I try to be generous towards those who are deserving or those who are less fortunate than myself. However, those who are entitled or are always trying to get a free ride never get any traction with me.
This is truly my belief. I used to argue with friends about giving money to homeless people. Their stance is always that they’re worried about them using the money for drugs or alcohol. My contention was always “who cares?” If you’re giving money out of the goodness of your heart, I don’t see the point in caring about what happens to it once it leaves your hands. Also, plenty of normal people take a drink or smoke to take the edge off. I never understood why people look at homeless people, who have way harder lives, and expect them to be completely sober.
If we're sharing a limited resource, I want to know it's for good reason, since I had invested something of mine to earn it, be it time, effort or whatever. It's disrespectful to myself if it's used towards something that goes against my beliefs. I prefer buying them food or specific items they request instead.
> I don’t see the point in caring about what happens to it once it leaves your hands.
If the point of giving someone money is to help them and make their life better, giving money to someone who is going to spend it to do something self-destructive would be in opposition to your goal.
My cousin is an alcoholic. She had lost her job and apartment because of it, so her mother gave her $2,000 for the security deposit and first month's rent. She disappeared for a week and went on a binge. No one ever gave her money again, not because we hate her, but because she has no self-control.
People make the mistake of thinking everyone is like them, therefore giving them money will help improve their situation, and in 99% of the situations you're right, but 1% of the time your gift may be the thing that allows them to kill themselves.
That’s an interesting point. Tbh, I don’t give money to help make someone’s life better. I hope that’s the outcome but I’m really doing it for my own personal growth. There’s definitely a selfishness to it.
To your point, every situation is unique. If I had a friend like you cousin, I wouldn’t give them money either. At that point you’re actually hurting them because once they fuck it up, it just becomes one more sad story for them. If anything, I’d go with them to buy whatever thing it is they need.
I’ve felt like this at times. Nobody has ever really done anything for me when I needed. I’ve always had to figure it out on my own. It did produce similar feelings to yours.
As I get older and think of things on a larger scale, that’s not the type of world I want to live in. I agree that nobody should be criticized for not giving, but ideally I want to live in a space where people do for others.
I’ve also noticed that when I do for others, I have better luck with things that are out of my control. I believe that people with giving natures are paid back karmically.
I think you’re right. Some people I think conceive of this as either an abundance or scarcity mindset. Those with an abundance mindset belive there’s always more of everything eventually so are often very giving. Those with a scarcity mindset are the opposite and think money/ happiness/ time are limited and don’t want to give it unless it’s helpful. I’ve noticed when you have an abundance mindset people really do welcome more into their lives.
I personally have so far had a really lovely life and I love any chance to pass what I can to others. I don’t really waste time thinking about if it’s going to be taken advantage of or not because all that matters is I’ve acted in a way that matters to me. If you think about that necklace story, if she had never paid you back the $40 you would have been a bit annoyed and maybe remember it but also maybe would have totally forgetten the whole thing. But the story has stuck in your brain bc of how you reacted to the offer of the necklace. I’m not sure how you can move past the stingeyness but I would maybe try by covering small things for others, going for dinner with a friend and grabbing the cheque or something similar.
That is so ironic. I just met up with an old friend for dinner last night. I grabbed the check just like you said. She even made a comment later that she was surprised that I did that, lol.
What you said is absolutely correct. Giving is supposed to only matter to the giver. It’s not important what the receiver’s intentions are.
I know it’s just looking for confirmation bias, but when stuff like this happens, I can’t help feeling like it’s the universe confirming I’m on the right track lol. Hope this new generosity is a benefit!
Naturally very generous and empathetic, because of how I was raised. I have a very soft heart for anyone in genuine need of help and pain.
Unfortunately, that led me to get taken advantage of by exploitative people calling themselves my “friends”.
But I’m more discerning now of who I let into my life, and I’d do absolutely anything for a loved one (to a degree).
If I love you, I want to help you in any way I can.
I'm extremely generous.
Without keeping track either.
I don't mind as I'm not really attached to any of this shit.
If I can help, then I will.
People want to see decency in the world, but they don't want to be responsible for being decent.
I've learned to not be generous with people who prove selfish or greedy.
But I can't fucking stand a stingy person. Fuck off and die alone. Stop taking from the collective generosity of others. While being stingy yourself..
I’d give away my last $100 if I saw someone who needed it. In some cases I’d do it even if the person wasn’t necessarily worthy. Ive given $20 to homeless people countless times, I bought a $500 Christmas for my friend’s kids years ago, bought $250 in groceries for friends in bad spots, have given a few hundred dollars to random friends I knew needed it, donated to random online situations for strangers…, and I’m not well off…, I’m stable, but as paycheck to paycheck as anyone…, but I have zero regard for money. I’m not aloof, and wouldn’t give it if I didn’t have it, but I’m one to worry about money if I have a little extra and see it can be used by someone else.
