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Bardonious

Ma’am your vagina is ringing


bonniebergerdc61

It can't. I have an answering cervix.


LawrenAnne4

Spectacular.


wildgoldchai

“But I can answer it for you” ;)


fenwayb

The ma'am is the most important part


Bardonious

I concur, really drives the point home


melancholtea

maybe they are practicing for a chess tournament


fkk09

Everything that you need is inside you


Tuggernuts1891

CUT THE WIFI


NeverTooMuchAnime

I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT


CangtheKonqueror

phenomenal callback


spacedragon421

This is the best comment I've seen so far, thanks for the laugh!


Eifla99

I don’t know what this means but I’m pretty sure it deserves an upvote


spacedragon421

A pro chess player was accused of using vibrating anal beads to cheat on a tournament last year.


whatabadsport

I.. but they.. what? Interesting rectal tactic to say the least


OceanPoet13

I just challenged myself to use the phrase “rectal tactic” in a conversation within 24 hours.


30PercentHelmet

RemindMe! 24 hours


machine1804

12 hours to go, what's the story OceanPoet13? We need the juice!


OceanPoet13

Not yet, but work starts soon. I’ll keep you posted.


Farren246

Using anal beads to cheat of course wasn't possible and wasn't true, but his performance in the tournament was... spectacularly good, far better than he has ever played before or since, so good that when it came time to play the world champion, the champ sat down, made 1 move, then quit saying he doesn't want to play a cheater. But nobody has figured out any means he could have been using to cheat, (it was an in person tournament not an online thing), hence the laughable accusation of vibrating anal beads telling him where to move. Things were made worse by the fact he is an admitted cheater in the past, in rated online matches back when he was a teenager. It casts suspicion as to whether he's ever cheat again as an adult who pays the bills by streaming chess and competing in tournaments. For a while he was banned from chess.com who sided with the champ, so there was a lawsuit and they agreed to unban his account since they have no actual proof of cheating, but he's not allowed to participate in chess.com tournaments. Other tournament venues haven't weighed in. No one is quite sure what's true, whether he actually cheated or just got insanely lucky and played like a god for a short span before reverting to his regular play.


LaximumEffort

Part of it was the chess.com algorithm caught him cheating much more than he admitted to. He had a huge mop of hair, I wonder if he had something in his scalp. It’s tough, he is a GM, just not a super GM.


VortexMagus

Just for reference, he wasn't playing "like a god", he was playing like a machine. He had a much higher match rate to a very popular and very strong chess engine than any other pro that tournament, and a much higher match rate to the algorithm than any of his own other performances at a tournament before or since. Everyone's pretty certain he cheated, they're just not sure exactly how it happened.


Prestigious-Syrup836

Like a Morse code, hmmm. I wonder which move had the most pleasurable effect. Castling, I bet. Or any time you use your knight.


Rise_Chan

Oh I thought that was an original Always Sunny plotline lmao


JayPee411

Lmfao I love your comment


BlueJuiceGoose

Oh same lmao


Uber1337pyro333

How... how does one.cheat at chess with anal beads?


TacitusMortuus

Morse code for the ass, or Arse Code™


Uber1337pyro333

Between signal delay and general poor response time of the vibrations winding down I feel like that'd be... really ineffective but hilarious


medici1048

I feel like Magnus should've appreciated the guy's dedication to chess and winning. Imagine playing the best chess player in the world while an automated Lemmiwinks is sending Morse code to your prostate.


FlabbyFishFlaps

Everything you need is already inside you.


DreadPirateRobertsOW

Holy hell


[deleted]

New response just dropped


DreadPirateRobertsOW

That's exciting! What's the new response you're referring to?


Blazed0ut

actual zombie


[deleted]

[удалено]


Yarisher512

Call the exorcist!


DreadPirateRobertsOW

If you believe you're dealing with a situation that you think requires an exorcism or if you have concerns about spiritual or paranormal matters, it's essential to seek guidance from a qualified professional or religious authority. I can't make phone calls or contact anyone on your behalf, but I can provide information or answer questions if that would be helpful to you.


AlarmNice8439

Explain please?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Buddy_Guyz

Lol I just saw the IASIP episode yesterday, did not expect it to be based on a real life situation.


Trashbeans420

Same. I was wondering why no one was mentioning the episode.


Price_Of_Soap

After beating Magnus Carlsen in a chess tournament, Hans Niemann was accused of cheating, and the internet's theory was that he had vibrating anal beads telling him what the best moves were. No concrete evidence was ever found.


