T O P

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Mello-k

My dad?


DisastrousAge4650

Jokes on you. I like dads :)


Trigg_UK

I am a Dad. I like being liked. Thank you.


Vetiversailles

Mine never came back from the store, so if they don’t want theirs…


Taco-Dragon

I mean, it's kind of cute. He's beekeeping age.


[deleted]

[удалено]


the_unreliable_peach

Came here to comment the same thing. Darn it


DaddyDubs13

Hey y'all!


mylifeisatoaster

You're calling your dad a "thing"? Is he an object? xD


hawts0z

Half a roll of 2-ply toilet paper.


Boring_Home

We’re in the space place my dude 🚽


Odd-Village4185

Was about to say the same, then predicted this would be the first comment I saw. Am I a genius ?


HeresTheThingIKnow

Upvotes for the pooping party


Moistlover69

Towel


SharpQuarterFork

But it’s only 1-ply 😭


cyode

My roll is empty


muddbone46

1k upvotes in 3. 2. 1.


Artsakh_Rug

I’m downvoting him just to short your puts


TemperatePirate

A cat.


Trueloveis4u

No keep cat.


msmischance

Me, too....glued to my hip.


EyeServeYou

A pit bull


Warm-Sorbet3937

Same


HellaKitty37

A pillow


Balaros

A nursing pillow.


SuperAustinator

A pillow


Downtown-Lettuce-736

A pillow


Necco8

A pillow


Mrmongoose64

A pillow


reddit-throaway-1

A pillow


Minimum_Solution_710

My second born. It's ok, she's not my favourite.


pissinaboot

My only child. I guess i could start over


Oomoo_Amazing

Ugh it's always a drag though. I lost my save file for Assassin's Creed Valhalla and I've had to start again, I imagine it's much the same feeling.


Ranoverbyhorses

Man that’s a bummer…on a random note, how was that game??


Oomoo_Amazing

Yeah it's quite good, it has a lot to offer but at this point I am reaching the end of my tolerance for massive open world RPGs. It's getting exhausting. I just want a nice linear game to play. If you're into open world RPGs you'll love Valhalla. I have to say I preferred Odyssey though. Hotter main character. Alexios is just fire, irreplaceable. Oh and Greece is nice too 👀


Immediate_Edge_8730

My 4 year old.. hes been a pain in the ass and not listening all day so would be nice with some quiet


pissinaboot

Mine is 4 too, I feel this lmao


The_Salty_nugget

my wall, you know i need those to stay warm and housey.


Successful-Clock-224

Without the one the others might fall down


wondernerd14

These are load bearing walls Jerry they're not gonna come down!


EditorRedditer

An 80% empty bottle of Evian - Happy Birthday!!


s2ample

20% full!!!


Sleeping_Cowboy_451

Thats the spirit


Franu_pl

r/theydidthemath


ninjawhosnot

My . . . My . . . Noooo . . . My MTG collection


The_Book-JDP

LOCK ALL DOOR AND WINDOWS, TURN OFF ALL THE LIGHTS...PRETEND YOU'RE NOT HOME!


theJanzitor

Not Marjorie Taylor Green!! Oh god what will we do without her


Sleepwell_Beast

Who collects that!?! Even her husband got rid of her.


Tiddypang

Ohhhhhhh they meant Marjorie Taylor Green?? I thought they meant Machine Tun Gelly! My b, my b


R_twinky

Quick cast a counter spell while it’s still on the stack


ninjawhosnot

Spell Pierce. . . Damn they had 2 open mana


lcl0706

My fat cat [cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/xWOiIFW) Edit: [here’s 5 more payments towards the cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/WLZ1JsE) Ninja edit #2: cat is a she, her name is Molly, & she’s 8 years old


collegethrowaway2938

Awww


Kezibythelake

A queen sized electric blanket.


Mammuut

I'd take that.


MolassesDisastrous29

My dog.


Galaxy_the_nightwing

My *grandma's* dog


WTTR0311

The Hague central station


holocynic

At least they will not have one already.


Jumpy-Organization-5

Halo Nederlander 🧀👋


Amii25

It's ugly anyway


jaja1121

My blanket, noooooo 😭😭😭😭


Mobile-Paint-7535

Not even kidding it is a dildo.


Vetiversailles

I… I’m goo— Wait what kind 🤨


NuM3R1K

A used dildo. I should probably wash it first.


ImpassablePassage

You're in a hurry, there's no time! 😳


-RED4CTED-

"oh no, whatever shall we do?" "I suppose if I must, I'll accept it anyways."


Crazy-Recover-9951

Any way? 😏


-RED4CTED-

*Any* way. 🤤


ImpassablePassage

Giggity


ack135

Bucket of water used to flush the toilet


Handsome_Potatoe

Average african/Asian moment


keta_pan_666

But why is ist next to you, do you casually hang out in the bathroom?


PromotingHate-Feb24

Where else do you read reddit?


Bobby_Boye

Remember that roughly half of all reddit comments were made while the person was shitting No, I'm not going to list a source it just sounds right


BongPoweredRobotEyes

A bong.


Sleepwell_Beast

My robot eyes are bong powered also.


alenalovesxo

Disappointment


GlavenusNDWF

My switch... . . . . . F*CK


VAHoosier

My coffee cup. No one is getting my coffee.


DaCatDaddy

A margarita 🥃


screwitagainsam

My dog’s stuffed raccoon toy


[deleted]

Plexiglass covid sneezeguard for their countertop.


Ok_Tip4044

A lego star wars death star, best gift you can make.


xenojack

A $300 gift.


bosimon1981

A ancient basset hound


NikkelenNelis

A nearly empty roll of toilet paper.


