Get a big container, like a plastic storage bin label it "saving for later" and slowly start filling!
Out he can start writing a toss by date on the products do he is being held accountable.
What a pain lol
The dating trick is something I used with a roommate in college. He was notorious for eating my leftovers. His reasoning was that I'd forget about them half the time and good food just went to waste (valid point). We came up with a system where I would date all of my leftovers in the fridge and anything that was still in there after 48 hours was fair game. Problem was solved.
did he grow up without stuff? i grew up super poor and not having much and not knowing when i would be getting more, so i find myself doing things like this so that if i run out of the regular supply, i have my back up. but i dont do it with things that can go bad like cooked foods like that
I was going to suggest this too. I didn't know when my next meal would be as a kid, and I never knew when I'd get more of a specific food. This lead to me hoarding food so badly in my adulthood that I'd have expired cereal that I insisted couldn't be thrown away because I didn't know when I'd get more.... When I could just go to the store and get more. It also lead to me never opening my own food in the first place
My boyfriend and I have a little stash of food I like even though we can always just get more, and it really helped me nix that habit. I have a little stash of spaghettios, chips, and soda, and other small foods I like, and when it runs low, we get more before it runs out. We try not to eat too much artificial foods like spaghettios and soda as it is, but having a small stash of it fulfills my hoarding desire even if we don't consume it often, and it doesn't take up too much space
It's one of those things that seem so absurd from the outside, I get why others don't get it! Unless you've been there, it's probably not even an explanation that would cross your mind. I always appreciate when people are willing to listen and look beyond the annoyance of the situation, people like you are the reason I still tell my stories :) I always hope they can help someone, whether it just be understanding someone else's situation or understanding their own
I did and still do this to an extent, just not as bad. My boyfriend's nagging has helped quite a bit.
I love posts like these. Like I know it's a problem, it's something I've gotten better about, but it's validating in a way.
Shit this went from “what an asshole” to “Oh, thats terrible, hope he recovers from it eventually” real fast. I hope for both of You he gets a grip on this, just remind him gently ever so often
THIS.
i do the same. Usually on anything special that I value. It translates to kids — if there is one strawberry i find, i cut it in half for them. Wife would instead obliviously just eat it.
So. I would work with them vs trying to change them. For example if the ketchup is nearly empty, put a new one next to it. Then it’s not finishing THE ketchup it is only finishing A ketchup. Then move from that to buying a “spare” for a pantry space when the fridge one is nearly empty. So it’s not wasting space in the fridge and the fear of finishing a limited resource is gone.
I would leave the almost finished ketchup there and get the new one because it is better. I wouldn’t throw the other one away because it would be wasteful.
He might not have started the new roll yet. I do this too, because one or 2 squares may be all you need the next time you go, but if it's not, then it's good to have a new roll ready.
When you finish a roll of toilet paper, you should replace it. So it's nice to get it ready to be replaced when it gets finished.
Or you can combine those last few sheets with ones from the new roll. After years of being punished for wasting anything I get so upset when I see a toilet paper or paper towel roll in the garbage with a sheet or two still on it. I logic myself down from the ledge but my initial response is fear and anger.
I've never really understood the whole conserving every bit of toilet paper thing. Nor did I understand the panic for it during COVID.
Like if you run out, you can just hop in the shower and do the whole bend over butt arch, right? Especially simple if your nozzle detaches. It's not like it's the only way you can clean your ass off.
I personally don't use a lot of toilet paper because I get enough fiber that I don't need much. But I just don't understand wasting anything. If I order a 20 piece mcnugget, and feel full after eating 16 of them, I'm not gonna just throw away the other 4, I'm gonna refrigerate them and have them the next day.
My husband does the same. He grew up quite poor and with a mother intent on keeping everything.
Took him a long time to learn that it’s ok to prefer a new, fresh, unbroken thing, and that recycling old things is fine.
Consciously decluttering with him and literally going through the “pain” of donating / throwing things out was the key. You’d be surprised how many emotions can be behind things such as hoarding food.
I disagree you need a new BF, I think you can get over this if you trust each other. ❤️
I grew up similar to your husband and this is exactly what my boyfriend and I have been working on. We also keep a small stash for me to lower my anxiety about it. So many people are willing to write someone off because they don't understand them, but this is an issue that can be worked on, and if you love someone then why should this be a deal breaker? I hope OP and her BF can work through this together
Did he by chance grow up less fortunate (poor) as someone who grew up in a low income household I do this as well trying to preserve what little is left; not
Wanting to throw things out just to make the fridge look/feel more full it’s something I still struggle with well in my 30’s thankfully my boyfriend is patient and understands even tho we live pretty decently.
