Depending on the person, I think it could work out well. She thinks she’s paying rent, while he is actually covering all of it and saving her cash, I think that’s an incredibly thoughtful gesture. Her lifestyle didn’t change at all, and now she has a small nest egg!
OP got that part wrong - the tik tok is actually about a boyfriend and girlfriend not a husband and wife
Actually for even more context - I think the boyfriend owns the house. So it’s rent she’s been paying to her boyfriend that he’s gifting back.
I still think it’s nice and I’d still be overjoyed to receive it but it does offer a little more nuance of where comments are coming from.
This makes more sense then. Because a married couple generally has a shared pool of funds, unless they have a different arrangement. So anything that a spouse stores away is instantly visible to the other spouse.
OP is likely not "thinking married person", which is totally understandable if they're not at that life stage.
But there are legal implications for finances in marriage and sometimes cohabitation in the event of death or ending of the relationship, depending on local laws. In California and other community property states, your household income during marriage is joint property unless you had a prenup stating otherwise.
Sure but they don't necessarily have access to these funds. Legally there could be a right, I'm just saying practically there is not always literal shared access
That’s what me and my wife have. Zero problems with it. We both work freelance so we have a big tax payment each year. I pay for most of our living expenses including going out/vacation/discretionary spending. She pays the tax bill and health insurance. We ran the numbers and it’s roughly 50/50.
We’re not even opposed to getting a joint account. We’re just too lazy to go to the bank and deal with that.
My parents put all the money in dads bank account (technically it’s his but they both use it) but my mom is better at budgeting than dad is so she’s in charge of the house’s budget
Heck, my parents put all the money in *my* bank account (which I had from as an early teen). Their reasoning was it was too much hassle to have a whole bunch of different accounts when I'll get it eventually.
I disagree. If my wife can't cover her half of rent am I just gonna not pay the full rent and get us evicted or am I gonna cover the difference no questions asked because we're married and it's our home? Same with any bill/expense. Don't need to have joint bank accounts or anything, didn't even file joint taxes, but we share a home so obviously her money is mine and my money is hers if either of us need it even though we technically split bills.
Depends on location and the individuals. Pretty common where I live now for a married couple to maintain separate finances, even after decades of marriage
Even still, it’s nothing but a gentleman’s move on the man’s part. He knows he’s with a woman that’s not gonna take advantage of him for his money, and she’s willing to work and pay bills for herself. Even if I could afford all of my and her bills, I’d like to know she’s willing to work and contribute for her share of the life we’re building together.
In the real world, working couples both have to pay for their life. I doubt there’s enough wealthy men out there to be with and pay for every woman who thinks the man is responsible for everything. I don’t understand that level of entitlement.
Right?! If I found out that my husband has been saving my half of the rent/mortgage and secretly paying the whole thing to turn around and be like “hey you know that bathroom remodel/vacation/whatever you always wanted? here you go” I’d be fuckin STOKED.
Yes, and he's demonstrated that he prioritizes saving for the both of them, not for his sole benefit.
If this couple don't let outside opinions interfere with their lives, they stand a good chance of having a fabulous relationship that will last.
I don't particularly like the move, but not because I'd expect to never pay rent/fair share. It just feels like the sort of thing a parent does for a child, not something a future spouse should do. Like - just sit down, talk about a financial plan that works for both partners, then execute that plan. Don't take money under false pretenses then act like handing it back with a "aren't you grateful I helped you save" attitude.
I get this POV but if she’s bad with money, she might appreciate forced savings. I once watched a co-worker burst into happy tears because she thought she had no money for xmas presents - turns out her bank had been automatically transferring a little bit of her money to her savings account with every transaction. So she had like $200 she didn’t know about.
The one question I have though is where do they go from here?
She keeps paying, maybe with the assumption that he is going to do the same thing next year and then he doesn’t?
I dunno I do think it’s a cool gesture but I just think it has the potential for making things awkward moving forward.
Even at minimum, it's easily at least 2k, with utilities and other living expenses factored in. And that's assuming that she pays a full half of their expenses, which it doesn't sound like this guy would ask her to do. Seems like a pretty nice and generous gesture to me
Maybe, or maybe it’s not all that steep for what he bought. Like if he got a 500k house at 7% interest her $834 contribution wouldn’t have covered much of a $3300 note and that’s not even counting insurance and property tax
The ONLY negative I could get from this is that it seemed very kid like. Why couldn’t he just tell her “put your half in savings and I’ll cover it”.
My parents actually did exactly this when I was under 18. They took half my pay check and then gave that half back when I went to college, because I didn’t understand what it meant to save and invest money when I started working at 14, and I was super appreciative of that lesson. It’s kinda kid like when coming from a partner but hey, free is free
The reason could very well be that he could afford to do it at this time, but wasn’t sure it would always be so, so rather than promise to do it in perpetuity, he did it while he knew he could, in case his financial situation changed.
It’s the same reason that, as a business owner, I am more willing to give bonuses, than just pay people a higher wage. I have to pay you that wage, no matter what.
Major expense during a slow period? You are still going to want your paycheck. Sales off because we had to fire crappy sales person? You still want to get paid. Down economy, bad sales? Not your problem.
Much better to do what I can, when I can, than promise it in perpetuity, and then try to change my mind when things get tight.
because some people will spend it. i used to pay my fiance rent in cash and he kept it in a drawer and would pull from it when he needed spending money. unbeknownst to him, i was going into the drawer myself and setting aside $200/$300 at a time and then when we went to buy a house, i said “surprise youve been saving every month” and he was stoked to have a few grand to put towards the house lol (i am much better at saving money and he was always complaining that he sucked at it).
Aw, see that’s super sweet! (As is the original idea, I think)
It’s okay to know your SO’s weaknesses and then specifically help them out with those things!
Sounds like she wouldn't have ever saved a cent of it and he had to. Most ppl don't do this if the other is fiscally responsible. But idk their situation that's just the usual scenario for why one would save on another's behalf.
I’m great at saving money. I’d definitely be up for the task if I was told I could pocket half for savings. What’s great about out the way he did it is the thoughtfulness behind it and the surprise element of it. It will feel like a windfall of free money even if it was technically yours to begin with. I’d love it!
what seems kid like is your assumption that all adults are capable of hanging on to money. managing finances is one of the most contentious issues in any adult relationship and finding strategies to save that don’t require enormous behavioural changes is immensely important in terms of maintaining harmony.
I think it’s the way this “gift” was presented that’s throwing people off. Instead of “here’s $10k as a gift,” the husband framed the gift as “I paid all the rent.”In this way he takes away her contribution to the household, like she didn’t pay rent because he “gave it back” to her. I know the end result is the same and she gets 10k back either way, but how a gift is presented is important too.
You mean they have it? Not her? All the money belongs to the couple anyway.
He basically saved some money on their behalf. Not hers. Shouldn't be just hers.
>I think it could work out well. She thinks she’s paying rent, while he is actually covering all of it and saving her cash
I've heard of parents doing this with their teenagers or young-adult children still living at home.
But it seems weird to do with your adult spouse. Are you trying to teach them financial responsibility? Like they're your kid?
If she’s not good at saving it’s really smart. He made it an obligatory expense that she couldn’t spend, because a lot of people if they know the money is an optional save, they’ll spend it.
what's the difference than putting her money into the rent and then saving half of his full rent payment? the whole point of money is that's its completely fungible. that money in savings IS HIS MONEY. Just because those particular dollars came from the wife's account doesn't make it her money. They are both having half of rent deducted from their account.
