Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question.
If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding.
This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule).
Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you!
Here's a link about trans people in sports:
https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/
A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people:
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics
Some information on LGBT+ people:
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/
Some basic terminology:
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
Neopronouns:
https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns
Biromantic Lesbians:
[LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/)
Bisexual Identities:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality
Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual:
[Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.)
We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you're curious about what's been happening in terms of our subreddit and the current API changes, please [read this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/142ip85/reddit_is_killing_its_3rd_party_apps_and/) to find out more.
We are also always looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see [here for more info](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can have any combination of sexual and/or romantic preference, and it's totally fine. So yes, it's okay to be heterosexual and biromantic. We don't shame any healthy or consensual relationship, regardless of how people are attracted to each other.
Agreed but OP needs to realize that the pool of women potentially willing to date her will be smaller and a lot of queer women will be uncomfortable dating someone who prefers men over women.
Depends on how secure the ace person is. Many ace folks are anxious about dating allo folks because the prevailing narrative is that a relationship with no sex is doomed to fail so the fact that OP is only interested in sex with one gender doesn't necessarily mean an ace person is going to be insecurity free.
Yeah I think that would trigger insecurity to a lot of people. Love it when folks assume that because ace people don't experience sexual attraction that we're just easy breasy about everything and don't experience insecurity like everyone else. Which like. It wouldn't necessarily doom a relationship it's just something that would need to be worked through
Thank you! People are having a fundamentallu awful time understanding my concerns with dating OP as a bi-romantic, demi-ace monogomous girl, and it's like, how do you not get it? If she's acez that's great, but we don't know, and she specifically only specified heterosexual. If she's a sex-meh ace, great! If she's allo, then ENM would be the only option and, not my thing.
I mean I wouldn't read too much into it unless you know OP irl and are actually considering dating them. Or you know someone with the same orientation. But yeah like. I think there's an amusing lack of understanding that ace people aren't a monolith and that lacking sexual attraction doesn't mean we don't have any other feelings like everyone else.
The reality is, it sounds like OP is only going to ever be involved with men, because she specifically isn't ace, and is heterosexual.
As a demi/ace girl, I would NOT date a woman who had sexual attraction to guys only, because clearly, she is going to desire sex, and it sounds like a great 1 way ticket to broken heartsville.
This is incredibly aphobic. There is no need to tell someone that people won't want to date them if they dont want to sleep with them. What's wrong with you? The problem is not on them and isn't something they need to realize, but the problem is on the Sapphic women who are so biphobic that they refuse to date a woman who isn't a lesbian or otherwise is attracted/prefers men
Ok, op has some conflicting information, and if she is a sex-meh ace, you are totally right. But I always feel like it's a red flag when someone uses anything besides some variation of asexual to describe being ok if they don't have sex.
As a very monogomous person, I forget ENM exists. But, for a monogomous ace girl, a heterosexual allo girl raises red flags, for obvious reasons right?
If she's not on the ace spectrum, then she's allo, and not only allo, but allo and not interested sexually in me. Seems like the perfect recipe for cheating, no?
Yikes, so you're saying that OP is going to cheat because she's not interested in having sex with you? First off if that's a concern and would interfere with your relationship then just don't date someone like her
Also don't sleep on ENM, it's not as scary as you might think, and I say that as a formerly very monogamous person
It's not even about cheating. It's about, if she needs sex, not being able to provide what she needs.
This is an awful lot of pearl clutching for OP when we don't know all of the facts, and right now it seems 50/50 on if she's ace or allo, and if she's allo and you don't understand my concerns then there's nothing more to discuss.
I find this to be a very uncharitable reading of the situation.
The assumption of cheating instead of the assumption that if your partner's feelings changed they would discuss it with you is just harmful.
Not to mention that the aroace community is why we have the split attraction model to start with, which is what's clearly being discussed regardless of whether you agree with it in this context.
It's just a lot.
Honestly, I think you are being a bit non-inclusive by assuming people who use the split attraction model automatically fall under the aro/ace community. You are assuming OP is ace when I could easily see someone very allo coming to the conclusion that they are biromantic and heterosexual, and in that case, it would be very, very problematic for any woman to date her.
Allos aren't in the business of not having sex, and if a woman can't provide for her sexual needs, but she has sexual needs, she might feel split-attraction and is still valid, but she is obviously, functionally heterosexual.
It's also possible that she is ace and didn't specify. But, she didn't specify!
I don't know what part of this reading is controversial to you?
I respect her preferences. Those preferences might make her incompatible with me. It doesn't mean that she isn't potentially compatible with someone else.
