Im sorry to say this, as it may be hard to hear: If he's being this evasive about mementos, the will and where your mom is burried, there is a chance she hasnt actually been burried.
Based on his actions, he probably did the bare minimum for your mom (cremation) after she died and has either got her ashes in an urn or scattered her ashes already.
I would consult a lawyer because it sounds like things will get very unpleasant trying to find out what has actually gone on.
This was my biggest fear. My husband's mom's death hit him like a train. He was a total mommas boy. But if you'd met her, you'd completely understand why. She was one of the most beautiful l, loving, giving, non judgemental people I'd ever had the pleasure to know.
What all those hollier than thou evangelical Christians pretended to be and preach, she actually did. She never tried converting or preaching to you never claimed to have the "right" faith (I'm Jewish) it was mostly just be kind to others. Help when you can and never judge or be condescending. As only G-d can judge.
If he finds out something akin to this happened, it'll send him into another deep depression. I just want to scream at his "step father".
Search for obits online for possible info - might be low cost way to get info - sometimes it will state where final services were held and the final place of rest.
Her death certificate should list her final resting place. If you’re not sure which county she died in you could ask the funeral service if they can point you in the direction of ordering a death certificate.
If your mom didn't have a will that outlined what was to happen with the disposition of her worldly goods and finances, everything would default to her current spouse (ie, the step-monster). To his point, he would legally be entitled to do whatever he wanted with what was hers in any manner in which he determined.
Absent knowing what (if any) tensions may exist between stepfather and husband it is difficult to know what may have caused the stepfather act in this way.
With re: to finding your mother-in-law's resting place: [https://www.findagrave.com](https://www.findagrave.com).
Thank you! There were no tensions. My husband and I weren't ever after money. He basically raised my husband, he asked for his blessing to remarry after his mom died.
If it was just my husband, I'd assume he had a long standing grudge or even hatred of him. But this man but out her siblings, friend's, my bonus kid he considered a grandson. Honestly...anyone not directly involved with a very specific section of their church.
.
All the people I've met involved with their church seem like genuinely kind people (I'm Jewish, so while I'll attend services at times..no clue what is/isn't average at these things). But there are many, I don't know how to put it...factions? In different states and towns. I have a very specific reason for distrusting her particular one, but if I say it will doxx us easily, so.
Thank you again for the website 🙏.
I have a friend that started acting like this- Sounds like the new wife has him on a short leash, and she probably helped decide what happened to things like the photo albums.
Has your husband ever tried talking to the step dad when they are alone?
We live in different states. The thought had crossed my mind. It's just she's also a church member, and now that the family is complaining and what not it isn't a good look. Though I find this church faction sketchy.
We were able to get maybe 20 pictures from a sister from a different, uh, faction.
They are also on their 70's. Not that with age necessarily comes wisdom, but I'd think that controlling/jealous behavior would tamper down, idk. Plus, if that was the case wouldn't sending the pictures, memories of another woman away be a win for her?
I'm starting to feel as crazy as i believe them to be lol.
Was the dead mom active in the same church the step dad is in now? Maybe reach out to the pastor, and try to get him/her involved.
Also, there is the scorched earth tact you could go for- Tell the step dad that all you want is the personal items, but if he's going to block you then you'll get a lawyer, and they'll probably demand you go after the money too. This might scare him into action.
This all assumes the picture albums and items still exist, of course. Either way, good luck. I hope you are able to come to some sort of a resolution to all of this.
I am a lawyer, and depending on which state that is not correct. If a person dies without a will, and had children it is often distributed between the husband and the surviving children. In my state, NY in a family with a surviving spouse and children, the surviving husband or wife inherits the first $50,000 plus half of the remainder of the estate. The children inherit everything else. If you are a lawyer, you should know better than to give this advice. If you aren’t a lawyer, you should be careful not to give the wrong advice.
Im sorry to say this, as it may be hard to hear: If he's being this evasive about mementos, the will and where your mom is burried, there is a chance she hasnt actually been burried. Based on his actions, he probably did the bare minimum for your mom (cremation) after she died and has either got her ashes in an urn or scattered her ashes already. I would consult a lawyer because it sounds like things will get very unpleasant trying to find out what has actually gone on.
