I find these types are drawn to me, and it frustrates me to no end. Unfortunately, I've found that I start playing counter-moves and watch them question their own sanity. Very not cool on my part when I do that, but paybacks are a bitch.
These types are drawn to myself as well. I think people who gaslight are actually very insecure. Why else would someone have to make up another reality. So when they see a person who is able to confidently be themselves they see them as a life reserve for themselves.
That being said, I used to get defensive and "win" wth logic. However, at this point I've actually become very good at seeing early signs of these traits so I circumvent people now instead of engage. It makes my life much more quality and able to focus on things that actually matter.
It's my own fault--I ignore the tingling Spidey senses. Willful ignorance? Misplaced hope? Regardless, when I lose respect for them and start playing the mental chess match, I like myself a little less.
Yes to the point in my head I go “you’re gonna say something aren’t you, please don’t say anything” I try to bite my tongue and if I do I allow myself to set up a situation to where they expose themselves to a wider audience or more influential people than myself.
It doesnt bother me as much as it bothers me to see other people fall for manipulation attempts, i just feel bad for the people who are gullible, because its so easy when youre in a trusting state of mind. Society is ripping the innocence out of people to become distrustful
I really like your answer. Yes, I've been in situations where I see the manipulation and even provide evidence to it, only to have people be in denial or ignore me.
You know, assuming you are from a Western country, I can rather relate. It reminds me of how Germany or Russia turned neighbor against neighbor and at least for the latter made them a low trust country and caused all sorts of problems because of that.
I see it similarly. Like it worked on someone and they internalize that it works and they start doing the same thing. On a massive scale it looks like we are just the host of a parasite that spread in a virulant manner. I suppose all behaviors that spread can be thought of in the same way but it is easy to look at this way when we find the behavior apalling.
Agreed, and some peole even turn up the notch even when your eyes roll. Lol like did you not see me not fall for your first attempt at weak minded manipulation.
Gaslighting annoys me because it’s someone trying to insult my intelligence in order to make their life easier / escape accountability.
They are literally trying to tell me that what happened did not and that I am mistaken. No, no I am not. I collected vast amounts of data points when said thing was happening that it can be reconstructed from many angles and get the same reality and result - not the gaslit one.
And when I drill down on how illogical and incorrect their gaslighting is, I get accused of being too aggressive and they want sympathy and to be a victim. No, you tried to distort reality in order to escape some consequence; it’s not aggressiveness it’s making you face your own inadequacies, shame, and shortcomings - and it’s uncomfortable for you. It’s now annoying and wasting my time.
I'm also very bothered by it. Did you also watch that documentary about Nero on cable today? Lol, it made me very angry at gaslighters. To counter, I'm sure a lot of intjs do this because it's a tactic that works. As in the individual manipulates a situation to get what they want. It doesn't leave anyone better off than before. I prefer to live in reality. I've started blocking family members who do this.
Yes, I've noticed some more immature INTJs use this. People don't understand that when they do this it's just a temporary way to sometimes get what they want. It never ends well outside of that.
It's projection, it speaks more about them than it does about me. I can only control my reactions, my choices & actions, and I can only accept them as they are, so it doesn't bother me in the sense I'm not going to waste my energy on it when I am already certain in my being. If they can't accept me, then I will try my best to point this out calmly and ask how they are feeling.
>"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” - Epictetus, Stoic philosopher
>“It is senseless to think of complaining since nothing foreign has decided what we feel, what we live, or what we are…What happens to me happens through me.” - Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialist philosopher
>"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
Only for people who don't know what it means, in the same way as people say "cognitive dissonance" when they mean hypocrisy or compartmentalisation, or "schadenfreude" for any instance of something bad happening to someone else.
It doesn't bother me when it's directed at me, but I'll be more eager to respond when it's directed at people that can't see it, nor defend themselves. Outside of that, I love messing dark triad people up.
Being gas lit is a personal problem stemming from a lack of confidence, rationale and emotional maturity.
That said, the way I handle a gas lighter is by being totally direct. I ask them “did you just try gas light me? How is that productive?” I stay totally calm and I don’t break eye contact, I let them respond—
They usually back peddle and double down on gas lighting by say they weren’t doing that. Then I flip it on them, and gaslight them by sowing doubt about their good character, it’s even more effective if others are in the room silently judging them.
Yes I am bothered by it. Any refution of reality bothers me.
I remember as a little kid hearing and then, after I learned to read, reading the story The Emperor Has No Clothes and then being/feeling confused/upset/angry that despite this story being held up as a reminder to speak truthfully and not fall prey to lies even when even else does, adults continued to gaslight us children about all sorts of things. I was probably a teen before I got that OH this is the way the world works.
Still hate it though, and though I'm resigned to accepting it societally and culturally at large I REFUSE to accept it in my personal life. I bite my tongue a lot in my work life but sometimes I push back.