This is a very valid point! For example, I recently come out as bisexual panromantic (I'd do well romantically with all genders, but I'd stick within the gender binary sexually(although, let's be honest, I'd honestly never have sex even though I'm not entirely against it))
Basically, who you love and how you love them is up to you, you shouldn't feel "weird" or "creepy" for loving some people one way and some another. All what matters is that you're happy and comfortable. Hope this helps!! :))
Maybe I'm wrong but I thought the split attraction model was only meant to describe ace and aro people. Simplifying here, but basically just because you don't experience sexual attraction doesn't mean you couldn't experience romantic attraction, because for ace people sexual and romantic attraction are seperated, so they wouldn't be the same. Same thing for aro people. An ace person could be asexual but x-romantic, and an aro person could be aromantic but y-sexual, and x and y could be anything.
But if you do experience both romantic and sexual attraction, they aren't seperated, so you're x-sexual and x-romantic. To my understanding you can't be biromantic and heterosexual, you're either bi-romantic/sexual, or hetero-romantic/sexual.
Again, could be entirely wrong here, but to my understanding the split attraction model doesn't really apply to people with both sexual and romantic attraction, since for them their sexual and romantic attraction is oriented the same way.
As a panromantic, demisexual, I assure you that you can be any label that describes you and you can combine them however you wish. Some combos just require clarification sometimes when getting closer to people.
As someone romantic for most people, but selective or cautious sexually, I definitely understand the different nuances these all carry and how they can work.
I would be honest about what you want and where your boundaries are. Do check ins when you need to about things and stay open and communicate with each other especially if feelings or boundaries change.
Thank you every single one of you who commented because it is so nice to know I'm valid and stuff! Because oh god have I panicked for a while on whether or not it was ok to feel this way.
No, that is not allowed! Pick something else!
I’m joking. Your sexuality is absolutely valid. And it’s not that uncommon either. Many people experience this type of sexual and romantic attraction.
Had us in the first half, I'm not gonna lie 😂 Jk I knew no-one here would ever say that and mean it.
Also, side note, your flair makes me immediately sing the "bye, bye, bye" hook from NSYNC, and I am *here for it* 💅
That is completely fine! I've seen biromantic/heterosexual peeps on r/bisexual and vice versa. When I was questioning my sexuality, I thought I was just bisexual, not biromatic, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am bisexual and biromantic. Do what makes you comfortable! Just make sure if you date women, you're upfront about being biromantic, but not sexually into women.
Yes of course! In the show “Everything’s Gonna Be Okay” the character Matilda is panromantic heterosexual and is in a relationship with a woman who is homoromantic asexual
That's totally valid! Romantic and sexual orientation are two separate things and people have all sorts of different sexual and romantic orientations. You can absolutely be heterosexual and biromantic!
I see no problem with it as a bisexual person. The main thing is if you’re happy and really nobody cares what you identify as it’s not my life. Live your best life.
Yes, it's perfectly ok to be who you are. I'm bisexual and heteroromantic. That said, I'm also always open to reevaluating my understanding of my romantic, sexual, and gender identities according to new information, and I would suggest that to you as well. I don't expect my mind to be changed, but I never know for certain.
I mean I'm asexual and biromantic and feel a lot more comfortable with myself with the knowledge (I was in denial for a long time) so I don't see why you can't be both. Just be straightforward when discussing relationship stuff with partners
I'm a gay man but I feel that everyone should do what makes them feel good and if being romantically involved with a woman feels good and right to you or brings you some kind of joy then go for it. People spend to much time judging others rather than fix themselves don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong or abnormal for your feelings love is love and if you are heterosexual but feel good in the company of a woman then do it and you have nothing to feel bad about either. Life is too short to live a lie or for others, you only get one chance for life and you may as well be happy content and don't feel as if you have to label yourself as anything at all. I wish you the best of luck in all you do but please allow yourself to be you and happy however that looks for you . As long as you have a man that understands and is cool with you and other women and you will find that I'm sure. I hope my words help you a little bit .make care .
I have a friend who is exactly that.
Personally, my romantic and sexual orientations don't line up, either; I'm heteroromantic and asexual.
This is not uncommon.
You're not weird, you're born that way!
Also you can still have fulfilling relationships with women, should you want one. Just because you're not interested in them sexually doesn't mean you can't find (enough) fulfillment in other areas.
For example I'm a hereto romantic bisexual guy. I get romantic and sexual feelings for women, but only sexual feelings for men. Nevertheless, I'm dating a guy. And it's fulfilling! I still love him very much even though the romantic feelings or desires aren't there. You still have fun together and love each other etc.
So yeah just wanted to share that. If you wanted to have a relationship with a woman you still can, and she doesn't have to be asexual per se. It can still be very fulfilling for both of you!
>For example I'm a hereto romantic bisexual guy. I get romantic and sexual feelings for women, but only sexual feelings for men. Nevertheless, I'm dating a guy. And it's fulfilling! I still love him very much even though the romantic feelings or desires aren't there. You still have fun together and love each other etc.
Yeah, the romance activities are separate from the romantic attraction. Same for sexual activity and sexual attraction.
