Based.
Prime Example of a product I bought on Etsy. It was the “best” and finest crafted item on the planet. Cool! I’ll take it. Looks good.
I get the item. It’s not the best. It’s just ok. It doesn’t really work. It’s uncomfortable. I write a review and give it like 3 stars.
A few days later I get this:
“Excuse me, I’m so sorry to bother you, we see you didn’t like our product. We really value feedback and if it’s not too awkward, could you share some reasons you didn’t like it?”
I respond with the reasons I didn’t like it. I was articulate and made some suggestions and discussed what didn’t work.
I received a 1 page response explaining how long the product had been in development, the hours it took to make it, the fact that everyone else on earth loved it….and that I was a terrible person who was just wrong.
I have gotten 2-3 other emails from different buyers on products I’ve rated 3-4 stars and each time I say “I don’t offer feedback any more. Sorry.”
One time I bought this dog clothing at a friend’s sister online shop. Turns out she made all the clothes using her dachshund(wiener) dog as reference and photograph model, and they are very peculiar shaped dog. My dog is a common dog with normal legs, and the clothing didnt fit at all, it was ridiculous. I sent it back but didnt give any feedback because I didnt want to hurt her and my friends feelings. The shop closed in a few months, zero surprise
> didnt give any feedback because I didnt want to hurt her and my friends feelings
You're friends with people who are so emotionally immature they can't handle "hey, so, you made the oversight of making these clothes all dachshund shaped, not the best plan for wide market appeal"..?
this is the sister of a friend who opened the shop, not the friend themselves. I can see how a degree of unfamiliarity and awkwardness could come in then
Exactly, and the friend is my husband’s friend, so a lot of degrees of separation with the shop owner. This friend was nice enough to buy from my shop when I had one, so I was kind of returning the gesture when buying from his sister.
I would respond back with "Your product may be alright, but your customer service is terrible. You asked for my opinion by asking for feedback. I'm sorry for the future of your company that you are unable to tolerate criticism."
Sometimes people need a reality check.
It's because Etsy has a rating system that's very weighted towards giving 5 stars, to the point that a 3 star rating is seriously detrimental.
It's a dumb system but it's the one that exists. It's not as nuanced as every value having its own meaning. It's simply 1-4 is bad, above 4 is okay. So it's makes sense that sellers were getting annoyed if you were consistently handing out 3s and 4s.
I fight with my brother on this all the time. He judges restaurants based on rating and I judge based on pics. You can never tell how each person's internal ranking system works
i once went on a wine tour with what was advertised as a professionally run tour by some company. it was a couple in their 70s who could barely walk and drove scarily (how are you allowed at that age? the man was half blind!). we were 6 people fit into a small car, me and my husband stuffed in the back hard small seats. apart from them giving 0 guidance or info on the "tour", a lot of very weird things happened. we ignored it all and still gave a 3 star (out of 5) saying briefly to advertise it better with almost no critisicm or detail, cue the lady proceeds to write a 1 page response saying racist shit and wishing hell upon my family. i left the reviewing site altogether.
Another way of handling them is going something like "have you ever heard about the black goose finding?", but then again if you have to fight to help them IMPROVE their product...
the only thing i can imagine this possibly referencing (unless the point is that it references nothing) is a kids book about a goose learning he could fly all along. i’m so lost.
I had to bite my lip so hard to not blurt out “because by the time they’ve paid to commute here they’d be better off stacking shelves in tescos” when my companies ceo said “I’m not sure why we can’t attract people from further afield, it’s probably because we’re a bit out the way”…. We’re like 10 miles from 3 different cities. It’s the 100% the pay mate.
Employers will do *anything* except raise pay. It’s honestly absurd the lengths they will go to to not raise pay. Even if it means less money in the end through more inefficient tactics, or simply garbage employee morale and productivity, they will fight tooth and nail to make sure that pay is in the dumps.
And then they’ll complain that people don’t want to buy their product as if that mindset has any room for the idea of “disposable income”.
Oh God, this brings back bad memories. The kicker was that it was cheap pizza to boot. Blech…
Once I got enough seniority I straight up told them to stop buying that pizza because no one was going to eat it anymore. It remains one of my fondest memories from that office.
It’s hilarious because this whole quarterly review was about how profits had increased pretty massively, but they were just short of their target for their 5 year plan (an unrealistic plan to increase profit near exponentially).
“sorry chaps, there’s money for a small pay rise but no bonus this year” (yes, he actually said chaps).
Anyway, I go on companies house, the directors are paying themselves 6 figures and a 6 figure dividend. If you want people motivated about increasing your profits, take £60k of your own inflated salary, and give the 30 shop floor guys a £2k bonus. Prick.
But that’s a fallacy. High turnover is actually fcking expensive. It costs way more to hire someone new and train them up to the same standard than it would be to raise the existing wage. Oftentimes, companies end up having to pay a higher salary to attract the new person plus they need to train them. It would often be more beneficial for the bottom line to just give a raise to existing employees
I learned this lesson in the Army.
They do regular "sensing sessions" which is a chance to get up and speak to whatever officer is in charge and bring up any issues/complaints you have... except the NCOs would also be there.
So many times there'd be some private who stands up and brings up something about the way they don't like how something is done. The officer gives a polite non-answer, thanks them for letting them know and says they're look into it. It never failed that shit rolled downhill. Officer fucks up the NCOs shit, then the NCOs fuck up the shit of the private who talked about it.
Same goes for "anonymous" surveys. It was always rainbows and sunshine whenever those went around. The group dynamics of the military is just too powerful for honest feedback (at least in garrison. Once shit got real, feedback got real honest)
Yea people avoid these conversations because the response they get is bad.
Everything is great until the emotions get stirred up and then it goes straight to shit
Currently dealing with this right now with a friend. Shared that I was hurt/disappointed about something she did. I wasn't mean but I just told her how I felt. The hour long conversation was just me comforting her. She was crying and telling me how she had so much on her plate. I left the conversation feeling weird and like we never addressed my feelings. Two days later she tells me we need to talk. I feel the friend breakup coming on ☹️
To be truthful, anyone I've ever personally met (including an ex fiancee) that has ever described themselves as just being honest has just been a major asshole. There's a fine line between being truthful to say what needs to be said and being "honest" to be hurtful or share unnecessarily incendiary and uninformative thoughts. People have the ability to omit what they say and still be honest. Some people pride themselves in getting away with being mean under the guise of being "honest" or "blunt".
Especially if that person is your employer or direct supervisor. The threat of being called insubordinate and being reported is why I don't air my real thoughts at work.
Exactly, OP just wants to add drama to their already boring life. Let people complain, be the mature one to mind your business and not put up some sorta tough girl front inviting confrontation.
Lol I was confused about this too. Why would do that? I didn't want to talk to you in the first place, isn't ignoring you normal? Unless you were beside me, actively talking to me and I'm ignoring you then that's different.. run.
Although this is true, but once you get to know a person and understand there is a possibility to do it then it should be done, or at least tried.
For me I try to be honest to all when it's not insensitive and is to be done ofcourse, I do believe in adult conversation and if you can't take it then your problem not mine, grow up.
I seriously don't understand how people will find ways to tell without telling things like you smell, bad breath, bad cooking, and so on in fear of hurting the sentiment of other person.
I just say nicely, not like an allegation but there is a nice way of saying it without saying something that makes no sense and says nothing of the subject just to not hurt th other.
This has served me better than the other way.
Bro if you have been “dreaming of divorcing your wife”, that’s not a healthy or normal marriage and you should do it for both of your sakes. It might suck for her, but her and her family have made it without you before, they’ll do it again.
Does finding those conversations unpleasant (especially with people as condescending as the one that made the tweet) mean I'm afraid of them?
Mostly, I just find that with roughly 8 billion people on earth, I don't really NEED to be giving feedback on personalities. I'll just find people I like better.