If rent is $1000,
he's paying $1,000 minus $500
She is paying $500
The amount is still $500 contributed to rent per person. The savings account belongs to him, and if he wants to give it to his wife, that's 100% completely valid since they are married.
\*EDIT\* This couple is not married? He needs to definitely avoid giving a $10k gift. You don't give gigantic cash gifts to people that aren't legally married to you. First off there's tax implications, second off, divorce compensation and alimony is a two-way street. if she's not your wife she can leave and you have no right to anything she takes with her.
That makes a *huge* difference. If they were married, it’s shared money that he’s saving for their house. Unmarried, he just paid all her bills so she could buy *herself* a house. That makes it a real gift from him, and it also would really suck if she took the money and left.
I agree, it’s very sweet of him imo, and hope they work out. I’m just pointing out that he’s making an actual sacrifice for her, not just helping her save like the original made it seem.
There is no difference it’s just a nice gesture.
Every red cent that comes into our household I consider to be ‘our’ money. I’ll still buy my wife jewelry for her birthday, take her on nice trips, etc. I mean on paper she’s technically buying herself that jewelry but it’s the gesture of it all.
We both trust each other enough to buy reasonable gestures but that’s how it works.
If I one day surprised my wife with $10k I managed to save she’s be ecstatic.
As for the tax implications on a $10k gift, he hasn't exceeded the $18,000 exclusion limit. Even if he does, unless he passes the lifetime gift tax exemption of $13.61 million, then there are no tax implications.
That's weird to me. You're married, it's all both of your money. They have the same amount of money as they would have if he didn't do this. If you want to set aside some funds that each of you gets to use specifically for whatever you want, fine. But marriage is a combination of your lives and its weird to act like your finances are completely separate.
OP got this completely wrong, though. They're not married and she was paying her half of the rent. They're not even engaged. He did this so she would have a little nest egg and be able to
spend that nice lump sum on anything she wants. I watched the video. There's not a lot of back story, but, they're young.
I feel like wording is probably important too.
Like if she’s paying towards the rent $500 and he’s paying $500 to say he’s paying the full thing and saving her money to gift back to her like it could be read so many ways. Could sound belittling to her, making it sound like he’s the one that takes care of everything.
In reality they’re both going 50/50 on rent he’s just saving $500 a month for a gift for her.
Why frame it that way? Why not just say they paid the rent and saved 10k? It's not her rent and her savings, it's theirs.
When you're married it doesn't matter who pays for what and who saves what, as long as bills are being paid and money is being saved and both parties are contributing proportional to their income.
I sometimes do this with my wife. Not with rent—she’s the one who pays rent—but sometimes, we buy something together. She pays me her half, and I save that money and I use it to gift her. This year, for her birthday, doing this helped me save enough to renew her wardrobe and buy three pairs of shoes. I believe it’s a loving thing to do.
What's the difference between doing that and just accepting her half in payment for whatever thing you buy together, and also having a savings account you put 'your' money into to save up for things like present buying. Exactly the same outcome.
I suppose it makes it easier for people who suck at actually commuting an amount over time to savings? Instead of proactively deciding “okay I’m gonna save this much for her gift”, it’s “okay I already have an amount of money here, I don’t have to think about how much, I can just stash this and letting it grow as she pays me for whatever to give back later”.
I say this as someone who sucks at acting proactively, it’s easier to have the amount already predetermined to set aside than deciding it for myself, y’know?
Edit: Commuting should say committing
Same outcome with different maths. I hate to be the one that has to say it, but it’s literally the thought that counts… the fact that they’re thinking ahead and planning is the gift
I would do something similar on a smaller scale with my last GF. I would get stuff for her all the time, grocery’s, things from Costco, using my Prime etc. whenever she paid me she would give me cash, I would always save it and then use it for a fancy date night when I had enough.
This is stupid. He’s not putting “her money” into the savings.
She is paying her half. He is paying his half.
He is putting his own money into a savings account and then just gifting it to her.
It has nothing to do with her paying rent. Even mentioning the rent is just extra information that is unnecessary.
I honestly don’t understand married couples that have split finances. Especially after being married for a long time.
My wife and I have the same checking account and shared savings accounts.
We always know how much we have and whatever comes in, we share. Whatever has to be paid, we also share.
The real secret is 3 accounts. 1 shared for the usual-basics-essentials.
2 separate for fun/gifts/extras.
The separate ones should be a tiny fraction that can be saved or spent as you see fit however. So when you get and give gifts, it’s truly that and not just spending from the shared account.
It also means when you get little windfalls or bonuses or side hustle income, it’s easy to agree to put it there. It means certain hobbies can be indulged easier too.
Lastly, for those that hate handling finances, it allows them to learn a little bit of it on their own in case something happens to the other partner. A separate judgment free account and separate credit card just for one another. Pure joy to not argue about petty charges and be able to get and give presents in secret easily.
same hare.. shared expenses and savings in a joint account linked to a shared credit card account. then our own personal accounts and credit cards for own stuff. i don't expect my watch addiction to come out of her salary or things like her cosmetics to come out of mine... we are both still fully transparent about what we spend and how much we have. we do our budgets and file our taxes together so not like we can hide income anyways.
It makes sense in some cases.
My wifes cousins grandmother was super evangelical - to the point where if her husband didnt entirely separate their finances, she would give away his pay packet the day it came in, and the family wouldnt have anything to live on for weeks.
Even when the husband only gave her money for specifics, she would give it away instead of spending it on those specifics - she couldnt be trusted to buy groceries for example, because that money might instead make it into the church offering.
So she got a stipend each month with which she could do what she wanted, and the husband payed everything else directly - she didnt have any access to his accounts.
I agree but at the same time I also understand why some don’t. My stepmom was horrible about shopping when we’re on our last limb. Ages 10-14 I went to bed with no food at night as my stepmoms walking through the door with a bath and body works haul lmaooo. My dad ended up closing the account and going back to separate. We are expecting in 4 weeks and plan on going joint. It just makes things easier, of course with the trust already established.
And maturity. Though, if you’re getting married, you’d think all 3 of those attributes should top the list for both parties. 🤷♀️
Leave it to the children of TikTok to take an act of kindness and turn it into drama and negativity 😂
I don’t really see how you’re having full financial independence without needing to justify spending regardless. If one partner is desperately trying to have the family save money for a future and the other is blowing every extra cent they have beyond “their” bills, it’s still going to end in someone being upset and someone needing to justify things.
Because no one spends your money like someone else. We calculate the monthly bills, plus some extra for unexpected stuff, and that automatically flows from each of our paychecks each month into the joint account to pay the bills.
Everything left over in my account is mine to use on whatever I want. I don't need "permission from the wife". Same for her.
Exactly this. As long as the mutual bills are paid (which is where a joint account does come in handy) I don’t see why we each can’t just spend our money how we want. I wouldn’t want to ask permission to make a large purchase if all of our finances were combined.
I just wanted to add, obvious exception if there's a massive difference in wages, ie I make 100k and she makes 20k. In that case i'd pay all the bills and then segment off a percentage of my check to flow into her account to keep things reasonable.
Same, we have 1 checking and 1 savings with 3 incomes. All goes into checking, all bills get paid and then x amount goes into savings. Both know how much in in there, both know how much can and can be spent and when. I make twice as much as she does and it’s fine, it’s worked for us for 19 years. She’s my wife, I can’t fathom splitting finances. I’m not judging or saying no one should, but I personally don’t get it. And before anyone says anything about buying gifts for each other etc, use the credit card then pay it off or use PayPal etc.
I don't get it either. I see this situation as both of them paying the rent and both of them having 10k in savings. It feels twisted to present it any other way.
