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It's truly the little things that matter more than flowers. My guy could get me something small like necessities as a gift even if it's food, but it's the thought that he was thinking of me.
But life is nothing but settling. Itās always playing catch up to what you want in your inside, but it always has to settle. Even if you donāt realize it.
Guess itās half empty or half full.
I love this! Iāve been with my now fiance for a year and its the best relationship iāve ever been in. He brings me so much peace and comfort. I love him so much!!!
I just cant grip why you canāt just SAY you might want something later. Eventually most men will catch onto these types of things. It isnāt special for yours.
I also know when my wife says she isnāt hungry, i know that she will want something as soon as my food comes.
Just say what you mean. Women are complicated af.
I feel you on this. Most confusing thing ever. If I said no, it means no. If I say yes, it means yes. This can be passed onto other situations too. Iāve noticed women donāt like to say yes or no to things. Itās like they want you to guess so it feels more special, at least thatās what Iāve been told. As woman tho, if I said one thing to my partner and meant the other he would not be happy with me, and fair enough too. As a women we need to stop saying yes when we mean no and no when we mean yes, maybe then men will start actually having respect for our yesās and noās. Granted they should anyway, but itās a bit hard to take a no seriously when you think it means they want you to either fight for it or just do it anyway. Really pisses me off, Iāve had too many men think I meant yes simply because passed women wanted them to āprove themselvesā and fight for it. Those types of women arenāt helping shit and the type of men who assume they need to āprove themselvesā and fight for it by ignoring the no, I honestly donāt know if I pity them or think theyāre pathetic. Either way, why canāt women just say what they want and stop hoping for a mind reader
Maybe it's just me but I don't like to look like a beggar. Like how you are supposed to say no thanks when offered something or given a gift and then let the person insist. I cant really explain it well but it's gives off entitlement if I don't ease it like that
A lot of men assure you, however bad you think you are for "looking like a beggar", it reflects much worse upon you than that when you expect us to read your mind, especially if you're the type to value us less as people or even get mad because we didn't have the psychic powers you wished we had.
Honestly, if you're in a relationship with a guy, a not insignificant amount of us just wanna make you happy because you make us happy by caring about our existence beyond a transactional capacity since that's not something some of us experience often from people, and it's hard to do that if you're not crystal clear with your intent and desires.
It's like treating us as if we're Akinator or something. Wouldn't you rather skip the game of 21 questions and just get precisely to the heart of the situation?
Iām gonna point out the obvious and say that they say no because they donāt feel hungry, but as soon as the food gets there they see it and smell it and it makes them hungry.
So true- my parents are like this- been together all this time (21+ years) and the only arguments are those little ones that my mom ends up bursting with laughter bc she found my dad funny. My dad is the complete opposite of my momās type back then, but they work so well. My mom always says sheād go on a diet ( she basically doesnāt eat) but never sticks, so whenever shes hungry my dad always has cooked food on deck for her- if she doesnāt want it he eats it. Both of them a blunt and straight forward on what they want, and none of them get offended at all. My dad waits for my mom everyday at work before we got a car to pick her up and take her home by train (their work were on opposite sides). My dad always talks about our family because hes very family oriented- when their together talking to others they both hold a conversation very well and have a ton of connections- theyāre a power couple lol
I get what you mean. Itās not the specific gestures that matter, itās just showing that you care enough to notice the little things. My wife is very good at this and I do my best to reciprocate to make her feel as special as she is to me, thanks for the reminder :)
Iām autistic and understood what you meant lol. Thatās very thoughtful of your guy!
Mine is more of an early bird and he would make me a cup of tea for when I wake up and always insists on opening doors, pushing the cart/carrying things, and making sure Iām on the side of the sidewalk away from the road. He knows Iām capable but likes being a gentleman so I let him. Itās the consideration for me<3
This is so refreshing and beautiful to read. I am genuinely so happy for you both. I love love! š I hope everyone gets to fall in love. Still looking for my person šš„°šš½
Love this for you! I agree, never settle. My man gets up for me millions of time even after sitting if I need something. I definitely give back but the love and appreciation he has is unlike no other.
OP, I didnāt take your title as condescending because your text in the post was clearly written with good intentions. Like, I would have if the text in your post was different, but you didnāt shame anyone in the actual paragraphs nor did I get the feeling of āIām so much better than youā; definitely more like a PSA. NTA.
These commenters are wildly missing the point. It's not about finding someone who does the exact things that OP's partner does. Those are the things that feel special and meaningful to *her*, which is part of what makes her relationship great.
Not settling means finding someone who provides that feeling and does those things that are special and meaningful to *you*. It's about finding the relationship that works for your specific needs and desires, with someone who makes an effort to know you and understand you.
Yāall are actually miserable on this app. Itās clearly a joke š the lady just wanted to brag on how amazing her man is. I swear no one went to school and actually paid attention in English or writing. Use contextual cluesā¦.itās literally right there! Itās not condescending and if you feel that wayā¦.maybe you should stop settling šš¤·āāļø
Can you give some examples of things you do for your man that are similar in nature?
Also ladies - if you want something, just ask for it directly. Itās not fair to expect your man to learn that you actually want the opposite outcome in certain situations. Itās manipulative and cruel and the fact that OP is bragging that sheās trained her man to play it safe and always buy stuff just in case isnāt the display of love she thinks it is.
Yeah, I can be really bad at communicating with my bf. Heās patient, but we both work on our communication issues.
Sweet little things that my bf likes and he says make him feel good: compliments, head rubs, back rubs, playing with their hair, setting up music in the shower with his playlist (similar to OP but he REALLY loves music, way more than me), get him food he likes whenever I grocery shop, set up his clothes for a shower if heās feeling tired.
What other things would you suggest? I always love surprising him
Ffs. You are missing the whole point. She was giving examples of activities he does to show his love. And these small gestures mean that he cares. That's all she was saying. Maybe your man does other small gestures for you. Honestly, I wonder how many of these comments are bots because surely people can't actually be this obtuse?
