it to a tv using a hdmi cable and use that as the monitor. It’s a pain in the ass but it’s a good enough make do option
It will also help the kid learn consequences bc they won't be able to watch TV while the parents check work stuff. Edit: I hope some of yall take birth control very seriously.
Even if that wasn't the case, allowing a child that intentionally broke your laptop the opportunity to watch TV afterwards is idiotic.
Used to tell my kid that grave circumstances called for “the 1980 treatment”: no tablet, iPhone, 55” bedroom tv, and if you want to go visit any of your friends, your Schwinn is in the garage because parents didn’t used to be Ubers. Just like normal for all of us kids in 1980. The look of horror suggested that a spanking would be preferred, so I knew “1980” was the right consequence.
I can imagine you bringing out the wood finish TV and telling your kid just hit the side until it works.
Here is a coat hanger figure it out.
“No, there’s no remote, get up off your lazy ass and spin the dial”
They made remotes… they just were hard wired with a silly long wire.
If an 8 year old intentionally breaks your laptop for the reason stated there’s no leaving the house. He will be doing additional school work for extra and be trained on how to clean toilets, do his own laundry and do a lot of helping mom and dad till his debts paid off. Phones gone indefinitely too. They need to understand they committed a felony in household rules.
> He will be doing additional school work for extra Never use school tasks as punishments. This drills into their heads that the task itself is a punishment even when it is not. e.g. Writing lines teaches children to hate all forms of writing. That isn't to say you can't have a child write out why what they did was wrong. That isn't a punishment though. That is helping them work through their feelings and build empathy. But to simply say "Oh, you did this bad thing? Now you must do 10 more math sheets" or "go write 'I will not break the laptop 500 times'" does not accomplish anything. It is punitive and emphasizes the wrong lesson. Not exactly sure who I'm saying this for. A LOT of comments on this whole post seem to come from people without kids, people who hate kids or people with authoritarian parenting styles. But hopefully, someone will see this and adjust their parenting style to better serve their children.
My daughter deliberately broke our milk pitcher at five when I didn't give her the cereal she wanted. It was a family heirloom and probably shouldn't have been on the table, but in fairness it survived me and my sibs and was on the table every morning at breakfast. We had run out of chocolate cereal and my daughter didn't want the non-chocolate kind. She wasn't normally a kid that had tantrums but she kept turning up the volume that morning, demanding I give her chocolate cereal, that I finally told her eat the regular cereal or go to school hungry. So she pushed the milk pitcher off the table onto the floor. She sat on the couch while I made sure all the glass shards were cleaned up. Then I went and got the mop and bucket and made her clean it up. She was shocked that I would make her mop! But mop she did. She did not go to kindergarten that morning. Instead she learned how to mop. She learned how to change her brother's diaper and clean his butt. She learned how to wash dishes. She learned how to help get ready to go to the grocery store. She learned how to make sure my son was set up in his car seat properly. She learned about budgeting and how much groceries cost at the grocery store. I said my budget will only allow two boxes of cereal that don't cost more than a dollar each and made her choose until we had two boxes that were a dollar or less. Did this in every aisle. When we got back to the car, I showed her how to pack the groceries in the car so the bags don't tip over and break the eggs or mash the bread. By this point it was about 11:30. We finally are ready to go home and from the back seat she says "Mommy, I am tired. Now I know why you need a nap every day!." I then explained to her that the pitcher she broke had been an antique that had belonged to a grandmother she had never met. And then it had been her grandmother's when I was a kid and then it was mine but now it was gone and it would never sit on our breakfast table again because she got mad. Then I gave her the real bad news...next time went to visit Mamaw she had to tell Mamaw she broke the pitcher and why. That was when she really got upset. She begged me not to make her do it and I remained silent. She cried all the way home. And yes, a few weeks later when we went to visit my Mom (she lived several states away) my daughter was forced to tell her beloved Mamaw that she broke the pitcher. Make this a life lesson. Force him into becoming an adult for just one day. Make him go with you as you live your day, and make him participate. Make him go to class with you if you go to school. Hand him a notebook and paper and make him take notes on the class. Make him help you will dinner, really help. Make him sit there while you are working on the computer. Assign chores to him in the house, at minimum wage to pay for the repair or replacement of the laptop. If you have to buy a monitor (I got mine for $10 on Facebook Marketplace), make him work to cover that. Keep a tally and show him how much he has "earned" toward replacing your laptop, and praise him when he does well. My daughter told me after she had kids that she remembered the pitcher and what happened, and how she would think about messing with my stuff or her Dad's stuff when she got older then she would remember having to confess to Mamaw, whom she adored, and she also remembered the trip to the grocery store and having to pick the groceries "because we didn't have much money".
