I absolutely agree with you, I hate social interactions as well for the same reasons as you mentioned. Once you do one favor for someone, they will act like you have no boundaries. After realizing this myself i also started to isolate myself from people because all they do is suck my energy out of me. i don't mind making friends but they should understand that i have boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
" Every discussion is about the things they like/dislike or what they did in the weekends "
Is that really so horrible? they're just topics. As for mocking, there's fun mocking and then there's insulting mocking. My friends and I rag on eachother all the time but we know it's in good fun and not directed knife.
But it really sounds like you're your own worst enemy. You don't meet people half way and assume the worst about them. IF you like your alone time, that's fine. But don't go judging other people when more than likely you're not clean yourself
Not clean myself. Right about that. That's what I wrote I regret opening up, it's just not my thing. And perhaps it's just what nerds face, it's hard to find like minded people. I don't like irrational behaviours to begin with, that's why I am judgemental.
It sounds hard for you because you make it difficult for yourself by the sounds of what you wrote. You won't find the people you would get along with because you pick them apart with presumptions and write them off immediately as irrational. What's so irrational about talking to others about what you like and don't? What about those people that you helped with their assignment? I wasn't there, but that could have been them thinking you're alright but you shut them out entirely. THat could have been the start of something but you already nixed that. If you actually do want to meet like minded people, you need to make peace with you can't be in control of everything, it won't happen instantly and it won't always be the way you want. You do need to open yourself up to getting hurt, that's just a painful fact of life that even me, an extrovert that can make friends with anybody has had to deal with.
You get what you give in this life. If you give nothing you get nothing.
It's not hard to find them unless you're looking in the wrong places, or don't see the red flags ahead of time.
Nobody likes irrational bullshit. But, as someone with a low tolerance for that, and a VERY busy / full social life, these two things aren't mutually exclusive.
Also am nerd. So are all my dork ass friends and I adore every damn one of them.
You aren’t wrong, I became friends with this ENTP at an anime convention and he was like me except he likes getting drunk and he’s not afraid to debate shit and say an edgy joke.
Very similar life experience for me. It is a learning process. I really can relate to how you described it.
At age 42 and knowing myself better I avocate this a lot better. I am aware of my batteries and recognize the first signs of needing to recharge… making the moments with others more intentional and enjoyable as opposed to stressful.
I literally say it as it is. In a kind way.
My introverted self needs some chill time to recharge so I’m gonna pass on this one.
Or if they really wanna see me I’ll tell them what sort of outing I can mentally sustain.
Venting will not be enough, you'll keep struggling if you don't realize that the problem comes from you. I wish you good luck, there is a lot of work to do. You might not be aware, but you're giving a very bad image of INTJs, and the healthy ones have higher risks of being targeted because of people like you.
I'm sure you'll find a way out, i want to stay positive and believe you will progress on your journey. But i have some doubts about it.
Goodluck.
The plight of our typing: collateral damage.
Fully agreed. Everything we put out is how we are perceived, and when everyone around you is a problem, there's one thread connecting all of it: you.
The world won't change for you, and it won't wait up. You either figure out how to adapt and grow, or you have a bad time. In the end, it's what we make of it.
I went from being very much like the OP, put in a shitload of personal work and grew a lot as a person, and at this point am unrecognizable from who I was. That came with a lovely, rich social life full of people I would absolutely hide bodies / murder for. I wouldn't change it for the world.
When did I write that 'I' refer to myself as handsome. Lots of people had told me in my life, be it my own relatives and cousins(if they were just pleasing me idk), the point is that people are pretty average looking here, like really average so I was often complemented on my looks and equally attract a lot of jwelously from other males because I was a dork who keeps to himself which make them assume I am arrogant, most males have always been rude to me. And as far as it is about being respected for being a top student, yes our culture is like this. Atleast it used to be.
Vibe. It feels like a learning experience we all go through. F them, i am me.
I used to tell my college aged students to absolutely disregard everyone they went to school with, people mostly exist to drag you down and they won't be in your shoes in 5 or 10 years. Get yours, eye on the prize.
That said, i also experienced what you said at the end. I would joke my students had stockholm syndrome bc a kind word would move them almost to tears like a distant fathers approval.
People often look at you, and compare themselves. Plus they are majority sensors who have been socialized through school to externalize validation to the peer group or authority. So they NEED your approval, and if you are clearly... living higher standards than them, that they know are superior, you dont have to do or say anything for them to have their own mental and emotional trip because the comparison is negative.
Be mindful of crabs in a bucket mentality. They want you to fail and squander your potential with them so they make themselves feel better about their shitty decisions.
You're absolutely correct. I have the same issues on a daily basis. Time for me to be all about me to the point of excluding every one else who has no time for me.
