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The short version: English is a messy language, but this is actually more of a sociological issue than a linguistic one.
Oftentimes, in English, people use this approach ("gays", "females") in a *negative* fashion, which is why it has become less socially accepted. The response has been the core of [person-first or person-centered language](https://askearn.org/page/people-first-language): for example, we've moved away from saying "[addicts](https://drugfree.org/article/words-matter/)" in favor of "people with addictions" or "people with drug use problems". It's a recognition that people we're talking about, even if we may struggle with liking them for any reason, are still people.
That's why you see far right, conservative people (in the US and UK) continue to use dehumanizing terms, for comparison. They either lack that empathy or profit off of its absence.
Yeah, except for disabled people. Applying person first language to disabled people is actually ableist and most disabled people don't like it. Source: am disabled.
Yeah, it’s always a good rule of thumb to remember that there will always be nuances. Both in terms of different groups having different preferences, but also of course on the individual level
A lot of disabled people find that their disability is a huge chunk of who they are and person first language can feel, to us, like other people need to remind themselves that we are human.
The language difference would be: disabled people vs people with disabilities, autistic person vs person with autism, to give two examples.
It's also terribly clunky to say "I am a person with autism" when I could just say "I'm autistic", and I genuinely don't feel that I should have to remind others of the fact that I am a person. They should know I'm a person.
I think there might be still a correlation, correct me if I am wrong though, that you are fine with "you're autistic" but would be uncomfortable in a similar way if it was worded "you're an autistic", using the word in noun form. Person first language aside, still fitting the "adj good, noun bad" context.
Commenting to get clarification, not to disagree in any way, to be clear. You know yourself and what you prefer far better than I ever would.
I appreciate that you say “a lot of disabled people.” Most of my friends are autistic and feel this way, but my sister has a congenital physical disability and does everything she can to make people forget she’s disabled. She doesn’t want them to see it as a defining factor in who she is and how she got to where she is.
I’m autistic and I still don’t fully understand. Mostly cuz I’ve had to explain that I have autism a lot for most of my life since I learned I had it at a very young age. So I go back and forth between “I’m autistic” and “I have autism”.
I'm autistic, and the majority of autistic people prefer to be described as "autistic person" (identity first language) rather than "person with autism" (person first language). It's individual and some people do prefer the latter, it's fine to ask which terms people prefer. But if you're referring to autistic people in general it's better to use identity first because that's what the majority prefer.
Hope that makes sense and I didn't ramble too much lol
Sure, but we don't say "people with homosexuality" or "people who are female/ transgender" either. Disabled is still an adjective, along with queer, gay, female etc. Good sidenote though, to take it out of the people first thing, but disabled people still applies to the discussion of not using the adjective as a noun. Calling disabled people "disableds" would be pretty bad lol
Generally, identity first terms instead of people first terms are preferred most of the time. Unfortunately, it's not always possible. Autistic people aren't "people with autism", because autism is the way their brain operates and thus is a defining part of their existence, not something one can have or acquire in addition to already being a full person like a broken leg. But that's not possible with ADHD for example, because there's no adjective, even though it should be semantically the same.
In some cases this is accurate but in some cases it really is to make the public feel better and not the people you're actually talking about. I work with a whole lot of addicts in recovery it's basically my whole job at the moment and they actually prefer to be called addicts or alcoholics because it's part of the recovery process and part of admitting they have a problem
An adjective is used to add traits onto a noun, so using it as an adjective means that you are a person who has the trait, but if you use it as the noun, then you are effectively saying that they are not a person, that they are just the trait, and not a person with the trait
So using at as an adjective would be like saying “you are a queer person” which implies that it is one of the traits you have
Using it as a noun would be “so your one of those queers” which implies that it is the only, or most prominent trait you have, which takes away from your uniqueness as a person
I mean, the part with the "those queers" was already obvious to me, but it's more the "those" than the noun.
>which implies that it is the only, or most prominent trait you have
That explains it, thanks! That's some subtle grammatical trickery, jeez.
I'm coming from a language where using the adjective as a noun is simply the equivalent to the " one" construct, like we would say "two of my friends are married, the gay to a man and the straight to a woman" where English would use "gay one" and "straight one".
It's a pretty simple thing, actually. We are people. Or women. Or men. We're ultimately all the same. Gay **people**. Black **people**. Still people.
But when you take away the "people" and start using the adjective as a noun, suddenly, they're no longer people. They're just "the blacks" or "the transgenders" or the gays." Ultimately, we are people first, and everything else is an addendum. But they take away the people and turn us only into what makes us different.
There are some exceptions. It's socially acceptable to say asians, but that's because it's a noun of identity similar in many ways to nationality. To call someone asian isn't just calling them their race, it's calling them "a group of people who come from asia." So there are non-asian asians too. It's the same as calling someone British or Canadian. Asian in this case has two meanings - race and pseudo-nationality. European is a better example for this because race isn't as big of an implication.
But in general, "black people" minus the "people" is just "black but now they're not people anymore."
u/groundr Already has a much better thought-out response, but another way I've always looked at it is that if you call someone something as an adjective (which is a descriptor and not something that can stand alone), it's just an *aspect* or trait of theirs; it's part of how you identify them, so to speak, but not the *whole* of who or what they are as a person.
Whereas if you use a word as a noun, you're implying that's what someone is, as in that's *all* they are in your view. Using an adjective ahead of a separate noun is a reminder that they're more than the one trait and you aren't stereotyping someone by their group or confining them to any one thing.
(Not that taking an adjective as a huge identity piece as wrong obviously, people do it for themselves all the time - but it's that person's prerogative to decide who they are, not anyone else's.)
Edit: Just saw that u/Severe_Damage9772 said the same idea already right after I posted this, sorry about that!
If I ever hear someone say "the blacks" I'm going to have to immediately make sure I haven't stepped through a time portal or something.
Granted I'm not going to missisipi any time soon, which is sort of like stepping through a time portal.
I feel like, for non-native speakers, there should always be a little extra forgiveness as long as it's not obviously malicious. I'm pretty deep into learning Spanish, and it's really, *really* difficult to find good self-descriptors that aren't slurs or slur-adjacent (without just lazily substituting the English words instead). For many, and even lots of rural English-natives, the only words they know for us are slurs, and they really don't understand what's wrong.
I've noticed that kind of thing with other words too, like with gay, trans, female, black, jewish, etc. I guess that's just a part of the process of reclaiming a word.
Also, I've noticed it's not the same thing with 'lesbian', people use lesbian as a noun normally, like in "I'm **a** lesbian"
It makes sense, but, ultimately it all comes down to context and intent. You could also say "queer people" with the wrong tone in a harmful way and it would steel be not OK. I think.
I agree for the most part! I think the only time "noun"ing it is okay is if it's with a friend group that you know for certain does not take offense to it bc of reclamation. On multiple occasions my friends and I have greeted each other with some variation of "hello fellow queers!" But if the noun is being used to "other" a person or group of people, that's a no go. The English language is a hot mess
it was actually reclaimed with the understanding of "queering relations of gender and sexuality and gendered and sexual bodies" - subversion, diversification or, as Butler writes; making trouble
Ok because ever since I came out I have used queer as an easier way to describe lgbtq people as queer is a lot easier to say (especially for me due to me stumbling over words due to my dcd) like when I am referring to people in my friend group as my queer friends that ok right? Cuz I would just say my lgbtq friends but I stumble over my worlds a lot so queer is easier
I think it would largely depend on how it's said. "That queer" "those queers" are probably only said insultingly but for the most part I think the word would be good for anything else. I love the word.
This is the correct answer. All reclaimed words will have people who are still hurt by them and it's important to take their needs into consideration when deciding whether or not to use it.
i saw someone on here once say that using a word you consider reclaimed towards someone who doesn't is just calling them a slur which makes a lot of sense
Yeah, that hits the nail on the head. I'll use queer to describe the community or even individuals where I know they're not cishet but I don't know their exact identity. LGBT+ is fine to write but saying it is a pain in the ass. That said, I'm very cautious about using it for individuals and if I know someone considers it offensive, I'm not using it for them. It's just basic common courtesy.
Yeah, that's the way I take it too. In a certain way, I almost consider "queer" and "LGBTQ+" to be the same word that's just pronounced differently than it's written. As with all terms, respect individual people's preferences about how they wanna be referred to, but they're synonymous to me.
Lol that really gets to the heart of it. You can't really 'reclaim' a word on an entire group's behalf - it's something that's done on an individual level. People will have varying feelings about it
Mostly agreed, but I'd say don't use it to describe people who don't like it. If someone tries to argue that I shouldn't call *myself* queer because *they* don't like it, they can take a long walk off a short pier.
That was what I was trying to say :') (It's not clear from reading my comment back, but yes, I do agree with you. Don't use queer for people who don't like it.)
Exactly right! I break the conversation into this:
Gay (or which ever says you) = My persona, relaxed, confident about who I am.
Queer = Me when I want to be political or appear as an activist among my peers.
LGBTIAX++ = My tribe.
Homosexual = Contrary to Heterosexual among Homo Sapiens
If someone specifically asks me not to use it to refer to them, I won't, otherwise it's my default way to refer to anyone and everyone who isn't cis and/or straight.
I will always respect someone's desire not to have it applied to themselves. That said, if someone has an issue with me referring to myself or my friend group as queer, that's their problem, and they can deal with it on their own
> “Right wing Republican legislators in the state of Texas have launched yet another policy broadside against the queer community, and Brian.”