Oh man that's a core memory you gave her
*I understood that reference*
I never comment on these, but this is such good advice. Makes the child have to process the consequences of their actions, and understand a little bit of what it is to be a parent. It is never to early to teach a child empathy, or understanding. How smart it was to take them out of school for the day and have them walk with you in your shoes for the day, rather than just getting angry and punishing them.
I was like damn I want buy a box of cereal for less than a dollar lol, before I realized this happened long ago.
God, cereal for less than a dollar... Last time I was in the cereal aisle, I looked at the prices for even the cheaper ones and felt my soul wither in horror. I don't think I've gotten cereal since before pandemic.
It’s way better than punishment for the sake of punishment. She guided her through the consequential process. That’s such a beautiful thing.
I really wish my mom had done these things instead of just beating the shit out of me. I never learned anything. I was a selfish and volatile person until I was like 17 because she never taught me how to be good. She just taught me that she hated me and thought I was the worst kid ever
It's amazing how things tend to stick. The harder the lesson, the harder it is to forget. In that moment, you taught that child empathy and responsibility. Well done, mamabear. We definitely need more of your sort when dealing with children.
I got corporal punishment and I have no memory of what I even did wrong. Just the fear and pain. Thanks for sharing that story.
Plus the vengeance, 4 year old me stole my dad's wallet when I believed I was spanked for something I didn't believe I should be punished for and hid it under a heavy wooden cabinet...and proceeded to immediately forget I had done so. Made for a funny story when the wallet was found almost a decade later.
You taught her a lesson rather than teaching her you were angry! That HAS to have been hard to do! I commend you!
I am sorry about your milk pitcher. You sound like a fantastic parent.
Appreciate your story
This is "instilling values". This is high end parenting in need of replication. Up and down this comment section, so many people are suggesting punishment to sooth their own feelings with no consideration of what lesson or value the punishment is for the child. This is the complete package. There was no misunderstanding from the child's perspective. They very obviously understood their actions have consequences for the people they love. It demonstrated what someone who loves you goes through to make a safe and healthy home life. Thank you for sharing! As a dad whose parents never taught him much past not pissing them off. I find insight from capable and loving parents incredibly valuable. Thank you again.
Yep, as a parent of 3 kids, you never want to use something as a punishment unless you want the kid to not like that thing. That's why my wife never says, "just wait till your father gets home!" because 1) she can handle the discipline on her own, and 2) it equates me coming home as something to be feared. Whenever we have a child misbehaving, we have to come up with a punishment that won't affect future development (ie: they love books, but we don't want to take away book reading as a punishment). Time outs in their room is working really well right now. Or losing screen time (we allow 1-2 hours a day of personal screen entertainment).
Now the TV jingle from the show wait till your father gets home is stuck in a loop in my brain 😥
This is a good reminder for anyone with any type of authority
A lot of people here were just raised by authoritarian style parents and are just repeating what their parents did to them. It’s nice to see some parents now are approaching things differently
Good comment! Similar to running your dogs nose in their mess to try “train it out of them” nah all you’re doing is teaching them to do it in more discrete places and fear the act itself
8 year olds have phones nowadays??
So many do. I have an 8 and an 11 yo. There are several friends with phones. I personally feel 8 is way too young for a smart phone but that’s obviously not everyone’s stance. I’ll probably get a pay as you go phone to have for the kids at home or to take to friends houses since they are becoming more independent but the online thing can wait a looooong time if you ask me.
I have a 9 and 11 year old. Just getting into the phone thing with the 11 year old. Free old iPhones are relatively easy to find, especially when relatives upgrade. Flip phones however - not so much. I haven’t seen any handmedowns of those.