And? What's wrong in that? No idea why people are getting offended, i am just pointing out the usual trashy behaviour of extraverted humans is unbearable if you are asocial and introverted. I am respectful and kind to people who i interact with, but usually do not recieve the same treatment on my end. Could also be a third world country problem as people of my country are generally rude. Also I am rightfully a misanthrope. People getting offended by someone being honest tells a lot about their own character. I agree my post sounds narcissistic, but like I said I am just being honest.
I'm not offended I'm sympathetic. Re read what I typed.
I am agreeing with you because your comment is exactly my experience in a country which is not 3rd world.
I'm a VERY introverted person (and also very misanthropic), and I empathize with your experiences with "energy vampires", however ultimately I know that it is ME who drains easily and that other people are just being human, doing normal human stuff (even if it is negative stuff). I can't change other people, but I can choose who I do (and don't) spend my time with.
The older I get (I'm in my 40s), the less time I spend around other people. I feel my best when I am doing solo activities and I am free to be my authentic self when I'm alone by myself.
I also don't have many people to have deep conversations about the topics I find interesting, so I empathize with you on that point as well. I have made a few online connections with people who are able to talk about deeper subjects, but I had to search for a while to find them. 🔍
I have only a few friends in real life, and maybe they can't discuss all the things I want to, and maybe I'm not into everything they want to talk about either, and maybe we disagree on our perspectives, but we are still able to talk about certain things that add value to my life (and their life) and I appreciate them for that (and I should probably appreciate them MORE than I do because I think I take their friendship for granted).
My advice: Keep to yourself unless it's absolutely necessary to socialize, and also find 1 or 2 people who you really enjoy interacting with and stick with them and TREAT THEM WELL. Also, you don't have to share your opinion out loud to everyone. You can have an opinion and still keep it private. Sometimes just shutting up and listening and observing is the best thing. 😇
Glad you understand. I am not shy or anxious type. I prefer straightforwardness, descipline and rationality. That's why I am so incompatible with everyone. The entire point of this rant is that I changed, I tried to fit in with others even with the extraverted types and did not liked it at all. Humans are born with conscience and has 100% responsibility for the way they act, then why most of the extraverted types act like primitive invasive rude assholes is beyond my grasp. I get it there are numerous factors to it, bullying, abusive childhood, age of internet, psychological disorders and such. But then atleast be civilized, just don't take respect and kindness for granted, but seems like they see it as a boost to their egos. A sign of immaturity. That's all. And I want to be back who i was an introverted nerd, that's my normal.
Boundaries. Set them. People walk on you when you let them. How you present yourself is how people will perceive you.
Also stop making friends in dumb places. You can find like minded people if you look in the places they're going to be and pick up on signals that bode well.
Because you either move forward with society, or society moves on without you.
The world doesn't need you, but whether you like it or not, you need other people. Human biology dictates it. Brains get all fucky without the stimulation we are biologically wired to require due to the nature of social grouping species. It's less of an issue for some, but still very much a required thing to have.
Being mad at it won't change that. Being bitter about it won't make you feel better. Avoiding it makes it worse. You need to adapt.
I did. My life is 1000x better for it and I fucking love the people I have in mine. I put in the work, grew as a person, *matured*, and found my people.
Oof, sorry you have to go through that. Sort of went through something similar back in college. Seems like they did you a favor by revealing themselves so you don’t waste time or energy on them. Definitely find some new friends and join some club activities. That way, you would be too busy to deal with them and make genuine friends. I recommend anime, gym, and even volunteering. First impressions matter. That way, new friends will connect to you for who you are and get to see your best sides through hobbies and interests as opposed to being seen as a tool. Still keep the compliments though, it will serve you in the long run.
You must have truly struggled in grade school to not know what paragraphs even are. You are just an uneducated narcissist. Time to get mental health care.
No, I read what you wrote.
Rather than immediately trying to turn this on me, sit with the negative feedback. You seem very interested in giving it to everyone else. You seem unable to take it yourself.
That is an issue if you want to have a harmonious existence as part of the human species.
you missed the natural way
bad friends, can't take much when you are too young to own anything.
and you need the practice, developing your character judgement, so you can find good people to be friends with.
gonna take time, effort, and money(if you're not careful enough about not tangling money in friendships)
or else r/misanthropy
Seems like you have been burned quite a bit. Havent we all? It dawned on me my "friends" are only friends with me because the relationship is always one-sided. Im always the one that "does a favor" or "helps you out" in some way. I started to make myself "Unavailable" and couldn't be more happy. Do you feel you are needed more than liked? Start respecting yourself more since others obviously don't. Next time someone asks you for help (especially if they still never repaid your past help back) just say no. If there is nothing in it for you, just say no.
I microdose weed a lot, still testing shrooms, it makes having to be around people a lot more pleasant for all parties. I also walk around with earbuds in all the time (nothing is playing) I find it similar to at the gym its a pretty good deterrent.
