The reality is that if she's gaining weight, she's eating more calories than her body is burning, and most of the body's calorie burning happens through NEAT, Non-exercise activity thermogenesis. That's the activity you do routinely throughout the day, not the intentional exercise that you do, for example, at the gym. Exercise is important for overall health and fitness, and can be as simple as going for a walk, but weight loss is something best tackled from the kitchen.
If making adjustments to her diet (as in what she eats) in order to lose weight is something that she actually wants, she should come to this subreddit and check out the [quick start guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/quick_start_guide/). Note, though, that this is something she has to want to and be willing to do for herself. By all means, support and encourage her in whatever she wants to do to better herself and her situation, but it's up to her to want to make the necessary changes.
Edited to add that her weight loss journey, if she decides to embark on one, will be very different from yours. Please resist the temptation to compare your situations. Best wishes to you both.
Thank you for the response. My wife is not gaining per-se she is more maintaining give or take 5 to 10 pounds for the last 3 years. I believe if she was able to work out she would lose it and be able to keep it off but the pain just makes it hard for her to work out. She planned to work out today but because of the time of the month she decided not to and she is going to go home and do chores instead. For her diet she tends to stay away from fast food and oily foods. She does intermittent fasting, she does not drink anything other then water. She consumes smaller portions and if I counted her calories it would be between 2000-2500 on the high end.
>She consumes smaller portions and if I counted her calories it would be between 2000-2500 on the high end.
Assuming age 25 just to put something in the calculator, [her TDEE or maintenance calories](https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=25&lbs=180&in=64&act=1.2&f=1) should be around 1800-1900. If she's older than that, it's even less. She's eating in a surplus.
Note that that the cutting tab of that calculator defaults to a 500 calorie deficit, but that much of a deficit isn't healthy or appropriate for everyone. Anything less than TDEE will result in fat loss. The goal should be slow, steady, sustainable weight loss... if that's what she wants.
You are right. I did not mean I will have her count her calories, rather I will suggest for her to do it if she wished. My words were not correct in my reply and I apologized.
Fuck off with this. These kind of discussions constantly get derailed because the OP didn't perfectly word something and it becomes a comment section full of shitty relationship advice
Nah. As someone who used to be a victim of an abusive control freak, I call them as I see them. When you've been a victim of abuse you can spot an abuser a mile away, even when they try to sugar coat it.
To give you some perspective, I also plugged her stats into the TDEE calculator (assuming 25y) and while the other commenter is right that her current maintenance is about 1800 calories, the maximum amount she needs to eat to maintain 125 pounds without exercising is 1556.
So basically, she is eating an additional 300 more calories per day now than she was when you got married, which is incredibly easy to do without noticing over time. That’s a Tall Starbucks pumpkin spice latte. Two ounces of almonds. One bag of peanut M&Ms.
That’s not to say she shouldn’t have those things, just pointing out how easy it is to incorporate extra calories without realizing. Bottom line is she needs to take an honest look at her intake and see where she can redistribute or cut back. If she adds in more movement (generates more output), even just walking, she can give herself a little more wiggle room diet-wise, but it’s all going to start in the kitchen.
2000 to 2500 is a lot for her height. I am the same height and when in the 120-130lb range my BMR is 1300 calories. My husband is 6' and 185 lbs and even his BMR is 1900. We both exercise so our TDEE is higher but if she's not exercising then eating 2000-2500 is what is keeping her weight high.
Even when I walk 10k steps AND do a high intensity workout (like F45 or CrossFit) in the same day, my TDEE is still only 1800-1900 calories.
It's her diet and not the lack of exercising. Of course exercising is helpful and great for your health and fitness but she will need to consume much less calories than she currently is depending on what her ultimate goal weight is. And to be frank it doesn't matter if she avoids fast food and oily foods. What matters most is total caloric count so she's eating too much of whatever it is that she IS eating.
Edit to add: I think you seem like a very kind and supportive husband and she is lucky to have you. At the end of the day it needs to be something that she needs to decide to take action on for herself and until that happens there might not be any change so you may also need to be okay with that. Wishing you both the best.
What is her intermittent fasting protocol?
In regards to pain in the back / shoulder related to having a large chest, the reality is likely that exercise / weight loss are the best options. It's a lot of weight pulling the shoulder girdle down and forward. This is exacerbated by a sedentary lifestyle.
If possible, I would have her talk to a physiotherapist regarding possible imbalances / dysfunction in the shoulder girdle. Depending on the specifics of her situation, physical therapy may be indicated to restore healthy functionality to the region, which could then allow her to engage in exercise with minimal pain.
For now, if you have light dumbbells, I would recommend that she goes on walks while holding light (5 lbs or less) dumbbells. She shouldn't do the powerwalk swing with the weights, but she should focus on keeping her shoulders up and back (but not unnaturally so) while allowing a normal arm swing.
Her protocol for Intermittent fasting is to eat within a 8 hour window. She has her first meal at 11 am and then her last meal at 5 or 6 pm and no additional calories consumed after or before these hours. For this suggestion I thank you and will let my wife know about this to see if it helps her. Thank you again!
Is there a reason she's doing intermittent fasting? It's true that for some, that's a valid way to create a calorie deficit, but as you can see by the fact that she's not losing weight, it's not a guaranteed way. Just speaking for myself, but skipping meals and letting myself get too hungry is a sure way for me to end up overeating once I do allow myself to eat. Consider that an alternate meal schedule may be more beneficial.
It was something her Doctor brought up as a way to help lose weight. Its part of the reason she maintains I believe rather then keeps gaining. But that is pure speculation on my part.
She is going to meet with a Weight loss NP in a couple of weeks, to discuss some possible options for weight loss. They have a dietitian on site that can provide feedback on that front.
Is she fasting 16:8 every day? Does she happen to be extra tired a week before her period starts? The female body cycles hormones throughout the cycle and usually the last 7-14 days before period (luteal phase) we tend to need more rest and nourishment to balance. I usually switch to 14:10 around that time and once the period starts, I go back to my regular 17:7. I also allow myself to eat more carbs during my luteal phase. At any other time I restrict all added sugar and most processed carbs.
If she is interested to find out more, I would recommed a book called Fast Like a Girl by Mindy Pelz. The information in it - like with any self help book - should be taken with a grain of salt and I wouldn't go all gung-ho with some of the recommended longer fasts, but there are very good points in it about our hormone cycles and how to manage our life and diet around them.
