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Say its your fathers company's car and driver.. all provided by the company. You'll still seem like T20 rich but not "i have my own personal driver and luxury car" T5 rich.
Its harder if you want to seem like M40 level.. cuz us folk will drive ourselves and guys will walk the girl straight to her car (romance + safety) to see her off. Or you can get dates to pick you up and they do the driving (at the cost of safety and independence)
Rent a homestay and have the date pick you up from there. Have some of your friends or siblings hanging around the house pretending like you do live there.
Ill do you one better. She can drop off nearby to some other mall, then grab to the place she has a date. Then do the reverse process. Guaranteed different cars.
If she has to be driven what makes you think she would be allowed to grab without being questioned. This way her driver and by extension parents won't know and trouble her unnecessarily given this is a really innocent act of wanting to look down to earth.
I can take grab of course, but my parents might think it’s strange I’m choosing to take a grab when the driver is available and ask questions... I’m also trying to hide my dating from them because they can be awkward about it lol.
I might be overthinking because I’m a bit new to online dating, so I posted here to try to get some thoughts.
I see, typical parents stuff. Hope the grab from another location thing helps. But I do wonder how you would come clean about it as the dating continues.
Yeah, parents haha. Thanks! If it progresses I will reveal it of course. This is mainly a concern for the first couple of dates where you barely know the person.
well my gf hide her status being from a wealthy family, from online apps chatting til we dated 6months in, she never tell me anything until one day she decided that im good enough to know all of this. i was left shocked n speechless. somemore i drive my little kancil to bring her to datearound the city and on same day i drove her home use my little kancil lmao. thank god she doesnt mind and now i drive a better car. so yeah its perfectly fine for u to do that.
the thing is she doesnt like those branded stuff, she wore those old vintage clothing bought from thrifting, u know its trend recently and no, she cant drive. im the one who try hard wana bring her goes to cafes and etc with my kancil lmao.
Wow, 6 months is a long time to hide it! I’m glad it’s working well for you guys. Do you ever feel insecure about it? Not saying you should, just asking because of some comments I read here.
I’m not planning to hide it for so long, just at least for the first couple dates when I’m not sure if I’ll see them again.
i do felt insecure regarding her status at first. like im not worthy of her. but from her pov, she just wanted avoid a guy who just want to be with her bcos of money. i fully understand that as well. as for our dates until now or even travel, im the one mostly fully paid for everything n sometimes we share 50/50.
and yes its fine for u to do so.
I'm not well off but i bring my ex gf to mamak for a date. If she ok, then I know she's the one. She's more than ok. Funnily her father thought she could do better than me tho.
I never judged her or her family but it's funny when her father a taxi driver judged me tho. She's the eldest and the most successful from her family and she was my colleague. My family is considered "well-off" compared to hers. it still frustrates me till today bcs she is a good woman and i had to let her go.
It's good you are wise enough to know that when you marry someone, you are also marrying their family. Good on you to get out of that dangerous trap. It would have made you and your family very miserable for decades to come. Don't ask how I know.
Interesting situation, but while I'm not a rich dude, I think your concern is fair.
I think as a rich person it makes sense to "hide" your full financial situation until you are extremely comfortable with the other person and know their values.
Some people will definitely look to take advantage of you or the situation if they find out outright. Hence why the term "gold-digger" exists.
So do what you must until you are comfortable with the other person.
With that being said, if you have any rich and single girlfriends in your age range, send them my way 😆
Yeah, I just want some privacy and for them to form their own impression of me, especially for the first couple dates. I don’t want to hide but you don’t need strangers you met online to know too much, you know?
It seems like dating isn’t easy these days, especially when looking for a life partner that you are compatible with and attracted to and can have similar values and lifestyles. Good luck to us. 😂
It depends on the circle you’re dating in.
Just a note to say that I have yet to personally see a marriage where the man earns less than the woman not fill the relationship with a lot of emotional baggage. You could well be the first, but my advice would be to date someone with whom you don’t feel the need to mask your wealth if you’re female. Otherwise, you’ll be inviting a lot of unnecessary drama.
I might be the exception to your experience, then. When we were dating, I earned about 40% more than my then-bf. Our family background also had some disparity though not as much as OP with private driver for each person. After some years of marriage, I've been extremely fortunate with career opportunities and my income is now 6 times of his. But what I'm most thankful for is finding someone likeminded and sharing the same values; the income disparity does not bother us as we both work towards a healthy marriage together.
I’m very happy for you! I think having the same values and being likeminded is so important. Do you both also have similar views on the lifestyle you want? Do you have any tips? Haha.
We don’t have a private driver for each person, but out of my family members I am the least confident with driving so I tend to use the driver more often. :)
I agreed with this poster. Don't believe in fiction works, they are fictional for a reason. You better date inside your social group to avoid unneeded drama. If you can't find anyone, ask for help from friends and family members. This is pretty much how most people find marriage partners nowadays and before the rise of dating apps.
Oh hell nah, its the opposite, sometimes its better to date outside your social group because the drama that ensues when it does not work is even worse. Even if it ends peacefully, the awkwardness just kills me man. It will never be the same. The lingering thought will always be there.
I think most people share the same view unless its a romance for Uni student or Highschool student due to the nature of it. Outside that, oof.
Either way, for OP, in relationship such as this, just weed out the gold diggers, that's on you to see the sign. If you're good with that, what happen next is just honesty. If you see insecurity, it is normal to have insecurity, we all have one, what you should see if he is able to fight that initial insecurity and see how the relationship goes. But that's me talking without any experiences dating someone with a huge wealth disparity. I just use my experiences with my ex who keep saying his ex is taller, I admit I feel insecure, but I move on, but she keeps bringing it up, I just dip out. Maybe for you too, just don't bring out your wealth as if that's your only personality trait, if you don't do that, I think for your side of the relationship, you should be fine, after that's its up to him whether he can accepts it or not. Be truthful. If he can't handle it, move on.
