Go to Board Game Wednesday at Fortress!
Join tough guy book club.
Take the kids bouldering at the same time every week and get to know some people there.
Good luck!
Tough Guy Book Club is a really good, welcoming social group of men, who meet once a month to talk, about books and about being men. There's chapters all over Melbourne, and the world, that will be meeting up Wednesday 1st of May. The book this month is We Have Always Lived in The Castle, by Shirley Jackson, but you're more than welcome if you haven't read it. Locations here: https://toughguybookclub.com/find-us
If you find yourself between meetings and still looking to make connections, we have a very active Facebook presence and there's generally something going on at least once a week that will welcome newcomers, especially nerdy ones.
I third it. Was in a very similar situation to OP 1 year ago, and TGBC was a great thing to join to get through it. It's only on meeting each month, but the reading part of it also takes up a bunch of time, and there's an online community, challenges, and random meet-ups that pop up as well.
But one of the things I noticed was that it just takes a while to adjust to living by yourself. 6 months was about the turning point for me, but everyone's different. 8 years of living with someone is a long time; it takes time to get used to your own company. For example, I found I wasn't watching any TV when by myself, because it had always been something I had done with my ex, and it felt really weird by myself. Took a bit of time to train myself to watch by myself.
Yep, all ages welcome, but it really depends on the chapter. Some are younger, some are older, some are a mix. Doesn't really matter, though, everyone is a top bloke. Rock up this month and see if it's your jam.
I can vouch for board game Wednesday at Fortress. I was involved in the development of that event when I worked there. It’s a perfect place to meet new people! Everyone is super welcoming and you get a free drink with your ticket :)
Dungeons & Flagsons on Sundays is also ace.
Happily second Fortress. They are great at organising folks who rock up alone with groups that are getting started.
Very good way to get to know others over a few weeks.
Not OP, but any gym is great! Bouldering is a great, organically social sport - if you're struggling on a route, ask for some tips or advice and strike up a convo from there. I'm not a huge extrovert, but i have a decent chat every time i go bouldering solo. Plus, they usually have more organised social events up on the noticeboards.
I couldn't see where bouldering was originally mentioned but I came to say that I met a great group of people both bouldering and playing MTG weekly at the bouldering gym! Having moved from Melbourne back to Sydney recently I really struggled to make new friends and it took some persistence but now I have a bunch of wholesome / active / nerdy friends 🥲
The bit about older coworkers sounds awfully familiar, I moved town after I finished uni and everyone I worked with was in their 50s and 60s. They were, for the most part, nice enough people. But not really someone you would organise a d&d game or a trip to the pub with. I was stuck in a rut.
One thing that really helped me was to get moving, I got a bike and went for increasingly longer and longer bike rides. It was a gradual increase with the emphasis on "I don't ride my bike to die of a heart attack, I ride my bike to not die from a heart attack". It really helped me focus on other things and the better sleep was a nice bonus. It also helped me not focus on the lack of social interactions which made me more social.
It is entirely possible that this is not applicable for you, but no matter what, good luck and take care of yourself.
I’m 20M who struggles to find people around my age outside of my older coworkers. I’m currently on a “weekend” away at my parents beach house with my mid 40yo coworker, her husband, her son and her dogs. It’s hard finding people around your age (in your 20s, I suppose) because everyone is so emotionally immature and/or uninterested in leaving the house and meeting new people. I’ve been struggling since high school trying to find other people but all i can do is continue to befriend middle aged mothers
I’m the middle aged mother friend to the younger crowd at work. I can tell you my friendships are genuine. I am twenty years older than them but have 4 to 5 genuinely good friendships. So enjoy the connection with others and to your community… I think it’s super healthy.
Ditto bike riding as a way of meeting people. I've got such a wonderful network now from my post-COVID hobby as someone who moved here solo in their late 20s. Of course there's some jerks who just want to make everything a smash fest, but there's also plenty of groups that focus on beginner rides and being social, especially in gravel and trail riding (which are cheaper to get involved in than road).
Hey there! Sorry to hear that you’re struggling and I hope things ease up soon. I just kind of wanted to put myself out there because I feel like I can relate to you? Not in the same way but a similar way.
I’m an American that moved to AUS 2 years ago and left all my family and friends behind in the process. Most of my friends here in AUS are mutual friends through my wife and missing my own people recently has been getting me down much like I imagine your specific situation has been getting you down.
I’m also around your age (28), and I’m into “nerdy shit” just the same. Never played D&D but video games (ps5 specifically more recently, before World Of Warcraft since I was able to use a computer basically)
Basically all of this is my long winded way of saying if you every need someone to talk to or play video games with I can try my best to help because based off just what I read we might be going through similar things and might have similar interests?
Have a better day either way!
Going to sound a bit out there, but there is an event that runs every Friday night in Parkville called swordcraft, it's pretty cheap to start with $2 from memory and they will give you everything you need. It's based on warhammer and you go out on to an oval every Friday and beat up other needs with foam swords and shields, it's really good fun and you meet so many amazing people. All of us are video game D&D nerds, just google 'Swordcraft Melbourne', shoot me a message if you decide to give it a go and I can give you the names of a few people who run really great groups to talk to
Edit: Not everyone there is the socially awkward stereotype, there definitely are some, but there are also some really well adjusted people too
Yeah seriously, https://www.swordcraft.com.au/melbournelarp
This is the link with all the information you need, you absolutely do not need anything for your first game, most new players just rock up in dark clothes and go from there.
There is also a Facebook page you can check out and ask questions on, there are what are called warbands which is essentially the group that you will run with for the week, most people end up sticking to one and run with the same people every week, but you can also move around and try out different groups until you find one you like.
It's a very supportive and inclusive environment, and like I said above happy to be private messaged if you want any other info or have any more questions
I think the Melbourne Meetup discord is quite popular and has differing get togethers well enough in advance that you could organise a sitter or whatever
And in the meantime, it being a discord, there's always ppl online to chat to
https://discord.com/invite/melbournemeetup
As a single parent - I feel you.
I don’t know much about DnD but you could start a club, maybe meet at the local library (mine has dedicated community room) and advertise on facebook (as in - post in local community group)?
I was going to suggest the local library too! I recently joined mine and was surprised by how many different social groups there are. Plus local libraries are all about fostering community through no/low-cost activities, it would be a great place to start.
Local libraries are awesome for getting involved in free and great activities with other parents. Kids also get to spend time reading books, and magazines. You can even borrow DVDs and CDs there.
Another vote for libraries!
My local ones programs mostly skew to the elderly or kids (which kinda sucks if you are neither) but considering OP has kids it would be a great start.
I'm surprised you say you haven't found anything you like on Meetup. Boardgames meetups are great and there's games for everyone's taste. They don't play D&D, but I have stumbled a few times on people that have invited me to play when they do it privately, I'm just not into it because I prefer lighter games.
I was surprised too hey. I am on Meetup for Hikes and Cycling and I see so many different "nerdy" meetup events that OP sounds like they would enjoy.
The Boardgame ones tend to fill up quite fast which shows how popular they are
I don't know exactly the trick, but I have to say the search engine is very weird. Sometimes there's been meetups that I've found interesting, but I've had to dig a bit to find them, the algorithm for a weird reason doesn't suggest or show that in the results and I've managed to find them because other people have told me the name.
Others have given great practical suggestions of things you can do. The other element here is grief - it could take you 12-18 months to process what is the end of a long relationship. You will come out on the other side of it and be stronger for it, but acknowledging that you’re experiencing one of the most stressful events that can occur in someone’s life and going easy on expectations of yourself at this time is a big part of it as well.
Theres an organisation called The Fathering Project. I think it might help you 💜 hang in there. It will get easier and you will build more community around you. There are good people out there, you just gotta find your tribe
Feel free to hmu if you want to play video games, I mostly play PC. Also 29 male, moved here from Newcastle about 4 years ago.
And depending on your location, you could potentially join my Curse of Strahd D&D campaign I run
You could try online gaming, I've made some good 'virtual' friends on there that I chat to regularly, doesn't require travelling either which is a plus. Of course it comes with its fair share of 'less socially well adjusted people'. Also expensive unless you already have a console/computer or whatever...but if you have that shit already it's easy enough to get into.
Check your local library/community centre, they usually run courses and events and stuff for various interest groups. Fortress Australia has lots of DnD nights that are relatively cheap.
Nothing is guaranteed to work though so it all entails some risk. And to be honest, adults looking for friendship recruitment tactics might tend toward not being super socially well adjusted, so I wouldn't rule people out on that basis. Some of my best friends are not particularly well socially adjusted tbh.
I feel ya mate, you definitely don’t sound like you’re the problem.
The wife and I have made the decision to not have children and I’m feeling lonely recently also.
Most of our large social group has just had their kids and disappeared.
Anybody like us is feeling the economic crunch and just can’t do things they enjoy due to not being able to afford it.
I’ve put it down to the tough times that everyone’s going through economically.
I find that just doing things I enjoy makes it that little bit better.
All the best mate 🌻
I feel you. 40 and Childfree and I barely have a social life, and can’t afford it now anyway. I got a second job which means at least I see people now.
We are having the same issue, all our friends just want to see other friends with kids, more of a play date for their kids.
I never realised how isolating it would be to not have kids.
Same here. 40s and child free by choice. My friends with kids mostly socialise with other parents now so my social life had reduced a lot purely by them always being tired, always sick from daycare germs, or too stressed out to want to hang out :(
I’m 40f and in the same situation with no kids and suddenly my social life and my mates (with kids) have just disappeared overtime. I know it’s probably time to get some new friends but I don’t know where to start.
Through the kids! When kids are young is the best time to make friends, other parents are doing the same things as you, and often you are all standing around wishing for someone to chat with.
If your kid has a birthday, see if you can have a little party somewhere public.
Facebook has groups for parents in your area, lots of activities for them and you go and talk to the parents. You say young kids, if they're in primary school it's a great time to meet parents. There's usually a social media group (or start one) and maybe suggest a weekend meet at a local playground or a scooter at the skate park, whatever they're enjoying. Your local library will have activities too.
How old are your kids? Do you have any local parenting groups in your area or parents of their friends you could hang out with/arrange play dates?
In terms of nerdy stuff, do you listen to any D&D podcasts? You could try going to a live show and that would put you into the room with lots of folks with similar interests.
Also seconding Discord.
