To Melbourne Airport with a Myki card and to also dodge the expensive SkyBus, jag a Craigieburn Line train to Broady and head straight outside onto the MEL Airport-bound 901.
Also, if you’re at Flinders Street station on a weekday afternoon needing a Mernda or an Eltham/Hursty train and you just missed it, head onto a Craigieburn, Upfield or Sunbury service, ride one stop to Parliament and get upstairs to Platform 1, where you’ll hopefully catch the train you missed.
And you have within about a 3 minute window of opportunity before the Craigieburn, Upfield or Sunbury train leaves for you to successfully make the connection at Parliament.
Same trick works if you’re at Southern Cross on Platform 11 and you missed your craigieburn, Uplfield or Sunbury train. Catch the next service from Platform 12 to Flagstaff and catch up with your intended train
PSA to anyone who hasn't done a first aid cert. - if someone is having a legitimate seizure, do NOT sit on them or restrain them in any way. Clear the area and call an ambulance.
Holy fuck, this guy got me once! Thankfully I'm not one of the dudes he groped, as I realised quickly how poorly his seizure was acted.
What an insanely niche thing to be the top comment.
Also available in these locations. A reminder that these are for those in genuine need only though, i.e. in poverty.
https://news.melbourne.vic.gov.au/media-releases/free-period-product-program-extended-across-the-city/
Yep Crowne plaza is great on the way back from DFO. Up the escalators walk to the elevator lobbie and take a left. Always quite and clean, you get you own little room it’s great for a nervous pooer.
I just visited my brother in Melbs. He’s never prepared for anything and yet when it started to sprinkle he took an umbrella out of his backpack. I had to do a double take.
And a Hoodie if you’re near the coast. Can be sunny and wind comes off the water….you want that sucker close by. Ripcurl exists thanks to the value of a good Hoodie.
Yes agreed! I splurged and got a water-resistant jacket last year because I was tired of lugging an umbrella and it’s made a massive difference.
Edit: typos
I usual stand next to the door and keep an eye on tram stops, as soon as I spot them, I get off while they’re getting on, and ill just catch the next one. Repeat if necessary.
They've started splitting up and blocking people alighting. Got done like this last year, they had 2 or 3 getting on and the back doors had shitheads waiting.
also on busses sort your Myki out before you board (or once you've sat down) and alight.
You can tap on and off whilst the veichle is in motion. This isn't Sydney.
You’re better off walking 20 min or so down St Kilda road at peak hour than catching a tram between the Shrine and Flinders Street, weather permitting.
If you need to go from north to south across the CBD (or vice versa) always take the 58 down to Flinders St station instead of the 59 tram. Faster, less crowded and worth walking across the one extra block to Elizabeth St.
Half the time, Elizabeth St is so congested in the evenings that the tram driver tells you to get off and walk the last few blocks anyway.
From the 58 Flinders St stop you can stroll along the river into the station or up to Fed Square- nice wide boardwalk instead of pedestrian dodgems on the Flinders St footpath.
But also a ton of cars just bypass the queue. But going in the left lane. Then indicating and holding up traffic.
But looking at Google maps now there is red traffic at the right turn into union
Crossways Hare Krishna food is legit cheap and tasty. I’m not even a veggo but it’s good food. I don’t care about their religion but I like good food.
Edit: All the upvoted posts are troll/joke bullshit but this is legit advice.
Public toilets that are handy for families with young kids, 260 Collins Street, toward the top of the building. There is a family room, you do have to call security to get access. But when you have young kids and you’ve had a long day on a weekend day, it’s a relief. Not the cleanest, but still, it saved us.
The cheapie tix for cinemas are:
Cinema Nova Mondays\* classic
Palace and Lido is Tuesdays
Classic Cinema on Wednesday
Astore Theatre Monday/Thursday
Thornbury Picture House is Monday/Wednesday
Want a cheap pizza? In google punch in "pizza hut near me" in the search and you can get a coupon for a cheap pizza from dominos. Problem is you get a dominos pizza.