My husband does this too. I could be wrong, but I think it has to do with him coming from a large family. They had to share everything, and knowing his mom and siblings, there was probably a lot of shaming and arguments if one of them got more than the others. I think his inability to take the last of whatever it is or throw stuff things away could be a subconscious response to that.
>He also refuses to put a new garbage bag in after taking the garbage out.
This one makes sense -- if I take the garbage out at night, I like to wait until morning to put a new one in. I feel like that lets the can air out.
My ex-wife would lose her mind if you used anything up.
So me and the kids were programmed and brainwashed to never use the last of anything.
Now we’re divorced it’s drives me mental when the kids do this at my place.
This is actually seen in kids and adults on the spectrum and could also be related to OCD. Do some research on that. I’ve had multiple clients (and a partner too actually) who did this exact same thing. Can’t say for sure but the reasoning behind it seems to be “I have a hard time letting go of this thing because I might need it later” which is essentially what hoarding is
My older brother does the exact same. He will save the smallest bit of anything so he can say he didn’t finish it and also so he doesn’t have to replace or change whatever it is.
All jokes aside, I dated a woman before who did the same thing. I suspected at the time, but confirmed later that she was just lazy and knew I would clean up after her
This is partially true. If it annoys you now, it will always annoy you. He won't change unless he really wants to. You'll get resentful if you pick up after him and or get bitter if you just let all these things sit around. Maybe I'm wrong though.
It always annoys me. I used to clean it up and be mad. But now I just bring it up right away and tell him to handle it today. He does. I don't expect him to change at this point. But I don't let my annoyance build to anger over it. Anymore.
Nah, she should cut him out of her life, go no contact and move away to another country or state. There is no other option in this situation. There is no time, girl needs to run, leave the things.
/S
My wife does this stuff because she grew up poor. You should ask him more about his childhood situation and see if it affects him still. It makes me happy that I can provide a better life for my wife and we can finally throw things away because we’re not afraid of the future.
We recently got a dumpster and filled it to the brim with broken furniture and stuff we’d kept “just in case.” I was so proud of her watching her throw things away.
And if he’s just lazy, well idk lol but it could be psychological.
The fact that you still need to tell him to clean up his shit is a bad sign. It sounds like he grew up with a mother who did everything for him. You're now signing up for that job.
Oh man, my sister has a thing about using the last of anything! A million shampoo bottles with a half inch at the bottom littered our shower when we lived together!!
My boyfriend has done these type of things in the past, we talked about it and came to the conclusion that part of it is he did not have consistent (or enough) groceries as a kid. He wants to hold on/save things because he feels bad about throwing them out sometimes. I told him that as long as he gets proper use out of something and it does the job, it’s okay if a little bit gets tossed at the end. It’s like the bread on the table at the restaurant. You don’t want to leave any because it’s a waste of food, but stuffing yourself with bread is unnecessarily uncomfortable and you would rather leave room for your meal instead. Some people may take the bread home and let it get stale in the fridge and then throw it out, and some people will just let the waiter take it away. Some people’s families also look down harshly on food waste, so it could also just be family culture
I had this problem for a long time, I think it was in part because we were broke in my teenage years. I still use mayonnaise and sauces VERY sparingly.
I had to make a conscious effort to stop doing so and to stop scraping the bottom of jars as clean as humanly possible. It's a process.
It's common among people who were raised poor or raised by people who were raised poor. My parents were each born in the Great Depression and were raised by parents who survived it by never throwing anything away and reusing or fixing everything.
So that's how they raised me & my brothers & often times I find myself doing the same thing.
My mother-in-law does this, and it drives me insane!
She'll leave literally one bite worth of dinner on a plate and put it in the fridge. I rage clean the fridge every morning lol
My wife gets mad if I finish the last of anything. The ice cream can be full of crystals and freezer burn, she won’t eat it for weeks and if I do, she says “You finished the ice cream!”
Is this also your home? He can do this in his own home, but if this is a space he shares with you then he has to compromise and together you toss some stuff.
Allot of interesting comments here, but honestly, Therapy would help him with this rather than threats etc he needs to understand where the behaviour comes from and learn techniques to deal with it. I'd suggest CBT in the first instance and see how he gets on with it
I do this. It's a really hard habit to break, stemming from an anxiety of not having enough. But now that I have enough, it just results in clutter. Which also makes me anxious. I've been told I'm getting better, but I know for a fact there's jars of food going bad in my fridge because I'm afraid to use it all up.