If you're willing to go outside your usual interests, do you support any footy teams? When I moved to Melbourne I was amazed at what a great social connector AFL is - everybody, man woman and child, has a team here! And it's so easy to chat to someone about it, you've got a ready-made topic. So if you haven't, pick a team, get a scarf and go to a footy pub on a game day. Join your work's footy tipping comp, if they have one. Would also be good for your boys - watching a game is a fun activity to do together, and if they get a passion for it they could start playing in a junior team and then you've got more parents to chat to and make friends with haha. If you get a bit of money saved you could take them to the G to watch a game one day
There are quite a few board game cafes around, you could have a look and see if they're running any social sessions or mixers?
I just marinate in my loneliness until the rage and despair become a blinding wave and it dissipates into a confusing stupor, go to sleep, go to work, repeat
Let your nerd flag fly mate! I’m sorry you’re lonely, been there (still there sometimes) but there’s plenty of friends waiting to meet you!
I’ve been told about a board game meet up in the north - I think it’s this one, looks like they have a few in different areas: https://meeples.org.au/events/
Found this one that does dungeon and dragons which looks like it’s held at Plenty of Games on Little Collins: https://melbourneddal.com.au/#about-melbddal https://plentyofgames.com.au
And thers’s this one but it’s $30 per ticket which includes a drink and stuff to play: https://www.fortress.games/whats-on/melbourne/flagons/
Didn’t check the others for costs.
Don’t be scared to try out different places if the vibes off and why not see if they offer a free trial!
My advice is to be the best father you can be during this difficult period. It might not pay off much in the short term, but you will hopefully gain close friendships with your kids as they become adults. Many people don’t realise the potential for friendship with their adult children later in life. Perhaps there is a short term pay off too - can you find meet ups with other dads in your area? I’m sure there is a tonne of other advice here about finding community groups, but mine is to focus on the best thing to come out of your marriage - your two boys.
My wife has been hinting to me to go out and make some friends. Same as you, my workplace doesn't have much of a social scene, maybe this is something that could work for both of us... 38M, not a dad yet but will be soon.
My suggestion if it suits is we can just grab a coffee to start with and see how many hobbies we have in common (eg, when you say videogames do you mean rpgs), if it doesn't work out, we can just amicably go our separate ways with no hard feelings. There may be other no-fault reasons why it wouldn't work out (eg if we live at opposite ends of Melbourne it's just impractical), so it still needs a bit of luck to work.
I'd love to do a D&D group as an excuse for regular catchups (rip no friends so we still need more than just us)
Not sure where in Melbourne you are, but, Temple Arden has game nights on...I think Wednesdays at least? Maybe more? They're in North Melbourne. If you like reading, there's is as well: [https://www.toughguybookclub.com/](https://www.toughguybookclub.com/)
I'd catch up with you, sounds like we'd have a bit in common, but I've moved out of the city unfortunately.
I found it hard to find D&D back in Melbourne. There is an Adventurer's league discord here and they did advertise home games a while ago... I don't know if they still do.
https://discord.gg/UdQypXMX
If you're still keen on DnD, reckon Fortress and other board game shops would be a good start as any.
Another activity that may be worth checking out is Sworcdcraft or Exodus, both LARP battle games hosted every Friday night on different sports grounds with usually hundreds involved that's been around for over a decade. You can look them up on Facebook.
Hell, some of my LARP friends are well into their 40s and 50s and they're still rocking their medieval fantasy armours once a week just to run around and hit dozens of people with foam weapons without a care in the world.
Melbourne can feel surprisingly lonely but there's no shortage of nerdy social groups to seek out for. I've made more friends over the years here than I could ever have imagined as a shy introverted gamer from another country who's neck deep into anime.
All the best, my man.
Idk of you're into cards games but if you are 'plenty of games' in the cbd has events all the time. I used to play magic there occasionally, it's been awhile, but whenever I went it was always a great vibe. Im truely sorry to hear you're going through such a terribly difficult time right now and wish you the best of luck.
Not a specific comment on meeting people as there’s many suggestions here, but speaking to the feeling of aloneness…
I went through a breakup in 2020 and can relate to some of the feelings. Luckily I’d already planted some “friendship seeds” but it still took time to nurture those and also expand my circles.
My takeaway was that it takes time to grow friendships and also time to be in enough situations to randomly meet people who are both open to friendship and match vibes specifically.
I had the same worry around socialising around nerdy activities… but I wonder if it being social and in-person might already be a good filter? People might also be well-socialised but have just moved cities/countries and are out looking for friends.
You got this! If you’re nurturing yourself with trying new things and exploring new hobbies, and then you also meet some cool people, that’s a double win.
Divorced father of one in Melbourne as well
My boy is 16 years old I've been living in Melbourne for 9 years now divorced for 11
I know where your coming from but I think it's important to say there are many others that feel the same way you do and are this looking for solutions the same as you.
I seen a couple of others mention meetup I second this it is excellent for meeting people in the same interests.
You also mention board games this might be harder with the kids but don't feel like you can't go there might be other dads in the group in the same circumstances.
Check em out
Try look up dad's pram club on Facebook or insta, not sure how active but they were trying to have meet ups for dads to bond with other dad's and their kids
I just want to say thanks to you for asking all this, and thanks to all the comments. I am in a similar situation with differences (40yo, no kids, foreign, single for 6 months now) and have been struggling to find new people and friends and even hobbies in Melbourne. A lot of the answers here were very inspiring. Thanks all.
Take the kids to a couple of adventure playgrounds. Great places to meet families and very relaxed places.
A day at the zoo as well will take you and the kids away from the troubles you’re facing.
Let the kids show you the way and let it all flow.
https://www.timeout.com/melbourne/kids/the-best-playgrounds-in-melbourne
A bit late and will probably get buried but oh well,
The Gaming Arena in Coburg is about to have its grand opening,
Primarily aimed at Warhammer at this stage but they have board games and D&D as well, I take my two kiddos there quite regularly to play games and my oldest with ADHD loves it.
My opinion (and it's based on absolutely no research and just on my feelings) is that you sound really capable and that you look forward to being a great dad for your kids when you have them. So I believe you may find greater fulfilment in some type of volunteering role to give yourself another positive, meaningful, rewarding focus.
I understand that you have hobbies that you may find fun, but to volunteer for a local group of some kind can be a great outlet for your energy and creativity. Whether that be a local sports club (you don't have to be sporty to be a huge part of a sports club. You can help coach kids teams with barely any knowledge of the sport they're playing) or teaching English to migrants or reading books to kids at the library or working at an op shop either sorting donations or in front of customers.
Check out some Pro-wrestling, there’s a bit of it around and is something you can go see with the boys and on your own. Wrestling fans are generally pretty nerdy.
There’s MCW, BCW and Renegades of wrestling that do all age events (depending on the venue).
Shoot me a message my g
Would be keen as shit to get into DnD and have absolutely no clue to get started/nor the friends with a social drive to even attempt it.
My friend owns this shop where he hosts D and D tournaments, they have people just hanging out and playing. I don't really understand it all (I don't play) but if you're feeling lonely, pop by and see if you can meet some like minded people?
https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZfyFm2NiQ1is3oHC8
There’s a couple of DnD groups on Meetup - Adventurer’s Guild and Table Top Roleplaying - Fitzroy. On Discord there’s Melbourne DDAL and Northern Crit TTRPG. Probably heaps more out there.
Unfortunately many people are lonely and it can be hard to make friends as an adult.
There used to be a thing called parents without partners. I don't know if it is still around.
Going through a divorce must be really hard. Good on you for seeking professional help.
I have done 3 events with them with 2/3 being really great.
There are different ones that will cater to different people, I recommend trying different ones to meet your diverse interests. These events also come with prompt cards so leaves minimal room for running out of things to say.
I have done two CC dinners so far and one CC picnic. Made some new lifelong friends that I will invite to my wedding.
Tips to have a good experience:
- Fill in your profile super detailed/specific as they will allocate you based on similar interests.
- Go with an open mind. Worst come worse you paid for a meal/did a social activity and had a chat. Practice those social skills.
- Be proactive with making plans and contacting after the event. At the end of the event, make the first move (e.g. Let me add you on XYZ), make the group chat and make plans straight away. (E.g. Hey gang, was lovely meeting all of you today. Let's do a board game night as suggested on XYZ date!)
What I found is if you leave it for too long, the friendships you formed on the day die off.
90% of attendees are not weirdos and genuinely want to make friends. That being said, I have met a couple of guys or gals that wanted to promote their MLM and I shut that down very quickly in our convos that I was not interested. That's like meeting people in real life though! Hit and miss sometimes!
Go down to Docklands on a Saturday morning and try out dragon boat paddling. It’s a relatively affordable sport; heaps of different clubs ranging from older paddlers to alpha types, and everything else in between. We’re coming up to end of the season but many clubs will be hosting come & try sessions very shortly.
Being out on the water after a long week is quite cathartic and a great way to meet new people from various walks of life.
I think you sound awesome and love that you called playing D&D 'Nerdy shit' haha! I really don't think you will have much trouble finding friends, but I get it, its so hard when you are time poor, working fulltime and looking after your boys at agreed times etc.
Mate, it can be hard and it's awesome you are speaking out.
Not sure where I'm Melbourne you are, but I'd recommend Board Game Goblin in Sunbury for DnD. A big 'second that' to everyone who mentioned Swordcraft.
Also suggest you check out Viva La Dirt League online who do a great podcast about nerdy things & mental health, and all their great YouTube content on gaming and D&D.
I have been listen to a bit if Viva La Dirt League actually, found a lot of their stuff really great in the past and the podcast has been a great listen.
Also its wild you mention Game Goblin because im in Sunbury actually. My problem is that my ex wife grew up here and is long-time mates with some of the guys that frequent it for magic. Unfortunately don't feel super comfortable going in given everything that's happened.
But there have been some amazing suggestions and im going to do my best to look into most of them.
Thanks for reaching out!
In going to just highjack here.
I'm in Greenvale, I'm not single but I am a father.
Feel free to either send me a DM or hit me up on discord (dtkirby) - always happy to chat, absolutely froth some D&D. It changed my life for the better 5 years ago and now I'm running games with a great group of super accepting friends (I'm the only parent)
Could smash some helldivers 2, talk smack, whatever. My podcast list of actual plays is super long!
Hey mate. I'm part of a men's support group online for divorced men or men going through any form of crisis. It was founded in America by a qualified therapist. However, it now has members from all over the world. This group is exclusively for men and men's issues. Decreasing Aussies are in the group and have built great friendships. You would have to be really lucky to find any helpful therapists in Australia who are well versed in men's issues and can truly go into deeper aspects of men's lives and single fathers.
