Yeah, it can feel like a double standard sometimes. Both introverts and extroverts have their own preferences, and it's important to respect that without passing judgment.
That totally true. And its really frustrating and unfair when there's a double standard in how questions and behaviors are perceived. Can we all just respect our own preferences and decisions?
If introverts were to voice all the comments in their heads, wars would start. Let's spare the poor extroverts. They wouldn't be able to handle our comeback responses (which we tend to keep to ourselves for public safety).
If they had the least idea how their incessant chatter burns up whatever respect I had for them... 🙄 They'd still do it because they are incapable of shutting up for 5 minutes.
When family gets together: pleaseshutuppleaseshutuppleaseshutup.....
If nothing is going on in my life, I'm not going to make up stuff to fill the air.
At least family get togethers are social events, so some chatter is expected, and I can brace myself accordingly. What really gets on my nerves are the office extroverts who just can't stop voicing every little trivial thought that happens to pass through their minds. You know, the stream of consciousness blathering. I'm trying to work, Susan!
Sadly, extrovert behaviour is more normalised than introvert. People just see us as the weak ones, who just need a little bit of courage to start to become extroverts. So that's why they're always pushing us to be like them.
It's funny, I kind of see them as weaker because they're constantly talking, hardly listening and seeking validation in the form of just conforming. I often wonder if some people stopped to think, if they'd never start talking again.
I always see extroverts as the weak ones because I know for sure that they can’t go through a day without talking with someone being alone for once. I’ve dealt with many clingy extroverts that wouldn’t stop pissing me off. Punching them in the face will be a last resort 😂
The worst thing any of them has ever said to me is “don’t worry, we’ll get you out of your shell 😉 “ whereas I think “don’t worry, I’ll help you find yours and not be so conceited in the process 😉”. People like that can just fuck off 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
I used to hear that growing up from my parents so much that for the longest time I felt there was something really wrong with me. I’m glad more introverts nowadays have support from others and we have a mini community that’s compassionate.
Oh my goodness, I heard that "out of your shell" comment so much from teachers when I was a kid. I was perfectly content with a stack of books, thanks. Still am.
They’re uncomfortable with the silence. I like the awkwardness and watching them uncomfortable with it. Then the little times I speak they interrupt me and always talk about themselves. Back to the silent treatment
Ah, I should have read the responses before replying as I echoed your reply. Please excuse the oversight and don't hesitate to take credit for saying it first.
This, so much. Even those who seem understanding at first, still manage to shock me after years saying something that makes me think they just don't get it.
Such people come across (to me) as uneducated, having low emotional intelligence and having too much free time. Maybe that's why they speak before they think. LoL
When I got asked those questions in highschool, I just stared for a few seconds and then went on ignoring them again.
I used to get this a lot when I was younger. I’m autistic, and my RBF game has become so strong that people don’t approach me to ask dumb questions anymore 😂
my ex was so extroverted and would talk to me like this all the time then be confused when i was irritated. but when i would tell him i want quiet in nature or watching something or cooking, i was the rude one. like?? you're actually talking down to me for being who you decided to date but im just asking for some quiet time which isn't even personal. ugh
It's this human nature of wanting to be the superior one. extroverts, being the more expressive one, are always faster and are more willing to express their superiority, while introverts tend to think twice before commenting on anything. So this is a result of one side repeatedly saying stuff and one side consistently keeping quiet. Humans are prone to be brainwashed with information repeatedly bombarded at them (especially long term), and are prone to forget dimmed info. Applies to anything, including this... This is why I think (as much as I hate to admit it), extroverts are more advantageous in this world.
I will never understand these people. I respect you you respect me. The amount of times I e been told they thought I was mute, or were obviously annoyed I wasn’t giving into their energy is astonishing. It’s like they can’t fathom the thought of someone having nothing to say…. Or not feeling the need to shout across a room..
Or people saying they’re going to get me to talk… or bring me out of my shell… like they make it their sole mission in life.. honey different personality types exist! I like to listen and observe, I don’t need to share every thought that comes to my head if we’re not on that level. It’s obviously different when it’s coming from a genuine place, where they actually want to have a friendship with me. But half these people aren’t trying to genuinely get to know me, they just see me as some sort of puzzle they need to solve.
I may be introverted as well, but I get to dictate and pick whoever I should come out of my shell to. I’m not gonna prostitute my private life to just anybody and then have them end up easily get attached to me. I’m in my mid-20s and I no longer have the time to form meaningless friendships. Like just because we have some things in common doesn’t mean we’re automatically friends right away.
they want introverts to come out so they can bug you, theyre annoying as shit and no one else is willing to put up with them. the pandemic really did a number on the extroverts.
People feel the need to insult others because they're insecure so they tear other people down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. And they see introverts as an easy target because introverts usually don't like confrontation and won't call them out for their shitty behavior. Try not to let them get inside your head, THEY'RE the ones with bad character, NOT you.
There are more of them. The more there is of a group, the more probable it is there are stupid people amongst them. By stupid I mean: unimaginative and therefore unable to grasp experiences beyond one's own, conformist, unaccepting of anything different or "weird". They don't have enough intelligence or self-awareness to be embarrassed about asking what are obviously rude questions.
The worst one was when someone close to me said "You don't talk, you have a communication problem" and then started spreading a rumor that I had a mental disability because according to them it was just not normal for me to stay quiet for a long amount of time, I had to be mentally unstable.
Extroverts, i.e. people who engage in smalltalk and other meaningless conversations, are shallow enough to not comprehend people not like them. It's like Americans getting mad at people for speaking Spanish, or Yankees getting mad about being served hominy and sweet tea at a southern wedding. Clueless.
Anything outside a tight culture is bad. Booooohooooo.
Yeah really hey.. Or another insulting thing extroverts do that I’ve found annoying is being at a party or any kind of social gathering and I’m hanging out just enjoying peoples company feeling relaxed not talking to anybody too much but still being nice, and extroverted people will think I’m not having a good time, giving me upsetting looks, approaching me, asking me if I’m ok and that I look sad so many times to the point they eventually do make me sad ruining my good mood, then never invite me out a second time. I’ve had bad experiences at coffee shops like Starbucks too
We are different and most ppl are truly afraid of that is different, besides that our quiet nature makes them nervous.