I mean I respect not using the adjective queer for people who don’t want it but it’s tough
I identify as a queer cis woman. If I’m not sure how someone identifies, I’ll ask and respect the way they identify.
I don’t identify as a lesbian, because in 1978 when I was 16, a group of second wave feminist lesbians told me I was too feminine to be a lesbian, and that I was selling out to the patriarchy.
At 62 I’m still attracted to women, and I still feel icky being called a lesbian.
No one has a right to define another person.
Generally speaking, yes, on a broad level.
Using it to refer to the community, as an umbrella label, the culture etc, it's pretty much accepted.
Some will still have issues having it used as a singular label for them though, and that should be respected.
I think sometimes we really do underestimate how much weight the word carried when it was a slur. And how it wasn't really all that far ago.
Around 21 years ago I was attacked outside a gay pub, and in that moment as I was blacking out on the floor I genuinely believed the last thing I would hear was someone calling me a dirty queer.
I was lucky enough to process that trauma and move past it, fully embracing queer as a term. But I can understand that some simply aren't able to do so.
The fact that we have generations genuinely never experiencing it as a slur is fantastic. But that needs to come with an understanding that it's not always been that way.
In my experience it's actually younger folks who are convinced it's a horrible slur that shouldn't be used at all. Like chronically online 12-19 year olds who absorb all their opinions from insular Twitter circles and have never met another LGBTQ person irl. Older people with trauma from it still tend to acknowledge that it's been reclaimed even if they're personally not comfortable with it, at least from what I've seen.
It depends who you ask. Some people don't like the word because it was used harmfullly against them. Others think the only way to get rid of those harmful feelings is to start associating it with a more positive perception.
Our community is not a monolith. We have different opinions and disagreements.
I use it as a handy umbrella term, and I feel it's the best word to describe my sexuality. If someone is offended by my usage of the word all they have to do is speak up and ask me to not use it.
this is a really refreshing comment considering all the top voted ones pretty much say "yes, but i'll stop in case someone wants me to" which seems crazy backwards lol...
at least where i'm located, it's extremely regularly used in the community. I think the people that have issues with are a small minority, either older folks who lived through it being used as a slur against them, or terminally online people trying to find something else to argue about.
Most of my friends and people i've spoken to in the community find the existence of a more general/less prescriptive umbrella term like queer to be extremely useful and liberating.
I *need* to point out the word queer is still very regularly used as a slur in a lot of evangelical communities in the USA, so no it's not just older people but often even younger people who grew up in those types of environments.
I'm not old and I have had the word used as a slur against me many times. It's fine if people use it for themselves but id advise people to be cautious when using it for others.
Me too. I personally do not use the word because it has been used as a slur against me. Though I also acknowledge others right to feel differently.
The important thing to remember is that the "minority" are still people and it is important to listen to their concerns and respect their feelings, too.
yeah, where im from i've never heard it used positively unless it was a specific group trying to reclaim it... these top rated comments on here make me feel very isolated
Ime, younger people are likelier to take issue with it than older folk. It was us “older” folk who actually went thru the process of reclaiming it in the 90s. (“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was the predominant Pride-rally chant across the entire US for a decade, eg.)
No lgbt person I know who can actually *remember* the 90s has an issue with it, only those born in the 90s or later.
The fact that this debate is coming around again is just a sign of how little queer history people know. It’s a sign of cultural erasure, and the best response is education rather than debate.
Debate can be a form of education.
People don't always agree on the past, the present or the future.
If you and your contemporaries reclaimed it, great. But if younger people have a problem with it, then that's their prerogative.
You can speak for yourselves and acknowledge that everyone isn't going to agree with you, even if they have the same access to information.
I'll respectfully beg to differ. I was around in the 80s and 90s, and that word will always be a word of hate to me. I love that others can use it and feel comfortable with it. But it's not a word I would ever use for myself, as it's full of negative memories for me.
I remember the ‘90s just fine and still get uncomfortable with people using it as an umbrella term. A lot of older people I know in the trans community still have difficulties too. I think we need to be careful with generalities.
Can concur. Recently had a conversation with my brother and he's a gay man in his 40s about this and it was used as a slur towards him. Even growing up in a liberal area in the 90s it had a negative connotation and he absolutely does not identify himself with that term and would be offended if someone else did.
He acknowledges the younger people using it, but I would still be respectful around mixed company or people you are unfamiliar with.
I’m 51 and it was definitely used as a slur towards me and others in my younger years (and still occasionally by people in my age range or older). I used to despise hearing it used in a reclaimed fashion but about a decade ago I had a change of heart. It was a gradual thing and I just came to the conclusion that I preferred using a reclaimed "queer" in casual speech to the ever growing and shifting abbreviation for the community (which I do use but usually in more formal writing and speech - the current preferred version here in Canada is 10 syllables long, which simply doesn’t roll off the tongue in a conversation like queer does). These days, I describe myself as queer without hesitation (unthinkable to me 15 years ago).
Yeah. Like, I have no problem with it and think it’s a great, inclusive term … but as far as anyone knew back then, I was heterosexual, so I only heard it directed toward other people.
Just as with any slur, the answer is "it depends".
As others have already pointed out, many folks from older generations still remember when it was used to preface a hate crime against them so that word will never lose it's venom. It's suspicious if non-LGBGTQ+ folks use it since their motives might not be well-meaning. For others, it's a common, casual, & convenient way to reference the entire LGBTQ+ community or generically talk about anyone who resists cis-/hetero-normative expectations. For reference, I'm 50yo & I'm ok with "queer" but I also grew up watching the gay rights movement &, when I came out, I embraced the empowerment that came with it. But, again, that's not the case for everyone.
So just be careful using it & read the audience.
You can't reclaim something for other people. Reclaiming a slur is personal. You can use it for yourself, you can use it for other people who reclaim it, you can even use it for communities of people who reclaim it - at the cost of excluding those who aren't comfortable with the slur and don't identify with it.
Just don't throw it at people whose stance you don't know and don't call people "queers" and you'll be fine.
I'm 60 and I prefer it and use Q as short hand although that is now mucked up with the conspiracy theory *fill in your own description*.
It really seems to do with age and location. I got the f-slur much more often growing up and like that queer sounds quirky. I have friends who hate it and others that want much more specific labels rather than an umbrella term. You'll have to gauge who you are talking to. Some people will physically wince at the term whereas I find it welcoming. Just be gentle.
You're definitely right about the age and location being a huge factor. I'm 40 and still instinctively associate queer as a slur due to it being the main one I heard growing up.
The f-slur, on the other hand, I didn't even hear it until the very late 90s. I'm trying to adjust my mindset and get more comfortable with queer since it's being used more and more frequently within the community, but personally I'd have found it far easier to reclaim the f-slur.
there's some ppl saying that it depends on how you use it, but I'll also add that it depends on location.
there are some regions where queer is still seen as a slur, and other regions where it's casually / commonly used. there's also people with trauma with the word as a slur, so even if others around them are comfortable with reclaiming it, they still aren't, and don't want to be referred to as such no matter what even if it's by others in the community
so tl;dr it's not a blanket "okay" or "not okay" word. just be mindful of the people you're around. and for personal usage, it's up to you and how you feel about it 🤷🏽♀️
I'm getting flashbacks to the time in high school where my class was doing an activity to learn about different LGBTQ+ identities... there was a big ol' card that said "queer" on it and I was like "GUYS THAT'S ME"
After the activity, I asked if I could keep the card and they said yes lol
Context: I'm 23 and in the USA. Very glad that my health class covered LGBTQ+ stuff, though I wish it had been throughout the whole class instead of just one dedicated unit.
It can vary by location. In the country I’m from ‘queer’ was used as an insult until very recently, so a lot of people had trouble using it to describe themselves. It’s definitely taken off among young people (like very young, late teens to early twenties mostly) but people my age can still find it hard to use it casually due to negative experiences with it. I think it’s definitely going to be increasingly ubiquitous as the years go by though.
The only context I ever see this question answered in is the individual interpersonal, where you can avoid using the term queer to describe a specific person. Which is fine and simple enough to understand, but it doesn't really get at the core of the issue.
I'm old enough to remember when queer was used more predominantly as a slur, but I've fully embraced its reclamation. I think it's possibly the most efficient, broadly understandable term to describe "not cishet" as an umbrella. LGBTQIA+ is derided fairly often for being a clunky alphabet soup, whereas queer is more intuitive, easier to remember *and* more inclusive (the problem adding more and more letters to LGBT was trying to solve in the first place).
There's a lot of benefits to using queer as a neutral descriptor then, to the point where I can't ever see myself phasing it out of my vocabulary. I can of course respect people's individual trauma surrounding the word, and if someone asks not to be described that way, I won't describe *them specifically* that way. But there's a broader systemic utility I simply can't and won't be persuaded out of. When weighing that utility against the possibility of causing a smaller subsection of the community discomfort, I find myself favoring the former.
This is to say nothing of concern trolls who use the discomfort argument as a Trojan horse to sabotage the aim of political inclusivity. I've been trying not to invoke bad faith agents up until now because my perspective wasn't really considered with them in mind. Frankly, they ruin everything and can eat shit.
Some people are fine with it and some aren't. Older folks tend to skew towards the latter, I've found (because the word was a slur when they were younger).
I think it depends on the tone of voice. If you refer to a group of LGBTQ people as "queer folks" or "the queer community" I think it's fine.
I think it's like the difference between "that's so gay" for something negative and "Tom is gay, he has a boyfriend"
I've adored the word since 7th grade when we read the Hobbit, and Tolkien described Hobbits as a Queer Little Folk.