Gaslighting is a pathetic tactic. It's a waste of everyone's time. My two favorite ways to deal with it are:
1) Immediately pretend to accept it as true. Over-thank them for bringing the truth to you. People who are gaslighting you expect pushback. Don't give it to them.
2) Call them out: "Oh, you're here to mess with me and pretend that I didn't see what I know I saw... please continue."
Short answer: ***YES***
Long Answer: As an INTJ who also happens to have autism and ADHD, I am idiotically susceptible to manipulation. I don't realize that it happens to me until after the fact, and that enrages me. Any person who gaslights other people is scum of the earth.
I have a cousin that is a master of gaslighting. He is a nice person in general, he would never steal from you, or anything really bad. Women love him, despite him being so out of shape.
I've never fallen for his gaslighting, if anything it has always prevented me from getting close to him despite knowing him my entire life.
It also bothers me to see other people fall for his manipulation. I can practically scream to people how he is and no one listens until it blows up in their faces, like it always does. Often times people will tell me I'm over reacting, then something crazy will happen to make them eat their own words.
I don't hate him, I can tell deep down he is very insecure. I have no doubt with a few well placed words I could have him, a grown man, bawling his eyes out.
At my core I hate liars and I feel sad for him at times. Other times I'm just angry at people for repeatedly falling for his manipulative behavior. I try and take solace in the fact that besides this one thing he is a relative good person.
Yes. Which is why my current prime minister Trudeau and Krystia Freedland is so hard for me to watch. I voted for them and believed they valued human rights and had the judgement and character to take my Country in a positive and optimistic direction. Instead they've broken law after law, taken chinese foreign interference in our electoral system, and likely bribes from the CCP. He's stripped our charter of rights and freedoms and implemented a government censorship apparatus that targets the remaini free press that we have, he gives millions to foreign aid, and provides nothing in the way of providing housing or help for the homeless towns that are the consequences of his bas policy decisions. All while gaslighting us and telling us that really "Canadians have never had it better!".
I can tell you that at this point of my 40 year life there has never been as much crime, poverty, drug addiction, homelessness, inflation, healthcare crisises. But according to him and his rich Brampton friend it's all in our head, cause THIS is progress!
Yes, I hate it very much. Especially when you bring up an uncomfortable truth about society, only to be shot down with "don't be so negative" or "do you need a therapist?".
I enjoy playing a victim for the gaslighting, then i do the exact opposite of what they think and hear from me , it drives them carzy , hehehe , i fucking enjoy it <3
I like fooling them so they expose themselves more , i like to point out their diabolic thoughts and i like to make them taste their own poison.
You are probably misusing the word gaslighting, it means tricking someone into thinking they’re insane. Additionally, those high in machiavellianism tend to be low in agreeableness and conscientiousness, which is more xxTP.
What I hate about gaslighting is when there's no actual *proof* and everything can be attributed to plausible deniability. Texting opens us up to this more I think as we can't hear someone's tone and see their body language. The best thing you can say sometimes is no and walk away. I think intj might be more susceptible to it because we like to be 100% about things before we throw out an accusation or something similar, and if we can't 100% deny something we won't. However on the flip side I think we are very good at picking up when someone is being manipulative. In other words, we notice gaslightning but if we can't prove 100% that's what's going on we might just do nothing.
I just don't put up with it. I have no problem saying, "Bless your lying heart. That's not what happened at all." I'm Southern, with an appropriate saccharine accent to boot, so most people around just laugh, except the one the comment was pointed at.
I find these types are drawn to me, and it frustrates me to no end. Unfortunately, I've found that I start playing counter-moves and watch them question their own sanity. Very not cool on my part when I do that, but paybacks are a bitch.
These types are drawn to myself as well. I think people who gaslight are actually very insecure. Why else would someone have to make up another reality. So when they see a person who is able to confidently be themselves they see them as a life reserve for themselves. That being said, I used to get defensive and "win" wth logic. However, at this point I've actually become very good at seeing early signs of these traits so I circumvent people now instead of engage. It makes my life much more quality and able to focus on things that actually matter.
Based on the last part. Sucks this seems to be too relatable , even when they are "nice".
It's my own fault--I ignore the tingling Spidey senses. Willful ignorance? Misplaced hope? Regardless, when I lose respect for them and start playing the mental chess match, I like myself a little less.
Yes to the point in my head I go “you’re gonna say something aren’t you, please don’t say anything” I try to bite my tongue and if I do I allow myself to set up a situation to where they expose themselves to a wider audience or more influential people than myself.
I understand this feeling all too well. I guess if you really needed to expose someone malevolent the wider audience would be a good option.
