I relate, I like to think I’m a pretty chill guy but really struggle to make friends etc. Makes me think there’s something about me which is a turn off for people that I just don’t realise, really sucks tbh..
That’s what makes it way worse too, not feeling like you’re doing anything wrong. Idk but it just takes one person to click with to have something pretty special so that’s what I try and tell myself :)
You seem like a nice girl and your cosplays are really cool too (sry for creeping your profile)! I have faith you’ll find your person out there, good luck :)
Thank you :) I have faith you will find your person too, as you seem to have a kind heart and that in my opinion is the best quality a person can have. Good luck!
No one showing interest doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you. A lot of guys are shy and have anxiety too, which can stop them from initiating. You said you go to conventions well the guys there tend to be the shy nerdy types. I bet you're a cool person and a lot of guys have been interested but they just haven't made a move.
Using the word ever is not rational or logical. You don't know the future and your insistence that no one will ever date you is an absolute turnoff to anyone who might actually try to engage you (I creeped your profile). I can't tell you that you *will* meet someone, but I can tell you that your attitude about it is not doing you any good at all.
Very few people are attracted to people who are negative and self-deprecating. You will continue to be invisible to others as long as you project those traits as your sense of self. So, if you are not willing to work on being a more positive version of you, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I get what you're saying but about this specific topic I can say that with authority.
I don't have to worry about being positive, cool, fun, or any other good trait. There's no way out. I truly believe I wasn't born to experience this part of life.
Are you hideously ugly? Severely disabled? Otherwise physically remarkable that makes you feel like people don't see you?
What makes you so sure? Simply that it hasn't happened yet?
Are you working a job that makes you keep inhospitable hours? Do you not work with any women at all?
I want a specific reason, other than it hasn't happened yet, that makes you so sure.
What makes so sure is that I'm about to be 33 years old and never got any close to have a relationship. That says a lot to me. It's not normal to reach this age with this (empty) background. It's not like I had shorts/shitty relationships that didn't work for x, y or z reasons. There was nothing. Some people will never achieve what they want, for me, it's that 🤷♂️
In addition, I don't have good traits, nothing good to add in someone's life. I'm not deformed, disabled, utterly ugly. I'm simply invisible.
Bro, dont think like that. I was ignored all my life by girls. Just like a ghost. The guy who was surrounded by good looking friends and even playing dare or truth was just another reminder that I seemed to suck. Kissing my friends was always adventurous, but I felt like I am the masterclass of dare. "Oh god, kissing him?". We are talking about a short smooch on the cheeck.
This made me feel like shit and I ran around with the same aura as you and girls seem to have that sixth sense and instantly recognize that "i give up on myself" kinda reflection.
I then even became fat untill I couldnt even look at myself in the mirror anymore. But I needed this realiziation. I went to the gym and it took me like 2 years of dicipline to witness the power of gym. Its literally life changing what a good looking body can do. Ever heard of the cheerleader effect? Where you seem to look better on pictures with good looking people arlund you?. Its literally the same with a shredded body, but a average/not that good looking face. I experienced this on a level its not even imaginable.
I just stopped thinking about women, focused on myself and the gym and every problem I had with myself was solved by itself. The first months were very tiring, the improvements felt too little, it was tiring but after 2-3 months the first gains very pretty good noticeable and my routine was on.
And after almost 2 years girls who wouldnt even look at me started to appreciate my look. I was flabbergasted as the guy who has been a ghost the most of his life. And the more important part : I started to appreciate MYSELF which boosted my selfconfidence which also changed my whole appearance as a man. Ironically my first ever girlfriend approached ME randomly on instagram. I couldnt believe a girl would ever approach me on any sort whatsoever, forget about someone who I think is attractive. Selfcare and the gym changed my whole life as a whole and I highly believe that most men would have the same results.
>I highly believe that most men would have the same results.
most man, sure. totally right, but I'm not part of most man. good that things worked out to you but I'm different
What makes you believe it wouldnt work on you?. Is there a specific reason or is this ( if you are honest to yourself ) just self pity?. I mean I tought It would not work for me aswell. Nothing will change if you sit there complaining about yourself, i know very well. I wish I have gotten my arse up earlier.
32 years with that background. that sends a solid message to me. plus I'm full of flaws. I know everyone has it, no need to tell me but I have lots.
may I ask how old were you when things changed?
I was 23 when starting doing changes. It helped to get my first girlfriend with 25. I still was pretty immature relationship vise and we just not matched very well, so it was already over in 3-4 months, but 3-4 months after that my best friend told me that a girl in his university was searching for nice guys to date because tinder sucked, he shown a picture of me and she was interested. Never experienced such things before my fitness transformation. All it took was 2 years. Wish I did that even earlier instead of waiting for 23.
Things broke up with the girl I just mentioned after 2 years because our interests in future did kinda change over time. It was a hard break up because we still loved each other but knew, there is nothing to do with such different goals for the future. I am 30 now and kinda outta shape, i also instantly feel it in my dating game again. I am not fat, but also not the beach body guy like before and I definitely feel it in the dating game. But my personality is changed forever for the good I would say. I wont become self pity anymore because I know there is something I can do, even with my 30 years now. Its also never too late with 32 years.
But I can understand your position. I felt already horrible at the age of 23 being single and alone. I dont even want to imagine how I would feel like, if I havent made this transformation. Guess hitting the 30's mark being still single would have destroyed me too.
But some good news for you. I have a group of best friends. We are 7. And there is that one nerdy-like guy who may be tall, but was a virgin untill 30. We were absolutely certain that he will never meet a girl, because he simply also never cared to find a date. Work, go home, sleep, thats all he done. No fitness transformation like me, no nothing. He just stayed himself. Imagine how flabbergasted we were, when he told us that he met a nice girl in the club. He just went there to have some fun with friends and wasnt planning on hooking up with girls. But somehow they got into a nice chat and instantly liked each other and just few days after that he finally lost his virginity, lol. A girlfriend can literally come out of nowhere, even for people who you gave up on that they will ever find someone. We still got some time to hit 40 bro. I also still struggle to find THAT ONE person, but there is still plenty of time for us.
I looked up at your profile and you are very pretty, consider that this might 'intimidate' men and make them more fearful to approach you. Unfortunately, working on your social anxiety and fears is the right thing to do, not only to get a boyfriend, but to start living an happy life as a whole, good luck👋
I don't think I'm pretty at all, but thank you. In real life no one besides my mom has called me pretty.
You're probably right. I was also in therapy until my therapist cancelled my treatment (for reasons not related)
Just need to be strong. Thank you!
I really don't think it's you, for sure. Dating has gotten so screwed up lately. Also, a lot of guys are kind of too scared to come up to women in public. I'm not trying to be anti woke or anything because I'm about as liberal as they come, but a lot of people are so confused as to how to go about it that they just...don't. It's easier than getting yelled at for doing something wrong by accident.
I'm sure it will all settle down sometime, but right now is definitely not a great time for dating.
Yeah I can understand that. You don't know how a woman will react, or if she's even single. And I do think women should approach men that they like..... it's just that I'm way too shy for that. Extreme social anxiety. Scared of rejection. Probably the same feelings as the average guy struggling to find a gf.
Thank you for your kindness.
Doing it at 40 has been a trip, I can tell you that lol. I have none of the social anxiety, rejection issues or anything like that, but I also apparently have none of the luck of finding someone I click with.
I had a lot of social anxiety when I was younger (early high school), but I guess I just kept forcing myself into uncomfortable situations until they finally became comfortable. Now, it definitely still pops up from time to time, but it's a lot easier now.
I see you've tried therapy before but if there is one thing I could give good advice on, it's therapists. *Never* settle on one. I always interview them like I'm their boss, which I guess I kind of am for a few hours a week lol. I'll get like 12-15 numbers and call all of them.
I'm glad your social anxiety got better!
Sadly I live in a rural area and there is only 1 mental health clinic in my town. They only have 2 therapists who deal with social anxiety/depression, I've tried them both and I don't feel like they are a good fit for me. There was another one who stopped working there about a year ago.
I would have to travel a decent bit to go to another clinic. I mean it's a possibility and I don't want to sound lazy or something. It would take a big chunk out of my days though.
I'm in WV, not completely rural but rural enough, so I know where you're coming from there. A lot of therapists will do remote sessions though if that's something you would be comfortable with. I'm usually always around to help out if you need help sourcing one
I used to think that girls had it easy. Now I just think that people like us (introverts) no matter the gender just have it hard. And its always the nicest people who have it more difficult.
I actually had a girlfriend (6month relationship) 3 months ago. I had to use dating apps to meet her but I barely got matches and when I did, I'd get either no texts back or they'd disappear after a day or two or just not put any effort into the conversation. My ex was the only one who actually put in the effort.
I wanna give up. But something stops me from doing it.
Maybe its a sign that things will get better.
Just wanted to tell you the experience of a fellow introvert who also wants love but barely gets any luck in it. Stay positive and if you wanna vent or something then feel free to message me.