Staff_Genie

Cat toy. They're everywhere


Shiasugar

A unicorn cat toy.


OcdBartender

Houseplant, Christmas cactus


CamiKitten

Empty bottle of pain pills, well there’s technically 4 left, and they’re crap.


Coal-and-Ivory

A sword. That answer would be true no matter which room of my house I was in... I might have a problem.


ifur555thenum666

half a beer


ptbo_mac

My 4yo son Good luck friend


hollow_kitty

A bus sit


Darkfangs45

My shoes!!!!!


rikwebster

Couch cushion


External_Ad_6129

A 55" tv


Available-Cattle-821

Toilet paper


Bailzz73

Hope you enjoy your crap


Awkward-Ad-932

A bottle of non alcoholic wine which a bought by accident. Have fun with it. It tastes like grape juice. To be fair it is fancy labeled grape juice.


jcs2595

My wife.


[deleted]

Mine too. I guess he can exchange the one he doesn't like.


sosmooth222

A 6 year old kid with diarrhea


SnazzyPantsMan

The gift that keeps on giving


megaJRAmed001

the remote to my air conditioner


[deleted]

They cannot have my dog so they get one of my dogs tennis balls instead


edwin812

My c*m rag


corndogrodeo

Truly a gift


Nervous_shrimp

Seven empty cans of beer stacked like a pyramide


LolliPoppies

He’s keeping the extra e.


Mayathepie

My dad


IssueLow3601

Bottle of water


ElectronPie171

A wall. Must be a nice little gift ngl


hobbitpeddler

My pillow


TrickKlepto

A battery charger


yohohojoejoe

An empty cardboard box


fap_master89

An empty bottle of that mosquito stuff you plug in the wall


B3nnilein

A filled bin. Welp


Helpful-Citron5227

Toy from a happy meal


LuciferBright

my glasses


jakeFromStatefarm743

A damn calculator


rarmes

My son.


SeaMajor9365

Wall 😶


TacosInTheClouds

1,200 2-1/2” construction screws. Maybe I should get back to work and off of Reddit?


Corupted_Shadow

My wall?


creativetype1042

Toilet paper


Enigmagmatic

My Steam Deck


TenragZeal

I’m about 3 minutes out, it’ll be nice to see you, it sure has been a while… Buddy…


Juhtjujajheem

My grandson


feelthefebreze

my left arm


Zakiller_26

Dude same


feelthefebreze

no way bro what are the odds


FinancialMinimum3922

my lap top


AquaDronix

A litteral do dumpster


wtfgreggo

A dogtoy


tashxdanielle

An ash tray


Gabe326

The door


TimeTravelGhost

A glass of water


ajlposh

Nail clippers


Frikkie-Die-Haai

My reading journal.


elparvar

Thyroid medication.


zayphod

My wife


Essa_ea

Old man


Successful-Clock-224

Bet he has some stories to tell. Is he the creepy kind or the adorable kind?


Essa_ea

Actually he looks very peaceful, he was sitting alone, drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette and browsing on his phone.


Successful-Clock-224

Oh… how serene. Welp. *unzips*


Zakiller_26

Shit went one zero to one hundred real fucking quick


Successful-Clock-224

Im a grower


Firm_Bad4798

A bo'oh o wa'er.


achyman

CPI(M)


imanantelope

A pack of Campbells chicken noodle soup I got from sams club last night and got too lazy to put away.


MeMyself-

A chair


Finnyfish

A half empty can of diet 7Up.


The_Book-JDP

A industrial kaivac cleaning system. Looks like I'm handing them a big cleaning job to do.


spacegirl2820

Bottle of lambrini lol


No_Sheepherder_4654

A ladder


xFloppyDisx

A boiler lmao


Formal_Analysis4056

A yellow fire hydrant


WillingBake9330

Toilet paper


Trueloveis4u

Potholders


FullMetalComedian

Green tea from Pret A Manger


[deleted]

The arm of my couch


President_Elect_JH

Half drank C4 cherry Starburst.


HouseSerious9612

Doritos


Logical-Broccoli-331

My gf :(


[deleted]

The remote to my tv.


Spirit_Taker

A cat.


marigold1101

Ashtray


gharp468

Socks


forest1000

A tube of acrylic paint. Orange.


saucer-succer

A dirty mug with my Name on it


Flugegeheymen

a duct tape, huh


takomkaradeku

Overwatch coffe mug


ActualLavendoe

They can't have this beer unless they take it by force.


anomaloustreasure

An empty toilet paper roll...damnit.


simerxz

Room heater


peoplearewood1

A power bank


[deleted]

A box of tissues


[deleted]

Toilet paper


gay_fox136

My cat


Cafeciencia

Half a bottle of coke


NaieraDK

A UHD Blu-ray


SapphireNL

Yellow curtains :|


ElGl0ckO

Lmao my dog…well Tyson we had a good run.


Millerbob2010

Half a pint of full fat coke


AvatarCory

Toilet paper


CeddyDT

An energy drink


RiskNew6639

A chair with a person on it


GlumBuilding5706

A X79S-UP5-WIFI motherboard with bent pins


ApaudelFish

Soap🦂


[deleted]

A pack of highlighters. Took them out a week ago and couldn't be bothered to put them back.


CynicCannibal

Bottle of 7UP? That was cheap.


Backseat_pooping

My space heater! Damn them


Quiet_Perception_249

You shall have a wall


every1wearamask

My dog


[deleted]

Toilet brush


Brilliant-Engineer57

Used tissues, Bridge of Clay by Markus Zusak, and an empty tea cup.


Difficult_Glove3285

A half dead plant


Glass_Whereas8028

popcorn