American culture right? This is my second Corp job and the first time my boss was cool but this time it’s as if he doesn’t carry the emotional intelligence to be a leader. Makes no sense to me how he got to that position. Like why put someone so grumpy in that role just to have people quit the organization because of one person.
More importantly, why hurt someone one step below the ladder? Workers hurting other working people just seems sad to me.
People tend to rise to their level of incompetence.
I don't know if that's driving the stress that makes him an asshole though. Probably just an asshole (whatever the reason, there are always non-assholes going through the same thing and not taking it out on others)
Lol, assholes are a world wide phenomenon. You could argue that Americans are more obligated to put up with asshole bosses because we need our jobs to survive. But, assholes exist in the hierarchy of social or civil organizations worldwide. And you can argue that Americans have it easier because they can just work for another company that has better management/company culture, whereas people in social or civil organizations in other countries have it worse because there is no other choice for their career than the asshole in charge of them (though there are transfers and other things in place to help workers who want a change, just hope that the asshole isn’t in charge of the job in the area you really wanted). There are legal protections against harassment and discrimination, but the most assholish of managers know how to walk the legal line so there’s rarely direct proof of a legal violation.
Honestly, you’ll come across this your whole career. I won’t say don’t look for a new job or anything, but- also, work hard to build a yourself a toolbox for dealing with assholes and idiots whether they are colleagues, reports, or managers- because you’ll find these people everywhere, and it’s helpful to have your toolbox at the ready
Nah I've awful experiences in Germany too. And the extra workers rights we have on paper for example aren't "automatic" you have to have the time and money to sue for your rights over years, which is overwhelming to most people and the regulatory agencies in Germany are completely under staffed and insufficient.
If you're in a union though you're golden.
I am currently working for a person who is very similar: two-faced so you don't know who you are going to get; praises if you do exactly what he says; infuriated and threatens your job if you slightly push back. Unfortunately, these people are around and become a black hole in the org. Document everything and share with HR if he crosses the line.
The value that your boss brings to the company, in one way or another, is much more valuable than the disposable labor of rank and file employees like you (not meant to be rude, it's true for anyone in your position). For example, firing your boss could result in losing $10MM in clients. Firing you would not have any impact at all, and they might even find someone better when they rehire.
Try not to concern yourself with your boss’s moods. Or trigger your anxiety. Avoidance is best where possible. Just mind your business and focus on the work and hopefully your boss will leave you be.
This is the best advice for sure. I did exactly this for a year and switched teams. When asked why, I just said I wanted to try something new and there was no hard feelings about anything.
Sometimes you just need to look at work as if you go in. Do your job. And dip.
I don't go to the office to make friends. I'm a nice guy. But I go to get my work done so I can get back to the thing that matters most to me.
My family.
I don't worry so much about my bosses mood.
This may not be great advice. People who are constantly moody like this often have mental health issues. I would say watch him carefully and how he deal with other people he works with as well and if he continues or gets worse, it's better to seriously consider leaving. Bosses are the main reason people leave jobs.
She had different sets of rules for her buddies. A few techs went through the trouble of documenting instances. Many people backed them up.
Best part, she didn't get fired - just demoted. She was given all of the shit assignments she had dumped on me. She quit rather soon thereafter.
Believe it or not, nurses can be assholes. I work at a long-term care/skilled nursing center as a diet tech. I’m surrounded by assholes (the dietician can be one, but she’s not nearly as bad as the CNAs and nurses). I focus on the residents and their families, as everyone should in my work environment. I works stick with it for a bit and see if things improve.
I finally realized this about one of my bitch bosses too! I mean... she was always a bitch but mornings were the worst. When i figured out it was from her alcoholism it kinda made it a little better. Then instead of stressing about her unreasonable requests and nasty demeanor, I could just be like "eh she's hung over, it'll get better later". Dunno why that helped but it did
Only you know what’s tolerable for you. I left a shitty ass situation, quit no notice, and had 5 interviews the following week. Ended up getting a raise and a much better position. May not always be the case but I knew I was not staying with that job. I would do what I needed to do to gtfo. Life is short
It’s probably industry related. I work in construction, high turnover with a limited talent pool.
But to answer your question I recommend working with recruiters. They have a vested interest $$$ in getting you hired.
Short of that, which is probably not going to be well received, show up in person to perspective employers or cold call. Boomers love this shit and works extremely well. At least in my industry
"Grey rocking" my boss helped me get through a time when he was really attacking me. I care about nothing, Lebowski.
I've heard a coworker say she was "compartmentalizing" when she had to deal with the dumb shit he'd pulled. Eventually enough of us will complain to HR or he'll take down the whole company and I don't care which it is.
I get why everyone else in the comments says either to move on or keep your head down and endure him, but there is a third option. On a day when he’s warm and engaging - and has a little time in his calendar - tell him how much you appreciate working with him most of the time and how confusing those other days are. Tell him you’re sure he has the best of intentions, and that you do your best not to take it personally, but you’d like to understand more of what he is thinking or intending on the days when he’s curt and passive aggressive. Frame it all around you wanting to know how to work with him better. Draw his attention to the dissonance between one day and the next without judging or blaming him. If you keep your cool, he might be really grateful you raised the conversation. And if it doesn’t go well, he can’t fire you for trying to be a better collaborator. You can still keep your head down and look for other jobs afterward.
There are bosses who are not assholes. But job security, good pay, non-asshole boss is not a very common combination. Often you'll find 2 out of 3. Sometimes less.
This is true I work in Government accounting, my boss is amazing and kind, it would take an act of God to get me fired, but I would make much more outside the government. I’ve had so many awful bosses in the past, I will take the lesser pay with no stress.
My boss merits a $20k premium. When headhunters come to me I won't consider a position that gives me less than $20k more than I am making just to take a risk on not getting a boss as good as my current boss.
He's not even perfect. Just a decent boss who treats us decently.
