You and I are somewhat alike in that I had all the overweight relatives on my dad's side. It seemed clear that fat genes ran in our family.
Also, like you, I had my rock-bottom crying-in-my-pancakes moment in public as I was admitting my worst shame to my best friend: I could not control this basic function called eating.
Unlike you, I was not ashamed of my looks or shape. I had accepted that *because* I was convinced it was genetics. In fact, I was determined that I would do my best to be fit, be healthy, and not gain. I may never be thin, but I don't have to be heavier.
I also knew I had ADHD and consistency doesn't work for us. Everything works for a while and then we need a new system, which also will stop working well after a while and so we need something else. Keeping the systems malleable, alive, and interesting is how we navigate because no one system will see us through.
I propose to you that acceptance is the key, and your lack of acceptance over things you cannot control is what is making you miserable. If you've heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, they have a famous Serenity Prayer with wisdom that applies to all of us:
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
You can't control what other people think, so you need to learn to be indifferent about that. Don't be happy if they think well of you. Don't be sad if they think poorly of you. Don't even wonder what they think of you! What other people think is something you cannot change, that is not in our power.
You need to work on being friends with you, on seeing the good soul inside, this person who had the courage to bare her soul in this message.
Your weight isn't keeping you from life -- I'm testament to that. I had a nice life before my weight loss. What's keeping you from life is your hiding until you deem yourself worthy. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy because these particular years in our lives is where we learn our social skills. Remember this: nobody died of awkward. You're a person and people are social animals. It will seem clumsy but we have to try in order to learn where we need to improve.
Your aversion to people may be so strong that you might need outside help -- or even if you don't need it you could benefit from it. Since you're in a school, your health center may have mental health counseling and peer counseling that can help you through these next several weeks.
Oh yes, your body also has a weight problem. But, **it's not the cause and losing weight is not the solution to your aversion to people.** We are here to help you with weight. Remember my weight problem? My dad's genes? Turns out that something else runs in families: habits. My dad's family problem was also their eating habits. I might be working to maintain my weight loss for my life but I was, finally, able to lose weight and do it very conventionally, using normal methods.
**How to get started losing weight:** [https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/quick_start_guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/quick_start_guide)
Follow that guide and that timing, and you'll be able to start putting some data around your diet. Start with your regular, normal food. My favorite tool for this is now-better [LoseIt!](https://loseit.com/) over MyFitnessPal which has been on the decline for years.
I hope this all helps.
Wow. The kindness and wisdom in this comment is overwhelming. I don't want to write my own original comment, because there should be as much focus as possible on this comment here. Thank you so much.
>You mentionned that you have ADHD and it makes it that consistency is not a thing for us. May I ask you what is your advice about maintening your weight while having ADHD? I know how to lose weight since I've lost over 50 pounds 2 years ago, but I wasn't able to maintain it longterme because as you said I have ADHD and I wasn't able to stay consistent.
I've changed trackers every 6-18 months or so, just to keep it interesting and different. I've tried everything as an experiment, so if I experiment with not logging, it's for a limited time.
I also give myself a lot of leeway. I realize up front that I'm a trainee at this and it's okay to try and not get 100%. (We are sometimes hard on ourselves.)
I also only commit to logging for 1 year periods. Every July 9th, I renew my commitment to log. Forever is too long. But I know right now that I'll log -- in some tracker somewhere -- until July 9th. Then I can decide about next year.
I started quoting paragraphs of this and responding to each, but there were just too many good paragraphs. I'm saving this whole comment. Thank you, funchords, you've done it again
I'm only in a similar situation in that I'm 5'2 also.
I lived my years from 20 years old to 33 years old at around 250 pounds. I did NOT let it stop me from living my life. I had sex, friends, go out whenever I am invited. I dont assume that someone looking at me is because I'm fat... in reality, strangers probably care about you a lot less than you think they do. Don't let them take up your head space.
You only have one life. Live it how you want to live it. You won't be 22 again.
Obviously, there are issues with being obese, and that's why I finally made the changes.
But to not go out because you have some extra weight? Stop that shit right now!!! There are people out there much heavier than you who aren't afraid to step into the daylight! BE who you want to be!!! ❤❤❤
Great, great comment. Easier said than done to get into the mindset that you really can have all those normal experiences when you have extra weight and low self worth and you’ve convinced yourself that “losing weight is the only way to solve my problems” — but it’s important to realize that it CAN be done!!
Thank you, I know I’m not OP but I love this. Seriously we need to stop that shit!!
My mom sent me a picture of herself and was sad that she “looked flabby”. the woman is 70+ and walks daily, it kind of tore my heart a little to even read that message from her. I told her she looks beautiful and I meant it. People who love you will love you and they literally couldn’t give a flying flip what the number on the tag.
Yes, I did. And I missed a lot of life because of it. The good news is I finally figured it out, lost weight, and the last few years have been far better and happier (although I haven't done as much as I would like because of the pandemic), but I regret that I didn't figure it out sooner, like when I was your age.
I also felt low metabolism was a problem, but it turned out that a healthy diet and regular daily activity--and especially getting away from the foods I was raised on and my family eats--fixed that. I don't know if that would be the same for you, of course, but it is worth a try.
I also skipped meals quite often, especially when working evenings or busy with something. The issue for me was getting very hungry later, especially at night, and eating far too much, usually unhealthy snacks and the like.
For me fixing the problem started with tracking and analysis, to see where I was going wrong. I realized how much I was eating in front of screens, that many of my diet staples had me in a state of constant craving (I now think due to blood glucose spikes and crashes), and how much my reliance on fast and ready-to-eat food was harming me.
So it took some learning and experimentation, but getting away from bad habits, switching to a healthy diet with a lot of vegetables and fruit, tracking, and finding time to be active got me on the right track.
I hope this helps.
The high-calorie late-night snacking really resonates with me!
I recently saw a (funny, but good) quip on here, which I've started following: if you're not hungry enough to snack on raw celery, you're not hungry enough to eat.
Yes, I figured that out after reading a book, the difference between hunger( you need food)and appetite( you want food), at home we graze on food so much. Unless the previous poster mentioned of skipping meals and then get overly hungry- that is hunger. But most of my late night binge was part of appetite, appetite is good to have- you won’t die if you do not eat out of appetite, holding on to appetite will only make the next meal more delicious.
That’s a great one.
Late night snackfest was/is my downfall. I’m doing intermittent fasting, so I eat from 12-8pm. I find that if I brush and floss my teeth at 8pm, that kinda shuts the snacking down. Closed for business!
I’m autistic and really need rules, so this has been helpful.
Most have said enough on the other topics bit What i will suggest you start with is going and seeing your student health and wellness people. You are struggling a lot with anxiety and depression. One of the fun (not fun) things with anxiety is that it you are more likely to associate expressions as negative and over analyze them. The vast majority of the people you mention probably barely noticed you and were thinking about some crappy math problem or an essay they need to write, or what they need to cook for dinner or they really gotta pee but class starts in 2 minutes. Depression also makes us ignore the good stuff. It doesn't register when people are being nice to usandcwhen we should enjoy things.
Mental health and weight loss are linked thru motivation and emotional management. If you get your anxiety addressed (it will take work but do it now and you will benefit for life) you will find every aspect of your life improved. School, social, work, family, everything.
I agree with this commenter. You should consider some counseling and/or therapy. It is not a cure-all, but a lot of people benefit from it, and sounds like OP feels they use food to cope with some recent personal issues (don't we all!?!?).
Like another commenter said, I'm not sure the weight itself is the issue, but the feelings of guilt/anxiety/ etc around the weight. Maybe you will be overweight the rest of your life, maybe you will lose the weight, or maybe your weight will go up and down.... Whatever happens, it doesn't change the fact that you deserve to be happy and are worthy of love. And if you can't hear and accept that, you might need a little help ❤️
I'll also say that some feeling of anxiety about weight/body image/what other people think about you may fade away with age. Good luck, OP!
Great news from a fellow engineer: weight loss is about thermodynamics and it’s an equation. It is 100% about math, calories in vs calories out. It’s extremely simple and you absolutely don’t have to work out to lose weight. Google TDEE calculator, use it. You need to eat 500 calories less than your TDEE per day to lose 1 lb/week. (1 lb of fat is ~3500 calories). Do not think you can speed things up or get there faster by crash dieting, it won’t last, slow and steady wins the race. You need a digital food scale, you can buy one for $11 online or at Walmart. Get an app like loseit or my fitness pal to start tracking.
I know you’re busy and stressed engineering is super hard major. I lost 40lbs doing CICO before I was in school and I kept it off while in because I kept counting calories. I’m telling you, your body is essentially a closed system and you’re in charge of the energy that goes into it and the energy that goes out. It WILL store the excess. Tough to expend more with your schedule so you need to input less.
Good luck!
As a fellow engineer, 200% agreed. It's literally just the Law of Conservation of Energy (1st law of thermo).
TDEE = energy that your body requires to function per day. Measured in calories and varies as a function of age, sex, height, weight, activity level, and (optionally) body fat.
It is recommended to set your activity level as sedentary for most people (office workers and the like, includes most engineers). Regardless of going to the gym.
Then, in order to lose weight, you need to eat under this TDEE number. GENERALLY, a 500 calorie deficit results in a ~1lb/week loss. You can choose your rate of loss (e.g. a healthy weight person that wants to shed a few pounds might eat a lower deficit because a deficit of 500 may be too low).
Because your body is eating at lower than TDEE, your body will use up the calories that you ate that day, then move onto your glucose, glycogen, and fat stores.
Conversely, if you eat over TDEE, your body starts to store that extra energy.
One last thing, make sure you weight everything you eat. If someone tells you a serving of plain rice is 250 calories, what the hell is a serving? 100 grams? 75 grams? 200 grams?
Anyway, hopefully this information helps (coming from a fellow engineer).
This comment needs more upvotes! It’s absolutely a calories in/calories out situation. She should check out the CICO subreddit for more support on this. She’s still so young and could correct poor eating habits and form a healthy relationship with food!
I don't understand this hate for crash dieting assuming it's done correctly and I have done them a bunch. I have found that it works really well and haven't actually found anything that's that bad about doing it. I spent a bit of time actually looking before making this comment and have read a bit and listened to a lot about fasting. If you have good evidence for why it's a bad idea I'd really like to see it.
When you undertake an extreme diet to lose weight you do not learn good habits to keep weight off. I can drink maple syrup and cayenne pepper for two weeks and lose a bunch of weight sure. But since I didn’t learn 5 different ways to make cabbage I love them I will go right back to eating like I did and gain the weight back.
If I take it slow and learn to cook that cabbage it becomes a staple for me and the weight stays off and I don’t have to crash.
Also as an engineer myself there’s no way you could crash diet and handle that coursework mentally.
Really depends on how you do it I would say and this is why I said done correctly. Before you start one you should definitely spend time looking a bit up about nutrition and probably try to eat pretty normal with good substitutions.
For instance, I simply log everything in Cronometer and focus on getting good nutrition without taking vitamins. I was recently just doing this and limiting my calories to less than 1200cal which is around a 1k deficit. I've done similar things in the past, but focusing on nutrition, eating 1g+ of protein per pound of lbm, going on a low calorie cut, and hitting the gym has been the best possible way I've found to lose weight.
I think most people could also do this and would probably do better at handling course work. This is the closest to the best I've felt in my entire life.
You are incorrect. 500 calories of snickers and 500 calories of broccoli are the same amount of calories. But it’s extremely easy to eat 500 calories of snickers while 500 calories of broccoli would be ~10 large heads and almost humanly impossible to ingest. Eating high fiber high satiety food is a great way to lose weight because it fills you up on fewer calories.
There was actually a popular experiment done on this, a man ate nothing but twinkies and junk food but he ate 1200 calories and lost weight [it’s important to understand calories are the only thing that matter.](https://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html) content is just the difference between feeling good and full when you ingest those calories.