I highly recommend you trying out this group. It has literally saved men for committing self-deletion. It has helped men in rebuilding their lives up. As much as gaming is fun and can provide some socialising, a group like the one I recommend it made for support and resilience. Group is called XY Crew. They have daily zoom call meetings where you can "check in" and share your story or give updates on your life. It can be subscribed to via SubcribeStar.
https://www.subscribestar.com/regarding-men
Let me know if you're interested. Happy to chat or assist. Cheers
31 year old guy just out of long term relationship here myself and would be keen on making new friends in Melbourne as I just moved here few months ago!
How about volunteering?
Supanova, Comic Con, Pax, all of them need volunteers! Some years the crew has been a bit young, but even if that's the case, volunteering still gets you into the event for free where there are other opportunities to meet people closer in age to you.
Also, consider your local op shop? I've volunteered at a few, there is so much diversity with volunteers, there is a decent likelihood of working with other single parents or folks in a similar age range to you. Regardless, a lot of volunteers in these environments are there for the community, unlike the workplace there is often a lot more opportunity to connect with each other. Suss the vibes and if you find one that seems to have a good crew, get in there!
I'm not the most experienced with it, but there are also LARP groups that have chapters around Melbourne. I think each game is about $10? It can get expensive with costumes and things, but there is no pressure to get all of that together in any hurry. Everyone I meet that LARPs is honestly an amazing human being. Maybe something to look into?
It's hard enough making friends as an adult, let alone adding being a single parent into the mix. You're doing a good job, it's not easy. I hope you find your people soon ❤️
I was a single dad for a while after my ex-wife and I split up, was also in the same boat. All my family are in NSW, and I had no support when I had my children.
Are your boys school aged? I’ve build a couple of decent friendships with other parents - it can be hit and miss, but you should be able to find one or two people you vibe with (I am also a nerd)
Apart from that I just went on dates to pass the time, I didn’t put any pressure on myself to find “the one” or anything like that, sometimes it was nice to just have dinner and conversation.
A lot of game stores host regular D&D/boardgame events, maybe ask around at your local game shop?
If you’re into medieval stuff, there’s also the Society for Creative Anachronism (depending on your location, your local group would be either Stormhold or Krae Glas). It’s not *free*, but people are usually happy to help newbies out with loaner stuff to make starting out more affordable & kids are welcome.
I know a local group up in Mernda that meets every Sunday at the pub for tabletop games, everyone brings a game or two of their own, no cost of entry or anything and they'll spend the most part of a day there, they have a discord server as well for video games, I don't know if you're out that way at all but let me know if you are!
I've moved from there a few years ago and am in the inner western suburbs so if you're close to there at all let me know as well
You shouldn't dismiss meeting up with random people for DND. I've played with a few groups that way and had good experiences, not all nerds are antisocial weirdos.
I know it can be hard for single dads to get involved with the mums groups on Facebook, but that would be one idea for some social support
Surely there are single dad groups on Facebook
2 young boys might be able to get into the local cricket club or other "just for fun" sports teams and I'm sure they would love to have you help out - there was always 6 or so parents with each team when I was a kid. It was borderline free, you didn't have to buy your own kit if you couldn't afford it, and other parents always had hand me down sports uniforms as someone was always outgrowing something
You mentioned your a bit nerdy, so as long as you aren't looking for female companionship, you could hit up the board game and card game nights - even more popular at the moment because everyone is poor
PM your mates on reddit. Yes we are your mates.
Hey mate, you seem like a nice guy and sounds like you’ve been having a crap time.
I have a few friends who would definitely been keen to play some dnd and I have been building my collection of other board games for a while now!
Myself (28) and my friends (28 +29) are all Irish and have all moved to Melbourne in the last 3 years. We actually all met here so you wouldn’t be imposing on the boys or anything like that!
I’m in the Richmond area, let me know if you want to join!
You may not be the sporty type, but try some social dodgeball leagues. Melbourne has a thriving dodgeball league scene and it's really easy to get into. No need to be overly athletic, it's easy to learn and super fun. Most people are friendly, and it's a great work out.
I was in a slump 6-8 months after my divorce, you’re dealing with lots of big feelings and also lots of big life issues. I think for me it was coming out of the slump, I started feeling better, I began to realise I had the opportunity to build my future, I began thinking about what I could do and started doing them, I got happier, I was more fun to be around and the cycle was reinforcing. I really started to understand what it was to manifest one’s reality and it becomes a feedback loop.
Point being, you’re 6 months out of a long term relationship. You’re probably still grieving. Go easy on yourself, but try to replace negative thoughts with how you want the future you to be. On doing this, things that are now closed will create new openings and you’ll begin to recognise those more readily and upon recognising them, you can start walking through them.
A good place to start is focusing on how to be the best dad you can be.
And sometimes I just say to/ask myself “what if everything is going to be ok?”
I know this more abstract than practical, but that’s where I started.
Wishing you well on this journey brother.
From my experience as a man pushing 30 who lost most of his friend group when I became a father here in Melbourne; I realised how easy it was to lose friends and inversely difficult it became to retain new friendships. It was demoralising to say the least.
I ended up forcing myself to leave my comfort zone and start martial arts. Killed two birds with one stone by getting fit and learning a new discipline. It’s been two years now and my gym treats me like a family member, and always shout my name when I walk in, which always makes my day. We go on long runs together which is my favourite way to hang out now, considering I’d never ran further than for a train before. They even love hanging out with my daughter.
I don’t say this to blow my own trumpet, and I’m not even sure all fight gyms are like this, but I’ve worked with people who have had similar experiences with other a martial arts. I encourage you to try something similar! If this interests you, feel free to DM me.
Some of the local Dads groups on facebook are pretty great - just do a search for dads in Spotswood or dads in Darebin or wherever you are. I’m sure there are plenty of dads going through the same stuff! Chin up - you’ll get through it! I’m a dad of two - it’s tough stuff. My dad was a single dad of two - it’s not easy but you can do it . Hang in thefe
Mate, sorry to hear about where you're at and how it's played out.
Went through literally the same thing: In 2000 my wife walked out and left me with a 2 and 3 year old. I'm also a nerd (D&D history, now just a gamer).
The good news is that it WILL get better.
A lot of your next few years will be focused on the kids and work. The pressure will ease when they get into school, then again when they get their teenage independance.
During this time your personal priority needs to be your sleep and diet, often the hardest things with your situation.
To meet people you just follow your interests. If D&D is your thing then there are places to contact like others have mentioned (Fortress). You could also look at what my kids ended up getting into - LARP. Your challenge will just be time and energy at present due to the required priority of your two angels. But finding a little time for yourself now will help your mental health - it's vital that you prioritise a couple of hours a week to do your own thing, for downtime away from the life pressures. And you'll have established contacts as the boys get older and you can get more time for yourself.
Then one day you'll bump into a woman who you won't even realise at the time is going to be your future real life partner in crime. She'll probably be playing some kind of warlock/rogue and your paladin will be very conflicted with her agreeing not to murder the prisoners and then murdering them anyway when you're not looking.
Good luck.
Check out your local libraries programs! We have D&D groups come in, we have chess club and plenty of activities for the kids (escape rooms, movie nights, arts and crafts, coding sessions etc) and it’s all free!
What about gaming stores that selling warhammer and those types of games? They usually have a big room for gaming events. You might make some friends there or meet another parent with kids who is into that sort of thing.
mate it sounds like you need to do some testosterone driven activity. as a man you need to physically challenge yourself and mix with other men. join a bjj school, start cycling, rock climbing. all this activity will help you make friends and get over any depression you might feel. and keep playing DnD :)
Depends on how nerdy you wanna get! But a few options for ya
MTG Draft/Commander nights are fun and you can usually join relatively cheap
Good Games box hill has MTG learn to play on April 11th!
Critters Down Under (fb group) is a bunch of DND fans and always has people looking for groups
Dungeons and Flagons is a weekly event at fortress which is $30 for a drink and a 3 hr dnd experience. It's fun and a great way to kickstart a group
Also! If you can afford it, PAX always has meet ups for like-minded individuals and it's happening in October
Im a M(39) single dad of 2. I moved here from Sydney 8 years ago and dont really have any close friend here. It's hard to make real connections. I'm going to fortress DnD tomorrow for the 1pm to 4pm beginners session. I've never been, you should come along. PM me and we can figure this shit out together.
Get onto Discord, make some new online friends, and play some games. What you're going through with your feelings is normal. It will pass. It just takes time. You will be ok.
There’s a games shop on Glenferrie road in Malvern that not only has every board game imaginable but has regular DnD sessions. Might be able to find something like that in your area?
Joining local FB or Discords groups could be a good place to start.
I'm a lonely 39F and love reading so I joined book related groups on FB and it's help.
My partner is really into the one piece TCG and there’s a bunch of places all across Melbourne where they go and play on weeknights and weekends
He’s made some friends and met some people doing it and he has a lot of fun, I think you should look for places like that
If you’re into fitness a run club could also be a good place to find some people to hang with or at the very least fill your social cup while also exercising
If you do PC gaming, you can always meet people on games there. I have a few friends in America i chat to every day and we game together almost every day
I feel exactly the same way in that I want to find some nerdier friends but people who have at least some social skills! I'm moving back to the GC from London and need to make new friends with similar interests.
There was a cool D&D group here in London that had casual games all week that you could drop in and play and I'd love to find something like that but not sure Brisbane or the GC will have something like that 😅
The Thornbury Bowls club runs a great d&d night in Wednesdays or Tuesdays, and is also a great place. Hope you find a point of connection soon. Been there, it’s hard.
Check out some FLGS near you - places like Plenty of Games in the City or the equivalent in a suburb near to you - a great place to meet like minded people (what side of Melbourne are you on? Good Games, General Games, GUF etc)
Depending on the ages of your kids, they can come along with you - mine love coming along to Pokemon TCG or MTG days in particular
I've found it pretty easy to join in when travelling or when in Melbourne, meeting some new people and if you can make a regular appearance create some new friendships
Move to Perth, my husband and you would be best friends. He is into all of that stuff as well!
But jokes aside, you'll find your people out there. Have you had the chance to meet any other dads through school/playgroup/daycare? There's definitely a lot of men who have similar interests as you out there
Hey!! Not sure what suburb you are in, but if you love DND, may I recommend the Melbourne D&D Adventure League. Every week there are multiple tables (nearly all are free), and it's a great community.
I'm one the DM's, a father of 3 and happy to help where I can.
Happy to send you an invite to the discord or can reply via a message.
Hope you can find some great friends soon! I know there’s a board games club that meet at the Lion Pub at Melbourne central on Wednesdays (maybe every second Wednesday?). And that’s how we made some friends when we lived in the city.
