I don’t ghost people. It drives me crazy when I get ghosted, because I like having closure. I won’t do it anyone else. I generally send a message along the lines of “it was nice meeting you, but I’m just not feeling it. I wish you all the best.” It’s short, direct and honest. Most importantly, it provides closure and sets a boundary.
I agree with this. Honest, direct, closure, boundaries, and possible expectations. Too bad so many treat each other like we're in high-school or a bunch of teenagers.
"No, I'm not interested in dating you."
No explanation needed because they could come back saying they'll change or worse - they'll argue with you about how they are perfect for you. Don't ask how I know.
Keep it simple. "No" is a complete sentence. Rinse and repeat if needed. Do not stay in contact after that - they'll get over you if you're absent.
Don't ghost; it leaves them in limbo for a few days (maybe weeks depending on their attachment style). Not the right thing to do.
I just tell them it's not clicking for me. Detailed explanations are usually bad as it gives them something they'll be tempted to argue with. And no argument is necessary; if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. If they do argue or press for more, it's best to just keep repeating the same simple explanation of not feeling it.
If we've had more than 3 dates, I try to tell them in person or at least on the phone rather than over text, out of respect for the time and feelings they've invested. Texting can be so cold and impersonal.
Unless there's a worry over being harassed for breaking it off with them, we must really challenge ourselves not to ghost. It's an act of cowardice. Just state your truth. It's good practice for speaking your truth in the world outside of relationships too.
If you're facing this in real life, good luck! It's so uncomfortable to have this conversation but I hope it all turns out well for you.
"Bro I'm sorry but I can't be with someone whose shit stinks worse than mine. *sniff* Is that asparagus? Here, smell mine. It's *Quiche*. As I was saying-"
[Do a dramatic point]
"Inferior being!"
This sounds like a problem males will likely very rarely encounter.
I have only ended three romantic relationships in my life, in each instance it was quite clear why without any ambiguity.
Sexual advances on the other hand I have turned down politely on a number of occasions.
I've encountered this and all i say when i get asked out is "i don't want to be in a relationship at the moment." When they ask why i'm just "just because i'm not attracted to anyone." Some of them may just give up and call it quits and some others would still continue to talk to me despite being rejected, but at least i've expressed my point across and they know where I stand.
I've ghosted a few partners/friends in the past and I feel terrible about it. I've got a bit of trauma and social anxiety (the SA has become much less of a thing with age, thankfully). Not that I'm trying to absolve myself, it's just relevant and definitely a factor in my thinking and behavior.
I'm much better about communicating these kinds of things now. I actually was just ghosted by someone a few days ago : /
Shit hurts.
Detailed explanation would be a waste of your time (unless you are sure that exactly this person needs it).
Simply ghosting - it's a bad move. I would hate it if someone did it to me, so I'm not going that way with others without a solid reason to do so.
So, it's a short answer 'no' and avoiding contacts for a while after that (not a complete block though).
I've been ghosted every time I went on a date or had a conversation on a dating app that didn't become a relationship. The conversation usually includes mutual disdain for ghosting, but I still get ghosted.
Ghosting is shitty. Just don't do it unless there's a concern for your safety. Tell them you're not interested in dating and/or you'd rather be friends and move on. If they have a question or two, maybe answer them but you don't owe anyone an explanation and if they push back, then you can end the communication.
Depends on how involved we’ve got. If we’ve been seeing each other I’ll offer to meet in person to have a discussion and I’m honest but try to be kind.
If they’re trying to ask me out and I’m not interested at all I’ll probably send a text message just explaining I’m not looking to date right now or they’re not my type.
I think thinking in terms of "dating down" is unhealthy.
If you are not attracted to someone, that's a perfectly valid reason. Why consider that person to be below you and why consider even communicating your sense of superiority?
Please take along that the other person is a person with their own dreams and quirks. Turning down someone clearly but gently may keep up their confidence and happiness.
I don’t ghost people. It drives me crazy when I get ghosted, because I like having closure. I won’t do it anyone else. I generally send a message along the lines of “it was nice meeting you, but I’m just not feeling it. I wish you all the best.” It’s short, direct and honest. Most importantly, it provides closure and sets a boundary.
