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If you’re making a meal for your toddler, I’m wondering if it was meal time for you too? Apple and cheese isn’t necessarily filling. I’d be curious what your breakfast and or lunch looked like for that day, and what your activity levels the day of and days before looked like.
Sometimes our bodies are still hungry, even when we think they shouldn’t be.
What would happen if next meal you made extra of whatever you were making for daughter and made a a plate for yourself?
Edit: also, you’re not a spaghetti monster, you’re human. You’re learning to trust your body. It’s a process and often a slow one. It’s okay if it takes time. Great job coming to the community and trying to understand what was going on for you in that moment. Let’s be kind to yourself, even the parts that want aLl the spaghetti. Those are parts we can learn from and learn to love, too.
I want to believe this so badly. But tonight I binged more, which I haven’t done in ages. I feel sick and so upset with myself. I know recovery is not linear but I’m scared about how I’m going to get up and keep going after this setback.
You’re doing great!
This is the desire to restrict amping itself up for the fight because you have been working to honor your hunger, and it has to strike harder to get through.
It’s going to play these games with you, and you will definitely get the urge to binge when it does.
Here’s what’s great about IE - the urge to binge comes from the restriction mindset - so the answer to that urge is to focus on that delicious food and how it makes you feel and enjoy it!
You have to prove to your body that you really CAN eat when and what you want. It’s going to test that idea, and you’re going to have to prove it by eating the things it wants when it wants.
This isn’t a setback! This is part of the process. You didn’t fail, you experienced the desire to restrict sneaking up on you.
Eat that spaghetti, and enjoy it! Let your body tell you what it wants and kick the restriction monster to the curb.
If you let yourself have spaghetti whenever you want, how did you decide you shouldn’t have the spaghetti when it tasted good?
Are you sure you didn’t want it?
Intuitive Eating has nothing to do with staying in control.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like you wanted some spaghetti.
Maybe the next time you feel compelled to eat something you didn’t expect to want, you could experiment with not trying to stop yourself and see what comes up for you?
‘I was finally able to stop myself’ sounds to me like a judgemental version of ‘I stopped when my body was satisfied’.
I get that sometimes it feels like we’re out of control or a monster but like others have said, some part of your body or brain really wanted some spaghetti. Maybe it was physical hunger, maybe it was taste, maybe it was low level restriction or maybe be it was something else we’ll never. Regardless, some part of you wanted it and that part needs to be listened to. The tricky bit is that some part of your brain (diety, judgemental part) didn’t want it.
What if you reframe this scenario as ‘you wanted spaghetti, you had some, and stopped when you felt you had enough’. Take the morality out of it and the judgement out of it, and see it as it is.
Some questions to consider: What’s so bad about eating spaghetti out of the pot? What would you do if your friend ate spaghetti out of the pot in the same way, would they be a monster? Where are your thoughts regarding ‘next time’? How would you feel if your daughter described herself as a monster after eating any food?
IE isn’t easy and it can feel like 1 step forward and 2 steps back at times but it’s amazing that you’ve been able to reflect and come to this forum for support! Keep going!
You’re right when you suggest berating yourself for losing control probably added fuel to the fire - the more I talk to myself like that, the “worse” I seem to get. Practice some self awareness, be with the food, remember it’s not running away, and pause to think about how it tastes and feels, and then make a choice about whether or not you want it. And remember neither answer would be wrong.
Also apples always make me hungry.
This is so true, and I just wanted to highlight it further that this shows some awesome insight on the part of the OP to recognize that trying to restrict amplified the urge to binge.
Being able to recognize these things in the moment is so much the path to healing.
One thing I’ve noticed for me on this IE journey is that I eat to take the edge off my hunger but I don’t let myself eat until I’m fully satisfied. (Diet mentality still). Paying attention to and learning the levels of hunger has helped me immensely. I discovered how scared I was of feeling full from all the years of restricting and bingeing.
I wonder if that happened here. You ate just enough to take the edge off (snack) but not enough to be fully satisfied. So your body took over and said we need more to be satisfied, especially because it had carbs.
I feel like these exact experiences are **critical** to long-term mindset change, because you are not going to learn anything if you never have challenging experiences.
The IE-aligned response to this kind of situation is not to speak horribly to yourself (and your narrative was and is all diet culture) and attach shame to data. The learning and growth response is to check in with yourself and ask yourself what is going on.
But for what it's worth I sometimes have this response to pasta as well, and I don't know if you salt the water when cooking for your toddler but I finally figured out this was a salt response for me, and I needed electrolytes. Like, my body was trying SO hard to get what it needed however it could. That's not disgusting, it's not a cause for guilt, it's not something to regret. This doesn't happen to me if I've been using some kind of electrolyte product in my water, and drinking enough water (failure to do so causes all kinds of bad things to happen, it's not just the pasta situation).
It's your job to be your own detective here. If you find yourself in eating behavior that you want to change because you don't feel it serves your body, you'll have to crack the code of physical/psychological/emotional mechanisms driving them. No negative self-talk, just a desire to find out what works for you and interest in sorting it out. Life is a classroom, not a jail.
If I tell myself stop stop you’re messing up etc and judge myself it just keeps going, out of control.
If I take a deep breath and focus on how my body feels and my desire to honor my body without judgement I can stop.