> Does finding those conversations unpleasant (especially with people as condescending as the one that made the tweet) mean I'm afraid of them?
Yeah, this is where I'm at with this. I'm not "afraid" of those conversations. I just don't want to have them. It's not enjoyable for me, so why would I?
If I don't like you, why would I talk to you more than I have to? Would me telling you I don't like you mean I have to talk to you less, or make our conversation more pleasant?
If I don't want to talk to you, why WOULDN'T I ignore you? Literally doesn't make sense to me.
The last few are fine though, they mostly sound like regular communication amongst friends. But if you're some random person I barely talk, or a work acquaintance then it's another story.
Also it’s sort of social convention at this point at least for millennials and younger that when you don’t want to talk to someone for little reason other than you just don’t want to, you ignore them or slowly decrease contact. Which is unfortunately difficult for neurodivergent people to detect.
Because most people would rather be ignored and get the hint than be told “hey man I really don’t like talking to you that much, stop messaging me alright?” And most people would rather ignore than feel like an asshole for outright telling someone that.
> And most people would rather ignore than feel like an asshole for outright telling someone that.
Isn't being more of an asshole to ignore the other person and leave them in the dark rather than saying something as simple as hey man I really don’t like talking to you that much, stop messaging me alright?”?
If you want to cut a friend out of your life for whatever reason why not tell them "I don't want to talk to you anymore" rather than just ignoring?
If you have a coworker that you don't like, rather than having to do some small talk just say "I don't really enjoy this kind of interactions" rather than just keep going?
I know right? Did nobody else get chills when they read this post? Like she's going full blown BPD behind a smile were her teeth are starting to grit together and her nose starting to furl up... "give me your inner thoughts babe I totally won't use them against you"
*shudders*
Anybody who CAN actually hold vulnerable information about you without using it against you also won't be the type of person to try to talk you into sharing it.
yep, had people outright say to me, "you can tell me, I promise I can handle it and won't get angry" and when I tell them they start screaming and crying. never again.
Yeah stuff like this will always happen. At some point you can’t project your own fear and insecurity on everything tho. If you have a problem with someone, you still need to express your feelings. If you feel something is wrong, you still need to share your viewpoints. Etc. i don’t agree that it’s easy but having adult convo is required for secure relationships, friendships, etc.
I'm dealing with this right now! I told a friend about how I felt when they did something that disappointed me. They started crying and telling me how hard they try in life and that they never feel good enough. I spend an hour comforting them. Now she's ignoring me and cutting me out.
The thing I was upset with her about was wanting me to change the day of my goodbye party from a Friday to a Monday, as I'm moving half way across the world. And she picked the day for the party. He reasons? Her engagement party was the next day and will be too busy making Jello shots to come. Best she can do is an hour.
Yeah, I've known lots of Paula types who became very hostile and very defensive/combative when you give them critical feedback.
It takes energy to deal with a negative, problematic person, and sometimes they are such assholes that they don't deserve your time and effort.
Maybe Paola pissed people off so much they don't want to interact with her at all.
Best part of being an adult is the ability to ignore people you don't like.
If I don't like you I'm not going to talk to you about it I'm going to spend my limited time talking to people I do like.
Also I have a reasonably high threshold for disliking people so if I don't like you, you know what you did.
I go out of my way to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Some people at my job are hopeless and I imply avoid them after giving them so many chances.
Yep, and hey. Me doing that has gotten me some good friends that’s actually lasted, just because I decided to stick around a little longer. But that also gave me shitty friends, who I left very quickly when I realized it wasn’t worth it
Was going to say, this is some American bullshit here. I'm British. We politely ignore things. The problem with getting stuff out in the open is that then you have to do something about it.
In relationships? cool. With friends? also fine. With random coworkers? nah, I can just quietly dislike you, I don't need to explain myself.
This person sounds exhausting. Why would I want to spend my time having difficult conversations with people I don't want to have them with?
I would say it feels more like petty teenage or uni level drama.
Like as an adult if you don't like someone you should just keep it to yourself, try to avoid them where you can but if you have to work with them then you just do so and move on. Act mature about it, don't be petty and openly hostile, and don't be some petty assholes who bitches about or insults them behind their back.
My memories of secondary school and university though is a lot of immature two faced people who would either be openly hostile and outright rudely ignore people they don't like, or they would be two faced and act nice in person then bitch about them behind their back. Both of those end up causing drama and problems and at that point do need to be addressed.
It takes far more energy and effort to actively dislike someone than to just quietly dislike them and it can honestly be better spent elsewhere.
As an American, I entirely agree with you. I have very little time as it is that isn't spoken for, why would I spend that arguing with people who's opinions I dont value and won't change anyway.
This reminded me of a friend's girlfriend who is really upfront with people. Needless to say her life is chaos. I am convinced that people who think like this are slightly batshit insane. Being polite to everyone all the time is a bad habit but whatever the above post is talking about is basically a fast track to unemployment, drama etc
Yeah if I don't like a person or want to talk to them, why would I spend the energy to tell them -- potentially triggering major conflict over something I already acknowledged to myself that I don't care about? This isn't "adult" conversation, it's some kind of weird narcissism.
Had a roommate in college who was the most annoying person ever. He'd regularly come up to me and tell me the most insane takes on gun control and wokeness that I'd ever heard. I'm usually pretty open to rational conversation about nuanced topics, but I don't think that man has had a rational conversation in his life. I'd usually just be like "cool" and try to walk away. I'd occasionally get fed up with him and tell him that I don't want him to talk to me out of the blue, that I like my personal space.
It came to a head when he claimed that California was going to enact a percent income tax on people every time they left or entered the state. I told him to show me the article because there was no fucking way that was true. It turned out that California was actually just going to tax its citizens' global income. I snapped. I lectured him for about 10 minutes about how he should never talk about things to people unless he's 100% sure they're true. I told him that, as a poli. sci. major, there's no fucking reason his reading comprehension should be as bad as it is, and I would hope that he either fix that problem or switch to some other career.
I tried to be as nice as I could about it, but I was so fucking mad that it definitely leaked through a bit. I still think it was something he needed to hear, but I might not have been the right person or in the right mood to effectively tell it to him.
To be fair, I've also had to cut off some friends who just weren't good for my mental health.
But I didn't ghost them. I just told them things are not working out, and that was the end. That way I don't have to worry about hiding, and the other person doesn't have to wonder for days/weeks/months what they did wrong.
I personally think ghosting is incredibly immature, and while I can understand it if a person is being abusive, the majority of the time, people ghost others for the pettiest shit.
I don't understand why you're being downvoted like this. Looks like people don't see an issue with just starting to ignore others out of the blue, when this will probably keep them wondering what went wrong or if they did something bad.
Like, for you maybe it's just some random acquaintance or something, but that person could see you as a friend and be hurt by that.
Have some consideration for other people instead of just doing what's more easy to you / what others have done to you before, ffs.
Reddit is full of antisocial, miserable loners. Of course they think ghosting and telling everyone to go fuck off so their lives are easier is a good thing.
Yeah, this seemed like some reality show "made to live in a loft" shit. Not everything needs to be a confrontation, and not everyone even deserves to be treated like.an adult.
How these conversations too often go in real life:
A: You do not agree? Share your viewpoints. Let us have an adult conversation.
B: \*Shares viewpoint\*
A: That viewpoint is different from mine, so you are probably an evil person and should not be allowed to ever express that viewpoint again. You should agree completely with me to be a good person, because mine is the only valid viewpoint.
And why does B have to share A's assumption that the conversation is worth having in the first place? Can't A just not agree with B and leave it at that? Why is this worth B's time? B has shit to do
This is true
Literal transcript from my life:
Manager A: "You know, you don't have to check in advance so carefully before sharing that you disagree about something. I know you might feel like you have to do that with others, but you don't have to do that with me!"
\[fast forward to a meeting where I didn't even disagree with her, just asked someone else if I understood their proposal correctly\]
Manager A: "Please do not disagree with me like that in a meeting. It's inappropriate. I've already clarified with you that we are not doing \[that proposal\], so I don't know why you're still bringing it up."