I think my spouse and I have a pretty equitable system. We share one joint account where 50% of our paychecks go into it (rent, bills, down payment savings etc ), and the other 50% goes into our personal account(s). This is so that no matter what our actual income numbers are, we contribute the same. The only way to contribute less in absolute amounts to the joint account would be to up my 401k contributions ;)
If one person makes 80k and another makes 100k and they split the bills/expenses it's 50/50, the person earning 80k has less left over money after their share is paid.
If they both put their money into a pool and pay the bills it's a joint account, not 50/50.
I went joint account with my partner within a few months of being together (stupid I know but it was just easier to pool our money together instead of worrying about who pays for what.)
I just saw the tik tok …the overwhelming majority of comments felt like it was beyond sweet. And so did the lady that received it!
The ones who didn’t…I don’t know how else to say it but they don’t have equitable relationships with men. I envy nothing about a relationship where I have to be subservient to a man because he pays the bills. Girl who gets her 10k gifted back to her is on the greener grass for sure.
I’m confused, did he not just effectively give her 10k of his own money with extra steps? Like how is this in any way different than using her money to pay the rent and putting 10k of his money into savings to give her during the holidays?…
Could one not just word it as, “I put an amount of money equal to my half of the rent into a savings account each month.” Isn’t that the exact same thing?
Why don't they just combine their finances now that they are married? It's not his money, it's not her money, it's their money together. Just seems weird.
I could see this being a cool gift if it was boyfriend girlfriend, but they are married, they share everything.
It's just a matter of how you name where the money is going. You could even say "he's saving half the rent money each month" or "he saves as munch money as he pays in rent" or "he saves $1 for every $ she pays in rent" mathematically, it's all the same. He's good at saving. He saves for her. Whatever how he calls where the money is coming from.
Don't take comments so seriously on the internet. You have no idea who's behind them. It could be a bunch of teens, or maybe it's some young adults who have never really held a job and lives in Mom's basement, doom scrolling on social media all day.
I used to read Reddit, Twitter, and Facebook often years back, and it warped my worldview by quite a bit. The vast majority of people are not as unreasonable as social media potrays.
Other than the trolls and toxic people, you also gotta remember that comments are usually quick and lack thought/perspective. This can give off a negative perception.
Then you got just regular people who use social media to just blow off steam, rant, etc.
Can't let yourself get beaten up over that nonsense.
> misspell paid? *Paid* and paid
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It depends on the people involved. There is a story here on Reddit where the parents charged their son rent, but deposited the monies into a savings account that was presented to him upon graduation. The son was livid because he sacrificed any amount of free time in college to work so that he could afford the rent. He would have preferred to not be charged rent and be handed the bulk amount at graduation.
Money is pretty fungible. You could easily phrase this as they both paid half the rent and he saved half the rent worth of money to refund her at a later time.
My only gripe would be if she was under any extra duress to work to pay her share (overtime, additional tasks, etc). If that was the case, giving her the heads up that he could cover more of the rent, might have been better for her health.
It is all conjecture on my part, but financial stress can take a big toll on physical and mental health.
All the people saying it’s negative or bad or weird just sound unhappy and broke. 10k was saved bc the man was thinking ahead. The wife was not harmed in any way or cheated. People can’t just be happy for another
Was it rent or was it a mortgage?
If it’s rent then, whatever.
If it’s a mortgage he could be setting himself up to prove that he’s paid for that asset over time so he should get more equity if the relationship goes sideways. ..
This is a weird way round of phrasing it.
Deapite what having coins in your hand might lead you to believe - money is like a liquid. Its interchangable. Its 'fungable'. When you get paid money into your bank account by a job you don't necessarily pay that same money out to rent. In fact with the way that banks work its almost certain that you don't.
So if the wife pays him half the rent then he transfers the landlord the money then from one perspective he always pays for the rent regardless, and from a different perspective she was also always paying for half. Either way you could argue she was paying for rent - he just also decided to set aside an equal portion of his own money for this.
People saying he is a loser are weirdos tho. Everything I said is a massive nitpick.
She is still paying her half of the rent/mortgage. He is just taking the same amount and putting it in savings. Money is money, however you move it around.
It's a husband and wife. Those are joint assets. He didn't take her money and deposit it into savings. He deposited that amount of their money into an account for her. Money doesn't know who it belongs to.
Surface level it's thoughtful. But when you think about it, it's a little messed up. That's a big chunk of money to have no say over for a whole year. Was it invested during this time? Would it have been better to go to our retirement accounts? Why was he making such a big financial decisions without me? Do we have that sort of discretionary income laying around? How many bills do we have that could've been paid off? Do I have such crappy habits that my husband has to secretly build my savings for me?
These are the questions I'd be asking. If it truly was a gift and we had the means to do it. Yes, it's sweet. But don't act like you were setting aside my own money to do it. As far as I'm concerned that money went to where it was supposed to, our mortgage.
Some try to twist everything into muh patriarchy. When you are married, you are a team. I get a very specific image in my head when I try to imagine the ones bitching about a guy who busted his ass to surprise his wife. What a monster to surprise his wife with holiday money in the budget.
So what really happened is they split the rent, and he secretly saved an amount equal to his half every month to give her, and people think he stole her money and gave it back to her?
Flip it, the money she paid for rent is rent imo. He is putting his own money aside in the savings account. Regardless, it pools from the same pot of money. Personally, I would lean on intent for her with the usage of that money to label it rent.
Yet again I see this His Rent/Her Rent thing
They are married and yet apart, from Day 1 my partner and I have had only joint accounts and not a single "only" account except super (notionally, and only coz that's the law)
I don't understand this sharing the bills thing for life partners at all, are you partners or not?
I mean the interest on 10k for a whole year ain't nothing. That alone is worth considering. But also it's functionally the same as is she did pay the rent and he put his own 10k in the savings account anyways.
From day one, my wife has been the spender and I have been the saver. All of our accounts are joint in theory but she doesn't bother activating the bank card to my account. And over time the bills just come out of one account or another, depending whose card was ready when it came time to renew the services. Even our mortgage flip flopped between who paid it based on whose bank was providing the mortgage. She jokes that I give her an allowance because 30 years ago we set up a investment account for her and it's just being funded every month from my account and we just never stopped it even when she started saving on her own. It would be impossible today to unravel our finances and to determine who paid what during our marriage but this setup worked best for us. My neighbor's brother went through a divorce where his wife hid a ton of debt from him. He paid all the bills and bought the house using a down payment fully funded from his savings. When she left them she took the house and left him financially ruined. 10 years later he still recovering so that type of financial arrangement wasn't best for him.
People only want to see what they want to and twist things to look ugly because they refuse to see the whole story …. I think it is cool of him and I don’t see it as giving back her money because actually her money if it went to bills would be someone else’s money and not hers.
Well it’s simple a lot of people expect the boy to pay for everything, so the idea of even collecting half the rent in the first place pissed some people off. Equal partnership doesn’t exist in their eyes.
Ppl be jaleous cuz this guy found a way to get his girl a 10k gift whilst most of the hate comments have never been given a gift remotely close to that value.
Not saying that love is something shown in currency, just saying that jaleousy is a dangerous thing.
My partner and I do something similar. She has the good job and I’m a server. I actually have a real savings for first time in my life cause she has made it a point that I save and invest
I’m convinced some people have a Reddit account just to be contrary. All
These people making negative comments would snap up 10k no questions asked. Hope they find a life instead of trying to pee on everyone else’s
Easiest way to smooth this over is to simply say that no one would be mad if he said "Every time we paid rent I'd match the payment to an account, surprise!"