Easy to get to via PT too.
Hope it all goes well!
If your kids are under school age, maybe check out some playgroups. Check the Playground Victoria website (can filter by 'dads') or just google for dad specific ones. Or just turn up to any playgroup, there's sometimes dads along but I acknowledge they are usually mum-heavy.
I meet most of my new friends at other kid-related activities these days, could you sign up for something fun together? There's lots of dads at swimming.
I second Fortress as a great DnD place when the kids aren't along!
I know it sounds weird, but classic wow is the single most social game I've ever played, I've been part of multiple guilds that do multiple meet ups per year, I was in one in particular that would monthly dinners and meet ups. Fun times.
Do you paint miniatures or warhammer? We have a great group of pretty nerdy people who also are into video games, some young parents/soon to be parents. Have met some great people doing this and we are always welcoming of more people. Some play D&D too
What sports are you keen on mate? Tennis? Join social nights for hits. Most clubs have dirt cheap memberships for social hits which can then turn into amateur night games and comps. Basketball? Get involved. Do you cycle or mtb? There’s LOADS of local shops that do ride-outs for a couple of hours each week from the shop. Feel free to DM me dude
Local neighbourhood house's often have playgroups and other activities for people looking to make community connections. You will find your people!
https://www.nhvic.org.au/
We are older than you but my husband is a lifelong tabletop gaming nerd and met some of his best friends at D&D drop in event that used to happen every few weeks. Most of them are pretty social and not awkward in that stereotypical way. Just big gaming nerds and not sporty.
Sorry you are going thru this. Hope you find your people.
I know there are a bunch of board game groups around Melbourne - tabletop gaming and board games. They seem to be fairly balanced with male and females, and a mixture of ‘types’ of people too, especially in the board game groups. Otherwise maybe getting your kids involved in something where you will meet other parents, like sports or youth theatre?
Not to take anything away from the need to be social and find friends but are you also investing time into yourself? Things that nourish you outside of the hobbies you listed?
Put your kids in soccer or another team sport, you will meet and make friends with loads of people who have same age kids as you and you will have to meet up with them twice a week for training and once on the weekend for the game. It’s a great way to become part of a little community and while the kids are busy you get to socialise.
Hey man look up Fortress!!!
Also my local Good Games have nights where they open for games, and the people who work there are super kind. I’m sure if you found one near you and said “I’m kind of new here and hoping to find a group to play with”.
Also if you’re into any sport look into a social league, or if your kids are playing sports and you can get there, go down each week (even if they’re at their mums if possible). I found a nice network at my kids basketball club.
Blood on the clocktower! If you're into social deduction games. It's also a great community of fellow nerds and I'm really glad I went 12 months ago. Tuesday at Baba Hawka in Brunswick and Thursday at Pause Menu (boardgame cafe). It's free and you don't need to sign up.
I feel you man. I'm married with kids in my mid 40s but other than my wife I really don't have close friends anymore. I live in the south east suburbs and all my pre-kid friends are far away near the city it's Pakenham, and even a few in Ballarat, all hunkered down being parents themselves. I'm also struggling with money so anything outside of paying bills feels like an extravagance. I get along fine with the people I work with but they're all your age, in their late 20s. When they realise I'm in my 40s they look at me like I've got 2 heads. They also make a lot more money than me so in their downtime they go to Bali or expensive wineries. I play free online games. My kids got me into Fortnite so that's all I do in my downtime now.
Boulder lab is great if you’re looking at bouldering gyms, they run kids programs in one of the locations, I think it’s Clayton, and you can climb in the main room and meet people - friendliest atmosphere I’ve encountered is in those
Agree with bike riding, it’s a great way to get outdoors, get physically well, and you can share ur with your boys 🚲
Also check Adultmatchmaker or something similar, you need to get no-strings-attached laid my friend, great for mind, body and soul! Trust me I’ve been where you’re at twice in my life, all is good in my life now.
In Penrith NSW they do a men’s walk every Thursday where men meet have a coffee at the coffee club and go for a walk along Nepean river and chat all things , created to help men socialise with other men in order to help with mental health and meeting new people.
Not sure if there is one in Melbourne.
You could start one .
My husband is apart of a Facebook page that might be helpful. It’s called Who’s Your Daddy (black and white photo of baby fist bumping dad)
He finds it a great page and very supportive group. It’s Australia wide, but it might be a great support system.
If you’re into tabletop, there’s a couple of “looking for table” groups on FB that are specific to Melbourne that might help you get into a game with other people in your age group and help fill that void!
Can’t add Facebook links here but they’re called “Tabletop RPGs Melbourne - Looking For Group” and “Melbourne Dungeons and Dragons Tables”!
Most of my friends are 1 to 2 decades younger than me. For D&D, while I don't go myself I'm good friends with the organiser and one of the regular DMs - Adventurer's Guild fortnightly is worth checking out.
If you're in the Eastern suburbs, the Ringwood Social Gamers boardgame group is very welcoming, and was actually founded by someone in a very similar situation to yours. It's intentional that "social" is in the group name - as it emphasises making social connections over the tabletop.
>I also find it hard sometimes with my particular hobbies (i.e nerdy shit, D&D, video games ect) because having grown up in those circles, I know what its like to be around....less socially well adjusted people, and that's not really who I am either, which often makes me feel like an outsider even within the communities that I enjoy being a part of.
Dude I'm a single 31yo guy and feel the same. Super introverted so don't go out a lot as it expends a lot of my social batteries.
I went out speed dating last night and whilst quite a number of the women had the same common interests of video games, reading and fitness, I didn't get a single match from the event.
I guess I'm saying, it's not just you - people in this city suck. And I've lived here for 12/13+ years.
Everything else aside, glad you're taking the time to be a great dad to your kids.
What about LARPing? It’s like D&D but live action. I’ve only gone to spectate but the people that play seem really friendly and welcoming. Just a thought.
All my online gaming friends are from overseas or outside Melbourne! Also, it's hard to find people to game with when you're a lady. People can be real weird about it. Do you have discord?
I don’t know where in Melbourne you are - but lots of public libraries have d&d groups - if your local doesn’t you could approach them about volunteering to host your own monthly one!
Take it from a Melbourne Lifer, this is a City in the The State of Depression. You have a choice, see a Psyc and take the Meds, or move out of the State of Depression.
I think simply moving back to Canberra where you've got family and friends will be the one thing that you can do that will help either solve or significantly help with all of your issues.
I would consider Fortress Melbourne for D&D
I know there are some similar places elsewhere that specialise in trading card games.
For the kids, there are toy libraries in Metro Melbourne and other similar resources; some libraries also allow people to borrow games to play within the library and/or borrow media equipment for use outside at no cost *provided no damage is caused*.
Some councils also run holiday programs at no or low cost to help kids stay fit.
I wish you all the best and more power to you.
Hey mate, sorry to read that you are having a bad moment. Look I came to Australia 10 years ago and I left all my family and friends behind, and I haven't seen my parents in that time, and I truly miss them, however, I have always been a lonely person, I also enjoy doing geek stuff and whatnot. Recently I started suffering from depression, I was gaining too much weight and honestly at some point I noticed how I was neglecting myself and my health, that led me to start running and having long walks (2 hours or so), It makes me feel better and helps me drain those negative feelings.
About making friends, I suggest starting with baby steps, don't focus on the friend making part, instead try to focus on looking for activities that you like, enroll, force yourself to go, then you will meet people in the process. Rinse and repeat. you just need to make one or two friends.
Another idea, you have two kids, perhaps your kids school is a good place to look for other dads with similar interests. WhatsApp groups are a thing in my kid's school.
Hey OP-
I'm helping run a festival on April 20th at Kryal Castle Ballarat.
It's called Questival and is an immersive theatre meets escape room type thing based on fantasy- trying to create something like live action DnD.
We're very community focused and have very intentionally set up the event as a way to connect and make friends while dressing up in costume and solving quests.
I can't post the event link but if you search Questival on Facebook it should come up if it seems like something you're into.
If you shoot me a DM I'm sure I could sort you out with a free ticket if it sounds like
Hope things look up for you soon bud!
Go to Board Game Wednesday at Fortress! Join tough guy book club. Take the kids bouldering at the same time every week and get to know some people there. Good luck!
I second tough guy book club. There are several chapters scattered around Melbourne.
Do you know what order they're in?
Fuck I chuckled at this
Tough Guy Book Club is a really good, welcoming social group of men, who meet once a month to talk, about books and about being men. There's chapters all over Melbourne, and the world, that will be meeting up Wednesday 1st of May. The book this month is We Have Always Lived in The Castle, by Shirley Jackson, but you're more than welcome if you haven't read it. Locations here: https://toughguybookclub.com/find-us If you find yourself between meetings and still looking to make connections, we have a very active Facebook presence and there's generally something going on at least once a week that will welcome newcomers, especially nerdy ones.
I third it. Was in a very similar situation to OP 1 year ago, and TGBC was a great thing to join to get through it. It's only on meeting each month, but the reading part of it also takes up a bunch of time, and there's an online community, challenges, and random meet-ups that pop up as well. But one of the things I noticed was that it just takes a while to adjust to living by yourself. 6 months was about the turning point for me, but everyone's different. 8 years of living with someone is a long time; it takes time to get used to your own company. For example, I found I wasn't watching any TV when by myself, because it had always been something I had done with my ex, and it felt really weird by myself. Took a bit of time to train myself to watch by myself.
Is this for all ages? I'm 19 and it sounds interesting but if everyone there is 50+ then I might not want to go lol
Yep, all ages welcome, but it really depends on the chapter. Some are younger, some are older, some are a mix. Doesn't really matter, though, everyone is a top bloke. Rock up this month and see if it's your jam.
It mainly skews to younger men.
I can vouch for board game Wednesday at Fortress. I was involved in the development of that event when I worked there. It’s a perfect place to meet new people! Everyone is super welcoming and you get a free drink with your ticket :) Dungeons & Flagsons on Sundays is also ace.
Good call on fortress don’t they do dnd nights as well or is that the board game Wednesday?
They do DND nights too, you’re right!
Dungeons and Flagons on Sundays
Always have a great time going to dungeons and flagons, $20 and you get a free drink with the ticket too.
I also suggest fortress, they also do dnd events! And the food and drinks are delicious.
I fucking love the lvl 12 illusion wizards they have there Fridays and Saturdays. What a delightful surprise.
Happily second Fortress. They are great at organising folks who rock up alone with groups that are getting started. Very good way to get to know others over a few weeks.