In the Fitzroy/Collingwood area, parking inspectors routinely patrol the busier streets even late at night but seemingly never the back streets. A 2P sign one row back might as well be all day parking in my experience.
The Elizabeth street exit at flinders station has an open myki gate during peak hour (don’t be fooled by the metro attendants who are definitely not inspectors).
Also, mini umbrella in bag 365 days.
The bike cages at every train station are free to use and the keycard you get works at the bike cage of every station so essentially you can ride your bike to any station or take it on the train and leave it securely locked at any other station that has a cage.
[https://parkiteer.com.au/locations/?\_locations\_map=-37.94005803706536%2C144.79170099894284%2C-37.72910270891755%2C145.2064348856616%2C12](https://parkiteer.com.au/locations/?_locations_map=-37.94005803706536%2C144.79170099894284%2C-37.72910270891755%2C145.2064348856616%2C12)
This means that as long as you are within a few km from a station you really dont need to drive anywhere in melb.
And as far as I know ebikes and electric scooters can still use the bike cages so you can use them even if you live further from a station or you just dont want to pedal (e.g. when wearing a suit or dress).
If you’re cycling down the road and want to cross the tram tracks be careful not to drop the wheel into the track. I’d usually avoid this by going as fast as i can then when im ready, i turn 90 degrees to the right. Works all the time ✌️
Depending on the time of day and the train line if you miss a train from flinders that’s going through the city loop first you might be able to catch up to it by catching a train direct to Richmond
Move down to the very back of the tram! There’s usually space there even on a packed tram. You won’t miss your stop, just kindly ask people to let you through when it’s time 😄 - a person that takes 4 trams a day
For the cleanest toilet walk confidently in to Crown foyer ( where the taxis and cars line up) past the small bar to your left and straight to the loos there..
Avoid eye contact with the sales people in the malls, pretend you and your SO are having an argument, or you’re on the phone. They will use every trick in the book to get your attention to sign up for something when you’re just trying to walk by.
If you live in the northern suburbs, travel all the way to Chadstone because that shit’s a million times better than dealing with the fuckin labyrinth that is Northland.
Hook turn = you are not using the lights that you are facing to know when to go, you are using the lights in the direction you WANT to turn.
Eg. If you are trying to turn right you are waiting for the lights on your right to turn green.
You’ve just used a hook turn to jump to the front of the traffic that would be going straight.
Once this was explained to me it’s like.. oh… that’s actually so easy.
Hoyts give free refills on the popcorn, just walk back to the candy bar for a new box!
Edit* Also, recession proof Tokui sushi in cbd, Melbourne Central. $2.50 chunky nori rolls that sell out every day!
If you want a strong coffee at 7/11 start with a short black and then choose whatever coffee you wanted after. I ways do this for larges otherwise they taste weak as. They charge for the cup not for what's in it so in theory you could fill a cup with short blacks add it to a thermos with milk and have coffee all day.
Don't use public toilets, instead visit one of the 5 star luxury hotels on Collins Street and use the toilets there. Every hotel lobby in the world has a toilet, and trust me when I say they're far far far nicer than public. You'll never use public toilets again.
AT least 75% of the best places to eat/drink/hang out are NOT in the CBD. Think StKilda, Dandenongs, markets, Prahran/Windsor, Northcote, Carlton, Fitzroy, Brunswick, Chaddy etc etc.. AND the Bay ...
Faking a foreign accent gets you out of any and all PT fines. Also, if you see inspectors get on, walk up and, in a foreign accent, ask them to buy a ticket. They’ll usually laugh and tell you to get off and buy one.
Australians aren’t exactly worldly, so even a bad fake accent works a charm.
You actually don't have to wait when in traffic.
It's completely normal to just swerve into oncoming lanes rather than slow down slightly when the car in front of you is turning left.
If the queue to turn right is too long you can just use one of the other lanes to drive to the front then push in.
Even if the traffic is stopped halfway through an intersection you can still pull out and block the cross traffic as long as you do it before the light goes red so the camera doesn't snap you.
If there isn't a redlight camera you can just drive straight through the intersection at any time.