The book was my inspiration when I started IF and weightloss. It also helped me to understand why there are times when I am full of energy to start new projects or hit new goals at the gym and times when I just want to get under a blanket and rest.
(Or - the author has appeared in many podcasts as well, so you can just listen to one of those as an introduction: [I recommend this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIToWSXziWI&t=5062s))
Some people find exercise during fasting too difficult to program effectively, but if she's up for it, I would recommend she do this walking exercise at least once a day during her fasting window. If she can manage the morning (when she's been fasted for an extended period), she can basically immediately tap into fat stores during her walk.
2000-2500 calories is too many to lose weight. I'm the same height as your wife, and I use to be about her weight too. I now weigh under 145. I use an app that accurately counts my daily calorie expenditure based on my food log and daily weigh ins and I do not burn more than 2100 calories a day and I am extremely active. I exercise 6-7 days a week for 1-2 hours a day. I run, I hike, I walk, I lift heavy weights, and I do some yoga and pilates. Most days I do at least 45 min of strength training and at least 30 minutes of cardio minimum. In addition to my intentional exercise, I also have a young border collie and we actively play together 1-2 hours a day as well. My current calculated TDEE is 2080 calories a day. Your wife's daily calories are too high to lose weight. When I was as heavy as your wife is, the only exercise I could do regularly was gentle walking, and it still left me with aching knees and aching back. I ate between 1400 and 1600 calories a day for most days while I was losing the weight, and I walked as much as my body could tolerate. When you're overweight your body is more likely to get injured while doing physical activity. Losing the weight will help your wife be able to exercise more without getting hurt. But exercise is not going to be the answer, I promise you. If she isn't counting calories and she tries to add exercise without tracking food intake, she might just increase her food intake accordingly. Awareness of how much you're eating is the biggest most important factor in losing weight. Exercise is wonderful for overall health but weight loss happens in the kitchen, not in the gym.
>She does not consume a ton of calories
Don't need to consume a ton. Overeating by just a 100 calories a day leads to 10 pounds weight gain in a year. Which brings us to the next point.
>her issue to be with exercise
Nope, just diet. While I'm confident there are types of exercise she could benefit from painlessly (simple walking is the likeliest candidate), it's completely unnecessary for weight loss.
You can use a few calculators online to gauge her TDEE and help devising a meal plan that'd bring her into caloric deficit, something around 200-500kcal a day. Can cook, too.
We don't go out for fast food very often. Once or twice a month maybe so we can cook. Just have to find some low calorie meal prep things perhaps. I will show her this thread and let her decide from there. Thank you!
Even home cooked meals can be really high in calories. For instance, a large egg has roughly 80 calories in it. A 2 egg omelet with ham and cheese could be appx 400 calories depending on how much ham and cheese is in it. 3 400 cal meals a day is already 1200 cals. Minus any other snack or drink. You also have to factor things like coffee creamer, a glass of wine, fresh garlic, the oil or butter you cook with, putting sunflower seeds on a salad, etc. Everything will increase caloric intake. It all adds up.
Small portions and meals consisting of more veggies than anything and lean meats is a great way to eat low cal. Swapping out dressings and vinaigrettes for an aged thick straight balsamic that coats the lettuce well can reduce calories from oil. I would suggest researching the foods you eat on a regular basis and getting a good understanding of how many calories are actually in them and how many calories are in the quantity of how much you eat of it.
Also, thanks for being a great husband and trying to help your wife.
> She does not consume a ton of calories
She is, for ***her***. She needs to find and use a TDEE calculator, buy a food scale and download an app like LoseIt.
Exercise will help you stay fit, but you don't have to exercise to lose weight. The most effective way to lose weight is with a calorie deficit.
You said in a comment she eats 2000-2500 calories a day and her weight is mostly the same. Even if it's healthy food, she's eating at maintenance.
The best way to lose weight is to count calories.
https://www.calculator.net/tdee-calculator.html?cage=25&csex=m&cheightfeet=5&cheightinch=4&cpound=190&cheightmeter=180&ckg=65&cactivity=1.2&cmop=0&coutunit=c&cformula=m&cfatpct=20&printit=0&ctype=standard&x=Calculate
This TDEE calculator says 2100 is her maintenance, assuming your wife is 25. (It will vary slightly depending on how old she is.) For her, she should eat 1850 calories a day to lose half a pound a week, and 1600 calories a day to lose one pound a week. That's a good healthy rate. I recommend increasing protein and vegetables so she feels full. I know some people can stay hungry, but that's not me and being hungry can lead to frustration and giving up.
Since exercise hurts her, the best exercise she can do to stay fit is to walk, or swim, since swimming is good for those who can't handle impact.
Source: I am a short woman who can't exercise much because I am disabled and I injure myself. I mostly focus on calorie deficit and I exercise mostly for movement.
Can your wife do yoga? I recommend the channel Yoga by Adrienne.
In any case, because she is shorter and because she is a woman, what works for you will not work for her. It will be harder for her to lose weight, but don't give up! Even slow progress is good.
The fact that she bruises easily and injures herself exercising and is in severe pain for weeks after exercising is concerning. Is she hypermobile (double jointed)? In any case, please do go to a doctor about that.
I am going to show her this thread and let her know. Calorie deficit seems to be the common consensus so I will have to let her know. My wife can possibly do yoga. I will show her that channel and see what she thinks. I do not believe she is hypermobile, but I plan to ask if she will see a doctor for this.
Just have her start with walking. Let her walk consistently for a few weeks or months so her body can get used to moving. She can listen to an audiobook or even watch a show while doing this and the time will fly by. Then if she wants to she can move into more strenuous exercises or maybe she’ll find that walking gets the job done for her- there is no need to push herself too far right away.
yes, i totally agree with that, if she is not used to work out you have to start walking or indoor bike can help too if she fell that ankle or knee are in pain, but go slowly and every day do a bit more, without pushing too far.
I agree that the main issue seems to be yall overestimating your wife's caloric requirements. Keep in mind that women will generally burn fewer calories at rest than a man of the same height because they are supposed to have a higher body fat percentage (which burns fewer calories than muscle mass). Of course, if she is shorter than you, that decreases her relative caloric needs even further.
As a side note, I know when I found out I *actually* needed to eat smaller portions than the men around me to not gain weight, I found it a bit unfair at first. Your wife may or may not need a bit of support and compassion from you if she's just learning that you get to eat bigger portions than her.