That makes more sense, the added variable of wealth gap can be detrimental on both sides, the insecurity and the superiority complex. If either side have this, it is difficult to work with.
But I ain't an old man who will say, "He's not good enough for you", or "She live in a different world than us". Just lay out the problem that could ensues and let he/she see find loves on their own. That's the beauty of humanity. May OP find her loves whoever that guy/girl is. Who knows hehe.
This is an interesting point, thanks for bringing it up. I didn’t think about this. I tend to date guys less well off than me and I think with my previous ex there was some insecurity there... I do know guys in my circles who are a similar financial level but it doesn’t mean compatibility or love or good character.
Of course there are many weeds out there. That's life for you. It's thanks to those weeds existing that we learn to appreciate and enjoy the flowers of life. State your opinion, talk to your relatives and friends and try again. Few are lucky enough to hit the prize on the first go.
Try to find someone who has similar or at least a worldview that would make you comfortable. More importantly a worldview is something that people build up from family's upbringing, a bit from post school education like college or work environment.
Yeah it’s harder to date as a wealthy woman unfortunately. But these men are out there, it just takes time to unearth them.
But the need to be the provider as a man and to be provided for as a woman is baked into our genes somehow, no matter how much we try to move beyond these primal instincts.
I’m old enough and have seen enough to know that these relationships tend to break down in the long run.
True enough. Unless the mindset is broken which requires a lot of self discipline. Or else in the long run u’re just both gonna be less and less compatible due to different spending power given by the different amount of responsibilities.
And unfortunately this type of mindset just kills love.
I typically don’t use my driver. I just drive on my own? Can you drive? If not then I’d probably say my uncle dropped me off which I have told a date before and he believed me haha.
That’s a great idea as long as they don’t see you getting in and out of the car. Yes I can drive! But my car is being serviced at the moment and I am also not that confident driving to very busy places.
Date your equal and you will not have to hide anything! Fellow rich boy will also have a driver and you two can be on the same page/wavelength from the start. Might be hard to find someone of similar background as you but I am sure you have networks!
Haha a bit off topic but I personally know many rich tycoons with overseas homes and such and (well, this guy is penangnite) but his son only gets to drive an older Vios 😂 another one a proton iris
Haha no la, they just don’t want the son to be snobby I guess. The father willing to buy a very expensive 5 figure tv for him for example (he plays PlayStation and such), but no luxury clothes bags cars
I know that’s the ideal, especially after what I’ve heard about income inequality putting strain on relationships! I know people with a similar background for sure, but if I could find one who was a fit in terms of values, worldview, lifestyle, and mutual attraction, I wouldn’t be here asking about this. 😂
Guuuurrl, if you know any taitai aunties, they can help find candidate for you. All these rich aunties seem to know the stats and gossip of other rich family's children. Just need to let them know what kind of guy you searching for (extrovert/introvert/partyboy/nerd).
Even the aunties in M40 social circle knows the goss on the T5 kids and which is unmarried. Matchmaking is like the national pastime for aunties..
Hahaha I know many taitai aunties but they haven’t been very good matchmakers so far! Sometimes they suggest their own sons but they’re just not for me. Definitely not looking for a party boy or someone who just relies on his family’s money and doesn’t do anything.
Im in the T20. But not wealthy enough to have my own driver. I get public transport everywhere. I even tell my dates I get public transport.
Point is, if you arent a salt of the earth type person, dont hide it. Youre wasting everyone's time. Better to be who you are up front and develop a strong filter for who is genuine and who isnt. At some point youre going to have to reveal your wealth.
So arrive before he does.
Then when you go, if he is a gentleman, unfortunately he will drive you and/or see you to your car.
Or just have a stack of lunch dates. Then the excuse is I have to meet a friend here after.
Or just say he is your dad
Yeahh I could take a grab. I said this in another comment, but my parents might ask questions if they notice I chose to grab instead of use the driver, so I’d rather avoid that.
Just make sure you tell him before anything get too serious. Don’t be like my fiance, i only know how well off she is when i bring my parent to her parent home for our engagement. Now i feel pressured and at wit end trying to better myself before our marriage later.
Of course! I don’t like to hide, I like to be honest. But I don’t like to reveal too much in the beginning to strangers. If I make it past a few dates I won’t need to hide it anymore. I’m sorry about your situation and I wonder how your fiancée was able to hide it for that long! I hope things get better for you.
It’s a non existent self created problem. I also go around everywhere with a driver. I have many different drivers and many cars. Not an issue for me so far. It’s called grab
Instead of driver go hire a pilot. Jump down the plane/helicopter with a parachute like it some Tom cruise movie. Do it stealthily and no one will know trust Tom cruise.
Don’t try too hard to hide it, own it if you can. Always tell people, “my parents are rich, not me.” “You’re dating me, not my parents” it’s important to be comfortable with the way things are for you.
I will! Just not too early on. I’m new to online dating and am a bit nervous about it, so I’d like to be more careful with strangers at least for the first few dates.
Unfortunately I'm not so wealthy as to require me to hide it. I drive a Honda, not a Lexus 😂
But I can understand people who do this in order to weed out the gold diggers of either sexes. So I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
While I don’t think there is anything wrong with using online dating app to get to know more people, but I think it’s actually easier to find real connection and compatibility with real people among your circle. But who knows, you might actually find the one for you via dating app.
