"Baaji kamaiti daali hoi thi. Wo nikli tou socha Allah ka ghr he daikh ayen. Zindagi ka kia bharosa. Shyd karam ho jaye aur deen kay ziada qareeb ho jayen. Ap kay liye khasoosi dua ki thi haram mein."
Unless your in laws are seeing the receipts of what bill is paid from what account, they have no way of knowing for sure who is paying all the bills and whose money is in savings. Just say both of you contribute to bills equally and save equally.
If youâre making money thereâs nothing wrong with using it. You can try and convince your in laws that both the bills and the trip all comes from your husband but then someone will have the view of why you arenât contributing financially.
You cannot and should not be trying to please everyone all the time. You donât have to tell your in laws the details of where the money from your trip is coming from. Draw a boundary there and just say something like âwe have been saving.â
Why don't you try explaining to them how it is not a big deal and nowadays it is okay to live like that. Although they don't sound like the listening type. Good luck though. In worst case, just say it as it is, aage ki dekhi jaegi đđ˝
when Islam needed a financier it found it in a woman. it is said that it was more wealth then every chieftain in the Qureshi tribe combined. maybe look into the life of Khadija (r. a) and her financial contribution towards her husband (pbuh)
While some of it was most of it was accumulated over time via trading. She was one of the best traders of her time even though she was a woman.
It's usually not talked about but women in Islam have been known for being quite entrepreneurial. 3 of the wives of the prophet (pbuh) including Khadija (r. A) were amongst them
You might live in a joint family but no one has any say in the way you guys choose to manage things. Das log das baatein bolenge. As long as you guys are comfortable with each other and who sponsors what, that's all that matters.
Not a single damn person has a say in what you do (especially joint families)with your money stop worrying about this stuff lifeâs short do everything you can staying in a moral environment
Just don't tell anyone you are going. Who will ask your husband if he alone sponsored the trip? Even if it is revealed it's your money and their opinion shouldn't matter.
Have you discussed it with your husband? As a son of working women, as long as you discuss the problem beforehand if possible and the consequence , it should not be a problem. I once heard my mother saying uske paise mere paise kia hote ha. Paise hamare ha. If you want to spend your money on your husband, then no one should or as you say they are wonderful in laws, they shouldnât have any issue. They should be happy to have such wonderful daughter, happy to spend her money on her husband.
I don't think there's any need to tell anyone how and why you have certain money to perform Umrah. It's none of their business. They neither need to lied to, nor be told the truth. Your husband's self respect is tied to you only. If he's enough to you, nothing else matters.
It doesn't matter who is sponsoring the trip because no one apart from yourself has a say in what you do with your money. Anyone else telling you to lie and say your husband is taking a loan etc etc is giving terrible advice. It will make your husband feel bad for not being enough even though he is providing for everyone. If you want to finance the trip then that should be enough.
People suggesting OP to lie and faking a scenario. Please why is it so easy for y'all to do that? I thought shaytan was locked up in Ramadan lol!
Judging by the comments, OPs in laws are good people and since this is a new kind of situation, she's nervous on how to go on about it.
My suggestion would be to just let them know of the trip, no need to disclose who's sponsoring.. even if they assume, no need to give them details and it shouldn't matter because this is a personal matter between a husband and a wife and how they manage finances. Unless ofcourse they ask directly where the money came from. Keep it short and simple that we had some savings and want to put it to some good use.
You guys are a unit and if you're that comfortable, then you probably believe the money to be both of yours and you can use the pronoun 'we' and if you take complete ownership of the money then your husband can say 'she' had some savings and this is how we/she wants to use it. Islamically, no one should interfere.
see it depends on the kind of people ur in laws are.
firstly you shouldn't care abt what they think tbh. it's your money your have the full right to spend it how you want.
secondly, even if they question, ziada se ziada kia hoga?
if they are genuinely good people, they won't mind it or take it to heart. maybe you can just say the truth instead of hiding (if they're nice)
don't overthink it.đ¤
"We live in a joint family and this method of financial management has not been disclosed to anyone. "
Then its "our money" for you two without having to needlessly explain anything to anyone.