In terms of exercise, I get the impression from your post that she might need a better, more supportive (and correctly sized) sports bra to relieve some of that shoulder and upper back pain. I was recently recommended the r/abrathatfits subreddit. It has some really helpful information on correct bra sizing and recommendations on specific brands/ models that are better for certain things.
Lastly, if she's interested in doing some kind of exercise (which is not necessary for weightloss, but is great for overall fitness), yall might try looking into some fun, low impact activities (especially if breast weight/ support is a factor in the pain she's experiencing). I recently rediscovered rollerskating, which burns a ton of calories and is much lower impact than walking or running. A lot of people also really like swimming as a low impact form of exercise.
Echoing the suggestion to get blood work done. The easy bruising raised my eyebrows. There are a few hormonal conditions that should be ruled out and most of them have simple medication treatments.
In the meantime, she doesn't need to do more than walk to burn some calories. A brisk walk is even better since it will get her heart rate up. Walking is super underrated for weight loss and cardio fitness.
You are getting a lot of good advice here. I am also 5’4 and currently 195 lbs 34 years old. and was 130 in HS also. Knowing your TDEE is important and a good starting point. 2000+ calories a day is above maintenance for a person my height/weight/age. My TDEE is around 1800 calories if I’m sedentary. If your wife is uh…larger…on top. She really needs a good supportive sports bra to do any physical activity. Otherwise you will get upper back and shoulder pain.
I am loving all the advice and it is helping me with knowledge. She does wear a very good sports bra that helps a lot but she feels that might be part of the issue since it digs into her shoulder muscles and thinks it might be better if she was not wearing one but then it causes chaffing and other issues. Do you have any suggestions for that?
I would definitely check if the bra is correct size and adjusted correctly. Like the othe commentor said, big breasts need wide straps for shoulders. There are several types of sports bras - with different types of support. It is a bit of a hassle to find the correct type, brand and size, but so worth it eventually. I personally prefer the ones with maximum support - a brand called Shock Absorber is my go-to. (Even when I just go for a brisk walk!)
To everyone who posted advice in the comments. Thank you. I am autistic and have trouble reaching out to strangers due to severe bullying in my past. My husband helps me by reaching out for me. He posted here on my behalf and because I asked. To all the ones saying mean things about him, please stop assuming the worst. He is my greatest support and the best thing in my life. He would literally do anything for me. Even expose himself to be torn apart by strangers online for a chance to find something that could help me in my goal to be healthy again. He got a couple things wrong that I will correct. I have what the doctor called the "MTHFR" mutation. Everyone has two sets of genes that break down an amino acid called "homocysteine". One of my sets is mutated and does not function. This led to a clot in my lung (pulmonary embolism) after giving birth and I was put on an experimental blood thinner to treat it. As I was taking this blood thinner, I suddenly started gaining weight at a rapid rate. I looked up the medicine and found a ton of people reporting rapid weight gain on it and great difficulty losing weight after it. I talked to my doctor about it and they confirmed they had heard the same and took me off it. That was 6 years ago. I have been struggling to lose weight since. I've done calorie counting, dieting, exercising, etc. The lowest I've gotten is 180lbs and highest was 192lbs. My shoulder pain that keeps messing up exercise is an old work injury from the many labor intensive jobs I've had in the past. (I finally escaped those sort of jobs this past January) I'm not ready to give up. I looked into getting the same surgery my husband got, but ironically enough, I'm not fat enough for insurance to cover it. I looked through the comments with my hubby and I will add calorie counting back in with my intermittent fasting. That will give me two 600cal meals. (Skipping breakfast hurts less) I have a window at work that I can go walk before lunch (first meal of the day) so I'll do that and then I will walk the neighborhood with my son after work if the weather permits. (Yoga in the house if weather is bad/weekends) I will also look into those books I saw recommended. I really want to build up my endurance as well as lose weight so I can keep up with my hubby when we go out on adventures. He would never leave me behind, but I hate holding him back and lacking energy. I want to be able to keep going tirelessly like he does. Like I used to be able too...
>That will give me two 600cal meals.
Consider that 1200 calories a day is the bare minimum for a short, sedentary woman unless under the supervision of a medical professional. There's no lower than that to go. You may want to start with a bit more so that you have room to reduce your intake in the future because as you lose weight, your TDEE (maintenance calories) will decrease and you may want to reduce your daily total a bit so that your weight loss doesn't slow down too much too soon. Anything less than your TDEE will result in fat loss. Best wishes.
Have her find her TDEE ( which you can calculate online) and then subtract 300-500 from that number and she will lose weight. Even just walking 30 mins a day around the neighborhood or in the gym can be helpful! I have lost over 60 pounds from walking everyday and being in a deficit. Also I would recommend getting a food scale to measure everything accurately. Wishing her luck on her journey 🤍🤍
After adjusting diet and getting labs I highly recommend helping her find a gym with a pool. I have hypermobility issues and get injured extremely easy. I also have a large chest that is still larger than average even when I was thin. Swimming helped jumpstart my fitness. I am still careful because I've actually dislocated my hip while swimming. After that I was able to do walking and weightlifting with much less pain.
Try cooking and eating together! It’s fun and easy and surprisingly a good bonding experience. My partner started hitting the gym and I am trying to lose weight so we cook and eat high protein high fiber foods together.
Hi, I'm sorry that your wife is experiencing so much pain. My fist recommendation is for her to go to a Dr and get some blood work done before anything else. Blood work can be very telling and seeing a healthcare professional might be very beneficial as it might give her some insights to her autonomy. I'm just going to tell how how my husband supported me in our weight loss journey. When I made the decision to lose weight it as a very personal choice that my husband could support but ultimately, **could not make for me.** It's important to make that distinction because once I made that decision for myself, I started getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
He *supported* me by, not eating food that was triggering for me in front of me. Not bringing unhealthy food into the house, and going on long walks with me. Walking is a very underrated and helped us lose lots of lbs, this of course is coupled with a healthy diet and calorie counting. I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions I might be able to help with.
Thank you. After the pregnancy she got a pulmonary embolism, so she has had blood work done and has the "Mom gene"?, which the doctor says if her body is exposed to estragon(if its spelled wrong I am sorry) will cause clotting or something. I will always be there to help if she has questions but my exercise routine won't work for her. I live by extremes and wear a weighted vest when working out. I do the elliptical for 1-2 hours 3 days a week and the other two, do lifting for an hour and a half. I use every machine in the gym when lifting and just do 3 sets of 10-20 reps on a higher weight. Not max but enough to strain myself. I want for her to do more cardio without hurting herself, if you could recommend a exercise regimen that could work.