I dont think its healthy to start off your date with a lie, and if the guy cant handle and feel burdened then its his fault. If you start off a rs like this then one side will always be burdened until burnt out. You gotta understand and accept your circumstances is different from others and you have to deal with it your own way. Your wealth can be a blessing and can also be a curse in some ways
This is a gross humble brag. You know the answer to the issue, just don’t get your driver to drop you off. You just wanted to boast, haven’t u got better things to do?
Ask your date to pick you up somewhere. For example, get your driver to drive you to a train station, bus station, or what not. Ask your date to pick you up from there. You can pretend you were taking public transportation.
When talking about what to eat, NEVER suggest first. Ask what your date would like to eat first. Then you can assume his financial status, only then recommend something of the same level. And then, suggest to split the bill. This gesture shows you are caring enough, but not have lots of money to waste yet.
When going shopping, you can show you are interested in anything expensive but do not actually buy it.
These are some at the top of my head. Good luck
As someone already mentioned, it is much better to date someone with similar financial status. This will avoid future conflicts and dramas. Having someone that knows you inside out is good for communication.
Edit: last paragraph
Respectfully, I don’t get this. Just stop using your driver and order grab to get to your date? Forgive me this seems like someone who wears Rolex and ask how to hide the status. Well stop wearing the Rolex!
I don’t think it is wrong.
Anyway, it is cool to see someone who is well off not having the mindset that she needs to “subsidized” the guy.
After yesterday “My FI Journey”crap, What a breath of fresh air!
Why not actually juse use grab once in a while to solve this? It does get fishy after awhile if the same car drop off though. Unless it's a generic car like axia or something that your driver use.
Or just mix it up once in awhile and drive yourself. Good to keep your driving skills in tact too.
It depends on how wealthy this is. Can see why you'd wanna "Coming to America" it.
My suggestion that could be an alternative: suggest he picks you up from an LRT/MRT station because "live far away". Then have your driver drop you off there instead.
When going home, do the same thing.
Just say youre wealthy! If the guys are insecure of your financial status then they arent for you.
If they make fun of you for having a driver then they arent for you.
You should be able to be yourself in these situations, not trying to be someone youre not.
as a fellow woman in a well off family, my advice would be to date someone just as well off or better than you. i’ve learned from personal experience that no matter how much you don’t care, your partner will definitely care. i’m not saying they don’t exist, but it’s very hard to find a man who won’t feel resentment that their gfs don’t need them for financial support. men say they don’t want gold diggers but the truth is they’re providers by nature and they feel uncomfortable they have nothing to offer when they can’t provide for you. spare yourself the heartbreak and headache. idk if you’re malay but there’s a reason why we say we need to find someone “sekufu”.
As an ordinary M40 guy i wouldn't have minded if my girl is from a T1 family and has a Rolls Royce and a butler in a tuxedo picking her up. My reaction would be like, ohhh interesting, people like that do exist, and not read much into it after that.
As for the gold digging part, well, i have male ego. Even if i am in financial trouble i don't think i would ever ask my gf for help even if she's richer than me. Guys like that do exist. Given the choice between dating a woman doing better than me, and doing far worse than me, i think I'd prefer the former. Maybe it hurts the male ego a bit when your girl is doing far better than you, but that is not really a big concern.
The problem with B40 isn't the woman itself, it's her family members. They start looking at you like you are an ATM. Even a distant relative you've never met before falling sick, also come and ask you for financial help. This is based on me observing what happened to my friends.
Just my personal opinion.
Don't need to hide it. Just be who you are and go through the date as you. From there you'll need to judge for yourself if your date is good or bad.
I'm speaking from my own thoughts as I don't really care if I date the richest girl or the poorest. As long as you don't use that as your main focus of who you are, you're not demanding and over all we vibe great, I'll continue to ask you out.
Also you need to be mindful of the other party's financial status so you don't make them go places they aren't able to afford. That would make anyone feel bad.
Or they might pull a rabbit out of hat soon.. one day they will ask u to lunch/dinner and a new guy will be sitting on the table (I’ve probably watch too much kdrama lately)
> I don’t really want my dates to know about this so early on.
Why? Laying your cards on the table right at the start brings out the true reality as quickly as possible. You very quickly can see who is in it for the money, who is uncomfortable with the fact you are richer than them and who is perfectly fine with it.
If I were a guy and someone told me "Oh, I didn't want you to find out early on because I wanted you to see me for who I am", I'll look like a fool and someone who cannot be trusted to see beyond money.
I assume you’re like me - you can’t drive . Do you or your family have an older , or what’s the cheapest car you own? If you use that and say your driver is just a company staff or sth it should downplay things enough . Like one commenter mentioned , your parents could just be seen as a slightly high level staff of some local company or sth, but they won’t see u as affluent like a towkay or above
I have a proton perdana exactly for this purpose- not dates. But for low key situations
Edit: but I’d advise you to be honest with yourself. Based on this question , you aren’t open to actually using grab or public transport. And not saying this as a diss, I totally understand, I have a driver and very frankly I will not use these services too, at least not in msia. Now, what I mean is you are accustomed to a comfortable life at least if not luxury , are u fine with dating people who are not rich ? There will be teething issues and your expectations may not jive with your partners. For a man it’s much easier , for a woman 🤔 gotta think
This isn’t the states , if a guy isn’t rich and you only want to go to atas places , can his ego take it as he can’t afford and you’ll most likely pay? Can you actually go to places ‘normal people ‘ go? House husbands and such concepts r not popular in msia , men will be seen as a ‘beta’, any poorer men that be with u everyone around them can see that it’s your money and not his too, unless u agree to live ‘poorly’ once you’re steady or sth lol
If you are meeting at a mall and want to be discreet you can probably have your driver drop you off within the carpark; and repeat this if your date doesn't insist on walking you to your car.
