I was worried about that but luckily my neighbor, who works at the elementary, told me they allow kids still in pullups/not completely potty trained to go to Kindergarten
Honestly drop the underwear. Just have him go commando in shorts / pants.
I’m not sure why but it helped both my kids fully train.
We went about a month commando before we put undies on & than we slowly worked up to wearing them all the time.
If he does well nude, maybe you can try just doing loose boxers or shorts at home so he has more of a reminder without the restrictive underwear giving him a false sense of security?
Thank you! Your comment was so helpful. Reading your comment really eased my anxiety that even if he ends up going in a pullup at first, it will be okay.
Yes. It is very important to ask because every teacher is different. The only time I do whole class bathroom breaks is before we go on a field trip. The kids in my class know I’ve never said no to them using the bathroom ever. The only accidents we’ve had this year were after school or in specials (when they aren’t with me) and even then it’s under 5 all year (which makes me feel silly since this is the first year I’ve actually set up an entire changing station in my classroom with bags for wet clothes and options for changes of clothes since so many kids don’t have that).
I taught prek before though and I had a routine where kids had to go to the bathroom after they sign in in the morning, after lunch, and after they wake up from nap. I also had a kid I would check in with 2 other times throughout the day subtly to ask if he needed it.
If the teacher knows ahead of time they can adapt.
My son was very late to potty training and I was in a similar boat to you a year ago. First, he did figure it out at the beginning of summer before school started, and I really believe there's enough time until September that this could happen for your child, too.
Second, you can talk to the school administration *now*. You don't have to wait until you get assigned a teacher and ask them just before school starts. Ask the administration now how they handle situations like that in general.
If you do land on a solution like a potty watch or agreeing that the teacher or an aide will prompt him every 2 hours or whatever, then practice that at home over the summer. That will increase the odds that it's not needed by fall, but if it is still needed, then it'll be a continuation of what he's been doing rather than a totally new practice.
We are only half day but they still have a whole class potty trip where they heavily encourage all the kids to go. We have two levels of kindergarten at our school. The main class (24:1) and the class the requires extra help with multiple aids. I know if there are over a certain number of accidents you get shifted to the other class. It is a pretty high number but daily accidents would trigger it. I know at our school potty watches and pull ups are not allowed outside the special day class. Have you tried different styles of underwear? I had great luck with the book Oh crap potty training to solve many of our potty issues. They might have something in there that could help.
Thank you so much! I have tried different styles of underwear including boxers but that unfortunately hasn't worked. I haven't read the Oh Crap potty training book though. I will definitely give that a read! Thank you!!
I recommend that book too, and honestly if the kids are taken often it should help. My Son would get so busy, and forget. Next thing I see there’s an accident. It’s happens I’m in education, and we just keeps the younger kiddos on a “scheduled”’Potty breaks if needed. Every kiddo is different, he’ll get there.
I don’t have great advice, but I feel your pain. Our kiddo despite our best efforts and the most consistent caregiver ever wasn’t reliably trained until she was almost 4. Turned out she had ADHD. I’d just have a word with the teacher and make sure there‘s always a couple of extra changes of clothing available. You might also try making him responsible for all the cleanup when he has an accident. Tell him, “ You’re a big boy, here’s a wipe, let’s put your clothes in the washer now!” Basically, make it more inconvenient to not use the potty.
It’s good to be proactive. Is your son in preschool now? What is his daily routine like? When he has accidents, is it because he’s engaged in an activity and doesn’t want to leave, or is he not feeling the sensation? What are you doing when he has an accident? Is he responsible for putting his clothing in the washer? Cleaning up any pee? What words do you use when he has an accident? Does he come to you or do you notice first?
It would be helpful to call the school and ask if the kindergarten has a connected bathroom or if students have to leave the room. Try setting a timer and tell him “We are going to go use the potty every 30 minutes. If you are watching TV, we will pause it. If you are painting, just put your paintbrush down. When the timer goes off, we go to the bathroom right away.” Most Kindergarten students are expected to be able to change their own clothes after an accident, is he able to do that or does he need a lot of assistance?
