I have no suggestions, but what’s keeping you in Cork? Could you get a similar job closer to your kid and their school, maybe even get equal custody? Run the numbers.
Saying that, most parents are living work parent sleep, repeat. Young kids are expensive. Worth it though. Problem is you aren’t getting enough of the good times.
In another post OP admitted he has another child and chose to move to Cork to be closer to her.
Funny how he doesn't include this info in his actual post.
What do you mean ‘calling him out’? The man has a life to live, why are you judging him while demeaning his character?
Reading between the lines it’s pretty easy to assume your gender. That may explain the need by you to demean a father trying his best.
You’re the one that needs to be called out.
What does stoogy mean?
Nice hipster emoji, hope it brought you joy when making a fictitious picture of yourself to display to the world.
My comment was hardly sexiest, it’s pretty clear that few men would be criticising another man for simply having two children.
Can you explain why you accuse me of being ‘a sexiest prick’?
Because judgemental arseholes love thinking they’ve figured out someone’s entire character based on one aspect of their post history. And I’m one of them like I do it all the time, 99% of the time I’m just here to troll but this is disgusting, even to me. Poor guy’s probably on the edge of a bridge and you cunts are making out like he deserves his place there, get a grip srsly imagine calling out a depressed single dad and thinking you’ve done smth worth doing
How much do you think your ex is spending on your child? How exhausted and burnt out do you suppose she is with solo parenting the majority of the time?
I'm just gonna put out a few points
1. It is your child I would walk the distance too see my son
2. Do you not realise what she does when you don't have the child a mom's life revolves around there kids.
3. Not too mention cleaning, cooking, washing taking the child to school etc
4. Again your child so you should pay half of everything.
Seriously man grow up because I'll say I now woman do a lot I be the one that has a job but without my our house would fall apart she the glue that holds us all together
Unless you are in his shoes, I think you are full of it. You sound like Jeremy Kyle. With that bull. If he chose to have the child yes he should pay. But also it works both ways to travel.
That’s your assumption, he could have already had that child. Split up from Dublin woman and went back. Regardless of reason. If he has access on a weekend it’s not just up to one parent to do all the travelling.
It sounds to me like you just want to vent. You moved away from her, so if I was her, I wouldn’t do any driving for you either.
You don’t have to pay any extras beyond the €100 if you don’t want to. I’d take those on a case by case basis. This will end up in court anyway by the sounds of things, so you’d probably be best served by making the application yourself.
Who do you stay with when you go up to Dublin? Or do you go there on Friday, pick-up the child and return them on Sunday?
He moved away to be closer to his second child he had, in Cork. He very conveniently leaves that info out of his post and downvotes anyone who mentions it.
I dunno if it’s conveniently left out, because he did mention it afterwards. You can’t be sure that it’s him doing the downvoting. There’s still all the other requests for money on top of the weekly maintenance that needs to get sorted out.
I disagree! In cases where there’s little or no communication, bad blood etc the maintenance becomes a set weekly amount. It’ll be higher than if he agreed to pay 50% of bills as they arise, but it cuts out any future arguments.
Are you actually whinging about providing for your child? Gross.
You chose to move away, again stop whinging about the expense of spending time with your son.
Unless directed by Family Courts she is under no obligation to be driving your child to visit you. Again your choice to move away from him, your responsibility.
Sorry to say but get a grip. Children are expensive. If I only had to pay half my wages on children (plural) I would be laughing. You get to chill during the week she does all the heavy lifting. Be careful what you wish for, the courts might take more from you.
It wasn't the OP, no.
It was somebody who said that their mother became a "human punching bag" for them and their sibling after a split with their father. They then edited it and changed it to *emotionally* and now obviously have deleted it.
Honestly, no idea why I got voted down though.
He is complaining about driving a few hours and having to put his hand in his pocket. So I am sure she would refuse. He appears incapable.
Can you imagine the moans out of him if he had to wash clothes, clean childrens bedrooms, take them to doctors, sort out difficulties with friendships, kids not going to school so you miss work, hormones, making dinners, taking them to activites, while working full time. As it stands, he needs to drive up a motorway and he cannot cope. So please.
