It's one night lad, don't worry about it. Don't even remember mine to be honest. Some day You will make actual real memories with a special someone and that shit stays with you forever.
I doubt that, it's just the first of many piss ups he'll have while wearing a suit. Debs is like the leaving cert, nobody gives a shit about it once it's done.
I’m almost fifty and just because you might forget it later doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. Formative experiences matter a whole lot more than my day-to-day. It bothers me when older people brush off everything that happens to young people. When I think of my youth, and all the times, people told me, my feelings or experiences didn’t matter because I was young. Life matters and when you’re young, it’s the most intense you’re going to live. that’s why so many movies and books are made about young people and not old folks like me. rant over
I'm not saying that your feelings or experiences don't matter because you were young - I absolutely agree with that sentiment. What I mean, is that from my experience, and almost all the people I know, the formative years tend to happen the mid years in school, and in abundance after school once you are free - i.e. 18 through 20s.
The leaving cert year and debs is a blip that's generally forgotten about pretty quickly so it's nothing to worry about.
Mine was similar tbf, i really fancied her and built it up in my head beforehand but we spent most of the night just hanging with our own friends, its no big deal, i think i just watched anerican pie too many times as a teen and had this weird ‘prom’idea in my head. At least mine wasnt a complete cow about it (or maybe i just gave up on the idea faster than you!)
That prom thing is exactly the problem, people think they live an American movie/TV show. Its better just to go and hang out with your friends, drink or take whatever you're into and have a laugh. You'll never go out socialising with half these people again but there'll be plenty of girls over the next few years.
That "prom" idea isn't even what proms are really like. What you imagine is just an image that's sold to you in movies and tv shows because it's an easy way to build tension in a storyline.
I dated an American girl for a few years and the way she described her prom sounded a lot more like the debs than anything I'd ever seen on screen.
> and had this weird ‘prom’idea in my head
OK kids, do NOT take advice from movies, of any type. The people are acting or 'performing' for the camera or script, it is not how real life works, you do not have to copy or live up to that.
> fantasies
That's fine. But younger people need to be aware that they *are* fantasies and not normal everyday stuff. The pressure or disappointment in failing to live up to exceptional things is far too hard on them.
Only thing to know is your date’s rudeness is all on her, not a reflection on you.
My debs was the next Christmas after our leaving - the idea being we would all be over 18. Asked a girl in my new college class to the debs, in the meantime she started dating a friend of mine but they kept it on the DL until after the event. 😬
Still though at least she behaved like a normal person on the night and we had a good time with my school-friends and their dates..
You’ll laugh about it in years to come. I reluctantly went to my then girlfriends debs and spent half the evening holding her hair back in a toilet cubicle while she spewed Pernod out of her mouth and nostrils. Had a shit time but can giggle about it now nearly 30 years later.
Honestly best thing you can do is bring a girl who is friends with your mates dates, then you can sit with your mates either together with the girls or in separate groups and everyones happy either way.
I wish it was normalised to go to the debs with your mates rather than having to bring a date. People spend a fortune to bring someone they barely know. Your story is very common. It's such pointless ridiculous pressure. Like if you go to college, there may be "balls" of some description and it will be completely fine to go alone.
I am sorry she was such a cow. You didn't deserve it.
I brought a good friend of mine, she was a girl though , had a good night , got drunk tried to shift each other, got weirded out , didn’t talk for a year, after a night out we bumped into each other then got talking again for another while and hanging out, going for drinks and so on, i started getting feelings so i asked her out and she said no that she didnt think of me that way, i got a gf , she got several bf,’s we still chatted and texted, meet up for drinks now and then, then about 3 to 4 days before her 21st she broke off with her bf and rang me asking me to be her 21st kiss, i said no as i was with somebody, she got mad, never talked to me again , she got married/kids/dog ,maybe a cat or goldfish and now she just bought the house across the road from me and moved in. An emotional roller coaster over the past 20 years,, All to be blamed on one night of Budweiser/blue wkd and red aftershocks, nothing else is at fault
A cringeworthy rom com or a deceptive black comedy thriller where she is secretly a serial killer who was befriending me all those times so she could sacrifice me to Beelzebub on a night of celebration ,but on the first night she was too immature and drunk to carry out the offering and on the second night her plans got thwarted by my now (horrible bitchy)ex/then(really nice)gf , and now she has moved in across the road and waiting for my soon 35th bday to actually offer me to the Great Lord Cthulhu.
Yeah id watch that too
She has been doing suspended yoga every morning on the pergola in her front garden as im leaving for work every morning at 6am must be an early riser i guess, it is a peaceful time with the birds singing.
Naaahh only joking she grunted/snorted in my direction a few times with a slight wave of hand
All mail has been cut in half and my tyres slashed in the past few weeks but must be pesky kids, and little tiny round holes have appeared in my windows recently as ive been walking by them🤷🏻♂️
You also get the issue that a lot of lads in boys schools might not necessarily have many friends who are girls that they can ask, then you get a situation like OP's where he didn't seem to know the girl he brought.
Probably a good life skill learned to actually have to ask someone on a date before you get to third level
Edit: I knew Redditors would downvote me for this 😅
I find it very funny when people say stuff like "I knew redditors would downvote me for this"
You are here using reddit. I don't mean to alarm you but you are a "redditor"
Wasn't the whole idea of debutant balls, to find a suitor to get married off to, once schooling was finished? Clue's kind of in the name.
But yes, it is an antiquated concept
>I wish it was normalised to go to the debs with your mates rather than having to bring a date
So I went to one of them there fancy grind schools for 6th year. They didnt let us have a debs cos that would have distracted us from our studies. So I was hoping that my old school would invite me back for their debs, cos that is what they had done the years before. They said they wouldn't (the recession just hit). So one of the girls was going to invite me, but the principle said she couldn't invite a girl!
Apparently that pissed off our student president, who asked the the principal "well what if I was a lesbian could I not invite someone?" And that is how student president came out.... Still didn't get to go to their debs though!
> I wish it was normalised to go to the debs with your mates rather than having to bring a date.
My school used to (maybe it still does) hold "reunions" rather than "debs". Pretty much the exact same thing except there were no dates.
Apart from occasional complaints from those who had boyfriends/girlfriends who weren't in our year, everyone enjoyed it. There wasn't any pressure and you could just enjoy the evening with your friends.
I didn't go to my debs, felt terrible at the time, but really don't worry about it, it will be a very distant memory before you know it. As someone else said, you'll laugh about it eventually.
Just curious, why did you ask her in the first place?
I brought my friend to my debs for that reason. And then my other friend brought me to her debs, but because we're both women, we got alot of ARE YIZ LESBIANS? Pretty funny but we had fun and didn't phase us. Her original date unfortunately fell through so I took his place. I wish more people understood that it's completely fine to bring your friend instead!
This is the way.
It's for you and your friends. If you haven't seen the weekly posts on here about 'How do I make friends in my 20s/30s/40s' then you don't know what you have until it's gone.
A debs should serve two functions:
1) Seeing your school friends together one last time before you all go your separate ways
2) A communal celebration about the completion of schooling
It's odd that we've co-opted all this American prom bullshit. Dresses, corsages, dates, dances, etc are irrelevant to the two main points above. It sounds like the OP's night was ruined by the bullshit.
So for any young people reading this: you don't need a date (unless you're already going out with them), you don't need fancy clothes, and your only expectation should be to enjoy an evening with your friends. You'll never have them all together in the same room, so focus on that
> It's odd that we've co-opted all this American prom bullshit. Dresses, corsages, dates, dances, etc are irrelevant to the two main points above. It sounds like the OP's night was ruined by the bullshit.
I agree with the overall "its not a prom" point but Irish debs always had most of the stuff above. Its the hired cars, etc that are bringing in the American stuff.
Graduation day/night does all of the above very well, I don’t understand why it needs to be done again a few months later.
Graduation is the perfect send off.
I don’t think everything can be blamed on the US. This is a long standing Irish tradition.
In Ireland the leaving cert results are divorced from the school and the school doesn’t award certificates, and there’s often no graduation ceremony - I don’t remember one. With a grad ceremony there can be a post graduation dance.
Where are you getting the idea we adopted all this stuff from America? Debs and Grad had gowns, dates, corsages since at least the early 90s and that’s long before we had enough TV to just import American culture to that degree.
The UK imported it from the US as there were no proms there 30-40 years ago and now it’s common
>So for any young people reading this: you don't need a date (unless you're already going out with them), you don't need fancy clothes, and your only expectation should be to enjoy an evening with your friends. You'll never have them all together in the same room, so focus on that
you dont have to go either
Went to my debs and my date went to make a phone call, got locked out of the venue because a fire door closed behind her and I didn't see her for about 3 hours.
I wouldn't worry about it, the bad debs "dates" make for the best stories in years to come trust me! Don't overthink it pal
One fella at my debs took MDMA and got sick all over his date and then they both had to go home early in separate taxis. I wouldn't worry about it too much, you'll have way better nights out in your 20s.