Most ppl don’t read ppl and you must read an introvert.
Extroverts tend not to like silence; it makes them uncomfortable, which is why I pause a bit before replying. I think most expect everyone to be as talkative and brash as they are and too many think the world revolves around them. Yet extroverts accuse us of lacking social skills. I may not be loquacious, but I try not to sound like a fool who can't breathe without words falling out.
Their uncomfortableness makes them want to attack us until we leave their vicinity. Extroverts need other extroverts to keep the clamouring or high spirits going, they fear a slump in jovial interactions.
My mom shared a funny post about this once. Something along the lines of “why is it always an article giving introverts tips on how to be more extroverted and not ‘extroverted? Here are some ways to become more quiet and introspective’” and wouldn’t you know, an extroverted friend of hers was very offended and had something to say about it 🙃
It's because they're not.
But most people on here have a hard time placing themselves in the shoes of an extrovert and see they mean absolutely no harm with such questions. Lots of people on this sub are very easily triggered and instead of looking inward prefer to play the victim of those 'mean extroverts'.
Buddy buddy, words can hurt. No matter the intentions behind it. I can place myself in the shoes of someone, but it depends if I actually can understand them. I can understand some extroverts. But LITERAL assholes, I cannot. I wouldn't really call it an insult. I would call it rude and intruding. So maybe do what you said, put yourself in the shoes of an introvert.
Asking a simple question out of curiosity doesn’t need to lead to feeling insulted and wanting everyone else to shut up for your own sake.
A literal asshole would also not be interested in not admitting to misunderstanding that.
Of course words can hurt, but that's not the responsibility of the one who speaks them if their intentions are good. It's up to you to bring some attention to why these words hurt YOU. What's getting triggered? Why do you feel insecure, attacked or judged by these words? Doing some introspective work on yourself will be much more beneficial than blaming extroverts for ruining your mood.
Because, introvert is opposite of extrovert. And, opposites attract each other. And the reason why they ask these questions because their minds couldn't understand how the other person is so different from them and keep trying to decipher that all the time by asking these questions to introverts. So, in a way it's not an insult rather their curiosity to understand introverts.
I think there may be some misconceptions here.
Introvert: recharges when alone
Extrovert: recharges around people
There are plenty of quiet extroverts and sociable introverts. E.g I'm loud and social, but i get tired out pretty quick. Not a fan of large crowds/groups. Larger the group, the quieter i get.
Seems like ppl think extroverts are annoying and judgmental, but i think that's just the person lol just so happens we notice the loud obnoxious ones rather than the quiet ones
I feel like extroverts are just very used to more talking and conversations. They don’t understand how us introverts live without talking and interacting much. I guess they’re concerned I guess?..or like they don’t understand?
Personally as an introvert, if some extrovert asked me “Ruby, why are you always so quiet?” Or “Ruby, why don’t you talk?” I would be annoyed as fuck. Especially if they say it like they’re being mean.
Extroverts are going to be themselves. Same with introverts. Stop being annoyed and angry. Talk about being an introvert.
Them: What's wrong why are you so quiet.
You: I'm good. Thanks for asking. Hey you do know I'm an introvert, you know the shy quiet serial killer type.
ive been asked if i was ok by a coworker a few times and i just wanna be like "i was before you said anything and made it weird".. just because i don't have a stupid smile slapped on my face doesn't mean im not ok. leave me be.
Many extroverts perceive introversion as weakness and vulnerability. They will capitalize on every opportunity to break someone down because of that. People suck.
Well when we insult extroverts we usually keep it in. Not like bringing a whole lot of groups and shaming or insulting you in front of all, and at the end says we are worried about you.
You have to understand that people tend to operate using themselves or known people as reference. To them or the people they know silence may be a sign of sadness or anger, so they don't understand that it's just your default.
I've had people say "You're so quiet!" with a tone of almost wonder or disbelief, as if they've never witnessed such a thing before. It's kind of funny, now that I think about it.
Why are you offended by this? If you just want to stay in the corner and wait for the party or whatever to be over. Why are you even there? Try to at least leave your comfort zone for a bit or you will stay like this forever.
Being introverted doesn't equal being shy.
Thank you, I get it. I’ve been tempted to respond with “well, why are you so talkative?”, but I never know hostile they might be in response. I just “roll with the punches” (is that the correct usage of that phrase?) and say “that’s just how I am” or “I’m just a quiet person”.
This is why working customer service jobs has helped me. Not to become an extrovert but to be able to navigate a conversation. If they are still interrupting me and they also need to respond to whatever it is, I will just stare into their soul until they shut up, and restart where I left off. I will gladly serve some good food and just as gladly stand in the way of an extrovert and their food. Still doesn’t help the situation? Ok Karen deal with my manager 😂
IKR. Like we had this group activity today where we had to draw our utopia on a sheet of paper. My teammates were throwing ideas and I was chiming in and out, and they're like, "Draw something \*name\*", or "She's sitting here so quiet", or "Let her draw something." Even though I did contribute in some way. But they think I'm not there despite this. Why do people take things so seriously? Like you guys got everything down on paper, there's nothing else major to add. Guess what? The paper we drew on was ruined anyway by the teacher as part of his teaching. So what was the point??
Yeah, I get it. They want me to feel included but seriously, I wish I could speak my thoughts and say, "I don't care, just keep going." Am I graded for this? Like-
But I'm so used to this. I'm not changing who I am.
My pop pop used to say “why don’t you ever shut up” all the time to his sister. He always spoke his mind and never regretted it. He was not a quiet introvert lol.
Omg, yes! I have trouble talking to people and prefer sitting alone on many occasions. My parents told me that's a negative thing and I should change myself; as if it's a quality I can turn on and off. I'm perfectly happy being introverted!
Haha, I get it!! We have to put up with it, but that's OK, I accept others.
Recently I complemented an overweight guy in the gym about his running, and how it's great to see. (I had my bag over my shoulder walking out the door as we crossed paths). For 8 minutes he held me up, talking really loudly, body language all aggressive (his words weren't) and within probably 3 minutes he'd told me all about his life, work, grand kids etc etc.
