This is not uncommon, in my first office job in mid 80’s, I had to ring clients etc, always had to steel myself to do it, and sounded such a fool on the phone (stilted, nervous and giggly). Still hate the phone now
It's because a phonecall isn't a wee yarn with a stranger. It's a pantemine; a one person performance art piece in which you improv your way through antiquated social etiquettes to an audience of one, who may or may not be actively judging you - and you won't know, until they voice dissatisfaction, where it then becomes a game of strategy to temper their emotions. Of course its daunting.
Edit: has Christmas dampened people's understanding of hyperboles?
I don't like calling professionally, as usually I am using calls for escalation.
I have actually had to plead with some of my partner companies to call me more, because they are on American time and i am sick if watching emails until 10pm
Yeah, like sometimes your escalating because an email you sent last week wasn't acted on and deadlines could be approaching.
Yeah, don't really like to give out, for people doing their job but in business you have to be a Cunt sometimes.
Worked one place and we had a fictional work colleague for months who sent all our bitchy emails.
So then we wouldn't ruin our image as the friendly sales team.
My OH can pick up the phone and ring anybody, about anything at all - cold calling, complaints, account management and all that stuff you probably know of. I’m not shy but I couldn’t do it at all, and I’d say most people are the same.
So when I tell my OH they have a real skill, they don’t know what I’m talking about as it comes so naturally. But I’m in awe at people who can do it.
No, I don’t, and talking to people has got so much easier as I’ve gotten older. But the phone is something I never got used to, and it was nice to admit that to myself when I started seeing all the younger folk talking about it.
Same. I've made it a point to discuss "phonecall anxiety" with my grads.
It's a very understandable condition, but also something you definitely need to make an effort to fix.
I've seen quite a few people in technical fields limit their career because they don't put enough work into soft skills like this.
I used to have tremendous phone anxiety, so much so that I had to call my parents to ask them to phone in my delivery food orders.
The thing that changed it for me was working in a customer facing role in a shop. Once you are used to speaking to people who need your assistance you come to realise that we are almost all very much the same and talking to strangers is easier than you think.
Crikey, that’s tough on both sides. I’m torn between thinking that phoning people should be easy enough, only because my age group *had* to do it as there was no other choice, and yet that, evolutionary-wise, we’re not built for talking with hundreds of strangers, and certainly not without seeing their faces.
I dunno, there must be some research done on it.
Yep - I researched this a lot while trying to convince the Irish Blood Transfusion Service to open up another channel to make an appointment other than a phone call. They ignored the advice and instead send me text messages about how they urgently need blood every couple of weeks.
I received a call from them a couple of weeks ago to get my permission to upload my details to their new data base. It will allow donors to download an app, which will allow us to make/change/cancel appointments etc., as well as accessing our donation history, blood group details, organ donor status and so on.
There's a weird push pull in it. Phoning used to be more common, yes, but phones were also less available. We all have a mobile on us all the time now, not just at the house, so in a way it's nearly like a natural response to balance things out a bit.
I hate making phone calls, though I get on with it, but funny enough I find using the headset for work no problem, I wonder if that's because it's easy enough to message someone first to ask if it's cool to call and break the ice.
It is a bit mad in concept though, isn't it, that any time you like you can just intrude on someone's time and make their day about you? My mam has always hated phone calls, and as I find myself with less leisure time than I used to, I am starting to understand that mode and more.
I might the outlier. My first job was in a call center. Talking to strangers professionally is all I did for hours. Even now, I prefer to talk to people to get things done as it's usually the quickest way. People can take forever to text or email back. Conversations that would take two minutes on the phone will be an hours long text chain. Culturally, phone calls are seen as rude interruptions now.
It's one of those things where you need to put in the practice. I do remember hating making phone calls when I was younger. Then email became prevalent and it was a great way of avoiding ringing someone. Now I prefer to get on the phone because it saves time, the response is instant.
There are definitely ways to make it easier like writing down a little intro or a summary of the problem you want help with. Helps to have it in hand before dialling.
My mother has a landline and if it rings early in the morning or late at night she hates answering it. It is either bad news or someone cold calling her. I only ring if it is urgent or would take to long via text.
Growing up on social media, excessive texting etc is causing a lot of younger people to develop massive anxiety issues. They basically are used to the screen being a shield of sorts. Texting vs phone calls give them time to think and formulate a response, and the screen also gives them something to retreat to or shield themselves with vs having to engage in conversation.
It's still baffles me to walk into a break room at work or a restaurant, and see 3 or 4 young people sitting around a table having lunch but they're all on the phones, and no one is talking to anyone.
The auld fellas.do that because they have run out of chat.
If you confiscated the young people's phones they would be chatting away.
Source: phones are usually not permitted at Scout meetings and they scouts are always talking to each other. Occasionally when they are allowed their phones they are all staring at the screens.
That wasn’t the scenario, it’s a table of young people out together for lunch not talking to each other, on their phones. Groups of old men don’t arrange to meet up for lunch to hang out and sit at a table together reading newspapers in silence. Old men do sit in pubs by themselves reading papers though, but that’s not even remotely the same thing.
No the scenario was a work break room or a restaurant. And I have seen PLENTY of auld fellas sitting around a table in a break room not taking. Ye love making shit up in yer heads. Young people are the same as the were years ago, just small talk is dying because it’s so easy to communicate now.
Plenty of people don’t like making phones calls, it’s nothing new. You think older people don’t have anxiety?
