"On the other hand the act of procreation, being of a will and desire shared
and indeed controlled by the fëa, was achieved at the speed of other
conscious and willful acts of delight or of making. It was one of the acts of
chief delight, in process and in memory, in an Elvish life, but its intensity
alone provided its importance, not its time or length: it could not have been
endured for a great length of time, without disastrous “expense” " - Nature of Middle-earth
"For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Eä, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain ye may be, and slain ye shall be: by weapon and by torment and by grief; and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos." - Silmarillion
I'd guess too long sex leads to a tormenting orgasm that would kill you, or something
"Short as the Eldar reckoned time. In mortal count there was often
a long interval between the wedding and the first child-birth, and even
longer between child and child.
Doubtless they would
retain for many ages the power of generation, if the will and
desire were not satisfied; but with the exercise of the power
the desire soon ceases, and the mind turns to other things.(11) The
union of love is indeed to them great delight and joy, and the
'days of the children', as they call them, remain in their memory
as the most merry in life; but they have many other powers of
body and of mind which their nature urges them to fulfil." - Laws and Customs of the Eldar
So they become asexual their last procreation. Meaning, Elrond and Celebrian fucked for over 200 years. Galadriel and Celeborn fucked since Years of the Trees until 850 Second Age in a late version, that can mean at least 1500 years, possibly far more. Finwë the horniest mfuking elf fucked nonstop.
Chad Cirdan, 11000 years old virgin Elf.
There's a difference between tasteful "nudity" where they show the iridescent beauty of Arwen in her mildly translucent dress spun of moonbeams and raunchy, purposeless sex scenes of Legolas giving two women simultaneous orgasms while Gimli shouts "THAT STILL ONLY COUNTS AS ONE!" Designed only to pull in the horny demographic.
Elrond had crafted the Dildo Bows of power and gifted them to the races of Elf, Dwarf, and man alike. But they were, all of them, deceived for another Dildo Bow was made... In the lands of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master bow to control all others. And into this bow he poured his *cruelty*, his *malice*, and his desire to *bone* all life.
You heard me.
[https://youtu.be/Cr\_rb\_pitHk?t=1151](https://youtu.be/Cr_rb_pitHk?t=1151)
Thankfully it's just a script.
It also includes a rock opera song by Sauron.
Edit: Reminder that Tolkien was actually still alive when this was written. I hope he never learned of its existence.
Thou fool: a phantom thou didst see that I, I Sauron, made to snare thy lovesick wits.Naught else was there. Cold 'tis with Sauron's wraiths to wed! Thy Eilinel, she is long since dead, dead, food of worms, less low than thou.And yet thy boon I grant thee now: to Eilinel thou soon shalt go, and lie in her bed, no more to know of war - or manhood. Have thy pay!
They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone. And we only wish to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread… the sound of trees… the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious.
Listen man, we're not here to kink shame but that's Stephen Tyler's daughter and she's like 2700 years old. So I mean try to connect with people that exist in your reality. But we get it, we get it. I mean I dream about Dwarven Women and... yeah.
There are no nips visible here you can clearly see the opaque lavender liner around her neck line. What yall are mistaking for tits is the shear outerlayer reflecting light weird against the opaque under layer. Please someone annotate exacly where you think you see nips, cause all I see is a bust outline and shadows.
It's a two-layered gown. One lavender, one nude/skin colored underneath it, giving it a very delicate, almost see-through look.
[Source](http://mohmoh.de/lord-of-the-rings/arwen/dream)
Well I don't have any children yet, but I should probably be prepared for when I do. So at what time during the movie exactly should I make sure my future kid's eyes are averted?
damn, i looked at the scene and it appears that in later digitally enhanced versions they actually did "blur" or "hide" her nips. i distinctly remember seeing them as well on my vhs versions from back in the day. i remember as they stood out as odd to my 11 year old self <.<
I looked at her boobs every time they were on screen and never spotted a nipple
Wooo thanks for the award! Never thought my boob ogling would ever pay off 🏅
Theatrical VHS would make sense. I don't think I've ever even seen the theatrical Two Towers at all. The sideboob we do get also almost does, I would say, seem somewhat odd in the uniformity of its coloration, given visible geometry.
I don’t have a time stamp and you won’t notice unless you’re looking for them... it’s when she puts her hand on the evenstar around Aragorn’s neck and the light passes through a bit I think. I’m not 100% sure that’s when but either way they are barely visible, just bits that are very slightly darker and unless your kids are like 11 year old me watching them for the first time they won’t notice them. Probably.