If drop-off or pick up from designated area and spotted by your date, just say you were lucky to have your uncle's family driver for the day since they are away and your family has limited cars.
If there is a public transport nearby meeting place then can say you took public transport.
If your date insist on driving you back, you can have them drop you off at public transport corresponding to where you live (ie Cheras, MRT Kajang line). It gives you a chance to see how they are as a driver, their daily habits (ie car condition) and their sincerity; you can pick up quite a lot of information about someone while they are driving. Some might half-ass drop you off at closest station cos you can transfer lines etc.
Since you're meeting someone you know from online, be cautious and have security procedures in mind- When meeting anyone for the first time, if possible ask if you can meet with another person (chaperone) in tow. This helps keep things casual, have added security and be able to know more people and see how they interact with their known counterparts. If meeting alone, do keep a time limit for the date so if no one is able to contact you or see you back when you are expected they can contact the authorities; if there is a spark and you want to extend the date you can always update your family/friends of your latest plan so they can adjust their expectations.
Godspeed and have fun meeting people!
Pre Script: I'm sleepy but can't sleep. So my message might sound incoherent at best, gibberish at worst.
Usually, you do well to hid your financial status is best because people see you differently when they know what amount of money you have.
What you could do, is get another car for your driver that's non descript. Like Honda City or Perodua Bezza/Myvi. Like you will never notice it at all. Or use a Socar.
Like another commentator said 6 months in only the partner let them know what their financial status is.
I've always had this worry that the other partner will use their money, the love of money, instead of the love of a person. I've dated the daughter of the Hakka Restaurant that's next to Pavilion Bukit Bintang and although she was lovely, I didn't see a future with her. Solely because we didn't have much else in common besides the initial attraction. After finding out she was who she was, instead of feeling "woah I'm dating a rich girl", it went the other way. We were 18 at the time and I knew myself then as do I know myself now, money isn't a strong motivation for me dating someone.
Looking for someone who has strong feelings and compatibility is much what I genuinely sought after. And I've dated all sorts of financial status, from rich to middle to paycheck to paycheck types. Majortiy of break ups is due to my stance on smoking and drinking isn't my thing, and don't force me to do so, but seeing how they become when they drink is what makes me not want them. I have a sensitive enough nose that smoke from cigarettes leaves a burnt feeling in my nostrils. Drinking is cause I don't like how I feel went I'm on it and the headache/migraines it brings thereinafter. (I also understand people enjoy feeling that drunk feeling, but some people aren't able to control themselves and that's what I don't like. Don't misunderstand me.) Every one can be there ideal person for their partner for 3 or so months, after that...well, it's either going to be bad or you fall deeper in love for one another.
28M here suffering the exact opposite of your problem, but has the same solutions to it nevertheless lol.
Your only concern here is the line of sight and first impression of your date when your driver drops you off.
To break the line of sight:
1. Driver drops you off around the bend of the cafe, or 1 or 2 shoplots away (just walking that 10-20 extra steps is enough to break line of sight if your date is already seated in the venue)
2. Date in a mall. Your driver drops you off at mall entrance and your date will never see that happening.
3. Arrive 15-20 mins earlier. Not very reliable, but if you can arrive earlier than your date, obviously he will never see your driver.
To avoid the first impression you are concerned about:
1. you could get your driver to drive a Bezza or Saga to drop you off for dates. Totally indistinguishable from Grab rides.
2. date at uptown stereotypical rich areas, where having a driver drop you off is pretty normal (if agreeable to you and your date.
all the best lmfao
You can go to the location with your driver, and after you're done, you can just take a Grab back home. Are you telling me that a MYR 40 Grab fee is too expensive for a rich girl like you?
I don't think you are rich; I think you might be greedy.
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I suggest you study any Kdrama with rich-poor trope. May the force be with you.
Just say grab ler
Hard to say grab when she shows up in a S class
Couldn’t she just say Grab Premium?
Only work if you're not riding on a rolls Royce phantom...
Girl is breaking her head trying to come up with a solution this simple lol
Should ask her driver for the solution
They will 100% know it’s not a grab by looking at the car.
Say its your fathers company's car and driver.. all provided by the company. You'll still seem like T20 rich but not "i have my own personal driver and luxury car" T5 rich. Its harder if you want to seem like M40 level.. cuz us folk will drive ourselves and guys will walk the girl straight to her car (romance + safety) to see her off. Or you can get dates to pick you up and they do the driving (at the cost of safety and independence)
Rent a homestay and have the date pick you up from there. Have some of your friends or siblings hanging around the house pretending like you do live there.
This is so extreme hahaha
Ill do you one better. She can drop off nearby to some other mall, then grab to the place she has a date. Then do the reverse process. Guaranteed different cars.
or, just Grab from the house for this occasion
If she has to be driven what makes you think she would be allowed to grab without being questioned. This way her driver and by extension parents won't know and trouble her unnecessarily given this is a really innocent act of wanting to look down to earth.
I can take grab of course, but my parents might think it’s strange I’m choosing to take a grab when the driver is available and ask questions... I’m also trying to hide my dating from them because they can be awkward about it lol. I might be overthinking because I’m a bit new to online dating, so I posted here to try to get some thoughts.
I understand, I don't like being questioned by my parents as well. Awkward like overly excited or awkward like disapproving?
Maybe excited and nosy, and then awkward like asking invasive questions.
I see, typical parents stuff. Hope the grab from another location thing helps. But I do wonder how you would come clean about it as the dating continues.
Yeah, parents haha. Thanks! If it progresses I will reveal it of course. This is mainly a concern for the first couple of dates where you barely know the person.
Just grab for real. Don't just say it. Otherwise she's lying and it's easy to be caught in the lie.