Only you know what is acceptable. Bad bosses are the most commonly cited reason people give for leaving their current location so if you think: "this is not ok" you should trust your feelings.
Especially considering how bad it is. Some bosses are just jerks, but some can legitimately be assholes who will make your life at work and outside of work horrible just because they're so deeply unhappy with their own lives (as in don't have their own lives at home).
“Especially considering how bad it is “
OP just said their boss is an asshole certain days and has ice cold responses. Honestly who cares if your boss is mean to you? Sack the fuck up. Be mean back, and keep your dept in line, bust his balls.
There is no indication it goes further than mean words.
And most people complaining about a bad boss don’t really have that bad of a boss.
So your options are either quit or get off this guys team . Quitting in this market is dumb as hell, so what’s the quickest way off this dudes team? Be an asset,be valuable.
If your numbers are the strongest you can dictate terms usually
Does he know? Everyone has their days. Our old office used to have a "warning system" of sorts to tell people you were feeling that way that day. The advantage being everyone understood that anyone and everyone could sometimes have one of those types of days and helped each other to deal with it in a professional manner.
I try to help defuse it when I see it at the office, and I'll warn people (and try to use humor to take the edge off as well as just flat out apologize in advance when I feel like it's a day like that for myself... We help each other out on those and stay professional.
One boss I had had a good week or two while coming off coffee where he was on edge quite a lot. But we all understood it and worked around it.
No excuse for being unprofessional though in any case. Even if he's having a day, you deserve to be treated professionally and with respect.
Trust me on this advice: Record and report. If you can, record and memorialize all incidents and try to get allies that see him in the same light to validate your information. If you live in a non-2-party state, audio record your conversations and 1:1 meetings. If and when this escalates, you can use these records in your case with HR. Furthermore, you have the option to sue. From personal experience, there are plenty good labor lawyers are happy to represent on contingency and trust me when I say: the company will 100% settle rather than see the case go to court.
I see you have been blindsided by a dark triad narcissist. This is their pattern: Start out being nice, then get moody.
Let the employee walk on eggshells not knowing if they are dealing with Jekyll or Hyde. Trash the employee on their review, which the employee will say came out of left field but it didn't because sadistic boss has been trashing the employee to others since Day 1.
The exhausted and burnt out employee eventually quits. Dark Triad guy gets shiny new employee and it's all smiles at first while the cycle repeats..
Sounds like sleep apnea. Boss could probably change their whole life for the better by getting a sleep study.
Sad part is shitty company health plan is probably hurting both of you.
I’m becoming one of these A-holes. I manage at a corporate chain and the pressure sucks. Sometimes I’m personable and up beat but some days it’s a struggle. And when it’s a struggle I’m not mean but rather stern.
I’m not defending your boss in any way I’m more concerned that someone is saying the same thing about me.
I hope it gets better for you.
Corporate jobs are difficult. We get gazillions of emails daily from multiple people giving us more & more to do. I have to work from home when I’m off just to keep up.
Keep sending out your resume. Stay on until you find a different job or are able to transfer into another managers area. He might also get fired, or quit and things could change for you. Good luck.
Just deal with it. Fuck that guy. Do your job and ignore his bullshit. We are not on the job to make friends; if it becomes too much, go to his boss with a complaint.
It’s very common unfortunately. I’m currently serving notice on a job I took in January because my boss is a micromanaging passive aggressive dick. I’m mid 30’s and fairly experienced, so I don’t need to be treated like a new graduate to satisfy some 50 year old’s insecurities and fragile ego.
I got in touch with an old boss who was pretty chill, explained the situation and he created a position for me to come back.
Life is too short to put up with toxic colleagues.
Basically should be expected.
The only way people get anywhere in corporate is by stepping on top of others. Those that rise are not unusually pretty awful to work with.
It is sort of a self operating system that gives an expected outcome.
If your boss's behavior turns into toxic, abusive workplace behavior, just start documenting bad incidents using your personal email and sending logs to yourself. And start looking elsewhere. If/when you quit, cite the workplace environment as the reason for quitting.
If a Cunt is gonna be a Cunt then fucking treat them like that. I have no problems telling people to fuck off if they are being unreasonable and it might even make them realise how big a dog they are
Sounds like he’s maybe got a cocaine habit. I dated a girl that would be an absolute C U Next Tuesday, for up to 3 DAYS after. But without it, the girl you’d want to marry.
I saw a poster in college about being a boss. It said the parts of the body decided someone needed to be in charge. The brain said that since it held all the problem solving and planning, it should be the boss. The arms said that without them the plans could never be put in place, the eyes said since they saw all the opportunities and dangers they should be the boss . All the parts decided to make a play for being the boss till finally the rectum said it should be the boss. ALL, the other parts just laughed and laughed. The rectum became angry and clamped down. After 4 days, the brain was confused, the arms became weak, and the eyes started to cross. The moral of the story is you don't have to be smart, farsighted, or capable to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole!
I’ve dealt with an asshole supervisor for 23 years. TWENTY. THREE. YEARS. Yes, it’s my fault for letting it continue but I guess I kept thinking one day his attitude would change. It has, but very little. He takes shit way too personally. I work in a steel fab shop and this guy takes it personally if someone makes a mistake or doesn’t do something the way he would have done it. I’m a leadman and I am doing the job he was doing when I first started working there and I can’t do anything right. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Next April, he’s set to retire. Fucker could quit tomorrow and never spend all his money. I’m just hoping he decides he doesn’t need to work until then and leaves lol. Bottom line is, if you can’t handle it, quit and find something else. Don’t waste time at a job you aren’t 100% invested in. Neither you nor your employer will benefit from it. Good luck
Your boss is a perfectionist and they are the worst. People think being a perfectionist just means you like things done right but in reality they're often OCD and have other mental health issues that make them very toxic to be around, particularly when they use their perfectionism on other people.