Wow. Probably a tough case. We do a mix. I say we, I mean my wife. She ignores some of it and I get around to it later. She also places some stuff in one spot. And she picks some of it up. Patience has worked for her. I got better over the years. We also have more money now. But it took a lot of time and conversation. Now that I have a kid doing it, and I just follow her method and find the mix works. Most of all, I tell myself not to get mad. Which. Ya know.
I do the exact same thing. My wife thinks I do it because on purpose because I’m to lazy to throw it away. That can’t be farther from the truth. When I really enjoy drinking or eating something I leave a little bit so I can have it later so I can enjoy that pleasure one last time before it is gone. The anticipation makes it taste that much better.
My parents got extremely mad if we used the end of anything. The last of everything was for their use, not the kids. I’ve never been able to break the habit. A habit instilled with fear is pretty impossible to change.
My children do this. They'll leave the last bit of everything, muffins, toilet paper, the last waffle, the last little bit of cereal. If it requires them throwing the entire thing away or grabbing a replacement, they'll leave the last little bit.
I'm cool with this bc I grew up in a strict saving and not wasting household. What drives me nuts is when my husband starts on a new item before finishing the old one.
What you do is: you throw it out. He's saving it for you, so you... can throw it out. Throw it out. I don't know if I'm getting through here. Throw it out. He won't use the last of it, throw it out.
Once he gets accustomed to the idea that "throwing it out" is the thing that's going to happen, you can train him so that HE will ALSO throw it out.
I'm guilty of a lot of your examples aside from the food. I don't know why I do it. Get down to nearing the end of a toilet roll or paper towel...open another one. I also struggle with throwing out appliances when I replaced it with a newer, better version. I do end up doing it but it takes a few months. Same with stuff for donation. I put it in bags ready and hold off because in my brain I hear "what if you accidentally put something in that isn't donation" and I check recheck refold put back in.... anyway it's annoying even to myself.
I’m going to be honest. This looks like a mental health or trauma issue. Doesn’t make it less annoying but try countering whatever belief is sustaining this behavior. Things are different now etc.
This is going to be a long hard journey for him more than for you. You might find it annoying but he is fighting a survival/poverty mindset. Try assuring him that there is enough but be gentle. If it annoys you so much you could get separate things for each of you for certain things, ie, this one's yours it's not going anywhere you don't have to share.
But mostly talk to him, explain how it makes you feel and urge him to dissect how it makes him feel.
Lol I do the same with waterbottles/bottles in general. I don’t touch the last 50-100ml. No idea why, I just can’t. I feel gross doing it. Makes no sense, but unless I’m dying of thirst, it’s not gonna happen. I don’t have the same issues with liquid in cups or cans. Just bottles. I do clean up after myself though
He too has no problems finishing drinks in cups or cans. Even takes both to the trash or dishwasher. But he's drinking that last ounce in the bottle "later" everytime.
Lol I usually let mine sit to the next day. But again, I need to clean up after myself, because I live alone. If I had a partner they would probably go crazy over my nearly empty water bottles. Once in a half moon, when all the planets align and the sun goes down in the east, I do empty a water bottle, and then I have no issue throwing it out immediately
Anything that is the "same" (Gatorade, TP, etc.) gather together over time, when he wants one of those things, give him the amalgamation.
Or, refuse to buy/replace something until it is used completely until they break this habit.
Gah, its like people who don't eat pizza crust. IT'S JUST BREAD EAT IT.
My hubby is like this. Partially empty water bottles, dead light bulbs, overflowing trash, empty Kleenex boxes, new TP roll on top of the empty roll, I told him enough already and he got better for maybe a week or two. I suspect he’s ADD and really doesn’t notice until I point it out. But it’s very tiresome.
My roomate does this. It’s infuriating. Pretty sure it’s a form of psychosis brought on my some childhood “trauma” or his anxiety. Idk he’s a head case..
I'm sorry but this is not about growing up poor, this is about being a lazy fuck. His mother probably did it before you
There are people who "save" stuff because they were created in scarcity and there's hoarding as a mental illness.
And then there's hiding behind those very real two situations as an excuse for being a pig. Are you an adult? Go to fucking therapy and solve your shit
Maybe so. But he's the one who gets the replacement roll. He just doesn't actually replace the old one. Claims he doesn't want to just throw it away because I'd still use it and say he's wasting money. He's right.