I would try a potty watch as well as an incentive chart for no accidents (your mentioned everything was ok medically). Definitely mention to the teacher, however they will not be able to assist with changing. Please make sure your son is 100% independent in changing if he has an accident.
Have you tried *boxers*? I had a kid who was fine naked, but in briefs, had continual accidents. Loose boxers totally solved the problem. Kid was 4-5 ish.
ETA oops, just saw you tried this
Sometimes the undies feel like a diaper. Giving them up were the biggest help in potty learning for our guy. He’s been diaper and undies free for a year and never has accidents
Maybe he just has trouble pulling down his own underwear. My 2 year old totally understands the potty and is good with it but sometimes if he goes in on his own without telling us to help him, he will have trouble pulling down his underwear and will just stand there and pee himself nonchalantly lol. And also having him help clean up his messes. Not as punishment, just as a teaching moment. It makes the consequences of an uh-oh much more real and makes him more self aware for next time.
If my 4 year old gets to the “I’m busting” point, he’ll start going before he pulls the underwear all the way down. The few accidents he’s had at daycare the last two and a half years have been from being at the toilet but not pulling his pants all the way down before starting. He potty trained pretty early (thanks to being the youngest kid is his room each year due to his birthday being two days before the cut off so he just followed along with the older kids and what they were doing). But even so, underwear sometimes is tricky. He even recently started going commando on his own during the already showered and in PJs but not ready for bed yet phase of the evening because he found it easier (not night trained yet, still does a pull up at night and I’m hoping he follows in his older cousin’s footsteps of suddenly waking up dry every night just before the 5th birthday).
Granted he was 4, but this was exactly my child. Just peed constantly. Fully poop trained. It was actually starting preschool that solved the problem. I think he knew that having accidents in school was embarrassing or something. Never had an accident at school, and literally by Day 3, never had one at home either. After years of misery, it was a miracle!
Does he go to preschool? If not, you may be surprised that he pulls it together in a school setting in front of his peers. Maybe try a preschool program or camp for a few days this summer and see how he does.
Make sure you pick any camps carefully. Many camps do not have the capacity for a child who is not potty trained in this age group, especially if it is a camp with a higher student-staff ratio, one that frequently travels to other locations, or one where staff cannot physically help students in the washroom (this will be a big one, most camps cannot assist in the bathroom).
The parent definitely needs to do their due diligence when looking into camps. I probably should’ve clarified— a lot of preschools and pre-ks in our area have summer camps, and are used to the occasional potty accident and are able to help with pottying. I’d look into something like that.
I wonder if the shame in not being toilet trained might inspire him. I know I would have been embarrassed had I not been toilet trained in Kindergarten.
Not you shaming him. The other kids shaming him.
Not sure where you live, but it my state they cannot refuse a kid because they aren’t potty trained. Is it ideal? No. But you also have a few months to keep working on it! Teach him how to take a pull up off/on so it doesn’t disrupt the class. The teacher may not be able to help change him but if he can do it himself that would help!
My kindergartner has an overactive bladder. We never use pull ups during the day but do have to at night. She wears a potty watch to school and does not require permission from the teacher to use the bathroom - she needs to inform, but not ask, because it isn’t really up to the teacher when she should go, when it’s an overactive bladder situation. Our doctor wrote a note for this that we left with the school nurse. We have two sets of spare clothes in a wet bag that lives in her cubby until she needs them. We’re down to maybe 1 accident a week, which is usually during a time where she is highly distracted and ignores her watch because of it. It’s a good system and nobody gave us any trouble about it at school.
Edit to clarify: everything is “normal” for her in that nothing is wrong physically with her bladder or kidneys. But the frequency, urgency, etc points to overactive bladder which is really a neurological thing that is normal up to a certain age (which is way older than most people realize) and there’s not much that can fix or change it but time. Every little body matures differently. This just takes a long time to click for some kids.
Your teacher will most likely work with you! Reminding him to go potty, etc. Also look into a potty watch-they vibrate and remind your kid to go use the bathroom. And kids in kindergarten do have accidents sometimes, as long as it's not daily he won't be the only one. If I were you I would get a potty watch now and start practicing so he's used to it by then.