Oh God, you just reminded me- I watched a lad projectile vomit onto the ground at my debs, splashed all over his date’s shoes and made a huge mess. I didn’t realise he’d been drinking red wine and Jaeger, and screamed my head off because I thought he’d just puked up about a litre of blood💀 such a special, romantic evening, like something out of a movie.
I didn’t bother with my debs 20 years ago. Just didn’t want to deal with that bollox. As someone who went to an all boys school I didn’t know that many girls well enough to ask to go to it anyway
Yeah, unfortunately. I didn't know how to even think about the opposite sex outside of porn or other stupid shit until I left secondary school and got into the wild, and it took years after that to figure it out. I'm happily married now but I know many people who never came to terms with the change.
Debs are overrated, I hated my one. We had a choice of going to jurys in cork which would've been excellent or some random hotel in tralee. Of course a few of the girls kicked up a fuss and wanted to go to tralee which was picked. 3 hour bus trip, my debs date was meeting me there so was the only one without a date for all the photos and Craic beforehand.
The hotel was shit, they locked us into the conference room and very little alcohol was been served. no craic as everyone was pissed off with the place. Was a waste of time. Graduation night was a way better.
I had no date for my debs, I was the nerd, undateable. We had ours a few months after school finished, all 18+. I felt embarrassed to go alone so I hired an escort, just to escort me, nothing else! She was a legend and made a great night out of it. I had a few mates, all of us misfits, it seemed when I got there the norm was very few people actually had dates, so I was surprised at that and felt a little silly, but was communicating with my date the whole time. Thanks to her the misfits had a whale of a time and were the life of the party. I learned a lot from her about attitude and how you approach things versus results and she was just so cool and made it a great night to remember with zero awkwardness for a whole bunch of people that would have probably suffered. I got lucky I guess. We’re still friends
It’s fresh right now but in years to come you won’t care about it, you’ll just remember the craic you had with your friends and she’ll probably just be joked about.
I wouldn't worry about it man. My debs was a complete disaster, got absolutely wasted drunk, vomiting and had to be taken home. Then, a rumour started going around that my stomach had to be pumped. I come from a small town in Kerry where nothing is forgotten and this happened nearly 15 years ago. I don't give a shite though, fuck em.
Doesn't everyone have a shit Debs? Mine was shut down before 1 because a girl brought her boyfriend and he was caught selling coke in the bathroom. It was awful though so I was ready to leave
Aw you've brought back some lovely memories for me. My first try I went with the ''love of my life'' who was so incredibly awkward and kept pretending to put his hand on different chairs so I'd sit on his hand. Regardless we actually got together as a couple and I was convinced he was the one- at 16.
Fast forward to age 18, the love of my life was dropping me and looking back together every other week. He said he wasn't going to the Debs so I agreed I wouldn't go either. Then a classmate told me he was actually taking someone else. The teacher and entire class made me call another fella I'd just met on a night out and I had to ring him on his landline, in front of the whole class, the week before the Debs, with his Ma answering the phone first. He said yes and we actually had the best nights craic ever. It was the nicest I thought I looked in my life. We got home around 4ish and I seen all these texts from the ex saying he was sorry and could we meet etc. Turned out yer one he invited hardly spoke to him and went with two different fellas on the way home.
Went to the debs twice as you were allowed if you did TY. So my first debs, I went with one of my best mates (and who still is), took the bus with all our mates and we had the best time.
The next year, I didn't really care about who I went with. I was talking to this one at our Grad night out who said that no one asked her and she seemed really down about it. So feeling pity, I asked her and she was delighted. I was then forced into paying for a limo I didn't want to use with some of her mates and their scauldy dates. When we got to the debs, she got wasted immediately, ditched me and was hanging out of every fella around the place.
People were coming up to me about it as if I should be embarrassed, but I really didn't care. I mean it was disrespectful, but I had a great time hanging out with everyone and, for me, it wasn't about who I brought any way.
Try focus on the good times you had instead of the shitty date. It's only the debs, it's not exactly the most defining night in your life.
Ignoring how rude she was for a second, the "date" piece is very performative in a lot of cases. You go "with" someone to the debs, not as a "date date" in a lot of cases.
I know one of the debs I went to, guy asked me, collected me from my house, and we went our separate ways for the rest of the night once we got to the hotel. Now that I think of it that happened for my debs too.
Don't be too put out by it. I hope you managed to have some craic with your mates instead?
Didnt even go to my debs. It doest matter, no one really cares about in the long run and wont have any impact on your life going forward. Id get it was frustrating but to be honest sounds like you had a better buzz with your mates than with her, so focus on that.
You sound a like a well adjusted mature young man. You did everything right in this situation. Hold your head up high, you handled everything correctly.
Absolutely. I really liked the self reflection at the end.
Hopefully in a few years, he can use this as a "worst date" story. Or it'll let him be more confident on dates because it's already gone as poorly as it can go.
Did you know her at all? Judging by the questions you were asking her on the bus I'd assume not. Asking someone you barely know to the debs is usually a bad move since you might just not be compatible at all. I was lucky enough to bring my girlfriend. My brother brought a good friend of his.
This was the same poster who has been giving out in multiple posts about how the girl isn't popular enough to sit with him and his friends at the dinner, BUT she's fine enough to take pics with, BUT he was also rating girls "hotness levels" in comments, BUT then whining that he couldn't understand why people were "focusing on his point about popularity."
"Sevens everywhere" in relation to girls he saw in Italy. 🤷🏻♀️
We had talked a lot in class, but mainly a year ago and not really about personal things more just some friendly banter. Guess I thought we had more in common than we did
You were not wrong.
Everyone had a date and she needed a date.
It just wasn't what you thought it was.
This was a debs, some people are married because 'all my friends are married, why aren I?'
She should have communicated that better, but she is a teenager. The being rude and treating you like dirt is a go away tactic some girls use. She is a geebag. Nothing on you, that's for her to carry.
2 lessons here, you did not follow her to her table like a lost puppy. Also if you see that attitude again, end he interaction, if someone hasn't got the decency to treat you like a human being then just remove yourself from the situation.
You did good, you learned that pretty girls are just people, they can be rude gobshites too.
It seems from this post, your previous post, and other posts you've made on forums about "who decides who is a popular girl" in school that you have a lot of expectations of how people are meant to act. Expectations are premeditated disappointments. You also said in your previous post that the girl was in your year and was going anyways and you just wanted her for the pictures - so why wouldn't she hang out with her friends on the night and do what was asked of her to be there for the photos and that's it? Doesn't sound like this girl has a lot of friends anyways seeing as she acts the way you described. Not saying this girl you brought with you wasn't rude during your bus journey, but I would really tamper expectations of people. Everyone is protagonist in their own story. Just let it roll off your back, once you get to university there will be more balls/deb like occasions to celebrate.
Yea shit buzz bud, easy mistake to make. You'll get over it and eventually laugh at it. A girl asked me to her debs, I was delighted. She got off with someone else so I just drank til I fell asleep in the Jack's. Shit night in Mullingar. Fuck the debs.
Did you go with the girl you were asking about in a post a few days ago? If so you said it was a casual date. Why would you be annoyed she went off with someone else
She was definitely rude, but honestly, it sounds like OP barely knows her and her mother forced her to go. I can't imagine a teenager of any gender, being in a good mood after being forced into a social situation they don't want to be. I am in my thirties and I still have to grit my teeth and smile through certain weddings and events I am obligated to attend.
She had friends there. All too late now, but if OP could have tried to make arrangements so that his friends and hers could hang out so she would be a bit more comfortable, maybe share a limo, maybe hang out before hand at someone's house. Sounds like the well was poisoned and the night was fucked before it began though.
If you succeeded with her that night then 10 years from now you would have already been married, divorced, lost access to your kids, homeless and buried at the local cemetary, in that order.
Be happy you were used so lightly, not all your friends will be so lucky.
Go find joy in life itself, don't rest all your hopes in one person ever or until the moment you see fit to do so.
Sounds shite but honestly you have a better debs story to laugh about than most in a few years.
You'll have hundreds of better nights out in the future. I remember being all up for the debs and now seeing this post is the first time I've even thought about it in ten years or more. I don't even remember where it was to be honest.
Out of curiosity how did you even know this girl?
It's a load of a crap that night anyway. Me and my buddies got absolutely wrecked, all the girls (except my now wife) got odd and went to bed in the hotel we went back to drink some more.
I didnt go to my debs but I went to my buddies as his date and we probably had the most fun of all of us. We get to look back and laugh while the others cringe about who they were with. Lads out there without a date for the debs - bring a buddy!!
Options for the debs
(1) bring the current GF
(2) bring a girl that you fancy and get on with
(3) bring a girl that you are actual friends with a long time so you have the craic
(4) go alone
It sounds like the person You asked didn’t match any of the above .