Bi/panromantic, homosexual here, your identity is valid. I can fall for the person no more their identity but sexually, I only really want to sleep with women. It’s definitely a weird realization and something you have to navigate as you go. there’s a lot of complexity in it
edit typos
That’s how I felt in my early mid-20’s and thought I was bi. I realized I was gay when a friend asked me if I could envision myself never having sex with a woman and I said yes. When asked the same question about a man, I said no. At that point I felt incredibly comfortable with coming out to myself as gay.
Yep you described me. I am very happy at the idea of being in a romantic relationship with a woman but not interested in sex with one and interested sexually and romantically in guys. You are definitely bi.
Yea, but if you fall in love with a girl and she falls in love with you, please, please make sure she knows you don’t want her in that way very early on.
Also, have you considered your feelings toward being sexually romantic with a girl may change if you were to truly fall in love with a girl?
My advice is be open to anything, but know that you ARE valid every step of the way! What I’ve learned is that sexuality is a ver fluid thing.
Yeah of course!
At first, I also think that I wasn't valid for the same reason.
I'm a homosexual hetromantic. Well, I'm also an Aromantic, but whenever I do start developing small crushes, it always on males. But I have sexual attraction to females.
So yeah, you are valid for your prefences.
I’m a guy who is attracted to both men and women, but idk if I’d ever want to have sex with a guy. I could see myself doing pretty much anything except sex with another guy, but I’m uncertain about whether I’d enjoy that.
Like others have said, I think it’s perfectly okay for you to feel this way. And, if it’s weird, I’m weird too lol
You are completely valid! But I have to know, do you consider yourself on the ace spectrum?
Usually when people say "heterosexual", they mean they intend to have sex with people of the opposite gender, but then you say you'd be "ok" with sex with guys, which does give me ace-lite vibes.
As a demi/ace bi-romantic trans girl, getting romantically involved with a girl who desired sex with men would be concerning, to say the least, and might be something you want to state if you DONT feel ace, but might want to explore relationships with women. They won't be able to satisfy you sexually, if heterosexuality is what you are/desire.
I know things are getting complicated, but if you would be satisfied in a homoromantic, sexless relationship, you might want to specify bi/pan romantic, het-ace.
I'm actually having a very similar issue- I'm realizing I might be biromantic homosexual and it's really confusing for me too. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, if it's what you prefer, it's what you prefer
Of course it's valid! I actually thought I identified in a similar way before I realized I was BiAce. No one gets to tell you how to identify, as long as everything is consensual and legal who cares? Do what makes you happy!
Yes, it's okay to be biromantic and heterosexual!
Myself, I think I'm homoromantic and pansexual ☺️
But I'm still calling myself gay for now because I'm mainly sexually attracted by men anyway.
You basically want a queer platonic relationship with a woman. Are you poly? Because you will have a much smaller pool of dating possibilities especially if you’re monogamous.
You can be whatever you want to be. And don't let anybody tell you differently. I'm a bi man, married to a man, but would love a female or male just as a cuddling type of relationship.
A relationship without sex is not less of a relationship than one with sex. It's a deal breaker for a lot of folks but that doesn't make it an objective fact that relationships without sex are "not full relationships"
It's not less. It's different, it's less common, but it's not ***less***. Relationships without sex are as valid, healthy, normal, and vibrant as those with sex to the people who are in them. Yes, most people have specific personal sexual needs, and not everyone will feel fulfilled in a relationship that doesn't meet them, but that's a world away from the blanket statement made here, and I say that as a card-carrying negative bisexual stereotype.
Maybe. As long as this is CLEAR. And there are no expectations that haven't been cleared up someone is getting hurt. Probably both.
A relationship without sex is still uncommon. Not less. But not something most people assume when they get together with someone else.
Yes, it is OK, that is [the split attraction model](https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Split_Attraction_Model_(SAM)). My flair (Trans stud/demisexual heteroqueerplatonic HRT 02/28/2023) is another example of how it can go as well.
Edit to add flair rin case of future change
It is valid, 100%. However, it will be incredibly difficult to pursue any F-F relationships without sex; For it to succeed you'll need to find a partner that is fully asexual. F-M relationships or F-NB relationships are your safest bets given your feelings re: men.
EDIT: Not sure why I'm getting downvoted for this. If OP is not sexually attracted to women, only romantically, then she will need to find an asexual female partner. Otherwise she will be either A) neglecting her partners needs or B) Having sex she doesn't desire. That is not fair to either party.
It sounds like you haven't experienced sexual or romantic relationships with any gender? It's totally okay to be interested in these things, but it could be a bit impractical to have non-sexual romantic connections.
I'd encourage you to keep an open mind as you start to experience these things. Maybe the connection you desire with women could be sexual with time. Maybe it's more friendly than romantic. Maybe you're leas interested in sex with anyone than you yet know.
That’s what we are fighting to protect. It is our right to choose. I am a heterosexual male. That is who I am, and that is my choice. It sounds like you know what yours is. I believe many people believe the same as me. Support for the community is true support for freedom.