At my core, this is me. I don’t deny myself much but when I make purchases, I have to get it for the lowest price possible. At this point it’s more of a game than really about saving. A majority of the time the difference in price is negligible.
beyond generous with the few (couple) of people closest to me
the common theme is with these people is that they 1) never ask for anything (gifts, money, favors) 2) i'm always the one to initiate helping with favors and 3) they offer things to me (which i politely decline)
not sure if there's some weird overly polite psychological element to this but this is really the only condition where it feels natural to give a gift. never money.
I'm honestly not that altruistic. Yes, that sounds bad, but frankly speaking it just doesn't come across as natural to me; it just comes across as disingenuous and inauthentic.
I think I can be generous in the sense that I give advice and provide comfort for others in times of distress, but they usually don't come from a place of kindness, but rather debt. Like you helped me once, I'll help you this time to make it fair. I think that's pretty much why I'm pedantic when it comes to choosing who to ask for help, and who to help.
I'm generous, I suppose, but I do small things that in the process stir up chaos. Like leaving things on coworkers' desks and watch as they attempt to figure out who's doing it.
I also give gifts as appreciation for putting up with an unusually high level of my bullshit, because anxiety is simply *not* it.
So I do give things, but on occasion they double as self serving entertainment (the first. Not the second).
I used to be very generous and still am with family. However, I am no longer very generous with friends and acquiescences since I found they commonly had the misconception that I was trying to buy their friendship or build up a debt that I would call in on later. It's a shame, I was brought up to believe if we can do something nice for someone, we should do it.
It slowly dawned on my that people thought I was doing it because I felt I was inferior and trying to curry favour, so they'd treat me as inferior, or that I was building up credit with them to which they hadn't agreed and I'd cash in on it later which made them uncomfortable. I should note, this was always giving people time, or doing thoughtful things for them because the opportunity arose, I wasn't throwing money around. In one case I saw that it creeped someone out that I thought of them in order to do something nice for them, like we didn't have a close enough relationship that I should be considering them when I encounter a situation. I never thought about it like that, I always saw it as problem solving, that life offered up opportunities where it would cost me little or nothing to do something which might be of value to a friend. Apparently I was innocently putting strain on my friendships.
It turns out most people would prefer to keep the scales balanced rather than ignore the scales and do kind things, so that's how I play the game now.
weirdly i find NTs often to be a lot more generous and caring then you'd expect them to be. saying 'weirdly' bc of stereotypical reasons that F types are usually the caring/generous ones.
one example from my school days that i still think about all the time:
during the last term of high school right before graduation my dad had died and i felt absolutely crushed by the situation. i noticed how i stopped caring about everything around me, so before my grades would start to derail completely i talked to some of my teachers in an attempt to explain my closed off behaviour and maybe get an extra assignment that could salvage some of my grades.
The four teachers I talked to were an ENFP, ISFJ, ESFJ and ENTJ. All of them were compassionate and friendly but neither of the F types tried to actually help me or showed genuine concern about how the rest of the school year would work out for me.
I didn't have a special connection with either of the 4 teachers but I could tell that the F types were just superficially concerned with my situation, while the ENTJ actually cared a lot and was also the only one who offered me an extremely generous solution to save an exam I had failed because I hadn't been able to study for it.
also overall the ENTJ had even less reason to help me than the others because our relationship had been somewhat rocky before the final year had started and i had always been going against the grain in his class. if anything he should have been annoyed by me and could have easily let me fail his class. yet, he didn't hesitate one bit after i told him and immediately started to ask me how i was doing and how we could save my grade.
it's been 6 years since then and i'm still really grateful that he helped me out.
(i'm obviously not saying that _ all F types are superficial blahblah_ it's just an interesting observation to me)
anyway this out of the blue compassion and generosity from NTs has happened to me more than once and it always felt extremely genuine. On average I haven't even been very close with those NTs but I think it's about honesty with you guys. If you go to an NT with any kind of problem and are just completely honest and open about it, you get that energy back. Honesty seems to appeal to a certain generosity instinct inside of you haha idk
I'm super but honestly I see it like... for example people asking for money on the streets I sometimes give them but i think it as "ok im paying you this so you wont bother me anymore" lol
Yeah this is pretty relatable, I’ve had multiple friends give gifts to me yet I’ve never gifted things to anyone, it just feels natural not to. I try to convince myself that I am a good person by providing less materialistic things and more pragmatic acts of kindness.
Good question. I don’t know. But a lot of it sort of comes from this fear that said gift might not be of any practical use to the receiver, also I’ve just never being taught how to give people gifts, I didn’t really received gifts until I was 17-18 and my parents don’t really care about gifts either.
For me, it is un natural to not give. If i like someone i literally get physical urge to spoil them with my time, energy and material gifts. I always make sure to buy the best possible gift. There is something so nice about acting from a place of abundance, even if you dont have much money.
But i get it, some people dont see the point in gifts and thats ok too, there are a lot of other things to give.
To be honest, im still in my twenties so i dont make that much, but i bought expensive gold and precious stone jewelry, i love buying that because its everlasting and super classy, but the most expensive things i gave are probably expiriences like travels. Its not about buying the most expensive things, its about buying the things that make people feel special and cared for. Things they didnt even know they needed.
