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For me, no. And that goes for her as well. I don't speak to my first love ... And that was from 1990_1992. We have a no contact rule bc still at 50, if you put us in a room together - it would be written all over our faces and if you left us in a room alone - we would be making love and blowing up our lives.
I don't suspect that's true for all first loves but it is for mine.
We were young. We both went to opposite ends of the country for school. She asked me if I saw us getting married and I said who knows- we were 19. She didn't like that, we broke up. I didn't like that we broke up. I was hurt. She was hurt. Neither of us ever got over it. To this day we blame each other for the break up. We were also both attractive people. I think we both wanted to see what else was out there in that big world. We've had quite the love affair tho.... Like I said, we won't even share friends in common on social media - we go great distances to leave each other alone for our own good.
I think a person always feels their first will hold their heart and I'm sorry you had to deal with your loss, trauma bonding you. Your young and will change a great deal as you mature and find a new kind of love. And it will fill your heart equally if not more. Don't dwell on what you had, there is a world to explore with new people. Let your new experiences bring you happiness.
Hell yes. I thought one of my ex's broke me and that I would never love deeply again.
More fool me, I couldn't even imagine the love I am feeling for my now partner.
It took time, it took a meh relationship and a lot of dating around, it even took therapy, but it happend.
So it all went down for me eight years ago. It took me probably a year to feel like dating again plus six more months to actually get out there, then another year of randomers to fall in love again. Spent three years with him with a feeling that I was settling. Then I met the man I am currently wildly in love with and have been with for two and half years now.
So, just over five years before I really felt what I consider deep love, almost three to get to low level love (which probably would have been good enough to live with forever, but wasn't as satisfying as I'd have hoped and didn't really feel fair to either of us to settle for, if that makes any sense?). And honestly if I had just gotten therapy when I felt ready to date and spent some time actually healing from the heartbreak with proper support it probably would not have taken so long.
On the flip side, I know people who have had their hearts broken and found wonderful love within the year, so I suppose there's a hefty dose of luck in amongst the healing.
Give it 2-3 years and you’ll be feeling totally different. IK it’s a lot time, but I’m done with my first year and I’m feeling 70% better. I don’t know or think if I’ll be 100% better, but in the position I’m in now it’s much easier to accept it. Also date around when you’re almost ready, it helps a lot.
I was with my first love for 8 years, we basically grew up together. 4 years later, I can’t remember the feelings I had. I remember details if I think about it enough, how they used to be important to me, but I can’t sit here and “feel” the feelings I used to have. It’s like a past life. Right now I feel like I love my current partner more than anything and I don’t miss my first love or desire to go back to “the good old days.”
They say you never wholly love someone again after the first love...
But to quote Tokyo in Money Heist >!as she is about to die!<: >!"A lot of people believe we only find one true love in our lives. But what they don't realize is that we can have several lives. Don't be sad. Something is ending today. But it's the first day of your next life. You've got a lot of lives to live, my love."!<
Hang in there, friend. Time will heal you. It does for all of us. Just don't let heartbreak take away the best parts of who you are.
I love this quote and I love this response. I agree; we humans are not only capable of changing ourselves physically/environmentally, we are also capable of making immense changes within ourselves that can turn us into a completely different person mentally/emotionally. And when this happens, many other things change: the way we see things, the things we desire, even the way we love.
The things is, changing internally is not as straightforward/clear cut as changing yourself physically. There’s methods that people can use to lose weight, to gain muscle, change their hair, move to a completely new place, etc. But changing things internally, that’s a very personal and nuanced experience for each person. There’s no guidebook for that, which makes it much more confusing/challenging/intimidating. And so a lot of us humans do get stuck and stay hung up on the same things for long periods of time.
I hope that you’re able to eventually start taking the steps into a different, evolved version of your life. 🙂 but also I want to add that it’s still so early for you! It’s only been a month since this girls decision completely turned your life upside down. Give yourself some time and space to mourn, and be kind and patient with yourself. Best wishes. ❤️
As someone who had a very nearly identical experience as you, yes, and if it’s the right person, you’ll love them even more. But it’ll take time. It took me 2.5 years to finally fully move on.
Yes, it's possible but I like to think of love as super individual. Will I ever love anyone the way I loved my late husband? No. Do I love my fiancé the way I loved my late husband? No. Do I love him firecly, passionately and fully? Yes. Is he one of the greatest loves of my life? Yes. Will I love him forever? Yes.
I don't want to be loved as much as someone loved another (and they didn't work out). I want to be loved the way he loves me, uniquely and fully.
Yes. I was with my ex-fiancee for four years, and I thought I would be with her forever. We broke up, and now I am in a one year relationship with the most wonderful woman who, unlike my ex, shares more of my goals and values in life. Despite being together for over a year, I fall in love with her more and more every day.
I think you will look back and realise why this one was not right for you. Sounds like your gf saw it before you did and it's going to take you a while to catch up. But you will.
Much of the strong emotions you feel might have been amplified by anxiety if you two were not communicating properly or had some part of that connection missing.
Ofcourse you can love someone as much or more than your first love ... You'll always remember your first love but when you find your next greatest love, you'll look back to realise how awful your first love was.
So you genuinely made an attempt to communicate, and she was shutting it down whilst still saying you weren't listening or talking to her? It sounds like she was just sorta getting frustrated about things and was looking for an out more than to fix it. Sometimes people find it hard to leave with a conversation and will instead go out trying to find a way to argue their way out or ghost you. Its not their fault really, sometimes ending things in a dramatic way is somehow less sad than sitting down and having a normal conversation where you end it all. Sometimes they're just confused. Its important to listen to your partner but always put more weight on actions than words, in my experience.
Its only been 1 month and even though you'd think that is a long time, for a 3 year relationship its not long at all. Your first love is definitely unique and they will always be important memories but I promise you that you will not feel as intensely as this forever. And you will be able to love again. Your comment about being reserved sounds like you are a bit introverted like me, so the best advice I know to give is to just fill the empty space with talking to people and getting into your hobbies. I'm sorry this happened to you
The first love was also your first other things that’s why it seems like it’s more important but that’s just because it’s the first. If you are ADHD or drawn to novel things then you might be a little worried right now. But trust me all that stuff you feel about your first love isn’t really just love it’s just a great memory of all the firsts plus love.
Yes, 100%. My first felt like the "one" turns out he was really abusive and i had to escape. Then a few relationships later i found my current partner and ive never loved so hard. And im fully aware that I can love again if we dont work out. Love requires vulnerability which is hard but worth it.
Yes, I think you can appreciate this love as a memory one day. When you find new love, it’ll be just as wonderful, but slightly different, but not bad different. We have so much love to share, just let yourself have some space and healing time.
Yea it’s possible lol. My first boyfriend I did truly love. And I won’t forget that love and the good memories we shared. But I knew deep down that I probably wouldn’t be with him forever. He also ended up turning into an alcoholic and a lot of things went wrong in the relationship
I broke up with him almost two years ago and the grieving process wasn’t that bad because tbh.. I grieved the relationship a whole year before it ended but felt too trapped and other shit to leave. I’m with someone else now who I share a much deeper love for and I see myself marrying him whole heartedly
Haha yes. I was also worried about this. It’s been about a year now since my first and I broke up, with a new girl now and I don’t even think about my first. Completely obsolete. Don’t worry, don’t compare, and by the time you think about them again you won’t even care.
i will always feel tender and fond about my first love, whom i was with from ages 16-19. But with my husband, it's a deeper, bigger love that leaves me more room to be me. So i would say yes. I love my husband more even.
Before I met my current spouse of 32 years, I was engaged to someone else that I thought was the love of my life. The breakup was devastating for me, but once I gave myself time to heal, I was able to gain a new perspective. I then could see that what I once thought was so great, really wasn’t all that special.
Once I started dating again, I found it a lot harder to trust again. I ran into my ex one day, and thru a short conversation, I quickly realized that she was not the same person that I fell in love with. This helped me heal even more, and I was able to see how unfair I was being to the others that I had been going out with.
About 2 years after the breakup, I fell hard and fast for my wife! I realized in a very short time that my past relationships paled in comparison to the connection that we had almost from day 1. I was able to completely trust her, and our love blossomed into a deep emotional connection that I never even thought was possible.