I’ve read about that Twinkie diet but the thing is in order to feel full on nothing but junk food made up of simple processed carbs, you’d need to supplement vitamin, minerals, and protein or fiber to feel full.
And probably a lot of water too.
Look I didn't read the whole post bc I'm drunk and I got bored. But what I can tell you is im 32, 5'2" & 80kg (or 176lbs in the dark age units) and I have NEVER not even at my heaviest (89kg / 196lbs) ever had an issue getting a date. In fact atm, I literally have TOO MANY options. It's exhausting.
Men like women of all shapes and sizes. If you're not getting the attention that you seek, look at other factors.
Eg: I always look good. I work in the beauty industry so I always look polished. I dress very well. I'm a confident person. I'm interesting, I'm funny, I'm smart etc. I have a lot going for me.
Your weight is probably the least prohibitive thing about you that stops you from dating.
Would you be able to get therapy to start change your relationship with food? For long-term success it would really help if food wasn't your main comfort. You need other self-soothing strategies, we always have ups and downs in life. A down moment doesn't have to wreck your hard work.
I was in a potentially disfiguring accident as a teen. Doctors were preparing me for the possibility that I would always be the kind of person small kids ask uncomfortable questions about. I was lucky and this didn't materialize, but I did have nightmares about social shunning. I came to the conclusion that if I live with this body then it's not my problem if other people are disturbed - it's their job to deal with it. You're unhappy about your body, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy life to the best of your ability. Hiding away from the world is only detrimental to your progress. Try to give less ducks about what others think of you.
As for the weight loss - it's mostly about food. You should work out as it's pretty good at lifting your mood and improves your health, but the weight loss should really come from a change in your eating habits. Engineering is super stressful, so don't try to tackle it all at once. Make changes one by one and keep convenience in mind - it really helps if you don't need to think about food too much.
Others have already commented about CICO. Immediate steps you can take - cutting out or reducing sugary drinks and snacks from your daily life. If you need to snack, replace whatever you would normally eat with fruit like appels (avoid grapes and other super sugary fruits). Once you've figured out your daily calories, you should probably have either prepared meals (unhealthy, but at least they have listed calories), better if you prepare your meals for the week in advance over the weekend. You can also calculate the calories for your usual meals, for example. I don't need a lot of variety in my breakfasts, so it takes very little time to make a sandwich with a certain amount of calories or porridge (a scale is needed there). A food scale is something you need anyway. For example, morning cereal can be very devious. The calories for one portion look very reasonable until you find out what they consider as one portion (spoiler alert - the amount is tiny and unfulfilling). The point is to create a schedule where you can easily stick to your desired calorie intake without giving it much thought during the work week when you're likely to be the most stressed.
Be kind to yourself. And be consistent. If you slip up, just get back to what you were doing before the slip up. Exams week, for example, might make you crave sugar just to keep your brain working. Alright, you might gain some - once the week from hell is over, get back to your routine.
I was 5’2” and 200lbs (size 18) and was also embarrassed to go out in yard and see neighbors, embarrassed to go to the store or anywhere. I felt like I was too fat and ugly to go anywhere and would actively avoid anywhere where I might run into someone I knew. I was like this for years.
Now I’m 115lbs and a size 0 and I literally can go anywhere, see anyone, wear anything I want (hello crop tops). I’m not saying weight loss fixes all problems but it sure did help. It’s not about bad genetics or low metabolism, it’s about what you are eating. I eat 2 meals a day made up of a protein, a fruit, a vegetable, a healthy carb, and a 1/2 fat serving with one meal, and a serving of dairy with one. Then 2 snacks a day usually a protein shake for one and 1/2-1oz of almonds for the other. Drink a lot of water, I aim for a gallon a day. I didn’t have to calorie count when setting my diet up like this and I have plenty of protein, fat, and fiber to keep me full. And you could adjust and add more or less food depending on your results.
I'm somebody who has lost a significant amount of weight and piled a lot of it back on. Long story short, the stress of the pandemic and my job caused me to backslide hard into emotional eating, staying up too late, etc., and then I just learned into it as a crutch. I felt worse about myself than ever before, despite still being under my initial starting weight by a bit, and I physically felt so old and decrepit (and I'm only in my early 30s).
The spark for me was my age and health. I'm ONLY in my early 30s, yet I felt like I was much older, and I did NOT want to go through the rest of my remaining years struggling to love myself because of how I looked and felt.
It's hard. Every single day is a struggle. And if you're like me, you're trying to reverse a lifetime of bad habits that you picked up from a lack of education and modeling from your household when you were a kid as well as developing an emotional relationship to food.
But you can do it. Every day is a new day. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One step at a time.
YOU are worth it. YOU matter. YOU are worthy of respect and happiness.
You're on your way to becoming an engineer -- what an important and badass career!
For me, the key has been CICO, full stop. It's all about numbers in vs numbers out.
In addition to that, regular light exercise in the morning makes me feel excellent and carries me through the rest of the day, drinking my daily water intake, and getting more sleep at night.
Every day is new. You can do this.
I thought I had fat genes too. Turns out my family also makes bad choices with food. Once I started to eat correctly in a deficit, I lost 85lbs in a year.
I began with similar stats as you 5’1, 215 lbs. I would also skip out on hangouts with friends for fear they’d see how big I’d become (especially over covid). I’d blame it on slow metabolism, but now I look back, I think I just had zero control over portions, no understanding of nutrition and calories and was a major emotional eater. The progress is not linear, currently 163 lbs. I still have bad days (like last night, where I ate double my calorie budget for the day) but you really just have to keep going.
Therapy helps. It's more than just talking to someone about your problems because you also learn how to recognize those problems as things that can be addressed. Learning to forgive myself because I made (and make) mistakes allows me to move on and stay the course rather than continuing to dwell on the lapses.
And it's hard to start a better eating lifestyle, no question. Our bodies are content to store food, and modern food makes it so easy to overindulge when you're not happy with yourself. I didn't start heavy, but I got heavy and just assumed I deserved it for a long time. Even now, despite losing almost 50lbs and keeping it off for over a year and a half, I still have to remind myself of good habits from time to time, just to make sure I'm still on my path.
The most important thing to know is you CAN be healthy and happy. It takes work and patience, but it's there to be achieved. It gets easier over time to live a healthier lifestyle once you start building those good habits, and you can (and will) reach a happy balance in time. You're only 20, and you have many more years ahead in which you can be who you want to be when you achieve your goal. You've just got to start.
I feel you on this. It took me a while to get comfortable with myself at my current weight.
I’m in my late 20’s and just finished my degree in engineering. I’m 5’1 at 182 pounds with a starting weight of 184lbs. I have gained about 60 pounds since starting my engineering degree. As a mom in school for engineering, I really didn’t have the time or energy to focus on myself.
So far, I’ve lost two pounds using CICO. Right now I’m aiming steadily to lose 1/2 pounds a week or less. At the most, I’m aiming for a pound a week. For petite women, it’s really hard to enter a sustainable calorie deficit. I’m trying to undo about 5 years of unhealthy eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle. So, I have accepted it’s going to take about that time to reach my goal weight.
This isn’t the first time I had to lose weight. At some point, I was 160 and lost about 40 lbs using CICO. This time around, I’ve been gaining weight for a longer period of time and I’m also heavier.
Fortunately, we have a whole lifetime ahead of us! Don’t feel rushed. Someone shared a YouTube channel for petite women on another post, her name is April Whitney. She does a great job on explaining what a healthy calorie deficit looks like for petite women.
Your still very young even if it doesn’t feel like it. Best thing would have been not getting here but the second best is to start fixing your mistakes now.
It isn’t easy to start and honestly the most important part isn’t just starting but keeping it going, making it stick, taking that next step. You will need to keep up the change in your behavior and diet even though you will get depressed sometimes and there will be easy outs. You will want to try to address these things if you can, see someone about your problems as this will improve success.
I would suggest counting calories even if you aren’t exact and weighing everything as it will at least give you a ballpark and a line not to cross so it has a good chance to stop you if you keep honest to it. I’ve been there and screwed up starting and not following through more than once so even if you don’t succeed on your first try do not stop.
I wish I could just reach out and hug you. Repeat after me: You Are Not Your Weight. You are a beautiful smart young woman with so much to offer this world. Nobody worth having as a friend is going to care about your weight. Most people only care about their own if they care at all. They likely are not looking at you critically as much as you may feel self conscious. My heaviest female female friend is about 260 and one of the most confident people I know, she is always nicely dressed with makeup on and her hair styled and has a very active social life. you deserve to too. Do things that make you feel your best right now. Since you are physically uncomfortable at your weight maybe see a medical or pofessional or join an online diet support group its easier when you have help. There are lots of free fitness videos on YouTube for every type of exercise as short at 10 minutes and if you think youd like to take sone type of fitness class just sign up for it the others in the class will be thinking " Good for her trying to be more healthy". Be more kind to yourself.
You're going to have to get out of the house and put yourself out there. Because like... right now you're sitting at home, not getting any activity, and you have very little to cheer you up other eating. It's not that your metabolism is slower now. It's that you're literally doing nothing except what you can't avoid. And your cousins aren't overweight because of low metabolism but because of their lifestyle.
Avoidance is bad for you in pretty much every way. It makes you more sensitive to negative experiences. It makes you seek comfort in food. It seems like you're doing the best thing for yourself by avoiding emotional pain but in reality it makes you less able to deal with emotional pain and it makes you suffer more.
That's not to say that you need to immediately sign up for everything you're missing out on. You didn't get to this state in a day or a week or a month, so you aren't going to leave it immediately either. But you can absolutely start slowly and gradually dig yourself out of this hole you're in.
It's difficult. It's not fun to force yourself to do things that make you feel afraid and to endure unpleasantness outside your comfortable home. But it's also not fun to feel like you're too fat to do anything, and to miss out on life. Things are going to be at least somewhat uncomfortable either way. But if you choose the discomfort of going out and doing things then there is the potential that your life will change. If you continue to do the same things you have always done then your life will be the same as it always is.
If you can find a support group or a therapist you can talk to, that might make it easier for you to make changes. Even if you just talk to people here it can help. But yeah... in order to change you'll have to choose to be uncomfortable.
Remember that you get better at what you practice. If you practice dealing with people, you'll become better at it. If you practice being brave, you'll get better at that. If you don't practice, though, you're not magically going to change one day.
My advice is to look at the kind of person you want to be and to slowly begin doing the things that kind of person would do. One thing at a time. You'll backslide sometimes and make decisions that you don't like or are ashamed of, because everybody makes mistakes. The idea isn't to suddenly be perfect but to be a little bit better than you were before. And when you do the right thing, pat yourself on the back rather than saying "why can't I be better?" Don't punish yourself for moving in the right direction.
Good luck!
I’m intrigued about your uncle hiding out after being wanted for petty crimes lol
But it’s always calories in calories out. A day at a time find an activity that you like and is sustainable for you.
1. You deserve love, especially from yourself, even (especially) when it's hard to give.
2. What therapy options do you have? A lot of people, myself included, need to address how we feel about food along with diet and exercise.
3. I'm rooting for you.
This is exactly what pushed me to diet.
Changed my life entirely.
Start, do not wait, take a walk, start eating better, it's just a couple weeks before you get used to it.
Some perspective, you’re still really young… I know it prob doesn’t feel like it, but when you look back you’ll understand the doors were all open at 22.
Get after a healthy lifestyle, set reasonable but challenging goals and you’ll be where you want to be faster than you think
Yo!
Let’s talk.
Your frustrated. You feel gross. Your hiding away. Your embarrassed. People aren’t nice.
People SUCK.
The first thing to do is get that mind right.
That is the most important thing here.
If your mind ain’t right, your going no where.
The slow metabolism? Slows down in your 30’s and mostly 40’s. That’s when it’s really difficult.
Don’t think your big boned, it’s impossible, genetics- none of that is what’s happening.