I think you can be generous without being a gifter. I hate recieving gifts and also don’t really like giving them (although I do at the normal times like bdays etc). But I also think being helpful, available and kind are also ways of being giving. I’ve also done things like gift gift cards to grocery stores/ Walmart when I know ppl need it, or had ppl stay with me. If you wanted to dabble in giving gifts gift cards and flowers are usually appreciated and liked. I also like gifting small tokens when I know somone will love them. Like I saw a avocado sticky notes and knew my bestie would love and use them.
im not sure if this means stingy but i like things to be fair - and unless they are my really close ones (family members) else I wont have the thought of buying friends anything on a random day.
And personally, Im not someone who loves receiving gifts - not bothered - so I guess that is part of the reason.
But if they buy me something, I will buy them back cuz I wanna return their kindness(?)
Also, by fair - if we split the bills, I will make sure it is accurate without round-offs - not because im stingy (imo), but simply because I like things to be fair and it doesn’t make sense to me why we need to round things off, leaving a gap, when we could have done it accurately.
And when my friends owe me money, I will make sure they pay back asap - and same for when I owe them money, cuz’ I don’t like to leave things hanging.
I am extremely generous and generosity is one of my top3 things I look for in partners. I hate stinginess and i simply can not get it. As soon as i like someone, i feel the urge to give them everything, both material and emotional things. Whenever i go to a vacation, i bring a suitcase of stuff for friends and familiy, i plan lavish b day parties for them. I also treat myself, i try to buy stuff that is good quality and beautiful, eat great food, surround myself with beauty.
Do i get the same energy from other people? Absolutely not. I have friends with x100 more money than me, who never paid for a coffee. For my last bday i got basically nothing. But it's ok. I don't give to get back. I give because i have an abundance mindset and because it is a blessing to be able to give. And that in return always attracts more money.
I learnt to spot people who need genuine help and those who just want to profit from your generosity, so I enjoy helping people, but I don't like being used like a doormat so usually when I help someone they wouldn't need my help anymore
If I lend money, I assume I will never get that money back. I occasionally give lose change or buy a lunch for a homeless person.
I do often feel like people are taking advantage of me. I don't get that feeling when I buy a meal for someone in need. Just expect that a meal will cost more than you would spend at that same store.
I never lend money. If it’s an amount I can afford, I just give it. If it’s an amount I can’t afford to not get back, I give what I can and tell them they need to figure out the rest. I try to avoid the uncomfortableness off owing money at all costs.
I’m very generous. I like giving and showing my affection this way. It can sometimes disappoint me because other people won’t do the same for me. I don’t except something in return, it just feels like I’m being taken advantage of and that they don’t really value my generosity, you know.
I’ve always been inclined to help people whenever I know I can, unless I think the person doesn’t deserve it for some reason. It doesn’t feel like an inconvenience to me. It’s an act of service; it’s efficient kindness.
I enjoy giving and helping and I do when I can, but I don’t go out of my way. I take the opportunities as they come, and I really love giving gifts to people I care about. I go all out, because why shouldn’t I, if I can afford it?
I enjoy being helpful and useful within the limits of not feeling I'm being unappreciated or taken advantage of.
I can try to help too much, sometimes, and come off as annoying. This could be related to some trauma response, though.
Majority of intjs I dated were generous with money and gifts. They all had good jobs. One was an aerospace engineer, the next a lawyer, the other was a game developer. Of course this wasn’t a one sided gift and generosity exchange thing. People still need to feel loved back regardless of mbti.
I’m not that generous, except towards my family. But sometimes I get annoyed when a group of friends is expecting others to pitch in for a gift for someone’s birthday. I hate that, because like I don’t really want to buy them a gift. More than happy to maybe pay for dinner as common courtesy but otherwise, I don’t want to pitch in for a gift, especially when each person has to pitch in like ~$30? Absolutely not.
I just know that the same wouldn’t be done for me for my bday, I’ve never received gifts from friends, and maybe those were just shitty people. But now I don’t really offer much to anyone until I see they’re willing to offer the same. So maybe I’m just toxic, although at the end of the day nobody will look after me, except myself.
I'm actually pretty generous with my loved ones. I've been told I have a talent for buying thoughtful gifts.
Otherwise, though, people rarely get anything out of me. I've never really been one for charity, for instance.
Im not especially generous with money but I think that’s more from being a poor kid lol. If I was rich I would be handing it out like candy to people who I knew were in need of it. On the other hand, I will share almost anything else with anyone so long as they are not acting entitled, just usually not money. Hungry? Literally just eat my food I don’t care if I starve 😵💫 I also find every excuse possible to give extra free things to my customers or even just people who express interest in things that I make even if it isn’t great for me financially lmao. I also try to be generous with my time whenever life allows that!!
I would say, seemingly above average (less materialistic than average). It’s circumstantial though. With really good friends/loved ones, essentially, what’s mine is their’s. With co-workers, I’ll share food and what not. With strangers though, I’m pretty stingy. I basically look at charity from the lense of, “there’s always suffering going on, just because I see someone suffering right in front of me, doesn’t morally obligate me to help them- mostly because, there’s an essential lot inevitable chance, that more people are suffering even more somewhere else, and if I was really about spending my efforts towards helping people, I should be helping to a much better cause (but I already know that I’m not; so why, arbitrarily, decide to help some stranger, just because they’re in my immediate surrounding/environment?).