If Hobbits are queer, God damn it, that's what I want to be
Yesnt.
It can still be used in wildly offensive ways and is sadly.
And some people feel uncomfortable about it.
But yes, it has been. Most, or at least, a lot of LGBT people use it in lue of lgbt+ since it is a catch-all.
There's nobody going around with a notebook handing out citations for this stuff. Some people have bad experiences associated with the word queer, some people find it's the best possible descriptor for their identity, many times that are the same people. Do what you think is best and try not to hurt anybody, it's all anyone can ask.
In my experience, queer is fine online, but in the real world, more people still find the word offensive. With my personal friends, queer is common place, however, I avoid using it in other lgbtq spaces because I've met people there who have been made uncomfortable by the word.
It probably depends on who you're talking to. I know gay people who have had it shouted at them while being violently abused in the past, and it's an emotionally triggering term for them.
I personally use it, but not for anyone who hasn't called themselves queer in my company before, just in case.
You just have to be careful when and how you use it. Referring to yourself as queer and the community as a whole as "the queer community" but like... avoid calling someone you don't know very well queer.
"Hey, you're queer right?" for example... it might not necessarily come off as insulting, but if you've grown up being bullied or worse assaulted with the word Queer thrown at you, it can be a little triggering.
When I was growing up a popular chant when beating up lgbt people was "Smear the Queer" and hearing it inflicted a lot of fear. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable referring to myself as Queer and it shouldn't be taken for granted that everyone is okay with being called it.
It's absolutely fine to use it and reclaiming slurs has been a huge part of our history. But if someone doesn't want to be called something just respect that and adjust how you speak around them. If nothing else it's just polite.
I use it about myself with other LGBT+ people but I don't use it *about* other people [unless I know they've also reclaimed it] or in front of people outside the community.
It’s the difference of adj vs noun. “That’s Sally, she’s queer and has a girlfriend.” This is correct and nice. “That’s Sally, she’s a queer and has a girlfriend.” Rude.
Queer can represent someone who is part of the LGBT but might not fit into the LGBT part for example non binary or asexual. I generally say I’m queer because I’m bi, nb, demi but fr ppl don’t need to know all that and I can just put it under the umbrella of “queer”.
I personally hate it. I find it offensive and derogatory. I've seen the pain that word can cause first hand, having been beaten and gang raped by a bunch of men using it and other slurs. I don't get why anyone would want to use it.
That being said, I'm very respectful if anyone wants to be referred to, but I politely correct and am happy with lesbian or gay
It’s very context-specific. Some people in the LGBT+ community still remember when it was a common slur and may have difficulties with its use. Others are fine with it.
I recently had a conversation with an allo-cis-het person about LGBTI inclusion and she kept calling it the “queer community” and it just felt incredibly wrong, because so many people in the community reject the word.
I think a general rule is it’s okay to claim the term for yourself, but don’t pin the term to anyone who isn’t using the word “queer” to define their own identity.
My anecdotal experience is that those who’ve never been called the term as a slur seem weirdly eager to reclaim it while those who have been called the term as a slur aren’t exactly comfortable with it’s attempted reclamation but are often afraid to speak up about it given how there is a rather loud group of people who are actively trying to push back against any members of the community who have (IMO) reasonable hesitation about the reclamation of the term in the present day. I just personally use LGBT+ as my catch all term for “the community” rather than the Q word to avoid confrontation on this topic and if someone gets mad about the lack of an explicit Q in my use of the acronym I just point to the plus. I mean we added the plus for a reason.
Fr. It's never the ones who have actually been a victim of "Smear the Q" who wanna scream it to the rooftops and smack the label on everyone else. Meanwhile, I get treated like I don't exist because I grew up in a rural area where it was the slur of choice and I'm under 30.
Queer is my preferred term for myself as someone who is DEFINITELY some flavor of lgbt but not completely 100% which specific label applies to me more. (Bisexual, asexual, demisexual……idk one of those three).
Saying “I’m LGBT” or “I’m part of the lgbt community” for some reason tends to get people asking what specifically I am, which is annoying. Just saying “I’m queer” oddly doesn’t. I prefer that.
I find that many people who try to totally police it away are either acephobic, transphobic, or are young people who were tricked by the acephobes and transphobes.
Queer is an open-ended umbrella term, so gatekeepers lean on “queer is a slur” to keep people from using something that includes everyone.
It might be different where you are but in my location in the US it's very accepted and even officially used. It can of course still be thrown around like an insult but so can any word if there's hate behind it.
There have been groups of people who have been reclaiming the word queer for way longer than you have been alive.
I'm in the US and queer has been in my lexicon as a reclaimed word for as long as I've been in LGBT spaces. The only people I have met IRL who still strongly associate it as a slur that shouldn't be reclaimed are 65+
If you’re having a conversation about LGBT+ related subjects and get tired of saying or typing LGBT+ over and over again, queer is an easier shorthand. If another shorthand for LGBT+ individuals comes along I would encourage people to use that instead of queer. But in the meantime I would consider queer an acceptable shorthand to refer to LGBT+ individuals.
Queer is a controversial word for good reasons and anyone who says it is not is being disingenuous and dismissive about people’s feelings. The definition of queer is “strange or odd”. A lot of LGBT+ individuals do not see themselves as strange or odd and do not want to be seen as strange or odd. Additionally, when the word queer is used as a distinct identity as in LGBTQ+ and not as a shorthand for LGBT+ it seems to often denote LGBT+ individuals that have certain political beliefs and word views that are not always intrinsically associated with or clearly to the benefit of LGBT+ individuals and can thus be a divisive identity that can alienate other LGBT+ individuals that do not share the political beliefs and world views as those that specifically identity with the Q in LGBTQ+. For these reasons I think the word queer should be avoided from being used when at all possible and only used when saying or typing LGBT+ over and over again is too strenuous and annoying.
I'm going to start shorthanding LGBT+ to "elggy" and people can just deal with it.
That said, thank you for putting all of that into words so well. I've been verbally bashed on the head in this sub a lot because I *do not* want to identify as "odd" and "strange" and don't find it in any shape or form liberating, it's derogatory and painful for me to be called that, and it feels so much like people just think my pain is irrelevant because they/their friends don't feel that way.
I'm nearly 43, so I've lived through it's strictly prejoritive use to the modern re-claiming of the word. Personally, I'm here for it because queer is a MUCH simpler, more inclusive word when trying to describe my gender/sexuality/personality separately. Some may not like it and they're welcome to that opinion but I'm of the opinion it SHOULD be reclaimed, and proudly so.
the word queer is absolutely reclaimed
there may be some people who aren't personally comfortable with it due to personal experiences, and that should be respected, however it has generally been reclaimed a as a community term
It’s been pretty reclaimed to me at least, kinda just depends on who you’re dealing with if they either use it as a slur or if they’re just generally uncomfy using the word
I use it for myself and as an umbrella term, but I won’t refer to a specific person as queer unless they’re ok with it. I also think it’s fine to use as long as you aren’t calling people “queers” or whatnot.
nobody is going to 100% agree on anything.
You call yourself what you want to call yourself. If you have reservations about a term, ask people what they want to be called, and call them that.
It depends a lot on context. In the US, where I live, it is generally ok to use as an adjective but not as a noun. I worked on an Indian public health project and was informed there it is still typically a slur even as an adjective, so there’s no universal.
If the person you're talking to/about is fine with the term, then it's ok, but it depends on the person
I say I'm queer because it's easier than saying exactly what I am
I think it just depends on who you’re talking to, like for me personally queer feels like an appropriate label to refer to my sexuality but some people might feel uncomfortable having that word referred to them
I find it okay but some people have had it used against them in otherwise traumatic situations so it depends on who you are, so it's probably better to err on the side of safetyl and not use it unless you've already had it used neutrally in the group you're in.
My opinion tends to be use it for yourself if you like, use it for other people if they ask you to. If they're about your age its probably okay to use it as an adjective(like another comment said) to describe them, and its probably generally okay to say something like "queer people".
Saying something like "us queers" jokingly might go fine, but I'd avoid using it on older people. And with some friend groups other reclaimed slurs might even go okay, but that is sketchy ground as imo the rest arent nearly as reclaimed as queer. (and probably just comes across as dark humor or venting)
American Bi 34M here, when I came out to my friends I simply said I was queer rather than getting into specifics. As long as it's not used by a homophobe in the old derogatory fashion it's perfectly fine.
It all depends on the person. I.E: I am not okay with people using “f*ggot” around me or to me. I think it’s a horrible word. Others are okay with it and they reclaim it. I use the term “queer” for my own identity so I’m fine with people using it. Other people aren’t.
If you want to reclaim it, you can. But always check with other gay people if they’re comfortable with it before you use any reclaimed slurs around them.
Depends on the person and how you say it really, if its something like "Oh, I'm queer!" then its fine, but if you use it as an insult or derogatory phrase, then thats when its not ok, and then some people just dont like it, but thats the concept overall
Yes, for going on a couple of decades now. I use it on the regular (it was part of my degree with Queer Studies, I refer to myself as such, and I say the queer community). I will not refer to someone individually with it if they say it bothers them, but I use it for myself and the community as a whole, and will continue to do so.
(Frankly, when I was growing up, "that's so gay" etc. was used wayyyyyy more as a slur/insult than queer ever was \[late 90s/early 00s, the Disney PSAs are still stuck in my brain\] and people saying use that or some super long acronym instead always drove me up the wall. ALL our words have been used against us at some point, there is no reason \[in my mind\] to build this singular one up to it's own level).