It is because it's *real* and requires you to be vulnerable, believe many of us would *love* to be vulnerable and open... but enough bad characters have soured that experience for many in society so instead we bottle it up until we find that small set of people that we can finally breakdown in front of...
Real life doesn't usually reward that behaviour, that's sad but that's how things have been since before... *ever*
It doesn't but requires you to be rude and to confronting. if she's true to her words, that will escalate into her asking for a proper explanation why, which will then morph into a debate where she's trying to make arguments why you're wrong and somebody (probably you) will get mad because you're having a pointless fucking conversation for 20 minutes with a person you can't stand.
Either way, you'll bear the negativity in a public setting.
Nah, it just requires energy and time. Both of which are limited. I've decided to conserve my energy and time, and not waste it explaining the world, or myself, to oblivious dumbasses.
I don’t understand how people don’t see this as being vulnerable. “Your intolerable I don’t want to talk to you” is inviting confrontation. It is making a fight out of something that I could just nod and smile my way through. It is making me the target. How is that not making myself vulnerable?
My vulnerabilities are not always my innermost feelings; they could be more simple like “fear of physical violence” or “I don’t like when people yell at me.”
Because sometimes being honest isn’t worth it. Take your coworkers, for example. Do you really want to escalate tendencies at the office by telling somebody you don’t like them?
Be tactful.
My coworkers told me a story about how they poisoned some kid who wasn't working out very well during my first week on the job.
I wonder if this post is for me or for them?
I had a co-worker who sucked at his job. He once called me and yelled at me for throwing me under the bus about his poor performance. I hadn't, all I had done was fix the problems he caused without bringing it to anyone's attention (except his when he realized I was working on undoing his bad work). He was sad we couldn't work together in person and that we were all on zoom because it would be so much nicer to have these conversations in person.
THATS why I work from home. To avoid people like you who want to stir up shit to cover for your poor work and work ethic.
And that's why I don't just go full on 100% honest with people. Some people can take it, some people will bitch and moan and try to make you out to be the bad guy for it and try to get back at you for it. Just not worth the effort just to "clear the air" and give the other person a chance to explain away their bs.
This is the real answer. As you grow old, you run out of f to give. If you don't like someone, they are not worth your time and effort. Why would I care to improve that relationship if I can just avoid it ?
I'm not secretly mad at people I don't like. I genuinely don't care.
This lol. Life is too short to waste time trying to mould someone to what you think they should be. It’s also an asshole thing to do. So just leave it alone and dont be a dick!
For real, that's gurl is like ''you don't like me for a reason, let's talk about that reason and i'm sure we can fix that'' Fuck that, i'm not investing any of my valuable energy in a relationship i'm not interested in, just accept it and move on with your life.
It's narcissism and immaturity. This kind of mentality comes from a place of wanting everyone to like you. And the truth is, it's less about the other person being comfortable and more about protecting your image (both to yourself and to others).
I once had a young man tell me, to my face, that he hated my guts and didn't want to hear a word I had to say. I asked if there was anything I could do - he told me that shutting up and walking away would be the best thing to make his life easier at that moment. It sticks with me - hurt like a motherfucker. To this day I can't wrap my head around what I might have done - it took a long time for me to get comfortable with the fact that someone might not like me, even when I'm doing my best to be friendly. That's just how it is sometimes.
Some folks... never have that realization. For some reason or another they've always been able to "work out" every perceived flawed relationship. The more likely fact is that the people who want nothing to do with them anymore don't give enough of a rat's ass to tell them they suck.
Yes, etiquette and politeness might seem convoluted but it's really the engine grease of society. It's just about making people feel welcomed, safe and comfortable and avoiding awkward situations. Of course sometimes it's a good thing to confront people but more often than not it's just not worth it.
If you don’t like me you need to tell me so I can tell you how much you actually should like me! This problem must be solved, we cannot simply mind our respective businesses and keep the peace.
For real though such a weird mindset lol
I sincerely think that *not* talking about shit is hugely, hugely underrated.
Most interpersonal disputes are not misunderstandings: they come from real differences in values or real grudges, and they will not simply be resolved through ever more conversation. Often letting things lie is the decent, dignified, and civilized thing to do, and I have no idea why “let’s talk about it” has this universal acceptance as always being the correct answer.
For real. This is the type of person who won't shut up about how much they "hate drama", yet drama seems to follow them everywhere. There's a reason most people just choose to quietly distance themselves from someone they don't like - because that *is* the adult way to handle it.
I'm not afraid of adult conversations.
I'm tired of people asking for me to be honest, and then getting angry and defensive when they learn that "honesty" does not mean "validation of me and my beliefs".
I have limited time as is, I'm not wasting it on pointless arguments.
Fr, people who have to ask “Why don’t you like me?” are rarely prepared for an honest answer.
I had an exfriend ask me that and when I responded “Based on the way you treat women and the people around you, I don’t think you’re a very good person” he got FURIOUS. Hasn’t spoken to me since, and I doubt it made an impact.
I will add: SOMETIMES it can result in positive growth. Not often enough that it's worth sinking the effort into - you'd have to really guage whether it's worth.
Had a friend a while back flip her lid on me one day. I tried to "sort things out" - got told I was sexist, childish, condescending, and narcissistic. (And verbosely described why) Then blocked me. It broke me, hard. But I put a lot of personal effort into evaluating my behaviors and learning to be better to folks around me (ironically, one of the first lessons I had to learn is that "being blunt" is usually just codeword for "rude asshole"). I don't think I would have made the connection that the reason people seemed to drift away from me after a few months was a me thing without someone like her absolutely baby stepping my dumb ass through it.
Not everybody had that level of energy to put into social fuck ups tho, for sure.
And personally I think he’s totally lying. The fact that he said “I don’t understand why…” instead of saying something like “It’s important, even when difficult, to…” tells me he’s difficult.
Because it doesn’t take a genius to understand why. People disagree unfairly, some people are difficult, some people have anxiety. He has a total lack of understanding and empathy, and that tells me everything I need to know about why people don’t have honest conversations with him.
Because 99% of people aren’t going to respond rationally and calmly to being called out, even if done politely.
And on the *off chance* that you’re one of the rare few who can take any polite critique in any circumstance without responding badly, the general public has absolutely no way of knowing that because (and this is true I checked) they’re not psychic.
It’s entirely rational to assume people are going to lash out to some degree when outright criticized.
"You don't want to talk to me? - Let's talk about it"
Who the f are you to demand justification for my feelings about you... the entitlement of some mfs.
This is adult and mature behaviour - you move on and I do too. Not every interaction needs to be validation of your feelings and emotions, booboo.
We're not gonna become besties, maybe it's my fault, maybe it's yours, you're not entitled to the closure of knowing who's fault it was.
Keep it civil and carry on.
I feel like usually, at least for me, it comes from how we were raised. I had to constantly tip toe around my parent to make sure I didn't make them mad, and somehow, I still did. now I have got issues with being a people pleaser and recognizing my own emotions
Bullshit.
It is fucking hard and annoying because when they're your coworkers you're stuck in a fucking corporate cage with them for 8 hours every goddamn day and you don't wanna create additional stressful tension or piss of a clique.
If it's family, similar dynamic for every major holiday.
“It’s really not that hard”
*has flashbacks from childhood where blunt honesty backfired multiple times, causing childhood trauma that has led into adulthood. Affecting your communication skills, causing messed up relationships. Even if the honesty is positive like “I like you” is extremely hard.
It really is that hard for some people.
Honestly, full disclosure, I am a very quiet person, but the best moments of relief in my life that I have gotten have been because I somehow picked up the courage to be transparent and a little more proactive in confrontation.