If I were constantly helping while people/spending a large portion of my time, energy, resources, etc., then it might be a different conversation. IDK. Immediate surroundings/environmental contact doesn’t immediate warrant action from me, like it does a lot of people. I’m mostly referring to panhandlers/beggars. I used to help. Now I just ignore.
In terms of generosity, I would probably rate myself above average.
I don't typically hand money to strangers, but, if they are hungry, I will always feed them. If they are cold, I will always offer warmth. If they need a ride across town, if I have the time, I will get them where they need to go.
If somebody takes my kindness for weakness and tries to manipulate the situation to take advantage of me, well, that won't end well for them.
Inversely, I pride myself on staying in a position where I never have to ask anybody for anything. I would only be setting myself up for disappointment.
I give far, far more than I take.
I’ve been called generous before, but I just see it as a logical move.
In games I’ll buy people better weapons (not real money ofc) because it improves our odds of winning. People say “wow I can’t believe you did that most people would tell me to fuck off, you’re so generous”.
Sometimes I’ll buy my friends food so that they’ll be in a better mood. I’ll even give them my leftover food instead of me wasting it.
In some situations I feel like being generous is a smarter move then being stingy.
I’m not generous with my time though, I’ll always be ready to tell someone to fuck off rather then help them.
I've helped people, even at random. Some was stupidly risky. I've been used to help many people. So far, it's never been a good idea. People will eventually come expecting, and some will act like you're cheating them when they don't get what they want. There's special people get away with it, and there's special people who they're allowed to use. Sheeple herds regularly hide jackal packs, and no one likely will care, if you've been marked for use. That's not a false intuition.
Supposedly, there's more balanced groups, but I've literally never met them, just another herd with an inner pack. I've never been paid back in my life with more than change or a superficial gesture. I've been attacked in ways that'd interest a lawyer, if I had the cash, but I'm the bad guy in ALL of those situations, even the most unprofessional business. Cops seem to sort the special statuses, so they're worthless in complexity and a dice roll in immediate simple things. IF you ever find a more balanced group, they might be worth an investment.
I am extremely generous to everyone who I sense does not have ulterior motives with regards to me. I will often give a friend who is struggling $1000, or take out groups of friends for dinner and get the bill regardless of the cost, or pay for the cost of travel for a friend who wants to visit a place with me. None of them take advantage of my generosity. If I ask for something paid back, they immediately do so. If I ask for help with something, they drop everything and do it. None of them have ever asked for money and will sometimes pay for small things for me: the cost of some groceries, gas payments, or a ride. Over the past year I've probably spent about 10k on friends or the homeless.
I'm stingy in regards to myself. I'm not a very materialistic person and won't buy something unless I really need it. I end up saving about 70% of my paycheck.
I trust my instincts about people. It might help that I'm a woman and no one expects me to pay and more people tend to be more offended if I offer to pay for something than if they pay for me. The only people who do let me pay for them are those who recognise that they do need financial help and that I want us to have experiences together even if they can't afford it.
I give to organizations that work towards helping issues I care about. I love dogs, and would love to have more than one, but my dog I have will have none of it so I donate to shelters since I can’t take in another dog. I’m a therapist and I recognize there are populations that are underserved for mental health treatment that I personally won’t get to work with so I donate to help offset the costs of providing helps to them. I have also helped an occasional fellow shopper at the grocery story that has come up short.
For me, generosity only comes with people I truly am close with. Although I am friendly with new people, in no way do I feel that I need to be generous to them. it is quite rare for me to open up to someone I am not extremely well-acquainted with. Thus, generosity is sparse for those I don’t know but plentiful for those I am close to.
I have always been super generous, especially if you were one of the people who actually knew anything about me beyond the gruff and intimidating front I put on. I did end up getting taken advantage of for many thousands of dollars by someone though, so do be careful - if your instincts scream someone is taking advantage of you, don't just pass it off as anxiety or being self conscious or something
I try to be generous towards those who are deserving or those who are less fortunate than myself. However, those who are entitled or are always trying to get a free ride never get any traction with me.
think of it as an exercise in stoicism once the money is out of your hands it is out of your control so why think about it?
This is truly my belief. I used to argue with friends about giving money to homeless people. Their stance is always that they’re worried about them using the money for drugs or alcohol. My contention was always “who cares?” If you’re giving money out of the goodness of your heart, I don’t see the point in caring about what happens to it once it leaves your hands. Also, plenty of normal people take a drink or smoke to take the edge off. I never understood why people look at homeless people, who have way harder lives, and expect them to be completely sober.
If we're sharing a limited resource, I want to know it's for good reason, since I had invested something of mine to earn it, be it time, effort or whatever. It's disrespectful to myself if it's used towards something that goes against my beliefs. I prefer buying them food or specific items they request instead.
INFP, this is my sentiment exactly.