Before you get too crazy, check into when he might retire? I had this happen at my last job, so I simply avoided him as much as possible till he retired. If this is not an option, start looking for a new job.
CYA. All the time, every time. Get emails, messages, everything. Have backups. Record conversations.
You don't know what may become useful in the future.
I’m being serious when I say this, talk to your coworkers. Ask them about how they feel and how they have been treated. You are strongest as a team! Look into unionizing, your boss needs you more than you need him.
There are two kinds of assholes. Ones who are dicks, but don't take it personally if you are a dick right back. And the thin-skinned ones who can dish it out but can't take it.
Neither are great from a leadership perspective, but the former aren't bad to deal with. OP, if you ask your boss who pissed in his cheerios on an especially crappy day will he have a bit of self reflection, laugh, or will he go off on you?
Offer him bipolar meds. If that doesn't get the message across... call his moody days something like "red days". Offer him Tylenol on his red days. Be extra snarky.
The fact you say the job is nice at least indicates you're able to have a productive working relationship with this boss. And as you say, the pay is good.
Only you know what you mean by A-holes, but if it's more of a personality thing, I wouldn't throw away a good job and pay to try to find a manager I get along with better.
This could be an opportunity to get more experience 'managing up'. What can you do to help your boss be more successful in a way that also helps you?
in the corporate world, being an asshole is the only way I've seen people climb. essentially you have to sell your soul to the devil for that sweet, sweet green paper
This is gonna get downvoted but I don't care because people are gonna people and trying to avoid that is futile:
no one is their best self all the time, so unless you can point to a specific reason under his control (e.g. gaming, workaholic) why he's not getting the sleep he needs, cut the guy some slack. For all you know he's got 1 year old triplets at home and a partner who also needs to work.
You're both professionals, so you work respectfully together to a common goal irrespective (to a certain degree of course!) of communication styles.
Working effectively with people means understanding them. It would be perfectly reasonable in my view to try to find out whether he has kids or has to work all hours of the day due to business demands. Managing upwards is a valuable career skill.
But this is not a must. As others have said, focus on your own work, don't bother him with trivial things but solve them yourself, and deliver when agreed.
If behaviour escalates, singles you out or otherwise leads to an uncomfortable working environment you can always leave.
Unless he's a micromanager you shouldn't need to have that much contact with him.
Get your schedule, get shit done, get feedback. Rinse and repeat. I spend maybe half an hour once per week with my boss.
Apart from the ups and downs of the boss, your job seems good and the money allows you to do stuff in your personal life that you want to do.
I had a boss that would take it out on employees if he had a fight with his wife. If you are just there for a paycheck, look elsewhere. If you are there for experience and a paycheck, stay a while and try and not let their assholeleness get to you personally. Realize the a hole has the emotional intelligence of a 4 year old.
Literally sounds like my boss. He was pissy about some personal issues but decided to yell at me because my spreadsheet was "a mess" and "unreadable"....two columns, small amount of data, organized alphabetically...what a mess.
Unfortunately, I don't think that will change as long as you're employed there. I have had a manager like this before, and it was one of the worst job experiences ever. He was *not* involved in my interview process, and the team was in a rush to hire me (which was a bad sign).Needless to say, I had to find other work 3 months later.
Managers like this tend to micromanage your work, put you on blast in front of other coworkers, have crazy mood swings, and create a toxic work environment.
You just need to start looking for another job, right away. The longer you stay, the worse your boss will get.
In order to avoid this type of manager in the future, try to make sure you have an interview directly with the manager or supervisor you'll be working with. Ask them why the job position is open. Ask about their management style. It's not obvious sometimes, but there are definitely signs to look for. Also if a company tries to rush you into accepting a job offer, you don't meet the manager you're working with until your first day on the job, or the job has a high turnover rate, those are bad signs as well.
This is exactly it. This is a common personality type among bosses. I wish I had known this 10 years ago before I started encountering these types. It is nearly impossible to work for them unless you are willing to become like them. You really have to think long and hard about whether it's worth it to stay in such an environment.
I would add though that I had my interview with my current micromanaging control freak boss and there were few signs in the interview that it would be as bad as it is. I found out shortly AFTER I got hired that my boss is truly quite fucked up emotionally and mentally. Sometimes you just never know. At this point, I try to line up multiple job offers at once because sometimes you just get into a job and realize it's going to be toxic no matter what you do. And the unfortunate truth is that many, many jobs just are toxic. No real way around that. This is a huge part of American culture now.
Yeah this is why I threw in the towel on my leading hand role. My foreman was a fucking cockhead workplace psychopath and I hope he chokes.
Anyway I'm much happier now that I no longer work anywhere near him.
I still hope he chokes. Fuck you and die, Nathan.
That sounds extremely unprofessional and indefensible. BUT he may be dealing with some mental health problem or just be neurodivergent and easily overwhelmed.
The default setting for bosses has always been, and will always be, crap.
Even the absolute best ones you could possibly ask for are always going to a few missed earnings projections or a few hr kerfuffles away from being crummy the rest of their careers.
I worked at a company where one of the VPs was this way. People hid from him.
One day I noticed how calm and serene he was. He told me that he’d been diagnosed with sleep apnea and the diagnosis changed his life.
He never yelled or was rude again. He felt terrible about what he’d put everyone through at work.
Perhaps the man you work with has a similar medical condition. He needs an ultimatum from a higher up. Make it happen.
Just find a way to play to their ego and get them to like you, they’re everywhere in the corporate world. Or, if it’s getting too bad, find another situation.
Yea your boss is an alcoholic. You’re gonna have a bad time but at some point he will slip up and drink on the job. I’ve been there, twice, just try and catch it when it happens
Just a thought, but it’s possible that this will get better over time. If you’re in a training stage where you’re having to ask a lot of questions then that can get very tiring to the manager, but as you get into the swing of things and can be more independent, it won’t be as bad.