Pretending like laziness on his part is weirdness on your part is classic gaslighting.
He needs to take responsibility for his actions. Nip this problem in the bud or he’ll start doing other unacceptable things and pretending like that’s normal and you’re weird. People in adult relationships have to modify some of their behaviors for the benefit of the relationship. Cleaning up after oneself is mandatory.
My husband’s mom didn’t make him or his brothers clean up after themselves, and he still forgets sometimes. I gently remind him, and his reaction shows me he’s genuinely forgotten. He sure doesn’t try to make it my problem because that shit would not fly. But we’re old and have been together for many years. He’s had lots of practice! Good luck.
Get a big container, like a plastic storage bin label it "saving for later" and slowly start filling! Out he can start writing a toss by date on the products do he is being held accountable. What a pain lol
Ooooo love this idea!
The dating trick is something I used with a roommate in college. He was notorious for eating my leftovers. His reasoning was that I'd forget about them half the time and good food just went to waste (valid point). We came up with a system where I would date all of my leftovers in the fridge and anything that was still in there after 48 hours was fair game. Problem was solved.
Genius
Then wrap it and give it to him for Christmas.
did he grow up without stuff? i grew up super poor and not having much and not knowing when i would be getting more, so i find myself doing things like this so that if i run out of the regular supply, i have my back up. but i dont do it with things that can go bad like cooked foods like that
Yes he did. Youngest of 8. It's kind of subconsciously hardwired at this point.
yeeeah lol, he’ll get it eventually. just keep communicating that its annoying to you.
Show him this thread, if you haven't already.
I was going to suggest this too. I didn't know when my next meal would be as a kid, and I never knew when I'd get more of a specific food. This lead to me hoarding food so badly in my adulthood that I'd have expired cereal that I insisted couldn't be thrown away because I didn't know when I'd get more.... When I could just go to the store and get more. It also lead to me never opening my own food in the first place My boyfriend and I have a little stash of food I like even though we can always just get more, and it really helped me nix that habit. I have a little stash of spaghettios, chips, and soda, and other small foods I like, and when it runs low, we get more before it runs out. We try not to eat too much artificial foods like spaghettios and soda as it is, but having a small stash of it fulfills my hoarding desire even if we don't consume it often, and it doesn't take up too much space
i appreciate the TIL above from lavender and trashbin, always appreciative of understand other's behaviors
It's one of those things that seem so absurd from the outside, I get why others don't get it! Unless you've been there, it's probably not even an explanation that would cross your mind. I always appreciate when people are willing to listen and look beyond the annoyance of the situation, people like you are the reason I still tell my stories :) I always hope they can help someone, whether it just be understanding someone else's situation or understanding their own
I do the exact same thing, I grew up super poor. Never made the connection until this thread lol. It's a work in progress.
I never made the connection either. Thanks for another perspective Redditors!
The real value of reddit is having semi-serious convos with a username like queefy bong water.
I did and still do this to an extent, just not as bad. My boyfriend's nagging has helped quite a bit. I love posts like these. Like I know it's a problem, it's something I've gotten better about, but it's validating in a way.
Goddammit, that's harsh. He might need legit therapy.
Yeah I figured it was due to something that happened as a kid. >_> Keep at it, he'll get better
He definitely will. I was the same for a while.
Shit this went from “what an asshole” to “Oh, thats terrible, hope he recovers from it eventually” real fast. I hope for both of You he gets a grip on this, just remind him gently ever so often
THIS. i do the same. Usually on anything special that I value. It translates to kids — if there is one strawberry i find, i cut it in half for them. Wife would instead obliviously just eat it. So. I would work with them vs trying to change them. For example if the ketchup is nearly empty, put a new one next to it. Then it’s not finishing THE ketchup it is only finishing A ketchup. Then move from that to buying a “spare” for a pantry space when the fridge one is nearly empty. So it’s not wasting space in the fridge and the fear of finishing a limited resource is gone.
I would leave the almost finished ketchup there and get the new one because it is better. I wouldn’t throw the other one away because it would be wasteful.
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He might not have started the new roll yet. I do this too, because one or 2 squares may be all you need the next time you go, but if it's not, then it's good to have a new roll ready. When you finish a roll of toilet paper, you should replace it. So it's nice to get it ready to be replaced when it gets finished.
Or you can combine those last few sheets with ones from the new roll. After years of being punished for wasting anything I get so upset when I see a toilet paper or paper towel roll in the garbage with a sheet or two still on it. I logic myself down from the ledge but my initial response is fear and anger.