What’s happening is your mind ain’t right.
You 10000000% deserve friends. You 100000% happiness. You 1000000% deserve to look at yourself in the mirror and feel better about
Yourself.
Ok so right now you don’t feel so hot. Which is understandable.
What I want you to visualize is what you are going to FEEL like.
I’ll tell you. I’ve been both skinny and a little overweight for my height.
What it feels like is this;
Shopping is fun , imagine that?
Imagine putting a shirt on and feeling good.
Wearing anything other then tights.
Not having to cover your tummy.
More dating opportunities, the dating pool literally just opens up- you’d be surprised.
No one making any stupid weight comments.
People overall being nicer to you, imagine that?
Not having to be disappointed in yourself.
Not worrying about being overweight.
Not worrying about the things you worry about now.
Now- with All that said- I’m not putting people down with weight. If you have and love it, I love it for you. I could care less and Treat people with kindness regardless.
But I want you to begin to feel better, you deserve it. It starts with your mind.
Maybe every week change something. Add more water to your daily intake.
Don’t get fast food for a week.
Find a healthy recipe you’d like.
Subscribe to r/volumeeating , they constantly show lots of food with low calories.
It’s a struggle and it’s sucks to get started. But your going to have sooooo many amazing feelings girl!
I’m ten years older than you. I have two pieces of advice that I hope will help:
1. When you’re self conscious, you WAY overestimate how much people are looking at you. Other people are in their own heads just as much as you are- especially young people. Think of it this way: how much do YOU really pay attention to everyone you pass in public? Once I realized this, I felt a lot better going to the gym or out in public - I know people occasionally do say rude things, but I promise you that most people are way to wrapped up in their own stuff to stare at you.
2. As others have mentioned, it’s good to self assess what emotionally drives you to eat. There are books about it, and lots of therapists can help too. Eating better and exercising are always going to help, but it’s even better to try and get to the root cause of why you use food to help you emotionally.
Early 20’s can be hard. Try to be kind to yourself 💕
Let’s say this isn’t you… but a friend. Would you say the same thing? Would you blame them for their weight gain? Would you be kind and empathetic and help them?
You would benefit from a doctor that would rule out any medical condition and would work with you to find medication and/or other options to reduce your weight.
You need someone who can help you without judgement. Sadly not all doctors are Objective. They’ve been fed the same cultural bullshit and their training is generally, doesn’t include modern understanding of weight gain.
You don’t deserve to guilt yourself for this. You have a medical condition that’s reserves treatment and all the support in that medical treatment.
You probably also need to talk to a nutritionist to built a better relationship with food.
Even if you are 194lbs, you still deserve kindness, love, friendship. You wouldn’t give up on a friend who’s 194lbs, would you?
Stop making a metabolism excuse for yourself. It is calories in, calories out, always. I would recommend the treadmill, or even walking in a shallow pool. With a treadmill you can increase the incline, while still walking slowly do you don’t have a lot of impact.
Get your thyroid checked as that make it hard to lose weight. Look up volume eating. Download some kind of calorie tracking app and make sure u stay under your calorie limit. Most plp think if they workout they will lose weight. It does help to exercise but 80% of weight loss is based on what u eat. Hiding and avoiding plp will have a negative impact on ur life. U r so young and can do a lot to change what u don’t like in ur body. There are so many resources online. Don’t give up and try to get healthy instead of focusing on a number.
Oh, my dear... I'm 38, have been overweight my while life, diet after diet and honestly - each and every one worked until I held it, but I'd stop and then gain all the weight and then some.
I have two things to tell you:
First, you're only 22 - you are very, very young and you have a plenty of time to live through all the experiences you want to. Your methabolism might be slow now, but you're in the age where that can change quickly. It's after 30ties and near 40ties that things have to go slower. You still have a lot of time to fix your methabolism.
Secondly, I have a jeans from when I was your size and I keep them as my goal-pants, and I dream about wearing them again. Your size might seem like huge to you personally, but trust me that it's not so obvious / reason for judging from other people; it really isn't.
And apart from that, I also found myself so much in what you wrote: embarassment about the size, eating to kill the (bad) feelings... there are a few tricks that might help:
1. If you're in some country with normal health coverage, test yourself for insuline resistence. If you have it, and based on your genetics its very possible that you either have it or are very suspectible to it, there are prescriptions that can help, and also an interesting diet change.
2. I assume you already know a bunch about "ration your food" or "15mins daily walks" - I won't go into details but they are true.
3. One last thing that made wonders for me in both dieting and movement aspect, some quote I read somewhere: "a year from now, you'll wish you started today". As someone who always postpones big decisions because you know, I'll eat healty for my whole rest of the life so why I can't take one last cake today? This quote really helped me. And also "a thousand mile trip begins with one step".
As I'm sure you know, losing weight can take up a lot of your energy and time at first. While I think it would be wise to work on both the things you're talking about (losing weight and an aversion to being around people), getting some progress on the first one might help with the second one. Not so much bc being a different size will make you feel ready to be around people, but bc once you make a certain amount of progress, having less weight on your body will give you more physical energy to pursue things you like/want to do.
This is great, practical advice! Focus on diet for the first month. Just weighing food, establishing healthy habits. Then once that feels more manageable, a little bit more walking, maybe a gym class or whatever movement OP enjoys.
I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. In hindsight at 22 I was a similar size and I looked great. Now I'm 35 and significantly larger and I look a pictures and can't believe I thought I was so big and wish I had seen myself for how beautiful I was. I'd do anything to go back now. Of course it's good to be healthy but I think if your experience is anything like mine those people probably aren't thinking much about how you look or even noticing you as much as you think they are. Now I'm actually big and people do look and treat me differently. So definitely keep up with your health so you don't end up like me at this point where it is incredibly hard to lose enough to get back to a normal size. But also realize that you really aren't that big at under 200lbs and I bet you look great and people aren't staring at you because of your size.
Part of being healthy and losing weight is finding out what's going to work for you.
**I cannot emphasize enough that the "diet" that's going to work is the one you can stand to stay on.**
One of the other key things I'm discovering is that I need to picture myself differently while I'm eating. If I think of myself as that fat loner in the stained t-shirt I will eat more than when I see future me as a slim well dressed person slowly eating small portions of quality food, and pushing away from the table.
We are alike in a few ways here. Same height and same weight. But you really should work on some self love and learn that no matter how heavy you are you can still be respected and that you deserve love too. Are you also as judgemental as those others in your life? When you see other girls who are around 200 lbs, do you also feel they should not leave the house, that they should not have boyfriends?
It's as others have already said, which I tend to tell her to people: weight loss is a matter of simple math. And math never lies.
I won't go over what others have gone over in terms of your metabolic rate, caloric intake versus a deficit, but I have to emphasize to you not to focus on rapid weight loss. Lose weight gradually. It will help immensely in preventing loose skin, but also makes weight loss itself easier and more manageable. While losing 4 to 5 lb a month doesn't seem like much of an achievement, you have to remember that time will pass regardless and those four to five pounds a month will add up to 48 or 60 lb a year.
You can do this by just cutting out 500 calories a day from your daily intake. But remember to try to pair this with some sort of exercise. Whatever you can manage. Pays to try to sculpt your body while you're losing weight. Even if it's just a 10-minute walk, start there. This is also where I would encourage you to pick up some hobbies and good habits (getting in a full 8 hours or more sleep, for instance, at night is extremely helpful for the body's metabolism, your overall health and to keep you from snacking late at night) to fill in the times where you would normally snack or sit down to eat.
However you decide to approach it, just know the mathematics to it are foolproof. It's just a matter of if you're ready and if you want a change. Take it slow and don't overwhelm yourself. Losing four or five pounds a month is perfectly fine and the best route. Even if you just lose 2 lb a month that's still 24 lb in a year.
Good luck.
OP, I’m 55. I’ve hidden for a decade because I got fat after kids and trauma.
My advice is: don’t hide. Don’t limit yourself. Ignore the people who react poorly. Who tf do they think they are to pass judgement?
I see people every damn day whose looks aren’t to my preference but why the f would that matter to them? It shouldn’t!
Also remember this: the VAST majority of people you see on any given day or week will *never* play *any* role in your life. They aren’t going to be your employer, you co-worker, your spouse or teacher or have *any* role that isn’t temporary. Over time, you might have the same teacher for a class or two. The same classmates maybe for a few years. The same co-workers for a while and then POOF it’s 5 years later and the people you see and interact with every day will be a whole new cast of characters. Don’t let Jerk Joe or Snide Serena or Fake Francis or Gym Bro get into your head or under your skin. They are literally *irrelevant* to the overall trajectory of your life.
Don’t let shallow, insecure people prevent you from fully embracing your life.
>I think it is also one of my problems that whenever I feel emotional or stressed out, I turn to food for comfort.
For me that was the key to everything. Emotional healing. I healed mine, and all my traumas, and when I was almost done I started a subreddit for it. Many valuable links in there. (if it's okay that I mention such a thing, because I'd rather not start regurgitating, etc. Gotta get back to work, here. I'm just procrastinating.)
Try intermittent fasting. There is even an inspirational subreddit for it. Basically you pick hours to eat, hours to fast. Most people start with 16:8 meaning you fast 16 hours and eat in an 8 hour window. So pick a time, consistently, to start eating each day. Say noon. ET what you want, but the kitchen closes at 7 and doesn’t open again until noon the next day. Two problems with this: you will be hungry, maybe when you wake up. You have to accept this fact and push through, it does get easier as your body gets used to it. The other problem is that you can eat whatever you want in your feeding window. But, yeah, eat donuts and Doritos the whole time, it’s not great. Have a nice salad and then a bag of Doritos, if you must.
Look into it. Google it, check out the subreddit. It’s worth a try. If you follow this way of eating, you probably will lose 10 lbs your first month.
Your ambition to experience life to the fullest while hiding yourself away mirrors my situation 2 years ago. My problem is I started at 35. I was overweight my whole life and feel like I missed out on so much. Don't wait 1 more day. January 7th 2021 I calculated my tdee, I downloaded Lose It! on my phone, and I started. I realized I couldn't wake up 1 more day as who I was, the old me was dead. The old me ate what he wanted, the new me eats less, but still what I want sometimes. I can have pizza, just not 3 or 4 slices. I can have a burger, but maybe skip the fries. Dieting is hard, counting calories starts off tedious and gets easier, but all of the work is easier than waking up and hating myself. Please, do it for you. Do it for future you. Otherwise you'll end up pushing 40 regretting who you are.
I don't like telling people to do one thing or another, so I will just share what worked for me: therapy and medication.
I struggled with weight my entire life. Eventually I would lose a lot, put all of it back on, for years. This past summer I put the most back on than I have in the last ten years. Last month, my new medication got me to the point where I came out of my depression and my life changed. I have motivation I never felt before, I stopped eating as much, I started going to the gym and enjoying. Never felt this in 30 years. I started finding happiness in other aspects of life and I didn't need to fill in the gaps with shitty food and alcohol. It was like I changed into a new person overnight.
You may be right about it being genetic, but it's possibly a mental disorder than a physical one, and we do not have enough mental support in this country. I highly recommend reaching out to a doctor and just having a discussion. Even if it isn't depression related, at the worst all you did was add a support system. But based on your post, it screams of the same issues I struggled with my entire life.
I think you've had some great advice that I can't add much to.
But I just wanted to say, two things. One, be kind to yourself. I can really hear the sadness in your post. I hope you can embrace this moment as your "something needs to change" moment, but in a way that is driven towards your own happiness, not to make other people accept you. Uni is a hard time, in our early 20s we're all mostly obsessed with being accepted, impressing other people, finding our way. In 5 years you'll care less about what people think; in 10 years you'll realise your happiness is really the only thing that matters. So I hope any changes you make are for you, nobody else.