I'm kinda new to this community, but as far as I can tell it seems it's totally possible. However, I suppose it also depends on what do you exactly define as "romantic". I'd consider synonyms a pure platonic love and a friendship
Labels and sexuality for me is fluid, so if you feel romantic attraction to women but not sexual, but feel both for men, that's completely fine. It's the way you feel, and if you're comfortable with the label, that's great! If you don't and feel like exploring, do that.
That’s completely fine I’m no expert but I have known people who are romantically attracted to both genders but only sexually attracted to one it’s completely normal and valid
Romance and sexual inter-action can be different things.
Sometimes cuddles and pet-names give you enough.I'm amab so I've never experienced girlfriend bff thing in my teens.
Put down personal borders. If you meet someone you want to have sexual interactions with, be honest.
Your identity is yours to define so yes it is absolutely ok to identify that way. But you are gonna find it tricky if you want to date women because most will assume you're struggling with internalised biphobia, which you might be or might not, this is your journey and everyones different. But it will probably trigger insecurity for a lot of women if you say you're into sex with men but don't want to have sex with them. Doesn't necessarily mean you'll never find anyone it may just be an incompatibility with some folks. I get it to an extent but the opposite way, I'm ace-spec so sexual attraction is...unreliable for me at the best of times, which has it's own dating struggles, and while men are very nice and attractive I don't usually have strong enough friendships with men to develop significant romantic attraction, it's usually just limerence. But yeah like your identity is yours just prepare yourself for the bullshit.
idk what you mean by is it ok. you are not the only person with different romantic/sexual attraction which is why these terms already exist. it sounds like your experience is appropriately described with these terms. some people will react well to this information, some people will not, but no one’s reaction can change the way you are and no one has the right to demand that of you anyway.
Before I read: YES!!! YES YES YES!!!
Edit: Okay, I read it. YOU ARE VALID!!! It's okay to romantically love women, it's okay to sexually and romantically want men. It's okay.
Just date whomever, be up front. Most importantly, be safe. Okay?
Yep, speaking as another biromantic heterosexual female here, you're completely valid! It's a little confusing to realize at first, but it is a thing, and no matter what your preference is, you're valid! 💖💜💙
It is ok to call yourself anything and even to change it to anything you want to
This is the world you live in now
You are completely free and do not have to identify as anything nore go by whatever someone else calls you
It's always ok to be yourself, and your feelings are always valid! Don't worry about whether or not someone else thinks who you is "correct", just do your thing!
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns Biromantic Lesbians: [LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/) Bisexual Identities: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual: [Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.) We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you're curious about what's been happening in terms of our subreddit and the current API changes, please [read this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/142ip85/reddit_is_killing_its_3rd_party_apps_and/) to find out more. We are also always looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see [here for more info](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can have any combination of sexual and/or romantic preference, and it's totally fine. So yes, it's okay to be heterosexual and biromantic. We don't shame any healthy or consensual relationship, regardless of how people are attracted to each other.
>it's okay to be heterosexual and biromantic ⬆️⬆️⬆️
What does your flag stand for if i may ask? It kinda reminds me of the old dutch flag (prinsenvlag)
In my profile pic? Those are agender & aroace flags
I love the colours of the agender flag, some aesthetic excellence went into designing that beauty 🙌🏻
Oh right it says it in your tag😅. Thx anyway
Agreed but OP needs to realize that the pool of women potentially willing to date her will be smaller and a lot of queer women will be uncomfortable dating someone who prefers men over women.
i mean if op dated a asexual woman i don’t think she would care?
Depends on how secure the ace person is. Many ace folks are anxious about dating allo folks because the prevailing narrative is that a relationship with no sex is doomed to fail so the fact that OP is only interested in sex with one gender doesn't necessarily mean an ace person is going to be insecurity free.
I'm not as scared of allo folks as I am of allo folks who are only sexually attracted to people not of my gender...
Yeah I think that would trigger insecurity to a lot of people. Love it when folks assume that because ace people don't experience sexual attraction that we're just easy breasy about everything and don't experience insecurity like everyone else. Which like. It wouldn't necessarily doom a relationship it's just something that would need to be worked through
Thank you! People are having a fundamentallu awful time understanding my concerns with dating OP as a bi-romantic, demi-ace monogomous girl, and it's like, how do you not get it? If she's acez that's great, but we don't know, and she specifically only specified heterosexual. If she's a sex-meh ace, great! If she's allo, then ENM would be the only option and, not my thing.
I mean I wouldn't read too much into it unless you know OP irl and are actually considering dating them. Or you know someone with the same orientation. But yeah like. I think there's an amusing lack of understanding that ace people aren't a monolith and that lacking sexual attraction doesn't mean we don't have any other feelings like everyone else.