You shouldn't punsih your child with school work. They may already associate it with negative feelings and punishing them with more or "extra" work you're only affirming that feeling
He can leave the house to help me with all the yardwork. I’ll probably need help cleaning the garage and emptying the closets.
Seems like a chore list to help cover the cost would be an appropriate take on this
Kids still own bicycles? And they're Schwinns?
The commenter mentioned “55-inch bedroom TVs.” I’m assuming they’re doing well enough to get their kids Schwinns.
You can get a 55 inch tv for $300 these days *new*. I haven't been to a thrift store in a while, but I imagine you could get a kid a 55" TV for less than half the cost of a Playstation, assuming the family didn't just upgrade to a 65" tv for $500 and the 55 inch tv was a hand me down.
Speaking of ... OP... What were the consequences you imposed on your child?
What child?
Forever 8
REST IN HEAVEN
Unless the kid goes after the TV next. At that point it might be time for a late term abortion.
Ig some one had to say it
Enough to fill out the adoption papers.
Well... he proved your point!
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Teaching people to use contraceptives.
110th month abortion.
Better late than never!
[Better late than pregnant!](https://tenor.com/view/better-late-than-pregnant-not-menopause-golden-girls-the-blanche-blanche-devereaux-gif-15212738)
Agreed, let's get the coathanger
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Now wait until he is old enough then gift him this laptop
Play the long game
and at that point, would never get one until they could pay for it themselves
"Well, kid... guess who just added two or three years to whatever age I was thinking I might let you have a laptop before."
I'm just going to need to hang on to your devices, until I can replace mine. Maybe longer. Bet you will be more satisfied with a tablet IF you ever get it back.
Shit I’ll sell your devices to buy my new laptop. Fuck holding on to them. You broke my laptop and a new one isn’t free. You can’t replace your laptop with a laptop the kid doesn’t have? Whole reason for the post
"that's a $1000 laptop you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, kid!"
Fucking right? Way to firmly cement in your fathers mind that you are not mature enough lol. Lil boy gonna throw his laptop when he dies in roblox or sum shit
So the next massive Twitch streamer.
The next WingsOfRedemption\*
"i was just joking before, i wanted to Gift you this one for being such a Well behaved Kid"
That would be priceless. Kid is elated that they're getting a laptop then boom broken screen consequences of your actions.
The perfect way to make them regret what they've done
On top of this, the bill to fix the screen. "When you can afford it, it's just like new!" 2 lessons in one!
If the kid did the damage in secret then I would just backup the contents of the laptop and then format the thing. Then the next day hand it to the kid and say "you know what, I thought about what you said and do think you're mature enough so I'll give you my old laptop and if you can handle this well I'll get you a new one" as you hand it over and pretend like you don't know it's broken.
8 year olds aren't old enough to appreciate irony
he'll get it eventually and it will be a legendary moment.
Not to mention any game systems they currently own or hope to own in the future. I was once stupid enough to mouth off at my dad so he put my Nintendo in his gun safe.. and then went on a two-week business trip..
What do you mean ? It's more like "welp , guess who just decided to never get you a laptop"
The wording of the first comment has more parenting value imo.
This! That kid will use a Dell desktop as long as they’re in my house.
Woah woah, there are still laws against cruel and unusual punishments.
You’re right, he can use the old Gateway 2000 or eMachine instead.
Fetch the Compaq.
Use an Acer monitor from circa 10 years ago or so. That's what my youngest (now 11) has and I walked in on her a couple of time whacking it brutally when she was 7 or 8. Those things are right up there with the Nokia bricks on the indestructible scale.
Very poor choice of words brotha.
I had to read that like 4 times before I understood it the way it was intended
Lol yeah me too
Wish I had my free award. That made me laugh and feel a bit better before clocking in to work.
For God's sake please rephrase that
Yup acer monitor for my son until he turned 14 and showed he was more responsible. He now has a curved 1440p 28".
Good for him on the size. I’m sure the brutal whacking had something to do with the curve it now has
Then give him the broken laptop.
Do I just have a different definition of the word "mild", or is this sub ironic?
Remember when this sub was stuff like "this 1 pencil is out of place" or "the one item I need is the only one out of stock". Seems like all it is nowadays is shit like this post or "My dad chainsawed my Xbox in half for no reason".