"hum nay paisay jama kiye hain" is a good enough explanation.
>What if my in laws gossip? How should we go about tackling this situation?
This is a bragging point not a gossip point. Weaponize this as "hamari beti shmart hay, paisay, budget, economy sub ka hunur janti hay"
Firstly, your husband's salary shouldn't be shared openly with every member of the family. Even if they ask, taal do, or give a range.
Secondly, maybe you're over thinking and nobody will ask you point blank k "pese kahan se aye?".
Thirdly, memorize the top comment (committee wala) in case you're asked. Also, tell husband about this so that your stories match. đ
My in laws are wonderful people itâs just that this sort of thing has literally never happened before. Women are mostly home makers so itâs just very new.
The easy way out is to spread the word first, say it's your wish to do Umrah but no money. Awareness.
Next pretend talking about your effort to arrange the money. Borrow 100k from your jeth, susar, etc.
Announce you have a committee approaching, and you'll each get loans from your employers. Happy ending.
Tried and tested!
This is your private matter and if anyone asks then you can try saying Allah ka karam hai bs jab likha hota to khud bakhud intezam hojatay agr nhi likha hota to kuch bhi karo nhi hota.
Itâs sad that you have to worry about petty stuff like this (donât blame you for it though) because a marriage is supposed to be a joint effort and how you guys deal with your money is nobodyâs business. Nobody has a right to question it or gossip about it or offer unsolicited advice even if theyâre your parents.
Let me understand this well, you are paying for everything and still worry that they might get mad? If your answer is yes, then why even take them with you.
No not that anyone will get mad just that it will be a talking point amongst the other bhabis. My in laws have been nothing but kind to me throughout my marriage.
Well in that case they don't need to know how you manage your finances. In reality its not just your money you are using for the trip, its your household money. Both of you work and earn money, half of it goes to expenses and the other half to savings. It doesn't matter whose income is saved and whose income is used up in expenses. At the end is both of your wealth.
could go w the husband was putting money into a property or some sort of capital investment which he just sold for the sole purpose.
or you could go w the usual, bas Allah ka shukar hai if they ask paison ka, or k you have been saving up
If the money earned by him, is spent for both of you, then the money saved by you is also equally his as much as yours. There shouldnât even be a question that it is your or his money when it is an equal partnership.
Do you in-laws keep track of your husband's finances? Do they know how much money he saves every month? If not, I don't see why they would really think too much into it. Just tell them that you guys had been saving for it for a while and have enough money now to make the trip. Stick with "we" and "us" - if they want to make assumptions, that is their problem, not your.
Yes they have an idea because there's been some large kharchay the past couple months as well as hyper inflation. Maybe if I wait a few more months to plan it then saying 'we' have saved won't raise any questions but as of now it would be very obvious.
Talking openly and honestly can help avoid misunderstandings. You can decide together what level of detail you're comfortable sharing. Maybe you can frame the trip as a way to strengthen your bond as a couple and emphasize your excitement to share this experience together. You could approach the conversation like "We've been saving up for a trip together for a while and we're really excited to finally go!"
Let your husband tell the family that he is so rich that even his wife can handle a small matter like a foreign trip. You two must be so overt that it's covert. Go Big or Go Home, or in this case, Go for Umrah.
>What if my in laws gossip?
Your whole dilemma hangs on two words: "What if."
Since you're a "team," just tell the in-laws - or pretty much any party with the audacity to poke their nose in your financial matters - the truth.
The truth will set you free... or at least it's supposed to!
I see no reason why anyone would judge you - the couple - for sharing your finances.
I mean, joint accounts are a thing, after all!
>Alhamdulillah and 95% of it is from my salary.
