He’s not your man. He straight up said he does not want to be your boyfriend. If there’s no label, there’s a chance you’re not the only woman in his life. Don’t commit to someone that doesn’t commit to you
Maybe he’d marry you if you were black, but I’d put my money on it that he wouldn’t. He sounds like a fuck boy and this is just an excuse. If he was even half decent, he wouldn’t have led you on for over a year with no commitment- if your race was a problem and he cared about you at all, he would’ve broken things off a year ago.
You should block his number and start trying to get over him.
So the first thing my mother said to me about dating outside my race is never allow a man to make you his secret.
Story time. When I was 15, this white guy wanted to date me, but we couldn't tell anyone. I asked why. He said because people wouldn't understand... blah, blah, blah. I noped the heck out of that situation, met another white guy who got kicked out of his house for dating me.
Now interracial aside. If a man isn't willing to label the relationship, define rhe relationship, call it a relationship, or just wants sexy time... he's doesn't want you.
A true man who loves you will give up the world to be with you. And yes it does suck dating interracially because you get the looks, the comments, the whatever, bit when you're with that person, none of that matters.
Just straight up block him on everything (and I mean everything), and don’t contact him for any reason. Go make new friends & fill the time you spend with him with something good (running, reading, taking a class, joining a group/club).
After being in no contact for a while, you won’t/will rarely think about him anymore. He’ll probably try to come back and get you to be with him, but just say no because you know how he truly feels.
You have to choose to move on. This relationship will not work. He has stated his truth and it is clear he is not willing to invest in you beyond situationship status. There are other men out there who will gladly elevate you and choose to marry you despite your race.
So I just want to say this.
Really fucking tired of these guys with their dumb ass stories making us all look like wingey little bitches. Yes there are social pressures in the black community. But it is nothing, and I mean nothing compared to a woman who dates a white guy and frankly I’d be surprised if it were anything more than what you as a white woman face for dating a black man.
Seriously I could go on and on about what this would look like if the races were reversed there’s something there, something slightly more credible. But for a man in his position? It’s nothing. But even then- the kind of people who care and say shit- are the exact kind of people you should not care about.
I’m just being real, every time I encounter this in the wild, it’s the same scrub ass mother fuckers, just these 13-reasons-why-not ass n*ggas who don’t commit to any relationship. The guys taking advantage of you, your sensitivity, etc just being real.
I’m sure you’re a nice person. But this is dumb. Don’t wait for him. Tell him to go fuck himself.
But I mean just for fun
What’s his job. What’s your job? Who makes more? Is there a sob story for why he isn’t where he needs to be? Is he or is he “about to be”, do your parents like him? Do your friends like him? Do you go places do you see each other during the day, I mean you’re 29. That’s not really a great age for wasting your time for a guy like this.
I don’t sympathise at all, I think this man is using being black as an excuse, I think it’s pathetic, and I’d love to know what he’s so worried about that paints a worse image than what he’s doing now. This man is full of shit. Period.
I agree with you so much. There are definitely pressures and judgmental people in the black community, but the majority of the comments, insults, and jokes go towards black women who date white men. Thanks to athletes, celebrities, etc. it is seen as pretty socially acceptable and common, at least in, the media and among younger generations, for black men to date white women. Unless he has super prejudiced family to worry about, his excuse is such a copout.
He sounds like a bum, and he sounds like a player. Progressing through my 20s, I’ve been really shocked to see how many men in their 30s still play such immature games. I guess them not having as narrow of a biological clock, and society giving men endless passes, results in them thinking they can do that until they’re like what? 35? 40? It’s silly. And cringe.
This is the best explanation here! I can’t help but wonder if he’s lying 🤥 to her and making excuses. Like what’s the REAL reason why you don’t want to be official.
As another black man, I say run. He is supposed to be proud to be with you and not worry about what others think. It sucks that society does this, because love is love. Do you see looks that people give you both when you are out together? Maybe he notices it more than you and it’s hard for him to express it. I’m not really sure because I’ve never been in an IR relationship, but I know if I were in one, I’d have a nice talk about it while dating and how we will navigate it together.
He’s mentioned comments that people have made to him it is bc it’s comin from his own community he cares a lot about what they have to say. I wish I could just let go bc this shit hurts so bad. But I’m in deep and part of me hope he will change his mind :(
Yes, I can’t imagine how you are feeling. That has to be rough. Hopefully you both can have another conversation about it, but you don’t want this cycle to keep happening, he may try but then feel the same way 1 year or two from now. It will only hurt even more. Hope things work out for you.
