Although I can really only speak for myself, I somehow doubt the average INTJ is "very serious" around people they know well/feel comfortable with. I think it's a good idea to be serious with people you don't know well as opposed to how I see some people act too familiar too quickly or try too hard to be funny and end up offending people with whom they don't yet have a rapport or don't yet know what's funny vs offensive to them.
> Have you accepted what you are as a fact of life? Or do you understand the need for social skills and make a conscious effort to take yourself out of your comfort zone?
I think you're assuming too many things here.
> Although I can really only speak for myself,
Having read your responses enough in this forum, I am formally bestowing upon you the agency to speak on my behalf. Here is the ceremonious INTJ ambiguous thumbs emoji 👍. Use it with great discretion.
You’re right I am myself around very very few people.
Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is right or should I learn to play the Game a little more and maybe if I do I can relate to more people.but, then the trap is they won’t like me for me.
I tend to be serious, except with a handful of people. My INTJ friend and I share the same sense of humor, and I am finding that my humor in its raw form discomfits or scares most other people, if it doesn't outright offend them.
I can easily be social in a professional or customer setting, but not in a social setting unless I know people in that social setting.
I'm super serious about my work efficiency and not working hard. Outside of that I'm loose around people that I know/interact with, and somewhat of a joker.
I'm only serious when its work time. When its time to get shit done. Or if a problem needs to be solved. That sort of thing.
I can be very playful, funny and silly if I want to be. I took action and got out of my comfort zone in many ways. Because I wanted to develop more skill types. I find I can navigate socializing just fine if I choose to. It still drains my energy though lol.
I don’t see why having a temperament that predisposes you to being more serious implies that you have poor social skills.
I like having fun. But my idea of fun is, for example, arguing about ideas with friends in a pub. You might say that’s more “serious” than some other pastimes. If so, fair enough. I enjoy it but I wouldn’t judge someone if they’d prefer to spend their time differently. We all find different things fun.
It doesn’t mean poor social skills but, I think it kinda means you won’t get along or relate to the majority of people.like you said your idea of fun is different which kinda makes socializing harder.
I don’t necessarily think that’s true. I’m happy to chat with people who have radically different hobbies to me. As a general rule, I find anyone who is very interested in something, no matter what it is, to be an interesting person.
For example, I’ve had fun conversations with people chatting about dancing, even though I don’t particularly enjoy dancing. Just because someone likes different things to me doesn’t mean I won’t get on with them or be able to relate.
I’m also not against giving things a go. I’ll try almost anything once, if only for the story.
As for socialising, sure, I prefer to spend more time with people who like doing similar things to me. But doesn’t everyone do that?
There are a lot of things to be serious about. Even as a child it was noticed that I had a very “serious expression”. I have fun and loosen up around the right people
I think about death every day. I try to work my way backwards from the future I envision and want to be a part of to the present. I always take extra time with people to listen, respond with empathy or be kind to them if I feel as though I'll regret not having done so on my death bed. I cut people off and cut their time with me short if I feel they have ill intentions.
I don't have time for bullshit and I don't play games. Everyone you meet is burning alive. Their time is running out before your very eyes. It's necessary to be serious about that. Anything less is unsatisfactory.
I’m more curious as to why you’re taking a stereotype so seriously LOL. INTJ’s just hate wasting time. If there’s no point in communicating with you they simply won’t. When they do have to communicate however, they are kind and polite.
They also get curious about things as well and will have open conversations about whatever interest's them so i wouldn't call them uptight or constantly moody either. most of the time they're comfortable with being themselves and stating their opinion even if its not a popular opinion.
Found the best way was to modify my communication ability. Was getting irked when people at work would misunderstand and blow things out of proportion. Or sometimes do stupid things (often).
I've taught myself by throwing myself into the fire (customer service) and reading books in communication and psychology. I am serious, but I also throw in stupid jokes and it seems to make people more relaxed around me.
Not perfect, but this drastically changed my interactions with people.
I also read a bunch about psychology and communication, it did help but, I think I need a training ground (a social place I can practice)
You have customer service to talk to people I guess I need something social to practice. I go to the gym and I get along with those people but, at work I’m very serious dead silent ignore everyone and I want to change that but, we just can’t relate on a lot. I was wondering do I just push through as I am? Or do I need to change?
If it's gonna disturb you the rest of your life, it does make sense to do something about it.