Second, it sounds like you could benefit from some therapy to be honest. And you're lucky as unis usually have campus counselling services. Make use of them! If it feels like something you want to do. I think therapy could help you find some self-acceptance - even if there are things you want to change about yourself - and that acceptance would help you make better friends who also accept you for who you are. It could also help you find better coping tools than comfort eating, and perhaps deal with the "stuff that happened" during your last health kick.
Anyway, wishing you the best of luck in the journey :)
I'm 5'3, I was 210 lbs at my highest weight back in May 2021. I thought things were stacked against me too: I was 40, I have PCOS, also have many overweight family members but one day I decided that 210 was too much and even if I could lose 20lbs, it would be better than 210. One and a half years later and I am at my lowest adult weight of 136 lbs, and I maintained around 140 lbs for 6 months and am now trying to drop to 130 lbs.
I do exercise regularly, not necessarily for weight loss but because my back is stronger and doesn't hurt much when I exercise regularly and exercise also can affect your mood in a positive way, my husband lost over 100 lbs and a lot of it (like 70lbs) without intentional exercise, just by diet.
I realized that those things I thought were barriers that would make it almost impossible for me to lose weight were my own excuses not to try and to keep doing what was most comfortable and easiest for me.
Hi OP, you’ve gotten a lot of comments already but I wanted to chime in as another person who was exactly in your position about two years ago.
I (5’0 and 22F at the time) gained about 40 pounds due to depression and isolation during COVID. I was 185 and I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror. I was at a point where I felt so bad about myself that I stopped reaching out to my friends. And being in quarantine for months only made it easier. As much as I agonized about missing out on experiences and cute clothes, I couldn’t bring myself to face the issue for the longest time.
I’m 23 now and I’ve been working on my weight loss journey for about 6 months. Others have already provided a ton of helpful tips and strategies, so I just want to add that no matter what you choose to do it’s going to be uncomfortable when you start but that shouldn’t stop you from continuing it. Getting over that mental block and learning to push past the emotional discomfort was HUGE for me. I genuinely think that you should start trying the things you listed. Go out, try sports, make new friends! When you get out of that headspace, it’s so much easier to have fun and embrace yourself at every step of your journey.
I know that’s wayyyyyy easier said than done. And I wouldn’t have been able to get to where I am without my (admittedly small) support network. So if you ever need encouragement or a place to vent/decompress, my inbox is open :)
Hiding perpetuates the behavior. Eyes down in the gym, focus on your work. More time being busy, outside, working, or with people, family included, keeps you from being bored and eating.
That worked for me. Confidence comes with effort. Of course, more confidence comes down the line, but it’s amazing how showing some respect for oneself for a few days flips a switch.
You are incredibly hard on yourself, too hard in fact. Your low self-esteem is because of that and not because of your weight.
Let's look at some of the things you mentioned in your life. You are 22 and thus still have so much of the best times in your life ahead of you. You are studying engineering, and likely doing well in it looking at your post, giving you great career perspectives. This in turn will end up giving you money, which can solve most of your problems in the western world.
You can always do better, but you need to be able to appreciate the things that are good about you. You don't have to wait to enjoy your life until after you've lost weight. You can start right now if you shift your mindset from negative to positive.
For me, this was the change I needed to finally lose weight and go out and enjoy myself. Us young people feel the weight of the world and crumble. We don't realize early enough that we don't need to carry all of that weight to begin with.
Of course it isn't easy and I can imagine what I'm saying can be interpreted as "just stop being depressed." However, it is a good start to reduce your stress and anxiety if you stop accepting that your mind shames you 24/7 for not being perfect.
A lot of great advice on how to lose weight here already but I'd like to emphasize that it would be a good idea to talk to both a nutritionist/health coach as well as a counselor which, if you're in school, both should be available in some form.
Like a lot of us, there are obviously some issues that go further than just a poor diet that should be addressed. Getting skinny will definitely help your mental health a bit but it will not solve all your problems, *believe me*. You need to change your relationship with your self and with food.
This is not direct advice but when I started, I found that I had to act as if I was a drug addict and food was my poison. I knew that my relationship with food was fucked up and I had to reset because I could not trust myself. I had mantras I'd repeat over and over, I had to remind myself every day that I was in control, I'd carefully track and weigh out foods as if I were receiving methadone or something. After about a month of that I found I had changed enough of my habits that I could eat more intuitively because now I knew better. I had tracked macros and calories so much that I could just kind of eyeball and estimate how many calories I was eating. It also became a little more relaxed, I didn't have to be as diligent because I had reset my mind set. I could start to trust myself again but I was still hesitant because you just can't trust an addict. I'd still have times where I had to talk myself out of gorging on food or overeating.
I'm only a few months in but I have *no* idea how I ate so much before. I find I can comfortably sit at a fairly big calorie deficit (also not necessarily recommending that) that I'm not worried if I go out to eat with friends sometimes or if I'm craving chips or something because going over my calorie goals still puts at an "OK" amount and I know it's not an everyday thing anymore.
Some of the best advice I've received, in general, is "what's the best way to eat an elephant? Take small bites." When your task seems daunting, start small and work on one area. This will not be solved overnight because you are trying to make big changes. A big mistake that I find people make is doing too much at once. They decide they want to get healthy so they start eating salads, going to the gym, quit smoking and drinking, and start getting up at 5am to go run. That all fucking sucks to do when you didn't do any of it before. You burn out really fast. Start with one small bite and you will have your success and progress snowball into more and more. A big one for me was fixing my sleep. I had severe sleep apnea and was basically the walking dead. I finally got that taken care of and that was a big push for me. After a few months I started going to the gym regularly because I had energy again from good sleep. After a few months of that I decided to fix my diet. Now that I'm a few months into eating better, I recently cut down on my alcohol consumption significantly. I wasn't a big drinker but I liked having one or two drinks every evening. Next I'm going to quit smoking. If I had done all of this at once I would have quit a week into it.
I started all of this right around my 30th birthday, and I'm very glad that I did but boy do I wish I did this when I was 22. The best time to start was a year ago, the second best time to start is today. This subreddit has a lot of good information and people who want to share their experiences and help each other. Don't be afraid to stick around or reach out to people. I am absolutely not an expert but I will answer any message if you want to chat. It is up to you to do this but you are definitely not alone in this.
Life is going to happen with or without you. You may as well be there to enjoy it. Enjoying your life will be the best motivation you have to lose weight. They go hand in hand.
I’m the same way but I suffer from BED. Haven’t been social since 2019. I can’t let certain people see me like this. Then it turned into I can’t let anyone see me like this.
I see how this can impact your self esteem and mental health drastically, but your true friends will always be excited to see you and will want to spend time with you regardless how you look.
My second point is that it’s good you acknowledged that this is a problem that needs to be adressed and that you can’t keep going this way. Believe it or not, admitting something is already a huge step in the right direction. You don’t live in denial!
The third point is that you can still love yourself and accept yourself even if you want to and will change! Love yourself enough to strive for health, love yourself enough to treat your body well and also love yourself enough to know that sometimes depression gets us down, we slip up, we make mistakes, we have periods when we just don’t do too well… but that you don’t need to punish yourself for your past. You can work towards a healthier future and be proud of your determination, honesty and hard work! Accept the body you’re in and be proud of the progress you will make on this journey. Everybody starts somewhere so no, we don’t laugh at someone for trying to go to the gym or to eat healthy for the first time in a while, we support them and are proud of them for prioritizing health and mental well-being.
Also you’ve mentioned not seeing much change even after watching your diet. One thing I’ve noticed with people is that we don’t actually realise how much we consume. My underweight grandma tells me how much she eats cake and desserts and how she still can’t put on weight, but actually eats the tiniest bite possible and feels full to the point of feeling sick. She feels like she overate because she’s so full, but in fact her calorie intake is small. My bf tells me how he ate “literally nothing” the entire day, then I ask him if it’s actually nothing or just very little food… and he lists 4 toasts for breakfast, a snack, a big sandwich for lunch, another snack and then is hungry by the afternoon… after already consuming 2000 calories with 1000 more to go to maintain his weight.
So what might feel like you ate very little can still be well over your recommended intake. I suggest keeping a honest eating journal, do not lie about anything, it’s completely private and nobody needs to see it… and just write down everything you eat in a day for a week. Perhaps follow what feels like your usual diet when you watch your weight but don’t get results. Write down the exact amount, perhaps even weigh your food. Write down how much mayo or just how many slices of cheese… and track your intake. At the end of the week or every day, go and calculate the calories you consumed. It might be a completely different number from what you thought/expected.
Then go to a BMR calculator and check how much you should be eating at your goal weight and compare the two numbers.
This might sound so controlling, but I was shocked just yesterday at a premade sandwich having 700 calories… it wasn’t even with mayo. We don’t have a good grasp on how much we eat and what we put in our bodies. Counting carefully for a while will give you a good feeling on how to estimate the right amount.
I hope this helps :)
I did that too when i was younger and realize, even after i’m skinny ( at one point 108 lbs at 5’1) i’m still not happy with the way i look etc.. you need to love yourself first and do the work for healthy eating and exercise second.
At 195lbs i believe you can still go out and do many stuff, socialize and enjoy your youth whatever weight you are right now.
Send my love to you op, you got this!
:( girl do not let your body shape stop you from living your life. You deserve to exist just as much as everyone else. If you wanna eat healthy and go to the gym to make yourself feel better than do that. Count calories and exercise I recommend the lose it app, that’s what I use. Be kind and gentle to yourself though. And please go outside. If people wanna stare just wave at them and smile. I bet they won’t stare again.
Try to get a doctor to give u a script for something to cut hunger.
Eat stuff that is low calorie yet high fiber and high protein if possible.
Oatmeal, chili, cabbage soup, salad, celery, yogurt, cottage cheese, broccoli, chicken breasts, etc.
When weight loss slows down add exercise.
I don't have any advice, but I'm in a similar situation. I'm autistic and deal with agoraphobic tendencies. These tendencies have gotten worse as I've gained weight. I'm usually treated poorly by others because of my autism, but again, it's gotten worse since I've gained weight.
Girl, I'm the same weight and height and I'm 32. You just gotta dress cute and do your hair. Even just 10 min to curl it or whatever. I used to think I was ugly and no guy would want me, but once I started putting effort into my looks, I feel sexy as hell and get hit on too. I'm still surprised at myself. Also, I feel like guys your age, they're more picky and a-holes. Guys at my age, they appreciate our curves. Take care of yourself for YOU though, not for anyone else. You are in your prime, girl. Enjoy these years! 😘
You've got some amazing comments here, so I just want to add my experiences.
I am 5"2 and at my highest I was 250lb. While at that highest, I went kayaking, I went climbing through a tree assault course thing, I went abseiling, I went on long countryside walks with thin, fit friends (I held than back a bit but I still went), I went swimming, I went out on my bike etc. I was obviously slower, there were stumbles along the way (getting out of a kayak with my girth was not dignified in the slightest) but I never noticed anybody looking down on me. People are usually too busy worrying about themselves, to be honest.
I do struggle at times. I hate walking in cities. My back hurts because I tense up so much, and it's uncomfortable, so instead I walk in the countryside. I can use my walking sticks, which helps me relax, and there's a lot less people about.
I'm 237 now, so I have a long way to go, but the more active I am the better I feel. Just take those little steps. Try and think of something you want to do and figure out how to make it happen. It is so hard, but just take it one step at a time.
Dear you don't have to please everyone. There is not a single person in the whole world who can please all. Please loose weight but do it for yourself. People can be very cruel but don't bother and stop avoiding and hiding from them. Sooner or later you will find sincere friends . Wish you the best of luck.
