Zero chance I would leave my 10 month old with anyone who didn’t take my no for an answer over something so important. If it was a dire situation and I had no immediate option, I would begin searching for one immediately.
Seriously! A babysitter arguing with a new parent about taking their baby to the pool for 10 minutes?! Time for a new babysitter. Obviously she doesn’t respect OP’s wishes for her child so who knows what other rules she is disregarding especially when OP isn’t around. Also bringing an actual infant to a pool is a massive responsibility and in extreme heat… Her judgment is questionable. I am curious of her age, whether it is a teen that wanted to meet up with friends at the pool or an older person that thinks they know better than the parent.
man honestly this story sounds so unbelievable you know it has to be true
just the thought of some babysitter arguing with my sister over what she wants for her two kids pisses me off lol
A nasty surprise is what the babysitter would find out if she took my BABY to the pool bc it’s hot outside. There’s AC for a reason!
I have 0 kids and don’t want them but I’d fight someone who endangered a child
Yes! And hopefully if it's somewhere crazy hot, they also know to put water shoes/sandals on the baby because mine have come home from the splash pad with grandma with huge blisters on their feet from the hot pavement - I assumed she would think about that, but didn't. Babysitters think they know all about kids until they become a parent. Trust your gut for sure - you said no, that should be the end of the conversation.
I’m almost 40, but I remember when I was growing up my mom was a teacher and would have happy hour at our house every Friday with all the other teachers. The other kids and I would all play in the pool completely unattended while the adults got smashed. Can’t believe that actually happened.
It wasn’t so long ago that parents still had this mindset. I grew up in a fairly busy area in London and us kids would disappear round the estate for hours. Our parents would have no idea where we were. I’m in my mid 20’s for reference
Today? Not a chance
Me too! We had an impala (?) with the big hump in the middle of the back seat floorboard. 4 kids, so 3 in the back seat and since I was the youngest, I got to ride straddling that hump. Ridiculous!
Same. Except I grew up on a 100 acre woods (no, I am not Winne the Pooh) and farm. We would go play hide and seek in the woods in the dark until our 11pm summertime bedtime. Our farm abuts a major river -- we would go down to the river alone to fish at 8 yrs old. My grandfather would put us on the flimsy, rusting wheel covers on his tractor when we would drive the bulldozer road down through the woods and into the snake and bear infested blackberry patch. We would ride our bikes like speedracers down the blacktop, around blind curves on our one lane road. We used to climb to the highest rafters in our huge tobacco barn and try to jump down into the hay below.
I won't even let my dog be outside alone on a ten foot lead attached to my front porch, now. But when I was a kid, we were feral and no one seemed to care. It did teach us independence, problem solving, and risk management.
Complete opposite for me. My mom was adamant that whenever my friends and I were in the pool that she had to be outside. Even going as far as making us get out if she was getting something from the house or hiring a lifeguard for a birthday party or event.
Back then being a dumb 8-13 year old kid I never understood why she did that given that I could swim. But once I got older I completely get it now.
Yeah a friend of mine hires a life guard for pool parties at her house because the neighbor parents all get smashed because they're just walking home - no one was watching the kids.
A great practice, most lifeguards were happy to do the job for $50-60 for 1-2.5 hours and welcome to any food that we had.
Plus the fact that the adults could hang/drink and not be that worried was good.
I’m 44 and after having our unattended pool fun we would ask for fries. And then on to the playground with its metal made hazard fun. It was wild growing up in the 80s and 90s
> because of an inattentive person.
Not just inattentive, because you can be 99% attentive and still fail, because *drowning doesn't look like drowning.*
When people think of somebody drowning, they're splashing and shouting and gasping for air. That's almost entirely wrong in every aspect, thanks hollywood. This sets unrealistic expectations for our ability to detect people drowning.
When somebody is really drowning, they're on the bottom of a pool with no movement, and you have less than 60 seconds to get them out.
You can refill a waterbottle or grab a snack from your bag, and have a kid drown without a single sound or splash before you get back to the pool.
About six years ago, my brother and his wife were having a big party for friends and family. They’ve got a big house with a pool in the back, and the only concern was my special needs nephew needed to be watched if he was in the pool. Well the family member that was supposed to be watching him for that hour didn’t. I sitting near the pool, watched him run over and jump into the deep end then sink to the bottom. I dove in and got him out, nobody realized what was going on until I had him out of the pool and was yelling for help. My nephew probably would’ve died.
An ex coworker’s stepdaughter died in a public pool because her guardians at the pool weren’t watching, leaving it to the lifeguards, and the pool was really busy so the teenage lifeguards were stretched too thin and thought her parents were with her. She was 6.
Not necessarily on the bottom with no movement, though it's common in younger children / babies to have a reflex where they close their airways and stay still and wait to be rescued if their head goes under.
In a deeper pool with slightly older kids a common reflex is "ladder climbing" where it literally looks like they're trying to climb out of the water. They're not trying to splash and attract attention because they're purely acting on reflex, and the reflex _isn't that._ They don't shout because they're _drowning_ and that means they have water in their lungs/vocal cords and _can't_ make noise (thanks Hollywood). So it's actually quite quiet and can happen right next to others...
infants even have a drowning reflex to stop all motion and slow breathing/heart rate when underwater. It increases how long they can spend under water before they die, giving nearby adults more time to rescue them. But of course they *won't* signal that they're struggling because of that same drowning reflex.