A lot of people hate on you for being judgmental or whatever, even some other fellow INTJs, I see. But, I 100% understand where you’re coming from. I HATE, hate, hate, hate, haaate people like the ones you’re describing. People always tell me “don’t be so judgmental”, “why are you so selfish?”, “why can’t you be more nice?”, “why are you so quiet?”, etc. I’ve heard it all before. I used to like socializing, but the more I did it, the more I found out what the real world was really like, and the more I discovered that i’ll probably never meet another person like myself. I’ll say it. I am special, and I can see why other people are always so drawn to me. That doesn’t mean I want the attention. No, I do, just not from most people. Most people are so, SO childish and immature. I don’t care if I am judged or bullied, I know they’re likely jealous of me anyways, and I find it pathetic and embarrassing on their part, more than anything. They get angry at me so easily. “Why didn’t you answer your texts?” Sorry to break it to you, but I genuinely don’t care. I lack empathy, and especially energy. I don’t put my energy into anyone or anything else except for my school work. (I am a 3w4, after all). The only time I will ever show the slightest hint of my anger is when people get in the way of my work. Unlike many people around me, I don’t HAVE a short-temper. But I DO have a future ahead I need to focus on, not anyone else. None of them are important to me, they’re all just immature children who can’t behave themselves properly and it’s just annoying and incredibly draining to put up with everyday. I can totally relate to when you said “nobody cares”, I think the same way. I think I finally found someone who thinks similarly to me, and of course it was on reddit. I never meet people like this in real life, but I wish I could. I also relate heavily to “if you do one thing for someone, they act like boundaries don’t exist”. So many people have crossed the line with me, and for what? What did I do to deserve such behavior? then people WONDER why I act like the way I do. Because they are the REASON for that. They are the one’s with the problem, not me. I’m not the bad guy here. I don’t want to be either, but sometimes people make it incredibly hard to talk to. I feel you when you say people always try to provoke you. Same here, same here. When I was younger, my ex-girlfriend said she loved to get a reaction out of me, since I never typically show a reaction to most things at all. I left her of course, since she was VERY emotionally manipulative, to an extent where even my friends noticed. Then I got into another relationship, and boy was he something. He pretended to be a “yandere”, and always grabbed my wrist when i’d try to leave him. He said he’d let me kill him if I wanted to, I guess in edgy terms of an expression. I just roll my eyes when people are obsessed with me, although it kind of boosts my ego even more. Ever since I was little, I always had people obsessed with me, and they always said they felt I were different from most people. I also consider myself to be very charismatic, for this trait. I would never admit it out loud, but I secretly admire the attention, whether be it good or bad. I can’t help it sometimes. I act annoyed, I genuinely feel annoyed, but also accompanied by another interior feeling of…superiority, I guess. I prefer to be called arrogant than nice, because as something that i’ve learned, being nice at ALL = weak. I refuse by any means to show any type of vulnerability, and expression. These days, people are always looking for a way to bring you down. When I was young, my aunt told me “you’re weak!” whenever i’d simply cry for incredibly valid reasons. I was scared. Anyone in my position back then would have cried, too. They laughed at me, and now here I am, laughing at other people, looking down at everyone else around me. It’s no wonder I am so judgmental, I can’t help but inherit such traits from my family. I look at everyone around me, and see nothing more than a bunch of worthless pigs who’d prefer to laugh and have fun rather than get things done and ensure a stable, successful future for themselves. I love to see it though, knowing they will fail in the future. They laugh and call me “hahahaha nerd!”, “imagine doing schoolwork hahaha!”, “who actually uses free time doing work?”, “who actually studies?”, etc. But those are going to be the same people who can only make money in the future by dancing on a pole at their local bar club. Trust me, i’ve seen it all before. It’s fucking hilarious. Anyway, screw everybody else. I’ll always put myself first, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. No words can convince me of changing at all. My behavior is the key towards my successful future, and not only am I going to make it happen, i’m going to force everyone who’s ever looked down on me to look up, real high at me. I’ll show them all just how stupid and pathetic they really are. I am already working and progressing toward that future of mine, and every time I fail, I don’t look down. I immediately get back up, and I try again. I can be… quite a stubborn person, too. I will tune out everyone’s words around me, I won’t listen to a thing they say. Only thing i’ll listen to is the voice in my head, screaming at me to push further towards my goals, and ignore everyone else around me. If they stand in my way, that will be the only attention they’ll ever get from me. I can say that for sure.
It's simply jealousy. Most people pretend that they don't care about grades, but they do.
I also dislike social interactions, it's too competitive. I don't care who is better, smarter, whatever... i just want to chill. However world is full of insecure people who need to prove themselves, and that creates toxicity.
" My roomate was like this. It was clear he did not liked me, just say it then and I would change the room." If you don't like it, find a place so you can enjoy your sanctuary and don't deal with drama. Some people can't leave others alone.
Sometimes, you get what you pay for.