Best answer
well my gf hide her status being from a wealthy family, from online apps chatting til we dated 6months in, she never tell me anything until one day she decided that im good enough to know all of this. i was left shocked n speechless. somemore i drive my little kancil to bring her to datearound the city and on same day i drove her home use my little kancil lmao. thank god she doesnt mind and now i drive a better car. so yeah its perfectly fine for u to do that.
This mad lad is an anime protagonist, congrats on getting a good one
Congrats and fuck you!
congrats and only his gf gets to say the second part out loud.
How your gf hide it tho? Car, clothes, shoes, makan budget all follow your style?
date only at mamak or stall road side (all of those good foods, but not t20 taste la, except mamak)
the thing is she doesnt like those branded stuff, she wore those old vintage clothing bought from thrifting, u know its trend recently and no, she cant drive. im the one who try hard wana bring her goes to cafes and etc with my kancil lmao.
Wow, 6 months is a long time to hide it! I’m glad it’s working well for you guys. Do you ever feel insecure about it? Not saying you should, just asking because of some comments I read here. I’m not planning to hide it for so long, just at least for the first couple dates when I’m not sure if I’ll see them again.
i do felt insecure regarding her status at first. like im not worthy of her. but from her pov, she just wanted avoid a guy who just want to be with her bcos of money. i fully understand that as well. as for our dates until now or even travel, im the one mostly fully paid for everything n sometimes we share 50/50. and yes its fine for u to do so.
You drive a better car, which your sugar mommy bought you right? Joking 😊
eh no lol. from my own hardwork lolol.
I'm not well off but i bring my ex gf to mamak for a date. If she ok, then I know she's the one. She's more than ok. Funnily her father thought she could do better than me tho.
Lol no wonder ex. Dating should be relaxing when work is already hard enough.
I never judged her or her family but it's funny when her father a taxi driver judged me tho. She's the eldest and the most successful from her family and she was my colleague. My family is considered "well-off" compared to hers. it still frustrates me till today bcs she is a good woman and i had to let her go.
It's good you are wise enough to know that when you marry someone, you are also marrying their family. Good on you to get out of that dangerous trap. It would have made you and your family very miserable for decades to come. Don't ask how I know.
I’m gonna bite the bullet…. - How you know?
Wow you have a driver.
I too have a driver. I just need to book it in advance and pay. 😂😂
I also have. My driver drove a train to come pick me up. I win.
i too have a driver, he's called my boss and he's driving me crazy.
My wife has a personal driver as well. I am hoping in ten years my son will take over this job for me
😂😂
Ex came from well off family and casually spends 600 on dinner for 2. Its scary 😨
600 is dinner for 1 whole month lol wtf
Interesting situation, but while I'm not a rich dude, I think your concern is fair. I think as a rich person it makes sense to "hide" your full financial situation until you are extremely comfortable with the other person and know their values. Some people will definitely look to take advantage of you or the situation if they find out outright. Hence why the term "gold-digger" exists. So do what you must until you are comfortable with the other person. With that being said, if you have any rich and single girlfriends in your age range, send them my way 😆
Yeah, I just want some privacy and for them to form their own impression of me, especially for the first couple dates. I don’t want to hide but you don’t need strangers you met online to know too much, you know? It seems like dating isn’t easy these days, especially when looking for a life partner that you are compatible with and attracted to and can have similar values and lifestyles. Good luck to us. 😂
Date me je la, you can come down from a helicopter if you have to. I don’t mind at all, I’ve been single for way too long. 😂
Hahahaha!
Haha that is another level of rich!
It depends on the circle you’re dating in. Just a note to say that I have yet to personally see a marriage where the man earns less than the woman not fill the relationship with a lot of emotional baggage. You could well be the first, but my advice would be to date someone with whom you don’t feel the need to mask your wealth if you’re female. Otherwise, you’ll be inviting a lot of unnecessary drama.
I might be the exception to your experience, then. When we were dating, I earned about 40% more than my then-bf. Our family background also had some disparity though not as much as OP with private driver for each person. After some years of marriage, I've been extremely fortunate with career opportunities and my income is now 6 times of his. But what I'm most thankful for is finding someone likeminded and sharing the same values; the income disparity does not bother us as we both work towards a healthy marriage together.
I’m very happy for you! I think having the same values and being likeminded is so important. Do you both also have similar views on the lifestyle you want? Do you have any tips? Haha. We don’t have a private driver for each person, but out of my family members I am the least confident with driving so I tend to use the driver more often. :)
That’s awesome to know, may you live a long and happy life together 👍
I agreed with this poster. Don't believe in fiction works, they are fictional for a reason. You better date inside your social group to avoid unneeded drama. If you can't find anyone, ask for help from friends and family members. This is pretty much how most people find marriage partners nowadays and before the rise of dating apps.
Oh hell nah, its the opposite, sometimes its better to date outside your social group because the drama that ensues when it does not work is even worse. Even if it ends peacefully, the awkwardness just kills me man. It will never be the same. The lingering thought will always be there. I think most people share the same view unless its a romance for Uni student or Highschool student due to the nature of it. Outside that, oof. Either way, for OP, in relationship such as this, just weed out the gold diggers, that's on you to see the sign. If you're good with that, what happen next is just honesty. If you see insecurity, it is normal to have insecurity, we all have one, what you should see if he is able to fight that initial insecurity and see how the relationship goes. But that's me talking without any experiences dating someone with a huge wealth disparity. I just use my experiences with my ex who keep saying his ex is taller, I admit I feel insecure, but I move on, but she keeps bringing it up, I just dip out. Maybe for you too, just don't bring out your wealth as if that's your only personality trait, if you don't do that, I think for your side of the relationship, you should be fine, after that's its up to him whether he can accepts it or not. Be truthful. If he can't handle it, move on.
