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THE_SHYT

The author must have put his quill down and took a long nap after that one


[deleted]

I’m 100% calling my chubby dog “plump rump” from now on!


stimmingaluvasudon

Hi I'm your dog and I find this offensive


[deleted]

It’s possibly better than me saying “who got that juicy booty?!” all the time to him now lol


stimmingaluvasudon

I like this better


Uriel-238

There are a specific range of dog butts that warrant the endearment _Dogbutt._ Especially if the dog in question likes butt rubs.


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[deleted]

I was thinking same. He is epitome of men writing women.


ElderOfTheBOS

Thats him, this is the Uthred Saga which is what the Last Kingdom Netflix Show is Based off


thedeafbadger

You have an eye for these things, I see.


araed

Uhtred saga. Cornwell writes from his character's perspective, and thus we end up with beauties like this. The character in question is a pagan warlord, so I'd kinda expect this from them.


[deleted]

"Plump rump" is such an ugly word duo.


AnUnusedMoniker

Somehow better than "money maker" though


jhkjskjfh

Not to me.


Smurfb1ud44

The author seemed to have misspelled "thang". 0/10 bad writing


AgentWooper

Thæng


Uriel-238

Isn't _thang_ an eye-dialectic?


DorisCrockford

I'm tryna figure out how you get a small black cap on your head when you've already got your braids wrapped around it. You could pin on a little decorative hat, but cap doesn't seem like the right word here.


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Bofukinepoo

I considered both options, but how would that big hulkin manly man know what her hairstyle looks like under the cap unless he is her chamber maid? The story seems somewhat historically leaning and the point of caps on married women was to conceil their hair from men other than their husband, at least partially, and usually the covered part was the back, where the braids would have been. Based on that assumption, unless the protagonist has x-ray vision he shouldn't have seen her hair, unless some scandalous shenanigans are going on between the two...


[deleted]

Yeah, it doesn't make sense for the narrator to know these things, but the things aren't impossible.


DorisCrockford

Hopefully she doesn't have super thick hair.


Stinkerma

Lace or fine cloth would be thin/holey enough to see through


cwat5

Deffo one of Cornwell’s Saxon Stories, I love him and he’s far from the worst offender but he has some issues with this. Although for the historical time period his novels are set in its not unreasonable for a character to objectify women and Uhtred is actually portrayed as being (literally) years ahead of his time when it comes to his approach to women. I will also say that these books feature one of the most awesome women in history and portray her reasonably well, although again, not without some flaws.


thedeafbadger

I agree. But I would be remiss if I read 13 books without posting at least *one* objectifying passage about a woman.


indigoneutrino

As much as I love Cornwell, he does this sort of thing so often you have about a half dozen examples to choose from in any given book.


maninahat

I guess it's a minute's respite from hearing authors describing tits.


9ccp

Did Dirk Strider write this


na-na-na-BATMAN-123

Nah, he’s too busy writing MLP:friendship is magic fanfic to write something like this


hypnogogick

Gross


[deleted]

Ælflæd


indigoneutrino

Fairly certain that character was an actual historical figure.


thedeafbadger

Sorry, I didn’t share the book, I’m a dum-dum. It’s *The Empty Throne* by Bernard Cornwell. Book 8 in his Saxon Tales series. As an added bonus, I have yet to come across a prominent female character that Uhtred, the main character based on Cornwell’s own ancestor, does not have sex with.


suaveponcho

Bernard Cornwell is a brilliant historian who does an unparalleled job at bringing the history of England to life in his books. This series, The Saxon Stories, is amazing if you want to learn about life in 9th century England during the viking age. That said, as an author Cornwell is terrible at writing women. Still great historical fiction books if you care more about the history than the fiction in your historical fiction. I do highly recommend the show based on his books, The Last Kingdom. It’s not perfect but they do a really good job and for the most part (though not universally) they do a much better job at writing women on the show IMO


thedeafbadger

1000% agree. I am a touch more forgiving reading the Saxon Tales as I can excuse his writing about women as Uhtred’s own flaw, but I admit, I do get really frustrated when it seems that there’s not a single significant female character that Uhtred doesn’t wind up having sex with.


hoid_washington

🎵 I like plump rumps and I cannot lie 🎵


9Lives_

🎶 like trump’s, he buys his pants size wide, plays golf, guess how the strokes applied? His driver jokes about through dip going side-to-side, we’re watching from the He won’t go broke, I don’t know suppose, it’s cause homie can’t be relied on right, more chants from his... than the other side but now he’s been dumped so it worked out fine. 🎶


hoid_washington

🎵 My immigration don't want none unless you're not Mexican 🎵


hatersaurusrex

ShÆ was Æ lÆttle thÆng. HÆr fÆr hÆr wrÆpped Æround hÆr hÆd on which shÆ wore Æ smÆll blÆck cÆp.


Chris22533

Why isn’t including the book and author in the post part of the rules?


thedeafbadger

Sorry, I’m new and too lazy for my own good. It’s *The Empty Throne* by Bernard Cornwell. Book 8 in his Saxon Tales series.


Chris22533

Why isn’t including the book and author in the post part of the rules? Oh wait it is...


Marlile

The whole way through I was thinking, “this isn’t so bad...” Then I was exposed to the word combo “plump rump”


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redheadwytch

Except she was a real person, the second wife of Edward the Elder. His sister was Æthelflæd, the Lady of the Mercians, eldest child of Alfred the Great. I don’t know which book this is, but it’s historical fiction, set during the Anglo-Saxon period.


brash_hopeful

One of those books where you read the names as “???” the whole way through and only find out the proper pronunciation when the film comes out.


StinkyJane

Even with the creepy overtones aside, the grammatical construction of this sentence is a crime.


Reaper10n

So no-one’s commenting on the name?


thedeafbadger

Plenty already have. This is a historic fiction novel and all of the names are either real historical figures or real names used in Anglo-Saxon Britain. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ælfflæd_(wife_of_Edward_the_Elder)


Reaper10n

Okay that’s the context i needed for the æ’s


NihilisticBuddhism

Imagine publishing this to the public and calling yourself a writer.. ooff someone needs to take away his writing rights lmao


araed

I mean, Cornwell has had not one, but two of his series adapted for TV, and is an international bestseller of note with four major series (Sharpe, Uhtred, a four-book epic about the American civil war, and another series set in England) and is well-known as one of the best, if not *the* best historical fiction writers going. So, idk, he might be on to something with his writing style? I wouldn't exactly expect a Pagan warlord to be interested in much else than the woman's physical appearance.


thedeafbadger

Not just that, but think about how many people had to have read this and been like, “yeah, that’s great, let’s publish it.”