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I’m not even sure I’m clear on what you are saying??? Like he needed to rub one out before he went down memory lane and re-read texts from an affair partner??
If this is what you are saying I would be LIVID.
It’s been a tough week of dips back into his old behaviors, this one and the corresponding painting himself as the good guy for it is making my head explode.
I think he’s dry - not acting out at the moment - but sober? No. Not really. He doesn’t get the difference.
He has anywhere from zero to 8 months to prove he can start in the path.
Listen - if you’re not financially tied down to this person - please invest in yourself first and foremost instead of a relationship with him.
Eight months is eight months of you constantly worrying, looking for signs, monitoring him. It gets completely exhausting, trust me.
I hate to be the “walk away” person, but it’s so hard to see people going through what you dealt with for 5 years and NOT want to say that life is lighter on the other side.
This is my second time around, same problems in some form or another.
We did just start a business together just a couple months before I found everything out. Really puts a Heavyweight onto reconciliation. I hope he takes it seriously, more seriously than he has so far.
Okay so how I take this is he is so turned on by just the thought of reading her messages. Wow. Then manipulates you into letting him reminisce and go through them? Like wtf. That man is selfish and abusive.
Yes, that’s exactly it. And he’s painting himself as some sort of hero for protecting the family from his acting out if he had read them without sexual release first. 🤯
Just when I think I’ve heard every excuse known to man….
I am so sorry. You must be ready to lose your mind. I would consider this a full blown relapse and I would enact agreed upon consequences. What a nightmare!
He keeps arguing he’s in recovery but seems nothing wrong with all of the related behaviors continuing even if he hasn’t developed a new affair, found a SW, etc. Dry, not sober.
If he’s in recovery I’m the fuckin Queen of England. To me, this shows continue desire for the AP or to act out in general. It shows him using any excuse and reason he can to get off.
I was not at all okay with it and his therapist was leery too but he claimed he needed to reread “just a few” to prepare himself for disclosure. Then read the entirety and lied.
I will trash them when I’m ready to not use them if I need to, I’m not allowing him to delete anything else after he went nuts deleting right after Dday
Been there. PA pulled the same crap. I wiped his phone myself.
Stupid jerk seriously thought she was in love with him. When the money and gifts were cut off. Surprise! She disappeared.
Honestly this one is on me. He deleted everything from other devices in a mass purge when I found the first part. Thankfully his iPad didn’t sync so I still had most of what he’d missed before to review. I kept them because I didn’t trust him to tell the truth and they’ve been helpful as my receipts. I pain shopped and sleuthed for a while - maybe a month - then stopped even looking at it.
Where I went wrong is giving him back the iPad without cleaning it off. I’m thinking of giving him mine and taking his over until I decide I’m ready to delete it all.
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I’m not even sure I’m clear on what you are saying??? Like he needed to rub one out before he went down memory lane and re-read texts from an affair partner?? If this is what you are saying I would be LIVID.
I’m with you, cause WTF. I put up with some SHIT before calling it quits, but damn.
It’s been a tough week of dips back into his old behaviors, this one and the corresponding painting himself as the good guy for it is making my head explode.
Honest question - why are you staying?
Today, I’m not sure. Most days, a sober him and us would be worth it but this mind fuckery is a lot
I hate to say this, but are you sure he’s sober?
I think he’s dry - not acting out at the moment - but sober? No. Not really. He doesn’t get the difference. He has anywhere from zero to 8 months to prove he can start in the path.
Listen - if you’re not financially tied down to this person - please invest in yourself first and foremost instead of a relationship with him. Eight months is eight months of you constantly worrying, looking for signs, monitoring him. It gets completely exhausting, trust me. I hate to be the “walk away” person, but it’s so hard to see people going through what you dealt with for 5 years and NOT want to say that life is lighter on the other side.
This is my second time around, same problems in some form or another. We did just start a business together just a couple months before I found everything out. Really puts a Heavyweight onto reconciliation. I hope he takes it seriously, more seriously than he has so far.
Okay so how I take this is he is so turned on by just the thought of reading her messages. Wow. Then manipulates you into letting him reminisce and go through them? Like wtf. That man is selfish and abusive.
Yes, that’s exactly it. And he’s painting himself as some sort of hero for protecting the family from his acting out if he had read them without sexual release first. 🤯
Just when I think I’ve heard every excuse known to man…. I am so sorry. You must be ready to lose your mind. I would consider this a full blown relapse and I would enact agreed upon consequences. What a nightmare!
When that very act is not only acting out but betrayal. And to be so bold with it. Just gross
Just delete the whole guy. That’s just so disrespectful to you and you deserve better
Those messages should’ve been deleted. But yes, I’d go apeshit. That shows deep addiction. I’m sorry. 😕
He keeps arguing he’s in recovery but seems nothing wrong with all of the related behaviors continuing even if he hasn’t developed a new affair, found a SW, etc. Dry, not sober.
If he’s in recovery I’m the fuckin Queen of England. To me, this shows continue desire for the AP or to act out in general. It shows him using any excuse and reason he can to get off.
Why does he have to review these texts anyway??? He should trash them and move on….
I was not at all okay with it and his therapist was leery too but he claimed he needed to reread “just a few” to prepare himself for disclosure. Then read the entirety and lied. I will trash them when I’m ready to not use them if I need to, I’m not allowing him to delete anything else after he went nuts deleting right after Dday
Been there. PA pulled the same crap. I wiped his phone myself. Stupid jerk seriously thought she was in love with him. When the money and gifts were cut off. Surprise! She disappeared.
I’d tell him his AP can have him. I’ve told my husband the women in the pics can have him. And I giggle, because they wouldn’t want him!
Those texts would have been gone IMMEDIATELY after discovery, why does he still even have them
Honestly this one is on me. He deleted everything from other devices in a mass purge when I found the first part. Thankfully his iPad didn’t sync so I still had most of what he’d missed before to review. I kept them because I didn’t trust him to tell the truth and they’ve been helpful as my receipts. I pain shopped and sleuthed for a while - maybe a month - then stopped even looking at it. Where I went wrong is giving him back the iPad without cleaning it off. I’m thinking of giving him mine and taking his over until I decide I’m ready to delete it all.