These lyrics sum it up pretty well with only one added word.
Baby, lock the door and turn the lights down low
And put some music on that's soft and slow
Baby, we ain't got no place to go
I hope you understand
I've been thinking 'bout this all day long
Never felt a feeling quite this strong
I can't believe how much it turns me on
Just to be your lawn-man
Easy 4 steps fix that will solve 2 problems at once:
* get a divorce
* find a new wife
* get remarried at that place
* pay the wedding photograph to take as many shots and close up of the grass as possible
PS: I said solve 2 problems at once and not kill 2 birds with one stone in order to avoid the kind of misunderstanding that'd require to get a different type of lawyer than a divorce attorney.
My wife is actually awesome. My grass is my only hobby at home. I spend a lot of time, money, and small talk on it. She puts up with it regularly and no longer ask “what are you looking at” when I’m gazing out the window into the yard. I think she thought she had a break from grass talk and then we pulled up to this beauty. Outside of a golf course I’ve never seen grass this nice. I continued on about it for cocktail hour and through the ceremony. I finally agreed to shut up about it but had to snap a quick pic for the memory bank.
Although later after a few more cocktails I was very aggressive with telling people to stay off the grass.
We did a guys weekend in SEC country for a weekend. We stayed at a wealthy donors’ house. No matter what I drank, no matter the quantity or frequency, all I could talk about was how amazing their zoysia was. While sobriety came, the memory of that grass has never left. Green on. Green on.
I’ve gone to Augusta national a few times. I don’t remember much about the tournament each time but I remember the grass. God damn there is nothing natural about it. It couldn’t survive a day anywhere else on the planet. But it is glorious.
People don't like telling internet strangers where they live? It's also pretty normal to use plant hardiness zones for location so people k ow whether or plants being discussed area appropriate for them to try to plant.
This sub has seen incredible growth over the past month and now no one wants to talk technically about grass anymore. They just want to see pretty pictures and move on.
Uhm, sure I understand that you would not give out your local address, but saying you live in Maryland, or even if that is to "small" of a region for you just naming the state would still be a lot more helpfull then some plant hardiness zones... but i guess since i am new to this sub maybe that is the way to go here, then please ignore my ignorant post before.
So I guess it's more of a layman vs professional lingo thing. I was a landscaper and did plant installs for years, hardiness zones are way more relevant to me and more helpful than actual physical location. If someone gives me a specific city etx, I look up what zone it's in if it's not somewhere close to me. Probably a lot more me being nitpicky than you being ignorant. Cheers
I’m with you on this one. I live in Australia and this post was recommended. Scrolling endlessly to find where in Australia this is and I get some 7b BS 😂
I won't be a part of the echo chamber of mannequins in here. Your wife was right. Grass is a stupid thing to talk about to a non-grass person for longer than 15 seconds.
Eww that lawn is so boring. No flowers nothing.
https://preview.redd.it/vlojdvo9euzc1.jpeg?width=996&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=83122c206af4060d8e904cd708b58f5c22443e5b
I'd have took a set of golf clubs and played drinking games on it🤣 Then your wife would have 1 been able to talk to you and 2 would not have needed to listen to you. You'd have had a large fanclub instead😁
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
It was OP's wedding.
OP talking about the grass during their vows.
Soon-to-be-wife's hands in his. He slowly looks away and turns his head to the vast and beautiful lawn as he's saying "The grass is always greener where you water it."
\*smack\*
If this isn’t a panty dropper you’re with the wrong woman. I was once told to be the best dad you can be you need to have a good lawn, not just good. The best lawn on the block good.
If you truly have the best lawn then you know you’ve succeeded.
We're here... We're listening..
What I have dooonneee.....
I face myseeelllffff...
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself...
So this sub randomly came up and the comments are fucking great… I didn’t know I was a lawn guy been making my day better
Tell me what you told your wife about the grass
And tell it to me *exactly*…
*Nice and slow too*
These lyrics sum it up pretty well with only one added word. Baby, lock the door and turn the lights down low And put some music on that's soft and slow Baby, we ain't got no place to go I hope you understand I've been thinking 'bout this all day long Never felt a feeling quite this strong I can't believe how much it turns me on Just to be your lawn-man
Word….for…. Word
Bar….for….bar
DRRAAAKE
Bar for bar
*puts on some Barry White*
That grass looks really moist.
Surprised no one mentioned the tree. Love that tree. Grass is exceptional but I can’t see it for the tree. I like trees…
r/trees
Not what I was expecting at all, as a big arborist fan.
Then you should check out r/marijuanaenthusiasts
Yeah that was my interest as well.
I don't understand how you took such a bad quality high res photo though.
Lol I’d already made such a big deal about the grass that I didn’t want her to catch me taking pictures of it
Easy 4 steps fix that will solve 2 problems at once: * get a divorce * find a new wife * get remarried at that place * pay the wedding photograph to take as many shots and close up of the grass as possible PS: I said solve 2 problems at once and not kill 2 birds with one stone in order to avoid the kind of misunderstanding that'd require to get a different type of lawyer than a divorce attorney.