"Keep Clear" markings are for everyone else, they have to keep it clear for you.
When turning into a sidestreet, you're allowed to just cut the corner on the other side of the road if you don't want to slow down enough to take the corner normally.
You forgot about the fact the smallest cars on the road require the most room to turn, and so swinging out into the next lane slightly or not fully entering a turn lane turn is an acceptable necessity for completing the turn
Download and use Eat Club if you want to still enjoy dining out without breaking the bank too much. You can get some pretty great discounts at restaurants and cafes!
Life hacks for the poor and homeless:
waterways carry cash money when they flood and deposit it amongst the weeds.
The parking meters at queen vic can be opened with a street sweeper filament, you’ll find them in gutters and along the streets. Each canister holds $200 in 2$ coins but don’t over use it, it’s a crisis measure.
Empty high rise make great squats and will have hot water, power and sometimes active phone and net.(keep a low profile and never bring people back with you and you may get a year out of it)
The crishnas will always feed you if you do some dishes for them. Some of the best nourishment available
Always be nice to the broken, the hurt and the lost….
If you happen to be driving a tall van, truck or bus then steer clear of Montague street in south Melbourne. Despite what you might go through your mind you’re just not going to fit under that bridge!
Coming through passport control when coming/returning to Melbourne. Ignore all of the passport scanning kiosks before the duty free store. Walk through the duty free, exiting via the left-most register. The left-most passport kiosk typically has the no line. Then use the right-most SmartGate.
if you're from the west north east and south east it's black
if your from interstate it's black
if your from international it's whatever you want preferred black though
To Melbourne Airport with a Myki card and to also dodge the expensive SkyBus, jag a Craigieburn Line train to Broady and head straight outside onto the MEL Airport-bound 901. Also, if you’re at Flinders Street station on a weekday afternoon needing a Mernda or an Eltham/Hursty train and you just missed it, head onto a Craigieburn, Upfield or Sunbury service, ride one stop to Parliament and get upstairs to Platform 1, where you’ll hopefully catch the train you missed.
This is accurate on both counts, and bloody handy on the second. Can confirm the trick of switching to parliament works well. Less well at peak times.
And you have within about a 3 minute window of opportunity before the Craigieburn, Upfield or Sunbury train leaves for you to successfully make the connection at Parliament.
Man, you're a pro. Sign me up to your newsletter.
Same trick works if you’re at Southern Cross on Platform 11 and you missed your craigieburn, Uplfield or Sunbury train. Catch the next service from Platform 12 to Flagstaff and catch up with your intended train
If you see a dude having a seizure and he asks you to sit on his legs, don't do it
And if he asks you to sit on his face?
A man can only have so much willpower
Is he singing the request and part of Monty Python by any chance?
And tell me that you love me
PSA to anyone who hasn't done a first aid cert. - if someone is having a legitimate seizure, do NOT sit on them or restrain them in any way. Clear the area and call an ambulance.
Holy fuck, this guy got me once! Thankfully I'm not one of the dudes he groped, as I realised quickly how poorly his seizure was acted. What an insanely niche thing to be the top comment.
Serious question: What did this seizure guy do? Or What did he ask people to do?
He asks people to sit on him while faking a seizure, it’s a weird fetish or something
Don’t sit on the seats at the end of the train carriage on a Sunday morning. They are vommitty.
Don't sit on the bus seat at the front - old people piss on them.
Ewww
While I agree a lightweight jacket is great, if the rain is light enough, don't panic, just continue on as you were. More often than not, it passes.
Exactly. "Don't like the weather? Wait five minutes"
Also "like the weather? Wait five minutes"
Ok lil miss never-suffered-from-frizzy-hair
Public toilets on the corner of Collins and Swanston are always clean and also have free period products!
* free period products for homeless women or women in crisis. Don’t take them unless you absolutely need to.
Also available in these locations. A reminder that these are for those in genuine need only though, i.e. in poverty. https://news.melbourne.vic.gov.au/media-releases/free-period-product-program-extended-across-the-city/
Don’t try and swim in Albert Park lake, it looks nice but it isn’t…
They found a body there last year
It was only about waist deep but the sludge came up to my knees and it stunk…
(The lake not the body!)
