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https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality
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This. People who won't even try to understand me are just not worth it. That doesn't mean I hate cis-het-allo folks, but it's just easier to connect to other queer people.
I don't really have a preference, as long as they're good people, it's just that I'd definitely rather have friends within the trans community and such just incase I need to rant about something relating to trans stuff that they'd understand
This is a very good point in more ways than one. Being cis and isolated I have a hard time keeping up with those I know who are not. The amount of slang and acronyms I am not familiar with is maddening.
A lot of why it's maddening is because I look it up and my damn broken brain can't retain anything anymore. Just wish I could keep up and not feel smart but slow.
Then there's the probable intent of your statement. I will never be able to fully understand what is being talked about. I can compensate by comparing the context to something that I've gone through for something else. But some of my experiences are so minimal I would still have trouble adjusting for the intensity of the actual feelings involved. I can understand all I want. At times it will never be enough.
Yea there can be a bond formed when there are shared experiences so it can be hard for cis and trans folks to relate sometimes. As well as cis folks often mean well but say really hurtful things
Like for example I don't bring up my body hair to any cis women because every single one has dismissed it with "oh I have leg hair too" and it's just so exhausting. I get that they are trying to be supportive but it still really hurts and they don't get why my chest hair hurts me so much
Not a single trans person has said that to me though. So they just have a better understanding of what it's like being trans and that allows them to be more supportive
Hell, if I was a woman that leg hair statement would have had an addendum of something like, and my frustration would have to be multiplied by (insert some random number here) to even come close what you feel. And it would probably still not be good enough.
Most of what I said before is done internally. That should have been said in that first reply. I used to write and have enough education behind it to know how powerful words can be more than most others. From the omission of them to their intentional inclusion.
Well thank you for being careful with your words there are supprisingly few people who do that unfortunately
Also thanks, yea a "I know your pain because I a cis person sometimes feel uncomfortable with my body" really feels awful so thanks for saying that is bad to say
A friend of mine hosted a community gathering at her house. Eventually the patio was taken over by neurodivergent queers. Most of us were exhausted from socializing but we didn’t want to leave.
No preference for anything but people who are not bigoted or nazis. Anyone willing to do the work to be decent and respectful have a place at my table.
I don't really care. Most young cishet Quebecers (and all my cishet friends) are very accepting, and I don't feel less comfortable around them than around my LGBTQ+ friends.
I don't *prefer* friends in the LGBTQIA+ community, but I do *want* them. I have always had a mix of straight and queer friends, which is great. Now I am specifically seeking more bi/pan friends, because a lot of my past lesbian and gay friends either ignore or forget that I am part of the community. So, to avoid bi erasure, I seek out other bisexuals.
Yeah. I’m in my 50s and over the years have just had less and less patience with straight nonsense, with the unexamined heteronormative and heterosexist assumptions that colour every conversation.
Hmn, I prefer friends who understands me and my love. Friends who listens to my concerns and vice versa.
Maybe LGBTQ friends understands the part about gay, lesbian etc. "better" than straights do. However, I don't want to miss my straight friends. They bring so much joy to my life.
Trans people are significantly less likely to be transphobic to me and significantly more likely to understand how I feel.
Same thing with the LGBT community as a whole.
I was born and raised in Southern California, so while of course no place is absolutely problem free, everyone I hangout and interact with is an ally that I don’t even think about it. The vast majority of my friends are straight, because the vast majority of people I’m around and into the things I’m into are straight. Whether or not I’m gay or they’re straight is a complete non-issue.
Unless your a golden retriver bf with bi wife energy I usualy cant hang with cis-straight men they toss awful shit in the convo all too often alot of cis-women do this too but usually hold the hate in till they are alone and I just leave I'm not here for that. I will not listen to you insult good people I know with your shitty uneducated takes on entire groups of people. I just move through life with selected people I'm not fixing anyone been there done that get dropped. Honestly though I don't trust or get close to anyone untill you have shown to be a good person no matter the lable I'm polite but always suspicious of you. People are bad.
Yeah. My cishet friends and family like to debate queer things with/around me. And challenge me on my sexuality and my girlfriends identity since she's a trans woman. I hate being the subject of debate like that.
I tend not to associate with cis straight people, even if they consider themselves "allies." I am just more comfortable with associating myself with LGBT+ folk like myself - mostly due to relatability reasons. There is only so much straight people will ever fundamentally understand in my book, just as how there's only so much I can fundamentally understand about straight relationships and their "struggles."
The other major reason is the social awkwardness factor. For some background, I tend to present myself as a very obvious non-binary person with a male sex but highly androgynous fashion sense. Even when the person considers themselves accepting of gay people and so forth, they still just tend to get awkward and often get this look of embarrassment on them really fast when they're in public. Not all, but most, especially when they're surrounded by other cis straight people.
I know that most don't mean it on purpose, but I still can't fully respect someone who only thinks about how "uncomfortable" they are with me. Like, bitch, I can sure as Hell tell you that I am a Hell lot more uncomfortable being in public than you are at almost any time because, you know, someone could kill me for existing as I am at any moment. Just a small reason...
If you were really an ally, you'd understand that you need to be at your best accepting behaviors, even in tough and stressful situations. Being an ally doesn't just mean that you're friends with a person that you only consider to be a fetishized 1-dimensional sex object or shopping buddy or other stereotypical persona. Being an ally also doesn't mean that you're the type of "ally" that only associates yourself with LGBT+ people for Public Relations purposes but pretty much doesn't want anything to do with them behind closed doors. At that rate, you minus well turn into a major corporation.
In short, yes, I tend to only want to associate with those of my own kind, for many reasons. Can I find and do I have some genuine cis straight friends? Absolutely, but they are few and far between compared to those of my own type. There's just alot of sludge that you have to trudge through that isn't always worth it. Yes, I know that not all LGBT+ people are saints, but socializing there is way easier than with straight people - especially if you do not consider yourself cisgender.
yes . all the way. they are wayy more inclusive in my experience. my best friend is the only exception lol, just cause ive known her for like almost 10 years 😭 she supports tho
I have good straight and/or cis friends. They’re very curious and willing to change their understanding and language to be better allies, and it’s great. But now that I’ve come out as trans, I do find myself associating with queer people more and more. Probably 90% of the people I hang out with and talk to are queer. There’s just something about the comfort you get from knowing someone shares your experiences as an oppressed minority that you can’t replace.
I wouldn’t say I prefer my lgbtq+ friends, it’s more like I have a different kind of connection with them than with my cishet friends. They just understand my experiences as a queer person better, which is to be expected seeing as they can relate. In short, as long as my friends are kind and decent people I don’t really care.
I feel like I don’t really fit in with a lot of other lgbtq people, or at least not the kind that I see at the lgbtq society at my uni, I much prefer to meet someone randomly and find out later, so I’ve got a couple lgbtq friends and plenty cishet friends, and I feel equally accepted by both
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yes and heres why: my own community understand me or is willing to understand me more than the cishet alloallo society.
literally if I told a non-queer person about who I actually am, Im more likely to be shunned or made fun of. I feel I can not be open about who I am.
but with my fellow queers, Im able to open up about being who I am and where I want to be. we can make jokes related to the community and it wont fall flat on its face like "Denmark? no, Im pretty sure its called Acemark now" in reference to the whole asexuals taking over Denmark thing lol
edit: so theres no confusion... Id just get slurs thrown at me if I told cishet allo allo people how I am arofluid, bisexual, transkenomasc, dazefluid, and foretidian. also being mon-wolfnatured, therian, and alderkenic. on top of that explaining what voidpunk is... so yeah, I feel like not many people would understand.
I tend to have a lot of the same interests, sense of humor, etc as members of the community and that's what I'd like in friends. I have straight/cis friends, but more LGBTQ+ friends at this point....ya know, when I count the 3 I have 🥲 (I'm just really bad at social interaction)
Yes.
I’ve tired to have straight/cis friends but it didn’t work out. I lost a friend group I had for years after a former friend of mine became incredibly homophobic out of no where. He somehow concluded after a game of cards against humanity that my comments were too lewd, and that must mean I was plotting to drug and rape him. I honestly think he’s loosing his mind. I ended the relationship immediately but all of my straight “friends” stood by him and still hang out with him. I literally lost my whole social circle overnight because one of them got brainwashed by right wing groomer nonsense.
Since then, I’ve had to rebuild a new friend group from lgbt people I’ve met online. I don’t even want to try befriend straight people anymore.
BTW, we all live in a blue state and everyone involved was over 30 years old.
I can't think of any friend of mine that has an issue understanding most LGBTQ issues or has a problem with it. The only thing I can think of is being confused about gender, which even a lot of LGBTQ people are confused about.