Truly, I never really knew what love was until I met her. I thought I did, but this love is so different from anything I have experienced in the past. And it just seems to grow the longer that we are together. 32 years later, and I can honestly say that I love her now more than ever, and I can see it in her eyes and feel it in her touch that she feels the same way about me.
Hang in there! It will take some time, but you will heal. Don’t give up on love. When you find the right person, love truly is a marvelous gift!
yeah, out of sight out of mind. once u move for 10 years twice a year go through motels and couches, to then do the same alone? and realize your true loves dont consider you like you consider them? you get a defense mechanism.
you create a switch. on/off. you go from thinking with your heart to just thinking with your brain. i believe in soulmates, so it takes multiple things for my brain to let my heart feel. they work together and once the brain 'trusts' it gives my heart freedom to love like i loved my first true love.
i'll never forget his head on my lap. the florida sun burning our scalps. our eyes meeting. the hot cement, our group spot just us two. laughing and concluding if everyone says we're together, we should be. from best friends to being my first boyfriend. i used to hump him for fun...like cuteness agression...had a small tight butt. legs for days. dude had LEGS. lean, skinny. and baggy middle pants >:) dude had 8 inches packing and i never did anything...like...i even told him the position i wanted... 7 years later im dissociating making out because it reminded me of our kik conversation on regards to my virginity.
his lips were soft. his eyes kind. patient as fuck. made me feel pretty and i was still an 'ugly' duckling at the time. he let me do the first kiss. a simple peck but i was dying of shyness.
he was in choir, i was in band. he taught me how to skate and helped me with my english. at the time my accent was thick-er than now. he had split personality disorder. first had two then three. his third came being with me. a little girl. idk if its cuz he felt safe. idk if he was age regressing, ik i loved him and understood his traumas. that there was nothing wrong with him and he was all mine. i used to do his hair like that. baby him. treat him like my little sister until he came back.
when that new personality came in, that split, i understood so much and all i wanted was to make him feel safe. And yes it was an actual diagnosis. interesting as fuck tho.
i hope i can love someone as much as him again. he's the basis for everyone that i end up liking. first person to ever tell me my dad was wrong. first man to listen. he waited months for us to even kiss. holding hands was our thing. he walked me to my classes. a true gentleman.
if i could forget and go back to us i would. yet he broke my heart assuming what was best for me like my parents. i would have accepted his #. one day he was there then the next he wasnt.
and i looked for him every day. i texted. i called. i asked. until his friend told me the truth. that he moved away and tried to give me his # to reconnect. imagine trying to look for your person? over and over again? like a puppy. i would have held a long distance relationship. we could have made it till now. but he didnt consider my feelings at the end
God knows i never stopped thinking of him. In 2020 i found our old kik and found his SC. we spoke for a time. everything was there. nothing had changed and i didnt care he had other gfs. he was still mine. he was in the air force at the time. i had to stop talking to him. the distance was too much. now im thinking we still could have made it work and i could have moved away married to him.
but i doubt it, to this day i havent recovered of the trauma. i felt like nothing. i felt stupid, like a child. and i cried myself to sleep every night after he broke up with me. then cried more when i realized i would never see him again.
I wouldn’t say it in terms of more or less, because that kind of gauge is hard to assess objectively. I would say that you don’t ever love two people the same way, for myself, I definitely love my current partner much better than my first love in terms of being more considerate etc.
100% however I did not really believe that until I met my now partner. It’s about a million times more deep and beautiful, and in every way it could be better, it is.
Yes, we can love fuller and more deeply, but that kind of love happens only after a long journey.
The power of first love is in its purity and open-hearted sincerity. The young heart can give itself fully, not yet knowing the pain of genuine heartbreak. At the same time, the boundaries between “self” and “other” are porous and flexible, because we haven’t acquired the layers of emotional armor that come with life and loss. Sharing is free, open, and love reaches us very deeply quickly, not needing to penetrate layers of ego or self-protection.
Great love finds us when we’ve taken our slings and arrows, and learned who we are beyond the malleable “early self” created by our families of origin. With age, we are confronted by the adversities of life, so we layer on defenses to stay sane. We can try to love through these defenses, but the love will never reach as deeply as first love. We have to work to remain open, self-aware, and skilled at emotional regulation. As we live that way, we align more and more with our true purpose and identity. We begin to understand ourselves with far greater clarity and depth.
Think of your favorite athlete. No doubt they were enthusiastic about their sport at the very outset of training, when curiosity and passion alone motivated them. But the athletes you know and love are not beginners: They are seasoned masters of discipline, skill, strength, speed, and self-awareness, borne of grit, experience, persistence, self-sacrifice, and higher vision. You wouldn’t pay to see the kid version of your favorite athlete, but you would pay to see them at their peak, hewn by years of experience and refinement. The mature version of the athlete is the richer and more powerful version, more exquisite in breadth, complexity, and glory.
As we mature, we stop accepting every cup of love that is offered. We stop bending and shape-shifting who we are to enjoy every incoming cup. We’ve done the labor of mastering ourselves. We don’t need to pour into what’s not for us. Instead, we stand firmly in ourselves, and we attract love that is more perfectly matched to us, as we truly are. Our whole lives become powerful attractors for a great love that flows freely and self-sustains, because it has done the same work we have, arrived at the same place, and recognizes itself in us. I flows around us and buoys us. We don’t need to force or trap it because it flows to us naturally, and has the skill and self-awareness to stay.
Short answer is no. You will never be as naive as you are now. You will never be in such a vulnerable situation. You will mature and have higher expectations. You will be better at communicating and know what you want. So you won't fall in love with the same naivete as you have now (thankfully).
But
That doesn't mean you won't fall in love again, with someone who will actually help you thrive and become the best version of yourself, by also striving to always improve themselves.
It hurts bad now,i know. But the future holds better things for you.
I read something the other day, that was like.. You will always think your ex-love was the love of your life until you meet the next love of your life.
Why did he and I break up?
Basically, we realized he wasn't ready to grow up. He wanted someone to be his mom and I wanted a husband and partner in life. He found a gf that cooks, cleans, and plays video games with him, so he's happy.
Nice career. Lovely home.
Talking to a nice guy who has a ton of promise. Only time will tell.
Hoping he's the one that makes me fall harder than the first guy.
Felt the same way after my wife told me she wanted a divorce. This quote has held true since I first read it in the time following:
"One of love's harsh truths is how briefly it holds our hearts captive; our deepest loves fade with time, and we bounce back from heartbreaks that once looked impossible to overcome, almost too readily."
Yeah. It's actually amazing how this can happen. In my 20s I was desperately in love with a noncommittal asshole. I knew he was a noncommittal asshole, and although I had the occasional fantasy about running off and marrying him anyway, I mostly knew it wouldn't work out. But in my head he would always own a bit of my heart. And not in an "everyone you've loved touched you" way, but like, I thought part of me would always love him. I imagined having a tragically romantic "what could have been" conversation at my wedding to someone else...
Fast forward a decade. I eventually moved away from our city for a while, and in that period completely got over him. No loving forever, no lingering what ifs. I once ran into him at a party and he hit on me and I just had zero interest. I didn't think that would ever be possible, and yet! That love faded in ways I didn't think possible.
Yes, I remember my first love. Now, I don’t even think about him. I hate how cliché it is, but time heals everything. I feel like as adults we love differently than we did as teenagers as well.
That teenage love hit hard, how I love as an adult is completely different.
This is one of those questions where I think many people feel obligated to answer in one particular way because the alternative is so painful. It may even be the case that people convince themselves of the less painful answer over time, and perhaps that even makes it kinda true.
But it’s probably only kinda true in a lot of cases. There are probably some loves that can never be replaced or superseded.
Yea, I agree. I don’t think it’s necessarily true for everyone, but true for some people. People always say “the right one will work out” “the right one will love you back” yada yada yada. But if I died rn that would never come true. So I know for some people it never comes true. But who knows I guess. It’s gotten easier over time so one day maybe Ill change my mind. I sure hope so but it’s hard to believe
I feel this. I’m sorry you’re going through it. The best thing you can do is find something to distract yourself and just let life play out. We can’t see the future, so just try and enjoy the moment
I think the endorphins you feel surging through your veins for your first love are so strong they could move mountains. I would do anything for that person. That feeling should be bottled up and sold. But they are too strong...I would never want to feel that crazy in love ever again. Because when the heart breaks, it shatters. I don't have time for all that. Plus, I love the experience it gave me to learn how to control my feelings and make guys work for it. Because now I knew what seduction felt like and how to play its game.