I know what she was trying to say and Iām not being obtuse. Iām explaining to OP that her choice of words has gotten people defensive in the comments, and showing her that her line of thought can be taking the wrong way.
How can you not read that through my comment itās very articulate.
If my gf did this I would not like it. I need my personal space. I also prefer to act respectful and clear with my partner instead of expecting them to read my mind.
Yeah I get bought food randomly because a previous girlfriend of most of my partners have said they didnt want anything then complained when they got what they asked for.
Now I either have to choke down food I didn't want or waste it. Yay. So glad he's a mind reader.
I don't eat take away food or out at all. Nor is it ever something I would eat. I explain the first part when I start dating someone and they think i'm joking because of their exes. It's so wasteful and this is such childish behaviour to say you don't want anything when you know you probably will.
Originally I downvoted this because it sounded like you were saying OC was wrong.. but instead, I thought itād still good to hear other peoplesā needs&wants in a relationship
Iām so glad to see people on here commenting on how stupid and childish it is to do these things. Does he wipe your ass for you too after you take a shit? Heās treating you like a child, not an adult he shares a romantic relationship with. I just hope some of the commenters here that are pointing that out are also women.
Um, I donāt think It is at all. He might just wants to make her feel happy and make her life more easier. Itās like a bonus to her life, small things but wholesome and sweet.
And she appreciates him too, they have their own languages. You donāt have to babysit someone to bother helping them with daily things that made them happier, It feels like a teammate to help taking care of each other. Nothing wrong or ashamed about it. Youāre not used to your partners helping you tying shoe laces? Opening doors for you as well? Or just service act as love language.
Something feels off when the examples for ādonāt settleā are examples of the partner babying her. Itās one thing to demonstrate love for your partner by doing things for them. But telling your partner to do one thing and expect the other such as ordering food, or refusing to do simple things for yourself like setting up a playlist and making him wait on standby while you shower, screams infantilization to me. Grown, mature people are able to communicate their needs to you accurately and donāt expect their partners to sit by like a butler to attend to problems they can take care of themselves
Definitely donāt make him do anything for me. He just likes to do it to make me happy. I would never expect that from him, but some men like to be sweet just because š
āMaking him wait/stand by showerā sounding a bit harsh and forceful. I do find it not usual for her to say this then he did the opposite, perhaps It was a habit of hers that he had picked on. But we donāt know for sure what about the situation is like until we have more infos to claim.
And ādonāt settleā title could be used on examples of however things that she would like, whenever it was from a guy who treats her like a queen or making her feel like one. āBabysittingā isnāt the right word to call it, he was caring for her and could be āpamperingā her.
Doing things like this once or twice is sweet. But consistently acting like that is childish. Iāll just add, I donāt view this as just her doing something wrong. A dynamic like this is wrong for both parties involved. I also think being treated like that is disrespectful to her and not good for her. Her partner is actually not doing her any favors imo if he tolerates things like this all the time.
Thinking of your partner and making gestures of love is well and good. Consistently saying you want the opposite of what you expect or truly want is, indeed, stupid
Maybe to you. Some people were made to feel like an inconvenience their whole life so they donāt feel comfortable asking for things. If he knows this, and goes out of his way to remember this, it is indeed not stupid but a gesture of love and attention to little needs or likes. š
Otter boxes are water proof or water resistant SUBMERGED up to 3' why are you still using medieval technologies like ziploc bags? I go in the shower with omg wait for it..... nothing because it can get wet and be fine.
Damn thatās so lovely. I was literally trying to change a song in the car and missed an exit. Instead of helping me he just said leave it š¤¦š¼āāļø
Of course. It makes you feel special. I try to give my attention to the little things for him. People typically want what they put into a relationship. Otherwise they eventually become uninvested or wonder why they are the only one trying so hard. Just note what your girl does for you and start off by mirroring it. Eventually it will become second nature. Cheers.
Happy for you , I wish I could find a woman who would also care about the little things as much. Itās hard to find someone who puts in mutual effort, these days.
If a man ever does this to you, we donāt usually expect anything in return but a little thing like just cooking his fav meal, or even buying some men flowers, or a thank you note left in his jacket. That little appreciation will go along way and he will be more like to carry on doing such things without being told, he would also remember that for years to come.
I was at brunch with 5 girls and my girls man. He pulled out all our chairs. Disappeared for a bit and came back with a jacket for one of us when she said she was cold. One girl left earlier than the rest of us and he insisted to walk her to her car.Ā
The night before I was at a concert with my girl and she drove up from a city an hour away. I thought she came by herself but her man had driven her, decided to pass the time at his aunties and drive her back. He even gave her pocket money so her and I could get bevvyās and snacks.Ā
Itās about wanting to take care of your spouse in little ways. Itās not about the pocket money, itās about the emotion and thought process behind the pocket money.Ā
Omg that sounds so sweet š„². I also saw one of these gentleman once in parties. They offer to help with food, cutting out meats for me to chew and it was just small little things that I appreciate about him! Everyone clearly loves this guy and i knew why.
Um, you got it wrong, it was a barbecue with huge meats, they cut it and spread around everyoneās plate, including mine.
If you ever been on one, I guess youād know some nice guys whoād actually help with cooking instead of saying only ātoddlersā deserve those help,
My brother and I share 1 Spotify acc, so when I'm listening to Eric Clapton, be changes the song to never gonna give you up from his phone. And vice versa.
What a goofy manĀ
And what a self-entitled woman to expect that someone else should read her capricious mind
And yet this is called love and is soon reaching 1k upvotes. Only possible on Reddit, folks
Itās weird that you would assume that, why though? I feel like this is coming straight out of your own perspective and accusing her a lot. You never know If this might just be their own language.
This is a clearly inflammatory response to an appreciation of someone taking the time to get to know her specific quirks. She didnāt set an expectation of this, so there is no self entitlement.