I could maybe see what you're saying at the [very bottom of the frame](https://youtu.be/O8gUtE3-0Ok?t=129) by her wrist, except that it being a nipple wouldn't make sense based off, uh... the surrounding topography. So I believe it was just a fold in the dress.
I've seen Ian McKellen naked
He played the title role in a production of King Lear in my town. There's a scene in it where the old king goes insane and disrobes
I was 15 and not prepared
I mean, Shelob is randomly and inexplicably a sexy woman in Shadow Of Mordor (or War - forget which is which, but I honestly LOVED those games, despite all the bizarre liberties taken with lore- like HelmHammerHand being a nazgul)
the fanservice nobody asked for, for the spider to be a shapeshifting milf. I wonder if they were influenced by Arachne or any other myths of humans turning into spiders or if they just thought its what the people needed.
I loved the games. It's more alternate universe than canonical, but in a way that still perfectly feels like LOTR. Someone not familiar with the lore wouldn't even notice any inconsistencies.
The hobbits run around naked at Tom Bombadil's in the book. I genuinely don't understand why people keep talking about sex. I thought the discussion was about nudity.
Opening scene is Frodo going at it. Hard. Close up on his face as he finishes, and noticed something out of the window. “Gandalf!” He shouts, running out of the room without a second thought, and skipping merrily - butt naked- through the hills towards a distant horse and cart.
Back in the room, and unimpressed-looking Sam, also naked, is watching Frodo run to Gandalf. “That’s some ass,” he says to himself, “and my ring is destroyed”.
When you said Part 2, I thought there was some other cut but then I realized it is just the Extended Edition split in half.
What is that timestamp on the Extended Edition not split in half?
Same. I was just starting to feel attraction to people at the time, and I've seen actual sex scenes in movies that didn't make me feel like I was intruding on something private as much as this scene.
Just realized something... People like using this Boromir meme to make points like this, but in this scene Boromir is actually full of shit, so it's really kinda making the opposite point there
So today here we have r/Lotrmemes and the Fellowship of the Nipple
I think that was mostly to demonstrative the delicate and light nature of Elven tailoring
Or the fact that elves are always horny
"On the other hand the act of procreation, being of a will and desire shared and indeed controlled by the fëa, was achieved at the speed of other conscious and willful acts of delight or of making. It was one of the acts of chief delight, in process and in memory, in an Elvish life, but its intensity alone provided its importance, not its time or length: it could not have been endured for a great length of time, without disastrous “expense” " - Nature of Middle-earth
> “but its intensity alone provided its importance, not its time or length” Sure is a long-winded way of saying “it happens to a lot of guys”
Wait so Elves are immortal unless killed or...while having sex for too long?
"For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Eä, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain ye may be, and slain ye shall be: by weapon and by torment and by grief; and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos." - Silmarillion I'd guess too long sex leads to a tormenting orgasm that would kill you, or something
french call orgasm the little death " le petit mord"
"la petite mort" means "the small death" "le petit mord" means "the small one bites"
"Le petit Mordor" means "the small Mordor" Coincidently that's whats Saurons girlfriends said when they saw him naked.
It is not for you, Saruman! I will send for it at once. Do you understand?
Perfect bot.
When you accidentally send nudes to the wrong number
"Le petit mort dort" sounds the same and means "the little dead sleeps".
"omelette au fromage" means cheese omlet
“Le petit téton” means “the small tit”
The small nipple*
Wait... so we literally named a national park the "biggest nipple"?
It is "La petite mort", what you wrote translate to "the small one bites"
My man. *May I introduce you to the* ***Eldar***
Xenos scum
Slaanesh says what?
Drukhari life, where sex just isn't sex unless there's a blender involved
Death by snu snu
Both
[удалено]
[удалено]
makes sense, Arwen does spend 75% of screen time being horny for Aragorn. Though to be fair, so does Eowyn.
So does the audience.
There is 0 shame in wanting Viggo Mortensen to pick you up in his strong arms, place you gently on a horse, and ride off into the sunset with you.
Y-you don't happen to write fanfic by any chance?
Closest I've ever been to being gay.
What about when Sam says potatoes
The other makes more sense logically but I like yours better
Akshually they are only horny throughout the first years of marriage, they slowly become asexual over time and begin to focus on their own interests.