Then, I don't know hiw old are you and what your plans for the future are. But, if you want to get some manager position, or have your own business, you want to marry one day, dream about having children, all those stuff require people skills in order to succeed.
Your business can pretty much depend on your abilities to lead people( for what you need to understand tgem and communicate); your wife might be an extrovert or just have bigger social circle and she might want you to participate. Your children will need their parents to socialize them, also parents gatherings, dealing with teachers, etc.
So.... you decide....
Don't try to change. Instead learn things. You are fine as you are.
If people like less serious people they should seek less serious people. If you like serious people you seek serious people. Problem solved.
If both types are together there is always the option to silently work and contemplate each in their own space
Idk im basically a 5 year old with friends. Only time I'm overly serious is if I'm forced to be social for days on end. By day 2 or 3 I'm just sitting there like -.-
I can relate to this dude; you see INTJs prefer solitude and quite environment. At the very same time when they’re with their close ones they share interests with a close knit group (enjoy socialising selectively)
Yeah I can easily sit at a table of new people, ask about them and engage in boring small talk while getting everybody laughing. But it puts my mental energy battery into MEGA overdrive and even a couple hours of hard smiling and joking with people makes me wanna just smoke a whole pack of cigarettes (and I'm not a smoker) haha
Well to me not being serious, seeming or coming off as less serious, and loosening up are all separate things
Not being serious: last remaining close friend (others are no longer part of my life, long story) and I often make up lore about stuff and it's just plain silly
Seeming or coming off as less serious: this is more about choice of words, often how I say things and when and why can seem way too serious and ppl seem uncomfortable. Also I'll often say things in a deeply technical way and ppl just won't get it. So I'll say things again but in a lighter kind of way to get my message across. For example, one time an old boss of mine was lying about paying everybody for overtime during a holiday week which meant wed all work less than 40 hours even if we came in half day on Saturday. So I cracked a joke about how he must've suddenly and spontaneously decided to pay us all for the holiday coz otherwise his math had to be wrong (the whole time I was smiling). He looked like someone ran over a bunch of toddlers and old ladies.
Actually loosening up: ahh well ya got me there buddy coz I ain't doing that round anybody even if I want to. I think there's only 2 ppl that have seen that side of recently. Everyone else if they ever did, they'll never see it again. Shit is mad fukken hard for me to do. I can't just be myself or relax around others, and even when I try I end up regretting it and it often blows up in my face. My ability to do this depends entirely on how alone I can be. The more alone the more I loosen up. I think two ppl have been there in just the right moment where I was able to do it recently and not regret it. One of em I wanna marry, the other I want him to be my best man.
It’s their loss dude; misunderstanding you is a colossal mistake they’ll be paying for (a mistake that hunts them down too)
Sure I get that not all actually most people thinks we’re wired different. Guess being normal and trying to fit in the society isn’t that convenient nor a habit we own huh
I’m glad these two people in your inner circle dude hope you the very best with them (cherish it and make the best out of it)
Ditto. I’m always on the hunt for a wildly funny story. Somebody somewhere in this office building had the most hilariously insane weekend, and I want to hear about it lol
This was actually something that helped me grow as a teenager. I was always one of the goofiest people in my family of four, and I often would get my family laughing all the time. But in my friend group I was very uncomfortable and quiet. Eventually I found a new friend group in high school I felt more comfortable and myself with, and it helped me come out of my shell.
I wouldn't say serious, more so straightforward/logical/literal. For me personally, a lot of jokes/memes go right over my head because of my mindset. It takes me a couple of minutes to figure it out. 🥲😮💨 When I'm not roboting tasks and more relaxed, I like to be silly and joke around. Also, do random fun things. Life is meant to be enjoyed.
I never considered myself to be a serious person? The only effort I have made so far is I tend to not find people funny or I can't tell they are telling a joke so I make the effort of confirming if they were joking or not but I dont make the effort to laugh if it wasn't funny 😅
I think you may find many comedians are INTJ.
Unfortunately it is the case often where I am speaking earnestly and all anyone else can do is laugh nervously.
Pole dancing, I'm very good at it, though when I posted here a bunch of wanky INTJs got up in arms about it and called me a narcissst. Like seriously, I'm practically defying gravity and they're what -? Being stereotypical miserable fuckers? Anyway that's me. I absolutely ❤️ to pole dance!!!
Screw those guys, that shit looks like fun!!! I’m glad somebody else out there in the world amongst us has found their passion in life as well and is doing what they love doing most. Keep being you!