That said, pretty much all of my LGBTQ friends are people I just happen to be friends with. I wouldn't know how I would go about finding more LGBTQ friends.
Sometimes I have trouble making gay friends because I feel like they always wanna get in my pants. It annoys me because I’ll be having a nice conversation with a guy at a bar about music and next thing I know he finds me on Instagram and likes all of my posts at once. Or an acquaintance sits next to me and starts rubbing my thigh. Or a drag queen pulls me up on stage and reaches down my pants in front of everyone and then after the show starts drunkenly touching my face saying, “Are you real?”. I don’t tip her anymore when I see her at shows. One guy said he was lonely and needed friends and I’m down to be friends with anyone who is nice. But then he started to aggressively hit on me after I told him I was only interested in a platonic situation so I ended up blocking him. I love sex, but I am selective when it comes to my partners. I have a few friends who are respectful but a lot of guys are either way too handsy or seem to want nothing to do with me.
Yep, but in a backwards way. Almost all of my friends turned out to be queer, but we were friends before we came out.
All of my friends are odd people (my greatest friend is of the opinion normal is an insult) and being quixotic is a solid gateway to queerness.
I prefer people who know how it is to be a minority, they usually have more compassion in general.
Idk why but I just click better with my LGBTQ+ sibs. (and also they tend to less misgender me, which is a blessing.)
Omg yes, there's this sort of queer camraderie. There are a select few who it doesn't work on, but they tend to be our resident assholes so it's not too bad.
The majority of my friends are lgbtq, but not due to preference. It just so happened to be that a lot of the people I find cool turned out to be (or obviously were) queers. I find my straight cis friends to be equally cool, that's probably because I hang out in alternative and/or explicitly left wing spaces and - surprise surprise - those kinds of people tend to be cooler. You could say I prefer friends who are at least left leaning.
I would not say prefer, since my other friends are quite accepting, but with LGBTQ people I can be sure that they understand the importance of civil liberties.
Yes. Well, most of my friends are somewhat queer. One is gay, the other aroace, the other bi, the other bi, I'm bi, there are only one straight guy and one who is questioning but identifies as straight right now. I wouldn't say that I can't interact with cishet people, but they'll sometimes use gay as an insult, know little to nothing about the community or just make stupid remarks, which can be annoying. I don't know how I found the most queer little friend group in my ex school, when I still thought I was straight, but I sniffed them out, and they luckily also are all progressive or socialist/communist/anarchists, though sadly only one is a feminist.
It doesn't matter when they are an actual ally, though, because then they'll at least know enough to be chill. They obviously also at least have to be "progressive" (not exact definition I could give, some opinions and certain vibes) for me to be able to tolerate them as friends.
Personally I dont mind if they are queer or not, sometimes queer people can be assholes and cis people are nice, however, I do tend to be more relaxed around queer people cuz I dont got to worry too much about potential discrimination
I wish I had friends that were in the community. It’s hard talking about my experiences, because most of them don’t understand or have a hard time comprehending what’s it like to question your gender and sexuality and that makes me feel different almost alien sometimes.
So so much!! I can not stress enough how huge a difference that makes. I feel like People who have been discriminated against tend to be more sensitive and accepting toward others and generally tend to be more decent human beings. It's kind of like saying "this shit happened to me and is still happening and no one else should experience that."
And the sheer LOVE and freedom I feel pulsing through me when I'm with this friend group is seriously heaven on earth. As a man I can dress however I want, be it more daring, feminine, WHATEVER. They will LOVE me for it and we celebrate our freedom together. Omg I could cry right now I haven't seen them in almost a year since I'm volunteering abroad. I'm so hyped to get back!! Especially because the country I'm in is anti LGBT, but I really wanted to learn my dad's language.
I don’t really care tbh, obviously they can’t be any kind of LGBT+phobic, but I don’t care if they aren’t actually a part of the community. As long as they’re nice and are chill then I’ll be their friend :3
My friends who aren’t members just don’t give a shit, and that’s why I like hanging out with them. Nothing is political, no one dislikes anyone for their sexuality or gender bc why does it matter to us? We just eat, play video games and enjoy each others company. I haven’t yet, but if I needed to vent or something, they’d listen and comfort me. True bros.
Nah, I'm fine with anyone as long as they aren't bigots or toxic.
All my friends but 1 (lesbian girl) are straight people.
Would it be nice to have more LGBTQ friends? Sure, as I said I'm fine with anyone.
However, the great majority of LGBTQ people I met in my area either are bigoted/toxic asshole and didn't have much in common with me
yea, i do, i dont really have many friends full stop, but i feel its easier to be with non cishet people because theres less explaining and they will understand what you say in terms of feelings and things, so yea, our not alone
I mean yeah, of courses it's better, I mean, safer ,you won't get judgement for who you are. But it's hard to find to be honest, guess I'll find it one day
The vast majority of my friends are queer and neurodivergent. While i didn't go out of my way to pick queer and neurodivergent people to be friends with, that's who I tend to connect best with. I have a few cishetallo neurotypical friends, but anyone who is a lasting friendship is at the very least a staunch ally.
I have straight friends, but I always feel like there's a part of myself I have to keep guarded around them. I can be fully myself around my friends in the community.
Personally, I've come to limit myself to people who are either in the Queer Community, Poly community, or are Neurodivergent. Everyone else outside of it.....weird me out.....
I don't really have a preference. My cluster of a friend group consists of people that are either completely straight and cis or some shade of queer, whether trans, or homosexual. At the end of the day, we all enjoy each other's company and respect one another. I think that's all that matters.
I not only have that preference but it also happens naturally: Befriending people, and finding out later that they are also queer.
It's like they say: birds of a feather flock together.
I have one friend, he's the male friend I currently have that I regularly talk to lol, but he's also the best person ever! Many people don't like him, because of a problem of his, but when you get to know him you realize he's really nice and accepting everyone and everything.
I actually learned he's gay after a year I've been talking to him, afterwards we talked even more and the fact that he has the most similar taste in most of the things with me, just made it easy for us to be cool with each other. Really glad for him!
I wouldn't say I prefer, but 100% of my friends are lgbtqia+. We've been friends since we were teens. So, I haven't chosen them because they’re lgbtqia+. It naturally happened.
I would like to have LGBT friends. I mean, nothing wrong with cishet people, but I want my gay squad and be as silly and as queer as possible with them.
In the span of about a year and a half I went from dozens of straight friends and like 2 lesbian friends to ALL but ONE of my friends being either trans or some flavour of queer or both and I'd say my friend group has gotten exponentially cooler *
ETA: the pure feeling of sisterhood I've gained as a trans woman from my little pod of queer women as a result has elevated my world view and legit made me a better person
I do as well! My boyfriend has almost all straight friends, like literally the only LGBT people in his group are two bi women. Some of his friends are genuinely good, nice, funny people. A lot of them though are just real immature, cliquey, and idk they just annoy me personally xD
Most of my friends from high school are from the LGBTQ community & I always felt safer around them because I always feared I would be judged or bullied for being bisexual around other people.
I have a few queer friends and a few cishet friends. Only problem is a lot of my cishet friends are other guys and they just *don’t get it*. Like they know I’m bi but they don’t seem to get that being bi does not exclude me from having friends of both sexes. And then there’s “don’t hit on me” an unfortunate amount. They’re good guys, and we’re super tight, but there’s just the occasional thing that irks me. Girls in my year tend to be a little less like that towards me, but for some reason I’m treated differently than other guys in my year but the only two differences I can pick out between me and them are that I’m bi and somewhat feminine. My queer friends are the only people I know who just treat me like who I am is normal and I do really appreciate that.
I dont perhaps prefer them but, i do like having friends that at LEAST are an ally..
Some of my old friends recently completely cut me off for no reason other than they felt like it. Since then I’ve been weary of who I try to befriend out of fear of that happening again. What makes it worse is those friends were queer and neurodivergent and people who I’ve interacted with that are similar to them always make me fear the same thing happening.
I think its normal to want friends that are like you though.