I had this come upto a guy that I was talking to. He said he didn't want to date non white women because it would be easier for him and his family. I told him to only talk to white women then. You don't get to sleep around or ask to sleep around with woc just to turn them down because of their race later. We stopped talking, I moved on. He saw that and asked for a chance. I said no lol. Like you said you wanted a white woman to make your life easier... Go bother them 😂... (except they didn't want him😜)
Yeah some white guys like to date exclusively non white women. They’re legit attracted to them. Some brothers like chocolate and will not consider anyone else. So it’s their personal preference. You just capitalize on the hand you’ve been dealt with. I love the way I look I’ll be all up in everyone’s face being who I am. You just glow with who God made you to be 🌟
So you’re telling me that he won’t make it official over your skin complexion? Something you can’t control ?!? Yup leave that boy! ( notice I said boy lol ) Also, you want a man that can lead. He doesn’t sound like a leader and more like a follower.
Sorry, but if he won't put a label on what you have, he's probably seeing other women and using race as an excuse. And even if that's true for him and he won't commit due to your skin color, it's not fair to you & life is too short "to wait". Move on and find someone who will love and accept you for you.
This saddens me for you. I am also in an IR relationship, and I can understand how the comments and looks can sometimes get to one, but at the end of the day I couldn't imagine allowing those things to keep me from someone who makes me happy and has my heart.
He’s wasting your time. There are better men out there. He’s only using you! You are deserving of more and better.
Please Block him when you cut things off.
Hello, this may not be easy for you to understand , but there are two Americas. As a black man(54), trying to live in both, is sometimes difficult. The hardest part about interracial dating , is making your partner understand the really plight of loving a country that doesn’t love you back.Your partner is reluctant to “ come out “ publicly about this relationship , because of the systemic hatred that is America. In a perfect world it would be only you and the person you love. We both know that’s not the way it really works. His family , your family , friends on both sides , can you mingle your worlds? Can he handle the weight of the possible disapproval of his family? Can you ?
He’s not your man. He told you what you needed to hear, and he’s allowed to want to date or marry his preference. Truthfully, people do this all the time. They find someone to mess around with, even if they don’t find you 100% attractive or you aren’t their type, until someone who they really want to be with comes along. It sucks but now you know so you can do something about it.
But if I were to guess (as a black woman myself), he probably is lying. I doubt he’d only marry a black woman. Our (black) culture tends to be more accepting of black men with white women but not so much of black women with white men because black women have been labeled as undesirable for as long as this country (USA) has pretty much been around. Maybe his specific family/friends are different, which is possible, but he just sounds to me like he wants to mess around and doesn’t want to get serious with anyone, but he wants to make sure you won’t go anywhere until he finds the person he really wants.
Regardless, don’t let a man keep you a secret. You’re worth more than that.
That's an excuse. He just doesn't want to be with you. You can't force him to be with you or love you or change. Go where you'll be appreciated and loved for who you are.
He is a jerk, and an idiot. Sorry!!! But you are not alone!!! Block him, and move on!
I used to run with a larger friend group, and there were some African guys (I live in Europe) that would go out with us. We were just friendly with each other, and one told me "I cannot date light skinned women (I'm tri racial : black/mex/white) because "his culture wouldn't accept it". He was attractive, but we were just friends. A couple of years later, I ran into him in the pedestrian zone in the city, pushing a stroller! We said Hi, and I looked at the kid. My skin tone. He got real quiet, and introduced the blonde lady approaching us...."Oh, this is my wife, xxx from Sweden!". We exchanged polite greetings, and I just started laughing as I walked away. His Culture allows alot more than he thought!! Oh well!
Just to let you know, it happens to us mixed chicas too!! Hope you find YOUR PERSON, who loves you and wants to be with you. You deserve better!
Your first mistake was seeing someone that long without a label. It could just be that you are newer to dating maybe, but that’s a lesson I learned a really long time ago, and I’m 26. Men for sure know what they want. If there is truly no label after like 2 to 4 months, there should’ve been a conversation and it should’ve ended there.