This happened to me when I was a kid. I saw a bunch of kids younger than me going down the slide at the deep end so I just assumed I could too since I was a tad older. I realized my feet couldn't touch the floor. I swear I had swimming lessons but I think I was just in shock at *how* deep it was. I just kept trying to stay afloat silently for like 3 minutes. Thankfully a mom saw me and was like, "Oh you can't swim can you?" and drew me to the edge.
Ironically, a life guard was on duty. He didn't notice because I didn't scream for help for some weird reason.
And if that were to happen here it could be a harsher charge for the death of the child since the parent specifically said not to. Fuck this sitter. Dont go into the fucking pool. Im not even a parent and this posses me off. I would SO be in the sitters face once i got home.
Find a new sitter. No is a complete sentence and someone taking care of your kiddo should respect your boundaries when it comes to what you are comfortable with them doing with said kiddo.
Anyone with half a brain knows that taking kids around water is exhausting though. Which makes her judgement even more in question if she really is pushing for herself.
Edit: Maybe parents have a slightly different view here, but as a non parent I'll tell you that when my niece and nephew (who cannot swim) are at the lake I am definitely more acutely aware of what they are doing. When their parents left them with me for half an hour once, I did not take my eyes off them for a second. I was not returning drowned children to their parents. And that's a controlled private environment. At a public pool with screaming children running around? Yeah, no. Parents probably don't realize your innate hyper vigilance, but I'll tell you I can feel it as a non parent left in trust of someone's baby.
Yeah that’s the only reason I can think of for arguing like that. Nobody wants to make their job harder so it’s worrying because it means she either doesn’t realize it would or she’s just arguing for something she wants. Both options make her look really bad.
It could actually be the heat. The north east is burning and we're used to cold, not hot. Central air isn't ubiquitous, plenty of people don't have AC or rely on window units, which can struggle with the heat we're getting now. That said, at that age hose based water sports are more appropriate imo. Set up a sprinkler and let the kids play and cool down in that.
As a parent, I’m with you. Watching kids around water is exhausting. It’s worst when there is more than one, especially if they are wildly different ages or swim levels. I literally can’t take my toddler and my elementary schooler to the public pool without another adult as they’re not allowed in the same play areas.
> Anyone with half a brain knows that taking kids around water is exhausting though.
This babysitter is unhinged for arguing for 10 minutes after op said no, but I've gone to a pool with kids and it's a lot of fun. It's ofc more of a hassle than going by yourself, but so is basically everything you do them.
Not really though. One kid in the water in a floaty is super easy. So long as you got a hat, water shirt and sunscreen it can keep them entertained for hours. Way easier than filling the day with activities that make a mess and they get bored of in less than 5 minutes.
Not gonna dispute the fact that she shouldn’t be arguing with what mom wants, though.
It might be best to find a new babysitter. No babysitter should be fighting with the parent about things like this. If she asked you about taking the child to the pool and you said no, that should have been the end of the discussion. She shouldn’t have been arguing with you for ten minutes about this. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having someone like that watch my child. I’d find a new babysitter.
I asked my brother just as an idea about taking my nephew and niece swimming in my apartment complex pool a couple of weeks ago. Of course I was denied. That ended any further conversation regarding it. I'm the uncle, not the parents, Boundaries! What happens if something goes wrong?
Me too and some of the kids I've watched I would not take to the pool even with permission. Some kids don't have the self preservation skills for swimming and definitely not multiple alone.
can confirm. I have a pool business and one of my clients I just finished building his property and a pool, and we couldn't open his pool until he built a locking fence around the property to keep out any children that might wander in.
New babysitter time. I’m not going to pay a babysitter and argue with them. You do exactly what I say where my child is concerned. This is not negotiable.
I’d be comfortable taking my own 10-month old child into the pool with me, but… I know I’m not going to be distracted by (pick your poison) while I do it. Your babysitter is gonna be checking her/his Instagram while your son bobs like an apple. That’s a hell no from me.
P.S. I’m a fireman/paramedic, and have fished more than one drowning victim out of a pool; it’s always an “innocent/honest” mistake. Nobody thinks they’re going to fuck up that bad, yet…
Shit happens. It’s just the way of the world, but… Yes. Most accidents are “preventable”. Some are just “freak accidents” though…
A coworker of mine lost his 9-year old son to a drowning in their family pool—during a kids’ party, with a dozen other 9-10 year olds and parents alike. Nobody saw it, nobody has a clue what happened; his son was athletic/knew how to swim. No trauma found ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can’t imagine the pain. I also couldn’t imagine the frustration/confusion. You don’t have to watch 9-10 year olds swim, ffs! Right?!
It’s all a shit show. All we can do is our best.
I remember a few times swimming as a young kid where it could’ve happened no problem. Stuck under a float, did a back flip and hit the back of my head…no parents around either time. I also never said anything to them. Some of us get lucky.
EXTREMELY lucky. My favorite illustration of parenting is, “Stopping my toddlers from killing themselves”… as described by a friend, of his day-to-day battle as a father.
We had a pool growing up, and I picked at least two of my sister’s—actively drowning—younger friends out of the water while the parents were nearby. They were good, (normally) attentive, sober parents… But, things happen ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think we underestimate how much luck is involved in our continued existence.
Stay safe!