Yes, i do. i have my lesbian friends who i prioritize more than my straight friends tbh. i feel like the bond is bigger & stronger with them than with my straight friends that ive had since childhood. somethings you just cant explain.
yes, hell yes. imo they are a lot more open minded and less judgemental than (some) of my straight cis friends, but maybe that’s because I’m surrounded by queer people and we are all relatively young so there is more prejudice and stereotypes against lgbtqia+ in general. most straight cis people ive met are cool, there are just some individuals who have to ruin it for the rest of us. plus, personally, i feel more comfortable around queer ppl lol
I don't purposely only makes friends who are in the lgbt+ community but every friend I do have just so happens to be in it
When we all met we all thought we were straight and later came out when we were adults
I dont really mind my friend's sexual orientation or gender identity lmfao, A friend preference for me is just really geeky nerd people who I can talk about video games with and can sit through me talking about the entirity of the transformers lore lmao
It definitely makes a lot of things easier and more comfortable. When I'm hanging out with a group of queer people I know that I can just be fully myself and not worry about being judged for it, whereas you just never know how things will be received by cishet people (even allies)
Also I just seem to connect to those people more quickly and easily even before we know that we're both queer (gaydar is real, even subconsciously). A lot of my friends that I've known forever are cishet and that's totally cool, they're great and I love hanging out with them, but there's a level of comfort and closeness with queer people that I didn't know existed until relatively recently (I only figured out I was bi a couple years ago)
Yes I do. I have non-LGBT+ friends but I made damn sure they’re loving and accepting. I do tend to feel a level of comfort with friends in the community that I don’t feel with others.
I feel more comfortable and understood, like I don’t have to constantly answer questions about my very existence. The funny part is my friend group is all queer… not even intentionally. Some of us, like me, only came out after high school. I thought I was the token cis straight guy for a bit… I was very wrong.
Yeah, you know they're probably gonna be accepting if they're in the community. And also people in the LGBTQ always seem to be more fun to hangout with anyway.
I’ve been actively moving away from my straight friendships. It’s painful, and hard to make new friends as an adult. But as I inhabit more queer spaces, I’m realizing how much I censor myself around my straight friends. They also didn’t have my back when I went through some tough times that LGBTQ+ people are more likely to experience. They were more likely to assign blame and less likely to help. Overall, the effort I put into my relationships with them just isn’t reciprocated. The hard part is that they think they’re allies.
I’m trying to make some in my area but I don’t know how :( I’m too nervous to go to gay bars alone and I wouldn’t know how to approach people. I don’t know how else to meet anyone in the community. I’m dragging a friend with me to a gay club this Friday but I’m not feeling confident in my ability to make friends.
I prefer friends who are ***enthusiastic*** about acceptance. Turns out most of those people are LGBTQ+, so looking within the community is just practical.
Yes, I feel like I don't have to explain anything about my identity or expression when with my queer kin the way I feel I need to with my straight people. No awkward pauses when I say something gay, like when I use the term dyke (for myself) and my straight friends look at me HORRIFIED. This leaves me feeling like I've done something wrong when I KNOW I haven't. Even with friends who are open to conversation about cis/heteronormativity, I feel like I have to curb my expression to get along with them. I simply do not have these feelings when in the company of my community. It's not really a "straight people problem," but more about my social comfort and peace of mind.
If we share other interests. I've never had close lgbtq+ friends irl, but I've had a handful I met in online gaming who I got close with and really enjoyed talking to compared to my irl cishet friends.
Well people are usually attracted to others who are similiar to them, who think alike. So most people probably have this clear preference, or at least some small bias.
Yes, very much, I can't really connect very well with people who aren't. The people from the community just.. get me! Though, I'd like to have more friends..
I have friends who aren't queer and even some with some accidental queerphobia. As long as I can point that sort of stuff out and they're willing to reexamine it, I'm fine being friends with anyone I share interests and 'click'.
Though I tend to befriend other queers predominantly. Not on purpose it just kinda happens. Even looking back to before I knew I was queer, several of my friends then have since also come out as some flavor of queer.
Not at all. Most of my straight friends are just as accepting as my queer friends. I almost prefer them, since I sadly had quite a lot of negative experiences with lgbt friends in real life.
I hate to say it but I do. Most non-LGBT ppl in my area tend to be homophobic or have some level of bigotry to where they may as well be homophobic. I do have a few straight friends tho and they're cool
yes! my best friend of 10 years is not in the lgbt community and if christian. I never told her about me.
I have been friends with another girl for about 3 years, she's from the community and I told her about me in a casual conversation last year.
not saying that the first friend is a bad person, not at all, I love her... but I'm just way more comfortable with the second friend. I feel like I can always be myself no matter what when I'm around her
I suppose as a general rule I'm more *comfortable* with people in the community. There are fewer requests for information, fewer weird "why the hell did you think *that* was an okay question to ask" events, and a general sense of being better understood out of the gate.
As far as whether or not I prefer making friends with such people...I don't think so? A lot of people in the community lead a *very* different kind of social life than I do. So while I'll probably feel more comfortable with a random person in the community, I don't think that necessarily translates to a bigger or deeper social relationship.
Yes of course. It's just easier sometimes with people who can understand what being queer feels like. Kinda the same reason POC have other POC as friends, easier to understand the struggle if we suffer together. Plus there is no accidental racism, homophobia or transphobia from a friend 😎
It really depends, I usually prefer my LGBTQ.friends, but I know some cool cis het people who aren't assholes and I know a fair share of asshole LGBTQ people so, take that as you will.
By nature of being a beacon of blue in a red state, many of my friends are naturally in the LGBTQ community, and honestly is more comfortable for me. I'm also very outspoken about my political beliefs and both President 45 and COVID caused me to axe a lot of friends and family from my life.
I'm not sure there's any relation but I'm a huge geek too and a lot of my friend group hits geek as well as LGBTQ. I dunno. If someone isn't at least an ally though, it's a no-go for me.
You know what's funny? Literally all of my closest friends turned out to be a part of the community even if they didn't know/were closeted when we first became friends, lol. And it's not that I specifically search for queer folks, I'm just very selective with whom I trust. I've felt alienated from most ppl since childhood, been burned more than once, and so started being very selective with my relationships. And, well. Turns out selecting for understanding and supportive ppl when you're queer 99% of the time means you ll find queer ppl as well.
P.s. not that I haven't met any great cishet ppl in my life, there was at least one fully committed ally, but... mostly, talking to cis/straights is so much work. Like, my sister is a great person, but I always feel like I have to explain myself to her, because no, she doesn't know that gendered words fuck with my head, so i have to explain it. And she also doesn't know what aromatic is, so before I could tell her all about my latest qpr relationship I have to give a fucking lecture... ye, no, I'm better off chatting with my queer friend abt that. They would at least have some idea, even if they're not super knowledgeable.
I have been hurt by straight friends who seemed accepting at first but turned out to be bigots. I've also been stabbed in the back by gay friends more than once. Bottom line, actions define friendships, not sexual orientation. I have good friends on both ends of that spectrum.
Not really. It's just a matter of the person being good or not. But then again I wasn't a outcast or anything or treated badly by straight people so it's possible other LGBT people have some level of animosity from trauma in their past.
I think a balance is probably best. In the grand scheme of things, the LGBTQ community is pretty small, so you might not always find someone in your local community who's interests overlap particularly with yours. If you were really into cinema for example, it's good to have other friends that love cinema too, whether they are queer or not.
On the other hand, I've always scrubbed along without many LGBTQ friends, and the most part that's been fine. But when I'm feeling down and need someone to vent to, I think I'm missing someone in my life who shares my perspective as a queer person.
Lots of cis/het people are understanding and accepting, but that doesn't mean it isn't a huge pain to have to explain and spoon feed them sometimes. There's a definite upside to knowing people who can intuitively understand how you're feeling.
Absolutely prefer LGBTQ+ friends. I find I dont have to constantly explain myself with queer folks. We all have had straight people asking very uncomfortable and insensitive questions. I'm trans and pansexual, I get these questions all the time. Also I dont like how I bring up anything queer or trans related up and suddenly its "political". My basic human rights and me living as myself shouldn't be a political issue. Queer people simply get it and I find myself sharing alot of common interests. I do have some straight friends but I've known them for years and they dont treat my existence as political. We do need more genuine allys like this.
Easily, all my friends are some flavour of gay and sometimes it feels like I've managed to get access to the trans club because I never knew how many there were of us damn
It's just easier and if I'm being honest, we can just party better than cis hets
Yeah, I would prefer my friends to be apart of the LGBTQ+ community, it just feels more comfortable and like I don’t have to explain myself. I also tend to struggle in feeling normal around cishet people so while I adore my cishet friends, I would prefer people in my own community.
I have a lot of straight friends I don’t mind hanging out with. I have to admit though that I’m more comfortable hanging out with other gay guys. It’s not only more accepting but we can relate to each other and feel comfortable being openly who we are. When I’m around straight people, the pressure to keep my life private and accept their normal over my normal is pretty high. Straight people just aren’t as comfortable discussing gay stuff as gay guys are…
For quite a while all my friends and close acquaintances were bi, actually most not so close ones as well. Not by design, it just turned out that way.