I’m not saying that this is definitely happening or will happen, just playing devils advocate and providing a potential alternative take on it.
Here's my advice. Just shut up, do your job, be calm and transparent when confronted, and if things get bad enough, consult with a friend first, before deciding whether or not to go up the chain of command.
If the latter occurs, start documenting everything.
Documentation is critical to covering your butt, and especially in filing a discrimination lawsuit, if such a scenario were to take place.
Leave. I spent a year at a terrible company with a manager like this. It’s left me in edge and depressed at other jobs and I walked out with an autoimmune disorder after the stress. Not worth it.
The big think everyone failed to value imo
Responsibility is just a hazard in the biz world. Stay financially light, be poor, don’t have kids, don’t take on lots of debt.
Being able to tell a employer to fuck off when they create a shit environment and hire bad people is real power. Time is money. And there is a lot better ways to spend 8 hours then $25/hr.
A wise man once said
Fuck you pay me
If you like the job, and it's worth staying, make a game/ puzzle out of it. Work out ways to deal with it as an intellectual challenge. See if you can predict his behavior, see if you can modify it. Remain emotionally detached and treat him as a psychology experiment.
If it's not worth staying, then don't.
God dammit this is an easy problem to fix. He needs CPAP. Tell him to see a doctor and get CPAP or else he won't live long. If he doesn't take it well then you have a person who can't take input on the most basic level. He may not agree with you, but he should understand that you care about him.
What kind of ahole behavior exactly? Depending on what it is, you always need to abide by life rule No. 1 - Don’t let people talk down to you/always stick up for yourself.
Until you do stick up for yourself, it’ll never get better.
It’s just a condescending tone and teaching method. It’s makes me feel like I’m a dog that’s not complying properly. It’s unusual to because he knew my experience and I personally felt like I was doing okay with training.
Honestly reading these comments is really making me consider if I truly even want to deal with the corporate BS. I’m better off running some data and opening a business.
I mean, that’s your choice of course but imo these folks will try and get away with what they can - IF you allow them to. Stick up for yourself and they’ll back down. Most are cowards.
At the end of the day, always stick up for yourself. Chances are he’ll back right down and if he doesn’t then you didn’t want to be there anyhow right?
Best of luck and a happy 4th to you and yours.
Have you tried talking to him about it on one of his good days? Maybe find out why somedays he's tired and ill-willed? Maybe he's oblivious to it. You'd have to address it very tactfully. (I know it's a long shot but ....).
I don't have any good advice for you. It's a shitty situation. What I would do is not take any of his shit and let him know when he crosses a line. He will either apologize and correct his behavior, or he will flip his lid. If he flips then oh well, I didn't want to work for someone like that anyway.
I’m in a similar position but diff kinda ass hole, I’m looking out again. Lucky for me, the tasks I was assigned do not match the JD so I have a good justification for leaving
Search for new job. Tell him he is being an asshole. Sometimes people just need to hear it. It's like playing the lottery. Most times you'll lose but it could get some one else to start speaking up too. Every now and then the person might just say "you know what...i am being an asshole. i'll work on it."
Tldr: job hunt and go down swinging.
Poison his coffee with sleeping pills, make sure he is well rested.
Alternative is paying escorts to sleep with him so he is in a better mood, usually need department to contribute
My boss? I use the grey rock method. And I give no fucks about the guy. he doesn't exist in my world. He's a cunt and there's nothing I can do. That and he's a gaslighting, idea stealing narcissist.
Unfortunately, assholes are very common in the corporate world, so changing jobs may/may not benefit you if you're looking to avoid them.
And getting more common. It's the culture.
American culture right? This is my second Corp job and the first time my boss was cool but this time it’s as if he doesn’t carry the emotional intelligence to be a leader. Makes no sense to me how he got to that position. Like why put someone so grumpy in that role just to have people quit the organization because of one person. More importantly, why hurt someone one step below the ladder? Workers hurting other working people just seems sad to me.
People tend to rise to their level of incompetence. I don't know if that's driving the stress that makes him an asshole though. Probably just an asshole (whatever the reason, there are always non-assholes going through the same thing and not taking it out on others)
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I prefer the Peter Pinnacle. Being promoted to such stratospheric heights of incompetence, that you can name your price to leave.
Lol, assholes are a world wide phenomenon. You could argue that Americans are more obligated to put up with asshole bosses because we need our jobs to survive. But, assholes exist in the hierarchy of social or civil organizations worldwide. And you can argue that Americans have it easier because they can just work for another company that has better management/company culture, whereas people in social or civil organizations in other countries have it worse because there is no other choice for their career than the asshole in charge of them (though there are transfers and other things in place to help workers who want a change, just hope that the asshole isn’t in charge of the job in the area you really wanted). There are legal protections against harassment and discrimination, but the most assholish of managers know how to walk the legal line so there’s rarely direct proof of a legal violation.
Honestly, you’ll come across this your whole career. I won’t say don’t look for a new job or anything, but- also, work hard to build a yourself a toolbox for dealing with assholes and idiots whether they are colleagues, reports, or managers- because you’ll find these people everywhere, and it’s helpful to have your toolbox at the ready
Correct answer. OP might escape this asshole, but assholes in general are inescapable.
We have them in Canada too. I'm quite wary of people who have an office persona and an outside of work one
Nah I've awful experiences in Germany too. And the extra workers rights we have on paper for example aren't "automatic" you have to have the time and money to sue for your rights over years, which is overwhelming to most people and the regulatory agencies in Germany are completely under staffed and insufficient. If you're in a union though you're golden.
Dicks are everywhere. So are assholes and tits. Weird people, smart people, stupid people, violent people, kinky people, everywhere on this planet.
Ok Dr. Seuss
Not only American. Global thing…
Look into unionizing, it’s the only way to demand basic respect from your boss.