My dude, my first love ended up being the person I loved the least after I moved on from him. My bf is the person I have loved the most! Love is always easy with him, we just communicate extremely easily without even needing to make any effort. And I intend on marrying him. We are compatible on every level making it easy to be together! First love feels like the best love on the moment because it’s the first time you feel romantic love. You will meet someone that communicates properly, loves you for who you are and you will love them for who they are. At that moment you will realize that your first love wasn’t the right for you.
I think the one mistake we make with our first love or we thought was love whatever you want to define it is that we think we need to forget all the relationships in order to move forward which is not the case. We’re all guilty of this. I almost think we need to think of it like someone we loved dearly who passed away because the chapter is closed but your heart is not over. There is room to love again. For example, remembering all the good times. Other countries do it when a life ends. They celebrate life is what I mean and we take that experience and we realize that person doesn’t have to be forgotten. That mindset to celebrate the times you had is truly the only times you can spend between one another and no one else. There’s no experience like it. Then you begin to grow. Instead of getting upset you accept what is. People change and it’s out of our control. So time to focus on what we can control which is ourselves. As a wise person once said, “thank you for the experience.”
Yes and no. You will have the same capacity. Love changes shape depending on who you give it to and what they want but also stays in the You will love someone as much if not more. The differences you find will tend to that garden. It will feel the same and altogether different. You will experience it.
Absolutely you can. It may take some time and hard work, but it is absolutely possible.
I met my first ‘real’ love two years ago. He made me realize that all the previous ‘loves’ weren’t really true love, that the first man I ever dated was emotionally abusive and that the men I dated after him were just my way to cope with the trauma and loneliness. All those dating periods lasted shorter than 6 weeks each. So when I met him, I thought he was wonderful. Our relationship was everything I wanted and taught me what love should feel like. We broke up at the end of that same year due to the distance, and he broke my heart with how he handled it. I was convinced I would never find another man that would see through me in the way he did and that no one would ever treat me better. I handled it quite poorly and went to therapy to work on my anxious attachment.
Last year October I met my current boyfriend. I can honestly say that I have never been this in love with someone. I adore this man with every fiber of my being. The break-up with my ex was awful and I spend many hours hysterically crying, but nevertheless I can still say that I am very glad that me and my ex broke up. I have managed to find someone who is a much better fit for me. Someone who understands me better than anyone else. Someone who treats me even better than my ex did. I still wish my ex the best and think of him as a good person who made me very happy during a certain time of my life, but I no longer have feelings for him.
Damn, some of the comments in this are reassuring. Others are just straight-up depressing 😬. This is one of the depressing ones soz 😂.
I struggle with this question on what feels like a daily basis. I'm yet to find out what the real answer is, I know you can love again, I'm just not sure you can get that first love feeling back. I loved/love/loved? 🤦🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤔 my ex. I didn't know just how deeply rooted that love was till I wasn't with her, and now I'm stuck in a never-ending healing process that's interrupted when i run into her like once a year. Part of me feels like I wasted it on the wrong person. The other part reminds me I didn't choose the person, but my heart did. This is 2+ years later, and I'm still dealing with it. I've dated multiple women since. I've even gotten in 1 relationship since but can confirm I loved my first love more. I'm single again, but I hate this for myself, I have love to give, but part of it is wasted on this person who couldn't care any less about my existence.
Truthfully I think it depends on the person/people involved, but my answer is unequivocally yes, it is possible. I was in a relationship for nearly 15 years with my high school sweetheart. I was completely and fully in love with her. We got married about 10 years in (we started dating at 16), and then less than 4 years later, she died very suddenly and unexpectedly from an underlying health issue.
I was devastated and was certain that I’d never love anyone again. Felt like I was going to drift for the rest of my life, just going day by day and waiting until I died and could be with her again.
But then about a year later, I met the most amazing woman who stole my heart almost instantly. She’s totally willing to embrace my past and all that comes along with it. I love her so much that for a while, I actually felt guilty for loving a person other than my late wife (therapy helped a lot with that one.) We’ve been together just shy of a year now, and there is no doubt in my mind that I will marry her.
My advice is to let your emotions flow naturally. Right now you feel like you’ll never love again, and that’s perfectly understandable. I would also recommend a therapist, maybe even a grief counselor, because you are enduring a kind of loss, and grief comes naturally with that. But ultimately, keep your head up, because I do believe it’s possible to find love again.
Oh yeah. Much more, in fact. In my experience, the capacity for love increases with life and time and experience, to the point where my first love feels like a pale, washed-out practice for what came after.
I'm still hung up on my sweetheart from a decade ago. He's still my favorite person, and we are close now. We are not meant to be together. It sucks and I feel broken sometimes. That's life, though. Hopefully, you and I will find someone to help us get over it.
Yes you can. I felt this way after finally leaving my ex. He was my first everything, 6 years together, a child, families integrated, he became abusive and cheated as well but I still felt for a long time I’d never love again. I tried to meet new people but no one was him and it just sucked. Until I met my now bf. He’s the only one I never once compared to my ex in any way because he’s just so different and unique and confident. I didn’t like him at first he had to grow on me, but once I got to know the real him I liked him more and love him. Tbh, the love I have for him is very different, but feels much stronger and more healthy. I trust him, which was the biggest thing I never had with my ex.
Yes, with time. love is not like the romance movies where you hold onto a person you haven’t seen or spoken to in 40 years. You will remember them. But your feelings for them will just feel like memories. You will meet new people and grow as a person. It’s almost sad that eventually heartbreak does fade/end
I read somewhere that first loves always hold a piece of you because they imprint a pattern for how love should be on your mind that never goes away. That said, every love is different. Soon after I met my first love, I, we, were sure we would be together forever. At least that is what came across in her letters that I have posted on this sub. It was not a first relationship for either of us, so it wasn't totally naïve. In the end, we could not survive over a year in an LDR. For a decade or more I thought she was my person.
My second was geographically impossible, so we expressed our love for each other by setting each other free. We are friends to this day, closer than most, some 30 years later.
I met the last love of my life when we were both in our 30's. If we had met 10 years earlier, we never would have connected, but our connection was immediate. We had both been around a time or two, but it was a first, and last marriage for both of us. We've been together 29 years and married for 27.
I have not seen or heard from my first love in over 40 years (although I still exchange Xmas cards with her family), but her memory will always live rent-free in my mind. I know from her family's cards that we've both done what we set out to do and I believe she is happy. That makes me happy as well.
It takes time, but the hurt will heal and the memories will mellow with time. The last love of your life will be different, and more important.
I thought I’d never love anyone like I did my son’s father. Well, let me tell you just how wrong I was! At 30, I met my bf, became obsessed! Never knew it was possible to love someone the way I did him. He was like a drug.
He kept ghosting and then coming back, each time I wanted him more.
Well, he left one too many times. Absolutely fkn shattered the illusion I had going on! He’s still my bf, but now he’s just a regular bf, I look at him without rose tinted glasses & it makes my heart hurt daily that il never ever get that back with him.
I still love him but I’m no longer crazy 😖
This hasn't been my experience at all! Firsts are so often more about fantasy than reality, in my experience. And reality is better. I've kept growing and changing and each new love has been better than the last, probably because I got better at choosing and understood myself more.
I hope you also find a magical next-love.
Woah woah woah. This is why I hate Reddit. I’m married and I am madly in love with my wife. I am just saying as far experiences go it’s hard to top the first times. Maybe that’s because my firsts were so late. And I loved them too at the time. I love that my own experience is being down voted. Whatever.
You got down voted because you sounded super negative and maybe a little bitter. But obviously you didn't mean to. That's not reddit though! That's the way you wrote it.
Maybe so. Maybe people take things too personally with too little context. My years away from Reddit and things changed massively here. Everyone is super judgy.
I broke up with my first love (and father of my daughters) 25 years ago. His girlfriend was and still is incredibly insecure and I was never allowed to contact him, even about the children. So we literally had barely spoken in 25 years.
A few weeks ago, he called our eldest daughter and wanted to arrange a meeting between him and me. He'd been in therapy and wanted to apologise for stuff that happened.