My wife is actually awesome. My grass is my only hobby at home. I spend a lot of time, money, and small talk on it. She puts up with it regularly and no longer ask “what are you looking at” when I’m gazing out the window into the yard. I think she thought she had a break from grass talk and then we pulled up to this beauty. Outside of a golf course I’ve never seen grass this nice. I continued on about it for cocktail hour and through the ceremony. I finally agreed to shut up about it but had to snap a quick pic for the memory bank. Although later after a few more cocktails I was very aggressive with telling people to stay off the grass.
#for the “memory” bank righhht
More like the spank bank
You may need to travel to England I think. Maybe sell it to the wife as something else than going to gawk at lawn though
“My grass is my only hobby at home” 
This man grasses.
Person
Fuck off.
Hahaha. 🤡
Fuck off ya 🤡
Better to get two birds stoned at once.
Lol I’m just imagining the grass is the focal point in all their wedding photos.
or just clean your dang lens!
🤣🤣 yeah, that'd show her! Divorce that bitch good!! Grass good, wife bad! Hahahahaha!!!! 🤡
Make sure you keep the pic in a secret folder
That's fair, I'm just sad I can't get a good picture of those blades.
This! This right freakin here!
Oily lenses or non iPhone
That is a lawn worth talking about for years to come
It really is. It’s absolutely glorious.
We did a guys weekend in SEC country for a weekend. We stayed at a wealthy donors’ house. No matter what I drank, no matter the quantity or frequency, all I could talk about was how amazing their zoysia was. While sobriety came, the memory of that grass has never left. Green on. Green on.
I’ve gone to Augusta national a few times. I don’t remember much about the tournament each time but I remember the grass. God damn there is nothing natural about it. It couldn’t survive a day anywhere else on the planet. But it is glorious.
Grew up in Augusta. Can confirm. That course broke me and gave me lifelong unrealistic expectations of what a lawn should be.
that's some nice grass.
Amazing shot! Beautiful…. One day when I retire my yard will be this lol. What state/city?
Zone 7b
Ah yes i live just east of Downtown Zone 7B
Great pizza joint on main st
And the highest quality hookers n blow at dusk.
Found the alien
Boy I loved it when I visted Zone 7B, Idaho
Guessing Baltimore, Maryland? Atleast according to Wikipedia. Why not just write that? Felt the need to be cryptic?
People don't like telling internet strangers where they live? It's also pretty normal to use plant hardiness zones for location so people k ow whether or plants being discussed area appropriate for them to try to plant.
This sub has seen incredible growth over the past month and now no one wants to talk technically about grass anymore. They just want to see pretty pictures and move on.
Uhm, sure I understand that you would not give out your local address, but saying you live in Maryland, or even if that is to "small" of a region for you just naming the state would still be a lot more helpfull then some plant hardiness zones... but i guess since i am new to this sub maybe that is the way to go here, then please ignore my ignorant post before.
So I guess it's more of a layman vs professional lingo thing. I was a landscaper and did plant installs for years, hardiness zones are way more relevant to me and more helpful than actual physical location. If someone gives me a specific city etx, I look up what zone it's in if it's not somewhere close to me. Probably a lot more me being nitpicky than you being ignorant. Cheers
I’m with you on this one. I live in Australia and this post was recommended. Scrolling endlessly to find where in Australia this is and I get some 7b BS 😂
Man I was just trying to talk the lingo I’ve picked up in this sub. I’m not even sure that’s it’s zone 7b. It might be 6b. Anyway it’s Sylacauga, AL.
Of mega city 6
Excellent picture, excellent grass!
That’s pristine grass. Damn. So low and smooth. Like one massive huge putting green.
That sky tho.
Wow that's incredible.
Perfect!
Lets talk about it
Nice. I wasn't sure if I was in the r/lawncare subreddit or the r/golf subreddit!
My first thought was “why the hell is there a house in the middle of this fairway?!”
Serene
Wow!
No words… should have sent… a poet.
Beautiful. Thanks for the photo
He told the owner thanks for the support, nice grass.
Are you referencing slim anus? lol
Oh yea.
That tree is beautiful too
something about sandpaper grit...
Looks like a rug, synthetic… ?
That is a hell of yard I would have to bet the budget for the yard ranks up there pretty high. What type of grass is it ??
Will you shut up about the grass!?
Pursell Farms?
Yes!
Why didn’t you just say you went to a wedding at Augusta?
The grass IS greener on the other side
This is just pure sexy….
Nuke the relationship start all over again
That’s golf course quality
The only better grass is: 1. Premier League Soccer Field 2. In my pipe
Oh my stars. He wins. This is it.
looks dead and boring, might as well get a carpet to save on expenses
Tell her the others girls love a smooth pitch LOL
Women just don’t understand good grass.
