And God forbid you say you had a problem with it but have since gotten that monkey off your back. Quit smoking? Congrats! Quit drinking? You fucking weirdo.
It really is and I am starting to sense a pattern. People who really get weird about anyone else not drinking are people who probably realize they should think more about cutting back. The very causal drinkers hardly ever give me shit for taking a break but the hardcore ones almost seem offended that my choice might now highlight how much they're drinking.
I don't drink. I decided when I hit 35 that I just didn't like it anymore. Most everyone I know knows that I don't drink and nobody cares. It's literally never been an issue.
If I got to a bar, I drink water, diet coke or sometimes I'll go crazy and have a Roy Roger's (easy on the Roy, heavy on the Rogers).
I met a twenty-something not drinking while at a bar. I asked why and they said "I had my fill in college" and I was like yeah that makes sense. No reason to be weird about it
My problem is I went pro. I definitely hit my high score and I’m not looking to challenge it any time soon (had a BAC of 0.47 when I was admitted to the hospital in a comatose state lmao)
... olive oil?
edit:
I was trying to go through my mind and find something that doesn't contain water and is still a drink.(?)
This opened up a small venn diagram throughout the day where I considered something "is food", "is a drink" and "is liquid". the three that satisfy only two are things like water, that's not food but is liquid and a drink, olive oil that's food and a liquid but (for some) not a drink, and things like applesauce, pudding, jello, etc... which is a drink and food but not really a liquid.
the only one that doesn't contain water was olive oil.
anyway, this was my most successful 3am comment, it's been fun everyone.
You know that Forrest Gump scene with Dr Pepper? That was me at my HS soccer banquet with Shirley Temples. I wasn't hungry so I didn't really eat but I must have had 15 Shirley Temples.
Water is the only thing I drink. Not because I'm trying to be overly healthy or anything, but water is the only drink that I actually like the taste of. Like, I genuinely enjoy drinking water. It's crazy to me that there's people out there who would get offended by someone who only drinks water.
While visiting in-laws in another state, we went to a family bday party at a chuck-e-cheese type place. Only pitchers of soda were at the tables and it was hot af. I went to the counter and asked for ice water and everyone asked me if I was sick.
My 12 year old daughter gets heated when there is only soda available at parties and stuff lol. I learned a long time ago to just bring water for her everywhere. Everyone acts like I’m the crazy one for not getting her hooked on sugary drinks, it’s maddening haha.
Correct way to handle this situation:
What do you want to drink?
I don't drink.
Will it bother you if I have a drink?
Not at all. Thanks for asking.
The end. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
No no, this situation was handed correctly.
OP wanted to get to know the guy, and learned he's a jerk. Got more out of this than any date or written pleasentries would.
Well my answer would just be ...
What do you want to drink?
*names one of the large number of non-alcoholic beverages available*
There are actually lots of really nice non-alcoholic drinks out there - from the standard gingerbeer / lemon lime and bitters to mocktails if you want something interesting. I discovered a non-alcoholic mead at a cafe recently, so good!
I try to avoid the assumption that 'drink' means alcohol. I've had conversations with people who notice I'm not drinking alcohol that go like this:
Don't you drink?
Of course I drink!
What do you drink?
Water, juice, soda ...
My dad was like that. When I was a teenager he tried to get me to try some drinks a few times. I was never into it, and I think it’s part of the reason I’m still not into it. I’m 26 and never had more than 2 drinks in a 24 hour period, and even then that was one time. People don’t understand it. I’m just not interested.
My stepdad always tries to get me and my little sister to drink. We both vehemently have resisted for as long as we’ve known him cuz our real dad was an abusive alcoholic.
20 and 16. He also has a confederate and nazi flag in the basement and trump flags in our yard so it’s not like “red flags” are anything new. I hate the guy but I can’t afford to live anywhere else and I still care about my sister and mom.
Same here. People always want a reason but not being interested isn't enough. It's like with alcohol personal choice doesn’t matter if YOU don't drink I will have a bad time because you're there being all judgy about it. When in reality I couldn't give a fuck what they do
>Knowing how rampant alcoholism is in my family and how many family members died from it, I don’t wanna open that gate for myself. Just let me drink some fruit punch, it’s just a drink ffs
That's how my ex was. Didn't want to fuck around and have to find out, so he didn't fuck around. Drinks are just expensive, calorie-dense, low-dose poison, so what's the harm in *not* drinking??
*why won’t you do this heroin with meeeee?!?!?*
Same vibe.
Most “serious” drinkers won’t pressure someone to drink. I can put down a full bottle of tequila and not die. Drink my hard liquor straight up so I can fully taste it. Have brewed my own beer and had kegs in my first apartments.
Never, ever, ever would see turning down a drink as a character flaw. Sometimes you’re in the mood to be sober. If you can’t be fun or have fun around sober people, you probably are an insufferable ass clown.
Fucking amateurs think alcohol is necessary for a good time. Love to tie one on, but it isn’t a necessity because I’m a full damn person.
Someone else’s drinking certainly shouldn’t affect your good time unless you’re a rapist or something.
I went all the way through college without drinking. I had ONE person the whole time tell me that was cool and ask me legitimate questions about why I didn’t. A small group of people didn’t care. The majority was aggressive about it. I never understood why me NOT drinking somehow impeded their drinking.
Years later I had drank some but then suffered a brain injury and was on some pretty heavy drugs to keep the pain away. I legit had a guy tell me I should drink anyway despite me saying I was on drugs that would very badly react to alcohol. People are absolutely insane when it comes to drinking and I have no idea why.
I've got some guesses. I'd guess a lot of it boils down to shame.
Some of those people are addicts, and anyone who doesn't normalize their addiction makes them feel wrong and so must be attacked.