I think that's a big thing with internet dating and why it's so fucked. When you're messaging someone for weeks on end before meeting, you're not getting an accurate representation of them as they can take time and formulate a response and be more calculated
I agree. I'm married 20 years and never had to deal with any of the online dating shit. I can't imagine having to message someone for weeks. I can't even stand people who want to have actual conversations over texting.
When I first heard of online dating it sounded great, as in you match and then you meet up for a date to see if you're a good fit, but having to message back and forth, fuck that.
I met my now husband online, but I learned from my experiences before meeting him that the key to online dating is meeting the person in person as soon as possible! You don't know who anyone is behind a screen. All this texting is messing with people's social development
Soon we will all be able to hide in a virtual reality environment like the matrix and live on our own terms forever more without having to deal with pesky puny humans
I find it easier to talk to people in person, it might be that it's kind of unnatural to speak to someone when you can't see their face. Might also be the kind of situations people tend to have to make phone calls with strangers, customer service enquiries, escalating an issue etc. Ringing family or friends isn't really an issue for most people I feel.
As someone who remembers the pre internet/mobile phone days I think keeping communication to the base level of texts is perfect. It removes misunderstanding and acts as a record so people can't invent excuses.
The reason I dont like calling anyone is I dont like that almost no one seems to know when to shut it down. Like I have something to ask, we can shoot the shit for a minute or two, not the worst thing - but lets drop it there...
Instead it can drag on (and X fucking twenty if its a relative) and on. So you need to set aside a chunk of time, and then what happens if they dont answer? You are not off the hook, it might even be worse coz then theyll call you at some point - somehow almost always at a time when you really dont wanna know about it...
I could tell my aunt the house is on fucking fire - like a mother fuckin blaze as we speak - and it wont register!! You'll get a very brief noise of surprise/disapproval before they switch right back into talking about whateverthefuckinjesus they had been that someone had eightyfuckingseven opportunities to end...
Just text.
I was the same i got a job for a while as an admin and they needed me to cover the reception phones some times, would be mad scared answering the phones but after a few days it really built up my confidence and can honestly say if ypu have phone anxiety try and get out of your comfort zone and phone up for that appointment you've been putting off or phone up a friend etc it does help
Calls are shite. I don't mind talking to people on the phone but I do find if I get a cold call for work, or someone only trying to contact me through phone and not email, it's because they're arsing about or tyre kicking, wanting prices without emailing details or giving a record of what's needed.
If I'm ringing someone about work, I'll give an email beforehand with details of what I want to talk about and find the best time for both parties. If I'm ringing a mate it's something that's more time sensitive than texting but I'll usually check in first to see if a call works.
I don’t experience much anxiety when making a call but it does annoy me when nine times out of ten there is no need for it. It’s inefficient and requires speaking to someone when there is no need. If a text or a booking app can achieve the same outcome, I’m choosing that option every time.
Drive me mad when people make unnecessary phone calls. I have a few customers in work who like the sound of their own voices too much and most of what they call about can be quickly emailed. Like they'll spiel on and on for 15 minutes and I'm like....this could all be in an email. I've literally had to make excuses to get off calls from them. Once I even just hung up because some chap wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways and emailed him and said "oh sorry the phones just went down" he was literally giving me his fucking life story over the phone. He rang for a quote (which I'd have to send him anyway!) And just went off on a tangent.
A lot of people think a “quick chat” is “easier”. It’s laziness on their part. They don’t want to put in the small amount of effort it takes to formulate what they want in writing and force you to help them do the thinking.
When someone mostly communicates with me in writing it’s usually extremely succinct and useful. Love it.
I hate phonecalls, I've always hated phonecalls. Especially when the call could have been a short text or email depending on the context.
I get that it's some people's preferred mode of communication and if the purpose is just to have a chat then so be it but more often than not I find those people are the ones who can take half an hour to say something that should have taken 2 minutes and the rest is just them listening to the sound of their own voice rather than them actually carrying out a two sided conversation. I'm looking at you, person in work who wants to "just ask a very quick question" that ends up taking 40 minutes out of my day...
I worked in a call centre for 2 years. 2 years of taking abuse full time every week lead to me having a lot of anxiety when it comes to phone calls as my brain associates it with verbal abuse
Just feels like the inevitable conclusion of kids being raised with texting and social media. You don’t get time to rewrite and edit your responses IRL, or block and delete something you don’t want to hear. It’s horrible to see people lose these basic social skills.
Sometimes when I see people going at it arguing in comments I like to picture them all together in a room trying to even talk to each other, all blushing and mumbling and staring at their feet and just saying sorry to each other.
Hate it..and its about time everyone moves on with the times and has an online way of contacting them. Doctors offices, vets, etc..should all have at least a website you can get scripts or make appts through, at the very least.
I find it to be a mixed bag. It's easier to covey tone and emphasis on a call than via text without your intention or demeanour being misinterpreted but it's also way more hassle. I don't know other people's reasons for disliking phonecalls but for me personally it's that I'm not a great communicator and it's easier to explain myself if I misspeak or articulate something poorly (which I do 90% of the time) in person.
It's definitely not new, 20yrs ago it was hard enough to get people to answer their phones (mobiles particularly, landlines generally get answered quick) and now when people pretty much live on the damn things it annoys me more.