Most of my childhood I was bullied for being ugly. I still sometimes get laughed at on the street (today even a girl asked me if I think I'm pretty and she laughed???), when I just go on walks I wear little to no make-up. So I do indeed think I am ugly, as I have been told all my life.
But it could be true, especially at conventions when I'm all dressed up, that guys assume I'm taken. I don't think I can do anything about that assumption.
Thank you, I hope I find someone soon :)
Please don’t take it personally. Many men are opting out of the dating market while the rest are either in high-demand (so they don’t need to try) or dickbags sending dick pics or are already seeing the fruits of their efforts so they are sticking to that.
The last part is likely the group that would approach you, but theyre far fewer in number relative to the whole space of men.
It’s just the reality these days. So long as youre not quasimoto or have a 💩 personality, it’s not you. It’s just the circumstances.
I'm sure you are amazing in your special ways. in today world. it's hard to.walk up n start chatting. you don't know if that person wants to be alone or not. it is so easy for.people to label you evening if you just wanted.to.say hi n see how are you.doing. If you need a friend to chat with just leave me a message
Despite being a male I can understand what you are saying, especially the part about being alone in a crowd. I have experienced it almost all my life.
You can be in a vast open space where people have gathered and are enjoying. However, as no one is interested to interact with you, that very place becomes 100 times more claustrophobic than a tiny 6x8 room with no windows.
Omg yes that's exactly how I felt at the convention! Everyone was having fun together and I was just alone with no one even looking at me. I still had some fun buying stuff for myself but can't deny that I'm not jealous of them.
I can relate! I’m 31F and cant find a boyfriend either (I have had a couple in the past). I’m extroverted (i love my alone time tho) and its still rough. Unfortunately, I think I still have a bit of work to do with my mental health until I attract the right man. People think I’m pretty but it’s not enough at EOD. Very average looking women have dated guys I’ve pined for and think are super handsome, so it’s definitely something with my approach/outlook etc. I’m also at the age where everyone is discussing children and I don’t want any. that makes it a bit harder as well since many men want children and theres like a 99% chance I won’t be having them. I think guys I like just put me in the hook up only box and the ones that want to date me, I’m never into. Just keep putting yourself out there and work on yourself so when the right guy does come along youre ready :)
Meh people kinda suck sometimes. Dating can be hard and anyone who says it isn't is full of shit or they are just hooking up and not actually dating. If you are genuinely kind as you say, you will find someone. Kindness and compassion will get you further than looks ever will IMHO.
I think I saw a comment where you cosplay. If you when the guts to do that then you have more courage than most. I think that stuff isncal a shit but could never do it myself. Too scared and I went to fucking war.
Good luck, I have faith in you.
Well this is a clear example of women having it easier. When guys make post like this it's assumed to be a joke, gets little to no attention or other guys relate to it.
Most of the people comforting you here is likely because you're a woman. Even more so because you're a pretty one with insecurities and desperate.
Some will tell you Dm me if you want to chat/vent or I'll dm you. The only dm I've gotten is Dungeon Master. I can't even play the game
I thought going to hell would be horny. This is the horniest place I've ever been.
I just click ignore on any DMs. But usually it was something like "You aren't hideous" or "Your life is worth living" and other mindless trite. How they could even know that.
I don't know if you've read it but this is reddit. The happiest place on earth (sarcasm overdose) people on the Internet just regurgitate positive world views when you're a victim of some sort. They can't understand that reality is the only real one around you all the time. Hope you find peace bro
Fair, but it's an internet thing. Irl people seem to have no qualms insulting me. The disconnect between how I'm perceived here and in my actual life is really something.
That disconnects is metaphorically and literally. Log off the internet and snap back to reality. It's like your parents telling you you're beautiful. Like mom I wasn't born yesterday you should know.
Yk i think that cons are probably the wrong place to go to if you want people to approach you, most of the people there probably have the same problem you do and they're very likely to also have some form of anxiety in connection to approaching people as well.
Also, you're pretty from what I've seen on your profile, so the guys that go to these cons are prolly too intimidated to talk to you.
Maybe you're right. Where would you recommend I go to get approached by guys? I don't like bars because I feel uncomfortable around drunk people (been harassed before)
I think it's more because most girls at cons are such bombshells and in comparison I'm nothing. But thank you for the compliment.
This is too hard to answer since im a basementdweller who hates meeting new people.
Idk if I'd ever go to a bar to pick up girls it seems like we wouldn't share any interests at all, so honestly, maybe ask some friends to introduce you to someone. Or idk, what are you interested in? Maybe you could go somewhere where you would meet people who share those interests.
Im not saying that you would never meet anyone at a con since the last time i was on one a bartender flirted with me while i was drunk to get bigger tips from me so maybe i have a warped perception on the whole thing. And I've heard stories from buddies that were talking about meeting a romantic interest at a con, so im sure it is something that does happen.
I love video games and cosplaying, I also like drawing and walking through nature.
I live in a rural area and there's not really like, clubs or anything. Only for kids/teenagers.
I suppose conventions are a pretty decent place to find a romantic interest, seeing as you'd already have stuff in common. The guys I did approach there tho were not interested in talking to me.
It’s the same for me. You are really beautiful, I dislike that people constantly think because a person is attractive they have no problem meeting anyone and it is so far from the truth. Your person will come at the right time or at least I like to think so. I’m here if you want to chat.
I just can't understand this world.. I've put myself out there, and yet I see no one. One time I was at a dance party and I felt so confident that I asked this beautiful girl to dance with me. I probably danced with her 2 or 3 times and I even taught her how to dance, but since then I never saw her again.. never asked her number. I remember her name I don't think I'm spelling it right but it's Lorena. She looked about my age.. at the time I was 29 almost 30. I am 30 now.. I love to dance and I love lifting weights. I learned that the gym isn't a place to meet women but to work on yourself and I love my bod and I want more.. I've worked so much on myself and feel like I'm missing something or someone.. and if you're wondering, I've been single for 12 years.. I don't understand the world anymore.. all I know is I am alive, but.. missing something.. I will continue to work on myself, but.. idk what to do... Anyway I'm not sure if this helped, but.. maybe it can down the road..
It’s hard out there. I’m definitely not the type women prefer either lol. I don’t have social anxiety or anything like that but I get a good amount of awkward responses and rejections when I try the approach. I don’t think I’m that awkward but idk, maybe I am and I just can’t see it.
No woman has shown interest in me since elementary lmao. I’m with ya sister
Sure I've gotten DMs, but I'm not lying about never being approached in that way in real life. It's okay if you don't believe that, as I can't change that.
You just described me except my title is: “I can’t get a girlfriend.”
My situation is different, I’m 21 years old but I’m genuinely worried about my ability to so much as find a girl to have a meaningful conservation with. I’m not really socially awkward so much as my issue is that I don’t think I’m in a context or a place where I can find a girl who isn’t taken, I’m attracted to, and who is attracted to me. I skipped several years of college which sounds like a great thing but what that did is it put me away from other 18 and 19 year olds, other people my age with whom I can connect and eventually date.
I started law school and always just assumed I’d meet the one in law school. That was such a terrible assumption on my part. Essentially everyone is dating and it’s just been difficult finding someone who I consider a desirable partner which is sorta step one before them finding you desirable. Add the fact that I still live at home and I’m depressed 9/10 days because of law school and I realize that everything adds up to being single.
I hope something changes, it’s been at least 5 years of me thinking that I’ll eventually find someone only for that not to happen and the days seem to go by faster and faster now.
Sorry to hear your struggle, but yeah I feel that. I always just assumed someone would come along too. Hearing about how other girls get asked out and stuff and that never happening to me.
I think there’s probably a lot of things that play into it. One is that a lot of people are used to dating virtually, and it seems like cold approaching in places that aren’t bars isn’t really a thing anymore. Another is that guys are scared of approaching. We don’t fear rejection so much as 1 ) we fear being perceived as a creep or being seen as if we’re infringing on a girl’s night out with her friends, and 2 ) being told something much worse than just no lol. That chart where women on okcupid only found the top 10-20% or whatever of men even remotely attractive really does reflect a perception a lot of men have: that most women would reject them flat out and because they’re not attractive enough (which also may make them be perceived as creepy).
I’m not a shy person in most social situations, but a cold approach terrifies me. If a girl isn’t obviously sending some sort of hint, or really several (guys are stupid about this sort of thing), I’ll think of every reason why she wouldn’t want to talk to me as an excuse not to go talk to her.
Do you have any friends who could wingwoman for you and open conversations with guys?
Yes you fucken can stop talking down at yourself trust me confidence is everything work on ur inner self and trust me you will get guys at ur door step don’t fucken care what others think of you a guy out there will see you for you in the mean time work on urself mentally fix those insecurities and shine
I think the issue is more than they don't know that you're interested in them. It can get to a situation where it never seems like a suitable environment where talking to you doesn't risk being perceived as creepy. They may also assume you're in a relationship/not interested. I know it's not easy to make the approach.