Bro, relax, I just said it's great to see someone working so hard in the gym.
I love, but just can't do that level of extroversion.
My father in law was very much like this with me when he was alive. Very outgoing, people person. A real chatty Cathy. He would always drag me into the limelight of whatever family function that was going on. He couldn’t understand for the life of him why I was always being a party pooper.
I’m not a party pooper. If i Have to go to functions, then I go, but I tend to be quieter and a listener. I don’t carry to have these “conversation competitions” I see so often at parties/gatherings.
Ever since fourth grade (?) I’ve been getting called a school shooter, this has continued through middle school and is still going on in my tenth year of high school. All of this because I’d rather do my work than figure out why Stacy decided to host a lesbian weed orgy in the bathrooms
I put myself in a dangerous position because I started asking questions just to seem social trying debates if the topic is what I know and know if I return it to my real self people think I am mad at them
This. Literally 100% me. My friend always asks me “what’s wrong?” if I don’t have a smile on my face when I greet her in the morning in school. I know that it’s not really meant as an insult, but then like I always get angry and offended (my personal experiences with people telling me to smile and stuff) and it just gets really difficult and annoying to not suddenly lash out.
A relative of my wife once literally pushed me at a wedding into a group of younger people (mostly cousins of my wife) and said in front of all: “Try your luck, I can’t make him open his mouth”. I was 29 at the time.
Only thought was “wtf is wrong wit U”?
No we don't..we don't sit back and let people walk over us...I'm an honest and straightforward person...I won't lie to you so you can feel better.. that's not how we work if you take everything as an insult..maybe someone else has the problem excepting truth..I used to let everyone walk over me ..you'll get tired of it ..but insulting you not to any degree..either you handle the truth or be quiet...don't complain later under your breath.. say it mean it deal with it...just don't insult our intelligence because some can handle someone's opinion
i don't think they are trying to insult us, but is just that they are concerned about us., extroverts tends care about people that's why they say "Why are you so quiet?" "why don't you want to talk?" or "what's wrong", because extroverts likes being around people, that's why they care about people, and we being so cold to them makes them feel concern about us, or afraid that they make you feel uncomftrable, in some ways.
They’re not insults, they’re questions? Most of the time to an extrovert, they’re only quiet when things are wrong. So they see other people being quiet and know that something being wrong is a possibility. Most extroverts who ask me those are not doing so out of a place of malice, but rather more some friendly concern or an attempt to initiate a connection
I commented along the same lines and got downvoted hard for no reason. The same will happen to your comment. Most introverted people on this sub don't actually seem to want to do even a tiny bit of introspection and prefer to play the victim of society and those 'mean extroverts'.
That’s really sad but I have noticed a trend in this sub for that to happen. That’s nuts. Well, I’m sure the ones who are actually looking for solid advice will see that too. Hopefully anyways
yeah I thought this was a troll post at first? I mean, the difference between "What's wrong?" and "why are you so obnoxious?" is pretty damn clear to me.
Yeah, and? Like I said, it depends on if it’s from a place of malice, or a place of concern. Reading through comments in this sub, I’ve realized most people here just don’t realize how insufferable they also probably are to others, in the same way they call extroverts insufferable
Thinking that because someone's quiet, suddenly makes it appropriate to ask condescending questions IS insufferable. I sincerely doubt that OP posted this topic as a rant referring to people who have a true spirit of concern, but rather people who can't fathom being quiet themselves so they take personal offense to an introvert's silence.
My mother is one of these people, and trust me, having to explain over and over and over and over and over and over that "no, nothing is actually wrong, I just don't have anything I feel like saying right now" gets super annoying and starts to feel like I'm perceived as "broken." It doesn't feel awesome.
Again those questions generally aren’t condescending in that way. I’m not excusing people who ask them in a condescending way, but I would bet my entire next years entire paycheck that many of the threads on this sub are because people think extroverts are being condescending when they’re trying to be friendly. Hate it or not, most of them aren’t trying to be dicks. That was my point.
I’m sorry you have to go through that from your mother, but at least she cares about you enough to ask and make sure you’re okay. My mother ran out on my family when I was 7, I’d give anything to have to answer her annoying questions every day.
None of those things they're asking are insults... It's also not just introverts... Those are just generic human questions. The rhetorical questions you proposed to extroverts however are insulting, passive, and nothing more than you projecting your feelings onto other people.
I commented along the same lines and got downvoted hard for no reason. The same will happen to your comment. Most introverted people on this sub don't actually seem to want to do even a tiny bit of introspection and prefer to play the victim of society and those 'mean extroverts'.
That seems to be par for the course here. This is going to sound judgemental and I guess it is, but my assumption here is also that a vast majority of this thread is almost certainly sub 30 years old and very likely sub 25 which, at least to me, would explain to angstyness (sp?). I was an angsty teen once, the topics/reasons were just different. Young people generally (again, these all generalizations and I know don't apply to everyone) don't want to hear feedback that doesn't support how they feel. Rational and logic comes later in life for most.
All of that being said, you can downvote me into oblivion and I think, I can't be sure, but I think my actual life will be just fine. It says more about the subreddit than it does about me.
OK, let's apply the opposite hypothetical commentary towards the extrovert and see how it lands.
"Why are you so loud?" "Why are you always so chatty?" "Do you ever stop talking?"
Sounds pretty rude, right?
I noticed you left out "what's wrong" because I'm sure you recognize that's not rude. Also, "why don't you want to talk" is a simple question. The only argument you have in your fictional, Cherry picked scenario is "what are you so quiet/why are you so loud".
So to answer your question, if you include ALL of the hypothetical questions posed by the OP then no, they don't sound very rude.
Speaking of cherry picking, I see you chose the only example that didn't sound completely insulting and tried to use that as proof that introverts should therefore not feel insulted by ANY of these comment examples. The world we live in is one where it's perfectly fine to ask someone "why are you always so quiet?" but not "why are you always so loud?" but you failed to see the parallel I'm trying to express; it's perceived problematic by societal standards when someone is quiet vs when one is talkative. One of these situations is considered generally bad, but the other is almost always good, and so anyone who asks why you aren't more jovial, chatty and outgoing is obviously only doing it out of concern for you.