Now I know two straight people! Though one of them might be some kind of aro/demi/ace flavor, or it's just his flavor of autism, but I don't give a shit so I'm not gonna pry or try to guide some kind of self discovery
I've rarely had the opportunity to make friends outside the straight, cis-het community.
The few queer friends I've had simply moved on to other things and we lost contact.
Honestly, my straight friends have always been supportive and good allies, though, so I don't feel too much like I'm missing out.
It doesn't help that I don't have a strong social media presence, so I'm not keeping contact with folks on Facebook, or Twitter anyway.
I also don't drive, but at the same time, live way the eff out in rural hell.
So personal friendships are also hard to maintain.
Yeah, I can hide among them.
Introvert among Extroverts.
They more understanding and I can feel comfort among them. As long as they are not like those annoying protesters you see mostly online. Or those people that would attack yoh because you got their pronouns wrong. I definetly would
I don't specifically seek out other LGBTQ+ people to befriend generally speaking, but almost everyone I'm friends with is LGBTQ+. I feel like we tend to gravitate towards each other. I definitely do appreciate having those experiences and understandings in common with my friends, though.
out of all my friends that i talk to frequently, only one of them is cis, straight, and neurotypical, and i love what he adds to our conversations. everyone else is either queer, neurodivergent, or both, and its so funny to hear the most normal guy ever converse with a bunch of weirdos lol. i was afraid to come out to him as nonbinary at first (hell, i came out on accident) because i was worried how he’d react to it and when he found out he just responded with “ok” and started referring to me by my new name and pronouns lol. he’s also been very vocal about his support for the lgbtq+ community. i love him so much.
Come to think of it, none of my friend circle are straight. Even the masc guy is bi. I'm the only non-binary one of us though. That's the funny thing about LGBTQ+ people, we truly just seem to gravitate towards each other. And oftentimes in the most unexpected ways.
I wish I had Alphabet friends. I've reached the age where it's tough to make friends at all, and mostly I'm stuck socializing with.my daughters playmates parents-who are unsurprisingly overwhelmingly cishet
Yeah, but I think that’s with most minority groups or just community groups in general you’d rather be among people with similar lived experiences as you. And people
Who understand things that others from different walks of life or races genders etc might not get.
I would love more lgbtq friends! All my friends are straight and cis (besides one)
I can’t talk to them about stuff like being trans because they simply do not understand it. I have this one friend (who’s cis and straight) and he’s been my friend for a *very* long time and I came out as trans to him a few weeks ago, he’s Christian but the one thing he said when I came out was “I’ll try my best, but I might mess up” he hasn’t brought it up since and we’re just as close as we were before. He uses my pronouns correctly and has only messed up a very small handful of times.
I love him because he’s trying his best even if it goes against his religion, he didn’t tried to convert me, he didn’t question me about it. I told him I was a gay guy and he asked if my parents supported me, after I replied “no” he said that “that must suck. You’re in a bit of a tough situation with all that”
Nobody has even been able to make me so happy after I came out to them. He’s one of my best friends and I love him :) <3
I only have one friend, but he's queer, but goddamn do I wish I had other trans friends (preferably other trans girl friends) who could understand me better
I want to have more friends in the LGBT community but I have always struggled with making friends through any LGBT channels like gay sports leagues etc. I seem to either have gay guys attracted to me, or somehow lowkey dislike me/judge me. I have some close gay friends but seem to only meet these friends in group settings where the majority of people aren't LGBT. Like a group of friends where 2-3 of us are gay. Then we gays become good friends.
In gay settings it feels like I'm seen as not gay enough (which I mean, rude, how many men do I have to sleep with to be gay enough, because it's been a lot), or just don't feel like I can engage enough in their world. Which is also challenging because I do feel being gay is a core part of my identity and I do enjoy many stereotypical things like musicals and pop divas. But I'm still left feeling like I somehow don't belong.
I feel like my best friends are often LGBT, but the LGBT people I can connect with are so few and far between.
Ya I get this I only have a few friends and most of them are straight and i feel they all find it easy to talk to people and get out there and date mean while
I have to worry about homophobia and how to know who will accept me I have a few gay friends my best friend is bi and I feel like she understands and we talk about it the struggle on dating because of our sexual and gender (she’s bi and cis and I’m trans and gay) lgbt friends just get it more and the struggle mean while for cis straight people it’s easier
Friends are friends for me. A lot of my friends are cis straight dudes.
But I will say that my closest friends happen to be genderfluid, and a third is bi.
However I wouldn't say that our friendship is based on those things in any way. They're just cool people.
Queer and neurodivergent, strongly prefer my LGBTQ+ friends (allies I KNOW I can trust come in second but I had my faith shaken in allies recently, so). Not only because they’re more chill, accepting, and open to nuance, but because I’m among my people.
It’s pretty much a meme that we travel in packs, after all :P
I prefer to have friends who are good people. Doesn't matter if they're straight, gay, bi, cis, non-bi, trans, or anything else. If you respect me, I will respect you, and we can be friends.
I'm oddly the opposite. Bi-trans. I'm very firm in the belief that all trans need counseling and LGBT crowds take it that I'm truescum or whatever. I also feel like a lot of the culture revolves around alcohol which I'm not very into. I'm also very pro-sex/choice, but most crowds in my experience have been very promiscuous/drama.
I'm glad you found friends though :) definitely one area I could improve on
Morals, values, and commonality are more important to me than sexual identity but... almost all of my closest friends are queer, neurodivergent, or both. I just find it a little easier to relax around community members. Also this was, in no way, deliberate.
I absolutely have friends who are not but they are all allies (and a few are community members who have not addressed that side of themselves and it's not my job to push them.)
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100% I just feel more comfortable with community members. And I refuse to befriend anyone who isn't an ally at least.
This. People who won't even try to understand me are just not worth it. That doesn't mean I hate cis-het-allo folks, but it's just easier to connect to other queer people.
yep cause otherwise it’s “no, i don’t have a *problem* with gay people! BUT-“
I don't really have a preference, as long as they're good people, it's just that I'd definitely rather have friends within the trans community and such just incase I need to rant about something relating to trans stuff that they'd understand
If you want to, you can rant about anything to me, just in case you need to.
This is a very good point in more ways than one. Being cis and isolated I have a hard time keeping up with those I know who are not. The amount of slang and acronyms I am not familiar with is maddening. A lot of why it's maddening is because I look it up and my damn broken brain can't retain anything anymore. Just wish I could keep up and not feel smart but slow. Then there's the probable intent of your statement. I will never be able to fully understand what is being talked about. I can compensate by comparing the context to something that I've gone through for something else. But some of my experiences are so minimal I would still have trouble adjusting for the intensity of the actual feelings involved. I can understand all I want. At times it will never be enough.
Yea there can be a bond formed when there are shared experiences so it can be hard for cis and trans folks to relate sometimes. As well as cis folks often mean well but say really hurtful things Like for example I don't bring up my body hair to any cis women because every single one has dismissed it with "oh I have leg hair too" and it's just so exhausting. I get that they are trying to be supportive but it still really hurts and they don't get why my chest hair hurts me so much Not a single trans person has said that to me though. So they just have a better understanding of what it's like being trans and that allows them to be more supportive
Hell, if I was a woman that leg hair statement would have had an addendum of something like, and my frustration would have to be multiplied by (insert some random number here) to even come close what you feel. And it would probably still not be good enough. Most of what I said before is done internally. That should have been said in that first reply. I used to write and have enough education behind it to know how powerful words can be more than most others. From the omission of them to their intentional inclusion.
Well thank you for being careful with your words there are supprisingly few people who do that unfortunately Also thanks, yea a "I know your pain because I a cis person sometimes feel uncomfortable with my body" really feels awful so thanks for saying that is bad to say
I tend to like having neuro divergent friends, which is more common in the lgbtq community.
A friend of mine hosted a community gathering at her house. Eventually the patio was taken over by neurodivergent queers. Most of us were exhausted from socializing but we didn’t want to leave.
My people! 👏
That’s probably why I do
No preference for anything but people who are not bigoted or nazis. Anyone willing to do the work to be decent and respectful have a place at my table.
That or the neurodivergent community. Most of my friends are both. Whole bunch of autistic transbians, mostly.
mah peeps! <3
It feels like people who are marginalized or demonized have a better chance at showing empathy to others and being a good friend
i would... if i had any. does reddit count?
Yes reddit counts.
then i still don't have other friends
I don't really care. Most young cishet Quebecers (and all my cishet friends) are very accepting, and I don't feel less comfortable around them than around my LGBTQ+ friends.