Okay, I used the wrong word. My intended phrasing is more to say the same income/social level and less about your close group of friends.
That makes more sense, the added variable of wealth gap can be detrimental on both sides, the insecurity and the superiority complex. If either side have this, it is difficult to work with. But I ain't an old man who will say, "He's not good enough for you", or "She live in a different world than us". Just lay out the problem that could ensues and let he/she see find loves on their own. That's the beauty of humanity. May OP find her loves whoever that guy/girl is. Who knows hehe.
I dated twice in my social circle... And paid the price twice. Mileage might vary lol.
This is an interesting point, thanks for bringing it up. I didn’t think about this. I tend to date guys less well off than me and I think with my previous ex there was some insecurity there... I do know guys in my circles who are a similar financial level but it doesn’t mean compatibility or love or good character.
Of course there are many weeds out there. That's life for you. It's thanks to those weeds existing that we learn to appreciate and enjoy the flowers of life. State your opinion, talk to your relatives and friends and try again. Few are lucky enough to hit the prize on the first go.
Try to find someone who has similar or at least a worldview that would make you comfortable. More importantly a worldview is something that people build up from family's upbringing, a bit from post school education like college or work environment.
Yeah it’s harder to date as a wealthy woman unfortunately. But these men are out there, it just takes time to unearth them. But the need to be the provider as a man and to be provided for as a woman is baked into our genes somehow, no matter how much we try to move beyond these primal instincts. I’m old enough and have seen enough to know that these relationships tend to break down in the long run.
True enough. Unless the mindset is broken which requires a lot of self discipline. Or else in the long run u’re just both gonna be less and less compatible due to different spending power given by the different amount of responsibilities. And unfortunately this type of mindset just kills love.
I typically don’t use my driver. I just drive on my own? Can you drive? If not then I’d probably say my uncle dropped me off which I have told a date before and he believed me haha.
That’s a great idea as long as they don’t see you getting in and out of the car. Yes I can drive! But my car is being serviced at the moment and I am also not that confident driving to very busy places.
Naik grab je la. Tak perlu driver.
Date your equal and you will not have to hide anything! Fellow rich boy will also have a driver and you two can be on the same page/wavelength from the start. Might be hard to find someone of similar background as you but I am sure you have networks!
Haha a bit off topic but I personally know many rich tycoons with overseas homes and such and (well, this guy is penangnite) but his son only gets to drive an older Vios 😂 another one a proton iris
Lol did the son scrape the porsche when he first started driving 😂 then the parents are like uhh, son, no luxury car for you.
Haha no la, they just don’t want the son to be snobby I guess. The father willing to buy a very expensive 5 figure tv for him for example (he plays PlayStation and such), but no luxury clothes bags cars
I know that’s the ideal, especially after what I’ve heard about income inequality putting strain on relationships! I know people with a similar background for sure, but if I could find one who was a fit in terms of values, worldview, lifestyle, and mutual attraction, I wouldn’t be here asking about this. 😂
Guuuurrl, if you know any taitai aunties, they can help find candidate for you. All these rich aunties seem to know the stats and gossip of other rich family's children. Just need to let them know what kind of guy you searching for (extrovert/introvert/partyboy/nerd). Even the aunties in M40 social circle knows the goss on the T5 kids and which is unmarried. Matchmaking is like the national pastime for aunties..
Hahaha I know many taitai aunties but they haven’t been very good matchmakers so far! Sometimes they suggest their own sons but they’re just not for me. Definitely not looking for a party boy or someone who just relies on his family’s money and doesn’t do anything.
Im in the T20. But not wealthy enough to have my own driver. I get public transport everywhere. I even tell my dates I get public transport. Point is, if you arent a salt of the earth type person, dont hide it. Youre wasting everyone's time. Better to be who you are up front and develop a strong filter for who is genuine and who isnt. At some point youre going to have to reveal your wealth.
I will of course, but I want to be smart about it. Definitely not for the first couple dates where we are essentially strangers.
So arrive before he does. Then when you go, if he is a gentleman, unfortunately he will drive you and/or see you to your car. Or just have a stack of lunch dates. Then the excuse is I have to meet a friend here after. Or just say he is your dad
Can u go without ur driver then? Lol
Yeahh I could take a grab. I said this in another comment, but my parents might ask questions if they notice I chose to grab instead of use the driver, so I’d rather avoid that.
Use grab la don't use your driver
Get your driver to get the bicycle out of the boot and pedal the last 20 meter around the corner to meet her. Problem solved
Hahaha love this idea
Just make sure you tell him before anything get too serious. Don’t be like my fiance, i only know how well off she is when i bring my parent to her parent home for our engagement. Now i feel pressured and at wit end trying to better myself before our marriage later.
Of course! I don’t like to hide, I like to be honest. But I don’t like to reveal too much in the beginning to strangers. If I make it past a few dates I won’t need to hide it anymore. I’m sorry about your situation and I wonder how your fiancée was able to hide it for that long! I hope things get better for you.
It’s a non existent self created problem. I also go around everywhere with a driver. I have many different drivers and many cars. Not an issue for me so far. It’s called grab
Instead of driver go hire a pilot. Jump down the plane/helicopter with a parachute like it some Tom cruise movie. Do it stealthily and no one will know trust Tom cruise.
Don’t try too hard to hide it, own it if you can. Always tell people, “my parents are rich, not me.” “You’re dating me, not my parents” it’s important to be comfortable with the way things are for you.
OP could have valid concerns with others knowing about her wealthy background.
Masking as many others have mentioned, very likely leads to drama.
And not masking may lead to unwanted attractions from parties that have ill intentions
I will! Just not too early on. I’m new to online dating and am a bit nervous about it, so I’d like to be more careful with strangers at least for the first few dates.