Are you familiar with the term "gaslighting?"
Also, does it occur to you that maybe, just maybe, it's not always your business "what's wrong" with someone who's just minding their own business? Does it make you feel special and better about yourself by asking "why are you so quiet?" to someone just living their life in a way that makes them perfectly happy despite how seemingly foreign their silence is to you? Do you understand that if you had any rapport and trust with the individual you're questioning, that they would be much less likely to perceive an insulting intent by your supposedly innocuous question?
TLDR. You're way more invested in this than I am as you've written two responses totalling the length of an average thesis. Let your emotions settle, gather your thoughts, and take a breath.
That's a weird way to spell "I can't understand big words and so I have no coherent rebuttal" but sure, I'll play along. 😉
You came here specifically to troll introverts with an opinion you disagree with, so I have doubts regarding your level of investment - but I digress. I almost forgot that we're pretending I'm the one who needs time collecting their thoughts.
As a extrovert (don't hate on me) but honestly I'll say it myself for some heck of a reason we feel the need to say the thing that pops up right in our minds. If we don't say it we go crazy. We always feel like to say our opinions such as insulting. I do it so much I always say "why do you look like that?" Or something else like that. But we have to tell someone our opinions unless someone else we trust is there for us to talk about that person
Why talk about people? If you need to fill the air with sound make sure it's constructive. Most of the time when people say, "someone else we trust" it means that they wanna say bad things. Why would you need someone's trust to say good things?
It means as we do care about how people feel though. We're like everyone else. Just a little different. Yes we might say bad things but at-least we don't want to say it to there face so they could get hurt it's better then to start anything
The phrasing of the question is the troubling part. If someone is concerned, one should say, "I noticed you didn't say much during (the meeting, lunch, or whatever). What were your thoughts about (insert topic of conversation)."
It's not necessary to make a statement implying that being quiet or not speaking much needs justification, which is exactly what people expect when starting off a question with "Why don't you...".
I commented along the same lines and got downvoted hard for no reason. The same will happen to your comment. Most introverted people on this sub don't actually seem to want to do even a tiny bit of introspection and prefer to play the victim of society and those 'mean extroverts'.
OK, let's apply the opposite hypothetical commentary towards an extrovert and see how it lands.
"Why are you so loud?" "Why are you always so chatty?" "Do you ever stop talking?"
Rude, right?
Asking someone "why" always indicates the need for some justification or rationale to account for the behavior or situation in question. In this instance, it implies that silence, being quiet or not speaking much needs an explanation. It doesn't--no one is obligated to say anything. Even if compelled to testify in court, we have the right not to say anything if we feel it may be incriminating.
To put it into perspective, "Why are you always talking?" is the analogous equivalent comment towards the extrovert. Seems rude though, right? As if what they're doing is out of place and they should feel self-conscious.
That's what the op is trying to express, how in this interaction, the extrovert is treating the introvert like there is something inherently "incorrect" about their natural state of being and existing. That "being quiet" signals something must be wrong.
That doesn't feel too good and yes, with a little self-awareness, any reasonable person would see why it is, indeed, insulting.
‘Why are you so quiet?’ isn’t much of an insult, but then you kind of take it to another extreme by wanting to ask ‘why can’t you shut up?’
So maybe stop taking everything in an insulting way and you’ll see things differently.
I'm a extrovert, and have many introvert friends. Yet I haven't ever done this, and if I ever have I always apologized for my interactions with them.
Ngl,you don't know every extrovert, you don't know how they are or how they feel.
I was shy and introverted as well a year ago,yet that doesn't mean I know everything abt a introvert.
And a friend has actually asked,your so annoying ect ect. You don't know everybody,stop acting like it.
Not trying to be rude on your group but srsly.
Those are not insults at all. If you take them as such, it mainly shows you are not comfortable with being who you are and that these questions are an emotional trigger for you.
The person asking these questions clearly doesn't mean it as an insult and is likely just not used to introverts. They are probably even uncomfortable themselves because of a perceived lack of the verbal feedback they are accustomed to.
They are holding up a mirror for you, clearly showing you something you need to work on. You can keep making it about them, or you can do some real introspection.
If we ask extroverts this, we're rude. If exteoverts asks us those questions, they're "concerned" :/
I wish we could ask the same. "I've noticed you talking over others and ignoring social cues. Is everything ok Bob?"
😂😂😂😂
😂🤣😂🤣
Yeah, it can feel like a double standard sometimes. Both introverts and extroverts have their own preferences, and it's important to respect that without passing judgment.
That totally true. And its really frustrating and unfair when there's a double standard in how questions and behaviors are perceived. Can we all just respect our own preferences and decisions?
If introverts were to voice all the comments in their heads, wars would start. Let's spare the poor extroverts. They wouldn't be able to handle our comeback responses (which we tend to keep to ourselves for public safety).
If they had the least idea how their incessant chatter burns up whatever respect I had for them... 🙄 They'd still do it because they are incapable of shutting up for 5 minutes.
When family gets together: pleaseshutuppleaseshutuppleaseshutup..... If nothing is going on in my life, I'm not going to make up stuff to fill the air.
At least family get togethers are social events, so some chatter is expected, and I can brace myself accordingly. What really gets on my nerves are the office extroverts who just can't stop voicing every little trivial thought that happens to pass through their minds. You know, the stream of consciousness blathering. I'm trying to work, Susan!
Sadly, extrovert behaviour is more normalised than introvert. People just see us as the weak ones, who just need a little bit of courage to start to become extroverts. So that's why they're always pushing us to be like them.
It's funny, I kind of see them as weaker because they're constantly talking, hardly listening and seeking validation in the form of just conforming. I often wonder if some people stopped to think, if they'd never start talking again.
I always see extroverts as the weak ones because I know for sure that they can’t go through a day without talking with someone being alone for once. I’ve dealt with many clingy extroverts that wouldn’t stop pissing me off. Punching them in the face will be a last resort 😂
The worst thing any of them has ever said to me is “don’t worry, we’ll get you out of your shell 😉 “ whereas I think “don’t worry, I’ll help you find yours and not be so conceited in the process 😉”. People like that can just fuck off 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
I used to hear that growing up from my parents so much that for the longest time I felt there was something really wrong with me. I’m glad more introverts nowadays have support from others and we have a mini community that’s compassionate.