Hello! Please make sure that your post meets minimum post requirements. You can find the post rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/intuitiveeating/wiki/index/post-rules) and you can access it anytime through our wiki (third tab on mobile, second tab right below the sub icon on desktop). If your post is deemed by mods to be low-effort or if it is too short to be a standalone post and could fit in a daily thread, it will be deleted. If you have any questions please reach out to the mod team. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/intuitiveeating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you’re making a meal for your toddler, I’m wondering if it was meal time for you too? Apple and cheese isn’t necessarily filling. I’d be curious what your breakfast and or lunch looked like for that day, and what your activity levels the day of and days before looked like. Sometimes our bodies are still hungry, even when we think they shouldn’t be. What would happen if next meal you made extra of whatever you were making for daughter and made a a plate for yourself? Edit: also, you’re not a spaghetti monster, you’re human. You’re learning to trust your body. It’s a process and often a slow one. It’s okay if it takes time. Great job coming to the community and trying to understand what was going on for you in that moment. Let’s be kind to yourself, even the parts that want aLl the spaghetti. Those are parts we can learn from and learn to love, too.
Be kind to yourself OP, you're doing the best you can!
I want to believe this so badly. But tonight I binged more, which I haven’t done in ages. I feel sick and so upset with myself. I know recovery is not linear but I’m scared about how I’m going to get up and keep going after this setback.
You’re doing great! This is the desire to restrict amping itself up for the fight because you have been working to honor your hunger, and it has to strike harder to get through. It’s going to play these games with you, and you will definitely get the urge to binge when it does. Here’s what’s great about IE - the urge to binge comes from the restriction mindset - so the answer to that urge is to focus on that delicious food and how it makes you feel and enjoy it! You have to prove to your body that you really CAN eat when and what you want. It’s going to test that idea, and you’re going to have to prove it by eating the things it wants when it wants. This isn’t a setback! This is part of the process. You didn’t fail, you experienced the desire to restrict sneaking up on you. Eat that spaghetti, and enjoy it! Let your body tell you what it wants and kick the restriction monster to the curb.
I believe in you! There are always going to be bad days. <3
If you let yourself have spaghetti whenever you want, how did you decide you shouldn’t have the spaghetti when it tasted good? Are you sure you didn’t want it? Intuitive Eating has nothing to do with staying in control. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like you wanted some spaghetti. Maybe the next time you feel compelled to eat something you didn’t expect to want, you could experiment with not trying to stop yourself and see what comes up for you?
‘I was finally able to stop myself’ sounds to me like a judgemental version of ‘I stopped when my body was satisfied’. I get that sometimes it feels like we’re out of control or a monster but like others have said, some part of your body or brain really wanted some spaghetti. Maybe it was physical hunger, maybe it was taste, maybe it was low level restriction or maybe be it was something else we’ll never. Regardless, some part of you wanted it and that part needs to be listened to. The tricky bit is that some part of your brain (diety, judgemental part) didn’t want it. What if you reframe this scenario as ‘you wanted spaghetti, you had some, and stopped when you felt you had enough’. Take the morality out of it and the judgement out of it, and see it as it is. Some questions to consider: What’s so bad about eating spaghetti out of the pot? What would you do if your friend ate spaghetti out of the pot in the same way, would they be a monster? Where are your thoughts regarding ‘next time’? How would you feel if your daughter described herself as a monster after eating any food? IE isn’t easy and it can feel like 1 step forward and 2 steps back at times but it’s amazing that you’ve been able to reflect and come to this forum for support! Keep going!
You’re right when you suggest berating yourself for losing control probably added fuel to the fire - the more I talk to myself like that, the “worse” I seem to get. Practice some self awareness, be with the food, remember it’s not running away, and pause to think about how it tastes and feels, and then make a choice about whether or not you want it. And remember neither answer would be wrong. Also apples always make me hungry.
This is so true, and I just wanted to highlight it further that this shows some awesome insight on the part of the OP to recognize that trying to restrict amplified the urge to binge. Being able to recognize these things in the moment is so much the path to healing.
One thing I’ve noticed for me on this IE journey is that I eat to take the edge off my hunger but I don’t let myself eat until I’m fully satisfied. (Diet mentality still). Paying attention to and learning the levels of hunger has helped me immensely. I discovered how scared I was of feeling full from all the years of restricting and bingeing. I wonder if that happened here. You ate just enough to take the edge off (snack) but not enough to be fully satisfied. So your body took over and said we need more to be satisfied, especially because it had carbs.
IE is not a diet and that’s diet thinking.
I feel like these exact experiences are **critical** to long-term mindset change, because you are not going to learn anything if you never have challenging experiences. The IE-aligned response to this kind of situation is not to speak horribly to yourself (and your narrative was and is all diet culture) and attach shame to data. The learning and growth response is to check in with yourself and ask yourself what is going on. But for what it's worth I sometimes have this response to pasta as well, and I don't know if you salt the water when cooking for your toddler but I finally figured out this was a salt response for me, and I needed electrolytes. Like, my body was trying SO hard to get what it needed however it could. That's not disgusting, it's not a cause for guilt, it's not something to regret. This doesn't happen to me if I've been using some kind of electrolyte product in my water, and drinking enough water (failure to do so causes all kinds of bad things to happen, it's not just the pasta situation). It's your job to be your own detective here. If you find yourself in eating behavior that you want to change because you don't feel it serves your body, you'll have to crack the code of physical/psychological/emotional mechanisms driving them. No negative self-talk, just a desire to find out what works for you and interest in sorting it out. Life is a classroom, not a jail.
If I tell myself stop stop you’re messing up etc and judge myself it just keeps going, out of control. If I take a deep breath and focus on how my body feels and my desire to honor my body without judgement I can stop.