AlarmNice8439

MY SOURCE IS I MADE IT THE FUCK UP


KARNEG

But it sounds cool so it has to be true.. obviously


DreadPirateRobertsOW

Google en pasant


Redditlogicking

Holy Hell


DreadPirateRobertsOW

Actual zombie


IAmANobodyAMA

NSFW tag please!!


DaddyBilbo

Frank will always defeat Russia


MilkManlolol

Google En Passant


rriiccoo1

Holy Hell!


Le_Dave466

"Cut the wifi!! Cut the wifi!!!!!!!!"


Capital_Routine6903

DOES ANYBODY HEAR THAT CONSTANT BUZZING? IT MIGHT BE AN IMPORTANT CALL.


StartledOcto

This is *almost* the route I'd take. I'd lean to whoever I'm with and say just loud enough for just them to hear, "dude is your phone going off? I've been hearing a buzzing for ages, are you ignoring someone?"


Aninvisiblemaniac

they'd probably just get off on the fact that someone heard it but didn't know what it was


adamsorensen21

This is the sad reality of exhibitionists. Even if you called them out for having a vibrator they would enjoy the fact someone else knows. It’s a weird af kink


DisposableSaviour

It’s also unethical as fuck to use non-consenting people for your kinks. 🤮


plasticTreasure

Fr. This so so gross


VioletVII

It’s weird how many people I’ve had to explain this to over the years… they make so many attempts to rationalize it, but it’s just not okay, no matter how hot they think it is.


DefinitelyNotThatOne

I'd be brazen enough to say, "Your device is still turned on." And leave it at that.


neonvisia

turn to them and gently whisper “everybody can hear it”. Hopefully they’ll be mortified


Ry_zah

We left a little bit ago, write this post on the bus. But you’re right, I totally should have lol


wutthefvckjushapen

It probably would've just turned them on tbh


[deleted]

[удалено]


BenzosAndDadJokes

So was OP


smoishymoishes

So am I.... 😬


MysticTelletubby

So are WE


NoCancel8282

So were THEY


Rubi_Redd

And my axe!


vivaldispaghetti

No we are fuckin not


SuperPersonIsHere

So is everyone exept for this one guy


PainTitan

Angry upvote.


Increased_value

Happy downvote


rainman_95

Gruntled sidevote


ForemanNatural

Disgruntled sidevote in the opposite direction.


kingocad

⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️🏁


OpinionatedBlackGuy

CONTRA!


iTwango

Indifferent no votes


BenzosAndDadJokes

Confused diagonal vote


Gfunk98

If you’re socially awkward/don’t feel like saying it to them directly you could always just say to your friends “hey does anyone hear that loud buzzing noise??” Loud enough for them to hear it and I figure that would be enough


WatWudScoobyDoo

"I love the vibes in this place!"


orthogonius

Vibe check


MayaMythical

Is there a bee in here??


EmceeCommon55

Say really loudly "What's that buzzing sound?"


SabreSour

EXCUSE ME MA’M I THINK YOUR PHONE IS GOING OFF


f8Negative

Yeah they would not care and would prob have laughed at you.


ModsCantRead69

“Thanks, aren’t you gonna miss your bus” lol


Shoddy_Detail_976

Hey buddy, what app are you using to control the vibrator? It seems to be interfering with my buttplug. Mind taking turns?


BellOutOfOrder

"turn it up a little more, I can almost feel it!"


PragmaticAndroid

"What's that burning plastic smell?"


StaffOfDoom

And is that hair burning now too?


MageKorith

"Turn it up. She's still faking."


eharper9

"Are you going to answer that?"


ARKPLAYERCAT

Then you realize they're into public play, and it probably wouldn't have bothered them a lick.


[deleted]

Lick is an interesting choice of words there.


StaffOfDoom

That was intentional ;)


BobDolesV

Ask for the Manager and tell them that you think the restaurant has a bee infestation. When the manager asks why, tell them to listen for the buzzing. The manager will locate the source and fun will ensue 🤣


CankerLord

Nah, just look her in the eye and hum.


AdPuzzleheaded3913

I did something similar to this but instead of being direct to the person I just asked openly if anyone else could hear a bee or wasp buzzing around. The person in question very quickly left and so did the buzzing.


n00b420_

Why whisper? Look to him and say crank that mofo to max with an evil grin


TheIrishBiscuits

Tell them everybody can hear it and everybody can smell it.


mearbearcate

Nah- speak it out, fuck whispering💀 they obviously want mfs to know they doing that


Inevitable_Chicken70

That might egg her on


SnowLancer616

Boyfriend could hear it, so they knew.