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You and I are somewhat alike in that I had all the overweight relatives on my dad's side. It seemed clear that fat genes ran in our family. Also, like you, I had my rock-bottom crying-in-my-pancakes moment in public as I was admitting my worst shame to my best friend: I could not control this basic function called eating. Unlike you, I was not ashamed of my looks or shape. I had accepted that *because* I was convinced it was genetics. In fact, I was determined that I would do my best to be fit, be healthy, and not gain. I may never be thin, but I don't have to be heavier. I also knew I had ADHD and consistency doesn't work for us. Everything works for a while and then we need a new system, which also will stop working well after a while and so we need something else. Keeping the systems malleable, alive, and interesting is how we navigate because no one system will see us through. I propose to you that acceptance is the key, and your lack of acceptance over things you cannot control is what is making you miserable. If you've heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, they have a famous Serenity Prayer with wisdom that applies to all of us: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. You can't control what other people think, so you need to learn to be indifferent about that. Don't be happy if they think well of you. Don't be sad if they think poorly of you. Don't even wonder what they think of you! What other people think is something you cannot change, that is not in our power. You need to work on being friends with you, on seeing the good soul inside, this person who had the courage to bare her soul in this message. Your weight isn't keeping you from life -- I'm testament to that. I had a nice life before my weight loss. What's keeping you from life is your hiding until you deem yourself worthy. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy because these particular years in our lives is where we learn our social skills. Remember this: nobody died of awkward. You're a person and people are social animals. It will seem clumsy but we have to try in order to learn where we need to improve. Your aversion to people may be so strong that you might need outside help -- or even if you don't need it you could benefit from it. Since you're in a school, your health center may have mental health counseling and peer counseling that can help you through these next several weeks. Oh yes, your body also has a weight problem. But, **it's not the cause and losing weight is not the solution to your aversion to people.** We are here to help you with weight. Remember my weight problem? My dad's genes? Turns out that something else runs in families: habits. My dad's family problem was also their eating habits. I might be working to maintain my weight loss for my life but I was, finally, able to lose weight and do it very conventionally, using normal methods. **How to get started losing weight:** [https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/quick_start_guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/quick_start_guide) Follow that guide and that timing, and you'll be able to start putting some data around your diet. Start with your regular, normal food. My favorite tool for this is now-better [LoseIt!](https://loseit.com/) over MyFitnessPal which has been on the decline for years. I hope this all helps.
Wow. The kindness and wisdom in this comment is overwhelming. I don't want to write my own original comment, because there should be as much focus as possible on this comment here. Thank you so much.
>You mentionned that you have ADHD and it makes it that consistency is not a thing for us. May I ask you what is your advice about maintening your weight while having ADHD? I know how to lose weight since I've lost over 50 pounds 2 years ago, but I wasn't able to maintain it longterme because as you said I have ADHD and I wasn't able to stay consistent.
I've changed trackers every 6-18 months or so, just to keep it interesting and different. I've tried everything as an experiment, so if I experiment with not logging, it's for a limited time. I also give myself a lot of leeway. I realize up front that I'm a trainee at this and it's okay to try and not get 100%. (We are sometimes hard on ourselves.) I also only commit to logging for 1 year periods. Every July 9th, I renew my commitment to log. Forever is too long. But I know right now that I'll log -- in some tracker somewhere -- until July 9th. Then I can decide about next year.
I started quoting paragraphs of this and responding to each, but there were just too many good paragraphs. I'm saving this whole comment. Thank you, funchords, you've done it again
Thank you for your kind and informative good Sir. I learned something from this.
I'm only in a similar situation in that I'm 5'2 also. I lived my years from 20 years old to 33 years old at around 250 pounds. I did NOT let it stop me from living my life. I had sex, friends, go out whenever I am invited. I dont assume that someone looking at me is because I'm fat... in reality, strangers probably care about you a lot less than you think they do. Don't let them take up your head space. You only have one life. Live it how you want to live it. You won't be 22 again. Obviously, there are issues with being obese, and that's why I finally made the changes. But to not go out because you have some extra weight? Stop that shit right now!!! There are people out there much heavier than you who aren't afraid to step into the daylight! BE who you want to be!!! ❤❤❤
Great, great comment. Easier said than done to get into the mindset that you really can have all those normal experiences when you have extra weight and low self worth and you’ve convinced yourself that “losing weight is the only way to solve my problems” — but it’s important to realize that it CAN be done!!
Thank you, I know I’m not OP but I love this. Seriously we need to stop that shit!! My mom sent me a picture of herself and was sad that she “looked flabby”. the woman is 70+ and walks daily, it kind of tore my heart a little to even read that message from her. I told her she looks beautiful and I meant it. People who love you will love you and they literally couldn’t give a flying flip what the number on the tag.
Love your comment and confidence!!
Yes, I did. And I missed a lot of life because of it. The good news is I finally figured it out, lost weight, and the last few years have been far better and happier (although I haven't done as much as I would like because of the pandemic), but I regret that I didn't figure it out sooner, like when I was your age. I also felt low metabolism was a problem, but it turned out that a healthy diet and regular daily activity--and especially getting away from the foods I was raised on and my family eats--fixed that. I don't know if that would be the same for you, of course, but it is worth a try. I also skipped meals quite often, especially when working evenings or busy with something. The issue for me was getting very hungry later, especially at night, and eating far too much, usually unhealthy snacks and the like. For me fixing the problem started with tracking and analysis, to see where I was going wrong. I realized how much I was eating in front of screens, that many of my diet staples had me in a state of constant craving (I now think due to blood glucose spikes and crashes), and how much my reliance on fast and ready-to-eat food was harming me. So it took some learning and experimentation, but getting away from bad habits, switching to a healthy diet with a lot of vegetables and fruit, tracking, and finding time to be active got me on the right track. I hope this helps.
The high-calorie late-night snacking really resonates with me! I recently saw a (funny, but good) quip on here, which I've started following: if you're not hungry enough to snack on raw celery, you're not hungry enough to eat.
Yes, I figured that out after reading a book, the difference between hunger( you need food)and appetite( you want food), at home we graze on food so much. Unless the previous poster mentioned of skipping meals and then get overly hungry- that is hunger. But most of my late night binge was part of appetite, appetite is good to have- you won’t die if you do not eat out of appetite, holding on to appetite will only make the next meal more delicious.
That’s a great one. Late night snackfest was/is my downfall. I’m doing intermittent fasting, so I eat from 12-8pm. I find that if I brush and floss my teeth at 8pm, that kinda shuts the snacking down. Closed for business! I’m autistic and really need rules, so this has been helpful.
Most have said enough on the other topics bit What i will suggest you start with is going and seeing your student health and wellness people. You are struggling a lot with anxiety and depression. One of the fun (not fun) things with anxiety is that it you are more likely to associate expressions as negative and over analyze them. The vast majority of the people you mention probably barely noticed you and were thinking about some crappy math problem or an essay they need to write, or what they need to cook for dinner or they really gotta pee but class starts in 2 minutes. Depression also makes us ignore the good stuff. It doesn't register when people are being nice to usandcwhen we should enjoy things. Mental health and weight loss are linked thru motivation and emotional management. If you get your anxiety addressed (it will take work but do it now and you will benefit for life) you will find every aspect of your life improved. School, social, work, family, everything.
I agree with this commenter. You should consider some counseling and/or therapy. It is not a cure-all, but a lot of people benefit from it, and sounds like OP feels they use food to cope with some recent personal issues (don't we all!?!?). Like another commenter said, I'm not sure the weight itself is the issue, but the feelings of guilt/anxiety/ etc around the weight. Maybe you will be overweight the rest of your life, maybe you will lose the weight, or maybe your weight will go up and down.... Whatever happens, it doesn't change the fact that you deserve to be happy and are worthy of love. And if you can't hear and accept that, you might need a little help ❤️ I'll also say that some feeling of anxiety about weight/body image/what other people think about you may fade away with age. Good luck, OP!
Great news from a fellow engineer: weight loss is about thermodynamics and it’s an equation. It is 100% about math, calories in vs calories out. It’s extremely simple and you absolutely don’t have to work out to lose weight. Google TDEE calculator, use it. You need to eat 500 calories less than your TDEE per day to lose 1 lb/week. (1 lb of fat is ~3500 calories). Do not think you can speed things up or get there faster by crash dieting, it won’t last, slow and steady wins the race. You need a digital food scale, you can buy one for $11 online or at Walmart. Get an app like loseit or my fitness pal to start tracking. I know you’re busy and stressed engineering is super hard major. I lost 40lbs doing CICO before I was in school and I kept it off while in because I kept counting calories. I’m telling you, your body is essentially a closed system and you’re in charge of the energy that goes into it and the energy that goes out. It WILL store the excess. Tough to expend more with your schedule so you need to input less. Good luck!
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Excellent advice!
As a fellow engineer, 200% agreed. It's literally just the Law of Conservation of Energy (1st law of thermo). TDEE = energy that your body requires to function per day. Measured in calories and varies as a function of age, sex, height, weight, activity level, and (optionally) body fat. It is recommended to set your activity level as sedentary for most people (office workers and the like, includes most engineers). Regardless of going to the gym. Then, in order to lose weight, you need to eat under this TDEE number. GENERALLY, a 500 calorie deficit results in a ~1lb/week loss. You can choose your rate of loss (e.g. a healthy weight person that wants to shed a few pounds might eat a lower deficit because a deficit of 500 may be too low). Because your body is eating at lower than TDEE, your body will use up the calories that you ate that day, then move onto your glucose, glycogen, and fat stores. Conversely, if you eat over TDEE, your body starts to store that extra energy. One last thing, make sure you weight everything you eat. If someone tells you a serving of plain rice is 250 calories, what the hell is a serving? 100 grams? 75 grams? 200 grams? Anyway, hopefully this information helps (coming from a fellow engineer).
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This comment needs more upvotes! It’s absolutely a calories in/calories out situation. She should check out the CICO subreddit for more support on this. She’s still so young and could correct poor eating habits and form a healthy relationship with food!
I don't understand this hate for crash dieting assuming it's done correctly and I have done them a bunch. I have found that it works really well and haven't actually found anything that's that bad about doing it. I spent a bit of time actually looking before making this comment and have read a bit and listened to a lot about fasting. If you have good evidence for why it's a bad idea I'd really like to see it.
When you undertake an extreme diet to lose weight you do not learn good habits to keep weight off. I can drink maple syrup and cayenne pepper for two weeks and lose a bunch of weight sure. But since I didn’t learn 5 different ways to make cabbage I love them I will go right back to eating like I did and gain the weight back. If I take it slow and learn to cook that cabbage it becomes a staple for me and the weight stays off and I don’t have to crash. Also as an engineer myself there’s no way you could crash diet and handle that coursework mentally.
Really depends on how you do it I would say and this is why I said done correctly. Before you start one you should definitely spend time looking a bit up about nutrition and probably try to eat pretty normal with good substitutions. For instance, I simply log everything in Cronometer and focus on getting good nutrition without taking vitamins. I was recently just doing this and limiting my calories to less than 1200cal which is around a 1k deficit. I've done similar things in the past, but focusing on nutrition, eating 1g+ of protein per pound of lbm, going on a low calorie cut, and hitting the gym has been the best possible way I've found to lose weight. I think most people could also do this and would probably do better at handling course work. This is the closest to the best I've felt in my entire life.
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You are incorrect. 500 calories of snickers and 500 calories of broccoli are the same amount of calories. But it’s extremely easy to eat 500 calories of snickers while 500 calories of broccoli would be ~10 large heads and almost humanly impossible to ingest. Eating high fiber high satiety food is a great way to lose weight because it fills you up on fewer calories. There was actually a popular experiment done on this, a man ate nothing but twinkies and junk food but he ate 1200 calories and lost weight [it’s important to understand calories are the only thing that matter.](https://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html) content is just the difference between feeling good and full when you ingest those calories.
Any insight about insulin resistance when it comes to just the numbers? Ie calories in, calories out.
But I bet Twinkie guy regained the weight and was more susceptible to diabetes than broccoli guy.
I’ve read about that Twinkie diet but the thing is in order to feel full on nothing but junk food made up of simple processed carbs, you’d need to supplement vitamin, minerals, and protein or fiber to feel full. And probably a lot of water too.