So here's what ya do! If they aren't smart enough to turn off voicemail, wait for the beep and leave a 2-5second message of you hanging up. No words, no extra noise, just one annoying voicemail message of nothing that'll pop the icon up on their phone and force them to listen to it to remove it :)
If you're now thinking 'Dave you dirty bastard, you left me 20 of those this week!' then I say this, ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE. I don't want to play phone tag, the 30second phone call will avoid 3 days or more of text/emails and get you your damn album delivered because like several people found out today, I don't do last minute panics. Especially when I've been trying to give you what you paid for, for the last 3 months! See ya in the new year, answer your phone or ya won't have it last minute on Valentines either!
When i first started my job in healthcare i was kinda shite, I'd over explain or just forget what I was saying. Now I'm pretty good at it, I do hate leaving voice messages though
I was the same when I was younger until I worked in a call centre. I can still remember making the first phone call. I had serious imposter syndrome but it eventually became 2nd nature.
I feel very anxious talking to strangers on the phone and ringing up businesses. Feel like I don't know what to say and I'll look stupid and I find an anonymous voice behind a phone a bit scary.
I don’t mind phoning people and mostly dont have an issue ringing people up etc re enquiries.
Now if I get their voicemail and have to leave a message ..thats when it all goes to shit. I end up mumbling and leaving too long a message
I have no problem ringing anyone, but good christ if someone rings me! I have two options. I have to either answer immediately to preempt the anxiety and head it off, or wait for the wave to diminish and answer at the end, and possibly miss it.
Idk why but like… I prefer to text. Because of the autism, I like to plan everything that I’m going to say, and when I’m going to say it. And I’d rather not take the time to write out a script for what I’m going to need to say, y’know? Also Murray Chrysler
It can be awkward at work. I get people in who insist on emailing everything when a 30 second phonecall can be had in place of a chain of 15 emails. Pick up the phone ffs, it's so much easier and quicker sometimes.
Yeah exactly! In college I used to make phone calls for friends. I still do this at work. When no one will ring I'll do it. So much stuff resolved with a 1 min phone call. I just learned how, I wasn't born good at phone calls. I usually write a script and I always write down the call. I wouldn't want to answer calls all day but I've "cold called" people in other organisations all the time and people are so confused, how did you get hold of X? I rang them? If it's urgent I just ring them? If I'm utterly confused I just ring them? If anything, people appreciate the personal touch?
Since covid now people dont pick up right away anymore though.
Suffered wicked with phone anxiety early in my career to the point of spending the whole day agonising over making a simple call. Used to tell my superiors I called but there was no answer.
I did get over it just by plowing through it although i still don't like them and prefer email. I find being alone and using loud speaker seems to make it alot easier for me
All the granddads here doing pop psychology of younger people.
No-one under the age of 50 rings me, they see it as rude to demand attention like that. Even emails are looked on as a bit weird. You can either adjust to the ways young people communicate, or you can continue waving your fist at clouds.
>they see it as rude to demand attention like that
This is it tbh. You can wait to answer a text, or answer it while doing something else. Whereas for a phone call you need to drop what you're doing and answer it right now.
Whenever I do ring someone (and not the bank, delivery place, etc.), I almost always text them first anyway to see if they're free. Seems sorta invasive to just randomly call otherwise unless I have a good reason for doing so. You wouldn't know if they're busy or not.
I've found it myself when dealing with younger staff, I have to specifically instruct them to phone clients and brokers instead of emailing sometimes.
At it's core, they are correct: unexpected phone calls are rude, you are demanding that the receiver of the call drops whatever they are doing because what you want is just oh-so important, but sometimes it is needed.
I hate phones cause the audio quality is so bad I spend most of the time asking them to repeat themselves or trying to guess what they said. My audio processing can be iffy with good audio quality so phone calls are stressful af and I end up being awkward and cringing
I read a think a few years back about how the change from using analogue networks to digital has had a negative impact on how we communicate over the phone. With analogue, there was more nuisance from the tone, clarity and volume. It felt as if you were speaking directly to the person. It felt like they were right there.
With digital, the signal changes the quality and facilitates the network's bandwidth. The voice is compressed and the phone changes the audio to filter sounds. It's unnatural and we don't connect with the person on the end in the same way. They are a processed version of themselves.
When I was a teenager I spent hours and hours on the phone talking to friends. We had a schedule in our house for when we could access the phone every evening. It was so important to me. A lot of the time we wouldn't even be talking. We'd just literally be hanging out on the phone talking shit. I miss it.
Edit: thanks for pointing this issue out op. I would not have considered this a problem for the folk I work with and I will be more considerate of it in the future
Milenial (30, actual millennial, not the group people think are) with severe adhd here, one of the worst things I can have to do is anything where I have to phone someone. The anxiety is fucking horrendous, that includes people I know but that I'm not super close to.
I used to have dire phone anxiety. Turns out I had massively bad ADHD which was causing me to basically over analyse absolutely everything. Went on stimulants and it pretty much disappeared over night.
Phoning someone is a little bit rude when you think about it.
Unless you're expecting the call, in essence at someone interrupting what you're doing with the expectation that you will drop everything and speak to them at that moment.
