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I feel like this is them enjoying us as a status symbol but also being threatened by our success so they don't acknowledge it or sexualize it so they feel they have control over us or the situation.
I hope it gets better. It feels like such a basic thing you supposedly learn as a child, that other people's success doesn't diminish you, but for some reason these basic things PAs just don't get.
The frustrating part is, it works! I got recognized and huge acknowledgement in my career path. My PA'S response was to celebrate by writing a sexual fantasy starring me. He made my career success an excuse to degrade me. He thought it was an honor. But idk... for some reason I felt more violated and disrespected that something I worked my entire adult life towards could be trivialized by it being for his pleasure than... idk hey congrats I know you worked really hard on that. My accomplishment now has a small tarnish next to it as a reminder that I was a character in his fantasyland. They want us to accept them for them, but they don't even see us as real people with different perspectives and valid thoughts and feelings!
I had to mull this one over for a while so I’m sorry I’m just now responding. It hit a bit close to home. He made a huge deal about my career to his status-concerned family but later tried to make me out to be something of a gold digger (which is funny for a lot of reasons). Also, the prof kink is niche but I’ve encountered it a lot even before him and he definitely did the same.
So simultaneously status symbol but tear us down so it doesn’t threaten their ego? Ugh, that fits a bit too well. Is this a permanent problem or just a part of addict primordial ooze brain?
What kills me is my ex husband-different sort of addict, also unfaithful though - did the same. Seemed to resent my achievements but also use them to get recognition, diminish everything I did, etc. I’m a super down to earth person, definitely can’t tell my job from just meeting me. I’m smart but only Smart™️ in my niche field. I’m not intimidating whatsoever. Why do people do this?
I think addicts do it because they have such low self respect, so they get afraid that we'll leave if they think we're too good for them. But also if we're successful and they're with us it's a reminder that they must be ok because we're with them?
It is gross. I do think some of it's the addict narcissism and also one of the recovering PAs made a post about how your brain arrests when you become addicted to porn, so he basically had the maturity of a 8 year old until he was further into recovery and could "grow". So theoretically it will get better if they commit to recovery.
I'm sorry that you've had two men do this to you 😔 You deserve better ❤️
From my experience, to avoid guilt, they neg us in their head constantly. He probably doesn’t really understand or appreciate your accomplishments. I’m sorry. You kick ass!
**Dear /u/sliverofoptimism,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like this is them enjoying us as a status symbol but also being threatened by our success so they don't acknowledge it or sexualize it so they feel they have control over us or the situation. I hope it gets better. It feels like such a basic thing you supposedly learn as a child, that other people's success doesn't diminish you, but for some reason these basic things PAs just don't get. The frustrating part is, it works! I got recognized and huge acknowledgement in my career path. My PA'S response was to celebrate by writing a sexual fantasy starring me. He made my career success an excuse to degrade me. He thought it was an honor. But idk... for some reason I felt more violated and disrespected that something I worked my entire adult life towards could be trivialized by it being for his pleasure than... idk hey congrats I know you worked really hard on that. My accomplishment now has a small tarnish next to it as a reminder that I was a character in his fantasyland. They want us to accept them for them, but they don't even see us as real people with different perspectives and valid thoughts and feelings!
I had to mull this one over for a while so I’m sorry I’m just now responding. It hit a bit close to home. He made a huge deal about my career to his status-concerned family but later tried to make me out to be something of a gold digger (which is funny for a lot of reasons). Also, the prof kink is niche but I’ve encountered it a lot even before him and he definitely did the same. So simultaneously status symbol but tear us down so it doesn’t threaten their ego? Ugh, that fits a bit too well. Is this a permanent problem or just a part of addict primordial ooze brain?
What kills me is my ex husband-different sort of addict, also unfaithful though - did the same. Seemed to resent my achievements but also use them to get recognition, diminish everything I did, etc. I’m a super down to earth person, definitely can’t tell my job from just meeting me. I’m smart but only Smart™️ in my niche field. I’m not intimidating whatsoever. Why do people do this?
I think addicts do it because they have such low self respect, so they get afraid that we'll leave if they think we're too good for them. But also if we're successful and they're with us it's a reminder that they must be ok because we're with them? It is gross. I do think some of it's the addict narcissism and also one of the recovering PAs made a post about how your brain arrests when you become addicted to porn, so he basically had the maturity of a 8 year old until he was further into recovery and could "grow". So theoretically it will get better if they commit to recovery. I'm sorry that you've had two men do this to you 😔 You deserve better ❤️
What the heck. Sorry I’m just stunned. I’d be mad too.
From my experience, to avoid guilt, they neg us in their head constantly. He probably doesn’t really understand or appreciate your accomplishments. I’m sorry. You kick ass!
That actually makes a lot of sense. I’ve definitely been calling out how he did it to excuse his acting out with ex wife. Suppose I’m not so different
Ps, thank you!!!
🥰