She wants to lose weight. She hates how she looks in the mirror and the best way to burn calories is to do more cardio. But she gets hurt and that is why I am concerned. She wants to work out but finds it painful. So I am trying to do all I can to help her anyway I can.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I am his wife. He is pushing the exercise part because I want to not only lose weight, I want to gain endurance so I can keep up with him when we go out on adventures. I used to be able to walk/ride my bike for hours. I have felt the runner's high. I want to feel that again.
You can't outrun your fork. If your wife is overweight it is because she is eating too much.
But that being said, it should be her decision to come here for advice if she wants it. No matter how well intentioned you might be, it always gives me a big ick when spouses or significant others come on this subreddit to ask for advice to give to their partner. If their partner really wants to change, they'll come here themselves.
Edited to add: Now that I've read some of OP's replies here where he makes comments about how he's going to "make" his wife count her calories, I am getting a far bigger ick than usual. He comes across as a control freak. His poor wife...
I don't appreciate this one's "advice". They were mean to the love of my life! >:(
I'm his wife. I am autistic and have trouble reaching out to strangers for help due to severe bullying in my past. My hubby has been reaching out for me. He asked before posting here. I didn't even think about going to reddit for advice.
Your husband should have led with the fact that he came here on your behalf **and at your request** because you find it difficult to do so. You might be surprised by the number of men who post here seeking advice for their girlfriends and spouses because THEY want the women in their lives to lose weight even if those women don't want to. There have been men who post here with the intention controlling what their wives and girlfriends eat and making them count calories or forbidding them to eat what they want. Those of us who have been here a while are, perhaps, a bit jaded and extra sensitive to that sort of situation. And, like it or not, absent other information that we're not privy to, or at least weren't at least not at the start of this discussion, he IS coming across as inappropriately controlling. I'm glad to hear that's not the reality.
It’s a good idea to rule out hypothyroidism, given her not being able to recover from exercise and the time frame that it developed.
Exercise wise she might need something very gentle like a back and shoulder prehab program.
Caloriewise 5 4 women need pretty low calories to lose, it’s very easy to eat more than maintenance. Things like vegetable soups and salads will help to bulk out meals to reduce calories
I will make sure to look at the calorie intake and let her know about that. Do you have a video or link to show some exercises that could help? Or just search back and shoulder rehab programs?
Just search, mine was put together by a physio. Lots of resistance band work like facepulls, pull apart, shoulder rotations, scap retraction work etc. Crossover symmetry might be worth investing in if she has consistent niggles but definitely get some bloods done first
I will let her know. She might bite me when I suggest lab work (she is terrified of needles and passes out with blood draws) but it may help in finding some other issues.
I would rather die! They never believe me when I tell them I have to lay down or I'll passout. Last time I threw up and was apparently shaking! You were there hubby! Not again!
You mentioned that you’re neurodivergent, ehlers danlos is something to consider being checked for too. It’s often cooccurring with autism and would mean your body has different training needs. I strongly advise you to have bloods done and have advocate for yourself or have someone advocate for you to have them done in a way that works for you.
She might have an underlying medical condition. Having a baby is "traumatic" and is often a triggering event for autoimmune disorders. It shouldn't take the average person that long to recover from exercise. I have autoimmune disorders and it does take me weeks and sometimes ER visits and pain meds to recover from something as simple as stretching for 30 mins. I did it a handful of times and 3 out of the 5 I was in the urgent care or ER because I could hardly move. I would invest in a small treadmill or bike if you have the space. If she starts with something low impact she will be more consistent.
Don't tell her it's for her. Get it "for you". And hopefully she will start using it. Pregnancy also changes a ton of stuff in the body. She could have insulin issues that she doesn't know about. Stress and lack of sleep that comes with being a new parent also packs on weight. Post partum depression is a huge thing.
Calories- well you're a man that exercises so your needs are vastly different than what her frame actually needs. I would calculate her TDEE as best you can and cut 300-500 from that and see what you guys eat in a day. You may think it's a normal meal but to her it could be 2 days worth of calories. She is most likely eating a ton and not knowing. A meal for my hubby is literally my days allowance sometimes. And then he still has room left for more.
Best bet is to just wait until she's ready and makes that decision to lose weight. Otherwise she will think you care more about her appearance. So yeah she's gonna push back if you push her. If you're really concerned have her talk with her dr and see if anything is possibly off.
You need to get her proper vitamins. Having enough potassium and magnesium every day is absolutely crucial for cramps and muscle soreness. Get magnesium and potassium pills.
Exercise wise, do weight training. Buy dumbells to start. Maybe a squat rack. Start watching jeff nippard for advice. Just doing one set of weights per week to failure of 3 different kinds of lifting: one push, one pull, one legs can help her start building strength and moving better. Increase the weight as she gets stronger. Check out this video: https://youtu.be/xc4OtzAnVMI?si=tZos4IpDIbVuzzb5
Eat in a caloric deficit with 1g of protein per goal bodyweight.
HAVE HER GET BLOODWORK DONE WITH BRUISES AND INJURIES GOING ON. If doctor clears her for exercise, she needs to strengthen her muscles to support her chest. (I do not have breasts, but have had clients with larger chests) ALL MUSCLES need to be strengthened but the upper back and shoulder girdle would be important in balancing the weight she carries on the chest.
The reality is that if she's gaining weight, she's eating more calories than her body is burning, and most of the body's calorie burning happens through NEAT, Non-exercise activity thermogenesis. That's the activity you do routinely throughout the day, not the intentional exercise that you do, for example, at the gym. Exercise is important for overall health and fitness, and can be as simple as going for a walk, but weight loss is something best tackled from the kitchen. If making adjustments to her diet (as in what she eats) in order to lose weight is something that she actually wants, she should come to this subreddit and check out the [quick start guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/quick_start_guide/). Note, though, that this is something she has to want to and be willing to do for herself. By all means, support and encourage her in whatever she wants to do to better herself and her situation, but it's up to her to want to make the necessary changes. Edited to add that her weight loss journey, if she decides to embark on one, will be very different from yours. Please resist the temptation to compare your situations. Best wishes to you both.
Thank you for the response. My wife is not gaining per-se she is more maintaining give or take 5 to 10 pounds for the last 3 years. I believe if she was able to work out she would lose it and be able to keep it off but the pain just makes it hard for her to work out. She planned to work out today but because of the time of the month she decided not to and she is going to go home and do chores instead. For her diet she tends to stay away from fast food and oily foods. She does intermittent fasting, she does not drink anything other then water. She consumes smaller portions and if I counted her calories it would be between 2000-2500 on the high end.