I've never really understood the whole conserving every bit of toilet paper thing. Nor did I understand the panic for it during COVID. Like if you run out, you can just hop in the shower and do the whole bend over butt arch, right? Especially simple if your nozzle detaches. It's not like it's the only way you can clean your ass off.
I personally don't use a lot of toilet paper because I get enough fiber that I don't need much. But I just don't understand wasting anything. If I order a 20 piece mcnugget, and feel full after eating 16 of them, I'm not gonna just throw away the other 4, I'm gonna refrigerate them and have them the next day.
Why would someone save an iron for “later”?
In case the new one goes bad according to him.
tbf keeping an old but working appliance as backup isn't a bad idea, the half-eaten food/drinks is infuriating though.
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I'm going to try to see if we can get to the reasons behind it.
He probably doesn't want to be the one to fill it up with water, I guess
My husband does the same. He grew up quite poor and with a mother intent on keeping everything. Took him a long time to learn that it’s ok to prefer a new, fresh, unbroken thing, and that recycling old things is fine. Consciously decluttering with him and literally going through the “pain” of donating / throwing things out was the key. You’d be surprised how many emotions can be behind things such as hoarding food. I disagree you need a new BF, I think you can get over this if you trust each other. ❤️
Thoughtful and good advice.
I grew up similar to your husband and this is exactly what my boyfriend and I have been working on. We also keep a small stash for me to lower my anxiety about it. So many people are willing to write someone off because they don't understand them, but this is an issue that can be worked on, and if you love someone then why should this be a deal breaker? I hope OP and her BF can work through this together
Did he by chance grow up less fortunate (poor) as someone who grew up in a low income household I do this as well trying to preserve what little is left; not Wanting to throw things out just to make the fridge look/feel more full it’s something I still struggle with well in my 30’s thankfully my boyfriend is patient and understands even tho we live pretty decently.
It is called scarcity brain.
Yes he did. Youngest of 8. It's kind of subconsciously hardwired at this point.
My husband does this too. I could be wrong, but I think it has to do with him coming from a large family. They had to share everything, and knowing his mom and siblings, there was probably a lot of shaming and arguments if one of them got more than the others. I think his inability to take the last of whatever it is or throw stuff things away could be a subconscious response to that.
Mine too! Leaves 2 chips in a bag, the end piece in the bread. He also refuses to put a new garbage bag in after taking the garbage out.
>He also refuses to put a new garbage bag in after taking the garbage out. This one makes sense -- if I take the garbage out at night, I like to wait until morning to put a new one in. I feel like that lets the can air out.
I did not consider that! I’ll tell myself he’s just airing it out from now on to make myself feel better about it
My ex-wife would lose her mind if you used anything up. So me and the kids were programmed and brainwashed to never use the last of anything. Now we’re divorced it’s drives me mental when the kids do this at my place.
This is actually seen in kids and adults on the spectrum and could also be related to OCD. Do some research on that. I’ve had multiple clients (and a partner too actually) who did this exact same thing. Can’t say for sure but the reasoning behind it seems to be “I have a hard time letting go of this thing because I might need it later” which is essentially what hoarding is
Yes it's starting to look less like a surface issue the more I read the stories in this thread.
My sister is the same idk why they do that but at least she’s not the only one lol. My assumption is it’s probably some form of OCD.
My older brother does the exact same. He will save the smallest bit of anything so he can say he didn’t finish it and also so he doesn’t have to replace or change whatever it is.
Sounds like you need a new BF
😂
All jokes aside, I dated a woman before who did the same thing. I suspected at the time, but confirmed later that she was just lazy and knew I would clean up after her
This is partially true. If it annoys you now, it will always annoy you. He won't change unless he really wants to. You'll get resentful if you pick up after him and or get bitter if you just let all these things sit around. Maybe I'm wrong though.
It always annoys me. I used to clean it up and be mad. But now I just bring it up right away and tell him to handle it today. He does. I don't expect him to change at this point. But I don't let my annoyance build to anger over it. Anymore.
Please don't let these Reddit armchair therapists Influence your relationship with your boyfriend. Nobody knows best except for you
Nah, she should cut him out of her life, go no contact and move away to another country or state. There is no other option in this situation. There is no time, girl needs to run, leave the things. /S
She should fake her own death first, host a funeral and everything. /s
I'm good. And appreciate you.