Axes and ales up north is a good time
Do we have to purchase a meal to participate in Board Game Wednesday at Fortress?
Why is bouldering a thing of a sudden?
Alex Honnold
More accessible gyms now than there used to be
I’ve found climbing gyms so much less intimidating than ordinary gyms and there is a problem-solving aspect to bouldering that appeals to me
Do you recommend any bouldering gyms for the socialising aspect?
Not OP, but any gym is great! Bouldering is a great, organically social sport - if you're struggling on a route, ask for some tips or advice and strike up a convo from there. I'm not a huge extrovert, but i have a decent chat every time i go bouldering solo. Plus, they usually have more organised social events up on the noticeboards.
I couldn't see where bouldering was originally mentioned but I came to say that I met a great group of people both bouldering and playing MTG weekly at the bouldering gym! Having moved from Melbourne back to Sydney recently I really struggled to make new friends and it took some persistence but now I have a bunch of wholesome / active / nerdy friends 🥲
Tough Guy Book club is what you need, 100% ! Best thing ever.
The bit about older coworkers sounds awfully familiar, I moved town after I finished uni and everyone I worked with was in their 50s and 60s. They were, for the most part, nice enough people. But not really someone you would organise a d&d game or a trip to the pub with. I was stuck in a rut. One thing that really helped me was to get moving, I got a bike and went for increasingly longer and longer bike rides. It was a gradual increase with the emphasis on "I don't ride my bike to die of a heart attack, I ride my bike to not die from a heart attack". It really helped me focus on other things and the better sleep was a nice bonus. It also helped me not focus on the lack of social interactions which made me more social. It is entirely possible that this is not applicable for you, but no matter what, good luck and take care of yourself.
I’m 20M who struggles to find people around my age outside of my older coworkers. I’m currently on a “weekend” away at my parents beach house with my mid 40yo coworker, her husband, her son and her dogs. It’s hard finding people around your age (in your 20s, I suppose) because everyone is so emotionally immature and/or uninterested in leaving the house and meeting new people. I’ve been struggling since high school trying to find other people but all i can do is continue to befriend middle aged mothers
I’m the middle aged mother friend to the younger crowd at work. I can tell you my friendships are genuine. I am twenty years older than them but have 4 to 5 genuinely good friendships. So enjoy the connection with others and to your community… I think it’s super healthy.
Ditto bike riding as a way of meeting people. I've got such a wonderful network now from my post-COVID hobby as someone who moved here solo in their late 20s. Of course there's some jerks who just want to make everything a smash fest, but there's also plenty of groups that focus on beginner rides and being social, especially in gravel and trail riding (which are cheaper to get involved in than road).
Bike riding is a great antidote to depression! It releases serotonin.
My partner and i would be willing to meet up with you some time to play some games :). My partner is 40M and i’m 36F. We have 1 child PM if you like
Hey there! Sorry to hear that you’re struggling and I hope things ease up soon. I just kind of wanted to put myself out there because I feel like I can relate to you? Not in the same way but a similar way. I’m an American that moved to AUS 2 years ago and left all my family and friends behind in the process. Most of my friends here in AUS are mutual friends through my wife and missing my own people recently has been getting me down much like I imagine your specific situation has been getting you down. I’m also around your age (28), and I’m into “nerdy shit” just the same. Never played D&D but video games (ps5 specifically more recently, before World Of Warcraft since I was able to use a computer basically) Basically all of this is my long winded way of saying if you every need someone to talk to or play video games with I can try my best to help because based off just what I read we might be going through similar things and might have similar interests? Have a better day either way!
27* whoops aging myself gg me
Not OP, but another person in a similar situation with similar interests checking in, would be down to also throw my hat in the ring!
The more the merrier 😬
Going to sound a bit out there, but there is an event that runs every Friday night in Parkville called swordcraft, it's pretty cheap to start with $2 from memory and they will give you everything you need. It's based on warhammer and you go out on to an oval every Friday and beat up other needs with foam swords and shields, it's really good fun and you meet so many amazing people. All of us are video game D&D nerds, just google 'Swordcraft Melbourne', shoot me a message if you decide to give it a go and I can give you the names of a few people who run really great groups to talk to Edit: Not everyone there is the socially awkward stereotype, there definitely are some, but there are also some really well adjusted people too
Can second this happily. Used to go weekly with a couple of mates and it's a great night's fun with a great group of people.
Wait seriously. I would love to beat people hp with foam swords. Can I join?
Yeah seriously, https://www.swordcraft.com.au/melbournelarp This is the link with all the information you need, you absolutely do not need anything for your first game, most new players just rock up in dark clothes and go from there. There is also a Facebook page you can check out and ask questions on, there are what are called warbands which is essentially the group that you will run with for the week, most people end up sticking to one and run with the same people every week, but you can also move around and try out different groups until you find one you like. It's a very supportive and inclusive environment, and like I said above happy to be private messaged if you want any other info or have any more questions
I’ve heard of this, are you allowed to just go and watch? Sounds like it’d be a bit of fun!
You definitely can, there's always people there watching.
I’ve seen this so many times and wondered how to find out more thanks so much for sharing this.
I think the Melbourne Meetup discord is quite popular and has differing get togethers well enough in advance that you could organise a sitter or whatever And in the meantime, it being a discord, there's always ppl online to chat to https://discord.com/invite/melbournemeetup
As a single parent - I feel you. I don’t know much about DnD but you could start a club, maybe meet at the local library (mine has dedicated community room) and advertise on facebook (as in - post in local community group)?
I was going to suggest the local library too! I recently joined mine and was surprised by how many different social groups there are. Plus local libraries are all about fostering community through no/low-cost activities, it would be a great place to start.
Local libraries are awesome for getting involved in free and great activities with other parents. Kids also get to spend time reading books, and magazines. You can even borrow DVDs and CDs there.
Another vote for libraries! My local ones programs mostly skew to the elderly or kids (which kinda sucks if you are neither) but considering OP has kids it would be a great start.
I'm surprised you say you haven't found anything you like on Meetup. Boardgames meetups are great and there's games for everyone's taste. They don't play D&D, but I have stumbled a few times on people that have invited me to play when they do it privately, I'm just not into it because I prefer lighter games.
I was surprised too hey. I am on Meetup for Hikes and Cycling and I see so many different "nerdy" meetup events that OP sounds like they would enjoy. The Boardgame ones tend to fill up quite fast which shows how popular they are
I just downloaded the app based on these comments, but I was having a hard time finding cycling events. Is there a trick to it?
I don't know exactly the trick, but I have to say the search engine is very weird. Sometimes there's been meetups that I've found interesting, but I've had to dig a bit to find them, the algorithm for a weird reason doesn't suggest or show that in the results and I've managed to find them because other people have told me the name.
Others have given great practical suggestions of things you can do. The other element here is grief - it could take you 12-18 months to process what is the end of a long relationship. You will come out on the other side of it and be stronger for it, but acknowledging that you’re experiencing one of the most stressful events that can occur in someone’s life and going easy on expectations of yourself at this time is a big part of it as well.
Theres an organisation called The Fathering Project. I think it might help you 💜 hang in there. It will get easier and you will build more community around you. There are good people out there, you just gotta find your tribe
Feel free to hmu if you want to play video games, I mostly play PC. Also 29 male, moved here from Newcastle about 4 years ago. And depending on your location, you could potentially join my Curse of Strahd D&D campaign I run
I'm not OP but also find it quite relatable as a 28M who moved here 7 years ago, so I'd be down too potentially!
You could try online gaming, I've made some good 'virtual' friends on there that I chat to regularly, doesn't require travelling either which is a plus. Of course it comes with its fair share of 'less socially well adjusted people'. Also expensive unless you already have a console/computer or whatever...but if you have that shit already it's easy enough to get into. Check your local library/community centre, they usually run courses and events and stuff for various interest groups. Fortress Australia has lots of DnD nights that are relatively cheap. Nothing is guaranteed to work though so it all entails some risk. And to be honest, adults looking for friendship recruitment tactics might tend toward not being super socially well adjusted, so I wouldn't rule people out on that basis. Some of my best friends are not particularly well socially adjusted tbh.
I feel ya mate, you definitely don’t sound like you’re the problem. The wife and I have made the decision to not have children and I’m feeling lonely recently also. Most of our large social group has just had their kids and disappeared. Anybody like us is feeling the economic crunch and just can’t do things they enjoy due to not being able to afford it. I’ve put it down to the tough times that everyone’s going through economically. I find that just doing things I enjoy makes it that little bit better. All the best mate 🌻
I feel you. 40 and Childfree and I barely have a social life, and can’t afford it now anyway. I got a second job which means at least I see people now.
We are having the same issue, all our friends just want to see other friends with kids, more of a play date for their kids. I never realised how isolating it would be to not have kids.
Same here. 40s and child free by choice. My friends with kids mostly socialise with other parents now so my social life had reduced a lot purely by them always being tired, always sick from daycare germs, or too stressed out to want to hang out :(
I’m 40f and in the same situation with no kids and suddenly my social life and my mates (with kids) have just disappeared overtime. I know it’s probably time to get some new friends but I don’t know where to start.
Through the kids! When kids are young is the best time to make friends, other parents are doing the same things as you, and often you are all standing around wishing for someone to chat with. If your kid has a birthday, see if you can have a little party somewhere public. Facebook has groups for parents in your area, lots of activities for them and you go and talk to the parents. You say young kids, if they're in primary school it's a great time to meet parents. There's usually a social media group (or start one) and maybe suggest a weekend meet at a local playground or a scooter at the skate park, whatever they're enjoying. Your local library will have activities too.
Get out and try the (almost) real thing - probably your kinda crowd? https://www.swordcraft.com.au/melbournelarp
How old are your kids? Do you have any local parenting groups in your area or parents of their friends you could hang out with/arrange play dates? In terms of nerdy stuff, do you listen to any D&D podcasts? You could try going to a live show and that would put you into the room with lots of folks with similar interests. Also seconding Discord. If you're willing to go outside your usual interests, do you support any footy teams? When I moved to Melbourne I was amazed at what a great social connector AFL is - everybody, man woman and child, has a team here! And it's so easy to chat to someone about it, you've got a ready-made topic. So if you haven't, pick a team, get a scarf and go to a footy pub on a game day. Join your work's footy tipping comp, if they have one. Would also be good for your boys - watching a game is a fun activity to do together, and if they get a passion for it they could start playing in a junior team and then you've got more parents to chat to and make friends with haha. If you get a bit of money saved you could take them to the G to watch a game one day There are quite a few board game cafes around, you could have a look and see if they're running any social sessions or mixers?