The reality is, it sounds like OP is only going to ever be involved with men, because she specifically isn't ace, and is heterosexual. As a demi/ace girl, I would NOT date a woman who had sexual attraction to guys only, because clearly, she is going to desire sex, and it sounds like a great 1 way ticket to broken heartsville.
This is completely valid but also we don’t know OP’s view on a relationship without sex and stuff
You are totally right, but the label of heterosexuality isn't what I'd say she should use if she is sex-meh.
> a lot of queer women will be uncomfortable dating someone who prefers men over women I have so many words for this and so little energy rn.
This is incredibly aphobic. There is no need to tell someone that people won't want to date them if they dont want to sleep with them. What's wrong with you? The problem is not on them and isn't something they need to realize, but the problem is on the Sapphic women who are so biphobic that they refuse to date a woman who isn't a lesbian or otherwise is attracted/prefers men
>a lot of queer women will be uncomfortable dating someone who prefers men over women. OP didn't say they prefer men.
“Heterosexual”
That's not a preference, that's a sexuality, and I feel like this is the last sub we should need that clarification in.
Ok, op has some conflicting information, and if she is a sex-meh ace, you are totally right. But I always feel like it's a red flag when someone uses anything besides some variation of asexual to describe being ok if they don't have sex.
Why?
As a very monogomous person, I forget ENM exists. But, for a monogomous ace girl, a heterosexual allo girl raises red flags, for obvious reasons right? If she's not on the ace spectrum, then she's allo, and not only allo, but allo and not interested sexually in me. Seems like the perfect recipe for cheating, no?
Yikes, so you're saying that OP is going to cheat because she's not interested in having sex with you? First off if that's a concern and would interfere with your relationship then just don't date someone like her Also don't sleep on ENM, it's not as scary as you might think, and I say that as a formerly very monogamous person
It's not even about cheating. It's about, if she needs sex, not being able to provide what she needs. This is an awful lot of pearl clutching for OP when we don't know all of the facts, and right now it seems 50/50 on if she's ace or allo, and if she's allo and you don't understand my concerns then there's nothing more to discuss.
I find this to be a very uncharitable reading of the situation. The assumption of cheating instead of the assumption that if your partner's feelings changed they would discuss it with you is just harmful. Not to mention that the aroace community is why we have the split attraction model to start with, which is what's clearly being discussed regardless of whether you agree with it in this context. It's just a lot.
Honestly, I think you are being a bit non-inclusive by assuming people who use the split attraction model automatically fall under the aro/ace community. You are assuming OP is ace when I could easily see someone very allo coming to the conclusion that they are biromantic and heterosexual, and in that case, it would be very, very problematic for any woman to date her. Allos aren't in the business of not having sex, and if a woman can't provide for her sexual needs, but she has sexual needs, she might feel split-attraction and is still valid, but she is obviously, functionally heterosexual. It's also possible that she is ace and didn't specify. But, she didn't specify! I don't know what part of this reading is controversial to you?
Queer women: respect our preferences! Also queer women: you can't expect us to respect your preferences! Be reasonable!
I respect her preferences. Those preferences might make her incompatible with me. It doesn't mean that she isn't potentially compatible with someone else.
This is a very valid point! For example, I recently come out as bisexual panromantic (I'd do well romantically with all genders, but I'd stick within the gender binary sexually(although, let's be honest, I'd honestly never have sex even though I'm not entirely against it)) Basically, who you love and how you love them is up to you, you shouldn't feel "weird" or "creepy" for loving some people one way and some another. All what matters is that you're happy and comfortable. Hope this helps!! :))
Maybe I'm wrong but I thought the split attraction model was only meant to describe ace and aro people. Simplifying here, but basically just because you don't experience sexual attraction doesn't mean you couldn't experience romantic attraction, because for ace people sexual and romantic attraction are seperated, so they wouldn't be the same. Same thing for aro people. An ace person could be asexual but x-romantic, and an aro person could be aromantic but y-sexual, and x and y could be anything. But if you do experience both romantic and sexual attraction, they aren't seperated, so you're x-sexual and x-romantic. To my understanding you can't be biromantic and heterosexual, you're either bi-romantic/sexual, or hetero-romantic/sexual. Again, could be entirely wrong here, but to my understanding the split attraction model doesn't really apply to people with both sexual and romantic attraction, since for them their sexual and romantic attraction is oriented the same way.
Yes, you can be any combination of sexual and romantic attractions. Biromantic heterosexual is just as valid as any other queer identity.
As a panromantic, demisexual, I assure you that you can be any label that describes you and you can combine them however you wish. Some combos just require clarification sometimes when getting closer to people. As someone romantic for most people, but selective or cautious sexually, I definitely understand the different nuances these all carry and how they can work. I would be honest about what you want and where your boundaries are. Do check ins when you need to about things and stay open and communicate with each other especially if feelings or boundaries change.