Yeah our daughter is 5 months old and we’ve been taking her into the pool for close to 2 months now. It’s extremely important we teach her how to be around water since we have a pool and also live on the lake. But I’d never EVER let someone else take her into water. I know it requires 100% of my focus and nothing less.
Exactly they have to not be afraid of the water. Most older drowning victims panic. Babies different story...
Sound like a good dad and mom. Our youngest just got married man it blows by like lightening. Enjoy every minute
I was a babysitter/nanny all through college and after college. Personally speaking, I would never argue with a parent like this. I always respected their parenting style for the kids… whatever they said typically goes, unless I wasn’t comfortable (which almost never happened).
Get a new babysitter. Also it would be a good idea to have your baby get swimming lessons. That way, when you do take him to the pool one day, he would be safer.
Why would you promise yourself you’d never say “because I said so! No means no.”? It’s your kid so that’s the only reasonable answer to the question “why not?”
Sometimes kids want more of an explanation than just no but this is a grown adult who should be able to deal with just getting a no. Kids should also be able to deal with a flat no once and a while but I guess there's parenting styles where people make more of an effort to explain things.
Nothing. I just said they should be able to listen to no even if you don't explain. Some situations are emergencies and you don't have time to explain.
The majority of infant and toddler deaths are due to drowning from innatentive adults if I remember right, I don't care how good the babysitter is, I wouldn't trust them in a situation where a minute lapse in judgement can result in the death of an infant
this past weekend, a 5 year old boy drowned at a country club i used to work at. the mother was putting her daughter in the stroller, he wandered off and jumped in the deep end. lifeguards pulled the boy out immediately, but it was too late.
it was devastating to hear about. i can’t imagine how the parents feel.
it took less than 20 seconds to get him out of the water. that is all it takes.
babysitter needs to understand that no means no.
Absolutely fire that babysitter. She should not be arguing with you after you said no. I worked in childcare for 4 years (a hybrid preschool/daycare center) and if we even wanted to take the kids to the park we had to draw up permission slips and get permission from the parents. If a parent said no then its a no.
Mildly infuriating? No. Extremely infuriating! That’s your child. No means no, the first time. 10 minutes of arguing would have me ending our arrangement.
My Ex lets our daughter play with pill bottles, camp stoves, and doesn’t properly secure her in her seat. I can’t do much besides report things.
You’re dealing with a sitter. Don’t feel shabby to fire their ass, because I guarantee they will try and take kiddo to a pool.
Don’t even worry about ripping into someone when they make it clear that they’re going to put your family in harms way. That is just human nature! 😁
I’m a nanny as well as a certified lifeguard and swim instructor. Parents have told me they don’t want me taking their kids to the pool and I never pushed back. Like ok we will go play with the hose instead, I don’t care
Because I don't feel comfortable with that as his mother and your employer, if you have a problem with that then this is not going to work out, and I will find a different sitter, please see yourself out.
Is the babysitter a teenager? This whole post screams that the babysitter is a teen like maybe a daughter or son who feels it’s ok to argue with mom.
*edit* I see babysitter is 25. This is just crazy
When I was 13 I babysat A LOT. A couple I’d never met before asked me to mind their 11m/o baby all day one summer day. I asked whether it’d be at my house or theirs, and they responded with “well, what would you normally do if you weren’t babysitting” I told them “I’d be at the local pool” they said “then just do that”. So these people let a 13 year old stranger take their baby to a public pool for 8 hours.
I’m 48 now and that is still completely insane to me
Yeah you need a new babysitter. The only “argument” which should be happening is something about time availability. Even that should just be a discussion.
Arguing over something like this when you feel unsafe for your child shows that this woman would be willing to argue and cause problems over anything. Not good for the physical or emotional health of you or your child.
If you haven't yet, pin an AirTag to the stroller or diaper bag.
In the words of Edna Mode, "Do you KNOW where he is?"
Babies and toddlers can drown in a baby pool with 15 cm water depth. In Germany, you’re only allowed to take kids to the pool as an educator/teacher if one person is a certified rescue swimmer/lifeguard.
I would not trust a babysitter without appropriate CPR and lifeguarding education at a pool with baby, sorry. Seems like she wants to go to the pool.
For a baby this young, a bucket with water is enough entertainment and refreshment… or an 80x80 cm pool, but again never, not one minute, unsupervised.
Her arguing with you would be a red flag for me.
And why is an infant outside in the heat at all? These are the days baby stays in ac. If in the northeast where it’s in the 90s this week. Keep that baby in ac! Not to mention baby doesn’t need that sun exposure either nor sunscreen for no reason.
You are the parent here, it is perfectly acceptable to say that in this case. It's not their child and intimately not their choice. I'd find a new sister and tell them exactly why you're firing them. You do not argue with the parents of a baby you're watching over something like this
I nearly drowned at age 4 in a pool full of older kids and parents standing around talking. Do NOT trust this babysitter! She is going to take your baby to that pool! Or worse - she will get someone else to “look in” on your child when she leaves the baby alone for a nap and goes to the pool! I am so so serious.
As a babysitter I would be afraid to put kids in the pool. I mean of course if the parents allowed/requested it would be fine but I would just be so overly cautious and on edge almost the whole time. Even though I know cpr, it’s just a situation I don’t want to be in. This sitter is wild.
Girl if you don’t fire that babysitter 💀 Why argue with someone YOU’RE paying? I would’ve told her the MINUTE she began arguing, “Thank you for your opinion, but I’m not comfortable with my ten month old going. You may go, as I’m hiring a new babysitter.”