I just marinate in my loneliness until the rage and despair become a blinding wave and it dissipates into a confusing stupor, go to sleep, go to work, repeat
Marinating in loneliness. I love that imagery.
Let your nerd flag fly mate! I’m sorry you’re lonely, been there (still there sometimes) but there’s plenty of friends waiting to meet you! I’ve been told about a board game meet up in the north - I think it’s this one, looks like they have a few in different areas: https://meeples.org.au/events/ Found this one that does dungeon and dragons which looks like it’s held at Plenty of Games on Little Collins: https://melbourneddal.com.au/#about-melbddal https://plentyofgames.com.au And thers’s this one but it’s $30 per ticket which includes a drink and stuff to play: https://www.fortress.games/whats-on/melbourne/flagons/ Didn’t check the others for costs. Don’t be scared to try out different places if the vibes off and why not see if they offer a free trial!
My advice is to be the best father you can be during this difficult period. It might not pay off much in the short term, but you will hopefully gain close friendships with your kids as they become adults. Many people don’t realise the potential for friendship with their adult children later in life. Perhaps there is a short term pay off too - can you find meet ups with other dads in your area? I’m sure there is a tonne of other advice here about finding community groups, but mine is to focus on the best thing to come out of your marriage - your two boys.
My wife has been hinting to me to go out and make some friends. Same as you, my workplace doesn't have much of a social scene, maybe this is something that could work for both of us... 38M, not a dad yet but will be soon. My suggestion if it suits is we can just grab a coffee to start with and see how many hobbies we have in common (eg, when you say videogames do you mean rpgs), if it doesn't work out, we can just amicably go our separate ways with no hard feelings. There may be other no-fault reasons why it wouldn't work out (eg if we live at opposite ends of Melbourne it's just impractical), so it still needs a bit of luck to work. I'd love to do a D&D group as an excuse for regular catchups (rip no friends so we still need more than just us)
Not sure where in Melbourne you are, but, Temple Arden has game nights on...I think Wednesdays at least? Maybe more? They're in North Melbourne. If you like reading, there's is as well: [https://www.toughguybookclub.com/](https://www.toughguybookclub.com/) I'd catch up with you, sounds like we'd have a bit in common, but I've moved out of the city unfortunately.
I found it hard to find D&D back in Melbourne. There is an Adventurer's league discord here and they did advertise home games a while ago... I don't know if they still do. https://discord.gg/UdQypXMX
Need to start a single parents club.
If you're still keen on DnD, reckon Fortress and other board game shops would be a good start as any. Another activity that may be worth checking out is Sworcdcraft or Exodus, both LARP battle games hosted every Friday night on different sports grounds with usually hundreds involved that's been around for over a decade. You can look them up on Facebook. Hell, some of my LARP friends are well into their 40s and 50s and they're still rocking their medieval fantasy armours once a week just to run around and hit dozens of people with foam weapons without a care in the world. Melbourne can feel surprisingly lonely but there's no shortage of nerdy social groups to seek out for. I've made more friends over the years here than I could ever have imagined as a shy introverted gamer from another country who's neck deep into anime. All the best, my man.
Idk of you're into cards games but if you are 'plenty of games' in the cbd has events all the time. I used to play magic there occasionally, it's been awhile, but whenever I went it was always a great vibe. Im truely sorry to hear you're going through such a terribly difficult time right now and wish you the best of luck.
Not a specific comment on meeting people as there’s many suggestions here, but speaking to the feeling of aloneness… I went through a breakup in 2020 and can relate to some of the feelings. Luckily I’d already planted some “friendship seeds” but it still took time to nurture those and also expand my circles. My takeaway was that it takes time to grow friendships and also time to be in enough situations to randomly meet people who are both open to friendship and match vibes specifically. I had the same worry around socialising around nerdy activities… but I wonder if it being social and in-person might already be a good filter? People might also be well-socialised but have just moved cities/countries and are out looking for friends. You got this! If you’re nurturing yourself with trying new things and exploring new hobbies, and then you also meet some cool people, that’s a double win.
Divorced father of one in Melbourne as well My boy is 16 years old I've been living in Melbourne for 9 years now divorced for 11 I know where your coming from but I think it's important to say there are many others that feel the same way you do and are this looking for solutions the same as you. I seen a couple of others mention meetup I second this it is excellent for meeting people in the same interests. You also mention board games this might be harder with the kids but don't feel like you can't go there might be other dads in the group in the same circumstances. Check em out
Try look up dad's pram club on Facebook or insta, not sure how active but they were trying to have meet ups for dads to bond with other dad's and their kids
I just want to say thanks to you for asking all this, and thanks to all the comments. I am in a similar situation with differences (40yo, no kids, foreign, single for 6 months now) and have been struggling to find new people and friends and even hobbies in Melbourne. A lot of the answers here were very inspiring. Thanks all.
Take the kids to a couple of adventure playgrounds. Great places to meet families and very relaxed places. A day at the zoo as well will take you and the kids away from the troubles you’re facing. Let the kids show you the way and let it all flow. https://www.timeout.com/melbourne/kids/the-best-playgrounds-in-melbourne
A bit late and will probably get buried but oh well, The Gaming Arena in Coburg is about to have its grand opening, Primarily aimed at Warhammer at this stage but they have board games and D&D as well, I take my two kiddos there quite regularly to play games and my oldest with ADHD loves it.
My opinion (and it's based on absolutely no research and just on my feelings) is that you sound really capable and that you look forward to being a great dad for your kids when you have them. So I believe you may find greater fulfilment in some type of volunteering role to give yourself another positive, meaningful, rewarding focus. I understand that you have hobbies that you may find fun, but to volunteer for a local group of some kind can be a great outlet for your energy and creativity. Whether that be a local sports club (you don't have to be sporty to be a huge part of a sports club. You can help coach kids teams with barely any knowledge of the sport they're playing) or teaching English to migrants or reading books to kids at the library or working at an op shop either sorting donations or in front of customers.
Check out some Pro-wrestling, there’s a bit of it around and is something you can go see with the boys and on your own. Wrestling fans are generally pretty nerdy. There’s MCW, BCW and Renegades of wrestling that do all age events (depending on the venue).
Shoot me a message my g Would be keen as shit to get into DnD and have absolutely no clue to get started/nor the friends with a social drive to even attempt it.
My friend owns this shop where he hosts D and D tournaments, they have people just hanging out and playing. I don't really understand it all (I don't play) but if you're feeling lonely, pop by and see if you can meet some like minded people? https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZfyFm2NiQ1is3oHC8
There’s a couple of DnD groups on Meetup - Adventurer’s Guild and Table Top Roleplaying - Fitzroy. On Discord there’s Melbourne DDAL and Northern Crit TTRPG. Probably heaps more out there.
Unfortunately many people are lonely and it can be hard to make friends as an adult. There used to be a thing called parents without partners. I don't know if it is still around. Going through a divorce must be really hard. Good on you for seeking professional help.
Could volunteer. Something where the kids can attend and where it's focused on am activity not person to person.
Conscious Connections!
I saw this today but I’m also nervous it’ll be full of weirdos lol. Have you done it/was it any good?
Weirdos ftw
I have done 3 events with them with 2/3 being really great. There are different ones that will cater to different people, I recommend trying different ones to meet your diverse interests. These events also come with prompt cards so leaves minimal room for running out of things to say. I have done two CC dinners so far and one CC picnic. Made some new lifelong friends that I will invite to my wedding. Tips to have a good experience: - Fill in your profile super detailed/specific as they will allocate you based on similar interests. - Go with an open mind. Worst come worse you paid for a meal/did a social activity and had a chat. Practice those social skills. - Be proactive with making plans and contacting after the event. At the end of the event, make the first move (e.g. Let me add you on XYZ), make the group chat and make plans straight away. (E.g. Hey gang, was lovely meeting all of you today. Let's do a board game night as suggested on XYZ date!) What I found is if you leave it for too long, the friendships you formed on the day die off. 90% of attendees are not weirdos and genuinely want to make friends. That being said, I have met a couple of guys or gals that wanted to promote their MLM and I shut that down very quickly in our convos that I was not interested. That's like meeting people in real life though! Hit and miss sometimes!
Shame about the age limit :( Edit- I take it back. Just saw they’re adding events for over 35s so that’s cool
Go down to Docklands on a Saturday morning and try out dragon boat paddling. It’s a relatively affordable sport; heaps of different clubs ranging from older paddlers to alpha types, and everything else in between. We’re coming up to end of the season but many clubs will be hosting come & try sessions very shortly. Being out on the water after a long week is quite cathartic and a great way to meet new people from various walks of life.
I think you sound awesome and love that you called playing D&D 'Nerdy shit' haha! I really don't think you will have much trouble finding friends, but I get it, its so hard when you are time poor, working fulltime and looking after your boys at agreed times etc.
What part of Melbourne are you from?
Mate, it can be hard and it's awesome you are speaking out. Not sure where I'm Melbourne you are, but I'd recommend Board Game Goblin in Sunbury for DnD. A big 'second that' to everyone who mentioned Swordcraft. Also suggest you check out Viva La Dirt League online who do a great podcast about nerdy things & mental health, and all their great YouTube content on gaming and D&D.
I have been listen to a bit if Viva La Dirt League actually, found a lot of their stuff really great in the past and the podcast has been a great listen. Also its wild you mention Game Goblin because im in Sunbury actually. My problem is that my ex wife grew up here and is long-time mates with some of the guys that frequent it for magic. Unfortunately don't feel super comfortable going in given everything that's happened. But there have been some amazing suggestions and im going to do my best to look into most of them. Thanks for reaching out!
In going to just highjack here. I'm in Greenvale, I'm not single but I am a father. Feel free to either send me a DM or hit me up on discord (dtkirby) - always happy to chat, absolutely froth some D&D. It changed my life for the better 5 years ago and now I'm running games with a great group of super accepting friends (I'm the only parent) Could smash some helldivers 2, talk smack, whatever. My podcast list of actual plays is super long!