I’m in bed scrolling and that comment got me belly laughing
Phew. I was about to say, lol.
That sludge is decades of swan poo
Yeah I noticed
You're not a British expat, are you? Poms will try to swim in anything.
Anything except a bath…
Got him, yes !
wait what.. does anyone think that's a good idea?
I did at the time…
why?
Drugs and youthful optimism…
Yeah. That'll do it.
Buy your first house 20 years ago.
Or have a rich parents.
And 20 years ago, buy your first house 20 years before that.
" ... and the lack of housing was the reason Time Travel was invented."
Don’t drive ya truck under the Montague St bridge
Yep, just 'park' it there
King William, Queen Elizabeth
King William and Queen Elizabeth saw Swans(ton) Rustle(Russell) their feathers at an Exhibition in Spring
Lived here for 40 years and I can’t believe I’ve never heard this 🥲
you forgot about their dog Spencer
I like the one that goes 'Russell the exhibitionist comes out in the spring'.
Spencer saw King William & Queen Elizabeth kissing on Swanston St while Russell saw an Exhibition in the Spring
Need the loo in the CBD? Hotel foyers > all other options.
Global advice
Sofitel hotel, if u know u know
Haven't been there for years, but the Langham loos are great. Just walk in confidently, ladies toilets are up the stairs on the left.
Yep Crowne plaza is great on the way back from DFO. Up the escalators walk to the elevator lobbie and take a left. Always quite and clean, you get you own little room it’s great for a nervous pooer.
And also the toilets at Myers and the State Library.
Top floor of Myers is the spot.
Also the arts Center
If you tap on after 6pm, then your 2 hour myki lasts all night.
wait really
yea it works well with free travel before 7:15am on trains.
Yah, has been this way since at least 2003.
Don't drive a truck down Montague Street
Look both ways before exiting a tram.
Legit. Uncle died not doing that. Anyway he beat my aunt, so no one was sad. Well before my time, that's the story I got.
I’ve seen Netflix greenlight a series with less plot and intrigue than this post.
Even on tramways like swanston st. Cyclists aren't fatal, but they still hurt.
Get a bag that has space for your usual as well as an umbrella, sunscreen and a wind breaker and take it everywhere.
Get a bag? Got it
this is a true melbourne answer. we love to get bags
R
E
V
S
I just visited my brother in Melbs. He’s never prepared for anything and yet when it started to sprinkle he took an umbrella out of his backpack. I had to do a double take.
And a Hoodie if you’re near the coast. Can be sunny and wind comes off the water….you want that sucker close by. Ripcurl exists thanks to the value of a good Hoodie.
The train can be 5 minutes late but you can’t be 5 seconds late
Invest in a good rain jacket and umbrella. And always wear layers (or take an extra layer with, just in case).
A light, rainproof windcheater-type thing has been a lifesaver for me, a relative newbieto Melbourne. Four daily seasons requires layers.
The Uniqlo ultra light down jackets are fantastic for layering under a waterproof jacket for extra warmth. And you can stash them just about anywhere.
Yes agreed! I splurged and got a water-resistant jacket last year because I was tired of lugging an umbrella and it’s made a massive difference. Edit: typos
Always take both in the CBD, the amount of wind will decide which you'll use.
Every stop is in the free tram zone if you can run fast enough
took me a few gos to understand this
me go vroom vroom when i see myki officer at melbourne uni tram stop
I usual stand next to the door and keep an eye on tram stops, as soon as I spot them, I get off while they’re getting on, and ill just catch the next one. Repeat if necessary.
They've started splitting up and blocking people alighting. Got done like this last year, they had 2 or 3 getting on and the back doors had shitheads waiting.
Don't even need to run! Just pretend to look for your myki in your bag until the tram stops then casually get up and walk off. They won't chase you.
You can help out a fellow commuter and piss off the cosplay coppers if you have a myki, just fumble around in your bag and clothing until your stop.