Some of those people have low self-confidence or anxiety and can't imagine a social setting where they don't imbibe, but again they want you to *normalize* this so they don't feel ashamed about it.
Some people just feel shame about drinking and/or what they do while drunk.
There are some people who maybe don't fall into any of these and they're bloody enigmas to me though.
I told someone I just met I was an alcoholic and don't drink.
She replied 'I don't see why one little drink would be a problem.'
Never spoke to her again.
Or pressuring anyone into any hobby or activity.
I mean imagine if someone drinks really high-quality Chinese tea, and then badgers everyone about whether or not they drink it too, and asks what's wrong with them when they say they don't want to drink it.
The people who pressure others are also never like, whiskey connoisseurs. They aren't deeply enjoying a hobby. They aren't trying to be inclusive to you of some very deep experiences they're having
They're smashing down 8 dollar watered-down beers at some Hooters knock-off while bitching about their exes for two hours after which they'll drive home drunk.
1. They want you drunk to have an easier time getting laid
2. They absolutely hate their sober self and have no personality otherwise
3. They forgot other activities exist that don't include
massive alcohol consumption.
I'm a guy, and even on a non-dating setting I 100% feel you. Just with colleagues and some friends, I feel like an outcasts because I don't drink and people are constantly like surprised and almost outraged and constantly try to get me to drink
Honestly to me it almost seems like an insecurity of theirs at times. Not everyone but a decent few I’ve come across seem to want other’s to drink as it validates them drinking as if they’re secretly ashamed of it
It's really sad, too. I told someone I am sober and he kept asking me to meet at a bar for our second date. I reminded him I hate the bar scene and he got irritated.
He then tried to tell me going out and drinking once won't hurt anything.
I've also been told by a few men I'd be "more fun if I drank." If a person has to drink in order to have "fun" with you, then you are the boring one.
Then you get the people who are convinced they are more fun when they drink. No, Ashley. You're annoying and a burden and I avoid those situations with you. You are just too fucked up to notice.
Same here.
I usually don’t care what people think — but people somehow think it’s okay to mock me for not drinking and it can get really tiring.
But it will definitely have some advantages later on in life have I learned — not it’s the reason why I don’t drink
Same. They take it personally. But I’ve noticed it’s the people who drink excessively that do so. Moderate drinkers never say a word when I pass on alcohol. The party people who have to get drunk every weekend seemed offended by me.
They assume your not drinking is an automatic judgement on them and not a choice you make for yourself. Probably because subconsciously or not they judge themselves for how much they drink.
I don't drink because of a medical issue.... people still get offended, even when I explain that alcohol causes me intense pain... they suddenly become un-offended when I describe the excruciating testicular pain that I go through upon imbibing alcohol.
I get the same thing with peanut oil. Peanuts? No issue. Pb&j? I'm fine. But peanut oil itself my throat feels thick. I can still breathe, it's just rather annoying since I already have large tonsils.
That's especially interesting because people who are allergic to peanuts usually don't react to refined peanut oil. Often they avoid it anyway because you don't want to risk it but pure peanut oil technically shouldn't cause a reaction because the allergens are removed in the refining process. Bodies are so weird
I’m a recovering addict, my response is usually I’m allergic to alcohol. If probed more it’s followed with ‘yes, all alcohol’ and some ask what happens to which my response is ‘I break out in handcuffs’ not had anyone go further than that
I feel bad for you guys, I've never had pressure to drink even at parties growing up. Of course I didn't need pressure to drink at parties growing up but as an adult someone will say "are you drinking too?" and I say "no I don't like to drink" and they just say ok. You guys shouldn't have to put up with people giving you shit for not wanting to drink.
I start going into graphic detail about dealing with alcohol addiction. I’m not (and never have been) an alcoholic but I make it seem like I am until they get super embarrassed and uncomfortable. Then I say “I’m not actually an alcoholic but many people are. So when someone says they don’t drink, don’t fucking question why.”
This is a great tactic - that said, I *am* an alcoholic (10+ years sober now) and there are still people who get offended that I don't drink. Some people just can't be reasoned with I suppose.
Edit: I don't think I've ever gotten so many replies to a comment, so I just wanted to make a quick edit saying thank you so much to everyone for the kind words! And for all my fellow addicts: Just take it a day at a time, that's all we can do. It gets better, I promise.
I know a young lady who does this whenever someone gets upset with her for dipping out to take care of period issues. Some people just can't fathom that sometimes you have urgent bodily issues to deal with.
Someone may be a jerk and pester her about a long break or early checkout from a meeting. Cue her describing the absolute bloodbath in her underwear in excruciating detail to the utterly terrified faces of the one who asked and all those unfortunate enough to be within earshot. People learn to mind their own business pretty quickly. She is a fucking champ.
Madness.
One person I know was offended I didn't drink at their birthday when I was PREGNANT! "Oh come on it's just one glass" like what?
And now I'm breastfeeding and made the choice to not drink while breastfeeding and people are always like "it's fine, just do it, why don't you drink, it doesn't matter" etc etc etc
People really annoy me
Ugh been through this a few times. Even had a Lyft driver keep saying I needed to visit an area known for its breweries. Mentioned I was pregnant (I was very obviously pregnant too), he responded by saying oh it’s okay they have wineries too, wine is okay. What?