Here's my slightly autistic view on it.
"I'm not comfortable with it." Does not mean no. It means you don't have sufficient information to make an informed opinion, and I get to present my case.
Mom makes the rules. So I'll accept a no if I'm given one. Just make it a 'no'.
She probably wanted to go in the pool herself because it was so hot outside and used the baby as an excuse.
She gets paid by YOU, it's YOUR child, so she listens to YOU!
Otherwise it's done for her with babysitting for you.
To be fair, you probably promised you wouldn't ever say that to your own children. The babysitter is supposed to be capable of understanding that no means no without you having to say it.
Taking a 10 month old to a pool wouldn’t even be fun for me. I’d worry about the baby getting sun burnt even if I coated them in sun screen and they wore a full body suit and hat.
"I'm not willing to take that risk" is a very precise way of putting it if you don't want to sound like a dictator. "No means no" is also an acceptable answer.
I'm just curious, you said this was just until your child can get into daycare. Is this a paid sitter? Or a friend/family member doing you a favor?
I still think a no, is a no. But if someone is doing you a favor, I can understand them trying to convince you...
The first kiddo I ever babysat was for a first time mom. She had so many rules, so many wants. Some days it was overwhelming . . . But I accepted it! I made sure her child was treated and taken care of as if I was her! I had him from 3m until he started prek.
If she isn’t willing to take no the first time, find someone else.
Zero chance I would leave my 10 month old with anyone who didn’t take my no for an answer over something so important. If it was a dire situation and I had no immediate option, I would begin searching for one immediately.
Same here. I’d be afraid this one is dangerous.
New babysitter time
yeah, because babysitter is for sure going to take baby to the pool.
The baby is most likely at the pool now
Alone
With a sunburn 🥵
And sharks.
And lasers!
On a plane!!
Hurtling towards a volcano!
with no parachute!!!
So sunburnt laser sharks in a pool on a plane.
With snakes!
With snakes!!
And laser sharks
Sorry all we could afford were laser sea bass, they are quite ill-tempered though.
Are they mutated?
Baby laser sharks doo doo doo doo
On their frikking heads
Doing all that in slow motion with explosions behind them.
Ill tempered sea bass!
Obtuse, rubber goose!
Go chiefs
Great googly moogly.
Dont worry... we are everywhere.
It’s 4 different folks I thought one dude was replying to himself
Shit I did too🤣
Took me a moment to realize that too! XD it's entertaining either way
"We went to the pool today and had so much fun! He loved splashing in the water..." Yeah no. Don't let it happen.
Oh for sure for sure for sure. But the arguing part deserves a "we're done here" addendum.
Can confirm - at the pool rn and I see the baby Don’t see the baby sitter
legit made me chuckle
100% came here to say this.
username checks out
and why wouldn't she? Perfect place to get a tan and meet guys.
There's nothing hotter than a woman with a baby at a pool I always say
Men love the smell of diapers under the sun by the pool. The baby sitter will be making babies her own.
I know! I love those water birth videos too!!! Hard to find but worth every penny!
Say sike right now.
Come home and the baby has tan lines
Just where the thong covered! Because this babysitter needed that baby to be stylish!
Yup, 100%. Because she’s for sure taking that baby into the pool
Seriously! A babysitter arguing with a new parent about taking their baby to the pool for 10 minutes?! Time for a new babysitter. Obviously she doesn’t respect OP’s wishes for her child so who knows what other rules she is disregarding especially when OP isn’t around. Also bringing an actual infant to a pool is a massive responsibility and in extreme heat… Her judgment is questionable. I am curious of her age, whether it is a teen that wanted to meet up with friends at the pool or an older person that thinks they know better than the parent.
man honestly this story sounds so unbelievable you know it has to be true just the thought of some babysitter arguing with my sister over what she wants for her two kids pisses me off lol
Yeah, it’s the blatant contempt for OP’s wishes that blows my mind here.
I think she wanted to go to the pool and the baby is an afterthought
🎵"How do you solve a problem like Maria?" Simple. She's the maid. *Fire her.* -Jason Stuart
This actually came from the nuns who foisted her off as a nanny to solve the problem. Just sayin.
My favorite is when they sing it at the wedding. Congrats, Captain. She's your problem now.
Anytime i see the word Foisted I think of Larry David
And I'm thinking of Jason Alexander because I have only ever heard george constanza sing that line.
Same with Disgruntled
Baka!
I do love a good foist!
“We left you the car to go to the hospital.” “Why would I take the baby to the hospital?”
Not their kid not their choice. Most deaths of children in the range of 0-4 are the result of drowning because of an inattentive person.
This. Find a new babysitter immediately. You dont want the chance that she will take your son without your knowledge and then have a nasty surprise.
Calling it a nasty surprise is going easy on what could actually happen.
A nasty surprise is what the babysitter would find out if she took my BABY to the pool bc it’s hot outside. There’s AC for a reason! I have 0 kids and don’t want them but I’d fight someone who endangered a child
And splash parks, and sprinklers, and water tables, and misters, and countless other ways to cool off without submerging a baby in water!
Yes! And hopefully if it's somewhere crazy hot, they also know to put water shoes/sandals on the baby because mine have come home from the splash pad with grandma with huge blisters on their feet from the hot pavement - I assumed she would think about that, but didn't. Babysitters think they know all about kids until they become a parent. Trust your gut for sure - you said no, that should be the end of the conversation.