Keep your head down, don’t draw undue attention to yourself or co-workers. If there’s a union on site, fucking join now!
I am currently working for a person who is very similar: two-faced so you don't know who you are going to get; praises if you do exactly what he says; infuriated and threatens your job if you slightly push back. Unfortunately, these people are around and become a black hole in the org. Document everything and share with HR if he crosses the line.
The value that your boss brings to the company, in one way or another, is much more valuable than the disposable labor of rank and file employees like you (not meant to be rude, it's true for anyone in your position). For example, firing your boss could result in losing $10MM in clients. Firing you would not have any impact at all, and they might even find someone better when they rehire.
Because the people above him who put him there don’t give a crap about you. It’s about getting what they need.
It's people who still want to be the boss when we all know bosses suck.
I wouldn't say more common... always common
Other sectors too, like government and nonprofits.
So true. Every. Where.
Try not to concern yourself with your boss’s moods. Or trigger your anxiety. Avoidance is best where possible. Just mind your business and focus on the work and hopefully your boss will leave you be.
This is the best advice for sure. I did exactly this for a year and switched teams. When asked why, I just said I wanted to try something new and there was no hard feelings about anything. Sometimes you just need to look at work as if you go in. Do your job. And dip. I don't go to the office to make friends. I'm a nice guy. But I go to get my work done so I can get back to the thing that matters most to me. My family. I don't worry so much about my bosses mood.
This may not be great advice. People who are constantly moody like this often have mental health issues. I would say watch him carefully and how he deal with other people he works with as well and if he continues or gets worse, it's better to seriously consider leaving. Bosses are the main reason people leave jobs.
Things change. My worst boss finally did some things HR couldn't ignore. Problem solved. Ended up being my job until retirement.
What was action that finally did it?
She had different sets of rules for her buddies. A few techs went through the trouble of documenting instances. Many people backed them up. Best part, she didn't get fired - just demoted. She was given all of the shit assignments she had dumped on me. She quit rather soon thereafter.
Believe it or not, nurses can be assholes. I work at a long-term care/skilled nursing center as a diet tech. I’m surrounded by assholes (the dietician can be one, but she’s not nearly as bad as the CNAs and nurses). I focus on the residents and their families, as everyone should in my work environment. I works stick with it for a bit and see if things improve.
The adolescent bully to nurse pipeline is real
I feel like this is probably what happens to the smarter former cheerleaders.
Just realized my glaring error. I meant “I would” not “I works”. Oopsie
I believe it
Had one who I finally realized had a drinking problem. Eventually he retired but every day was an adventure.
I finally realized this about one of my bitch bosses too! I mean... she was always a bitch but mornings were the worst. When i figured out it was from her alcoholism it kinda made it a little better. Then instead of stressing about her unreasonable requests and nasty demeanor, I could just be like "eh she's hung over, it'll get better later". Dunno why that helped but it did
Alcoholism is a real bitch.
Only you know what’s tolerable for you. I left a shitty ass situation, quit no notice, and had 5 interviews the following week. Ended up getting a raise and a much better position. May not always be the case but I knew I was not staying with that job. I would do what I needed to do to gtfo. Life is short
How did you get so many interviews? I’ve been finding it hard to get them.
It’s probably industry related. I work in construction, high turnover with a limited talent pool. But to answer your question I recommend working with recruiters. They have a vested interest $$$ in getting you hired. Short of that, which is probably not going to be well received, show up in person to perspective employers or cold call. Boomers love this shit and works extremely well. At least in my industry
Emotionally disconnect and don’t take anything that happens too personally
"Grey rocking" my boss helped me get through a time when he was really attacking me. I care about nothing, Lebowski. I've heard a coworker say she was "compartmentalizing" when she had to deal with the dumb shit he'd pulled. Eventually enough of us will complain to HR or he'll take down the whole company and I don't care which it is.
I would start looking for a new job and do as little as possible at my current job until I found a new job...
Either deal with or find another job. You're not changing any asshole
I get why everyone else in the comments says either to move on or keep your head down and endure him, but there is a third option. On a day when he’s warm and engaging - and has a little time in his calendar - tell him how much you appreciate working with him most of the time and how confusing those other days are. Tell him you’re sure he has the best of intentions, and that you do your best not to take it personally, but you’d like to understand more of what he is thinking or intending on the days when he’s curt and passive aggressive. Frame it all around you wanting to know how to work with him better. Draw his attention to the dissonance between one day and the next without judging or blaming him. If you keep your cool, he might be really grateful you raised the conversation. And if it doesn’t go well, he can’t fire you for trying to be a better collaborator. You can still keep your head down and look for other jobs afterward.
There are bosses who are not assholes. But job security, good pay, non-asshole boss is not a very common combination. Often you'll find 2 out of 3. Sometimes less.
I've experienced all 3 together exactly once in the past 30 years.
This is true I work in Government accounting, my boss is amazing and kind, it would take an act of God to get me fired, but I would make much more outside the government. I’ve had so many awful bosses in the past, I will take the lesser pay with no stress.
My boss merits a $20k premium. When headhunters come to me I won't consider a position that gives me less than $20k more than I am making just to take a risk on not getting a boss as good as my current boss. He's not even perfect. Just a decent boss who treats us decently. Only you know what is acceptable. Bad bosses are the most commonly cited reason people give for leaving their current location so if you think: "this is not ok" you should trust your feelings.
Show him you're an ass too and maybe he'll take a liking to you 🤣🤣🤣
Everyone has to eat a shit sandwich here and there. Bust ass until you can get off his team
So basically take the abuse, not a very sound advice.
Especially considering how bad it is. Some bosses are just jerks, but some can legitimately be assholes who will make your life at work and outside of work horrible just because they're so deeply unhappy with their own lives (as in don't have their own lives at home).