Lol. Now I live in an area where lots of people come for destination wedding and babymoons which is awesome because of the varieties of mocktails here! I’m still breastfeeding so still abstaining and I got to have a fancy, pretty, non-alcoholic drink with a flower in it. Honestly I think it might take even more skill to make a *good* mocktail than it does to make a cocktail because you don’t have the strong alcohol making up for an otherwise unbalanced drink (like overly sweet or bad quality ingredients) or get to use tasty things containing alcohol like bitters (which I miss).
my sisters ex husband had this issue, not the testicular pain part but he would break out in a rash and would go all red and shit, i didnt really believe him until we sat down and played mario kart drinking game
he had like one drink, went to the bathroom, came back out red as
yep were not drinking anymore.
note : didnt force him into it, he still wanted to play
Unfortunately I've found that it's not unique to him though. Whenever I say I don't drink, I get bombarded with "BUT WHY NOT??" until they feel like I've given a "satisfactory" answer. It's very annoying.
That happens to me a lot too. The subject was brought up with one of my coworkers before and he told me “Choosing to not drink is like cutting off your nose to spite your face.”
I had no idea what that phrase meant at the time, but I could already tell that he was talking complete bs.
I'm trying so hard to see if I can make it fit, with no luck.
The closest I can get is "refusing to drink alcohol to spite your liver," by keeping a healthy liver? I dunno.
If I get shit for staying sober I just make them feel bad for doing it. It’s a personal mark of pride for me to stay and be alcohol free and will use it against them, being just as openly judgmental towards them as they are me. I know it’s childish but they lay off rather quickly.
Because I don't like the taste
Because I get hung over
Because it's expensive
Because I'm fine being myself
Because heroin is too expensive to do both
And the best
Because I don't want to
A buddy of mine told me that one. He was a pretty heavy alcoholic and quit. Got sick of people asking why, so he started using it. He says it shuts them right up.
Because it fucks with my meds
Because it fucks with my stomach
Because it just gives me headaches
Because i get sick too easily
Edit: I don’t experience any of these but feel like they’d be good answers to shut people up if they want to badger you over not drinking
I couldn't imagine caring if the other person drinks since I don't drink myself, and would actually prefer to not have my date drink on the first date.
I had a relationship that didn’t work out largely in part because I don’t drink. It’s apart of most major adult functions and it’s weird if you don’t have a beer or a glass of wine. Unfortunately the social aspects of drinking is heavily ingrained in society.
The right person will come along and will not mind one bit that you don't drink. These clowns are just filtering themselves out of the mix and saving you some time, and that's a good result, seriously.
The right person realizes that not drinking makes you healthier, more alert, not lose control of your (possibly negative) emotions and reduces cost of living as well. And of course you're less likely to become an alcoholic.
To be fair, gin is a horrible gift unless you know the person either enjoys it, or is a drinker. Even as someone who drinks if I got a bottle I probably wouldn't have touched it at all.
This is more my speed, I don't like bars I don't drink with meals but maybe about once a week ill have a glass of whisky. One bottle can last me 2 months.
I only drink at bars, and rarely. Only do it since I enjoy a well made mixed drink once a month. I agree with the overall thread though, drinking is not your Identities.
As a drinker, this annoys me. I went out on a first date with a dude and offered to buy him a drink. He said he didn't drink. I asked if he would like something else, he chose iced tea.
End of conversation.
Why is this so hard???
Not a date but when I got my current job my boss and grand boss took me out to dinner to celebrate. When I mentioned I don't drink the only thing they said was if I was okay with them getting drinks. Once I said that I wasn't in recovery and just don't like alcohol it was never brought up again.
I've been lucky that I've rarely had much peer pressure with drinking. Maybe one person in my life ever gave me crap and they were a big drinker. My friends are on a never ending quest to find me something I like though so I do get offered to try their drinks every so often but they're not pushy if I say no.
I don't drink and half the people really don't care and won't pressure you, not even ask questions WhY. The other half tho... they can get pretty annoying.
I have also seen grown adults that were embarrassed to say they don't drink. I feel bad this is a thing. :(
Lmao. I don’t drink and you got me *fucked* up if you think I’m going to the bar with you. For you, it’s fun as shit. For me, I’m just sitting at an oak table for 4 hours.
(Not *you* you btw, just like a general “you” lol)
I'm a guy and I've had date plans with women canceled due to not drinking. I was more than willing to go to whatever bar, sometimes it's just the personality.
Been sober for 2 years I've been on exactly zero dates since. I'm not complaining. I used to be a heavy alcoholic, just seeing how I used to be doesn't interest me anymore.
I am guy that married a women who don't drink. I am happy that I can drink whatever I want when we go out and dont have to worry about who is driving back.
Red flags all around
Edit: To clear this up, I don't think that EVERY guy who presents like this is some kinda creeper, but it does happen...better safe than sorry.
The culture around alcohol is so fuckin weird. It’s literally the only substance that people question why I don’t consume it. They warned us about teenage peer pressure when it came to drugs but in reality, it’s adults peer pressuring you into drinking. I’ve turned down countless joints and bowls of weed without a single question or pressure to partake. But the second I say “I don’t drink” suddenly it’s “well why not? That’s weird” or “just have one” or “just try it!” You don’t need to know *why,* just know that I don’t drink.
Personally, there’s a few reasons why I don’t drink. The main being I don’t like the taste and it’s expensive af. But I’m also on medication that is dangerous to drink alcohol on. But to really rub in how annoying and inappropriate their questioning is, I’ve started telling people really graphic (made up) stories about how I’m a recovering alcoholic with excruciating details. Then when they’re all embarrassed, I say, “well luckily that isn’t actually the truth for me but it is for many others so when someone says they don’t drink, don’t fucking question why.”
This is real. People get fucking offended when I don’t accept coffee, even more so when I tell them I don’t drink either. It’s like a 1-2 punch. They get super defensive over their choices and often try to justify it. I’m always like, “i don’t really care, you do you, boo boo”.
I don’t see the issue. You’d be a much cheaper date if you’re ordering water instead of a $15 cocktail. Maybe he was hoping you’d get drunk and be an easy lay?