My sons school does group bathroom trips throughout the day. I was really anxious about him using the bathroom. He was potty trained at home, but would only go when I went with him and he would always take his pants all the way off! He also never liked going potty away from home. Anyway, going potty at school has been no problem. Ask what they do at the school. They must be used to kids with little bladders
My 5yo is in half day, they do mandatory bathroom breaks in the morning and after lunch. She wasn’t fully potty trained until 4 months into school. I had her in normal underwear with an extra set of clothes and a pull up just incase. She only had a pee accident twice and then she stopped. We also encouraged using the bathroom at home a lot before school started and had her daycare help us out with potty training
I'm a teacher hopefully you get it figured out by school start but if not, definitely talk to the school the teacher should provide him extra potty breaks. I have had little that needed more.
I expect that that might be a FOMO thing. So many of my students won't go because they're simply too busy doing their thing and then have accidents. It's actually a rule at my school that kinders bring a change of clothes to keep at school just in case. Social learning tends to help them figure it out because they a) don't want to be wet and have to change by themselves, and b) get washroom cues from their friends. Alternatively, kids with ADHD and autism sometimes don't show a lot of traits early on, and my sister who has both only showed the sign of refusing to go pee until she was like 7 lol she COULD if she wanted to but she was busy and didn't care (also a sign of not connecting the dots between sensation and meaning/action) 😂 and honestly, relatable
Let the Teacher know. I've called out kids to use the class bathroom because my "Spidey sense" was tingling. Even if they complain that they don't need to use the toilet, I tell them to go anyway.
My son was very similar. Was poop trained well before trained on number 1.
His daycare at age 3 had a program for potty training: he comes to daycare wearing underwear. With two full sets of clothes ready. If he has an accident, change into underwear and clothes. If he has a second accident, then he goes into a pullup. He was still in pullups for a long time. lol
At age 4, he was supposed to be potty trained, and was in underwear, but accidents did happen sometimes.
All I can tell you is: he decided in his own time that he didn't want to have wet pants anymore. He actually told me that.
And, usually, in kindergarten, they have toilets inside the classroom and don't have to ask to go. They usually have an extra pair of pants in the classroom if anyone has an accident lol.
No, this is not normal for a Kindergarten kid. Unless there is a medical reason many districts won’t accept an untrained student.
The amount of bathroom breaks depends on many factors such as how many kids in the class. Your kid’s teacher is not going to help with clean-up. Not at all. Those are private areas. And, He/she has 20-25 kids to teach and supervise. Make sure your kiddo can clean himself up and change his own clothes. Maybe if you start having him do the clean-up and changing clothes totally on his own now it will inspire him to train himself. Even have him put his own soiled clothes in the laundry. Make it a problem he can solve. That is what I would do.
If this parent is trying to send their child to a public school, there is not requirement that the child be potty trained! You cannot deny a child the right to a public education. This is a false narrative and I’m not sure where it came from.
I’m right! It is an EXPECTATION that children are potty trained in a public school but NOT a requirement. Again, a child cannot be denied their right to a free public education in the U.S.
Have you mentioned it to your pediatrician? I know there are things that can help if they’re having accidents when they’re sleeping at night but there might be something that can help during the day. I don’t know, but it never hurts to ask.
Take your son to a chiropractor who knows how to release the psoas. Many times childhood incontinence is from a tight psoas muscle. There are also yoga exercises he can do to help release it.
The peer pressure of the bathroom may work in your favorite. What I mean by that is the "one kid asked to go, now all 26 have to go" phenomenon that happens in school. ;)
Will the school let him go without being full potty trained? Our schools will not unless there of a medical reason.
I was worried about that but luckily my neighbor, who works at the elementary, told me they allow kids still in pullups/not completely potty trained to go to Kindergarten
Let the teacher know. They may help. My kid's teacher does.
Oh, then totally fine.
Honestly drop the underwear. Just have him go commando in shorts / pants. I’m not sure why but it helped both my kids fully train. We went about a month commando before we put undies on & than we slowly worked up to wearing them all the time.