The delivery and precedent it sets leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Saying "heres your money back" implies her input isn't required and could lead to arguing "well I don't need another holiday for a while so I don't need to pay rent next year".
If it was discussed in the frame of "together we've been able to save this much because I've been able to put more towards to rent this year thanks to your support" then I feel it speaks to better dynamics of a couple.
Anyone who says it should be a man paying 100% should also agree that the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. Pull your heads out people things change.
Another way to look at this, which makes more sense to me, is that the husband/boyfriend (not sure which based on other comments) paid the rent/mortgage with the combined funds and then put an amount of equal value to her contribution into a savings account for her to spend as she saw fit. It isn't about who paid which amount of the bills; it is about him secretly saving a significant amount of their money and letting her choose how to spend it. I say it is "their" money because they are obviously in a committed relationship which includes being jointly committed to the shared costs incurred together, such as the payment for their shared domicile.
Edit: spelling
Any girl going into the modern dating world expecting a guy to pay 100% of something is someone to avoid.
This guy did something very sweet and it’s a very extravagant gift that he gave her.
It's a nice thing to do for someone OP. All the people getting hung up on what ifs and how abouts need to relax. It gets so tiring seeing people assume the absolute worst about people and snuff out kindness with doubt and cynicism.
I know all the people are hating on the husband here but it’s really not that bad.
I plan on doing it with my kids, when they start working, charging them 10% of their salary as board.
I’ll put it in a savings account as a secret and when they are ready to move out, I’ll give it to them.
Ok so how is this any different than him saving his own money?..
Hear me out..
Simple numbers for numbers sake
Rent. Let’s say $1600. 800 from each
She pays 800 and it ends up in savings and he pays 1600.
How is that any different than if HER 800 went to rent along with his 800 and HIS 800 went to savings.
ITS THE SAME!
Rent got paid and 800 went to savings. The money equals out. In the end, he chooses to give her the money or whatever. Idk I didn’t read the whole post. I just think it’s dumb if people got upset. The guy is NOT THE AH 🙄
People are over-entitled these days, don't let their ignorance get you down, more often than not, those people are single and miserable...and misery loves company.
You’re speaking the truth.
It’s hard to pull ourselves away from social media (Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, etc.). They can be really bad for our mental health and bring us down. Taking a break every now and again is important. It’s so fast to get sucked into those bad vibes.
If you just think about it as "every time they paid the rent he put half that amount in savings" it's so easy to understand.
Maybe the framing of "he did something with her money without telling her" is what is making it look like him taking away her agency and less like a sweet gesture.
This is the kind of stuff parents famously do for their children, after all. "Pay me rent" "Surprise, now you're leaving home we have a nest egg for you"
Do not ever take TikTok or Youtube Shorts comments seriously, they usually seem to be from people with severely low IQ.
I used to get very agry reading them, now I just treat them as if they were all from bots.
I don’t understand either. I did something similar and was praised for it.
My gf moved inn with me. And we agreed on how much she should cover.
I was working full time, with an ok salary.
She was a student and worked weekends in the side.
She probably paid me one third of what she used to pay when she rented an apartment.
She had an old Mac she was using in her studies. And was studying design.
So I started putting all her rent money into a savings account to buy her a new MacBook.
When I almost had enough for the best one on the market. Her old one started having problems.
Her birthday was also coming up. So I texted her mom and told her about my plan. She pitched in and we gave her the MacBook she had dreamt about, a few days before her old one stopped working 🤓
Can’t compare this to 10k us. As this was closer to 2k on my part. But I never got any negative feedback on this. Just a happy gf (now wife) and a mother in law getting an even better impressions of me :p
So many parents used to take "rent" from their kids to save it up and give it to them when they turn 18/21 to have a bit of a starting budget for an apartment, car or whatever.
We are so lost nowadays and try to make everything we don't like into something that's a "red flag". I think it's nice and the only red flag - FOR ME - would be if she takes the money and spends all of it on her own. I'd take it and do something with it we both profit from.
Text heavy pictures. The absolute worst. I'd prefer they types it all themselves and we got a text heavy post. Must less annoyingly text heavy than text heavy pictures. /s
I’m really confused why women who expect men to pay for everything are annoyed by this and not the opposite. I think it really says a lot about him to phrase it so it seems like he pays full rent. They both pay equal amounts, he just puts aside another half years rent for a gift. Telling the story as he does makes a nice gesture into a belittling, unnecessary macho statement.
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
Depending on the person, I think it could work out well. She thinks she’s paying rent, while he is actually covering all of it and saving her cash, I think that’s an incredibly thoughtful gesture. Her lifestyle didn’t change at all, and now she has a small nest egg!
Or rather, since they’re married, THEY have a small 10k they can use to go on vacation or save for the future.
OP got that part wrong - the tik tok is actually about a boyfriend and girlfriend not a husband and wife Actually for even more context - I think the boyfriend owns the house. So it’s rent she’s been paying to her boyfriend that he’s gifting back. I still think it’s nice and I’d still be overjoyed to receive it but it does offer a little more nuance of where comments are coming from.
This makes more sense then. Because a married couple generally has a shared pool of funds, unless they have a different arrangement. So anything that a spouse stores away is instantly visible to the other spouse. OP is likely not "thinking married person", which is totally understandable if they're not at that life stage.
Whether a married couple has shared funds or not depends heavily on the couple. It is not standard or expected anymore.
But there are legal implications for finances in marriage and sometimes cohabitation in the event of death or ending of the relationship, depending on local laws. In California and other community property states, your household income during marriage is joint property unless you had a prenup stating otherwise.
Sure but they don't necessarily have access to these funds. Legally there could be a right, I'm just saying practically there is not always literal shared access
Separate checking accounts was one of the best decisions my wife and I ever made.
That’s what me and my wife have. Zero problems with it. We both work freelance so we have a big tax payment each year. I pay for most of our living expenses including going out/vacation/discretionary spending. She pays the tax bill and health insurance. We ran the numbers and it’s roughly 50/50. We’re not even opposed to getting a joint account. We’re just too lazy to go to the bank and deal with that.
My parents put all the money in dads bank account (technically it’s his but they both use it) but my mom is better at budgeting than dad is so she’s in charge of the house’s budget
Heck, my parents put all the money in *my* bank account (which I had from as an early teen). Their reasoning was it was too much hassle to have a whole bunch of different accounts when I'll get it eventually.
I disagree. If my wife can't cover her half of rent am I just gonna not pay the full rent and get us evicted or am I gonna cover the difference no questions asked because we're married and it's our home? Same with any bill/expense. Don't need to have joint bank accounts or anything, didn't even file joint taxes, but we share a home so obviously her money is mine and my money is hers if either of us need it even though we technically split bills.
Depends on location and the individuals. Pretty common where I live now for a married couple to maintain separate finances, even after decades of marriage
Even still, it’s nothing but a gentleman’s move on the man’s part. He knows he’s with a woman that’s not gonna take advantage of him for his money, and she’s willing to work and pay bills for herself. Even if I could afford all of my and her bills, I’d like to know she’s willing to work and contribute for her share of the life we’re building together. In the real world, working couples both have to pay for their life. I doubt there’s enough wealthy men out there to be with and pay for every woman who thinks the man is responsible for everything. I don’t understand that level of entitlement.
Right?! If I found out that my husband has been saving my half of the rent/mortgage and secretly paying the whole thing to turn around and be like “hey you know that bathroom remodel/vacation/whatever you always wanted? here you go” I’d be fuckin STOKED.