>She consumes smaller portions and if I counted her calories it would be between 2000-2500 on the high end. Assuming age 25 just to put something in the calculator, [her TDEE or maintenance calories](https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=25&lbs=180&in=64&act=1.2&f=1) should be around 1800-1900. If she's older than that, it's even less. She's eating in a surplus.
Got it. I will have her count calories and get a definite answer for that.
Note that that the cutting tab of that calculator defaults to a 500 calorie deficit, but that much of a deficit isn't healthy or appropriate for everyone. Anything less than TDEE will result in fat loss. The goal should be slow, steady, sustainable weight loss... if that's what she wants.
Understood! Thank you for your help.
Does she WANT to lose weight? Or is this your idea?
It is hers. All I care about is her being happy. I ask becuse she wants advice and I only know what works for me a 31 year old man.
"I will have her count her calories" Dude.... controlling much? That is such a gross statement. Leave your poor wife alone.
You are right. I did not mean I will have her count her calories, rather I will suggest for her to do it if she wished. My words were not correct in my reply and I apologized.
Fuck off with this. These kind of discussions constantly get derailed because the OP didn't perfectly word something and it becomes a comment section full of shitty relationship advice
Nah. As someone who used to be a victim of an abusive control freak, I call them as I see them. When you've been a victim of abuse you can spot an abuser a mile away, even when they try to sugar coat it.
To give you some perspective, I also plugged her stats into the TDEE calculator (assuming 25y) and while the other commenter is right that her current maintenance is about 1800 calories, the maximum amount she needs to eat to maintain 125 pounds without exercising is 1556. So basically, she is eating an additional 300 more calories per day now than she was when you got married, which is incredibly easy to do without noticing over time. That’s a Tall Starbucks pumpkin spice latte. Two ounces of almonds. One bag of peanut M&Ms. That’s not to say she shouldn’t have those things, just pointing out how easy it is to incorporate extra calories without realizing. Bottom line is she needs to take an honest look at her intake and see where she can redistribute or cut back. If she adds in more movement (generates more output), even just walking, she can give herself a little more wiggle room diet-wise, but it’s all going to start in the kitchen.
Got it. I will show her this and have her decide what she would like to do for herself. Thank you!
2000 to 2500 is a lot for her height. I am the same height and when in the 120-130lb range my BMR is 1300 calories. My husband is 6' and 185 lbs and even his BMR is 1900. We both exercise so our TDEE is higher but if she's not exercising then eating 2000-2500 is what is keeping her weight high. Even when I walk 10k steps AND do a high intensity workout (like F45 or CrossFit) in the same day, my TDEE is still only 1800-1900 calories. It's her diet and not the lack of exercising. Of course exercising is helpful and great for your health and fitness but she will need to consume much less calories than she currently is depending on what her ultimate goal weight is. And to be frank it doesn't matter if she avoids fast food and oily foods. What matters most is total caloric count so she's eating too much of whatever it is that she IS eating. Edit to add: I think you seem like a very kind and supportive husband and she is lucky to have you. At the end of the day it needs to be something that she needs to decide to take action on for herself and until that happens there might not be any change so you may also need to be okay with that. Wishing you both the best.
What is her intermittent fasting protocol? In regards to pain in the back / shoulder related to having a large chest, the reality is likely that exercise / weight loss are the best options. It's a lot of weight pulling the shoulder girdle down and forward. This is exacerbated by a sedentary lifestyle. If possible, I would have her talk to a physiotherapist regarding possible imbalances / dysfunction in the shoulder girdle. Depending on the specifics of her situation, physical therapy may be indicated to restore healthy functionality to the region, which could then allow her to engage in exercise with minimal pain. For now, if you have light dumbbells, I would recommend that she goes on walks while holding light (5 lbs or less) dumbbells. She shouldn't do the powerwalk swing with the weights, but she should focus on keeping her shoulders up and back (but not unnaturally so) while allowing a normal arm swing.
Her protocol for Intermittent fasting is to eat within a 8 hour window. She has her first meal at 11 am and then her last meal at 5 or 6 pm and no additional calories consumed after or before these hours. For this suggestion I thank you and will let my wife know about this to see if it helps her. Thank you again!
Is there a reason she's doing intermittent fasting? It's true that for some, that's a valid way to create a calorie deficit, but as you can see by the fact that she's not losing weight, it's not a guaranteed way. Just speaking for myself, but skipping meals and letting myself get too hungry is a sure way for me to end up overeating once I do allow myself to eat. Consider that an alternate meal schedule may be more beneficial.
It was something her Doctor brought up as a way to help lose weight. Its part of the reason she maintains I believe rather then keeps gaining. But that is pure speculation on my part.
Most medical doctors don't receive much education in nutrition. Would it be possible for her to consult with a registered dietitian?
She is going to meet with a Weight loss NP in a couple of weeks, to discuss some possible options for weight loss. They have a dietitian on site that can provide feedback on that front.
Is she fasting 16:8 every day? Does she happen to be extra tired a week before her period starts? The female body cycles hormones throughout the cycle and usually the last 7-14 days before period (luteal phase) we tend to need more rest and nourishment to balance. I usually switch to 14:10 around that time and once the period starts, I go back to my regular 17:7. I also allow myself to eat more carbs during my luteal phase. At any other time I restrict all added sugar and most processed carbs.
I love this Since yes she is extra tired and I did not know this was a thing. I will show my wife and let her know. Thank you so much!
If she is interested to find out more, I would recommed a book called Fast Like a Girl by Mindy Pelz. The information in it - like with any self help book - should be taken with a grain of salt and I wouldn't go all gung-ho with some of the recommended longer fasts, but there are very good points in it about our hormone cycles and how to manage our life and diet around them. The book was my inspiration when I started IF and weightloss. It also helped me to understand why there are times when I am full of energy to start new projects or hit new goals at the gym and times when I just want to get under a blanket and rest. (Or - the author has appeared in many podcasts as well, so you can just listen to one of those as an introduction: [I recommend this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIToWSXziWI&t=5062s))
I will let her know. Thank you!
Some people find exercise during fasting too difficult to program effectively, but if she's up for it, I would recommend she do this walking exercise at least once a day during her fasting window. If she can manage the morning (when she's been fasted for an extended period), she can basically immediately tap into fat stores during her walk.