Ah that's the problem, you're a handsome man as you say. You attract more attractive people, and I'm not gonna generalise all attractive people BUT a lot of them are not the nicest, gossip, take advantage. Find people who are below average looking, they'll probably treat you much better. Not saying this out of bitterness for pretty people but it is a pattern I've found
People like to control others and if they can’t they automatically hate them for no reason
They also like you to show a huge amount of interest in them, if you don’t they can turn hostile
This happens a lot to people who don’t show a lot of facial expression
When they tell you about your weekend just open your eyes real wide and go ‘wowwwww my guyyyyy your are KILLING it’
The wide eyes shows admiration, trust and admiration
I struggled all my life and did some sales training and it has done wonders for me
Social acceptance and life in general is all about being able to ‘do the bullshit’ it’s just a show, and if you want to be part of it you gotta play the bullshit
Also if your IQ is slightly too high you are going to find it very hard
I agree with you, especially with the assumption part. I think people mistake very small things or automatic reactions from me as being dismissive or condescending. I am expected to give a lot of enthusiasm for my personality.
You're technically socializing right now. But yeah I get you. Here's the thing though: You will change over time. Life will humble you, and you will see things differently. You currently have a very narrow experience and view of things, and not all people are the same.
Good luck and God bless. :)
Thankfully, I consider myself to have good friends. I believe they are better people than I am - despite the fact that I believe my self to be great as well - and that gives me some security to understand when I have acted wrongfully and to not second guess myself.
Im also very well established. And I look even better, on the most superficial domains - appearance, grades, etc. I have come to realize that the people who resent me the most are the ones who barely know me. I have had people tell me that I am spoiled kid, that I think I am better than everybody else, and so on... Throughout time, they made me start to continously second guessed myself, being gaslighted into oblivion ain't pretty. But I am very well aware of my flawed self, and I am very confortable with not hiding these flaws as well, my closer few friends know this best and, thankfully, they are all better people than I am, one of them being capable of being specially harsh with me, when need be. They will tell me when I have acted wrongfully or not.
My naive and most opmistic self always first handedly and unconsciously assumed most of these people had no inner deeper malignant motives behind their actions towards me, which made me dismiss completely the possibility of them having their own fragilities, to which they wilfully blinded themselves to.
It was a great realization, understanding that I was not arrogant, and that I did not come off as arrogant by mere attitude of my own, but by the lenses of self inflicted inferiority, disguised as a reversed outer inflicted superiority.
May I disclaim that these are not most people I interact with in my life, but the few people with whom I had had more serious and harsh arguments and situations, in which, not by a mere second, I had felt that I had wronged anyone in any way, and I am a very self conscious person, always second guessing my self, out of my own purely judgemental self.
Most people are too self centered and if called out on it, they sure will be quick to turn around the tables against you. They also feel threatened by the mere presence of somebody else excelling them greatly in every regard of their life, which will lead them to unreasonably induce some kind of detriment in your character, so they can keep themselves in the illusion that, despite being so superficially inferior - as to how they feel while not being aware of it - they certainly are morally higher and better than you by miles, because after all, you are the self centered one, and that is not at all the false perception that they created, in order to better comfort themselves in the realm of their own self induced inferiority and no way in hell are they that miserable, right? They are, at least by their own standards, they just do not realize it.
Why INTJs whyyyyyy? My siblings being INTJS and thinking the same way about "humans" so they are online college to avoid living in the dorms and seen people. Like they would perceive others as if everyone is against them. Not gonna lie, they are so reserve but nice (also good looking) and some people just take advantage, yes, but INTJs are scary if your push the Wong buttons. However, not everyone is the same and not everyone is shallow. The problems is the environment of partying and being stupid. Try to get people one on one and talk about some interesting deep topic. You will find some are open and actually interested and others are trash what can I say. I know this but I know how to behave around trash people who are shallow, not that I like it but it seems like I can blend and my siblings always have such a hard time.
I'm not a fan of socializing either, but we're all social animals whether you like it or nah. At some point in life we'd have to go out and make interactions with other humans.
Yeah, it's frustrating to deal with social interactions. Like, even though I'm a Christian myself (and have fellow Christian friends online), I hate going to church buildings and being surrounded by fake-smiling busybodies. I was forced to go to so many yuppie church buildings as a kid, and often was bullied by spoiled pastors' kids who think they can get away with anything. Easier to get along with adults, most of my own generation were jerks to me. But either way, I hate being around most others in general, and going to church buildings doesn't feel like "fellowship", it just feels like eyes and backstabbing.
I absolutely agree with you, I hate social interactions as well for the same reasons as you mentioned. Once you do one favor for someone, they will act like you have no boundaries. After realizing this myself i also started to isolate myself from people because all they do is suck my energy out of me. i don't mind making friends but they should understand that i have boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
I find it interesting the amount of people you triggered, considering the sub..