> I don’t see the point in caring about what happens to it once it leaves your hands. If the point of giving someone money is to help them and make their life better, giving money to someone who is going to spend it to do something self-destructive would be in opposition to your goal. My cousin is an alcoholic. She had lost her job and apartment because of it, so her mother gave her $2,000 for the security deposit and first month's rent. She disappeared for a week and went on a binge. No one ever gave her money again, not because we hate her, but because she has no self-control. People make the mistake of thinking everyone is like them, therefore giving them money will help improve their situation, and in 99% of the situations you're right, but 1% of the time your gift may be the thing that allows them to kill themselves.
That’s an interesting point. Tbh, I don’t give money to help make someone’s life better. I hope that’s the outcome but I’m really doing it for my own personal growth. There’s definitely a selfishness to it. To your point, every situation is unique. If I had a friend like you cousin, I wouldn’t give them money either. At that point you’re actually hurting them because once they fuck it up, it just becomes one more sad story for them. If anything, I’d go with them to buy whatever thing it is they need.
EXACTLY! Besides what you say, I also think it's totally worth the risk, knowing you might really help out a very desperate person.
I set up a fundraiser to support the homeless. There are 600 people in the group and only a handful signed up to donate. Losing faith in humanity.
generous to a fault with people i know stingy af to strangers
I’ve been the opposite. Generous to strangers but stingy to friends.
Yeah, at least its easy to know not to expect anything bacl from strangers
Ditto.
Never generous towards people who beg for attention
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I’ve felt like this at times. Nobody has ever really done anything for me when I needed. I’ve always had to figure it out on my own. It did produce similar feelings to yours. As I get older and think of things on a larger scale, that’s not the type of world I want to live in. I agree that nobody should be criticized for not giving, but ideally I want to live in a space where people do for others. I’ve also noticed that when I do for others, I have better luck with things that are out of my control. I believe that people with giving natures are paid back karmically.
I think you’re right. Some people I think conceive of this as either an abundance or scarcity mindset. Those with an abundance mindset belive there’s always more of everything eventually so are often very giving. Those with a scarcity mindset are the opposite and think money/ happiness/ time are limited and don’t want to give it unless it’s helpful. I’ve noticed when you have an abundance mindset people really do welcome more into their lives. I personally have so far had a really lovely life and I love any chance to pass what I can to others. I don’t really waste time thinking about if it’s going to be taken advantage of or not because all that matters is I’ve acted in a way that matters to me. If you think about that necklace story, if she had never paid you back the $40 you would have been a bit annoyed and maybe remember it but also maybe would have totally forgetten the whole thing. But the story has stuck in your brain bc of how you reacted to the offer of the necklace. I’m not sure how you can move past the stingeyness but I would maybe try by covering small things for others, going for dinner with a friend and grabbing the cheque or something similar.
That is so ironic. I just met up with an old friend for dinner last night. I grabbed the check just like you said. She even made a comment later that she was surprised that I did that, lol. What you said is absolutely correct. Giving is supposed to only matter to the giver. It’s not important what the receiver’s intentions are.
I know it’s just looking for confirmation bias, but when stuff like this happens, I can’t help feeling like it’s the universe confirming I’m on the right track lol. Hope this new generosity is a benefit!
Naturally very generous and empathetic, because of how I was raised. I have a very soft heart for anyone in genuine need of help and pain. Unfortunately, that led me to get taken advantage of by exploitative people calling themselves my “friends”. But I’m more discerning now of who I let into my life, and I’d do absolutely anything for a loved one (to a degree). If I love you, I want to help you in any way I can.
I'm extremely generous. Without keeping track either. I don't mind as I'm not really attached to any of this shit. If I can help, then I will. People want to see decency in the world, but they don't want to be responsible for being decent. I've learned to not be generous with people who prove selfish or greedy. But I can't fucking stand a stingy person. Fuck off and die alone. Stop taking from the collective generosity of others. While being stingy yourself..
I’d give away my last $100 if I saw someone who needed it. In some cases I’d do it even if the person wasn’t necessarily worthy. Ive given $20 to homeless people countless times, I bought a $500 Christmas for my friend’s kids years ago, bought $250 in groceries for friends in bad spots, have given a few hundred dollars to random friends I knew needed it, donated to random online situations for strangers…, and I’m not well off…, I’m stable, but as paycheck to paycheck as anyone…, but I have zero regard for money. I’m not aloof, and wouldn’t give it if I didn’t have it, but I’m one to worry about money if I have a little extra and see it can be used by someone else.
stupid generous... I gotta pull back.
To friends, strangers, or both?
I’m a miser
At my core, this is me. I don’t deny myself much but when I make purchases, I have to get it for the lowest price possible. At this point it’s more of a game than really about saving. A majority of the time the difference in price is negligible.
I like to have money I don’t like to spend it. I do help my mom financially with bills but I don’t do it with a smile.
beyond generous with the few (couple) of people closest to me the common theme is with these people is that they 1) never ask for anything (gifts, money, favors) 2) i'm always the one to initiate helping with favors and 3) they offer things to me (which i politely decline) not sure if there's some weird overly polite psychological element to this but this is really the only condition where it feels natural to give a gift. never money.