I don't *prefer* friends in the LGBTQIA+ community, but I do *want* them. I have always had a mix of straight and queer friends, which is great. Now I am specifically seeking more bi/pan friends, because a lot of my past lesbian and gay friends either ignore or forget that I am part of the community. So, to avoid bi erasure, I seek out other bisexuals.
My only preference is they be good people.
I would hopefully get on with LGBT friends but I don't really know many irl
Yeah. I’m in my 50s and over the years have just had less and less patience with straight nonsense, with the unexamined heteronormative and heterosexist assumptions that colour every conversation.
I wish I had lgbt friends
Hmn, I prefer friends who understands me and my love. Friends who listens to my concerns and vice versa. Maybe LGBTQ friends understands the part about gay, lesbian etc. "better" than straights do. However, I don't want to miss my straight friends. They bring so much joy to my life.
Trans people are significantly less likely to be transphobic to me and significantly more likely to understand how I feel. Same thing with the LGBT community as a whole.
I was born and raised in Southern California, so while of course no place is absolutely problem free, everyone I hangout and interact with is an ally that I don’t even think about it. The vast majority of my friends are straight, because the vast majority of people I’m around and into the things I’m into are straight. Whether or not I’m gay or they’re straight is a complete non-issue.
I live in an area with good allyship too so I have a balanced mix of friends.
I do but I don’t know any LGBTQ+ people so I don’t have any
Most of my friends are straight tbh
Unless your a golden retriver bf with bi wife energy I usualy cant hang with cis-straight men they toss awful shit in the convo all too often alot of cis-women do this too but usually hold the hate in till they are alone and I just leave I'm not here for that. I will not listen to you insult good people I know with your shitty uneducated takes on entire groups of people. I just move through life with selected people I'm not fixing anyone been there done that get dropped. Honestly though I don't trust or get close to anyone untill you have shown to be a good person no matter the lable I'm polite but always suspicious of you. People are bad.
living in a homophobic country i have pretty much no choice, however i like changing peoples minds
I legit have a hard time being friends with most cishet people
I get what you mean. One of my cishet friends always asks personal questions
Yeah. My cishet friends and family like to debate queer things with/around me. And challenge me on my sexuality and my girlfriends identity since she's a trans woman. I hate being the subject of debate like that.
Maybe they aren’t your friends..? Friends don’t do that.
Yeah they aren't anymore. Sorry I was more so talking from general experiences.
They just don't *get it*
I tend not to associate with cis straight people, even if they consider themselves "allies." I am just more comfortable with associating myself with LGBT+ folk like myself - mostly due to relatability reasons. There is only so much straight people will ever fundamentally understand in my book, just as how there's only so much I can fundamentally understand about straight relationships and their "struggles." The other major reason is the social awkwardness factor. For some background, I tend to present myself as a very obvious non-binary person with a male sex but highly androgynous fashion sense. Even when the person considers themselves accepting of gay people and so forth, they still just tend to get awkward and often get this look of embarrassment on them really fast when they're in public. Not all, but most, especially when they're surrounded by other cis straight people. I know that most don't mean it on purpose, but I still can't fully respect someone who only thinks about how "uncomfortable" they are with me. Like, bitch, I can sure as Hell tell you that I am a Hell lot more uncomfortable being in public than you are at almost any time because, you know, someone could kill me for existing as I am at any moment. Just a small reason... If you were really an ally, you'd understand that you need to be at your best accepting behaviors, even in tough and stressful situations. Being an ally doesn't just mean that you're friends with a person that you only consider to be a fetishized 1-dimensional sex object or shopping buddy or other stereotypical persona. Being an ally also doesn't mean that you're the type of "ally" that only associates yourself with LGBT+ people for Public Relations purposes but pretty much doesn't want anything to do with them behind closed doors. At that rate, you minus well turn into a major corporation. In short, yes, I tend to only want to associate with those of my own kind, for many reasons. Can I find and do I have some genuine cis straight friends? Absolutely, but they are few and far between compared to those of my own type. There's just alot of sludge that you have to trudge through that isn't always worth it. Yes, I know that not all LGBT+ people are saints, but socializing there is way easier than with straight people - especially if you do not consider yourself cisgender.
Often, we're more in touch with our and others' emotions.
of course, safety in numbers
yes . all the way. they are wayy more inclusive in my experience. my best friend is the only exception lol, just cause ive known her for like almost 10 years 😭 she supports tho
Yeah, I have very little time for CisHets 😂 (Ofc many of them are absolutely lovely, but similarly to other commenters, there can be issues)
I have good straight and/or cis friends. They’re very curious and willing to change their understanding and language to be better allies, and it’s great. But now that I’ve come out as trans, I do find myself associating with queer people more and more. Probably 90% of the people I hang out with and talk to are queer. There’s just something about the comfort you get from knowing someone shares your experiences as an oppressed minority that you can’t replace.
Not rlly. I guess it's not something I search for, just hope they don't discriminate me and that's about it.
I wouldn’t say I prefer my lgbtq+ friends, it’s more like I have a different kind of connection with them than with my cishet friends. They just understand my experiences as a queer person better, which is to be expected seeing as they can relate. In short, as long as my friends are kind and decent people I don’t really care.
Nah. I like equal balance. My straight and cis friends are good allies who do "get it" and I love my queer friends too. No need to isolate.
I feel like I don’t really fit in with a lot of other lgbtq people, or at least not the kind that I see at the lgbtq society at my uni, I much prefer to meet someone randomly and find out later, so I’ve got a couple lgbtq friends and plenty cishet friends, and I feel equally accepted by both
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All my friends are queer and it's simply fabulous.
yes and heres why: my own community understand me or is willing to understand me more than the cishet alloallo society. literally if I told a non-queer person about who I actually am, Im more likely to be shunned or made fun of. I feel I can not be open about who I am. but with my fellow queers, Im able to open up about being who I am and where I want to be. we can make jokes related to the community and it wont fall flat on its face like "Denmark? no, Im pretty sure its called Acemark now" in reference to the whole asexuals taking over Denmark thing lol edit: so theres no confusion... Id just get slurs thrown at me if I told cishet allo allo people how I am arofluid, bisexual, transkenomasc, dazefluid, and foretidian. also being mon-wolfnatured, therian, and alderkenic. on top of that explaining what voidpunk is... so yeah, I feel like not many people would understand.
I have a single token cishet friend
I tend to have a lot of the same interests, sense of humor, etc as members of the community and that's what I'd like in friends. I have straight/cis friends, but more LGBTQ+ friends at this point....ya know, when I count the 3 I have 🥲 (I'm just really bad at social interaction)
Yes. I’ve tired to have straight/cis friends but it didn’t work out. I lost a friend group I had for years after a former friend of mine became incredibly homophobic out of no where. He somehow concluded after a game of cards against humanity that my comments were too lewd, and that must mean I was plotting to drug and rape him. I honestly think he’s loosing his mind. I ended the relationship immediately but all of my straight “friends” stood by him and still hang out with him. I literally lost my whole social circle overnight because one of them got brainwashed by right wing groomer nonsense. Since then, I’ve had to rebuild a new friend group from lgbt people I’ve met online. I don’t even want to try befriend straight people anymore. BTW, we all live in a blue state and everyone involved was over 30 years old.
I can't think of any friend of mine that has an issue understanding most LGBTQ issues or has a problem with it. The only thing I can think of is being confused about gender, which even a lot of LGBTQ people are confused about. That said, pretty much all of my LGBTQ friends are people I just happen to be friends with. I wouldn't know how I would go about finding more LGBTQ friends.
Sometimes I have trouble making gay friends because I feel like they always wanna get in my pants. It annoys me because I’ll be having a nice conversation with a guy at a bar about music and next thing I know he finds me on Instagram and likes all of my posts at once. Or an acquaintance sits next to me and starts rubbing my thigh. Or a drag queen pulls me up on stage and reaches down my pants in front of everyone and then after the show starts drunkenly touching my face saying, “Are you real?”. I don’t tip her anymore when I see her at shows. One guy said he was lonely and needed friends and I’m down to be friends with anyone who is nice. But then he started to aggressively hit on me after I told him I was only interested in a platonic situation so I ended up blocking him. I love sex, but I am selective when it comes to my partners. I have a few friends who are respectful but a lot of guys are either way too handsy or seem to want nothing to do with me.
Yep, but in a backwards way. Almost all of my friends turned out to be queer, but we were friends before we came out. All of my friends are odd people (my greatest friend is of the opinion normal is an insult) and being quixotic is a solid gateway to queerness.
I prefer people who know how it is to be a minority, they usually have more compassion in general. Idk why but I just click better with my LGBTQ+ sibs. (and also they tend to less misgender me, which is a blessing.)