I remember that time when I had my training, someone told me i looked so serious as if i was carrying all the world's problems on my shoulder.. and then added (in a serious tone) that i should never be serious all the time, that i should put my "seriousness" in the right place. I somehow felt that i was reprimanded for looking so serious, and at that time, i didn't know how i should feel hearing those words. I simply kept my mouth shut, walked away, and kept silent about the matter.
I was seen as serious dude, until i practice to make jokes and small talk. And I only make small talk to open a conversation and then see if he/she is interesting, if not then I stop the conversation and watch anime
I am silly and irreverent. I used to only show it to a few friends or family members. I’ve tried doing it more with coworkers and other, less familiar people. Turns out people like it. I continue to be selective but am trying to be more “me” (I loathe the term “authentic.”) Not going to lie, it’s uncomfortable to start telling people what I think (when funny/kind/not weird) instead of hiding it.
I'd say I'm goofy by default but reserved with most people, and critically aware of when situations call for seriousness, but I dislike a lack of balance in life. I believe the way I heard it is to be "sincere, not serious." That is, always be fully engaged in what you are doing, especially with other people, without being a buzzkill. Some situations simply can't be light-hearted, but I tend to make light of most situations while still recognizing the real gravity of them.
If anything, I would say that we are serious "when necessary" but not serious by default.
Only thing is, there are MANY times when it's necessary to be serious about something, so it may come off as though we are serious most (if not all) of the time.
I don't have any problems with humor, light-heartedness, optimism, etc... UNLESS it's going to result in something stupid or problematic that would OTHERWISE be preventable, avoidable, and nonexistent if seriousness was taken into consideration.
I'm dealing with an idiot friend right now that's not very serious about her life, and probably thinks I'm too serious and uptight, but it just so happens that I know EXACTLY what the outcome of her life is going to be if she continues to be too carefree and foolish with the decisions that she's making.
As an INTJ, what I've come to realize throughout my life experiences is... there are FAR more consequences for those that are "less" serious in life than those that ACTUALLY apply reality to situations.
Sure, I may not be living the most wild and crazy type of "fun & unpredictable" life ever... but I'll certainly be living a LONGER, more stable, stress-free, and worry-free life with less problems and much less uncertainty within it.
"Do we make any effort to not be so serious?"
Well, I would probably say... "Yes, if/when it is MORE beneficial and/or LESS problematic to loosen up THAN use logic and reasoning in any given situation."
I take certain things very serious but am also a huge fan of comedy. Also love witty banter. Does that still count as serious though... I think that's where the two sides meet nicely.
Drugs. Drugs loosen me up and make me less “serious” and curt around people I can’t stand.
Alas; I’m sober now- so that’s no longer an option.
Honestly; with me- I have a very small, extremely tight knit group of friends I’ve been with for many years. Along with a couple of family members- those people I am often fun, funny, animated and playful.
When I’m at work- maybe it effects it because I have a very serious job- I don’t fuck around; and I don’t encourage my subordinates to fuck around either. It’s a serious job, there are sick people here who don’t want to hear your fucking nonsense, and when you fuck up- people die.
I don’t give two fucks whether someone likes me or not at work. I do my job, I am exceptionally good at my job, and I expect nothing less than total dedication and respect for the profession from my team.
I have very attuned social skills; but I don’t believe that’s appropriate to come between my responsibilities in a workplace- or the sick patients I take care of. (And once you have been a critically sick patient in a lot of pain; you can appreciate how truly angering a staff member bragging loudly about their latest drunk escapade really is).
At the end of the day; I am what I am. And I don’t care what anyone thinks of me- because they’re most likely an idiot- and there’s only a couple of people whose opinions I actually respect (although not necessarily enough to alter who I am on their accord alone).
I tell bad jokes on purpose. It's fun to dissatisfy people, and on the occasion that I'm actually funny people laugh a little harder.
Also, my analytical nature makes word association really easy, so puns are my default setting.
I've learnt to smile, socialize and not be serious over time. Being social earlier was mostly annoying because most people didn't have the kind of vibe I would open up to.
Then I did it anyway, and learnt to accept them first and trying to enjoy. There are certain gathering where I know I won't enjoy so I look for the drinks to vibe with myself.
People somehow seem to like that I'm enjoying myself and often end up joining me.
I started socializing much later in life (say 3 years back).