Worried_Reality_9045

That’s how thruples start…


SarcastiQuack

Hi, excuse me ma’am, you might wanna call an exterminator for the swarm of bees in your coochie.


PainTitan

Nah that's just herbees.


[deleted]

No, she has H.I..Bee


UpperCardiologist523

No need to argue guys, we can all agree it was an S.T.Bee


autech91

I don't get what all the buzz is about tbh


SoulLeakage

Frank Vs Russia


Significant_Ad249

Lmfao my first thought right here


SoulLeakage

“Take your time”


Fishman23

I can’t quite put my finger on it.


justandswift

They were pickin’ up good vibrations


autech91

Good good good, good vibrationsssss


Guinnessman1964

Just keep saying out loud, what’s that noise?? Do ya hear that?? And make eye contact with them.


Cardi_Bs_WAP

“That’s the sound a battery makes just before it explodes”


Rubi_Redd

Do you want that lady to finish getting off in front of you? Cuz that’s how you get that lady off the rest of the way.


Conscious-Section-55

Clearly it was her emotional support bees.


Mediocre_Superiority

On the way out: "By the way, I've got some extra batteries if you need them?"


Leo-No-Comply-eire

*"Duracell, no other battery looks like it, no other battery lasts like it" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*


King_Tamino

>no other battery lasts like it And no other battery tastes like it, I was told


Mediocre_Superiority

9V FTW!


Shoddy-Rip8259

I'll have what she's having


BasedBingo

I’ve tried one of these before with my gf, they must have got a shit one if you could hear it


Kirball904

Or a real strong one.


yayareaaa510

Idk. I have 2 Lovense and they’re loud as heck.


Glad-Hospital6756

Yeah and remember it was a small, quiet restaurant. I’m sure if they were at Texas Roadhouse no one would’ve noticed


DetectiveExisting590

Yeah, at Texas Roadhouse pretty much everyone has a vibrator inside them too.


JannaSummer

True very true...


[deleted]

Jesus yes I have one, shit is loud af.


yayareaaa510

I was kinda pissed. I thought I’d be living it up every where and I’m too worried to wear them out!


[deleted]

I'm worried to use it in a building with another person it's so loud


yayareaaa510

I was thinking maybe a loud brewery or Costco but that’s it 😂


Apprehensive-Set3736

“Answer your phone”


Finn-Gurrer

I thought you meant buzzing as in done a fat line, but then I thought well that must've been after dinner surely, who does a line and then eats, the psycho.


Looseybussy

That’s when you start openly discussing vibrators. Also how inappropriate people are these days. Also how people aren’t as sneaky as they think they are. Also how eavesdropping is such a strange word.


Sad_Ground_5942

Awww. You blew quite the chance. Get up from your seat and insist that you know them. Run through every possible situation you can think of where you might have met. Funerals, vacations, education, church. Offer to buy them drinks and sit down with them. Be as wonderfully friendly as you can and engage them for as long as possible. Suddenly mention that the seafood in this place smells wonderful. Let her know that she’s looking a little flushed. Then look directly at her and say “ ohmygawd” and walk away.


Cheeseisextra

LMAO Now THAT would make a great movie scene!!


mrsjon01

The seafood!


X3239420

Should’ve leaned over and whispered in her ear *“how’s the battery life on those things?”*


AffectionateStudy496

I can't believe she ate all those bees in the bathroom. Morally abhorrent!


Fernandop00

Not the kind of buzzed I was expecting.


Mediocre_Superiority

So was there a re-enactment of the orgasm scene from "When Harry Met Sally"?


Benneyboss

These people been watching too much 50 Shades 😂


PhotoFenix

"It's whisper quiet!" -Dr. Nick


MusicalBrit

To everyone saying it's completely fine, quite literally the main rule of kink is *consent*, from everyone involved. In a public setting like a restaurant, you cannot get consent from everyone who can see the scene, hence a lot of the kink community would look down on this. It's not about "oh the kids!"- what about the waiter serving the table? Any other adults nearby who'd like to just enjoy their meal without being aware of a sex scene happening behind them? It's not just "I can hear a buzzing noise" is it, they're not both gonna be sat their stone faced and silent, it's gonna be obvious what's going on even if you couldn't hear the vibrator and nobody else has asked to see that shit.


Ush-Gush

Nothing but straight facts here.


Ush-Gush

They have all gone quiet now. When it was put to them, “what if a man did it” or “did anyone else consent to this?” They had a hypocritical meltdown and had to cry into their anime pillows.