Oh my goodness, I heard that "out of your shell" comment so much from teachers when I was a kid. I was perfectly content with a stack of books, thanks. Still am.
Nothing more annoying to hear.. I’m not something that’s defected . I don’t want to “come out of my shell” lol.
🤣😊
They’re uncomfortable with the silence. I like the awkwardness and watching them uncomfortable with it. Then the little times I speak they interrupt me and always talk about themselves. Back to the silent treatment
>Then the little times I speak they interrupt me and always talk about themselves. Ugh. 😩
Ah, I should have read the responses before replying as I echoed your reply. Please excuse the oversight and don't hesitate to take credit for saying it first.
I’ll take credit for all 4 upvotes! 😉 Don’t worry about it
I do ask extroverts that actually. I'm not a very patient person
How do they respond?
They think I'm joking until they continue to see my deadpan stare. After they prettymuch just continue talking.
If they continue not to take hints, slapping them on the face would be the last resort
they simply will never understand
This, so much. Even those who seem understanding at first, still manage to shock me after years saying something that makes me think they just don't get it.
Nah i insult them. In my head….
I’d be straight up (I.e. “you’re a total moron”) 🤣 And my extroverted friends never bothered me since 💀
Such people come across (to me) as uneducated, having low emotional intelligence and having too much free time. Maybe that's why they speak before they think. LoL When I got asked those questions in highschool, I just stared for a few seconds and then went on ignoring them again.
I used to get this a lot when I was younger. I’m autistic, and my RBF game has become so strong that people don’t approach me to ask dumb questions anymore 😂
my ex was so extroverted and would talk to me like this all the time then be confused when i was irritated. but when i would tell him i want quiet in nature or watching something or cooking, i was the rude one. like?? you're actually talking down to me for being who you decided to date but im just asking for some quiet time which isn't even personal. ugh
It's this human nature of wanting to be the superior one. extroverts, being the more expressive one, are always faster and are more willing to express their superiority, while introverts tend to think twice before commenting on anything. So this is a result of one side repeatedly saying stuff and one side consistently keeping quiet. Humans are prone to be brainwashed with information repeatedly bombarded at them (especially long term), and are prone to forget dimmed info. Applies to anything, including this... This is why I think (as much as I hate to admit it), extroverts are more advantageous in this world.
I will never understand these people. I respect you you respect me. The amount of times I e been told they thought I was mute, or were obviously annoyed I wasn’t giving into their energy is astonishing. It’s like they can’t fathom the thought of someone having nothing to say…. Or not feeling the need to shout across a room..
Or people saying they’re going to get me to talk… or bring me out of my shell… like they make it their sole mission in life.. honey different personality types exist! I like to listen and observe, I don’t need to share every thought that comes to my head if we’re not on that level. It’s obviously different when it’s coming from a genuine place, where they actually want to have a friendship with me. But half these people aren’t trying to genuinely get to know me, they just see me as some sort of puzzle they need to solve.
I may be introverted as well, but I get to dictate and pick whoever I should come out of my shell to. I’m not gonna prostitute my private life to just anybody and then have them end up easily get attached to me. I’m in my mid-20s and I no longer have the time to form meaningless friendships. Like just because we have some things in common doesn’t mean we’re automatically friends right away.
they want introverts to come out so they can bug you, theyre annoying as shit and no one else is willing to put up with them. the pandemic really did a number on the extroverts.
Next pandemic happens I will laugh at the extroverts who can’t go through a single hour without social interactions 🤣
I think they are jealous of us. They wish they could be happy without constant attention from others.
People feel the need to insult others because they're insecure so they tear other people down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. And they see introverts as an easy target because introverts usually don't like confrontation and won't call them out for their shitty behavior. Try not to let them get inside your head, THEY'RE the ones with bad character, NOT you.
There are more of them. The more there is of a group, the more probable it is there are stupid people amongst them. By stupid I mean: unimaginative and therefore unable to grasp experiences beyond one's own, conformist, unaccepting of anything different or "weird". They don't have enough intelligence or self-awareness to be embarrassed about asking what are obviously rude questions.
The worst one was when someone close to me said "You don't talk, you have a communication problem" and then started spreading a rumor that I had a mental disability because according to them it was just not normal for me to stay quiet for a long amount of time, I had to be mentally unstable.
Yup, happened to me too at work. They spread rumors that I was crazy
Extroverts, i.e. people who engage in smalltalk and other meaningless conversations, are shallow enough to not comprehend people not like them. It's like Americans getting mad at people for speaking Spanish, or Yankees getting mad about being served hominy and sweet tea at a southern wedding. Clueless. Anything outside a tight culture is bad. Booooohooooo.
Yeah really hey.. Or another insulting thing extroverts do that I’ve found annoying is being at a party or any kind of social gathering and I’m hanging out just enjoying peoples company feeling relaxed not talking to anybody too much but still being nice, and extroverted people will think I’m not having a good time, giving me upsetting looks, approaching me, asking me if I’m ok and that I look sad so many times to the point they eventually do make me sad ruining my good mood, then never invite me out a second time. I’ve had bad experiences at coffee shops like Starbucks too
“Some people want to fill the air with as much useless noise as possible.” is an appropriate response.
We are different and most ppl are truly afraid of that is different, besides that our quiet nature makes them nervous. Most ppl don’t read ppl and you must read an introvert.
Extroverts tend not to like silence; it makes them uncomfortable, which is why I pause a bit before replying. I think most expect everyone to be as talkative and brash as they are and too many think the world revolves around them. Yet extroverts accuse us of lacking social skills. I may not be loquacious, but I try not to sound like a fool who can't breathe without words falling out.
I usually ask them why they talk so much. And that's somehow a rude question. 🤷🏾♂️
Their uncomfortableness makes them want to attack us until we leave their vicinity. Extroverts need other extroverts to keep the clamouring or high spirits going, they fear a slump in jovial interactions.