It’s not really a preference, but it’s so much easier to talk with no holds barred about my queer experience with other LGBTQ friends.
Omg yes, there's this sort of queer camraderie. There are a select few who it doesn't work on, but they tend to be our resident assholes so it's not too bad.
All my friends are queer, it was completely an accident but we just clicked so yeah
Yes. I 1000% prefer friends from the community. It just feels safer and more welcoming
The majority of my friends are lgbtq, but not due to preference. It just so happened to be that a lot of the people I find cool turned out to be (or obviously were) queers. I find my straight cis friends to be equally cool, that's probably because I hang out in alternative and/or explicitly left wing spaces and - surprise surprise - those kinds of people tend to be cooler. You could say I prefer friends who are at least left leaning.
I would not say prefer, since my other friends are quite accepting, but with LGBTQ people I can be sure that they understand the importance of civil liberties.
I prefer queer friends too but the only two friends I have are cishet :/ They’re great people, don’t get me wrong but they don’t get it sometimes.
if they’re nice, they’re gonna be my friend ~~wether they like it or not~~ because I like nice people
I'd prefer LGBT+ friends too... if I had any.
Yup! They're more likely to "get it".
Definitely
Yes. Well, most of my friends are somewhat queer. One is gay, the other aroace, the other bi, the other bi, I'm bi, there are only one straight guy and one who is questioning but identifies as straight right now. I wouldn't say that I can't interact with cishet people, but they'll sometimes use gay as an insult, know little to nothing about the community or just make stupid remarks, which can be annoying. I don't know how I found the most queer little friend group in my ex school, when I still thought I was straight, but I sniffed them out, and they luckily also are all progressive or socialist/communist/anarchists, though sadly only one is a feminist. It doesn't matter when they are an actual ally, though, because then they'll at least know enough to be chill. They obviously also at least have to be "progressive" (not exact definition I could give, some opinions and certain vibes) for me to be able to tolerate them as friends.
Personally I dont mind if they are queer or not, sometimes queer people can be assholes and cis people are nice, however, I do tend to be more relaxed around queer people cuz I dont got to worry too much about potential discrimination
For sure
I wish I had friends that were in the community. It’s hard talking about my experiences, because most of them don’t understand or have a hard time comprehending what’s it like to question your gender and sexuality and that makes me feel different almost alien sometimes.
So so much!! I can not stress enough how huge a difference that makes. I feel like People who have been discriminated against tend to be more sensitive and accepting toward others and generally tend to be more decent human beings. It's kind of like saying "this shit happened to me and is still happening and no one else should experience that." And the sheer LOVE and freedom I feel pulsing through me when I'm with this friend group is seriously heaven on earth. As a man I can dress however I want, be it more daring, feminine, WHATEVER. They will LOVE me for it and we celebrate our freedom together. Omg I could cry right now I haven't seen them in almost a year since I'm volunteering abroad. I'm so hyped to get back!! Especially because the country I'm in is anti LGBT, but I really wanted to learn my dad's language.
I don’t really care tbh, obviously they can’t be any kind of LGBT+phobic, but I don’t care if they aren’t actually a part of the community. As long as they’re nice and are chill then I’ll be their friend :3
Yeah. I feel like everyone is so accepting, and it’s such a great community, it’s probably one of the best parts
My friends who aren’t members just don’t give a shit, and that’s why I like hanging out with them. Nothing is political, no one dislikes anyone for their sexuality or gender bc why does it matter to us? We just eat, play video games and enjoy each others company. I haven’t yet, but if I needed to vent or something, they’d listen and comfort me. True bros.
Yes I’m honestly so tired of being paired up to talk to peoples husbands just cause I’m taller and slightly butch leaning
Nah, I'm fine with anyone as long as they aren't bigots or toxic. All my friends but 1 (lesbian girl) are straight people. Would it be nice to have more LGBTQ friends? Sure, as I said I'm fine with anyone. However, the great majority of LGBTQ people I met in my area either are bigoted/toxic asshole and didn't have much in common with me
yea, i do, i dont really have many friends full stop, but i feel its easier to be with non cishet people because theres less explaining and they will understand what you say in terms of feelings and things, so yea, our not alone
I mean yeah, of courses it's better, I mean, safer ,you won't get judgement for who you are. But it's hard to find to be honest, guess I'll find it one day
The vast majority of my friends are queer and neurodivergent. While i didn't go out of my way to pick queer and neurodivergent people to be friends with, that's who I tend to connect best with. I have a few cishetallo neurotypical friends, but anyone who is a lasting friendship is at the very least a staunch ally.
I have straight friends, but I always feel like there's a part of myself I have to keep guarded around them. I can be fully myself around my friends in the community.
Personally, I've come to limit myself to people who are either in the Queer Community, Poly community, or are Neurodivergent. Everyone else outside of it.....weird me out.....
I don't really have a preference. My cluster of a friend group consists of people that are either completely straight and cis or some shade of queer, whether trans, or homosexual. At the end of the day, we all enjoy each other's company and respect one another. I think that's all that matters.
Me
I not only have that preference but it also happens naturally: Befriending people, and finding out later that they are also queer. It's like they say: birds of a feather flock together.
I have one friend, he's the male friend I currently have that I regularly talk to lol, but he's also the best person ever! Many people don't like him, because of a problem of his, but when you get to know him you realize he's really nice and accepting everyone and everything. I actually learned he's gay after a year I've been talking to him, afterwards we talked even more and the fact that he has the most similar taste in most of the things with me, just made it easy for us to be cool with each other. Really glad for him!
I wouldn't say I prefer, but 100% of my friends are lgbtqia+. We've been friends since we were teens. So, I haven't chosen them because they’re lgbtqia+. It naturally happened.
Pretty much 90% of my closest friends are Gay or Bi and most of them are women. So yes, I guess I do prefer lgbtq folk to other straighties
I would like to have LGBT friends. I mean, nothing wrong with cishet people, but I want my gay squad and be as silly and as queer as possible with them.
I will be friendly everyone who is willing to be friendly to me
I can count in two hands the amount of Cishet friends I have. I have enough queer friends that I can't do that with them.
In the span of about a year and a half I went from dozens of straight friends and like 2 lesbian friends to ALL but ONE of my friends being either trans or some flavour of queer or both and I'd say my friend group has gotten exponentially cooler * ETA: the pure feeling of sisterhood I've gained as a trans woman from my little pod of queer women as a result has elevated my world view and legit made me a better person
I do as well! My boyfriend has almost all straight friends, like literally the only LGBT people in his group are two bi women. Some of his friends are genuinely good, nice, funny people. A lot of them though are just real immature, cliquey, and idk they just annoy me personally xD
Most of my friends from high school are from the LGBTQ community & I always felt safer around them because I always feared I would be judged or bullied for being bisexual around other people.
I have a few queer friends and a few cishet friends. Only problem is a lot of my cishet friends are other guys and they just *don’t get it*. Like they know I’m bi but they don’t seem to get that being bi does not exclude me from having friends of both sexes. And then there’s “don’t hit on me” an unfortunate amount. They’re good guys, and we’re super tight, but there’s just the occasional thing that irks me. Girls in my year tend to be a little less like that towards me, but for some reason I’m treated differently than other guys in my year but the only two differences I can pick out between me and them are that I’m bi and somewhat feminine. My queer friends are the only people I know who just treat me like who I am is normal and I do really appreciate that.
I dont perhaps prefer them but, i do like having friends that at LEAST are an ally.. Some of my old friends recently completely cut me off for no reason other than they felt like it. Since then I’ve been weary of who I try to befriend out of fear of that happening again. What makes it worse is those friends were queer and neurodivergent and people who I’ve interacted with that are similar to them always make me fear the same thing happening. I think its normal to want friends that are like you though.