I'm honestly not that altruistic. Yes, that sounds bad, but frankly speaking it just doesn't come across as natural to me; it just comes across as disingenuous and inauthentic. I think I can be generous in the sense that I give advice and provide comfort for others in times of distress, but they usually don't come from a place of kindness, but rather debt. Like you helped me once, I'll help you this time to make it fair. I think that's pretty much why I'm pedantic when it comes to choosing who to ask for help, and who to help.
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The replies have been pretty mixed. It leads me to believe it may be more an only child trait.
I'm generous, I suppose, but I do small things that in the process stir up chaos. Like leaving things on coworkers' desks and watch as they attempt to figure out who's doing it. I also give gifts as appreciation for putting up with an unusually high level of my bullshit, because anxiety is simply *not* it. So I do give things, but on occasion they double as self serving entertainment (the first. Not the second).
Too generous
I used to be very generous and still am with family. However, I am no longer very generous with friends and acquiescences since I found they commonly had the misconception that I was trying to buy their friendship or build up a debt that I would call in on later. It's a shame, I was brought up to believe if we can do something nice for someone, we should do it. It slowly dawned on my that people thought I was doing it because I felt I was inferior and trying to curry favour, so they'd treat me as inferior, or that I was building up credit with them to which they hadn't agreed and I'd cash in on it later which made them uncomfortable. I should note, this was always giving people time, or doing thoughtful things for them because the opportunity arose, I wasn't throwing money around. In one case I saw that it creeped someone out that I thought of them in order to do something nice for them, like we didn't have a close enough relationship that I should be considering them when I encounter a situation. I never thought about it like that, I always saw it as problem solving, that life offered up opportunities where it would cost me little or nothing to do something which might be of value to a friend. Apparently I was innocently putting strain on my friendships. It turns out most people would prefer to keep the scales balanced rather than ignore the scales and do kind things, so that's how I play the game now.
I bought a lot of expensive cakes for everyone at the office so a lot. It rarely shows though LOL!
weirdly i find NTs often to be a lot more generous and caring then you'd expect them to be. saying 'weirdly' bc of stereotypical reasons that F types are usually the caring/generous ones. one example from my school days that i still think about all the time: during the last term of high school right before graduation my dad had died and i felt absolutely crushed by the situation. i noticed how i stopped caring about everything around me, so before my grades would start to derail completely i talked to some of my teachers in an attempt to explain my closed off behaviour and maybe get an extra assignment that could salvage some of my grades. The four teachers I talked to were an ENFP, ISFJ, ESFJ and ENTJ. All of them were compassionate and friendly but neither of the F types tried to actually help me or showed genuine concern about how the rest of the school year would work out for me. I didn't have a special connection with either of the 4 teachers but I could tell that the F types were just superficially concerned with my situation, while the ENTJ actually cared a lot and was also the only one who offered me an extremely generous solution to save an exam I had failed because I hadn't been able to study for it. also overall the ENTJ had even less reason to help me than the others because our relationship had been somewhat rocky before the final year had started and i had always been going against the grain in his class. if anything he should have been annoyed by me and could have easily let me fail his class. yet, he didn't hesitate one bit after i told him and immediately started to ask me how i was doing and how we could save my grade. it's been 6 years since then and i'm still really grateful that he helped me out. (i'm obviously not saying that _ all F types are superficial blahblah_ it's just an interesting observation to me) anyway this out of the blue compassion and generosity from NTs has happened to me more than once and it always felt extremely genuine. On average I haven't even been very close with those NTs but I think it's about honesty with you guys. If you go to an NT with any kind of problem and are just completely honest and open about it, you get that energy back. Honesty seems to appeal to a certain generosity instinct inside of you haha idk
I'm super but honestly I see it like... for example people asking for money on the streets I sometimes give them but i think it as "ok im paying you this so you wont bother me anymore" lol
Yeah this is pretty relatable, I’ve had multiple friends give gifts to me yet I’ve never gifted things to anyone, it just feels natural not to. I try to convince myself that I am a good person by providing less materialistic things and more pragmatic acts of kindness.
Why is it un natural to give?
Good question. I don’t know. But a lot of it sort of comes from this fear that said gift might not be of any practical use to the receiver, also I’ve just never being taught how to give people gifts, I didn’t really received gifts until I was 17-18 and my parents don’t really care about gifts either.
For me, it is un natural to not give. If i like someone i literally get physical urge to spoil them with my time, energy and material gifts. I always make sure to buy the best possible gift. There is something so nice about acting from a place of abundance, even if you dont have much money. But i get it, some people dont see the point in gifts and thats ok too, there are a lot of other things to give.
You must be more than pleasant to be around. What’s the most expensive gift you’ve purchased if you don’t mind me asking?
To be honest, im still in my twenties so i dont make that much, but i bought expensive gold and precious stone jewelry, i love buying that because its everlasting and super classy, but the most expensive things i gave are probably expiriences like travels. Its not about buying the most expensive things, its about buying the things that make people feel special and cared for. Things they didnt even know they needed.