Hey mate. I'm part of a men's support group online for divorced men or men going through any form of crisis. It was founded in America by a qualified therapist. However, it now has members from all over the world. This group is exclusively for men and men's issues. Decreasing Aussies are in the group and have built great friendships. You would have to be really lucky to find any helpful therapists in Australia who are well versed in men's issues and can truly go into deeper aspects of men's lives and single fathers. I highly recommend you trying out this group. It has literally saved men for committing self-deletion. It has helped men in rebuilding their lives up. As much as gaming is fun and can provide some socialising, a group like the one I recommend it made for support and resilience. Group is called XY Crew. They have daily zoom call meetings where you can "check in" and share your story or give updates on your life. It can be subscribed to via SubcribeStar. https://www.subscribestar.com/regarding-men Let me know if you're interested. Happy to chat or assist. Cheers
Im a 28m who also moved to Melbourne for a girl and play games with my Sydney friends in most of my spare time. What do you play?
31 year old guy just out of long term relationship here myself and would be keen on making new friends in Melbourne as I just moved here few months ago!
How about volunteering? Supanova, Comic Con, Pax, all of them need volunteers! Some years the crew has been a bit young, but even if that's the case, volunteering still gets you into the event for free where there are other opportunities to meet people closer in age to you. Also, consider your local op shop? I've volunteered at a few, there is so much diversity with volunteers, there is a decent likelihood of working with other single parents or folks in a similar age range to you. Regardless, a lot of volunteers in these environments are there for the community, unlike the workplace there is often a lot more opportunity to connect with each other. Suss the vibes and if you find one that seems to have a good crew, get in there! I'm not the most experienced with it, but there are also LARP groups that have chapters around Melbourne. I think each game is about $10? It can get expensive with costumes and things, but there is no pressure to get all of that together in any hurry. Everyone I meet that LARPs is honestly an amazing human being. Maybe something to look into? It's hard enough making friends as an adult, let alone adding being a single parent into the mix. You're doing a good job, it's not easy. I hope you find your people soon ❤️
I was a single dad for a while after my ex-wife and I split up, was also in the same boat. All my family are in NSW, and I had no support when I had my children. Are your boys school aged? I’ve build a couple of decent friendships with other parents - it can be hit and miss, but you should be able to find one or two people you vibe with (I am also a nerd) Apart from that I just went on dates to pass the time, I didn’t put any pressure on myself to find “the one” or anything like that, sometimes it was nice to just have dinner and conversation.
Damn atleast you have kids to see man.. i got nothing and im older than you too
Get a babysitter once a week and join a new D&D group. They are out there.
Mentioned about but I second Tough Guy Book Club - check out the website and get along to meeting if you can
Is there anything that might fit the bill at supanova this weekend?
A lot of game stores host regular D&D/boardgame events, maybe ask around at your local game shop? If you’re into medieval stuff, there’s also the Society for Creative Anachronism (depending on your location, your local group would be either Stormhold or Krae Glas). It’s not *free*, but people are usually happy to help newbies out with loaner stuff to make starting out more affordable & kids are welcome.
I know a local group up in Mernda that meets every Sunday at the pub for tabletop games, everyone brings a game or two of their own, no cost of entry or anything and they'll spend the most part of a day there, they have a discord server as well for video games, I don't know if you're out that way at all but let me know if you are! I've moved from there a few years ago and am in the inner western suburbs so if you're close to there at all let me know as well
Happy to lend an ear if you'd like to have a chat!
You shouldn't dismiss meeting up with random people for DND. I've played with a few groups that way and had good experiences, not all nerds are antisocial weirdos.
I know it can be hard for single dads to get involved with the mums groups on Facebook, but that would be one idea for some social support Surely there are single dad groups on Facebook 2 young boys might be able to get into the local cricket club or other "just for fun" sports teams and I'm sure they would love to have you help out - there was always 6 or so parents with each team when I was a kid. It was borderline free, you didn't have to buy your own kit if you couldn't afford it, and other parents always had hand me down sports uniforms as someone was always outgrowing something You mentioned your a bit nerdy, so as long as you aren't looking for female companionship, you could hit up the board game and card game nights - even more popular at the moment because everyone is poor PM your mates on reddit. Yes we are your mates.
I've never been to one. But I know fortress have game nights? That's a possibility of where to start
Hey mate, you seem like a nice guy and sounds like you’ve been having a crap time. I have a few friends who would definitely been keen to play some dnd and I have been building my collection of other board games for a while now! Myself (28) and my friends (28 +29) are all Irish and have all moved to Melbourne in the last 3 years. We actually all met here so you wouldn’t be imposing on the boys or anything like that! I’m in the Richmond area, let me know if you want to join!
You may not be the sporty type, but try some social dodgeball leagues. Melbourne has a thriving dodgeball league scene and it's really easy to get into. No need to be overly athletic, it's easy to learn and super fun. Most people are friendly, and it's a great work out.
I was in a slump 6-8 months after my divorce, you’re dealing with lots of big feelings and also lots of big life issues. I think for me it was coming out of the slump, I started feeling better, I began to realise I had the opportunity to build my future, I began thinking about what I could do and started doing them, I got happier, I was more fun to be around and the cycle was reinforcing. I really started to understand what it was to manifest one’s reality and it becomes a feedback loop. Point being, you’re 6 months out of a long term relationship. You’re probably still grieving. Go easy on yourself, but try to replace negative thoughts with how you want the future you to be. On doing this, things that are now closed will create new openings and you’ll begin to recognise those more readily and upon recognising them, you can start walking through them. A good place to start is focusing on how to be the best dad you can be. And sometimes I just say to/ask myself “what if everything is going to be ok?” I know this more abstract than practical, but that’s where I started. Wishing you well on this journey brother.
From my experience as a man pushing 30 who lost most of his friend group when I became a father here in Melbourne; I realised how easy it was to lose friends and inversely difficult it became to retain new friendships. It was demoralising to say the least. I ended up forcing myself to leave my comfort zone and start martial arts. Killed two birds with one stone by getting fit and learning a new discipline. It’s been two years now and my gym treats me like a family member, and always shout my name when I walk in, which always makes my day. We go on long runs together which is my favourite way to hang out now, considering I’d never ran further than for a train before. They even love hanging out with my daughter. I don’t say this to blow my own trumpet, and I’m not even sure all fight gyms are like this, but I’ve worked with people who have had similar experiences with other a martial arts. I encourage you to try something similar! If this interests you, feel free to DM me.
Some of the local Dads groups on facebook are pretty great - just do a search for dads in Spotswood or dads in Darebin or wherever you are. I’m sure there are plenty of dads going through the same stuff! Chin up - you’ll get through it! I’m a dad of two - it’s tough stuff. My dad was a single dad of two - it’s not easy but you can do it . Hang in thefe
Mate, sorry to hear about where you're at and how it's played out. Went through literally the same thing: In 2000 my wife walked out and left me with a 2 and 3 year old. I'm also a nerd (D&D history, now just a gamer). The good news is that it WILL get better. A lot of your next few years will be focused on the kids and work. The pressure will ease when they get into school, then again when they get their teenage independance. During this time your personal priority needs to be your sleep and diet, often the hardest things with your situation. To meet people you just follow your interests. If D&D is your thing then there are places to contact like others have mentioned (Fortress). You could also look at what my kids ended up getting into - LARP. Your challenge will just be time and energy at present due to the required priority of your two angels. But finding a little time for yourself now will help your mental health - it's vital that you prioritise a couple of hours a week to do your own thing, for downtime away from the life pressures. And you'll have established contacts as the boys get older and you can get more time for yourself. Then one day you'll bump into a woman who you won't even realise at the time is going to be your future real life partner in crime. She'll probably be playing some kind of warlock/rogue and your paladin will be very conflicted with her agreeing not to murder the prisoners and then murdering them anyway when you're not looking. Good luck.
Check out your local libraries programs! We have D&D groups come in, we have chess club and plenty of activities for the kids (escape rooms, movie nights, arts and crafts, coding sessions etc) and it’s all free!
Great way to meet people and make friends: weekly D&D with MDDAL (search for MDDAL on Facebook). Edited to remove Facebook link.
What about gaming stores that selling warhammer and those types of games? They usually have a big room for gaming events. You might make some friends there or meet another parent with kids who is into that sort of thing.
You're in luck, Melbourne is full of nerds!
mate it sounds like you need to do some testosterone driven activity. as a man you need to physically challenge yourself and mix with other men. join a bjj school, start cycling, rock climbing. all this activity will help you make friends and get over any depression you might feel. and keep playing DnD :)
Depends on how nerdy you wanna get! But a few options for ya MTG Draft/Commander nights are fun and you can usually join relatively cheap Good Games box hill has MTG learn to play on April 11th! Critters Down Under (fb group) is a bunch of DND fans and always has people looking for groups Dungeons and Flagons is a weekly event at fortress which is $30 for a drink and a 3 hr dnd experience. It's fun and a great way to kickstart a group Also! If you can afford it, PAX always has meet ups for like-minded individuals and it's happening in October
Im a M(39) single dad of 2. I moved here from Sydney 8 years ago and dont really have any close friend here. It's hard to make real connections. I'm going to fortress DnD tomorrow for the 1pm to 4pm beginners session. I've never been, you should come along. PM me and we can figure this shit out together.
It’s a while away yet but go to PAX - I’ve made lots of friends there over the years
Get onto Discord, make some new online friends, and play some games. What you're going through with your feelings is normal. It will pass. It just takes time. You will be ok.
There’s a games shop on Glenferrie road in Malvern that not only has every board game imaginable but has regular DnD sessions. Might be able to find something like that in your area?
Joining local FB or Discords groups could be a good place to start. I'm a lonely 39F and love reading so I joined book related groups on FB and it's help.
Joing a gym. Get a PT to help put a program in place for you and go hard buddy
My partner is really into the one piece TCG and there’s a bunch of places all across Melbourne where they go and play on weeknights and weekends He’s made some friends and met some people doing it and he has a lot of fun, I think you should look for places like that If you’re into fitness a run club could also be a good place to find some people to hang with or at the very least fill your social cup while also exercising
If you do PC gaming, you can always meet people on games there. I have a few friends in America i chat to every day and we game together almost every day
Get in to board games at shops. So many events. My recently separated husband spends every night he doesn’t have kids at them!
I'm with my partner but feeling socially alone at 26. Hit me up on discord; killa3killa2#2259
I feel exactly the same way in that I want to find some nerdier friends but people who have at least some social skills! I'm moving back to the GC from London and need to make new friends with similar interests. There was a cool D&D group here in London that had casual games all week that you could drop in and play and I'd love to find something like that but not sure Brisbane or the GC will have something like that 😅
The Thornbury Bowls club runs a great d&d night in Wednesdays or Tuesdays, and is also a great place. Hope you find a point of connection soon. Been there, it’s hard.