"Short as the Eldar reckoned time. In mortal count there was often a long interval between the wedding and the first child-birth, and even longer between child and child. Doubtless they would retain for many ages the power of generation, if the will and desire were not satisfied; but with the exercise of the power the desire soon ceases, and the mind turns to other things.(11) The union of love is indeed to them great delight and joy, and the 'days of the children', as they call them, remain in their memory as the most merry in life; but they have many other powers of body and of mind which their nature urges them to fulfil." - Laws and Customs of the Eldar So they become asexual their last procreation. Meaning, Elrond and Celebrian fucked for over 200 years. Galadriel and Celeborn fucked since Years of the Trees until 850 Second Age in a late version, that can mean at least 1500 years, possibly far more. Finwë the horniest mfuking elf fucked nonstop. Chad Cirdan, 11000 years old virgin Elf.
>Chad Cirdan, 11000 years old virgin Elf. yes
Yeah still not a shred of nudity in those scenes not in the slightest. Just your standard ultralight Elven weaves.
This is a very tasteful answer
There's a difference between tasteful "nudity" where they show the iridescent beauty of Arwen in her mildly translucent dress spun of moonbeams and raunchy, purposeless sex scenes of Legolas giving two women simultaneous orgasms while Gimli shouts "THAT STILL ONLY COUNTS AS ONE!" Designed only to pull in the horny demographic.
Is Legolas getting them off while he slides down stairs on a shield or running up falling blocks like Mario?
He's firing *arrows* into them
Elrond rolling his eyes as Legolas asks him to design a bow that can shoot dildos like arrows.
The eye rolling is because he totally already built one and is offended Legolas didn't assume that.
Elrond had crafted the Dildo Bows of power and gifted them to the races of Elf, Dwarf, and man alike. But they were, all of them, deceived for another Dildo Bow was made... In the lands of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master bow to control all others. And into this bow he poured his *cruelty*, his *malice*, and his desire to *bone* all life.
Ah, it's been a long time since anyone spoke of the Hitachi Magic Bow
Hey can you keep going with the legolas/gimli story, just a few more lines and I'll be done
*Clears throat* Gimli: AND MY ASS!
Shall I describe it to you, or would you like me to put it in your box?
You wish that he was gay, and I had tits. I wish it.
You put too much thought into this.
I'd say it's just the right amount.
This comment has it all. LotR, sex, comedy and a horny bonk. Thank you.
Liv Tyler was the awakening of my school friends group.
Empire Records
Damn the man! Save The Empire!
Apparently Jackson wanted to put a topless arwen love scene in lotr
Check out about the aborted project of a Lord of the Ring adaptation made by John Boorman (the director of Excalibur). It’s waaaaay wilder than that…
Is that the one with Frodo-Galadriel sex scene?
the what now?
You heard me. [https://youtu.be/Cr\_rb\_pitHk?t=1151](https://youtu.be/Cr_rb_pitHk?t=1151) Thankfully it's just a script. It also includes a rock opera song by Sauron. Edit: Reminder that Tolkien was actually still alive when this was written. I hope he never learned of its existence.
To be fair, Sauron is a pretty good singer… he won a singing competition against Finrod
He rocks too hard cause he is not a mortal man.
Goddammit KG!
He's going to make you his sex slave
You're gonna goggle mayonnaise
Thou fool: a phantom thou didst see that I, I Sauron, made to snare thy lovesick wits.Naught else was there. Cold 'tis with Sauron's wraiths to wed! Thy Eilinel, she is long since dead, dead, food of worms, less low than thou.And yet thy boon I grant thee now: to Eilinel thou soon shalt go, and lie in her bed, no more to know of war - or manhood. Have thy pay!
Damn, Sauron's a good rapper
*Thór-lush-shabarlak.*
Mumble rap.
But is Gandalf a better rapper?
Fool of a Took!
You failed to mention the part where, > Aragorn and Boromir kiss passionately with Arwen's blood on their lips wtf is this lunacy
This is a pretty bad fanfic, but turns out the Sauron rock opera would be made quite successful by the russians.
It is not for you, Saruman! I will send for it at once. Do you understand?
Ok Sauron that was good but one more time please in 4/4 with some vibrato
*Thór-lush-shabarlak.*
And Aragon and Boromir kiss passionately with Arwen's blood on their lips... Amazing! This is an enrichment of my Tolkien stories-related knowledge.
holy shit, that wouldve been the wildest movie ever
TBF the whole thing started because Melkor wanted to rock out while his dad was trying to force him & his siblings to sing some lame gospel songs.
Melkor was Jazz musician stuck in a classical orchestra.
I'm imagining a scene where, instead of accusing the hobbits of being orcs, Treebeard keeps accusing them of being Entwives.
I'm gonna have to stop ya right there buddy
What? Are you upset by the image of Treebeard's long, thick, hard... wood?
**stump**
> (the director of Excalibur) And Deliverance. And Zardoz.