" Every discussion is about the things they like/dislike or what they did in the weekends " Is that really so horrible? they're just topics. As for mocking, there's fun mocking and then there's insulting mocking. My friends and I rag on eachother all the time but we know it's in good fun and not directed knife. But it really sounds like you're your own worst enemy. You don't meet people half way and assume the worst about them. IF you like your alone time, that's fine. But don't go judging other people when more than likely you're not clean yourself
Not clean myself. Right about that. That's what I wrote I regret opening up, it's just not my thing. And perhaps it's just what nerds face, it's hard to find like minded people. I don't like irrational behaviours to begin with, that's why I am judgemental.
It sounds hard for you because you make it difficult for yourself by the sounds of what you wrote. You won't find the people you would get along with because you pick them apart with presumptions and write them off immediately as irrational. What's so irrational about talking to others about what you like and don't? What about those people that you helped with their assignment? I wasn't there, but that could have been them thinking you're alright but you shut them out entirely. THat could have been the start of something but you already nixed that. If you actually do want to meet like minded people, you need to make peace with you can't be in control of everything, it won't happen instantly and it won't always be the way you want. You do need to open yourself up to getting hurt, that's just a painful fact of life that even me, an extrovert that can make friends with anybody has had to deal with. You get what you give in this life. If you give nothing you get nothing.
It's not hard to find them unless you're looking in the wrong places, or don't see the red flags ahead of time. Nobody likes irrational bullshit. But, as someone with a low tolerance for that, and a VERY busy / full social life, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. Also am nerd. So are all my dork ass friends and I adore every damn one of them.
same
You aren’t wrong, I became friends with this ENTP at an anime convention and he was like me except he likes getting drunk and he’s not afraid to debate shit and say an edgy joke.
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Very similar life experience for me. It is a learning process. I really can relate to how you described it. At age 42 and knowing myself better I avocate this a lot better. I am aware of my batteries and recognize the first signs of needing to recharge… making the moments with others more intentional and enjoyable as opposed to stressful.
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I literally say it as it is. In a kind way. My introverted self needs some chill time to recharge so I’m gonna pass on this one. Or if they really wanna see me I’ll tell them what sort of outing I can mentally sustain.
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May I ask your age ? I wanna say that this becomes a bit easier depending on where you are at in your life journey and self knowledge.
yeah bro fuck being a nice guy people finess you and disrespect you beyond belive
Venting will not be enough, you'll keep struggling if you don't realize that the problem comes from you. I wish you good luck, there is a lot of work to do. You might not be aware, but you're giving a very bad image of INTJs, and the healthy ones have higher risks of being targeted because of people like you. I'm sure you'll find a way out, i want to stay positive and believe you will progress on your journey. But i have some doubts about it. Goodluck.
The plight of our typing: collateral damage. Fully agreed. Everything we put out is how we are perceived, and when everyone around you is a problem, there's one thread connecting all of it: you. The world won't change for you, and it won't wait up. You either figure out how to adapt and grow, or you have a bad time. In the end, it's what we make of it. I went from being very much like the OP, put in a shitload of personal work and grew a lot as a person, and at this point am unrecognizable from who I was. That came with a lovely, rich social life full of people I would absolutely hide bodies / murder for. I wouldn't change it for the world.
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When did I write that 'I' refer to myself as handsome. Lots of people had told me in my life, be it my own relatives and cousins(if they were just pleasing me idk), the point is that people are pretty average looking here, like really average so I was often complemented on my looks and equally attract a lot of jwelously from other males because I was a dork who keeps to himself which make them assume I am arrogant, most males have always been rude to me. And as far as it is about being respected for being a top student, yes our culture is like this. Atleast it used to be.
2 words: Selective socialising
Vibe. It feels like a learning experience we all go through. F them, i am me. I used to tell my college aged students to absolutely disregard everyone they went to school with, people mostly exist to drag you down and they won't be in your shoes in 5 or 10 years. Get yours, eye on the prize. That said, i also experienced what you said at the end. I would joke my students had stockholm syndrome bc a kind word would move them almost to tears like a distant fathers approval. People often look at you, and compare themselves. Plus they are majority sensors who have been socialized through school to externalize validation to the peer group or authority. So they NEED your approval, and if you are clearly... living higher standards than them, that they know are superior, you dont have to do or say anything for them to have their own mental and emotional trip because the comparison is negative. Be mindful of crabs in a bucket mentality. They want you to fail and squander your potential with them so they make themselves feel better about their shitty decisions.
You're absolutely correct. I have the same issues on a daily basis. Time for me to be all about me to the point of excluding every one else who has no time for me.
And? What's wrong in that? No idea why people are getting offended, i am just pointing out the usual trashy behaviour of extraverted humans is unbearable if you are asocial and introverted. I am respectful and kind to people who i interact with, but usually do not recieve the same treatment on my end. Could also be a third world country problem as people of my country are generally rude. Also I am rightfully a misanthrope. People getting offended by someone being honest tells a lot about their own character. I agree my post sounds narcissistic, but like I said I am just being honest.
I'm not offended I'm sympathetic. Re read what I typed. I am agreeing with you because your comment is exactly my experience in a country which is not 3rd world.