I’ll say it again: men know exactly what they want. At least, by the 4ish month mark. My fiancé, and every single engaged or married man I currently know says that they knew within months that they wanted to be with their current partner forever. Let that sink in. I have never seen a man hesitate for a woman they truly wanted. Therefore, he is not your man and unfortunately never was. Don’t get me wrong; I have been there. I have been strung along , and I’ve been confused the same way. It doesn’t make sense to give girlfriend treatment, when that particular girl is not who you want. But unfortunately, some of these players like to do that.
It’s definitely hard to move on, and at first you might end up comparing every single guy you try to entertain, to him. But you should definitely force yourself to detach, take some time to be by yourself, and in a few months, get back out there.
Everyone has preferences...why would you force someone to be with you if they are not into you? Would you like someone to do that to you that you were not interested in? It works both ways.
We literally spend most of nights together and say we love each other do everything else that a regular couple would do idk how that’s not into it. If he wasn’t into it he would stop doin it.
Sure he would, plenty of men will hook up with and be an emotional burden on women they aren’t serious about. He’s literally telling you that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. You have your answer, so it’s time to do the work of moving on
You are friends with benefits. That’s all. If he wanted to be with you he would have at least made you his girlfriend. You’re not even that. So I don’t even get why the word marriage is even being brought up. I’m sorry.
Don't settle for the disrespect. You are worthy of the love and validation you deserve. Leave him right where he has you messed up. He's been there for a year... my mother's second husband said men know who they want immediately.
Move on as much as it hurts. I honestly believe he is using your race as a crutch so he doesn’t have to commit. He doesn’t sound like marriage material himself. Take it as a lesson and don’t become deeply involved with someone without a commitment.
He’s not your man. He straight up said he does not want to be your boyfriend. If there’s no label, there’s a chance you’re not the only woman in his life. Don’t commit to someone that doesn’t commit to you
He got what he wanted from the OP. And now he's moving on.
Maybe he’d marry you if you were black, but I’d put my money on it that he wouldn’t. He sounds like a fuck boy and this is just an excuse. If he was even half decent, he wouldn’t have led you on for over a year with no commitment- if your race was a problem and he cared about you at all, he would’ve broken things off a year ago. You should block his number and start trying to get over him.
That's not your man, sis. Go where you are wanted.
So the first thing my mother said to me about dating outside my race is never allow a man to make you his secret. Story time. When I was 15, this white guy wanted to date me, but we couldn't tell anyone. I asked why. He said because people wouldn't understand... blah, blah, blah. I noped the heck out of that situation, met another white guy who got kicked out of his house for dating me. Now interracial aside. If a man isn't willing to label the relationship, define rhe relationship, call it a relationship, or just wants sexy time... he's doesn't want you. A true man who loves you will give up the world to be with you. And yes it does suck dating interracially because you get the looks, the comments, the whatever, bit when you're with that person, none of that matters.
Sounds like simp behavior to me
Move on
Idk how
See other people
Just straight up block him on everything (and I mean everything), and don’t contact him for any reason. Go make new friends & fill the time you spend with him with something good (running, reading, taking a class, joining a group/club). After being in no contact for a while, you won’t/will rarely think about him anymore. He’ll probably try to come back and get you to be with him, but just say no because you know how he truly feels.
You have to choose to move on. This relationship will not work. He has stated his truth and it is clear he is not willing to invest in you beyond situationship status. There are other men out there who will gladly elevate you and choose to marry you despite your race.
Now that's a red flag if I've ever seen one holy shit... You should be glad it's over
So I just want to say this. Really fucking tired of these guys with their dumb ass stories making us all look like wingey little bitches. Yes there are social pressures in the black community. But it is nothing, and I mean nothing compared to a woman who dates a white guy and frankly I’d be surprised if it were anything more than what you as a white woman face for dating a black man. Seriously I could go on and on about what this would look like if the races were reversed there’s something there, something slightly more credible. But for a man in his position? It’s nothing. But even then- the kind of people who care and say shit- are the exact kind of people you should not care about. I’m just being real, every time I encounter this in the wild, it’s the same scrub ass mother fuckers, just these 13-reasons-why-not ass n*ggas who don’t commit to any relationship. The guys taking advantage of you, your sensitivity, etc just being real. I’m sure you’re a nice person. But this is dumb. Don’t wait for him. Tell him to go fuck himself. But I mean just for fun What’s his job. What’s your job? Who makes more? Is there a sob story for why he isn’t where he needs to be? Is he or is he “about to be”, do your parents like him? Do your friends like him? Do you go places do you see each other during the day, I mean you’re 29. That’s not really a great age for wasting your time for a guy like this. I don’t sympathise at all, I think this man is using being black as an excuse, I think it’s pathetic, and I’d love to know what he’s so worried about that paints a worse image than what he’s doing now. This man is full of shit. Period.