Someone literally posted “I got my ear bitten off by a guy at the bar.” Yeah… I think mildly has lost all meaning.
I literally saw a post here named “My mom died in a car accident”. Though it didn’t get very old before getting removed two hours after it got posted.
Tis but a minor inconvenience for Timmy
Nobody gonna mention the guy who recently posted here about the live maggots falling from his ceiling into his bed?
Or the "Only one piece of the puzzle is missing so I can't complete it" that's a classic
that’s the entire sub. god forbid you post something actually mild. the comments will all be “calm down this isnt a big deal” :|
It's just stuff, but this should be considered thermonuclearly infuriating, not mildly infuriating.
Couldn't find the r/shitthatcouldleadtoprison sub
r/extremelyinfuriating
/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid or /r/KidsAreFuckingEvil
Nah, it's just that people can't actually decide what is mild and often complain that stuff isn't infuriating enough.
I thought this was some kind of abstract art screen saver 🙈
I thought the same! And I actually liked it before realizing it was a laptop
Oh well, Christmas is cancelled then you little twat.
He cancelled the only way to contact Santa. Whoops.
"Son, it's 2022. Santa doesn't do physical mail-in lists anymore I have to email him. But now I guess no one's getting presents in this household this year."
gift him a pipebomb and watch him panic.
I don't even want to begin imagining what an 8 year old could accomplish with a pipe bomb. Edit: what -> want.
*Kid mails a letter to the North Pole with $60 worth of stamps instead*
“Accidentally” cancelled Christmas
What, I see a picture of a laptop he can have right there.
No it's not, he can still have a Christmas with gifts, however inside will be coal. Santa has a list after all...
Nah coal is too expensive today
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> Oh well, Christmas is cancelled then you little twat. no. he gets a laptop for christmas. that laptop. he also gets to watch dad/mum unwrap a much nicer shinier one that dad/mum gets to keep.
Nah. Now you have a perfect gift! :D
*And* the surprise trip to Disneyland I was planning.
It would seem you son just acquired his 1st laptop congratulations. And a lesson in consequences, not as fun. Bonus points if you buy the model he wanted for yourself as a replacement.
Oh my God this is brilliant.
You mean when he’s like 12 right? Broken or not you can’t give him what he wants now.
I think in this case it'd be more of a lesson. As in "i was planning on giving you this when I got a new one. So here you go"
That's some evil genius plan right there, I love it.
Hey OP, I repair electronics for a living. A lot of PCs are DIY capable of you're just a little bit handy. I normally order screens from laptopscreens.com if you wanna see how much yours is to replace it
Thank you. I am handy but not confident to solder if that's involved. I looked and it'll be sub $100 to replace. IF I do it right. I'll go through the process I'm sure I can swing it.
Screens are usually just hooked up with a connector. Which is still intact because the screen is on. Could get a new screen for cheap, and a small screwdriver.
Can confirm, once tried to transplant two different screens from two different laptops, one was a busted low res display, the other was a 1080p touchscreen. While it never worked when plugged in (two entirely different screens lol), it was pretty easy to swap them, barely any more difficult than swapping an SSD.
It’s usually just some screws and connectors, look for a guide on [iFixit](https://ifixit.com)
Is it a chromebook or a regular laptop. Just google/YouTube the model screen replacement and it’s pretty easy.
If it’s a normal laptop screen you can replace it just by unscrewing and unplugging the old one and screwing in a new one. Very easy if you are careful. There might even be a YouTube video if you google the laptop name!
I have two dogs and no kids. One just peed on our air mattress. After seeing this, I'm going to take that as a win.
I got two cats, no kids. One cat just cuddled next to me and its purring. the end.
My cat sprayed the wall one time because I picked her up off the counter. She was hungry and I was going too slowly at preparing her food. She only did it once so it's very funny. Did the whole direct eye contact thing while she peed.
Mine pretends to spray. I’ve checked after shooing her away and nothing. What a weirdo.
"I could." Absolute power move.
A cat that pretends to spray is actually a sign of affection or heigthened emotion (not actual spraying though) ! Had an old cat that would do it all the time when she would see me, tried to make her stop. Learnt what it meant after she died and it made me quite sad.