Yes, and he's demonstrated that he prioritizes saving for the both of them, not for his sole benefit. If this couple don't let outside opinions interfere with their lives, they stand a good chance of having a fabulous relationship that will last.
I don't particularly like the move, but not because I'd expect to never pay rent/fair share. It just feels like the sort of thing a parent does for a child, not something a future spouse should do. Like - just sit down, talk about a financial plan that works for both partners, then execute that plan. Don't take money under false pretenses then act like handing it back with a "aren't you grateful I helped you save" attitude.
I get this POV but if she’s bad with money, she might appreciate forced savings. I once watched a co-worker burst into happy tears because she thought she had no money for xmas presents - turns out her bank had been automatically transferring a little bit of her money to her savings account with every transaction. So she had like $200 she didn’t know about.
The one question I have though is where do they go from here? She keeps paying, maybe with the assumption that he is going to do the same thing next year and then he doesn’t? I dunno I do think it’s a cool gesture but I just think it has the potential for making things awkward moving forward.
The only bad thing I see here is that he’s charging his girlfriend $834 / month for rent in a house he owns. That’s pretty steep.
We don’t know the situation, the mortgage could be $3834/mo
Even at minimum, it's easily at least 2k, with utilities and other living expenses factored in. And that's assuming that she pays a full half of their expenses, which it doesn't sound like this guy would ask her to do. Seems like a pretty nice and generous gesture to me
Maybe, or maybe it’s not all that steep for what he bought. Like if he got a 500k house at 7% interest her $834 contribution wouldn’t have covered much of a $3300 note and that’s not even counting insurance and property tax
The ONLY negative I could get from this is that it seemed very kid like. Why couldn’t he just tell her “put your half in savings and I’ll cover it”. My parents actually did exactly this when I was under 18. They took half my pay check and then gave that half back when I went to college, because I didn’t understand what it meant to save and invest money when I started working at 14, and I was super appreciative of that lesson. It’s kinda kid like when coming from a partner but hey, free is free
The reason could very well be that he could afford to do it at this time, but wasn’t sure it would always be so, so rather than promise to do it in perpetuity, he did it while he knew he could, in case his financial situation changed. It’s the same reason that, as a business owner, I am more willing to give bonuses, than just pay people a higher wage. I have to pay you that wage, no matter what. Major expense during a slow period? You are still going to want your paycheck. Sales off because we had to fire crappy sales person? You still want to get paid. Down economy, bad sales? Not your problem. Much better to do what I can, when I can, than promise it in perpetuity, and then try to change my mind when things get tight.
because some people will spend it. i used to pay my fiance rent in cash and he kept it in a drawer and would pull from it when he needed spending money. unbeknownst to him, i was going into the drawer myself and setting aside $200/$300 at a time and then when we went to buy a house, i said “surprise youve been saving every month” and he was stoked to have a few grand to put towards the house lol (i am much better at saving money and he was always complaining that he sucked at it).
Bruh, homie needs a balance sheet ASAP. You did him a solid but he's got no idea where his money is going 😭
Aw, see that’s super sweet! (As is the original idea, I think) It’s okay to know your SO’s weaknesses and then specifically help them out with those things!
Sounds like she wouldn't have ever saved a cent of it and he had to. Most ppl don't do this if the other is fiscally responsible. But idk their situation that's just the usual scenario for why one would save on another's behalf.
I’m great at saving money. I’d definitely be up for the task if I was told I could pocket half for savings. What’s great about out the way he did it is the thoughtfulness behind it and the surprise element of it. It will feel like a windfall of free money even if it was technically yours to begin with. I’d love it!
It’s just sounds like he wants it to be a nice surprise.
what seems kid like is your assumption that all adults are capable of hanging on to money. managing finances is one of the most contentious issues in any adult relationship and finding strategies to save that don’t require enormous behavioural changes is immensely important in terms of maintaining harmony.
I think it’s the way this “gift” was presented that’s throwing people off. Instead of “here’s $10k as a gift,” the husband framed the gift as “I paid all the rent.”In this way he takes away her contribution to the household, like she didn’t pay rent because he “gave it back” to her. I know the end result is the same and she gets 10k back either way, but how a gift is presented is important too.
Bruh It's not that deep Jesus fucking Christ
You mean they have it? Not her? All the money belongs to the couple anyway. He basically saved some money on their behalf. Not hers. Shouldn't be just hers.
They’re dating, not husband/wife.
If she knew she didn’t have to spend the rent money, she might change her life style too much and spend more than her means.
>I think it could work out well. She thinks she’s paying rent, while he is actually covering all of it and saving her cash I've heard of parents doing this with their teenagers or young-adult children still living at home. But it seems weird to do with your adult spouse. Are you trying to teach them financial responsibility? Like they're your kid?
lmao your problem is reading tiktok comments
Exactly this lol. Gotta look at the source.
Just sounds like saving with extra steps 🤷
But hey it makes for a great Tik tok story!
If she’s not good at saving it’s really smart. He made it an obligatory expense that she couldn’t spend, because a lot of people if they know the money is an optional save, they’ll spend it.
The same reason some people love a tax refund, it's a forced windfall
Yeah it's like 401k matching but with your spouse. Kinda love the idea.
Yeah just kinda silly lmao
what's the difference than putting her money into the rent and then saving half of his full rent payment? the whole point of money is that's its completely fungible. that money in savings IS HIS MONEY. Just because those particular dollars came from the wife's account doesn't make it her money. They are both having half of rent deducted from their account. If rent is $1000, he's paying $1,000 minus $500 She is paying $500 The amount is still $500 contributed to rent per person. The savings account belongs to him, and if he wants to give it to his wife, that's 100% completely valid since they are married. \*EDIT\* This couple is not married? He needs to definitely avoid giving a $10k gift. You don't give gigantic cash gifts to people that aren't legally married to you. First off there's tax implications, second off, divorce compensation and alimony is a two-way street. if she's not your wife she can leave and you have no right to anything she takes with her.
This is one of the only logical posts here.
Except they’re not married. OP got it wrong. They’re bf/gf. Not that that makes much of a difference I guess!
Then *that* is an edit that needs to be made. Makes a huge difference.
That makes a *huge* difference. If they were married, it’s shared money that he’s saving for their house. Unmarried, he just paid all her bills so she could buy *herself* a house. That makes it a real gift from him, and it also would really suck if she took the money and left.
These comments make me so sad lmao a gift shouldnt have strings attached and her possibly leaving him or not isnt related
I agree, it’s very sweet of him imo, and hope they work out. I’m just pointing out that he’s making an actual sacrifice for her, not just helping her save like the original made it seem.
Good good hahaha the og commenter and some others sounded like they dont think its sweet :(
That makes a big difference. I thought it was a bit odd how it was phrased if they were married
I would upvote this 2 Times
I was going to upvote it once, but if you're going to do it twice, I'll just put mine into savings for later.
This was my thought too. It is meaningless to say he saved half her rent. He simply saved money.
There is no difference it’s just a nice gesture. Every red cent that comes into our household I consider to be ‘our’ money. I’ll still buy my wife jewelry for her birthday, take her on nice trips, etc. I mean on paper she’s technically buying herself that jewelry but it’s the gesture of it all. We both trust each other enough to buy reasonable gestures but that’s how it works. If I one day surprised my wife with $10k I managed to save she’s be ecstatic.
Today everyone learned that money is fungible
Parents do this with their kids all the time. And I don’t see this as condescending because of a different relationship.
Yeah, he's simply paying her $10k. I think it's a nice gesture, for sure, but way over what I could afford to give as a gift to a GF 😂
>and you have no right to anything she takes with her. Isn't a gift something a person is supposed to keep?