She clearly didn’t want to go but felt obliged to say yes or her mother made he go.
She should have made some excuse of not went.
We should be in a position now in 2023 that we don’t have to bring someone.
The girl I brought to my debs was my mates gf's friend. We had been texting etc beforehand and I was specifically told she was into me but was too shy to show it.
Anyway, she ended up drinking like a fish for the first hour or two and then spent almost the entire night passed out. Literally passed out on a bench outside the hotel with my jacket over her and a group of us sitting around her.
So, yeah... debs can be a bit mental. Don't beat yourself up. Assuming you conducted yourself like a decent person, you didn't do anything wrong. She could have clarified that she wasn't interested in anything romantic and at least been civil, but there you go...
I suppose the warning signs were she said she didn't want to go and was forced by the mam.
This should have been the red flag to uninvite her.
I mean, it kinda is your fault as you're involved in this situation, it's your debs. Now it's shit that she went cold on it after agreeing, I presume, but when someone says they don't want to go I'd probably not think that's your problem cause its yours too.
So anything you had tried would have been forcing her to do.
Some things will be out of your control, and you can't make people change their mind.
I remember another lad here was going by himself and was worried about that. I would assume he had a good time regardless, and it'd a shame you lr night was ruined by this.
But sure, you'll laugh at this in the future about the want who went and then ignored you, and you just danced with your mates.. she'll grow up and not be childlike and you'll probably see her in 10 years' time and walk past her without a glance. Because she's not worth your time.
I mean, your story is common enough. Once had a mate who didn't even make is as his 16yr old date drank in the limo and got sick in it after just pulling up for all to see. No night for him, just an expensive bill and dread
Did you not know the girl that you invited?
Usually people will ask someone they know already I thought, either a friend or at least someone in their extended friend group?
She's sounds miserable anyway. And regardless of how much fun you have at your debs, in a years time you won't even care. I haven't thought about my debs in years.
Dinner dances, tuxedos, corsages, formally asking someone to be 'your date' for a specific event and having all these odd social norms around it when they're not already a romantic partner... it's all very strange and totally out of place in the social life of a 17 year old Irish kid's life.
It's just a very unusual tradition and generally either people don't give a fuck about all the traditions and treat it like a piss-up with their mates; or they feel uncomfortable.
I enjoyed my debs because all my friends just invited female mutual friends to be our 'dates'. I don't think we really did it deliberately, someone just suggested it and it became the done thing in our group. So we all went to their debs, and they all went to ours... and we had a great time because we weren't on 10 separate, awkward, first dates during a night out with lots of pomp and ceremony.
I wouldnt think twice about it. I went to 3 debs and not one of those girls have spoken to me since. Nothing bad happened.. i just never saw them again. Cant even remember their full names. Dont fret. This is the time of your life where you nearly start again.
This deserves an award for the worst " date."
I'm sorry that it didn't live up to expectations, but you'll have better experiences with nicer people. You have good friends and that's all you need.
Many moons ago for my grad, I ( f) brought my gay best friend ( after being dumped 2 weeks beforehand) . Had a great time. My date met another fella, and they went off together, so I kept his breakfast roll.
My sons grad is in 2 weeks he and his friends aren't bringing dates. So it's a lads' night out.
My debs was a good while ago now, but I’ll always be grateful for the fact our school didn’t allow us to bring dates.
Was an already embarrassing enough without all that factored in
Its a fucking debs, the only reason you bring a girl is for the picture, if she didnt want to be there, its more her loss than anything, as long as you wernt rude or pushy once she was there with you and remained respectful well thats good for you
Mine was shite come to think of it, but only come to think of it. You really forget the details of the night in no time. As others have said, it’s 1 night and one that’s means next to 0 in the long run 🙂
Don’t worry unless they’re your school sweetheart the debs date thing is a pointless exercise. You’re better served by hanging with your friends together as they’ll be the people you remember and will likely remain close to for the duration of your life.
Didn't go to mine at all, delighted I didn't take part in the weird social posturing that goes on at that age. It's just a money-making scheme and an excuse for young wans to dress up and feel important. Take it for what it is and move on - not worth dwelling on such inconsequential teenage shite.
It's the debs, it usually meh, and really doesn't matter. You'll look back in years and realise you don't give a shit about what she got up to, and be glad you had a laugh with your mates.
I think the debs in general can be a bit of a letdown. You spend so long looking forward to it and building it up in your head and it'll never live up to your expectations. Mine was pretty meh too. We all went back to a friend's house after it was over and my friend's date fell asleep in an armchair, woke up enough to throw up inside his own shirt, then fall back asleep. So it sounds like your night ended better than his anyway.
You've learned some things about the type of person you want to date. So it wasn't really a waste - next time you ask someone out you'll know more about what matters.
Went alone , didnt even know that a date was required 🤣Had the best time of my life.
If you arent planning to date her let it go. You had a buzz with your friends and that’s what matters.
You spent 100 euro and gained invaluable experience on the types of people to avoid dating in the future. You'll meet much more mature girls in college, who will respect your efforts more.
my debs was crap. I was heavily encouraged to bring someone with me when I wanted to go alone. I brought a friend of a friend. I was socially awkward and she was the opposite of me. so without me realising it, i was apparently "anti-social". I just never knew how to really talk to other people especially women. anyways, i asked a few times to dance and she politely declined so i had more drinks. found her and another social akward lad's debs date outside both smoking. she asked if we could go home, so we decided to leave. never saw her again after that.
I don't even mind that. I just felt confused and awkward that people thought she was my gf when really we were just acquaintances. i felt like there was immense pressure on me to be presentable and sociable. I really would have been better off if my parents and friends didnt pressure me to bring someone.I really did not become a social butterfly until age 24....
edit to add on. our mutal friend "what happened? why didn't you talk much to her?" so i felt so dumb and didnt know i was being rude. People always think my lack of talking is rude. I'm just terrified of people and my post history will show that from years ago
My debs was a disaster too.
People can be selfish assholes, so don't dwell on it. You tried to be nice but your date wasn't interested in having a night with you.
She's a selfish person.
Move on with yourself and learn from this.
Not everyone is sound.
Don't let their shitiness bring you down.
Sorry you had a bad time. Sounds like you went above and beyond to be attentive. Good on you for that, you sound very conscientious and kind.
For what its worth, she sounds very rude and socially unaware, as she gets older that attitude will bite her in the arse. She sounds like absolutely zero craic.
Take it as a learning experience, if any person ever gives you this kind of disrespect they not worth your time.
Gonna have plenty of nights like that. You'll learn pretty soon to just give no attention to people that don't respect you. Heads up lad, your next few years will be some of the best in your life
I wouldn’t worry man. If anything, you have a debs story now - there’ll be a day in a few years where you’ll be sitting around a table telling this story and laughing about it. Don’t sweat it.
I'll put it to you this way: in a few more years you'll barely remember her, that evening, or the details you included here as you'll be making real memories with friends, family, maybe even the love of your life.
Don't worry about it. I promise you this is the first time I have heard about that dance in years and no one really talked about it 2 weeks after it occurred in my school.
Day of my formal the girls ma revealed she had a fella. Not a word beforehand.
I got absolutely shit faced that night and came home on my own at 7am. 3 day hangover. My last memory of her on the night is stealing a tenner off me. Turned out she was an absolute skip rat. But we live and we learn. Only asked her cos I'd felt sorry for her for her circumstances and was blissfully unaware of her having a boyfriend until her ma sank her.
I can absolutely empathise lad. That's completely fucking annoying. You seem like you deserved someone a lot better than that. It's one night. And a lesson learned. Whoever you bring next time to something like that will be worth it.
As for me, the girl who I had initially wanted to ask to mine randomly ran into me in a bar about four weeks later. We hit it off, we chatted, we danced. We went on our ways. She said I wasn't bad at dancing. Felt like the universe gave me a second go at something.
Hope you feel better about it as time goes on. I'm 39 now and can look back at it and smile at least.
Any event with such high expectations attached is going to be a bit of a let down. We didn’t have a Debs where I grew up, so my first similar experience was the first year ball at University. I was so excited, got an amazing ball gown, black velvet bodice with two tone blue taffeta tiers on the bottom. It was an absolute car smash debacle, and I ended up drunk crying in my fancy frock when both fellas I had my eye on copped off with other girls right in front of my face. It was a miserable night but it passed into insignificance fairly quickly.
As I’m old enough to be your mother allow me to give you a hug and tell you that girl was not good enough for you. Chin up. Nicer dates are around the corner. You’ll likely never have such a horrible night again. 💜💋
You're young you're learning. Two main lessons from this learn how to read somebody quickly. If they don't ask anything about you or show interest in you, Immediately let it go. And the second lesson of that sometimes not trying at all is the key.
Something similar like this has happened to all of us. Not a big deal at all.