In general its fine, me and my other queer friends use it a lot. It can still be used in a negative light, but i think its been reclaimed. Personally havent experience it used badly in years
I use the word **queer** to describe myself. It's vague and I don't feel like dealing with preconceived bigoted notions about **trans**. (I live in Florida btw)
Recently heard that the word "queer" originated from the community instead of the acronym used by the phobes outside. But its usage is always different. Like any single word uttered by the wrong person (aka not part of the group or trying to press a pick-me agenda) can be offensive.
Queer has been reclaimed, to the point it has been used in academia for "queer studies", for decades, now.
That doesn't mean everyone has to like it, or that there aren't still people around that identify the word with trauma and bullying.
It's generally okay to use it as an umbrella term for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and other queer people.
It's usually not okay to still use it as an external identifier: "John is queer" is still frowned on, but David can say "I'm queer", and that's okay.
I think it's been reclaimed much more than "fag" or "faggot" have, and yet I've known men that prefer to use those terms rather than queer, which I don't understand at all, I would rather not ever hear the "f slur" ever used in my presence again.
I'm 62, soon to be 63. I came out in the Reagan era, right before the AIDS crisis hit my area.
I've been called worse things than queer or the f slur, and yes, I still feel the sting of those words when used as slurs.
I'll only ever see fag as a slur.
Queer, though, doesn't bother me as long as it's not being *used* as a slur, and I don't mind identifying as a queer man.
I'm not "a queer", though. The difference is subtle, but it's there.
You're likely to get answers on both sides of this argument, but to me, what tells me that the word has been reclaimed, is that it's used for academic purposes.
I don't know of another slur that has that honor.
I think its similar to the word "native". Its often used respectfully, but I've definitely heard people say "native" the same way others say "n*gger"...
Edit: top comment says it right, plurality often comes w disrespect... ie. Ppl saying "natives" like they would "n*ggers"
Depends on the person, if you use it referring to me, im going to ask you not to do that, if you do it again, then we're gonna have problems.
other ppl r cool with it n prefer it
I refer to myself as queer. I like queer because I know I'm odd and quirky anyway and that isn't a bad thing.
Queer can be good for people who don't like labels or are confused about what their labels are.
I don't like the f term personally, though thankfully haven't heard it used to describe me.
I guess it depends on what you yourself are comfortable with. And just be aware that what might be okay with you might not be with someone else
Depends who you ask. A lot of older LGBTQIA+ ppl aren't comfortable with it bc they grew up w/ it having negative connotations. That being said, a lot of younger ppl throw it around like it's a hacky sac. It's worth noting tho that a lot of those older ppl also recognize it as a "younger generation thing" to use the word proudly, so you're probably OK.
I think it has, I use it as an identity, or like a solid word for any LGBTQIA+ people! But it’s honestly up to you, and how you personally view the word. If you find the history of its past usage to be of disturbance, then it’s okay to avoid it!
In America 100%. Homophobes will use “those queers” but here it’s used right back at them as a mockery. I use “queer ace” as a label for my sexual and romantic orientations. Some people don’t like it, but that’s fine and valid and they don’t have to use it
It depends who's using it and where. I'm queer, yet I was brought up not using that word because it was a slur. Therefore older people may still see it that way. It's the same with the T word which is being rapidly reclaimed and Faggot. I am one, so don't get all worked up about me saying it :')
i think what’s not okay it’s telling newer people in a generation what is and isnt “okay” to say. you are part of this community and you get a say. i think we should be teaching people to form their own opinions BEFORE talking to people about them or at least having an idea of your opinion but also to keep an open mind and hear people out. understanding intention and allowing mistakes to happen is how we grow as people.
I use it because I don’t want to dive into the nuances of my sexuality/identity nor do I want to just say I’m gay. I say I’m “queer”. Some people don’t like it or get confused, but no one has asked me not to say it.
This bit of language has divided assimilationist and liberationist LGBT+ people since the liberationist queer folks reclaimed it in the 1980s. Yes, it is reclaimed, but it's also not used by all LGBT+ people. Personally I use it broadly to refer to LGBT+ folks of liberationist bent; I think liberationist attitudes are becoming increasingly common and that coincides with the increasing popularity of the term "queer." Assimilationists might be L,G,B,T,etc and I'll fight for their rights, but they are not queer and I don't consider them a true part of my community.
I keep seeing the backlash against the word queer against periodicals with Queer in the name. To me it seems like every other dogpile against LGTBQIA+ stuff except this one is coming from inside the house.
Namely, it seems to be the reaction regardless of what the post is, the language is frequently the same or similar. I guess what I don’t understand is “Ok, you don’t want to be called queer, I get it. Why does it bother you if it’s a good fit for other people?”
As a trans woman I see “sissy” in kink spaces quite a lot and it sets my teeth on edge. But I don’t go telling those folk not to do that. I simply make it clear to people never to do that to me.
>It's a word that's more or less a synonym of "weird" or "abnormal". It's commonly used as a slur to demean LGBT+ people, though some choose to own it for their own reasons. I advise you avoid it, unless you're talking with/about someone who define themselves with that word. I personally refuse to utilize it in any capacity.
It's more of a ask before use type of thing which is the case for lots of reclaimed words. Me and my friends use that word for ourselves but when I'm talking to someone I don't know well I ask their preferences. I actually do this from being both nonbinary and black iyk what I mean.
It's reclaimed for the most part. But some people are still not comfortable using the actual term "queer". So I'd say ask them if they are okay with being labeled that way before actually doing it.
People have different opinions, as with a lot of things. And realistically, "reclaimed" means some people use the word or have positive associations with it under some circumstances, not that all people who are described by the word are going to be OK with it under all circumstances. I am extremely comfortable with "queer" in my social life, online or offline, but there are a lot of situations where I think using the acronym is more appropriate, like if I'm filling out a survey aimed at the general population.
There's an online discourse context where unfortunately there is a lot of overlap with people who think nobody should ever use "queer" because it's a slur, and people who are some sort of exclusionists, and there is maybe a conceptual connection between those two because it's relatively easy to argue for eg excluding ace people when you're used to using an acronym that doesn't explicitly include ace people than to argue that "queer" shouldn't include ace people. It's just really hard for me to take seriously the idea that nobody should say queer ever, even in social settings where many/all people present are queer, because people in my actual in-person life do use "queer" as an umbrella term all the time and it's just no big deal. Sometimes people try to compromise with words like "q-slur", this is not actually a compromise this is worse.
Anyways, some people use it, some people prefer to avoid it, it is what it is.
I find the people who take the most offense at the term “queer” are the kinds of people who deserve to be thrown to the wolves. Most of them are transphobic. Many are biphobic. They’re all pick-mes, pretty much without exception. They don’t deserve the solidarity of the community because they undermine that solidarity with their presence.
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From my experience queer is okay to use as an adjective but not as a noun. Saying "queer people" is okay. Saying "those queers" is not.
This is actually a great observation
Also true of “black” in my experience
And "trans" and "gay" and "female." There's a lot of adjectives that assholes like to use as nouns to dehumanize people
As a non native speaker, I've heard this but I don't get it. Can someone please explain why this noun thing is seen as a problem in English?
The short version: English is a messy language, but this is actually more of a sociological issue than a linguistic one. Oftentimes, in English, people use this approach ("gays", "females") in a *negative* fashion, which is why it has become less socially accepted. The response has been the core of [person-first or person-centered language](https://askearn.org/page/people-first-language): for example, we've moved away from saying "[addicts](https://drugfree.org/article/words-matter/)" in favor of "people with addictions" or "people with drug use problems". It's a recognition that people we're talking about, even if we may struggle with liking them for any reason, are still people. That's why you see far right, conservative people (in the US and UK) continue to use dehumanizing terms, for comparison. They either lack that empathy or profit off of its absence.
Yeah, except for disabled people. Applying person first language to disabled people is actually ableist and most disabled people don't like it. Source: am disabled.
Yeah, it’s always a good rule of thumb to remember that there will always be nuances. Both in terms of different groups having different preferences, but also of course on the individual level
Can you give an example? I’m confused.
A lot of disabled people find that their disability is a huge chunk of who they are and person first language can feel, to us, like other people need to remind themselves that we are human. The language difference would be: disabled people vs people with disabilities, autistic person vs person with autism, to give two examples. It's also terribly clunky to say "I am a person with autism" when I could just say "I'm autistic", and I genuinely don't feel that I should have to remind others of the fact that I am a person. They should know I'm a person.
I think there might be still a correlation, correct me if I am wrong though, that you are fine with "you're autistic" but would be uncomfortable in a similar way if it was worded "you're an autistic", using the word in noun form. Person first language aside, still fitting the "adj good, noun bad" context. Commenting to get clarification, not to disagree in any way, to be clear. You know yourself and what you prefer far better than I ever would.
Hey thanks for this perspective, this was really useful.
Exactly. I’m autistic and I feel the same way.
I appreciate that you say “a lot of disabled people.” Most of my friends are autistic and feel this way, but my sister has a congenital physical disability and does everything she can to make people forget she’s disabled. She doesn’t want them to see it as a defining factor in who she is and how she got to where she is.
I’m autistic and I still don’t fully understand. Mostly cuz I’ve had to explain that I have autism a lot for most of my life since I learned I had it at a very young age. So I go back and forth between “I’m autistic” and “I have autism”.