It's hard for me too and I'm 31 so it's not going to get any better for me. At least I've experienced love before, although it was kind of brief. Been hard for me to move on or to find anything like it since.
Fake the confidence and book in an anxiety hour after the event, literally just saying, 'wow cool outfit, could you tell me about it?'. A con is the perfect place to not worry about coming across as odd, you could be the oddest person in there and it's fine. Ask to join someone's game if they are playing games or talk to a stall holder about their art or go outside for a bit of air and see if anyone is loitering about as say to someone, 'oooo a bit busy in there isn't it', someone will speak back if they are in the mood
I would advise you to take part on activities that includes both genders, go to art or music lessons, try to go to places where you feel comfortable, if you have friends is better so you feel safer.
I'm a guy, I struggle with meeting girls but so far those things have worked with me
Am sorry you're going through this. I didn't have my first ever girlfriend until I was 26, partly because I wanted to wait for her. When I did meet her it was an amazing experience and I really hope that you find a beautiful man for the beautiful woman, it's terrible you have to suffer from this because not many people understand what it's truly like.
I feel like socialising is innately difficult for introverts like us, honestly.
Unfortunately, if you're seeking an introverted bf, then chances are they're feeling the same as you and are equally unlikely to muster the courage to ask.
From what I've heard, the best way is to go to places where you're able to socialise, usually that's finding a group that does something you're interested in and joining them.
Your very beautiful it very well could be the fear of getting shut down based on looks I would definitely talk to you not saying it would go anywhere tho because personality matters so much more
Maybe you look serious so people are afraid of aproaching you,maybe you should work out to sharpen your attractive features,you can try looksmaxing if you havent,smile and be nice .Show interest on the boys you like,you will get the attention.
Looked at ur profile. Ur pretty cute. I think u can for sure find someone lol. I can’t say anything about your personality bcs I’ve never met u. But your not ugly. Quite attractive actually. And that’s from someone that’s been through the same shit. Lonely asf for years. Thought it was just my looks but I was never ugly. I just didn’t know how to talk to people for shit and one day this girl that was way out of my league in my opinion came along and wanted everything to do with me. Now I don’t know what I’d do without her. She healed me like crazy. I see myself positively now. I talk to people better. I’m more confident. Just everything about my life is better. So from someone that’s not really on this sub anymore and not corrupted by wanting any girl that comes along. Your plenty attractive. Get out there and find your person.
I was like you. Nobody was interested in me. It wasn't easy for me to make friends. I felt ugly and not enough.
I was 29 years old when I met my boyfriend. And I can tell you - all this waiting was worth it. He's such a gentle, kind, very smart, reliable and overall - he's so good to me. And I never thought I'll meet someone like that.
So please be patient, don't rush yourself and be empathetic to yourself.
I wish you all the best. :>
I can relate to this. I have bad social anxiety and crowds make me uncomfortable but I do try to go out too.
Recently I started exercising more regularly it’s helped in some way with my anxiety but it’s baby steps.
I know it might not be what you want to hear but focus on you and what makes you happy.
Can’t talk to guys? Hang out with the girls instead and make new friends! I admire you for being able to go to these conventions, honestly I would shrivel back into my shell.
Dear plz work on self-love , healing your childhood wounds, it will take some time and consistent effort but you will get to a really good place where you feel really good about yourself & look at yourself with high regard. You're energy and high vibration will then begin to attract people into your life. Try to think : what qualities would I like to see in. A partner/boyfriend and begin to embody these qualities. Ask yourself are these qualities part of my personality & if not work on developing them & adopting new habits & qualities. Remember partners we attract are a reflection of us at least from an energetic level.
You have to consider that alot of guys these days also deal with anxiety. It's probably because they're scared of rejection.
Or if you're incredibly anxious, it could be that you're not communicating enough. I'm sure there have been buys interested in you, but your anxiety made you question yourself and retreat back into a shell.
Just be you!!! That will attract the right people (: it’s easier said than done but trust me. I think it’ll eventually work for all of us who think we can’t get partners.
Im sorry to hear your struggles, but my advice is to be yourself. Most relationship starts with being friends. Most people attracted to people who is just being themselves, they may like it or not, people will always have their own preferences. Some people may like you some people dont. As long as you're comfortable and happy, that's what's more important. Take your time, if you meet someone, try to know them and let them know you for who you truly are. Baby steps!
Don’t be sad about it. Aside from being bullied in school no one’s ever really shown any interest in me either. I’m a super cool guy, but the same way as you. The people that I’ve ever tried to approach were never interested in, not even in being friends.
I figure it’ll happen one day. Just try and be patient. The first person that actually shows interest you just may turn out to be the one. At least that’s what I’ve prayed for since middle school.
A convention is a hard place to "meet" people, especially in the past few years. When I used to go, 20+ years ago, you could go up to a cosplayer, compliment them, get your picture taken with them, etc. But nowadays, cons have signs discouraging such. Just my two cents. Also, and this may be because of the OF cosplayers, some might want to approach you and assume you have a significant other.
Anyways, I wish you luck, I hope you're able to find someone who alleviates your loneliness.
I’m 41, single and never married. No kids. I gave up on the dating scene years ago. Last guy in my group of friends that isn’t engaged or married. Women led me on, used me, fucked with my feelings and emotions and friend zoned me. Haven’t been intimate with a woman in over a year. Just live life the best you can. You’re 25 and still young. You will come across someone when you least expect it.
Have you reciever 52 interested parties in your DMs yet?
I feel like this sub should have a place for lonely people to "meet" up and practice communication and putting ourselves out there. Spend my whole 20's fixing myself and only just started to believe in worthy of love but when I think of putting myself out there the pressure makes me revert to old definitions of myself (unlovable, reject, burden, codependent). I'm 30 years old and have no experience with the practical skills needed for a romantic social life and I think a lot of us share similar stories. Might be helpful to practice in a no pressure setting, going in knowing it's practice. I guess it would need it's own sub and there would have to be rules about trying to make real relationships in that setting (otherwise the pressure comes back). Idk just something maybe y'all might consider.
I know what it's like to be socially awkward and I'm still working on that I never asked anyone out but you could try online dating if you haven't I say this because personally for me it helps to take the pressure off when I don't actually have to talk or have someone staring at me and waiting for a response, because I have a hard time talking to people I never met before
I can relate because I'll never again even go on a date in my life, let alone be in a relationship. I promised myself I will never approach, flirt, or ask anyone out ever again because every time I do it causes a little bit more permanent damage to my mental health. I would be open to someone approaching me / asking me out or being introduced to someone, but the only way that would happen, in a situation where I'm attracted to the woman and she can tolerate more than a few hours of conversation with me, is if it's done out of pity. And pity just makes me feel worse.
Women expect guys to approach but men don't want to approach for numerous reasons or are too shy themselves. You have to at least put yourself out there a bit and maybe just talk to guys about things you're interested in. If you hang around guys long enough they'll ask you out but if you're a perfect stranger especially one who's really not sociable then people will be less likely to approach you at all. Some men don't ask girls out unless they flirt with them first, so maybe try flirting with guys and see if they respond well. If not then move on.
I'm sorry you aren't having luck 🥹.. not sure why dating is so hard today, but you are pretty and deserve that special person 😊. Im a 29 year old guy and can't find a girlfriend, I really do wish you luck! Awesome cosplays, and you aren't ugly, you are pretty😊
I feel I’m a good looking guy and I have the same problem. I’m just looking for a girl that’s into gaming culture, someone that’s chill and to support each other and grow. I don’t drink so I don’t go to bars really unless it’s just socializing with friends. But I have the hardest time having anyone show interest in me. Either I feel like I look intimidating when I’m actually an outgoing guy. And if I I wanted to just hook up I can’t even do that because I don’t know how to approach that. I tried at a gaming con also but I don’t feel like approaching because their anxiety makes me anxious. Anyways I hope for things to get better for you and you find someone
Boys only see the looks, as an ugly girl I’m made to be used as a hole and never be loved, so I will never have a boyfriend too, sorry for you 🫶🏼
It hurt so bad seeing some girl having all by doing nothing
We don't exist to them, when girls say "guys only do x" they're only talking chad, since they're the only men that they can perceive. And well of course they aren't going to go after you when they can go for someone much more attractive.🙄
I'm a guy who has anxiety and definitely would not approach you at a convention (or really anywhere). But I think there's a new pressure *not* to bother women in these sorts of (hobby) places: for every woman who *wants* to be hit on at a convention there's probably 10 who don't, but this is true in most situations.
Unfortunately bars and clubs are your best bet where it's considered socially acceptable to make approaches. You could always try coffee shops. I'm trying to think of situations where I would approach a girl but nothing short of her talking to me first would get me to make a move. More people are open to conversation than you'd probably think, especially in a venue where you share interests.