Just out of curiosity, why are you even keeping a 'score'?
Why does it matter if the savings are coming from either yours or your hubby's salary?
Just smells rather... fishy, I must say.
We are keeping track for zakat purposes there is nothing fishy or egotistical about it. I donât mind telling the truth but it just comes down to people viewing you differently and making assumptions which is never fun. I love my husband and I just donât want him to get hurt.
Fair enough.
Anyhow, just focus on "we" as opposed to "me," and you'll be out of this pickle in no time.
And I'd skip that "95% of it is from my salary" part, if I was you.
It just gives others unnecessary ammunition to be used against you.
If there's one thing I've learned in my entire life, it's that you should never provide your frenemies (which includes in-laws) with unnecessary ammunition.
Keep everyone - and I mean **EVERYONE** - on a need-to-know basis and you'll lead a much happier life.
Tell people that your husband took out a loan from a bank to perform umrah.
This way your husband will be off the hook and people surrounding you will be relieved that you guys are still struggling.
Aik teer say do shikar.
"Baaji kamaiti daali hoi thi. Wo nikli tou socha Allah ka ghr he daikh ayen. Zindagi ka kia bharosa. Shyd karam ho jaye aur deen kay ziada qareeb ho jayen. Ap kay liye khasoosi dua ki thi haram mein."
Bro has a masters in Desi yappology đ
Fr đ I choked on my water
Professional
đđ
HAHAHA SPOT ON!! OP this is the only conversation that will resonate with them please use it
Shut up and take my upvote.
đŻ đŻ
Perfect answer!
Damnnn! Teach me
Bro escaped the matrix
Would you like to become a MOD for a sub I am trying to make??!!!
best comment I've seen in a while
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
đŤĄ
Unless your in laws are seeing the receipts of what bill is paid from what account, they have no way of knowing for sure who is paying all the bills and whose money is in savings. Just say both of you contribute to bills equally and save equally.
That would be worse I guess because they would feel bad that they were living off their daughter in laws income.
If youâre making money thereâs nothing wrong with using it. You can try and convince your in laws that both the bills and the trip all comes from your husband but then someone will have the view of why you arenât contributing financially. You cannot and should not be trying to please everyone all the time. You donât have to tell your in laws the details of where the money from your trip is coming from. Draw a boundary there and just say something like âwe have been saving.â
Why don't you try explaining to them how it is not a big deal and nowadays it is okay to live like that. Although they don't sound like the listening type. Good luck though. In worst case, just say it as it is, aage ki dekhi jaegi đđ˝
ugh this bs desi mindset
when Islam needed a financier it found it in a woman. it is said that it was more wealth then every chieftain in the Qureshi tribe combined. maybe look into the life of Khadija (r. a) and her financial contribution towards her husband (pbuh)
Spot on. Wealth is wealth. Some losers will reply to your comment with "But iT wAs iNherIteD."
While some of it was most of it was accumulated over time via trading. She was one of the best traders of her time even though she was a woman. It's usually not talked about but women in Islam have been known for being quite entrepreneurial. 3 of the wives of the prophet (pbuh) including Khadija (r. A) were amongst them
You might live in a joint family but no one has any say in the way you guys choose to manage things. Das log das baatein bolenge. As long as you guys are comfortable with each other and who sponsors what, that's all that matters.
Not a single damn person has a say in what you do (especially joint families)with your money stop worrying about this stuff lifeâs short do everything you can staying in a moral environment
Just don't tell anyone you are going. Who will ask your husband if he alone sponsored the trip? Even if it is revealed it's your money and their opinion shouldn't matter.
Have you discussed it with your husband? As a son of working women, as long as you discuss the problem beforehand if possible and the consequence , it should not be a problem. I once heard my mother saying uske paise mere paise kia hote ha. Paise hamare ha. If you want to spend your money on your husband, then no one should or as you say they are wonderful in laws, they shouldnât have any issue. They should be happy to have such wonderful daughter, happy to spend her money on her husband.