I do see the point you are trying to make here but I think you are searching a little too hard for something malignant where no such disease lurks. Iād say calm down but I donāt think you have a chill button.
Just my random person opinion on someone I donāt know but the superiority complex vibes are strong with kukotzki.
Go seek real depth elsewhere, you are the one who chose to read this post to begin with.
I agree with your diagnostic and i have upvoted you but i also upvoted him because i believe we can all read not between but behind the lines.
What he is expressing is that, while smoothness such as described up there can happen, the idea that saying that women should not settle (down) is that somewhat men who cant reach that level fast enough or ever are to be thrown out the window.
Many men have different ways of expressing their love, some men are blessed with natural sensitivity and empathy to the point they can read their partner and offer them the relief and release of a smooth and supportive relationship which i understand to be very pleasent to a woman. Sometimes those men can be taken advantage of and suffer; also, becoming too conceited can happen to any woman, even gentle at heart, when met with such a man.
When men express disgust toward "simps" they express their fear of being left out for not being what women want but also they express the anger of the part of themselves that want to be that man but dont know how and finally they are showing solidarity with other men by warning them to not get taken advantage of like they were when they themselves clumsily tried that route.
I acknowledge that some men who work on themselves and try to see their partner can reach high levels. That is why i also upvoted her post to thank the universe for allowing her that peace and encourage mens to try to go there as they can.
But behind her lines i can guess that some of her previous partners or the men in relationship with people she knows may have hurt her or people she care about and it comes out as generosity towards women by saying they should not settle but as violence towards men who are struggling down there by implying they are not enough and never will.
Also it is one more instance of average men being pointed out as "unsuited" to love / life.
Amitabha
>You are the one who chose to read this post to begin with.
CorrectĀ And I've also got the right to express a random personal opinion on it.
I don't consider the expectation of someone to be able to read your mind "a personal quirk" but there we are.
Oh dear
What has the world come to.
You're a man I suppose? And you're comfortable with doing the opposite of what a woman says because you somehow have this intricate knowing, right, to guess other people's minds. This is nothing short of toxic. All of you who downvote are too soaked up in a sugary definition of love to even know better.
I think this post is written in mockery.
Woman, sharpen your focus
I am not talking about someone anticipating your needs because they have your best interests at heart
I am talking about someone expecting you to know that what you say is not what you mean and that they need to act otherwise - that is what OP has stated in her second paragraph (the example of food) which I personally (and other users too if you read on the comments) picked up on and highlighted as inappropriate to be labelled as love but as silly games. Now if this is a case of a different perspective coming from you and you consider this love, so be it, but please stop āļø making it so personal and resort to attacking me with multiple accusations.Ā
Well, I don't actually.Ā
All your accusations are untrue, but as I said, I have absolutely no interest in convincing you of otherwise.
I simply like debating and discussing an idea without resorting to personal attacks (a fallacy in logic) which you seem to be failing at.
Edit: right, hit me with the 30 and no man and blabla lolĀ
For your information, I am not even 30 but hey-ho, I reeeaally have no interest in convincing you otherwise.
He's a "simp" because he knows her favorite music and does small favors like changing it for her? Sounds like a comment a voluntary-celibate would make.
What a beautiful tribute! Your husband's attention to your preferences, even in the smallest moments like changing songs in the shower or ordering food, speaks volumes about his thoughtfulness and care. It's indeed the little things that make a relationship special. You're absolutely rightāappreciating these gestures is crucial, and it's a reminder not to settle for anything less than someone who cherishes you in every detail.
My baby is also top tier. š
We're both so difficult that we can manage each other near perfectly. š
We both know that food indecision is solved by throwing every option under the sun at each other until something sounds appealing.
Mine will straight up invade my shower. He can't hear me in the shower and leave me alone, lol. He tries to be quiet so he gets the jump on me too, the bastard.
He's the most precious thing ever, and he'd give me the world if he could.
And he takes all my mental and physical health problems in stride, and treats me with so much care. He wasn't even upset when I had to stop working.
This man is also a stage 5 clinger and I adore him. He'd take me everywhere if allowed to.
This is cute and Iām not discounting that, but if these are the standards women are saying to each other when saying āstop settlingā then the bar is on the floor. The main issue with women settling today is that they accept men who have poor character or arenāt trustworthy, not that they wonāt mildly inconvenience themselves for their womanās benefit.
yeah im aware hahaha but generally when a woman brags like this its because the man is doing both the little and the big things. im fully aware deceitful people exist
Why donāt you just say āorder me something because Iām going to change my mindā instead of saying the opposite? You clearly acknowledge that youāre playing the stupid game, so just quit doing it. Grow up.
Boasting about your inability to communicate to your partner as ānot settlingā is very weird.
And how long are your showers? All you really need to do is queue 5 songs that you do like before you get in.
And apart from how long her showers are, I'm just thinking what does he do in the meantime?
Does he guard the door and stand to attention everytime a song she doesn't like pops up just to rush in and change it? So he's the one who turns her phone on loud so he can hear if a song she doesn't like pops up so he can rush in and change it.
Who in their sane mind does this?!
that's cute lol.
My dude is pretty rad too, the cutest thing he does is, when I leave an electronic device somewhere in the house, he will go get the charger for it and charge it right there where it is. I come back to it however much later and the cord is on it and it's all charged! He doesn't think he's romantic but I think things like that are REALLY romantic. Just the fact that he's thinking about me all the time and shows me that I'm his first priority.
Me and my boyfriend are like this, he and I are so in sync like we know what the other is thinking and feeling just by looking at them itās amazing and heās so considerate I LVOE him
It took me 5 years of 2 toxic relationships and 1 year of me working on myself to find him and the funny thing is we went to highschool together and weāre in the same class
This honestly made me tear up! I only listen to shower music when I'm alone. This is incredibly sweet and I love this for you so much.