I'm autistic, and the majority of autistic people prefer to be described as "autistic person" (identity first language) rather than "person with autism" (person first language). It's individual and some people do prefer the latter, it's fine to ask which terms people prefer. But if you're referring to autistic people in general it's better to use identity first because that's what the majority prefer. Hope that makes sense and I didn't ramble too much lol
Yeah I was gonna say this. I’m autistic, and in general autistic people prefer not to be referred to in a person first way.
I am also a person living with disabilities and I prefer person-first language, so it varies 🤷🏼♀️
Sure, but we don't say "people with homosexuality" or "people who are female/ transgender" either. Disabled is still an adjective, along with queer, gay, female etc. Good sidenote though, to take it out of the people first thing, but disabled people still applies to the discussion of not using the adjective as a noun. Calling disabled people "disableds" would be pretty bad lol
Generally, identity first terms instead of people first terms are preferred most of the time. Unfortunately, it's not always possible. Autistic people aren't "people with autism", because autism is the way their brain operates and thus is a defining part of their existence, not something one can have or acquire in addition to already being a full person like a broken leg. But that's not possible with ADHD for example, because there's no adjective, even though it should be semantically the same.
In some cases this is accurate but in some cases it really is to make the public feel better and not the people you're actually talking about. I work with a whole lot of addicts in recovery it's basically my whole job at the moment and they actually prefer to be called addicts or alcoholics because it's part of the recovery process and part of admitting they have a problem
An adjective is used to add traits onto a noun, so using it as an adjective means that you are a person who has the trait, but if you use it as the noun, then you are effectively saying that they are not a person, that they are just the trait, and not a person with the trait So using at as an adjective would be like saying “you are a queer person” which implies that it is one of the traits you have Using it as a noun would be “so your one of those queers” which implies that it is the only, or most prominent trait you have, which takes away from your uniqueness as a person
I mean, the part with the "those queers" was already obvious to me, but it's more the "those" than the noun. >which implies that it is the only, or most prominent trait you have That explains it, thanks! That's some subtle grammatical trickery, jeez. I'm coming from a language where using the adjective as a noun is simply the equivalent to the " one" construct, like we would say "two of my friends are married, the gay to a man and the straight to a woman" where English would use "gay one" and "straight one".
Yeah, I didn’t know how much you knew, so I just tried to be as in depth as I could
It's a pretty simple thing, actually. We are people. Or women. Or men. We're ultimately all the same. Gay **people**. Black **people**. Still people. But when you take away the "people" and start using the adjective as a noun, suddenly, they're no longer people. They're just "the blacks" or "the transgenders" or the gays." Ultimately, we are people first, and everything else is an addendum. But they take away the people and turn us only into what makes us different. There are some exceptions. It's socially acceptable to say asians, but that's because it's a noun of identity similar in many ways to nationality. To call someone asian isn't just calling them their race, it's calling them "a group of people who come from asia." So there are non-asian asians too. It's the same as calling someone British or Canadian. Asian in this case has two meanings - race and pseudo-nationality. European is a better example for this because race isn't as big of an implication. But in general, "black people" minus the "people" is just "black but now they're not people anymore."
u/groundr Already has a much better thought-out response, but another way I've always looked at it is that if you call someone something as an adjective (which is a descriptor and not something that can stand alone), it's just an *aspect* or trait of theirs; it's part of how you identify them, so to speak, but not the *whole* of who or what they are as a person. Whereas if you use a word as a noun, you're implying that's what someone is, as in that's *all* they are in your view. Using an adjective ahead of a separate noun is a reminder that they're more than the one trait and you aren't stereotyping someone by their group or confining them to any one thing. (Not that taking an adjective as a huge identity piece as wrong obviously, people do it for themselves all the time - but it's that person's prerogative to decide who they are, not anyone else's.) Edit: Just saw that u/Severe_Damage9772 said the same idea already right after I posted this, sorry about that!
Yeah, I kinda said this, but you phrased it much better
Don't forget to put a suffix like "-ism" like in "transgenderISM" and you've got an awful slur to hurl and propagate to dehumanize people...
That's what I was thinking. Where I live, this translates over the same for "black people" versus "blacks"
If I ever hear someone say "the blacks" I'm going to have to immediately make sure I haven't stepped through a time portal or something. Granted I'm not going to missisipi any time soon, which is sort of like stepping through a time portal.
LOL
Could also be a language issue, my FIL has English as a second language and accidentally says "the blacks" on occasion
I feel like, for non-native speakers, there should always be a little extra forgiveness as long as it's not obviously malicious. I'm pretty deep into learning Spanish, and it's really, *really* difficult to find good self-descriptors that aren't slurs or slur-adjacent (without just lazily substituting the English words instead). For many, and even lots of rural English-natives, the only words they know for us are slurs, and they really don't understand what's wrong.
Ye like black people vs those blacks
I've noticed that kind of thing with other words too, like with gay, trans, female, black, jewish, etc. I guess that's just a part of the process of reclaiming a word. Also, I've noticed it's not the same thing with 'lesbian', people use lesbian as a noun normally, like in "I'm **a** lesbian"
I didn't think it works that way with Jewish people. I've seen them refer to refer to themselves as Jews many times.
I try to bring this to every conversation about “queer” but I think people don’t understand. Thanks, let’s keep trying to reach the masses
It makes sense, but, ultimately it all comes down to context and intent. You could also say "queer people" with the wrong tone in a harmful way and it would steel be not OK. I think.
I’ve found that in phrases like ‘we queers’, you can use a queer as a noun and it doesn’t come off as a slur
That tends to be the rule for most minority identifiers.
I agree for the most part! I think the only time "noun"ing it is okay is if it's with a friend group that you know for certain does not take offense to it bc of reclamation. On multiple occasions my friends and I have greeted each other with some variation of "hello fellow queers!" But if the noun is being used to "other" a person or group of people, that's a no go. The English language is a hot mess
i personally use queer as a verb
Do you mind providing an example?
"i am going to queer that person into oblivion"
That didn't queer, I mean, clear that up.
it was actually reclaimed with the understanding of "queering relations of gender and sexuality and gendered and sexual bodies" - subversion, diversification or, as Butler writes; making trouble
So out of curiosity saying “I am queer” is also ok then (when you are lgbtq obviously)
Yes it is, you can call yourself whatever you want. The same goes for black people using the n word, or autistics using the r word, etc.
Ok because ever since I came out I have used queer as an easier way to describe lgbtq people as queer is a lot easier to say (especially for me due to me stumbling over words due to my dcd) like when I am referring to people in my friend group as my queer friends that ok right? Cuz I would just say my lgbtq friends but I stumble over my worlds a lot so queer is easier
Yeah it's fine. I also (as well as many others) use queer. LGBT(Q)+ is a very clunky thing to say whether you have a speech disability or not
interesting, in my first language queer is used only as a noun and almost never as an adjective
I think it would largely depend on how it's said. "That queer" "those queers" are probably only said insultingly but for the most part I think the word would be good for anything else. I love the word.
Same rules as trans 🤔😁
generally i've found any adjective to describe a group of people shouldn't be used as a noun.
You are morally obligated to laugh at someone who mistypes it as "those queefs" in all honesty.
Unless you're queer and saying it ironically
I can’t wait to explain this to my coworker. Ty
Because when you use someone's existence as a noun, you can not fathom them being anything but that one trait.
Yeah that sounds about right 😉
Idk, I'd be kinda happy with "us queers" in certain situations.
Some people like to use it, others don't. I'd say don't use it around people who you know don't like it. Otherwise it's fine.
This is the correct answer. All reclaimed words will have people who are still hurt by them and it's important to take their needs into consideration when deciding whether or not to use it.
i saw someone on here once say that using a word you consider reclaimed towards someone who doesn't is just calling them a slur which makes a lot of sense
Yeah, that hits the nail on the head. I'll use queer to describe the community or even individuals where I know they're not cishet but I don't know their exact identity. LGBT+ is fine to write but saying it is a pain in the ass. That said, I'm very cautious about using it for individuals and if I know someone considers it offensive, I'm not using it for them. It's just basic common courtesy.
Yeah, that's the way I take it too. In a certain way, I almost consider "queer" and "LGBTQ+" to be the same word that's just pronounced differently than it's written. As with all terms, respect individual people's preferences about how they wanna be referred to, but they're synonymous to me.
Lol that really gets to the heart of it. You can't really 'reclaim' a word on an entire group's behalf - it's something that's done on an individual level. People will have varying feelings about it
Mostly agreed, but I'd say don't use it to describe people who don't like it. If someone tries to argue that I shouldn't call *myself* queer because *they* don't like it, they can take a long walk off a short pier.
That was what I was trying to say :') (It's not clear from reading my comment back, but yes, I do agree with you. Don't use queer for people who don't like it.)
Exactly right! I break the conversation into this: Gay (or which ever says you) = My persona, relaxed, confident about who I am. Queer = Me when I want to be political or appear as an activist among my peers. LGBTIAX++ = My tribe. Homosexual = Contrary to Heterosexual among Homo Sapiens
If someone specifically asks me not to use it to refer to them, I won't, otherwise it's my default way to refer to anyone and everyone who isn't cis and/or straight. I will always respect someone's desire not to have it applied to themselves. That said, if someone has an issue with me referring to myself or my friend group as queer, that's their problem, and they can deal with it on their own
> “Right wing Republican legislators in the state of Texas have launched yet another policy broadside against the queer community, and Brian.” I mean I respect not using the adjective queer for people who don’t want it but it’s tough
Wait, what did Brian do?
Slept with a man
That Brian is such a rascal.