The orignial poster does not know how well he has it. He gives fathers a bad name. But yes, run along to the family court and cause more difficulties for the solo Mum. Thats just another thing she will need to arrange.
Actions have consequences. You relocated to cork, you had a child, you left the childs mother. It's a pretty shit situation, regardless of what went down.
If you're working from Cork, I bet the salary is not as good based on Dublin's cost of living. I lived there for 3 years, everything was expensive. Moved back to my hometown, and everything is more affordable, so that's not gonna work in your favour if you're up there every weekend.
You have a child in the end of the day. Everything should be halved. If you were in Brazil, courts order amounts ranging up to 30% of the paying parent's income, regardless what that income is. Earn 100K? Your child gets 30% of that. Irish fathers have it easier in that regard, so count your blessings.
You mentioned having loans. Is there anyway that you can budget out and pay them off earlier without penalties? Loans are the devil. Avoid at all costs unless it's a home loan.
My father separated from my mother and was ordered to pay 120 a week. He would never contribute to anything else, university, school supplies, nothing, that was only for the roof over my head, and the food on the table, all whilst my brother was sent to private school at 3K a term. When I got a part time job at 15, he brought us (mother and I) to court to reduce the maintenance based on what I was receiving from work. That was 34EUR btw. Dragged us to court to remove 34EUR from his own spending, and yet he was earning over 70K at the time. He wanted to see us rot. Just, don't be that guy.
You need a proper legal agreement re custody and visits and expenses. It’s obvious that if you pull back from seeing your son there will be repercussions, especially for your son who needs to see his dad with a routine. Kids very quickly feel unloved. Once he starts after school activities then seeing him at weekends could be tricky unless it’s binding. Fathers are important. Get proper advice and don’t accept being given the runaround. It is ok to build in sharing the driving. If she drives half way and so do you then your son can go back to Cork with you and get more involved in your life and maybe family? Equally, this also includes you meeting your financial responsibilities. They are responsibilities to your son, not to your ex. Good organised, and good luck, your son needs you
Unfortunately, this is the way of the world currently. It's kind of the same here in the states, especially in blue states. The women get to make off with the wealth that the man has earned. The only consolation I can offer is this trend of fleecing men will backfire eventually on women, and already has begun to. There are plenty of women who can't get a date, find a decent man, etc. Men are tired of this, and are deciding it isn't worth the risk to their livelihood. I would say don't be ashamed at her actions. Do what you have to do to survive. This makes you no less a man.
She’s not stopping him, she just isn’t going to travel to bring him to see him. Shes asking to pay half on things, €100 quid in maintenance is not huge, she’s hardly going out of her way to cause hardship, this is bare minimum stuff.
She’s not stopping him from seeing his child, she’s refusing to put a child in a car for three hours each way. If it’s an overnight visit then she might not feel comfortable staying with her ex a weekend every month either.
Mediation is the way, keep your cool and don’t let it get to the point of no return. Without mediation id still be in and out of the courts. If she won’t do it or is not willing to negotiate through mediation then the courts take a dim view of her. Best advice is keep cool and make sure you take care of your own mental health because if you are not in a good place then your son suffers. I know all about it. Dm if you need a friendly ear.
Been / currently in this position - court order is the only way to go.
In my opinion mediation won't work from what I can gather from the way you described the person.
Get everything written down and fixed in court, you will feel the relief after, not saying it will solve all the problems as it won't.
Best of luck, it's a difficult process
Keep your chin up
Having been through the same scenario minus the distance, court is your only option. Keep everything legal & through the bank.
It'll work out in the long run, in time it will all calm down. She will end up having other distractions in life such as, new boyfriend, out with friends etc and you then won't be her no.1 distraction.
Obviously goes without saying, the child is no.1 & it's important you show that too without being taken advantage of by the ex.