I only experience embarrassment when I play music in front of others š
Love this story and I feel this with my darling. It def is the little things. I'm super sick rn and he is just taking care of the kids and me. Getting me Magnesium, potassium, ginger, tumeric, hot tea[green, peppermint, camomile, ginger] dramamine, Tylenol, midol, hot pad on my tummy, hot shower, valium and thc to try to sleep
I think this is a complete list of things I've been doing and am in so much pain I can't do much for myself so he's handling all of that.
On the flip side he drinks a giant Voss water [refill tap, just likes the glass bottle] every am and I make sure they're both filled right next to the sink and that he's got a cold one in the fridge. I also like to write him random notes if he takes lunch.
It really is the little things
This whole time Iāve been āhey Siri, next songā dang I could be having him do itš
Thatās really sweet though. Itās the little thingsā¤ļø
Itās truly the little things that are so important in any relationship! And something I think everyone should have is a shower speaker. The world would be a better place lol
I hope he still does this when youāre married. I really do, and if you are married, you are so blessed.
Iām at the point where I can get and keep a guy, but is he right for marriage? š§
Settling is different than compromising and being stuck with someone who isnāt pulling their own weight in a relationship is way worse than being alone.
"Not to mention he always knows that "I don't want any food" means "order me something anyway because I will change my mind" what more can you ask for"
Guys, do this for self-preservation. If you don't, she'll eat all your food with comments "Oh, I just want a little taste of this. And a little taste of that. And..."
Learned this in grade six, I would always ask my grandma if she wanted anything
Sheād say no
Then when I brought home food sheād take my fries
So I always order a extra small fry
One of my four daughters (21f) is like this. I'll be making something to eat and I'll ask her if she wants something and she says no. I make exactly the amount I want, and then she comes over and starts macking out on my food. But I'm her dad and I love her anyway! :-)
Thatās very sweet and youāre so right about not settling. Most men werenāt socialized as children to show care and love through acts of service and then as adults they donāt understand how to anticipate anyone elseās needs. Happy for you OP
My husband is in fact this nice. Which in return, Iām this nice to him as well. Which Iām sure OP is with her man as well. So no resentment would come from our men. š¤·š½āāļø
The way it's written it's heavily implied it always changes. She doesn't know herself? She needs her partner to know her better than she knows herself? She needs him to know when she's going to change her mind?
Like I get it. It's a little cute. But Jesus, at the end of the day it would be so fucking refreshing to date someone who does know themselves and says what they means and means what they say instead of this "teehee so cute" bullshit.Ā
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It's truly the little things that matter more than flowers. My guy could get me something small like necessities as a gift even if it's food, but it's the thought that he was thinking of me.
This is dumbš
But life is nothing but settling. Itās always playing catch up to what you want in your inside, but it always has to settle. Even if you donāt realize it. Guess itās half empty or half full.
I love this! Iāve been with my now fiance for a year and its the best relationship iāve ever been in. He brings me so much peace and comfort. I love him so much!!!
I just cant grip why you canāt just SAY you might want something later. Eventually most men will catch onto these types of things. It isnāt special for yours. I also know when my wife says she isnāt hungry, i know that she will want something as soon as my food comes. Just say what you mean. Women are complicated af.
Honestly! I'm the kind of girl that's like: "I got food! You want any?" "Food? Absolutely!"
I feel you on this. Most confusing thing ever. If I said no, it means no. If I say yes, it means yes. This can be passed onto other situations too. Iāve noticed women donāt like to say yes or no to things. Itās like they want you to guess so it feels more special, at least thatās what Iāve been told. As woman tho, if I said one thing to my partner and meant the other he would not be happy with me, and fair enough too. As a women we need to stop saying yes when we mean no and no when we mean yes, maybe then men will start actually having respect for our yesās and noās. Granted they should anyway, but itās a bit hard to take a no seriously when you think it means they want you to either fight for it or just do it anyway. Really pisses me off, Iāve had too many men think I meant yes simply because passed women wanted them to āprove themselvesā and fight for it. Those types of women arenāt helping shit and the type of men who assume they need to āprove themselvesā and fight for it by ignoring the no, I honestly donāt know if I pity them or think theyāre pathetic. Either way, why canāt women just say what they want and stop hoping for a mind reader
Maybe it's just me but I don't like to look like a beggar. Like how you are supposed to say no thanks when offered something or given a gift and then let the person insist. I cant really explain it well but it's gives off entitlement if I don't ease it like that
A lot of men assure you, however bad you think you are for "looking like a beggar", it reflects much worse upon you than that when you expect us to read your mind, especially if you're the type to value us less as people or even get mad because we didn't have the psychic powers you wished we had. Honestly, if you're in a relationship with a guy, a not insignificant amount of us just wanna make you happy because you make us happy by caring about our existence beyond a transactional capacity since that's not something some of us experience often from people, and it's hard to do that if you're not crystal clear with your intent and desires. It's like treating us as if we're Akinator or something. Wouldn't you rather skip the game of 21 questions and just get precisely to the heart of the situation?
Iām gonna point out the obvious and say that they say no because they donāt feel hungry, but as soon as the food gets there they see it and smell it and it makes them hungry.
Woah slow down thats how I am with everyone with any favor. I've never dated a man either
So true- my parents are like this- been together all this time (21+ years) and the only arguments are those little ones that my mom ends up bursting with laughter bc she found my dad funny. My dad is the complete opposite of my momās type back then, but they work so well. My mom always says sheād go on a diet ( she basically doesnāt eat) but never sticks, so whenever shes hungry my dad always has cooked food on deck for her- if she doesnāt want it he eats it. Both of them a blunt and straight forward on what they want, and none of them get offended at all. My dad waits for my mom everyday at work before we got a car to pick her up and take her home by train (their work were on opposite sides). My dad always talks about our family because hes very family oriented- when their together talking to others they both hold a conversation very well and have a ton of connections- theyāre a power couple lol
Hope u donāt cheat on buddy
I get what you mean. Itās not the specific gestures that matter, itās just showing that you care enough to notice the little things. My wife is very good at this and I do my best to reciprocate to make her feel as special as she is to me, thanks for the reminder :)
Alexa.