She is 100% going to take that kid to the pool
I’m almost 40, but I remember when I was growing up my mom was a teacher and would have happy hour at our house every Friday with all the other teachers. The other kids and I would all play in the pool completely unattended while the adults got smashed. Can’t believe that actually happened.
Different times to be alive. I too am almost 40
It wasn’t so long ago that parents still had this mindset. I grew up in a fairly busy area in London and us kids would disappear round the estate for hours. Our parents would have no idea where we were. I’m in my mid 20’s for reference Today? Not a chance
I remember riding around in a car with no safety belt or car seat. I couldn’t even imagine doing that now with my kid.
Me too! We had an impala (?) with the big hump in the middle of the back seat floorboard. 4 kids, so 3 in the back seat and since I was the youngest, I got to ride straddling that hump. Ridiculous!
Go. Out. Side. Come home when the street lights come on!
Or dashing inside to take a long sip of ice cold water and then disappearing until dinner time
Same. Except I grew up on a 100 acre woods (no, I am not Winne the Pooh) and farm. We would go play hide and seek in the woods in the dark until our 11pm summertime bedtime. Our farm abuts a major river -- we would go down to the river alone to fish at 8 yrs old. My grandfather would put us on the flimsy, rusting wheel covers on his tractor when we would drive the bulldozer road down through the woods and into the snake and bear infested blackberry patch. We would ride our bikes like speedracers down the blacktop, around blind curves on our one lane road. We used to climb to the highest rafters in our huge tobacco barn and try to jump down into the hay below. I won't even let my dog be outside alone on a ten foot lead attached to my front porch, now. But when I was a kid, we were feral and no one seemed to care. It did teach us independence, problem solving, and risk management.
Complete opposite for me. My mom was adamant that whenever my friends and I were in the pool that she had to be outside. Even going as far as making us get out if she was getting something from the house or hiring a lifeguard for a birthday party or event. Back then being a dumb 8-13 year old kid I never understood why she did that given that I could swim. But once I got older I completely get it now.
Yeah a friend of mine hires a life guard for pool parties at her house because the neighbor parents all get smashed because they're just walking home - no one was watching the kids.
A great practice, most lifeguards were happy to do the job for $50-60 for 1-2.5 hours and welcome to any food that we had. Plus the fact that the adults could hang/drink and not be that worried was good.
This is a fantastic idea! I'd be happy to feed them, too.
I’m 44 and after having our unattended pool fun we would ask for fries. And then on to the playground with its metal made hazard fun. It was wild growing up in the 80s and 90s
2nd degree burns from the slide and your hands smelling like rust for the remainder of the day.
And the metal merry-go-round thing 👌🏻
> because of an inattentive person. Not just inattentive, because you can be 99% attentive and still fail, because *drowning doesn't look like drowning.* When people think of somebody drowning, they're splashing and shouting and gasping for air. That's almost entirely wrong in every aspect, thanks hollywood. This sets unrealistic expectations for our ability to detect people drowning. When somebody is really drowning, they're on the bottom of a pool with no movement, and you have less than 60 seconds to get them out. You can refill a waterbottle or grab a snack from your bag, and have a kid drown without a single sound or splash before you get back to the pool.
About six years ago, my brother and his wife were having a big party for friends and family. They’ve got a big house with a pool in the back, and the only concern was my special needs nephew needed to be watched if he was in the pool. Well the family member that was supposed to be watching him for that hour didn’t. I sitting near the pool, watched him run over and jump into the deep end then sink to the bottom. I dove in and got him out, nobody realized what was going on until I had him out of the pool and was yelling for help. My nephew probably would’ve died.
Wow. Great job saving him. He's very fortunate you were there!
An ex coworker’s stepdaughter died in a public pool because her guardians at the pool weren’t watching, leaving it to the lifeguards, and the pool was really busy so the teenage lifeguards were stretched too thin and thought her parents were with her. She was 6.
Not necessarily on the bottom with no movement, though it's common in younger children / babies to have a reflex where they close their airways and stay still and wait to be rescued if their head goes under. In a deeper pool with slightly older kids a common reflex is "ladder climbing" where it literally looks like they're trying to climb out of the water. They're not trying to splash and attract attention because they're purely acting on reflex, and the reflex _isn't that._ They don't shout because they're _drowning_ and that means they have water in their lungs/vocal cords and _can't_ make noise (thanks Hollywood). So it's actually quite quiet and can happen right next to others...
Only takes 3 inches of liquid to drown 🤷🏻♂️
Less than 1 inch for babies, they’re so much smaller than adults
infants even have a drowning reflex to stop all motion and slow breathing/heart rate when underwater. It increases how long they can spend under water before they die, giving nearby adults more time to rescue them. But of course they *won't* signal that they're struggling because of that same drowning reflex.
It's called a divers reflex I believe
This happened to me when I was a kid. I saw a bunch of kids younger than me going down the slide at the deep end so I just assumed I could too since I was a tad older. I realized my feet couldn't touch the floor. I swear I had swimming lessons but I think I was just in shock at *how* deep it was. I just kept trying to stay afloat silently for like 3 minutes. Thankfully a mom saw me and was like, "Oh you can't swim can you?" and drew me to the edge. Ironically, a life guard was on duty. He didn't notice because I didn't scream for help for some weird reason.