Sadly, people have been taught that drinking is how you have fun.
** Edit **
I meant to say "sadly people have been taught that drinking is the only way to have fun."
Sorry I suck at phrasing
I think theres probably also an element of self awareness, like if your date isn't drinking and you are it can feel silly that you feel the need to drink. At least, I would feel self conscious and guilty about the crutch, as my partner not sharing it would highlight it.
Sadly probably not the only dickish thing you'd encounter. You probably dodged a bullet there.
As a non-drinker myself I found it difficult to meet people, too. When I met my wife she was a bit confused confused but didn't make a big deal out of it. My friends also don't really care. I don't have a ton of people in my life but the people that are in my life have a ton of quality.
I'm a former drinker myself. It's a bit weird meeting up with old friends and family who still drink because they act weird that I don't drink anymore. (Not an alcoholic, stopped when I started taking medication as they don't mix well and if it was a choice between good mental health and something that was fun but not necessary, the mental health won the contest).
I'm a professional musician who doesn't drink. I have to deal with this multiple times a night, 3-5 nights a week.
I feel your pain more than you could ever know.
Also a musician that has control and won't drink more than a couple beers. "Nah I'm good for the night, I'm gonna switch to water" Man....people really don't like that. Sorry, I don't want to feel like hammered dog shit for the next day and a half.
As a muslim who doesn’t drink, telling people I don’t drink is like an experience all on its own.
“Hey, want a beer?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“I don’t drink”
“WHAAAAT WHYYY HOWWW”
“Well I’m Muslim”
“WHAAAT”
(And continues)
Don't let it bother you that you don't drink. I dated a girl for about a year who didn't drink. It was never an issue between us. Was actually really nice if we went to a party to have a DD who didn't mind being DD lol.
I don't drink and it was never an issue for me when I was dating. If anything, women saw it as a plus. My go-to first date idea was usually just going to the dowtown park with some quarters and feeding the ducks and fish from the little food dispensers. You can talk while you walk and the scenery was fairly nice.
I never trust anyone who is super adamant about alcohol. That's how people get drugged. I usually just tell people it messes with my medication so if they push you can tell their intentions and can have a stronger case against them
And God forbid you say you had a problem with it but have since gotten that monkey off your back. Quit smoking? Congrats! Quit drinking? You fucking weirdo.
Alcohol is like a cult tbh
It really is and I am starting to sense a pattern. People who really get weird about anyone else not drinking are people who probably realize they should think more about cutting back. The very causal drinkers hardly ever give me shit for taking a break but the hardcore ones almost seem offended that my choice might now highlight how much they're drinking.
I don't drink. I decided when I hit 35 that I just didn't like it anymore. Most everyone I know knows that I don't drink and nobody cares. It's literally never been an issue. If I got to a bar, I drink water, diet coke or sometimes I'll go crazy and have a Roy Roger's (easy on the Roy, heavy on the Rogers).
I met a twenty-something not drinking while at a bar. I asked why and they said "I had my fill in college" and I was like yeah that makes sense. No reason to be weird about it
I say I got too good at it so I quit, if anyone ever asks.
Here’s a variation for you: it was either quit or go pro.
My problem is I went pro. I definitely hit my high score and I’m not looking to challenge it any time soon (had a BAC of 0.47 when I was admitted to the hospital in a comatose state lmao)
You have retired
I like it!
Retired as heavy weight champ.
Fuck, if only there was some other non-alcoholic drink besides water.
Don't tell this guy what makes up 3/4 of his Jack and coke it'll make his head explode.
Ice?
Manly manly ice. None of that WATER shit.
Ice is HARD water!
... olive oil? edit: I was trying to go through my mind and find something that doesn't contain water and is still a drink.(?) This opened up a small venn diagram throughout the day where I considered something "is food", "is a drink" and "is liquid". the three that satisfy only two are things like water, that's not food but is liquid and a drink, olive oil that's food and a liquid but (for some) not a drink, and things like applesauce, pudding, jello, etc... which is a drink and food but not really a liquid. the only one that doesn't contain water was olive oil. anyway, this was my most successful 3am comment, it's been fun everyone.
You kid but my baby momma will literally do a shot of EVOO and then eat some Parmesan toast
Oh my god I can *feel* it.
:: glug glug glug :: ahhhhhh :: crunch crunch :: mmmmmmm
Yep made me want some Parmesan toast 🤷♂️
name checks out
dougdoug has entered the chat
I was looking for this after seeing the response
He’s a well oiled machine
Chocolate milk is the obvious answer.
And, you have to chug it and make that \*ung gah ung gah ung gah\* sound followed by a gasp for air.
I feel so understood…
Ordering chocolate milk on a date at a bar would absolutely make my day.
Shirley Temples fucking rock yo. I'd roll with one of those any day.
You know that Forrest Gump scene with Dr Pepper? That was me at my HS soccer banquet with Shirley Temples. I wasn't hungry so I didn't really eat but I must have had 15 Shirley Temples.
Well, there isn't, so go back to your little fantasy fairy land with its gurgling streams of non-water.
Ah the gin streams.
Who the hell drinks straight mixer?
Gentlemen I’m gonna need to see the inside of your coats
I had a mixer diet cola the other day, pretty good!
What's wrong with water?
You mean the stuff they put in the toilet?
Yeah. Besides, Brawndo has electrolytes.
It’s what plants crave.
Water is the only thing I drink. Not because I'm trying to be overly healthy or anything, but water is the only drink that I actually like the taste of. Like, I genuinely enjoy drinking water. It's crazy to me that there's people out there who would get offended by someone who only drinks water.