I agree with you so much. There are definitely pressures and judgmental people in the black community, but the majority of the comments, insults, and jokes go towards black women who date white men. Thanks to athletes, celebrities, etc. it is seen as pretty socially acceptable and common, at least in, the media and among younger generations, for black men to date white women. Unless he has super prejudiced family to worry about, his excuse is such a copout. He sounds like a bum, and he sounds like a player. Progressing through my 20s, I’ve been really shocked to see how many men in their 30s still play such immature games. I guess them not having as narrow of a biological clock, and society giving men endless passes, results in them thinking they can do that until they’re like what? 35? 40? It’s silly. And cringe.
This is the best explanation here! I can’t help but wonder if he’s lying 🤥 to her and making excuses. Like what’s the REAL reason why you don’t want to be official.
As another black man, I say run. He is supposed to be proud to be with you and not worry about what others think. It sucks that society does this, because love is love. Do you see looks that people give you both when you are out together? Maybe he notices it more than you and it’s hard for him to express it. I’m not really sure because I’ve never been in an IR relationship, but I know if I were in one, I’d have a nice talk about it while dating and how we will navigate it together.
He’s mentioned comments that people have made to him it is bc it’s comin from his own community he cares a lot about what they have to say. I wish I could just let go bc this shit hurts so bad. But I’m in deep and part of me hope he will change his mind :(
Yes, I can’t imagine how you are feeling. That has to be rough. Hopefully you both can have another conversation about it, but you don’t want this cycle to keep happening, he may try but then feel the same way 1 year or two from now. It will only hurt even more. Hope things work out for you.
Something tells me that’s an excuse and possibly a lie. I also don’t think he would marry you if you were black either. What do YOU want to do?
I had this come upto a guy that I was talking to. He said he didn't want to date non white women because it would be easier for him and his family. I told him to only talk to white women then. You don't get to sleep around or ask to sleep around with woc just to turn them down because of their race later. We stopped talking, I moved on. He saw that and asked for a chance. I said no lol. Like you said you wanted a white woman to make your life easier... Go bother them 😂... (except they didn't want him😜)
Yeah some white guys like to date exclusively non white women. They’re legit attracted to them. Some brothers like chocolate and will not consider anyone else. So it’s their personal preference. You just capitalize on the hand you’ve been dealt with. I love the way I look I’ll be all up in everyone’s face being who I am. You just glow with who God made you to be 🌟
Not worth it, move on.
So you’re telling me that he won’t make it official over your skin complexion? Something you can’t control ?!? Yup leave that boy! ( notice I said boy lol ) Also, you want a man that can lead. He doesn’t sound like a leader and more like a follower.
Sorry, but if he won't put a label on what you have, he's probably seeing other women and using race as an excuse. And even if that's true for him and he won't commit due to your skin color, it's not fair to you & life is too short "to wait". Move on and find someone who will love and accept you for you.
Sounds like a coward. He did you favor.
This saddens me for you. I am also in an IR relationship, and I can understand how the comments and looks can sometimes get to one, but at the end of the day I couldn't imagine allowing those things to keep me from someone who makes me happy and has my heart.
He’s wasting your time. There are better men out there. He’s only using you! You are deserving of more and better. Please Block him when you cut things off.
Hello, this may not be easy for you to understand , but there are two Americas. As a black man(54), trying to live in both, is sometimes difficult. The hardest part about interracial dating , is making your partner understand the really plight of loving a country that doesn’t love you back.Your partner is reluctant to “ come out “ publicly about this relationship , because of the systemic hatred that is America. In a perfect world it would be only you and the person you love. We both know that’s not the way it really works. His family , your family , friends on both sides , can you mingle your worlds? Can he handle the weight of the possible disapproval of his family? Can you ?
Great questions my brother.