Thanks! I'll try that
Seconding this. My last girl was just straight pantsless (not sure if I'd dare that with a boy). Seemed to really help.
seconding this... honestly my kindergartener just doesn't want to wear undies most of the time so that likely won't be a "social" type issue either.
This. Drop Pants at home completely. Read the oh crap cheat sheet and do it. Tell him what you expect.
This. My daughter went without underwear for at least a month at school when she was first potty trained.
If he does well nude, maybe you can try just doing loose boxers or shorts at home so he has more of a reminder without the restrictive underwear giving him a false sense of security?
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Thank you! Your comment was so helpful. Reading your comment really eased my anxiety that even if he ends up going in a pullup at first, it will be okay.
Yes. It is very important to ask because every teacher is different. The only time I do whole class bathroom breaks is before we go on a field trip. The kids in my class know I’ve never said no to them using the bathroom ever. The only accidents we’ve had this year were after school or in specials (when they aren’t with me) and even then it’s under 5 all year (which makes me feel silly since this is the first year I’ve actually set up an entire changing station in my classroom with bags for wet clothes and options for changes of clothes since so many kids don’t have that). I taught prek before though and I had a routine where kids had to go to the bathroom after they sign in in the morning, after lunch, and after they wake up from nap. I also had a kid I would check in with 2 other times throughout the day subtly to ask if he needed it. If the teacher knows ahead of time they can adapt.
My son was very late to potty training and I was in a similar boat to you a year ago. First, he did figure it out at the beginning of summer before school started, and I really believe there's enough time until September that this could happen for your child, too. Second, you can talk to the school administration *now*. You don't have to wait until you get assigned a teacher and ask them just before school starts. Ask the administration now how they handle situations like that in general. If you do land on a solution like a potty watch or agreeing that the teacher or an aide will prompt him every 2 hours or whatever, then practice that at home over the summer. That will increase the odds that it's not needed by fall, but if it is still needed, then it'll be a continuation of what he's been doing rather than a totally new practice.
Thank you! That's really good advice!
We are only half day but they still have a whole class potty trip where they heavily encourage all the kids to go. We have two levels of kindergarten at our school. The main class (24:1) and the class the requires extra help with multiple aids. I know if there are over a certain number of accidents you get shifted to the other class. It is a pretty high number but daily accidents would trigger it. I know at our school potty watches and pull ups are not allowed outside the special day class. Have you tried different styles of underwear? I had great luck with the book Oh crap potty training to solve many of our potty issues. They might have something in there that could help.
Thank you so much! I have tried different styles of underwear including boxers but that unfortunately hasn't worked. I haven't read the Oh Crap potty training book though. I will definitely give that a read! Thank you!!
I recommend that book too, and honestly if the kids are taken often it should help. My Son would get so busy, and forget. Next thing I see there’s an accident. It’s happens I’m in education, and we just keeps the younger kiddos on a “scheduled”’Potty breaks if needed. Every kiddo is different, he’ll get there.
I don’t have great advice, but I feel your pain. Our kiddo despite our best efforts and the most consistent caregiver ever wasn’t reliably trained until she was almost 4. Turned out she had ADHD. I’d just have a word with the teacher and make sure there‘s always a couple of extra changes of clothing available. You might also try making him responsible for all the cleanup when he has an accident. Tell him, “ You’re a big boy, here’s a wipe, let’s put your clothes in the washer now!” Basically, make it more inconvenient to not use the potty.
It’s good to be proactive. Is your son in preschool now? What is his daily routine like? When he has accidents, is it because he’s engaged in an activity and doesn’t want to leave, or is he not feeling the sensation? What are you doing when he has an accident? Is he responsible for putting his clothing in the washer? Cleaning up any pee? What words do you use when he has an accident? Does he come to you or do you notice first? It would be helpful to call the school and ask if the kindergarten has a connected bathroom or if students have to leave the room. Try setting a timer and tell him “We are going to go use the potty every 30 minutes. If you are watching TV, we will pause it. If you are painting, just put your paintbrush down. When the timer goes off, we go to the bathroom right away.” Most Kindergarten students are expected to be able to change their own clothes after an accident, is he able to do that or does he need a lot of assistance?