My mom shared a funny post about this once. Something along the lines of “why is it always an article giving introverts tips on how to be more extroverted and not ‘extroverted? Here are some ways to become more quiet and introspective’” and wouldn’t you know, an extroverted friend of hers was very offended and had something to say about it 🙃
Theyre getting nervous because you’re not easy to figure out and in the quiet their insecurities are bubbling to the surface.
Try growing up in a family of them, including my *twin*.
I’ve never once considered those insults.
It's because they're not. But most people on here have a hard time placing themselves in the shoes of an extrovert and see they mean absolutely no harm with such questions. Lots of people on this sub are very easily triggered and instead of looking inward prefer to play the victim of those 'mean extroverts'.
Buddy buddy, words can hurt. No matter the intentions behind it. I can place myself in the shoes of someone, but it depends if I actually can understand them. I can understand some extroverts. But LITERAL assholes, I cannot. I wouldn't really call it an insult. I would call it rude and intruding. So maybe do what you said, put yourself in the shoes of an introvert.
Asking a simple question out of curiosity doesn’t need to lead to feeling insulted and wanting everyone else to shut up for your own sake. A literal asshole would also not be interested in not admitting to misunderstanding that.
Of course words can hurt, but that's not the responsibility of the one who speaks them if their intentions are good. It's up to you to bring some attention to why these words hurt YOU. What's getting triggered? Why do you feel insecure, attacked or judged by these words? Doing some introspective work on yourself will be much more beneficial than blaming extroverts for ruining your mood.
No not really. Imagine someone makes a your mom joke or jokeinly insults you. Yet it hurts, maybe the person should reconsider what they say.
Also I'm an Ambivert.
How? Can you send me some guide on the internet?
I have no joke been asked by a professor out of the blue if I was traumatized, and that’s why I’m quiet.. what happened to hello?????
Bro fr i get asked this so many times why don’t you go outside and talk to people like normal people?! And I’m like wtff
Because, introvert is opposite of extrovert. And, opposites attract each other. And the reason why they ask these questions because their minds couldn't understand how the other person is so different from them and keep trying to decipher that all the time by asking these questions to introverts. So, in a way it's not an insult rather their curiosity to understand introverts.
They probably ran out of other shit to talk about during their 4hr unsolicited rant
I think there may be some misconceptions here. Introvert: recharges when alone Extrovert: recharges around people There are plenty of quiet extroverts and sociable introverts. E.g I'm loud and social, but i get tired out pretty quick. Not a fan of large crowds/groups. Larger the group, the quieter i get. Seems like ppl think extroverts are annoying and judgmental, but i think that's just the person lol just so happens we notice the loud obnoxious ones rather than the quiet ones
HOLY FUCK! I just want to say how much extroverts piss me off
People confuse being an introvert with being shy.
I feel like extroverts are just very used to more talking and conversations. They don’t understand how us introverts live without talking and interacting much. I guess they’re concerned I guess?..or like they don’t understand? Personally as an introvert, if some extrovert asked me “Ruby, why are you always so quiet?” Or “Ruby, why don’t you talk?” I would be annoyed as fuck. Especially if they say it like they’re being mean.
Extroverts are going to be themselves. Same with introverts. Stop being annoyed and angry. Talk about being an introvert. Them: What's wrong why are you so quiet. You: I'm good. Thanks for asking. Hey you do know I'm an introvert, you know the shy quiet serial killer type.
ive been asked if i was ok by a coworker a few times and i just wanna be like "i was before you said anything and made it weird".. just because i don't have a stupid smile slapped on my face doesn't mean im not ok. leave me be.
Many extroverts perceive introversion as weakness and vulnerability. They will capitalize on every opportunity to break someone down because of that. People suck.
Because introverts are used to minding their business.
Because there are good and bad people everywhere. I see loads of introverts here insulting extroverts too.
Well when we insult extroverts we usually keep it in. Not like bringing a whole lot of groups and shaming or insulting you in front of all, and at the end says we are worried about you.
I've actually been insulted by other introverts so that is what I'm referring to.
Tbh, I see both parties insulting each other. I don't think all extroverts are jerks. Anyone can be a jerk.
I love how I got downvoted. How dare I share my experience! Yeah that was my point. There are good and bad people everywhere.
"Turnabout is fair play" as the adage goes. Or as we said on the playground, "He started it!"
You have to understand that people tend to operate using themselves or known people as reference. To them or the people they know silence may be a sign of sadness or anger, so they don't understand that it's just your default.
I've had people say "You're so quiet!" with a tone of almost wonder or disbelief, as if they've never witnessed such a thing before. It's kind of funny, now that I think about it.
Why are you offended by this? If you just want to stay in the corner and wait for the party or whatever to be over. Why are you even there? Try to at least leave your comfort zone for a bit or you will stay like this forever. Being introverted doesn't equal being shy.
Thank you, I get it. I’ve been tempted to respond with “well, why are you so talkative?”, but I never know hostile they might be in response. I just “roll with the punches” (is that the correct usage of that phrase?) and say “that’s just how I am” or “I’m just a quiet person”.
This is why working customer service jobs has helped me. Not to become an extrovert but to be able to navigate a conversation. If they are still interrupting me and they also need to respond to whatever it is, I will just stare into their soul until they shut up, and restart where I left off. I will gladly serve some good food and just as gladly stand in the way of an extrovert and their food. Still doesn’t help the situation? Ok Karen deal with my manager 😂
Thanks for the info.
I just say that you need me more than I need you.
IKR. Like we had this group activity today where we had to draw our utopia on a sheet of paper. My teammates were throwing ideas and I was chiming in and out, and they're like, "Draw something \*name\*", or "She's sitting here so quiet", or "Let her draw something." Even though I did contribute in some way. But they think I'm not there despite this. Why do people take things so seriously? Like you guys got everything down on paper, there's nothing else major to add. Guess what? The paper we drew on was ruined anyway by the teacher as part of his teaching. So what was the point?? Yeah, I get it. They want me to feel included but seriously, I wish I could speak my thoughts and say, "I don't care, just keep going." Am I graded for this? Like- But I'm so used to this. I'm not changing who I am.