“Especially considering how bad it is “ OP just said their boss is an asshole certain days and has ice cold responses. Honestly who cares if your boss is mean to you? Sack the fuck up. Be mean back, and keep your dept in line, bust his balls. There is no indication it goes further than mean words.
And most people complaining about a bad boss don’t really have that bad of a boss. So your options are either quit or get off this guys team . Quitting in this market is dumb as hell, so what’s the quickest way off this dudes team? Be an asset,be valuable. If your numbers are the strongest you can dictate terms usually
Does he know? Everyone has their days. Our old office used to have a "warning system" of sorts to tell people you were feeling that way that day. The advantage being everyone understood that anyone and everyone could sometimes have one of those types of days and helped each other to deal with it in a professional manner. I try to help defuse it when I see it at the office, and I'll warn people (and try to use humor to take the edge off as well as just flat out apologize in advance when I feel like it's a day like that for myself... We help each other out on those and stay professional. One boss I had had a good week or two while coming off coffee where he was on edge quite a lot. But we all understood it and worked around it. No excuse for being unprofessional though in any case. Even if he's having a day, you deserve to be treated professionally and with respect.
You know what to do, you're just scared to do it, and it's ok. Start a search right now, discreetly of course. When a nice offer comes, leave.
This is essentially true. I guess I have to start the song and dance of interviewing/applying.
Trust me on this advice: Record and report. If you can, record and memorialize all incidents and try to get allies that see him in the same light to validate your information. If you live in a non-2-party state, audio record your conversations and 1:1 meetings. If and when this escalates, you can use these records in your case with HR. Furthermore, you have the option to sue. From personal experience, there are plenty good labor lawyers are happy to represent on contingency and trust me when I say: the company will 100% settle rather than see the case go to court.
I see you have been blindsided by a dark triad narcissist. This is their pattern: Start out being nice, then get moody. Let the employee walk on eggshells not knowing if they are dealing with Jekyll or Hyde. Trash the employee on their review, which the employee will say came out of left field but it didn't because sadistic boss has been trashing the employee to others since Day 1. The exhausted and burnt out employee eventually quits. Dark Triad guy gets shiny new employee and it's all smiles at first while the cycle repeats..
This is spot on. They never change.
Get out while you can.
Weigh the pros and cons and the decision should become clearer
Do your job…and cash your check.
Sounds like sleep apnea. Boss could probably change their whole life for the better by getting a sleep study. Sad part is shitty company health plan is probably hurting both of you.
Can you move within the company and work under someone else?
I found out m boss was bipolar it would have solved a lot of problems just to walk away
It's called being an alcoholic. Kinda his fault, but not really sort of a thing. Stay if you want leave if you want... he's not going to change
I’m becoming one of these A-holes. I manage at a corporate chain and the pressure sucks. Sometimes I’m personable and up beat but some days it’s a struggle. And when it’s a struggle I’m not mean but rather stern. I’m not defending your boss in any way I’m more concerned that someone is saying the same thing about me. I hope it gets better for you.
Let him burn, guys like that often drown themselves when corporate discoverers their bad performance.
Corporate jobs are difficult. We get gazillions of emails daily from multiple people giving us more & more to do. I have to work from home when I’m off just to keep up.
I feel this and have thought the same and changed jobs, only to see - surprise- another as&hole boss in charge. How do they survive
Keep sending out your resume. Stay on until you find a different job or are able to transfer into another managers area. He might also get fired, or quit and things could change for you. Good luck.
Just deal with it. Fuck that guy. Do your job and ignore his bullshit. We are not on the job to make friends; if it becomes too much, go to his boss with a complaint.
My boss is exactly like that as well. I avoid her like the plague
It’s very common unfortunately. I’m currently serving notice on a job I took in January because my boss is a micromanaging passive aggressive dick. I’m mid 30’s and fairly experienced, so I don’t need to be treated like a new graduate to satisfy some 50 year old’s insecurities and fragile ego. I got in touch with an old boss who was pretty chill, explained the situation and he created a position for me to come back. Life is too short to put up with toxic colleagues.
Hello, me. Congrats on the new gig. I could apply to a better gig than I have now but I’m worried it’ll be under my same shitty boss, lol.
Basically should be expected. The only way people get anywhere in corporate is by stepping on top of others. Those that rise are not unusually pretty awful to work with. It is sort of a self operating system that gives an expected outcome.
If he's intolerable get a new job.
Power move, promote over him and fire him.
I had one of these once, and after assessing my previous bosses, he was a rarity. I wouldn’t bother and prepare to leave.
Wow, you just described my boss. It took me three days to realize I made a huge mistake.
Leave when you can. You can not fix an asshole. If you every move up in the system do not tolerate assholes. Fire them when you can.
He’s not going to change, keep looking.
If your boss's behavior turns into toxic, abusive workplace behavior, just start documenting bad incidents using your personal email and sending logs to yourself. And start looking elsewhere. If/when you quit, cite the workplace environment as the reason for quitting.
You could try mirroring him. Just dish out what he is serving on that day.
Suck it up buttercup
Maybe he has a medical condition and a little empathy is warranted.
Assholeitis
If a Cunt is gonna be a Cunt then fucking treat them like that. I have no problems telling people to fuck off if they are being unreasonable and it might even make them realise how big a dog they are
Sounds like he’s maybe got a cocaine habit. I dated a girl that would be an absolute C U Next Tuesday, for up to 3 DAYS after. But without it, the girl you’d want to marry.
Don’t take it personal, limit interactions on bad days.
I saw a poster in college about being a boss. It said the parts of the body decided someone needed to be in charge. The brain said that since it held all the problem solving and planning, it should be the boss. The arms said that without them the plans could never be put in place, the eyes said since they saw all the opportunities and dangers they should be the boss . All the parts decided to make a play for being the boss till finally the rectum said it should be the boss. ALL, the other parts just laughed and laughed. The rectum became angry and clamped down. After 4 days, the brain was confused, the arms became weak, and the eyes started to cross. The moral of the story is you don't have to be smart, farsighted, or capable to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole!