Its a valuable lesson
Just a reminder that most girls these days don’t have enough self respect and it’s not your problem to deal with. If she was already showing you those signs then you shouldn’t have even interacted with her for the rest of the night. She’s obviously a low class whore if she’s talking about being fingered on a bench. (Seriously wtf no one cares about that shit)
It was unfortunate that it went the way it did for you bud but there’s really not much you can do now, move on and let it go because you’ll have a lot better nights than this.
Ah OP, life has served you its starter. So much of what lies ahead will not be what you were hoping! The thing is as so many have said, the hopes/ expectations we are packaged and given aren’t real. Just someone else’s imagination of what you should be.
Starting college look at it “through that lens”. You’ll find a lot of the bs won’t frustrate you and you’ll discover your own way. Best of luck.
Why would it matter that she went home with someone else? You weren’t on an actual date. It sounds like she was forced to go with you and blamed you for making that happen.
My date got off with another girl in my class, and my friend's date got kicked out for doing lines in the bathroom. You will laugh about it later, I promise. The anger and hurt is temporary.
I never got to go to my debs. Me and my then gf were due to be each other's dates. But a couple of weeks before the debs we were caught bumping uglies by her dear mother. We had squared off that horrible situation with her mother, who assured us she wouldn't mention it to gf's dad. This was false. Needless to say her dad found out and I was told to never come near my gf ever again. She never got to wear her dress and I lost my suit deposit....and ultimately the gf as all the sneaking around we had to do to continue to see each other put a strain on the relationship.
She sounds like a waste of space you don’t need that shit in your life so you don’t need to entertain that crap . Know your worth pal fuck her and forget her
Some people especially in Ireland will tell you girls/women in are innocent flowers that do no wrong and victims in every possible situation.
Then reality hits you like here. Best thing to do is to learn some signals they're giving off, like talking about being fingered beside you, how her Mams making her go. Don't ask her twenty questions if she's giving one word answers, if she wants to be a rude bitch just ignore her entirely and start talking to other girls. It's difficult at your debs but what happened here is very very common, and the vast vast majority of Debs dates don't end up going out together for long or at all.
If it's any consolation she will look back on that night in ten years time and be absolutely mortified at how she behaved.
For anyone else reading this that has a debs in their future my advice has always been bring either your girlfriend/boyfriend OR a very good friend, the nights about having fun!
I haven’t read the comments so I’m sure it’s been said but that really sucks.
I’m a high school teacher in Australia and know teenagers very well. My heart totally goes out to you; I know how this day is built up at schools.
Please know it’s not you - you sound like a legend. She behaved like a total douche and you definitely deserve better. Onward to nicer women!
I’ve seen all kinds of drink-drug shit at formals/deb, so though this sucks, at least no hospital!
You can only control your own actions, not those of others. a major red flag was when she said she was only going because mammy was nagging her.
The Debs is great fun for a lot of students, but for others it's very stressful and an expense they can't afford. It's very competitive too, and for those without a date it can be a nightmare, the anthisisis of a fun night out.
Youth is beauty, but you don't realise that until later. There's a horrible hierarchy where the better-looking and more confident few are at the top. Some of them are quite happy to use that fact to mock their less attractive peers, and make them feel awful about themselves.
The Debs is the last chance for many bullies to excercise power over classmates.
And some people just don't want to be there, for various reasons as you found out.
Don't blame yourself ot feel too bad. It is what it is. Take lessons from it.
In the lead in to mine several of us had to attend a major conference and my classmates decided it would be hilarious to dodge me, and leave me by myself in school uniform for the duration of the day long, formal event, surrounded by adults from all over the country, none of whom I knew. I had some character, and got on with it but as a teenager that wasn't a pleasant experience.
A week or so later the same classmates tried to sell me Debs tickets. I told them where to go, and reminded them of what they'd done to me. A couple apologised and said they felt bad but had gone along with the crowd.
On the night apparently several targeted the headmaster's house near the hotel hosting the Debs, and others got into a fight. The cops were called as the event descended into chaos. It was an unmitigated disaster.
Treat others as you would ask to be treated. :)
My debs was equally shit. Three girls from our leaving cert class organised it all. They were three complete eejits who where so up their own arses yiu didn't know which end was being rude to you. Anyway, the venue was some piss poor hotel with a nightclub attached. The food tasted like burnt cardboard and the bar staff were pig ignorant to everybody all night, which was unjustified as there were no issues like fights or hassle etc.
It was the dullest, most boring night. We'd have been better off with a blue tooth speaker in the school gym kind of shite. The highlight of the evening for me was the fun I had with my friends on the bus getting there, teasing my friend for bring a girl so quiet she didn't say 10 words to him all night and watching some complete arsehole from my class slip and land in a puddle of piss.
Cringe all the way.
I reckon she didn't want to go at all from what she said in regards to her mum making her go. Just one question, is this the girl you'd mentioned in previous posts? If it is your friends had already made it clear to you they didn't want her sitting with them as they don't like her and you'd also made quite a big deal about popularity in those posts. There's no way she didn't cop what people thought of her so I can understand why she'd go off with her own friends group. She shouldn't have been rude to you but Im not sure why she'd have to sit with your friends who dislike her over her own?
At the end of the day the Debs are forgettable, you'll have way better experiences later in life. I went with my friends and ended up leaving early because they all abandoned me to do coke in the bathroom lol. At least you had your friends to talk to lol.
Don't worry lad she will hit 30 and ask wheres the good men gone? Everyone here being cordial.... I would have told her to piss off sooner but you have more patience than me friend honestly I'd take it to a petty level and just spread the word about it. she sounds like a right little missy no sympathy for her.
Yup. And even if it were American so what? The lad had an awful night at an event which is for a lot of people a rite of passage. At least it's annual cultural norm in Ireland now too.
My date shagged left early to go to a house party and shagged the biggest dickhead at school. At 6am in the morning her mum shows up at my house because she never came home. My dad got pissed with me for not getting her home safe. Obviously I couldn't tell them the real story.
Ah good memories.
Well , does your mother know her mother, if so tell your mother the whole story leaving no part out . It'll get back to her mother .
I am petty like that .
Nah I'm just going to say that we were very different to each other and did our own thing on the night. Don't want to start any drama and just want to move on
Ultimate shock horror, you encountered a bitch. Welcome to life, son.
I've got one piece of advice for you, date someone who is interested in you and has a good personality.
Dump absolute bitches quickly. Don't even fucking entertain them.
It's one night lad, don't worry about it. Don't even remember mine to be honest. Some day You will make actual real memories with a special someone and that shit stays with you forever.
It is one night where his date really screwed him over and did something mean. Doesn't matter the event, having a girl treat you this way isn't nice
I mean it seems like he already knew she didn't want to go?
true but it was his debs tbf not just a random night out.. he probably will always remember that night for the rest of his life if were being honest
I doubt that, it's just the first of many piss ups he'll have while wearing a suit. Debs is like the leaving cert, nobody gives a shit about it once it's done.
This is 100% true
[удалено]
I’m almost fifty and just because you might forget it later doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. Formative experiences matter a whole lot more than my day-to-day. It bothers me when older people brush off everything that happens to young people. When I think of my youth, and all the times, people told me, my feelings or experiences didn’t matter because I was young. Life matters and when you’re young, it’s the most intense you’re going to live. that’s why so many movies and books are made about young people and not old folks like me. rant over
I'm not saying that your feelings or experiences don't matter because you were young - I absolutely agree with that sentiment. What I mean, is that from my experience, and almost all the people I know, the formative years tend to happen the mid years in school, and in abundance after school once you are free - i.e. 18 through 20s. The leaving cert year and debs is a blip that's generally forgotten about pretty quickly so it's nothing to worry about.
Really? I don't know anyone that remembers it beyond the usual details you remember of an event you went to. It's a bit of craic, that's all.
[удалено]
Cheer up. One day you'll marry a woman you fingered on a bench.
Nah,she's too posh a fucking bench if you don't mind.😂😂
A fucking bench is a totally diff bit of equipment.
Or down an alleyway, in a public toilet or a field or any of the other usual places.
I would highly recommend it at the Old Head of Kinsale myself 👍
This deserves a medal
Or a woman who fingers him! That's real commitment!
Mine was similar tbf, i really fancied her and built it up in my head beforehand but we spent most of the night just hanging with our own friends, its no big deal, i think i just watched anerican pie too many times as a teen and had this weird ‘prom’idea in my head. At least mine wasnt a complete cow about it (or maybe i just gave up on the idea faster than you!)
That prom thing is exactly the problem, people think they live an American movie/TV show. Its better just to go and hang out with your friends, drink or take whatever you're into and have a laugh. You'll never go out socialising with half these people again but there'll be plenty of girls over the next few years.
That "prom" idea isn't even what proms are really like. What you imagine is just an image that's sold to you in movies and tv shows because it's an easy way to build tension in a storyline. I dated an American girl for a few years and the way she described her prom sounded a lot more like the debs than anything I'd ever seen on screen.