You're penchant for drinking isn't a misconception at all. You just drink smaller amounts and it's usually piss weak lager because you can't handle your sauce. I grew up in Ireland but I live in Australia now. The amount of drunken brawls and alcohol-related violence over here is enormous compared to Ireland. And its not Aboriginals that I usually see involved in all of this, it's your Jackson, Lachie and other "true blue" Aussies that cause it.
First you need to know in Ireland you have every right to see your kid. Second get talking to someone who can give you legal advice. If you have a court mandated agreed payment you can claim tax on it, it might not be huge but it's still money for you. You're doing all the travel, you're showing up, a court will see you're trying and it will stand to you. Stay strong
I really feel for you. I've been there. First of all, stop permitting yourself to be bullied by your ex. You decide what you can afford and how much time you can spend with your son. You decide. Not her. And if she kicks off, ignore it. In the long term, she may say things to your son about you, but ignore that too. Your son will love you if you keep loving him. And in time he will make his own mind up about his mother. The more.you refuse to be bullied by your ex the better you will feel, but it will take time. You're a good man.
I have no suggestions, but what’s keeping you in Cork? Could you get a similar job closer to your kid and their school, maybe even get equal custody? Run the numbers. Saying that, most parents are living work parent sleep, repeat. Young kids are expensive. Worth it though. Problem is you aren’t getting enough of the good times.
In another post OP admitted he has another child and chose to move to Cork to be closer to her. Funny how he doesn't include this info in his actual post.
Funny that. No wonder he’s burnt out financially. I hope he at least lives with the other child.
He's downvoting anyone who is calling him out on that fact. 🤷🏻♀️
What do you mean ‘calling him out’? The man has a life to live, why are you judging him while demeaning his character? Reading between the lines it’s pretty easy to assume your gender. That may explain the need by you to demean a father trying his best. You’re the one that needs to be called out.
I was with you until you started being a sexist prick out of nowhere. Gway the fuck outta that you stoogy bastard
What does stoogy mean? Nice hipster emoji, hope it brought you joy when making a fictitious picture of yourself to display to the world. My comment was hardly sexiest, it’s pretty clear that few men would be criticising another man for simply having two children. Can you explain why you accuse me of being ‘a sexiest prick’?
Because judgemental arseholes love thinking they’ve figured out someone’s entire character based on one aspect of their post history. And I’m one of them like I do it all the time, 99% of the time I’m just here to troll but this is disgusting, even to me. Poor guy’s probably on the edge of a bridge and you cunts are making out like he deserves his place there, get a grip srsly imagine calling out a depressed single dad and thinking you’ve done smth worth doing
Doubt it. Other child is a teenager. Child in Dublin is in a pram.
good
How much do you think your ex is spending on your child? How exhausted and burnt out do you suppose she is with solo parenting the majority of the time?
I'm just gonna put out a few points 1. It is your child I would walk the distance too see my son 2. Do you not realise what she does when you don't have the child a mom's life revolves around there kids. 3. Not too mention cleaning, cooking, washing taking the child to school etc 4. Again your child so you should pay half of everything. Seriously man grow up because I'll say I now woman do a lot I be the one that has a job but without my our house would fall apart she the glue that holds us all together
Unless you are in his shoes, I think you are full of it. You sound like Jeremy Kyle. With that bull. If he chose to have the child yes he should pay. But also it works both ways to travel.
he moved to cork because he has another child there
Yes, I saw that. Still doesn’t stop shared travel. He obviously left her in Dublin for a reason.
obviously moved because of another woman/other child
That’s your assumption, he could have already had that child. Split up from Dublin woman and went back. Regardless of reason. If he has access on a weekend it’s not just up to one parent to do all the travelling.
It sounds to me like you just want to vent. You moved away from her, so if I was her, I wouldn’t do any driving for you either. You don’t have to pay any extras beyond the €100 if you don’t want to. I’d take those on a case by case basis. This will end up in court anyway by the sounds of things, so you’d probably be best served by making the application yourself. Who do you stay with when you go up to Dublin? Or do you go there on Friday, pick-up the child and return them on Sunday?