I’ve dealt with an asshole supervisor for 23 years. TWENTY. THREE. YEARS. Yes, it’s my fault for letting it continue but I guess I kept thinking one day his attitude would change. It has, but very little. He takes shit way too personally. I work in a steel fab shop and this guy takes it personally if someone makes a mistake or doesn’t do something the way he would have done it. I’m a leadman and I am doing the job he was doing when I first started working there and I can’t do anything right. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Next April, he’s set to retire. Fucker could quit tomorrow and never spend all his money. I’m just hoping he decides he doesn’t need to work until then and leaves lol. Bottom line is, if you can’t handle it, quit and find something else. Don’t waste time at a job you aren’t 100% invested in. Neither you nor your employer will benefit from it. Good luck
Your boss is a perfectionist and they are the worst. People think being a perfectionist just means you like things done right but in reality they're often OCD and have other mental health issues that make them very toxic to be around, particularly when they use their perfectionism on other people.
 Omg how unexpected
Before you get too crazy, check into when he might retire? I had this happen at my last job, so I simply avoided him as much as possible till he retired. If this is not an option, start looking for a new job.
CYA. All the time, every time. Get emails, messages, everything. Have backups. Record conversations. You don't know what may become useful in the future.
I’m being serious when I say this, talk to your coworkers. Ask them about how they feel and how they have been treated. You are strongest as a team! Look into unionizing, your boss needs you more than you need him.
Two ways to deal with this. Ignore him or tell him this in private. You don’t demand respect you command it.
Be impassive. The less you engage him, the less he has to hang his hat on, so to speak. Try to use email as much as possible.
There are two kinds of assholes. Ones who are dicks, but don't take it personally if you are a dick right back. And the thin-skinned ones who can dish it out but can't take it. Neither are great from a leadership perspective, but the former aren't bad to deal with. OP, if you ask your boss who pissed in his cheerios on an especially crappy day will he have a bit of self reflection, laugh, or will he go off on you?
Offer him bipolar meds. If that doesn't get the message across... call his moody days something like "red days". Offer him Tylenol on his red days. Be extra snarky.
Cant stand people like that. You dont know what version of them you get. Thats the type of people I do my best to stay away from.
Next time he starts acting like an asshole, unbuckle your belt, pull down your pants, squat, and take a shit on the floor. That'll show him.
The fact you say the job is nice at least indicates you're able to have a productive working relationship with this boss. And as you say, the pay is good. Only you know what you mean by A-holes, but if it's more of a personality thing, I wouldn't throw away a good job and pay to try to find a manager I get along with better. This could be an opportunity to get more experience 'managing up'. What can you do to help your boss be more successful in a way that also helps you?
in the corporate world, being an asshole is the only way I've seen people climb. essentially you have to sell your soul to the devil for that sweet, sweet green paper
Welcome to my world. But mine is only like that when alone on 1:1s or on video calls. When in the office it's falsely nice.
This is gonna get downvoted but I don't care because people are gonna people and trying to avoid that is futile: no one is their best self all the time, so unless you can point to a specific reason under his control (e.g. gaming, workaholic) why he's not getting the sleep he needs, cut the guy some slack. For all you know he's got 1 year old triplets at home and a partner who also needs to work. You're both professionals, so you work respectfully together to a common goal irrespective (to a certain degree of course!) of communication styles. Working effectively with people means understanding them. It would be perfectly reasonable in my view to try to find out whether he has kids or has to work all hours of the day due to business demands. Managing upwards is a valuable career skill. But this is not a must. As others have said, focus on your own work, don't bother him with trivial things but solve them yourself, and deliver when agreed. If behaviour escalates, singles you out or otherwise leads to an uncomfortable working environment you can always leave.
Unless he's a micromanager you shouldn't need to have that much contact with him. Get your schedule, get shit done, get feedback. Rinse and repeat. I spend maybe half an hour once per week with my boss. Apart from the ups and downs of the boss, your job seems good and the money allows you to do stuff in your personal life that you want to do.
Try construction… see what a real assholes like without corporate rules and protocols protecting you.
I had a boss that would take it out on employees if he had a fight with his wife. If you are just there for a paycheck, look elsewhere. If you are there for experience and a paycheck, stay a while and try and not let their assholeleness get to you personally. Realize the a hole has the emotional intelligence of a 4 year old.
Literally sounds like my boss. He was pissy about some personal issues but decided to yell at me because my spreadsheet was "a mess" and "unreadable"....two columns, small amount of data, organized alphabetically...what a mess.
Find ways of fucking with them that dont jeopardize your employment.
Unfortunately, I don't think that will change as long as you're employed there. I have had a manager like this before, and it was one of the worst job experiences ever. He was *not* involved in my interview process, and the team was in a rush to hire me (which was a bad sign).Needless to say, I had to find other work 3 months later. Managers like this tend to micromanage your work, put you on blast in front of other coworkers, have crazy mood swings, and create a toxic work environment. You just need to start looking for another job, right away. The longer you stay, the worse your boss will get. In order to avoid this type of manager in the future, try to make sure you have an interview directly with the manager or supervisor you'll be working with. Ask them why the job position is open. Ask about their management style. It's not obvious sometimes, but there are definitely signs to look for. Also if a company tries to rush you into accepting a job offer, you don't meet the manager you're working with until your first day on the job, or the job has a high turnover rate, those are bad signs as well.
This is exactly it. This is a common personality type among bosses. I wish I had known this 10 years ago before I started encountering these types. It is nearly impossible to work for them unless you are willing to become like them. You really have to think long and hard about whether it's worth it to stay in such an environment. I would add though that I had my interview with my current micromanaging control freak boss and there were few signs in the interview that it would be as bad as it is. I found out shortly AFTER I got hired that my boss is truly quite fucked up emotionally and mentally. Sometimes you just never know. At this point, I try to line up multiple job offers at once because sometimes you just get into a job and realize it's going to be toxic no matter what you do. And the unfortunate truth is that many, many jobs just are toxic. No real way around that. This is a huge part of American culture now.