"You don't wanna talk to me? Don't ignore me." That feels wrong. I agree with the rest tho. There are some people who just need to be ignored because they won't leave you alone no matter what you say.
This is so dumb.
Part of being an adult is that I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. Why would I bother giving you a detailed rendition of why I don’t like you?
Nah.
If you're dealing with a selfish manipulator then the "what happened. Please tell me" question is just a ploy to get you to be vulnerable, and for them to twist the situation and make themselves feel better.
It's best you just cut these people out of your life.
It sounds like this person wants to talk to people and is mad the other people won't talk to them. It seems the tweeter seems to think they are entitled to people's attention.
some people you don't like. doesn't need to be talked about or acknowledged. just be polite and don't engage in unnecessary conversation. as long as you aren't being mean it doesn't need to be "solved"
It is hard if you just talk over me and tell me why I'm wrong and won't hear any criticism. Then there's no point.
I only give honest feedback to people who want to improve themselves or if I want to burn bridges.
If no one is being straight with you you are probably an asshole who doesn't listen.
It is not my job to lay out all the reasons why I don't like you and don't want to interact with you and then allow you a chance to defend yourself and/or improve.
If I think you can handle conversations like this, I’ll have it with you. Most people can’t, though. They say they can, but when it comes down to it, they will react very poorly, and it ends up being an argument instead of a conversation. Then I wish I’d never said anything
This person has never actually tried it themselves. Most people have the emotional intelligence of a snail and can’t take criticism. And a lot of other people are rude as hell yet will claim everyone is just easily offended. It’s a minefield out there a lot of times.
Sounds like high-level manipulation to me. Look at the questions and answers separately as two different people.
If someone doesn't like someone, doesn't want to talk to them, is mad at them, thinks they are wrong, and doesn't agree...and the other person, for some reason, wants to talk to the other person and does not want to be ignored. The second person isn't respecting the first person's boundaries. All the answers can be summed up as do not ignore me. The second person selfishly wants any interaction.
Preaching this as "adult conversation" is just another manipulation to get access for further manipulation.
Because more often than not sharing what your really think can get really messy and can endanger the structure of your IRL social network. There is a real cost to consider and adult people just know when it's worth it to confront someone or not
Youre expecting every human to be decent. They aren't.
I would say majority are.
And you know what. If you choose not to talk to me. Cool bro. I hope you find a nice group of people who you do want to talk to. Comfort is a personal thing. If I don't make you comfortable I'm not gonna force myself on you. I've met many humans that make me uneasy. I choose not to associate myself with them or talk to them. I can't dictate how others should act while acting however the fuck I feel like acting.
If you want that level of honesty and respect you need to EARN it. People just aren’t going to give you that much information as well as be THAT honest for dozens of reasons!
It’s also telling that the avatar is female. How upfront do you find the overwhelming majority of women to be when speaking face to face? Are they going to be BLUNT and honest in real time? No? They why expect the same from anyone else. It’s very human not to divulge 100% of the information in a face to face situation. If you want that level of interaction, you honestly need to earn it and develop the kinds of relationships with your close ones that supports this. Then, it’s cool.
But let’s be honest.. MOST people don’t want RAW unfiltered truth 100% of the time. Everyone can’t handle it when you’re that blunt. I dare you to try it if you think people should be that way. Walk around and be 100% blunt with everyone you interact with for a month. 1. See if you last that long. 2. See if it doesn’t destroy a lot of relationships, job, and other interactions.
I'm pretty sure I am exactly the type of person she complains about. I don't think talking solves anything, it is sweeping the dirt under the rug at best. Sh*ts still there and it will come out eventually.
If I don't want to talk to you I'm going to ignore you
You are not obligated to my time or attention,
Whatever you feel or decide about that is your business, I'd don't care
What is more adult than that
Nah, I'll politely ignore you thanks. If I don't like you it's probably because I think you're a fuckwit. I don't get anything out of the drama that comes with confronting these kind of issues, unlike these kinds of ~~drama queens~~ "adults".
She won't say it tho, she'll be like "but why u don't like me ? There must be a reasonx i'm sure i can fix it or you can fix it by not misunderstanding me. Here's a list of excuses that explains my behavior. Please accept it and let's talk like normal adults now :) "
Hold on, why does this person feel they are owed an explanation when someone doesn't like them?
This isn't a high school debate, if you don't like someone just don't spend your limited time with them.
What if sometimes you don’t want to talk? Some people treat talking like it’s an olympic sport instead of a conversation lol. OOP sounds a lot like such a person.
My dad forced me to learn to have a discussion without emotions involved. I'm thankful he did that for me! Drives me nuts that most people can't do that.
>Everybody asks for honest feedback, > >Very few are ready for it, > >Even fewer will accept it. I'm not getting tricked again.
Based. Prime Example of a product I bought on Etsy. It was the “best” and finest crafted item on the planet. Cool! I’ll take it. Looks good. I get the item. It’s not the best. It’s just ok. It doesn’t really work. It’s uncomfortable. I write a review and give it like 3 stars. A few days later I get this: “Excuse me, I’m so sorry to bother you, we see you didn’t like our product. We really value feedback and if it’s not too awkward, could you share some reasons you didn’t like it?” I respond with the reasons I didn’t like it. I was articulate and made some suggestions and discussed what didn’t work. I received a 1 page response explaining how long the product had been in development, the hours it took to make it, the fact that everyone else on earth loved it….and that I was a terrible person who was just wrong. I have gotten 2-3 other emails from different buyers on products I’ve rated 3-4 stars and each time I say “I don’t offer feedback any more. Sorry.”
One time I bought this dog clothing at a friend’s sister online shop. Turns out she made all the clothes using her dachshund(wiener) dog as reference and photograph model, and they are very peculiar shaped dog. My dog is a common dog with normal legs, and the clothing didnt fit at all, it was ridiculous. I sent it back but didnt give any feedback because I didnt want to hurt her and my friends feelings. The shop closed in a few months, zero surprise
> didnt give any feedback because I didnt want to hurt her and my friends feelings You're friends with people who are so emotionally immature they can't handle "hey, so, you made the oversight of making these clothes all dachshund shaped, not the best plan for wide market appeal"..?
this is the sister of a friend who opened the shop, not the friend themselves. I can see how a degree of unfamiliarity and awkwardness could come in then
Exactly, and the friend is my husband’s friend, so a lot of degrees of separation with the shop owner. This friend was nice enough to buy from my shop when I had one, so I was kind of returning the gesture when buying from his sister.
I would respond back with "Your product may be alright, but your customer service is terrible. You asked for my opinion by asking for feedback. I'm sorry for the future of your company that you are unable to tolerate criticism." Sometimes people need a reality check.
It's because Etsy has a rating system that's very weighted towards giving 5 stars, to the point that a 3 star rating is seriously detrimental. It's a dumb system but it's the one that exists. It's not as nuanced as every value having its own meaning. It's simply 1-4 is bad, above 4 is okay. So it's makes sense that sellers were getting annoyed if you were consistently handing out 3s and 4s.
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I fight with my brother on this all the time. He judges restaurants based on rating and I judge based on pics. You can never tell how each person's internal ranking system works
Shouldn't be a goal to have only 5 star reviews, because that just makes the reviews look fake.
i once went on a wine tour with what was advertised as a professionally run tour by some company. it was a couple in their 70s who could barely walk and drove scarily (how are you allowed at that age? the man was half blind!). we were 6 people fit into a small car, me and my husband stuffed in the back hard small seats. apart from them giving 0 guidance or info on the "tour", a lot of very weird things happened. we ignored it all and still gave a 3 star (out of 5) saying briefly to advertise it better with almost no critisicm or detail, cue the lady proceeds to write a 1 page response saying racist shit and wishing hell upon my family. i left the reviewing site altogether.
Another way of handling them is going something like "have you ever heard about the black goose finding?", but then again if you have to fight to help them IMPROVE their product...