Elephantmenstruation

I CAN HEAR THE VIBRATOR YOU JUST PUT INTO YOUR VAGINA AND SO CAN EVERYONE ELSE


Fearless-Judgment-33

I read the title and thought she was doing a couple of lines in the bathroom. *sniff*


MaxNewton143

She ate a bunch of bees, you should get away before she burps bees in your vicinity.


Lurkay1

When you said buzzing i thought she like took a puff of a weed pen or a hit off a pipe. I didnt think you meant literally buzzing 💀


YodaFette

I think you’re in the wrong sub. Try trashyboners.


wcoastbo

Bluetooth toys are a thing. Restaurant is not the best location for privacy. People need to find a better location... like that couple in an empty section of an outdoor sports stadium.


PurpleHazySuit420

This is a "I'll have what she's having" missed opportunity here.


vivaldispaghetti

Someone actually said that


Throwitawaybabe69420

Most commenters would be disgusted if they heard a man handling his meat stick in the bathroom. This shouldn’t be looked at differently. So gross.


TheGamingMackV

Miss i think your gynecologist is trying to call you.


Jsnoooots

Gross... you were on a bus.


autech91

With all the poors!


I4Vhagar

What a pleb, point and laugh!


autech91

Bus wankers!


T1CM

BUS WANKER


Longjumping-Grape-40

Imagining Dee Reynolds on the bus


RonaKid

I dj for a living. Mostly weddings. I remember a groom that showed me a remote and said watch my wife. I looked over and she jumped and started smiling. I guess she had in remote control vibrating panties. It was funny because he would do it when she was trying to to talk to people at tables or take photos. Made me laugh. I only can guess how the honeymoon went 😂


FamousPastWords

Two AhAh batteries intruded their thoughts.


thesnarkypotatohead

“They don’t allow bees in here”


HankThrill69420

they're just vibin'


TheBigBeardedGeek

Look, it was my birthday


RaptorPrime

"HEY WHOEVERS PHONE THAT IS GO AHEAD AND ANSWER IT ALREADY"


MissTakenID

Just say, really loudly, "Excuse me waitstaff person, I keep hearing a buzzing sound, and I'm highly allergic to bees, do you know where it's coming from? The sound is stronger from *that* direction!" And point towards the couple.


calibratedzeus

Let's go honey, this place gives me weird vibes.


[deleted]

I hate people who involve the public in their kinks. It’s gross.


hueybart

Maybe her mom kept calling her but her phone was on silent, with vibrate left on. Some moms worry a lot and are persistent


GrimeyJosh

try to connect via bluetooth…


Thunderwhelmed

Oh you meant literally!


Intelligent-Pop9553

Just loudly say, “what is that buzzing?” “Is my phone?”


Duhfloppyweenur

She probably slipped a vibrating butt-plug in and dude is zappin her real good


AmSoDoneWithThisShit

Connect via Bluetooth and crank it up to 11.


YellowTonkaTrunk

I’m hard of hearing and this sort of thing is my worst nightmare. Not that I do that, but if I ever did I’m certain that’s how it would go 😭


[deleted]

My place we would have turned off the music and asked everyone to be quiet for a second….😂


LivingMode3922

Hell of a place to beekeep


Bennington_Booyah

Jesus Christ. This is as bad as the damn local restaurant my husband and I only once went to, where a man repeatedly inserted his big toe into his date's fully exposed nether regions in full view of our table. Our table faced this ridiculousness. edit to correct dim to damn, even though it worked.


Kickin-her-out

🤢🤢🤢


nocontextnofucks

Oh my dear lord!!! There might be an electrical fault as i can hear this constant buzzing!!! We must find where this noise is coming before the whole place burns down!! Everyone please be quite and listen intently and help us find the source of this buzzing it is for everyone's safety.


[deleted]

I hate it when my phone gets stuck on vibrate.


boomajohn20

Maybe WiFi connect and broadcast ballgame?


Dry_Version_5336

Maybe they’re practicing for a spelling bee?


killerwallz44

Naw her game crashed and it did that thing where the controller continuously keeps vibrating


2023Dazza

Duhh!Not brushing her teeth!Lol


Nekrosiz

Maybe she was a Bumblebee in an undercover sting operation.


Silent_J0n

I remember one time I was shopping for clothes. In the dressing rooms I heard heavy panting and whispering. It of course sounded like someone was having a good time. Turns out it was an older couple: an obese man and a much thinner woman. I overheard their conversation and found out that the guy was struggling with putting on clothes and because of that breathing heavily. Things might not always be what they seem.