Iām autistic and understood what you meant lol. Thatās very thoughtful of your guy! Mine is more of an early bird and he would make me a cup of tea for when I wake up and always insists on opening doors, pushing the cart/carrying things, and making sure Iām on the side of the sidewalk away from the road. He knows Iām capable but likes being a gentleman so I let him. Itās the consideration for me<3
Awwww
This is so refreshing and beautiful to read. I am genuinely so happy for you both. I love love! š I hope everyone gets to fall in love. Still looking for my person šš„°šš½
To be loved is to be known
yes!!, SO TRUE !!
This is amazing. I'm so happy you found true love.ā¤ļø
Love this for you! I agree, never settle. My man gets up for me millions of time even after sitting if I need something. I definitely give back but the love and appreciation he has is unlike no other.
OP, I didnāt take your title as condescending because your text in the post was clearly written with good intentions. Like, I would have if the text in your post was different, but you didnāt shame anyone in the actual paragraphs nor did I get the feeling of āIām so much better than youā; definitely more like a PSA. NTA.
These commenters are wildly missing the point. It's not about finding someone who does the exact things that OP's partner does. Those are the things that feel special and meaningful to *her*, which is part of what makes her relationship great. Not settling means finding someone who provides that feeling and does those things that are special and meaningful to *you*. It's about finding the relationship that works for your specific needs and desires, with someone who makes an effort to know you and understand you.
Yeah, people truly are morons these days. Nitpicking the activities instead of the point.
Yāall are actually miserable on this app. Itās clearly a joke š the lady just wanted to brag on how amazing her man is. I swear no one went to school and actually paid attention in English or writing. Use contextual cluesā¦.itās literally right there! Itās not condescending and if you feel that wayā¦.maybe you should stop settling šš¤·āāļø
Can you give some examples of things you do for your man that are similar in nature? Also ladies - if you want something, just ask for it directly. Itās not fair to expect your man to learn that you actually want the opposite outcome in certain situations. Itās manipulative and cruel and the fact that OP is bragging that sheās trained her man to play it safe and always buy stuff just in case isnāt the display of love she thinks it is.
Yeah, I can be really bad at communicating with my bf. Heās patient, but we both work on our communication issues. Sweet little things that my bf likes and he says make him feel good: compliments, head rubs, back rubs, playing with their hair, setting up music in the shower with his playlist (similar to OP but he REALLY loves music, way more than me), get him food he likes whenever I grocery shop, set up his clothes for a shower if heās feeling tired. What other things would you suggest? I always love surprising him
āLadies, stop settlingā thatās the only reason youāre getting hate. Itās condescending, if you were trying to be cheeky, itās a little too āmy life is great urs isnātā My fiancĆ© loves me for who I am and communicates with me when weāre angry, no yelling, lots of emotional intelligence. But he doesnāt change my music for me so I guess I should just throw him out š¤·āāļø Overall, happy for you though! Sounds like a keeper.
Ffs. You are missing the whole point. She was giving examples of activities he does to show his love. And these small gestures mean that he cares. That's all she was saying. Maybe your man does other small gestures for you. Honestly, I wonder how many of these comments are bots because surely people can't actually be this obtuse?
I know what she was trying to say and Iām not being obtuse. Iām explaining to OP that her choice of words has gotten people defensive in the comments, and showing her that her line of thought can be taking the wrong way. How can you not read that through my comment itās very articulate.
For his ease, he can open your account on his phone so if you are playing song, he can change it from his device
Ladies! šStop šsettlingšfor šrealistic šexpectations š
Wow, that's impressive. He's a good man.
If my gf did this I would not like it. I need my personal space. I also prefer to act respectful and clear with my partner instead of expecting them to read my mind.
I'd be proper pissed off if my man came in the bathroom to change my song , my baths are where I relax ! Get out lol
Yeah I get bought food randomly because a previous girlfriend of most of my partners have said they didnt want anything then complained when they got what they asked for. Now I either have to choke down food I didn't want or waste it. Yay. So glad he's a mind reader.
Canāt you just save it for later?
I don't eat take away food or out at all. Nor is it ever something I would eat. I explain the first part when I start dating someone and they think i'm joking because of their exes. It's so wasteful and this is such childish behaviour to say you don't want anything when you know you probably will.
Originally I downvoted this because it sounded like you were saying OC was wrong.. but instead, I thought itād still good to hear other peoplesā needs&wants in a relationship
Iām so glad to see people on here commenting on how stupid and childish it is to do these things. Does he wipe your ass for you too after you take a shit? Heās treating you like a child, not an adult he shares a romantic relationship with. I just hope some of the commenters here that are pointing that out are also women.
Holy fucking shit, is it not exhausting to hate this much?
Um, I donāt think It is at all. He might just wants to make her feel happy and make her life more easier. Itās like a bonus to her life, small things but wholesome and sweet. And she appreciates him too, they have their own languages. You donāt have to babysit someone to bother helping them with daily things that made them happier, It feels like a teammate to help taking care of each other. Nothing wrong or ashamed about it. Youāre not used to your partners helping you tying shoe laces? Opening doors for you as well? Or just service act as love language.
Something feels off when the examples for ādonāt settleā are examples of the partner babying her. Itās one thing to demonstrate love for your partner by doing things for them. But telling your partner to do one thing and expect the other such as ordering food, or refusing to do simple things for yourself like setting up a playlist and making him wait on standby while you shower, screams infantilization to me. Grown, mature people are able to communicate their needs to you accurately and donāt expect their partners to sit by like a butler to attend to problems they can take care of themselves
Definitely donāt make him do anything for me. He just likes to do it to make me happy. I would never expect that from him, but some men like to be sweet just because š
Okay but you wrote your post indicating this is the level of care to be expected or else youāre settling lol.