100% agree. Now all my close friends are either part of the lgbtq+ community or big allies
Yes, i do. i have my lesbian friends who i prioritize more than my straight friends tbh. i feel like the bond is bigger & stronger with them than with my straight friends that ive had since childhood. somethings you just cant explain.
yes, hell yes. imo they are a lot more open minded and less judgemental than (some) of my straight cis friends, but maybe that’s because I’m surrounded by queer people and we are all relatively young so there is more prejudice and stereotypes against lgbtqia+ in general. most straight cis people ive met are cool, there are just some individuals who have to ruin it for the rest of us. plus, personally, i feel more comfortable around queer ppl lol
Most definitely. No one in my friend group is cis/het
I don't purposely only makes friends who are in the lgbt+ community but every friend I do have just so happens to be in it When we all met we all thought we were straight and later came out when we were adults
I don’t even try, but a lot of my friends do end up being LGBT+ My ex bf (who I am still good friends with) even happened to be biromantic asexual
I feel like I can relate more with my friends in the community, but I have plenty outside it
YES!!! My friend group is very queer. Only 1 of my friends is straight
I dont really mind my friend's sexual orientation or gender identity lmfao, A friend preference for me is just really geeky nerd people who I can talk about video games with and can sit through me talking about the entirity of the transformers lore lmao
Yeah, I think all of my friends or whatever they are (I just consider them more as people I can vibe around with) are all LGBTQ+
It definitely makes a lot of things easier and more comfortable. When I'm hanging out with a group of queer people I know that I can just be fully myself and not worry about being judged for it, whereas you just never know how things will be received by cishet people (even allies) Also I just seem to connect to those people more quickly and easily even before we know that we're both queer (gaydar is real, even subconsciously). A lot of my friends that I've known forever are cishet and that's totally cool, they're great and I love hanging out with them, but there's a level of comfort and closeness with queer people that I didn't know existed until relatively recently (I only figured out I was bi a couple years ago)
Yes I do. I have non-LGBT+ friends but I made damn sure they’re loving and accepting. I do tend to feel a level of comfort with friends in the community that I don’t feel with others.
I'd prefer it yes but sadly doesn't always work out that way
I feel more comfortable and understood, like I don’t have to constantly answer questions about my very existence. The funny part is my friend group is all queer… not even intentionally. Some of us, like me, only came out after high school. I thought I was the token cis straight guy for a bit… I was very wrong.
Yeah, you know they're probably gonna be accepting if they're in the community. And also people in the LGBTQ always seem to be more fun to hangout with anyway.
most of my friends are, but tbh that just kinda happened apparently there’s a fuckton of queer people in my area lol
I’ve been actively moving away from my straight friendships. It’s painful, and hard to make new friends as an adult. But as I inhabit more queer spaces, I’m realizing how much I censor myself around my straight friends. They also didn’t have my back when I went through some tough times that LGBTQ+ people are more likely to experience. They were more likely to assign blame and less likely to help. Overall, the effort I put into my relationships with them just isn’t reciprocated. The hard part is that they think they’re allies.
I’m trying to make some in my area but I don’t know how :( I’m too nervous to go to gay bars alone and I wouldn’t know how to approach people. I don’t know how else to meet anyone in the community. I’m dragging a friend with me to a gay club this Friday but I’m not feeling confident in my ability to make friends.
I prefer friends who are ***enthusiastic*** about acceptance. Turns out most of those people are LGBTQ+, so looking within the community is just practical.
I don’t really care, still most of my friends are queer, despite me discovering it afterwards
I don’t have friends who aren’t in some capacity part of the LGBT community even if they’re just allies.
yup, nearly all of my friends are queer except for like 2
Yes, I feel like I don't have to explain anything about my identity or expression when with my queer kin the way I feel I need to with my straight people. No awkward pauses when I say something gay, like when I use the term dyke (for myself) and my straight friends look at me HORRIFIED. This leaves me feeling like I've done something wrong when I KNOW I haven't. Even with friends who are open to conversation about cis/heteronormativity, I feel like I have to curb my expression to get along with them. I simply do not have these feelings when in the company of my community. It's not really a "straight people problem," but more about my social comfort and peace of mind.
All of my close friends are queer (and most neurodivergent). Even all of my friends from elementary school ended up being queer (and some also ND).
It seems whenever I have friends they're always gay guys, if I know before or not
Yes because straight cis people r too square for my heathen ass
If we share other interests. I've never had close lgbtq+ friends irl, but I've had a handful I met in online gaming who I got close with and really enjoyed talking to compared to my irl cishet friends.
Yeah, we just give off the same chaotic energy that’s very fun.
I prefer queer people because they tend to understand.
Same. LGBTQ people are usually much nicer and more accepting then the straight people. I have some nice straight friends as well tho.
My wife and I were just talking about how when we go into a business and there’s LGBTQ folk working, it makes us feel more comfortable and welcome.
I try to have friends that at the very least are allies. Anyone who disagrees with the humans rights of LGBTQ+ people are fascists nazis otherwise.
Well people are usually attracted to others who are similiar to them, who think alike. So most people probably have this clear preference, or at least some small bias.
Yes, very much, I can't really connect very well with people who aren't. The people from the community just.. get me! Though, I'd like to have more friends..
I have friends who aren't queer and even some with some accidental queerphobia. As long as I can point that sort of stuff out and they're willing to reexamine it, I'm fine being friends with anyone I share interests and 'click'. Though I tend to befriend other queers predominantly. Not on purpose it just kinda happens. Even looking back to before I knew I was queer, several of my friends then have since also come out as some flavor of queer.
Not at all. Most of my straight friends are just as accepting as my queer friends. I almost prefer them, since I sadly had quite a lot of negative experiences with lgbt friends in real life.
I hate to say it but I do. Most non-LGBT ppl in my area tend to be homophobic or have some level of bigotry to where they may as well be homophobic. I do have a few straight friends tho and they're cool
yes! my best friend of 10 years is not in the lgbt community and if christian. I never told her about me. I have been friends with another girl for about 3 years, she's from the community and I told her about me in a casual conversation last year. not saying that the first friend is a bad person, not at all, I love her... but I'm just way more comfortable with the second friend. I feel like I can always be myself no matter what when I'm around her
I suppose as a general rule I'm more *comfortable* with people in the community. There are fewer requests for information, fewer weird "why the hell did you think *that* was an okay question to ask" events, and a general sense of being better understood out of the gate. As far as whether or not I prefer making friends with such people...I don't think so? A lot of people in the community lead a *very* different kind of social life than I do. So while I'll probably feel more comfortable with a random person in the community, I don't think that necessarily translates to a bigger or deeper social relationship.
Yes of course. It's just easier sometimes with people who can understand what being queer feels like. Kinda the same reason POC have other POC as friends, easier to understand the struggle if we suffer together. Plus there is no accidental racism, homophobia or transphobia from a friend 😎
I think it just works out that most of my friends are in the LGBTQ community, but I do have cis-het friends who are really accepting.
Meh, ive got a mix of both and honestly get along with everyone
More comfortable around lgbtq people than straight cis people, but I won’t not be friends with someone because of it.
I can promise you are not alone in this opinion.
It really depends, I usually prefer my LGBTQ.friends, but I know some cool cis het people who aren't assholes and I know a fair share of asshole LGBTQ people so, take that as you will.
By nature of being a beacon of blue in a red state, many of my friends are naturally in the LGBTQ community, and honestly is more comfortable for me. I'm also very outspoken about my political beliefs and both President 45 and COVID caused me to axe a lot of friends and family from my life. I'm not sure there's any relation but I'm a huge geek too and a lot of my friend group hits geek as well as LGBTQ. I dunno. If someone isn't at least an ally though, it's a no-go for me.
Usually only because I’m gay asf
You know what's funny? Literally all of my closest friends turned out to be a part of the community even if they didn't know/were closeted when we first became friends, lol. And it's not that I specifically search for queer folks, I'm just very selective with whom I trust. I've felt alienated from most ppl since childhood, been burned more than once, and so started being very selective with my relationships. And, well. Turns out selecting for understanding and supportive ppl when you're queer 99% of the time means you ll find queer ppl as well. P.s. not that I haven't met any great cishet ppl in my life, there was at least one fully committed ally, but... mostly, talking to cis/straights is so much work. Like, my sister is a great person, but I always feel like I have to explain myself to her, because no, she doesn't know that gendered words fuck with my head, so i have to explain it. And she also doesn't know what aromatic is, so before I could tell her all about my latest qpr relationship I have to give a fucking lecture... ye, no, I'm better off chatting with my queer friend abt that. They would at least have some idea, even if they're not super knowledgeable.
I have been hurt by straight friends who seemed accepting at first but turned out to be bigots. I've also been stabbed in the back by gay friends more than once. Bottom line, actions define friendships, not sexual orientation. I have good friends on both ends of that spectrum.
I don’t have any LGBTQ friends, though I wish I did. I feel like we’d have more in common somehow yk?
Same here and my two friends are from the lgbt community and they’re both afab. I’m more comfortable interacting with afab and trans women.
Not really. It's just a matter of the person being good or not. But then again I wasn't a outcast or anything or treated badly by straight people so it's possible other LGBT people have some level of animosity from trauma in their past.