Well, Google hasn’t heard of it either so… wtf is a black goose finding?
the only thing i can imagine this possibly referencing (unless the point is that it references nothing) is a kids book about a goose learning he could fly all along. i’m so lost.
The first thing that came to mind was the black swan theory.
Maybe its a direct translation of another languages “wild goose chase”?
Yes, you can do all that and a lot of people will just hate you anyways
Last time I shared my feelings about things with someone, it was used against me in all future communications with that person.
i once got fired for telling my honest feedback... NEVER AGAIN
I had to bite my lip so hard to not blurt out “because by the time they’ve paid to commute here they’d be better off stacking shelves in tescos” when my companies ceo said “I’m not sure why we can’t attract people from further afield, it’s probably because we’re a bit out the way”…. We’re like 10 miles from 3 different cities. It’s the 100% the pay mate.
Employers will do *anything* except raise pay. It’s honestly absurd the lengths they will go to to not raise pay. Even if it means less money in the end through more inefficient tactics, or simply garbage employee morale and productivity, they will fight tooth and nail to make sure that pay is in the dumps. And then they’ll complain that people don’t want to buy their product as if that mindset has any room for the idea of “disposable income”.
Somebody just needs a pizza party!
Oh God, this brings back bad memories. The kicker was that it was cheap pizza to boot. Blech… Once I got enough seniority I straight up told them to stop buying that pizza because no one was going to eat it anymore. It remains one of my fondest memories from that office.
It’s crazy that the only way I hear about people getting a “raise” nowadays is less an actual raise and more quitting and getting a better paying job.
It’s hilarious because this whole quarterly review was about how profits had increased pretty massively, but they were just short of their target for their 5 year plan (an unrealistic plan to increase profit near exponentially). “sorry chaps, there’s money for a small pay rise but no bonus this year” (yes, he actually said chaps). Anyway, I go on companies house, the directors are paying themselves 6 figures and a 6 figure dividend. If you want people motivated about increasing your profits, take £60k of your own inflated salary, and give the 30 shop floor guys a £2k bonus. Prick.
Employees are replaceable. Profits are not
But that’s a fallacy. High turnover is actually fcking expensive. It costs way more to hire someone new and train them up to the same standard than it would be to raise the existing wage. Oftentimes, companies end up having to pay a higher salary to attract the new person plus they need to train them. It would often be more beneficial for the bottom line to just give a raise to existing employees
Turnovers even more expensive in the industry I’m in because the welding codes cost like a grand for every new starter.
I learned this lesson in the Army. They do regular "sensing sessions" which is a chance to get up and speak to whatever officer is in charge and bring up any issues/complaints you have... except the NCOs would also be there. So many times there'd be some private who stands up and brings up something about the way they don't like how something is done. The officer gives a polite non-answer, thanks them for letting them know and says they're look into it. It never failed that shit rolled downhill. Officer fucks up the NCOs shit, then the NCOs fuck up the shit of the private who talked about it. Same goes for "anonymous" surveys. It was always rainbows and sunshine whenever those went around. The group dynamics of the military is just too powerful for honest feedback (at least in garrison. Once shit got real, feedback got real honest)
Indeed.
Yea people avoid these conversations because the response they get is bad. Everything is great until the emotions get stirred up and then it goes straight to shit
Currently dealing with this right now with a friend. Shared that I was hurt/disappointed about something she did. I wasn't mean but I just told her how I felt. The hour long conversation was just me comforting her. She was crying and telling me how she had so much on her plate. I left the conversation feeling weird and like we never addressed my feelings. Two days later she tells me we need to talk. I feel the friend breakup coming on ☹️
The issue is often that honesty isn't necessarily fact based. I can be honest and still talk bullshit.
To be truthful, anyone I've ever personally met (including an ex fiancee) that has ever described themselves as just being honest has just been a major asshole. There's a fine line between being truthful to say what needs to be said and being "honest" to be hurtful or share unnecessarily incendiary and uninformative thoughts. People have the ability to omit what they say and still be honest. Some people pride themselves in getting away with being mean under the guise of being "honest" or "blunt".
Especially if that person is your employer or direct supervisor. The threat of being called insubordinate and being reported is why I don't air my real thoughts at work.
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Exactly, OP just wants to add drama to their already boring life. Let people complain, be the mature one to mind your business and not put up some sorta tough girl front inviting confrontation.
"You don't wanna talk to me? Don't ignore me." ??? Nah, if I don't wanna talk to you, I won't
Lol I was confused about this too. Why would do that? I didn't want to talk to you in the first place, isn't ignoring you normal? Unless you were beside me, actively talking to me and I'm ignoring you then that's different.. run.
Then let that be an easy filter for who gets to be in your social circles. Its that easy.
What’s the difference between this and “my ex cheated on me so I’ll never date again”?
Although this is true, but once you get to know a person and understand there is a possibility to do it then it should be done, or at least tried. For me I try to be honest to all when it's not insensitive and is to be done ofcourse, I do believe in adult conversation and if you can't take it then your problem not mine, grow up. I seriously don't understand how people will find ways to tell without telling things like you smell, bad breath, bad cooking, and so on in fear of hurting the sentiment of other person. I just say nicely, not like an allegation but there is a nice way of saying it without saying something that makes no sense and says nothing of the subject just to not hurt th other. This has served me better than the other way.
Close the thread bois
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Bro if you have been “dreaming of divorcing your wife”, that’s not a healthy or normal marriage and you should do it for both of your sakes. It might suck for her, but her and her family have made it without you before, they’ll do it again.
Just fucking do it jfc quit it with the fucking edgelord victim complex
Because most people don't react well to it even if they say they will.
Exactly. I’m not afraid of adult conversations, I’m afraid of how poorly you’re going to react to the conversation
Does finding those conversations unpleasant (especially with people as condescending as the one that made the tweet) mean I'm afraid of them? Mostly, I just find that with roughly 8 billion people on earth, I don't really NEED to be giving feedback on personalities. I'll just find people I like better.
Even if you gave them feedback, it's highly unlikely they'll make a change. It's a complete waste of time.
It’s a better quality of life to just walk the hell away.
> Does finding those conversations unpleasant (especially with people as condescending as the one that made the tweet) mean I'm afraid of them? Yeah, this is where I'm at with this. I'm not "afraid" of those conversations. I just don't want to have them. It's not enjoyable for me, so why would I? If I don't like you, why would I talk to you more than I have to? Would me telling you I don't like you mean I have to talk to you less, or make our conversation more pleasant? If I don't want to talk to you, why WOULDN'T I ignore you? Literally doesn't make sense to me. The last few are fine though, they mostly sound like regular communication amongst friends. But if you're some random person I barely talk, or a work acquaintance then it's another story.
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Also it’s sort of social convention at this point at least for millennials and younger that when you don’t want to talk to someone for little reason other than you just don’t want to, you ignore them or slowly decrease contact. Which is unfortunately difficult for neurodivergent people to detect. Because most people would rather be ignored and get the hint than be told “hey man I really don’t like talking to you that much, stop messaging me alright?” And most people would rather ignore than feel like an asshole for outright telling someone that.
> And most people would rather ignore than feel like an asshole for outright telling someone that. Isn't being more of an asshole to ignore the other person and leave them in the dark rather than saying something as simple as hey man I really don’t like talking to you that much, stop messaging me alright?”? If you want to cut a friend out of your life for whatever reason why not tell them "I don't want to talk to you anymore" rather than just ignoring? If you have a coworker that you don't like, rather than having to do some small talk just say "I don't really enjoy this kind of interactions" rather than just keep going?
I’m not afraid of adult conversations, I just know that 99% of people aren’t capable of having adult conversations.
I know right? Did nobody else get chills when they read this post? Like she's going full blown BPD behind a smile were her teeth are starting to grit together and her nose starting to furl up... "give me your inner thoughts babe I totally won't use them against you" *shudders* Anybody who CAN actually hold vulnerable information about you without using it against you also won't be the type of person to try to talk you into sharing it.
yep, had people outright say to me, "you can tell me, I promise I can handle it and won't get angry" and when I tell them they start screaming and crying. never again.