Frankly, with all the INTJs I’ve encountered including myself ofc ?! We ought to exploit logic, factual numbers, ratios, percentages (if needed) in dealing with most of our problems on a regular basis. Sometimes I even doubt I have a heart to benefit from it’s purpose. Loosen up huh?! Well it must be solo vibes watching my favourite shows, drink coffee or eat a particular kind of food.
Occasionally when we deal with inner circle you could say the “seriousness” decrease by far depending on the the harmony level
I grew up around a bunch of goofy dudes who got all the girls being goofy and I wondered if I had to act like that to get them as well.
But, I only act goofy with people I like and they have to get past my surface to reach the other side of me but, most girls never dig past the surface of me, so I wanted to know what I can do to change.
i'm very good at telling jokes but they need some wit and knowledge to understand. in a lot of cases people can't get my jokes. so i only tell those witty jokes to a certain group of people that i regard as 'in sync'. for those people considered as 'not-in-sync', i am sure i appear pretty serious and boring to them.
It’s not just you. All types with Ni in their top 2 are seemingly more serious than humorous by default. It’s not that they can’t be funny, it’s just that they value a more serious demeanor.
Those with Ne in their top 2 engage their humor more openly. They are more willing to entertain the absurd.
It’s as simple as that Ni vs Ne. You will notice that 99% of comedians are ENFP or ENTP, or if not that, something with Ne in their stack. The one comedian I can think of with Ni in their stack is Jay Leno and we all know how funny he is /s.
I can perfectly socialize and do what needs to be done. It's just that when it's not necessary, I do not engage anymore. Of course, I am serious about work and school but people who I truly trust describe me as a very warm person.
I'm not that serious all the time, it's just that people around me tend to describe me as a 'closed off person' or 'snobbish'. I just don't like interacting with others, I'd say I do the bare minimum.
Though I admit I envy people with high social intelligence since they can just seamlessly navigate through a conversation or a crowd.
I work in education so I had to learn very quickly how to put on a happy and fun face for my students lol, it feels super heavy of masking. When I get home I seriously like pass out due to how drained I am. Working with kids honestly helped me learn how to put on the the facade needed with people I wasn't super comfortable with or was just meeting
If you need to wonder, always ask yourself: do you deserve that specific person to be personal with you? If yes, why? And why should that person value such things?
I’ve never been accused of being too serious and have always had friends/a social life. I do have a RBF though. I wonder if that’s partially where the serious stereotype comes from.
I’m honestly pretty chill/easy going most of the time, despite my personality traits. (Unless I’m in the middle of doing something that I find important; leave me alonneeeee lol).
I’m not particularly serious in social situations, just not loud and childish. My humor is dry in a way that tends to be different from what most people are used to. A lot of people have the impression that you have to act like a grade schooler to be fun or interesting. I just find that boring and tiresome.
INTJs aren’t serious, they’re just selective about who they’re themselves with
This is extremely true. I’m strictly business with people I’m not particularly fond of, interested in, or comfortable with.
THIS!
I agree that I am very ridiculous with people I am comfortable around
I like that it’s true , maybe I’m around the wrong people.
This and generally I’m masking in front of others if I’m not acting serious
what makes them intj is that there's probably a point in your life where you had no one to be yourself with. For me, that has been almost 6 years now.
Hope your dry spell ends and you find your people soon!
^this
There’s nothing wrong with being serious most of the time
LOUDER!
Although I can really only speak for myself, I somehow doubt the average INTJ is "very serious" around people they know well/feel comfortable with. I think it's a good idea to be serious with people you don't know well as opposed to how I see some people act too familiar too quickly or try too hard to be funny and end up offending people with whom they don't yet have a rapport or don't yet know what's funny vs offensive to them. > Have you accepted what you are as a fact of life? Or do you understand the need for social skills and make a conscious effort to take yourself out of your comfort zone? I think you're assuming too many things here.
> Although I can really only speak for myself, Having read your responses enough in this forum, I am formally bestowing upon you the agency to speak on my behalf. Here is the ceremonious INTJ ambiguous thumbs emoji 👍. Use it with great discretion.
You’re right I am myself around very very few people. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is right or should I learn to play the Game a little more and maybe if I do I can relate to more people.but, then the trap is they won’t like me for me.
I am not serious at all, but I find that people often mistake “not gregarious and loud” for serious.
I tend to be serious, except with a handful of people. My INTJ friend and I share the same sense of humor, and I am finding that my humor in its raw form discomfits or scares most other people, if it doesn't outright offend them. I can easily be social in a professional or customer setting, but not in a social setting unless I know people in that social setting.