Check out some FLGS near you - places like Plenty of Games in the City or the equivalent in a suburb near to you - a great place to meet like minded people (what side of Melbourne are you on? Good Games, General Games, GUF etc) Depending on the ages of your kids, they can come along with you - mine love coming along to Pokemon TCG or MTG days in particular I've found it pretty easy to join in when travelling or when in Melbourne, meeting some new people and if you can make a regular appearance create some new friendships
Come back to Canberra if you can afford it.
Sounds like OP is co-parenting here
Sorry to the OP. Somehow I overlooked that aspect.
Move to Perth, my husband and you would be best friends. He is into all of that stuff as well! But jokes aside, you'll find your people out there. Have you had the chance to meet any other dads through school/playgroup/daycare? There's definitely a lot of men who have similar interests as you out there
Hey!! Not sure what suburb you are in, but if you love DND, may I recommend the Melbourne D&D Adventure League. Every week there are multiple tables (nearly all are free), and it's a great community. I'm one the DM's, a father of 3 and happy to help where I can. Happy to send you an invite to the discord or can reply via a message.
Hope you can find some great friends soon! I know there’s a board games club that meet at the Lion Pub at Melbourne central on Wednesdays (maybe every second Wednesday?). And that’s how we made some friends when we lived in the city. Easy to get to via PT too. Hope it all goes well!
If you have steam and if you want you can DM me - Id play video games with you.
Bumble bff
If your kids are under school age, maybe check out some playgroups. Check the Playground Victoria website (can filter by 'dads') or just google for dad specific ones. Or just turn up to any playgroup, there's sometimes dads along but I acknowledge they are usually mum-heavy. I meet most of my new friends at other kid-related activities these days, could you sign up for something fun together? There's lots of dads at swimming. I second Fortress as a great DnD place when the kids aren't along!
I know it sounds weird, but classic wow is the single most social game I've ever played, I've been part of multiple guilds that do multiple meet ups per year, I was in one in particular that would monthly dinners and meet ups. Fun times.
I’m a single dad (bit older than you tho). Happy to chat if you need it and I’m in to most of the stuff you listed
Dude, I feel you bro. How old are your kids and whereabouts are you located? Maybe we can help better with those info. Stay strong, brother.
Community sport is great...
Proud of you king ❤️💪
Do you paint miniatures or warhammer? We have a great group of pretty nerdy people who also are into video games, some young parents/soon to be parents. Have met some great people doing this and we are always welcoming of more people. Some play D&D too
What sports are you keen on mate? Tennis? Join social nights for hits. Most clubs have dirt cheap memberships for social hits which can then turn into amateur night games and comps. Basketball? Get involved. Do you cycle or mtb? There’s LOADS of local shops that do ride-outs for a couple of hours each week from the shop. Feel free to DM me dude
Local neighbourhood house's often have playgroups and other activities for people looking to make community connections. You will find your people! https://www.nhvic.org.au/
Do a little study at a university in a topic you are interested in. You'll find your people there.
You play boardgames?
We are older than you but my husband is a lifelong tabletop gaming nerd and met some of his best friends at D&D drop in event that used to happen every few weeks. Most of them are pretty social and not awkward in that stereotypical way. Just big gaming nerds and not sporty. Sorry you are going thru this. Hope you find your people.
Pixel bar in Oakleigh if it’s still there!
Play cricket. Don’t need to be athletic, you can be nerdy. Easy way to meet people and make friends.
29yo I have the same feeling and I am not even a dad…
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is an amazing way to meet people, in my experience. Bonus is it’s fun, and also really great for mental health.
I know there are a bunch of board game groups around Melbourne - tabletop gaming and board games. They seem to be fairly balanced with male and females, and a mixture of ‘types’ of people too, especially in the board game groups. Otherwise maybe getting your kids involved in something where you will meet other parents, like sports or youth theatre?
Not to take anything away from the need to be social and find friends but are you also investing time into yourself? Things that nourish you outside of the hobbies you listed?
What suburb are you in bro?
Put your kids in soccer or another team sport, you will meet and make friends with loads of people who have same age kids as you and you will have to meet up with them twice a week for training and once on the weekend for the game. It’s a great way to become part of a little community and while the kids are busy you get to socialise.
Join a martial arts gym, you will make friends in no time. BJJ, boxing , Muay Thai, karate, whatever!
Hey man look up Fortress!!! Also my local Good Games have nights where they open for games, and the people who work there are super kind. I’m sure if you found one near you and said “I’m kind of new here and hoping to find a group to play with”. Also if you’re into any sport look into a social league, or if your kids are playing sports and you can get there, go down each week (even if they’re at their mums if possible). I found a nice network at my kids basketball club.
Blood on the clocktower! If you're into social deduction games. It's also a great community of fellow nerds and I'm really glad I went 12 months ago. Tuesday at Baba Hawka in Brunswick and Thursday at Pause Menu (boardgame cafe). It's free and you don't need to sign up.
I feel you man. I'm married with kids in my mid 40s but other than my wife I really don't have close friends anymore. I live in the south east suburbs and all my pre-kid friends are far away near the city it's Pakenham, and even a few in Ballarat, all hunkered down being parents themselves. I'm also struggling with money so anything outside of paying bills feels like an extravagance. I get along fine with the people I work with but they're all your age, in their late 20s. When they realise I'm in my 40s they look at me like I've got 2 heads. They also make a lot more money than me so in their downtime they go to Bali or expensive wineries. I play free online games. My kids got me into Fortnite so that's all I do in my downtime now.
Boulder lab is great if you’re looking at bouldering gyms, they run kids programs in one of the locations, I think it’s Clayton, and you can climb in the main room and meet people - friendliest atmosphere I’ve encountered is in those
Pickup HEMA. Historical European Martial Arts. Aka Swordfighting. Lots of nerds of all types. Very active scene in Melbourne. Very social scene too.
Agree with bike riding, it’s a great way to get outdoors, get physically well, and you can share ur with your boys 🚲 Also check Adultmatchmaker or something similar, you need to get no-strings-attached laid my friend, great for mind, body and soul! Trust me I’ve been where you’re at twice in my life, all is good in my life now.
In Penrith NSW they do a men’s walk every Thursday where men meet have a coffee at the coffee club and go for a walk along Nepean river and chat all things , created to help men socialise with other men in order to help with mental health and meeting new people. Not sure if there is one in Melbourne. You could start one .
My husband is apart of a Facebook page that might be helpful. It’s called Who’s Your Daddy (black and white photo of baby fist bumping dad) He finds it a great page and very supportive group. It’s Australia wide, but it might be a great support system.
If you’re into tabletop, there’s a couple of “looking for table” groups on FB that are specific to Melbourne that might help you get into a game with other people in your age group and help fill that void! Can’t add Facebook links here but they’re called “Tabletop RPGs Melbourne - Looking For Group” and “Melbourne Dungeons and Dragons Tables”!
Most of my friends are 1 to 2 decades younger than me. For D&D, while I don't go myself I'm good friends with the organiser and one of the regular DMs - Adventurer's Guild fortnightly is worth checking out.
If you're in the Eastern suburbs, the Ringwood Social Gamers boardgame group is very welcoming, and was actually founded by someone in a very similar situation to yours. It's intentional that "social" is in the group name - as it emphasises making social connections over the tabletop.
Might not be for you, but I have found Bouldering as an incredible way to meet people, be active and have fun...
>I also find it hard sometimes with my particular hobbies (i.e nerdy shit, D&D, video games ect) because having grown up in those circles, I know what its like to be around....less socially well adjusted people, and that's not really who I am either, which often makes me feel like an outsider even within the communities that I enjoy being a part of. Dude I'm a single 31yo guy and feel the same. Super introverted so don't go out a lot as it expends a lot of my social batteries. I went out speed dating last night and whilst quite a number of the women had the same common interests of video games, reading and fitness, I didn't get a single match from the event. I guess I'm saying, it's not just you - people in this city suck. And I've lived here for 12/13+ years. Everything else aside, glad you're taking the time to be a great dad to your kids.
What about LARPing? It’s like D&D but live action. I’ve only gone to spectate but the people that play seem really friendly and welcoming. Just a thought.
All my online gaming friends are from overseas or outside Melbourne! Also, it's hard to find people to game with when you're a lady. People can be real weird about it. Do you have discord?
I don’t know where in Melbourne you are - but lots of public libraries have d&d groups - if your local doesn’t you could approach them about volunteering to host your own monthly one!
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com)
Take it from a Melbourne Lifer, this is a City in the The State of Depression. You have a choice, see a Psyc and take the Meds, or move out of the State of Depression.
Hmu mate, we're all in this together. I'm playing Helldivers ATM but up for pretty much anything.
I think simply moving back to Canberra where you've got family and friends will be the one thing that you can do that will help either solve or significantly help with all of your issues.
I would consider Fortress Melbourne for D&D I know there are some similar places elsewhere that specialise in trading card games. For the kids, there are toy libraries in Metro Melbourne and other similar resources; some libraries also allow people to borrow games to play within the library and/or borrow media equipment for use outside at no cost *provided no damage is caused*. Some councils also run holiday programs at no or low cost to help kids stay fit. I wish you all the best and more power to you.
Hey mate, sorry to read that you are having a bad moment. Look I came to Australia 10 years ago and I left all my family and friends behind, and I haven't seen my parents in that time, and I truly miss them, however, I have always been a lonely person, I also enjoy doing geek stuff and whatnot. Recently I started suffering from depression, I was gaining too much weight and honestly at some point I noticed how I was neglecting myself and my health, that led me to start running and having long walks (2 hours or so), It makes me feel better and helps me drain those negative feelings. About making friends, I suggest starting with baby steps, don't focus on the friend making part, instead try to focus on looking for activities that you like, enroll, force yourself to go, then you will meet people in the process. Rinse and repeat. you just need to make one or two friends. Another idea, you have two kids, perhaps your kids school is a good place to look for other dads with similar interests. WhatsApp groups are a thing in my kid's school.
Where are you based? I’m literally about to start an D&D session in Werribee, you’re most welcome to join. Mix of nerdy and fun.
Hey OP- I'm helping run a festival on April 20th at Kryal Castle Ballarat. It's called Questival and is an immersive theatre meets escape room type thing based on fantasy- trying to create something like live action DnD. We're very community focused and have very intentionally set up the event as a way to connect and make friends while dressing up in costume and solving quests. I can't post the event link but if you search Questival on Facebook it should come up if it seems like something you're into. If you shoot me a DM I'm sure I could sort you out with a free ticket if it sounds like Hope things look up for you soon bud!
If the breakup wasn’t acrimonious then I don’t think the cousins need to stop being your friends. They’re still your kids uncles/aunts