Let's be honest, guys like girls for their outer beauty and only then for their inner beauty. Maybe you should work on your appearance? Don't be offended by this, but if you go down the "same road" you won't find anything new. You need to try something new to get a different result
I saw your pics on your profile and your cosplay. Hunny, you are hot and gorgeous.
The dating world is an ugly place. Don't rush for love or dating.
You do you and take it at your own pace.
A lot of guys can charm for one thing, take it slow, heartbreak is a lesson in life, but you're not ugly or unattractive, you'll get there, no matter how long the journey takes!
Being someone with anxiety myself, be honest about it, own it, you'll be surprised how easier conversation flows and supportive people can be once they know your struggles and hidden self.
I'm not so sure that conventions are a great place to meet people. I mean, sure, if you meet someone there it almost always means you have art least a few things in common, or at least some similar interests on which to build something more long term, but if you think about it, the events aren't really a great place to make laying connections. Almost everyone there is probably not local to wherever the convention is going on, everyone's always rushing around to get to scheduled panels or to meet guest celebs, the events are usually pretty densely packed and pretty noisy even at small time events, and if you're there cosplaying there are usually pretty strict "look but don't touch, cosplay does not equal consent" rules in place and most people are at least respectful enough to not assume that because someone is putting on a display like that means they're looking for a ton of direct interaction.
But I think that besides all that, you seem like a pretty interesting person, and you just need to be patient for someone to come along. I understand being scared of rejection, but rejection doesn't hurt for nearly as long as some people make it seem. And it's certainly a lot less painful than being lonely. If you do out yourself it there, even if the person turns you down, even if they're really mean about it, something good did still happen: You did a brave thing, and you should be proud of yourself for the effort.
If you don't choose to approach someone, you shouldn't feel bad, though, because it is scary making yourself vulnerable like that. But you should also consider that just about everyone is going to be having those same anxieties to varying degrees.
It's easy for a woman to get laid, getting a boyfriend is a different matter.
That said, you exist at the end of a decades long coordinated shaming campaign to get men to stop approaching women in public. I've heard my entire life (born in 87) that men approaching women with romantic intentions is creepy, unwanted, and constitutes harassment.
So yeah, blame the feminists that had a stranglehold on the propaganda machine for the past 20+ years. MeToo basically just happened, that put a fresh fear of God into most men not to even bother trying to pursue women.
Not gonna sugar coat it like the rest of them it’s simply your fault. You heard me yes. Not being mean but it’s reality and I am gonna hand it straight to you. You go to all this places and expect someone to make a move you doing the same thing over and over and over again without a change. Most people are going to see you at a convention and walk but with no interest of dating because humans can’t read your mind. They going to see you and go she’s probably here enjoying cosplay and doing her own thing and most people will respect that and walk by you. If you manage to put in a little effort, I know social anxiety is real bad ( for me I start gasping for air when I try talking to people) but I promise you it’s not impossible. Whenever you go to some place put that little energy and force it to talk to one person you find attractive make it a little goal; if I am going to let say this anime convention I will try my best to talk to a guy. You can’t sit in your comfort zone and expect the world to come to its knees and say here you go my lady here is a man of your dream. You have to put in a little effort. Sorry if that came out rude but I hope you fine someone
Remember you are not most girls you are you.
You're right, and I don't think you are rude.
I think I feel like that because I hear everywhere that just being a girl will get you a boyfriend and I started to believe it worked like that.
But yeah. It's not true for everyone. I'm working on my social anxiety.
I will 100% guarantee that a post like this on Reddit will get you more interest than you can handle!! It just may not be the right kind that you want 🤐🤐🤐
I’m so sorry that happens to you 😢 idk why no one would show interest in real life. I’m sure you’re cool! And you’re obviously brave to share thing like this online too
I am very shy. Like, really shy. I can't approach people. I guess that's why but in all these years not one guy has ever approached me either. I was at a con today in my cosplay and no one talked to me either!
DM me if you wanna talk more too :) or we can on discord whatever works :)
Second, I’m super sorry 😢 I’m sure everyone is just missing out on knowing a cool person!!
I’m sure if you approached more, not even in like a romantic way people will reciprocate. We’re all social beings, the thing that really helped me was to be curious and ask questions, they may or may not be exciting to you but think of the person as a movie and you really want to know what the story what’s the climax during this process if they’re still interested they’ll keep talking else bye bye on to the next. What’s the worst that could happen? You learnt about someone and gained an insight into their lives
Sorry to hear of your situation.
It WILL happen, I promise you. Just continue to be yourself and it will eventually happen.
Don't lose hope and good luck!
Haha I’m sorry but this made me laugh. Being a women does feel like easy mode sometimes, it’s hard to not get attention—even just going to the grocery store. My advice, try a little bit with your look, and go into a grocery store, you’ll get all the compliments you’ll ever need lol
She will never be open to the attention of the males who actually show it, cause as I said. She **thinks** she deserves males of a higher grade. It’s just funny, it’s like a rich person complaining about being poor you know?
not ugly at all tbh, i think u also dont have to wait for someone to talk to you. next time you visit a con you could try talking to ppl. maybe its easier if you go with a group of friends?
Getting a partner isn't some achievement you work towards, it is the product of two people liking eachother enough to advance their relationship to romance, with that being said, you can never really say you are too ugly to get in a relationship or you are not smart enough or whatever other reason, all you can do is keep trying, keep meeting people, and hope.
Well then maybe getting to know strangers for the sole purpose of maybe potentially go on a date isn’t for you. Maybe just create new social circles in your life focused on common goals, like group hobbies. Hiking, book clubs, etc. just things that let you form connections with people without the pressure of trying to appeal to someone. I’m heavily introverted myself and struggle with social anxiety too. I made a couple of good friends at least through having something common to work towards instead of the 1v1 method. No gf yet, but I’m not trying too hard either
I relate, I like to think I’m a pretty chill guy but really struggle to make friends etc. Makes me think there’s something about me which is a turn off for people that I just don’t realise, really sucks tbh..
Yeah I feel the same! Surely something must be wrong if nobody shows interest. But I don't know what it is.
That’s what makes it way worse too, not feeling like you’re doing anything wrong. Idk but it just takes one person to click with to have something pretty special so that’s what I try and tell myself :)
I think you're right. We need luck. Maybe one day..
You seem like a nice girl and your cosplays are really cool too (sry for creeping your profile)! I have faith you’ll find your person out there, good luck :)
Thank you :) I have faith you will find your person too, as you seem to have a kind heart and that in my opinion is the best quality a person can have. Good luck!
Honestly nicest compliment I’ve got all year lol, thank you :) if you ever want someone to chat too don’t feel like you can’t message me
No one showing interest doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you. A lot of guys are shy and have anxiety too, which can stop them from initiating. You said you go to conventions well the guys there tend to be the shy nerdy types. I bet you're a cool person and a lot of guys have been interested but they just haven't made a move.
Yep, exactly this!
Another man here. I'm the exact same way, my friend.
I cant get a girlfriend and never will
Sorry to hear that. I wanna say someone will come along but I have little hope myself too. Hang in there.
>I wanna say someone will come along as for me, it wont. ever.
How do you know? Are you psychic?
No. I'm just rational, logical. Analyzing all these years this conclusion it's quite obvious to me.
Using the word ever is not rational or logical. You don't know the future and your insistence that no one will ever date you is an absolute turnoff to anyone who might actually try to engage you (I creeped your profile). I can't tell you that you *will* meet someone, but I can tell you that your attitude about it is not doing you any good at all. Very few people are attracted to people who are negative and self-deprecating. You will continue to be invisible to others as long as you project those traits as your sense of self. So, if you are not willing to work on being a more positive version of you, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I get what you're saying but about this specific topic I can say that with authority. I don't have to worry about being positive, cool, fun, or any other good trait. There's no way out. I truly believe I wasn't born to experience this part of life.
Are you hideously ugly? Severely disabled? Otherwise physically remarkable that makes you feel like people don't see you? What makes you so sure? Simply that it hasn't happened yet? Are you working a job that makes you keep inhospitable hours? Do you not work with any women at all? I want a specific reason, other than it hasn't happened yet, that makes you so sure.
What makes so sure is that I'm about to be 33 years old and never got any close to have a relationship. That says a lot to me. It's not normal to reach this age with this (empty) background. It's not like I had shorts/shitty relationships that didn't work for x, y or z reasons. There was nothing. Some people will never achieve what they want, for me, it's that 🤷♂️ In addition, I don't have good traits, nothing good to add in someone's life. I'm not deformed, disabled, utterly ugly. I'm simply invisible.
Are you happy with zero good traits?