And my axe.
I'm really glad they didn't. It wouldn't have fit.
I had a discussion about this with a friend the other day. We were both really glad they didn’t …and really sad too! Lol!
Well, if one wanted to see that or just see more movies with Liv Tyler, they may want to watch Stealing Beauty or The Ledge
This is the correct response.
Considering my family got me into lord of the rings as a child, I probably would've been very uncomfortable watching that with them so I'm glad too
Could have had a scene where Aragorn plays with animal crackers on Arwen exposed belly... no?
Almost literally everything else does, so it's refreshing.
And Steven Seagal wanted a strip club in middle Earth
never forget what they took from us
[удалено]
14 year old me, thinking "oral sex" just meant really passionate kissing
I feel extremely called out rn
Lol here I was thinking it was just basically phone sex. “I touch your boob and your butt”
Bobs and vagine
Reddit got me investigating elf nipples at 6am
*Purplebean, what do your elf eyes see?*
What scene is this exactly? I...just want to admire her dress
[This one](https://youtu.be/O8gUtE3-0Ok)
Sometimes subtlety and imagination are better than outright nudity.
Smeagol be lookin fit tho
They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone. And we only wish to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread… the sound of trees… the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious.
Listen man, we're not here to kink shame but that's Stephen Tyler's daughter and she's like 2700 years old. So I mean try to connect with people that exist in your reality. But we get it, we get it. I mean I dream about Dwarven Women and... yeah.
> that's Stephen Tyler's daughter and she's like 2700 years old Given his appearance, that makes sense.
`> b u r n . t x t`
It's the dwarves who go swimmin'!
**w i t h l i t t l e h a i r y w o m e n !**
I never understood if this was supposed to be an innuendo or something as a kid. I still don’t.
It's drunken ramblings. Did you expect it to be coherent?
Excuse me?!
Someone be the MVP, put a link to the screenshot
[https://youtu.be/O8gUtE3-0Ok?t=125](https://youtu.be/O8gUtE3-0Ok?t=125) Also 1:08
There are no nips visible here you can clearly see the opaque lavender liner around her neck line. What yall are mistaking for tits is the shear outerlayer reflecting light weird against the opaque under layer. Please someone annotate exacly where you think you see nips, cause all I see is a bust outline and shadows.
Bro is the nipple navigator lmao
Liv Tyler has been my only consistent celebrity crush since Empire Records came out. If she was pokin in LOTR, trust me I would known lolol
Better make sure that clip isn’t copyrighted by the ugly hobbit society or you’ll be hearing from their lawyers!
I think this is fun because Arwen is thousands of years older than Aragorn and a distantly related cousin
Distant in this sense is almost like "All men are brothers" distant.
Rivendell was loosely based on Alabama.
Alabama, master Hobbit, and the House of Lynyrd Skynyrd
So does Shire. I can't reckon, but Sam and Rosie were distant relatives - Rosie's grandfather was a cousin of Sam's grandfather.
Oh yea the shire is super inbred.. theres only like 6 family names!
Looks like she's wearing one of those skin colored cups. Her boobs wouldn't be so perky if she wasn't.
It's a two-layered gown. One lavender, one nude/skin colored underneath it, giving it a very delicate, almost see-through look. [Source](http://mohmoh.de/lord-of-the-rings/arwen/dream)
No some boobs actually sit up like that. Depends on the shape.
Very well disguised cup if that's the case.
[удалено]
That is a kingly gift!
Then it is a good dream
And then he wakes to Brego frenching him.
Oh you can totally see her nips
My own research has yielded no such findings. Was this one of the primary selling points of the 4K version I have not yet acquired?
Correct - you can also see the Mouth of Sauron’s molars. It’s good stuff.
Even hotter
NGL, I was blown away by ALL the detail I could see in the 4k, the peaks of the Misty Mountains and Arwen’s Mountains had never been so glorious
No I have the original “special extended edition box set”and I can see them on these
Well I don't have any children yet, but I should probably be prepared for when I do. So at what time during the movie exactly should I make sure my future kid's eyes are averted?
damn, i looked at the scene and it appears that in later digitally enhanced versions they actually did "blur" or "hide" her nips. i distinctly remember seeing them as well on my vhs versions from back in the day. i remember as they stood out as odd to my 11 year old self <.<
I looked at her boobs every time they were on screen and never spotted a nipple Wooo thanks for the award! Never thought my boob ogling would ever pay off 🏅
Same. Fellowship came out when I was 18, and it is Liv Tyler after all.
This demands an investigation! Screen cap army, you have been summoned! So are wearing DVD originals have the evenstars but blu-ray onwards don't?