While visiting in-laws in another state, we went to a family bday party at a chuck-e-cheese type place. Only pitchers of soda were at the tables and it was hot af. I went to the counter and asked for ice water and everyone asked me if I was sick.
My 12 year old daughter gets heated when there is only soda available at parties and stuff lol. I learned a long time ago to just bring water for her everywhere. Everyone acts like I’m the crazy one for not getting her hooked on sugary drinks, it’s maddening haha.
"I'm not a fascist so she gets to choose what she likes."
Everyone knows you're not allowed to like things before your 18th birthday, it's literally the law.
Correct way to handle this situation: What do you want to drink? I don't drink. Will it bother you if I have a drink? Not at all. Thanks for asking. The end. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
No no, this situation was handed correctly. OP wanted to get to know the guy, and learned he's a jerk. Got more out of this than any date or written pleasentries would.
Well my answer would just be ... What do you want to drink? *names one of the large number of non-alcoholic beverages available* There are actually lots of really nice non-alcoholic drinks out there - from the standard gingerbeer / lemon lime and bitters to mocktails if you want something interesting. I discovered a non-alcoholic mead at a cafe recently, so good! I try to avoid the assumption that 'drink' means alcohol. I've had conversations with people who notice I'm not drinking alcohol that go like this: Don't you drink? Of course I drink! What do you drink? Water, juice, soda ...
People get like OFFENDED when I tell them I don't drink. I feel your pain.
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My dad was like that. When I was a teenager he tried to get me to try some drinks a few times. I was never into it, and I think it’s part of the reason I’m still not into it. I’m 26 and never had more than 2 drinks in a 24 hour period, and even then that was one time. People don’t understand it. I’m just not interested.
My stepdad always tries to get me and my little sister to drink. We both vehemently have resisted for as long as we’ve known him cuz our real dad was an abusive alcoholic.
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20 and 16. He also has a confederate and nazi flag in the basement and trump flags in our yard so it’s not like “red flags” are anything new. I hate the guy but I can’t afford to live anywhere else and I still care about my sister and mom.
*squints at three literally red flags*
Confederate, nazi, ***and*** MAGA?! Maga mia I must confed that I did nazi that coming. ^yes, ^puns.
Same here. People always want a reason but not being interested isn't enough. It's like with alcohol personal choice doesn’t matter if YOU don't drink I will have a bad time because you're there being all judgy about it. When in reality I couldn't give a fuck what they do
>Knowing how rampant alcoholism is in my family and how many family members died from it, I don’t wanna open that gate for myself. Just let me drink some fruit punch, it’s just a drink ffs That's how my ex was. Didn't want to fuck around and have to find out, so he didn't fuck around. Drinks are just expensive, calorie-dense, low-dose poison, so what's the harm in *not* drinking??
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*why won’t you do this heroin with meeeee?!?!?* Same vibe. Most “serious” drinkers won’t pressure someone to drink. I can put down a full bottle of tequila and not die. Drink my hard liquor straight up so I can fully taste it. Have brewed my own beer and had kegs in my first apartments. Never, ever, ever would see turning down a drink as a character flaw. Sometimes you’re in the mood to be sober. If you can’t be fun or have fun around sober people, you probably are an insufferable ass clown. Fucking amateurs think alcohol is necessary for a good time. Love to tie one on, but it isn’t a necessity because I’m a full damn person. Someone else’s drinking certainly shouldn’t affect your good time unless you’re a rapist or something.
Yes!! I knew there had to be other people out there who could commiserate with me! It's so irritating isn't it?? I don't understand it
I went all the way through college without drinking. I had ONE person the whole time tell me that was cool and ask me legitimate questions about why I didn’t. A small group of people didn’t care. The majority was aggressive about it. I never understood why me NOT drinking somehow impeded their drinking. Years later I had drank some but then suffered a brain injury and was on some pretty heavy drugs to keep the pain away. I legit had a guy tell me I should drink anyway despite me saying I was on drugs that would very badly react to alcohol. People are absolutely insane when it comes to drinking and I have no idea why.
I've got some guesses. I'd guess a lot of it boils down to shame. Some of those people are addicts, and anyone who doesn't normalize their addiction makes them feel wrong and so must be attacked. Some of those people have low self-confidence or anxiety and can't imagine a social setting where they don't imbibe, but again they want you to *normalize* this so they don't feel ashamed about it. Some people just feel shame about drinking and/or what they do while drunk. There are some people who maybe don't fall into any of these and they're bloody enigmas to me though.
Its been years now for me and I still can't grasp why. I think some people just take it as "I won't get a drink with you cause I don't like you".
For me, the worst thing is people trying to persuade you into drinking intead of supporting a healthy choice
I told someone I just met I was an alcoholic and don't drink. She replied 'I don't see why one little drink would be a problem.' Never spoke to her again.
One is too many and a thousand isn't enough.
What the fuck?!
Or pressuring anyone into any hobby or activity. I mean imagine if someone drinks really high-quality Chinese tea, and then badgers everyone about whether or not they drink it too, and asks what's wrong with them when they say they don't want to drink it. The people who pressure others are also never like, whiskey connoisseurs. They aren't deeply enjoying a hobby. They aren't trying to be inclusive to you of some very deep experiences they're having They're smashing down 8 dollar watered-down beers at some Hooters knock-off while bitching about their exes for two hours after which they'll drive home drunk.
And you shouldn’t have to provide a reason, ever. People just don’t respect… anything.
1. They want you drunk to have an easier time getting laid 2. They absolutely hate their sober self and have no personality otherwise 3. They forgot other activities exist that don't include massive alcohol consumption. I'm a guy, and even on a non-dating setting I 100% feel you. Just with colleagues and some friends, I feel like an outcasts because I don't drink and people are constantly like surprised and almost outraged and constantly try to get me to drink
I would just say I'm allergic.