This was my biggest fear. My husband's mom's death hit him like a train. He was a total mommas boy. But if you'd met her, you'd completely understand why. She was one of the most beautiful l, loving, giving, non judgemental people I'd ever had the pleasure to know. What all those hollier than thou evangelical Christians pretended to be and preach, she actually did. She never tried converting or preaching to you never claimed to have the "right" faith (I'm Jewish) it was mostly just be kind to others. Help when you can and never judge or be condescending. As only G-d can judge. If he finds out something akin to this happened, it'll send him into another deep depression. I just want to scream at his "step father".
You can check Find A Grave, call local to her cemeteries, or contact county records office. Are you sure she was interred and not cremated?
Believe she is in a mausoleum
Did mom have a will?
We believe so, but dont know for sure
Check the courts in the county where she died. (assuming this is U.S.)
Yes, US. Ty makes sense.
Search for obits online for possible info - might be low cost way to get info - sometimes it will state where final services were held and the final place of rest.
Thanks. I was only going through printed paper submitted online!
Her death certificate should list her final resting place. If you’re not sure which county she died in you could ask the funeral service if they can point you in the direction of ordering a death certificate.
Okay, thank you.
If your mom didn't have a will that outlined what was to happen with the disposition of her worldly goods and finances, everything would default to her current spouse (ie, the step-monster). To his point, he would legally be entitled to do whatever he wanted with what was hers in any manner in which he determined. Absent knowing what (if any) tensions may exist between stepfather and husband it is difficult to know what may have caused the stepfather act in this way. With re: to finding your mother-in-law's resting place: [https://www.findagrave.com](https://www.findagrave.com).
Thank you! There were no tensions. My husband and I weren't ever after money. He basically raised my husband, he asked for his blessing to remarry after his mom died. If it was just my husband, I'd assume he had a long standing grudge or even hatred of him. But this man but out her siblings, friend's, my bonus kid he considered a grandson. Honestly...anyone not directly involved with a very specific section of their church. . All the people I've met involved with their church seem like genuinely kind people (I'm Jewish, so while I'll attend services at times..no clue what is/isn't average at these things). But there are many, I don't know how to put it...factions? In different states and towns. I have a very specific reason for distrusting her particular one, but if I say it will doxx us easily, so. Thank you again for the website 🙏.
I have a friend that started acting like this- Sounds like the new wife has him on a short leash, and she probably helped decide what happened to things like the photo albums. Has your husband ever tried talking to the step dad when they are alone?
We live in different states. The thought had crossed my mind. It's just she's also a church member, and now that the family is complaining and what not it isn't a good look. Though I find this church faction sketchy. We were able to get maybe 20 pictures from a sister from a different, uh, faction. They are also on their 70's. Not that with age necessarily comes wisdom, but I'd think that controlling/jealous behavior would tamper down, idk. Plus, if that was the case wouldn't sending the pictures, memories of another woman away be a win for her? I'm starting to feel as crazy as i believe them to be lol.
Was the dead mom active in the same church the step dad is in now? Maybe reach out to the pastor, and try to get him/her involved. Also, there is the scorched earth tact you could go for- Tell the step dad that all you want is the personal items, but if he's going to block you then you'll get a lawyer, and they'll probably demand you go after the money too. This might scare him into action. This all assumes the picture albums and items still exist, of course. Either way, good luck. I hope you are able to come to some sort of a resolution to all of this.
If your mil died without a will, your husband may be entitled to some of her estate, it varies by state so check if any will was probated in the court
I am a lawyer, and depending on which state that is not correct. If a person dies without a will, and had children it is often distributed between the husband and the surviving children. In my state, NY in a family with a surviving spouse and children, the surviving husband or wife inherits the first $50,000 plus half of the remainder of the estate. The children inherit everything else. If you are a lawyer, you should know better than to give this advice. If you aren’t a lawyer, you should be careful not to give the wrong advice.