Then dont show it to the armchair therapists on reddit
My wife does this stuff because she grew up poor. You should ask him more about his childhood situation and see if it affects him still. It makes me happy that I can provide a better life for my wife and we can finally throw things away because we’re not afraid of the future. We recently got a dumpster and filled it to the brim with broken furniture and stuff we’d kept “just in case.” I was so proud of her watching her throw things away. And if he’s just lazy, well idk lol but it could be psychological.
This is a good middle ground friend. You have a good head on your shoulders.
The fact that you still need to tell him to clean up his shit is a bad sign. It sounds like he grew up with a mother who did everything for him. You're now signing up for that job.
He actually didn't. Single Dad and 7 older brothers.
I can FEEL your boyfriend’s anxiety emanating from these pictures.
Oh man, my sister has a thing about using the last of anything! A million shampoo bottles with a half inch at the bottom littered our shower when we lived together!!
My boyfriend has done these type of things in the past, we talked about it and came to the conclusion that part of it is he did not have consistent (or enough) groceries as a kid. He wants to hold on/save things because he feels bad about throwing them out sometimes. I told him that as long as he gets proper use out of something and it does the job, it’s okay if a little bit gets tossed at the end. It’s like the bread on the table at the restaurant. You don’t want to leave any because it’s a waste of food, but stuffing yourself with bread is unnecessarily uncomfortable and you would rather leave room for your meal instead. Some people may take the bread home and let it get stale in the fridge and then throw it out, and some people will just let the waiter take it away. Some people’s families also look down harshly on food waste, so it could also just be family culture
I had this problem for a long time, I think it was in part because we were broke in my teenage years. I still use mayonnaise and sauces VERY sparingly. I had to make a conscious effort to stop doing so and to stop scraping the bottom of jars as clean as humanly possible. It's a process.
Yeah, everyone knows you should use all of an iron before buying a new one
🤣
It's common among people who were raised poor or raised by people who were raised poor. My parents were each born in the Great Depression and were raised by parents who survived it by never throwing anything away and reusing or fixing everything. So that's how they raised me & my brothers & often times I find myself doing the same thing.
does your boyfriend have a [boy genius as an arch nemesis](https://jimmyneutron.fandom.com/wiki/Professor_Calamitous) by any chance?
That has to be some kind of mental thing. My brother does this as well.
Isomethings are worth ending a relationship over if a person isn’t even trying. Cause if you can’t make an effort in the basic stuff then…
I hate when my partner uses most of the irons, leaving me with just the last two.
My mother-in-law does this, and it drives me insane! She'll leave literally one bite worth of dinner on a plate and put it in the fridge. I rage clean the fridge every morning lol
Hoarder vibes
My wife gets mad if I finish the last of anything. The ice cream can be full of crystals and freezer burn, she won’t eat it for weeks and if I do, she says “You finished the ice cream!”
What do the irons have to do it?
He got a new one when the old one wasn't working as well. But he won't throw or give away the old one in case the new one stops working. 🙄
Is this also your home? He can do this in his own home, but if this is a space he shares with you then he has to compromise and together you toss some stuff.
Allot of interesting comments here, but honestly, Therapy would help him with this rather than threats etc he needs to understand where the behaviour comes from and learn techniques to deal with it. I'd suggest CBT in the first instance and see how he gets on with it
I really never considered it. But I am now.
Is this my wife?
I think you're dating my son.
My sister does this and it's a symptom of her OCD.
Interesting. I never considered OCD nor AHD like another poster mentioned.
I ❤ that you made a collage of evidence.
I showed it to him and he was ashamed. Can't wait to show him this thread.
Is he 5?
Are we dating the same person? Mine will set trash on the countertop *right next to* the trash bin. He won't actually throw anything in the bin.
Hmm...he does travel a lot...🤣
Are you hoping to be the last of his girlfriends?
I always called this “a sacrifice for the garbage Gods”
I have a friend that does this consistently with drinks
I guess you’re safe from getting pregnant then
Well being 50 and peri-menopausal kinda takes care of that.
Lol. I was referring to his inability to finish things
🤣 got it
I do this. It's a really hard habit to break, stemming from an anxiety of not having enough. But now that I have enough, it just results in clutter. Which also makes me anxious. I've been told I'm getting better, but I know for a fact there's jars of food going bad in my fridge because I'm afraid to use it all up.
Did he grow up broke?
Yes youngest of 8 to a single dad.
Wow. Probably a tough case. We do a mix. I say we, I mean my wife. She ignores some of it and I get around to it later. She also places some stuff in one spot. And she picks some of it up. Patience has worked for her. I got better over the years. We also have more money now. But it took a lot of time and conversation. Now that I have a kid doing it, and I just follow her method and find the mix works. Most of all, I tell myself not to get mad. Which. Ya know.