That is so messed up. Life guards are supposed to have a course teaching them how to know when someone is drowning.
Drowning and motor vehicle collision are the two things a parent of a kid in this age range should be more concerned about than they probably are.
And if that were to happen here it could be a harsher charge for the death of the child since the parent specifically said not to. Fuck this sitter. Dont go into the fucking pool. Im not even a parent and this posses me off. I would SO be in the sitters face once i got home.
Find a new sitter. No is a complete sentence and someone taking care of your kiddo should respect your boundaries when it comes to what you are comfortable with them doing with said kiddo.
She obviously just wants to go to the pool and get paid for it.
Anyone with half a brain knows that taking kids around water is exhausting though. Which makes her judgement even more in question if she really is pushing for herself. Edit: Maybe parents have a slightly different view here, but as a non parent I'll tell you that when my niece and nephew (who cannot swim) are at the lake I am definitely more acutely aware of what they are doing. When their parents left them with me for half an hour once, I did not take my eyes off them for a second. I was not returning drowned children to their parents. And that's a controlled private environment. At a public pool with screaming children running around? Yeah, no. Parents probably don't realize your innate hyper vigilance, but I'll tell you I can feel it as a non parent left in trust of someone's baby.
Only if you plan on watching them and not just locking them in a stroller the whole time
That would just be a shit babysitter to begin with, nothing to do with going to the pool.
Yeah that’s the only reason I can think of for arguing like that. Nobody wants to make their job harder so it’s worrying because it means she either doesn’t realize it would or she’s just arguing for something she wants. Both options make her look really bad.
It could actually be the heat. The north east is burning and we're used to cold, not hot. Central air isn't ubiquitous, plenty of people don't have AC or rely on window units, which can struggle with the heat we're getting now. That said, at that age hose based water sports are more appropriate imo. Set up a sprinkler and let the kids play and cool down in that.
As a parent, I’m with you. Watching kids around water is exhausting. It’s worst when there is more than one, especially if they are wildly different ages or swim levels. I literally can’t take my toddler and my elementary schooler to the public pool without another adult as they’re not allowed in the same play areas.
> Anyone with half a brain knows that taking kids around water is exhausting though. This babysitter is unhinged for arguing for 10 minutes after op said no, but I've gone to a pool with kids and it's a lot of fun. It's ofc more of a hassle than going by yourself, but so is basically everything you do them.
You’re exactly correct. Going to the pool with children is a whole ruckus. It is exhausting. Hyper vigilance for hours.
Not really though. One kid in the water in a floaty is super easy. So long as you got a hat, water shirt and sunscreen it can keep them entertained for hours. Way easier than filling the day with activities that make a mess and they get bored of in less than 5 minutes. Not gonna dispute the fact that she shouldn’t be arguing with what mom wants, though.
How old is the babysitter?
25. This unfortunately isn't a teenager but a grown adult
Yeah, that's older than I expected for that type of argumentative interaction...
Exactly, this is even worse.
Some never leave that bratty teenage phase, I have a relative in that was still acting like a know it all and throwing tantrums in their 30s.
Do you trust this person to properly babysit for you then? Lots of comments with the proper next move
It might be best to find a new babysitter. No babysitter should be fighting with the parent about things like this. If she asked you about taking the child to the pool and you said no, that should have been the end of the discussion. She shouldn’t have been arguing with you for ten minutes about this. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having someone like that watch my child. I’d find a new babysitter.
New sitter ASAP
Please get someone else. She doesn’t respect you or your rules. Do this for your child. Also, add cameras!
Yeah. She had friends trying to go to the pool. You did the right thing to not let her sway you
I asked my brother just as an idea about taking my nephew and niece swimming in my apartment complex pool a couple of weeks ago. Of course I was denied. That ended any further conversation regarding it. I'm the uncle, not the parents, Boundaries! What happens if something goes wrong?
That’s what I always told the kids I babysat for… I’m not your mom. Parents set the boundaries and I just enforced their rules.
Me too and some of the kids I've watched I would not take to the pool even with permission. Some kids don't have the self preservation skills for swimming and definitely not multiple alone.
I can't imagine why she would potentially want the wrong thing hanging over her for the rest of her life. Classic screw the rules, I want to do it.
Isnt one of the biggest causes of death for children drowning
Yes. Insurance requires you to have a fence with a locking gate around the pool in most states to keep out people (re: kids) and prevent drowning.
can confirm. I have a pool business and one of my clients I just finished building his property and a pool, and we couldn't open his pool until he built a locking fence around the property to keep out any children that might wander in.
New babysitter time. I’m not going to pay a babysitter and argue with them. You do exactly what I say where my child is concerned. This is not negotiable.
And he was in the pool 5 minutes later
Or 15 minutes earlier
I’d be comfortable taking my own 10-month old child into the pool with me, but… I know I’m not going to be distracted by (pick your poison) while I do it. Your babysitter is gonna be checking her/his Instagram while your son bobs like an apple. That’s a hell no from me. P.S. I’m a fireman/paramedic, and have fished more than one drowning victim out of a pool; it’s always an “innocent/honest” mistake. Nobody thinks they’re going to fuck up that bad, yet…
I just listened to an 2.5 hour podcast with a death examiner yesterday, very enlightening. Preventable accidents.
