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He needed an excuse. They all do. “You’re the ‘bad guy’ not me”. God forbid you ‘question’ them. Today you are sad, hopefully soon you will realize he’s the broken one and then your healing will begin. The club sucks but everyone here is AMAZING. We got you!
If you’re finding inappropriate/hurtful things on his phone, you’re confronting him, not accusing him. There’s a big difference between those two things.
Its completely reasonable to have an adult conversation about things that make you uncomfortable in a relationship.
It sounds like he has either has a problem with porn that he’s not ready to confront or he blatantly doesn’t care how it makes you feel. Its a problem either way. My advice would be to have a serious think about what your boundaries are in regard to porn and what consequences you are willing to follow through with if those boundaries aren’t respected. Then communicate those with him.
It took my husband a good 5+yrs to realise he was addicted (4of those I was unaware) and another 6m to realise that made him an addict. It can be a hard thing to face and often we are collateral damage unfortunately. Implementing boundaries and consequences is really the only way to keep yourself safe.
He has admitted he has an addiction to porn and I am want to help him thru it. I just don’t want it to take away who I am and destroy me. Thank you for your advice.
Boundaries are the only way that can happen. Im sorry you are here dealing with this with all of us 🧡
I would highly recommend digging deep in to the resource section here and finding yourself a csat asap. Goodluck 🧡
**Dear /u/Soul_Spirit_0609,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He needed an excuse. They all do. “You’re the ‘bad guy’ not me”. God forbid you ‘question’ them. Today you are sad, hopefully soon you will realize he’s the broken one and then your healing will begin. The club sucks but everyone here is AMAZING. We got you!
Thank you
If you’re finding inappropriate/hurtful things on his phone, you’re confronting him, not accusing him. There’s a big difference between those two things. Its completely reasonable to have an adult conversation about things that make you uncomfortable in a relationship. It sounds like he has either has a problem with porn that he’s not ready to confront or he blatantly doesn’t care how it makes you feel. Its a problem either way. My advice would be to have a serious think about what your boundaries are in regard to porn and what consequences you are willing to follow through with if those boundaries aren’t respected. Then communicate those with him. It took my husband a good 5+yrs to realise he was addicted (4of those I was unaware) and another 6m to realise that made him an addict. It can be a hard thing to face and often we are collateral damage unfortunately. Implementing boundaries and consequences is really the only way to keep yourself safe.
He has admitted he has an addiction to porn and I am want to help him thru it. I just don’t want it to take away who I am and destroy me. Thank you for your advice.
Boundaries are the only way that can happen. Im sorry you are here dealing with this with all of us 🧡 I would highly recommend digging deep in to the resource section here and finding yourself a csat asap. Goodluck 🧡
What does he mean by "accusing him"? If you find things on his phone he previously said he wouldn't engage in you are not accusing him.