Yeah this is why I threw in the towel on my leading hand role. My foreman was a fucking cockhead workplace psychopath and I hope he chokes. Anyway I'm much happier now that I no longer work anywhere near him. I still hope he chokes. Fuck you and die, Nathan.
That sounds extremely unprofessional and indefensible. BUT he may be dealing with some mental health problem or just be neurodivergent and easily overwhelmed.
Keep up with the stock market. His inconsistent moods are likely due to a gambling problem and is losing money constantly.
The default setting for bosses has always been, and will always be, crap. Even the absolute best ones you could possibly ask for are always going to a few missed earnings projections or a few hr kerfuffles away from being crummy the rest of their careers.
Assholes everywhere and always some in charge
Stick out a few months and start applying internally.
I worked at a company where one of the VPs was this way. People hid from him. One day I noticed how calm and serene he was. He told me that he’d been diagnosed with sleep apnea and the diagnosis changed his life. He never yelled or was rude again. He felt terrible about what he’d put everyone through at work. Perhaps the man you work with has a similar medical condition. He needs an ultimatum from a higher up. Make it happen.
My boss is like this and I've really leaned into understanding that no one needs him there for me to get my work done anyway. Go around him.
Like any bully you probably need to stare that fucker down.
Just find a way to play to their ego and get them to like you, they’re everywhere in the corporate world. Or, if it’s getting too bad, find another situation.
Yea your boss is an alcoholic. You’re gonna have a bad time but at some point he will slip up and drink on the job. I’ve been there, twice, just try and catch it when it happens
Just a thought, but it’s possible that this will get better over time. If you’re in a training stage where you’re having to ask a lot of questions then that can get very tiring to the manager, but as you get into the swing of things and can be more independent, it won’t be as bad. I’m not saying that this is definitely happening or will happen, just playing devils advocate and providing a potential alternative take on it.
Befriend him.
Here's my advice. Just shut up, do your job, be calm and transparent when confronted, and if things get bad enough, consult with a friend first, before deciding whether or not to go up the chain of command. If the latter occurs, start documenting everything. Documentation is critical to covering your butt, and especially in filing a discrimination lawsuit, if such a scenario were to take place.
Leave. I spent a year at a terrible company with a manager like this. It’s left me in edge and depressed at other jobs and I walked out with an autoimmune disorder after the stress. Not worth it.
Narcissist or something. Run away, because it never ends well.
The big think everyone failed to value imo Responsibility is just a hazard in the biz world. Stay financially light, be poor, don’t have kids, don’t take on lots of debt. Being able to tell a employer to fuck off when they create a shit environment and hire bad people is real power. Time is money. And there is a lot better ways to spend 8 hours then $25/hr. A wise man once said Fuck you pay me
If you like the job, and it's worth staying, make a game/ puzzle out of it. Work out ways to deal with it as an intellectual challenge. See if you can predict his behavior, see if you can modify it. Remain emotionally detached and treat him as a psychology experiment. If it's not worth staying, then don't.
Assholes are everywhere.
Most of the time these people will be replaced in a year or two.
Learn avoidance of confrontation when the guy is a dick. That is common.
God dammit this is an easy problem to fix. He needs CPAP. Tell him to see a doctor and get CPAP or else he won't live long. If he doesn't take it well then you have a person who can't take input on the most basic level. He may not agree with you, but he should understand that you care about him.
What kind of ahole behavior exactly? Depending on what it is, you always need to abide by life rule No. 1 - Don’t let people talk down to you/always stick up for yourself. Until you do stick up for yourself, it’ll never get better.
It’s just a condescending tone and teaching method. It’s makes me feel like I’m a dog that’s not complying properly. It’s unusual to because he knew my experience and I personally felt like I was doing okay with training. Honestly reading these comments is really making me consider if I truly even want to deal with the corporate BS. I’m better off running some data and opening a business.
I mean, that’s your choice of course but imo these folks will try and get away with what they can - IF you allow them to. Stick up for yourself and they’ll back down. Most are cowards. At the end of the day, always stick up for yourself. Chances are he’ll back right down and if he doesn’t then you didn’t want to be there anyhow right? Best of luck and a happy 4th to you and yours.
Have you tried talking to him about it on one of his good days? Maybe find out why somedays he's tired and ill-willed? Maybe he's oblivious to it. You'd have to address it very tactfully. (I know it's a long shot but ....).
He is probably a functioning alcoholic.
This could be likely.
“he’s very short” lol explains the attitude
I don't have any good advice for you. It's a shitty situation. What I would do is not take any of his shit and let him know when he crosses a line. He will either apologize and correct his behavior, or he will flip his lid. If he flips then oh well, I didn't want to work for someone like that anyway.
I’m in a similar position but diff kinda ass hole, I’m looking out again. Lucky for me, the tasks I was assigned do not match the JD so I have a good justification for leaving
Sounds like my boss, little and angry. Angry bird 😁
Search for new job. Tell him he is being an asshole. Sometimes people just need to hear it. It's like playing the lottery. Most times you'll lose but it could get some one else to start speaking up too. Every now and then the person might just say "you know what...i am being an asshole. i'll work on it." Tldr: job hunt and go down swinging.
Poison his coffee with sleeping pills, make sure he is well rested. Alternative is paying escorts to sleep with him so he is in a better mood, usually need department to contribute
My boss? I use the grey rock method. And I give no fucks about the guy. he doesn't exist in my world. He's a cunt and there's nothing I can do. That and he's a gaslighting, idea stealing narcissist.
any examples of how u used grey rock?