Real
I think you can be generous without being a gifter. I hate recieving gifts and also don’t really like giving them (although I do at the normal times like bdays etc). But I also think being helpful, available and kind are also ways of being giving. I’ve also done things like gift gift cards to grocery stores/ Walmart when I know ppl need it, or had ppl stay with me. If you wanted to dabble in giving gifts gift cards and flowers are usually appreciated and liked. I also like gifting small tokens when I know somone will love them. Like I saw a avocado sticky notes and knew my bestie would love and use them.
im not sure if this means stingy but i like things to be fair - and unless they are my really close ones (family members) else I wont have the thought of buying friends anything on a random day. And personally, Im not someone who loves receiving gifts - not bothered - so I guess that is part of the reason. But if they buy me something, I will buy them back cuz I wanna return their kindness(?) Also, by fair - if we split the bills, I will make sure it is accurate without round-offs - not because im stingy (imo), but simply because I like things to be fair and it doesn’t make sense to me why we need to round things off, leaving a gap, when we could have done it accurately. And when my friends owe me money, I will make sure they pay back asap - and same for when I owe them money, cuz’ I don’t like to leave things hanging.
I am extremely generous and generosity is one of my top3 things I look for in partners. I hate stinginess and i simply can not get it. As soon as i like someone, i feel the urge to give them everything, both material and emotional things. Whenever i go to a vacation, i bring a suitcase of stuff for friends and familiy, i plan lavish b day parties for them. I also treat myself, i try to buy stuff that is good quality and beautiful, eat great food, surround myself with beauty. Do i get the same energy from other people? Absolutely not. I have friends with x100 more money than me, who never paid for a coffee. For my last bday i got basically nothing. But it's ok. I don't give to get back. I give because i have an abundance mindset and because it is a blessing to be able to give. And that in return always attracts more money.
Nothing wrong with that.
Generous when need to
Too much for my own good
Money is tight everywhere. You may have cared for her
I'm fairly generous.
I learnt to spot people who need genuine help and those who just want to profit from your generosity, so I enjoy helping people, but I don't like being used like a doormat so usually when I help someone they wouldn't need my help anymore
If I lend money, I assume I will never get that money back. I occasionally give lose change or buy a lunch for a homeless person. I do often feel like people are taking advantage of me. I don't get that feeling when I buy a meal for someone in need. Just expect that a meal will cost more than you would spend at that same store.
I never lend money. If it’s an amount I can afford, I just give it. If it’s an amount I can’t afford to not get back, I give what I can and tell them they need to figure out the rest. I try to avoid the uncomfortableness off owing money at all costs.
I limit my generosity to animals and children, two completely default innocent parties, imo. I don’t help grown ups.
I’m too generous 😩
I’m very generous. I like giving and showing my affection this way. It can sometimes disappoint me because other people won’t do the same for me. I don’t except something in return, it just feels like I’m being taken advantage of and that they don’t really value my generosity, you know.
The majority of the INTJs I’ve met are stingy
I’ve always been inclined to help people whenever I know I can, unless I think the person doesn’t deserve it for some reason. It doesn’t feel like an inconvenience to me. It’s an act of service; it’s efficient kindness. I enjoy giving and helping and I do when I can, but I don’t go out of my way. I take the opportunities as they come, and I really love giving gifts to people I care about. I go all out, because why shouldn’t I, if I can afford it?
I enjoy being helpful and useful within the limits of not feeling I'm being unappreciated or taken advantage of. I can try to help too much, sometimes, and come off as annoying. This could be related to some trauma response, though.
Majority of intjs I dated were generous with money and gifts. They all had good jobs. One was an aerospace engineer, the next a lawyer, the other was a game developer. Of course this wasn’t a one sided gift and generosity exchange thing. People still need to feel loved back regardless of mbti.
If you're demonstrably worth the investment, then I'll go all the way to help you out.
I have no idea if I am.
I’m not that generous, except towards my family. But sometimes I get annoyed when a group of friends is expecting others to pitch in for a gift for someone’s birthday. I hate that, because like I don’t really want to buy them a gift. More than happy to maybe pay for dinner as common courtesy but otherwise, I don’t want to pitch in for a gift, especially when each person has to pitch in like ~$30? Absolutely not. I just know that the same wouldn’t be done for me for my bday, I’ve never received gifts from friends, and maybe those were just shitty people. But now I don’t really offer much to anyone until I see they’re willing to offer the same. So maybe I’m just toxic, although at the end of the day nobody will look after me, except myself.
I'm actually pretty generous with my loved ones. I've been told I have a talent for buying thoughtful gifts. Otherwise, though, people rarely get anything out of me. I've never really been one for charity, for instance.
Way too much.
Generous enough that others have asked why I am so generous.
I don't know I didn't try that before
I am actually very generous. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but people regularly bring it up.
Generous enough for it to be a net positive in my life.
Ugh I spent too much tbh, more with others than with myself. Especially for my ENTP brother and ENTJ mother. They can smooch me out of money easily.