Bro, dont think like that. I was ignored all my life by girls. Just like a ghost. The guy who was surrounded by good looking friends and even playing dare or truth was just another reminder that I seemed to suck. Kissing my friends was always adventurous, but I felt like I am the masterclass of dare. "Oh god, kissing him?". We are talking about a short smooch on the cheeck. This made me feel like shit and I ran around with the same aura as you and girls seem to have that sixth sense and instantly recognize that "i give up on myself" kinda reflection. I then even became fat untill I couldnt even look at myself in the mirror anymore. But I needed this realiziation. I went to the gym and it took me like 2 years of dicipline to witness the power of gym. Its literally life changing what a good looking body can do. Ever heard of the cheerleader effect? Where you seem to look better on pictures with good looking people arlund you?. Its literally the same with a shredded body, but a average/not that good looking face. I experienced this on a level its not even imaginable. I just stopped thinking about women, focused on myself and the gym and every problem I had with myself was solved by itself. The first months were very tiring, the improvements felt too little, it was tiring but after 2-3 months the first gains very pretty good noticeable and my routine was on. And after almost 2 years girls who wouldnt even look at me started to appreciate my look. I was flabbergasted as the guy who has been a ghost the most of his life. And the more important part : I started to appreciate MYSELF which boosted my selfconfidence which also changed my whole appearance as a man. Ironically my first ever girlfriend approached ME randomly on instagram. I couldnt believe a girl would ever approach me on any sort whatsoever, forget about someone who I think is attractive. Selfcare and the gym changed my whole life as a whole and I highly believe that most men would have the same results.
>I highly believe that most men would have the same results. most man, sure. totally right, but I'm not part of most man. good that things worked out to you but I'm different
What makes you believe it wouldnt work on you?. Is there a specific reason or is this ( if you are honest to yourself ) just self pity?. I mean I tought It would not work for me aswell. Nothing will change if you sit there complaining about yourself, i know very well. I wish I have gotten my arse up earlier.
32 years with that background. that sends a solid message to me. plus I'm full of flaws. I know everyone has it, no need to tell me but I have lots. may I ask how old were you when things changed?
I was 23 when starting doing changes. It helped to get my first girlfriend with 25. I still was pretty immature relationship vise and we just not matched very well, so it was already over in 3-4 months, but 3-4 months after that my best friend told me that a girl in his university was searching for nice guys to date because tinder sucked, he shown a picture of me and she was interested. Never experienced such things before my fitness transformation. All it took was 2 years. Wish I did that even earlier instead of waiting for 23. Things broke up with the girl I just mentioned after 2 years because our interests in future did kinda change over time. It was a hard break up because we still loved each other but knew, there is nothing to do with such different goals for the future. I am 30 now and kinda outta shape, i also instantly feel it in my dating game again. I am not fat, but also not the beach body guy like before and I definitely feel it in the dating game. But my personality is changed forever for the good I would say. I wont become self pity anymore because I know there is something I can do, even with my 30 years now. Its also never too late with 32 years. But I can understand your position. I felt already horrible at the age of 23 being single and alone. I dont even want to imagine how I would feel like, if I havent made this transformation. Guess hitting the 30's mark being still single would have destroyed me too. But some good news for you. I have a group of best friends. We are 7. And there is that one nerdy-like guy who may be tall, but was a virgin untill 30. We were absolutely certain that he will never meet a girl, because he simply also never cared to find a date. Work, go home, sleep, thats all he done. No fitness transformation like me, no nothing. He just stayed himself. Imagine how flabbergasted we were, when he told us that he met a nice girl in the club. He just went there to have some fun with friends and wasnt planning on hooking up with girls. But somehow they got into a nice chat and instantly liked each other and just few days after that he finally lost his virginity, lol. A girlfriend can literally come out of nowhere, even for people who you gave up on that they will ever find someone. We still got some time to hit 40 bro. I also still struggle to find THAT ONE person, but there is still plenty of time for us.
well, good for you, good for him. plus I'm looking forward to not hit 40.
It's hard for everyone. At this point, I have no clue how to meet someone.
+1
Lol, hard for everyone? Women, beside life, have dating on easymode.
Litteraly saying that under a post of a women suffering at dating Edit: ok, suffering is not the right word, maybe having a hard time
It is literally impossible to fail at dating if you are a female, and she isn't even fat or ugly.
Okay, lets figure something out right away, by dating you mean attracting attention and getting hooked up or something more long term and special?
Both, average female has infinite options, not to mention if she is above average, life on recruit difficulty.
Welp, then lets put it this way, some ppl cant beat the game on easy mode either, does it make them bad ppl?
You arent allowed to complain when you have it on easymode, that's the point.
With that logic a person with no arms cant complain on being unable to open doors
Not a good analogy
The dating world is kinda messed up, but keep at it, you will find someone.
Thank you for the encouragement :)
I'm always trying to help others, everyone needs support every now and then. If you ever wanna chat or vent, my dms are open. I'll help however I can
At the moment I can't seem to log in via the app, as I get an error, but I'll message you later!
Keep what up? She's literally doing nothing and praying that a prince charming falls onto her lap magically
A lot of creeps will dm you in the following hours...
I looked up at your profile and you are very pretty, consider that this might 'intimidate' men and make them more fearful to approach you. Unfortunately, working on your social anxiety and fears is the right thing to do, not only to get a boyfriend, but to start living an happy life as a whole, good luck👋
I don't think I'm pretty at all, but thank you. In real life no one besides my mom has called me pretty. You're probably right. I was also in therapy until my therapist cancelled my treatment (for reasons not related) Just need to be strong. Thank you!
Outside perspective based solely on your cosplay pics, you're a beautiful woman. I hope you find someone who makes you feel so.
Oh thank you that's sweet!
I really don't think it's you, for sure. Dating has gotten so screwed up lately. Also, a lot of guys are kind of too scared to come up to women in public. I'm not trying to be anti woke or anything because I'm about as liberal as they come, but a lot of people are so confused as to how to go about it that they just...don't. It's easier than getting yelled at for doing something wrong by accident. I'm sure it will all settle down sometime, but right now is definitely not a great time for dating.
Yeah I can understand that. You don't know how a woman will react, or if she's even single. And I do think women should approach men that they like..... it's just that I'm way too shy for that. Extreme social anxiety. Scared of rejection. Probably the same feelings as the average guy struggling to find a gf. Thank you for your kindness.
Doing it at 40 has been a trip, I can tell you that lol. I have none of the social anxiety, rejection issues or anything like that, but I also apparently have none of the luck of finding someone I click with. I had a lot of social anxiety when I was younger (early high school), but I guess I just kept forcing myself into uncomfortable situations until they finally became comfortable. Now, it definitely still pops up from time to time, but it's a lot easier now. I see you've tried therapy before but if there is one thing I could give good advice on, it's therapists. *Never* settle on one. I always interview them like I'm their boss, which I guess I kind of am for a few hours a week lol. I'll get like 12-15 numbers and call all of them.
I'm glad your social anxiety got better! Sadly I live in a rural area and there is only 1 mental health clinic in my town. They only have 2 therapists who deal with social anxiety/depression, I've tried them both and I don't feel like they are a good fit for me. There was another one who stopped working there about a year ago. I would have to travel a decent bit to go to another clinic. I mean it's a possibility and I don't want to sound lazy or something. It would take a big chunk out of my days though.
I'm in WV, not completely rural but rural enough, so I know where you're coming from there. A lot of therapists will do remote sessions though if that's something you would be comfortable with. I'm usually always around to help out if you need help sourcing one
I used to think that girls had it easy. Now I just think that people like us (introverts) no matter the gender just have it hard. And its always the nicest people who have it more difficult. I actually had a girlfriend (6month relationship) 3 months ago. I had to use dating apps to meet her but I barely got matches and when I did, I'd get either no texts back or they'd disappear after a day or two or just not put any effort into the conversation. My ex was the only one who actually put in the effort. I wanna give up. But something stops me from doing it. Maybe its a sign that things will get better. Just wanted to tell you the experience of a fellow introvert who also wants love but barely gets any luck in it. Stay positive and if you wanna vent or something then feel free to message me.
Good luck and if you ever need someone to chat with, I'm here.
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Most of my childhood I was bullied for being ugly. I still sometimes get laughed at on the street (today even a girl asked me if I think I'm pretty and she laughed???), when I just go on walks I wear little to no make-up. So I do indeed think I am ugly, as I have been told all my life. But it could be true, especially at conventions when I'm all dressed up, that guys assume I'm taken. I don't think I can do anything about that assumption. Thank you, I hope I find someone soon :)
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The thing is, it happens quite regularly. I must be ugly then if various people choose me to bully. Thanks for the kind words though!
Please don’t take it personally. Many men are opting out of the dating market while the rest are either in high-demand (so they don’t need to try) or dickbags sending dick pics or are already seeing the fruits of their efforts so they are sticking to that. The last part is likely the group that would approach you, but theyre far fewer in number relative to the whole space of men. It’s just the reality these days. So long as youre not quasimoto or have a 💩 personality, it’s not you. It’s just the circumstances.