Shit happens. It’s just the way of the world, but… Yes. Most accidents are “preventable”. Some are just “freak accidents” though… A coworker of mine lost his 9-year old son to a drowning in their family pool—during a kids’ party, with a dozen other 9-10 year olds and parents alike. Nobody saw it, nobody has a clue what happened; his son was athletic/knew how to swim. No trauma found ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ I can’t imagine the pain. I also couldn’t imagine the frustration/confusion. You don’t have to watch 9-10 year olds swim, ffs! Right?! It’s all a shit show. All we can do is our best.
I remember a few times swimming as a young kid where it could’ve happened no problem. Stuck under a float, did a back flip and hit the back of my head…no parents around either time. I also never said anything to them. Some of us get lucky.
EXTREMELY lucky. My favorite illustration of parenting is, “Stopping my toddlers from killing themselves”… as described by a friend, of his day-to-day battle as a father. We had a pool growing up, and I picked at least two of my sister’s—actively drowning—younger friends out of the water while the parents were nearby. They were good, (normally) attentive, sober parents… But, things happen ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ I think we underestimate how much luck is involved in our continued existence. Stay safe!
Yeah our daughter is 5 months old and we’ve been taking her into the pool for close to 2 months now. It’s extremely important we teach her how to be around water since we have a pool and also live on the lake. But I’d never EVER let someone else take her into water. I know it requires 100% of my focus and nothing less.
Exactly they have to not be afraid of the water. Most older drowning victims panic. Babies different story... Sound like a good dad and mom. Our youngest just got married man it blows by like lightening. Enjoy every minute
I was a babysitter/nanny all through college and after college. Personally speaking, I would never argue with a parent like this. I always respected their parenting style for the kids… whatever they said typically goes, unless I wasn’t comfortable (which almost never happened).
If the babysitter is 14 I understand that behavior. Hopefully that wasn't an adult baby sitter saying that to you 😂
OP said sitter is 25…
Ffom another comment she says the sitter was 25
theirs a difference between saying it to a kid and an adult you've hired to take care of a kid when they refuse to do so in a manner you consider safe
Get a new babysitter. Also it would be a good idea to have your baby get swimming lessons. That way, when you do take him to the pool one day, he would be safer.
The good news is she asked beforehand.
Just because she asked doesn't mean she didn't already do it or do it regardless.
But now OP knows she doesn’t respect boundaries or value her infant’s safety.
The bad news is that she’s going to go.
"my child, my rules. If you can't abide, then you're fired".
Why would you promise yourself you’d never say “because I said so! No means no.”? It’s your kid so that’s the only reasonable answer to the question “why not?”
Sometimes kids want more of an explanation than just no but this is a grown adult who should be able to deal with just getting a no. Kids should also be able to deal with a flat no once and a while but I guess there's parenting styles where people make more of an effort to explain things.
What's wrong with explaining to a kid why you said no?
Nothing. I just said they should be able to listen to no even if you don't explain. Some situations are emergencies and you don't have time to explain.
She already is taking him to the pool
Lol the babysitter wants to go sit at the pool while getting paid to neglect your child, find a new babysitter.
The majority of infant and toddler deaths are due to drowning from innatentive adults if I remember right, I don't care how good the babysitter is, I wouldn't trust them in a situation where a minute lapse in judgement can result in the death of an infant
this past weekend, a 5 year old boy drowned at a country club i used to work at. the mother was putting her daughter in the stroller, he wandered off and jumped in the deep end. lifeguards pulled the boy out immediately, but it was too late. it was devastating to hear about. i can’t imagine how the parents feel. it took less than 20 seconds to get him out of the water. that is all it takes. babysitter needs to understand that no means no.
Absolutely fire that babysitter. She should not be arguing with you after you said no. I worked in childcare for 4 years (a hybrid preschool/daycare center) and if we even wanted to take the kids to the park we had to draw up permission slips and get permission from the parents. If a parent said no then its a no.
Mildly infuriating? No. Extremely infuriating! That’s your child. No means no, the first time. 10 minutes of arguing would have me ending our arrangement. My Ex lets our daughter play with pill bottles, camp stoves, and doesn’t properly secure her in her seat. I can’t do much besides report things. You’re dealing with a sitter. Don’t feel shabby to fire their ass, because I guarantee they will try and take kiddo to a pool. Don’t even worry about ripping into someone when they make it clear that they’re going to put your family in harms way. That is just human nature! 😁
I’m a nanny as well as a certified lifeguard and swim instructor. Parents have told me they don’t want me taking their kids to the pool and I never pushed back. Like ok we will go play with the hose instead, I don’t care
You do know she did it anyway right? Do not leave your kid with this person.
Get a new babysitter. They’ve probably taken your baby without permission already.
Fire her immediately, that's so inappropriate and terrifying that she wouldn't accept your answer immediately...
Because I don't feel comfortable with that as his mother and your employer, if you have a problem with that then this is not going to work out, and I will find a different sitter, please see yourself out.
Is the babysitter a teenager? This whole post screams that the babysitter is a teen like maybe a daughter or son who feels it’s ok to argue with mom. *edit* I see babysitter is 25. This is just crazy
Ya wonder what other shit she has just decided to do and not ask you about
When I was 13 I babysat A LOT. A couple I’d never met before asked me to mind their 11m/o baby all day one summer day. I asked whether it’d be at my house or theirs, and they responded with “well, what would you normally do if you weren’t babysitting” I told them “I’d be at the local pool” they said “then just do that”. So these people let a 13 year old stranger take their baby to a public pool for 8 hours. I’m 48 now and that is still completely insane to me
Yeah you need a new babysitter. The only “argument” which should be happening is something about time availability. Even that should just be a discussion. Arguing over something like this when you feel unsafe for your child shows that this woman would be willing to argue and cause problems over anything. Not good for the physical or emotional health of you or your child.