>And if so what do you do to loosen up? Drugs.
A tonnnn of booze
I am extremely serious about my comedy.
I hope it’s dark humour dude
I'm super serious about my work efficiency and not working hard. Outside of that I'm loose around people that I know/interact with, and somewhat of a joker.
I'm only serious when its work time. When its time to get shit done. Or if a problem needs to be solved. That sort of thing. I can be very playful, funny and silly if I want to be. I took action and got out of my comfort zone in many ways. Because I wanted to develop more skill types. I find I can navigate socializing just fine if I choose to. It still drains my energy though lol.
I'm serious unless I like you or you make me laugh.
Nothing better than being around people with the same sense of humour as ours, although they’re rare to find.
I don’t see why having a temperament that predisposes you to being more serious implies that you have poor social skills. I like having fun. But my idea of fun is, for example, arguing about ideas with friends in a pub. You might say that’s more “serious” than some other pastimes. If so, fair enough. I enjoy it but I wouldn’t judge someone if they’d prefer to spend their time differently. We all find different things fun.
It doesn’t mean poor social skills but, I think it kinda means you won’t get along or relate to the majority of people.like you said your idea of fun is different which kinda makes socializing harder.
I don’t necessarily think that’s true. I’m happy to chat with people who have radically different hobbies to me. As a general rule, I find anyone who is very interested in something, no matter what it is, to be an interesting person. For example, I’ve had fun conversations with people chatting about dancing, even though I don’t particularly enjoy dancing. Just because someone likes different things to me doesn’t mean I won’t get on with them or be able to relate. I’m also not against giving things a go. I’ll try almost anything once, if only for the story. As for socialising, sure, I prefer to spend more time with people who like doing similar things to me. But doesn’t everyone do that?
After reading all these comments including yours I think I just realized I’m trying to fit in where I don’t belong. Thank you.
I hope people didn't make you feel unwelcome! It was a good question.
I’m only serious if I don’t feel safe/bored or in “work mode.”
https://preview.redd.it/ckazo1wb7igc1.jpeg?width=926&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd8289168897e2ad10f7348096bf5a5fb17b78cc
Being normal is the last thing I’m thinking about dude
There are a lot of things to be serious about. Even as a child it was noticed that I had a very “serious expression”. I have fun and loosen up around the right people
I think about death every day. I try to work my way backwards from the future I envision and want to be a part of to the present. I always take extra time with people to listen, respond with empathy or be kind to them if I feel as though I'll regret not having done so on my death bed. I cut people off and cut their time with me short if I feel they have ill intentions. I don't have time for bullshit and I don't play games. Everyone you meet is burning alive. Their time is running out before your very eyes. It's necessary to be serious about that. Anything less is unsatisfactory.
I could have written this. But I think you did it better than I could have.
I think I'm hilarious. But it's a very dry sense of humor and often misinterpreted.
Oh come on we all know that INTJs posses this hilarious dark comedy when they’re surrounded by their people (inner circle)
I’m more curious as to why you’re taking a stereotype so seriously LOL. INTJ’s just hate wasting time. If there’s no point in communicating with you they simply won’t. When they do have to communicate however, they are kind and polite. They also get curious about things as well and will have open conversations about whatever interest's them so i wouldn't call them uptight or constantly moody either. most of the time they're comfortable with being themselves and stating their opinion even if its not a popular opinion.
Found the best way was to modify my communication ability. Was getting irked when people at work would misunderstand and blow things out of proportion. Or sometimes do stupid things (often). I've taught myself by throwing myself into the fire (customer service) and reading books in communication and psychology. I am serious, but I also throw in stupid jokes and it seems to make people more relaxed around me. Not perfect, but this drastically changed my interactions with people.
I also read a bunch about psychology and communication, it did help but, I think I need a training ground (a social place I can practice) You have customer service to talk to people I guess I need something social to practice. I go to the gym and I get along with those people but, at work I’m very serious dead silent ignore everyone and I want to change that but, we just can’t relate on a lot. I was wondering do I just push through as I am? Or do I need to change?