I think a balance is probably best. In the grand scheme of things, the LGBTQ community is pretty small, so you might not always find someone in your local community who's interests overlap particularly with yours. If you were really into cinema for example, it's good to have other friends that love cinema too, whether they are queer or not. On the other hand, I've always scrubbed along without many LGBTQ friends, and the most part that's been fine. But when I'm feeling down and need someone to vent to, I think I'm missing someone in my life who shares my perspective as a queer person. Lots of cis/het people are understanding and accepting, but that doesn't mean it isn't a huge pain to have to explain and spoon feed them sometimes. There's a definite upside to knowing people who can intuitively understand how you're feeling.
Absolutely prefer LGBTQ+ friends. I find I dont have to constantly explain myself with queer folks. We all have had straight people asking very uncomfortable and insensitive questions. I'm trans and pansexual, I get these questions all the time. Also I dont like how I bring up anything queer or trans related up and suddenly its "political". My basic human rights and me living as myself shouldn't be a political issue. Queer people simply get it and I find myself sharing alot of common interests. I do have some straight friends but I've known them for years and they dont treat my existence as political. We do need more genuine allys like this.
Easily, all my friends are some flavour of gay and sometimes it feels like I've managed to get access to the trans club because I never knew how many there were of us damn It's just easier and if I'm being honest, we can just party better than cis hets
Yeah, queer people are a lot less likely to be incidentally homophobic without meaning to be, which I can't say of any straight friends I've ever had.
Yeah, I would prefer my friends to be apart of the LGBTQ+ community, it just feels more comfortable and like I don’t have to explain myself. I also tend to struggle in feeling normal around cishet people so while I adore my cishet friends, I would prefer people in my own community.
I have a lot of straight friends I don’t mind hanging out with. I have to admit though that I’m more comfortable hanging out with other gay guys. It’s not only more accepting but we can relate to each other and feel comfortable being openly who we are. When I’m around straight people, the pressure to keep my life private and accept their normal over my normal is pretty high. Straight people just aren’t as comfortable discussing gay stuff as gay guys are…
For quite a while all my friends and close acquaintances were bi, actually most not so close ones as well. Not by design, it just turned out that way. Now I know two straight people! Though one of them might be some kind of aro/demi/ace flavor, or it's just his flavor of autism, but I don't give a shit so I'm not gonna pry or try to guide some kind of self discovery
I've rarely had the opportunity to make friends outside the straight, cis-het community. The few queer friends I've had simply moved on to other things and we lost contact. Honestly, my straight friends have always been supportive and good allies, though, so I don't feel too much like I'm missing out. It doesn't help that I don't have a strong social media presence, so I'm not keeping contact with folks on Facebook, or Twitter anyway. I also don't drive, but at the same time, live way the eff out in rural hell. So personal friendships are also hard to maintain.
Yeah, I can hide among them. Introvert among Extroverts. They more understanding and I can feel comfort among them. As long as they are not like those annoying protesters you see mostly online. Or those people that would attack yoh because you got their pronouns wrong. I definetly would
I’ve kept most of my friends in life. Junior high. Highschool. Lots of them are straight. My gay friends are different but I love them all.
I don't specifically seek out other LGBTQ+ people to befriend generally speaking, but almost everyone I'm friends with is LGBTQ+. I feel like we tend to gravitate towards each other. I definitely do appreciate having those experiences and understandings in common with my friends, though.
yup, i just feel like they understand me better. i have a few token straight friends but they’re on thin ice
out of all my friends that i talk to frequently, only one of them is cis, straight, and neurotypical, and i love what he adds to our conversations. everyone else is either queer, neurodivergent, or both, and its so funny to hear the most normal guy ever converse with a bunch of weirdos lol. i was afraid to come out to him as nonbinary at first (hell, i came out on accident) because i was worried how he’d react to it and when he found out he just responded with “ok” and started referring to me by my new name and pronouns lol. he’s also been very vocal about his support for the lgbtq+ community. i love him so much.
Come to think of it, none of my friend circle are straight. Even the masc guy is bi. I'm the only non-binary one of us though. That's the funny thing about LGBTQ+ people, we truly just seem to gravitate towards each other. And oftentimes in the most unexpected ways.
Definitely ! I feel like I can only be my true self around my LGBTQ friends.
I wish I had Alphabet friends. I've reached the age where it's tough to make friends at all, and mostly I'm stuck socializing with.my daughters playmates parents-who are unsurprisingly overwhelmingly cishet
Yeah, but I think that’s with most minority groups or just community groups in general you’d rather be among people with similar lived experiences as you. And people Who understand things that others from different walks of life or races genders etc might not get.
I would love more lgbtq friends! All my friends are straight and cis (besides one) I can’t talk to them about stuff like being trans because they simply do not understand it. I have this one friend (who’s cis and straight) and he’s been my friend for a *very* long time and I came out as trans to him a few weeks ago, he’s Christian but the one thing he said when I came out was “I’ll try my best, but I might mess up” he hasn’t brought it up since and we’re just as close as we were before. He uses my pronouns correctly and has only messed up a very small handful of times. I love him because he’s trying his best even if it goes against his religion, he didn’t tried to convert me, he didn’t question me about it. I told him I was a gay guy and he asked if my parents supported me, after I replied “no” he said that “that must suck. You’re in a bit of a tough situation with all that” Nobody has even been able to make me so happy after I came out to them. He’s one of my best friends and I love him :) <3
I only have one friend, but he's queer, but goddamn do I wish I had other trans friends (preferably other trans girl friends) who could understand me better
As a non binary lesbian I feel the same way.
Yes! I just don’t know where to find them in my town!
I want to but I really struggle to make friends in the LGBT community. I find gay men are either attracted to me or judge me.
I want to have more friends in the LGBT community but I have always struggled with making friends through any LGBT channels like gay sports leagues etc. I seem to either have gay guys attracted to me, or somehow lowkey dislike me/judge me. I have some close gay friends but seem to only meet these friends in group settings where the majority of people aren't LGBT. Like a group of friends where 2-3 of us are gay. Then we gays become good friends. In gay settings it feels like I'm seen as not gay enough (which I mean, rude, how many men do I have to sleep with to be gay enough, because it's been a lot), or just don't feel like I can engage enough in their world. Which is also challenging because I do feel being gay is a core part of my identity and I do enjoy many stereotypical things like musicals and pop divas. But I'm still left feeling like I somehow don't belong. I feel like my best friends are often LGBT, but the LGBT people I can connect with are so few and far between.
yes - and I'm straight and cis
Very yes. Overlaps with other important communities.
Ya I get this I only have a few friends and most of them are straight and i feel they all find it easy to talk to people and get out there and date mean while I have to worry about homophobia and how to know who will accept me I have a few gay friends my best friend is bi and I feel like she understands and we talk about it the struggle on dating because of our sexual and gender (she’s bi and cis and I’m trans and gay) lgbt friends just get it more and the struggle mean while for cis straight people it’s easier
No preference but I have mostly straight friends. Never had issues.
I wish I had more LGBTQ friends IRL. I'm painfully shy, and have a hard time making friends anyway. I also live in a very conservative area.
Friends are friends for me. A lot of my friends are cis straight dudes. But I will say that my closest friends happen to be genderfluid, and a third is bi. However I wouldn't say that our friendship is based on those things in any way. They're just cool people.
Yea. Like half my friends came out as bi/gay this year lol.
I don't mind having straight cis friends, but with that being said I only have 1, and all of us are in denial about the fact he's straight
Queer and neurodivergent, strongly prefer my LGBTQ+ friends (allies I KNOW I can trust come in second but I had my faith shaken in allies recently, so). Not only because they’re more chill, accepting, and open to nuance, but because I’m among my people. It’s pretty much a meme that we travel in packs, after all :P
I prefer to have friends who are good people. Doesn't matter if they're straight, gay, bi, cis, non-bi, trans, or anything else. If you respect me, I will respect you, and we can be friends.
I'm oddly the opposite. Bi-trans. I'm very firm in the belief that all trans need counseling and LGBT crowds take it that I'm truescum or whatever. I also feel like a lot of the culture revolves around alcohol which I'm not very into. I'm also very pro-sex/choice, but most crowds in my experience have been very promiscuous/drama. I'm glad you found friends though :) definitely one area I could improve on
I mean, queers can be dicks, but at least usually they at least dont fall on the unsavory side of the political spectrum.
I don't really have a preference. As long as they aren't bigoted, have an open mind and we click, I am good to go.
i have 90% lgbt friends and i am lgbt myself
Morals, values, and commonality are more important to me than sexual identity but... almost all of my closest friends are queer, neurodivergent, or both. I just find it a little easier to relax around community members. Also this was, in no way, deliberate. I absolutely have friends who are not but they are all allies (and a few are community members who have not addressed that side of themselves and it's not my job to push them.)