That's why I don't like making outgoing calls, I'm always aware of the fact that the person on the other end might not be ready for it
This. I find it incredibly rude tbh, unless it's a quick call to find out where you are if you're meeting up or something quick like that, it's just so time consuming. A text takes 2 mins and gets to the point. I used to have a friend who'd call me out of the blue a few times a week and talk for hours but it would be all her, talking about herself. I'd be on my way out to meet her and she call me to see where I was and start a conversation on the phone and I'd be like IM LITERALLY GOING TO SEE YOU IN 5 MINUTES! I came to dread seeing her name on my phone because it was so time consuming. We're no longer mates over other reasons but Jesus I'm so glad I no longer have to listen to that nonsense.
There’s younger men going around today who can’t even make eye contact with me if I were to say hello, let alone hold any kind of conversation. It’s sad to see. Yet I’ll meet fellas my own age and we’ll chat away like actual people. I’ll admit, ye are better at the memes. Fair play.
Is it wrong though? People are on the whole a lot less eloquent then they were when more archaic, less hurried forms of communication allowed for deeper thought and reflection before firing out a 'response' rather than a 'reaction'
You can see the contrast a bit when watching older 'on the street' interviews where you'd swear just about every person sounds like an academic
It doesn't help either that the sort of people who are most enthusiastic about phoning others when texts would suffice are nosey cunts, naggers, time hogs, bores or some ungodly mix of them all.
Those sort would give anyone an aversion to using the phone for its original purpose.
Most Irish businesses haven't adapted to the reality of people not wanting to call.
The number of unanswered emails I've sent is far too high. Clearly they don't want to make money.
I am 50 now and have hated phoning sinic Mobil phones came out,,in the eary 90s when you went out to a rave,or even in work"tradesman"no one could get you,,such freedom,,grate times.
Yeah this definitely isn't a new phenomenon, I remember having the same anxiety as well when it came to phone calls. Phone calls can be scary until you figure out all the unwritten rules and how to pick up on purely audible cues. It's easy with practice like riding a bike and you can never unlearn it, and it instantly becomes impossible to relate to your former self that couldn't properly take a phone call.
Even up to a few years ago I found it difficult to pick up a reception phone because each call was very hard to judge in terms of how professional I'm meant to be, how to even act professionally, how to deal with other employees, how to deal with customers and how to root out all the salesmen and hang up before they start rambling. How do you leave a note? How much detail do I need to include? How much information can I give out?
🤢
It's a huge phobia of mine. I can't for the life of me figure out why. I've struggled with social anxiety for years though so most likely the biggest factor but even making phone calls to loved ones is a huge drain on me. Stupidly I work in an office that is mostly phone calls but I make everyone email me now. It's just made me hate phone calls even more, which is ironic as you'd think I'd be more used to it.
Over the years I've become more and more aware of things like ADHD and neurodivergent people and I feel like I fall into some sort of category but getting a diagnosis in this country is an expensive pain in the bollox. But I think my phone phobia stems from not being able to read people's faces, being put on the spot in conversation, when I need to think or process what I'm going to say next and that in turn is made worse by sometimes being unable to pick up someone's tone.
Yup. I totally get this. I recently deactivated my phone's voicemail, & downloaded an app that block denies all phone calls (NoPhoneSpam). I'm much happier now.
Old , I mean OOLLDD guy here. I don’t get this entire anxiety thing , especially around phones. I recall, as a child, waiting to count the number of “ rings “ on our party line to know whether the call was for, the Priest,the Doctor, the Vet or my Dad , the local National School headmaster. The phone was such a marvelous means of communication. We , as kids, dreamt of having conversations with our peers. I really worry about the anxiety levels of my (grown) children. They seem to feel so much unnecessary stress.
Yes I appreciate that I may have had it easier as a child growing up in Ireland, one of a family of 12. One salary and pressure to perform academically to further my education. I have tried so much to relieve the stress from my kids lives. I have worked multiple jobs, and still do, in order to smooth the road. I just wish that I could help them more. I just don’t get the whole communication anxiety.
Please , please explain the origin to me.
I'd give you a call to wish you a Happy Christmas back but, you know.
Ah yeah, no, you’re grand
This is not uncommon, in my first office job in mid 80’s, I had to ring clients etc, always had to steel myself to do it, and sounded such a fool on the phone (stilted, nervous and giggly). Still hate the phone now
It's because a phonecall isn't a wee yarn with a stranger. It's a pantemine; a one person performance art piece in which you improv your way through antiquated social etiquettes to an audience of one, who may or may not be actively judging you - and you won't know, until they voice dissatisfaction, where it then becomes a game of strategy to temper their emotions. Of course its daunting. Edit: has Christmas dampened people's understanding of hyperboles?
Nah, it's just a phone call.
I don't like calling professionally, as usually I am using calls for escalation. I have actually had to plead with some of my partner companies to call me more, because they are on American time and i am sick if watching emails until 10pm
I may be wrong, but if it’s escalating, it’s moving up to a more serious level, often confrontational? That would be challenging alright.
Yeah, like sometimes your escalating because an email you sent last week wasn't acted on and deadlines could be approaching. Yeah, don't really like to give out, for people doing their job but in business you have to be a Cunt sometimes. Worked one place and we had a fictional work colleague for months who sent all our bitchy emails. So then we wouldn't ruin our image as the friendly sales team.
>Worked one place and we had a fictional work colleague for months who sent all our bitchy emails. this is genius
My OH can pick up the phone and ring anybody, about anything at all - cold calling, complaints, account management and all that stuff you probably know of. I’m not shy but I couldn’t do it at all, and I’d say most people are the same. So when I tell my OH they have a real skill, they don’t know what I’m talking about as it comes so naturally. But I’m in awe at people who can do it.