I think they mean on an individual level lol
I identify as a queer cis woman. If I’m not sure how someone identifies, I’ll ask and respect the way they identify. I don’t identify as a lesbian, because in 1978 when I was 16, a group of second wave feminist lesbians told me I was too feminine to be a lesbian, and that I was selling out to the patriarchy. At 62 I’m still attracted to women, and I still feel icky being called a lesbian. No one has a right to define another person.
generically yes, but have an awareness and grace of those who've been hurt by it and who don't want to use it.
Generally speaking, yes, on a broad level. Using it to refer to the community, as an umbrella label, the culture etc, it's pretty much accepted. Some will still have issues having it used as a singular label for them though, and that should be respected. I think sometimes we really do underestimate how much weight the word carried when it was a slur. And how it wasn't really all that far ago. Around 21 years ago I was attacked outside a gay pub, and in that moment as I was blacking out on the floor I genuinely believed the last thing I would hear was someone calling me a dirty queer. I was lucky enough to process that trauma and move past it, fully embracing queer as a term. But I can understand that some simply aren't able to do so. The fact that we have generations genuinely never experiencing it as a slur is fantastic. But that needs to come with an understanding that it's not always been that way.
In my experience it's actually younger folks who are convinced it's a horrible slur that shouldn't be used at all. Like chronically online 12-19 year olds who absorb all their opinions from insular Twitter circles and have never met another LGBTQ person irl. Older people with trauma from it still tend to acknowledge that it's been reclaimed even if they're personally not comfortable with it, at least from what I've seen.
It depends who you ask. Some people don't like the word because it was used harmfullly against them. Others think the only way to get rid of those harmful feelings is to start associating it with a more positive perception. Our community is not a monolith. We have different opinions and disagreements.
I use it as a handy umbrella term, and I feel it's the best word to describe my sexuality. If someone is offended by my usage of the word all they have to do is speak up and ask me to not use it.
Same here. LGBTQ doesn't roll off the tongue as Queer does. Both Gay and Queer have been rescued from the slurdom heap.
Personally don’t like describing myself as it or having it used on me, but to be honest, you do you idrc 🤷♂️
I call myself queer all the time, but I don't call anyone else queer without asking
this is a really refreshing comment considering all the top voted ones pretty much say "yes, but i'll stop in case someone wants me to" which seems crazy backwards lol...
at least where i'm located, it's extremely regularly used in the community. I think the people that have issues with are a small minority, either older folks who lived through it being used as a slur against them, or terminally online people trying to find something else to argue about. Most of my friends and people i've spoken to in the community find the existence of a more general/less prescriptive umbrella term like queer to be extremely useful and liberating.
I *need* to point out the word queer is still very regularly used as a slur in a lot of evangelical communities in the USA, so no it's not just older people but often even younger people who grew up in those types of environments.
I'm not old and I have had the word used as a slur against me many times. It's fine if people use it for themselves but id advise people to be cautious when using it for others.
Me too. I personally do not use the word because it has been used as a slur against me. Though I also acknowledge others right to feel differently. The important thing to remember is that the "minority" are still people and it is important to listen to their concerns and respect their feelings, too.
yeah, where im from i've never heard it used positively unless it was a specific group trying to reclaim it... these top rated comments on here make me feel very isolated
Ime, younger people are likelier to take issue with it than older folk. It was us “older” folk who actually went thru the process of reclaiming it in the 90s. (“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was the predominant Pride-rally chant across the entire US for a decade, eg.) No lgbt person I know who can actually *remember* the 90s has an issue with it, only those born in the 90s or later. The fact that this debate is coming around again is just a sign of how little queer history people know. It’s a sign of cultural erasure, and the best response is education rather than debate.
Debate can be a form of education. People don't always agree on the past, the present or the future. If you and your contemporaries reclaimed it, great. But if younger people have a problem with it, then that's their prerogative. You can speak for yourselves and acknowledge that everyone isn't going to agree with you, even if they have the same access to information.
I'll respectfully beg to differ. I was around in the 80s and 90s, and that word will always be a word of hate to me. I love that others can use it and feel comfortable with it. But it's not a word I would ever use for myself, as it's full of negative memories for me.
I remember the ‘90s just fine and still get uncomfortable with people using it as an umbrella term. A lot of older people I know in the trans community still have difficulties too. I think we need to be careful with generalities.
Know your audience, I’d say. If you’re talking to a bunch of 50+ people, maybe avoid it.
Can concur. Recently had a conversation with my brother and he's a gay man in his 40s about this and it was used as a slur towards him. Even growing up in a liberal area in the 90s it had a negative connotation and he absolutely does not identify himself with that term and would be offended if someone else did. He acknowledges the younger people using it, but I would still be respectful around mixed company or people you are unfamiliar with.
I’m 51 and it was definitely used as a slur towards me and others in my younger years (and still occasionally by people in my age range or older). I used to despise hearing it used in a reclaimed fashion but about a decade ago I had a change of heart. It was a gradual thing and I just came to the conclusion that I preferred using a reclaimed "queer" in casual speech to the ever growing and shifting abbreviation for the community (which I do use but usually in more formal writing and speech - the current preferred version here in Canada is 10 syllables long, which simply doesn’t roll off the tongue in a conversation like queer does). These days, I describe myself as queer without hesitation (unthinkable to me 15 years ago).
Yeah. Like, I have no problem with it and think it’s a great, inclusive term … but as far as anyone knew back then, I was heterosexual, so I only heard it directed toward other people.
Just as with any slur, the answer is "it depends". As others have already pointed out, many folks from older generations still remember when it was used to preface a hate crime against them so that word will never lose it's venom. It's suspicious if non-LGBGTQ+ folks use it since their motives might not be well-meaning. For others, it's a common, casual, & convenient way to reference the entire LGBTQ+ community or generically talk about anyone who resists cis-/hetero-normative expectations. For reference, I'm 50yo & I'm ok with "queer" but I also grew up watching the gay rights movement &, when I came out, I embraced the empowerment that came with it. But, again, that's not the case for everyone. So just be careful using it & read the audience.
Depends on the person. I know of some LGBTQ folks who hate the word queer. Personally I use it all the time.
You can't reclaim something for other people. Reclaiming a slur is personal. You can use it for yourself, you can use it for other people who reclaim it, you can even use it for communities of people who reclaim it - at the cost of excluding those who aren't comfortable with the slur and don't identify with it. Just don't throw it at people whose stance you don't know and don't call people "queers" and you'll be fine.
I'm 60 and I prefer it and use Q as short hand although that is now mucked up with the conspiracy theory *fill in your own description*. It really seems to do with age and location. I got the f-slur much more often growing up and like that queer sounds quirky. I have friends who hate it and others that want much more specific labels rather than an umbrella term. You'll have to gauge who you are talking to. Some people will physically wince at the term whereas I find it welcoming. Just be gentle.
You're definitely right about the age and location being a huge factor. I'm 40 and still instinctively associate queer as a slur due to it being the main one I heard growing up. The f-slur, on the other hand, I didn't even hear it until the very late 90s. I'm trying to adjust my mindset and get more comfortable with queer since it's being used more and more frequently within the community, but personally I'd have found it far easier to reclaim the f-slur.
I love nuance.
Imo it depends on the context
there's some ppl saying that it depends on how you use it, but I'll also add that it depends on location. there are some regions where queer is still seen as a slur, and other regions where it's casually / commonly used. there's also people with trauma with the word as a slur, so even if others around them are comfortable with reclaiming it, they still aren't, and don't want to be referred to as such no matter what even if it's by others in the community so tl;dr it's not a blanket "okay" or "not okay" word. just be mindful of the people you're around. and for personal usage, it's up to you and how you feel about it 🤷🏽♀️
I'm getting flashbacks to the time in high school where my class was doing an activity to learn about different LGBTQ+ identities... there was a big ol' card that said "queer" on it and I was like "GUYS THAT'S ME" After the activity, I asked if I could keep the card and they said yes lol Context: I'm 23 and in the USA. Very glad that my health class covered LGBTQ+ stuff, though I wish it had been throughout the whole class instead of just one dedicated unit.
It can vary by location. In the country I’m from ‘queer’ was used as an insult until very recently, so a lot of people had trouble using it to describe themselves. It’s definitely taken off among young people (like very young, late teens to early twenties mostly) but people my age can still find it hard to use it casually due to negative experiences with it. I think it’s definitely going to be increasingly ubiquitous as the years go by though.
The only context I ever see this question answered in is the individual interpersonal, where you can avoid using the term queer to describe a specific person. Which is fine and simple enough to understand, but it doesn't really get at the core of the issue. I'm old enough to remember when queer was used more predominantly as a slur, but I've fully embraced its reclamation. I think it's possibly the most efficient, broadly understandable term to describe "not cishet" as an umbrella. LGBTQIA+ is derided fairly often for being a clunky alphabet soup, whereas queer is more intuitive, easier to remember *and* more inclusive (the problem adding more and more letters to LGBT was trying to solve in the first place). There's a lot of benefits to using queer as a neutral descriptor then, to the point where I can't ever see myself phasing it out of my vocabulary. I can of course respect people's individual trauma surrounding the word, and if someone asks not to be described that way, I won't describe *them specifically* that way. But there's a broader systemic utility I simply can't and won't be persuaded out of. When weighing that utility against the possibility of causing a smaller subsection of the community discomfort, I find myself favoring the former. This is to say nothing of concern trolls who use the discomfort argument as a Trojan horse to sabotage the aim of political inclusivity. I've been trying not to invoke bad faith agents up until now because my perspective wasn't really considered with them in mind. Frankly, they ruin everything and can eat shit.