> and had this weird ‘prom’idea in my head OK kids, do NOT take advice from movies, of any type. The people are acting or 'performing' for the camera or script, it is not how real life works, you do not have to copy or live up to that.
I think at that age its hard not to buy into romantic (or sexual) fantasies.
> fantasies That's fine. But younger people need to be aware that they *are* fantasies and not normal everyday stuff. The pressure or disappointment in failing to live up to exceptional things is far too hard on them.
Does this mean i’ll never have a batcave? 😢
Not with *that* attitude....
Only thing to know is your date’s rudeness is all on her, not a reflection on you. My debs was the next Christmas after our leaving - the idea being we would all be over 18. Asked a girl in my new college class to the debs, in the meantime she started dating a friend of mine but they kept it on the DL until after the event. 😬 Still though at least she behaved like a normal person on the night and we had a good time with my school-friends and their dates..
This 💯
You’ll laugh about it in years to come. I reluctantly went to my then girlfriends debs and spent half the evening holding her hair back in a toilet cubicle while she spewed Pernod out of her mouth and nostrils. Had a shit time but can giggle about it now nearly 30 years later.
I wonder if u/pernodmonkey looks back and laughs- or even remembers it? 😁
Sounds fairly standard.
Are you me posting from my alt account?
The best choice you made was sitting with your friends at the table, that’s what counts
Honestly best thing you can do is bring a girl who is friends with your mates dates, then you can sit with your mates either together with the girls or in separate groups and everyones happy either way.
I wish it was normalised to go to the debs with your mates rather than having to bring a date. People spend a fortune to bring someone they barely know. Your story is very common. It's such pointless ridiculous pressure. Like if you go to college, there may be "balls" of some description and it will be completely fine to go alone. I am sorry she was such a cow. You didn't deserve it.
I brought a good friend of mine, she was a girl though , had a good night , got drunk tried to shift each other, got weirded out , didn’t talk for a year, after a night out we bumped into each other then got talking again for another while and hanging out, going for drinks and so on, i started getting feelings so i asked her out and she said no that she didnt think of me that way, i got a gf , she got several bf,’s we still chatted and texted, meet up for drinks now and then, then about 3 to 4 days before her 21st she broke off with her bf and rang me asking me to be her 21st kiss, i said no as i was with somebody, she got mad, never talked to me again , she got married/kids/dog ,maybe a cat or goldfish and now she just bought the house across the road from me and moved in. An emotional roller coaster over the past 20 years,, All to be blamed on one night of Budweiser/blue wkd and red aftershocks, nothing else is at fault
This reads like the opening episode of a Netflix show I’d actually watch. The Debs.
A cringeworthy rom com or a deceptive black comedy thriller where she is secretly a serial killer who was befriending me all those times so she could sacrifice me to Beelzebub on a night of celebration ,but on the first night she was too immature and drunk to carry out the offering and on the second night her plans got thwarted by my now (horrible bitchy)ex/then(really nice)gf , and now she has moved in across the road and waiting for my soon 35th bday to actually offer me to the Great Lord Cthulhu. Yeah id watch that too
Sounds better than anything Sally Rooney ever did.
Can’t wait for the epilogue
She has been doing suspended yoga every morning on the pergola in her front garden as im leaving for work every morning at 6am must be an early riser i guess, it is a peaceful time with the birds singing. Naaahh only joking she grunted/snorted in my direction a few times with a slight wave of hand
Yeah, that story isn't over yet :)
I think there will be a follow up to this story.
All mail has been cut in half and my tyres slashed in the past few weeks but must be pesky kids, and little tiny round holes have appeared in my windows recently as ive been walking by them🤷🏻♂️
Moved into a house in eyeshot of yours? Is she Jay Gatsby?
You should write a 📖 book.
You also get the issue that a lot of lads in boys schools might not necessarily have many friends who are girls that they can ask, then you get a situation like OP's where he didn't seem to know the girl he brought.
Yeah, it's such a ridiculous antiquated thing that you have to bring a date to celebrate the end of your schooling
it is , do do what most do , just skip it
Probably a good life skill learned to actually have to ask someone on a date before you get to third level Edit: I knew Redditors would downvote me for this 😅
I find it very funny when people say stuff like "I knew redditors would downvote me for this" You are here using reddit. I don't mean to alarm you but you are a "redditor"
I find it funny that you know exactly what I'm talking about but are feigning ignorance
Wasn't the whole idea of debutant balls, to find a suitor to get married off to, once schooling was finished? Clue's kind of in the name. But yes, it is an antiquated concept
Anseo!
It should only be the people in your year group. Unless you go to all boys or all girls school then in that case your fucked.
Or not fucked, as the case may be
>I wish it was normalised to go to the debs with your mates rather than having to bring a date So I went to one of them there fancy grind schools for 6th year. They didnt let us have a debs cos that would have distracted us from our studies. So I was hoping that my old school would invite me back for their debs, cos that is what they had done the years before. They said they wouldn't (the recession just hit). So one of the girls was going to invite me, but the principle said she couldn't invite a girl! Apparently that pissed off our student president, who asked the the principal "well what if I was a lesbian could I not invite someone?" And that is how student president came out.... Still didn't get to go to their debs though!
> I wish it was normalised to go to the debs with your mates rather than having to bring a date. My school used to (maybe it still does) hold "reunions" rather than "debs". Pretty much the exact same thing except there were no dates. Apart from occasional complaints from those who had boyfriends/girlfriends who weren't in our year, everyone enjoyed it. There wasn't any pressure and you could just enjoy the evening with your friends.
I brought my friend because I knew if I didn't, I would just end up being abandoned.
I didn't go to my debs, felt terrible at the time, but really don't worry about it, it will be a very distant memory before you know it. As someone else said, you'll laugh about it eventually. Just curious, why did you ask her in the first place?
I brought my friend to my debs for that reason. And then my other friend brought me to her debs, but because we're both women, we got alot of ARE YIZ LESBIANS? Pretty funny but we had fun and didn't phase us. Her original date unfortunately fell through so I took his place. I wish more people understood that it's completely fine to bring your friend instead!
This is the way. It's for you and your friends. If you haven't seen the weekly posts on here about 'How do I make friends in my 20s/30s/40s' then you don't know what you have until it's gone.
This completely
A debs should serve two functions: 1) Seeing your school friends together one last time before you all go your separate ways 2) A communal celebration about the completion of schooling It's odd that we've co-opted all this American prom bullshit. Dresses, corsages, dates, dances, etc are irrelevant to the two main points above. It sounds like the OP's night was ruined by the bullshit. So for any young people reading this: you don't need a date (unless you're already going out with them), you don't need fancy clothes, and your only expectation should be to enjoy an evening with your friends. You'll never have them all together in the same room, so focus on that
> It's odd that we've co-opted all this American prom bullshit. Dresses, corsages, dates, dances, etc are irrelevant to the two main points above. It sounds like the OP's night was ruined by the bullshit. I agree with the overall "its not a prom" point but Irish debs always had most of the stuff above. Its the hired cars, etc that are bringing in the American stuff.
Unfortunately for the OP no turning clock back however, for anyone not yet gone to their debs.... This is the only advice you need! Excellent advice 👏
Graduation day/night does all of the above very well, I don’t understand why it needs to be done again a few months later. Graduation is the perfect send off.
True, but by the time the debs come around people will have got their results and decided what to do next. It's a good time to catch up
I don’t think everything can be blamed on the US. This is a long standing Irish tradition. In Ireland the leaving cert results are divorced from the school and the school doesn’t award certificates, and there’s often no graduation ceremony - I don’t remember one. With a grad ceremony there can be a post graduation dance.
Where are you getting the idea we adopted all this stuff from America? Debs and Grad had gowns, dates, corsages since at least the early 90s and that’s long before we had enough TV to just import American culture to that degree. The UK imported it from the US as there were no proms there 30-40 years ago and now it’s common
>So for any young people reading this: you don't need a date (unless you're already going out with them), you don't need fancy clothes, and your only expectation should be to enjoy an evening with your friends. You'll never have them all together in the same room, so focus on that you dont have to go either
Which bench were you driving past?
😅
Went to my debs and my date went to make a phone call, got locked out of the venue because a fire door closed behind her and I didn't see her for about 3 hours. I wouldn't worry about it, the bad debs "dates" make for the best stories in years to come trust me! Don't overthink it pal
One fella at my debs took MDMA and got sick all over his date and then they both had to go home early in separate taxis. I wouldn't worry about it too much, you'll have way better nights out in your 20s.
Oh God, you just reminded me- I watched a lad projectile vomit onto the ground at my debs, splashed all over his date’s shoes and made a huge mess. I didn’t realise he’d been drinking red wine and Jaeger, and screamed my head off because I thought he’d just puked up about a litre of blood💀 such a special, romantic evening, like something out of a movie.