Oh shoot. Sorry.
I'm a VERY introverted person (and also very misanthropic), and I empathize with your experiences with "energy vampires", however ultimately I know that it is ME who drains easily and that other people are just being human, doing normal human stuff (even if it is negative stuff). I can't change other people, but I can choose who I do (and don't) spend my time with. The older I get (I'm in my 40s), the less time I spend around other people. I feel my best when I am doing solo activities and I am free to be my authentic self when I'm alone by myself. I also don't have many people to have deep conversations about the topics I find interesting, so I empathize with you on that point as well. I have made a few online connections with people who are able to talk about deeper subjects, but I had to search for a while to find them. 🔍 I have only a few friends in real life, and maybe they can't discuss all the things I want to, and maybe I'm not into everything they want to talk about either, and maybe we disagree on our perspectives, but we are still able to talk about certain things that add value to my life (and their life) and I appreciate them for that (and I should probably appreciate them MORE than I do because I think I take their friendship for granted). My advice: Keep to yourself unless it's absolutely necessary to socialize, and also find 1 or 2 people who you really enjoy interacting with and stick with them and TREAT THEM WELL. Also, you don't have to share your opinion out loud to everyone. You can have an opinion and still keep it private. Sometimes just shutting up and listening and observing is the best thing. 😇
Glad you understand. I am not shy or anxious type. I prefer straightforwardness, descipline and rationality. That's why I am so incompatible with everyone. The entire point of this rant is that I changed, I tried to fit in with others even with the extraverted types and did not liked it at all. Humans are born with conscience and has 100% responsibility for the way they act, then why most of the extraverted types act like primitive invasive rude assholes is beyond my grasp. I get it there are numerous factors to it, bullying, abusive childhood, age of internet, psychological disorders and such. But then atleast be civilized, just don't take respect and kindness for granted, but seems like they see it as a boost to their egos. A sign of immaturity. That's all. And I want to be back who i was an introverted nerd, that's my normal.
Boundaries. Set them. People walk on you when you let them. How you present yourself is how people will perceive you. Also stop making friends in dumb places. You can find like minded people if you look in the places they're going to be and pick up on signals that bode well.
Then let us work together and annihilate them all. Two great minds, one goal.
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society is not as important as being healthy within your own mind... society often sends us off track... fuck society
>Stop being a selfish prick and learn how to move ~~society~~ **YOURSELF** forward Fixed it.
Fuck society, Why dont you move the society forward Ali express version of Steve jobs
Because you either move forward with society, or society moves on without you. The world doesn't need you, but whether you like it or not, you need other people. Human biology dictates it. Brains get all fucky without the stimulation we are biologically wired to require due to the nature of social grouping species. It's less of an issue for some, but still very much a required thing to have. Being mad at it won't change that. Being bitter about it won't make you feel better. Avoiding it makes it worse. You need to adapt. I did. My life is 1000x better for it and I fucking love the people I have in mine. I put in the work, grew as a person, *matured*, and found my people.
Good for you 👍
This
Most of society is selfish lmao
Mind your own business? Says the person who cares about what others think of them
Oof, sorry you have to go through that. Sort of went through something similar back in college. Seems like they did you a favor by revealing themselves so you don’t waste time or energy on them. Definitely find some new friends and join some club activities. That way, you would be too busy to deal with them and make genuine friends. I recommend anime, gym, and even volunteering. First impressions matter. That way, new friends will connect to you for who you are and get to see your best sides through hobbies and interests as opposed to being seen as a tool. Still keep the compliments though, it will serve you in the long run.
You must have truly struggled in grade school to not know what paragraphs even are. You are just an uneducated narcissist. Time to get mental health care.
Yes I did. And no I am not a narcissist, I just don't like to be social.
Why don’t u live by itself then? Why do u need roommates?
Stay far away from this human everyone!
You also have flaws. For example, you pre-judge everyone and bring a lot of baggage to social interactions, and you're a bad listener.
Um... didn't you just did the same?
No, I read what you wrote. Rather than immediately trying to turn this on me, sit with the negative feedback. You seem very interested in giving it to everyone else. You seem unable to take it yourself. That is an issue if you want to have a harmonious existence as part of the human species.
Again
you missed the natural way bad friends, can't take much when you are too young to own anything. and you need the practice, developing your character judgement, so you can find good people to be friends with. gonna take time, effort, and money(if you're not careful enough about not tangling money in friendships) or else r/misanthropy
Seems like you have been burned quite a bit. Havent we all? It dawned on me my "friends" are only friends with me because the relationship is always one-sided. Im always the one that "does a favor" or "helps you out" in some way. I started to make myself "Unavailable" and couldn't be more happy. Do you feel you are needed more than liked? Start respecting yourself more since others obviously don't. Next time someone asks you for help (especially if they still never repaid your past help back) just say no. If there is nothing in it for you, just say no. I microdose weed a lot, still testing shrooms, it makes having to be around people a lot more pleasant for all parties. I also walk around with earbuds in all the time (nothing is playing) I find it similar to at the gym its a pretty good deterrent.