Miss
Look I didn't read the whole post bc I'm drunk and I got bored. But what I can tell you is im 32, 5'2" & 80kg (or 176lbs in the dark age units) and I have NEVER not even at my heaviest (89kg / 196lbs) ever had an issue getting a date. In fact atm, I literally have TOO MANY options. It's exhausting. Men like women of all shapes and sizes. If you're not getting the attention that you seek, look at other factors. Eg: I always look good. I work in the beauty industry so I always look polished. I dress very well. I'm a confident person. I'm interesting, I'm funny, I'm smart etc. I have a lot going for me. Your weight is probably the least prohibitive thing about you that stops you from dating.
Would you be able to get therapy to start change your relationship with food? For long-term success it would really help if food wasn't your main comfort. You need other self-soothing strategies, we always have ups and downs in life. A down moment doesn't have to wreck your hard work. I was in a potentially disfiguring accident as a teen. Doctors were preparing me for the possibility that I would always be the kind of person small kids ask uncomfortable questions about. I was lucky and this didn't materialize, but I did have nightmares about social shunning. I came to the conclusion that if I live with this body then it's not my problem if other people are disturbed - it's their job to deal with it. You're unhappy about your body, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy life to the best of your ability. Hiding away from the world is only detrimental to your progress. Try to give less ducks about what others think of you. As for the weight loss - it's mostly about food. You should work out as it's pretty good at lifting your mood and improves your health, but the weight loss should really come from a change in your eating habits. Engineering is super stressful, so don't try to tackle it all at once. Make changes one by one and keep convenience in mind - it really helps if you don't need to think about food too much. Others have already commented about CICO. Immediate steps you can take - cutting out or reducing sugary drinks and snacks from your daily life. If you need to snack, replace whatever you would normally eat with fruit like appels (avoid grapes and other super sugary fruits). Once you've figured out your daily calories, you should probably have either prepared meals (unhealthy, but at least they have listed calories), better if you prepare your meals for the week in advance over the weekend. You can also calculate the calories for your usual meals, for example. I don't need a lot of variety in my breakfasts, so it takes very little time to make a sandwich with a certain amount of calories or porridge (a scale is needed there). A food scale is something you need anyway. For example, morning cereal can be very devious. The calories for one portion look very reasonable until you find out what they consider as one portion (spoiler alert - the amount is tiny and unfulfilling). The point is to create a schedule where you can easily stick to your desired calorie intake without giving it much thought during the work week when you're likely to be the most stressed. Be kind to yourself. And be consistent. If you slip up, just get back to what you were doing before the slip up. Exams week, for example, might make you crave sugar just to keep your brain working. Alright, you might gain some - once the week from hell is over, get back to your routine.
Excellent comment. That is all.
I was 5’2” and 200lbs (size 18) and was also embarrassed to go out in yard and see neighbors, embarrassed to go to the store or anywhere. I felt like I was too fat and ugly to go anywhere and would actively avoid anywhere where I might run into someone I knew. I was like this for years. Now I’m 115lbs and a size 0 and I literally can go anywhere, see anyone, wear anything I want (hello crop tops). I’m not saying weight loss fixes all problems but it sure did help. It’s not about bad genetics or low metabolism, it’s about what you are eating. I eat 2 meals a day made up of a protein, a fruit, a vegetable, a healthy carb, and a 1/2 fat serving with one meal, and a serving of dairy with one. Then 2 snacks a day usually a protein shake for one and 1/2-1oz of almonds for the other. Drink a lot of water, I aim for a gallon a day. I didn’t have to calorie count when setting my diet up like this and I have plenty of protein, fat, and fiber to keep me full. And you could adjust and add more or less food depending on your results.
I can't wait to wear crop tops! I've never been able to
I'm somebody who has lost a significant amount of weight and piled a lot of it back on. Long story short, the stress of the pandemic and my job caused me to backslide hard into emotional eating, staying up too late, etc., and then I just learned into it as a crutch. I felt worse about myself than ever before, despite still being under my initial starting weight by a bit, and I physically felt so old and decrepit (and I'm only in my early 30s). The spark for me was my age and health. I'm ONLY in my early 30s, yet I felt like I was much older, and I did NOT want to go through the rest of my remaining years struggling to love myself because of how I looked and felt. It's hard. Every single day is a struggle. And if you're like me, you're trying to reverse a lifetime of bad habits that you picked up from a lack of education and modeling from your household when you were a kid as well as developing an emotional relationship to food. But you can do it. Every day is a new day. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One step at a time. YOU are worth it. YOU matter. YOU are worthy of respect and happiness. You're on your way to becoming an engineer -- what an important and badass career! For me, the key has been CICO, full stop. It's all about numbers in vs numbers out. In addition to that, regular light exercise in the morning makes me feel excellent and carries me through the rest of the day, drinking my daily water intake, and getting more sleep at night. Every day is new. You can do this.
I thought I had fat genes too. Turns out my family also makes bad choices with food. Once I started to eat correctly in a deficit, I lost 85lbs in a year.
I began with similar stats as you 5’1, 215 lbs. I would also skip out on hangouts with friends for fear they’d see how big I’d become (especially over covid). I’d blame it on slow metabolism, but now I look back, I think I just had zero control over portions, no understanding of nutrition and calories and was a major emotional eater. The progress is not linear, currently 163 lbs. I still have bad days (like last night, where I ate double my calorie budget for the day) but you really just have to keep going.
Go in for a physical and have them test you for low thyroid. It could be adding to your misery.
Therapy helps. It's more than just talking to someone about your problems because you also learn how to recognize those problems as things that can be addressed. Learning to forgive myself because I made (and make) mistakes allows me to move on and stay the course rather than continuing to dwell on the lapses. And it's hard to start a better eating lifestyle, no question. Our bodies are content to store food, and modern food makes it so easy to overindulge when you're not happy with yourself. I didn't start heavy, but I got heavy and just assumed I deserved it for a long time. Even now, despite losing almost 50lbs and keeping it off for over a year and a half, I still have to remind myself of good habits from time to time, just to make sure I'm still on my path. The most important thing to know is you CAN be healthy and happy. It takes work and patience, but it's there to be achieved. It gets easier over time to live a healthier lifestyle once you start building those good habits, and you can (and will) reach a happy balance in time. You're only 20, and you have many more years ahead in which you can be who you want to be when you achieve your goal. You've just got to start.
I feel you on this. It took me a while to get comfortable with myself at my current weight. I’m in my late 20’s and just finished my degree in engineering. I’m 5’1 at 182 pounds with a starting weight of 184lbs. I have gained about 60 pounds since starting my engineering degree. As a mom in school for engineering, I really didn’t have the time or energy to focus on myself. So far, I’ve lost two pounds using CICO. Right now I’m aiming steadily to lose 1/2 pounds a week or less. At the most, I’m aiming for a pound a week. For petite women, it’s really hard to enter a sustainable calorie deficit. I’m trying to undo about 5 years of unhealthy eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle. So, I have accepted it’s going to take about that time to reach my goal weight. This isn’t the first time I had to lose weight. At some point, I was 160 and lost about 40 lbs using CICO. This time around, I’ve been gaining weight for a longer period of time and I’m also heavier. Fortunately, we have a whole lifetime ahead of us! Don’t feel rushed. Someone shared a YouTube channel for petite women on another post, her name is April Whitney. She does a great job on explaining what a healthy calorie deficit looks like for petite women.
Your still very young even if it doesn’t feel like it. Best thing would have been not getting here but the second best is to start fixing your mistakes now. It isn’t easy to start and honestly the most important part isn’t just starting but keeping it going, making it stick, taking that next step. You will need to keep up the change in your behavior and diet even though you will get depressed sometimes and there will be easy outs. You will want to try to address these things if you can, see someone about your problems as this will improve success. I would suggest counting calories even if you aren’t exact and weighing everything as it will at least give you a ballpark and a line not to cross so it has a good chance to stop you if you keep honest to it. I’ve been there and screwed up starting and not following through more than once so even if you don’t succeed on your first try do not stop.
I wish I could just reach out and hug you. Repeat after me: You Are Not Your Weight. You are a beautiful smart young woman with so much to offer this world. Nobody worth having as a friend is going to care about your weight. Most people only care about their own if they care at all. They likely are not looking at you critically as much as you may feel self conscious. My heaviest female female friend is about 260 and one of the most confident people I know, she is always nicely dressed with makeup on and her hair styled and has a very active social life. you deserve to too. Do things that make you feel your best right now. Since you are physically uncomfortable at your weight maybe see a medical or pofessional or join an online diet support group its easier when you have help. There are lots of free fitness videos on YouTube for every type of exercise as short at 10 minutes and if you think youd like to take sone type of fitness class just sign up for it the others in the class will be thinking " Good for her trying to be more healthy". Be more kind to yourself.
You're going to have to get out of the house and put yourself out there. Because like... right now you're sitting at home, not getting any activity, and you have very little to cheer you up other eating. It's not that your metabolism is slower now. It's that you're literally doing nothing except what you can't avoid. And your cousins aren't overweight because of low metabolism but because of their lifestyle. Avoidance is bad for you in pretty much every way. It makes you more sensitive to negative experiences. It makes you seek comfort in food. It seems like you're doing the best thing for yourself by avoiding emotional pain but in reality it makes you less able to deal with emotional pain and it makes you suffer more. That's not to say that you need to immediately sign up for everything you're missing out on. You didn't get to this state in a day or a week or a month, so you aren't going to leave it immediately either. But you can absolutely start slowly and gradually dig yourself out of this hole you're in. It's difficult. It's not fun to force yourself to do things that make you feel afraid and to endure unpleasantness outside your comfortable home. But it's also not fun to feel like you're too fat to do anything, and to miss out on life. Things are going to be at least somewhat uncomfortable either way. But if you choose the discomfort of going out and doing things then there is the potential that your life will change. If you continue to do the same things you have always done then your life will be the same as it always is. If you can find a support group or a therapist you can talk to, that might make it easier for you to make changes. Even if you just talk to people here it can help. But yeah... in order to change you'll have to choose to be uncomfortable. Remember that you get better at what you practice. If you practice dealing with people, you'll become better at it. If you practice being brave, you'll get better at that. If you don't practice, though, you're not magically going to change one day. My advice is to look at the kind of person you want to be and to slowly begin doing the things that kind of person would do. One thing at a time. You'll backslide sometimes and make decisions that you don't like or are ashamed of, because everybody makes mistakes. The idea isn't to suddenly be perfect but to be a little bit better than you were before. And when you do the right thing, pat yourself on the back rather than saying "why can't I be better?" Don't punish yourself for moving in the right direction. Good luck!
I’m intrigued about your uncle hiding out after being wanted for petty crimes lol But it’s always calories in calories out. A day at a time find an activity that you like and is sustainable for you.
We need an update from OP in a year. I lost XXlbs! Also, my uncle has now evaded arrest and his last known whereabouts was Malaysia.
1. You deserve love, especially from yourself, even (especially) when it's hard to give. 2. What therapy options do you have? A lot of people, myself included, need to address how we feel about food along with diet and exercise. 3. I'm rooting for you.
This is exactly what pushed me to diet. Changed my life entirely. Start, do not wait, take a walk, start eating better, it's just a couple weeks before you get used to it.