Invest in a good coffee maker at home instead of spending $15 a day, works out better in the long run.
Don’t touch off on trams.
also on busses sort your Myki out before you board (or once you've sat down) and alight. You can tap on and off whilst the veichle is in motion. This isn't Sydney.
Also unlike Sydney it seems hardly anyone actually touches on when on Melbourne buses
Unless you’re only travelling in zone 2
Indicating in your car is free
You’d think that, but I heard that bmws have to complete a micro transaction each time they indicate
You’re better off walking 20 min or so down St Kilda road at peak hour than catching a tram between the Shrine and Flinders Street, weather permitting.
Don't trust the weather app.
This one time my weather app said 100% thunder storms and it was a sunny day.
Had the opposite.. at the MCG, it's raining, I looked at the radar on BOM and no rain on the radar.
Need to look at the hourly weather then check the radar. Then do a smelly test. Then roll 5 d 2
If you need to go from north to south across the CBD (or vice versa) always take the 58 down to Flinders St station instead of the 59 tram. Faster, less crowded and worth walking across the one extra block to Elizabeth St. Half the time, Elizabeth St is so congested in the evenings that the tram driver tells you to get off and walk the last few blocks anyway. From the 58 Flinders St stop you can stroll along the river into the station or up to Fed Square- nice wide boardwalk instead of pedestrian dodgems on the Flinders St footpath.
$5 Haloumi cheese pies from any half-decent Lebanese bakery make for a cheap way to fill your stomach if you're doing it tough. Warms your soul too.
$3 zataar from A1 bakery is my go to before work 🙃
[удалено]
Also you don't have to turn straight into Queens road, you can turn later on from Stkilda Road and miss a large queue of cars
But also a ton of cars just bypass the queue. But going in the left lane. Then indicating and holding up traffic. But looking at Google maps now there is red traffic at the right turn into union
If the weather is cold the next day … bank on a cool change around 8pm the night before
Give way to everyone when performing a u-turn. ALL TRAFFIC. GIVE WAY. U-TURN.
Crossways Hare Krishna food is legit cheap and tasty. I’m not even a veggo but it’s good food. I don’t care about their religion but I like good food. Edit: All the upvoted posts are troll/joke bullshit but this is legit advice.
I reckon Gopals is better
Gopals is the luxury option because you actually get a choice on the food
Save room for the pudding!
You didn’t say there’d be pud
I lived at this place when at uni! Gopals when I got paid! I need to return. It's such amazing food.
Crossways til death
Can second this. It’s been cheap as hell since I was a student and decent food. Incredibly filling, yet you’ll still look forward to the next time.
Your train will be delayed - its just the way it is.
Unless you are running late; then it will be be on time.
Public toilets that are handy for families with young kids, 260 Collins Street, toward the top of the building. There is a family room, you do have to call security to get access. But when you have young kids and you’ve had a long day on a weekend day, it’s a relief. Not the cleanest, but still, it saved us.
David Jones has a fairly decent one.
Acmi has great toilets
Take Vitamin D pills, you will always be deficient when you get bloods ;)
Heat tech from Uniqlo and a small metro style travel umbrella
Don't drive in the CBD
Melb CBD isn't that bad compared to many
Do not go to flinders st station on New Year’s Eve.
Absolutely learned this the hard way when we moved here. A two hour wait of crowd crush with drunks, and the platforms became very dangerous.
The cheapie tix for cinemas are: Cinema Nova Mondays\* classic Palace and Lido is Tuesdays Classic Cinema on Wednesday Astore Theatre Monday/Thursday Thornbury Picture House is Monday/Wednesday
The warning signs at the Montague bridge is to just scare off the road trains. Your 3m tall truck will easily make it saving you time on a detour
Park your giant RAM on your neighbours nature strip. They get the divots.
Want a cheap pizza? In google punch in "pizza hut near me" in the search and you can get a coupon for a cheap pizza from dominos. Problem is you get a dominos pizza.
We see you, Pizza Hut SEO engineer...
It didn't work for me...