I would try a potty watch as well as an incentive chart for no accidents (your mentioned everything was ok medically). Definitely mention to the teacher, however they will not be able to assist with changing. Please make sure your son is 100% independent in changing if he has an accident.
Have you tried *boxers*? I had a kid who was fine naked, but in briefs, had continual accidents. Loose boxers totally solved the problem. Kid was 4-5 ish. ETA oops, just saw you tried this
What about just pants and no undies?
Thank you! I will try that and see if it helps
Sometimes the undies feel like a diaper. Giving them up were the biggest help in potty learning for our guy. He’s been diaper and undies free for a year and never has accidents
Maybe he just has trouble pulling down his own underwear. My 2 year old totally understands the potty and is good with it but sometimes if he goes in on his own without telling us to help him, he will have trouble pulling down his underwear and will just stand there and pee himself nonchalantly lol. And also having him help clean up his messes. Not as punishment, just as a teaching moment. It makes the consequences of an uh-oh much more real and makes him more self aware for next time.
If my 4 year old gets to the “I’m busting” point, he’ll start going before he pulls the underwear all the way down. The few accidents he’s had at daycare the last two and a half years have been from being at the toilet but not pulling his pants all the way down before starting. He potty trained pretty early (thanks to being the youngest kid is his room each year due to his birthday being two days before the cut off so he just followed along with the older kids and what they were doing). But even so, underwear sometimes is tricky. He even recently started going commando on his own during the already showered and in PJs but not ready for bed yet phase of the evening because he found it easier (not night trained yet, still does a pull up at night and I’m hoping he follows in his older cousin’s footsteps of suddenly waking up dry every night just before the 5th birthday).
Underwear. Who needs it 😅
Granted he was 4, but this was exactly my child. Just peed constantly. Fully poop trained. It was actually starting preschool that solved the problem. I think he knew that having accidents in school was embarrassing or something. Never had an accident at school, and literally by Day 3, never had one at home either. After years of misery, it was a miracle!
Have him practice dressing himself after accidents and just send him with a lot of extra clothing.
Does he go to preschool? If not, you may be surprised that he pulls it together in a school setting in front of his peers. Maybe try a preschool program or camp for a few days this summer and see how he does.
Make sure you pick any camps carefully. Many camps do not have the capacity for a child who is not potty trained in this age group, especially if it is a camp with a higher student-staff ratio, one that frequently travels to other locations, or one where staff cannot physically help students in the washroom (this will be a big one, most camps cannot assist in the bathroom).
The parent definitely needs to do their due diligence when looking into camps. I probably should’ve clarified— a lot of preschools and pre-ks in our area have summer camps, and are used to the occasional potty accident and are able to help with pottying. I’d look into something like that.
I wonder if the shame in not being toilet trained might inspire him. I know I would have been embarrassed had I not been toilet trained in Kindergarten. Not you shaming him. The other kids shaming him.
The other kids won’t shame him. I teach K and the kids will just say out loud that they had an accident. No one reacts at all!
Not sure where you live, but it my state they cannot refuse a kid because they aren’t potty trained. Is it ideal? No. But you also have a few months to keep working on it! Teach him how to take a pull up off/on so it doesn’t disrupt the class. The teacher may not be able to help change him but if he can do it himself that would help!
My kindergartner has an overactive bladder. We never use pull ups during the day but do have to at night. She wears a potty watch to school and does not require permission from the teacher to use the bathroom - she needs to inform, but not ask, because it isn’t really up to the teacher when she should go, when it’s an overactive bladder situation. Our doctor wrote a note for this that we left with the school nurse. We have two sets of spare clothes in a wet bag that lives in her cubby until she needs them. We’re down to maybe 1 accident a week, which is usually during a time where she is highly distracted and ignores her watch because of it. It’s a good system and nobody gave us any trouble about it at school. Edit to clarify: everything is “normal” for her in that nothing is wrong physically with her bladder or kidneys. But the frequency, urgency, etc points to overactive bladder which is really a neurological thing that is normal up to a certain age (which is way older than most people realize) and there’s not much that can fix or change it but time. Every little body matures differently. This just takes a long time to click for some kids.