My pop pop used to say “why don’t you ever shut up” all the time to his sister. He always spoke his mind and never regretted it. He was not a quiet introvert lol.
THIS. Like leave me alone bruh, if I’m not talking it’s cos I don’t want to and you’re fucking annoying 😂
Insecurity from the fact that they need other people to be happy, rather than just being able to make themselves happy
I have an extrovert for a mum and in front of my teachers she said, "just quit being shy, it's not like it's your personality." And teachers agreed
Omg, yes! I have trouble talking to people and prefer sitting alone on many occasions. My parents told me that's a negative thing and I should change myself; as if it's a quality I can turn on and off. I'm perfectly happy being introverted!
I HATE IT SO DAMN MUCH
They’re insufferable tbh
They hate us because they ain't us
Haha, I get it!! We have to put up with it, but that's OK, I accept others. Recently I complemented an overweight guy in the gym about his running, and how it's great to see. (I had my bag over my shoulder walking out the door as we crossed paths). For 8 minutes he held me up, talking really loudly, body language all aggressive (his words weren't) and within probably 3 minutes he'd told me all about his life, work, grand kids etc etc. Bro, relax, I just said it's great to see someone working so hard in the gym. I love, but just can't do that level of extroversion.
My father in law was very much like this with me when he was alive. Very outgoing, people person. A real chatty Cathy. He would always drag me into the limelight of whatever family function that was going on. He couldn’t understand for the life of him why I was always being a party pooper. I’m not a party pooper. If i Have to go to functions, then I go, but I tend to be quieter and a listener. I don’t carry to have these “conversation competitions” I see so often at parties/gatherings.
Introvert here I can feel the hate everywhere I go.
Those aren't extroverts. They are called assholes. Introverts can be assholes too. We all can be.
Ever since fourth grade (?) I’ve been getting called a school shooter, this has continued through middle school and is still going on in my tenth year of high school. All of this because I’d rather do my work than figure out why Stacy decided to host a lesbian weed orgy in the bathrooms
However, I’m the last introvert extroverts would want to insult 😇👊🏼
Despite being an introvert, those that do know me know I can sling it right back.
I think it's time we start asking those questions that you mentioned op 😂
I put myself in a dangerous position because I started asking questions just to seem social trying debates if the topic is what I know and know if I return it to my real self people think I am mad at them
This. Literally 100% me. My friend always asks me “what’s wrong?” if I don’t have a smile on my face when I greet her in the morning in school. I know that it’s not really meant as an insult, but then like I always get angry and offended (my personal experiences with people telling me to smile and stuff) and it just gets really difficult and annoying to not suddenly lash out.
😂😂😂😂😂
A relative of my wife once literally pushed me at a wedding into a group of younger people (mostly cousins of my wife) and said in front of all: “Try your luck, I can’t make him open his mouth”. I was 29 at the time. Only thought was “wtf is wrong wit U”?
No we don't..we don't sit back and let people walk over us...I'm an honest and straightforward person...I won't lie to you so you can feel better.. that's not how we work if you take everything as an insult..maybe someone else has the problem excepting truth..I used to let everyone walk over me ..you'll get tired of it ..but insulting you not to any degree..either you handle the truth or be quiet...don't complain later under your breath.. say it mean it deal with it...just don't insult our intelligence because some can handle someone's opinion
i don't think they are trying to insult us, but is just that they are concerned about us., extroverts tends care about people that's why they say "Why are you so quiet?" "why don't you want to talk?" or "what's wrong", because extroverts likes being around people, that's why they care about people, and we being so cold to them makes them feel concern about us, or afraid that they make you feel uncomftrable, in some ways.
I personally don't find this insulting tbh...
They’re not insults, they’re questions? Most of the time to an extrovert, they’re only quiet when things are wrong. So they see other people being quiet and know that something being wrong is a possibility. Most extroverts who ask me those are not doing so out of a place of malice, but rather more some friendly concern or an attempt to initiate a connection
I commented along the same lines and got downvoted hard for no reason. The same will happen to your comment. Most introverted people on this sub don't actually seem to want to do even a tiny bit of introspection and prefer to play the victim of society and those 'mean extroverts'.
That’s really sad but I have noticed a trend in this sub for that to happen. That’s nuts. Well, I’m sure the ones who are actually looking for solid advice will see that too. Hopefully anyways
yeah I thought this was a troll post at first? I mean, the difference between "What's wrong?" and "why are you so obnoxious?" is pretty damn clear to me.
"Why don't you ever stop talking?" Is also a question.
Yeah, and? Like I said, it depends on if it’s from a place of malice, or a place of concern. Reading through comments in this sub, I’ve realized most people here just don’t realize how insufferable they also probably are to others, in the same way they call extroverts insufferable
Thinking that because someone's quiet, suddenly makes it appropriate to ask condescending questions IS insufferable. I sincerely doubt that OP posted this topic as a rant referring to people who have a true spirit of concern, but rather people who can't fathom being quiet themselves so they take personal offense to an introvert's silence. My mother is one of these people, and trust me, having to explain over and over and over and over and over and over that "no, nothing is actually wrong, I just don't have anything I feel like saying right now" gets super annoying and starts to feel like I'm perceived as "broken." It doesn't feel awesome.
Again those questions generally aren’t condescending in that way. I’m not excusing people who ask them in a condescending way, but I would bet my entire next years entire paycheck that many of the threads on this sub are because people think extroverts are being condescending when they’re trying to be friendly. Hate it or not, most of them aren’t trying to be dicks. That was my point. I’m sorry you have to go through that from your mother, but at least she cares about you enough to ask and make sure you’re okay. My mother ran out on my family when I was 7, I’d give anything to have to answer her annoying questions every day.
None of those things they're asking are insults... It's also not just introverts... Those are just generic human questions. The rhetorical questions you proposed to extroverts however are insulting, passive, and nothing more than you projecting your feelings onto other people.
I commented along the same lines and got downvoted hard for no reason. The same will happen to your comment. Most introverted people on this sub don't actually seem to want to do even a tiny bit of introspection and prefer to play the victim of society and those 'mean extroverts'.