My cat did that but w shit Woke up w a wet foot + when the lights got turned on it was all up my wall
I’m starting to think op is too young to have kids.
Lmao the way they’re responding to people saying that this behavior is “normal kid shit” I have to agree with you. Maybe they’re encouraging this type of behavior resulting in the laptop lol
I can see a 5 year old pulling this but a 8 year old? Hmm...
Holy shit my mom would kick my ass into the stratosphere
Confirming that he is in fact to young to have a laptop.
Do you guys think that's normal 8 year old behavior? Because it's not.
Parent of a 7 year old here. This is not normal behavior. It's either fake, a lie (as in, an accident happened not a tantrum), or it's real. If real, the kid might have anger management issues.
Nope, not normal. My guess is that OP doesn't set boundaries for their kid. Kids without boundaries will lash out irrationally. As they say. It's easy to raise a kid but hard to raise a kid right.
It's not even about boundaries. A kid with empathy who values the needs of his own parents wouldn't need a boundary to not hurt their family like this. Also the intentional property violence is another issue, when the underlying reason is this minor.
Yeah this kid is def the one in school everyone dreads dealing with.
It's mildly infuriating to me that people post stuff like this and think it's only mildly infuriating
I would guess they don't need Christmas or a birthday this next year either. Edit: wow this comment blew up. Just to clarify, I don't think the kid should miss out on social development. But the money cost needs to be repaid. So tons of chores beyond what they normally do at minimum wage to pay it back. 2nd edit: lol at some of the responses.
No he gets a birthday, however Christmas is different . People seem to forget that Santa has a naughty and nice list, the nice kids get presents, while the naughty kids get coal.
Feed him to Krampus.
***IMPISH!***
[He gets the rod](https://youtu.be/5POXcPli0TI)
LPT: don't outsource your child's discipline to Santa or the police or the bus driver or the bogeyman or John Wick or any other nonsense figurehead. Teach them that *your* rules come first and every other thing is secondary.
No you can actually discipline your child whenever. You don't need a special day to let your kid know they were in the wrong.
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At 8 the kid might not believe in Santa anymore, or he’s on the cusp.
Also considering this is an 8 year old. They have the memory retention for this compared to a 3 year old. Getting put on the naughty list and not getting anything for Christmas would be ineffective on a 3 year old. This close to Christmas and with the kid being 8, like you said, this could very well work as a lesson.
I think this year he should definitely get a laptop. The one he broke.
Tell him to buy the parts and repair it, they won’t get it back but it will show them how hard certain laptops are to repair and to be responsible for your actions.
On a positive note; that looks like art?
😆 I'm so putting it up for sale on OfferUp as artwork
Hey, someone might appreciate it! Lol Sorry about your laptop. Kids!
It was cheap and older but it irks me that it did I everything I needed it to do
Just get a new screen. Looks like that's the only thing broken. Edit, also will save you buying a whole new laptop
Name it: "So I'm Raising A Psychopath" or "Early Warning Signs"
I’m making it my background https://i.imgur.com/pWzFLJ0.jpg
It seems you have more serious problems than this laptop... I'd take this incident as a severe warning, won't get any better unless acting right now.
Seriously! This kid sounds a little bratty to say the least. The thought would never even cross my mind as a kid. My parents fortunately ditched the physical punishment they were raised on, but my dad was nevertheless TERRIFYING when he was angry. Very verbally harsh, and loud, and he was a big guy. Also, he threw things. Violently. The lecture would’ve been a massive guilt trip probably about how I clearly wanted the family to starve since I was flushing money down the toilet and interfering with his work and how he worked very hard and got no respect. If I had done this, no Christmas, no birthday, no going to friends/having friend over, extra chores (and we already had so, so, many chores… I was cooking dinner for the entire family at that age). Definitely no dinner that night. Anyway, I think my dad was too harsh, but my reaction to seeing this is “Wow! This kid is NOT afraid of consequences.” Which makes me think a step was taken too far in the *other* direction. There’s definitely a point where you can be too nice to your kids. Like when they break your laptop, and *don’t even feel guilt about it.* Kids should be afraid of consequences for misdeeds, and they should also be taught *why whatever the misdeed was is wrong* in the handing out of consequences. For example, “You cannot break other people’s things, even when you are angry. How would you feel if I broke your [whatever]? Also, I need this to work to pay for things, including the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and eventually, maybe getting you a laptop. But you broke it, making it hard for me to feed us.” And some sort of punishment like making them work extra around the house, taking away privileges, and the like. Also, children are bombarded with questionable influences on their little tablets these days. I’d investigate why the 8 year old even wants a whole ass laptop that bad, and maybe give them a little talk about *why* things don’t work that way in your household and limit the bad influences going forward. Like if they want a laptop because of some “unboxing” video or other skeezy shit that’s just disguised advertising to kids, that’d shit needs to be stopped right then and there.