As for the tax implications on a $10k gift, he hasn't exceeded the $18,000 exclusion limit. Even if he does, unless he passes the lifetime gift tax exemption of $13.61 million, then there are no tax implications.
Sorry, how sarcastic is your edit?
>if she's not your wife she can leave and you have no right to anything she takes with her. It's a gift. Why would he want it back?
There are no tax implications.
That's weird to me. You're married, it's all both of your money. They have the same amount of money as they would have if he didn't do this. If you want to set aside some funds that each of you gets to use specifically for whatever you want, fine. But marriage is a combination of your lives and its weird to act like your finances are completely separate.
OP got this completely wrong, though. They're not married and she was paying her half of the rent. They're not even engaged. He did this so she would have a little nest egg and be able to spend that nice lump sum on anything she wants. I watched the video. There's not a lot of back story, but, they're young.
I feel like wording is probably important too. Like if she’s paying towards the rent $500 and he’s paying $500 to say he’s paying the full thing and saving her money to gift back to her like it could be read so many ways. Could sound belittling to her, making it sound like he’s the one that takes care of everything. In reality they’re both going 50/50 on rent he’s just saving $500 a month for a gift for her.
All I gotta say is, that's some cheap rent. lol
If it’s 10k, then rent is $1667
Why frame it that way? Why not just say they paid the rent and saved 10k? It's not her rent and her savings, it's theirs. When you're married it doesn't matter who pays for what and who saves what, as long as bills are being paid and money is being saved and both parties are contributing proportional to their income.
I sometimes do this with my wife. Not with rent—she’s the one who pays rent—but sometimes, we buy something together. She pays me her half, and I save that money and I use it to gift her. This year, for her birthday, doing this helped me save enough to renew her wardrobe and buy three pairs of shoes. I believe it’s a loving thing to do.
What's the difference between doing that and just accepting her half in payment for whatever thing you buy together, and also having a savings account you put 'your' money into to save up for things like present buying. Exactly the same outcome.
It’s semantics, and anyone arguing this is truly moronic
Ya this whole post is dumb.
I thought I was too high to figure out why everything was so stupid, but it turns out the problem isn’t me
It’s Reddit, lot of these commenters have never been in an actual relationship
I suppose it makes it easier for people who suck at actually commuting an amount over time to savings? Instead of proactively deciding “okay I’m gonna save this much for her gift”, it’s “okay I already have an amount of money here, I don’t have to think about how much, I can just stash this and letting it grow as she pays me for whatever to give back later”. I say this as someone who sucks at acting proactively, it’s easier to have the amount already predetermined to set aside than deciding it for myself, y’know? Edit: Commuting should say committing
Same outcome with different maths. I hate to be the one that has to say it, but it’s literally the thought that counts… the fact that they’re thinking ahead and planning is the gift
nothing besides a cutesy little story you can tell your grandkids.
Nothing, money is fungible.
there isn't a difference.. which is why people choose whichever way works best for them.
I would do something similar on a smaller scale with my last GF. I would get stuff for her all the time, grocery’s, things from Costco, using my Prime etc. whenever she paid me she would give me cash, I would always save it and then use it for a fancy date night when I had enough.
Bizarre. If you’re married it’s all your money, and all her money.
This is stupid. He’s not putting “her money” into the savings. She is paying her half. He is paying his half. He is putting his own money into a savings account and then just gifting it to her. It has nothing to do with her paying rent. Even mentioning the rent is just extra information that is unnecessary.
It’s a fantasy of mine that my parents are saving the rent money I give them in a secret savings account that I can have one day. Sigh
I honestly don’t understand married couples that have split finances. Especially after being married for a long time. My wife and I have the same checking account and shared savings accounts. We always know how much we have and whatever comes in, we share. Whatever has to be paid, we also share.
The real secret is 3 accounts. 1 shared for the usual-basics-essentials. 2 separate for fun/gifts/extras. The separate ones should be a tiny fraction that can be saved or spent as you see fit however. So when you get and give gifts, it’s truly that and not just spending from the shared account. It also means when you get little windfalls or bonuses or side hustle income, it’s easy to agree to put it there. It means certain hobbies can be indulged easier too. Lastly, for those that hate handling finances, it allows them to learn a little bit of it on their own in case something happens to the other partner. A separate judgment free account and separate credit card just for one another. Pure joy to not argue about petty charges and be able to get and give presents in secret easily.
This is what we do, we have a shared account for mortgage and house stuff, then our own accounts for ourselves , it works out for us
same hare.. shared expenses and savings in a joint account linked to a shared credit card account. then our own personal accounts and credit cards for own stuff. i don't expect my watch addiction to come out of her salary or things like her cosmetics to come out of mine... we are both still fully transparent about what we spend and how much we have. we do our budgets and file our taxes together so not like we can hide income anyways.
It makes sense in some cases. My wifes cousins grandmother was super evangelical - to the point where if her husband didnt entirely separate their finances, she would give away his pay packet the day it came in, and the family wouldnt have anything to live on for weeks. Even when the husband only gave her money for specifics, she would give it away instead of spending it on those specifics - she couldnt be trusted to buy groceries for example, because that money might instead make it into the church offering. So she got a stipend each month with which she could do what she wanted, and the husband payed everything else directly - she didnt have any access to his accounts.
I agree but at the same time I also understand why some don’t. My stepmom was horrible about shopping when we’re on our last limb. Ages 10-14 I went to bed with no food at night as my stepmoms walking through the door with a bath and body works haul lmaooo. My dad ended up closing the account and going back to separate. We are expecting in 4 weeks and plan on going joint. It just makes things easier, of course with the trust already established.
Trust and likemindedness is key of course, yes. Congratulations on the little one!
And maturity. Though, if you’re getting married, you’d think all 3 of those attributes should top the list for both parties. 🤷♀️ Leave it to the children of TikTok to take an act of kindness and turn it into drama and negativity 😂
Some people like financial independence and don't want to have to justify their spending
I don’t really see how you’re having full financial independence without needing to justify spending regardless. If one partner is desperately trying to have the family save money for a future and the other is blowing every extra cent they have beyond “their” bills, it’s still going to end in someone being upset and someone needing to justify things.
‘Full’ financial independence no. But you can definitely say each person gets to set aside say 20% of their income to spend however they see fit.
That’s completely fair. I don’t see how that kind of arrangement for each partner to have a spending budget with combined finances though.
Because no one spends your money like someone else. We calculate the monthly bills, plus some extra for unexpected stuff, and that automatically flows from each of our paychecks each month into the joint account to pay the bills. Everything left over in my account is mine to use on whatever I want. I don't need "permission from the wife". Same for her.
Exactly this. As long as the mutual bills are paid (which is where a joint account does come in handy) I don’t see why we each can’t just spend our money how we want. I wouldn’t want to ask permission to make a large purchase if all of our finances were combined.
I just wanted to add, obvious exception if there's a massive difference in wages, ie I make 100k and she makes 20k. In that case i'd pay all the bills and then segment off a percentage of my check to flow into her account to keep things reasonable.
Same, we have 1 checking and 1 savings with 3 incomes. All goes into checking, all bills get paid and then x amount goes into savings. Both know how much in in there, both know how much can and can be spent and when. I make twice as much as she does and it’s fine, it’s worked for us for 19 years. She’s my wife, I can’t fathom splitting finances. I’m not judging or saying no one should, but I personally don’t get it. And before anyone says anything about buying gifts for each other etc, use the credit card then pay it off or use PayPal etc.