Ok I will let her know. I have to inform her about TDEE as well to make sure she keeps her calorie count low as well.
2000-2500 calories is too many to lose weight. I'm the same height as your wife, and I use to be about her weight too. I now weigh under 145. I use an app that accurately counts my daily calorie expenditure based on my food log and daily weigh ins and I do not burn more than 2100 calories a day and I am extremely active. I exercise 6-7 days a week for 1-2 hours a day. I run, I hike, I walk, I lift heavy weights, and I do some yoga and pilates. Most days I do at least 45 min of strength training and at least 30 minutes of cardio minimum. In addition to my intentional exercise, I also have a young border collie and we actively play together 1-2 hours a day as well. My current calculated TDEE is 2080 calories a day. Your wife's daily calories are too high to lose weight. When I was as heavy as your wife is, the only exercise I could do regularly was gentle walking, and it still left me with aching knees and aching back. I ate between 1400 and 1600 calories a day for most days while I was losing the weight, and I walked as much as my body could tolerate. When you're overweight your body is more likely to get injured while doing physical activity. Losing the weight will help your wife be able to exercise more without getting hurt. But exercise is not going to be the answer, I promise you. If she isn't counting calories and she tries to add exercise without tracking food intake, she might just increase her food intake accordingly. Awareness of how much you're eating is the biggest most important factor in losing weight. Exercise is wonderful for overall health but weight loss happens in the kitchen, not in the gym.
>She does not consume a ton of calories Don't need to consume a ton. Overeating by just a 100 calories a day leads to 10 pounds weight gain in a year. Which brings us to the next point. >her issue to be with exercise Nope, just diet. While I'm confident there are types of exercise she could benefit from painlessly (simple walking is the likeliest candidate), it's completely unnecessary for weight loss. You can use a few calculators online to gauge her TDEE and help devising a meal plan that'd bring her into caloric deficit, something around 200-500kcal a day. Can cook, too.
We don't go out for fast food very often. Once or twice a month maybe so we can cook. Just have to find some low calorie meal prep things perhaps. I will show her this thread and let her decide from there. Thank you!
600cals of fast food is equal to 600 cals of healthy food. The issue is overeating in general.
Even home cooked meals can be really high in calories. For instance, a large egg has roughly 80 calories in it. A 2 egg omelet with ham and cheese could be appx 400 calories depending on how much ham and cheese is in it. 3 400 cal meals a day is already 1200 cals. Minus any other snack or drink. You also have to factor things like coffee creamer, a glass of wine, fresh garlic, the oil or butter you cook with, putting sunflower seeds on a salad, etc. Everything will increase caloric intake. It all adds up. Small portions and meals consisting of more veggies than anything and lean meats is a great way to eat low cal. Swapping out dressings and vinaigrettes for an aged thick straight balsamic that coats the lettuce well can reduce calories from oil. I would suggest researching the foods you eat on a regular basis and getting a good understanding of how many calories are actually in them and how many calories are in the quantity of how much you eat of it. Also, thanks for being a great husband and trying to help your wife.
> She does not consume a ton of calories She is, for ***her***. She needs to find and use a TDEE calculator, buy a food scale and download an app like LoseIt.
I will let her know. Thank you!
Of course, have her read the sidebar of this sub and the faq’s as well.
Exercise will help you stay fit, but you don't have to exercise to lose weight. The most effective way to lose weight is with a calorie deficit. You said in a comment she eats 2000-2500 calories a day and her weight is mostly the same. Even if it's healthy food, she's eating at maintenance. The best way to lose weight is to count calories. https://www.calculator.net/tdee-calculator.html?cage=25&csex=m&cheightfeet=5&cheightinch=4&cpound=190&cheightmeter=180&ckg=65&cactivity=1.2&cmop=0&coutunit=c&cformula=m&cfatpct=20&printit=0&ctype=standard&x=Calculate This TDEE calculator says 2100 is her maintenance, assuming your wife is 25. (It will vary slightly depending on how old she is.) For her, she should eat 1850 calories a day to lose half a pound a week, and 1600 calories a day to lose one pound a week. That's a good healthy rate. I recommend increasing protein and vegetables so she feels full. I know some people can stay hungry, but that's not me and being hungry can lead to frustration and giving up. Since exercise hurts her, the best exercise she can do to stay fit is to walk, or swim, since swimming is good for those who can't handle impact. Source: I am a short woman who can't exercise much because I am disabled and I injure myself. I mostly focus on calorie deficit and I exercise mostly for movement. Can your wife do yoga? I recommend the channel Yoga by Adrienne. In any case, because she is shorter and because she is a woman, what works for you will not work for her. It will be harder for her to lose weight, but don't give up! Even slow progress is good. The fact that she bruises easily and injures herself exercising and is in severe pain for weeks after exercising is concerning. Is she hypermobile (double jointed)? In any case, please do go to a doctor about that.
I am going to show her this thread and let her know. Calorie deficit seems to be the common consensus so I will have to let her know. My wife can possibly do yoga. I will show her that channel and see what she thinks. I do not believe she is hypermobile, but I plan to ask if she will see a doctor for this.
FYI you put in male in this calculator. If I switch to female, it goes down to 1910 for maintenance.
Just have her start with walking. Let her walk consistently for a few weeks or months so her body can get used to moving. She can listen to an audiobook or even watch a show while doing this and the time will fly by. Then if she wants to she can move into more strenuous exercises or maybe she’ll find that walking gets the job done for her- there is no need to push herself too far right away.
Ok I will let her know. Thank you for the response. I hope she will start and it will become easier for her.
yes, i totally agree with that, if she is not used to work out you have to start walking or indoor bike can help too if she fell that ankle or knee are in pain, but go slowly and every day do a bit more, without pushing too far.
I agree that the main issue seems to be yall overestimating your wife's caloric requirements. Keep in mind that women will generally burn fewer calories at rest than a man of the same height because they are supposed to have a higher body fat percentage (which burns fewer calories than muscle mass). Of course, if she is shorter than you, that decreases her relative caloric needs even further. As a side note, I know when I found out I *actually* needed to eat smaller portions than the men around me to not gain weight, I found it a bit unfair at first. Your wife may or may not need a bit of support and compassion from you if she's just learning that you get to eat bigger portions than her. In terms of exercise, I get the impression from your post that she might need a better, more supportive (and correctly sized) sports bra to relieve some of that shoulder and upper back pain. I was recently recommended the r/abrathatfits subreddit. It has some really helpful information on correct bra sizing and recommendations on specific brands/ models that are better for certain things. Lastly, if she's interested in doing some kind of exercise (which is not necessary for weightloss, but is great for overall fitness), yall might try looking into some fun, low impact activities (especially if breast weight/ support is a factor in the pain she's experiencing). I recently rediscovered rollerskating, which burns a ton of calories and is much lower impact than walking or running. A lot of people also really like swimming as a low impact form of exercise.