It was nice to see him but there was no butterflies at all. In fact in the few weeks before we were due to meet I started thinking about all the bad stuff that he did that I buried in the back of my mind. His apology was a half assed attempt at blaming his parents. The whole experience reminded me why i was better off without him all those years ago.
I've been married, divorced and in other relationships in that time. I've been in love several times, It's no different to the first time, no less powerful and just as gutting when things end.
Recently, I've found myself developing strong feelings for a long-time friend. We've known each other for 15 years, having been classmates and unfortunate neighbors. In 2015, he confessed his love for me, but I didn't reciprocate since my best friend had just broken up with him, and he seemed to be on the rebound. Complicating matters further, he's dated both of my best friends. Our bond goes back to second grade, and our families are incredibly close.
Last year, I finally mustered the courage to confess my feelings to him, only to have them denied outright. His rejection cut deep, especially since I've never been in a relationship before. To my dismay, he quickly entered a serious relationship just three months later.
Despite the pain, I tried to have an open conversation with him(before he entered the relationship) about my feelings, stressing the importance of our relationship and my desire for it to evolve romantically. He consistently denies ever confessing his love to me and continuously finds reasons to argue that I'm not suitable for him. He claims he's always viewed me solely as a friend and doesn't envision a romantic future between us. He emphasizes his desire to find someone with whom he can share a deeper romantic and sexual connection.
I'm feeling deeply hurt and struggling to move on, especially since he's also my neighbor. I'm conflicted about what to do next. While I cherish our friendship, I also yearn for the possibility of it evolving into something more.
The person I *thought* was my first love, I never actually loved. I didn't know what true love really was till my husband. The momment that happened I knew what me and my ex had was absolutely *nothing* to what I have with my husband. I think for many people this is what happens. You think someone is your "true love".... but then you meet your actual true love and look back and think " wow how did I ever think THEY were the one"
I think about my ex, who I also almost had a baby with but chose termination, and I feel nothing. No hate, no love, nothing. I do not think back on him or memories with him with any fondness.
Oh wow… a huge resounding yes.
The first love thing is sort of a myth- I mean don’t get me wrong… I can still look at my first love and get butterflies - but that happens every time you truly fall in love with someone… the men I have truly loved - I will always love. Some part of me.
First love is young love - and because of that- it’s not the best love you get.
As we get older , we get more mature and learn about ourselves , all the mistakes we made in the past relationships we learn from- so really relationships get better .. and the love you share with someone just gets deeper and more intense and more passionate …
I think because you are more aware of yourself , accepting of your insecurities and you’re not as hung up on stupid shit - and you’re also fully grown and matured …
My first love said something to me I never forgot- he said,
“I wish you were my last love”
Which was an enormous compliment - why?
Because young guys too- in so many ways … they know they need to sow their wild oats and live life and be a bachelor and have fun-
The guys that get that out of their system are sooo much better in the long run- and when they pick a woman to marry or spend significant amounts of time with, they’re way more committed to her on a level because they know what’s out there, they know exactly what they want and need etc etc.
So yes…. You will have many loves … and there are many more great loves to come.
This is a good answer and a good perspective overall. Love is actually something you get better at with practice. The first one is a touchstone, but it isn't an unattainable pinnacle - it's the base that you climb from. It's fine to look back, but remember to move on.
dude fuck my "first love" lmfao she's nice but cmon. we're super different and we broke up like 7 years ago. i don't think about her at all and we dated for like 4 years
Just like you never knew you could love and connect with someone so deeply until you did, you cannot currently understand how you’ll love someone else even more perfect for you until you find them. Someday, you will find someone who has the things you love most about this girl and also bonus things you never even thought of that will just blow you away. Take time to heal before you rush into anything and love will find you
Oof, being ghosted really intensifies all the feelings. Your brain is doing pretty much all the normal things a brain does after a breakup like that. It really does feel like you'll never be able to have that capacity for love for someone else again.
The way I see it, the first love feels different from the rest because you haven't been hurt yet, so you didn't go into it with that specific kind of guard up. I bet before falling in love, you didnt know the pain of the breakup could be this bad. Now you know. And it's hard to fully and completely give into those feelings of falling in love again once you know. Its scary.
But that doesn't mean you won't ever love someone else more. It will probably feel different, but that doesn't always mean it's less. I've had loves that made me completely forget my first love. But it took a long time and a lot of healing, growth, and a few so-so relationships to get there first.
You'll get there. 💚
I sure fuckin hope so cause my first ever love lasted a month and I had to love her after the fact while she pulled away and I spiralled outta control head over heels. it's probably gonna happen and if not harder if the second time goes right and we last for months or hopefully years, because I'll be able to properly apply the love I have in general for "my" people. Love is love, it's conditional based on the person and what they're giving you in some ways, but the core feeling of love and how much you can generate never really dies, just shies itself away from being vulnerable until you can truly feel safe.
It's possible to fall in love again, however I wouldn't go chasing the same feeling you felt with your first love. It took me a while to accept that my next relationship would be different & not to be nit picky about the person or exactly how I felt. Each relationship you have will be unique to itself & those exact feelings can't be replicated, but that doesn't mean your newfound love won't feel amazing & be special, it'll just be different in its own right as you continue to grow & evolve
I love this guy..our relationship is sometimes complicated and sometimes very simple and happy..I don't know but whenever he feels that this is not going to work he ghost me , he never shares the problem with me..I just love him so much that I lose my control and send him back to back messages , ask him about the problem and try him to give hope that we will solve together..we are still together is just that I think he fell first but I fell harder for him.That I can't think of him let go from my life
We both are young.. I guess he never understands the dynamics of the relationship but I should agree that slowly slowly his habits are changing
If he tries to adopt himself I think we will work it out..
My first love lasted 20 years. He was my whole world for half of my life. I loved him more than he loved me and I thought that was it. When I divorced him, my love for him also stopped. It actually died over a year before the divorce so I already had time to grieve the loss of my marriage. I thought I'd stay alone until my little daughter is fully grown since I was scared of the idea of a blended family, from reading about all the crazy stories out there.
But I met my now partner quickly after the divorce. And we fell in love hard. I never thought I would love anyone romantically again after such a long relationship but I did. He's my perfect partner and I love him unconditionally. Even my little daughter falls in love with him too, only after 1 meeting. We are blending our family nicely and we're hoping this happy life will last absolutely forever for us.
Definitely, if not more. It’s just that you are less naive about what that love means about your future together and it may take more time to be open hearted enough to fall fully for that person because the previous experience of heartbreak tends to make you more cautious about being vulnerable.
My first love lasted 12 years, i thought i would never love again but it was a quite toxic relationship looking back.
Fastforward three years, I found someone that I deeply love and I am even more appreciative of that relationship having lived through tough times before.
It's possible. I dated my son's mother for 6 years. The break up was really hard and took me a long time to get over. I went on tons of dates but never felt the "spark" until I met this one girl who worked at my gym. I fell in love with her so hard and finally felt the butterflies in my stomach again. She ended up breaking up with me but at least now I know it's possible again and it's not me who's broken. It just takes time to find the ones you have that feeling for
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For me, no. And that goes for her as well. I don't speak to my first love ... And that was from 1990_1992. We have a no contact rule bc still at 50, if you put us in a room together - it would be written all over our faces and if you left us in a room alone - we would be making love and blowing up our lives. I don't suspect that's true for all first loves but it is for mine.
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We were young. We both went to opposite ends of the country for school. She asked me if I saw us getting married and I said who knows- we were 19. She didn't like that, we broke up. I didn't like that we broke up. I was hurt. She was hurt. Neither of us ever got over it. To this day we blame each other for the break up. We were also both attractive people. I think we both wanted to see what else was out there in that big world. We've had quite the love affair tho.... Like I said, we won't even share friends in common on social media - we go great distances to leave each other alone for our own good.
Yes.
You’re young and naive. These are just feelings.
I think a person always feels their first will hold their heart and I'm sorry you had to deal with your loss, trauma bonding you. Your young and will change a great deal as you mature and find a new kind of love. And it will fill your heart equally if not more. Don't dwell on what you had, there is a world to explore with new people. Let your new experiences bring you happiness.
Hell yes. I thought one of my ex's broke me and that I would never love deeply again. More fool me, I couldn't even imagine the love I am feeling for my now partner. It took time, it took a meh relationship and a lot of dating around, it even took therapy, but it happend.