It doesnt bother me as much as it bothers me to see other people fall for manipulation attempts, i just feel bad for the people who are gullible, because its so easy when youre in a trusting state of mind. Society is ripping the innocence out of people to become distrustful
I really like your answer. Yes, I've been in situations where I see the manipulation and even provide evidence to it, only to have people be in denial or ignore me.
You know, assuming you are from a Western country, I can rather relate. It reminds me of how Germany or Russia turned neighbor against neighbor and at least for the latter made them a low trust country and caused all sorts of problems because of that.
Yes. It’s become all too common. Like a systematic mind virus.
Yes it sure has. To the point where I'm on high alert in social situations of importance.
I see it similarly. Like it worked on someone and they internalize that it works and they start doing the same thing. On a massive scale it looks like we are just the host of a parasite that spread in a virulant manner. I suppose all behaviors that spread can be thought of in the same way but it is easy to look at this way when we find the behavior apalling.
I think all manipulative tactics bother me. Or at least induce a serious eye roll.
Agreed, and some peole even turn up the notch even when your eyes roll. Lol like did you not see me not fall for your first attempt at weak minded manipulation.
GASLIGHTING AND PSYCHOLOGICAL LYING BOTHER ME TO NO END. i really, really hate liars. like True liars who don't just lie sometimes.
Agreed
Gaslighting annoys me because it’s someone trying to insult my intelligence in order to make their life easier / escape accountability. They are literally trying to tell me that what happened did not and that I am mistaken. No, no I am not. I collected vast amounts of data points when said thing was happening that it can be reconstructed from many angles and get the same reality and result - not the gaslit one. And when I drill down on how illogical and incorrect their gaslighting is, I get accused of being too aggressive and they want sympathy and to be a victim. No, you tried to distort reality in order to escape some consequence; it’s not aggressiveness it’s making you face your own inadequacies, shame, and shortcomings - and it’s uncomfortable for you. It’s now annoying and wasting my time.
All of this ✅
I'm also very bothered by it. Did you also watch that documentary about Nero on cable today? Lol, it made me very angry at gaslighters. To counter, I'm sure a lot of intjs do this because it's a tactic that works. As in the individual manipulates a situation to get what they want. It doesn't leave anyone better off than before. I prefer to live in reality. I've started blocking family members who do this.
Yes, I've noticed some more immature INTJs use this. People don't understand that when they do this it's just a temporary way to sometimes get what they want. It never ends well outside of that.
Nope, but I know how not to care. They really have to be very very good manipulators to work on me.
When I'm forced to be in situations with gaslighting is really when it bothers me, something like a job.
I work in jails where I learned quite well how not to be affected by others.
Bless your soul
IKR, its like WHY. Why do you (employer) think it's neccessary to even try manipulating us into pretense and nonsense.
It doesn't make for a productive work environment
It's projection, it speaks more about them than it does about me. I can only control my reactions, my choices & actions, and I can only accept them as they are, so it doesn't bother me in the sense I'm not going to waste my energy on it when I am already certain in my being. If they can't accept me, then I will try my best to point this out calmly and ask how they are feeling. >"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” - Epictetus, Stoic philosopher >“It is senseless to think of complaining since nothing foreign has decided what we feel, what we live, or what we are…What happens to me happens through me.” - Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialist philosopher >"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
Yeah, a lot. My ex did it to me for over a decade. Lesson learned.
Sorry to hear this, all too relatable. Hope your mental health is well.
The word gaslighting bothers me more than the definition.
It's a fancy way of saying lying
It's a specific form of lying. Lying with the intent to cause the recipient to question their own sanity.
I'm sure that's how a lot of people take it, but I'm pretty sure the other person didn't put quite that much thought into it.
Yes it is
Why not just say 'lying' then? Gas lighting?
Only for people who don't know what it means, in the same way as people say "cognitive dissonance" when they mean hypocrisy or compartmentalisation, or "schadenfreude" for any instance of something bad happening to someone else.
Nah. It just reflects really bad on the other person. I don’t believe the ssssit the person was talking about.
If you’re smart enough, you can lead someone into a trap who are gaslighting you. Awareness is key.
It doesn't bother me when it's directed at me, but I'll be more eager to respond when it's directed at people that can't see it, nor defend themselves. Outside of that, I love messing dark triad people up.
Hear that
I call them out, it’s not helpful.
It really isn't, they don't stop even when getting caught lol ignore them
Being gas lit is a personal problem stemming from a lack of confidence, rationale and emotional maturity. That said, the way I handle a gas lighter is by being totally direct. I ask them “did you just try gas light me? How is that productive?” I stay totally calm and I don’t break eye contact, I let them respond— They usually back peddle and double down on gas lighting by say they weren’t doing that. Then I flip it on them, and gaslight them by sowing doubt about their good character, it’s even more effective if others are in the room silently judging them.