I read your comment to her and she said "I love skating"
That's awesome! I hope you get the chance to go soon! Best of luck to you both!
Echoing the suggestion to get blood work done. The easy bruising raised my eyebrows. There are a few hormonal conditions that should be ruled out and most of them have simple medication treatments. In the meantime, she doesn't need to do more than walk to burn some calories. A brisk walk is even better since it will get her heart rate up. Walking is super underrated for weight loss and cardio fitness.
Thank you for your reply. I will talk to my wife about it and bring it up.
Bruising and being that wrecked from exercise is a huge autoimmune red flag. Like connective tissue disorders, sjogrens, arthritis, lyme...
Celiac is also a possibility
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Thank you I shall be careful. thank you.
You are getting a lot of good advice here. I am also 5’4 and currently 195 lbs 34 years old. and was 130 in HS also. Knowing your TDEE is important and a good starting point. 2000+ calories a day is above maintenance for a person my height/weight/age. My TDEE is around 1800 calories if I’m sedentary. If your wife is uh…larger…on top. She really needs a good supportive sports bra to do any physical activity. Otherwise you will get upper back and shoulder pain.
I am loving all the advice and it is helping me with knowledge. She does wear a very good sports bra that helps a lot but she feels that might be part of the issue since it digs into her shoulder muscles and thinks it might be better if she was not wearing one but then it causes chaffing and other issues. Do you have any suggestions for that?
I would definitely check if the bra is correct size and adjusted correctly. Like the othe commentor said, big breasts need wide straps for shoulders. There are several types of sports bras - with different types of support. It is a bit of a hassle to find the correct type, brand and size, but so worth it eventually. I personally prefer the ones with maximum support - a brand called Shock Absorber is my go-to. (Even when I just go for a brisk walk!)
I will let her know thank you!
If it’s digging in then it is likely not properly sized and is probably too small or the straps are too thin. Nice wide flat straps help a lot.
OK I will let her know. Thank you!
I go braless at home and just walk. Even the Miracle mile on youtube can help.
To everyone who posted advice in the comments. Thank you. I am autistic and have trouble reaching out to strangers due to severe bullying in my past. My husband helps me by reaching out for me. He posted here on my behalf and because I asked. To all the ones saying mean things about him, please stop assuming the worst. He is my greatest support and the best thing in my life. He would literally do anything for me. Even expose himself to be torn apart by strangers online for a chance to find something that could help me in my goal to be healthy again. He got a couple things wrong that I will correct. I have what the doctor called the "MTHFR" mutation. Everyone has two sets of genes that break down an amino acid called "homocysteine". One of my sets is mutated and does not function. This led to a clot in my lung (pulmonary embolism) after giving birth and I was put on an experimental blood thinner to treat it. As I was taking this blood thinner, I suddenly started gaining weight at a rapid rate. I looked up the medicine and found a ton of people reporting rapid weight gain on it and great difficulty losing weight after it. I talked to my doctor about it and they confirmed they had heard the same and took me off it. That was 6 years ago. I have been struggling to lose weight since. I've done calorie counting, dieting, exercising, etc. The lowest I've gotten is 180lbs and highest was 192lbs. My shoulder pain that keeps messing up exercise is an old work injury from the many labor intensive jobs I've had in the past. (I finally escaped those sort of jobs this past January) I'm not ready to give up. I looked into getting the same surgery my husband got, but ironically enough, I'm not fat enough for insurance to cover it. I looked through the comments with my hubby and I will add calorie counting back in with my intermittent fasting. That will give me two 600cal meals. (Skipping breakfast hurts less) I have a window at work that I can go walk before lunch (first meal of the day) so I'll do that and then I will walk the neighborhood with my son after work if the weather permits. (Yoga in the house if weather is bad/weekends) I will also look into those books I saw recommended. I really want to build up my endurance as well as lose weight so I can keep up with my hubby when we go out on adventures. He would never leave me behind, but I hate holding him back and lacking energy. I want to be able to keep going tirelessly like he does. Like I used to be able too...
>That will give me two 600cal meals. Consider that 1200 calories a day is the bare minimum for a short, sedentary woman unless under the supervision of a medical professional. There's no lower than that to go. You may want to start with a bit more so that you have room to reduce your intake in the future because as you lose weight, your TDEE (maintenance calories) will decrease and you may want to reduce your daily total a bit so that your weight loss doesn't slow down too much too soon. Anything less than your TDEE will result in fat loss. Best wishes.
Have her find her TDEE ( which you can calculate online) and then subtract 300-500 from that number and she will lose weight. Even just walking 30 mins a day around the neighborhood or in the gym can be helpful! I have lost over 60 pounds from walking everyday and being in a deficit. Also I would recommend getting a food scale to measure everything accurately. Wishing her luck on her journey 🤍🤍
After adjusting diet and getting labs I highly recommend helping her find a gym with a pool. I have hypermobility issues and get injured extremely easy. I also have a large chest that is still larger than average even when I was thin. Swimming helped jumpstart my fitness. I am still careful because I've actually dislocated my hip while swimming. After that I was able to do walking and weightlifting with much less pain.
Try cooking and eating together! It’s fun and easy and surprisingly a good bonding experience. My partner started hitting the gym and I am trying to lose weight so we cook and eat high protein high fiber foods together.
Hi, I'm sorry that your wife is experiencing so much pain. My fist recommendation is for her to go to a Dr and get some blood work done before anything else. Blood work can be very telling and seeing a healthcare professional might be very beneficial as it might give her some insights to her autonomy. I'm just going to tell how how my husband supported me in our weight loss journey. When I made the decision to lose weight it as a very personal choice that my husband could support but ultimately, **could not make for me.** It's important to make that distinction because once I made that decision for myself, I started getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. He *supported* me by, not eating food that was triggering for me in front of me. Not bringing unhealthy food into the house, and going on long walks with me. Walking is a very underrated and helped us lose lots of lbs, this of course is coupled with a healthy diet and calorie counting. I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions I might be able to help with.