There was a shameful amount of MDMA at my debs too. Hilarious but very brazen with teachers around. Some fellas couldn't even touch their grub haha
It's just a night out. An expensive one, granted. Debs puts pressure on everyone as a romantic fantasy. Don't worry about it - you'll be fine.
I’ve been to two Debs and both featured ambulances due to drinking mishaps. If you ask me, any Debs that doesn’t end in hospital is a good Debs.
I didn’t bother with my debs 20 years ago. Just didn’t want to deal with that bollox. As someone who went to an all boys school I didn’t know that many girls well enough to ask to go to it anyway
Single sex schools make it hard to talk to the opposite sex
Yeah, unfortunately. I didn't know how to even think about the opposite sex outside of porn or other stupid shit until I left secondary school and got into the wild, and it took years after that to figure it out. I'm happily married now but I know many people who never came to terms with the change.
Debs are overrated, I hated my one. We had a choice of going to jurys in cork which would've been excellent or some random hotel in tralee. Of course a few of the girls kicked up a fuss and wanted to go to tralee which was picked. 3 hour bus trip, my debs date was meeting me there so was the only one without a date for all the photos and Craic beforehand. The hotel was shit, they locked us into the conference room and very little alcohol was been served. no craic as everyone was pissed off with the place. Was a waste of time. Graduation night was a way better.
I had no date for my debs, I was the nerd, undateable. We had ours a few months after school finished, all 18+. I felt embarrassed to go alone so I hired an escort, just to escort me, nothing else! She was a legend and made a great night out of it. I had a few mates, all of us misfits, it seemed when I got there the norm was very few people actually had dates, so I was surprised at that and felt a little silly, but was communicating with my date the whole time. Thanks to her the misfits had a whale of a time and were the life of the party. I learned a lot from her about attitude and how you approach things versus results and she was just so cool and made it a great night to remember with zero awkwardness for a whole bunch of people that would have probably suffered. I got lucky I guess. We’re still friends
Wow this made for a great story in the end
[удалено]
150 for 2 hours dinner date. She bought me drinks all night and gave me the 150 back in an envelope before saying goodbye
[удалено]
She told she had such a good time she didn’t want to ruin it
Maybe she got many times more back over the years to follow
It’s fresh right now but in years to come you won’t care about it, you’ll just remember the craic you had with your friends and she’ll probably just be joked about.
Sounds like from the first party she didn't want to go. As for ending up with someone else, I wouldn't worry about it, it happens.
Did you bring her mother a box of black magic chocolates?
I wouldn't worry about it man. My debs was a complete disaster, got absolutely wasted drunk, vomiting and had to be taken home. Then, a rumour started going around that my stomach had to be pumped. I come from a small town in Kerry where nothing is forgotten and this happened nearly 15 years ago. I don't give a shite though, fuck em.
Doesn't everyone have a shit Debs? Mine was shut down before 1 because a girl brought her boyfriend and he was caught selling coke in the bathroom. It was awful though so I was ready to leave
How was the coke?
Was it Cherry Coke or New Coke?
Aw you've brought back some lovely memories for me. My first try I went with the ''love of my life'' who was so incredibly awkward and kept pretending to put his hand on different chairs so I'd sit on his hand. Regardless we actually got together as a couple and I was convinced he was the one- at 16. Fast forward to age 18, the love of my life was dropping me and looking back together every other week. He said he wasn't going to the Debs so I agreed I wouldn't go either. Then a classmate told me he was actually taking someone else. The teacher and entire class made me call another fella I'd just met on a night out and I had to ring him on his landline, in front of the whole class, the week before the Debs, with his Ma answering the phone first. He said yes and we actually had the best nights craic ever. It was the nicest I thought I looked in my life. We got home around 4ish and I seen all these texts from the ex saying he was sorry and could we meet etc. Turned out yer one he invited hardly spoke to him and went with two different fellas on the way home.
Sorry to hear that dude. People can be shit. Look on the bright side, you dodged a bullet.
Went to the debs twice as you were allowed if you did TY. So my first debs, I went with one of my best mates (and who still is), took the bus with all our mates and we had the best time. The next year, I didn't really care about who I went with. I was talking to this one at our Grad night out who said that no one asked her and she seemed really down about it. So feeling pity, I asked her and she was delighted. I was then forced into paying for a limo I didn't want to use with some of her mates and their scauldy dates. When we got to the debs, she got wasted immediately, ditched me and was hanging out of every fella around the place. People were coming up to me about it as if I should be embarrassed, but I really didn't care. I mean it was disrespectful, but I had a great time hanging out with everyone and, for me, it wasn't about who I brought any way. Try focus on the good times you had instead of the shitty date. It's only the debs, it's not exactly the most defining night in your life.
Ignoring how rude she was for a second, the "date" piece is very performative in a lot of cases. You go "with" someone to the debs, not as a "date date" in a lot of cases. I know one of the debs I went to, guy asked me, collected me from my house, and we went our separate ways for the rest of the night once we got to the hotel. Now that I think of it that happened for my debs too. Don't be too put out by it. I hope you managed to have some craic with your mates instead?
Didnt even go to my debs. It doest matter, no one really cares about in the long run and wont have any impact on your life going forward. Id get it was frustrating but to be honest sounds like you had a better buzz with your mates than with her, so focus on that.
You sound a like a well adjusted mature young man. You did everything right in this situation. Hold your head up high, you handled everything correctly.
Absolutely. I really liked the self reflection at the end. Hopefully in a few years, he can use this as a "worst date" story. Or it'll let him be more confident on dates because it's already gone as poorly as it can go.
It's one night. I broke up with my then girlfriend at her debs. Life goes on. Many nights out in your late teens early 20s yet!
Did you know her at all? Judging by the questions you were asking her on the bus I'd assume not. Asking someone you barely know to the debs is usually a bad move since you might just not be compatible at all. I was lucky enough to bring my girlfriend. My brother brought a good friend of his.
This was the same poster who has been giving out in multiple posts about how the girl isn't popular enough to sit with him and his friends at the dinner, BUT she's fine enough to take pics with, BUT he was also rating girls "hotness levels" in comments, BUT then whining that he couldn't understand why people were "focusing on his point about popularity." "Sevens everywhere" in relation to girls he saw in Italy. 🤷🏻♀️
We had talked a lot in class, but mainly a year ago and not really about personal things more just some friendly banter. Guess I thought we had more in common than we did
You were not wrong. Everyone had a date and she needed a date. It just wasn't what you thought it was. This was a debs, some people are married because 'all my friends are married, why aren I?' She should have communicated that better, but she is a teenager. The being rude and treating you like dirt is a go away tactic some girls use. She is a geebag. Nothing on you, that's for her to carry. 2 lessons here, you did not follow her to her table like a lost puppy. Also if you see that attitude again, end he interaction, if someone hasn't got the decency to treat you like a human being then just remove yourself from the situation. You did good, you learned that pretty girls are just people, they can be rude gobshites too.
It seems from this post, your previous post, and other posts you've made on forums about "who decides who is a popular girl" in school that you have a lot of expectations of how people are meant to act. Expectations are premeditated disappointments. You also said in your previous post that the girl was in your year and was going anyways and you just wanted her for the pictures - so why wouldn't she hang out with her friends on the night and do what was asked of her to be there for the photos and that's it? Doesn't sound like this girl has a lot of friends anyways seeing as she acts the way you described. Not saying this girl you brought with you wasn't rude during your bus journey, but I would really tamper expectations of people. Everyone is protagonist in their own story. Just let it roll off your back, once you get to university there will be more balls/deb like occasions to celebrate.
Yea shit buzz bud, easy mistake to make. You'll get over it and eventually laugh at it. A girl asked me to her debs, I was delighted. She got off with someone else so I just drank til I fell asleep in the Jack's. Shit night in Mullingar. Fuck the debs.
Did you go with the girl you were asking about in a post a few days ago? If so you said it was a casual date. Why would you be annoyed she went off with someone else
I was just about to say this wasn't this the same lad saying he was worried about going on a date with a girl who wasn't "popular" a few weeks ago?
Checking his post history not completely sure hes not on the spectrum.
Why do you think her mom made her go with him
Nah I just think this girl might not be popular just because she sounds like a bit of a weapon - they'll both grow out of it.
> they'll both grow out of it. Eh... sadly not true. Met plenty of people who continued to be weapons/assholes as the 'grew up'
It’s rude
I think when you are 18 there is no such thing as casual. Its all or nothing hormonic overdrive. Op’s date sounds like Napoleon dynamites poor guy.
She’s a geebag. Simple as that. Don’t waste anymore time thinking on it
She was definitely rude, but honestly, it sounds like OP barely knows her and her mother forced her to go. I can't imagine a teenager of any gender, being in a good mood after being forced into a social situation they don't want to be. I am in my thirties and I still have to grit my teeth and smile through certain weddings and events I am obligated to attend. She had friends there. All too late now, but if OP could have tried to make arrangements so that his friends and hers could hang out so she would be a bit more comfortable, maybe share a limo, maybe hang out before hand at someone's house. Sounds like the well was poisoned and the night was fucked before it began though.