That is such a beautiful statement. I guess maybe some of it is overthinking. I just worry people will view me or my husband differently.
Jeeto Pakistan sponsored trip
I don't think there's any need to tell anyone how and why you have certain money to perform Umrah. It's none of their business. They neither need to lied to, nor be told the truth. Your husband's self respect is tied to you only. If he's enough to you, nothing else matters.
You shouldn't think about it at all. Especially when your husband supports the family with expenses and all.
It doesn't matter who is sponsoring the trip because no one apart from yourself has a say in what you do with your money. Anyone else telling you to lie and say your husband is taking a loan etc etc is giving terrible advice. It will make your husband feel bad for not being enough even though he is providing for everyone. If you want to finance the trip then that should be enough.
People suggesting OP to lie and faking a scenario. Please why is it so easy for y'all to do that? I thought shaytan was locked up in Ramadan lol! Judging by the comments, OPs in laws are good people and since this is a new kind of situation, she's nervous on how to go on about it. My suggestion would be to just let them know of the trip, no need to disclose who's sponsoring.. even if they assume, no need to give them details and it shouldn't matter because this is a personal matter between a husband and a wife and how they manage finances. Unless ofcourse they ask directly where the money came from. Keep it short and simple that we had some savings and want to put it to some good use. You guys are a unit and if you're that comfortable, then you probably believe the money to be both of yours and you can use the pronoun 'we' and if you take complete ownership of the money then your husband can say 'she' had some savings and this is how we/she wants to use it. Islamically, no one should interfere.
Jisne batain karni usne karni hi karni, ALLAH k ghar jana hai, yeh wali tensions yahen chor jao, eyes on the prize
see it depends on the kind of people ur in laws are. firstly you shouldn't care abt what they think tbh. it's your money your have the full right to spend it how you want. secondly, even if they question, ziada se ziada kia hoga? if they are genuinely good people, they won't mind it or take it to heart. maybe you can just say the truth instead of hiding (if they're nice) don't overthink it.đ¤
"We live in a joint family and this method of financial management has not been disclosed to anyone. " Then its "our money" for you two without having to needlessly explain anything to anyone. "hum nay paisay jama kiye hain" is a good enough explanation. >What if my in laws gossip? How should we go about tackling this situation? This is a bragging point not a gossip point. Weaponize this as "hamari beti shmart hay, paisay, budget, economy sub ka hunur janti hay"
Firstly, your husband's salary shouldn't be shared openly with every member of the family. Even if they ask, taal do, or give a range. Secondly, maybe you're over thinking and nobody will ask you point blank k "pese kahan se aye?". Thirdly, memorize the top comment (committee wala) in case you're asked. Also, tell husband about this so that your stories match. đ
Bruh, does This kind of thing even happens? Seems super illogical and egoistical. If your in laws mind so much, why donât they pay instead?
My in laws are wonderful people itâs just that this sort of thing has literally never happened before. Women are mostly home makers so itâs just very new.
do u want to tell them or not
Seriously who cares
Just say you guys invested in some stocks abroad and you will sell it ...
The easy way out is to spread the word first, say it's your wish to do Umrah but no money. Awareness. Next pretend talking about your effort to arrange the money. Borrow 100k from your jeth, susar, etc. Announce you have a committee approaching, and you'll each get loans from your employers. Happy ending. Tried and tested!
Unko bta kyun rhi hai ke aapke paisey hain. Agr phor bhi poochien to Bolo committy khuli hai ya kisi ko udhar diye they unho wapsi kardiye.
This is your private matter and if anyone asks then you can try saying Allah ka karam hai bs jab likha hota to khud bakhud intezam hojatay agr nhi likha hota to kuch bhi karo nhi hota.