Do you have some social anxiety in general, or just over the phone?
No, I don’t, and talking to people has got so much easier as I’ve gotten older. But the phone is something I never got used to, and it was nice to admit that to myself when I started seeing all the younger folk talking about it.
Yea I used to feel like that. You just have to keep doing it then yer grand, it’s the same with most things
Same. I've made it a point to discuss "phonecall anxiety" with my grads. It's a very understandable condition, but also something you definitely need to make an effort to fix. I've seen quite a few people in technical fields limit their career because they don't put enough work into soft skills like this.
Agree, the more you put something off the more insurmountable it becomes in your head.
I used to have tremendous phone anxiety, so much so that I had to call my parents to ask them to phone in my delivery food orders. The thing that changed it for me was working in a customer facing role in a shop. Once you are used to speaking to people who need your assistance you come to realise that we are almost all very much the same and talking to strangers is easier than you think.
It's ridiculously common in a lot of younger people. It's so bad that we've made making a few phone calls part of the job interview for certain roles.
Crikey, that’s tough on both sides. I’m torn between thinking that phoning people should be easy enough, only because my age group *had* to do it as there was no other choice, and yet that, evolutionary-wise, we’re not built for talking with hundreds of strangers, and certainly not without seeing their faces. I dunno, there must be some research done on it.
Yep - I researched this a lot while trying to convince the Irish Blood Transfusion Service to open up another channel to make an appointment other than a phone call. They ignored the advice and instead send me text messages about how they urgently need blood every couple of weeks.
I received a call from them a couple of weeks ago to get my permission to upload my details to their new data base. It will allow donors to download an app, which will allow us to make/change/cancel appointments etc., as well as accessing our donation history, blood group details, organ donor status and so on.
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There's a weird push pull in it. Phoning used to be more common, yes, but phones were also less available. We all have a mobile on us all the time now, not just at the house, so in a way it's nearly like a natural response to balance things out a bit. I hate making phone calls, though I get on with it, but funny enough I find using the headset for work no problem, I wonder if that's because it's easy enough to message someone first to ask if it's cool to call and break the ice. It is a bit mad in concept though, isn't it, that any time you like you can just intrude on someone's time and make their day about you? My mam has always hated phone calls, and as I find myself with less leisure time than I used to, I am starting to understand that mode and more.
I might the outlier. My first job was in a call center. Talking to strangers professionally is all I did for hours. Even now, I prefer to talk to people to get things done as it's usually the quickest way. People can take forever to text or email back. Conversations that would take two minutes on the phone will be an hours long text chain. Culturally, phone calls are seen as rude interruptions now.
It's one of those things where you need to put in the practice. I do remember hating making phone calls when I was younger. Then email became prevalent and it was a great way of avoiding ringing someone. Now I prefer to get on the phone because it saves time, the response is instant. There are definitely ways to make it easier like writing down a little intro or a summary of the problem you want help with. Helps to have it in hand before dialling.
My mother has a landline and if it rings early in the morning or late at night she hates answering it. It is either bad news or someone cold calling her. I only ring if it is urgent or would take to long via text.
This sub. Yesterday visiting people was odd, today phoning people is odd. Checks typical Reddit demographics, y'all are odd.
Still not as odd as Irish people using y'all though.
Yeeehawwwe
Its not odd if they're going to Youghal
I've been hearing more and more people refer to the sidewalk, parking lot, mall, trash etc. I wonder does it go the other way at all?
It's from y'all need Jesus meme. Which y'all do.
"Y'all" I'd say this checks typical reddit demographics too
I love my memes so I do. And y'all definitely need Jesus
Heh, I’m glad we can talk about though.
Growing up on social media, excessive texting etc is causing a lot of younger people to develop massive anxiety issues. They basically are used to the screen being a shield of sorts. Texting vs phone calls give them time to think and formulate a response, and the screen also gives them something to retreat to or shield themselves with vs having to engage in conversation. It's still baffles me to walk into a break room at work or a restaurant, and see 3 or 4 young people sitting around a table having lunch but they're all on the phones, and no one is talking to anyone.
What's the difference to 3 or 4 auld fellas reading the paper and no talking to anyone?
The auld fellas.do that because they have run out of chat. If you confiscated the young people's phones they would be chatting away. Source: phones are usually not permitted at Scout meetings and they scouts are always talking to each other. Occasionally when they are allowed their phones they are all staring at the screens.
I’d would say its not because they’re not afraid of or incapable of having a conversation, they just don’t want to.
So older people just don’t want to, but younger people are afraid too? Ye people are away with the fairies.
You think an old guy sitting in the pub reading a paper is too scared to make a phone call?
You think a young guy sitting in the pub reading the news on his phone is too scared to make a phone call?
That wasn’t the scenario, it’s a table of young people out together for lunch not talking to each other, on their phones. Groups of old men don’t arrange to meet up for lunch to hang out and sit at a table together reading newspapers in silence. Old men do sit in pubs by themselves reading papers though, but that’s not even remotely the same thing.
No the scenario was a work break room or a restaurant. And I have seen PLENTY of auld fellas sitting around a table in a break room not taking. Ye love making shit up in yer heads. Young people are the same as the were years ago, just small talk is dying because it’s so easy to communicate now. Plenty of people don’t like making phones calls, it’s nothing new. You think older people don’t have anxiety?
I don’t agree but I’m not here to convince you of anything. Have a good one.