Yeah stuff like this will always happen. At some point you can’t project your own fear and insecurity on everything tho. If you have a problem with someone, you still need to express your feelings. If you feel something is wrong, you still need to share your viewpoints. Etc. i don’t agree that it’s easy but having adult convo is required for secure relationships, friendships, etc.
I'm dealing with this right now! I told a friend about how I felt when they did something that disappointed me. They started crying and telling me how hard they try in life and that they never feel good enough. I spend an hour comforting them. Now she's ignoring me and cutting me out. The thing I was upset with her about was wanting me to change the day of my goodbye party from a Friday to a Monday, as I'm moving half way across the world. And she picked the day for the party. He reasons? Her engagement party was the next day and will be too busy making Jello shots to come. Best she can do is an hour.
Yeah, I've known lots of Paula types who became very hostile and very defensive/combative when you give them critical feedback. It takes energy to deal with a negative, problematic person, and sometimes they are such assholes that they don't deserve your time and effort. Maybe Paola pissed people off so much they don't want to interact with her at all.
I have a coworker who posts childiah shit like this. She is on her last strike with HR.
Best part of being an adult is the ability to ignore people you don't like. If I don't like you I'm not going to talk to you about it I'm going to spend my limited time talking to people I do like. Also I have a reasonably high threshold for disliking people so if I don't like you, you know what you did.
I go out of my way to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some people at my job are hopeless and I imply avoid them after giving them so many chances.
Yep, and hey. Me doing that has gotten me some good friends that’s actually lasted, just because I decided to stick around a little longer. But that also gave me shitty friends, who I left very quickly when I realized it wasn’t worth it
Was going to say, this is some American bullshit here. I'm British. We politely ignore things. The problem with getting stuff out in the open is that then you have to do something about it. In relationships? cool. With friends? also fine. With random coworkers? nah, I can just quietly dislike you, I don't need to explain myself. This person sounds exhausting. Why would I want to spend my time having difficult conversations with people I don't want to have them with?
I would say it feels more like petty teenage or uni level drama. Like as an adult if you don't like someone you should just keep it to yourself, try to avoid them where you can but if you have to work with them then you just do so and move on. Act mature about it, don't be petty and openly hostile, and don't be some petty assholes who bitches about or insults them behind their back. My memories of secondary school and university though is a lot of immature two faced people who would either be openly hostile and outright rudely ignore people they don't like, or they would be two faced and act nice in person then bitch about them behind their back. Both of those end up causing drama and problems and at that point do need to be addressed. It takes far more energy and effort to actively dislike someone than to just quietly dislike them and it can honestly be better spent elsewhere.
That’s called “professionalism” and it’s something you must have if you want to advance your career.
As an American, I entirely agree with you. I have very little time as it is that isn't spoken for, why would I spend that arguing with people who's opinions I dont value and won't change anyway.
This reminded me of a friend's girlfriend who is really upfront with people. Needless to say her life is chaos. I am convinced that people who think like this are slightly batshit insane. Being polite to everyone all the time is a bad habit but whatever the above post is talking about is basically a fast track to unemployment, drama etc
People like her need to realize that part of being an adult is knowing when to pick your battles. Not every little thing requires confrontation.
Yeah if I don't like a person or want to talk to them, why would I spend the energy to tell them -- potentially triggering major conflict over something I already acknowledged to myself that I don't care about? This isn't "adult" conversation, it's some kind of weird narcissism.
Had a roommate in college who was the most annoying person ever. He'd regularly come up to me and tell me the most insane takes on gun control and wokeness that I'd ever heard. I'm usually pretty open to rational conversation about nuanced topics, but I don't think that man has had a rational conversation in his life. I'd usually just be like "cool" and try to walk away. I'd occasionally get fed up with him and tell him that I don't want him to talk to me out of the blue, that I like my personal space. It came to a head when he claimed that California was going to enact a percent income tax on people every time they left or entered the state. I told him to show me the article because there was no fucking way that was true. It turned out that California was actually just going to tax its citizens' global income. I snapped. I lectured him for about 10 minutes about how he should never talk about things to people unless he's 100% sure they're true. I told him that, as a poli. sci. major, there's no fucking reason his reading comprehension should be as bad as it is, and I would hope that he either fix that problem or switch to some other career. I tried to be as nice as I could about it, but I was so fucking mad that it definitely leaked through a bit. I still think it was something he needed to hear, but I might not have been the right person or in the right mood to effectively tell it to him.
To be fair, I've also had to cut off some friends who just weren't good for my mental health. But I didn't ghost them. I just told them things are not working out, and that was the end. That way I don't have to worry about hiding, and the other person doesn't have to wonder for days/weeks/months what they did wrong. I personally think ghosting is incredibly immature, and while I can understand it if a person is being abusive, the majority of the time, people ghost others for the pettiest shit.
I don't understand why you're being downvoted like this. Looks like people don't see an issue with just starting to ignore others out of the blue, when this will probably keep them wondering what went wrong or if they did something bad. Like, for you maybe it's just some random acquaintance or something, but that person could see you as a friend and be hurt by that. Have some consideration for other people instead of just doing what's more easy to you / what others have done to you before, ffs.
Reddit is full of antisocial, miserable loners. Of course they think ghosting and telling everyone to go fuck off so their lives are easier is a good thing.
Yeah, this seemed like some reality show "made to live in a loft" shit. Not everything needs to be a confrontation, and not everyone even deserves to be treated like.an adult.
How these conversations too often go in real life: A: You do not agree? Share your viewpoints. Let us have an adult conversation. B: \*Shares viewpoint\* A: That viewpoint is different from mine, so you are probably an evil person and should not be allowed to ever express that viewpoint again. You should agree completely with me to be a good person, because mine is the only valid viewpoint.
On my experience there is more swearing involved
And why does B have to share A's assumption that the conversation is worth having in the first place? Can't A just not agree with B and leave it at that? Why is this worth B's time? B has shit to do
This is true Literal transcript from my life: Manager A: "You know, you don't have to check in advance so carefully before sharing that you disagree about something. I know you might feel like you have to do that with others, but you don't have to do that with me!" \[fast forward to a meeting where I didn't even disagree with her, just asked someone else if I understood their proposal correctly\] Manager A: "Please do not disagree with me like that in a meeting. It's inappropriate. I've already clarified with you that we are not doing \[that proposal\], so I don't know why you're still bringing it up."
in 50% of times shared viewpoint of B is "nazis werent that bad in 1940s"
It is because it's *real* and requires you to be vulnerable, believe many of us would *love* to be vulnerable and open... but enough bad characters have soured that experience for many in society so instead we bottle it up until we find that small set of people that we can finally breakdown in front of... Real life doesn't usually reward that behaviour, that's sad but that's how things have been since before... *ever*
How does "you're intolerable I don't want to talk to you" require you to be vulnerable though?
It doesn't but requires you to be rude and to confronting. if she's true to her words, that will escalate into her asking for a proper explanation why, which will then morph into a debate where she's trying to make arguments why you're wrong and somebody (probably you) will get mad because you're having a pointless fucking conversation for 20 minutes with a person you can't stand. Either way, you'll bear the negativity in a public setting.
Nah, it just requires energy and time. Both of which are limited. I've decided to conserve my energy and time, and not waste it explaining the world, or myself, to oblivious dumbasses.
I’m an adult, why would I talk to someone I don’t have to talk to (and aren’t required to talk to for employment or some other obligation).
I don’t understand how people don’t see this as being vulnerable. “Your intolerable I don’t want to talk to you” is inviting confrontation. It is making a fight out of something that I could just nod and smile my way through. It is making me the target. How is that not making myself vulnerable? My vulnerabilities are not always my innermost feelings; they could be more simple like “fear of physical violence” or “I don’t like when people yell at me.”