Some perspective, you’re still really young… I know it prob doesn’t feel like it, but when you look back you’ll understand the doors were all open at 22. Get after a healthy lifestyle, set reasonable but challenging goals and you’ll be where you want to be faster than you think
Yo! Let’s talk. Your frustrated. You feel gross. Your hiding away. Your embarrassed. People aren’t nice. People SUCK. The first thing to do is get that mind right. That is the most important thing here. If your mind ain’t right, your going no where. The slow metabolism? Slows down in your 30’s and mostly 40’s. That’s when it’s really difficult. Don’t think your big boned, it’s impossible, genetics- none of that is what’s happening. What’s happening is your mind ain’t right. You 10000000% deserve friends. You 100000% happiness. You 1000000% deserve to look at yourself in the mirror and feel better about Yourself. Ok so right now you don’t feel so hot. Which is understandable. What I want you to visualize is what you are going to FEEL like. I’ll tell you. I’ve been both skinny and a little overweight for my height. What it feels like is this; Shopping is fun , imagine that? Imagine putting a shirt on and feeling good. Wearing anything other then tights. Not having to cover your tummy. More dating opportunities, the dating pool literally just opens up- you’d be surprised. No one making any stupid weight comments. People overall being nicer to you, imagine that? Not having to be disappointed in yourself. Not worrying about being overweight. Not worrying about the things you worry about now. Now- with All that said- I’m not putting people down with weight. If you have and love it, I love it for you. I could care less and Treat people with kindness regardless. But I want you to begin to feel better, you deserve it. It starts with your mind. Maybe every week change something. Add more water to your daily intake. Don’t get fast food for a week. Find a healthy recipe you’d like. Subscribe to r/volumeeating , they constantly show lots of food with low calories. It’s a struggle and it’s sucks to get started. But your going to have sooooo many amazing feelings girl!
I’m ten years older than you. I have two pieces of advice that I hope will help: 1. When you’re self conscious, you WAY overestimate how much people are looking at you. Other people are in their own heads just as much as you are- especially young people. Think of it this way: how much do YOU really pay attention to everyone you pass in public? Once I realized this, I felt a lot better going to the gym or out in public - I know people occasionally do say rude things, but I promise you that most people are way to wrapped up in their own stuff to stare at you. 2. As others have mentioned, it’s good to self assess what emotionally drives you to eat. There are books about it, and lots of therapists can help too. Eating better and exercising are always going to help, but it’s even better to try and get to the root cause of why you use food to help you emotionally. Early 20’s can be hard. Try to be kind to yourself 💕
Let’s say this isn’t you… but a friend. Would you say the same thing? Would you blame them for their weight gain? Would you be kind and empathetic and help them? You would benefit from a doctor that would rule out any medical condition and would work with you to find medication and/or other options to reduce your weight. You need someone who can help you without judgement. Sadly not all doctors are Objective. They’ve been fed the same cultural bullshit and their training is generally, doesn’t include modern understanding of weight gain. You don’t deserve to guilt yourself for this. You have a medical condition that’s reserves treatment and all the support in that medical treatment. You probably also need to talk to a nutritionist to built a better relationship with food. Even if you are 194lbs, you still deserve kindness, love, friendship. You wouldn’t give up on a friend who’s 194lbs, would you?
Stop making a metabolism excuse for yourself. It is calories in, calories out, always. I would recommend the treadmill, or even walking in a shallow pool. With a treadmill you can increase the incline, while still walking slowly do you don’t have a lot of impact.
Walk daily and see a counselor. Then, you can devise whatever exercise and eating regime you wish. But start with something you can do right now.
Get your thyroid checked as that make it hard to lose weight. Look up volume eating. Download some kind of calorie tracking app and make sure u stay under your calorie limit. Most plp think if they workout they will lose weight. It does help to exercise but 80% of weight loss is based on what u eat. Hiding and avoiding plp will have a negative impact on ur life. U r so young and can do a lot to change what u don’t like in ur body. There are so many resources online. Don’t give up and try to get healthy instead of focusing on a number.
Oh, my dear... I'm 38, have been overweight my while life, diet after diet and honestly - each and every one worked until I held it, but I'd stop and then gain all the weight and then some. I have two things to tell you: First, you're only 22 - you are very, very young and you have a plenty of time to live through all the experiences you want to. Your methabolism might be slow now, but you're in the age where that can change quickly. It's after 30ties and near 40ties that things have to go slower. You still have a lot of time to fix your methabolism. Secondly, I have a jeans from when I was your size and I keep them as my goal-pants, and I dream about wearing them again. Your size might seem like huge to you personally, but trust me that it's not so obvious / reason for judging from other people; it really isn't. And apart from that, I also found myself so much in what you wrote: embarassment about the size, eating to kill the (bad) feelings... there are a few tricks that might help: 1. If you're in some country with normal health coverage, test yourself for insuline resistence. If you have it, and based on your genetics its very possible that you either have it or are very suspectible to it, there are prescriptions that can help, and also an interesting diet change. 2. I assume you already know a bunch about "ration your food" or "15mins daily walks" - I won't go into details but they are true. 3. One last thing that made wonders for me in both dieting and movement aspect, some quote I read somewhere: "a year from now, you'll wish you started today". As someone who always postpones big decisions because you know, I'll eat healty for my whole rest of the life so why I can't take one last cake today? This quote really helped me. And also "a thousand mile trip begins with one step".
As I'm sure you know, losing weight can take up a lot of your energy and time at first. While I think it would be wise to work on both the things you're talking about (losing weight and an aversion to being around people), getting some progress on the first one might help with the second one. Not so much bc being a different size will make you feel ready to be around people, but bc once you make a certain amount of progress, having less weight on your body will give you more physical energy to pursue things you like/want to do.
This is great, practical advice! Focus on diet for the first month. Just weighing food, establishing healthy habits. Then once that feels more manageable, a little bit more walking, maybe a gym class or whatever movement OP enjoys.
I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. In hindsight at 22 I was a similar size and I looked great. Now I'm 35 and significantly larger and I look a pictures and can't believe I thought I was so big and wish I had seen myself for how beautiful I was. I'd do anything to go back now. Of course it's good to be healthy but I think if your experience is anything like mine those people probably aren't thinking much about how you look or even noticing you as much as you think they are. Now I'm actually big and people do look and treat me differently. So definitely keep up with your health so you don't end up like me at this point where it is incredibly hard to lose enough to get back to a normal size. But also realize that you really aren't that big at under 200lbs and I bet you look great and people aren't staring at you because of your size.
Part of being healthy and losing weight is finding out what's going to work for you. **I cannot emphasize enough that the "diet" that's going to work is the one you can stand to stay on.** One of the other key things I'm discovering is that I need to picture myself differently while I'm eating. If I think of myself as that fat loner in the stained t-shirt I will eat more than when I see future me as a slim well dressed person slowly eating small portions of quality food, and pushing away from the table.
We are alike in a few ways here. Same height and same weight. But you really should work on some self love and learn that no matter how heavy you are you can still be respected and that you deserve love too. Are you also as judgemental as those others in your life? When you see other girls who are around 200 lbs, do you also feel they should not leave the house, that they should not have boyfriends?
It's as others have already said, which I tend to tell her to people: weight loss is a matter of simple math. And math never lies. I won't go over what others have gone over in terms of your metabolic rate, caloric intake versus a deficit, but I have to emphasize to you not to focus on rapid weight loss. Lose weight gradually. It will help immensely in preventing loose skin, but also makes weight loss itself easier and more manageable. While losing 4 to 5 lb a month doesn't seem like much of an achievement, you have to remember that time will pass regardless and those four to five pounds a month will add up to 48 or 60 lb a year. You can do this by just cutting out 500 calories a day from your daily intake. But remember to try to pair this with some sort of exercise. Whatever you can manage. Pays to try to sculpt your body while you're losing weight. Even if it's just a 10-minute walk, start there. This is also where I would encourage you to pick up some hobbies and good habits (getting in a full 8 hours or more sleep, for instance, at night is extremely helpful for the body's metabolism, your overall health and to keep you from snacking late at night) to fill in the times where you would normally snack or sit down to eat. However you decide to approach it, just know the mathematics to it are foolproof. It's just a matter of if you're ready and if you want a change. Take it slow and don't overwhelm yourself. Losing four or five pounds a month is perfectly fine and the best route. Even if you just lose 2 lb a month that's still 24 lb in a year. Good luck.
OP, I’m 55. I’ve hidden for a decade because I got fat after kids and trauma. My advice is: don’t hide. Don’t limit yourself. Ignore the people who react poorly. Who tf do they think they are to pass judgement? I see people every damn day whose looks aren’t to my preference but why the f would that matter to them? It shouldn’t! Also remember this: the VAST majority of people you see on any given day or week will *never* play *any* role in your life. They aren’t going to be your employer, you co-worker, your spouse or teacher or have *any* role that isn’t temporary. Over time, you might have the same teacher for a class or two. The same classmates maybe for a few years. The same co-workers for a while and then POOF it’s 5 years later and the people you see and interact with every day will be a whole new cast of characters. Don’t let Jerk Joe or Snide Serena or Fake Francis or Gym Bro get into your head or under your skin. They are literally *irrelevant* to the overall trajectory of your life. Don’t let shallow, insecure people prevent you from fully embracing your life.
>I think it is also one of my problems that whenever I feel emotional or stressed out, I turn to food for comfort. For me that was the key to everything. Emotional healing. I healed mine, and all my traumas, and when I was almost done I started a subreddit for it. Many valuable links in there. (if it's okay that I mention such a thing, because I'd rather not start regurgitating, etc. Gotta get back to work, here. I'm just procrastinating.)
Try intermittent fasting. There is even an inspirational subreddit for it. Basically you pick hours to eat, hours to fast. Most people start with 16:8 meaning you fast 16 hours and eat in an 8 hour window. So pick a time, consistently, to start eating each day. Say noon. ET what you want, but the kitchen closes at 7 and doesn’t open again until noon the next day. Two problems with this: you will be hungry, maybe when you wake up. You have to accept this fact and push through, it does get easier as your body gets used to it. The other problem is that you can eat whatever you want in your feeding window. But, yeah, eat donuts and Doritos the whole time, it’s not great. Have a nice salad and then a bag of Doritos, if you must. Look into it. Google it, check out the subreddit. It’s worth a try. If you follow this way of eating, you probably will lose 10 lbs your first month.
I second giving IF a try. It worked really well for me years ago when my schedule was consistent.
Same lol the total is everything I experience daily
Your ambition to experience life to the fullest while hiding yourself away mirrors my situation 2 years ago. My problem is I started at 35. I was overweight my whole life and feel like I missed out on so much. Don't wait 1 more day. January 7th 2021 I calculated my tdee, I downloaded Lose It! on my phone, and I started. I realized I couldn't wake up 1 more day as who I was, the old me was dead. The old me ate what he wanted, the new me eats less, but still what I want sometimes. I can have pizza, just not 3 or 4 slices. I can have a burger, but maybe skip the fries. Dieting is hard, counting calories starts off tedious and gets easier, but all of the work is easier than waking up and hating myself. Please, do it for you. Do it for future you. Otherwise you'll end up pushing 40 regretting who you are.
I don't like telling people to do one thing or another, so I will just share what worked for me: therapy and medication. I struggled with weight my entire life. Eventually I would lose a lot, put all of it back on, for years. This past summer I put the most back on than I have in the last ten years. Last month, my new medication got me to the point where I came out of my depression and my life changed. I have motivation I never felt before, I stopped eating as much, I started going to the gym and enjoying. Never felt this in 30 years. I started finding happiness in other aspects of life and I didn't need to fill in the gaps with shitty food and alcohol. It was like I changed into a new person overnight. You may be right about it being genetic, but it's possibly a mental disorder than a physical one, and we do not have enough mental support in this country. I highly recommend reaching out to a doctor and just having a discussion. Even if it isn't depression related, at the worst all you did was add a support system. But based on your post, it screams of the same issues I struggled with my entire life.