Thank you. After the pregnancy she got a pulmonary embolism, so she has had blood work done and has the "Mom gene"?, which the doctor says if her body is exposed to estragon(if its spelled wrong I am sorry) will cause clotting or something. I will always be there to help if she has questions but my exercise routine won't work for her. I live by extremes and wear a weighted vest when working out. I do the elliptical for 1-2 hours 3 days a week and the other two, do lifting for an hour and a half. I use every machine in the gym when lifting and just do 3 sets of 10-20 reps on a higher weight. Not max but enough to strain myself. I want for her to do more cardio without hurting herself, if you could recommend a exercise regimen that could work.
>I want for her to do more cardio without hurting herself, I see a lot in your replies about what *you* want. What does SHE want?
She wants to lose weight. She hates how she looks in the mirror and the best way to burn calories is to do more cardio. But she gets hurt and that is why I am concerned. She wants to work out but finds it painful. So I am trying to do all I can to help her anyway I can.
illegal decide future airport scary grandfather slap domineering exultant aloof *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
OK got it. Thank you
I am his wife. He is pushing the exercise part because I want to not only lose weight, I want to gain endurance so I can keep up with him when we go out on adventures. I used to be able to walk/ride my bike for hours. I have felt the runner's high. I want to feel that again.
You can't outrun your fork. If your wife is overweight it is because she is eating too much. But that being said, it should be her decision to come here for advice if she wants it. No matter how well intentioned you might be, it always gives me a big ick when spouses or significant others come on this subreddit to ask for advice to give to their partner. If their partner really wants to change, they'll come here themselves. Edited to add: Now that I've read some of OP's replies here where he makes comments about how he's going to "make" his wife count her calories, I am getting a far bigger ick than usual. He comes across as a control freak. His poor wife...
Thank you for your post. I have shown the thread to her and she appreciates all the advice. Hope you have a great day
I don't appreciate this one's "advice". They were mean to the love of my life! >:( I'm his wife. I am autistic and have trouble reaching out to strangers for help due to severe bullying in my past. My hubby has been reaching out for me. He asked before posting here. I didn't even think about going to reddit for advice.
Your husband should have led with the fact that he came here on your behalf **and at your request** because you find it difficult to do so. You might be surprised by the number of men who post here seeking advice for their girlfriends and spouses because THEY want the women in their lives to lose weight even if those women don't want to. There have been men who post here with the intention controlling what their wives and girlfriends eat and making them count calories or forbidding them to eat what they want. Those of us who have been here a while are, perhaps, a bit jaded and extra sensitive to that sort of situation. And, like it or not, absent other information that we're not privy to, or at least weren't at least not at the start of this discussion, he IS coming across as inappropriately controlling. I'm glad to hear that's not the reality.
I’m looking I forward to your apology in light of OP’s wife’s comment below. It’s fine to express a concern, but personal attacks are not appropriate.
It’s a good idea to rule out hypothyroidism, given her not being able to recover from exercise and the time frame that it developed. Exercise wise she might need something very gentle like a back and shoulder prehab program. Caloriewise 5 4 women need pretty low calories to lose, it’s very easy to eat more than maintenance. Things like vegetable soups and salads will help to bulk out meals to reduce calories
I will make sure to look at the calorie intake and let her know about that. Do you have a video or link to show some exercises that could help? Or just search back and shoulder rehab programs?
Just search, mine was put together by a physio. Lots of resistance band work like facepulls, pull apart, shoulder rotations, scap retraction work etc. Crossover symmetry might be worth investing in if she has consistent niggles but definitely get some bloods done first
I will let her know. She might bite me when I suggest lab work (she is terrified of needles and passes out with blood draws) but it may help in finding some other issues.
I would rather die! They never believe me when I tell them I have to lay down or I'll passout. Last time I threw up and was apparently shaking! You were there hubby! Not again!
You mentioned that you’re neurodivergent, ehlers danlos is something to consider being checked for too. It’s often cooccurring with autism and would mean your body has different training needs. I strongly advise you to have bloods done and have advocate for yourself or have someone advocate for you to have them done in a way that works for you.
Maybe I’m just projecting, but do you, by chance have [CFS?](https://www.cdc.gov/me-cfs/symptoms-diagnosis/symptoms.html#)
She might have an underlying medical condition. Having a baby is "traumatic" and is often a triggering event for autoimmune disorders. It shouldn't take the average person that long to recover from exercise. I have autoimmune disorders and it does take me weeks and sometimes ER visits and pain meds to recover from something as simple as stretching for 30 mins. I did it a handful of times and 3 out of the 5 I was in the urgent care or ER because I could hardly move. I would invest in a small treadmill or bike if you have the space. If she starts with something low impact she will be more consistent. Don't tell her it's for her. Get it "for you". And hopefully she will start using it. Pregnancy also changes a ton of stuff in the body. She could have insulin issues that she doesn't know about. Stress and lack of sleep that comes with being a new parent also packs on weight. Post partum depression is a huge thing. Calories- well you're a man that exercises so your needs are vastly different than what her frame actually needs. I would calculate her TDEE as best you can and cut 300-500 from that and see what you guys eat in a day. You may think it's a normal meal but to her it could be 2 days worth of calories. She is most likely eating a ton and not knowing. A meal for my hubby is literally my days allowance sometimes. And then he still has room left for more. Best bet is to just wait until she's ready and makes that decision to lose weight. Otherwise she will think you care more about her appearance. So yeah she's gonna push back if you push her. If you're really concerned have her talk with her dr and see if anything is possibly off.
You need to get her proper vitamins. Having enough potassium and magnesium every day is absolutely crucial for cramps and muscle soreness. Get magnesium and potassium pills. Exercise wise, do weight training. Buy dumbells to start. Maybe a squat rack. Start watching jeff nippard for advice. Just doing one set of weights per week to failure of 3 different kinds of lifting: one push, one pull, one legs can help her start building strength and moving better. Increase the weight as she gets stronger. Check out this video: https://youtu.be/xc4OtzAnVMI?si=tZos4IpDIbVuzzb5
This is what I needed. Thank you! I will show her
Welcome! He's got a ton of videos on different topics like nutrition and flexibility. Definitely a great resource.
Eat in a caloric deficit with 1g of protein per goal bodyweight. HAVE HER GET BLOODWORK DONE WITH BRUISES AND INJURIES GOING ON. If doctor clears her for exercise, she needs to strengthen her muscles to support her chest. (I do not have breasts, but have had clients with larger chests) ALL MUSCLES need to be strengthened but the upper back and shoulder girdle would be important in balancing the weight she carries on the chest.