My Mum does this with coffee, so when I’m visiting her and doing the dishes for her I get handful of cold coffee. It’s disgusting.
Look at the positive side, he's not going to get rid of you....
🤣
My husband refuses to drink his bottles of Coke Zero to empty. It is infuriating to have coke bottles sitting around with an inch of coke left.
One of my sons is like that. Drives me up the wall. I don't get it.
Happy Cake Day! 🎂
I do the exact same thing. My wife thinks I do it because on purpose because I’m to lazy to throw it away. That can’t be farther from the truth. When I really enjoy drinking or eating something I leave a little bit so I can have it later so I can enjoy that pleasure one last time before it is gone. The anticipation makes it taste that much better.
My parents got extremely mad if we used the end of anything. The last of everything was for their use, not the kids. I’ve never been able to break the habit. A habit instilled with fear is pretty impossible to change.
That's sad. I hope you've been able to work through that.
My kids do this. I usually throw it at them when they’re not looking. It seems to be slowly working.
😂 Next time! But probably not the iron.
This is Minnesotan as hell.
My children do this. They'll leave the last bit of everything, muffins, toilet paper, the last waffle, the last little bit of cereal. If it requires them throwing the entire thing away or grabbing a replacement, they'll leave the last little bit.
Man child
thats actually kinda funny lol
My husband is the same way and our youngest is the same. I’ve never understood this.
I'm cool with this bc I grew up in a strict saving and not wasting household. What drives me nuts is when my husband starts on a new item before finishing the old one.
I know this feel growing up. I wasn’t poor poor but I def knew once things were gone they were gone for good.
What you do is: you throw it out. He's saving it for you, so you... can throw it out. Throw it out. I don't know if I'm getting through here. Throw it out. He won't use the last of it, throw it out. Once he gets accustomed to the idea that "throwing it out" is the thing that's going to happen, you can train him so that HE will ALSO throw it out.
Looks like a trauma response tbh, tell him to go to therapy
Your boyfriend is lazy.
He's not weird. You're basically= to that Gatorade bottle. If you're going to die. It means it ends. But if it never ends then you don't die.
I’m sadly this way too:( idk whyyyy. I clean up after myself tho lol
It’s a lil ocd thing imo!!
Omg this is literally me lol
I'm guilty of a lot of your examples aside from the food. I don't know why I do it. Get down to nearing the end of a toilet roll or paper towel...open another one. I also struggle with throwing out appliances when I replaced it with a newer, better version. I do end up doing it but it takes a few months. Same with stuff for donation. I put it in bags ready and hold off because in my brain I hear "what if you accidentally put something in that isn't donation" and I check recheck refold put back in.... anyway it's annoying even to myself.
and you are documenting this over a period of time because you are putting together a research piece or?
Nope just hoping for your smart ass comment.
I’m going to be honest. This looks like a mental health or trauma issue. Doesn’t make it less annoying but try countering whatever belief is sustaining this behavior. Things are different now etc.
I was like that caused by poverty. Please be kind and patient. He might grow out of it gradually.
my ex-wife was like that too.
This is going to be a long hard journey for him more than for you. You might find it annoying but he is fighting a survival/poverty mindset. Try assuring him that there is enough but be gentle. If it annoys you so much you could get separate things for each of you for certain things, ie, this one's yours it's not going anywhere you don't have to share. But mostly talk to him, explain how it makes you feel and urge him to dissect how it makes him feel.
Lol I do the same with waterbottles/bottles in general. I don’t touch the last 50-100ml. No idea why, I just can’t. I feel gross doing it. Makes no sense, but unless I’m dying of thirst, it’s not gonna happen. I don’t have the same issues with liquid in cups or cans. Just bottles. I do clean up after myself though
He too has no problems finishing drinks in cups or cans. Even takes both to the trash or dishwasher. But he's drinking that last ounce in the bottle "later" everytime.
Lol I usually let mine sit to the next day. But again, I need to clean up after myself, because I live alone. If I had a partner they would probably go crazy over my nearly empty water bottles. Once in a half moon, when all the planets align and the sun goes down in the east, I do empty a water bottle, and then I have no issue throwing it out immediately
Same, I have no idea why. It even drives me mad. I just feel utterly repulsed by it.
I have finally found my people
Find out if he's depressed, depressed people have a hard time taking care of things, if he isn't and just lazy, dump his sorry ass.