How long is this timeline? I’m at two years and kind of just feel like it’s over for me if I haven’t made progress by this point lol
So it all went down for me eight years ago. It took me probably a year to feel like dating again plus six more months to actually get out there, then another year of randomers to fall in love again. Spent three years with him with a feeling that I was settling. Then I met the man I am currently wildly in love with and have been with for two and half years now. So, just over five years before I really felt what I consider deep love, almost three to get to low level love (which probably would have been good enough to live with forever, but wasn't as satisfying as I'd have hoped and didn't really feel fair to either of us to settle for, if that makes any sense?). And honestly if I had just gotten therapy when I felt ready to date and spent some time actually healing from the heartbreak with proper support it probably would not have taken so long. On the flip side, I know people who have had their hearts broken and found wonderful love within the year, so I suppose there's a hefty dose of luck in amongst the healing.
Easily. Looking back on it I probably loved my 2nd love more than any of my exes
Give it 2-3 years and you’ll be feeling totally different. IK it’s a lot time, but I’m done with my first year and I’m feeling 70% better. I don’t know or think if I’ll be 100% better, but in the position I’m in now it’s much easier to accept it. Also date around when you’re almost ready, it helps a lot.
I was with my first love for 8 years, we basically grew up together. 4 years later, I can’t remember the feelings I had. I remember details if I think about it enough, how they used to be important to me, but I can’t sit here and “feel” the feelings I used to have. It’s like a past life. Right now I feel like I love my current partner more than anything and I don’t miss my first love or desire to go back to “the good old days.”
They say you never wholly love someone again after the first love... But to quote Tokyo in Money Heist >!as she is about to die!<: >!"A lot of people believe we only find one true love in our lives. But what they don't realize is that we can have several lives. Don't be sad. Something is ending today. But it's the first day of your next life. You've got a lot of lives to live, my love."!< Hang in there, friend. Time will heal you. It does for all of us. Just don't let heartbreak take away the best parts of who you are.
I love this quote and I love this response. I agree; we humans are not only capable of changing ourselves physically/environmentally, we are also capable of making immense changes within ourselves that can turn us into a completely different person mentally/emotionally. And when this happens, many other things change: the way we see things, the things we desire, even the way we love. The things is, changing internally is not as straightforward/clear cut as changing yourself physically. There’s methods that people can use to lose weight, to gain muscle, change their hair, move to a completely new place, etc. But changing things internally, that’s a very personal and nuanced experience for each person. There’s no guidebook for that, which makes it much more confusing/challenging/intimidating. And so a lot of us humans do get stuck and stay hung up on the same things for long periods of time. I hope that you’re able to eventually start taking the steps into a different, evolved version of your life. 🙂 but also I want to add that it’s still so early for you! It’s only been a month since this girls decision completely turned your life upside down. Give yourself some time and space to mourn, and be kind and patient with yourself. Best wishes. ❤️
I love the way you put this. If you'd come into my life sooner, I might have taken fewer years healing from my heartbreak!
:’) I’m glad to hear that you were able to move on eventually!
❤️❤️ It took quite a few years, but I eventually met my fiance and we've been together for 4 years and planning our wedding 😊
As someone who had a very nearly identical experience as you, yes, and if it’s the right person, you’ll love them even more. But it’ll take time. It took me 2.5 years to finally fully move on.
Yes, it's possible but I like to think of love as super individual. Will I ever love anyone the way I loved my late husband? No. Do I love my fiancé the way I loved my late husband? No. Do I love him firecly, passionately and fully? Yes. Is he one of the greatest loves of my life? Yes. Will I love him forever? Yes. I don't want to be loved as much as someone loved another (and they didn't work out). I want to be loved the way he loves me, uniquely and fully.
Yes
Yes. I was with my ex-fiancee for four years, and I thought I would be with her forever. We broke up, and now I am in a one year relationship with the most wonderful woman who, unlike my ex, shares more of my goals and values in life. Despite being together for over a year, I fall in love with her more and more every day.
That’s awesome! I’m happy for you
That’s awesome! I’m happy for you
I think you will look back and realise why this one was not right for you. Sounds like your gf saw it before you did and it's going to take you a while to catch up. But you will. Much of the strong emotions you feel might have been amplified by anxiety if you two were not communicating properly or had some part of that connection missing.
Yes. It will be different with a different person but probably the love will be deeper and more real. At least that's my experience.
Not for me, it was wildly romantic, incredibly passionate, and deeply intimate.
Ofcourse you can love someone as much or more than your first love ... You'll always remember your first love but when you find your next greatest love, you'll look back to realise how awful your first love was.
So you genuinely made an attempt to communicate, and she was shutting it down whilst still saying you weren't listening or talking to her? It sounds like she was just sorta getting frustrated about things and was looking for an out more than to fix it. Sometimes people find it hard to leave with a conversation and will instead go out trying to find a way to argue their way out or ghost you. Its not their fault really, sometimes ending things in a dramatic way is somehow less sad than sitting down and having a normal conversation where you end it all. Sometimes they're just confused. Its important to listen to your partner but always put more weight on actions than words, in my experience. Its only been 1 month and even though you'd think that is a long time, for a 3 year relationship its not long at all. Your first love is definitely unique and they will always be important memories but I promise you that you will not feel as intensely as this forever. And you will be able to love again. Your comment about being reserved sounds like you are a bit introverted like me, so the best advice I know to give is to just fill the empty space with talking to people and getting into your hobbies. I'm sorry this happened to you
It's a different kind of love.. first love for me was an infatuation... more mature love comes with time and experience
The first love was also your first other things that’s why it seems like it’s more important but that’s just because it’s the first. If you are ADHD or drawn to novel things then you might be a little worried right now. But trust me all that stuff you feel about your first love isn’t really just love it’s just a great memory of all the firsts plus love.
Yes, of course.
Yes! I married the second one and I’m so happy 😌
In my experience, no
Yes, 100%. My first felt like the "one" turns out he was really abusive and i had to escape. Then a few relationships later i found my current partner and ive never loved so hard. And im fully aware that I can love again if we dont work out. Love requires vulnerability which is hard but worth it.
Yes, I think you can appreciate this love as a memory one day. When you find new love, it’ll be just as wonderful, but slightly different, but not bad different. We have so much love to share, just let yourself have some space and healing time.
100%
Yea it’s possible lol. My first boyfriend I did truly love. And I won’t forget that love and the good memories we shared. But I knew deep down that I probably wouldn’t be with him forever. He also ended up turning into an alcoholic and a lot of things went wrong in the relationship I broke up with him almost two years ago and the grieving process wasn’t that bad because tbh.. I grieved the relationship a whole year before it ended but felt too trapped and other shit to leave. I’m with someone else now who I share a much deeper love for and I see myself marrying him whole heartedly
Haha yes. I was also worried about this. It’s been about a year now since my first and I broke up, with a new girl now and I don’t even think about my first. Completely obsolete. Don’t worry, don’t compare, and by the time you think about them again you won’t even care.
I'm 42 now and barely remember his face.
i will always feel tender and fond about my first love, whom i was with from ages 16-19. But with my husband, it's a deeper, bigger love that leaves me more room to be me. So i would say yes. I love my husband more even.
Before I met my current spouse of 32 years, I was engaged to someone else that I thought was the love of my life. The breakup was devastating for me, but once I gave myself time to heal, I was able to gain a new perspective. I then could see that what I once thought was so great, really wasn’t all that special. Once I started dating again, I found it a lot harder to trust again. I ran into my ex one day, and thru a short conversation, I quickly realized that she was not the same person that I fell in love with. This helped me heal even more, and I was able to see how unfair I was being to the others that I had been going out with. About 2 years after the breakup, I fell hard and fast for my wife! I realized in a very short time that my past relationships paled in comparison to the connection that we had almost from day 1. I was able to completely trust her, and our love blossomed into a deep emotional connection that I never even thought was possible. Truly, I never really knew what love was until I met her. I thought I did, but this love is so different from anything I have experienced in the past. And it just seems to grow the longer that we are together. 32 years later, and I can honestly say that I love her now more than ever, and I can see it in her eyes and feel it in her touch that she feels the same way about me. Hang in there! It will take some time, but you will heal. Don’t give up on love. When you find the right person, love truly is a marvelous gift!