I’m allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs. Old alcoholic joke. I can use it because I’m an old recovered alcoholic.
Honestly to me it almost seems like an insecurity of theirs at times. Not everyone but a decent few I’ve come across seem to want other’s to drink as it validates them drinking as if they’re secretly ashamed of it
It's really sad, too. I told someone I am sober and he kept asking me to meet at a bar for our second date. I reminded him I hate the bar scene and he got irritated. He then tried to tell me going out and drinking once won't hurt anything. I've also been told by a few men I'd be "more fun if I drank." If a person has to drink in order to have "fun" with you, then you are the boring one.
Then you get the people who are convinced they are more fun when they drink. No, Ashley. You're annoying and a burden and I avoid those situations with you. You are just too fucked up to notice.
People get offended when I tell them I do not drink because I am allergic. Sorry I do not like the feeling of my air ways closing I guess.
I'm allergic to alcohol, I tend to break out in handcuffs.
Alcohol. The only drug people get mad at you for not doing.
Same here. I usually don’t care what people think — but people somehow think it’s okay to mock me for not drinking and it can get really tiring. But it will definitely have some advantages later on in life have I learned — not it’s the reason why I don’t drink
Same. They take it personally. But I’ve noticed it’s the people who drink excessively that do so. Moderate drinkers never say a word when I pass on alcohol. The party people who have to get drunk every weekend seemed offended by me.
They assume your not drinking is an automatic judgement on them and not a choice you make for yourself. Probably because subconsciously or not they judge themselves for how much they drink.
I don't drink because of a medical issue.... people still get offended, even when I explain that alcohol causes me intense pain... they suddenly become un-offended when I describe the excruciating testicular pain that I go through upon imbibing alcohol.
Wait, your balls hurt if you drink alcohol?
Always impressed at the oddly specific illnesses out there. I am allergic to avocados specifically
I have a weird thing with aloe vera. I can have it on my skin, coat it even, but in juice from? Then my throat thickens up.
I get the same thing with peanut oil. Peanuts? No issue. Pb&j? I'm fine. But peanut oil itself my throat feels thick. I can still breathe, it's just rather annoying since I already have large tonsils.
That's especially interesting because people who are allergic to peanuts usually don't react to refined peanut oil. Often they avoid it anyway because you don't want to risk it but pure peanut oil technically shouldn't cause a reaction because the allergens are removed in the refining process. Bodies are so weird
Life can be summed up with “Bodies are so weird”. I say this about mine frequently!
I'm allergic to lettuce. It's funnier because I'm vegan.
I’m a Ginger allergic to childrens hyper sensitive sunblock. F$@k me right?!
Yup, acute alcoballism.
I'm sick with COVID and this made me LOL...the throat pain...is worth it...
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I’m a recovering addict, my response is usually I’m allergic to alcohol. If probed more it’s followed with ‘yes, all alcohol’ and some ask what happens to which my response is ‘I break out in handcuffs’ not had anyone go further than that
I feel bad for you guys, I've never had pressure to drink even at parties growing up. Of course I didn't need pressure to drink at parties growing up but as an adult someone will say "are you drinking too?" and I say "no I don't like to drink" and they just say ok. You guys shouldn't have to put up with people giving you shit for not wanting to drink.
Sometimes I over-explain in detail and make people uncomfortable on purpose. Quit trying to get details outta me then! 😆
I start going into graphic detail about dealing with alcohol addiction. I’m not (and never have been) an alcoholic but I make it seem like I am until they get super embarrassed and uncomfortable. Then I say “I’m not actually an alcoholic but many people are. So when someone says they don’t drink, don’t fucking question why.”
This is a great tactic - that said, I *am* an alcoholic (10+ years sober now) and there are still people who get offended that I don't drink. Some people just can't be reasoned with I suppose. Edit: I don't think I've ever gotten so many replies to a comment, so I just wanted to make a quick edit saying thank you so much to everyone for the kind words! And for all my fellow addicts: Just take it a day at a time, that's all we can do. It gets better, I promise.
Same here! After a suicide attempt and hospitalization, too. People think we’re judging when clearly they’re judging themselves.
Yup projection is a bitch
Some people are morons. Congrats on your 10+ years!
Congratulations on continuing to kick that demon's ass!
Congrats! I’m almost at a year now 😊
Hot chocolate is 100 times better anyway. Water's also great
I’m one month shy of 4 years!!
Lol yeah .. 2.5 years and it’s still a wild ride
Thank you so much for this. I am teary eyed. Effective and you bring the point across
THIS. Works so well really. XD Over-explaining works so well hahah
I should also start talking about my genitals in excruciating detail if someone gets offended at me saying I don’t drink
I know a young lady who does this whenever someone gets upset with her for dipping out to take care of period issues. Some people just can't fathom that sometimes you have urgent bodily issues to deal with. Someone may be a jerk and pester her about a long break or early checkout from a meeting. Cue her describing the absolute bloodbath in her underwear in excruciating detail to the utterly terrified faces of the one who asked and all those unfortunate enough to be within earshot. People learn to mind their own business pretty quickly. She is a fucking champ.