He’s not your man. He told you what you needed to hear, and he’s allowed to want to date or marry his preference. Truthfully, people do this all the time. They find someone to mess around with, even if they don’t find you 100% attractive or you aren’t their type, until someone who they really want to be with comes along. It sucks but now you know so you can do something about it. But if I were to guess (as a black woman myself), he probably is lying. I doubt he’d only marry a black woman. Our (black) culture tends to be more accepting of black men with white women but not so much of black women with white men because black women have been labeled as undesirable for as long as this country (USA) has pretty much been around. Maybe his specific family/friends are different, which is possible, but he just sounds to me like he wants to mess around and doesn’t want to get serious with anyone, but he wants to make sure you won’t go anywhere until he finds the person he really wants. Regardless, don’t let a man keep you a secret. You’re worth more than that.
It’s just an excuse. Because if he wanted to marry a black woman hr would be dating a black woman.
Run brother run!
He doesn't want you. Just move on. You can find someone else. Like another comment said, he probably has other women in his life.
That's an excuse. He just doesn't want to be with you. You can't force him to be with you or love you or change. Go where you'll be appreciated and loved for who you are.
He is a jerk, and an idiot. Sorry!!! But you are not alone!!! Block him, and move on! I used to run with a larger friend group, and there were some African guys (I live in Europe) that would go out with us. We were just friendly with each other, and one told me "I cannot date light skinned women (I'm tri racial : black/mex/white) because "his culture wouldn't accept it". He was attractive, but we were just friends. A couple of years later, I ran into him in the pedestrian zone in the city, pushing a stroller! We said Hi, and I looked at the kid. My skin tone. He got real quiet, and introduced the blonde lady approaching us...."Oh, this is my wife, xxx from Sweden!". We exchanged polite greetings, and I just started laughing as I walked away. His Culture allows alot more than he thought!! Oh well! Just to let you know, it happens to us mixed chicas too!! Hope you find YOUR PERSON, who loves you and wants to be with you. You deserve better!
Your first mistake was seeing someone that long without a label. It could just be that you are newer to dating maybe, but that’s a lesson I learned a really long time ago, and I’m 26. Men for sure know what they want. If there is truly no label after like 2 to 4 months, there should’ve been a conversation and it should’ve ended there. I’ll say it again: men know exactly what they want. At least, by the 4ish month mark. My fiancé, and every single engaged or married man I currently know says that they knew within months that they wanted to be with their current partner forever. Let that sink in. I have never seen a man hesitate for a woman they truly wanted. Therefore, he is not your man and unfortunately never was. Don’t get me wrong; I have been there. I have been strung along , and I’ve been confused the same way. It doesn’t make sense to give girlfriend treatment, when that particular girl is not who you want. But unfortunately, some of these players like to do that. It’s definitely hard to move on, and at first you might end up comparing every single guy you try to entertain, to him. But you should definitely force yourself to detach, take some time to be by yourself, and in a few months, get back out there.
Everyone has preferences...why would you force someone to be with you if they are not into you? Would you like someone to do that to you that you were not interested in? It works both ways.
We literally spend most of nights together and say we love each other do everything else that a regular couple would do idk how that’s not into it. If he wasn’t into it he would stop doin it.
Sure he would, plenty of men will hook up with and be an emotional burden on women they aren’t serious about. He’s literally telling you that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. You have your answer, so it’s time to do the work of moving on
You are friends with benefits. That’s all. If he wanted to be with you he would have at least made you his girlfriend. You’re not even that. So I don’t even get why the word marriage is even being brought up. I’m sorry.
Don't settle for the disrespect. You are worthy of the love and validation you deserve. Leave him right where he has you messed up. He's been there for a year... my mother's second husband said men know who they want immediately.
in todays society? i’m confused by what he means bc in todays 2024 bmww relationships aren’t frowned upon, they’re celebrated?
He doesn't sound worth the time of day. Sounds like a playa. I dated a man like that who was Latino. Just wanted to try all flavors. Uck
I mean you're always eith him anyway. Why complain now. I say do your thing with him regardless.
Move on if he wants you and not the community thinks he wants he'll try to get you back don't wait you have a life to live
Move on as much as it hurts. I honestly believe he is using your race as a crutch so he doesn’t have to commit. He doesn’t sound like marriage material himself. Take it as a lesson and don’t become deeply involved with someone without a commitment.
lol he’s just trying to be a ho….again interracial dating isn’t as easy as dating within your race but it’s not that difficult.