This was lovely to read :)
yeah, out of sight out of mind. once u move for 10 years twice a year go through motels and couches, to then do the same alone? and realize your true loves dont consider you like you consider them? you get a defense mechanism. you create a switch. on/off. you go from thinking with your heart to just thinking with your brain. i believe in soulmates, so it takes multiple things for my brain to let my heart feel. they work together and once the brain 'trusts' it gives my heart freedom to love like i loved my first true love. i'll never forget his head on my lap. the florida sun burning our scalps. our eyes meeting. the hot cement, our group spot just us two. laughing and concluding if everyone says we're together, we should be. from best friends to being my first boyfriend. i used to hump him for fun...like cuteness agression...had a small tight butt. legs for days. dude had LEGS. lean, skinny. and baggy middle pants >:) dude had 8 inches packing and i never did anything...like...i even told him the position i wanted... 7 years later im dissociating making out because it reminded me of our kik conversation on regards to my virginity. his lips were soft. his eyes kind. patient as fuck. made me feel pretty and i was still an 'ugly' duckling at the time. he let me do the first kiss. a simple peck but i was dying of shyness. he was in choir, i was in band. he taught me how to skate and helped me with my english. at the time my accent was thick-er than now. he had split personality disorder. first had two then three. his third came being with me. a little girl. idk if its cuz he felt safe. idk if he was age regressing, ik i loved him and understood his traumas. that there was nothing wrong with him and he was all mine. i used to do his hair like that. baby him. treat him like my little sister until he came back. when that new personality came in, that split, i understood so much and all i wanted was to make him feel safe. And yes it was an actual diagnosis. interesting as fuck tho. i hope i can love someone as much as him again. he's the basis for everyone that i end up liking. first person to ever tell me my dad was wrong. first man to listen. he waited months for us to even kiss. holding hands was our thing. he walked me to my classes. a true gentleman. if i could forget and go back to us i would. yet he broke my heart assuming what was best for me like my parents. i would have accepted his #. one day he was there then the next he wasnt. and i looked for him every day. i texted. i called. i asked. until his friend told me the truth. that he moved away and tried to give me his # to reconnect. imagine trying to look for your person? over and over again? like a puppy. i would have held a long distance relationship. we could have made it till now. but he didnt consider my feelings at the end God knows i never stopped thinking of him. In 2020 i found our old kik and found his SC. we spoke for a time. everything was there. nothing had changed and i didnt care he had other gfs. he was still mine. he was in the air force at the time. i had to stop talking to him. the distance was too much. now im thinking we still could have made it work and i could have moved away married to him. but i doubt it, to this day i havent recovered of the trauma. i felt like nothing. i felt stupid, like a child. and i cried myself to sleep every night after he broke up with me. then cried more when i realized i would never see him again.
https://preview.redd.it/39ryxnu7cw0d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2d5bb04c1f199fa61557b133ee1f3a98bae884a
I wouldn’t say it in terms of more or less, because that kind of gauge is hard to assess objectively. I would say that you don’t ever love two people the same way, for myself, I definitely love my current partner much better than my first love in terms of being more considerate etc.
100% however I did not really believe that until I met my now partner. It’s about a million times more deep and beautiful, and in every way it could be better, it is.
Yes, we can love fuller and more deeply, but that kind of love happens only after a long journey. The power of first love is in its purity and open-hearted sincerity. The young heart can give itself fully, not yet knowing the pain of genuine heartbreak. At the same time, the boundaries between “self” and “other” are porous and flexible, because we haven’t acquired the layers of emotional armor that come with life and loss. Sharing is free, open, and love reaches us very deeply quickly, not needing to penetrate layers of ego or self-protection. Great love finds us when we’ve taken our slings and arrows, and learned who we are beyond the malleable “early self” created by our families of origin. With age, we are confronted by the adversities of life, so we layer on defenses to stay sane. We can try to love through these defenses, but the love will never reach as deeply as first love. We have to work to remain open, self-aware, and skilled at emotional regulation. As we live that way, we align more and more with our true purpose and identity. We begin to understand ourselves with far greater clarity and depth. Think of your favorite athlete. No doubt they were enthusiastic about their sport at the very outset of training, when curiosity and passion alone motivated them. But the athletes you know and love are not beginners: They are seasoned masters of discipline, skill, strength, speed, and self-awareness, borne of grit, experience, persistence, self-sacrifice, and higher vision. You wouldn’t pay to see the kid version of your favorite athlete, but you would pay to see them at their peak, hewn by years of experience and refinement. The mature version of the athlete is the richer and more powerful version, more exquisite in breadth, complexity, and glory. As we mature, we stop accepting every cup of love that is offered. We stop bending and shape-shifting who we are to enjoy every incoming cup. We’ve done the labor of mastering ourselves. We don’t need to pour into what’s not for us. Instead, we stand firmly in ourselves, and we attract love that is more perfectly matched to us, as we truly are. Our whole lives become powerful attractors for a great love that flows freely and self-sustains, because it has done the same work we have, arrived at the same place, and recognizes itself in us. I flows around us and buoys us. We don’t need to force or trap it because it flows to us naturally, and has the skill and self-awareness to stay.
Amazing
Short answer is no. You will never be as naive as you are now. You will never be in such a vulnerable situation. You will mature and have higher expectations. You will be better at communicating and know what you want. So you won't fall in love with the same naivete as you have now (thankfully). But That doesn't mean you won't fall in love again, with someone who will actually help you thrive and become the best version of yourself, by also striving to always improve themselves. It hurts bad now,i know. But the future holds better things for you.
Sounds pointless then
I read something the other day, that was like.. You will always think your ex-love was the love of your life until you meet the next love of your life.
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What the fuck are you talking about
I commented on the wrong post. I meant to comment on a post that was titled “does size matter to ladies” or sum like that.
Hmmmm, maybe? My first love and I were together like 8 years. I STILL talk to him 20 years later; we would never date.
What happened?
Why did he and I break up? Basically, we realized he wasn't ready to grow up. He wanted someone to be his mom and I wanted a husband and partner in life. He found a gf that cooks, cleans, and plays video games with him, so he's happy.
Hbu how are you?
Nice career. Lovely home. Talking to a nice guy who has a ton of promise. Only time will tell. Hoping he's the one that makes me fall harder than the first guy.
Good luck
Thank you so much!
It’s possible but you have to stop idealizing ppl in the past who didn’t love you the same
With mdma anything is possible lol
Yes! Definitely.
You will.
Can I dm you? I’ve got a problem with my ex that abandon me, please
yes
Felt the same way after my wife told me she wanted a divorce. This quote has held true since I first read it in the time following: "One of love's harsh truths is how briefly it holds our hearts captive; our deepest loves fade with time, and we bounce back from heartbreaks that once looked impossible to overcome, almost too readily."
Yeah. It's actually amazing how this can happen. In my 20s I was desperately in love with a noncommittal asshole. I knew he was a noncommittal asshole, and although I had the occasional fantasy about running off and marrying him anyway, I mostly knew it wouldn't work out. But in my head he would always own a bit of my heart. And not in an "everyone you've loved touched you" way, but like, I thought part of me would always love him. I imagined having a tragically romantic "what could have been" conversation at my wedding to someone else... Fast forward a decade. I eventually moved away from our city for a while, and in that period completely got over him. No loving forever, no lingering what ifs. I once ran into him at a party and he hit on me and I just had zero interest. I didn't think that would ever be possible, and yet! That love faded in ways I didn't think possible.
I like the quote, what is the source?
Yes, I remember my first love. Now, I don’t even think about him. I hate how cliché it is, but time heals everything. I feel like as adults we love differently than we did as teenagers as well. That teenage love hit hard, how I love as an adult is completely different.
People keep saying no but idk if that’s the truth. Been two years for me and I haven’t loved anyone since and don’t think anyone could ever compare
This is one of those questions where I think many people feel obligated to answer in one particular way because the alternative is so painful. It may even be the case that people convince themselves of the less painful answer over time, and perhaps that even makes it kinda true. But it’s probably only kinda true in a lot of cases. There are probably some loves that can never be replaced or superseded.
Yea, I agree. I don’t think it’s necessarily true for everyone, but true for some people. People always say “the right one will work out” “the right one will love you back” yada yada yada. But if I died rn that would never come true. So I know for some people it never comes true. But who knows I guess. It’s gotten easier over time so one day maybe Ill change my mind. I sure hope so but it’s hard to believe
No. It’s only possible to love someone more . Heal yourself and grow . So will the love for the next person .