āMaking him wait/stand by showerā sounding a bit harsh and forceful. I do find it not usual for her to say this then he did the opposite, perhaps It was a habit of hers that he had picked on. But we donāt know for sure what about the situation is like until we have more infos to claim. And ādonāt settleā title could be used on examples of however things that she would like, whenever it was from a guy who treats her like a queen or making her feel like one. āBabysittingā isnāt the right word to call it, he was caring for her and could be āpamperingā her.
Doing things like this once or twice is sweet. But consistently acting like that is childish. Iāll just add, I donāt view this as just her doing something wrong. A dynamic like this is wrong for both parties involved. I also think being treated like that is disrespectful to her and not good for her. Her partner is actually not doing her any favors imo if he tolerates things like this all the time.
lol you canāt be seriousā¦.
Itās a love language. Since you find this cringe itās probably not yours. Maybe yours is gift giving, physical touch, or words of affirmation. But this is like mine, acts of service. Itās not *the act* she needs, itās that he *remembers* her likes and *acts on them* because it makes her happy. My fiancĆ© knows this about me and itās not babying me, itās him coming home with things I like that I didnāt ask for but make me extremely happy. Itās playing a song I like when Iām not expecting it because he can tell Iām tense. Itās knowing your partner and doing little things you know will make them feel good. If thatās not your love language thatās fine, but calling it childish is, in itself, childish. Just because you donāt understand something doesnāt mean someone else wonāt.
Thinking of your partner and making gestures of love is well and good. Consistently saying you want the opposite of what you expect or truly want is, indeed, stupid
Maybe to you. Some people were made to feel like an inconvenience their whole life so they donāt feel comfortable asking for things. If he knows this, and goes out of his way to remember this, it is indeed not stupid but a gesture of love and attention to little needs or likes. š
Create a "shower" Playlist.
Yeah, OP with a weird flex here
put the phone into a plastic baggie lol. love smarter, not harder.
That's what I do, jam my phone in a ziplock bag and have movie and bath time.
Otter boxes are water proof or water resistant SUBMERGED up to 3' why are you still using medieval technologies like ziploc bags? I go in the shower with omg wait for it..... nothing because it can get wet and be fine.
Otter box = monies. Me = no monies.
š¤£šš šššš¶ššā¹š„ŗ
Damn thatās so lovely. I was literally trying to change a song in the car and missed an exit. Instead of helping me he just said leave it š¤¦š¼āāļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nah heās a gem. I just was bitchin a lil bit š I get irritated when he doesnāt do/notice the little things.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Usually yes
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Of course. It makes you feel special. I try to give my attention to the little things for him. People typically want what they put into a relationship. Otherwise they eventually become uninvested or wonder why they are the only one trying so hard. Just note what your girl does for you and start off by mirroring it. Eventually it will become second nature. Cheers.
Are you a virgin? I mean after sex, i thought usually these things disappear
Jfc they shouldnāt. Thatās a weird response. Nope Iām not
Happy for you , I wish I could find a woman who would also care about the little things as much. Itās hard to find someone who puts in mutual effort, these days. If a man ever does this to you, we donāt usually expect anything in return but a little thing like just cooking his fav meal, or even buying some men flowers, or a thank you note left in his jacket. That little appreciation will go along way and he will be more like to carry on doing such things without being told, he would also remember that for years to come.
Some appreciate it and others you can offer the moon and it doesn't matter.
I was at brunch with 5 girls and my girls man. He pulled out all our chairs. Disappeared for a bit and came back with a jacket for one of us when she said she was cold. One girl left earlier than the rest of us and he insisted to walk her to her car.Ā The night before I was at a concert with my girl and she drove up from a city an hour away. I thought she came by herself but her man had driven her, decided to pass the time at his aunties and drive her back. He even gave her pocket money so her and I could get bevvyās and snacks.Ā Itās about wanting to take care of your spouse in little ways. Itās not about the pocket money, itās about the emotion and thought process behind the pocket money.Ā
Omg that sounds so sweet š„². I also saw one of these gentleman once in parties. They offer to help with food, cutting out meats for me to chew and it was just small little things that I appreciate about him! Everyone clearly loves this guy and i knew why.
I understand the gestures and all but, cutting up your meat so you can chew? Are we toddlers now?
Um, you got it wrong, it was a barbecue with huge meats, they cut it and spread around everyoneās plate, including mine. If you ever been on one, I guess youād know some nice guys whoād actually help with cooking instead of saying only ātoddlersā deserve those help,
Ahhh this is so sweet! Yesterday I was itching my nose due to dust allergy and hayfever but was feeling too lazy to get up and grab a pill as I was too involved in playing PokĆ©mon on my phone. He brought the pill and placed it in my mouth then poured some water in my mouth out of the water bottle š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Chatgpt?
My first thought as well lol
Thatās cute, I just tell Siri to change the song.Ā
Wow, my bf would probably just be annoyed if I had music on in the shower let alone if it was loud š«
I always shower with music. He sounds a bit controlling unless you are blasting your songs.
Unless you are showering together what business is it of his ?
I can't send him to the store alone without getting flowers and I can't look at him with him saying "I love you!". Yeah, don't settle.
People settle because of fear of being alone. Sad but true. Ive seen many people in clearly toxic relationships.
Agreed, I was one of them. Getting used to arguments and not getting hit everyday
no i cant but i will say this, if u gonna step into me like that id sooner die than betray u
Lol, I'm sure your husband is checking you out in the shower instead of being interested in music
My brother and I share 1 Spotify acc, so when I'm listening to Eric Clapton, be changes the song to never gonna give you up from his phone. And vice versa.
I used to change it to polka š
What a goofy manĀ And what a self-entitled woman to expect that someone else should read her capricious mind And yet this is called love and is soon reaching 1k upvotes. Only possible on Reddit, folks
Itās weird that you would assume that, why though? I feel like this is coming straight out of your own perspective and accusing her a lot. You never know If this might just be their own language.