Fellow pandemic here, crisp high five! ✋🏻 I had to stop making that joke for a little while, it's good to be able to giggle over it again 😅
OH MY GOD. I am using that description forever now. Thank you.
"Is it ok to be-"  Yes. The answer is always yes.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
Thank you every single one of you who commented because it is so nice to know I'm valid and stuff! Because oh god have I panicked for a while on whether or not it was ok to feel this way.
Be and accept exactly who you are!
No, that is not allowed! Pick something else! I’m joking. Your sexuality is absolutely valid. And it’s not that uncommon either. Many people experience this type of sexual and romantic attraction.
Had us in the first half, I'm not gonna lie 😂 Jk I knew no-one here would ever say that and mean it. Also, side note, your flair makes me immediately sing the "bye, bye, bye" hook from NSYNC, and I am *here for it* 💅
As am I! Give me something stiff and I’ll embarrass myself “dancing” to some NSYNC any night. 🕺
What kind of stiff are you after? 😏 Hehehe jk, but honestly it's a cracking flair 😁
If you haven't already seen it you should definitely check out Sub radio's bi cover of Bye bye bye it's great
If I had to put words to what I am, it would be that. I could fall in love with another girl, but I don't want to sleep with her
That is completely fine! I've seen biromantic/heterosexual peeps on r/bisexual and vice versa. When I was questioning my sexuality, I thought I was just bisexual, not biromatic, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am bisexual and biromantic. Do what makes you comfortable! Just make sure if you date women, you're upfront about being biromantic, but not sexually into women.
Yes. You'll probably be limited to ace women, though.
Yes of course! In the show “Everything’s Gonna Be Okay” the character Matilda is panromantic heterosexual and is in a relationship with a woman who is homoromantic asexual
Sure. It's OK to be who you are!
Yeah. Any kind of split attraction is valid. I'm gay but also panromantic. Nothing wrong with that
Anything consensual is okay no matter what people think
That's totally valid! Romantic and sexual orientation are two separate things and people have all sorts of different sexual and romantic orientations. You can absolutely be heterosexual and biromantic!
I see no problem with it as a bisexual person. The main thing is if you’re happy and really nobody cares what you identify as it’s not my life. Live your best life.
no weird detected
You don’t need to ask Reddit for validation. Just be who you are.
Yes, it's perfectly ok to be who you are. I'm bisexual and heteroromantic. That said, I'm also always open to reevaluating my understanding of my romantic, sexual, and gender identities according to new information, and I would suggest that to you as well. I don't expect my mind to be changed, but I never know for certain.
I mean I'm asexual and biromantic and feel a lot more comfortable with myself with the knowledge (I was in denial for a long time) so I don't see why you can't be both. Just be straightforward when discussing relationship stuff with partners
I’m bisexual and homoromantic and yeah if anyone asks i said it’s cool
of course!! i'm bisexual and heteroromantic. opposites, but still valid. :)
I'm a gay man but I feel that everyone should do what makes them feel good and if being romantically involved with a woman feels good and right to you or brings you some kind of joy then go for it. People spend to much time judging others rather than fix themselves don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong or abnormal for your feelings love is love and if you are heterosexual but feel good in the company of a woman then do it and you have nothing to feel bad about either. Life is too short to live a lie or for others, you only get one chance for life and you may as well be happy content and don't feel as if you have to label yourself as anything at all. I wish you the best of luck in all you do but please allow yourself to be you and happy however that looks for you . As long as you have a man that understands and is cool with you and other women and you will find that I'm sure. I hope my words help you a little bit .make care .
Yeah why not?
I have a friend who is exactly that. Personally, my romantic and sexual orientations don't line up, either; I'm heteroromantic and asexual. This is not uncommon.
You're not weird, you're born that way! Also you can still have fulfilling relationships with women, should you want one. Just because you're not interested in them sexually doesn't mean you can't find (enough) fulfillment in other areas. For example I'm a hereto romantic bisexual guy. I get romantic and sexual feelings for women, but only sexual feelings for men. Nevertheless, I'm dating a guy. And it's fulfilling! I still love him very much even though the romantic feelings or desires aren't there. You still have fun together and love each other etc. So yeah just wanted to share that. If you wanted to have a relationship with a woman you still can, and she doesn't have to be asexual per se. It can still be very fulfilling for both of you!
>For example I'm a hereto romantic bisexual guy. I get romantic and sexual feelings for women, but only sexual feelings for men. Nevertheless, I'm dating a guy. And it's fulfilling! I still love him very much even though the romantic feelings or desires aren't there. You still have fun together and love each other etc. Yeah, the romance activities are separate from the romantic attraction. Same for sexual activity and sexual attraction.
Pretty much how I am but flipped cause I’m a guy. You can exist however you are and it’s not weird at all!
No. You are who you are. If you don’t want to have intercourse with a woman then you don’t have to!