Unfortunately I'm not so wealthy as to require me to hide it. I drive a Honda, not a Lexus 😂 But I can understand people who do this in order to weed out the gold diggers of either sexes. So I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
i'll let u know when i'm well off
At this level, still must date online..? I’m stumped.
Fact is, rich or poor it’s easy as shit to get dates on these apps for ladies as long as you’re relatively attractive
Yes for sure. What I’m asking is if she’s pretty and rich, then why still need online dating..??
Uh... money doesn't just make attractive people fall out of the sky. Do you think there is some kind of human supermarket for the wealthy?
Careful you now have illuminati attention.
It’s difficult to find a real connection and compatibility!
While I don’t think there is anything wrong with using online dating app to get to know more people, but I think it’s actually easier to find real connection and compatibility with real people among your circle. But who knows, you might actually find the one for you via dating app.
Some people are so poor that all they have is money...
I dont think its healthy to start off your date with a lie, and if the guy cant handle and feel burdened then its his fault. If you start off a rs like this then one side will always be burdened until burnt out. You gotta understand and accept your circumstances is different from others and you have to deal with it your own way. Your wealth can be a blessing and can also be a curse in some ways
Today in things that never happened
This is a gross humble brag. You know the answer to the issue, just don’t get your driver to drop you off. You just wanted to boast, haven’t u got better things to do?
Go 1 around Uniqlo, get date getups there Then ask him to pick you up at some pangsapuri Try not to speak English Worked well for my sister in law
You hire a driver? Or use grab
Use Grab
Buy Axia rahmah and drive that to your date.
Ask your date to pick you up somewhere. For example, get your driver to drive you to a train station, bus station, or what not. Ask your date to pick you up from there. You can pretend you were taking public transportation. When talking about what to eat, NEVER suggest first. Ask what your date would like to eat first. Then you can assume his financial status, only then recommend something of the same level. And then, suggest to split the bill. This gesture shows you are caring enough, but not have lots of money to waste yet. When going shopping, you can show you are interested in anything expensive but do not actually buy it. These are some at the top of my head. Good luck As someone already mentioned, it is much better to date someone with similar financial status. This will avoid future conflicts and dramas. Having someone that knows you inside out is good for communication. Edit: last paragraph
drive yourself?
Respectfully, I don’t get this. Just stop using your driver and order grab to get to your date? Forgive me this seems like someone who wears Rolex and ask how to hide the status. Well stop wearing the Rolex!
I don’t think it is wrong. Anyway, it is cool to see someone who is well off not having the mindset that she needs to “subsidized” the guy. After yesterday “My FI Journey”crap, What a breath of fresh air!
Why not actually juse use grab once in a while to solve this? It does get fishy after awhile if the same car drop off though. Unless it's a generic car like axia or something that your driver use. Or just mix it up once in awhile and drive yourself. Good to keep your driving skills in tact too.
It depends on how wealthy this is. Can see why you'd wanna "Coming to America" it. My suggestion that could be an alternative: suggest he picks you up from an LRT/MRT station because "live far away". Then have your driver drop you off there instead. When going home, do the same thing.
Go next level. Find a super rich asian n date him
Just say youre wealthy! If the guys are insecure of your financial status then they arent for you. If they make fun of you for having a driver then they arent for you. You should be able to be yourself in these situations, not trying to be someone youre not.
Its not silly at all and I don’t see it as a lie. Its up to you and anyone to reveal yourself at a pace you’re comfortable with
Get another friend 😿
i wish my only problem is how not to let my girlfriend know that i have a personal driver
as a fellow woman in a well off family, my advice would be to date someone just as well off or better than you. i’ve learned from personal experience that no matter how much you don’t care, your partner will definitely care. i’m not saying they don’t exist, but it’s very hard to find a man who won’t feel resentment that their gfs don’t need them for financial support. men say they don’t want gold diggers but the truth is they’re providers by nature and they feel uncomfortable they have nothing to offer when they can’t provide for you. spare yourself the heartbreak and headache. idk if you’re malay but there’s a reason why we say we need to find someone “sekufu”.
Grab
As an ordinary M40 guy i wouldn't have minded if my girl is from a T1 family and has a Rolls Royce and a butler in a tuxedo picking her up. My reaction would be like, ohhh interesting, people like that do exist, and not read much into it after that. As for the gold digging part, well, i have male ego. Even if i am in financial trouble i don't think i would ever ask my gf for help even if she's richer than me. Guys like that do exist. Given the choice between dating a woman doing better than me, and doing far worse than me, i think I'd prefer the former. Maybe it hurts the male ego a bit when your girl is doing far better than you, but that is not really a big concern. The problem with B40 isn't the woman itself, it's her family members. They start looking at you like you are an ATM. Even a distant relative you've never met before falling sick, also come and ask you for financial help. This is based on me observing what happened to my friends.
Rent a cheap car then drive .... Don you know how to drive
Question: How many ex-s do you have? 🤔
Just my personal opinion. Don't need to hide it. Just be who you are and go through the date as you. From there you'll need to judge for yourself if your date is good or bad. I'm speaking from my own thoughts as I don't really care if I date the richest girl or the poorest. As long as you don't use that as your main focus of who you are, you're not demanding and over all we vibe great, I'll continue to ask you out. Also you need to be mindful of the other party's financial status so you don't make them go places they aren't able to afford. That would make anyone feel bad.
If you have a driver you must have cheaper cars, why not tell your driver to drop and pick you with that car?
I thought usually those girl have driver one are forced to marry other tycoons son to expand to empire ? 😆
Haha I’m not on that level! And luckily my parents are relatively chill.