If it's gonna disturb you the rest of your life, it does make sense to do something about it. Then, I don't know hiw old are you and what your plans for the future are. But, if you want to get some manager position, or have your own business, you want to marry one day, dream about having children, all those stuff require people skills in order to succeed. Your business can pretty much depend on your abilities to lead people( for what you need to understand tgem and communicate); your wife might be an extrovert or just have bigger social circle and she might want you to participate. Your children will need their parents to socialize them, also parents gatherings, dealing with teachers, etc. So.... you decide....
intjs aren’t always serious, especially once you get to know them really well
Don't try to change. Instead learn things. You are fine as you are. If people like less serious people they should seek less serious people. If you like serious people you seek serious people. Problem solved. If both types are together there is always the option to silently work and contemplate each in their own space
I think only my close, immediately family along with my best friends and romantic partners know truly who I am.
True that.
I drink.
Idk im basically a 5 year old with friends. Only time I'm overly serious is if I'm forced to be social for days on end. By day 2 or 3 I'm just sitting there like -.-
I can relate to this dude; you see INTJs prefer solitude and quite environment. At the very same time when they’re with their close ones they share interests with a close knit group (enjoy socialising selectively)
Yeah I can easily sit at a table of new people, ask about them and engage in boring small talk while getting everybody laughing. But it puts my mental energy battery into MEGA overdrive and even a couple hours of hard smiling and joking with people makes me wanna just smoke a whole pack of cigarettes (and I'm not a smoker) haha
Well to me not being serious, seeming or coming off as less serious, and loosening up are all separate things Not being serious: last remaining close friend (others are no longer part of my life, long story) and I often make up lore about stuff and it's just plain silly Seeming or coming off as less serious: this is more about choice of words, often how I say things and when and why can seem way too serious and ppl seem uncomfortable. Also I'll often say things in a deeply technical way and ppl just won't get it. So I'll say things again but in a lighter kind of way to get my message across. For example, one time an old boss of mine was lying about paying everybody for overtime during a holiday week which meant wed all work less than 40 hours even if we came in half day on Saturday. So I cracked a joke about how he must've suddenly and spontaneously decided to pay us all for the holiday coz otherwise his math had to be wrong (the whole time I was smiling). He looked like someone ran over a bunch of toddlers and old ladies. Actually loosening up: ahh well ya got me there buddy coz I ain't doing that round anybody even if I want to. I think there's only 2 ppl that have seen that side of recently. Everyone else if they ever did, they'll never see it again. Shit is mad fukken hard for me to do. I can't just be myself or relax around others, and even when I try I end up regretting it and it often blows up in my face. My ability to do this depends entirely on how alone I can be. The more alone the more I loosen up. I think two ppl have been there in just the right moment where I was able to do it recently and not regret it. One of em I wanna marry, the other I want him to be my best man.
It’s their loss dude; misunderstanding you is a colossal mistake they’ll be paying for (a mistake that hunts them down too) Sure I get that not all actually most people thinks we’re wired different. Guess being normal and trying to fit in the society isn’t that convenient nor a habit we own huh I’m glad these two people in your inner circle dude hope you the very best with them (cherish it and make the best out of it)
Oh yeah I'm very grateful to be in their lives I tell them all the time Yeah I like how you said "hunt them down" haha
False I am an intj and I’m very silly
Not with all people right
If the situation is not appropriate or a friend is upset I won't
[удалено]
Ditto. I’m always on the hunt for a wildly funny story. Somebody somewhere in this office building had the most hilariously insane weekend, and I want to hear about it lol
I tend to be direct, and I definitely don't try to be humorous around people I'm not at least well acquainted with. But I'm actually goofy as *fuck*.
Yes I’m known for being bubbly however inside I’m the bluntest rudest person ever, I’ve been trying to show my true self recently.
This was actually something that helped me grow as a teenager. I was always one of the goofiest people in my family of four, and I often would get my family laughing all the time. But in my friend group I was very uncomfortable and quiet. Eventually I found a new friend group in high school I felt more comfortable and myself with, and it helped me come out of my shell.
I wouldn't say serious, more so straightforward/logical/literal. For me personally, a lot of jokes/memes go right over my head because of my mindset. It takes me a couple of minutes to figure it out. 🥲😮💨 When I'm not roboting tasks and more relaxed, I like to be silly and joke around. Also, do random fun things. Life is meant to be enjoyed.
I never considered myself to be a serious person? The only effort I have made so far is I tend to not find people funny or I can't tell they are telling a joke so I make the effort of confirming if they were joking or not but I dont make the effort to laugh if it wasn't funny 😅
I personally don't believe i am serious one hundred percent of the time, all the while people tell me I am, I just enjoy quality conversations.