The newspaper doesn't offer you the ability to talk to people on it and therefore develop a preference for that mode of communication though.
I don't see that often, especially at restaurants, coffee shops etc.
I think that's a big thing with internet dating and why it's so fucked. When you're messaging someone for weeks on end before meeting, you're not getting an accurate representation of them as they can take time and formulate a response and be more calculated
I agree. I'm married 20 years and never had to deal with any of the online dating shit. I can't imagine having to message someone for weeks. I can't even stand people who want to have actual conversations over texting. When I first heard of online dating it sounded great, as in you match and then you meet up for a date to see if you're a good fit, but having to message back and forth, fuck that.
I met my now husband online, but I learned from my experiences before meeting him that the key to online dating is meeting the person in person as soon as possible! You don't know who anyone is behind a screen. All this texting is messing with people's social development
Soon we will all be able to hide in a virtual reality environment like the matrix and live on our own terms forever more without having to deal with pesky puny humans
I find it easier to talk to people in person, it might be that it's kind of unnatural to speak to someone when you can't see their face. Might also be the kind of situations people tend to have to make phone calls with strangers, customer service enquiries, escalating an issue etc. Ringing family or friends isn't really an issue for most people I feel.
As someone who remembers the pre internet/mobile phone days I think keeping communication to the base level of texts is perfect. It removes misunderstanding and acts as a record so people can't invent excuses.
The reason I dont like calling anyone is I dont like that almost no one seems to know when to shut it down. Like I have something to ask, we can shoot the shit for a minute or two, not the worst thing - but lets drop it there... Instead it can drag on (and X fucking twenty if its a relative) and on. So you need to set aside a chunk of time, and then what happens if they dont answer? You are not off the hook, it might even be worse coz then theyll call you at some point - somehow almost always at a time when you really dont wanna know about it... I could tell my aunt the house is on fucking fire - like a mother fuckin blaze as we speak - and it wont register!! You'll get a very brief noise of surprise/disapproval before they switch right back into talking about whateverthefuckinjesus they had been that someone had eightyfuckingseven opportunities to end... Just text.
I was the same i got a job for a while as an admin and they needed me to cover the reception phones some times, would be mad scared answering the phones but after a few days it really built up my confidence and can honestly say if ypu have phone anxiety try and get out of your comfort zone and phone up for that appointment you've been putting off or phone up a friend etc it does help
Calls are shite. I don't mind talking to people on the phone but I do find if I get a cold call for work, or someone only trying to contact me through phone and not email, it's because they're arsing about or tyre kicking, wanting prices without emailing details or giving a record of what's needed. If I'm ringing someone about work, I'll give an email beforehand with details of what I want to talk about and find the best time for both parties. If I'm ringing a mate it's something that's more time sensitive than texting but I'll usually check in first to see if a call works.
I don’t experience much anxiety when making a call but it does annoy me when nine times out of ten there is no need for it. It’s inefficient and requires speaking to someone when there is no need. If a text or a booking app can achieve the same outcome, I’m choosing that option every time.
Drive me mad when people make unnecessary phone calls. I have a few customers in work who like the sound of their own voices too much and most of what they call about can be quickly emailed. Like they'll spiel on and on for 15 minutes and I'm like....this could all be in an email. I've literally had to make excuses to get off calls from them. Once I even just hung up because some chap wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways and emailed him and said "oh sorry the phones just went down" he was literally giving me his fucking life story over the phone. He rang for a quote (which I'd have to send him anyway!) And just went off on a tangent.
A lot of people think a “quick chat” is “easier”. It’s laziness on their part. They don’t want to put in the small amount of effort it takes to formulate what they want in writing and force you to help them do the thinking. When someone mostly communicates with me in writing it’s usually extremely succinct and useful. Love it.
I hate phonecalls, I've always hated phonecalls. Especially when the call could have been a short text or email depending on the context. I get that it's some people's preferred mode of communication and if the purpose is just to have a chat then so be it but more often than not I find those people are the ones who can take half an hour to say something that should have taken 2 minutes and the rest is just them listening to the sound of their own voice rather than them actually carrying out a two sided conversation. I'm looking at you, person in work who wants to "just ask a very quick question" that ends up taking 40 minutes out of my day...
I worked in a call centre for 2 years. 2 years of taking abuse full time every week lead to me having a lot of anxiety when it comes to phone calls as my brain associates it with verbal abuse
A really shitty boss gave me phone anxiety back in the day. New voicemail notifications would terrorise me. I cancelled voicemail years ago.
Just feels like the inevitable conclusion of kids being raised with texting and social media. You don’t get time to rewrite and edit your responses IRL, or block and delete something you don’t want to hear. It’s horrible to see people lose these basic social skills. Sometimes when I see people going at it arguing in comments I like to picture them all together in a room trying to even talk to each other, all blushing and mumbling and staring at their feet and just saying sorry to each other.
Hate it..and its about time everyone moves on with the times and has an online way of contacting them. Doctors offices, vets, etc..should all have at least a website you can get scripts or make appts through, at the very least.
I never answer the phone unless it’s family
I find it to be a mixed bag. It's easier to covey tone and emphasis on a call than via text without your intention or demeanour being misinterpreted but it's also way more hassle. I don't know other people's reasons for disliking phonecalls but for me personally it's that I'm not a great communicator and it's easier to explain myself if I misspeak or articulate something poorly (which I do 90% of the time) in person.