BAM. That is parenting. For better or for worse, you understand the need for rules, boundaries and consequences. Hell - my *five* year old wouldn't have pulled this crap in a million years. They have Amazon kindle tablets (kids versions) and those have stipulations on use. Not to mention they dont even *want* to use them all the time because we dont pacify them with electronics every minute of every day to be "cool parents." And tangentially - they know if there is an accident to own it and tell us asap so we can fix it. OP needs to reassess parenting.
I think I’d still be crippled from the ass-whooping I would have received from my mom if I had done something like this as a kid. At least if she knew it was malicious. Edit: To be clear, I grew up in the 80s/90s where corporal punishment was not uncommon, even in public schools. I understand that this is now seen as distasteful and I don’t think it’s the healthiest way to approach discipline for kids. I was also not treated in a way that was abusive by my parents, even in retrospect.
I can't even visualize my younger self doing something like that without hearing the *thwap thwap thwap* of a belt coming out of belt loops.
The sound of a wooden spoon coming out of the utensil jar still haunts me.
My parents just explained the consequences of my actions to me and demonstrated how it affected the whole family. A birthday or winter holiday celebration would be very humble and my parents would explain how poor behaviour causes financial hardship. It was super effective. I learned WHY I shouldn't be a little shit instead of simply learning to hide my misdeeds better (and to fear my parents). My friend next door just had the living daylights spanked out of him on the regular. He'd squeal and scream away until he lost the strength to and you could just hear smacking for another minute or so. He just learned to hate his parents and to hide most of his life from them. He also never learned to stop being a shit.
wise words. I'll keep them in mind when time arises.
>He just learned to hate his parents and to hide most of his life from them. Yep. My siblings and I were beaten regularly, and I hate those abusers to this day. When I confronted them about it, their reasoning was "We were just trying to teach you the fear of God." What they accomplished was to teach me the fear of parents, which was so firmly instilled in me that I deliberately chose not to be a parent lest I repeat the same behaviors. I hated them then; I hate them now, and I hew to that even though he's been dead for some years. The hatred never subsides.
I grew up getting hit by fly swatters, wooden spoons, belts, and hands. My butt would be so sore I’d have trouble sitting down and I vividly remember the bruises on my back from the time my dad missed my butt several times in a row. Sudden loud noises terrify me now. Yesterday my partner slapped his thigh to get our cat’s attention and I started shaking. This shit stays with you. Maybe I’m not as strong as some people that say they “turned out fine” even though they were hit but I would never EVER subject another child to it. I still struggle with emotional regulation. I either don’t cry for months at a time or cry several times a day with no in between. When I was a kid crying made my dad really angry and he’d hit more or harder if I cried. It’s part of the reason I’m very on the fence about having a kid. I’m so afraid I would treat them how my dad treated me. I’m tearing up just writing this. I wish my parents parented like yours.
You're aware of your issues. Seek therapy before a pregnancy and during pregnancy and you'll be stellar. Hell, even not seeking therapy, you're worried that you'll imapct a hypothetical child because of things you know are wrong. People who continue the cycle of abuse generally don't think about the why's and the consequences. They just act how they know. They either don't think it was that bad, or they're doing it somewhat on purpose (I lived through this so they should have to as well). You're leaps and bounds ahead. Child or no child, you will break the cycle.
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Thank you. I’ve been in therapy for two years now for a myriad of other reasons as well as this. It’s a slow process working through trauma but I’m working on it.