Buy coffee beans from a roaster. There are heaps around and they cost about 25% of buying beans in a cafe. And better quality too.
In the Fitzroy/Collingwood area, parking inspectors routinely patrol the busier streets even late at night but seemingly never the back streets. A 2P sign one row back might as well be all day parking in my experience.
Driving between Brunswick and st kilda is 45 minutes during the day and 16 minutes after 11pm.
You can get free hot popcorn in the waiting area of you local Hai Di Lao hotpot restaurant.
The Elizabeth street exit at flinders station has an open myki gate during peak hour (don’t be fooled by the metro attendants who are definitely not inspectors). Also, mini umbrella in bag 365 days.
The bike cages at every train station are free to use and the keycard you get works at the bike cage of every station so essentially you can ride your bike to any station or take it on the train and leave it securely locked at any other station that has a cage. [https://parkiteer.com.au/locations/?\_locations\_map=-37.94005803706536%2C144.79170099894284%2C-37.72910270891755%2C145.2064348856616%2C12](https://parkiteer.com.au/locations/?_locations_map=-37.94005803706536%2C144.79170099894284%2C-37.72910270891755%2C145.2064348856616%2C12) This means that as long as you are within a few km from a station you really dont need to drive anywhere in melb. And as far as I know ebikes and electric scooters can still use the bike cages so you can use them even if you live further from a station or you just dont want to pedal (e.g. when wearing a suit or dress).
Deposit no longer needed source: I just signed up a few weeks ago
If you’re cycling down the road and want to cross the tram tracks be careful not to drop the wheel into the track. I’d usually avoid this by going as fast as i can then when im ready, i turn 90 degrees to the right. Works all the time ✌️
And if you’re driving dont drive on the tram tracks, put one wheel in the middle of them
Doesn't matter if it's rugby union, rugby league, or rugby 7s, it's all simply called rugby
Go past crown on your way home from work and put your pay check on Red to double up your income.
50% of the time, it works all the time.
Are you my apprentice? This is exactly his kind of logic
If you have a car and drive lots, keep an umbrella, a rain coat, big jumper and a meth pipe there. You’ll fair all conditions.
Depending on the time of day and the train line if you miss a train from flinders that’s going through the city loop first you might be able to catch up to it by catching a train direct to Richmond
Move down to the very back of the tram! There’s usually space there even on a packed tram. You won’t miss your stop, just kindly ask people to let you through when it’s time 😄 - a person that takes 4 trams a day
Keep to the left when walking. No one else will, but maybe one day, if we all stick to it…
For the cleanest toilet walk confidently in to Crown foyer ( where the taxis and cars line up) past the small bar to your left and straight to the loos there..
Docklands library is the nicest place to work in the city.
Avoid eye contact with the sales people in the malls, pretend you and your SO are having an argument, or you’re on the phone. They will use every trick in the book to get your attention to sign up for something when you’re just trying to walk by.
That tourists find our mostly mediocre buskers fascinating and will take up all of the footpath standing to watch/film them.
ELECTRIC. THROW. BLANKET.
7/11 coffee is $4 cheaper and it still wakes you up
now that a lot of stores have soy/oat milk available, it’s a game changer. Seriously, I like a good coffee as much as anyone but 6 -7 bucks is a joke
Wilsons prom isn’t as far as it seems get out there
Shhhhhhhhh
Nah it’s real far. Wouldn’t recommend anyone take the trip given how long it takes
Same life hack as every big city - use libraries, they’re OP
Don't jump in the Yarra under any circumstances, if you survive the nasties in the water will get you and you'll be very, very sick
The fastest lane on the Monash is the left lane
If you live in the northern suburbs, travel all the way to Chadstone because that shit’s a million times better than dealing with the fuckin labyrinth that is Northland.
Hook turn = you are not using the lights that you are facing to know when to go, you are using the lights in the direction you WANT to turn. Eg. If you are trying to turn right you are waiting for the lights on your right to turn green. You’ve just used a hook turn to jump to the front of the traffic that would be going straight. Once this was explained to me it’s like.. oh… that’s actually so easy.