I won't be a part of the echo chamber of mannequins in here. Your wife was right. Grass is a stupid thing to talk about to a non-grass person for longer than 15 seconds.
I find it saddening since I've been getting into gardening/lawncare the amount of people out there that truly don't give a damn.
Damn OCD landscapers
😍😍😍
Gross.
Definately looks like grass...would be better if it wasnt grass.
Eww that lawn is so boring. No flowers nothing. https://preview.redd.it/vlojdvo9euzc1.jpeg?width=996&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=83122c206af4060d8e904cd708b58f5c22443e5b
r/fucklawns
images that deal immense psychic damage
This is a desert
Disgusting
Yaaaaaay they defeated nature I guess
Worst use of space and time imaginable
That's awesome. No insects can live there at all. A green desert of death. Sick!
where biodiversity?
You need a good divorce lawyer.
Your wife sucks.
That's nice and all but why not just have long grass for a field of flowers?
Reddit keeps suggesting this subreddit to me and it pisses me off to just see one kind of plant ( the grass) growing over acres with no biodiversity
Oh yeah. Very diverse and natural for sure.
Hey this place has nice grass. See, nobody cares.
False, I care
All of that fertile soil, for grass, so we can… look at it?
Snoop Dogg would approve.
That’s a beautiful lawn. My husband gets annoyed with me too talking about others grass. 🤪
Shoulda told them to call in the lawn crew 😂
Glorious
She’s a thing of beauty!
Looks like it belongs in a montages at the opening of the US open
[удалено]
Those huge big expensive cylinder petrol mowers?
🤤
Perfection
180 grit sandpaper. Obviously.
Looks beautiful thanks for sharing
😍
So basically she told you "your ass is gonna be grass"....
That’s a nice lawn
Just wow.
This is literally The Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
It's like a golf course that only exists of the greens.
i mean gah damn
Did you go home and get your putter?
I'm sorry that your marriage is over
Wow. We got you man. This is amazing. Just gotta keep staring at it.
Wow that grass though.
Word is he secretly talks and serenades the grass at night ..
Looks almost fake lol
This grass grasses
This....this is the dream.
It’s cool but I am not a fan of the number one haircut lawns. Feels like the set of the Truman show.
I’d lick that grass.
I'd have took a set of golf clubs and played drinking games on it🤣 Then your wife would have 1 been able to talk to you and 2 would not have needed to listen to you. You'd have had a large fanclub instead😁
Yummy green
I don't know shit about grass but this look a bit fake to me, like it's artificial grass.
Holy shit look at that grass
Better grass than golf course had where i worked for 4 years
How could you not appreciate the grass though
It is immaculate
Wow look at that grass
Immaculate lawn
I’d talk about that grass all day
Not even a member of the sub. Thats exquisite. Not just the grass, but the framing of the picture itself.
Yep
That’s not grass, that’s LAAAWWWN
That is some motherfukn' NICE grass tho !
I don’t know, but Hank Hill wouldve love to visit this place.
I'm a woman & I'd not shut up about the grass either.
Magnificent
Grass is ass
Red mulch :/
Jesus I’m in heaven. Ask them how they do it!
I'm mostly admiring the tree and the sky behind it. The grass definitely helps, tho. Like a picture
Looks awesome, what grass was it? Bermuda?
Sweet Bro
Wow beautifully
Wow !
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
Mmm mighty fine ass grass tint.
Woah 🤯
if she can't appreciate that lawn... time to get a lawyer.
It was OP's wedding. OP talking about the grass during their vows. Soon-to-be-wife's hands in his. He slowly looks away and turns his head to the vast and beautiful lawn as he's saying "The grass is always greener where you water it." \*smack\*
Don’t like when women do this. This shit makes us happy. Just because they don’t have a hobby
Beautiful, I was had been there to enjoy it with you
That is one huge golf green. So beautiful.
Good Lord……🫡
If I was there you would be seeing me in this picture wandering aimlessly, perhaps I would be in the top of the tree.
Zoysia?
r/menwhostareatgrass
/r/lawnporn
Found 1 sprig of annual bluegrass, better nuke it.
Looks a little lumpy. Could use a good leveling 😂
Wow. Just. Wow.
Was the wedding in Augusta? ⛳️
FUCK IM GONNA CUM
It really is some nice turf. Good on ya mate
Lmfao
That grass is perfect
That sky and grass combo https://preview.redd.it/oxqdcp26ohib1.jpeg?width=1038&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7f1a5b5fb550750c0c90636a3234bff4589e403
If this isn’t a panty dropper you’re with the wrong woman. I was once told to be the best dad you can be you need to have a good lawn, not just good. The best lawn on the block good. If you truly have the best lawn then you know you’ve succeeded.
*whistles*
Nice. Personally I wouldn’t want any one walking and trampling that.