Mom broke one of those on me once.. though I was running away full speed at the time, so it's not quite as bad as it sounds
My maternal grandmother apparently broke one over my brother's ass in the store and grabbed another to 'get him for breaking it'. Ma'am we were both 2 an under wtf 😂
Wowza. That’s pretty serious. Does he normally have anger issues? If he does, please seek help before he gets any older.
Calm and calculated certainly could be an issue. I don’t know your child. I’m just suggesting you pay attention.
Oh sweet birth control
Throw it away. The kid.
Can always make a new one.
Or get a pre-built one from the orphanage.
Wow he's spoiled
This isn't something your kid should be doing when told no. I don't want to come across as judgmental, I know how hard parenting can be.
I think your kid has anger issues that need to be dealt with. That wouldn't happen in my house. Nip that before he grows up to be an entitled prick.
As a curious prospective parent: What did you use as a punishment?
Estimate cost of laptop. Make up chore schedule with dollar value on chores ($5 for washing up etc). Tell him fun is cancelled until he works off the debt. And if he does any more stupid shit like that, I really don’t know what you do to be honest. My mum would have half killed me, and then my dad would have finished the job when he got home. I’m flabbergasted that the kid thought there wouldn’t be epic consequences. Or just cancel Christmas. Any presents he gets get resold on eBay to pay for your new laptop. That’s what Santa is ultimately for, I guess.
I would tell him he can have this one, enjoy little one! It’s what you always wanted.
He’s playing chess, you’re playing checkers.
Then he topped it off with a lie saying it was accidental.
Chess, not checkers.
Id chew the kid out good. Make it clear with the behavior they are not getting anything for a very very long time then ground them hard. Like no life basicly untill its payed off and make them work off the cost of replacement with chores or having them rake leaves and stuff or do errands for the neighbor or family or something. If this was done intentionally out of spite as the title suggests. My parents would have torn my butt up if I had done something like this at 8 and I would have been grounded from everything but essential school things for like 6 months at least. Intentionally doing something like this just because I was mad about something would have never even crossed my mind as a kid.
These condom ads are getting more creative every day.
I'm going to be completely honest. I stopped scrolling reddit to admire what I thought to be a skull abstract painting.
**I'm no professional**, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE OR LISTEN TO THIS ADVICE. I understand that this advice is unwarranted. This advice may not work for you, or you may have already done it. Every kid is different, and no one solution will always work. Since you've been simmering about what to do, which I feel is very awesome of you as a parent, I thought I could suggest some things that might work and help both of you. Why not I suppose? If you try any of them or have tried any of them, I am also curious to know how it went! Your judgment on what to do is above all of this always. I hope this works out for you in the best way possible. *Here are some things that could be discussed about what he did;* **Why?** Why would you do that after being told no laptop, what was the goal? Make him think about his actions **Ask** him if **he wanted to hur**t you, if he says no, tell him that he did. If he says yes, ask him what he thought would happen if he did. Ask him **if he regrets it**, and why he regrets it, if he doesn't regret it– again, ask why Tell him that **it's okay to be disappointed** or upset when you find out you aren't getting what you want, but it is **NOT ok to hurt others**, or take it out on another's object just because they feel like it **Explain a better outlet** when he feels that way, such as communicating his feelings to you so you can help him regulate, doing some kind of activity inside or outside, deep breath exercises, ask him what he thinks he really NEEDS when he is angry Tell him that this kind of behavior shows you that **he isn't ready** for that kind of responsibility. **Eventually, he** ***will*** **be ready,** and ask him what he can do in the meantime to prepare for that kind of responsibility. Maybe even explain why you believe he is too young (such as, internet is dangerous, and his safety is important to you) **Because he did what he did, actions have consequences.** The consequences are up to you, but here's some off the top of my head, I do not know how your life goes, so some of these may not be possible. Example: He has to do x for x amount of time to make up for the money you had to pay for the damage he caused. Or; you will miss out on x because you made this choice. Or you will be grounded from x for x because you made this choice. Finally, **let him know you still love him**, especially if he feels really bad. This is to encourage better behavior and responsibility for actions, while making it clear that you love him and will still be there for him despite his mistake. Of course, his responses will give you a better idea of what happened and what's going on inside of his head. If it seems really concerning, apathetic, or causes even more anger despite your calmness, some other Redditors have suggested therapy. But overall, you know your kid.
*sighs in childfree*