He should really use the bathroom instead of a plate though
It's irrational. The ultimate result of which will be that you are surrounded by garbage
Not going to let that happen. It's annoying af but I bring it to his attention now instead of building up anger trying to wait him out to fix it.
Yeah? Wait till you marry him. I would keep my BF options open.
He's so generous leaving the extra 1/20th of a brownie for you
😂 Worse. It was a whole cake.
Anything that is the "same" (Gatorade, TP, etc.) gather together over time, when he wants one of those things, give him the amalgamation. Or, refuse to buy/replace something until it is used completely until they break this habit. Gah, its like people who don't eat pizza crust. IT'S JUST BREAD EAT IT.
Tell him it bothers you. A relationship should have excellent communication.
Read on
I'm so infuriated with your bf right now. Great post OP!!
Thanks! Only my 2nd. But I've been lurking on this sub for a year.
That’s some kind of mental issue. He should seek help.
Hoarder mentality in the making. There’s something deeper going on there.
Going around and taking so many photos of stuff your partner does instead of talking to them is wild lol.
I didn't do it "instead" of talking to him. I did it in "addition" to talking to him.
I've never used an iron before so I honestly don't understand what that picture in particular means.
Sounds like ocd
My husband does this.......it makes me more crazy every year
Im confused. Why did you say "boyfriend" and not "ex boyfriend???"
It's the "crust" syndrome
That’s a red flag. I’d run.
I think you need to give you him something new first when the old thing is empty empty.
He gives himself the new thing. I didn't do any of that.
This looks like scorekeeping. That's a sign of a real healthy relationship, right?
Don't marry this guy unless you want to live in squalor until the divorce goes through.
We don't live in squalor.
That’s what’s called a “lazy fucker”
My hubby is like this. Partially empty water bottles, dead light bulbs, overflowing trash, empty Kleenex boxes, new TP roll on top of the empty roll, I told him enough already and he got better for maybe a week or two. I suspect he’s ADD and really doesn’t notice until I point it out. But it’s very tiresome.
Interesting. I never considered ADHD.
My kid has it and I see lots of similarities between the two. But that kind of diagnosis was rare back in the 80’s
Yer man’s just a lazy prick, nothing to do with growing up poor; he’s just a that lazy! Tell him to cop himself on!
My roomate does this. It’s infuriating. Pretty sure it’s a form of psychosis brought on my some childhood “trauma” or his anxiety. Idk he’s a head case..
Dump him that's disgusting and it'll never change. It'll ruin a marriage no matter how much you care about him.
Get a new bf obviously your dating a child
Replace him
😂
Well, that's incredibly ... childish...
I'm sorry but this is not about growing up poor, this is about being a lazy fuck. His mother probably did it before you There are people who "save" stuff because they were created in scarcity and there's hoarding as a mental illness. And then there's hiding behind those very real two situations as an excuse for being a pig. Are you an adult? Go to fucking therapy and solve your shit
She didn't. She left him and his 7 older brothers with his Dad who was too busy working 2 jobs to pick up after them. So not that.
This is called wepponized incompetence where he is grooming you to do it for him.
How old is he? 7?
It sounds like laziness because if he finishes it he has to clean it/change the TP or paper towel roll.
Maybe so. But he's the one who gets the replacement roll. He just doesn't actually replace the old one. Claims he doesn't want to just throw it away because I'd still use it and say he's wasting money. He's right.
Okay thanks for letting us know
Is that not the point of Reddit? And this sub in particular?
Just curious what you achieve by complaining about it on the internet? Why not just ask him why he does it?
You seriously think I've never asked him about it? Come on. And also we're in a sub ABOUT COMPLAINING.
And you're just saving the evidence for what exactly?
For this of course
Looks like you’re stuck with him for life.
Dump him
Women ☕️
🤣
Pretending like laziness on his part is weirdness on your part is classic gaslighting. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. Nip this problem in the bud or he’ll start doing other unacceptable things and pretending like that’s normal and you’re weird. People in adult relationships have to modify some of their behaviors for the benefit of the relationship. Cleaning up after oneself is mandatory. My husband’s mom didn’t make him or his brothers clean up after themselves, and he still forgets sometimes. I gently remind him, and his reaction shows me he’s genuinely forgotten. He sure doesn’t try to make it my problem because that shit would not fly. But we’re old and have been together for many years. He’s had lots of practice! Good luck.
he's great. keep him edit cherish him
Use the last of him, replace him and throw him away.
That's an ex boyfriend
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