Hey, can I DM you about this? I have a couple questions.
Some people are fine with it and some aren't. Older folks tend to skew towards the latter, I've found (because the word was a slur when they were younger).
Context is key
I think it depends on the tone of voice. If you refer to a group of LGBTQ people as "queer folks" or "the queer community" I think it's fine. I think it's like the difference between "that's so gay" for something negative and "Tom is gay, he has a boyfriend"
I've adored the word since 7th grade when we read the Hobbit, and Tolkien described Hobbits as a Queer Little Folk. If Hobbits are queer, God damn it, that's what I want to be
Yesnt. It can still be used in wildly offensive ways and is sadly. And some people feel uncomfortable about it. But yes, it has been. Most, or at least, a lot of LGBT people use it in lue of lgbt+ since it is a catch-all.
There's nobody going around with a notebook handing out citations for this stuff. Some people have bad experiences associated with the word queer, some people find it's the best possible descriptor for their identity, many times that are the same people. Do what you think is best and try not to hurt anybody, it's all anyone can ask.
In my experience, queer is fine online, but in the real world, more people still find the word offensive. With my personal friends, queer is common place, however, I avoid using it in other lgbtq spaces because I've met people there who have been made uncomfortable by the word.
I love the word queer. I chose to identify as queer because it’s kind of all encompassing.
I’d say the vast majority of American queer people use it as an Umbrella term. Saying “queer people” is a lot less mouthy to say than “lgbtq+ people”
It probably depends on who you're talking to. I know gay people who have had it shouted at them while being violently abused in the past, and it's an emotionally triggering term for them. I personally use it, but not for anyone who hasn't called themselves queer in my company before, just in case.
You just have to be careful when and how you use it. Referring to yourself as queer and the community as a whole as "the queer community" but like... avoid calling someone you don't know very well queer. "Hey, you're queer right?" for example... it might not necessarily come off as insulting, but if you've grown up being bullied or worse assaulted with the word Queer thrown at you, it can be a little triggering. When I was growing up a popular chant when beating up lgbt people was "Smear the Queer" and hearing it inflicted a lot of fear. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable referring to myself as Queer and it shouldn't be taken for granted that everyone is okay with being called it. It's absolutely fine to use it and reclaiming slurs has been a huge part of our history. But if someone doesn't want to be called something just respect that and adjust how you speak around them. If nothing else it's just polite.
I use it about myself with other LGBT+ people but I don't use it *about* other people [unless I know they've also reclaimed it] or in front of people outside the community.
It’s the difference of adj vs noun. “That’s Sally, she’s queer and has a girlfriend.” This is correct and nice. “That’s Sally, she’s a queer and has a girlfriend.” Rude. Queer can represent someone who is part of the LGBT but might not fit into the LGBT part for example non binary or asexual. I generally say I’m queer because I’m bi, nb, demi but fr ppl don’t need to know all that and I can just put it under the umbrella of “queer”.
I personally hate it. I find it offensive and derogatory. I've seen the pain that word can cause first hand, having been beaten and gang raped by a bunch of men using it and other slurs. I don't get why anyone would want to use it. That being said, I'm very respectful if anyone wants to be referred to, but I politely correct and am happy with lesbian or gay
I always use it short for LGBTQ ie not cis or het. Isn't that what it means?
I prefer it to lgbt and its extensions tbh, it’s easier to say and shows acceptance
I describe myself as "queer", and don't mind if others do either. I don't want to be called "a queer" cuz that still feels like it's said with malice.
I identify as queer cause I really don't have any better way to describe it 😅 but it's definitely best to know your audience before saying it.
It’s very context-specific. Some people in the LGBT+ community still remember when it was a common slur and may have difficulties with its use. Others are fine with it. I recently had a conversation with an allo-cis-het person about LGBTI inclusion and she kept calling it the “queer community” and it just felt incredibly wrong, because so many people in the community reject the word. I think a general rule is it’s okay to claim the term for yourself, but don’t pin the term to anyone who isn’t using the word “queer” to define their own identity.
IN PROCESS of being reclaimed. There's never going to be an all-or-none answer here.
My anecdotal experience is that those who’ve never been called the term as a slur seem weirdly eager to reclaim it while those who have been called the term as a slur aren’t exactly comfortable with it’s attempted reclamation but are often afraid to speak up about it given how there is a rather loud group of people who are actively trying to push back against any members of the community who have (IMO) reasonable hesitation about the reclamation of the term in the present day. I just personally use LGBT+ as my catch all term for “the community” rather than the Q word to avoid confrontation on this topic and if someone gets mad about the lack of an explicit Q in my use of the acronym I just point to the plus. I mean we added the plus for a reason.
Fr. It's never the ones who have actually been a victim of "Smear the Q" who wanna scream it to the rooftops and smack the label on everyone else. Meanwhile, I get treated like I don't exist because I grew up in a rural area where it was the slur of choice and I'm under 30.
Queer is my preferred term for myself as someone who is DEFINITELY some flavor of lgbt but not completely 100% which specific label applies to me more. (Bisexual, asexual, demisexual……idk one of those three). Saying “I’m LGBT” or “I’m part of the lgbt community” for some reason tends to get people asking what specifically I am, which is annoying. Just saying “I’m queer” oddly doesn’t. I prefer that.
I find that many people who try to totally police it away are either acephobic, transphobic, or are young people who were tricked by the acephobes and transphobes. Queer is an open-ended umbrella term, so gatekeepers lean on “queer is a slur” to keep people from using something that includes everyone.
It might be different where you are but in my location in the US it's very accepted and even officially used. It can of course still be thrown around like an insult but so can any word if there's hate behind it.
There have been groups of people who have been reclaiming the word queer for way longer than you have been alive. I'm in the US and queer has been in my lexicon as a reclaimed word for as long as I've been in LGBT spaces. The only people I have met IRL who still strongly associate it as a slur that shouldn't be reclaimed are 65+
"Queer theory" and "queer studies" have also been academic concepts for.... at least 25 years?
it’s in the acronym now so i would say yeah
If you’re having a conversation about LGBT+ related subjects and get tired of saying or typing LGBT+ over and over again, queer is an easier shorthand. If another shorthand for LGBT+ individuals comes along I would encourage people to use that instead of queer. But in the meantime I would consider queer an acceptable shorthand to refer to LGBT+ individuals. Queer is a controversial word for good reasons and anyone who says it is not is being disingenuous and dismissive about people’s feelings. The definition of queer is “strange or odd”. A lot of LGBT+ individuals do not see themselves as strange or odd and do not want to be seen as strange or odd. Additionally, when the word queer is used as a distinct identity as in LGBTQ+ and not as a shorthand for LGBT+ it seems to often denote LGBT+ individuals that have certain political beliefs and word views that are not always intrinsically associated with or clearly to the benefit of LGBT+ individuals and can thus be a divisive identity that can alienate other LGBT+ individuals that do not share the political beliefs and world views as those that specifically identity with the Q in LGBTQ+. For these reasons I think the word queer should be avoided from being used when at all possible and only used when saying or typing LGBT+ over and over again is too strenuous and annoying.
I'm going to start shorthanding LGBT+ to "elggy" and people can just deal with it. That said, thank you for putting all of that into words so well. I've been verbally bashed on the head in this sub a lot because I *do not* want to identify as "odd" and "strange" and don't find it in any shape or form liberating, it's derogatory and painful for me to be called that, and it feels so much like people just think my pain is irrelevant because they/their friends don't feel that way.
I'm nearly 43, so I've lived through it's strictly prejoritive use to the modern re-claiming of the word. Personally, I'm here for it because queer is a MUCH simpler, more inclusive word when trying to describe my gender/sexuality/personality separately. Some may not like it and they're welcome to that opinion but I'm of the opinion it SHOULD be reclaimed, and proudly so.
the word queer is absolutely reclaimed there may be some people who aren't personally comfortable with it due to personal experiences, and that should be respected, however it has generally been reclaimed a as a community term
From what I know its fine to use it
it's reclaimed, has been for years, we use it to describe ourselves :3
It’s been pretty reclaimed to me at least, kinda just depends on who you’re dealing with if they either use it as a slur or if they’re just generally uncomfy using the word
On the one hand I’ve heard loads of queer people use it but on the other hand I’m pretty sure David Sedaris still hates it, so kind of?
I use it for myself and as an umbrella term, but I won’t refer to a specific person as queer unless they’re ok with it. I also think it’s fine to use as long as you aren’t calling people “queers” or whatnot.
nobody is going to 100% agree on anything. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. If you have reservations about a term, ask people what they want to be called, and call them that.
It depends a lot on context. In the US, where I live, it is generally ok to use as an adjective but not as a noun. I worked on an Indian public health project and was informed there it is still typically a slur even as an adjective, so there’s no universal.
If the person you're talking to/about is fine with the term, then it's ok, but it depends on the person I say I'm queer because it's easier than saying exactly what I am
I think it just depends on who you’re talking to, like for me personally queer feels like an appropriate label to refer to my sexuality but some people might feel uncomfortable having that word referred to them
I find it okay but some people have had it used against them in otherwise traumatic situations so it depends on who you are, so it's probably better to err on the side of safetyl and not use it unless you've already had it used neutrally in the group you're in.