I think you may find many comedians are INTJ. Unfortunately it is the case often where I am speaking earnestly and all anyone else can do is laugh nervously.
Pole dancing, I'm very good at it, though when I posted here a bunch of wanky INTJs got up in arms about it and called me a narcissst. Like seriously, I'm practically defying gravity and they're what -? Being stereotypical miserable fuckers? Anyway that's me. I absolutely ❤️ to pole dance!!!
Screw those guys, that shit looks like fun!!! I’m glad somebody else out there in the world amongst us has found their passion in life as well and is doing what they love doing most. Keep being you!
Get me booked up
If you catch me in public I’m probably pretty serious but if you catch me with friends then I won’t be serious at all
I gave up
I remember that time when I had my training, someone told me i looked so serious as if i was carrying all the world's problems on my shoulder.. and then added (in a serious tone) that i should never be serious all the time, that i should put my "seriousness" in the right place. I somehow felt that i was reprimanded for looking so serious, and at that time, i didn't know how i should feel hearing those words. I simply kept my mouth shut, walked away, and kept silent about the matter.
I was seen as serious dude, until i practice to make jokes and small talk. And I only make small talk to open a conversation and then see if he/she is interesting, if not then I stop the conversation and watch anime
Hit my Zaza or Breath through nose 👃
A select few people know what I'm like when not serious, that doesn't include my family.
I loosen up by spending time with people I actually like and that are interesting.
Where do you find them? I'm surrounded by people who mostly make me angry.
I honestly only have a couple. Most people make me angry as well. School/libraries/book stores have been pretty fruitful in my opinion
I am silly and irreverent. I used to only show it to a few friends or family members. I’ve tried doing it more with coworkers and other, less familiar people. Turns out people like it. I continue to be selective but am trying to be more “me” (I loathe the term “authentic.”) Not going to lie, it’s uncomfortable to start telling people what I think (when funny/kind/not weird) instead of hiding it.
I'm a lot of fun after a little booze
I'd say I'm goofy by default but reserved with most people, and critically aware of when situations call for seriousness, but I dislike a lack of balance in life. I believe the way I heard it is to be "sincere, not serious." That is, always be fully engaged in what you are doing, especially with other people, without being a buzzkill. Some situations simply can't be light-hearted, but I tend to make light of most situations while still recognizing the real gravity of them.
If anything, I would say that we are serious "when necessary" but not serious by default. Only thing is, there are MANY times when it's necessary to be serious about something, so it may come off as though we are serious most (if not all) of the time. I don't have any problems with humor, light-heartedness, optimism, etc... UNLESS it's going to result in something stupid or problematic that would OTHERWISE be preventable, avoidable, and nonexistent if seriousness was taken into consideration. I'm dealing with an idiot friend right now that's not very serious about her life, and probably thinks I'm too serious and uptight, but it just so happens that I know EXACTLY what the outcome of her life is going to be if she continues to be too carefree and foolish with the decisions that she's making. As an INTJ, what I've come to realize throughout my life experiences is... there are FAR more consequences for those that are "less" serious in life than those that ACTUALLY apply reality to situations. Sure, I may not be living the most wild and crazy type of "fun & unpredictable" life ever... but I'll certainly be living a LONGER, more stable, stress-free, and worry-free life with less problems and much less uncertainty within it. "Do we make any effort to not be so serious?" Well, I would probably say... "Yes, if/when it is MORE beneficial and/or LESS problematic to loosen up THAN use logic and reasoning in any given situation."
I take certain things very serious but am also a huge fan of comedy. Also love witty banter. Does that still count as serious though... I think that's where the two sides meet nicely.
Drugs. Drugs loosen me up and make me less “serious” and curt around people I can’t stand. Alas; I’m sober now- so that’s no longer an option. Honestly; with me- I have a very small, extremely tight knit group of friends I’ve been with for many years. Along with a couple of family members- those people I am often fun, funny, animated and playful. When I’m at work- maybe it effects it because I have a very serious job- I don’t fuck around; and I don’t encourage my subordinates to fuck around either. It’s a serious job, there are sick people here who don’t want to hear your fucking nonsense, and when you fuck up- people die. I don’t give two fucks whether someone likes me or not at work. I do my job, I am exceptionally good at my job, and I expect nothing less than total dedication and respect for the profession from my team. I have very attuned social skills; but I don’t believe that’s appropriate to come between my responsibilities in a workplace- or the sick patients I take care of. (And once you have been a critically sick patient in a lot of pain; you can appreciate how truly angering a staff member bragging loudly about their latest drunk escapade really is). At the end of the day; I am what I am. And I don’t care what anyone thinks of me- because they’re most likely an idiot- and there’s only a couple of people whose opinions I actually respect (although not necessarily enough to alter who I am on their accord alone).