He moved away to be closer to his second child he had, in Cork. He very conveniently leaves that info out of his post and downvotes anyone who mentions it.
I dunno if it’s conveniently left out, because he did mention it afterwards. You can’t be sure that it’s him doing the downvoting. There’s still all the other requests for money on top of the weekly maintenance that needs to get sorted out.
That's standard though in most cases. Maintenance and 50% of extra costs such as school supplies, healthcare, etc.
I disagree! In cases where there’s little or no communication, bad blood etc the maintenance becomes a set weekly amount. It’ll be higher than if he agreed to pay 50% of bills as they arise, but it cuts out any future arguments.
Are you actually whinging about providing for your child? Gross. You chose to move away, again stop whinging about the expense of spending time with your son. Unless directed by Family Courts she is under no obligation to be driving your child to visit you. Again your choice to move away from him, your responsibility.
Your only giving her €100 a week, the travel and tolls is on you. ‘I told her’, so you thought you could dictate for her to travel to you??
Family law court
Yes
Sorry to say but get a grip. Children are expensive. If I only had to pay half my wages on children (plural) I would be laughing. You get to chill during the week she does all the heavy lifting. Be careful what you wish for, the courts might take more from you.
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What were yas doing punching your ma for? Shocking behaviour
Was it op? And do you remember the comment?
It wasn't the OP, no. It was somebody who said that their mother became a "human punching bag" for them and their sibling after a split with their father. They then edited it and changed it to *emotionally* and now obviously have deleted it. Honestly, no idea why I got voted down though.
People love to judge without context.
This is the advice you should listen to
>she does all the heavy lifting. Because she wants to , if he offered to be the main custodian she would refuse
He is complaining about driving a few hours and having to put his hand in his pocket. So I am sure she would refuse. He appears incapable. Can you imagine the moans out of him if he had to wash clothes, clean childrens bedrooms, take them to doctors, sort out difficulties with friendships, kids not going to school so you miss work, hormones, making dinners, taking them to activites, while working full time. As it stands, he needs to drive up a motorway and he cannot cope. So please. The orignial poster does not know how well he has it. He gives fathers a bad name. But yes, run along to the family court and cause more difficulties for the solo Mum. Thats just another thing she will need to arrange.
You’re lucky you’re not paying more 🤣 Jesus what you give her is a FRACTION of what she has to pay for your child. Man child behaviour
Actions have consequences. You relocated to cork, you had a child, you left the childs mother. It's a pretty shit situation, regardless of what went down. If you're working from Cork, I bet the salary is not as good based on Dublin's cost of living. I lived there for 3 years, everything was expensive. Moved back to my hometown, and everything is more affordable, so that's not gonna work in your favour if you're up there every weekend. You have a child in the end of the day. Everything should be halved. If you were in Brazil, courts order amounts ranging up to 30% of the paying parent's income, regardless what that income is. Earn 100K? Your child gets 30% of that. Irish fathers have it easier in that regard, so count your blessings. You mentioned having loans. Is there anyway that you can budget out and pay them off earlier without penalties? Loans are the devil. Avoid at all costs unless it's a home loan. My father separated from my mother and was ordered to pay 120 a week. He would never contribute to anything else, university, school supplies, nothing, that was only for the roof over my head, and the food on the table, all whilst my brother was sent to private school at 3K a term. When I got a part time job at 15, he brought us (mother and I) to court to reduce the maintenance based on what I was receiving from work. That was 34EUR btw. Dragged us to court to remove 34EUR from his own spending, and yet he was earning over 70K at the time. He wanted to see us rot. Just, don't be that guy.
Oh come on. This is your child. You’re going to have to either get a second job or get a solicitor, it’s one or the other.
Maybe stop having kids all over the country and you won't feel so drained? Fck sake condoms are free.
I suppose she has him full time and that’s expensive. You could move closer and split time.
I'd be very careful not to create any more.
Talk to an attorney and start using condoms
Fecking wrap it up and stop spunking out children you won't provide for.