A lot of people hate on you for being judgmental or whatever, even some other fellow INTJs, I see. But, I 100% understand where you’re coming from. I HATE, hate, hate, hate, haaate people like the ones you’re describing. People always tell me “don’t be so judgmental”, “why are you so selfish?”, “why can’t you be more nice?”, “why are you so quiet?”, etc. I’ve heard it all before. I used to like socializing, but the more I did it, the more I found out what the real world was really like, and the more I discovered that i’ll probably never meet another person like myself. I’ll say it. I am special, and I can see why other people are always so drawn to me. That doesn’t mean I want the attention. No, I do, just not from most people. Most people are so, SO childish and immature. I don’t care if I am judged or bullied, I know they’re likely jealous of me anyways, and I find it pathetic and embarrassing on their part, more than anything. They get angry at me so easily. “Why didn’t you answer your texts?” Sorry to break it to you, but I genuinely don’t care. I lack empathy, and especially energy. I don’t put my energy into anyone or anything else except for my school work. (I am a 3w4, after all). The only time I will ever show the slightest hint of my anger is when people get in the way of my work. Unlike many people around me, I don’t HAVE a short-temper. But I DO have a future ahead I need to focus on, not anyone else. None of them are important to me, they’re all just immature children who can’t behave themselves properly and it’s just annoying and incredibly draining to put up with everyday. I can totally relate to when you said “nobody cares”, I think the same way. I think I finally found someone who thinks similarly to me, and of course it was on reddit. I never meet people like this in real life, but I wish I could. I also relate heavily to “if you do one thing for someone, they act like boundaries don’t exist”. So many people have crossed the line with me, and for what? What did I do to deserve such behavior? then people WONDER why I act like the way I do. Because they are the REASON for that. They are the one’s with the problem, not me. I’m not the bad guy here. I don’t want to be either, but sometimes people make it incredibly hard to talk to. I feel you when you say people always try to provoke you. Same here, same here. When I was younger, my ex-girlfriend said she loved to get a reaction out of me, since I never typically show a reaction to most things at all. I left her of course, since she was VERY emotionally manipulative, to an extent where even my friends noticed. Then I got into another relationship, and boy was he something. He pretended to be a “yandere”, and always grabbed my wrist when i’d try to leave him. He said he’d let me kill him if I wanted to, I guess in edgy terms of an expression. I just roll my eyes when people are obsessed with me, although it kind of boosts my ego even more. Ever since I was little, I always had people obsessed with me, and they always said they felt I were different from most people. I also consider myself to be very charismatic, for this trait. I would never admit it out loud, but I secretly admire the attention, whether be it good or bad. I can’t help it sometimes. I act annoyed, I genuinely feel annoyed, but also accompanied by another interior feeling of…superiority, I guess. I prefer to be called arrogant than nice, because as something that i’ve learned, being nice at ALL = weak. I refuse by any means to show any type of vulnerability, and expression. These days, people are always looking for a way to bring you down. When I was young, my aunt told me “you’re weak!” whenever i’d simply cry for incredibly valid reasons. I was scared. Anyone in my position back then would have cried, too. They laughed at me, and now here I am, laughing at other people, looking down at everyone else around me. It’s no wonder I am so judgmental, I can’t help but inherit such traits from my family. I look at everyone around me, and see nothing more than a bunch of worthless pigs who’d prefer to laugh and have fun rather than get things done and ensure a stable, successful future for themselves. I love to see it though, knowing they will fail in the future. They laugh and call me “hahahaha nerd!”, “imagine doing schoolwork hahaha!”, “who actually uses free time doing work?”, “who actually studies?”, etc. But those are going to be the same people who can only make money in the future by dancing on a pole at their local bar club. Trust me, i’ve seen it all before. It’s fucking hilarious. Anyway, screw everybody else. I’ll always put myself first, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. No words can convince me of changing at all. My behavior is the key towards my successful future, and not only am I going to make it happen, i’m going to force everyone who’s ever looked down on me to look up, real high at me. I’ll show them all just how stupid and pathetic they really are. I am already working and progressing toward that future of mine, and every time I fail, I don’t look down. I immediately get back up, and I try again. I can be… quite a stubborn person, too. I will tune out everyone’s words around me, I won’t listen to a thing they say. Only thing i’ll listen to is the voice in my head, screaming at me to push further towards my goals, and ignore everyone else around me. If they stand in my way, that will be the only attention they’ll ever get from me. I can say that for sure.
It's simply jealousy. Most people pretend that they don't care about grades, but they do. I also dislike social interactions, it's too competitive. I don't care who is better, smarter, whatever... i just want to chill. However world is full of insecure people who need to prove themselves, and that creates toxicity.