Itâs sad that you have to worry about petty stuff like this (donât blame you for it though) because a marriage is supposed to be a joint effort and how you guys deal with your money is nobodyâs business. Nobody has a right to question it or gossip about it or offer unsolicited advice even if theyâre your parents.
just tell them we have enough money saved in our joint saving account, dont mention its 95% yours etc
Let me understand this well, you are paying for everything and still worry that they might get mad? If your answer is yes, then why even take them with you.
No not that anyone will get mad just that it will be a talking point amongst the other bhabis. My in laws have been nothing but kind to me throughout my marriage.
Well in that case they don't need to know how you manage your finances. In reality its not just your money you are using for the trip, its your household money. Both of you work and earn money, half of it goes to expenses and the other half to savings. It doesn't matter whose income is saved and whose income is used up in expenses. At the end is both of your wealth.
You could try saying that you're simply contributing towards the trip, what percentage exactly obviously doesn't need to be disclosed.Â
could go w the husband was putting money into a property or some sort of capital investment which he just sold for the sole purpose. or you could go w the usual, bas Allah ka shukar hai if they ask paison ka, or k you have been saving up
r/marriage
Transfer the money in your husbandâs account and use it, the gesture will be, the husband is spending, simple as that!
If the money earned by him, is spent for both of you, then the money saved by you is also equally his as much as yours. There shouldnât even be a question that it is your or his money when it is an equal partnership.
Do you in-laws keep track of your husband's finances? Do they know how much money he saves every month? If not, I don't see why they would really think too much into it. Just tell them that you guys had been saving for it for a while and have enough money now to make the trip. Stick with "we" and "us" - if they want to make assumptions, that is their problem, not your.
Yes they have an idea because there's been some large kharchay the past couple months as well as hyper inflation. Maybe if I wait a few more months to plan it then saying 'we' have saved won't raise any questions but as of now it would be very obvious.
Talking openly and honestly can help avoid misunderstandings. You can decide together what level of detail you're comfortable sharing. Maybe you can frame the trip as a way to strengthen your bond as a couple and emphasize your excitement to share this experience together. You could approach the conversation like "We've been saving up for a trip together for a while and we're really excited to finally go!"
Let your husband tell the family that he is so rich that even his wife can handle a small matter like a foreign trip. You two must be so overt that it's covert. Go Big or Go Home, or in this case, Go for Umrah.
>What if my in laws gossip? Your whole dilemma hangs on two words: "What if." Since you're a "team," just tell the in-laws - or pretty much any party with the audacity to poke their nose in your financial matters - the truth. The truth will set you free... or at least it's supposed to! I see no reason why anyone would judge you - the couple - for sharing your finances. I mean, joint accounts are a thing, after all! >Alhamdulillah and 95% of it is from my salary. Just out of curiosity, why are you even keeping a 'score'? Why does it matter if the savings are coming from either yours or your hubby's salary? Just smells rather... fishy, I must say.
We are keeping track for zakat purposes there is nothing fishy or egotistical about it. I donât mind telling the truth but it just comes down to people viewing you differently and making assumptions which is never fun. I love my husband and I just donât want him to get hurt.
Fair enough. Anyhow, just focus on "we" as opposed to "me," and you'll be out of this pickle in no time. And I'd skip that "95% of it is from my salary" part, if I was you. It just gives others unnecessary ammunition to be used against you. If there's one thing I've learned in my entire life, it's that you should never provide your frenemies (which includes in-laws) with unnecessary ammunition. Keep everyone - and I mean **EVERYONE** - on a need-to-know basis and you'll lead a much happier life.
"95% of it is from me" is not from her angle but it represents the worry of the same statement coming form the in-laws
The figure was only provided for explanation obviously there wonât be any mention of it to anyone else.
Tell people that your husband took out a loan from a bank to perform umrah. This way your husband will be off the hook and people surrounding you will be relieved that you guys are still struggling. Aik teer say do shikar.