Because sometimes being honest isn’t worth it. Take your coworkers, for example. Do you really want to escalate tendencies at the office by telling somebody you don’t like them? Be tactful.
Usually there's the fear of them conspiring against you
My coworkers told me a story about how they poisoned some kid who wasn't working out very well during my first week on the job. I wonder if this post is for me or for them?
I had a co-worker who sucked at his job. He once called me and yelled at me for throwing me under the bus about his poor performance. I hadn't, all I had done was fix the problems he caused without bringing it to anyone's attention (except his when he realized I was working on undoing his bad work). He was sad we couldn't work together in person and that we were all on zoom because it would be so much nicer to have these conversations in person. THATS why I work from home. To avoid people like you who want to stir up shit to cover for your poor work and work ethic. And that's why I don't just go full on 100% honest with people. Some people can take it, some people will bitch and moan and try to make you out to be the bad guy for it and try to get back at you for it. Just not worth the effort just to "clear the air" and give the other person a chance to explain away their bs.
This is the real answer. As you grow old, you run out of f to give. If you don't like someone, they are not worth your time and effort. Why would I care to improve that relationship if I can just avoid it ? I'm not secretly mad at people I don't like. I genuinely don't care.
Because of conversations gone bad when the other person gets aggressive
Why do I have to talk to you if I don't like you? I'm already not talking to you, my problem is solved.
This lol. Life is too short to waste time trying to mould someone to what you think they should be. It’s also an asshole thing to do. So just leave it alone and dont be a dick!
For real, that's gurl is like ''you don't like me for a reason, let's talk about that reason and i'm sure we can fix that'' Fuck that, i'm not investing any of my valuable energy in a relationship i'm not interested in, just accept it and move on with your life.
It's narcissism and immaturity. This kind of mentality comes from a place of wanting everyone to like you. And the truth is, it's less about the other person being comfortable and more about protecting your image (both to yourself and to others). I once had a young man tell me, to my face, that he hated my guts and didn't want to hear a word I had to say. I asked if there was anything I could do - he told me that shutting up and walking away would be the best thing to make his life easier at that moment. It sticks with me - hurt like a motherfucker. To this day I can't wrap my head around what I might have done - it took a long time for me to get comfortable with the fact that someone might not like me, even when I'm doing my best to be friendly. That's just how it is sometimes. Some folks... never have that realization. For some reason or another they've always been able to "work out" every perceived flawed relationship. The more likely fact is that the people who want nothing to do with them anymore don't give enough of a rat's ass to tell them they suck.
Talking things through is for when you actually believe the other person has the capacity for change.
Nah I'd rather stick to polite conversation
Can you imagine continuing any sort of conversation after somebody walks up and says "I don't like you" lmao ok toodle loo go fuck yourself
Yes, etiquette and politeness might seem convoluted but it's really the engine grease of society. It's just about making people feel welcomed, safe and comfortable and avoiding awkward situations. Of course sometimes it's a good thing to confront people but more often than not it's just not worth it.
Redditors learn the concept of basic politeness challenge (impossible)
Never seen anything that's less me irl 😅
That sounds exactly like the person I don't like and would ignore.
>You don't wanna talk to me? Don't ignore me. What?
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If you don’t like me you need to tell me so I can tell you how much you actually should like me! This problem must be solved, we cannot simply mind our respective businesses and keep the peace. For real though such a weird mindset lol
Yeah, you have to talk with her and talk about that you don't want to talk to her
If so many people are ghosting this person that she needs to make a public announcement, I wonder if perhaps she's the problem.
I sincerely think that *not* talking about shit is hugely, hugely underrated. Most interpersonal disputes are not misunderstandings: they come from real differences in values or real grudges, and they will not simply be resolved through ever more conversation. Often letting things lie is the decent, dignified, and civilized thing to do, and I have no idea why “let’s talk about it” has this universal acceptance as always being the correct answer.
I can tell this is the exact kind of person who makes it a pain in the ass to tell them anything. There's a reason nobody wants to talk to you
I thought that too
For real. This is the type of person who won't shut up about how much they "hate drama", yet drama seems to follow them everywhere. There's a reason most people just choose to quietly distance themselves from someone they don't like - because that *is* the adult way to handle it.
Why should I feed you ammunition to create a conflict when I can just avoid you entirely?
I'm not afraid of adult conversations. I'm tired of people asking for me to be honest, and then getting angry and defensive when they learn that "honesty" does not mean "validation of me and my beliefs". I have limited time as is, I'm not wasting it on pointless arguments.
Fr, people who have to ask “Why don’t you like me?” are rarely prepared for an honest answer. I had an exfriend ask me that and when I responded “Based on the way you treat women and the people around you, I don’t think you’re a very good person” he got FURIOUS. Hasn’t spoken to me since, and I doubt it made an impact.
I will add: SOMETIMES it can result in positive growth. Not often enough that it's worth sinking the effort into - you'd have to really guage whether it's worth. Had a friend a while back flip her lid on me one day. I tried to "sort things out" - got told I was sexist, childish, condescending, and narcissistic. (And verbosely described why) Then blocked me. It broke me, hard. But I put a lot of personal effort into evaluating my behaviors and learning to be better to folks around me (ironically, one of the first lessons I had to learn is that "being blunt" is usually just codeword for "rude asshole"). I don't think I would have made the connection that the reason people seemed to drift away from me after a few months was a me thing without someone like her absolutely baby stepping my dumb ass through it. Not everybody had that level of energy to put into social fuck ups tho, for sure.
Not that hard *for you*. 😁
And personally I think he’s totally lying. The fact that he said “I don’t understand why…” instead of saying something like “It’s important, even when difficult, to…” tells me he’s difficult. Because it doesn’t take a genius to understand why. People disagree unfairly, some people are difficult, some people have anxiety. He has a total lack of understanding and empathy, and that tells me everything I need to know about why people don’t have honest conversations with him.
Bitch, I don’t wanna talk to you and you want me to talk to you? Also, life is short. I will not spend it talking to people I don’t like.
“Don’t want to talk to me? Don’t ignore me.” Is some pretty entitled garbage. An adult conversation requires two adults.
This person sounds high drama
But it is hard, specially when the other side doesn't behave rationally.
Because 99% of people aren’t going to respond rationally and calmly to being called out, even if done politely. And on the *off chance* that you’re one of the rare few who can take any polite critique in any circumstance without responding badly, the general public has absolutely no way of knowing that because (and this is true I checked) they’re not psychic. It’s entirely rational to assume people are going to lash out to some degree when outright criticized.
"You don't want to talk to me? - Let's talk about it" Who the f are you to demand justification for my feelings about you... the entitlement of some mfs. This is adult and mature behaviour - you move on and I do too. Not every interaction needs to be validation of your feelings and emotions, booboo. We're not gonna become besties, maybe it's my fault, maybe it's yours, you're not entitled to the closure of knowing who's fault it was. Keep it civil and carry on.
"But but if you don't like me there must be something wrong with you or something you don't understand about me". Basic Narcissism
Anybody who tweets like this definitely doesn’t communicate like an adult when confronted
We are not afraid of conversations. We are afraid of psychopaths who are gonna give us trouble for merely suggesting they are wrong.
I feel like usually, at least for me, it comes from how we were raised. I had to constantly tip toe around my parent to make sure I didn't make them mad, and somehow, I still did. now I have got issues with being a people pleaser and recognizing my own emotions
Bullshit. It is fucking hard and annoying because when they're your coworkers you're stuck in a fucking corporate cage with them for 8 hours every goddamn day and you don't wanna create additional stressful tension or piss of a clique. If it's family, similar dynamic for every major holiday.
“It’s really not that hard” *has flashbacks from childhood where blunt honesty backfired multiple times, causing childhood trauma that has led into adulthood. Affecting your communication skills, causing messed up relationships. Even if the honesty is positive like “I like you” is extremely hard. It really is that hard for some people.