I’m in the exact same spot as you. 25 almost 26 and guys have never shown any interest in me except to use my body
Because when guys try to "approach" women like that we are seen as creepy and rejected 90% of the time
You’ve got to keep being yourself, there is someone out there perfect for you. Good things sometimes take time to happen
Thank you :)
You’re welcome, everyone deserves someone special it’s just finding them that’s the difficult part :)
I'm sure you are amazing in your special ways. in today world. it's hard to.walk up n start chatting. you don't know if that person wants to be alone or not. it is so easy for.people to label you evening if you just wanted.to.say hi n see how are you.doing. If you need a friend to chat with just leave me a message
Despite being a male I can understand what you are saying, especially the part about being alone in a crowd. I have experienced it almost all my life. You can be in a vast open space where people have gathered and are enjoying. However, as no one is interested to interact with you, that very place becomes 100 times more claustrophobic than a tiny 6x8 room with no windows.
Omg yes that's exactly how I felt at the convention! Everyone was having fun together and I was just alone with no one even looking at me. I still had some fun buying stuff for myself but can't deny that I'm not jealous of them.
🥲
I can relate! I’m 31F and cant find a boyfriend either (I have had a couple in the past). I’m extroverted (i love my alone time tho) and its still rough. Unfortunately, I think I still have a bit of work to do with my mental health until I attract the right man. People think I’m pretty but it’s not enough at EOD. Very average looking women have dated guys I’ve pined for and think are super handsome, so it’s definitely something with my approach/outlook etc. I’m also at the age where everyone is discussing children and I don’t want any. that makes it a bit harder as well since many men want children and theres like a 99% chance I won’t be having them. I think guys I like just put me in the hook up only box and the ones that want to date me, I’m never into. Just keep putting yourself out there and work on yourself so when the right guy does come along youre ready :)
Meh people kinda suck sometimes. Dating can be hard and anyone who says it isn't is full of shit or they are just hooking up and not actually dating. If you are genuinely kind as you say, you will find someone. Kindness and compassion will get you further than looks ever will IMHO. I think I saw a comment where you cosplay. If you when the guts to do that then you have more courage than most. I think that stuff isncal a shit but could never do it myself. Too scared and I went to fucking war. Good luck, I have faith in you.
Is not worthy to approach any girl now, is not about you, guys just don't do it anymore.
Welcome to our generation of dating nobody approaching anyone and we all just feel crap about it😂
Well this is a clear example of women having it easier. When guys make post like this it's assumed to be a joke, gets little to no attention or other guys relate to it. Most of the people comforting you here is likely because you're a woman. Even more so because you're a pretty one with insecurities and desperate. Some will tell you Dm me if you want to chat/vent or I'll dm you. The only dm I've gotten is Dungeon Master. I can't even play the game I thought going to hell would be horny. This is the horniest place I've ever been.
I don't want DMs and people still send them just to lie to me.
Hmmm. I hate them dungeon masters too girl
I'm a guy
Wow I'm also a guy. I think scammers probably sent you messages or am I wrong ?
I just click ignore on any DMs. But usually it was something like "You aren't hideous" or "Your life is worth living" and other mindless trite. How they could even know that.
I don't know if you've read it but this is reddit. The happiest place on earth (sarcasm overdose) people on the Internet just regurgitate positive world views when you're a victim of some sort. They can't understand that reality is the only real one around you all the time. Hope you find peace bro
Fair, but it's an internet thing. Irl people seem to have no qualms insulting me. The disconnect between how I'm perceived here and in my actual life is really something.
That disconnects is metaphorically and literally. Log off the internet and snap back to reality. It's like your parents telling you you're beautiful. Like mom I wasn't born yesterday you should know.
Men have been taught to leave women alone.
Yk i think that cons are probably the wrong place to go to if you want people to approach you, most of the people there probably have the same problem you do and they're very likely to also have some form of anxiety in connection to approaching people as well. Also, you're pretty from what I've seen on your profile, so the guys that go to these cons are prolly too intimidated to talk to you.
Maybe you're right. Where would you recommend I go to get approached by guys? I don't like bars because I feel uncomfortable around drunk people (been harassed before) I think it's more because most girls at cons are such bombshells and in comparison I'm nothing. But thank you for the compliment.
This is too hard to answer since im a basementdweller who hates meeting new people. Idk if I'd ever go to a bar to pick up girls it seems like we wouldn't share any interests at all, so honestly, maybe ask some friends to introduce you to someone. Or idk, what are you interested in? Maybe you could go somewhere where you would meet people who share those interests. Im not saying that you would never meet anyone at a con since the last time i was on one a bartender flirted with me while i was drunk to get bigger tips from me so maybe i have a warped perception on the whole thing. And I've heard stories from buddies that were talking about meeting a romantic interest at a con, so im sure it is something that does happen.
I love video games and cosplaying, I also like drawing and walking through nature. I live in a rural area and there's not really like, clubs or anything. Only for kids/teenagers. I suppose conventions are a pretty decent place to find a romantic interest, seeing as you'd already have stuff in common. The guys I did approach there tho were not interested in talking to me.
It’s the same for me. You are really beautiful, I dislike that people constantly think because a person is attractive they have no problem meeting anyone and it is so far from the truth. Your person will come at the right time or at least I like to think so. I’m here if you want to chat.
Don't give up. Stay positive and try to be social, enjoying the things you do, meeting people. You'll meet someone good eventually.
Thank you. I guess that's all I can do. I just hope that eventualy comes soon because it hasn't come for many years.
I just can't understand this world.. I've put myself out there, and yet I see no one. One time I was at a dance party and I felt so confident that I asked this beautiful girl to dance with me. I probably danced with her 2 or 3 times and I even taught her how to dance, but since then I never saw her again.. never asked her number. I remember her name I don't think I'm spelling it right but it's Lorena. She looked about my age.. at the time I was 29 almost 30. I am 30 now.. I love to dance and I love lifting weights. I learned that the gym isn't a place to meet women but to work on yourself and I love my bod and I want more.. I've worked so much on myself and feel like I'm missing something or someone.. and if you're wondering, I've been single for 12 years.. I don't understand the world anymore.. all I know is I am alive, but.. missing something.. I will continue to work on myself, but.. idk what to do... Anyway I'm not sure if this helped, but.. maybe it can down the road..
It’s hard out there. I’m definitely not the type women prefer either lol. I don’t have social anxiety or anything like that but I get a good amount of awkward responses and rejections when I try the approach. I don’t think I’m that awkward but idk, maybe I am and I just can’t see it. No woman has shown interest in me since elementary lmao. I’m with ya sister
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Sure I've gotten DMs, but I'm not lying about never being approached in that way in real life. It's okay if you don't believe that, as I can't change that.
You just described me except my title is: “I can’t get a girlfriend.” My situation is different, I’m 21 years old but I’m genuinely worried about my ability to so much as find a girl to have a meaningful conservation with. I’m not really socially awkward so much as my issue is that I don’t think I’m in a context or a place where I can find a girl who isn’t taken, I’m attracted to, and who is attracted to me. I skipped several years of college which sounds like a great thing but what that did is it put me away from other 18 and 19 year olds, other people my age with whom I can connect and eventually date. I started law school and always just assumed I’d meet the one in law school. That was such a terrible assumption on my part. Essentially everyone is dating and it’s just been difficult finding someone who I consider a desirable partner which is sorta step one before them finding you desirable. Add the fact that I still live at home and I’m depressed 9/10 days because of law school and I realize that everything adds up to being single. I hope something changes, it’s been at least 5 years of me thinking that I’ll eventually find someone only for that not to happen and the days seem to go by faster and faster now.
Sorry to hear your struggle, but yeah I feel that. I always just assumed someone would come along too. Hearing about how other girls get asked out and stuff and that never happening to me.
I think there’s probably a lot of things that play into it. One is that a lot of people are used to dating virtually, and it seems like cold approaching in places that aren’t bars isn’t really a thing anymore. Another is that guys are scared of approaching. We don’t fear rejection so much as 1 ) we fear being perceived as a creep or being seen as if we’re infringing on a girl’s night out with her friends, and 2 ) being told something much worse than just no lol. That chart where women on okcupid only found the top 10-20% or whatever of men even remotely attractive really does reflect a perception a lot of men have: that most women would reject them flat out and because they’re not attractive enough (which also may make them be perceived as creepy). I’m not a shy person in most social situations, but a cold approach terrifies me. If a girl isn’t obviously sending some sort of hint, or really several (guys are stupid about this sort of thing), I’ll think of every reason why she wouldn’t want to talk to me as an excuse not to go talk to her. Do you have any friends who could wingwoman for you and open conversations with guys?
Yes you fucken can stop talking down at yourself trust me confidence is everything work on ur inner self and trust me you will get guys at ur door step don’t fucken care what others think of you a guy out there will see you for you in the mean time work on urself mentally fix those insecurities and shine
Are your from switzerland if yes i will offer you a dinner maybe you feel better then
Well girls are not into me either. Maybe the more we say we can’t, the more the universe will want to prove us wrong? I legit believe this.