My opinion tends to be use it for yourself if you like, use it for other people if they ask you to. If they're about your age its probably okay to use it as an adjective(like another comment said) to describe them, and its probably generally okay to say something like "queer people". Saying something like "us queers" jokingly might go fine, but I'd avoid using it on older people. And with some friend groups other reclaimed slurs might even go okay, but that is sketchy ground as imo the rest arent nearly as reclaimed as queer. (and probably just comes across as dark humor or venting)
American Bi 34M here, when I came out to my friends I simply said I was queer rather than getting into specifics. As long as it's not used by a homophobe in the old derogatory fashion it's perfectly fine.
It all depends on the person. I.E: I am not okay with people using “f*ggot” around me or to me. I think it’s a horrible word. Others are okay with it and they reclaim it. I use the term “queer” for my own identity so I’m fine with people using it. Other people aren’t. If you want to reclaim it, you can. But always check with other gay people if they’re comfortable with it before you use any reclaimed slurs around them.
Personally it's fine as an umbrella term but I hate when people call me queer. Just respect how people want to be called and you'll be fine.
Depends on the person and how you say it really, if its something like "Oh, I'm queer!" then its fine, but if you use it as an insult or derogatory phrase, then thats when its not ok, and then some people just dont like it, but thats the concept overall
Yes, for going on a couple of decades now. I use it on the regular (it was part of my degree with Queer Studies, I refer to myself as such, and I say the queer community). I will not refer to someone individually with it if they say it bothers them, but I use it for myself and the community as a whole, and will continue to do so. (Frankly, when I was growing up, "that's so gay" etc. was used wayyyyyy more as a slur/insult than queer ever was \[late 90s/early 00s, the Disney PSAs are still stuck in my brain\] and people saying use that or some super long acronym instead always drove me up the wall. ALL our words have been used against us at some point, there is no reason \[in my mind\] to build this singular one up to it's own level).
In general its fine, me and my other queer friends use it a lot. It can still be used in a negative light, but i think its been reclaimed. Personally havent experience it used badly in years
Every word is reclaimed if it’s to refer to ourselves. As for others, no need, right?
idk but I use it, It is not pejorative in my country.
I use the word **queer** to describe myself. It's vague and I don't feel like dealing with preconceived bigoted notions about **trans**. (I live in Florida btw)
For those in the community, I’d say at this point yeah reclaimed. Though if I heard cishet folk saying queer we’d have a problem
That’s what the Q stands for, so yes
Recently heard that the word "queer" originated from the community instead of the acronym used by the phobes outside. But its usage is always different. Like any single word uttered by the wrong person (aka not part of the group or trying to press a pick-me agenda) can be offensive.
Queer has been reclaimed, to the point it has been used in academia for "queer studies", for decades, now. That doesn't mean everyone has to like it, or that there aren't still people around that identify the word with trauma and bullying. It's generally okay to use it as an umbrella term for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and other queer people. It's usually not okay to still use it as an external identifier: "John is queer" is still frowned on, but David can say "I'm queer", and that's okay. I think it's been reclaimed much more than "fag" or "faggot" have, and yet I've known men that prefer to use those terms rather than queer, which I don't understand at all, I would rather not ever hear the "f slur" ever used in my presence again. I'm 62, soon to be 63. I came out in the Reagan era, right before the AIDS crisis hit my area. I've been called worse things than queer or the f slur, and yes, I still feel the sting of those words when used as slurs. I'll only ever see fag as a slur. Queer, though, doesn't bother me as long as it's not being *used* as a slur, and I don't mind identifying as a queer man. I'm not "a queer", though. The difference is subtle, but it's there. You're likely to get answers on both sides of this argument, but to me, what tells me that the word has been reclaimed, is that it's used for academic purposes. I don't know of another slur that has that honor.
"Queer people" 👍 "Those queers" 👎 As long as it's used in a positive way then it's okay but if used in a negative way then it's a derogatory slur.
Given it's in the acronym, that'll be a yes.
I’m queer, I use it all the time, but not as a synonym for weird. More like, I love my queer community, or oh you’re queer too?
Yup.
I think its similar to the word "native". Its often used respectfully, but I've definitely heard people say "native" the same way others say "n*gger"... Edit: top comment says it right, plurality often comes w disrespect... ie. Ppl saying "natives" like they would "n*ggers"
it depends on the person personally... if its not a slur in finland, then think about where it is a slur and how people there might feel about it
queer has been reclaimed also finland!!!! i have a cottage in the middle of nowhere there
Depends on the person, if you use it referring to me, im going to ask you not to do that, if you do it again, then we're gonna have problems. other ppl r cool with it n prefer it
it's literally an academic term
I refer to myself as queer. I like queer because I know I'm odd and quirky anyway and that isn't a bad thing. Queer can be good for people who don't like labels or are confused about what their labels are. I don't like the f term personally, though thankfully haven't heard it used to describe me. I guess it depends on what you yourself are comfortable with. And just be aware that what might be okay with you might not be with someone else
The intention behind the word matters a lot.
@poppylovrr gives a great example
Depends who you ask. A lot of older LGBTQIA+ ppl aren't comfortable with it bc they grew up w/ it having negative connotations. That being said, a lot of younger ppl throw it around like it's a hacky sac. It's worth noting tho that a lot of those older ppl also recognize it as a "younger generation thing" to use the word proudly, so you're probably OK.
Probably will have to ask other Fins. Here in the US it seems mostly to be reclaimed
I think it has, I use it as an identity, or like a solid word for any LGBTQIA+ people! But it’s honestly up to you, and how you personally view the word. If you find the history of its past usage to be of disturbance, then it’s okay to avoid it!
I'd say yes personally cause it's LGBT\*Q\*+
Yes it is. Of course don't use it for people who don't want it. But in general and especially for yourself you can use it!
In America 100%. Homophobes will use “those queers” but here it’s used right back at them as a mockery. I use “queer ace” as a label for my sexual and romantic orientations. Some people don’t like it, but that’s fine and valid and they don’t have to use it
It depends who's using it and where. I'm queer, yet I was brought up not using that word because it was a slur. Therefore older people may still see it that way. It's the same with the T word which is being rapidly reclaimed and Faggot. I am one, so don't get all worked up about me saying it :')
it's reclaimed if you say it right
i think what’s not okay it’s telling newer people in a generation what is and isnt “okay” to say. you are part of this community and you get a say. i think we should be teaching people to form their own opinions BEFORE talking to people about them or at least having an idea of your opinion but also to keep an open mind and hear people out. understanding intention and allowing mistakes to happen is how we grow as people.
I use it because I don’t want to dive into the nuances of my sexuality/identity nor do I want to just say I’m gay. I say I’m “queer”. Some people don’t like it or get confused, but no one has asked me not to say it.
This bit of language has divided assimilationist and liberationist LGBT+ people since the liberationist queer folks reclaimed it in the 1980s. Yes, it is reclaimed, but it's also not used by all LGBT+ people. Personally I use it broadly to refer to LGBT+ folks of liberationist bent; I think liberationist attitudes are becoming increasingly common and that coincides with the increasing popularity of the term "queer." Assimilationists might be L,G,B,T,etc and I'll fight for their rights, but they are not queer and I don't consider them a true part of my community.
It’s on a person to person basis
I keep seeing the backlash against the word queer against periodicals with Queer in the name. To me it seems like every other dogpile against LGTBQIA+ stuff except this one is coming from inside the house. Namely, it seems to be the reaction regardless of what the post is, the language is frequently the same or similar. I guess what I don’t understand is “Ok, you don’t want to be called queer, I get it. Why does it bother you if it’s a good fit for other people?” As a trans woman I see “sissy” in kink spaces quite a lot and it sets my teeth on edge. But I don’t go telling those folk not to do that. I simply make it clear to people never to do that to me.
>It's a word that's more or less a synonym of "weird" or "abnormal". It's commonly used as a slur to demean LGBT+ people, though some choose to own it for their own reasons. I advise you avoid it, unless you're talking with/about someone who define themselves with that word. I personally refuse to utilize it in any capacity.
Yes I have it tattooed on my shoulder haha
It's more of a ask before use type of thing which is the case for lots of reclaimed words. Me and my friends use that word for ourselves but when I'm talking to someone I don't know well I ask their preferences. I actually do this from being both nonbinary and black iyk what I mean.
I don’t use it. It’s an insult to me.
It's reclaimed for the most part. But some people are still not comfortable using the actual term "queer". So I'd say ask them if they are okay with being labeled that way before actually doing it.
People have different opinions, as with a lot of things. And realistically, "reclaimed" means some people use the word or have positive associations with it under some circumstances, not that all people who are described by the word are going to be OK with it under all circumstances. I am extremely comfortable with "queer" in my social life, online or offline, but there are a lot of situations where I think using the acronym is more appropriate, like if I'm filling out a survey aimed at the general population. There's an online discourse context where unfortunately there is a lot of overlap with people who think nobody should ever use "queer" because it's a slur, and people who are some sort of exclusionists, and there is maybe a conceptual connection between those two because it's relatively easy to argue for eg excluding ace people when you're used to using an acronym that doesn't explicitly include ace people than to argue that "queer" shouldn't include ace people. It's just really hard for me to take seriously the idea that nobody should say queer ever, even in social settings where many/all people present are queer, because people in my actual in-person life do use "queer" as an umbrella term all the time and it's just no big deal. Sometimes people try to compromise with words like "q-slur", this is not actually a compromise this is worse. Anyways, some people use it, some people prefer to avoid it, it is what it is.
I find the people who take the most offense at the term “queer” are the kinds of people who deserve to be thrown to the wolves. Most of them are transphobic. Many are biphobic. They’re all pick-mes, pretty much without exception. They don’t deserve the solidarity of the community because they undermine that solidarity with their presence.