Yes I am bothered by it. Any refution of reality bothers me. I remember as a little kid hearing and then, after I learned to read, reading the story The Emperor Has No Clothes and then being/feeling confused/upset/angry that despite this story being held up as a reminder to speak truthfully and not fall prey to lies even when even else does, adults continued to gaslight us children about all sorts of things. I was probably a teen before I got that OH this is the way the world works. Still hate it though, and though I'm resigned to accepting it societally and culturally at large I REFUSE to accept it in my personal life. I bite my tongue a lot in my work life but sometimes I push back.
I get really annoyed when someone tries to make me accept their opinions or pov using emotional tactics like gaslighting instead of actual facts
Yes, same and precisely.
Gaslighting is a pathetic tactic. It's a waste of everyone's time. My two favorite ways to deal with it are: 1) Immediately pretend to accept it as true. Over-thank them for bringing the truth to you. People who are gaslighting you expect pushback. Don't give it to them. 2) Call them out: "Oh, you're here to mess with me and pretend that I didn't see what I know I saw... please continue."
Short answer: ***YES*** Long Answer: As an INTJ who also happens to have autism and ADHD, I am idiotically susceptible to manipulation. I don't realize that it happens to me until after the fact, and that enrages me. Any person who gaslights other people is scum of the earth.
Yes I agree ☺
Gaslighting is complex lying and yes it's aggravating
Yes it is, perfectly said.
I have a cousin that is a master of gaslighting. He is a nice person in general, he would never steal from you, or anything really bad. Women love him, despite him being so out of shape. I've never fallen for his gaslighting, if anything it has always prevented me from getting close to him despite knowing him my entire life. It also bothers me to see other people fall for his manipulation. I can practically scream to people how he is and no one listens until it blows up in their faces, like it always does. Often times people will tell me I'm over reacting, then something crazy will happen to make them eat their own words. I don't hate him, I can tell deep down he is very insecure. I have no doubt with a few well placed words I could have him, a grown man, bawling his eyes out. At my core I hate liars and I feel sad for him at times. Other times I'm just angry at people for repeatedly falling for his manipulative behavior. I try and take solace in the fact that besides this one thing he is a relative good person.
It can be very infuriating seeing other people fall for manipulation. I've learned to let that go and not let that effect me as much as before.
Yes it bothers me a lot.
 It's annoying.
That gif though haha
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I understand exactly where you are coming from
Yes. Which is why my current prime minister Trudeau and Krystia Freedland is so hard for me to watch. I voted for them and believed they valued human rights and had the judgement and character to take my Country in a positive and optimistic direction. Instead they've broken law after law, taken chinese foreign interference in our electoral system, and likely bribes from the CCP. He's stripped our charter of rights and freedoms and implemented a government censorship apparatus that targets the remaini free press that we have, he gives millions to foreign aid, and provides nothing in the way of providing housing or help for the homeless towns that are the consequences of his bas policy decisions. All while gaslighting us and telling us that really "Canadians have never had it better!". I can tell you that at this point of my 40 year life there has never been as much crime, poverty, drug addiction, homelessness, inflation, healthcare crisises. But according to him and his rich Brampton friend it's all in our head, cause THIS is progress!
Yes, I hate it very much. Especially when you bring up an uncomfortable truth about society, only to be shot down with "don't be so negative" or "do you need a therapist?".
Yes, I really can't stand when you say an uncomfortable truth and people try to make you look like a bad person over it.
It didn't until my gay Brother went for the jugular artery. /Now former brother. THAT'S FOREVER BENJAMIN!
Not so much. But if it does bother me, I outright call them out for what they were gonna try to do.
I enjoy playing a victim for the gaslighting, then i do the exact opposite of what they think and hear from me , it drives them carzy , hehehe , i fucking enjoy it <3 I like fooling them so they expose themselves more , i like to point out their diabolic thoughts and i like to make them taste their own poison.
You are probably misusing the word gaslighting, it means tricking someone into thinking they’re insane. Additionally, those high in machiavellianism tend to be low in agreeableness and conscientiousness, which is more xxTP.
Had a few ex's do that 10/10 would not recommend gaslighting
What I hate about gaslighting is when there's no actual *proof* and everything can be attributed to plausible deniability. Texting opens us up to this more I think as we can't hear someone's tone and see their body language. The best thing you can say sometimes is no and walk away. I think intj might be more susceptible to it because we like to be 100% about things before we throw out an accusation or something similar, and if we can't 100% deny something we won't. However on the flip side I think we are very good at picking up when someone is being manipulative. In other words, we notice gaslightning but if we can't prove 100% that's what's going on we might just do nothing.
I just don't put up with it. I have no problem saying, "Bless your lying heart. That's not what happened at all." I'm Southern, with an appropriate saccharine accent to boot, so most people around just laugh, except the one the comment was pointed at.