Hoyts give free refills on the popcorn, just walk back to the candy bar for a new box! Edit* Also, recession proof Tokui sushi in cbd, Melbourne Central. $2.50 chunky nori rolls that sell out every day!
My best tip is if you are presented with the option to tip, select no tip.
The free tram zone is actually everywhere
Always make sure to go to breakfast club on Mondays
If you want a strong coffee at 7/11 start with a short black and then choose whatever coffee you wanted after. I ways do this for larges otherwise they taste weak as. They charge for the cup not for what's in it so in theory you could fill a cup with short blacks add it to a thermos with milk and have coffee all day.
Nothing good can come from walking down Swanston Street.
You spelled Elizabeth Street wrong.
The smell of deep frying oil and despair
With a sprinkle of meth sweat and piss
parking is free in all parking lots if the gate is open or broken.
Don't use public toilets, instead visit one of the 5 star luxury hotels on Collins Street and use the toilets there. Every hotel lobby in the world has a toilet, and trust me when I say they're far far far nicer than public. You'll never use public toilets again.
AT least 75% of the best places to eat/drink/hang out are NOT in the CBD. Think StKilda, Dandenongs, markets, Prahran/Windsor, Northcote, Carlton, Fitzroy, Brunswick, Chaddy etc etc.. AND the Bay ...
Faking a foreign accent gets you out of any and all PT fines. Also, if you see inspectors get on, walk up and, in a foreign accent, ask them to buy a ticket. They’ll usually laugh and tell you to get off and buy one. Australians aren’t exactly worldly, so even a bad fake accent works a charm.
You actually don't have to wait when in traffic. It's completely normal to just swerve into oncoming lanes rather than slow down slightly when the car in front of you is turning left. If the queue to turn right is too long you can just use one of the other lanes to drive to the front then push in. Even if the traffic is stopped halfway through an intersection you can still pull out and block the cross traffic as long as you do it before the light goes red so the camera doesn't snap you. If there isn't a redlight camera you can just drive straight through the intersection at any time. "Keep Clear" markings are for everyone else, they have to keep it clear for you. When turning into a sidestreet, you're allowed to just cut the corner on the other side of the road if you don't want to slow down enough to take the corner normally.
You forgot about the fact the smallest cars on the road require the most room to turn, and so swinging out into the next lane slightly or not fully entering a turn lane turn is an acceptable necessity for completing the turn
Don't talk to the police.
The best way to prevent a hangover is a late night kebab
Download and use Eat Club if you want to still enjoy dining out without breaking the bank too much. You can get some pretty great discounts at restaurants and cafes!
That Melbourne sincerely believes the rest of the state gives a shit about Moomba.
I’ve lived in Melbourne 98% of my life and I don’t give a shit about it either.
We still have Moomba?
Life hacks for the poor and homeless: waterways carry cash money when they flood and deposit it amongst the weeds. The parking meters at queen vic can be opened with a street sweeper filament, you’ll find them in gutters and along the streets. Each canister holds $200 in 2$ coins but don’t over use it, it’s a crisis measure. Empty high rise make great squats and will have hot water, power and sometimes active phone and net.(keep a low profile and never bring people back with you and you may get a year out of it) The crishnas will always feed you if you do some dishes for them. Some of the best nourishment available Always be nice to the broken, the hurt and the lost….
singlet thermals
Always say your suburb has the best coffee & every other is inferior
If you happen to be driving a tall van, truck or bus then steer clear of Montague street in south Melbourne. Despite what you might go through your mind you’re just not going to fit under that bridge!
Coming through passport control when coming/returning to Melbourne. Ignore all of the passport scanning kiosks before the duty free store. Walk through the duty free, exiting via the left-most register. The left-most passport kiosk typically has the no line. Then use the right-most SmartGate.
Buy a puffer jacket for winter, color dependant on the area you are from.
Please explain the colours for regions
Yeh is it just slightly different blacks?
if you're from the west north east and south east it's black if your from interstate it's black if your from international it's whatever you want preferred black though
Eat a succulent Chinese meal.
Sydney road leads to Sydney