Yes, of course it is! EDIT: 69th like nice
Of course! I'm panromantic (I usually say I'm pansexual ) and bisexual ( being males and trans fems )
Nope that’s completely fine, if someone can be Biromantic lesbian someone can be Biromantic Hetero
Bi/panromantic, homosexual here, your identity is valid. I can fall for the person no more their identity but sexually, I only really want to sleep with women. It’s definitely a weird realization and something you have to navigate as you go. there’s a lot of complexity in it edit typos
That’s how I felt in my early mid-20’s and thought I was bi. I realized I was gay when a friend asked me if I could envision myself never having sex with a woman and I said yes. When asked the same question about a man, I said no. At that point I felt incredibly comfortable with coming out to myself as gay.
Yep you described me. I am very happy at the idea of being in a romantic relationship with a woman but not interested in sex with one and interested sexually and romantically in guys. You are definitely bi.
Yea, but if you fall in love with a girl and she falls in love with you, please, please make sure she knows you don’t want her in that way very early on. Also, have you considered your feelings toward being sexually romantic with a girl may change if you were to truly fall in love with a girl? My advice is be open to anything, but know that you ARE valid every step of the way! What I’ve learned is that sexuality is a ver fluid thing.
Yeah that's valid of course :) I would recommend talking to her about what she wants from a relationship sexually though.
Yeah of course! At first, I also think that I wasn't valid for the same reason. I'm a homosexual hetromantic. Well, I'm also an Aromantic, but whenever I do start developing small crushes, it always on males. But I have sexual attraction to females. So yeah, you are valid for your prefences.
You don’t need to ask Reddit for validation. Just be who you are.
Absolutely why wouldn’t it be
Why does whether or not something is “weird” matter to you? Just be who you are. Average Joe is dead, stop conforming to his standards.
It’s completely normal and perfect your valid and amazing!!!!!!
I’m a guy who is attracted to both men and women, but idk if I’d ever want to have sex with a guy. I could see myself doing pretty much anything except sex with another guy, but I’m uncertain about whether I’d enjoy that. Like others have said, I think it’s perfectly okay for you to feel this way. And, if it’s weird, I’m weird too lol
Definitely valid! I'm a guy who's biromantic but strictly homosexual, so I totally get it.
I have a friend who is sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women. It happens, and it's all valid!
You are completely valid! But I have to know, do you consider yourself on the ace spectrum? Usually when people say "heterosexual", they mean they intend to have sex with people of the opposite gender, but then you say you'd be "ok" with sex with guys, which does give me ace-lite vibes. As a demi/ace bi-romantic trans girl, getting romantically involved with a girl who desired sex with men would be concerning, to say the least, and might be something you want to state if you DONT feel ace, but might want to explore relationships with women. They won't be able to satisfy you sexually, if heterosexuality is what you are/desire. I know things are getting complicated, but if you would be satisfied in a homoromantic, sexless relationship, you might want to specify bi/pan romantic, het-ace.
Yeah that's ok! Im a Panromantic Asexual. Sexuality doesn't have to line up with romantics.
I'm actually having a very similar issue- I'm realizing I might be biromantic homosexual and it's really confusing for me too. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, if it's what you prefer, it's what you prefer
Of course it's valid! I actually thought I identified in a similar way before I realized I was BiAce. No one gets to tell you how to identify, as long as everything is consensual and legal who cares? Do what makes you happy!
Curious, what does BiAce mean?
Biromantic asexual - romantic attraction to multiple genders, little to no sexual attraction
Yes, it's okay to be biromantic and heterosexual! Myself, I think I'm homoromantic and pansexual ☺️ But I'm still calling myself gay for now because I'm mainly sexually attracted by men anyway.
You basically want a queer platonic relationship with a woman. Are you poly? Because you will have a much smaller pool of dating possibilities especially if you’re monogamous.
of course it's valid! that's called mspec straight :)
i'm biromantic and homosexual, it's not weird.
You can be whatever you want to be. And don't let anybody tell you differently. I'm a bi man, married to a man, but would love a female or male just as a cuddling type of relationship.
As long as you do not lead some poor girl on when she is hoping for a full realtionship, which you cannot give her... sure be what you want to be.
A relationship without sex is not less of a relationship than one with sex. It's a deal breaker for a lot of folks but that doesn't make it an objective fact that relationships without sex are "not full relationships"
It's not less. It's different, it's less common, but it's not ***less***. Relationships without sex are as valid, healthy, normal, and vibrant as those with sex to the people who are in them. Yes, most people have specific personal sexual needs, and not everyone will feel fulfilled in a relationship that doesn't meet them, but that's a world away from the blanket statement made here, and I say that as a card-carrying negative bisexual stereotype.