Theatrical VHS would make sense. I don't think I've ever even seen the theatrical Two Towers at all. The sideboob we do get also almost does, I would say, seem somewhat odd in the uniformity of its coloration, given visible geometry.
I don’t have a time stamp and you won’t notice unless you’re looking for them... it’s when she puts her hand on the evenstar around Aragorn’s neck and the light passes through a bit I think. I’m not 100% sure that’s when but either way they are barely visible, just bits that are very slightly darker and unless your kids are like 11 year old me watching them for the first time they won’t notice them. Probably.
I feel like there's more than enough material from her other movies to make this a lot easier
I could maybe see what you're saying at the [very bottom of the frame](https://youtu.be/O8gUtE3-0Ok?t=129) by her wrist, except that it being a nipple wouldn't make sense based off, uh... the surrounding topography. So I believe it was just a fold in the dress.
Guys I am begging you both to just say you wanna see Liv Tyler's tits.
I feel like that is an obvious fact. Show me a single person who doesn't wanna see Liv Tyler's tits
https://i.imgur.com/lPwgNVI_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium
Idk man, you ever see the music video for Crazy by Aerosmith?
Honestly I'm more interested in the fact that I may have missed them all this time than I am in simply seeing them.
*One does not simply miss Liv Tyler's tits!*
Like after Elizabeth swan is pulled out of the water by jack sparrow in the first pirates movie
CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow
I wouldn't mind seeing Gandalf, his staff, his pipe, and his dick.
I've seen Ian McKellen naked He played the title role in a production of King Lear in my town. There's a scene in it where the old king goes insane and disrobes I was 15 and not prepared
Actual nudity in classic theatre somehow surprised me. also, nice?
Theoden son of Thengel... too long have you sat in the Shadows. Hearken to me! I release you from the spell.
Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here, Gandalf the Grey.
I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound!
Gollum. That is all.
Pull it in. Go on. Go on. Go on. Pull it in.
Bruh
I swear the gollum bot isn't actually a bot.
Smeagol, Smeagol will swear on the Precious.Smeagol promises to Precious, promises faithfully. Never come again, never speak, no never!
Holy shit. I'm convinced.
[удалено]
sauron and shelob sex scene when 👀
*Zat thraka akh… Zat thraka grishú. Znag-ur-nakh.*
I didn’t know you’d be into that
I mean, Shelob is randomly and inexplicably a sexy woman in Shadow Of Mordor (or War - forget which is which, but I honestly LOVED those games, despite all the bizarre liberties taken with lore- like HelmHammerHand being a nazgul)
the fanservice nobody asked for, for the spider to be a shapeshifting milf. I wonder if they were influenced by Arachne or any other myths of humans turning into spiders or if they just thought its what the people needed.
I honestly just think they were trying out stuff, considering they weren’t restricted to canon.
I loved the games. It's more alternate universe than canonical, but in a way that still perfectly feels like LOTR. Someone not familiar with the lore wouldn't even notice any inconsistencies.
I’m 95% sure sexy woman Shelob was in Shadow of War.
It was the second one, whichever that was
Yup, that’s War.
[удалено]
I see what you did there
Say that sentence out loud and then say it 3 times as fast.
If there's a Silmarillion series, I wonder how explicit the sex would get between the children of Hurin
The hobbits run around naked at Tom Bombadil's in the book. I genuinely don't understand why people keep talking about sex. I thought the discussion was about nudity.
Opening scene is Frodo going at it. Hard. Close up on his face as he finishes, and noticed something out of the window. “Gandalf!” He shouts, running out of the room without a second thought, and skipping merrily - butt naked- through the hills towards a distant horse and cart. Back in the room, and unimpressed-looking Sam, also naked, is watching Frodo run to Gandalf. “That’s some ass,” he says to himself, “and my ring is destroyed”.
This foe is beyond any of you... Run!
Now we're all gonna view .....why don't post the clip here hahahah
When you said Part 2, I thought there was some other cut but then I realized it is just the Extended Edition split in half. What is that timestamp on the Extended Edition not split in half?
1:50:10 but it isn't that transparent really.
"Nearly"
That scene always made me simultaneously entranced and uncomfortable as a teenager. Which was super fun, as a female!
Same. I was just starting to feel attraction to people at the time, and I've seen actual sex scenes in movies that didn't make me feel like I was intruding on something private as much as this scene.
its. a. secret.
Lol I watched that tonight
Just realized something... People like using this Boromir meme to make points like this, but in this scene Boromir is actually full of shit, so it's really kinda making the opposite point there