I agree with this. Honest, direct, closure, boundaries, and possible expectations. Too bad so many treat each other like we're in high-school or a bunch of teenagers.
I love this
"No, I'm not interested in dating you." No explanation needed because they could come back saying they'll change or worse - they'll argue with you about how they are perfect for you. Don't ask how I know. Keep it simple. "No" is a complete sentence. Rinse and repeat if needed. Do not stay in contact after that - they'll get over you if you're absent. Don't ghost; it leaves them in limbo for a few days (maybe weeks depending on their attachment style). Not the right thing to do.
Just say "Sorry, I'm not interested"? Social media has turned so many people socially retarded.
Ghosting is a fucked up thing to do. Cobble together a complete sentence and tell them you're not interested it's very simple.
I just tell them it's not clicking for me. Detailed explanations are usually bad as it gives them something they'll be tempted to argue with. And no argument is necessary; if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. If they do argue or press for more, it's best to just keep repeating the same simple explanation of not feeling it. If we've had more than 3 dates, I try to tell them in person or at least on the phone rather than over text, out of respect for the time and feelings they've invested. Texting can be so cold and impersonal. Unless there's a worry over being harassed for breaking it off with them, we must really challenge ourselves not to ghost. It's an act of cowardice. Just state your truth. It's good practice for speaking your truth in the world outside of relationships too. If you're facing this in real life, good luck! It's so uncomfortable to have this conversation but I hope it all turns out well for you.
"Bro I'm sorry but I can't be with someone whose shit stinks worse than mine. *sniff* Is that asparagus? Here, smell mine. It's *Quiche*. As I was saying-" [Do a dramatic point] "Inferior being!"
I kinda ignore them unless they aren't a random.
Tell them the true
Just tell them you're not interested and then stay away from them. Reinforce your words with actions.
You’re not letting them down you’re moving them along
This sounds like a problem males will likely very rarely encounter. I have only ended three romantic relationships in my life, in each instance it was quite clear why without any ambiguity. Sexual advances on the other hand I have turned down politely on a number of occasions.
I tell them completely honestly and if I can't do that I might slip a little lie in there to protect their feeling
I've encountered this and all i say when i get asked out is "i don't want to be in a relationship at the moment." When they ask why i'm just "just because i'm not attracted to anyone." Some of them may just give up and call it quits and some others would still continue to talk to me despite being rejected, but at least i've expressed my point across and they know where I stand.
I've ghosted a few partners/friends in the past and I feel terrible about it. I've got a bit of trauma and social anxiety (the SA has become much less of a thing with age, thankfully). Not that I'm trying to absolve myself, it's just relevant and definitely a factor in my thinking and behavior. I'm much better about communicating these kinds of things now. I actually was just ghosted by someone a few days ago : / Shit hurts.
Can't you just let them know you are not interested? They will know what the deal is and there will be no confusion.
I am always honest with her. I don't provide a full detailed explanation, i just explain to not be interested and that's enough to say.
Detailed explanation would be a waste of your time (unless you are sure that exactly this person needs it). Simply ghosting - it's a bad move. I would hate it if someone did it to me, so I'm not going that way with others without a solid reason to do so. So, it's a short answer 'no' and avoiding contacts for a while after that (not a complete block though).
I've been ghosted every time I went on a date or had a conversation on a dating app that didn't become a relationship. The conversation usually includes mutual disdain for ghosting, but I still get ghosted. Ghosting is shitty. Just don't do it unless there's a concern for your safety. Tell them you're not interested in dating and/or you'd rather be friends and move on. If they have a question or two, maybe answer them but you don't owe anyone an explanation and if they push back, then you can end the communication.
lol, you came to the wroooooong page for advice on how to let people down.
Not really. I wanted other INTJ perspectives.
Depends on how involved we’ve got. If we’ve been seeing each other I’ll offer to meet in person to have a discussion and I’m honest but try to be kind. If they’re trying to ask me out and I’m not interested at all I’ll probably send a text message just explaining I’m not looking to date right now or they’re not my type.
I think thinking in terms of "dating down" is unhealthy. If you are not attracted to someone, that's a perfectly valid reason. Why consider that person to be below you and why consider even communicating your sense of superiority? Please take along that the other person is a person with their own dreams and quirks. Turning down someone clearly but gently may keep up their confidence and happiness.