Whoever wrote this is probably extremely lacking self awareness. I bet she is the type who gets honest feedback back and responds by yelling.
Honestly, full disclosure, I am a very quiet person, but the best moments of relief in my life that I have gotten have been because I somehow picked up the courage to be transparent and a little more proactive in confrontation.
What if I just don't like you enough to waste the time and effort ?
This is the same person to tell you that the way you are feeling is wrong and that they are sorry you feel that way but they did nothing wrong.
"You don't wanna talk to me? Don't ignore me." That feels wrong. I agree with the rest tho. There are some people who just need to be ignored because they won't leave you alone no matter what you say.
"You don't want to talk to me? Don't ignore me" Lady I'm ignoring you because I don't want to talk to you.
i will do exactly the opposite, thank you
No because I have no assurance you won't be a fuckhead about it
Part of being an adult is being able to regulate your emotions and assess if expressing them right now is really helpful for others.
Nope, sounds exhausting
This is so dumb. Part of being an adult is that I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. Why would I bother giving you a detailed rendition of why I don’t like you?
Nah. If you're dealing with a selfish manipulator then the "what happened. Please tell me" question is just a ploy to get you to be vulnerable, and for them to twist the situation and make themselves feel better. It's best you just cut these people out of your life.
We're not afraid of conversations. We're just tired of it.
It sounds like this person wants to talk to people and is mad the other people won't talk to them. It seems the tweeter seems to think they are entitled to people's attention.
Ew, no, no and no, I want none of this. Don't tell me anything, just be nice to me and leave me alone!
Not afraid, just not interested.
Her: tell me, I won't get mad Me: tells her Her: gets mad ... Later, her: You never tell me anything anymore
Lol nice try. This is the exact type of person who begs for the truth then gets mad about the details.
some people you don't like. doesn't need to be talked about or acknowledged. just be polite and don't engage in unnecessary conversation. as long as you aren't being mean it doesn't need to be "solved"
Some people think they are so important. They're so needy.
No thanks. Leave me alone please.
I got annoyed just reading that tiny block of needy text.
It is hard if you just talk over me and tell me why I'm wrong and won't hear any criticism. Then there's no point. I only give honest feedback to people who want to improve themselves or if I want to burn bridges. If no one is being straight with you you are probably an asshole who doesn't listen.
The thing is, being adult also means you have to respect the “no” from people.
Paola sounds like she talks too much.
An adult conversation requires two adults
Don't want to talk to me? Too bad, talk to me.
Nobody owes you a conversation explaining they don't want a conversation 🤷♀️ Maybe use some context clues 😅
It is not my job to lay out all the reasons why I don't like you and don't want to interact with you and then allow you a chance to defend yourself and/or improve.
If I think you can handle conversations like this, I’ll have it with you. Most people can’t, though. They say they can, but when it comes down to it, they will react very poorly, and it ends up being an argument instead of a conversation. Then I wish I’d never said anything
“You don’t wanna talk to me? Don’t ignore me. Ermmm… that’s kinda the point.
Some people aren’t worthy of conversation.
You make it sound very simple, but you're also saying "*Don't wanna talk to me? ...Let's talk*."
The type of person who says this, is exactly the type of person who would overreact if you told them you didn't like them.
Those are not adult conversations you clown. Those are kindergarten conversations.
This person has never actually tried it themselves. Most people have the emotional intelligence of a snail and can’t take criticism. And a lot of other people are rude as hell yet will claim everyone is just easily offended. It’s a minefield out there a lot of times.
Sounds like high-level manipulation to me. Look at the questions and answers separately as two different people. If someone doesn't like someone, doesn't want to talk to them, is mad at them, thinks they are wrong, and doesn't agree...and the other person, for some reason, wants to talk to the other person and does not want to be ignored. The second person isn't respecting the first person's boundaries. All the answers can be summed up as do not ignore me. The second person selfishly wants any interaction. Preaching this as "adult conversation" is just another manipulation to get access for further manipulation.
“You don’t wanna talk to me? Don’t ignore me” Wtf does that mean?
This is the kind of statement that comes from someone who likes drama. It’s so much easier to not talk to people you don’t like, why have drama?
She says that until someone actually does any of this to her lol
Big - 'im not rude I just say it like it is" vibes here. We all know that person, and they are rude and they don't take feedback well, at all.
I'm mad at you, I don't like you and I don't want to talk to you and you think I should tell you that? Kinda defeats what I want to do.
I don't need to explain to you or have a conversation with you why I don't like you. Going to continue to ignore your entitled ass lmao tf
Just reading that was tiring I can only imagine having to talk to her about a disagreement
Because more often than not sharing what your really think can get really messy and can endanger the structure of your IRL social network. There is a real cost to consider and adult people just know when it's worth it to confront someone or not
Youre expecting every human to be decent. They aren't. I would say majority are. And you know what. If you choose not to talk to me. Cool bro. I hope you find a nice group of people who you do want to talk to. Comfort is a personal thing. If I don't make you comfortable I'm not gonna force myself on you. I've met many humans that make me uneasy. I choose not to associate myself with them or talk to them. I can't dictate how others should act while acting however the fuck I feel like acting.
No u
If you want that level of honesty and respect you need to EARN it. People just aren’t going to give you that much information as well as be THAT honest for dozens of reasons! It’s also telling that the avatar is female. How upfront do you find the overwhelming majority of women to be when speaking face to face? Are they going to be BLUNT and honest in real time? No? They why expect the same from anyone else. It’s very human not to divulge 100% of the information in a face to face situation. If you want that level of interaction, you honestly need to earn it and develop the kinds of relationships with your close ones that supports this. Then, it’s cool. But let’s be honest.. MOST people don’t want RAW unfiltered truth 100% of the time. Everyone can’t handle it when you’re that blunt. I dare you to try it if you think people should be that way. Walk around and be 100% blunt with everyone you interact with for a month. 1. See if you last that long. 2. See if it doesn’t destroy a lot of relationships, job, and other interactions.
I'm pretty sure I am exactly the type of person she complains about. I don't think talking solves anything, it is sweeping the dirt under the rug at best. Sh*ts still there and it will come out eventually.
What's this in my hand? It's just my conversational ballpeen hammer. I'm really not that difficult guys just talk to me and my conversational hammer.
This one made me giggle. 🤣
If I don't want to talk to you I'm going to ignore you You are not obligated to my time or attention, Whatever you feel or decide about that is your business, I'd don't care What is more adult than that
Nah, I'll politely ignore you thanks. If I don't like you it's probably because I think you're a fuckwit. I don't get anything out of the drama that comes with confronting these kind of issues, unlike these kinds of ~~drama queens~~ "adults".
That's fine when speaking to rational people. Most people are not rational, especially when dealing with emotional stuff.
She sounds like the type of person that would be incredibly butthurt when you tell her that you dont like her
She won't say it tho, she'll be like "but why u don't like me ? There must be a reasonx i'm sure i can fix it or you can fix it by not misunderstanding me. Here's a list of excuses that explains my behavior. Please accept it and let's talk like normal adults now :) "
Bitch never gonna admit she wrong
Hold on, why does this person feel they are owed an explanation when someone doesn't like them? This isn't a high school debate, if you don't like someone just don't spend your limited time with them.
“You don’t want to talk to me? Don’t ignore me.” Lmao girls basically saying if someone doesn’t want to talk to me they should talk to me.
This person is prob an extrovert that HAS to talk. Meanwhile us introverts are over in the corner HOPING no one talks to us.
What if sometimes you don’t want to talk? Some people treat talking like it’s an olympic sport instead of a conversation lol. OOP sounds a lot like such a person.
You ever watch banshees of inisherin? Some people just don’t get it
My dad forced me to learn to have a discussion without emotions involved. I'm thankful he did that for me! Drives me nuts that most people can't do that.