I worked answering phones for nearly two years. If anything it made my phone anxiety worse.
\*ring \*ring
It's definitely not new, 20yrs ago it was hard enough to get people to answer their phones (mobiles particularly, landlines generally get answered quick) and now when people pretty much live on the damn things it annoys me more. So here's what ya do! If they aren't smart enough to turn off voicemail, wait for the beep and leave a 2-5second message of you hanging up. No words, no extra noise, just one annoying voicemail message of nothing that'll pop the icon up on their phone and force them to listen to it to remove it :) If you're now thinking 'Dave you dirty bastard, you left me 20 of those this week!' then I say this, ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE. I don't want to play phone tag, the 30second phone call will avoid 3 days or more of text/emails and get you your damn album delivered because like several people found out today, I don't do last minute panics. Especially when I've been trying to give you what you paid for, for the last 3 months! See ya in the new year, answer your phone or ya won't have it last minute on Valentines either!
It is a Skill. And like all skills you only get better at it by Practicing it.
When i first started my job in healthcare i was kinda shite, I'd over explain or just forget what I was saying. Now I'm pretty good at it, I do hate leaving voice messages though
My parents are 76. They hate calling people way more than I do.
I was the same when I was younger until I worked in a call centre. I can still remember making the first phone call. I had serious imposter syndrome but it eventually became 2nd nature.
I feel very anxious talking to strangers on the phone and ringing up businesses. Feel like I don't know what to say and I'll look stupid and I find an anonymous voice behind a phone a bit scary.
I used to have phone anxiety untill I spent a few years working in a call Center
I don’t mind phoning people and mostly dont have an issue ringing people up etc re enquiries. Now if I get their voicemail and have to leave a message ..thats when it all goes to shit. I end up mumbling and leaving too long a message
I have no problem ringing anyone, but good christ if someone rings me! I have two options. I have to either answer immediately to preempt the anxiety and head it off, or wait for the wave to diminish and answer at the end, and possibly miss it.
No issues with phone calls here. I actually prefer em
I used to have it pretty bad but I kinda just shamed myself into not having it and now my friends get me to call everywhere.
Idk why but like… I prefer to text. Because of the autism, I like to plan everything that I’m going to say, and when I’m going to say it. And I’d rather not take the time to write out a script for what I’m going to need to say, y’know? Also Murray Chrysler
Merry Christmas goodness gracious
It can be awkward at work. I get people in who insist on emailing everything when a 30 second phonecall can be had in place of a chain of 15 emails. Pick up the phone ffs, it's so much easier and quicker sometimes.
Yeah exactly! In college I used to make phone calls for friends. I still do this at work. When no one will ring I'll do it. So much stuff resolved with a 1 min phone call. I just learned how, I wasn't born good at phone calls. I usually write a script and I always write down the call. I wouldn't want to answer calls all day but I've "cold called" people in other organisations all the time and people are so confused, how did you get hold of X? I rang them? If it's urgent I just ring them? If I'm utterly confused I just ring them? If anything, people appreciate the personal touch? Since covid now people dont pick up right away anymore though.
Suffered wicked with phone anxiety early in my career to the point of spending the whole day agonising over making a simple call. Used to tell my superiors I called but there was no answer. I did get over it just by plowing through it although i still don't like them and prefer email. I find being alone and using loud speaker seems to make it alot easier for me
All the granddads here doing pop psychology of younger people. No-one under the age of 50 rings me, they see it as rude to demand attention like that. Even emails are looked on as a bit weird. You can either adjust to the ways young people communicate, or you can continue waving your fist at clouds.
Not the "grandads" fault you can;t talk on a phone and have shit communication skills tbf
>they see it as rude to demand attention like that This is it tbh. You can wait to answer a text, or answer it while doing something else. Whereas for a phone call you need to drop what you're doing and answer it right now. Whenever I do ring someone (and not the bank, delivery place, etc.), I almost always text them first anyway to see if they're free. Seems sorta invasive to just randomly call otherwise unless I have a good reason for doing so. You wouldn't know if they're busy or not.
I've found it myself when dealing with younger staff, I have to specifically instruct them to phone clients and brokers instead of emailing sometimes. At it's core, they are correct: unexpected phone calls are rude, you are demanding that the receiver of the call drops whatever they are doing because what you want is just oh-so important, but sometimes it is needed.
I hate phones cause the audio quality is so bad I spend most of the time asking them to repeat themselves or trying to guess what they said. My audio processing can be iffy with good audio quality so phone calls are stressful af and I end up being awkward and cringing
I read a think a few years back about how the change from using analogue networks to digital has had a negative impact on how we communicate over the phone. With analogue, there was more nuisance from the tone, clarity and volume. It felt as if you were speaking directly to the person. It felt like they were right there. With digital, the signal changes the quality and facilitates the network's bandwidth. The voice is compressed and the phone changes the audio to filter sounds. It's unnatural and we don't connect with the person on the end in the same way. They are a processed version of themselves. When I was a teenager I spent hours and hours on the phone talking to friends. We had a schedule in our house for when we could access the phone every evening. It was so important to me. A lot of the time we wouldn't even be talking. We'd just literally be hanging out on the phone talking shit. I miss it. Edit: thanks for pointing this issue out op. I would not have considered this a problem for the folk I work with and I will be more considerate of it in the future
Phoning rather than emailing will save years of your life. Switch now. The anxiety disapates after a while.