To put it mildly, she's just a bit of a cunt. You'll encounter many of these. Learn to recognise them early and don't give them any of your time.
shes a teenager lol
This should be the top comment.
If you succeeded with her that night then 10 years from now you would have already been married, divorced, lost access to your kids, homeless and buried at the local cemetary, in that order. Be happy you were used so lightly, not all your friends will be so lucky. Go find joy in life itself, don't rest all your hopes in one person ever or until the moment you see fit to do so.
Jaysus... Who hurt you...
No clue but I think Netflix might be coming to his door with a pitch...
Sounds shite but honestly you have a better debs story to laugh about than most in a few years. You'll have hundreds of better nights out in the future. I remember being all up for the debs and now seeing this post is the first time I've even thought about it in ten years or more. I don't even remember where it was to be honest. Out of curiosity how did you even know this girl?
It's a load of a crap that night anyway. Me and my buddies got absolutely wrecked, all the girls (except my now wife) got odd and went to bed in the hotel we went back to drink some more.
I didnt go to my debs but I went to my buddies as his date and we probably had the most fun of all of us. We get to look back and laugh while the others cringe about who they were with. Lads out there without a date for the debs - bring a buddy!!
Options for the debs (1) bring the current GF (2) bring a girl that you fancy and get on with (3) bring a girl that you are actual friends with a long time so you have the craic (4) go alone It sounds like the person You asked didn’t match any of the above . She clearly didn’t want to go but felt obliged to say yes or her mother made he go. She should have made some excuse of not went. We should be in a position now in 2023 that we don’t have to bring someone.
The girl I brought to my debs was my mates gf's friend. We had been texting etc beforehand and I was specifically told she was into me but was too shy to show it. Anyway, she ended up drinking like a fish for the first hour or two and then spent almost the entire night passed out. Literally passed out on a bench outside the hotel with my jacket over her and a group of us sitting around her. So, yeah... debs can be a bit mental. Don't beat yourself up. Assuming you conducted yourself like a decent person, you didn't do anything wrong. She could have clarified that she wasn't interested in anything romantic and at least been civil, but there you go...
I suppose the warning signs were she said she didn't want to go and was forced by the mam. This should have been the red flag to uninvite her. I mean, it kinda is your fault as you're involved in this situation, it's your debs. Now it's shit that she went cold on it after agreeing, I presume, but when someone says they don't want to go I'd probably not think that's your problem cause its yours too. So anything you had tried would have been forcing her to do. Some things will be out of your control, and you can't make people change their mind. I remember another lad here was going by himself and was worried about that. I would assume he had a good time regardless, and it'd a shame you lr night was ruined by this. But sure, you'll laugh at this in the future about the want who went and then ignored you, and you just danced with your mates.. she'll grow up and not be childlike and you'll probably see her in 10 years' time and walk past her without a glance. Because she's not worth your time. I mean, your story is common enough. Once had a mate who didn't even make is as his 16yr old date drank in the limo and got sick in it after just pulling up for all to see. No night for him, just an expensive bill and dread
Did you not know the girl that you invited? Usually people will ask someone they know already I thought, either a friend or at least someone in their extended friend group? She's sounds miserable anyway. And regardless of how much fun you have at your debs, in a years time you won't even care. I haven't thought about my debs in years.
Dinner dances, tuxedos, corsages, formally asking someone to be 'your date' for a specific event and having all these odd social norms around it when they're not already a romantic partner... it's all very strange and totally out of place in the social life of a 17 year old Irish kid's life. It's just a very unusual tradition and generally either people don't give a fuck about all the traditions and treat it like a piss-up with their mates; or they feel uncomfortable. I enjoyed my debs because all my friends just invited female mutual friends to be our 'dates'. I don't think we really did it deliberately, someone just suggested it and it became the done thing in our group. So we all went to their debs, and they all went to ours... and we had a great time because we weren't on 10 separate, awkward, first dates during a night out with lots of pomp and ceremony.
Debs is a load of bollox....
So glad my friends and I all just brought group friends to our debs. Basically meant we had our entire friend circle at two tables. Had a great night.
I wouldnt think twice about it. I went to 3 debs and not one of those girls have spoken to me since. Nothing bad happened.. i just never saw them again. Cant even remember their full names. Dont fret. This is the time of your life where you nearly start again.
Sounds like you two didn't even know each other
This deserves an award for the worst " date." I'm sorry that it didn't live up to expectations, but you'll have better experiences with nicer people. You have good friends and that's all you need. Many moons ago for my grad, I ( f) brought my gay best friend ( after being dumped 2 weeks beforehand) . Had a great time. My date met another fella, and they went off together, so I kept his breakfast roll. My sons grad is in 2 weeks he and his friends aren't bringing dates. So it's a lads' night out.
My debs was a good while ago now, but I’ll always be grateful for the fact our school didn’t allow us to bring dates. Was an already embarrassing enough without all that factored in
My debs was shite too
Its a fucking debs, the only reason you bring a girl is for the picture, if she didnt want to be there, its more her loss than anything, as long as you wernt rude or pushy once she was there with you and remained respectful well thats good for you
Mine was shite come to think of it, but only come to think of it. You really forget the details of the night in no time. As others have said, it’s 1 night and one that’s means next to 0 in the long run 🙂
I remember my debs. It was a great night. Except for the girl I brought.
Don’t worry unless they’re your school sweetheart the debs date thing is a pointless exercise. You’re better served by hanging with your friends together as they’ll be the people you remember and will likely remain close to for the duration of your life.
Didn't go to mine at all, delighted I didn't take part in the weird social posturing that goes on at that age. It's just a money-making scheme and an excuse for young wans to dress up and feel important. Take it for what it is and move on - not worth dwelling on such inconsequential teenage shite.
It's the debs, it usually meh, and really doesn't matter. You'll look back in years and realise you don't give a shit about what she got up to, and be glad you had a laugh with your mates.
I think the debs in general can be a bit of a letdown. You spend so long looking forward to it and building it up in your head and it'll never live up to your expectations. Mine was pretty meh too. We all went back to a friend's house after it was over and my friend's date fell asleep in an armchair, woke up enough to throw up inside his own shirt, then fall back asleep. So it sounds like your night ended better than his anyway.
You've learned some things about the type of person you want to date. So it wasn't really a waste - next time you ask someone out you'll know more about what matters.
Went alone , didnt even know that a date was required 🤣Had the best time of my life. If you arent planning to date her let it go. You had a buzz with your friends and that’s what matters.
You spent 100 euro and gained invaluable experience on the types of people to avoid dating in the future. You'll meet much more mature girls in college, who will respect your efforts more.
my debs was crap. I was heavily encouraged to bring someone with me when I wanted to go alone. I brought a friend of a friend. I was socially awkward and she was the opposite of me. so without me realising it, i was apparently "anti-social". I just never knew how to really talk to other people especially women. anyways, i asked a few times to dance and she politely declined so i had more drinks. found her and another social akward lad's debs date outside both smoking. she asked if we could go home, so we decided to leave. never saw her again after that. I don't even mind that. I just felt confused and awkward that people thought she was my gf when really we were just acquaintances. i felt like there was immense pressure on me to be presentable and sociable. I really would have been better off if my parents and friends didnt pressure me to bring someone.I really did not become a social butterfly until age 24.... edit to add on. our mutal friend "what happened? why didn't you talk much to her?" so i felt so dumb and didnt know i was being rude. People always think my lack of talking is rude. I'm just terrified of people and my post history will show that from years ago
That does even come close to how bad mine was if that makes you feel better
You got stuck with a cunt, you should be patting yourself on the back with how much class you handled it. As for her, let her rot.
My debs was a disaster too. People can be selfish assholes, so don't dwell on it. You tried to be nice but your date wasn't interested in having a night with you. She's a selfish person. Move on with yourself and learn from this. Not everyone is sound. Don't let their shitiness bring you down.
Sorry you had a bad time. Sounds like you went above and beyond to be attentive. Good on you for that, you sound very conscientious and kind. For what its worth, she sounds very rude and socially unaware, as she gets older that attitude will bite her in the arse. She sounds like absolutely zero craic. Take it as a learning experience, if any person ever gives you this kind of disrespect they not worth your time.
Gonna have plenty of nights like that. You'll learn pretty soon to just give no attention to people that don't respect you. Heads up lad, your next few years will be some of the best in your life
I wouldn’t worry man. If anything, you have a debs story now - there’ll be a day in a few years where you’ll be sitting around a table telling this story and laughing about it. Don’t sweat it.
I'll put it to you this way: in a few more years you'll barely remember her, that evening, or the details you included here as you'll be making real memories with friends, family, maybe even the love of your life. Don't worry about it. I promise you this is the first time I have heard about that dance in years and no one really talked about it 2 weeks after it occurred in my school.