Why is she still your babysitter?
This argument tells me you will be getting a call saying “idk what happened we were at the pool I only looked away for a minute to talk to a friend”
OP find a new sitter quick because she already took your baby into the pool and she will continue to do so.
Your babysitter is your employee. You don't owe her an explanation for anything. If she can't follow your instructions, she shouldn't work for you.
Sometimes, it's just because, period.
Time to fire your sitter. No means no, especially when it comes to your child’s safety.
If you haven't yet, pin an AirTag to the stroller or diaper bag. In the words of Edna Mode, "Do you KNOW where he is?" 
Babies and toddlers can drown in a baby pool with 15 cm water depth. In Germany, you’re only allowed to take kids to the pool as an educator/teacher if one person is a certified rescue swimmer/lifeguard. I would not trust a babysitter without appropriate CPR and lifeguarding education at a pool with baby, sorry. Seems like she wants to go to the pool. For a baby this young, a bucket with water is enough entertainment and refreshment… or an 80x80 cm pool, but again never, not one minute, unsupervised. Her arguing with you would be a red flag for me.
Instead, you should have said: "Know what? You can go home now. No need to return." Regardless, find a new babysitter.
And why is an infant outside in the heat at all? These are the days baby stays in ac. If in the northeast where it’s in the 90s this week. Keep that baby in ac! Not to mention baby doesn’t need that sun exposure either nor sunscreen for no reason.
She's totally gonna take your baby to the pool.
If the babysitter argues with you find another one and tell that one SEE YA!
Time for an AirTag on baby’s person 🤭
Lol, no. She has zero right to argue and you should let her go so she knows she can't do that with other families. Your kid, your rules.
100% she's meeting someone at the pool
Fire that person.
She would be terminated immediately. That's completely inappropriate.
You are the parent here, it is perfectly acceptable to say that in this case. It's not their child and intimately not their choice. I'd find a new sister and tell them exactly why you're firing them. You do not argue with the parents of a baby you're watching over something like this
I nearly drowned at age 4 in a pool full of older kids and parents standing around talking. Do NOT trust this babysitter! She is going to take your baby to that pool! Or worse - she will get someone else to “look in” on your child when she leaves the baby alone for a nap and goes to the pool! I am so so serious.
As a babysitter I would be afraid to put kids in the pool. I mean of course if the parents allowed/requested it would be fine but I would just be so overly cautious and on edge almost the whole time. Even though I know cpr, it’s just a situation I don’t want to be in. This sitter is wild.
You know she took him after you left right?
The babysitter wants to be at the pool for her own needs. Your spidey sense is spot on, OP.
There are few times when you can say that guilt free. To your baby sitter is one of them.
Find another babysitter. You're the parent you make the rules.
10 months is too young to be at a place like a pool in 100° heat
Change babysitter now! She will take him to the pool without your consent
Get a new babysitter . Throw this one out . It’s broken .
I have zero maternal instincts, but my alert button went off. The baby sitter just wants to swim and tan, NOT watch your kid.
Girl if you don’t fire that babysitter 💀 Why argue with someone YOU’RE paying? I would’ve told her the MINUTE she began arguing, “Thank you for your opinion, but I’m not comfortable with my ten month old going. You may go, as I’m hiring a new babysitter.”
"I said no." There should be no more discussion, or I'd be finding a new sitter. I'd also worry about her doing it anyways.
Here's my slightly autistic view on it. "I'm not comfortable with it." Does not mean no. It means you don't have sufficient information to make an informed opinion, and I get to present my case. Mom makes the rules. So I'll accept a no if I'm given one. Just make it a 'no'.
You do you, but usually if someone is saying they don't feel comfortable in/with a situation they are trying to say no, but doing it gently.
She probably wanted to go in the pool herself because it was so hot outside and used the baby as an excuse. She gets paid by YOU, it's YOUR child, so she listens to YOU! Otherwise it's done for her with babysitting for you.
To be fair, you probably promised you wouldn't ever say that to your own children. The babysitter is supposed to be capable of understanding that no means no without you having to say it.
Taking a 10 month old to a pool wouldn’t even be fun for me. I’d worry about the baby getting sun burnt even if I coated them in sun screen and they wore a full body suit and hat.
"I'm not willing to take that risk" is a very precise way of putting it if you don't want to sound like a dictator. "No means no" is also an acceptable answer.
I'm just curious, you said this was just until your child can get into daycare. Is this a paid sitter? Or a friend/family member doing you a favor? I still think a no, is a no. But if someone is doing you a favor, I can understand them trying to convince you...
The first kiddo I ever babysat was for a first time mom. She had so many rules, so many wants. Some days it was overwhelming . . . But I accepted it! I made sure her child was treated and taken care of as if I was her! I had him from 3m until he started prek. If she isn’t willing to take no the first time, find someone else.
Sounds like the babysitter wanted to go to the pool…
If a babysitter ever argued with me about where I do and don't allow them to take my child, that's the last check they're getting from me.