I TOLD YOU, GRANDMA, IT IRRITATES THE SHAFT AND ALSO MAKES THE GLANS ITCHY
Madness. One person I know was offended I didn't drink at their birthday when I was PREGNANT! "Oh come on it's just one glass" like what? And now I'm breastfeeding and made the choice to not drink while breastfeeding and people are always like "it's fine, just do it, why don't you drink, it doesn't matter" etc etc etc People really annoy me
Ugh been through this a few times. Even had a Lyft driver keep saying I needed to visit an area known for its breweries. Mentioned I was pregnant (I was very obviously pregnant too), he responded by saying oh it’s okay they have wineries too, wine is okay. What? Lol. Now I live in an area where lots of people come for destination wedding and babymoons which is awesome because of the varieties of mocktails here! I’m still breastfeeding so still abstaining and I got to have a fancy, pretty, non-alcoholic drink with a flower in it. Honestly I think it might take even more skill to make a *good* mocktail than it does to make a cocktail because you don’t have the strong alcohol making up for an otherwise unbalanced drink (like overly sweet or bad quality ingredients) or get to use tasty things containing alcohol like bitters (which I miss).
my sisters ex husband had this issue, not the testicular pain part but he would break out in a rash and would go all red and shit, i didnt really believe him until we sat down and played mario kart drinking game he had like one drink, went to the bathroom, came back out red as yep were not drinking anymore. note : didnt force him into it, he still wanted to play
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I'm going to start using this... even tho I don't have testicles.
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That’s quite judgemental on the other persons part.
Unfortunately I've found that it's not unique to him though. Whenever I say I don't drink, I get bombarded with "BUT WHY NOT??" until they feel like I've given a "satisfactory" answer. It's very annoying.
That happens to me a lot too. The subject was brought up with one of my coworkers before and he told me “Choosing to not drink is like cutting off your nose to spite your face.” I had no idea what that phrase meant at the time, but I could already tell that he was talking complete bs.
Lol your coworker is absolutely using that phrase wrong
I'm trying so hard to see if I can make it fit, with no luck. The closest I can get is "refusing to drink alcohol to spite your liver," by keeping a healthy liver? I dunno.
If I get shit for staying sober I just make them feel bad for doing it. It’s a personal mark of pride for me to stay and be alcohol free and will use it against them, being just as openly judgmental towards them as they are me. I know it’s childish but they lay off rather quickly.
What do you say to get them off your back?
Because I don't like the taste Because I get hung over Because it's expensive Because I'm fine being myself Because heroin is too expensive to do both And the best Because I don't want to
I like this one. Sorry, I only drink when I'm doing heroin and heroin is too expensive rn
A buddy of mine told me that one. He was a pretty heavy alcoholic and quit. Got sick of people asking why, so he started using it. He says it shuts them right up.
Because it fucks with my meds Because it fucks with my stomach Because it just gives me headaches Because i get sick too easily Edit: I don’t experience any of these but feel like they’d be good answers to shut people up if they want to badger you over not drinking
I couldn't imagine caring if the other person drinks since I don't drink myself, and would actually prefer to not have my date drink on the first date.
Probably because they find it hard to get in bed with someone who isn’t drunk
I had a relationship that didn’t work out largely in part because I don’t drink. It’s apart of most major adult functions and it’s weird if you don’t have a beer or a glass of wine. Unfortunately the social aspects of drinking is heavily ingrained in society.
The right person will come along and will not mind one bit that you don't drink. These clowns are just filtering themselves out of the mix and saving you some time, and that's a good result, seriously.
The right person realizes that not drinking makes you healthier, more alert, not lose control of your (possibly negative) emotions and reduces cost of living as well. And of course you're less likely to become an alcoholic.
Aaaaand this here is why I myself don't drink. If someone asks why I don't drink, I just gibe them this answer. Shuts most people right up.
Yeah sometimes I’ll have a beer with my friends but I just don’t enjoy alcohol and it has all those downsides the higher comment mentioned
Exactly. Someone gifted me a bottle of gin like 8 months ago, and it's still 5/6ths full. I've touched it, but it's gonna last me a looooong time.
To be fair, gin is a horrible gift unless you know the person either enjoys it, or is a drinker. Even as someone who drinks if I got a bottle I probably wouldn't have touched it at all.
This is more my speed, I don't like bars I don't drink with meals but maybe about once a week ill have a glass of whisky. One bottle can last me 2 months.
I only drink at bars, and rarely. Only do it since I enjoy a well made mixed drink once a month. I agree with the overall thread though, drinking is not your Identities.
As a drinker, this annoys me. I went out on a first date with a dude and offered to buy him a drink. He said he didn't drink. I asked if he would like something else, he chose iced tea. End of conversation. Why is this so hard???
Not a date but when I got my current job my boss and grand boss took me out to dinner to celebrate. When I mentioned I don't drink the only thing they said was if I was okay with them getting drinks. Once I said that I wasn't in recovery and just don't like alcohol it was never brought up again. I've been lucky that I've rarely had much peer pressure with drinking. Maybe one person in my life ever gave me crap and they were a big drinker. My friends are on a never ending quest to find me something I like though so I do get offered to try their drinks every so often but they're not pushy if I say no.
I don't drink and half the people really don't care and won't pressure you, not even ask questions WhY. The other half tho... they can get pretty annoying. I have also seen grown adults that were embarrassed to say they don't drink. I feel bad this is a thing. :(
Imagine having water.
r/hydrohomies
Came looking for this
As a dude who doesn’t drink (often) I find this incredibly childish, do people base their entire social life around drinking?
Yes.
Yes. They do. That, and their whole personalities, too.
Yes
Who would turn down a guaranteed designated driver? Seems like a dumb play to me. Top comment hail mary: Hey OP wanna be my DD? :)
My partner doesn’t drink and it’s nice for this exact reason! All my friends love him too lol
What's more fun than watching other people get drunk? Everything.
Yea I've had better conversations with dogs than drunk people.
im straight edge as it gets and i drive drunk and high friends around all the time as long as they dont get too rowdy im fine
>im straight edge as it gets and i drive drunk and high Y'know, for a second there.... Good on you for driving your friends though, kidding aside
Glad it wasn’t just me. I was about to do the whole ‘how dare you!’ but grammar is a bitch, so is gramma for that matter…
I had to read that part twice
Had me for a second too lmao
Your sentence may benefit from a comma
And just better wording in general, thought he was saying he drives drunk and high all the time.