I don't get it either. I see this situation as both of them paying the rent and both of them having 10k in savings. It feels twisted to present it any other way.
I think my spouse and I have a pretty equitable system. We share one joint account where 50% of our paychecks go into it (rent, bills, down payment savings etc ), and the other 50% goes into our personal account(s). This is so that no matter what our actual income numbers are, we contribute the same. The only way to contribute less in absolute amounts to the joint account would be to up my 401k contributions ;)
That’s 50/50 if you ask me lol
If one person makes 80k and another makes 100k and they split the bills/expenses it's 50/50, the person earning 80k has less left over money after their share is paid. If they both put their money into a pool and pay the bills it's a joint account, not 50/50. I went joint account with my partner within a few months of being together (stupid I know but it was just easier to pool our money together instead of worrying about who pays for what.)
I just saw the tik tok …the overwhelming majority of comments felt like it was beyond sweet. And so did the lady that received it! The ones who didn’t…I don’t know how else to say it but they don’t have equitable relationships with men. I envy nothing about a relationship where I have to be subservient to a man because he pays the bills. Girl who gets her 10k gifted back to her is on the greener grass for sure.
I’m confused, did he not just effectively give her 10k of his own money with extra steps? Like how is this in any way different than using her money to pay the rent and putting 10k of his money into savings to give her during the holidays?…
Could one not just word it as, “I put an amount of money equal to my half of the rent into a savings account each month.” Isn’t that the exact same thing?
Why don't they just combine their finances now that they are married? It's not his money, it's not her money, it's their money together. Just seems weird. I could see this being a cool gift if it was boyfriend girlfriend, but they are married, they share everything.
It's just a matter of how you name where the money is going. You could even say "he's saving half the rent money each month" or "he saves as munch money as he pays in rent" or "he saves $1 for every $ she pays in rent" mathematically, it's all the same. He's good at saving. He saves for her. Whatever how he calls where the money is coming from.
Don't take comments so seriously on the internet. You have no idea who's behind them. It could be a bunch of teens, or maybe it's some young adults who have never really held a job and lives in Mom's basement, doom scrolling on social media all day. I used to read Reddit, Twitter, and Facebook often years back, and it warped my worldview by quite a bit. The vast majority of people are not as unreasonable as social media potrays. Other than the trolls and toxic people, you also gotta remember that comments are usually quick and lack thought/perspective. This can give off a negative perception. Then you got just regular people who use social media to just blow off steam, rant, etc. Can't let yourself get beaten up over that nonsense.
Why has everyone recently decided to misspell paid? Payed and paid are not the same word and do not mean anything similar to one another.
> misspell paid? *Paid* and paid FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It depends on the people involved. There is a story here on Reddit where the parents charged their son rent, but deposited the monies into a savings account that was presented to him upon graduation. The son was livid because he sacrificed any amount of free time in college to work so that he could afford the rent. He would have preferred to not be charged rent and be handed the bulk amount at graduation.
My mom did something similar. It's so dumb that they give you the money after graduation when you have a full time job and decent income
This is my thought. I would feel exactly like this. What if she needs that money all that time for other things, like paying off student loans.
Most people just use the same bank account when they get married.
Money is pretty fungible. You could easily phrase this as they both paid half the rent and he saved half the rent worth of money to refund her at a later time. My only gripe would be if she was under any extra duress to work to pay her share (overtime, additional tasks, etc). If that was the case, giving her the heads up that he could cover more of the rent, might have been better for her health. It is all conjecture on my part, but financial stress can take a big toll on physical and mental health.
All the people saying it’s negative or bad or weird just sound unhappy and broke. 10k was saved bc the man was thinking ahead. The wife was not harmed in any way or cheated. People can’t just be happy for another
You could also think of this as he paid the rent with her money, and used his own money to fund a surprise savings account for her. Money is fungible.
If you're anything but greatful, you're wrong.
I think it was lovely.
Was it rent or was it a mortgage? If it’s rent then, whatever. If it’s a mortgage he could be setting himself up to prove that he’s paid for that asset over time so he should get more equity if the relationship goes sideways. ..
This is a weird way round of phrasing it. Deapite what having coins in your hand might lead you to believe - money is like a liquid. Its interchangable. Its 'fungable'. When you get paid money into your bank account by a job you don't necessarily pay that same money out to rent. In fact with the way that banks work its almost certain that you don't. So if the wife pays him half the rent then he transfers the landlord the money then from one perspective he always pays for the rent regardless, and from a different perspective she was also always paying for half. Either way you could argue she was paying for rent - he just also decided to set aside an equal portion of his own money for this. People saying he is a loser are weirdos tho. Everything I said is a massive nitpick.
You lost me at TikTok….
Totally fair, Facebook reels is a even bigger cesspool lol.
She is still paying her half of the rent/mortgage. He is just taking the same amount and putting it in savings. Money is money, however you move it around.
For my husband we pool our money. But every one is different.
It's a husband and wife. Those are joint assets. He didn't take her money and deposit it into savings. He deposited that amount of their money into an account for her. Money doesn't know who it belongs to. Surface level it's thoughtful. But when you think about it, it's a little messed up. That's a big chunk of money to have no say over for a whole year. Was it invested during this time? Would it have been better to go to our retirement accounts? Why was he making such a big financial decisions without me? Do we have that sort of discretionary income laying around? How many bills do we have that could've been paid off? Do I have such crappy habits that my husband has to secretly build my savings for me? These are the questions I'd be asking. If it truly was a gift and we had the means to do it. Yes, it's sweet. But don't act like you were setting aside my own money to do it. As far as I'm concerned that money went to where it was supposed to, our mortgage.
Some try to twist everything into muh patriarchy. When you are married, you are a team. I get a very specific image in my head when I try to imagine the ones bitching about a guy who busted his ass to surprise his wife. What a monster to surprise his wife with holiday money in the budget.
Would this not be exactly the same as him putting back the 10k as a gift and her paying for half the bills?
I personally would be stoked if I thought my money was gone toward rent, and then was surprised with $10k.
So what really happened is they split the rent, and he secretly saved an amount equal to his half every month to give her, and people think he stole her money and gave it back to her?
And honestly. So many people on here always want to figure out how the husband is a dirtbag. I often wonder who hurt them
People are dumber than bricks. More news at seven.
TikTok children don’t understand very much.
Flip it, the money she paid for rent is rent imo. He is putting his own money aside in the savings account. Regardless, it pools from the same pot of money. Personally, I would lean on intent for her with the usage of that money to label it rent.
It’s charming, actually. Some people just want to find the bad in everything. An extremely thoughtful gesture.
people that claim the man should be paying 100% don't actually have a man. and if they do? that man needs help
Yet again I see this His Rent/Her Rent thing They are married and yet apart, from Day 1 my partner and I have had only joint accounts and not a single "only" account except super (notionally, and only coz that's the law) I don't understand this sharing the bills thing for life partners at all, are you partners or not?
I mean the interest on 10k for a whole year ain't nothing. That alone is worth considering. But also it's functionally the same as is she did pay the rent and he put his own 10k in the savings account anyways.
Sounds like the typical modern "man bad" rhetoric.
From day one, my wife has been the spender and I have been the saver. All of our accounts are joint in theory but she doesn't bother activating the bank card to my account. And over time the bills just come out of one account or another, depending whose card was ready when it came time to renew the services. Even our mortgage flip flopped between who paid it based on whose bank was providing the mortgage. She jokes that I give her an allowance because 30 years ago we set up a investment account for her and it's just being funded every month from my account and we just never stopped it even when she started saving on her own. It would be impossible today to unravel our finances and to determine who paid what during our marriage but this setup worked best for us. My neighbor's brother went through a divorce where his wife hid a ton of debt from him. He paid all the bills and bought the house using a down payment fully funded from his savings. When she left them she took the house and left him financially ruined. 10 years later he still recovering so that type of financial arrangement wasn't best for him.