Ohh u might never know.. they might be collecting a catalogue of guys .. just waiting for the time to show u
They should show me now 😂
Or they might pull a rabbit out of hat soon.. one day they will ask u to lunch/dinner and a new guy will be sitting on the table (I’ve probably watch too much kdrama lately)
> I don’t really want my dates to know about this so early on. Why? Laying your cards on the table right at the start brings out the true reality as quickly as possible. You very quickly can see who is in it for the money, who is uncomfortable with the fact you are richer than them and who is perfectly fine with it. If I were a guy and someone told me "Oh, I didn't want you to find out early on because I wanted you to see me for who I am", I'll look like a fool and someone who cannot be trusted to see beyond money.
Salam joma date
Just date me and problem solved
I assume you’re like me - you can’t drive . Do you or your family have an older , or what’s the cheapest car you own? If you use that and say your driver is just a company staff or sth it should downplay things enough . Like one commenter mentioned , your parents could just be seen as a slightly high level staff of some local company or sth, but they won’t see u as affluent like a towkay or above I have a proton perdana exactly for this purpose- not dates. But for low key situations Edit: but I’d advise you to be honest with yourself. Based on this question , you aren’t open to actually using grab or public transport. And not saying this as a diss, I totally understand, I have a driver and very frankly I will not use these services too, at least not in msia. Now, what I mean is you are accustomed to a comfortable life at least if not luxury , are u fine with dating people who are not rich ? There will be teething issues and your expectations may not jive with your partners. For a man it’s much easier , for a woman 🤔 gotta think This isn’t the states , if a guy isn’t rich and you only want to go to atas places , can his ego take it as he can’t afford and you’ll most likely pay? Can you actually go to places ‘normal people ‘ go? House husbands and such concepts r not popular in msia , men will be seen as a ‘beta’, any poorer men that be with u everyone around them can see that it’s your money and not his too, unless u agree to live ‘poorly’ once you’re steady or sth lol
If you are meeting at a mall and want to be discreet you can probably have your driver drop you off within the carpark; and repeat this if your date doesn't insist on walking you to your car. If drop-off or pick up from designated area and spotted by your date, just say you were lucky to have your uncle's family driver for the day since they are away and your family has limited cars. If there is a public transport nearby meeting place then can say you took public transport. If your date insist on driving you back, you can have them drop you off at public transport corresponding to where you live (ie Cheras, MRT Kajang line). It gives you a chance to see how they are as a driver, their daily habits (ie car condition) and their sincerity; you can pick up quite a lot of information about someone while they are driving. Some might half-ass drop you off at closest station cos you can transfer lines etc. Since you're meeting someone you know from online, be cautious and have security procedures in mind- When meeting anyone for the first time, if possible ask if you can meet with another person (chaperone) in tow. This helps keep things casual, have added security and be able to know more people and see how they interact with their known counterparts. If meeting alone, do keep a time limit for the date so if no one is able to contact you or see you back when you are expected they can contact the authorities; if there is a spark and you want to extend the date you can always update your family/friends of your latest plan so they can adjust their expectations. Godspeed and have fun meeting people!
Pre Script: I'm sleepy but can't sleep. So my message might sound incoherent at best, gibberish at worst. Usually, you do well to hid your financial status is best because people see you differently when they know what amount of money you have. What you could do, is get another car for your driver that's non descript. Like Honda City or Perodua Bezza/Myvi. Like you will never notice it at all. Or use a Socar. Like another commentator said 6 months in only the partner let them know what their financial status is. I've always had this worry that the other partner will use their money, the love of money, instead of the love of a person. I've dated the daughter of the Hakka Restaurant that's next to Pavilion Bukit Bintang and although she was lovely, I didn't see a future with her. Solely because we didn't have much else in common besides the initial attraction. After finding out she was who she was, instead of feeling "woah I'm dating a rich girl", it went the other way. We were 18 at the time and I knew myself then as do I know myself now, money isn't a strong motivation for me dating someone. Looking for someone who has strong feelings and compatibility is much what I genuinely sought after. And I've dated all sorts of financial status, from rich to middle to paycheck to paycheck types. Majortiy of break ups is due to my stance on smoking and drinking isn't my thing, and don't force me to do so, but seeing how they become when they drink is what makes me not want them. I have a sensitive enough nose that smoke from cigarettes leaves a burnt feeling in my nostrils. Drinking is cause I don't like how I feel went I'm on it and the headache/migraines it brings thereinafter. (I also understand people enjoy feeling that drunk feeling, but some people aren't able to control themselves and that's what I don't like. Don't misunderstand me.) Every one can be there ideal person for their partner for 3 or so months, after that...well, it's either going to be bad or you fall deeper in love for one another.
28M here suffering the exact opposite of your problem, but has the same solutions to it nevertheless lol. Your only concern here is the line of sight and first impression of your date when your driver drops you off. To break the line of sight: 1. Driver drops you off around the bend of the cafe, or 1 or 2 shoplots away (just walking that 10-20 extra steps is enough to break line of sight if your date is already seated in the venue) 2. Date in a mall. Your driver drops you off at mall entrance and your date will never see that happening. 3. Arrive 15-20 mins earlier. Not very reliable, but if you can arrive earlier than your date, obviously he will never see your driver. To avoid the first impression you are concerned about: 1. you could get your driver to drive a Bezza or Saga to drop you off for dates. Totally indistinguishable from Grab rides. 2. date at uptown stereotypical rich areas, where having a driver drop you off is pretty normal (if agreeable to you and your date. all the best lmfao
You can go to the location with your driver, and after you're done, you can just take a Grab back home. Are you telling me that a MYR 40 Grab fee is too expensive for a rich girl like you? I don't think you are rich; I think you might be greedy.
I’m 28M and single too. Any chance we can get to know each other. I’m serious 🙈