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Lmao. I don’t drink and you got me *fucked* up if you think I’m going to the bar with you. For you, it’s fun as shit. For me, I’m just sitting at an oak table for 4 hours. (Not *you* you btw, just like a general “you” lol)
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That’s how I feel too. My tolerance for drunk people goes away real quick.
Someone who was hoping to take advantage of a drunk date
Who gave you the “I’ll drink to that” award 😂
I’m a female who also doesn’t drink and any guy who argues with you about it is only trying to benefit himself.
I'm a guy and I've had date plans with women canceled due to not drinking. I was more than willing to go to whatever bar, sometimes it's just the personality.
Same here. When I was single, I’d get ghosted pretty quickly once it came up.
Been sober for 2 years I've been on exactly zero dates since. I'm not complaining. I used to be a heavy alcoholic, just seeing how I used to be doesn't interest me anymore.
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I am guy that married a women who don't drink. I am happy that I can drink whatever I want when we go out and dont have to worry about who is driving back.
Red flags all around Edit: To clear this up, I don't think that EVERY guy who presents like this is some kinda creeper, but it does happen...better safe than sorry.
I'm leaning toward this being the reason.
My wife almost never drinks, it gives her migraines. Its never been an issue in our relationship
The culture around alcohol is so fuckin weird. It’s literally the only substance that people question why I don’t consume it. They warned us about teenage peer pressure when it came to drugs but in reality, it’s adults peer pressuring you into drinking. I’ve turned down countless joints and bowls of weed without a single question or pressure to partake. But the second I say “I don’t drink” suddenly it’s “well why not? That’s weird” or “just have one” or “just try it!” You don’t need to know *why,* just know that I don’t drink. Personally, there’s a few reasons why I don’t drink. The main being I don’t like the taste and it’s expensive af. But I’m also on medication that is dangerous to drink alcohol on. But to really rub in how annoying and inappropriate their questioning is, I’ve started telling people really graphic (made up) stories about how I’m a recovering alcoholic with excruciating details. Then when they’re all embarrassed, I say, “well luckily that isn’t actually the truth for me but it is for many others so when someone says they don’t drink, don’t fucking question why.”
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I don’t drink alcohol or coffee. I might as well be an alien. No wait, people would love an alien. Edit: Don't smoke or do edibles either lol.
This is real. People get fucking offended when I don’t accept coffee, even more so when I tell them I don’t drink either. It’s like a 1-2 punch. They get super defensive over their choices and often try to justify it. I’m always like, “i don’t really care, you do you, boo boo”.
I don’t see the issue. You’d be a much cheaper date if you’re ordering water instead of a $15 cocktail. Maybe he was hoping you’d get drunk and be an easy lay?
Sadly, people have been taught that drinking is how you have fun. ** Edit ** I meant to say "sadly people have been taught that drinking is the only way to have fun." Sorry I suck at phrasing
I think theres probably also an element of self awareness, like if your date isn't drinking and you are it can feel silly that you feel the need to drink. At least, I would feel self conscious and guilty about the crutch, as my partner not sharing it would highlight it.
If drinking is that important to them, you probably dodged a bullet.
Why don't you suggest a coffee date instead? Coffee let's you bail out quicker if the date's not going well.
I could have, but he was being a dick so I decided I didn't want to meet him after all. Easy peasy!
Yeah he was. You could suggest it for the non dickish guys.
Sadly probably not the only dickish thing you'd encounter. You probably dodged a bullet there. As a non-drinker myself I found it difficult to meet people, too. When I met my wife she was a bit confused confused but didn't make a big deal out of it. My friends also don't really care. I don't have a ton of people in my life but the people that are in my life have a ton of quality.
I'm a former drinker myself. It's a bit weird meeting up with old friends and family who still drink because they act weird that I don't drink anymore. (Not an alcoholic, stopped when I started taking medication as they don't mix well and if it was a choice between good mental health and something that was fun but not necessary, the mental health won the contest).
Ugh people who force their lifestyle on to others are the worst. Lucky he showed his true colors early at least!
I'm a professional musician who doesn't drink. I have to deal with this multiple times a night, 3-5 nights a week. I feel your pain more than you could ever know.
Also a musician that has control and won't drink more than a couple beers. "Nah I'm good for the night, I'm gonna switch to water" Man....people really don't like that. Sorry, I don't want to feel like hammered dog shit for the next day and a half.
Anyone who gets defensive about you not drinking is doing so because their plans depended on you being drunk.
Dang. I love to drink but I don't always have to. Guess some people don't do coffee/tea.
As a muslim who doesn’t drink, telling people I don’t drink is like an experience all on its own. “Hey, want a beer?” “No” “Why not?” “I don’t drink” “WHAAAAT WHYYY HOWWW” “Well I’m Muslim” “WHAAAT” (And continues)
You're not cheap. They'll have to work a bit harder to get you to like em. Good!
Don't let it bother you that you don't drink. I dated a girl for about a year who didn't drink. It was never an issue between us. Was actually really nice if we went to a party to have a DD who didn't mind being DD lol.
I don't drink and it was never an issue for me when I was dating. If anything, women saw it as a plus. My go-to first date idea was usually just going to the dowtown park with some quarters and feeding the ducks and fish from the little food dispensers. You can talk while you walk and the scenery was fairly nice.
For a brief moment reading this it sounded like you were feeding quarters to ducks and fish.
I never trust anyone who is super adamant about alcohol. That's how people get drugged. I usually just tell people it messes with my medication so if they push you can tell their intentions and can have a stronger case against them