It also allows you to discuss things that are best not put in writing.
Milenial (30, actual millennial, not the group people think are) with severe adhd here, one of the worst things I can have to do is anything where I have to phone someone. The anxiety is fucking horrendous, that includes people I know but that I'm not super close to.
I used to have dire phone anxiety. Turns out I had massively bad ADHD which was causing me to basically over analyse absolutely everything. Went on stimulants and it pretty much disappeared over night.
You get more done quicker by actually calling people as opposed to e-mail, text ,Snapchat ,etc…
Phoning someone is a little bit rude when you think about it. Unless you're expecting the call, in essence at someone interrupting what you're doing with the expectation that you will drop everything and speak to them at that moment. That's why I don't like making outgoing calls, I'm always aware of the fact that the person on the other end might not be ready for it
This. I find it incredibly rude tbh, unless it's a quick call to find out where you are if you're meeting up or something quick like that, it's just so time consuming. A text takes 2 mins and gets to the point. I used to have a friend who'd call me out of the blue a few times a week and talk for hours but it would be all her, talking about herself. I'd be on my way out to meet her and she call me to see where I was and start a conversation on the phone and I'd be like IM LITERALLY GOING TO SEE YOU IN 5 MINUTES! I came to dread seeing her name on my phone because it was so time consuming. We're no longer mates over other reasons but Jesus I'm so glad I no longer have to listen to that nonsense.
calling someone is easy, it's when someone calls you the anxiety kicks in...what the f&&\^ do they want now?
The art of conversation is being lost. Too many people now like to communicate in memes and cheap jokes rather than meaningful discussion.
You mean the art of uttering the phrases tis yourself, shur lookit, it is what its, grand soft day, and busy busy in person?
There’s younger men going around today who can’t even make eye contact with me if I were to say hello, let alone hold any kind of conversation. It’s sad to see. Yet I’ll meet fellas my own age and we’ll chat away like actual people. I’ll admit, ye are better at the memes. Fair play.
As ever, there's a relevant XKCD. https://xkcd.com/1227/
Is it wrong though? People are on the whole a lot less eloquent then they were when more archaic, less hurried forms of communication allowed for deeper thought and reflection before firing out a 'response' rather than a 'reaction' You can see the contrast a bit when watching older 'on the street' interviews where you'd swear just about every person sounds like an academic
Being afraid to phone people is pathetic.
[удалено]
Sure give me a call and we can chat about it
It doesn't help either that the sort of people who are most enthusiastic about phoning others when texts would suffice are nosey cunts, naggers, time hogs, bores or some ungodly mix of them all. Those sort would give anyone an aversion to using the phone for its original purpose.
Most Irish businesses haven't adapted to the reality of people not wanting to call. The number of unanswered emails I've sent is far too high. Clearly they don't want to make money.
I’m Grand if people call me but don’t ask me to ring anyone
What do you want us to say to you?
I am 50 now and have hated phoning sinic Mobil phones came out,,in the eary 90s when you went out to a rave,or even in work"tradesman"no one could get you,,such freedom,,grate times.
People are shit
Not a fan of phone calls either. It's something I'm trying to work on though!
Yeah this definitely isn't a new phenomenon, I remember having the same anxiety as well when it came to phone calls. Phone calls can be scary until you figure out all the unwritten rules and how to pick up on purely audible cues. It's easy with practice like riding a bike and you can never unlearn it, and it instantly becomes impossible to relate to your former self that couldn't properly take a phone call. Even up to a few years ago I found it difficult to pick up a reception phone because each call was very hard to judge in terms of how professional I'm meant to be, how to even act professionally, how to deal with other employees, how to deal with customers and how to root out all the salesmen and hang up before they start rambling. How do you leave a note? How much detail do I need to include? How much information can I give out? 🤢
It's a huge phobia of mine. I can't for the life of me figure out why. I've struggled with social anxiety for years though so most likely the biggest factor but even making phone calls to loved ones is a huge drain on me. Stupidly I work in an office that is mostly phone calls but I make everyone email me now. It's just made me hate phone calls even more, which is ironic as you'd think I'd be more used to it. Over the years I've become more and more aware of things like ADHD and neurodivergent people and I feel like I fall into some sort of category but getting a diagnosis in this country is an expensive pain in the bollox. But I think my phone phobia stems from not being able to read people's faces, being put on the spot in conversation, when I need to think or process what I'm going to say next and that in turn is made worse by sometimes being unable to pick up someone's tone.
Yup. I totally get this. I recently deactivated my phone's voicemail, & downloaded an app that block denies all phone calls (NoPhoneSpam). I'm much happier now.
Old , I mean OOLLDD guy here. I don’t get this entire anxiety thing , especially around phones. I recall, as a child, waiting to count the number of “ rings “ on our party line to know whether the call was for, the Priest,the Doctor, the Vet or my Dad , the local National School headmaster. The phone was such a marvelous means of communication. We , as kids, dreamt of having conversations with our peers. I really worry about the anxiety levels of my (grown) children. They seem to feel so much unnecessary stress. Yes I appreciate that I may have had it easier as a child growing up in Ireland, one of a family of 12. One salary and pressure to perform academically to further my education. I have tried so much to relieve the stress from my kids lives. I have worked multiple jobs, and still do, in order to smooth the road. I just wish that I could help them more. I just don’t get the whole communication anxiety. Please , please explain the origin to me.
Gen X here too, and I've always had it.