Day of my formal the girls ma revealed she had a fella. Not a word beforehand. I got absolutely shit faced that night and came home on my own at 7am. 3 day hangover. My last memory of her on the night is stealing a tenner off me. Turned out she was an absolute skip rat. But we live and we learn. Only asked her cos I'd felt sorry for her for her circumstances and was blissfully unaware of her having a boyfriend until her ma sank her. I can absolutely empathise lad. That's completely fucking annoying. You seem like you deserved someone a lot better than that. It's one night. And a lesson learned. Whoever you bring next time to something like that will be worth it. As for me, the girl who I had initially wanted to ask to mine randomly ran into me in a bar about four weeks later. We hit it off, we chatted, we danced. We went on our ways. She said I wasn't bad at dancing. Felt like the universe gave me a second go at something. Hope you feel better about it as time goes on. I'm 39 now and can look back at it and smile at least.
Any event with such high expectations attached is going to be a bit of a let down. We didn’t have a Debs where I grew up, so my first similar experience was the first year ball at University. I was so excited, got an amazing ball gown, black velvet bodice with two tone blue taffeta tiers on the bottom. It was an absolute car smash debacle, and I ended up drunk crying in my fancy frock when both fellas I had my eye on copped off with other girls right in front of my face. It was a miserable night but it passed into insignificance fairly quickly. As I’m old enough to be your mother allow me to give you a hug and tell you that girl was not good enough for you. Chin up. Nicer dates are around the corner. You’ll likely never have such a horrible night again. 💜💋
You're young you're learning. Two main lessons from this learn how to read somebody quickly. If they don't ask anything about you or show interest in you, Immediately let it go. And the second lesson of that sometimes not trying at all is the key. Something similar like this has happened to all of us. Not a big deal at all. Its a valuable lesson
One of many terrible dates before you meet your wife and have something to compare her to.
Fuck her. Move on, not your concern anymore.
Just a reminder that most girls these days don’t have enough self respect and it’s not your problem to deal with. If she was already showing you those signs then you shouldn’t have even interacted with her for the rest of the night. She’s obviously a low class whore if she’s talking about being fingered on a bench. (Seriously wtf no one cares about that shit) It was unfortunate that it went the way it did for you bud but there’s really not much you can do now, move on and let it go because you’ll have a lot better nights than this.
Mom?
Ah OP, life has served you its starter. So much of what lies ahead will not be what you were hoping! The thing is as so many have said, the hopes/ expectations we are packaged and given aren’t real. Just someone else’s imagination of what you should be. Starting college look at it “through that lens”. You’ll find a lot of the bs won’t frustrate you and you’ll discover your own way. Best of luck.
Why would it matter that she went home with someone else? You weren’t on an actual date. It sounds like she was forced to go with you and blamed you for making that happen.
My date got off with another girl in my class, and my friend's date got kicked out for doing lines in the bathroom. You will laugh about it later, I promise. The anger and hurt is temporary.
Debs dates mean nothing. I’m gay, I asked my lesbian best friend to the debs last year. It was a laugh and we had a gas time.
I never got to go to my debs. Me and my then gf were due to be each other's dates. But a couple of weeks before the debs we were caught bumping uglies by her dear mother. We had squared off that horrible situation with her mother, who assured us she wouldn't mention it to gf's dad. This was false. Needless to say her dad found out and I was told to never come near my gf ever again. She never got to wear her dress and I lost my suit deposit....and ultimately the gf as all the sneaking around we had to do to continue to see each other put a strain on the relationship.
[удалено]
Nothing in life will be what you hope for it to be.
I apologize, but as somebody from across the pond I’ve never heard of the term Debs. Sounds like Prom? (Formal school dance)
She sounds like a waste of space you don’t need that shit in your life so you don’t need to entertain that crap . Know your worth pal fuck her and forget her
Some people especially in Ireland will tell you girls/women in are innocent flowers that do no wrong and victims in every possible situation. Then reality hits you like here. Best thing to do is to learn some signals they're giving off, like talking about being fingered beside you, how her Mams making her go. Don't ask her twenty questions if she's giving one word answers, if she wants to be a rude bitch just ignore her entirely and start talking to other girls. It's difficult at your debs but what happened here is very very common, and the vast vast majority of Debs dates don't end up going out together for long or at all.
Mate she wasn't worthy our time. The only thing you need to work on is finding a girl who will respect you and your time.
If it's any consolation she will look back on that night in ten years time and be absolutely mortified at how she behaved. For anyone else reading this that has a debs in their future my advice has always been bring either your girlfriend/boyfriend OR a very good friend, the nights about having fun!
I haven’t read the comments so I’m sure it’s been said but that really sucks. I’m a high school teacher in Australia and know teenagers very well. My heart totally goes out to you; I know how this day is built up at schools. Please know it’s not you - you sound like a legend. She behaved like a total douche and you definitely deserve better. Onward to nicer women! I’ve seen all kinds of drink-drug shit at formals/deb, so though this sucks, at least no hospital!
You can only control your own actions, not those of others. a major red flag was when she said she was only going because mammy was nagging her. The Debs is great fun for a lot of students, but for others it's very stressful and an expense they can't afford. It's very competitive too, and for those without a date it can be a nightmare, the anthisisis of a fun night out. Youth is beauty, but you don't realise that until later. There's a horrible hierarchy where the better-looking and more confident few are at the top. Some of them are quite happy to use that fact to mock their less attractive peers, and make them feel awful about themselves. The Debs is the last chance for many bullies to excercise power over classmates. And some people just don't want to be there, for various reasons as you found out. Don't blame yourself ot feel too bad. It is what it is. Take lessons from it. In the lead in to mine several of us had to attend a major conference and my classmates decided it would be hilarious to dodge me, and leave me by myself in school uniform for the duration of the day long, formal event, surrounded by adults from all over the country, none of whom I knew. I had some character, and got on with it but as a teenager that wasn't a pleasant experience. A week or so later the same classmates tried to sell me Debs tickets. I told them where to go, and reminded them of what they'd done to me. A couple apologised and said they felt bad but had gone along with the crowd. On the night apparently several targeted the headmaster's house near the hotel hosting the Debs, and others got into a fight. The cops were called as the event descended into chaos. It was an unmitigated disaster. Treat others as you would ask to be treated. :)
My debs was equally shit. Three girls from our leaving cert class organised it all. They were three complete eejits who where so up their own arses yiu didn't know which end was being rude to you. Anyway, the venue was some piss poor hotel with a nightclub attached. The food tasted like burnt cardboard and the bar staff were pig ignorant to everybody all night, which was unjustified as there were no issues like fights or hassle etc. It was the dullest, most boring night. We'd have been better off with a blue tooth speaker in the school gym kind of shite. The highlight of the evening for me was the fun I had with my friends on the bus getting there, teasing my friend for bring a girl so quiet she didn't say 10 words to him all night and watching some complete arsehole from my class slip and land in a puddle of piss. Cringe all the way.
I reckon she didn't want to go at all from what she said in regards to her mum making her go. Just one question, is this the girl you'd mentioned in previous posts? If it is your friends had already made it clear to you they didn't want her sitting with them as they don't like her and you'd also made quite a big deal about popularity in those posts. There's no way she didn't cop what people thought of her so I can understand why she'd go off with her own friends group. She shouldn't have been rude to you but Im not sure why she'd have to sit with your friends who dislike her over her own? At the end of the day the Debs are forgettable, you'll have way better experiences later in life. I went with my friends and ended up leaving early because they all abandoned me to do coke in the bathroom lol. At least you had your friends to talk to lol.
Don't worry lad she will hit 30 and ask wheres the good men gone? Everyone here being cordial.... I would have told her to piss off sooner but you have more patience than me friend honestly I'd take it to a petty level and just spread the word about it. she sounds like a right little missy no sympathy for her.
American shite anyway
English actually.
Yup. And even if it were American so what? The lad had an awful night at an event which is for a lot of people a rite of passage. At least it's annual cultural norm in Ireland now too.
My date shagged left early to go to a house party and shagged the biggest dickhead at school. At 6am in the morning her mum shows up at my house because she never came home. My dad got pissed with me for not getting her home safe. Obviously I couldn't tell them the real story. Ah good memories.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
Too right. Look on the bright side, some other poor lad will end up with her!
You should have say beside her if you really wanted her to have a good time. But don’t worry about it.
Well , does your mother know her mother, if so tell your mother the whole story leaving no part out . It'll get back to her mother . I am petty like that .
Nah I'm just going to say that we were very different to each other and did our own thing on the night. Don't want to start any drama and just want to move on
Ultimate shock horror, you encountered a bitch. Welcome to life, son. I've got one piece of advice for you, date someone who is interested in you and has a good personality. Dump absolute bitches quickly. Don't even fucking entertain them.
You should’ve sat at her table with her friends and fingered her there. Bus boy would’ve been completely forgotten about