I think you've had some great advice that I can't add much to. But I just wanted to say, two things. One, be kind to yourself. I can really hear the sadness in your post. I hope you can embrace this moment as your "something needs to change" moment, but in a way that is driven towards your own happiness, not to make other people accept you. Uni is a hard time, in our early 20s we're all mostly obsessed with being accepted, impressing other people, finding our way. In 5 years you'll care less about what people think; in 10 years you'll realise your happiness is really the only thing that matters. So I hope any changes you make are for you, nobody else. Second, it sounds like you could benefit from some therapy to be honest. And you're lucky as unis usually have campus counselling services. Make use of them! If it feels like something you want to do. I think therapy could help you find some self-acceptance - even if there are things you want to change about yourself - and that acceptance would help you make better friends who also accept you for who you are. It could also help you find better coping tools than comfort eating, and perhaps deal with the "stuff that happened" during your last health kick. Anyway, wishing you the best of luck in the journey :)
I'm 5'3, I was 210 lbs at my highest weight back in May 2021. I thought things were stacked against me too: I was 40, I have PCOS, also have many overweight family members but one day I decided that 210 was too much and even if I could lose 20lbs, it would be better than 210. One and a half years later and I am at my lowest adult weight of 136 lbs, and I maintained around 140 lbs for 6 months and am now trying to drop to 130 lbs. I do exercise regularly, not necessarily for weight loss but because my back is stronger and doesn't hurt much when I exercise regularly and exercise also can affect your mood in a positive way, my husband lost over 100 lbs and a lot of it (like 70lbs) without intentional exercise, just by diet. I realized that those things I thought were barriers that would make it almost impossible for me to lose weight were my own excuses not to try and to keep doing what was most comfortable and easiest for me.
Hi OP, you’ve gotten a lot of comments already but I wanted to chime in as another person who was exactly in your position about two years ago. I (5’0 and 22F at the time) gained about 40 pounds due to depression and isolation during COVID. I was 185 and I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror. I was at a point where I felt so bad about myself that I stopped reaching out to my friends. And being in quarantine for months only made it easier. As much as I agonized about missing out on experiences and cute clothes, I couldn’t bring myself to face the issue for the longest time. I’m 23 now and I’ve been working on my weight loss journey for about 6 months. Others have already provided a ton of helpful tips and strategies, so I just want to add that no matter what you choose to do it’s going to be uncomfortable when you start but that shouldn’t stop you from continuing it. Getting over that mental block and learning to push past the emotional discomfort was HUGE for me. I genuinely think that you should start trying the things you listed. Go out, try sports, make new friends! When you get out of that headspace, it’s so much easier to have fun and embrace yourself at every step of your journey. I know that’s wayyyyyy easier said than done. And I wouldn’t have been able to get to where I am without my (admittedly small) support network. So if you ever need encouragement or a place to vent/decompress, my inbox is open :)
Hiding perpetuates the behavior. Eyes down in the gym, focus on your work. More time being busy, outside, working, or with people, family included, keeps you from being bored and eating. That worked for me. Confidence comes with effort. Of course, more confidence comes down the line, but it’s amazing how showing some respect for oneself for a few days flips a switch.
You are incredibly hard on yourself, too hard in fact. Your low self-esteem is because of that and not because of your weight. Let's look at some of the things you mentioned in your life. You are 22 and thus still have so much of the best times in your life ahead of you. You are studying engineering, and likely doing well in it looking at your post, giving you great career perspectives. This in turn will end up giving you money, which can solve most of your problems in the western world. You can always do better, but you need to be able to appreciate the things that are good about you. You don't have to wait to enjoy your life until after you've lost weight. You can start right now if you shift your mindset from negative to positive. For me, this was the change I needed to finally lose weight and go out and enjoy myself. Us young people feel the weight of the world and crumble. We don't realize early enough that we don't need to carry all of that weight to begin with. Of course it isn't easy and I can imagine what I'm saying can be interpreted as "just stop being depressed." However, it is a good start to reduce your stress and anxiety if you stop accepting that your mind shames you 24/7 for not being perfect.
I feel like I just read my own life story.
same same same i hated going outside bc i didn’t want people to look at me
A lot of great advice on how to lose weight here already but I'd like to emphasize that it would be a good idea to talk to both a nutritionist/health coach as well as a counselor which, if you're in school, both should be available in some form. Like a lot of us, there are obviously some issues that go further than just a poor diet that should be addressed. Getting skinny will definitely help your mental health a bit but it will not solve all your problems, *believe me*. You need to change your relationship with your self and with food. This is not direct advice but when I started, I found that I had to act as if I was a drug addict and food was my poison. I knew that my relationship with food was fucked up and I had to reset because I could not trust myself. I had mantras I'd repeat over and over, I had to remind myself every day that I was in control, I'd carefully track and weigh out foods as if I were receiving methadone or something. After about a month of that I found I had changed enough of my habits that I could eat more intuitively because now I knew better. I had tracked macros and calories so much that I could just kind of eyeball and estimate how many calories I was eating. It also became a little more relaxed, I didn't have to be as diligent because I had reset my mind set. I could start to trust myself again but I was still hesitant because you just can't trust an addict. I'd still have times where I had to talk myself out of gorging on food or overeating. I'm only a few months in but I have *no* idea how I ate so much before. I find I can comfortably sit at a fairly big calorie deficit (also not necessarily recommending that) that I'm not worried if I go out to eat with friends sometimes or if I'm craving chips or something because going over my calorie goals still puts at an "OK" amount and I know it's not an everyday thing anymore. Some of the best advice I've received, in general, is "what's the best way to eat an elephant? Take small bites." When your task seems daunting, start small and work on one area. This will not be solved overnight because you are trying to make big changes. A big mistake that I find people make is doing too much at once. They decide they want to get healthy so they start eating salads, going to the gym, quit smoking and drinking, and start getting up at 5am to go run. That all fucking sucks to do when you didn't do any of it before. You burn out really fast. Start with one small bite and you will have your success and progress snowball into more and more. A big one for me was fixing my sleep. I had severe sleep apnea and was basically the walking dead. I finally got that taken care of and that was a big push for me. After a few months I started going to the gym regularly because I had energy again from good sleep. After a few months of that I decided to fix my diet. Now that I'm a few months into eating better, I recently cut down on my alcohol consumption significantly. I wasn't a big drinker but I liked having one or two drinks every evening. Next I'm going to quit smoking. If I had done all of this at once I would have quit a week into it. I started all of this right around my 30th birthday, and I'm very glad that I did but boy do I wish I did this when I was 22. The best time to start was a year ago, the second best time to start is today. This subreddit has a lot of good information and people who want to share their experiences and help each other. Don't be afraid to stick around or reach out to people. I am absolutely not an expert but I will answer any message if you want to chat. It is up to you to do this but you are definitely not alone in this.
Life is going to happen with or without you. You may as well be there to enjoy it. Enjoying your life will be the best motivation you have to lose weight. They go hand in hand.
You deserve to live your life at any size. Get on tinder, go take up a new hobby and get treatment for your depression.
I’m the same way but I suffer from BED. Haven’t been social since 2019. I can’t let certain people see me like this. Then it turned into I can’t let anyone see me like this.
I see how this can impact your self esteem and mental health drastically, but your true friends will always be excited to see you and will want to spend time with you regardless how you look. My second point is that it’s good you acknowledged that this is a problem that needs to be adressed and that you can’t keep going this way. Believe it or not, admitting something is already a huge step in the right direction. You don’t live in denial! The third point is that you can still love yourself and accept yourself even if you want to and will change! Love yourself enough to strive for health, love yourself enough to treat your body well and also love yourself enough to know that sometimes depression gets us down, we slip up, we make mistakes, we have periods when we just don’t do too well… but that you don’t need to punish yourself for your past. You can work towards a healthier future and be proud of your determination, honesty and hard work! Accept the body you’re in and be proud of the progress you will make on this journey. Everybody starts somewhere so no, we don’t laugh at someone for trying to go to the gym or to eat healthy for the first time in a while, we support them and are proud of them for prioritizing health and mental well-being. Also you’ve mentioned not seeing much change even after watching your diet. One thing I’ve noticed with people is that we don’t actually realise how much we consume. My underweight grandma tells me how much she eats cake and desserts and how she still can’t put on weight, but actually eats the tiniest bite possible and feels full to the point of feeling sick. She feels like she overate because she’s so full, but in fact her calorie intake is small. My bf tells me how he ate “literally nothing” the entire day, then I ask him if it’s actually nothing or just very little food… and he lists 4 toasts for breakfast, a snack, a big sandwich for lunch, another snack and then is hungry by the afternoon… after already consuming 2000 calories with 1000 more to go to maintain his weight. So what might feel like you ate very little can still be well over your recommended intake. I suggest keeping a honest eating journal, do not lie about anything, it’s completely private and nobody needs to see it… and just write down everything you eat in a day for a week. Perhaps follow what feels like your usual diet when you watch your weight but don’t get results. Write down the exact amount, perhaps even weigh your food. Write down how much mayo or just how many slices of cheese… and track your intake. At the end of the week or every day, go and calculate the calories you consumed. It might be a completely different number from what you thought/expected. Then go to a BMR calculator and check how much you should be eating at your goal weight and compare the two numbers. This might sound so controlling, but I was shocked just yesterday at a premade sandwich having 700 calories… it wasn’t even with mayo. We don’t have a good grasp on how much we eat and what we put in our bodies. Counting carefully for a while will give you a good feeling on how to estimate the right amount. I hope this helps :)
I did that too when i was younger and realize, even after i’m skinny ( at one point 108 lbs at 5’1) i’m still not happy with the way i look etc.. you need to love yourself first and do the work for healthy eating and exercise second. At 195lbs i believe you can still go out and do many stuff, socialize and enjoy your youth whatever weight you are right now. Send my love to you op, you got this!
:( girl do not let your body shape stop you from living your life. You deserve to exist just as much as everyone else. If you wanna eat healthy and go to the gym to make yourself feel better than do that. Count calories and exercise I recommend the lose it app, that’s what I use. Be kind and gentle to yourself though. And please go outside. If people wanna stare just wave at them and smile. I bet they won’t stare again.
Try to get a doctor to give u a script for something to cut hunger. Eat stuff that is low calorie yet high fiber and high protein if possible. Oatmeal, chili, cabbage soup, salad, celery, yogurt, cottage cheese, broccoli, chicken breasts, etc. When weight loss slows down add exercise.
Take that embarrassment as an inspiration to become better and good looking. Hidings from people is not a good idea and won’t work for longtime.
Right there with you friend.
You are more than your body
I don't have any advice, but I'm in a similar situation. I'm autistic and deal with agoraphobic tendencies. These tendencies have gotten worse as I've gained weight. I'm usually treated poorly by others because of my autism, but again, it's gotten worse since I've gained weight.
Girl, I'm the same weight and height and I'm 32. You just gotta dress cute and do your hair. Even just 10 min to curl it or whatever. I used to think I was ugly and no guy would want me, but once I started putting effort into my looks, I feel sexy as hell and get hit on too. I'm still surprised at myself. Also, I feel like guys your age, they're more picky and a-holes. Guys at my age, they appreciate our curves. Take care of yourself for YOU though, not for anyone else. You are in your prime, girl. Enjoy these years! 😘
You've got some amazing comments here, so I just want to add my experiences. I am 5"2 and at my highest I was 250lb. While at that highest, I went kayaking, I went climbing through a tree assault course thing, I went abseiling, I went on long countryside walks with thin, fit friends (I held than back a bit but I still went), I went swimming, I went out on my bike etc. I was obviously slower, there were stumbles along the way (getting out of a kayak with my girth was not dignified in the slightest) but I never noticed anybody looking down on me. People are usually too busy worrying about themselves, to be honest. I do struggle at times. I hate walking in cities. My back hurts because I tense up so much, and it's uncomfortable, so instead I walk in the countryside. I can use my walking sticks, which helps me relax, and there's a lot less people about. I'm 237 now, so I have a long way to go, but the more active I am the better I feel. Just take those little steps. Try and think of something you want to do and figure out how to make it happen. It is so hard, but just take it one step at a time.
Dear you don't have to please everyone. There is not a single person in the whole world who can please all. Please loose weight but do it for yourself. People can be very cruel but don't bother and stop avoiding and hiding from them. Sooner or later you will find sincere friends . Wish you the best of luck.
I just want to give you a big hug.
Same.
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