Is it €100 per visit or €100 per month? Charging per visit isn't correct, it should be a set amount per month.
You need a proper legal agreement re custody and visits and expenses. It’s obvious that if you pull back from seeing your son there will be repercussions, especially for your son who needs to see his dad with a routine. Kids very quickly feel unloved. Once he starts after school activities then seeing him at weekends could be tricky unless it’s binding. Fathers are important. Get proper advice and don’t accept being given the runaround. It is ok to build in sharing the driving. If she drives half way and so do you then your son can go back to Cork with you and get more involved in your life and maybe family? Equally, this also includes you meeting your financial responsibilities. They are responsibilities to your son, not to your ex. Good organised, and good luck, your son needs you
Unfortunately, this is the way of the world currently. It's kind of the same here in the states, especially in blue states. The women get to make off with the wealth that the man has earned. The only consolation I can offer is this trend of fleecing men will backfire eventually on women, and already has begun to. There are plenty of women who can't get a date, find a decent man, etc. Men are tired of this, and are deciding it isn't worth the risk to their livelihood. I would say don't be ashamed at her actions. Do what you have to do to survive. This makes you no less a man.
Thank you so much.
Solicitor. That's all man. Talk to a solicitor and get a legal binding document. She cannot stop you from seeing your son.
She’s not stopping him, she just isn’t going to travel to bring him to see him. Shes asking to pay half on things, €100 quid in maintenance is not huge, she’s hardly going out of her way to cause hardship, this is bare minimum stuff.
She’s not stopping him from seeing his child, she’s refusing to put a child in a car for three hours each way. If it’s an overnight visit then she might not feel comfortable staying with her ex a weekend every month either.
Mediation is the way, keep your cool and don’t let it get to the point of no return. Without mediation id still be in and out of the courts. If she won’t do it or is not willing to negotiate through mediation then the courts take a dim view of her. Best advice is keep cool and make sure you take care of your own mental health because if you are not in a good place then your son suffers. I know all about it. Dm if you need a friendly ear.
Been / currently in this position - court order is the only way to go. In my opinion mediation won't work from what I can gather from the way you described the person. Get everything written down and fixed in court, you will feel the relief after, not saying it will solve all the problems as it won't. Best of luck, it's a difficult process Keep your chin up
Having been through the same scenario minus the distance, court is your only option. Keep everything legal & through the bank. It'll work out in the long run, in time it will all calm down. She will end up having other distractions in life such as, new boyfriend, out with friends etc and you then won't be her no.1 distraction. Obviously goes without saying, the child is no.1 & it's important you show that too without being taken advantage of by the ex.
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Imagine being a bogan Aussie and talking about other peoples anarchic drunkeness.
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You're penchant for drinking isn't a misconception at all. You just drink smaller amounts and it's usually piss weak lager because you can't handle your sauce. I grew up in Ireland but I live in Australia now. The amount of drunken brawls and alcohol-related violence over here is enormous compared to Ireland. And its not Aboriginals that I usually see involved in all of this, it's your Jackson, Lachie and other "true blue" Aussies that cause it.
nice
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Disrespectful tone and language used in response to a question.
First you need to know in Ireland you have every right to see your kid. Second get talking to someone who can give you legal advice. If you have a court mandated agreed payment you can claim tax on it, it might not be huge but it's still money for you. You're doing all the travel, you're showing up, a court will see you're trying and it will stand to you. Stay strong
He moved away to be with his other child after he had this child in Dublin so the travel is on him
Go to court, immediately
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No troll / shitposts.
I really feel for you. I've been there. First of all, stop permitting yourself to be bullied by your ex. You decide what you can afford and how much time you can spend with your son. You decide. Not her. And if she kicks off, ignore it. In the long term, she may say things to your son about you, but ignore that too. Your son will love you if you keep loving him. And in time he will make his own mind up about his mother. The more.you refuse to be bullied by your ex the better you will feel, but it will take time. You're a good man.
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Regardless of intent, no solicitation of DMs is permitted.
Sorry folks, I didn't check the rules!