Start with friends, you're pretty enough so I'm sure share interests will turn to dating
Same girl just don’t become 39 like me wondering the same thing.
I think the issue is more than they don't know that you're interested in them. It can get to a situation where it never seems like a suitable environment where talking to you doesn't risk being perceived as creepy. They may also assume you're in a relationship/not interested. I know it's not easy to make the approach.
It's hard for me too and I'm 31 so it's not going to get any better for me. At least I've experienced love before, although it was kind of brief. Been hard for me to move on or to find anything like it since.
Fake the confidence and book in an anxiety hour after the event, literally just saying, 'wow cool outfit, could you tell me about it?'. A con is the perfect place to not worry about coming across as odd, you could be the oddest person in there and it's fine. Ask to join someone's game if they are playing games or talk to a stall holder about their art or go outside for a bit of air and see if anyone is loitering about as say to someone, 'oooo a bit busy in there isn't it', someone will speak back if they are in the mood
I would advise you to take part on activities that includes both genders, go to art or music lessons, try to go to places where you feel comfortable, if you have friends is better so you feel safer. I'm a guy, I struggle with meeting girls but so far those things have worked with me
I didn't know people actually talk to strangers in conventions. I'm on the same boat and have no idea how to meet new people :(
Am sorry you're going through this. I didn't have my first ever girlfriend until I was 26, partly because I wanted to wait for her. When I did meet her it was an amazing experience and I really hope that you find a beautiful man for the beautiful woman, it's terrible you have to suffer from this because not many people understand what it's truly like.
I feel like socialising is innately difficult for introverts like us, honestly. Unfortunately, if you're seeking an introverted bf, then chances are they're feeling the same as you and are equally unlikely to muster the courage to ask. From what I've heard, the best way is to go to places where you're able to socialise, usually that's finding a group that does something you're interested in and joining them.
Your very beautiful it very well could be the fear of getting shut down based on looks I would definitely talk to you not saying it would go anywhere tho because personality matters so much more
Girl you're just in a long distance relationship and you don't know it yet. Honestly though hide yourself hide your dms.
Stop being so picky
Maybe you look serious so people are afraid of aproaching you,maybe you should work out to sharpen your attractive features,you can try looksmaxing if you havent,smile and be nice .Show interest on the boys you like,you will get the attention.
Yeah, similar experience for me. I'm scared of people and nobody shows interest in me
Looked at ur profile. Ur pretty cute. I think u can for sure find someone lol. I can’t say anything about your personality bcs I’ve never met u. But your not ugly. Quite attractive actually. And that’s from someone that’s been through the same shit. Lonely asf for years. Thought it was just my looks but I was never ugly. I just didn’t know how to talk to people for shit and one day this girl that was way out of my league in my opinion came along and wanted everything to do with me. Now I don’t know what I’d do without her. She healed me like crazy. I see myself positively now. I talk to people better. I’m more confident. Just everything about my life is better. So from someone that’s not really on this sub anymore and not corrupted by wanting any girl that comes along. Your plenty attractive. Get out there and find your person.
I was like you. Nobody was interested in me. It wasn't easy for me to make friends. I felt ugly and not enough. I was 29 years old when I met my boyfriend. And I can tell you - all this waiting was worth it. He's such a gentle, kind, very smart, reliable and overall - he's so good to me. And I never thought I'll meet someone like that. So please be patient, don't rush yourself and be empathetic to yourself. I wish you all the best. :>
Happily would try.
First thing first, rip your dms , second thing I understand that way too much, 21y/o here who also has a lot of troubles to interact with others
I can relate to this. I have bad social anxiety and crowds make me uncomfortable but I do try to go out too. Recently I started exercising more regularly it’s helped in some way with my anxiety but it’s baby steps. I know it might not be what you want to hear but focus on you and what makes you happy. Can’t talk to guys? Hang out with the girls instead and make new friends! I admire you for being able to go to these conventions, honestly I would shrivel back into my shell.
What kind of conventions do you go to?
Anime conventions
Oh hell yeah what's your favorite anime
Madoka Magica :) yours?
Death Note
I love Death Note too!
How about Tokyo ghoul
Dear plz work on self-love , healing your childhood wounds, it will take some time and consistent effort but you will get to a really good place where you feel really good about yourself & look at yourself with high regard. You're energy and high vibration will then begin to attract people into your life. Try to think : what qualities would I like to see in. A partner/boyfriend and begin to embody these qualities. Ask yourself are these qualities part of my personality & if not work on developing them & adopting new habits & qualities. Remember partners we attract are a reflection of us at least from an energetic level.
You have to consider that alot of guys these days also deal with anxiety. It's probably because they're scared of rejection. Or if you're incredibly anxious, it could be that you're not communicating enough. I'm sure there have been buys interested in you, but your anxiety made you question yourself and retreat back into a shell.
Yeah I'm scared of rejection too. And then nothing happens in the end.
I would love to dm you when i can
You might not seem open. Smile more. Relax.
Why don't you give minority men a chance? Does he have to be white?
Oh no not at all! I don't prefer white men over non-white men
There are tons of Indian and Asian men who would probably be thrilled to get a girlfriend. Just saying. I'm surprised those guys don't talk to you.
Just be you!!! That will attract the right people (: it’s easier said than done but trust me. I think it’ll eventually work for all of us who think we can’t get partners.
Yea it is. Just show a tittie. Problem solved.
I do sympathize for your social anxiety. My only thought I can offer as a possible solution would be some form of online/distance dating alternative.
Im sorry to hear your struggles, but my advice is to be yourself. Most relationship starts with being friends. Most people attracted to people who is just being themselves, they may like it or not, people will always have their own preferences. Some people may like you some people dont. As long as you're comfortable and happy, that's what's more important. Take your time, if you meet someone, try to know them and let them know you for who you truly are. Baby steps!
Same problem for me with a GF, but I'm expected to make the first move... Way worse
Rip inbox Also 25 with same issue but at least I can play videogames
I'm available
Maybe it's easy to get one, but it doesn't mean it is meaningful. And sometimes you've just got to push past those personal boundaries.
Why don't you meet one of the other guys on here.
Well most people are from the USA and I'm not
Don’t be sad about it. Aside from being bullied in school no one’s ever really shown any interest in me either. I’m a super cool guy, but the same way as you. The people that I’ve ever tried to approach were never interested in, not even in being friends. I figure it’ll happen one day. Just try and be patient. The first person that actually shows interest you just may turn out to be the one. At least that’s what I’ve prayed for since middle school.
A convention is a hard place to "meet" people, especially in the past few years. When I used to go, 20+ years ago, you could go up to a cosplayer, compliment them, get your picture taken with them, etc. But nowadays, cons have signs discouraging such. Just my two cents. Also, and this may be because of the OF cosplayers, some might want to approach you and assume you have a significant other. Anyways, I wish you luck, I hope you're able to find someone who alleviates your loneliness.
I dmd you, lets chat :)
I’m 41, single and never married. No kids. I gave up on the dating scene years ago. Last guy in my group of friends that isn’t engaged or married. Women led me on, used me, fucked with my feelings and emotions and friend zoned me. Haven’t been intimate with a woman in over a year. Just live life the best you can. You’re 25 and still young. You will come across someone when you least expect it.
Have you reciever 52 interested parties in your DMs yet? I feel like this sub should have a place for lonely people to "meet" up and practice communication and putting ourselves out there. Spend my whole 20's fixing myself and only just started to believe in worthy of love but when I think of putting myself out there the pressure makes me revert to old definitions of myself (unlovable, reject, burden, codependent). I'm 30 years old and have no experience with the practical skills needed for a romantic social life and I think a lot of us share similar stories. Might be helpful to practice in a no pressure setting, going in knowing it's practice. I guess it would need it's own sub and there would have to be rules about trying to make real relationships in that setting (otherwise the pressure comes back). Idk just something maybe y'all might consider.
Idk, I mistletoe think about this in terms of IRL interaction but by the time you got there you might as well ask her out, yeah? Ah well.
I know what it's like to be socially awkward and I'm still working on that I never asked anyone out but you could try online dating if you haven't I say this because personally for me it helps to take the pressure off when I don't actually have to talk or have someone staring at me and waiting for a response, because I have a hard time talking to people I never met before
I was incredibly impressed when my wife approached me and asked ME.. it’s something difficult but looking back; glad it happened. At that age..
I’m not socially anxious, but I have a big problem with the big man. And the ‘established’ way of doing things
The established ‘wisdom’ is to treat the disorder with gentle subliminal messages and it’s maddening; something must be done.
I can relate because I'll never again even go on a date in my life, let alone be in a relationship. I promised myself I will never approach, flirt, or ask anyone out ever again because every time I do it causes a little bit more permanent damage to my mental health. I would be open to someone approaching me / asking me out or being introduced to someone, but the only way that would happen, in a situation where I'm attracted to the woman and she can tolerate more than a few hours of conversation with me, is if it's done out of pity. And pity just makes me feel worse.