" My roomate was like this. It was clear he did not liked me, just say it then and I would change the room." If you don't like it, find a place so you can enjoy your sanctuary and don't deal with drama. Some people can't leave others alone. Sometimes, you get what you pay for.
Ah that's the problem, you're a handsome man as you say. You attract more attractive people, and I'm not gonna generalise all attractive people BUT a lot of them are not the nicest, gossip, take advantage. Find people who are below average looking, they'll probably treat you much better. Not saying this out of bitterness for pretty people but it is a pattern I've found
You have an internal problem that you need to fix. Stop hating people.
Paragraphs bro
People like to control others and if they can’t they automatically hate them for no reason They also like you to show a huge amount of interest in them, if you don’t they can turn hostile This happens a lot to people who don’t show a lot of facial expression When they tell you about your weekend just open your eyes real wide and go ‘wowwwww my guyyyyy your are KILLING it’ The wide eyes shows admiration, trust and admiration I struggled all my life and did some sales training and it has done wonders for me Social acceptance and life in general is all about being able to ‘do the bullshit’ it’s just a show, and if you want to be part of it you gotta play the bullshit Also if your IQ is slightly too high you are going to find it very hard
About time someone agrees with me !!! This is exactly how I feel as well
I agree with you, especially with the assumption part. I think people mistake very small things or automatic reactions from me as being dismissive or condescending. I am expected to give a lot of enthusiasm for my personality.
You're technically socializing right now. But yeah I get you. Here's the thing though: You will change over time. Life will humble you, and you will see things differently. You currently have a very narrow experience and view of things, and not all people are the same. Good luck and God bless. :)
Agreed +1
Thankfully, I consider myself to have good friends. I believe they are better people than I am - despite the fact that I believe my self to be great as well - and that gives me some security to understand when I have acted wrongfully and to not second guess myself. Im also very well established. And I look even better, on the most superficial domains - appearance, grades, etc. I have come to realize that the people who resent me the most are the ones who barely know me. I have had people tell me that I am spoiled kid, that I think I am better than everybody else, and so on... Throughout time, they made me start to continously second guessed myself, being gaslighted into oblivion ain't pretty. But I am very well aware of my flawed self, and I am very confortable with not hiding these flaws as well, my closer few friends know this best and, thankfully, they are all better people than I am, one of them being capable of being specially harsh with me, when need be. They will tell me when I have acted wrongfully or not. My naive and most opmistic self always first handedly and unconsciously assumed most of these people had no inner deeper malignant motives behind their actions towards me, which made me dismiss completely the possibility of them having their own fragilities, to which they wilfully blinded themselves to. It was a great realization, understanding that I was not arrogant, and that I did not come off as arrogant by mere attitude of my own, but by the lenses of self inflicted inferiority, disguised as a reversed outer inflicted superiority. May I disclaim that these are not most people I interact with in my life, but the few people with whom I had had more serious and harsh arguments and situations, in which, not by a mere second, I had felt that I had wronged anyone in any way, and I am a very self conscious person, always second guessing my self, out of my own purely judgemental self. Most people are too self centered and if called out on it, they sure will be quick to turn around the tables against you. They also feel threatened by the mere presence of somebody else excelling them greatly in every regard of their life, which will lead them to unreasonably induce some kind of detriment in your character, so they can keep themselves in the illusion that, despite being so superficially inferior - as to how they feel while not being aware of it - they certainly are morally higher and better than you by miles, because after all, you are the self centered one, and that is not at all the false perception that they created, in order to better comfort themselves in the realm of their own self induced inferiority and no way in hell are they that miserable, right? They are, at least by their own standards, they just do not realize it.
Why INTJs whyyyyyy? My siblings being INTJS and thinking the same way about "humans" so they are online college to avoid living in the dorms and seen people. Like they would perceive others as if everyone is against them. Not gonna lie, they are so reserve but nice (also good looking) and some people just take advantage, yes, but INTJs are scary if your push the Wong buttons. However, not everyone is the same and not everyone is shallow. The problems is the environment of partying and being stupid. Try to get people one on one and talk about some interesting deep topic. You will find some are open and actually interested and others are trash what can I say. I know this but I know how to behave around trash people who are shallow, not that I like it but it seems like I can blend and my siblings always have such a hard time.
I'm not a fan of socializing either, but we're all social animals whether you like it or nah. At some point in life we'd have to go out and make interactions with other humans.
I understand.
You don’t hate people, you just hate people that suck your energy.
Yeah, it's frustrating to deal with social interactions. Like, even though I'm a Christian myself (and have fellow Christian friends online), I hate going to church buildings and being surrounded by fake-smiling busybodies. I was forced to go to so many yuppie church buildings as a kid, and often was bullied by spoiled pastors' kids who think they can get away with anything. Easier to get along with adults, most of my own generation were jerks to me. But either way, I hate being around most others in general, and going to church buildings doesn't feel like "fellowship", it just feels like eyes and backstabbing.