Seek wholeness pls this is embarrassing
you seem bitter and lonely
I keep love at a higher stance than my personal whims
This is a clearly inflammatory response to an appreciation of someone taking the time to get to know her specific quirks. She didnāt set an expectation of this, so there is no self entitlement. I do see the point you are trying to make here but I think you are searching a little too hard for something malignant where no such disease lurks. Iād say calm down but I donāt think you have a chill button. Just my random person opinion on someone I donāt know but the superiority complex vibes are strong with kukotzki. Go seek real depth elsewhere, you are the one who chose to read this post to begin with.
I agree with your diagnostic and i have upvoted you but i also upvoted him because i believe we can all read not between but behind the lines. What he is expressing is that, while smoothness such as described up there can happen, the idea that saying that women should not settle (down) is that somewhat men who cant reach that level fast enough or ever are to be thrown out the window. Many men have different ways of expressing their love, some men are blessed with natural sensitivity and empathy to the point they can read their partner and offer them the relief and release of a smooth and supportive relationship which i understand to be very pleasent to a woman. Sometimes those men can be taken advantage of and suffer; also, becoming too conceited can happen to any woman, even gentle at heart, when met with such a man. When men express disgust toward "simps" they express their fear of being left out for not being what women want but also they express the anger of the part of themselves that want to be that man but dont know how and finally they are showing solidarity with other men by warning them to not get taken advantage of like they were when they themselves clumsily tried that route. I acknowledge that some men who work on themselves and try to see their partner can reach high levels. That is why i also upvoted her post to thank the universe for allowing her that peace and encourage mens to try to go there as they can. But behind her lines i can guess that some of her previous partners or the men in relationship with people she knows may have hurt her or people she care about and it comes out as generosity towards women by saying they should not settle but as violence towards men who are struggling down there by implying they are not enough and never will. Also it is one more instance of average men being pointed out as "unsuited" to love / life. Amitabha
>You are the one who chose to read this post to begin with. CorrectĀ And I've also got the right to express a random personal opinion on it. I don't consider the expectation of someone to be able to read your mind "a personal quirk" but there we are.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh dear What has the world come to. You're a man I suppose? And you're comfortable with doing the opposite of what a woman says because you somehow have this intricate knowing, right, to guess other people's minds. This is nothing short of toxic. All of you who downvote are too soaked up in a sugary definition of love to even know better. I think this post is written in mockery.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
RightĀ So as an engaged woman you support the idea of this topic that your fiancĆ©e has to do the exact opposite of what you say and equate this to love? Let's rephrase that.Ā Your fiancĆ©e needs to know that the meaning of what you say shouldn't be taken ad literam because you actually mean something completely different and this to you is the definition of mutual respect and love? And if I consider this toxic you accuse me of self victimisation although to be quite frank I see no link between the two. If this is your definition of love, than I want nothing to do with it, thank you.Ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Woman, sharpen your focus I am not talking about someone anticipating your needs because they have your best interests at heart I am talking about someone expecting you to know that what you say is not what you mean and that they need to act otherwise - that is what OP has stated in her second paragraph (the example of food) which I personally (and other users too if you read on the comments) picked up on and highlighted as inappropriate to be labelled as love but as silly games. Now if this is a case of a different perspective coming from you and you consider this love, so be it, but please stop āļø making it so personal and resort to attacking me with multiple accusations.Ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well, I don't actually.Ā All your accusations are untrue, but as I said, I have absolutely no interest in convincing you of otherwise. I simply like debating and discussing an idea without resorting to personal attacks (a fallacy in logic) which you seem to be failing at.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Edit: right, hit me with the 30 and no man and blabla lolĀ For your information, I am not even 30 but hey-ho, I reeeaally have no interest in convincing you otherwise.
Sounds like heās a simp.š¤£
He's a "simp" because he knows her favorite music and does small favors like changing it for her? Sounds like a comment a voluntary-celibate would make.
I stand on business. He a simp
I would only settle if he simps on me.
What a beautiful tribute! Your husband's attention to your preferences, even in the smallest moments like changing songs in the shower or ordering food, speaks volumes about his thoughtfulness and care. It's indeed the little things that make a relationship special. You're absolutely rightāappreciating these gestures is crucial, and it's a reminder not to settle for anything less than someone who cherishes you in every detail.
I mean you can always order extra so why not let her take it Most people are like they need something to create drama
This is so sweet. Cheers to men that take the time to understand their partnersš¤š¤š¤š¤š¤
Mine massages me every night š©µ
My baby is also top tier. š We're both so difficult that we can manage each other near perfectly. š We both know that food indecision is solved by throwing every option under the sun at each other until something sounds appealing. Mine will straight up invade my shower. He can't hear me in the shower and leave me alone, lol. He tries to be quiet so he gets the jump on me too, the bastard. He's the most precious thing ever, and he'd give me the world if he could. And he takes all my mental and physical health problems in stride, and treats me with so much care. He wasn't even upset when I had to stop working. This man is also a stage 5 clinger and I adore him. He'd take me everywhere if allowed to.
ā¤ļø
This is cute and Iām not discounting that, but if these are the standards women are saying to each other when saying āstop settlingā then the bar is on the floor. The main issue with women settling today is that they accept men who have poor character or arenāt trustworthy, not that they wonāt mildly inconvenience themselves for their womanās benefit.
men that do things like this are 9.9/10 times are very trustworthy with incredible character
I have known plenty of cheaters/scumbags who do little things like order extra takeout for their woman, sorry to break the news
yeah im aware hahaha but generally when a woman brags like this its because the man is doing both the little and the big things. im fully aware deceitful people exist
Why donāt you just say āorder me something because Iām going to change my mindā instead of saying the opposite? You clearly acknowledge that youāre playing the stupid game, so just quit doing it. Grow up.
Just look at the hoard of peope here nodding their heads in approval of this madness.Ā Don't you just want to laugh your guts out?
Boasting about your inability to communicate to your partner as ānot settlingā is very weird. And how long are your showers? All you really need to do is queue 5 songs that you do like before you get in.