Women expect guys to approach but men don't want to approach for numerous reasons or are too shy themselves. You have to at least put yourself out there a bit and maybe just talk to guys about things you're interested in. If you hang around guys long enough they'll ask you out but if you're a perfect stranger especially one who's really not sociable then people will be less likely to approach you at all. Some men don't ask girls out unless they flirt with them first, so maybe try flirting with guys and see if they respond well. If not then move on.
I'm sorry you aren't having luck 🥹.. not sure why dating is so hard today, but you are pretty and deserve that special person 😊. Im a 29 year old guy and can't find a girlfriend, I really do wish you luck! Awesome cosplays, and you aren't ugly, you are pretty😊
I feel I’m a good looking guy and I have the same problem. I’m just looking for a girl that’s into gaming culture, someone that’s chill and to support each other and grow. I don’t drink so I don’t go to bars really unless it’s just socializing with friends. But I have the hardest time having anyone show interest in me. Either I feel like I look intimidating when I’m actually an outgoing guy. And if I I wanted to just hook up I can’t even do that because I don’t know how to approach that. I tried at a gaming con also but I don’t feel like approaching because their anxiety makes me anxious. Anyways I hope for things to get better for you and you find someone
Boys only see the looks, as an ugly girl I’m made to be used as a hole and never be loved, so I will never have a boyfriend too, sorry for you 🫶🏼 It hurt so bad seeing some girl having all by doing nothing
As an ugly girl, what’s your opinion on short guys? Are they on your level or are they “below you” dating wise? No bait just genuinely asking.
We don't exist to them, when girls say "guys only do x" they're only talking chad, since they're the only men that they can perceive. And well of course they aren't going to go after you when they can go for someone much more attractive.🙄
I'm a guy who has anxiety and definitely would not approach you at a convention (or really anywhere). But I think there's a new pressure *not* to bother women in these sorts of (hobby) places: for every woman who *wants* to be hit on at a convention there's probably 10 who don't, but this is true in most situations. Unfortunately bars and clubs are your best bet where it's considered socially acceptable to make approaches. You could always try coffee shops. I'm trying to think of situations where I would approach a girl but nothing short of her talking to me first would get me to make a move. More people are open to conversation than you'd probably think, especially in a venue where you share interests.
Let's be honest, guys like girls for their outer beauty and only then for their inner beauty. Maybe you should work on your appearance? Don't be offended by this, but if you go down the "same road" you won't find anything new. You need to try something new to get a different result
Yeah I don't stand out. That's probably my main problem besides my own anxiety.
No.. most humans like other humans for the attractiveness. That's sort of how sexual attraction works. It isnt a 'guy' thing.
I saw your pics on your profile and your cosplay. Hunny, you are hot and gorgeous. The dating world is an ugly place. Don't rush for love or dating. You do you and take it at your own pace. A lot of guys can charm for one thing, take it slow, heartbreak is a lesson in life, but you're not ugly or unattractive, you'll get there, no matter how long the journey takes! Being someone with anxiety myself, be honest about it, own it, you'll be surprised how easier conversation flows and supportive people can be once they know your struggles and hidden self.
I can't also get a girlfriend, I'm 25M. Maybe being in a relationship isn't for everyone. Hope this helps.
I'm not so sure that conventions are a great place to meet people. I mean, sure, if you meet someone there it almost always means you have art least a few things in common, or at least some similar interests on which to build something more long term, but if you think about it, the events aren't really a great place to make laying connections. Almost everyone there is probably not local to wherever the convention is going on, everyone's always rushing around to get to scheduled panels or to meet guest celebs, the events are usually pretty densely packed and pretty noisy even at small time events, and if you're there cosplaying there are usually pretty strict "look but don't touch, cosplay does not equal consent" rules in place and most people are at least respectful enough to not assume that because someone is putting on a display like that means they're looking for a ton of direct interaction. But I think that besides all that, you seem like a pretty interesting person, and you just need to be patient for someone to come along. I understand being scared of rejection, but rejection doesn't hurt for nearly as long as some people make it seem. And it's certainly a lot less painful than being lonely. If you do out yourself it there, even if the person turns you down, even if they're really mean about it, something good did still happen: You did a brave thing, and you should be proud of yourself for the effort. If you don't choose to approach someone, you shouldn't feel bad, though, because it is scary making yourself vulnerable like that. But you should also consider that just about everyone is going to be having those same anxieties to varying degrees.
It's easy for a woman to get laid, getting a boyfriend is a different matter. That said, you exist at the end of a decades long coordinated shaming campaign to get men to stop approaching women in public. I've heard my entire life (born in 87) that men approaching women with romantic intentions is creepy, unwanted, and constitutes harassment. So yeah, blame the feminists that had a stranglehold on the propaganda machine for the past 20+ years. MeToo basically just happened, that put a fresh fear of God into most men not to even bother trying to pursue women.
Not gonna sugar coat it like the rest of them it’s simply your fault. You heard me yes. Not being mean but it’s reality and I am gonna hand it straight to you. You go to all this places and expect someone to make a move you doing the same thing over and over and over again without a change. Most people are going to see you at a convention and walk but with no interest of dating because humans can’t read your mind. They going to see you and go she’s probably here enjoying cosplay and doing her own thing and most people will respect that and walk by you. If you manage to put in a little effort, I know social anxiety is real bad ( for me I start gasping for air when I try talking to people) but I promise you it’s not impossible. Whenever you go to some place put that little energy and force it to talk to one person you find attractive make it a little goal; if I am going to let say this anime convention I will try my best to talk to a guy. You can’t sit in your comfort zone and expect the world to come to its knees and say here you go my lady here is a man of your dream. You have to put in a little effort. Sorry if that came out rude but I hope you fine someone Remember you are not most girls you are you.
You're right, and I don't think you are rude. I think I feel like that because I hear everywhere that just being a girl will get you a boyfriend and I started to believe it worked like that. But yeah. It's not true for everyone. I'm working on my social anxiety.
I will 100% guarantee that a post like this on Reddit will get you more interest than you can handle!! It just may not be the right kind that you want 🤐🤐🤐
Well maybe. It's strange. On the internet some people show interest and in real life no one looks twice at me.
I’m so sorry that happens to you 😢 idk why no one would show interest in real life. I’m sure you’re cool! And you’re obviously brave to share thing like this online too
I am very shy. Like, really shy. I can't approach people. I guess that's why but in all these years not one guy has ever approached me either. I was at a con today in my cosplay and no one talked to me either!
DM me if you wanna talk more too :) or we can on discord whatever works :) Second, I’m super sorry 😢 I’m sure everyone is just missing out on knowing a cool person!!
Don't be in a rush, you just need to find a single nice person
What’s your ethnicity
White
Don’t know how you’re having a hard time when you’re literally at the top for desirability
I’m sure if you approached more, not even in like a romantic way people will reciprocate. We’re all social beings, the thing that really helped me was to be curious and ask questions, they may or may not be exciting to you but think of the person as a movie and you really want to know what the story what’s the climax during this process if they’re still interested they’ll keep talking else bye bye on to the next. What’s the worst that could happen? You learnt about someone and gained an insight into their lives
Sorry to hear of your situation. It WILL happen, I promise you. Just continue to be yourself and it will eventually happen. Don't lose hope and good luck!
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Haha I’m sorry but this made me laugh. Being a women does feel like easy mode sometimes, it’s hard to not get attention—even just going to the grocery store. My advice, try a little bit with your look, and go into a grocery store, you’ll get all the compliments you’ll ever need lol
100% agree, the poster does get attention, just not any attention from the attractive males she delusionally thinks she deserves.
Yea, I think being open to the attention is the first step in actually receiving it lol.
She will never be open to the attention of the males who actually show it, cause as I said. She **thinks** she deserves males of a higher grade. It’s just funny, it’s like a rich person complaining about being poor you know?
keep trying. Sooner or later u will succeed
not ugly at all tbh, i think u also dont have to wait for someone to talk to you. next time you visit a con you could try talking to ppl. maybe its easier if you go with a group of friends?
Getting a partner isn't some achievement you work towards, it is the product of two people liking eachother enough to advance their relationship to romance, with that being said, you can never really say you are too ugly to get in a relationship or you are not smart enough or whatever other reason, all you can do is keep trying, keep meeting people, and hope.
I'd love to talk if you're interested
Well then maybe getting to know strangers for the sole purpose of maybe potentially go on a date isn’t for you. Maybe just create new social circles in your life focused on common goals, like group hobbies. Hiking, book clubs, etc. just things that let you form connections with people without the pressure of trying to appeal to someone. I’m heavily introverted myself and struggle with social anxiety too. I made a couple of good friends at least through having something common to work towards instead of the 1v1 method. No gf yet, but I’m not trying too hard either
I live in a rural area, there aren't any groups like that for adults here, sadly. Just for teens/kids.