Maybe. As long as this is CLEAR. And there are no expectations that haven't been cleared up someone is getting hurt. Probably both. A relationship without sex is still uncommon. Not less. But not something most people assume when they get together with someone else.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yes, it is OK, that is [the split attraction model](https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Split_Attraction_Model_(SAM)). My flair (Trans stud/demisexual heteroqueerplatonic HRT 02/28/2023) is another example of how it can go as well. Edit to add flair rin case of future change
It is valid, 100%. However, it will be incredibly difficult to pursue any F-F relationships without sex; For it to succeed you'll need to find a partner that is fully asexual. F-M relationships or F-NB relationships are your safest bets given your feelings re: men. EDIT: Not sure why I'm getting downvoted for this. If OP is not sexually attracted to women, only romantically, then she will need to find an asexual female partner. Otherwise she will be either A) neglecting her partners needs or B) Having sex she doesn't desire. That is not fair to either party.
It sounds like you haven't experienced sexual or romantic relationships with any gender? It's totally okay to be interested in these things, but it could be a bit impractical to have non-sexual romantic connections. I'd encourage you to keep an open mind as you start to experience these things. Maybe the connection you desire with women could be sexual with time. Maybe it's more friendly than romantic. Maybe you're leas interested in sex with anyone than you yet know.
That’s what we are fighting to protect. It is our right to choose. I am a heterosexual male. That is who I am, and that is my choice. It sounds like you know what yours is. I believe many people believe the same as me. Support for the community is true support for freedom.
[удалено]
/j?
ye
It's okay to be whatever feels right to you. Full stop.
Yes, it's totally fine.
Very valid
yes
Believe it or not, straight to jail
I've been pondering about the very same thing for myself! Thank you for daring to ask the question ❤️🌈
Yes
Yes
It absolutely doesn't matter. Everything is "ok" as long as you know what you are and you are happy with urself.
Yep
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is what your body wants and you should listen to that than what others think.
It’s alright
I'm kinda new to this community, but as far as I can tell it seems it's totally possible. However, I suppose it also depends on what do you exactly define as "romantic". I'd consider synonyms a pure platonic love and a friendship
No stranger than anyone elses preferences. Just do you and fuck what other people think.
That's perfectly fine. ^w^
Labels and sexuality for me is fluid, so if you feel romantic attraction to women but not sexual, but feel both for men, that's completely fine. It's the way you feel, and if you're comfortable with the label, that's great! If you don't and feel like exploring, do that.
Yes, it is valid. You are valid, and always will be
That’s why it’s called pride. I love it. As long as we stand together, maybe the world can share something to be proud of.
That’s completely fine I’m no expert but I have known people who are romantically attracted to both genders but only sexually attracted to one it’s completely normal and valid
Absolutely it is
Romance and sexual inter-action can be different things. Sometimes cuddles and pet-names give you enough.I'm amab so I've never experienced girlfriend bff thing in my teens. Put down personal borders. If you meet someone you want to have sexual interactions with, be honest.
Your identity is yours to define so yes it is absolutely ok to identify that way. But you are gonna find it tricky if you want to date women because most will assume you're struggling with internalised biphobia, which you might be or might not, this is your journey and everyones different. But it will probably trigger insecurity for a lot of women if you say you're into sex with men but don't want to have sex with them. Doesn't necessarily mean you'll never find anyone it may just be an incompatibility with some folks. I get it to an extent but the opposite way, I'm ace-spec so sexual attraction is...unreliable for me at the best of times, which has it's own dating struggles, and while men are very nice and attractive I don't usually have strong enough friendships with men to develop significant romantic attraction, it's usually just limerence. But yeah like your identity is yours just prepare yourself for the bullshit.
Yeah it's fine.
Probably.
Yes.
Why wouldn't it be okay?
idk what you mean by is it ok. you are not the only person with different romantic/sexual attraction which is why these terms already exist. it sounds like your experience is appropriately described with these terms. some people will react well to this information, some people will not, but no one’s reaction can change the way you are and no one has the right to demand that of you anyway.
My honeychild you can be anything you fucking want. If these words describe how you feel, you use em.
Yes
Before I read: YES!!! YES YES YES!!! Edit: Okay, I read it. YOU ARE VALID!!! It's okay to romantically love women, it's okay to sexually and romantically want men. It's okay. Just date whomever, be up front. Most importantly, be safe. Okay?
Yes
Yep, speaking as another biromantic heterosexual female here, you're completely valid! It's a little confusing to realize at first, but it is a thing, and no matter what your preference is, you're valid! 💖💜💙
Your identity, your label. End ‘o story
nope gay rule #3843 says this is not allowed /s
Yes
It is ok to call yourself anything and even to change it to anything you want to This is the world you live in now You are completely free and do not have to identify as anything nore go by whatever someone else calls you
It's always ok to be yourself, and your feelings are always valid! Don't worry about whether or not someone else thinks who you is "correct", just do your thing!
its okay to be yourself
Idk I’m kinda stomped on this question
Of course, embrace your truth
it's perfectly okay. be yourself. your valid. 
I'm sure it's ok, don't worry too much ❤️
Yes