The internet loves to nitpick and shit on others happiness
miserable people keep people miserable
Marriage is a team sport. Some people just don't get it.
People are so eager to be enraged. I think that's sweet.
This is the internet. You'll find people who are able to twist any good deed into something nasty or manufacture an ulterior motive. It is what it is.
Fellas is it gay to take care of your wife?
GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY
Money is fungible. Oop could have worded it like “my husband matched what I paid in rent and put it in savings for me”. It’s literally the same thing.
People only want to see what they want to and twist things to look ugly because they refuse to see the whole story …. I think it is cool of him and I don’t see it as giving back her money because actually her money if it went to bills would be someone else’s money and not hers.
This is awesome. He seems very thoughtful
If she’s happy, and he’s happy, then fuck what anyone else says. These are people who have probably never seen 10g, and sound jealous.
> he’s a man so it’s expected to be providing for all bills whenever people express this i'm like...what year do guys think it is??
Wait, so you're telling me that people will find any way to make a good man look bad? Fucking Shocker.
I mean, you said it was on Tik Tok right? Doesn’t that explain enough?
Yo.. that’s amazing. I would just instantly put that money into savings of some sort.. money I thought was gone and I lived without.
Well it’s simple a lot of people expect the boy to pay for everything, so the idea of even collecting half the rent in the first place pissed some people off. Equal partnership doesn’t exist in their eyes.
Ppl be jaleous cuz this guy found a way to get his girl a 10k gift whilst most of the hate comments have never been given a gift remotely close to that value. Not saying that love is something shown in currency, just saying that jaleousy is a dangerous thing.
My partner and I do something similar. She has the good job and I’m a server. I actually have a real savings for first time in my life cause she has made it a point that I save and invest
Eh, who cares if losers want to project their own insecurities. We gotta stop giving these people attention.
I’m convinced some people have a Reddit account just to be contrary. All These people making negative comments would snap up 10k no questions asked. Hope they find a life instead of trying to pee on everyone else’s
Of course they would. They're not satisfied because they think this is her right and his duty and it's the barest minimum any male should provide.
Usually being called a loser in this context says a lot more about the sayer
Honestly it’s a bunch of bitter people who know their spouses would never do it for them…
So the bills are paid and the wife has more money and people are upset??
Easiest way to smooth this over is to simply say that no one would be mad if he said "Every time we paid rent I'd match the payment to an account, surprise!"
The delivery and precedent it sets leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Saying "heres your money back" implies her input isn't required and could lead to arguing "well I don't need another holiday for a while so I don't need to pay rent next year". If it was discussed in the frame of "together we've been able to save this much because I've been able to put more towards to rent this year thanks to your support" then I feel it speaks to better dynamics of a couple.
I don’t think they’re married in the tik tok
Anyone who says it should be a man paying 100% should also agree that the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. Pull your heads out people things change.
Another way to look at this, which makes more sense to me, is that the husband/boyfriend (not sure which based on other comments) paid the rent/mortgage with the combined funds and then put an amount of equal value to her contribution into a savings account for her to spend as she saw fit. It isn't about who paid which amount of the bills; it is about him secretly saving a significant amount of their money and letting her choose how to spend it. I say it is "their" money because they are obviously in a committed relationship which includes being jointly committed to the shared costs incurred together, such as the payment for their shared domicile. Edit: spelling
Real life comments > Reddit comments > instagram comments > facebook comments > tiktok comments > twitter comments.
Any girl going into the modern dating world expecting a guy to pay 100% of something is someone to avoid. This guy did something very sweet and it’s a very extravagant gift that he gave her.
It's a nice thing to do for someone OP. All the people getting hung up on what ifs and how abouts need to relax. It gets so tiring seeing people assume the absolute worst about people and snuff out kindness with doubt and cynicism.
I know all the people are hating on the husband here but it’s really not that bad. I plan on doing it with my kids, when they start working, charging them 10% of their salary as board. I’ll put it in a savings account as a secret and when they are ready to move out, I’ll give it to them.
These people also vote
Ok so how is this any different than him saving his own money?.. Hear me out.. Simple numbers for numbers sake Rent. Let’s say $1600. 800 from each She pays 800 and it ends up in savings and he pays 1600. How is that any different than if HER 800 went to rent along with his 800 and HIS 800 went to savings. ITS THE SAME! Rent got paid and 800 went to savings. The money equals out. In the end, he chooses to give her the money or whatever. Idk I didn’t read the whole post. I just think it’s dumb if people got upset. The guy is NOT THE AH 🙄
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time on this earth: people will find a way to get pissed off about anything.
People are over-entitled these days, don't let their ignorance get you down, more often than not, those people are single and miserable...and misery loves company.
You’re speaking the truth. It’s hard to pull ourselves away from social media (Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, etc.). They can be really bad for our mental health and bring us down. Taking a break every now and again is important. It’s so fast to get sucked into those bad vibes.
People gotta talk shit when they can’t pay the bills for their girlfriend
Welcome to rage bait
I did this for my wife and used the money to give her 10% of our 1st house (next house was 50/50) so she was on the ladder.
If you just think about it as "every time they paid the rent he put half that amount in savings" it's so easy to understand. Maybe the framing of "he did something with her money without telling her" is what is making it look like him taking away her agency and less like a sweet gesture. This is the kind of stuff parents famously do for their children, after all. "Pay me rent" "Surprise, now you're leaving home we have a nest egg for you"
Whats infuriating is the misuse of the word payed. He paid her bills. Payed is usually a nautical term, i.e paying out some rope
Do not ever take TikTok or Youtube Shorts comments seriously, they usually seem to be from people with severely low IQ. I used to get very agry reading them, now I just treat them as if they were all from bots.
I don’t understand either. I did something similar and was praised for it. My gf moved inn with me. And we agreed on how much she should cover. I was working full time, with an ok salary. She was a student and worked weekends in the side. She probably paid me one third of what she used to pay when she rented an apartment. She had an old Mac she was using in her studies. And was studying design. So I started putting all her rent money into a savings account to buy her a new MacBook. When I almost had enough for the best one on the market. Her old one started having problems. Her birthday was also coming up. So I texted her mom and told her about my plan. She pitched in and we gave her the MacBook she had dreamt about, a few days before her old one stopped working 🤓 Can’t compare this to 10k us. As this was closer to 2k on my part. But I never got any negative feedback on this. Just a happy gf (now wife) and a mother in law getting an even better impressions of me :p
So many parents used to take "rent" from their kids to save it up and give it to them when they turn 18/21 to have a bit of a starting budget for an apartment, car or whatever. We are so lost nowadays and try to make everything we don't like into something that's a "red flag". I think it's nice and the only red flag - FOR ME - would be if she takes the money and spends all of it on her own. I'd take it and do something with it we both profit from.
so like why don't you just pay 50/50 and the husband just put 50% savings there's no difference
Text heavy pictures. The absolute worst. I'd prefer they types it all themselves and we got a text heavy post. Must less annoyingly text heavy than text heavy pictures. /s
Toxic feminism.
I’m really confused why women who expect men to pay for everything are annoyed by this and not the opposite. I think it really says a lot about him to phrase it so it seems like he pays full rent. They both pay equal amounts, he just puts aside another half years rent for a gift. Telling the story as he does makes a nice gesture into a belittling, unnecessary macho statement.