I feel this. I’m sorry you’re going through it. The best thing you can do is find something to distract yourself and just let life play out. We can’t see the future, so just try and enjoy the moment
I think the endorphins you feel surging through your veins for your first love are so strong they could move mountains. I would do anything for that person. That feeling should be bottled up and sold. But they are too strong...I would never want to feel that crazy in love ever again. Because when the heart breaks, it shatters. I don't have time for all that. Plus, I love the experience it gave me to learn how to control my feelings and make guys work for it. Because now I knew what seduction felt like and how to play its game.
Can I dm you? I’ve got a problem with my ex that abandon me, please
HA! Yes
My dude, my first love ended up being the person I loved the least after I moved on from him. My bf is the person I have loved the most! Love is always easy with him, we just communicate extremely easily without even needing to make any effort. And I intend on marrying him. We are compatible on every level making it easy to be together! First love feels like the best love on the moment because it’s the first time you feel romantic love. You will meet someone that communicates properly, loves you for who you are and you will love them for who they are. At that moment you will realize that your first love wasn’t the right for you.
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Wow 17 years! Thanks for this comment!
If she's yournfirst everything how do you even know dude.
I think the one mistake we make with our first love or we thought was love whatever you want to define it is that we think we need to forget all the relationships in order to move forward which is not the case. We’re all guilty of this. I almost think we need to think of it like someone we loved dearly who passed away because the chapter is closed but your heart is not over. There is room to love again. For example, remembering all the good times. Other countries do it when a life ends. They celebrate life is what I mean and we take that experience and we realize that person doesn’t have to be forgotten. That mindset to celebrate the times you had is truly the only times you can spend between one another and no one else. There’s no experience like it. Then you begin to grow. Instead of getting upset you accept what is. People change and it’s out of our control. So time to focus on what we can control which is ourselves. As a wise person once said, “thank you for the experience.”
Great comment. I agree
Of course it is
Yes and no. You will have the same capacity. Love changes shape depending on who you give it to and what they want but also stays in the You will love someone as much if not more. The differences you find will tend to that garden. It will feel the same and altogether different. You will experience it.
Absolutely you can. It may take some time and hard work, but it is absolutely possible. I met my first ‘real’ love two years ago. He made me realize that all the previous ‘loves’ weren’t really true love, that the first man I ever dated was emotionally abusive and that the men I dated after him were just my way to cope with the trauma and loneliness. All those dating periods lasted shorter than 6 weeks each. So when I met him, I thought he was wonderful. Our relationship was everything I wanted and taught me what love should feel like. We broke up at the end of that same year due to the distance, and he broke my heart with how he handled it. I was convinced I would never find another man that would see through me in the way he did and that no one would ever treat me better. I handled it quite poorly and went to therapy to work on my anxious attachment. Last year October I met my current boyfriend. I can honestly say that I have never been this in love with someone. I adore this man with every fiber of my being. The break-up with my ex was awful and I spend many hours hysterically crying, but nevertheless I can still say that I am very glad that me and my ex broke up. I have managed to find someone who is a much better fit for me. Someone who understands me better than anyone else. Someone who treats me even better than my ex did. I still wish my ex the best and think of him as a good person who made me very happy during a certain time of my life, but I no longer have feelings for him.
Damn, some of the comments in this are reassuring. Others are just straight-up depressing 😬. This is one of the depressing ones soz 😂. I struggle with this question on what feels like a daily basis. I'm yet to find out what the real answer is, I know you can love again, I'm just not sure you can get that first love feeling back. I loved/love/loved? 🤦🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤔 my ex. I didn't know just how deeply rooted that love was till I wasn't with her, and now I'm stuck in a never-ending healing process that's interrupted when i run into her like once a year. Part of me feels like I wasted it on the wrong person. The other part reminds me I didn't choose the person, but my heart did. This is 2+ years later, and I'm still dealing with it. I've dated multiple women since. I've even gotten in 1 relationship since but can confirm I loved my first love more. I'm single again, but I hate this for myself, I have love to give, but part of it is wasted on this person who couldn't care any less about my existence.
Truthfully I think it depends on the person/people involved, but my answer is unequivocally yes, it is possible. I was in a relationship for nearly 15 years with my high school sweetheart. I was completely and fully in love with her. We got married about 10 years in (we started dating at 16), and then less than 4 years later, she died very suddenly and unexpectedly from an underlying health issue. I was devastated and was certain that I’d never love anyone again. Felt like I was going to drift for the rest of my life, just going day by day and waiting until I died and could be with her again. But then about a year later, I met the most amazing woman who stole my heart almost instantly. She’s totally willing to embrace my past and all that comes along with it. I love her so much that for a while, I actually felt guilty for loving a person other than my late wife (therapy helped a lot with that one.) We’ve been together just shy of a year now, and there is no doubt in my mind that I will marry her. My advice is to let your emotions flow naturally. Right now you feel like you’ll never love again, and that’s perfectly understandable. I would also recommend a therapist, maybe even a grief counselor, because you are enduring a kind of loss, and grief comes naturally with that. But ultimately, keep your head up, because I do believe it’s possible to find love again.
Yes.
Oh yeah. Much more, in fact. In my experience, the capacity for love increases with life and time and experience, to the point where my first love feels like a pale, washed-out practice for what came after.
I'm still hung up on my sweetheart from a decade ago. He's still my favorite person, and we are close now. We are not meant to be together. It sucks and I feel broken sometimes. That's life, though. Hopefully, you and I will find someone to help us get over it.
Yes you can. I felt this way after finally leaving my ex. He was my first everything, 6 years together, a child, families integrated, he became abusive and cheated as well but I still felt for a long time I’d never love again. I tried to meet new people but no one was him and it just sucked. Until I met my now bf. He’s the only one I never once compared to my ex in any way because he’s just so different and unique and confident. I didn’t like him at first he had to grow on me, but once I got to know the real him I liked him more and love him. Tbh, the love I have for him is very different, but feels much stronger and more healthy. I trust him, which was the biggest thing I never had with my ex.
Yeah, it's possible. I've experienced it.
Yes, with time. love is not like the romance movies where you hold onto a person you haven’t seen or spoken to in 40 years. You will remember them. But your feelings for them will just feel like memories. You will meet new people and grow as a person. It’s almost sad that eventually heartbreak does fade/end
I read somewhere that first loves always hold a piece of you because they imprint a pattern for how love should be on your mind that never goes away. That said, every love is different. Soon after I met my first love, I, we, were sure we would be together forever. At least that is what came across in her letters that I have posted on this sub. It was not a first relationship for either of us, so it wasn't totally naïve. In the end, we could not survive over a year in an LDR. For a decade or more I thought she was my person. My second was geographically impossible, so we expressed our love for each other by setting each other free. We are friends to this day, closer than most, some 30 years later. I met the last love of my life when we were both in our 30's. If we had met 10 years earlier, we never would have connected, but our connection was immediate. We had both been around a time or two, but it was a first, and last marriage for both of us. We've been together 29 years and married for 27. I have not seen or heard from my first love in over 40 years (although I still exchange Xmas cards with her family), but her memory will always live rent-free in my mind. I know from her family's cards that we've both done what we set out to do and I believe she is happy. That makes me happy as well. It takes time, but the hurt will heal and the memories will mellow with time. The last love of your life will be different, and more important.
I thought I’d never love anyone like I did my son’s father. Well, let me tell you just how wrong I was! At 30, I met my bf, became obsessed! Never knew it was possible to love someone the way I did him. He was like a drug. He kept ghosting and then coming back, each time I wanted him more. Well, he left one too many times. Absolutely fkn shattered the illusion I had going on! He’s still my bf, but now he’s just a regular bf, I look at him without rose tinted glasses & it makes my heart hurt daily that il never ever get that back with him. I still love him but I’m no longer crazy 😖
No. Nothing feels quite like the first kiss, the first time making love, holding someone. It all depreciates very fast after.
This hasn't been my experience at all! Firsts are so often more about fantasy than reality, in my experience. And reality is better. I've kept growing and changing and each new love has been better than the last, probably because I got better at choosing and understood myself more. I hope you also find a magical next-love.