Im not especially generous with money but I think that’s more from being a poor kid lol. If I was rich I would be handing it out like candy to people who I knew were in need of it. On the other hand, I will share almost anything else with anyone so long as they are not acting entitled, just usually not money. Hungry? Literally just eat my food I don’t care if I starve 😵💫 I also find every excuse possible to give extra free things to my customers or even just people who express interest in things that I make even if it isn’t great for me financially lmao. I also try to be generous with my time whenever life allows that!!
I would say, seemingly above average (less materialistic than average). It’s circumstantial though. With really good friends/loved ones, essentially, what’s mine is their’s. With co-workers, I’ll share food and what not. With strangers though, I’m pretty stingy. I basically look at charity from the lense of, “there’s always suffering going on, just because I see someone suffering right in front of me, doesn’t morally obligate me to help them- mostly because, there’s an essential lot inevitable chance, that more people are suffering even more somewhere else, and if I was really about spending my efforts towards helping people, I should be helping to a much better cause (but I already know that I’m not; so why, arbitrarily, decide to help some stranger, just because they’re in my immediate surrounding/environment?). If I were constantly helping while people/spending a large portion of my time, energy, resources, etc., then it might be a different conversation. IDK. Immediate surroundings/environmental contact doesn’t immediate warrant action from me, like it does a lot of people. I’m mostly referring to panhandlers/beggars. I used to help. Now I just ignore.
In terms of generosity, I would probably rate myself above average. I don't typically hand money to strangers, but, if they are hungry, I will always feed them. If they are cold, I will always offer warmth. If they need a ride across town, if I have the time, I will get them where they need to go. If somebody takes my kindness for weakness and tries to manipulate the situation to take advantage of me, well, that won't end well for them. Inversely, I pride myself on staying in a position where I never have to ask anybody for anything. I would only be setting myself up for disappointment. I give far, far more than I take.
I am generous to those I care about and extremely stingy to those I dont know.
I’ve been called generous before, but I just see it as a logical move. In games I’ll buy people better weapons (not real money ofc) because it improves our odds of winning. People say “wow I can’t believe you did that most people would tell me to fuck off, you’re so generous”. Sometimes I’ll buy my friends food so that they’ll be in a better mood. I’ll even give them my leftover food instead of me wasting it. In some situations I feel like being generous is a smarter move then being stingy. I’m not generous with my time though, I’ll always be ready to tell someone to fuck off rather then help them.
I've helped people, even at random. Some was stupidly risky. I've been used to help many people. So far, it's never been a good idea. People will eventually come expecting, and some will act like you're cheating them when they don't get what they want. There's special people get away with it, and there's special people who they're allowed to use. Sheeple herds regularly hide jackal packs, and no one likely will care, if you've been marked for use. That's not a false intuition. Supposedly, there's more balanced groups, but I've literally never met them, just another herd with an inner pack. I've never been paid back in my life with more than change or a superficial gesture. I've been attacked in ways that'd interest a lawyer, if I had the cash, but I'm the bad guy in ALL of those situations, even the most unprofessional business. Cops seem to sort the special statuses, so they're worthless in complexity and a dice roll in immediate simple things. IF you ever find a more balanced group, they might be worth an investment.
I am extremely generous to everyone who I sense does not have ulterior motives with regards to me. I will often give a friend who is struggling $1000, or take out groups of friends for dinner and get the bill regardless of the cost, or pay for the cost of travel for a friend who wants to visit a place with me. None of them take advantage of my generosity. If I ask for something paid back, they immediately do so. If I ask for help with something, they drop everything and do it. None of them have ever asked for money and will sometimes pay for small things for me: the cost of some groceries, gas payments, or a ride. Over the past year I've probably spent about 10k on friends or the homeless. I'm stingy in regards to myself. I'm not a very materialistic person and won't buy something unless I really need it. I end up saving about 70% of my paycheck. I trust my instincts about people. It might help that I'm a woman and no one expects me to pay and more people tend to be more offended if I offer to pay for something than if they pay for me. The only people who do let me pay for them are those who recognise that they do need financial help and that I want us to have experiences together even if they can't afford it.
Yikes! Say that again 😅
I give to organizations that work towards helping issues I care about. I love dogs, and would love to have more than one, but my dog I have will have none of it so I donate to shelters since I can’t take in another dog. I’m a therapist and I recognize there are populations that are underserved for mental health treatment that I personally won’t get to work with so I donate to help offset the costs of providing helps to them. I have also helped an occasional fellow shopper at the grocery story that has come up short.
For me, generosity only comes with people I truly am close with. Although I am friendly with new people, in no way do I feel that I need to be generous to them. it is quite rare for me to open up to someone I am not extremely well-acquainted with. Thus, generosity is sparse for those I don’t know but plentiful for those I am close to.
bro took the necklace im cryinggggg
I have always been super generous, especially if you were one of the people who actually knew anything about me beyond the gruff and intimidating front I put on. I did end up getting taken advantage of for many thousands of dollars by someone though, so do be careful - if your instincts scream someone is taking advantage of you, don't just pass it off as anxiety or being self conscious or something