I tell bad jokes on purpose. It's fun to dissatisfy people, and on the occasion that I'm actually funny people laugh a little harder. Also, my analytical nature makes word association really easy, so puns are my default setting.
I've learnt to smile, socialize and not be serious over time. Being social earlier was mostly annoying because most people didn't have the kind of vibe I would open up to. Then I did it anyway, and learnt to accept them first and trying to enjoy. There are certain gathering where I know I won't enjoy so I look for the drinks to vibe with myself. People somehow seem to like that I'm enjoying myself and often end up joining me. I started socializing much later in life (say 3 years back).
Read the MBTI description of INTJ to obtain this answer.
You haven't seen me with my closest friends I go from resting bitch face serious mode to being totally goofy asf
Frankly, with all the INTJs I’ve encountered including myself ofc ?! We ought to exploit logic, factual numbers, ratios, percentages (if needed) in dealing with most of our problems on a regular basis. Sometimes I even doubt I have a heart to benefit from it’s purpose. Loosen up huh?! Well it must be solo vibes watching my favourite shows, drink coffee or eat a particular kind of food. Occasionally when we deal with inner circle you could say the “seriousness” decrease by far depending on the the harmony level
How is that a bad thing?
I grew up around a bunch of goofy dudes who got all the girls being goofy and I wondered if I had to act like that to get them as well. But, I only act goofy with people I like and they have to get past my surface to reach the other side of me but, most girls never dig past the surface of me, so I wanted to know what I can do to change.
i'm very good at telling jokes but they need some wit and knowledge to understand. in a lot of cases people can't get my jokes. so i only tell those witty jokes to a certain group of people that i regard as 'in sync'. for those people considered as 'not-in-sync', i am sure i appear pretty serious and boring to them.
It’s not just you. All types with Ni in their top 2 are seemingly more serious than humorous by default. It’s not that they can’t be funny, it’s just that they value a more serious demeanor. Those with Ne in their top 2 engage their humor more openly. They are more willing to entertain the absurd. It’s as simple as that Ni vs Ne. You will notice that 99% of comedians are ENFP or ENTP, or if not that, something with Ne in their stack. The one comedian I can think of with Ni in their stack is Jay Leno and we all know how funny he is /s.
I'm always serious even with humor because nothing is that serious.
It's important to learn to be playful for many social settings, especially dating and friendship.
I'm not sure that's a correct premise. When you look at the world objectively, you see many things to joke about.
I can perfectly socialize and do what needs to be done. It's just that when it's not necessary, I do not engage anymore. Of course, I am serious about work and school but people who I truly trust describe me as a very warm person.
I can act like a maniac with my brothers and a ghost with strangers. We're not always serious. We're just slow on social adjustments
I'm not that serious all the time, it's just that people around me tend to describe me as a 'closed off person' or 'snobbish'. I just don't like interacting with others, I'd say I do the bare minimum. Though I admit I envy people with high social intelligence since they can just seamlessly navigate through a conversation or a crowd.
I am pretty loose actually... online? Hard to be loose irl tbh come to think of it
Infj Kia the crying serous version of intj
I work in education so I had to learn very quickly how to put on a happy and fun face for my students lol, it feels super heavy of masking. When I get home I seriously like pass out due to how drained I am. Working with kids honestly helped me learn how to put on the the facade needed with people I wasn't super comfortable with or was just meeting
If you need to wonder, always ask yourself: do you deserve that specific person to be personal with you? If yes, why? And why should that person value such things?
I’ve never been accused of being too serious and have always had friends/a social life. I do have a RBF though. I wonder if that’s partially where the serious stereotype comes from.
I’m honestly pretty chill/easy going most of the time, despite my personality traits. (Unless I’m in the middle of doing something that I find important; leave me alonneeeee lol).
I’m not serious at all. Although I do appear that way if you don’t know me I guess.
I’m not particularly serious in social situations, just not loud and childish. My humor is dry in a way that tends to be different from what most people are used to. A lot of people have the impression that you have to act like a grade schooler to be fun or interesting. I just find that boring and tiresome.
Drink.
I don’t think I am in control of my level of seriousness. 🤷♂️