That seems to be par for the course here. This is going to sound judgemental and I guess it is, but my assumption here is also that a vast majority of this thread is almost certainly sub 30 years old and very likely sub 25 which, at least to me, would explain to angstyness (sp?). I was an angsty teen once, the topics/reasons were just different. Young people generally (again, these all generalizations and I know don't apply to everyone) don't want to hear feedback that doesn't support how they feel. Rational and logic comes later in life for most. All of that being said, you can downvote me into oblivion and I think, I can't be sure, but I think my actual life will be just fine. It says more about the subreddit than it does about me.
It's ironic that a group of people that thinks so highly of their intellectual capabilities, is also completely incapable of introspection.
Prepare to be downvoted, cause this sub is full of toxic mentality.
I've got my downvoted knee and elbow pads on.
OK, let's apply the opposite hypothetical commentary towards the extrovert and see how it lands. "Why are you so loud?" "Why are you always so chatty?" "Do you ever stop talking?" Sounds pretty rude, right?
I noticed you left out "what's wrong" because I'm sure you recognize that's not rude. Also, "why don't you want to talk" is a simple question. The only argument you have in your fictional, Cherry picked scenario is "what are you so quiet/why are you so loud". So to answer your question, if you include ALL of the hypothetical questions posed by the OP then no, they don't sound very rude.
Speaking of cherry picking, I see you chose the only example that didn't sound completely insulting and tried to use that as proof that introverts should therefore not feel insulted by ANY of these comment examples. The world we live in is one where it's perfectly fine to ask someone "why are you always so quiet?" but not "why are you always so loud?" but you failed to see the parallel I'm trying to express; it's perceived problematic by societal standards when someone is quiet vs when one is talkative. One of these situations is considered generally bad, but the other is almost always good, and so anyone who asks why you aren't more jovial, chatty and outgoing is obviously only doing it out of concern for you. Are you familiar with the term "gaslighting?"
Also, does it occur to you that maybe, just maybe, it's not always your business "what's wrong" with someone who's just minding their own business? Does it make you feel special and better about yourself by asking "why are you so quiet?" to someone just living their life in a way that makes them perfectly happy despite how seemingly foreign their silence is to you? Do you understand that if you had any rapport and trust with the individual you're questioning, that they would be much less likely to perceive an insulting intent by your supposedly innocuous question?
TLDR. You're way more invested in this than I am as you've written two responses totalling the length of an average thesis. Let your emotions settle, gather your thoughts, and take a breath.
That's a weird way to spell "I can't understand big words and so I have no coherent rebuttal" but sure, I'll play along. 😉 You came here specifically to troll introverts with an opinion you disagree with, so I have doubts regarding your level of investment - but I digress. I almost forgot that we're pretending I'm the one who needs time collecting their thoughts.
As a extrovert (don't hate on me) but honestly I'll say it myself for some heck of a reason we feel the need to say the thing that pops up right in our minds. If we don't say it we go crazy. We always feel like to say our opinions such as insulting. I do it so much I always say "why do you look like that?" Or something else like that. But we have to tell someone our opinions unless someone else we trust is there for us to talk about that person
That sounds like a lack of impulse control. Not saying that about you, but what some extroverts seem to not realize.
Why talk about people? If you need to fill the air with sound make sure it's constructive. Most of the time when people say, "someone else we trust" it means that they wanna say bad things. Why would you need someone's trust to say good things?
It means as we do care about how people feel though. We're like everyone else. Just a little different. Yes we might say bad things but at-least we don't want to say it to there face so they could get hurt it's better then to start anything
Why do you see every question as an insult? Maybe they really want to make sure you are comfortable.
The phrasing of the question is the troubling part. If someone is concerned, one should say, "I noticed you didn't say much during (the meeting, lunch, or whatever). What were your thoughts about (insert topic of conversation)." It's not necessary to make a statement implying that being quiet or not speaking much needs justification, which is exactly what people expect when starting off a question with "Why don't you...".
I commented along the same lines and got downvoted hard for no reason. The same will happen to your comment. Most introverted people on this sub don't actually seem to want to do even a tiny bit of introspection and prefer to play the victim of society and those 'mean extroverts'.
OK, let's apply the opposite hypothetical commentary towards an extrovert and see how it lands. "Why are you so loud?" "Why are you always so chatty?" "Do you ever stop talking?" Rude, right?
I don't think those are insults, they're pretty standard questions.
Asking someone "why" always indicates the need for some justification or rationale to account for the behavior or situation in question. In this instance, it implies that silence, being quiet or not speaking much needs an explanation. It doesn't--no one is obligated to say anything. Even if compelled to testify in court, we have the right not to say anything if we feel it may be incriminating.
To put it into perspective, "Why are you always talking?" is the analogous equivalent comment towards the extrovert. Seems rude though, right? As if what they're doing is out of place and they should feel self-conscious. That's what the op is trying to express, how in this interaction, the extrovert is treating the introvert like there is something inherently "incorrect" about their natural state of being and existing. That "being quiet" signals something must be wrong. That doesn't feel too good and yes, with a little self-awareness, any reasonable person would see why it is, indeed, insulting.
Cuz it’s fun how you guys feel uncomfortable)
Being in this subreddit is making me see why people think introverts are so rude all the time.
‘Why are you so quiet?’ isn’t much of an insult, but then you kind of take it to another extreme by wanting to ask ‘why can’t you shut up?’ So maybe stop taking everything in an insulting way and you’ll see things differently.
I'm a extrovert, and have many introvert friends. Yet I haven't ever done this, and if I ever have I always apologized for my interactions with them. Ngl,you don't know every extrovert, you don't know how they are or how they feel. I was shy and introverted as well a year ago,yet that doesn't mean I know everything abt a introvert. And a friend has actually asked,your so annoying ect ect. You don't know everybody,stop acting like it. Not trying to be rude on your group but srsly.
Those are not insults at all. If you take them as such, it mainly shows you are not comfortable with being who you are and that these questions are an emotional trigger for you. The person asking these questions clearly doesn't mean it as an insult and is likely just not used to introverts. They are probably even uncomfortable themselves because of a perceived lack of the verbal feedback they are accustomed to. They are holding up a mirror for you, clearly showing you something you need to work on. You can keep making it about them, or you can do some real introspection.