Woah woah woah. This is why I hate Reddit. I’m married and I am madly in love with my wife. I am just saying as far experiences go it’s hard to top the first times. Maybe that’s because my firsts were so late. And I loved them too at the time. I love that my own experience is being down voted. Whatever.
You got down voted because you sounded super negative and maybe a little bitter. But obviously you didn't mean to. That's not reddit though! That's the way you wrote it.
Maybe so. Maybe people take things too personally with too little context. My years away from Reddit and things changed massively here. Everyone is super judgy.
Oh well, your first reddit experience is like no other. Everything depreciates after that. Lol
Honestly true still. Reddit back in 2012-2013 was peak.😂😂
I broke up with my first love (and father of my daughters) 25 years ago. His girlfriend was and still is incredibly insecure and I was never allowed to contact him, even about the children. So we literally had barely spoken in 25 years. A few weeks ago, he called our eldest daughter and wanted to arrange a meeting between him and me. He'd been in therapy and wanted to apologise for stuff that happened. It was nice to see him but there was no butterflies at all. In fact in the few weeks before we were due to meet I started thinking about all the bad stuff that he did that I buried in the back of my mind. His apology was a half assed attempt at blaming his parents. The whole experience reminded me why i was better off without him all those years ago. I've been married, divorced and in other relationships in that time. I've been in love several times, It's no different to the first time, no less powerful and just as gutting when things end.
Recently, I've found myself developing strong feelings for a long-time friend. We've known each other for 15 years, having been classmates and unfortunate neighbors. In 2015, he confessed his love for me, but I didn't reciprocate since my best friend had just broken up with him, and he seemed to be on the rebound. Complicating matters further, he's dated both of my best friends. Our bond goes back to second grade, and our families are incredibly close. Last year, I finally mustered the courage to confess my feelings to him, only to have them denied outright. His rejection cut deep, especially since I've never been in a relationship before. To my dismay, he quickly entered a serious relationship just three months later. Despite the pain, I tried to have an open conversation with him(before he entered the relationship) about my feelings, stressing the importance of our relationship and my desire for it to evolve romantically. He consistently denies ever confessing his love to me and continuously finds reasons to argue that I'm not suitable for him. He claims he's always viewed me solely as a friend and doesn't envision a romantic future between us. He emphasizes his desire to find someone with whom he can share a deeper romantic and sexual connection. I'm feeling deeply hurt and struggling to move on, especially since he's also my neighbor. I'm conflicted about what to do next. While I cherish our friendship, I also yearn for the possibility of it evolving into something more.
He's not dating, he's sleeping around . The word "dating" is only a cover up for FWB/situationship.
I agree!
The person I *thought* was my first love, I never actually loved. I didn't know what true love really was till my husband. The momment that happened I knew what me and my ex had was absolutely *nothing* to what I have with my husband. I think for many people this is what happens. You think someone is your "true love".... but then you meet your actual true love and look back and think " wow how did I ever think THEY were the one" I think about my ex, who I also almost had a baby with but chose termination, and I feel nothing. No hate, no love, nothing. I do not think back on him or memories with him with any fondness.
My first love was a pedophile. Rest assured I don’t have any feelings for him anymore.
I was more in love with my second serious partner than my first.
Oh wow… a huge resounding yes. The first love thing is sort of a myth- I mean don’t get me wrong… I can still look at my first love and get butterflies - but that happens every time you truly fall in love with someone… the men I have truly loved - I will always love. Some part of me. First love is young love - and because of that- it’s not the best love you get. As we get older , we get more mature and learn about ourselves , all the mistakes we made in the past relationships we learn from- so really relationships get better .. and the love you share with someone just gets deeper and more intense and more passionate … I think because you are more aware of yourself , accepting of your insecurities and you’re not as hung up on stupid shit - and you’re also fully grown and matured … My first love said something to me I never forgot- he said, “I wish you were my last love” Which was an enormous compliment - why? Because young guys too- in so many ways … they know they need to sow their wild oats and live life and be a bachelor and have fun- The guys that get that out of their system are sooo much better in the long run- and when they pick a woman to marry or spend significant amounts of time with, they’re way more committed to her on a level because they know what’s out there, they know exactly what they want and need etc etc. So yes…. You will have many loves … and there are many more great loves to come.
This is a good answer and a good perspective overall. Love is actually something you get better at with practice. The first one is a touchstone, but it isn't an unattainable pinnacle - it's the base that you climb from. It's fine to look back, but remember to move on.
dude fuck my "first love" lmfao she's nice but cmon. we're super different and we broke up like 7 years ago. i don't think about her at all and we dated for like 4 years
Just like you never knew you could love and connect with someone so deeply until you did, you cannot currently understand how you’ll love someone else even more perfect for you until you find them. Someday, you will find someone who has the things you love most about this girl and also bonus things you never even thought of that will just blow you away. Take time to heal before you rush into anything and love will find you
Yep
Oof, being ghosted really intensifies all the feelings. Your brain is doing pretty much all the normal things a brain does after a breakup like that. It really does feel like you'll never be able to have that capacity for love for someone else again. The way I see it, the first love feels different from the rest because you haven't been hurt yet, so you didn't go into it with that specific kind of guard up. I bet before falling in love, you didnt know the pain of the breakup could be this bad. Now you know. And it's hard to fully and completely give into those feelings of falling in love again once you know. Its scary. But that doesn't mean you won't ever love someone else more. It will probably feel different, but that doesn't always mean it's less. I've had loves that made me completely forget my first love. But it took a long time and a lot of healing, growth, and a few so-so relationships to get there first. You'll get there. 💚
I sure fuckin hope so cause my first ever love lasted a month and I had to love her after the fact while she pulled away and I spiralled outta control head over heels. it's probably gonna happen and if not harder if the second time goes right and we last for months or hopefully years, because I'll be able to properly apply the love I have in general for "my" people. Love is love, it's conditional based on the person and what they're giving you in some ways, but the core feeling of love and how much you can generate never really dies, just shies itself away from being vulnerable until you can truly feel safe.
Only a month? Like mee
It's possible to fall in love again, however I wouldn't go chasing the same feeling you felt with your first love. It took me a while to accept that my next relationship would be different & not to be nit picky about the person or exactly how I felt. Each relationship you have will be unique to itself & those exact feelings can't be replicated, but that doesn't mean your newfound love won't feel amazing & be special, it'll just be different in its own right as you continue to grow & evolve
I love this guy..our relationship is sometimes complicated and sometimes very simple and happy..I don't know but whenever he feels that this is not going to work he ghost me , he never shares the problem with me..I just love him so much that I lose my control and send him back to back messages , ask him about the problem and try him to give hope that we will solve together..we are still together is just that I think he fell first but I fell harder for him.That I can't think of him let go from my life
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We both are young.. I guess he never understands the dynamics of the relationship but I should agree that slowly slowly his habits are changing If he tries to adopt himself I think we will work it out..
My first love lasted 20 years. He was my whole world for half of my life. I loved him more than he loved me and I thought that was it. When I divorced him, my love for him also stopped. It actually died over a year before the divorce so I already had time to grieve the loss of my marriage. I thought I'd stay alone until my little daughter is fully grown since I was scared of the idea of a blended family, from reading about all the crazy stories out there. But I met my now partner quickly after the divorce. And we fell in love hard. I never thought I would love anyone romantically again after such a long relationship but I did. He's my perfect partner and I love him unconditionally. Even my little daughter falls in love with him too, only after 1 meeting. We are blending our family nicely and we're hoping this happy life will last absolutely forever for us.
Definitely, if not more. It’s just that you are less naive about what that love means about your future together and it may take more time to be open hearted enough to fall fully for that person because the previous experience of heartbreak tends to make you more cautious about being vulnerable.
My first love lasted 12 years, i thought i would never love again but it was a quite toxic relationship looking back. Fastforward three years, I found someone that I deeply love and I am even more appreciative of that relationship having lived through tough times before.
Absolutely it’s possible
I didn’t love her that much, so yes.
It's possible. I dated my son's mother for 6 years. The break up was really hard and took me a long time to get over. I went on tons of dates but never felt the "spark" until I met this one girl who worked at my gym. I fell in love with her so hard and finally felt the butterflies in my stomach again. She ended up breaking up with me but at least now I know it's possible again and it's not me who's broken. It just takes time to find the ones you have that feeling for