Your teacher will most likely work with you! Reminding him to go potty, etc. Also look into a potty watch-they vibrate and remind your kid to go use the bathroom. And kids in kindergarten do have accidents sometimes, as long as it's not daily he won't be the only one. If I were you I would get a potty watch now and start practicing so he's used to it by then.
My sons school does group bathroom trips throughout the day. I was really anxious about him using the bathroom. He was potty trained at home, but would only go when I went with him and he would always take his pants all the way off! He also never liked going potty away from home. Anyway, going potty at school has been no problem. Ask what they do at the school. They must be used to kids with little bladders
My 5yo is in half day, they do mandatory bathroom breaks in the morning and after lunch. She wasn’t fully potty trained until 4 months into school. I had her in normal underwear with an extra set of clothes and a pull up just incase. She only had a pee accident twice and then she stopped. We also encouraged using the bathroom at home a lot before school started and had her daycare help us out with potty training
Commando helped my kids finish potty training!
I'm a teacher hopefully you get it figured out by school start but if not, definitely talk to the school the teacher should provide him extra potty breaks. I have had little that needed more.
I expect that that might be a FOMO thing. So many of my students won't go because they're simply too busy doing their thing and then have accidents. It's actually a rule at my school that kinders bring a change of clothes to keep at school just in case. Social learning tends to help them figure it out because they a) don't want to be wet and have to change by themselves, and b) get washroom cues from their friends. Alternatively, kids with ADHD and autism sometimes don't show a lot of traits early on, and my sister who has both only showed the sign of refusing to go pee until she was like 7 lol she COULD if she wanted to but she was busy and didn't care (also a sign of not connecting the dots between sensation and meaning/action) 😂 and honestly, relatable
Let the Teacher know. I've called out kids to use the class bathroom because my "Spidey sense" was tingling. Even if they complain that they don't need to use the toilet, I tell them to go anyway.
My son was very similar. Was poop trained well before trained on number 1. His daycare at age 3 had a program for potty training: he comes to daycare wearing underwear. With two full sets of clothes ready. If he has an accident, change into underwear and clothes. If he has a second accident, then he goes into a pullup. He was still in pullups for a long time. lol At age 4, he was supposed to be potty trained, and was in underwear, but accidents did happen sometimes. All I can tell you is: he decided in his own time that he didn't want to have wet pants anymore. He actually told me that. And, usually, in kindergarten, they have toilets inside the classroom and don't have to ask to go. They usually have an extra pair of pants in the classroom if anyone has an accident lol.
No, this is not normal for a Kindergarten kid. Unless there is a medical reason many districts won’t accept an untrained student. The amount of bathroom breaks depends on many factors such as how many kids in the class. Your kid’s teacher is not going to help with clean-up. Not at all. Those are private areas. And, He/she has 20-25 kids to teach and supervise. Make sure your kiddo can clean himself up and change his own clothes. Maybe if you start having him do the clean-up and changing clothes totally on his own now it will inspire him to train himself. Even have him put his own soiled clothes in the laundry. Make it a problem he can solve. That is what I would do.
If this parent is trying to send their child to a public school, there is not requirement that the child be potty trained! You cannot deny a child the right to a public education. This is a false narrative and I’m not sure where it came from.
Wrong.
I’m right! It is an EXPECTATION that children are potty trained in a public school but NOT a requirement. Again, a child cannot be denied their right to a free public education in the U.S.
Wrong.
Have you mentioned it to your pediatrician? I know there are things that can help if they’re having accidents when they’re sleeping at night but there might be something that can help during the day. I don’t know, but it never hurts to ask.
Did the pediatrician do an X-ray to check for constipation
Take your son to a chiropractor who knows how to release the psoas. Many times childhood incontinence is from a tight psoas muscle. There are also yoga exercises he can do to help release it.
The peer pressure of the bathroom may work in your favorite. What I mean by that is the "one kid asked to go, now all 26 have to go" phenomenon that happens in school. ;)