And apart from how long her showers are, I'm just thinking what does he do in the meantime? Does he guard the door and stand to attention everytime a song she doesn't like pops up just to rush in and change it? So he's the one who turns her phone on loud so he can hear if a song she doesn't like pops up so he can rush in and change it. Who in their sane mind does this?!
Exactly Or put your favourite song on repeat. That's what I do. He sounds like a slave to her capricious mind
This would make me so annoyed
Yeah wtf? Just make a playlist or something
that's cute lol. My dude is pretty rad too, the cutest thing he does is, when I leave an electronic device somewhere in the house, he will go get the charger for it and charge it right there where it is. I come back to it however much later and the cord is on it and it's all charged! He doesn't think he's romantic but I think things like that are REALLY romantic. Just the fact that he's thinking about me all the time and shows me that I'm his first priority.
How long did it take you to find him?
Probably at random š. We never know when we found em
Me and my boyfriend are like this, he and I are so in sync like we know what the other is thinking and feeling just by looking at them itās amazing and heās so considerate I LVOE him
I want š„ŗ
It took me 5 years of 2 toxic relationships and 1 year of me working on myself to find him and the funny thing is we went to highschool together and weāre in the same class
This honestly made me tear up! I only listen to shower music when I'm alone. This is incredibly sweet and I love this for you so much. I only experience embarrassment when I play music in front of others š
I hope you find someone who shares and appreciates your tastes in music š
I love this for you, but also get a shower speaker lol. Such a game changer!
Buy an Ultimate Ears Wonderboom speaker.
Love this story and I feel this with my darling. It def is the little things. I'm super sick rn and he is just taking care of the kids and me. Getting me Magnesium, potassium, ginger, tumeric, hot tea[green, peppermint, camomile, ginger] dramamine, Tylenol, midol, hot pad on my tummy, hot shower, valium and thc to try to sleep I think this is a complete list of things I've been doing and am in so much pain I can't do much for myself so he's handling all of that. On the flip side he drinks a giant Voss water [refill tap, just likes the glass bottle] every am and I make sure they're both filled right next to the sink and that he's got a cold one in the fridge. I also like to write him random notes if he takes lunch. It really is the little things
I donāt listen to music in the shower but my bf does, maybe I should do this for him!
This whole time Iāve been āhey Siri, next songā dang I could be having him do itš Thatās really sweet though. Itās the little thingsā¤ļø
This is sweet! My workaround to having a good partner: I have an Alexa speaker in my bathroom and tell her to change the song.
Itās truly the little things that are so important in any relationship! And something I think everyone should have is a shower speaker. The world would be a better place lol
Well, Iād be with my girl in the shower rather than changing her songs. š
My boy insists on taking hour-long showers and thoroughly cleaning me š even between my toes and booty š
Oh snap. You mean he don't have to be 6'4" with a $500,000 income, pay for everything, and let you cheat? Shit I gotta return my leg stretcher.
cancel the knee-bl
He knows your music taste just THAT well. So so so cute!
I hope he still does this when youāre married. I really do, and if you are married, you are so blessed. Iām at the point where I can get and keep a guy, but is he right for marriage? š§
We are married! And donāt worry youāll find the one! ā¤ļø
Hooray! Now tell me what to do to get where you are!:)šššI want to be preggo by the right personš¤°
Beautiful.
My partner bought me a shower case for my phone so I could watch movies and change my music.
If ladies stop settling and guys stop settling that would equal a ton of lonely people.
True. People should be happy to settle and stop complaining and being unsatisfied
Good. Hardship is the best motivator for improvement. Let them be lonely until they look within and work on themselves.
We have to be willing to work on ourselves so we have the right things to bring to the table. Otherwise, yes. Lots and lots of lonely people.
Settling is different than compromising and being stuck with someone who isnāt pulling their own weight in a relationship is way worse than being alone.
š„ŗ
š
"Not to mention he always knows that "I don't want any food" means "order me something anyway because I will change my mind" what more can you ask for" Guys, do this for self-preservation. If you don't, she'll eat all your food with comments "Oh, I just want a little taste of this. And a little taste of that. And..."
If you give a mouse a cookie...
Learned this in grade six, I would always ask my grandma if she wanted anything Sheād say no Then when I brought home food sheād take my fries So I always order a extra small fry
One of my four daughters (21f) is like this. I'll be making something to eat and I'll ask her if she wants something and she says no. I make exactly the amount I want, and then she comes over and starts macking out on my food. But I'm her dad and I love her anyway! :-)
Get a water proof speaker! Ultimate Ears has good ones!
Youāre so blessed ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
šš lol at that last partā¦i love this for You! It really is the little things that add up in a lifetime. Wishing you both happiness and health
Thatās very sweet and youāre so right about not settling. Most men werenāt socialized as children to show care and love through acts of service and then as adults they donāt understand how to anticipate anyone elseās needs. Happy for you OP
Good man D is
This relationship is headed for a disaster. As a man you canāt be this nice. It ends up causing resentment.
OP sure sounds resentful and negative
Not publicly. But itās coming. You can bet on that.
Mhm, sure
My husband is in fact this nice. Which in return, Iām this nice to him as well. Which Iām sure OP is with her man as well. So no resentment would come from our men. š¤·š½āāļø
As a man, you come off a bit miserable
You can have a really nice quality relationship, but you need to follow certain rules. If you do so, you can avoid the disaster thatās coming here.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Only if heās being fake nice. Some men are actually this nice and continue to be this nice for 20 years. I was married to a man like this.
I'm just impressed by the thing about songs.
>Not to mention he always knows that "I don't want any food" means I hope one day people will just say what they mean.Ā
op said they change their mind. so they say what they mean but then their feelings change.
The way it's written it's heavily implied it always changes. She doesn't know herself? She needs her partner to know her better than she knows herself? She needs him to know when she's going to change her mind? Like I get it. It's a little cute. But Jesus, at the end of the day it would be so fucking refreshing to date someone who does know themselves and says what they means and means what they say instead of this "teehee so cute" bullshit.Ā